People Have Come To The Right Place To Get Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories Judged
22. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Mom For Using My Money To Buy Me Shoes?
“My (17f) mom recently bought me a pair of chucks, they’re nice shoes and I would’ve been thankful if she had told me she was buying them since it’s technically my money she used.
For context, as a child, I had a role in a Broadway show and several minor roles in well-known TV shows.
Of course, this racked up a decent chunk of change for me and my parents had full control over the money. They put half of the money into my trust fund and the other half into a bank account where I could get some of the money annually.
Earlier this week I mentioned to my mom that I was planning on buying myself some shoes from the thrift store (we aren’t loaded and buying them secondhand is more favorable to me).
This afternoon my mom walks in and hands me a shoebox and to my surprise, it was a brand new pair of chucks!
But I was confused considering how she was complaining about how we didn’t have enough to make rent this week so I gave her some of my own to try to cover it. The money I gave her wasn’t enough to make rent completely as I intended for her to pay the other half.
I asked her how she could afford the shoes as she wasn’t even able to pay rent recently. She said that she had used the money I gave her to cover half of the rent and then she withdrew 200 bucks from my savings account to cover the rest of it considering she wasn’t able to.
I was internally raging at this point so I then asked her where she got the money to buy me shoes. She said “Oh I had some left over after I paid the rent and I remember you were talking about needing new shoes.”
I flipped off at this, I remember yelling about how it was my money and that I could buy shoes myself and that she should’ve asked before asking to take money from my account in the first place.
She burst into tears and wouldn’t speak to me all night because I made her “feel like a terrible mom.” My dad yelled at me and said that she only wanted to treat me to the shoes.
But I don’t understand how using my money to buy me something is considered a treat.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you have access to the bank account, I highly suggest making it so your mom doesn’t. (Either get her name off of it or physically take the money and start a new account). You should not be financially responsible for your parents.
It should not be your responsibility to cover the bills they can’t take care of. And every time they take your money to get themselves out of trouble they are robbing you of a more secure future. I would explain that you don’t mind helping (if you don’t mind).
But that money is yours, for your future, so you can pay your own bills when you are on your own.” aj_alva
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: I don’t understand your mother’s actions at all. Since you are able to shop for yourself and do, why did she decide to take over buying these shoes that she couldn’t afford, and you didn’t want to buy, opting for something less expensive?
Has she done something like that before? Perhaps have a very calm conversation with her, where you tell her that you don’t need her to buy clothing/shoes for you, because you know it puts a burden on them, and you appreciate the effort, and that she wanted to do something nice, but you enjoy shopping for yourself.
It also sounds like for a younger person, you are being really responsible with your money and trying to help the family (which they may resent in a way, that you are more financially secure than they are) when you can, and budgeting on your own.” jenniferandjustlyso
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But it feels like there is a bigger problem. She did use your money to buy you shoes. You have a valid argument. However, your parents seem to have blurred lines when it comes to your money. There also seems to be a bit of a blur in the parent/child dynamic.
You’re 17 and the breadwinner of your family (you are assisting in paying rent) and yet your parents are treating you like a child who is out of line and one without any say. The relationship doesn’t come across as parent/child. You’re equal with them to pay bills but if you voice an issue, you have no right, voice, or opinion.
In their eyes, you’re a child. You are taking on responsibilities that you should have no part of.
Drew Barrymore spoke with Demi Lovato on Drew’s talk show about the parent/child dynamic when the child is a celebrity (you with your acting) and the breadwinner (which is you).
I am not sure if this is happening with you or saying that you don’t listen to authority but upon reading your story, I immediately thought about that show. I could be completely out of line with it. If I am, I digress. Side note: Not sure if you are doing this or not, but please check your balances in all of your accounts to make sure the funds are there.
Parents will set these accounts up for their kids and then blow through the child’s money, you hear about it all the time. Please be well!” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
21. AITJ For Not Buying My Bisexual Son An Expensive Makeup Palette?
“My (37F) son (14M) has recently come out as bisexual. I would like to say that I have absolutely no problem with the LGBTQIA+ community and support him 110%.
Since he came out, my son has been asking me for makeup such as £7 eyeshadow palettes and £13 lipsticks.
I have bought these for him to practice with as they were quite cheap.
The other day, my son asked for a specific palette that cost around £50. I was hesitant as this is a lot of money and he is still learning. I told him that I didn’t want to buy him the palette as it was expensive and that he should try saving up for it himself (he gets £15 a month in pocket money).
He started yelling at me that I ‘just didn’t want my son to look like a girl’ and ‘wasn’t accepting him and his identity’. I have never said this nor implied it. He stormed upstairs and has been avoiding me since.
My husband has said that I should just buy him the palette just to stop the drama.
I don’t want to buy such an expensive palette just to save face but I also want my son to know that I accept him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t say he can’t have it just that you’re not going to buy it for him.
Being bisexual doesn’t mean you can’t still teach him the value of a dollar. If he wants a £50 makeup palette he can save up for it himself. Obviously, if you’re willing to buy him cheaper makeup it isn’t about you not wanting him to “look like a girl” and he knows that, he’s just being a typical dramatic teenager trying to get you to do what he wants.” oneblessedmess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Makeup can get extremely expensive really fast. I’m 37 and don’t even have much makeup of even medium-high quality. That said, if he’s really expressing a passion for makeup, quality does make a difference. The cheap stuff is not the same and his practicing will suffer with lower-quality items. That doesn’t mean he just gets whatever he wants whenever.
Maybe offer those expensive products over X amount are reserved for special occasions OR he must pay for half, etc., etc. He’s a kid, he’s reacting emotionally as to be expected.” newmoon23
Another User Comments:
“Based on this story I’d say NTJ. You’re not “not accepting his identity” because you don’t want to buy an expensive makeup kit.
Especially when he is still practicing with it. Instead, perhaps offer to buy a less expensive one to practice with. Or else offer up additional things that he can do to earn extra money so he can buy it sooner. Or else offer to go in half and half on it for this one.
Letting him know that if he wants other expensive items in the future, he will have to earn at least the majority of the cost of it. But also, be sure to let him know that you do indeed support him and his identity and that you love him.
While explaining that £50 is expensive for anyone, but especially for something somebody is just learning with.” MogwaiChampion
20. AITJ For Choosing To Stay With My Brother Over My Sister Due To Comfort Reasons?
“I (19f) need a place to stay and due to some reasons, I can’t stay with my parents – leaving my siblings as my other options until I can move back in with my parents. It’d be like 3 months minimum before I can move back in.
My sister lives closer to my uni, which definitely would be more convenient for when I have to go to classes. However, my sister is married and BIL is currently working from home. So if I live with her, I’ll have to wear my hijab around the house except for when I’m in my room, or BIL is in his.
Soon after that, my brother also offered. He lives further away, but if I move in with him I wouldn’t have to cover up in the house since it’d just be him and SIL. Also last semester half my classes were online anyway, and I only needed to be on campus like twice a week.
I expect something similar for the upcoming semester as well.
I chose my brother, which upset my sister a lot. My sister has a nice house, but it’s not as big as our parents’ house, or even our brother’s. It’s a sensitive topic for her.
She accused me of thinking her house is not good enough for me, and that I chose our brother because I was “looking down on her” even though she was kind enough to offer first, etc. Which is pretty stupid. I chose my brother because I’d be spending more time at home than on campus, and I can dress more comfortably at his place.
My sister says she no longer wants me to move in with her and hasn’t called me since. My parents think it’ll be a good idea for me to call her and break the ice since this is the type of thing she’ll hold a grudge over.”
Another User Comments:
“Did you explain to your sister why you made your choice? Because I would not call her a jerk if she didn’t know and felt hurt by your choice, and then I would try to explain it at least. But you’re for sure NTJ and you don’t have to talk to her first if you don’t want to.
Only you can decide who you rather live with no matter what, and in addition to that you have a logical reason as for why.” Mau36
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but question, how did you explain the decision? If you haven’t already, I feel as though she should understand the issue of wearing the hijab, and you can clarify that you very much appreciate her offer, and don’t judge her based on her house at all.” Aggressive_Cloud2002
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sis is more convenient geographically, but not situationally. You need a place to relax more than you need an extra ten minutes or whatever saved on your commute. It just happened to hit on Sis’s insecurities, which aren’t your fault. If it comes up again I’d make sure she knows what the actual reason was and refuse to discuss it after that to generate more drama.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Refusing To Pay More Bills After Receiving Disability Benefits?
“My husband and I have been together for 5 years married for 2 almost 3.
We have a 2-year-old together. The way the bills are split is I pay for mortgage 750$, trash 20$, water 35$, daycare 460$, and healthcare 410$. My husband picks up the rest. He picks up the rest because I make 1100$ a month (healthcare gets deducted from payroll), and he makes double that as an engineer.
I recently got approved for disability at 1500/month and when I first got the letter he told me he wasn’t going to tell me how to spend my money. I told him I appreciated it but was going to put some money towards the mortgage (about 200$), spend a couple hundred on myself every month and the rest go into savings as I am finally now able to put together a savings.
Today (two months after that conversation) he came to me and told me he wanted to restructure the bills so that I would be paying more because he for some reason is going into the negative every month so he wants to see about making it more even between us.
I told him no citing his earlier statement that he wouldn’t ask me to do that. But now he’s saying that he made a mistake and my income might need to be taken into account and he possibly made a mistake with agreeing to that too soon.
I told him absolutely not. He has been paying the bulk all this time and it was never a problem, I don’t see why it should change. He called me unreasonable.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here for not being able to sort this out.
Seriously this is going to be my judgment from now on for couples who can’t have adult discussions. You need to sit down and work out your budget with income and outgoings then work out how much you have left. If you don’t have money left you need to re-evaluate your outgoings.
If there is money left then you should be ending up with even amounts of fun money. Disability payments are different. They aren’t supposed to cover fun money or even bills they are for the extra costs of being disabled. So no that shouldn’t be going into your bills pot it should be being spent on the things you need because of your disability.” LXPeanut
Another User Comments:
“INFO, what % of the bills is your contribution? You wrote the numbers but you don’t say how much that covers from the total of your common bills, that your husband is paying. Without that, it’s not quite easy to tell whether you’re being unreasonable or not… If the way the bills are split is because you had a lower income, it makes sense to readjust that now that your income is higher.
But your husband suddenly saying he’s been on the negative is a bit weird. Has he been hiding the fact he couldn’t cover all these expenses until now? Or is he bluffing? I don’t know.” Jolly_Tooth_7274
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your total cost of bills is $1,675 before you added the extra $200 to the mortgage making your current total cost $1,875.
You said his total cost last time you saw the budget was between 1700-1900. You are nearly paying equal now (even though he makes double your income). You clarified in comments (and proved it based on the math) that you are also going into the negatives here and have been for a while.
“In an unrelated event, when he got a 60k payout from a wreck he had two years ago, I gave no push on how he spent that money. He gave me 2k to spend how I pleased and I didn’t dictate where the rest of it went.
His hobbies.” So, Your husband got a 60k payout and chose to spend it on his hobbies instead of helping the FAMILY (not yours or his, family because that’s what you are) bills. Therefore I find it incredibly unfair he thinks that you should spend yours on more bills, while he got to spend his on his “fun stuff”.
Yes, you guys need to sit down and rethink the budget but he doesn’t get to say where your extra money goes when you didn’t get to say where his went. I understand yours is now essentially an income, so if anyone wants to argue that point then in 40 months (once you’ve officially gotten to 60k 40×1500=60,000) that’s when he can say you should put more towards the bills!” Flimsy-Dragonfly-178
18. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Father's Birthday Because I Can't Discuss My Partner's Pregnancy?
“It’s my father’s 60th birthday party on Saturday, and of course, all the family will be traveling in to see him.
As it stands, my partner and I are 35 weeks pregnant with our first child.
For context, my partner was told by doctors that she was infertile, but thanks to a lot of medical help over the last two years, here we are. Everyone knows what we’ve been through to get here because it’s obviously quite a big thing for us.
I’ve been told by my mum that she doesn’t want us talking about the baby whilst we’re at the party because both of my brothers and their partners are trying for babies too. My younger brother R and his partner already have a 2-year-old and have been trying for a year.
My older brother A and his wife have been trying on and off, largely because she didn’t want to be pregnant for her wedding, which was rearranged several times due to unforeseen circumstances.
I’ve said to my mum that we won’t talk about our baby, as long as my 2-year-old nephew isn’t invited also.
My older brother has a great relationship with our nephew, but he and his wife barely acknowledge that we’re pregnant.
I get it’s tough to see other people pregnant, of course, because we were in the same boat when my nephew was born.
I’ve told my family that we won’t be attending because we shouldn’t be expected to hide the fact that we’re happy and that my partner is being kicked in the guts all the time. If my family can be fine with my nephew, they can be fine with my expected child too.
This has caused an uproar and we’ve been told that we’ll be ruining the day if we don’t come.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Maybe it’s because I’m a young guy and not a mom-to-be, but I simply do not GET why people who are trying for babies (unsuccessfully or successfully) have to be coddled and shielded from all manner of things baby-related and from other people’s successes.
I’m as self-centered as the next person, but I know for darn sure that the world doesn’t revolve around me and what I’m going through. I just don’t get it. Can someone explain that to me? Every single person on the planet was once a baby.
Why is the fact that I am a former baby not just as triggering as someone who still is one? Or someone who’s about to have one? I just don’t get it. What else do we have to avoid exposing these delicate flowers to? Baby carrots?
Babybel cheese? Baby shark? Baby back ribs? The singer Babyface? The song Baby Love? NTJ. But go to the party and talk about whatever you want. If anybody else is upset about it, they’ll get over it. Or… they won’t. But that’s on them, not you.” TerribleTwinTeddy
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a jerk here. Your mother’s statement that she doesn’t want you talking about the baby at the party is ridiculous. Your wife is at 35 weeks! I think people are going to notice — and of course they’re going to ask about it (“Do you know the sex?
Have you picked a name? Is this your first? Oh, boy, you won’t know what hit you!”). What are you supposed to do? Stand there and deny that she’s pregnant? Sit there in stony silence? So I wouldn’t have blamed you for not going if that’s the condition.
But you put yourself in jerk mode with the statement “I’ve said to my mum, that we won’t talk about our baby, as long as my 2-year-old nephew isn’t invited also.” Really? Just tell your family that you’d be happy to come as long as your presence is not conditioned on not talking about your baby.
That’s reasonable enough.” SamSpayedPI
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is crazy. It’s like saying that I can’t walk out on the street with my kids because people struggling with infertility (which doesn’t even seem to be the case with your siblings) might get offended. Unless your wife is waving her belly 2” from people’s faces, this is a stupid rule.
Or you can go the “malicious compliance” route. You know how people used to hide their pregnancy in the older TV shows by carrying huge bags or books in front them? Tell your wife to do that. Makes it even more obvious.” MoonLover318
17. AITJ For Going To The Gym Despite Having A Chronic Cough?
“I (30f) was at the gym, on the treadmill doing my warm-up. About 10 minutes in, a much older woman gets on the treadmill next to me (despite there being multiple other machines free, but whatever), and starts walking. I was listening to a podcast, zoned out.
A little background about me is that I have a chronic genetic disease that makes me cough … like, a lot. I’ve been pretty unwell lately so I started back up at the gym to help with my lung function, and improve my overall health. However, while I exercise, if I need to cough, I cannot hold that sucker in.
So on the treadmill at one point, I start to cough into my elbow and drink water to ease the pain.
The woman is staring daggers at me and says (in French) that if I’m unwell I should stay home. I take out my airpod and explain in English that I’m not sick, and it’s something else I’ve had for years and years.
She then starts raising her voice and saying that it’s even more irresponsible of me to go to the gym and do I not care about other people.
I was so shocked I didn’t really know what to say, and a lot of people turned to look at us.
I mumbled something like “you can’t catch what I have” but she just talked over the top of me and said that I’m an idiot American.
I just put my headphones back in and felt like crying. After 2 minutes I got off the treadmill and went to the weights section and did my workout, but I was pretty upset so only stayed for half my usual time and then left. During this time I have gotten a lot of side-eye from people when coughing, and it has made for some awkward social encounters.
But now I’m worried that I’m making people really uncomfortable, and have done so for the past 2+ years. Should I just buy gym equipment and work out at home, so I don’t freak other people out?
What’s worse, I’m not even American; I just can’t speak French.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to use the gym just as much as the next guy. I’ll be honest. If someone near me coughs, I’ll be aww no (discreetly). But I will distance myself and not make a fuss about it.
I won’t let others retreat because it’s a ME issue. Plus it’s something we all collectively have to deal with – live with various health issues. That lady should continue working out. She needs the endorphins for her suffering attitude.” stacity
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I take a blood pressure medication where one of the side effects is a cough. I always cover my mouth, but I get paranoid when I’m out in public and saying constantly, it’s not a health issue, it’s a side effect. Find someone who can print you a t-shirt that says something like “I’m not sick, I coughing because …………….reason.
GO AWAY or mind your own business.” LadyGrassLake
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!! My mom had a constant cough from an autoimmune disease that affected her lungs and I also have very persistent allergies that cause horrible daily coughing and it always upset me when people threw daggers at my mom for just trying to live.
Even with me, it’s not as much coughing as my mom but they are ROUGH sounding ones so I get a lot of looks, especially these past 3 years. It’s not your fault and you deserve to live your life at the gym like anyone else.
You said you were coughing into your elbow and being responsible. People like that lady don’t care to listen to others. She doesn’t care that you have a chronic illness, and even if she did listen she’s probably one of those horrendous people who thinks all disabled/chronically ill people should just shut themselves inside their homes so everyone else can live unbothered by us.
You’re absolutely in the right to go out and be in public.” dollsanonymous
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Travel 7 Hours To Visit My In-Laws While 8 Months Pregnant?
“I 33f am 8 months pregnant, this is my first kid and the pregnancy has not been easy.
My in-laws moved out of state a few months ago about a 7-hour drive away. My husband works at a hospital and has been crazy busy and has not had a chance to make the drive to see them yet.
In two weeks all his siblings are driving down there to visit and want us to join.
I will be 8 1/2 months at that point there is no chance I’m sitting in a car for 7 hours. They want my husband to come and leave me alone and I really don’t want him to go. I could go at any time and I don’t want to be here alone with him a 7-hour drive away.
I’ve never given birth before and I’m scared. What if something goes wrong and he is not here?
He told them no for the reasons stated above and it has been a nightmare since. His mother calls crying, his sibling tells him he is awful.
His mom called me up yesterday and pretty much told me I’m awful and I can just suck it up and take the car ride since I’m too much of a jerk to let him go without me. I just hung up.
I hate this he said he won’t go but I just feel so bad.
I want my baby coming into this world to be happy but now I feel like this is going to ruin it. Should I just go? Should I just let him go? I’m just upset so this is probably a mess.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re far along in the pregnancy, depending on the choice you make, you always have that risk of going into labor. If he goes and you stay, you run the risk of going into labor alone while he’s gone. If you go, you run the risk of going into labor during the car ride there or on the way back home.
If you go you ALSO run the risk of going into labor at the in-laws which means you’d have to take a car ride back with a newborn which is typically extremely difficult and stressful to do. Not worth it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your husband’s parents are. Kudos to him for prioritizing his pregnant wife over sad family members who are entitled and not too bright. He needs to tell them that if their behavior continues they won’t be seeing their grandchild for a long time to come.
Boundaries are incredibly important especially once a family identifies themselves as not too bright and entitled. Best of luck with the baby, you are 100% correct you should not be in a car for 7 hours that late in your pregnancy it’s not good for you or the baby.
Block all of their numbers until you guys are ready to tell him about the baby.” ManofLegacy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you’re gonna be a few WEEKS away from giving birth by the time his parents want you both/him to drive there. You could EASILY go into labor a lil early at this point, it’s not good to travel like that.
Let alone not having anyone there if it happens. His parents and siblings need to suck it up or understand because 1. It’s your first kid 2. To be honest, being so close to giving birth is more of a priority. Neither of you is awful and shouldn’t feel bad, his family is acting selfish.
I’m sorry that you’re both having to go through this reaction with where you are right now. Keep it safe and don’t go and if your husband wants to stay, he should stay. I do also want to say congratulations on the baby! I hope everything in the birthing process goes smoothly!” reflexting
15. AITJ For Planning To Evict My Financially Irresponsible In-Laws?
“I never wanted to be a landlord. My husband never wanted to be a landlord. Unfortunately, his parents are terrible with money.
They’ve both been bankrupt before and are in the process of declaring bankruptcy again. In 2019 their landlord at the time announced that they would be selling the property my in-laws had rented from them for the previous 5 years. Prior to listing the property, they informed my in-laws they wouldn’t be renewing their lease because they needed to do some renovations.
They started house hunting, but due to poor credit and a poorly trained Aussie, they weren’t able to find a property.
The conundrum:
They came to us begging for help. We hesitated and debated, but in the end, we agreed to purchase a property that they would rent from us.
We also agreed to help pay off some of their creditors with the agreement they would pay us back in time. Part of the deal was that they would pay down the remaining debt, sell their motorhome, get a retirement plan set up. And they were making progress.
Unfortunately, my mother-in-law had been “sick” for as long as I’ve known her. As long as she has someone to take care of her she’s too sick to work, but when she’s on her own she can work two jobs to make ends meet. My father-in-law has recently developed severe neurological problems requiring multiple surgeries on both of his hands leaving him on long-term disability.
He’s had 2 as of now, with probably at least one more. For whatever reason his insurance company decided to review his disability and has suspended the payments. Because of their poor choices, they don’t exactly have any savings. As a result, we have been footing the costs of the second property since the beginning of June at a cost of $2000 per month (mortgage, insurance, property taxes, and utilities).
We all have our limit though and we can’t afford to keep covering the costs. We’ve told them that if the insurance company doesn’t restart their payments, we have to evict them and sell the house in September/October.
Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“As someone in NZ, I have to cheekily ask what a poorly trained Aussie is? NTJ however, you’ve done more than required to help them and that help came with conditions that they improve their lot and become self-sustainable. It’s unfortunate about your father-in-law’s surgeries, but it sounds like your mother-in-law is a deadweight and needs a reality check.
I would suggest that you all have a conversation about how she can pick up the slack here, but I suspect she’ll just turn on the waterworks. Set sail for rock bottom!” CruciasNZ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not sinking yourselves to keep them afloat.
But if you can, help them appeal their disability payment suspension. One of my elderly parents lost coverage (not state disability but something in the same ballpark), and it took a year to get it back. Even the nurse evaluating the situation said it was a mistake to get it taken away.
I had to call and write multiple times over a long period to get it reinstated. I should have pushed harder sooner. If you have to, seek the advice of someone who specializes in this to help. There are groups who can help them appeal. Even if you don’t rent to them, those payments will sustain them as your father-in-law goes through surgery.
Sorry you are stuck in this situation.” alpacaboba
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve gone to lengths that many people are neither willing nor able to go in order to give them additional chances to get on their feet. You can only place yourself second for so long, especially if they aren’t making a serious effort to compensate you (even if it were some arrangement other than money, like your suggestions for an action plan).
That said, it’s a difficult situation all around as it’s clear that they may have underlying issues that, at this age, they might never overcome which prevents them from taking good enough care of themselves.” CreativeGPX
14. AITJ For Refusing To Stop Saying 'No' Around My Overly Sensitive Friend?
“My friend S, our other friend, and I were in a park eating Subway about 2-3 months ago, we were having just a normal conversation until S started to talk about deep stuff. Basically, anywhere you go with her, she will start talking about something angsty, and then start crying.
So in this park, S says “Guys, can you stop saying no or disagreeing with me? I don’t really like those words.”
My other friend and I just looked at each other for a second. My friend said yeah sure and I just nodded my head silently.
Now, every time I have to say no to a hangout or say that I disagree with a bad idea, she starts bawling her eyes out or making a huge scene in a public space.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry to say this but I think your friend might need some mental help.
It sounds like they are having a hard time and trying to avoid triggers but their way of coping is not healthy. Or even based in reality. People say no and disagree all the time and it’s fine. I understand they’re having a hard time with that but they can’t avoid it and they shouldn’t ask you to.” DarlingILostTheGame
Another User Comments:
“Yeah. For enabling the crybaby. Say “Welcome to the real world. You’re gonna hear the word NO. You’re gonna use the word NO. People are going to disagree with her. She’s going to disagree with people. Grow up, get over yourself, nobody is gonna care about your precious feelings out there.
And if you’re not capable of living in the real world, you’re looking at a very lonely and sad future. And I won’t be part of that.” She’s pathetic and attention-seeking. Don’t give in. She wants to throw a tantrum, let her. Record her. Show her.
“Do you really want people seeing this? Grow up.” Or just walk away. Or stand there and laugh at her. Or ignore her. Starve her of the attention she clearly craves.” Grouchy_Ad_1304
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your friend seems like she has issues with control and emotional dumping.
It was very unfair of her to ask you and your other friend to never say no/disagree with her, and lowkey very concerning to me. Take it from a lifelong people pleaser, it’s not easier to just go along with what people want you to do.
What if she asks you to do something dangerous? What if she asks you to do something that makes you really uncomfortable? When that kind of a line is drawn where does it end? My advice? I think your friendship with her is toxic, and no real friend would ever ask you to never disagree with her.
You should talk to the other friend who was there with you and ask them how they feel about what she asked.” StinkyRatKing00
13. AITJ For Not Letting A Man Cut In Line At The Self Checkout?
“Today my partner wanted to go to Target so I went with him. We were waiting in the queue for the self-checkout and were next so we started walking to the open register. As we started walking to the checkout a man ran up to a shopping trolley that had been sitting near the front of the queue and said “no wait I’m next” trying to cut in front of us.
When I say near the front of the queue I mean it was not IN the queue it was at the front near the queue but off to the side of the queue if that makes any sense. The trolley had been sitting there for minutes and the man was not in line when my partner and I got in line.
It was 8:00 and I go to bed at 9:00 and I still have residual effects (mostly fatigue) from being sick last week so I was tired and the man had over 10-15 items while my partner and I only had a pack of lollies. So I said “nah we were actually next.
You weren’t in line.” The dude said, “yes I was (pointing at his trolley). I just had to grab one more thing real quick.”
I said, “no you weren’t physically in line. So you go to the back.” At this point, the man and I both realize my partner has already checked out.
The man said “you planned this (like my partner and I somehow coordinated to distract him)? That was a jerk move.
I just ignored him and walked out with my partner but now I’m curious if I actually did something wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Trolleys aren’t magical things that save spaces in lines. If there was another real person waiting with the trolley while he went to grab one more thing I’d understand it. But you’re definitely not the jerk, and your partner is smart taking advantage of the argument to just check out.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So many times when I go shopping, people will leave their carts in the line and think that they can go and do their shopping and have their spot in the line. Not how it works. If I had to do my shopping and wait, so do you.
I don’t mind if I’m standing in line and the person in front of me realizes that they forgot something on their list or even if they want to go get ice cream (or another frozen item) and didn’t want it to melt and they turn to me asking if they can just quickly go grab it.
I’ll usually let them go as long as they’re back fast enough and if the person ahead of them is the one currently being checked out. If they unload their cart and are then asking if they can go, I don’t let them. The key thing in there is they ask if they can.
Also, the fact that he wasn’t there when you got in the line, means he didn’t have to grab something real quick. Also the side note and it may just be me, if I had 10-15 items and you only had 1, I probably would have let you go ahead of me anyway.” MarvelWidowWitch
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here/NTJ. Personally I’m fine with leaving trolly and quickly grabbing something, but if a checkout opens up while you’re gone people should obviously just go (so you were correct to go). In general, I think it doesn’t make sense to fight about this if the queue was one person long.” Naive-Mechanic4683
12. AITJ For Being Upset That My Apartment Manager Checked On Me While I Was Out Of Town?
“I told my apartment manager I’d be out of town, though I didn’t say for how long. I told her because it says to tell them in my lease, for reasons like, so they don’t put flyers on your door.
I also paid my rent on time, just last week.
I get an email yesterday saying a neighbor is “worried about” me, so they were wondering if I was still out of town.
I got super freaked out. I don’t talk to my neighbors. What’s wrong with my apartment? Had it been broken into? Are there a thousand flyers on the door that haven’t been taken down?
No — “Jim” just hasn’t seen me.
Ok, first of all, who the heck is Jim?
Second of all, why does Jim know if I’m home or not?
Third of all, why is the apartment complex checking on me when I told them I’d be gone and I paid my rent?
How could I have paid my rent if I was dead?
But the apartment manager comes back at me like, “Well, other people are always so grateful when we check on them, and one time I didn’t hear from my neighbor, and turns out she was DEAD, and this is totally normal for people to notice these things, and your neighbors are so nice.” And, I didn’t tell them how long I’d be out of town, so maybe I died in between paying my rent (online) last week and now.
The implication being — I’m the jerk, I should be grateful someone “cares” about me, I should be like other people who are grateful, etc etc.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I once got a call from my rental manager asking if I was out of town and if my cat was with me.
Apparently one of my neighbors had noticed a cat that looked like mine hanging around outside. I had never met the neighbor, I had never talked to this person, and I certainly hadn’t introduced them to my cat. However, they had noticed that our lights hadn’t been on for a while and they had previously seen my cat in the window and were worried something was wrong and my cat was loose.
Was I creeped out? No, I was really happy to hear that I had caring neighbors who would make sure everything was okay. People can be observant and caring without being creepy. If ‘Jim’ hasn’t bothered you in any other way, which seems to be the case since you ‘don’t know who the heck Jim is’, it’s probably best to give him and your apartment manager the benefit of the doubt.
If he had been catcalling you every day for the past year, it would be different. Another Example: My husband and I would frequently comment on how we hadn’t seen the woman from B1 around for a while. Were we creeping on her? No, but you get used to seeing people around and sometimes notice when they aren’t.
Turned out she had moved out. Never thought about it again until now.” speckles9
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You didn’t tell them approximately when you were going to be back. How else was the manager supposed to know if you were okay or not? They sent ONE email.
They didn’t spam you with phone calls. They did a welfare check. It’s actually the smart thing to do to reach out to you through email. Especially because they included the detail that Jim was wondering about you. The apartment manager isn’t a mind reader, they don’t know who you know or don’t know.
They simply gave you the information that they had. If something had happened to you, there would have been a response with a trackable IP address, along with an updated time reference for when the apartment manager last had contact with you. Plus the police would have a lead to talk to a neighbor named Jim.
If you were being stalked, then you would know that they felt bold enough to reach out to your apartment manager. And if you don’t know if you’re being stalked or not, then you now know to double-check when you get home. It’s completely normal for neighbors to notice the patterns of their neighbors.
That’s why the police will ask if they noticed anything.” Llyndreth
Another User Comments:
“Welfare checks are a thing. People being dead for months before being found is a thing. Noticing a concerning change in pattern is a thing. It doesn’t even have to be about you.
For some people, I don’t really notice them, but do notice their interesting car. People that walk past, and I don’t recognize them, but do recognize their dog. I’m set up with automatic payments for mortgage, water, gas, electricity etc. I’d be a very, very long time dead before anyone noticed me based on non-payment.
Also, if you’ve never been in a house where someone lay undiscovered for a long time, you should know they get really, really nasty. It might not be possible to get them back to normal without a strip out of the interior. So Jim might be imaginary and just a way for the manager to make sure they don’t have to deal with that.” ShadowKraftwerk
11. AITJ For Ignoring My Daughter-In-Law's Texts?
“To start it off my (44f) daughter-in-law (25f) and I have never gotten along. Before my son married her, I had voiced my concerns to him about it, which he later told her so she’s always had resent towards me.
At this point, it’s pretty obvious our mutual dislike for one another but we still try to get along for the most part.
She had my first grandchild 10 months ago and will send me pictures and updates because we live across the country from each other.
I like seeing my granddaughter but I don’t like communicating with her, so sometimes I’ll reply and other times I won’t. She sent me a text recently saying she didn’t like how I would ignore her, but always replied to my son.
I texted her back saying I didn’t always see her texts, or sometimes I was just busy but she said she can see me actively on social media while I’m not replying to her. I told her that I was sorry and would be better about it in the future.
A week or so later she sent another picture but I didn’t respond.
My son then sent me a text asking why I never reply, and I told him the truth. I didn’t like corresponding with her because we didn’t get along.
He didn’t like my answer and said until I accepted his wife he wasn’t going to communicate with me anymore either. I don’t see why it’s a big deal if I don’t reply every single time she texts me and I don’t think I should be forced to.
AITJ for not texting back?”
Another User Comments:
“Getting off to a bad start doesn’t mean you have to be enemies for years. You have had enough time to patch things up, but instead, you can’t even offer up a simple “thank you” for your DIL’s courtesy.
Basically, you started this whole thing by talking negatively about her, and you keep it up to this day with your rudeness. Sorry, mom, but you’re the only jerk here. DIL is being the bigger person by continuing to send you pics of your grandchildren.
If I were in her place, you probably would not be hearing from me at all. YTJ.” Total-Being-4278
Another User Comments:
“You meant to say “She had HER and your SON’s first child 10 months ago.” The minute you prioritize the child’s primary relationships with their parents it’s easier to realize that a relationship with you is optional. If you can’t have a respectful conversation with the child’s parent then unfortunately, they have every right to not allow a relationship with said child.
YTJ for not being mature enough to have basic correspondence with your son’s wife. You thought it important enough to “voice your concerns about her” to your son and they’re still married. Doesn’t that tell you where his priority is? And that is as it should be because he’s made his own family with his wife and child.
I’m afraid to say it but you may not have the worry about communicating with her ever again. Good luck with that” Jovon35
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I find it interesting you don’t tell us what your “concerns” with her were. Also, people in committed relationships tell each other about such things.
Clearly, she’s still trying with you even if you don’t give a darn, and if you don’t deal with the drama you’re creating you could easily lose both your son and his child. Remember that before the kid is your grandchild they are his and her child and automatically have more rights than you.” Songwolves88
10. AITJ For Writing About My Roommate In My Private Journal?
“My roommate and I (both F mid-20s) have been sharing an apartment for three years. I’ll call her Jen.
She and I are pretty good friends.
Jen is always seeing people and in my opinion, she has terrible taste in men. She always sees guys who are emotionally unavailable and selfish. She’s beautiful and fun so she never has problems finding guys to see, but she hates being single so will always settle for the first guy who comes along and will let them get away with anything.
When she finally decides she’s had enough, she’ll start looking for a new partner and then won’t end things with her current guy until she has a new one lined up.
She’s also the type of person who takes on the personality and interests of whomever she’s seeing.
It’s frustrating to me because I care about her and she’s always getting hurt. But honestly, it’s also frustrating to me because she’s always asking me for advice and then ignoring it. One time I recommended that she consider staying single for a few months in order to prioritize her mental and emotional health and she agreed that it was a good idea but “there’s no way I can go that long without a partner.”
Now, I like to journal, and I usually write a little bit every night before bed. A few weeks ago, I wrote about Jen and how hard it was to watch her see all of these guys who treated her like trash, and how she deserved better.
I’d mentioned our conversation about her refusal to stay single and how I’d been frustrated by it. Most of it was things I’d already said to her face, with the exception of how frustrated I was getting. All in all, it was a pretty brief mention in a much larger entry about other things.
I went away this weekend to visit family. When I came home yesterday, Jen confronted me. Turns out that she went into my room while I was gone and read my journal, and she was furious about what I’d written about her. She said that I was judgmental and shaming her and that her social life was none of my business.
The privacy violation didn’t even hit me at first; I was just concerned with Jen’s anger. I told her that perhaps I was judgmental but she made things my business by venting to me every day. I told her how it was hard to watch her get hurt over and over again.
I also pointed out that I never mentioned her private life AT ALL in my journal so how could I be shaming?
Then it hit me and I was like “Wait a minute – these are all my private thoughts and you had no right to snoop in my journal.” She just responded that she was glad she did so that she could now know my true colors.
She left to spend the night at her partner’s.
Since then I’ve gotten some texts from mutual friends. A couple say that I had no right to journal about Jen but others say that she was wrong to snoop in my private belongings.
So AITJ for writing those things in my journal?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You get to write whatever thoughts you want in your journal. But if she keeps ignoring your advice, why keep giving when she asks? She doesn’t take it seriously and never learns.
And is this seriously someone you consider to be a best friend? Or is it just because you’ve known each other for a while? Any time you get into disagreements, does she always involve your other friends to make you feel bad? She’s angry because she thought you’d back her up no matter what.
Truth is, real friends keep it real. You talk about stuff. It sounds like you tried and she didn’t. Move out.” ShakeSlow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jen was way out of line snooping in your journal and then gossiping about it to your mutual friends.
She is off the wall and you will be well rid of her when she moves out. Soon I hope. What you write in your personal journal is nobody’s business but yours. I would suggest keeping it under lock and key hereafter. It’s a shame you have to do that.
But you do. Or a password-protected file on a computer or phone.” Harmlessoldlady
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Given how bold she was to confront you, I would assume this isn’t the first time she’s read your journal. It’s unlikely that she just so happened to find and read it during this trip, and the idea that she’s been reading your journal for an extended period makes my stomach turn.
I’m also of the belief that people shouldn’t go snooping for answers they aren’t happy with. What did your roommate expect to find? So, so creepy!” deathwitsh
9. AITJ For Insisting My Brother Brings His Partner To Our Wedding?
“My fiancee doesn’t want my brother to attend the wedding, because he would bring his partner (M) and our families are incredibly conservative and our day would be overshadowed for sure.
She called me a jerk for siding with my brother and telling her that if all other siblings get to bring a date, so does my brother. She said my brother and his SO would turn the wedding into a freakshow, so I told her that if he can’t come with his SO, we can just go to city hall, sign the papers and have no ceremony at all.
She broke down crying and called me a jerk, telling me she just wants the wedding to be all about us.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ ABSOLUTELY but I want to ask OP some questions and give insight maybe? Look you defending your brother is amazing and I’m here for it.
What she has said is unacceptable. I’m not arguing any of that. Continuing, y’all are in TX (per your username) and she at least is more conservative than you. I don’t know if she’s actually interacted with gay people. She’s acting out of an assumed fear that they are drama queens (not that her possible assumption is true or ok to make!!) Perhaps going based on media portrayal?
It’s still not ok but to get to the root of bigotry we have to ask questions and talk. Ask her what specifically she’s afraid of. Is it really that your brother has a partner or is it inflated media caricatures of gay men that she fears?
Either way, NTJ, and hope it goes well.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are standing up for your brother, and for general decency and treating people with respect. I don’t know if you have children or plan to, but ask your wife how she would feel if her son was being excluded from family events because of who he loved?
Would she want that? Or would she stand up for her son? By standing up for your brother hopefully, that is a situation you will never have to face with your own children.” isogaymer
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ but you should seriously reconsider this marriage.
She’s obviously homophobic and if you didn’t know that about her there are probably many more things she’s hiding. You should make sure your values and ethics align before choosing to spend your life with someone. Also from your brother’s perspective, I’m also gay and I’d feel really hurt if my sister chose to marry someone like that.
Our relationship would never be the same. Romantic relationships don’t always last (usually they don’t) but your brother will always be family so get your priorities straight. By the way, if you have any doubts about marrying this woman you should definitely postpone the wedding until you’ve figured things out.
If you guys come to an understanding then proceed but if not it’s better for things to end before a divorce is needed.” crispyliza
8. AITJ For Giving Away Old Items Left By The Previous Owners Of Our House?
“Last fall my partner and I bought a house. It had been left in a state of disrepair since the older couple’s passing a few years ago.
We fell in love with it and made arrangements to purchase it. The sellers insisted on having 60 days after the sale to continue to have access and clear all the stuff out that was still in the house and barn – there was a LOT of stuff, and we didn’t want their stuff, we have enough of our own!
The 60 days were pretty stressful because I felt like we couldn’t really do our own thing, we were just stuck waiting for them to finish.
Day 60 and they are clearing out stuff from the barn, it’s getting dark outside, they finish up, say goodbye and that was that … or so I thought … 3 months later the woman sends a message asking for some pictures that were up in the barn.
I told her she could have them and she was fortunate I had them still because I liked the vintage frames and figured I might have some nice prints to put in them, but I gave her the pictures and she starts saying that they would like to get back into the barn to finish up.
I told her we already did that, she had no need to come back into the house or barn, we finished up the cleanup.
Fast forward to this spring, there is all sorts of outside cleanup they left for us. I got tired of hearing my partner complain about some of the stuff so I listed it on a social media platform free for the taking, there is an old camper and 2 old boats.
Someone came and took the one boat that was on a trailer. Later that day the prior owner posted, that was my family boat, we were going to come get that when the ground had dried up, we needed more time. Guys, the boat was last registered in like 2004, the camper was parked in 1993 … how much more time should I have given them and am AITJ for getting rid of their stuff?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t a storage unit for their benefit. As long as you asked them if they got everything they wanted, then that’s on them. Even if you didn’t, it’s still on them. 60 days is a long time and waiting for the ground to be drier is nonsense.
If they weren’t prepared to move their stuff, they should have waited to sell the house.” Kirin2013
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They had the entirety of closing and an additional 60 days plus all these months since to get their belongings. They are abandoned property. For the future don’t allow previous owners to stay in a property, or store their belongings in the property, after the sale.
Insist on having a walkthrough when the house is empty just prior to closing. If it isn’t empty for the walkthrough, don’t close.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t even have given them the 60 days. Possession changes over at closing. Or at least charge them a daily fee to encourage them to move faster.
The stuff that is left in the house is yours to do with what you want. We gained a lovely, huge mirror when we bought a house, as well as 3 old cable boxes, extra laminate flooring, and a stack of scrap wood. I left behind a nice, big roll of good bubble wrap, replacement blinds, and the extra laminate flooring when we moved out.” SaltywithaTwist
7. AITJ For Wanting To Ban Glitter From My House With My Step-Brother's Kid Living There?
“I (35 f) recently let my younger step-brother (26), his partner (28), and their kid (4) move into my house. They are trying to save money and I live alone in a 5-bedroom house in the suburbs. While I love all my nieces and nephews (3 yrs – 13 yrs) I am the only sibling without kids so I knew having a kid full-time in my house was already going to be “interesting” all on its own.
They’ve been here a few weeks and their daughter is in the princess stage where she is just changing from one Disney princess dress to the other. Super cute (if parenting is your thing) but the freaking GLITTER that sheds off those dresses is making me go crazy.
It’s all over the downstairs furniture and I can’t sit anywhere without it getting on me. I feel like it’s worse because I come home for lunch and I always have to vacuum and/or clean with a lint brush before I sit down so that I don’t look like I sat in unicorn dust when I go back to the office.
I feel like there is no way for me to directly say anything without me sounding petty and like a jerk, but it’s driving me crazy.
Side note that we did not grow up in the same house as I had already moved out when our parents got married so it’s not like we’re particularly close or distant.
I’m not sure how he/they’ll take it. So, WIBTJ if I say something?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your house, your rules. However…. it is also important to get a bit more info. How long are they planning to stay? Are they non-paying guests or are they paying rent?
What was the agreement when they moved in? Not sure where you live, but if you have a basement that might be a good place to confine the princess costumes. Otherwise, simply be honest and kind about the situation, but be firm as well. “love the dresses, but not the glitter.
If you could keep them in the bedroom, that would be great! Also, the vacuum is REALLY good at picking up the little bits that fall off…” It isn’t petty or mean at all. Far better than letting things fester until you blow up at one of your nieces!” Funny_Jellyfish5632
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your step-bro and his partner probably don’t even notice the glitter anymore, so can’t call them jerks. Have a word with them saying what you said in this post, eg having to clean before you can sit down at lunchtime.
Ask them if they have any ideas on how to resolve this. Suggest stuff you’d be happy with – special chair just for you, they get a cover for the sofa which you can lift off to sit down, they avoid buying glittery dresses in future if they’re staying long enough for niece to outgrow current clothes, etc. Reasonable parents will not be offended or hurt if you approach it in a way that’s not critical of them or their child.
Good luck!” nikokazini
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you may not win against glitter. One store, Journey, EVERY item had some kind of glittery accent. My daughter loved it as a tween. You can fight to keep it at bay. But your home will forever have bits of glitter turning up.
Try to think of it as simple childhood magic flaking off a bit as her aura passes by.” curious382
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wear The Bridesmaid Dress My Friend Made?
“One of my (24F) friends, Ana is getting married in a couple of months and I am a bridesmaid at her wedding.
We met through work and our partners are college friends plus my partner is also one of the groomsmen. To be honest, Ana and I aren’t really close and part of me thinks she asked me to be a bridesmaid because of my partner. This is actually my first time being a bridesmaid at an American wedding and I don’t really know much about it besides the basics but that’s okay because she has her sisters and close friends for any major problems.
Ana asked my dress size and measurements a few weeks ago and I gave them to her thinking that she wants to pick out the bridesmaid dresses or give me a few options and I pay her back for the dress, whatever. This dress comes in mail and it’s the most horrendous fitting/quality dress I’ve seen in my entire life.
She told me the theme of her wedding is celestial and very gold/white, the dress she sent me is a gingham print in gray/green/white colors. The fit is ghastly, it’s too big on my shoulders and arms and I can barely breathe because of how tight it’s on my midriff.
Later, we come to know Ana had some of that gingham fabric lying around and bought some more to make all of the bridesmaid (5) dresses herself. We text and I tell her that it was very nice and considerate of her but she shouldn’t have taken on so much labor months before her big day and she tells me it took her 3 days to make all of them.
There is no point denying that I hate the dress, it does not look good on me or suit my frame, nor is my taste in clothing at all. I showed my partner and he said I looked like a child in it and I agree.
We talked and I told him I really don’t want to be seen wearing it or being photographed in it. He said we barely know anyone at the wedding other than the couple and if the bride wants it I should just go with it.
I agreed and tried to make it better by getting it altered and styling it with nice shoes and accessories. I met with the maid of honor at a work brunch this week and she told me that she got to pick her own dress and Ana loved what she picked. I was puzzled at this but did not tell her about Ana making the dresses for the rest of us (or just me, I don’t even know!).
I go back home and tell my partner that I’m just going to wear what I want and tell Ana that the dress she made does not fit me or my taste and she can decide if she wants to keep me in the bridal party or not.
My partner tells me that’s a bit rude and we will just be there for a few hours but I know that I am going to be miserable for those hours and I didn’t even want or expect to be a part of the bridal party.
AITJ for wanting to communicate it to Ana that I do not enjoy the dress she made and would like to pick what I wear?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Right here: “I’m just going to wear what I want.” Absolutely not. It is NOT your wedding.
It’s not up to you to just wear whatever you want. The dress code is up to the couple whose wedding it is, not any guest. If the couple decide they want the party to wear Easter bunny costumes, then Easter bunny costumes it is.
It’s their party. They make the rules. If you don’t want to wear that dress, the correct move is to simply not attend the wedding, not just show up with an entitled attitude and expect not to get thrown out. NEVER assume you can just do whatever you want for things that do not belong to you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I was firmly on the “make the best of it & wear the ugly dress for one day” side until I reached the part where the Maid of Honor got to pick her own dress. I half suspect every other woman in the bridal party will show up in a dress they picked. The problem is, they’re close to her & can approach her without seeming like a self-centered weirdo.
Which, most of your complaints sound like. It’s not all about you. If you have a discreet way of reaching out to the other bridesmaids to find out if the MoH is the only exception, that seems reasonable. Maybe just ask them if they know a person for alterations because you’re having problems getting your dress to fit.
You should wear the ugly dress if that’s what the other bridesmaids are doing. NTJ to make sure you’re not the only one who’ll be in a gingham dress.” ChiefTuk
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry but YTJ. That’s her wedding, not yours. You don’t wear what you like if you’re part of the entourage.
You agreed to be part of it in the first place (whether you’re not close and only doing it for your partner). I have been in my friend’s wedding and the dress she chose for us to buy wasn’t my color, wasn’t my style but we wore it because we love her and we support her.
I don’t mind how I look in the dress because what’s important to me is she’s happy and we, the entourage complimented the bride’s look, especially during pictures with her and her husband. Planning a wedding is stressful and if you do that, you are going to break her heart.
Have it altered to your size but don’t make major changes that the bride doesn’t know. Inform her that it doesn’t fit you. Imagine being in her shoes and one of your bridesmaids will decide not to attend the wedding because apparently “she doesn’t like the dress.” Sorry, OP but I hope we enlightened you regarding this.
Do it for a friend. The wedding photos she will someday look back on and there’s a reason why the entourage has a specific color/design for their dresses to compliment each other during a pictorial with the couple. You wouldn’t want to be the odd one out.” Scary_Manner_3565
5. AITJ For Wanting A Private Elopement Instead Of A Traditional Wedding?
“I (22f) got engaged recently to my partner (22m) of 5 years. To say that I am happy would be an understatement. Like every girl in the world, I always dreamed about my wedding day. Personally, I was never a fan of big parties, so my dream wedding was actually going to the courthouse and getting married with the best man and maid of honor there, signing the papers, and having a private celebration at home.
I always imagined celebrating that moment with my partner and closest friends. Aside from that, I also didn’t want any family there, and this is where my fiance agreed with me. I have this gut feeling it would potentially ruin my moment, my mum with her comments or my fiancé’s mother with hers, my aunt with wanting to be a part of the preparations like doing my make-up or getting my dress for me.
Since I am not a confrontational person, this would end up with me having to agree or just stay silent and take whatever they say. I don’t want that, I don’t need the unnecessary stress on that beautiful day.
Onto the where I wonder if I’m the jerk.
I was talking to my mum and she asked about wedding plans and I said it would probably be very private and just one day where we get dressed all pretty and go to sign the papers. My mum was upset. She asked how could I exclude her and my family from such a big moment (maybe because I’m the first child to get married in my family), who would walk me down the aisle, who would be the flower girl, where would hold everything, what about my dress etc.
I said that it wasn’t about my family, it was my day, my and my fiancé’s day and we both agreed that we would want a private little eloping moment with close friends who would probably just be our best man and maid of honor, but she wouldn’t hear any of that.
She went and vented to my aunt and now the story has gotten to almost every member of my family. They have all been texting me asking if I knew that I was ruining a beautiful moment and that I would regret it in the long run.
My fiance has taken my phone and told everyone that we are taking a small break and won’t be answering the phone. He took me to our little house in the countryside where he knew I would feel better until everything cools down. I’m currently working on our garden trying to get my mind off of things.
So, AITJ for wanting to get eloped?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, do your thing and avoid all the hassles. I wrote in another post that the purpose of a wedding is to celebrate the marriage, and somehow it has gotten all twisted that people focus more on the ceremony than what it represents.
In the other recent post, a lady said she had a “total breakdown” over the fact that future MIL might wear a white dress to the ceremony – that is just way too much emotional energy spent on the wrong thing. A wedding should be as fun and stress-free as possible (as far as planning) and a joyful celebration.
Too many people invest too much energy in a sort of competition to have the best, most perfect ceremony that checks all the required aspects. If you two will be happier and more relaxed (and save money!) with something small and simple then go for it.” Random-OldGuy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, like at all. Your wedding is about you and your fiancé, if you guys want a small elopement that’s absolutely ok. Your family (specifically your mother) sounds like the real jerk here, and it sounds like a pattern. I get it, my family is also very overbearing with little comments and passive-aggressive behavior.
I didn’t start standing up for myself till about a year ago and it was really hard but also incredibly empowering and they mostly leave me be now. I’d highly suggest working on standing up to them (even if it’s over small things at first, or bite the bullet and push back now) and it will get better one way or another.
At the end of the day, it’s about what makes you happy and defending that.” No-Interview-2818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I was the exact same and did exactly that. We had a small party for friends and family just at our house months later but eloped with only a couple of witnesses originally.
My parents knew that we were eloping but had never explicitly said to me they wanted to be there. My sister however had said if I didn’t have her there, she would kill me. So she was one of the witnesses. I will say though, when we did tell the parents afterward it broke my mum’s heart.
She then made it clear that her asking me repeatedly about when it would be, was her way of indicating she wanted to be there. It was never that big of a deal for me, and I am glad my husband and I got our moment for just us.
In saying that, though, if I could go back and just tell my parents that they could come if they wanted to, I would. I love my parents, even though I didn’t want their comments on what I was wearing or anything, I really don’t think as someone’s child you can ever comprehend how big moments like those are until they have passed…..
You are NTJ but if you will have a couple of witnesses anyway, maybe consider opening up the invite to your parents.” daniedownunder
4. AITJ For Telling My Dad I'd Rather Be Alone Than With Someone Like Him?
“I’m 25F. I work as a teacher and absolutely love my job. I get a tremendous sense of purpose from it and love my students. I am also earning my master’s and had a 4.0 last semester. I am learning harp and wrote a short story that was a finalist for a relatively prestigious award recently.
I’m also autistic and was diagnosed when I was 8. I stim by flapping my hands and know an uncomfortable amount about Ancient Egypt. Regardless, I have friends, a job, and interests and I feel like I’m doing pretty alright for 25. Also, full disclosure, my dad and I have an acrimonious relationship but I still talk to him for my mom’s sake (wanted to be upfront in case of bias).
My dad doesn’t like Taylor Swift because she doesn’t have kids (I’m not like a mega swiftie, but that’s a glimpse of his mindset).
Recently, my dad told me that I shouldn’t shake my hands anymore because “the autism is a turnoff.” He doesn’t want me to be alone.
I told him that even if I do wind up alone, I have a pension and will be able to support myself. He said that he wants me to be happy and I said I would be happy with a partner who embraces my autism, rather than someone I constantly have to mask around.
I also got pretty angry and said that I don’t care what’s a turnoff to him, that I don’t want to hear his constant input on my life anymore, and that I love him, but I’d rather be alone than with someone like him.
The last part seems to have really gotten to him, and I understand that it must have been devastating to hear. It’s just that I’m so exhausted that I don’t care at this point, and I feel like it’s true. My mom asked that I apologize because she says he loves me (I know he does, but he’s just a flaming jerk and it’s hard for me to care).
Out of principle, I don’t want to apologize (especially since he hasn’t apologized to me), but I understand it might have been extremely unnecessary and sometimes you have to give an inch to keep the peace.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a dad who has a child about your age, and while it is our job to worry about our children, no matter how old they are, it is not our job to make our children feel self-conscious about themselves.
Another part of our job is making our children feel loved, so they know the real thing when they see it. If your dad has earned that opinion from you, then you aren’t a jerk for expressing your honest opinion, especially after he picks on you.” srgonzo75
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You sound like you’re rocking the heck out of your life & have created such a full life for yourself. He should be so proud of you & maybe he is. I know as parents we tend to celebrate our kids’ successes & move on to dreaming another big dream for them, which is fine to dream for our kids, just not pressure them.
His not wanting you to be alone comes from his own issues. Your response to him was great! I don’t think you owe him an apology. He’s had the chance since your diagnosis to get a better grasp on autism, know better than to call it a turnoff and to understand that stimming is soothing.
First, “autism is a turnoff” is extremely rude. Also, maybe it turns off the wrong people for you. Autism is a turn-on – the interesting conversations & honesty & not having to guess at my autistic friends’ intentions and feelings are so darn refreshing. People who get it, get it.
Those are the best kinds of people. Just like Swifties, people who can enjoy their life & have fun connecting with others with similar interests without judgment.
Your dad seems like he was raised in a judgmental era where people had to conform to traditional expectations of what women/men should do at different ages.
He can save that judgment for when you ask. You didn’t do anything wrong by requesting to not be constantly criticized. If y’all end up talking it out I would tell him you’d like a relationship based on other things & having fun.
Second – The hand flapping clearly hasn’t seemed to interfere with your other relationships (friendships, teaching, etc.) nor your success academically or creatively. You do you. You’re doing great!” hshbrwnz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I should say that he may actually care in his own way.
It’s weird – when you have preconceived notions about how the world should be then your child does not fit that mold you try desperately to make your child fit. You fear that if you don’t fit, the consequences will be devastating. So if you care you force your child to fit.
The problem is twofold: a) they don’t realize the trauma and the hurt they are causing because in their minds they have good intentions b) they are unable to see that their worldview may be wrong If this is the case for your father, he needs help.
Working with someone who can help him work through his fears and accept you. I don’t think you are wrong in your reaction. I do think he is wrong in his reactions. But it’s also possible that he cares. Well-intentioned doesn’t always mean empathetic, compassionate and accepting.” x271815
3. AITJ For Defending My Sons From A Nosy Neighbor?
“I (23f) am a single mother of twin boys (3M). We recently moved in with my mother after leaving our lousy apartment in NYC.
My mother lives in a neighborhood that’s mostly elderly and families with older children.
Yesterday it was hot out and my boys were throwing water balloons at each other and me.
Well, my neighbor (47F) came over and asked to keep the noise down and take my kids inside as it was early. It was 2 in the afternoon.
I paid no mind and went inside to grab some water for my sons. I hear yelling and rush back out to see my neighbor with my sons’ toys and yelling at them.
I lost it and told her to mind her own business. When she says this, “Of course people like you have to ruin the neighborhood.”
I’m black and my sons are mixed (their father is white).
I told her to get off my mother’s property before I call the cops.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s a young girl who lives next door who apparently has a contest with herself in which she tries to outdo her screaming from the previous day. If this were an Olympic event, she’d win the gold easily. I hate screaming children, I really do.
That said, they’re children, it’s what they do. It was 2 in the afternoon. I’d take that over my other neighbor who apparently doesn’t believe in mufflers and who comes home at 2 in the morning.” NotHisRealName
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While we can’t definitively prove that “people like you” was unequivocally a racist comment, it could have possibly been sexist (single mom), ageist (mom with young kids), and possibly a few other forms of bigotry that escape me right now.
The neighbor is unquestionably the jerk. Call the cops anyway, make a report, and start the paper trail. Attempted assault, trespassing, and harassment with hate crime overtones. Always build the paper trail, and get to know your local cops. It sounds kinda ridiculous, but invite some cops over for BBQ a few times, and you’ll be the best-protected person in the area.” Usagi_Shinobi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Shrieking children give me headaches. I hated noise like that even as a kid. I will never understand why people yell when they’re not in pain or enraged. But a water balloon fight outside at 2 PM with only 2 kids and one adult on their own property is nowhere near disruptive enough to complain about.
If you had 20 kids running over the neighbors’ flowers at 7 AM, yeah, but you guys were behaving perfectly within acceptable limits.” Meghanshadow
2. AITJ For Not Advocating For My Stepbrother To Live In My Grandparents' House?
“I got accepted into the college of my choice in another state. Almost immediately after I told my family my paternal grandparents offered to let me stay in a house they own so I won’t have rent to pay. I accepted. My mom and stepdad asked my grandparents about my stepbrother staying there also since he was going to a college close to mine.
My grandparents said the offer was only open to me, their grandson. This was badly received by my mom, stepdad, and stepbrother, who all think he should be afforded the same offer.
I have been under a lot of pressure from my mom, stepdad, and stepbrother to advocate for him to stay in the house with me, or to turn down the offer if they refuse.
I don’t want to do this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your grandparents (father’s parents) are under no obligation to do anything for your stepbrother. While it may be nice for them to offer, they don’t have to when it comes to their property.
Your mom and stepdad are the jerks for pressuring you. If you hadn’t had this offer, would you be the one paying rent on a place or your mom/stepdad or even your dad? I saw OP comment elsewhere that his mom/stepdad are not paying for his college (he’s not sure about his stepbro’s situation).
So this is really some nerve they have. I’m also glad they won’t be able to force OP into a corner through financial means.” trekqueen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. YOUR grandparents offered YOU the house. If you felt like your stepbrother should stay there then I’m assuming you would’ve advocated for it and in the case you didn’t and it looks like your grandparents were trying to be nice and take the weight off of you having to make the decision by just saying no to them.
But alas your parents and stepbrother still antagonize and pressure you about it. I don’t know the reason you don’t want your stepbrother to live with you but it’s valid even if it’s as simple as I don’t want him to and you need to stand your ground no matter what your parents say and do not turn down the offer obvi lol.
I feel like if this was a normal case it would beg the question of why can’t he live with you but the fact that your parents and stepbrother turned so mean and got a “you better do this” rude attitude it doesn’t even matter.
Best of luck OP.” cocobbabes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because it’s not your house or your decision. I understand why your parents think this would be nice but THEY should be the ones asking. It isn’t yours to offer and if I let you live in my house and you started asking me to let someone else stay there when I’d already said no I would think about telling you that to be fair I’m canceling my offer.
It would have been nice if they treated you and your stepbrother equally but they don’t see it that way and that’s the end of it. And wait, they want you to turn down the offer?!?!?!? Sorry I just saw that reading again. Yeah, that’s your answer right there.
Mom, stepdad, and stepbrother are doing the same as your grandparents except favoring stepbrother instead of you. How do they gain if you turn down the offer? They would really try to affect your relationship with your grandparents just because they can’t get their way?
I know it’s going to be rough but you’ll have to deal with it and say there is no way you’re turning down the offer. Once you’re out of the house you can tell your mother that you’re very disappointed she went along with this pressure and this idea that you would give up your place to stay.
As for stepdad that is his son and he is going to have to work out a way to help him get a place to stay. Once you’re out of the house you can tell him to however you want to word it but basically get lost. Are grandparent’s your dad’s parents?” dog_star_
1. AITJ For Blasting Music To Drown Out My Sister's Loud Arguments?
“I (16F) bought a Bluetooth speaker that I will use only for the purpose of blasting music really loud whenever my sister (23F) and her fiancé (27M) start arguing loudly.
My sister and her fiancé visit our house every week and spend the weekends with us before going back to their place, it’s been going on for 3 years now, however recently for the past 2 months, every time they come over, they always have an argument so loud that we can hear it outside their guest bedroom.
My mother and I have tried asking nicely multiple times that they need to be quiet or take it outside otherwise we will call the cops on them. It seemed to work but they would be back at it again. I told my sister one day as a joke “since your guys’ room is right next to mine, the next time you guys argue, I’m blasting music right up to the wall, I don’t care what time it is.”
Today around 2 am, my sister and her fiancé started arguing about money issues and once again, they started screaming. I had it and started blasting music, they got the message and shut up after 10 minutes of me blasting heavy metal, etc.
My sister later confronted me saying that I was so inconsiderate for doing that because it actually caused their fight to end horribly because neither was talking to one another, and that I should’ve stayed quiet and minded my business.
I don’t think I did anything wrong, sure maybe it was the wrong time since it was morning but at this point, everyone in the family is fed up with them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister and her fiancé argue loudly at 2 am, but YOU’RE the inconsiderate one?
Give me a break. It’s your mother’s house, and you live there. They are just visitors. Both you and your mother have politely asked them to keep the volume down on their fights. When that didn’t work, you even gave your sister fair warning of your plan to blast music at them.
After you make good on your warning, she has the gall to blame you for making things worse. You are very much NTJ. However, I would make sure your mother is okay with your musical interventions in the future. Just in case you need variety, I recommend looking up some 20th-century atonal music, should you need to intervene again.” etgales83
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but there are better ways to solve these problems. However, you are 16 and she is a bit older, old enough to know better. How dare she call YOU inconsiderate when the whole family has been begging for her to at least have their fights elsewhere?
She’s also relatively young and with you saying that every single time he comes over they fight? Their partnership is most likely unhealthy. That’s neither here nor there, though. Have your mother back you up, she’ll likely say that you both did wrong but ultimately side with you against your sister.
It’s her house, she might even ban them from visiting I don’t know. Hope you all can get some peace and quiet the next time they visit.” aakams
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “It’s fine and totally considerate of my fiance and I to have screaming matches at 2 a.m. but it is terribly rude and inconsiderate of you to try to drown us out.” Apparently, you should be listening patiently.
Maybe take notes?? Your mom should tell them they can’t come visit on the weekends if they are going to constantly scream at each other. Who does this anyway? My business with my wife is exactly that, MY business. I don’t want everyone and their mom to hear all about it.” WifeofBath1984
