People Keep Us Engaged With Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay 30% Of Total Expenses In A House Where I Sleep On A Couch?
“I am currently living with my sister who has 6 kids, her husband, and my dad. The house is under my dad’s name but essentially they pay the rent and my dad pays his portion. I do not live with my mom because she is abusive and I am about to graduate college.
I have a job lined up and have been saving to buy my own house.
My sister and I have been arguing over what is a fair amount to pay rent, she wants me to pay 30 percent of total expenses and I think it is unfair considering her kids use a lot of the expenses.
I don’t have a room; I sleep on the couch in the living room and I am not there for most days. I work from home for 2 days and the other I am either at work or school and sometimes sleep over at friends’ houses.
I buy my own food and personal items. I try to help out and pay for expenses like basic food for example water and bread and common essentials for food. She pays for toilet paper since her kids tend to waste it a lot.
I try not to be in the household too long to give them personal space. I have helped her since I was very young to babysit and even took care of everything in the house for months after each labor.
So I have washed her and her kid’s clothes, cooked, and babysat during those times. I just do not think it is fair for me to pay that large percentage of every bill when I am not there and don’t even have a proper room.
She reminds me all the time that I have to put up with whatever she and her kids do to me just because I live under her roof. I do try to put up with it, her kids touch my things all the time and I can barely wash because they always occupy the washer and dryer.
I buy and cook my food and just buy more if they eat what is mine. My dad and I also help her by dropping off her kids at school and taking them to church functions. If they need help with repairs in the household I help pay expenses.
I understand I am not in a situation to complain but I am saving up to get out as soon as I can and have a job lined up in a couple of months once I graduate.
I just really don’t know if I am being unreasonable like my sister says I am. If I am, how much would be fair to split it with 4 adults and 6 kids? AITJ for not wanting to pay that much for a couch?”
Another User Comments:
“So there are 10 people living in this house? Why should you pay any more than 10% of the costs? It sounds to me like your sister is trying to bully you into subsidizing her children for her—which you are under absolutely no moral obligation to do.
It would be different if you were given special accommodation, like the largest bedroom for example. Then it would be reasonable for you to pay more. But as it is, you are getting no preferential treatment. Just the opposite, in fact.
So I see no reason why you should pay 30% of total household expenses. NTJ, not at all.” Catsbirdshorses
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has 6 kids, and there are 4 adults. At MOST if you even had your own bedroom and living space, I could see her trying to get you for 25% of the rent and bills, but even that would be a jerk move when there are 6 kids also living there.
10% is reasonable as 10 people live there. Having 6 kids is expensive and it sounds like she saw a way to subsidize those expenses more than just free babysitting and taxi service between you and your dad by also getting y’all to pay the majority of the bills.
But she and her husband chose to have that many kids and it’s not on you. No one on this post thinks she is reasonable so show her all our comments telling her she is being greedy and the math ain’t mathin.” Money-Interesting
Another User Comments:
“Put your head down, stay away as much as possible, and get out on your own in your planned two months! Your sister sees that you have money and she wants it, there’s nothing fair about what she’s asking of you.
No way to 30% total rent for a couch! Plus what you say you also pay and do. Your sister is slightly the jerk for being so greedy, I say slightly because 6 kids must be costly to support.
Just get out as soon as possible, go live your best life, and don’t look back except as the cool aunt. You are NTJ. Good luck!” True-Presentation726
20. AITJ For Telling My Brother's Pregnant Partner She Isn't Family And Can't Live In My House Anymore?
“I (37F) have two children who live in my house with me, I am a single mother and I am juggling a job at the same time. My children are 13 and 10, both girls.
My brother (33) has told me that he’s had trouble finding a house and getting money (he recently got a small job but it doesn’t pay much) and asked if he could stay in my house for the time being, and I agreed.
I let my brother settle into one of our rooms we don’t use and along with him, I see his pregnant partner walking into my house as well. I am stunned since my brother hadn’t told me he had a partner at all, let alone tell me she was pregnant.
Even though it was strange to me I allowed them to stay in my house and a few weeks passed by and his partner started to get rude towards me and even my children told me they didn’t enjoy having her in the house.
I told my children I would take care of it and had a talk with my brother when his partner wasn’t present, and he told me she was probably having mood swings and said to ‘give her a break.’
So for some time, I did.
My children and I were getting prepared to go to my cousin’s funeral, which my brother was not attending because he had work that day and couldn’t get a day off, he said he would still send flowers to pay his respects.
I was fine with the idea, my kids were in the car and I went back inside to get my keys since I had left them on the counter, when my brother’s partner stopped me and asked where I was going, I said to my cousin’s funeral.
She got upset and told me she should’ve been invited which completely threw me off and I told her she ‘wasn’t family’ so there was no reason she should’ve been ‘invited’ since she didn’t even know my cousin personally.
She broke down in tears and I had absolutely no time for her so I got my keys and attended the funeral with my children.
Once we got back it was late so I had my kids bathe and go to sleep.
Once I was heading to my room my brother stopped me and tried to get me to admit I was being rude to his partner and I immediately shut him down.
I told him that if his partner was going to continue to act like she owned my house she wasn’t going to live here anymore.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kick them out immediately — they are trying to hold you emotionally hostage in your own house! If you wait till after the baby is born, you’ll never get rid of them.
Now is the perfect time to give them the boot, while they’re still mad. You can point out, “Clearly this isn’t working for any of us; you’ll have to make other arrangements.” Then STICK TO IT! NTJ, but your brother and his partner sure are!” wisewoman707
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he’s only been seeing her for a short amount of time and doesn’t know your family or the deceased why would she go? But I think it’s time for tough love…Time for your brother and his new family to find their own place to live as she doesn’t have a right to come into your home, live rent-free (I’m assuming), and then start demanding how you live…Is she working?
Because if so she should be contributing expense-wise to your household” ColdstreamCapple
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your kids come first. Partner HAS to move out. I don’t know why you are being such a pushover with your brother, but enough is enough.
They are taking advantage of you. Both of them. Your home is supposed to be a safe, respectful, kind place for your kids to thrive in. Someone they don’t like who is mean to them is invading their safe space and making their home so uncomfortable they are telling you about it.
Why are you letting this continue? Why are you allowing a stranger to bully your children in a space that is supposed to be safe for them? You need to parent up and tell your brother, no more.
These are your children. You are letting some rude, entitled, lazy, emotionally manipulative stranger ruin your home. Partner HAS to leave. Now.” DragonFireLettuce
19. AITJ For Choosing My Daughter's Graduation Over My Son's Relapse Incident?
“My (M51) wife (F48) and I have two children: Jake (M23) and Jess (F18).
Although they had the same upbringing, Jake sadly surrounded himself with the wrong people during his late teenage years and made some bad life decisions.
Since he was around 17, he’s suffered from substance abuse issues and booze dependency. He’s been through counseling on more than one occasion, and I’ve lost count of the number of times that either my wife or I have had to make personal sacrifices to go and tend to him.
He’s currently living in a Recovery Housing Program, where we hoped he would see improvements.
This has caused understandable issues for Jess. I’ve missed hockey games and choir performances because I had to go tend to Jake, as has my wife.
We try and make it up to her at the time, but I don’t think missing important milestones really makes up for it; it’s heartbreaking for me personally.
Jake has been doing better lately, and he hasn’t had any relapses or issues for the past few months.
Jess’ graduation was the other day, and my wife and I had tickets and couldn’t wait. She’s off to college, graduating with a great GPA and we’re really proud of her.
However, only a couple of hours before the graduation, we received a call from the staff at Jake’s Housing Program, who said that he had a relapse incident and was in a really bad way.
My wife was hysterical and immediately started telling me we had to go there and help. I refused. I said that we’d missed enough events in Jess’ life, and I wasn’t missing her graduation. Although my wife told me how sad she was to miss it, Jake’s health and well-being would take priority.
I wasn’t changing my stance. She got increasingly agitated and said she’d go herself, called a cab, and went. I took the car and watched Jess’ graduation. It was one of the proudest days of my life, but when I saw Jess at the end, I could tell she was visibly upset that her mom wasn’t there.
I explained and you could tell her frustration.
My wife made it to our celebratory dinner later, and she apologized, but the mood was sour. The incident with Jake was serious, but not a life-threatening emergency, and he has been admitted into treatment.
My wife gave me the cold shoulder later saying how we should have been on the same page, been there for support, and that I’d been selfish. I disagreed, saying she’d been selfish in this scenario, and she tainted Jess’ moment.
This went on for a while, and I ended up sleeping on the couch.
I still feel I made the right decision, but I know I hurt my wife, and Jake’s recovery is obviously of paramount importance as well.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m assuming Jake knew when his sister’s graduation was. His “relapse” may have been on purpose. As with a lot of users, they take what they want to disregard everyone else. Jess has been on the losing end of this for the last few years.
Your wife fell for your son’s manipulations once again at your daughter’s expense. Too bad your wife can’t see she’s about to lose Jess because she had to race to Jake, like she had numerous times before, and not spend 1 or 2 darn hours celebrating her for a change.
I’m glad you stuck around for your daughter. And yes unfortunately my family has had to deal with a family member with a substance issue. I finally had to wipe my hands and walk away. She doesn’t want help, and now I no longer want to help her.
I concentrate all my efforts on her kids.” snchills
Another User Comments:
“No one was supposed to go running just because he relapsed. He also knew it was his sibling’s graduation. Relapsing doesn’t require even a visit when he’s already in a program.
You say ok thanks for letting us know and go about your life. What was the purpose of dropping everything and running there? What did that accomplish other than giving him more reasons to continue to relapse for attention?
That’s not support. Support is showing up for therapy or hospitals.. working through stuff. Sounds like your wife is an enabler.” No_Scarcity8249
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your son is an addict. Addicts break your heart.
Until he hits rock bottom, he’s not going to change. I don’t know you. I don’t know your family but in my limited experience with this issue sometimes parents develop a co-dependency with their addicted children. Their child’s addiction controls their lives and emotions.
“Although my wife told me how sad she was to miss it, Jake’s health and wellbeing would take priority.” You and your wife need counseling. While I think it’s wonderful you prioritized one milestone moment in your daughter’s life, the damage to your relationship with your daughter has been done.
At some point, your daughter is going to walk away and wash her hands of both of you if you don’t get help and try to repair your relationship with your daughter.” Peony-Pony
18. AITJ For Telling My In-Laws We Regretted Our Traditional Wedding?
“My wife and I got married about 3 weeks ago. I love her and have no regrets marrying her but we both massively regret having a traditional wedding when we both wanted to elope. We ended up not eloping due to family pressure, mostly from her parents who made her feel bad being their only daughter and potentially “denying them the chance to see their daughter get married” and said she’d regret having “her moment”.
In actuality, it seemed they just wanted to have their moment.
The last year was so full of unnecessary drama and while each of our parents contributed to paying for the wedding, we still ended up putting a lot up ourselves.
Everything just kept getting more and more expensive. Not that we expected to get a ton in wedding gifts but the cash gifts we got did not make up for what we paid. Overall it was a year of stress, a bunch of drama over things like who should be in the wedding party/invited to the wedding, and all the wedding drama I always heard about.
The actual day wasn’t fun either. Both of us get mild social anxiety – a big part of why both of us wanted to elope – and it was as bad as we expected it to be.
We got back from our honeymoon Thursday and this weekend we were at her parents’ house for Father’s Day. They really wanted to pat themselves on the back for convincing us to do the traditional wedding and kept making comments like “see wasn’t that so much fun!” At first, we’d politely agree and try to change the subject but I kinda broke towards the end of the night when they made a suggestion that we disagreed with and my MIL said “oh honey, of course it’s your decision but just remember I was right about the wedding and I think I’m right about this”.
I just lost it and then told them all about how much we hated the experience, they asked my wife if it’s true and she broke down and said it’s 100% true, she hated the whole experience. We left shortly after but then this morning her dad calls me saying how rude I was and how he wants me to go over there to apologize to his wife in person.
I don’t think that I should but just wanted to get some outside perspective.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents bullied you into something they wanted and made you pay for it in more ways than one.
They pulled the ‘do it for the family’ card, didn’t they? We see this so much. You don’t need to apologize. Notice how your FIL isn’t asking his daughter to apologize? They’re still playing the blame game.
What about your parents? I hope they regret their part in this too. I wouldn’t be surprised if your wife breaks down and apologizes anyway. Just be prepared for more bullying if and when you decide to have kids.
Their names, who will watch them, the gifts, the baby shower. It never ends unless you put the boundaries up now.” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You extended grace to your family by staying quiet, which was very kind.
There’s only so much you can take, though. They kept pushing for validation that they were right, and it was absolutely time to let them know that they were wrong about a big wedding being a good idea.
It seems that your relationship still has the lopsided parent/young child dynamic, where the child needs to defer to the parent. They just got a taste of a balanced parent/adult-child relationship. Demanding an apology sounds like an attempt to keep their power dynamic.
You can apologize for an outburst if there was one, or for any personal insult that came with your comments, but no need to apologize for not liking your wedding. They owe you an apology for forcing their way upon your wedding.” pjeans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “I am sorry. I am so sorry I didn’t stand up for my wife when she said she wanted to elope. I am sorry that I didn’t stand up for myself. I am sorry I started our marriage in such a way that it took me that one week before you felt comfortable holding it over our heads that we gave in to pressure from you before and should again.
I am sorry that I started my marriage in sept so you could have your big event and now we get to claw our way out of that. I’m sorry we spent the last year with unnecessary drama because we gave into your pressure that you didn’t even fully financially support.
I was rude to myself, I didn’t fully honor the wishes of my wife, and my marriage. I am so sorry for all of that. It WILL NOT be a mistake I intend to make again.
I will accept your apology for not respecting our wishes, pressuring us, letting demands snowball, and making what should have been a beautiful moment we shared all about you while making us both miserable whenever you’re ready but I’d appreciate it if you apologized to your daughter first as she is the one you really betrayed and let down.
We were supposed to look out for what was best for her and make her happy. We could have been her champions and we both failed. Your hubris and my wanting to please both hurt her.”” Bibliophile_w_coffee
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Financially Contribute To My Brother's Extravagant Baby Shower?
“I (30F) have a brother (33M).
He and his husband (34M) are in the process of adopting 2 babies from 2 different women. My brother makes about 95K and his husband makes about 80K, both are teachers in high-paying districts. I am a single person and make about 60K (also a teacher) and I just bought a house last year.
I do not get paid over the summer, and I am in 2 weddings coming up which also takes a lot of money.
My brother and his husband are understandably very excited and want to have a baby shower to help get stuff for possibly 2 babies.
One baby is due Sept 26th and the other is Oct 15th. Here is where things get a bit dicey. They (mostly my brother) want to have a big fancy baby shower with possibly 100 guests or more.
He said it will be like a mini wedding and even got into a fight with his MIL about the cost of a venue and expecting them to shell out the money for it. She called him spoiled and he got very offended.
Of course I want to help out as much as I can so I offered to make the invitations and help organize stuff. But as I talked with my brother I realized just how much he is expecting me and his SIL (31F) to contribute since all the parents and themselves are paying over $6,500 for the venue/food/drink.
From what I understand he mentioned we would cover decorations, centerpieces, favors, setting up, and doing the seating chart – which is reasonable. But then he started to mention mini bottles of Champagne for each person as a favor, a photo booth, and other extras like that, on top of a gift. (I was told I could get the other crib or bassinet since SIL is getting one for about $350.) When I said all of that is a lot of money he said “Just be glad I’m not asking you to contribute to paying for the venue like I was going to originally do”.
Of course I want to spoil my nieces and to help out as much as I can, and maybe it’s that they just expect me to put out all this money without asking. I’ve also always been the money-conscious one and even helped bail my bother out of credit card debt a few years ago.
(just 3K and he did eventually pay me back).
So AITJ? Also how much do siblings generally contribute towards a baby shower?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, no, no. Your brother having children is not your financial burden, and a big fancy baby shower like this is absolutely ridiculous!
It is a baby shower, not a wedding! He’s using you all to throw himself a big lavish party, and sounds like the family has all crumbled to his whim! You need to set boundaries and explain what you are willing to spend, and nothing more.
His MIL is right, he is acting like a spoiled brat!” ElectricalTaste4519
Another User Comments:
“No ma’am absolutely not. No one needs a baby shower that darn expensive. If they want all that extra stuff they can darn well pay for it.
Babies don’t need fancy outfits to start out. It’s all poopy diapers, spit-up, and very little sleep. If they are pulling in $177k a year, then they need to be paying for all that stuff. Mini-champagne bottles at a baby shower?
Nope. His MIL is right – he is spoiled. And they expect a gift on top of it. Tell him no, you can’t contribute monetarily. You will do the invites and help organize and that’s it. If he gets upset, tell him that he has a dual income home and you are single and have a life outside of his/their children.
In my experience, unless the sibling is throwing the shower, they don’t contribute money. They do things like set-up/clean up, allow the shower to be hosted at their home. NTJ.” Lazuli_Rose
Another User Comments:
“I no longer know what the conventions are–they’ve changed a lot.
In my baby shower days, the host or hosts of the party paid for everything. I co-hosted a shower for my sister with her SIL, and we split the costs. But the shower was just in somebody’s living room, as were most of them I attended. A handful of women, ice cream cake, cheese and crackers, punch.
Nothing like this. It does seem to me that the person giving support should be the one deciding how much they’re comfortable with. So figure out how much you can afford AND want to spend, and tell your brother that that’s all you’ll be contributing.
If that’s not enough, he can pony up the rest himself or cut down his expectations. But tell him right away so he will know.” BaffledMum
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help Set Up My Friend's Wedding Without Being A Groomsman?
“I am 27M and my friend 29M is getting married on Saturday. He didn’t end up having a groomsmen party, so I was never asked to be in the wedding party nor did I agree to anything.
I was asked to go to a pre-wedding dinner that is Friday the night before and give a speech and have dinner with the engaged couple and their friends. I was fine with this even though it was a last-minute ask.
I just received a text a couple of days ago that is asking for me to show up on the wedding day between 9-10:30 to help set up the wedding and basically get it ready for the ceremony/reception.
The venue for the pre-wedding dinner and wedding is the same place which is an hour’s drive for me. So I have to do an hour’s drive there Friday and then come back, then go again Saturday.
4-hour total commute. Plus I’d have to be there from 10 am to 11 pm at night. (Wedding starts at 5)
If I was asked to be a groomsman and told what was expected from me, that’s one thing. But now I feel as though I’m a guest so why should I have to spend the entire Saturday in 100-degree weather setting up for someone else’s wedding?
I feel like you hire a wedding coordinator for that.
He had told me the reason he didn’t have groomsmen is because he doesn’t want anyone standing up there with him and his fiancée during the ceremony, which is fine.
But if you’re not having a groomsmen party then I don’t feel obligated to be a wedding coordinator. I thought it was customary to ask in advance usually with a gift as a thank you and to let people know what you’d be expecting if you agreed to be in the party.
It all just seems a bit odd to me. Will I be the jerk if I say no or should I just do it?”
Another User Comments:
“You are being asked to show up at 9-10:30 AM to help set up for a wedding at 5 PM?
That’s (quick math) 6.5 to 8 hours of your Saturday! Do you have to build a church or something? Personally, I feel like that would be a lot to ask even if you were an official groomsman. Fortunately for you, you aren’t, and the request is on ludicrously short notice.
So you can, with a clear conscience, respond that you are not able to make it to the 8-hour wedding preparation session and look forward to seeing him at the wedding, and YWNBTJ.” CoverCharacter8179
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I was in a very similar situation, but I was actually a groomsman with a few other guys. They (mostly the bride) kept adding and adding more requests, and we said “sure, no problem” and the day of the wedding we were basically slaves setting things up all day, and then putting things away at night.
They asked for further assistance the next day, but I had to finally say no. When I got married, I had very little responsibilities for my bridal party.” bcelos
Another User Comments:
“OP, you are NTJ, but it’s not about the bachelor party.
It’s about your schedule and him asking you for enough time for you to plan and arrange your time that week. He’s expecting groomsmen privileges from you, without asking you to be a groomsman showing that he only wants your services, but doesn’t actually want you to stand with him at his wedding.
This groom is a bit of a user. The same thing happened to me. A friend got married with a HUGE wedding. I felt left out because I’d been her brother’s long-term partner for 7 years and was very involved with their family.
Right before the wedding, the bride suddenly wanted A LOT of help with the wedding. Driving back and forth to set up the venue, drop off a dress, a ton of extra running around. I said no, that I already had plans because my mother was driving in for the wedding and I had to help her, etc. If she’d asked me to be in the wedding party, I would’ve blocked out that time to be with her, but short of that, I had my own thing going on leading up to the wedding.” F******************6
15. AITJ For Buying My Young Sister Earplugs To Help With Her Sensory Issues?
“My (15m) sister (6f) shows a lot of signs of having sensory issues, especially with sounds. She struggles a lot with family gatherings and birthday parties because of the noise. My family is kinda loud and on top of that blasts music really loudly, and well birthday parties for children are obviously loud cause it’s mostly children.
Recently I heard her quietly sobbing in her room while I was fixing the air conditioning and when I asked her what was wrong she expressed wanting to attend her best friend’s bday party but at the same time not wanting to go because she doesn’t like all the noise and said she felt like she was weird for feeling like that.
I hugged her and told her she’s not weird, I explained the concept of sensory issues the best I could to a 6yo and told her that if she wanted to go I could buy her some earplugs so she could still hear but not get overwhelmed by the noise.
We went on Amazon and initially, I was gonna buy her a tub of those foam earplugs but she really liked those ring earplugs things since they were purple. I thought they were kinda pricey but at that point in time I just wanted to make my lil sis happy.
We ordered them and they arrived a few days before the party. My mom was a bit iffy about them but I previously talked to her and mentioned the conversation with my sister and she was understanding.
We went to the mall to test them out since she usually hates going there cause of the noise, but she loved it, and a few days later at the party she loved the party as well.
The problem began on Father’s Day. To make a long story short half of my family thought we were coddling her and that we should take the earplugs away and the other half thought it wasn’t a big deal
Later that day I started pondering what my family said and I started to question if I should’ve bought them for her, at the time it felt like a no brainer but now I feel like I shouldn’t have done it since she’s really young and she could still grow out of it but I’m not sure.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are an amazing big brother. Your sister loves them. Your mom approves. There will always be diverging views about things in life. You can’t make everyone happy. But you can help your little sister feel less different.
And you did. You should be walking on cloud 9. Some people never do anything that leaves a true legacy of kindness behind. You already have. ” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for certain. First off, there are a lot of people with sensory issues.
For some kids, they’re temporary and get better/easier as time goes on. For others, they’re just part of who they are. Either way, earplugs are hardly something that anyone should be getting up in arms over.
Would they have called it “coddling” if she had trouble hearing and you got her a hearing assistance device? No, they wouldn’t, so they need to back off and let your sister live her best life. Your family should work with a specialist to see if the issues can be addressed over time, as she may not need the assistive devices forever.
Alternately, she might need them forever, but at 6 it’s a little early to tell. Either way, helping her out and not reinforcing the shame and isolation is definitely the way to go; and exactly what you did.
Only one gripe with this situation – you shouldn’t have bought them for her; your parents should have. But, since they didn’t see the issue as clearly as you did, you bought them instead. Now your family has to work with her to help her overcome and/or adapt to the sensory issues over time.
You aren’t coddling her, you’re helping her – continue to help.” MikeTalonNYC
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a great brother. Think about it, the whole reason they sell those things on Amazon is because soooo many people have this issue.
Our world is noisier, busier, and more crowded than it’s ever been in human history. It’s unnatural to have noise at the levels most of us live with. A thousand years ago the only thing as loud as our daily life would have been like an avalanche or a stampede, so it makes sense that it stresses some of us out.
Your sister may outgrow her sensory issues, but there’s no need for her to suffer needlessly in the meantime. What you did was kind and caring. Don’t let anyone make you doubt that.” SophiaBrahe
14. AITJ For Giving My Sister The Silent Treatment After Years Of Abuse?
“I (26), my sister (30), and my mom live together. I pay rent and some bills and contribute to general expenses, and my sister contributes grocery while mom is retired. I’ve always been clear about the fact that I always want mom to live with me because I’m incapable of having kids, and so I’ve sorta decided I’ll just take care of her in the future and I’m vibing with that.
My sister, however, clearly doesn’t like living with us. She always goes on rants about how she just can’t take it anymore, how I’m too lazy to live with.
She has been getting more agitated through the years, but these past months it’s gotten insane.
She’d climb on top of me while I’m asleep to take my charger, waking me up, but if I so much as open my mouth about it she sets off. She’d use my stuff without asking, but if I pointed it out she’d yell at me while not even allowing me to touch her things.
I usually clean the kitchen (and the living room and hallways and balcony), and she gets to clean just the kitchen maybe once or twice a week and when she does, she starts going “look I clean so much better” and when she finds me cleaning, she’d wait until I’m done, look for any missed spots and yell and start saying how dirty I am and stuff like that.
Or, worse yet, she’d hover over me and micromanage what I do.
And she comments on everything. My style is disgusting and ugly. My job is terrible for hiring me because who’d hire someone who dresses like me?
I eat too much x, I’m lazy for eating a lot of noodles, cheap for shaving instead of using laser, etc. Before I wore a hijab she’d say my natural hair was a mess and I needed to straighten it, after wearing a hijab she shifted the complaints to me not knowing how to style my hijab.
Two nights ago, after making noodles and sitting down to eat them, she told me to go clean the pot I used immediately. She didn’t want to use it, she just wanted me to go clean it immediately.
I said “I will in a few because I’m feeling dizzy,” and she got angry and suddenly switched to ordering me to arrange my closet because she didn’t like how it looked.
I told her I won’t, that it wasn’t affecting her and she just went and dumped the entire thing on my bed.
At that point I snapped, and just walked off. And since then whenever she starts talking to me, I just walk off. I have decided not to talk to her unless she apologizes.
Last night. I heard her telling Mom she got into an argument at work because of me.
Because she was so angry at me she couldn’t sleep and she yelled at work because of that.
My problem here is that I’m not sure if I really am lazy and making her life difficult as she says, and I know that the silent treatment is abusive, but I don’t know what else I can do.
I have tried talking to her calmly before but she gets this look of disgust on her face and then I can’t be calm anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“You need a lock on the door to your room.
You deserve some privacy and peace and quiet in your own home. If you don’t have your own room, you need to move somewhere you can get your own room, preferably without your sister. If that means you leave your mother with your sister, then do that.
Your mom probably isn’t elderly, she can be retired and live without you for now. NTJ. You are more patient than I would ever be.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is the ONLY problem in this post. Your sister is verbally abusive at most and has some issues that should be resolved in therapy at least. If she wasn’t living in your home then you and your mom would be living in a much calmer environment.
I don’t often advocate for the silent treatment, but it’s what your sister deserves in this case. Keep walking away. consider moving into a new place for just you and Mom, no sister allowed until she gets therapy for her anger and control issues.
You are a grown adult and don’t need to be spoken to like a child. Your sister can choose to have a respectful conversation with you or none at all. Keep doing what you’re doing.
You don’t need her bad energy in your life.” EJ_1004
Another User Comments:
“There’s nothing wrong with cooling off and walking away being silent until you’re ready to have a calm chat. I don’t know what your culture normally is so I can only use mine as a comparison but from what it seems, does your culture typically not move out until married?
In the US we move out once we’re able to. You sound like low maintenance whereas it sounds like she’s a little higher maintenance and beyond ready to live on her own and is annoyed and wants her own space.
Which, maybe it’s time she moves out? But it also sounds like she’s a little competitive and resentful of you. It’s definitely a HER problem. You may need to sit down with her and your mother in a calm manner at the family table and discuss some solutions or steps to becoming independent.
And if she doesn’t want to, or your culture prohibits this or perhaps financially it’s not feasible, then there needs to be some boundaries set and some ground rules. You are all adults, it’s time she acts like it.” Local-Maintenance379
13. AITJ For Using An Open Checkout Lane Instead Of Waiting In Line?
“Just ran to Walmart for one thing, go to the self-checkout and there are three open but two people standing there in “line” not moving.
So I’m like “alright maybe they have lane closed signs on them”. Nope.
So I go to checkout and a woman from the line goes to the one next to me and I hear her mutter halfway under her breath something about “so you don’t have to wait in line now huh?” And then I’m like “oh shoot she’s talking to me?!”
I ignore her and then she muttered again “don’t ignore me you jerk I know you hear me” but like just quiet enough that I very well could’ve not heard her. Ignored again and left.
There were lanes open and no reason to wait, so I didn’t and got harassed for it.”
Another User Comments:
“Eh NTJ but next time when people are standing there, gently suggest to them that the lines/checkouts are open and ask if they are waiting.
Same applies to people waiting to order at a coffee shop etc. People generally don’t like it when someone walks in front of them if they’ve been waiting, and I’m sure you don’t like it either. Her reaction was passive-aggressive and rude but next time give them the chance to go ahead of you.” Independent-Length54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They could have gone to an empty checkout whenever they wanted. They did not. It’s not unreasonable to assume they were just standing waiting for something else or talking etc, by walking to the open register you actually are making them aware that it is open so no need to tell them.
The woman behind you actually got out sooner because of it (she went to the line next to you). The people getting all upset because you didn’t tell the woman who got out of hand because she didn’t see the 2 open registers until you used one are wild in my opinion.
Worst case it would have been just one spot in line for a cash register they didn’t realize was open.” ShiggnessKhan
Another User Comments:
“My main thing is, if there are two people standing and waiting, why would you not assume that there’s maybe a reason why they’re standing and waiting?
The normal thing to do would have been to politely ask if there was a reason they were waiting or if you could go to a till. Maybe a store employee asked them now to use the other tills or something, you don’t know.
Be polite and sociable and just ask. That being said, of course NTJ, you weren’t wrong to just go ahead, and she was super rude and inappropriate. Probably embarrassed that she didn’t understand how self-checkout works.” No-Entertainment3435
12. AITJ For Not Letting Our Nanny Bring Another Kid To Our House While Babysitting?
“I am a big people pleaser, but I’m learning to hold my boundaries. And sometimes it feels like I am overreacting.
We have a part-time nanny. I’m the one who has found her most of her gigs, so she feels that she owes me, I think.
My partner and I are going away for the long weekend and asked our nanny to babysit for three days. On one of those days, let’s say Monday, she usually works for another family. I asked her three weeks prior to our trip to make sure that this other family didn’t mind that our nanny would be with us.
The nanny said everything was sorted out.
Tonight, a day before the trip, our nanny messages me with a lot of “please please please” asking if she could bring the Monday kid to our place to babysit for 7-8 hours.
I barely know the kid. He is around 3-4 and mine is 9, so very different ages and interests, and it would mean that the nanny would have to pay way more attention to the other kid. And honestly, I’m just not comfortable with this situation.
But I feel like a jerk for not helping another family with a kid. It’s not that big of a deal and I can theoretically******* up. I just don’t want to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is the nanny’s problem to solve, not yours.
Probably the other family does not even know about this problem, but she came to you first because she feels you will give in. That said, if you hold your foot down you might be looking for a new nanny soon.
Is there another option, that a friend or family member can look after your kid on Monday?” Slayerofdrums
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I think your concerns are very “only child coded.” You are worried your 9-year-old won’t have enough 1 on 1 attention for a few hours and that they won’t get any value out of the other child due to the age difference.
In my experience sometimes it is a wonderful opportunity for them to spend time with a much younger child as usually it brings out something different in them. They often really enjoy having a younger kid look up to them and getting to experience being the leader, responsible, etc makes them feel important and more grown up.
I would be concerned if it was an older kid you don’t know who could potentially influence yours but not a 3-year-old honestly. Also, good luck finding another babysitter who can watch your kid for 3 straight days if you make this one feel bad.” AdventurousDesk8817
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – do you have a backup? Because this is something that you need to hold your ground on. 1. If it’s in your home, you will be held by liable if anything happens to the other child.
That’s just the way it is. 2. I’m going to state it this way because it’s how my brain works because I work primarily with disabled children. My support provider for my kids can work for one child at a time.
The state will pay him for one child. If he watches two children then the state in theory could pay him one wage but would only pay him half the amount for each kiddo. Which sounds weird but sometimes it’s done. o she’s getting paid for this other kiddo.
She’s being paid to watch that child. So she’s going to be watching that child not your children or at least not giving your children the attention they deserve that you are paying for.” PicklesMcpickle
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Abusive Ex-Brother-In-Law Around My Kids?
“My sister, Marge, met her ex-husband, Shane, in 2010.
Shane has always been a liar. He started the relationship by not telling my sister he had a 2-year-old son and was living with his ex. When she found out, 6 months into their relationship, she broke up with him for a month.
In that time, Shane started sleeping with a coworker and continued to do so when they got back together, breaking it off a few months later. Marge found out after he broke it off because the coworker found her and messaged her about it.
Marge forgave Shane.
Fast forward, Shane’s son was diagnosed with cancer. It was an awful 5-year battle that took his son’s life in 2017. We were all affected, especially Marge who cared for her stepson like he was her own.
Marge became severely depressed. She was a different person and Shane refused to get her help. On July 1, 2023, Marge woke up to Shane moving out. She had no idea he was planning to leave.
After, Marge discovered he had canceled her credit cards, emptied the bank account and savings, canceled internet, and paid for 1 month of electricity and rent.
Marge had been a housewife since her stepson was sick. Shane left her with nothing, knowing her mental health. Marge had my support and that of our 3 sisters and mother. We all helped out but I was the closest to her.
I watched her fall apart and rebuild herself. She got a job, went to therapy, and was doing better. She opened up to me about her relationship with Shane.
I found out Shane abused her repeatedly, mentally and physically.
He encouraged her to fight with everyone and told her to hurt herself when she said she wanted to. I was so enraged by the things she told me and happy that he was finally gone. During their divorce, Shane reached out to Marge and they decided to see each other.
I told her it was a bad idea but she didn’t listen. They’ve been seeing each other for months now, and he’s around every weekend. Marge has caught him in lies since they have been seeing each other.
My children were very close to him and when he left, my middle child took it so hard. After what he did and the things I learned about him, my husband and I decided we did not want him near our family.
My mom and sisters say I’m overreacting..they think I need to “get over it”. They believe that since Marge forgave him, we should respect her decision and allow him back into all our family functions. I can’t do it.
I told my mom that if he was around, my family would not be. I was basically told that was my choice but he’s welcomed at my mom’s house.
Today, Shane and Marge showed up while I was getting my daughter from my mom’s house (my mom is our babysitter when needed).
I was upset and asked that they tell me when he’s going to be there so I can ensure we are not. Marge yelled at me, said she was going to treat my husband like I treat hers and my mom said I was overreacting.
Am I the jerk for not wanting my children to be around my ex-brother-in-law and asking my family to respect my wishes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t even know where to begin, but you are entirely in the right, and your mother and sister are both in the wrong.
I feel sympathy for Marge, as she may be getting emotionally manipulated, but she does not get to treat you or your husband that way. You did the right thing for your kids, you felt that it wasn’t good or safe for them to be around Shane, and you did just that.
If your mom and sister cannot respect that boundary, I would suggest giving you and your family more distance from them. I hope your sister removes herself permanently from that relationship and that your mother realizes that some things are unforgivable.” Big_Pin6662
Another User Comments:
“1. He hurt your kids with some of his actions, and you as a parent have the right to take action to avoid a repeat. 2. He’s a terrible person who uses and abuses people, and for that alone, you would be justified in limiting contact, but combined with your kids previously seeing him as a role model, you’ve got a problem.
3. Your sister forgiving an abuser does not erase the necessity of needing to ensure said abuser won’t hurt or influence your kids. You can forgive a snake for biting but that doesn’t mean you pick it up and snuggle it again.
You should find a new babysitter, because otherwise, you’re putting your kids in the care of someone who tolerates abuse. NTJ.” Floating-Cynic
Another User Comments:
“This is your family. You and your partner set the boundaries. If Shane is not allowed, that is your boundary.
Marge and your family have nothing to say or do about this. Either they accept it, or they don’t. The result is that gatherings/holidays etc will be divided. Your boundaries are not theirs. You are forcing them to choose.
INFO: do your sister and mother know what Marge has been through? NTJ for not wanting your children to be around Shane. PS: I suspect your sister needs help that only a good therapist who deals with abused spouses can help.
Her mental state is so beaten down, that she is not the same person you knew before this relationship. She has lost herself. It may take a few tries before the right therapist is found.” Aggravating-Pain9249
10. AITJ For Leaving A Family Vacation Because My Dog Was Accused Of Disturbing A Sleeping Child?
“So my husband M(35) and myself F(30) went on a family vacation and stayed at an Airbnb (Fri-Mon) with about 9 other adults, 3 kids, 2 dogs, and 1 two-year-old.
Kids and 1 dog are not ours.
Our Malshi is protective so he barks when people come in the front door or if he hears loud sounds. He just needs to be petted or sniffs you or he just stops after you sit for a few seconds.
(This is important for the story)
The two-year-old and the parents decide to sleep on the first floor where the majority of people are hanging out but when the 2-year-old is trying to sleep everyone has to be quiet and they get mad at my dog for barking.
Well on the third day, they all went somewhere and we stayed at the Airbnb with a few others. So we all were talking and having a good time. When they came back the 2-year-old apparently was trying to sleep so people start shushing everyone and since they’re sleeping on the first floor everyone had to be quiet.
As people continue to come in and kids run up the stairs our dog barks here and there. The dad comes out and demands my husband to take our dog somewhere else cause the child is trying to sleep.
The way he said it was pretty rude and demanding. So we got up and left back home.
First of all, we’re all on vacation having a great time. We all paid to be there etc. I definitely feel it’s inconsiderate of them to ask everyone to be quiet when they could have also taken the child to the 3 or 4th floor where no one was and empty rooms were still available.
If we were at their house. I get it. But not in this case.
Also, I know so many babies and kids that don’t need it so hush and quiet when they sleep. It’s so annoying honestly.
So AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. They were rude about the situation when there were quieter (supposedly) rooms the kid could have taken a nap in, but your dog sounds disruptive. No one wants to hear a dog bark every time someone comes through the door, nor should they have to stop and placate the dog each time they do.
The parents need to have more realistic expectations of traveling with a large group of people while their kid has a sleep schedule, but you need to train your dog better.” Kasparian
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
Who thought this was a good idea? A dog that barks and a bunch of kids – including a baby that is going to sleep on a more unpredictable schedule – was asking for drama. So you are a jerk for acting shocked when people want you to deal with your barking dog, and the parents of the baby are both jerks for going on vacation with people who bring along a barking dog and expecting things to be quiet.
This was a very silly thing to do for everyone. But YOU are a HUGE jerk for your last comment. People need to not have barking dogs to sleep, especially little kids.” JustAsICanBeSoCruel
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
At least not for leaving. But that’s not really what you’re asking about. To what you’re really asking of if you’re in the right for being offended/annoyed by this family and are you right for thinking they should’ve accommodated you instead of demanding everyone accommodate them and their child… Everyone sucks here.
I think you are slightly the jerk for using the logic “I know so many babies and kids that don’t need it so hush and quiet when they sleep”. All kids are different. I’m sure if their kid wouldn’t care or wake up and be fussy they wouldn’t care that you weren’t quiet.
They aren’t trying to cause issues for the sake of it. Also, you chose to leave the vacation early. It’s not on them that you decided to leave. However, if they knew they had a fussy toddler and would require extra accommodations that should’ve been communicated during the planning and they probably should’ve opted out if being in a noisy home was going to be an issue for them.” SupermarketNeat4033
9. AITJ For Not Stopping To Check On A Bird We Hit While Driving?
“So the other day my wife and I were driving down a larger road at about 100kn/h when a large bird hit the top of my windshield, I think it was a crow or a magpie.
I kept on driving but my wife said that we had to stop to see if the bird was ok, I told her that it was probably dead since I hit it at 100km/h and birds usually break their neck when they fly into a regular window.
My wife then yelled at me that we had to stop the car and go check on it.
I told her that once again we are driving 100km/h which means that the bird is at least 2km behind us and will be even further away when I find a place to pull over.
What then? I’ll have to walk 2+ km of road until I MAYBE find the bird. If it’s dead, it’s dead! If it’s alive I’ll have to wring its neck because no way I can find a veterinary on a Sunday afternoon in the middle of nowhere.
Either way, I will have to walk 2km + back to the car. Also, there are cars behind us so if that bird survived one of the other cars probably got it as well.
My wife told me “what if you hit a deer?!
Would you stop then?!” (We have a lot of deer here) I told her that of course, I would stop if I hit a darn deer because that is the law and a deer would hopefully be much easier to find than a crow.
She dropped it after that but the rest of the ride was a bit cold.
I caught her this morning telling her sister on the phone about how I’m a sociopath because I didn’t want to stop and check on the crow we hit.
Am I really the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re not the jerk. It was a tough situation on a fast road. You were thinking practically, and honestly, finding a bird after hitting it at that speed would’ve been nearly impossible.
Your wife cares, which is nice, but sometimes you gotta focus on safety first. The deer comparison makes sense too – different situation entirely. Keep it chill with her and maybe explain your side calmly.” broadlySedate
Another User Comments:
“Tell her to go volunteer at a bird rescue and get it out of her system. My ex made me stop for a raccoon I ran over. It was eleven o’clock at night. I didn’t kill it, I heard it roll under the car.
It was lying in the ditch really annoyed. She then insisted I knock on someone’s door nearby, we were out in the country and this was before cell phones were invented. So I did and the person who answered the door thought I must have been out of my mind and shut the door in my face.
My wife told me I needed to go back to the door and insist on using the phone to get help for the raccoon. I refused saying I had done the best I could. She gave me crap about it for 2 weeks after that.
It took me another 5 years to finally realize she was crazy.” Lower-Ad5889
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mom and I once got into a fight in the car because I hit a bird that flew into my path at about 40mph.
My mom’s initial reaction was anger “you just hit a bird!” and asked why I did that. Like I had a choice, lol. I pointed out there were cars around us and me swerving would have probably caused an accident, and when she thought about it for more than a few seconds, she admitted I did the right thing and that she was just scared and sad about the bird.
Your wife’s reaction, on the other hand… to be mad hours later after being given a perfectly good explanation is a bit much. Calling you a sociopath to her sister is way over the top. She’s assassinating your character to people, I would probably get that to stop.
Yes, it is terribly sad a bird was hit. Cars are a necessary evil. But what were you going to do about it, realistically? You didn’t swerve out of your way to hit a bird, it was an accident.
She’s majorly crossing a line that I wouldn’t be okay with.” waterfountain_bidet
8. AITJ For Refusing To Host A Graduation Party For My Daughter Who Got Her GED?
“My middle daughter has always struggled with academics. She was in the average classes usually getting a C or B. In high school, it got harder and she went through a lot of tutoring. When she was 17, she almost failed out.
She had been tested before but it came back with nothing.
We learned at that time that she decided to stop, she wasn’t turning stuff in and told us there was no point since she doesn’t do well academically.
She also had a huge resentment at the time for her younger sister who was academically inclined.
She turned 18 and refused to go to school and dropped out. After this, she spiraled and ruined a lot of relationships with friends and family.
She had an addiction. Her three siblings do not speak with her and my wife doesn’t interact with her. That’s a whole different story but in short, she stole a lot of money.
She is now 26 and back on track.
She called me asking me to host a graduation party since she got her GED. That I did it for the rest of the kids
I told her no for three main reasons. The first being she isn’t graduating, she got her GED. No one will show up, she has wronged almost all of the family so they won’t go and her friends are shady so I don’t want to invite them.
My last is that she is 26 and this was supposed to happen when she was 18.
She called me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. She’s not entitled to a party. She’s not entitled to you spending money on her.
She’s not entitled to relationships with her siblings that she hurt/alienated. But you’re a jerk. Instead of being proud of her achievement, and her turning things around, you told her “This isn’t important, you should have graduated at 18”.
People celebrate achievements all the time…milestones in life or things they are proud of.” Usrname52
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She’s clean currently and got her GED. I’ll be honest, I doubt I could pass a GED and I graduated high school and have a bachelor’s and a master’s degree.
A GED is like taking all of high school in one test and without the actual teachers teaching so she essentially had to teach herself. Not only that, she managed to get clean and stay clean. That is a huge accomplishment and deserves to be celebrated and acknowledged. She needs support to stay clean and not for her parents to continue to judge her (it sounds like you are still judging her).” kmm198700
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s understandable to be frustrated with who your daughter was in the past. It sounds like your family went through a lot and she burned a lot of bridges. However, it’s also important to recognize she’s young and was even younger when she made those mistakes.
Yeah, a GED isn’t the same as graduating high school, but it’s a really big accomplishment for your daughter, who had given up on believing she was worth anything because she did poorly in school.
I think your daughter just wants an opportunity to show your family that she’s turning her life around and has accomplished something. The fact of the matter is, if you refuse to acknowledge this achievement because it’s not a “real graduation”, you’re telling her that nothing she does will ever be good enough.
It wouldn’t kill you to throw a celebratory dinner and make her feel special for a night.” screamqueen57
7. AITJ For Asking A Dog Owner To Control His Muddy Dog At A Lake?
“I (49M) was on a dog-friendly lake hike with my family in a local canyon sitting by the lake when a wet, muddy dog who had been swimming in the lake ran up to us and was all over us and our stuff.
I was bugged because the owner was right there and didn’t attempt to stop this. I said “bro can you control your dirty dog?”
He gave me a begrudging “sorry” and then knelt down to his dog and said, “don’t worry buddy, they just aren’t outdoors people” with me well within earshot and then walked away.
It bugged me maybe more than it should have but I felt so annoyed this guy was making this my problem because I’m “not an outdoor person”.
AITJ for saying something to this guy or should I have just smiled and let the dog come say hi.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We often go to a dog park that has a lake with dog access available. We don’t let our dog in because she got a terrible skin infection last year most likely from that lake.
But, the number of people who do the lake and then come into the fenced area to “dry off” and then don’t stop their dogs from running up to people and shaking is mind-blowing.” Kessed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are entitled jerks in life. It’s best to just ignore them. While loudly saying, “Actually I love the outdoors but I don’t love a muddy dog that isn’t mine on my stuff,” would have been fun it could have led to fighting, possibly verbal and possibly even physical in this day and age.
Not worth it.” KimB-booksncats-11
Another User Comments:
“It depends, but in your case, I would say NTJ. We have a dog park by the lake, where I usually take my dog for a run and a splash.
It’s a free-run dog park, that covers about 1/4 of the lakeside. the rest 3/4 is a no-dog zone, where people can come with their children, swim, and enjoy dog-free. There is no fencing between the two. Almost every nice sunny day, some people decide to picnic in the middle of the dog zone instead, because the rest of the lake is crowded. They would sit on their fancy blankets, play board games, and get SUPER annoyed when a wet dog runs over their stuff and then instantly offended if you tell them this is a dog zone and they shouldn’t be picnicking here.
There’s even a sign with rules, where it clearly states, what the purpose of the area is and that people should avoid bringing food or young children there. From what I understand in your case, it was a dog-friendly lake, not a dog park, which is different.
But you should still expect dogs there, running all wet and muddy, as that’s what they love to do! The owner is kind of a jerk in your situation, as he should at least try to make more effort to prevent the dog from doing what he did, especially if he was right there.” 7ya5a
6. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Neglectful Mom My Sister's Birthday Savings For Rent?
“I (17m) live with my mother and 11-year-old sister.
My father is not part of our lives anymore as he is “too busy” with his new wife and kids.
My parents got divorced when I was 14. My mom discovered that my dad was being disloyal to her, and as soon as she found out, she divorced him.
My dad’s disloyalty was really hard for her to deal with, so she turned to booze and smoking to cope with her feelings. She has a job, but as soon as she gets home, she locks herself in her room and drinks wine while watching rom-coms, crying, and eating chocolate.
The only role my mom has in taking care of myself and my sister is ensuring the bills are paid and we have a roof over our heads. Other than that, she wants nothing to do with us.
In her absence, I have stepped up to take care of my sister. I make her meals and have taught her how to cook, I take her to the grocery store to teach her how to shop on a budget, I help her with homework, I take her to school and tennis practice, and I come to her matches whenever I can.
Taking care of her used to be difficult, but it’s become second nature now, and I know I have to do whatever I can to ensure she’s happy.
My sister’s birthday is coming up.
I know my mom won’t do anything for it, so I’ve been working extra hours and saving up that excess money from my job to give her a nice celebration. I’ve almost got enough to take her and her best friend to the movie theater and out to dinner and buy her new Airpods and the new Head tennis racquet and she’s been eyeing.
In total, I have almost 600 dollars.
Yesterday my mom found out about my birthday stash. She asked me if she could have the money to pay for the rent on our house. She explained that she was short on money, and really needed me to give her the money from my job so that she could pay our landlord on time.
I told her no, for two reasons. One, it’s my money that I worked for so that I could do something nice for my sister. And two, I don’t trust my mom. I think that if I give her the money, she’ll either spend it on booze or smokes.
My mom called me selfish and petty. She said that if we get evicted, it’ll be my fault for not helping out. Still, I refused to share my money. AITJ for not helping out my mother?
Also, the reason I have a job is so that I can buy groceries and gas, maintain my car, ensure that I have money to get an apartment after college, help my sister pay for her college, and do things with my significant other like going out to dinner or going to the ballpark or bowling alley.
I don’t just waste my money on frivolous things.”
Another User Comments:
“Op, start gathering all the evidence you can of your mom’s neglect. Save every receipt for all the things you pay for to show that you can support yourself and your sister, print off bank statements.
Once you are 18, get a completely new bank account at a new bank your mother has 0 access to. Get your and your sister’s identifying documents and hide them from your mom. Then, the moment you turn 18, get a free consultation with a family lawyer and start the steps of reporting your mom for neglect and suing for custody of your sister.
Do not involve CPS before you turn 18, or you will likely be separated from your sister. Unless, of course, things become really dangerous for either of you.” EsharaLight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wait… you are a minor and you are the one paying for groceries for yourself AND your younger sister?!
It’s one thing to help in the house and help with some money when it’s needed, but your mother can’t put all the responsibility for running the house and feeding the family on you! If you seriously risk losing your home, then try and save some money for rent, but take it out when the rent is due and not give it to your mother for her to waste on booze!
Then, I don’t know how it works in your country, but is there any chance you can have help from other sources for the rent and for your mother’s mental (and physical) health? Especially considering your sister is a child, in many countries authorities take action to protect minors from these kinds of dysfunctional dynamics.
Also, why is your father not helping? I can’t imagine a sane person not caring for their children, even if the relationship with the other parent ended badly.” Impossible_Form_2826
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is out of pocket and failing in her duties, as well as your father.
Also, why is it that people with no money spend so much on lavish gifts for others? There is some weird psychology to that. Get your sister a gift card to her favorite store and that’s it.
It isn’t your job to lavish her with a fancy celebration when your mom can’t even be bothered to help. The psychology at play is that you want the same thing from someone and because you don’t get that, you feel compelled to do it for your sister.
Drop that attitude because you simply can’t afford it. Focus on the basics and put the rest of the money in a savings account your mother can’t find. You will need it when she kicks you out next year.” sourisanon
5. AITJ For Swapping My Mom's Bridesmaid Dress Size Tag To Spare Her Feelings?
“My mom bought a bridesmaid dress online for her friend’s upcoming wedding.
She would typically wear an XL but when it came in, it didn’t fit her. She has a ton of body issues (not her fault, my grandma was awful to her), and I don’t like to see her get so down on herself.
The dress not fitting was really a problem with the shape of the dress vs my mom’s body shape. She’s an apple shape with a wide rib cage, and this dress has an empire waist that is weirdly tight at the waist, cut well for an hourglass or pear shape, but it wouldn’t zip for my mom.
She asked me if I could let the dress out to fit her, and I told her I’d work on it (I sew). I ended up ordering another of the exact same dress to fit her measurements but I had to go up to like a 5x to get one with a waist that would fit her rib cage.
I knew she’d be mortified, even if it’s just a subjective size, so I swapped the tags inside the dress and told her that I contacted the company and they’d mislabeled her first dress as an XL by accident and had sent her the correct XL dress.
Obviously, the 5x fit her ribs like a glove and then I was able to take in the bust and shoulders to fit her really well and added flutter sleeves (it was sleeveless and they made her more comfortable).
She loves the dress now and happily believes that it’s an XL, but my sister found out what I did when she found the original dress in my closet. (I couldn’t return it because I took the size tag out).
She wheedled the story out of me and she’s furious with me for it.
She’s saying that lying to my mom does her no favors and indulges her body image issues instead of convincing her to own them.
She’s saying I robbed her of a chance to see how size is just a subjective number and now she’s going to be mortified if she figures it out and twice as humiliated if she realizes I hid the truth.
My sister is threatening to tell her. She yelled at me that I’m not allowed to say what mom’s ready for. She says I’ve got no business protecting mom from reality.
I feel like my sister is acting really triggered but I don’t know why, and I don’t see what’s so bad about considering my mom’s feelings.
Please tell me if I’m not seeing this clearly and if my sister is right, because maybe she is, but I feel like she’s just being weird. I finally got her to agree not to tell Mom until after the wedding, but I’m not sure I trust her.
For clarification: this is my older sister, 7 years older than me. I’m 34, mom is 60. We also have a little brother. I’ve struggled with my size my whole life and recently lost a lot of weight so I feel like I understand how my mom feels more than my sister does because she’s been railthin her whole life.
I’m also closer to my mom and know how badly she’ll overreact.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So sister is super concerned about how mom will be hurt if she finds out, but also threatens to tell her?
I can think of four reasons for what seems like a bizarre contradiction, none of which make you the jerk. 1. She hates her mom and wants to hurt her. 2. She hates you and doesn’t mind hurting Mom if you suffer some collateral damage.
3. She is just a general sadist. 4. She is messing with you, has no intention of telling Mom but wants to make you worry that she might. She is the jerk in any of these scenarios, and NTJ.” CoverCharacter8179
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You altered the dress to fit, as requested. If altering it by replacing it and swapping the tag is what it took, there was no need to explain the details to your mom.
She loved the dress. Your sister is the one with a complex about this. Neither of you need to use a dress size as a teachable moment. Literally the only moment that matters is the one where she tries on the dress and loved it.
Whatever it takes to put your sister in her place – including sharing these comments – do it. Her motivation seems to be more to hurt your mom than help her.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
I would not feel the need to tell your mother. You have tailored the dress to your mother’s measurements, in essence, it is now custom-made. If your sister does end up spilling the tea, I would just say I ordered the largest size available so I would have excess material to use/discard instead of lacking material in any area.
And for the future, not sure where your mother ordered the garment, but any of the so-called Fast Fashion, bridesmaids specific, Amazon fashion type places. Sizes vary wildly. Stress this to your mother if you think she might start shopping online.
Because she will certainly be caught in this trap again. I also struggle with size issues and can only shop online with known brands or manufacturers. I know which brands I’m a solid XL and which brands or style of dress mean go up to 1X.
I’ve tried some off-brand unbelievably cheap clothing where a 5X was way too snug. So your mother is not alone but she might not understand what’s happening in online shopping vs. the brick and mortar department store shopping of the past.” Head-Attention-6008
4. AITJ For Snapping At A Stranger Who Told Me To Stop Listening To Podcasts In Public?
“I was walking through the town center where I live listening to a podcast, when a stranger ran up beside me and tapped me, and told me I should be aware of my surroundings because in London somebody would’ve stolen my phone.
Initially, I nodded and said okay thanks, then as he was walking away he told me to keep my headphones off.
The last bit did annoy me, so I did shout after him something along the lines of “dude, this isn’t London it’s xxx, cmon!” Which earned me a dirty look and a brief moment like he was going to run back and square up to me.
But he kept going and that was that.
I felt bad immediately, as I’m not a confrontational person and he probably was trying to be helpful. From my perspective, I live in an extremely middle-class town with extremely low crime, and was walking on a high street in full daylight.
I also listen to podcasts while walking because I have one of those minds that goes 1000 miles an hour and it helps level out my anxiety, which was probably also triggered by a random person entering my personal space as well.
I do feel bad about it and wished I’d dealt with it differently. I guess my question is how reasonable my reaction was, or whether I am 100% the jerk in this?
Also, I’m aware of my surroundings enough not to bump into people or do something dumb like walk in traffic.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – also (if you do wind up in London/Rome/Paris/etc) don’t let anybody stop you in a big city – that’s how they really steal your stuff. First, they comment about theft disguised as some nonsense that might be a well-intended, albeit unsolicited, piece of advice — then the pickpocketry and sleight of hand happen.
You’re not in London; you’re in your peaceful town, doing what helps manage your anxiety. This guy’s unsolicited advice not only interrupted your peace but also felt like an overreach into your personal space and choices.
Maybe other people could have let it slide, maybe other people could have been more polite, but your reaction was a perfectly human response to an unsolicited and overreaching piece of advice. The guy probably did mean well, but his delivery was off and drips of boomer-cringe, and your reaction, though confrontational, was a natural response to someone encroaching on your space and routine.
So, cut yourself some slack.” MyCouchPulzOut_IDont
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and what a weird thing to happen! I wear headphones constantly when I’m out alone for similar reasons as you. That includes the 10+ years I lived in London, along with nearly every other person who was walking alone there so his logic is off.
The random man was weird, I probably would have shouted something worse at him tbh because it’s none of his business.” Dry_Calligrapher_313
Another User Comments:
“Just a suggestion, could you wear them so they only cover one ear?
That way you still can hear what is going on around you but you still can hear the podcast? I know some of the headphones you cannot do this but some you can. I do this in my office when I am on a remote/conference call, that way I am still aware of what is going on around me in the office but still aware of what is going on in the meeting.” Scary_Experience_237
3. AITJ For Wanting Child Support From My Sister Who Abandoned Her Kids?
“My sister gave up her kids over a man and wanted to start a family with him. She had the option to keep them. My niece went to me, my nephew went to my brother and my other niece went to one of my sister’s baby daddies.
I found out a few weeks ago my sister is 7 months pregnant. No one has told me or her daughter who I have custody of. I have been financially taking care of her daughter on my own.
She hasn’t contributed a penny even when I ask.
She’s due in two months and everyone is still hiding it from me and her. We are still not supposed to know. Am I the jerk if I take her for child support knowing it will affect her raising her new child.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not about you. It’s about her child(ren). You could be saving that child support in an education fund if you don’t need it for daily expenses. Or a Roth IRA in her name so she’ll be set up for life.
Or maybe you really need it and that’s okay too. But regardless, she financially owes your niece support and your duty to her is to receive it.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“Girl NTJ … make sure you have full custody beforehand.
I’ve had family members do similar things but it backfired because they only had temporary custody, parents came back for kids and ruined them more. I would be honest with your niece, but also reassure her that she does have family who loves her.
Also if you go the child support route get the others involved, kids need resources. My brother would go out and have kids and those kids had to come live with us. It’s taxing. I wish you the best, but yeah put her on CS.” Cautious-Jello-8804
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Giving up children due to a new marriage really irks me. This happened to my father and his brother after their mother died and the father remarried. He put the two boys in an orphanage where they spent the rest of their young lives, while the father went on to birth a new family.
So IMO, giving up children to have a new batch is heartless and selfish to the max. I hope you and your other family members do pursue her for child support and do so until the first crop can no longer legally receive it.” Impossible-Tea6613
2. AITJ For Wanting To Return The Bed My MIL Bought Despite My Wishes?
“My husband and I recently found out we would be expecting our second child soon. We are planning on giving the new baby our 2-year-old son’s current room since it already has a crib, changing table, rocking chair, etc. We are planning on giving my son a room all on his own so that he has something exciting just for him while transitioning to life with a new baby in the house.
My parents offered to buy a bed and my mother-in-law offered to buy a dresser for my son’s new room. Well, my son loves Lightning McQueen, so both sets of parents have asked if we’re planning on getting one of those small toddler car beds.
I have said multiple times that we’d rather get something neutral (the bed could be passed down and we’re waiting to find out the gender…plus my next kid might not like Cars regardless of gender) and that we’d rather get a twin bed so that it can be used for many years.
Lo and behold…my mother-in-law bought him a Lightning McQueen bed frame, mattress, and bedding without letting my husband or I know beforehand. She’s acting offended now and claiming “well I just thought my grandson would enjoy it.” AITJ for being ungrateful and wanting to return these things gifted to him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think it’s better to start as you mean to go on. Mother-in-law already knew that you didn’t want the bed (and why) yet bought it anyway because she thought her judgment trumps yours and that you will give in when it’s a done deal. She knew she could spin it as you being ungrateful if you hesitated to take the bed. If you do give in you will have let in the thin end of the wedge.
She will know that if she just overrules you she can get her way and spin it so you would be in the wrong to refuse, with her as the victim. You’d have to let that go on forever, getting worse as she got away with more and it became routine, or you’d have to bite the bullet sometime and take a stand.
It’s better you take that stand now if you ever plan to take one. Tell her you understand she thought he would like it, but you had already made clear on more than one occasion that you wanted a neutral bed. She bought the bed knowing that.
Calmly but firmly tell her that you welcome her involvement when things are discussed and agreed on, but you won’t be overruled when you have already been clear about something like this. That will be true in the future too.
You won’t be accepting the bed, but you’ll accept her feelings. You know she wanted to make your son happy, but as she knows, you have already chosen to get something neutral for the bed.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is overstepping and the bed was to be from your parents and she offered the dresser. She changed plans and be darned what you had agreed on. If you allow this now she will do this from now on.
The bed can be at her house and if it’s used or not it is to be determined by your boundaries and if he’s allowed to stay over. Stand your ground…” WhoKnewHomesteading
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You were clear you wanted a neutral bed. Unwanted furniture is a nuisance and it’s not helpful for someone to get something for your child that you have specifically said not to get. Her upset is a result of her own unwise choices.
She did something she had been explicitly told was unwanted, and now she’s upset it’s unwanted? Next time hopefully she listens and makes a smarter choice.” TallLoss2
1. AITJ For Confronting My Cousin About Seating Me At The Singles Table At Her Wedding?
“I (44F) recently attended my younger cousin’s wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony and I’m genuinely happy for her. However, something happened at the reception that’s been bothering me.
When I arrived, I found that I’d been seated at the “singles” table. I was not informed of this. I never even heard of something like this but honestly, I have not gone to many weddings.
All of the people at my table were in their 20s and the conversation revolved around social apps and stories of wild nights out.
I felt out of place and somewhat infantilized. It seemed like everyone else, friends, family, and couples of all ages had been thoughtfully placed together, while I was lumped in with people who, frankly, have very different life experiences from me.
To add salt to the wound, the table was literally labeled “SINGLES” which felt like a glaring spotlight on my marital status. Throughout the evening I found myself repeatedly explaining my life choices and why I’m not married or partnered….it was exhausting and made me feel incredibly self-conscious.
I’m hurt that my cousin, who knows me very well and knows why I prefer to be single, didn’t consider how this seating arrangement might affect me. It felt dismissive of my age and accomplishments as if being single defined my entire identity.
I tried to brush it off and enjoy the night, but the whole experience left a sour taste in my mouth, so much so that I could not stop thinking about the situation for days.
My therapist encouraged me to talk about it with her instead of bottling things up like I normally do so I called my cousin and expressed how hurt I was by the seating arrangement.
I told her that it made me feel like an afterthought and that I was disappointed she hadn’t considered how uncomfortable it might be for me. My cousin sounded upset and told me she hadn’t meant to hurt me she was just trying to seat people based on their relationship status to make conversations easier.
Since then, there’s been some tension between us. The family who knows about the situation is also split with some thinking I overreacted and should’ve just enjoyed the wedding, while a few others who know me well, understand why I was upset.
However, now I’m feeling conflicted and wondering if I should have just let it go because it was her special day and I feel as if I’m tarnishing a special memory for her.
So, AITJ for confronting my cousin about being seated at the “singles” table at her wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re a jerk I just think you have a bad therapist. Your feelings were completely valid, but not everything needs to be aired out. Seating charts are super tricky and it’s easy to hurt or offend people.
I relate to you because I have also been seated with younger cousins at a wedding and it IS annoying. I’ve also been put at the “randoms” table during my BIL and SIL’s wedding because my husband was at the head table (instead of being seated with family).
But you don’t call up the bride and complain about it all after the fact, what would even be the point except to make drama? Just vent privately to a friend who doesn’t know them and move on.
And get a new therapist because this drama is 100% their fault, when they should have been calming you down about this not encouraging you to blow it up.” Slow-Cricket-1018
Another User Comments:
“OK, everybody is a jerk here.
First of all, having a sign on the table that says singles is insane. But second of all, making all of these assumptions about how it devalues your life “accomplishments” is really really over-the-top. So it sounds like you guys are both kind of dramatic.
seating charts are hard to do. There’s always gonna be a few people left over that awkwardly get sat at a table together. You are somebody who prefers to be single, that’s probably going to happen to you sometimes.
You can either choose to have fun, or make a big deal out of it and bring it up in therapy. She’s a jerk for the sign, for sure. But you are a jerk for not just making the best of it and taking it way too personally, and caring about the age thing.
People often meet at weddings, so it’s common to have a singles table to give them a chance to have a few glasses of wine and enjoy one another’s company. The weird part is just the sign.” FindAriadne
Don't pay your idiot therapist any more money; find one who encourages you to build up your self esteem without telling you to make an idiot of yourself and start rows over petty nonsense. 'Honesty' and 'openness' are overrated, especilly whem people take them to mean 'I MUST EXPRESS MY FEELINGS AND BE CATERED TO EVERYWHERE'.
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