People Ask Us To Be Blunt In Stating Our Thoughts About Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
36. AITJ For Telling My Online Friend To Stop Begging For Money?
“So, I have this friend we’ll call Jen. I met Jen online a few years ago and it turned out that she lived only 20 minutes away from me.
We’ve become really good friends since then and are the only ones in our friend group who have met in real life. Recently though, I got into a fight with her over the fact that she is constantly begging for money on her socials and in a discord server that I run.
Jen works in real life, but she doesn’t work full time (the reason she’s always claimed this is her anxiety. She has no physical disabilities.) That’s her choice, and I’m not going to judge her for it, but the issue with Jen is that she’s not making ends meet right now.
For at least a year now Jen has basically become an e-beggar. Whenever her rent is due or a bill pops up she cannot pay, she makes the rounds sharing her sob story and begging for money. At first, it worked, but recently a lot of people have begun to turn on her, with people mocking her openly for her brazen attitude toward other people’s generosity.
The thing that gets me though, is that Jen is an amazing artist. She graduated from art school and is constantly posting art online and she has a large following on Twitter too. Last night, she began making the rounds again as she’s going to be short for rent this month.
When she came into the server I ran, stopped her, and pulled her into a conversation. I asked her why she hasn’t looked into Patreon or doing commissions as I see people asking her all the time if she plans to do either. She told me that she would never do that, as if she made art ‘her job’ she would become too stressed out to do it at all.
In response to this, I told her that if she doesn’t want to do that, then it was fine. But, she needs to stop begging for money. She’s become a meme in my server and people are constantly making fun of her behind her back because of this.
We got into a fight after this and it lead to a problem in my server. I got tired of it and called it a night, muting Jen in it and making an announcement that ‘If Jen needs money, she can work full time or start taking commissions.
She’s just taking advantage of you all. No more begging will be allowed here.’
Well, this morning when I woke up, my friends are torn with some thinking she got what was coming and others calling me a jerk and way out of line.
Jen has blocked me on Discord and Twitter but I was sent the screenshots of a rant she made last night to her followers about me. Her followers have turned on her too it seems, as she’s had to lock her account because of people calling her a leach.
I just feel terrible at this point. I just wanted to make a suggestion and now I caused a massive problem. AITJ?”
35. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Mom And Sister?
“I’ve just been married for under a year (29 F) to (26 M) and have been struggling to live in harmony with my husband even though we love each other very much we still have major differences in style, house chores, etc all the things that make living together simply so we are constantly arguing about that.
My mom and sister just got notice they would have to leave their apartment in three months and in this economy, it’s hard to find an apt to rent in a good neighborhood in their budget so if they did move in with us till they found a place it would be for a long time.
Possibly indefinitely.
My husband is super sweet and kind and said it would be no problem but I feel like they want to move in right away instead of sticking out the three months which would allow for us to at least prepare for them to come.
The sudden pressure is a lot and I feel a bit selfish of them. I would never leave them without anywhere to stay I just feel like if they could wait a bit to prepare my husband and me or find an apartment of their own then that should be done.
But they’re making it seem like I’m closing my doors on them.
This whole situation has stressed me out because I fight with my sister A LOT. She’s 4 years older than me and I don’t want to feel like I’m back in my childhood/teen dynamic while trying to navigate my new marital home life.
Am I the jerk for not wanting this? Or asking them to hold off for three months while I prepare the house for them? (we have an unfinished basement I can convert into a tiny studio but that would take time)
I just feel like the pressure is a lot.
And would probably put a strain on my marriage.”
34. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Parents?
“I’ve been living with my parents for the past 3-4 years due to health concerns. Now that my health is finally under control, my credit score is up, and I’m almost done with school I’m in the market for a house down south and have started the process.
My parents have that same idea and thought they should move with me and live with me. I HATE this idea. Don’t get me wrong I love my parents but the idea of living with them longer than I have to might give me a tumor.
In their house they have rules. No cats on anything. By that I literally mean anything counters, drawers, the furniture you name it as well as no cat trees ‘because they are ugly’ so basically anytime my cats jump on something they get pushed off or screamed at, which is unfair to them.
No rabbits indoors (I have two who currently live, happily may I add, outside but I’d prefer they move indoors).
No dogs on furniture, no doggy door, dogs gotta be kenneled even though they are 100% trained.
I guarantee that if I move and I own the house they will still try to enforce those rules.
Just trust me on this I know my parents.
My parents think it’s rude of me to not accommodate them since they gave me a house for several years and raised me. But I’m not about to make my pets suffer one more day than they have to.
INFO: I got my pets either while I was a child (I’m not saying teen, these animals I got when I was young as 8 for the oldest), and most I got after I moved out and was living on my own. So it’s not like I got them necessarily knowing I’d lose my job and my health and have to move in with my parents.
I think my pets deserve to have some amount of freedom asap. Having my parents move in with me would just have them living unhappy as they are for even longer and I just can’t do that to them.”
33. AITJ For Not Inviting My Dad Over As Often Because He Has Become Lazy As Revenge?
“I (22 m) recently graduated college and moved back to my hometown. I’m renting a small apartment, and it’s my first time doing so without roommates and therefore running my own home on my own.
Admittedly, I was a bit messy as a *************. My room was a mess, I kept dishes in my room, and sometimes forgot to load dishes into the dishwasher without being reminded or would leave things out in the kitchen. My dad would often get furious about this, and it would start fights.
I don’t have a great relationship with him. He wasn’t very supportive when I came out of the closet and due to other family conflicts, I didn’t keep in very close contact while I was away at college.
I’ve been at my new place for about 6 months now, and for the first few months, my dad helped out with the rent.
He said it made him feel good to help me out, but since then, he’s lost his job and can’t afford to help anymore, which is fine since my business is doing well enough to support me now.
When I first got the place, he talked a lot about how glad he was to repair our relationship and was happy to get to see me all the time again.
I was a little apprehensive, but he still lives an hour away so it ended up being around once a week.
Pretty much right away I noticed that he would do things that seemed very unlike him. I’d cook him dinner and he’d leave his dishes out, wear dirty shoes in the house, leave half-eaten food all over, and leave lights on.
One evening and after dinner, I said something like ‘The dishwasher is dirty by the way, you can go ahead and load it’ and his response was something like ‘Actually I think I’ll leave it there for you to do’.
I never blew up over it or anything, but it continued and it certainly became less fun to have him around.
So I stopped inviting him over as often. I haven’t outright banned him or anything, but now I see him more like once a month.
I spoke with him about it, he says he’s well within his rights to act however he wants after he dealt with me growing up and that he’s just trying to ‘teach me an important lesson’.
And that because he helped me pay my rent for the first few months, he should be allowed to come over whenever he pleases.
I’ve apologized for not being better as a kid, but I guess to me it doesn’t seem as much like he’s trying to teach me something as it does like he’s trying to enact revenge.
And really, it’s not like he’s teaching me anything I haven’t already learned. I know how to keep my room clean and keep the kitchen clean, and all that stuff. I’ve been doing it for the past 4 years without him.
It’s all relatively minor things and it’s not too much trouble to clean up after him, but I want to be able to see him more and try to mend things and it feels like seeing him is only making things worse.”
Don't let him guilt you about the rent, either. If he continues to use it as an excuse, save up and repay the money. Then he's got nothing to hold over your head as a guilt trip
32. AITJ For My Stealing Stepdaughter's Punishment?
“I have two kids; Erin (16 F) & Luca (15 M). Erin is technically my stepdaughter & I met her mother, Luz, when Erin was 3 & my bio son Luca was almost 2. We married when Erin was 7 & I view her as my own child.
I thought that we’d raised her to be honest & do right.
Last week, a girl about Erin’s age & her parents were at my door. The father shoves his phone in my face, which is on Find My Mac & shows that ‘Gia’s Macbook Pro’ is located at our home.
He demanded the MacBook back, said Erin stole it, & that it’s a 14-inch Macbook Pro with a koi fish case. I turn to my daughter (she was in the living room) & asked what this was about. Erin said she didn’t know what they were talking about.
I had no reason to distrust Erin, so I told the man that it must be a glitch.
The cops eventually show up. They talk to Erin, who continues denying it but after they mention possible juvie time, she reluctantly walks up the stairs to her room & comes back with the MacBook.
Luz & I were in shock that Erin stole! The cops asked if the man wanted to press charges. He declined & told me that he just wanted Erin & her friends to leave Gia alone. Everyone left & we immediately interrogated Erin about what happened.
Apparently, a friend of Erin had some kind of man-drama with this girl, so they had stolen Gia’s MacBook at school earlier that day as some sort of revenge. Luz & I flipped out at Erin. She committed a crime! & what if the man decided to press charges & she went to jail?!
Erin kept acting as if it wasn’t a big deal & we were being the unreasonable ones.
Erin is scheduled to take her permit test soon & we told her before this happened that we would buy her a car as long as she kept up her grades.
She was originally going to get a used Camry but we had gotten a great deal on a new Nissan for basically the same price. We now told Erin that she would have gotten the Nissan but now she’s not getting the car & it’s going to Luca (assuming he keeps up his grades & stays out of trouble.) She’s also grounded & will have no phone for a month.
She argued how it was unfair but we told her tough. Discounting 2 B’s, Erin’s an all-A student but Luz & I recognize that having morals is equally important in life as grades. She later told her bio dad about it & he proceeded to post a rant about me on social media saying how I’m only doing it out of bias towards Luca.
This surprised me as I always thought he & I had a good co-parenting relationship.
Friends on social media have reached out to me. They know I’m not biased towards Luca (believe me, if he did this, it would be the same punishment.) But think I’m being too hard on Erin since she’s still a kid, everyone makes mistakes, she was ‘peer pressured’ into doing it, & Erin was promised the car for good grades.
I realize Erin isn’t an adult yet but she’s still old enough to be responsible for her actions. Now I’m uncertain if Luz & I’s expectations are too much & we don’t remember what it’s like to be teenagers.
AITJ?”
Her dad can kick rocks. I'm curious what he thinks her punishment should be for theft of a very expensive laptop.
NTA. Stand firm and everyone else's opinions don't matter.
31. AITJ For Not Telling My Wife The Exact Amount Of My Inheritance?
“My wife has been a stay-at-home wife since the beginning of our marriage.
She got an inheritance from her grandfather a few years ago. It was about 5,00,000 INR. I was super excited when I came to know about it thinking that we’d be able to finally repay our previous landlord.
However, she refused saying that it was her money gifted to her by her grandfather. She also said that it was the only money she could claim as ‘just hers’ so she wanted to keep it. I was super hurt because I’d never once told her that my earnings were mine only.
I always treated it like ‘our’ money. I then told her that if she didn’t share her inheritance, any future inheritances of mine wouldn’t be shared among us either. She agreed. She then went on to buy herself a car.
Fast forward to now, almost 4 years later, my parents left me their entire assets which comes to about 40,00,000 INR.
I told my wife I got an inheritance and she seemed quite unbothered by it. She said that I can do whatever I want with it. First, I paid off my student loans and bought myself a nice laptop. Then I invested the rest of it.
My wife asked me where I got the funds to pay off my student loans and buy myself a laptop. I reminded her about my inheritance. She was surprised that my inheritance was so much and started saying that I was selfish for not having told her the exact amount.
I reminded her of our agreement and said that it shouldn’t matter how much inheritance I got since each of us was free to do whatever we wanted with our own inheritances. I also told her that if she’d asked me I’d have told her.
She started crying and said that I kept such big information away from her.
She has locked herself in her room and is refusing to speak to me.
AITJ?
Edit:
Also, a point to be noted is that 30,00,000 out of the 40,00,000 was used to repay my student loans.
I spent close to about 2 lakhs on my laptop. I invested 8 lakhs. I studied abroad so my student loans were a lot.”
30. AITJ For Telling My Dad To Stop Weaponizing His Illness?
“A few weeks ago, my dad got into a minor car accident while he was visiting me from out of town. Everyone involved is alright, however, my dad did sprain his wrist. He was already staying with us, but my partner, ‘Tara,’ suggested that he stay a little longer to fully recover.
He’s also caught a mild flu from somewhere.
At first, I was perfectly okay with this arrangement. It could give my dad more time to properly recover and explore the city if he wanted to. I think my dad likes Tara and they get along really well.
My dad was happy, Tara was happy, so I was happy.
Before my dad sustained his injury, he was capable of doing basic tasks around the house. However, now, he requires Tara’s help (and ONLY Tara’s help) to do simple tasks. For example, he complains that he can’t turn on the TV because ‘his arm hurts,’ (even though the cast is now off) or he can’t get his glasses (that are literally on the table) because ‘he’s too sick to move.’ He’ll disturb Tara, while she’s working, to to complete another trivial task.
Tara insists that though she may be slightly bothered, he’s only acting like this because he’s older and recovering. Against my judgment, Tara does not want me to intervene.
About two days ago, Tara was taking a small nap on the couch. She’s been exhausted this past week (not necessarily because of my dad, but I’m sure that he’s not helping) and I thought it was important that she rest. My dad shook her awake and asked her to go prepare some tea.
Tara, probably foggy from her nap, told him that she’d do it later – but he insisted that he wanted it now.
Though I was annoyed that he woke up Tara, I offered to make him tea. Instead of letting Tara go back to sleep, he said that I couldn’t do it because ‘she does it better.’ I asked him why he couldn’t make his own tea, but he said that he was ‘too sick,’ and still processing the incident.
This really made me mad. From what I can tell, he’s fine. His cast has been removed, and the only thing he’s really got is the sniffles. I looked him dead in the eye and told him that unless he stops ‘weaponizing’ his illness, I will not allow him back into the house.
For a while, he was protesting but eventually, he packed his stuff and left. I thought I made the right decision, but Tara tells me that it may look like I was downplaying or insensitive towards his incidents.
AITJ?”
29. AITJ For Refusing To Cut The Trip Short So I Can Pay For Everyone?
“I (37 F) lived in Japan for 7 years.
I met my ex-husband, we got married and we had a son, Finn (10 M) who has dual nationality. After the divorce, by the decision of my ex, I became a single mother. So I returned to my home country with Finn at just 3 years old.
I married Harry and he has a son from another marriage, Sam (12 M), who has 50/50 custody with his ex.
I’ve been living with Harry and his son for 2 years, we share our expenses proportionally (I get twice his salary). Finn and Sam have a great relationship.
Sam and I have an ok relationship, as his mother tends to be complicated when I try to bond with him.
Situation:
It’s been almost 3 years since Finn expressed the desire to know his native country, since his whole life I encouraged him to speak Japanese when it’s just the two of us (I’m fluent).
And it’s been about 6 months since I managed to take a long vacation to spend 3/4 weeks in Japan with Finn on his school holidays. It’s an expensive trip, honestly, since we’re going to visit several cities, etc.
I know Sam is a big fan of Asian culture, specifically Japanese, and I felt like he was in the mood to go.
I sat down with Harry, my husband, and talked about Sam going with us and that I could be responsible for taking care of him if Harry and his mother paid his share (I and Finn will be 17k dollars in expenses with airfare, hotels, and food – converted), or pay at least 60-70% and I would help with the rest. Despite being a special moment for Finn, I think it’s worth taking them both because it’s a wish for them and Finn is excited to have younger company.
Harry said he couldn’t afford all of It (he even considered sharing the expenses with me), but Sam’s mother said she wouldn’t allow him to travel alone with me, even though I said it would help if it was really financial reasons.
Now they’re both pressuring me to cut down on visiting time so everyone (the four of us) can go so I can pay almost for everyone (in that case I could really pay).
I’m standing firm saying that I came up with the idea out of politeness and affection to Sam, but I’m not going to cut down on the travel time so I can pay for everyone, as I promised my son a long trip across the country.
I’m being accused of favoritism by both of them and it will create a rupture in my relationship with Sam.
AITJ?
Extra: As for the values of the trip, I am not from the US and my currency for the yen is very devalued in relation to the dollar-yen.
I just converted the value that the trip would be in my currency to dollars.”
28. AITJ For Kicking My In-Laws Out Of My House After My Father-In-Law Insulted My Son?
“My wife and I have 3 kids, Jasper (19 M), Melissa (17 F), and Joanna (15 M), my wife is an only child, so as the only boy, Jasper is my father-in-law (FIL) favorite.
Jasper is the grandkid who usually drives him around, helps him with his stuff at home, and takes care of his medicine, my FIL is quite generous with Jas; everything he wants, he gets it.
He also listens to him, like, actually listens, my FIL is made the old fashion way while I believe my wife and I have made everything we can to raise Jasper as a good young man, so when my FIL says anything remotely sexist or overall not good, Jasper calls him out, explains why its wrong, and FIL ‘listens and apologizes.’
My children are good kids, Jasper is currently attending university close to us, so he’s still living at home, he has a job, he drives Joanna around, he’s good, polite, and kind and we couldn’t be more proud of him. Now this is the ‘issue’; my son has been experimenting with his style, he used to dress ‘normal’, plain t-shirts, plain pants, and plain shoes.
Then he began to dress like his grandfather(?), in khakis, polo shirts, etc, now, he has a new style, like emo stuff. I don’t know, he wears a lot of pink stuff like shirts, blouses, crop tops with black shorts or jeans, very subtle really, he paints his nails, he let his hair grow a little, he doesn’t wear makeup, but sometimes his SO does stuff in his face and he looks even more emo.
This happened recently like 4 to 6 weeks, and he’s still experimenting with it, my daughters are loving this style on him and he looks good, I mean it’s just clothes I really don’t care.
My in-laws went to LA for a few weeks to visit one of my FIL’s sisters and they just got back last Monday so my FIL practically missed this whole style change, we invited them to come the next Saturday to hang out and they said yes.
Saturday comes and my son leaves to pick his significant other up before my in-laws arrive, we chat for a bit, they give my daughters some stuff they brought from LA and Jasper arrives soon after. My FIL totally lost it, he asked Jasper what happened to him (?) why is he dressed like that and why is he wearing makeup, Jasper is just about to answer when my FIL says ‘Are you gay?’ like it was something bad, he turns to me and starts to berate me for allowing this, we have a discussion and I kick them out of the house, my son is like ‘whatever’ but I can see that he’s really hurt.
My FIL came back yesterday, he apologized to Jasper for what he said that day, for his reaction and everything, they hugged and Jasper explained this new style, my wife wants me to apologize for kicking them out, but I said no. Because for me kicking them out was the right thing to do at that time, while his reaction wasn’t.
She called me a jerk.”
27. AITJ For Getting My Eldest Daughter A Kitten?
“My eldest neurotypical daughter (7 f) has had to make so many sacrifices for her sister with non-verbal autism (5 f), more sacrifices than any child should have to make. She has unintentionally been put on the back burner ever since her younger sister was born, it is clearly taking a toll on her and I felt really bad.
The poor child cannot even have playdates unless I’m there because my wife cannot manage another child alone on top of our two because our daughter with autism needs constant supervision, can be aggressive, and is very prone to meltdowns. She cannot even go to friends’ houses unless I’m there to help unless the other parent can drive her and bring her back because our daughter with autism is too difficult to handle in cars without another adult there.
She has also been subject to aggressive behaviors from her sister and has been always expected to let her sister have the first turn, the biggest piece, and the winning ticket so to speak. She also had her toys frequently destroyed by her sister.
I partly blame myself for this and I’m trying to do better by her, she has been dying for a kitten ever since she could speak but my wife kept saying no because she couldn’t handle any more work as our autistic daughter requires so much care.
I see the longing look in my daughter’s eyes whenever there’s a kitten on the television in a magazine etc. I’ve tried to get easy pets like a betta fish so my wife wouldn’t be overwhelmed but she still wants a kitten.
My wife is a stay-at-home mom and I work long hours.
I thought my daughter has had it rough these past 5 years and for once deserved a little joy in her life, so I decided against my wife’s wishes to get her a kitten, The Joy on her face ever since having her new kitten brought tears to my eyes and I’m not a crier.
My wife is furious with me and has demanded that I return the kitten, our daughter cried so much overhearing this that I have usually acquiesced to her but this time I put my foot down and said absolutely not I understand she’s overwhelmed but our daughter deserves a little bit of joy in her life for once, and as she gets older she will be able to handle the kitten more.
Our daughter is a person and not just supposed to be a decorative artifact in her sister’s story. I understand she’s the one who’s home and has to help take care of it much of the time, but it will not be a kitten forever and it will grow into a more independent cat.
At least our daughter was asking for a kitten rather than a puppy which is a lot more work.
I’ve seen a lot of stories about adult children of disabled siblings going no contact with their parents due to emotional neglect and I am trying to prevent that from happening.
AITJ?”
26. AITJ For Talking About My Son's Engagement With His Ex?
“I (42 F) have a son (M 24). I had my son, ‘Dean’ at 18 and am very attached to him because my parents kicked me out and my ex walked out, so I raised him all by myself. About 1 year ago Dean met a girl, ‘Hannah’, while at a bar.
She seemed nice when I met her, but Dean had just broken up with another girl, ‘Emma,’ 3 weeks prior.
Emma and Dean had been together since they were Seniors in high school and I was so excited when Dean proposed about 4 weeks prior to meeting Hannah.
The problem arose when Emma found out she was unable to have kids. Dean has always told me how much he wanted to have kids. He always wanted to be there for them, because he didn’t get to have a father. Once Dean found out about Emma not being able to have kids, he broke up with her.
I was so upset because I didn’t understand why he couldn’t just adopt or hire a surrogate to have kids instead.
Fast forward to 3 weeks later and he meets Hannah at a bar. Like I said, she seemed nice, but I was still upset about him breaking it off with Emma.
Last week he proposed to Hannah and she said yes. I was happy for him.
The problem here is when we were talking at the dinner table and the topic of children came up (not by me). I asked Hannah about how many children she wanted and she told me that she hated kids and never wanted them.
I looked at Dean thinking this may shock him, but he didn’t look shocked at all.
Here is where I may be the jerk:
I asked my son, in front of Hannah, why he proposed to a girl that does not want kids but broke up an engagement with a girl that he dated for 6 years because she was incapable of having kids.
Dean’s eyes got wide and he started turning red with embarrassment. Hannah was shocked and said something along the lines of, ‘Since when were you engaged?’
That’s when I remembered that Dean told me to never bring up his engagement with Emma because he was scared of how Hannah would react.
Hannah left the table. I asked him the question again, and he said that he was going to change Hannah’s mind. I told him that Hannah was older than him and had had so much more time to think about the topic, and she was most likely dead set on the idea of not wanting kids and hating them.
I really wished I had just kept my mouth shut. Dean then stormed off after Hannah.
So, AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex Get An Extra Week With Our Sons?
“Ex and I broke up 7 years ago.
Our boys are 11 and 10. He has been married to Mae for 4 years now. Ever since he remarried our relationship has been in high conflict. He tried to claim being married, and having a ‘two-parent household with siblings’ meant our boys should be primarily with him, and not 50-50 like it had been since our relationship ended. He also sued to have the boys’ last names changed from mine to his.
Both were denied. He rejected the offer to hyphenate their names. It was very much a relationship destroyer. I was and still am mad. Not only did he go through the courts about it but afterward he tried to convince me it would be better for our boys to live with a happily married couple, to have a mom, dad, and sisters in one home.
I told him they would never have their mom and dad in one home again. And that he should remember that. I’m pretty sure he was unhappy with that but it is what it is.
His wife’s girls have some kind of access with their father but I’m not sure how frequent or infrequent it is.
I know it doesn’t sound like the kids are in the house at the same time usually. My ex has tried to make this my problem. He has asked me to give him extra days for this or that because that’s when the girls are there, or can I put them in a different extracurricular to the ones they like because the girls are doing something in another place and it would be easier for him.
This time, he and his wife are planning a two-week vacation. He wants me to give up a week with our boys because ‘the girls can be there for two weeks and he wants a family vacation’. My boys are not close to their stepsisters.
This has come up because my ex and his wife have talked to my boys about not claiming sisters when they write about ‘siblings’ on school stuff. And then when my oldest got a week pass for the trampoline park, he used it while he was with me for him, his brother, and a couple of their friends.
While ex had asked why he didn’t save it to use with the girls as well. He was annoyed that my ex made such a big deal out of it.
I said no to the whole vacation thing anyway and my ex brought up the girls again.
I told him the girls’ schedule with them is not important to me and he needs to stop trying to make it a problem for me. I told him he was not getting an extra week with the boys and he needed to accept it.
AITJ?
Edit: Ex is asking me to fully give up a week of parenting time with my children. He is not offering to make it up. And has been disagreeable to swapping in the past when asking for extra time.”
24. AITJ For Refusing To Be Responsible For My Nephew?
“My brother (18 M) and his significant other (17 F) had a baby boy 15 months ago. My nephew immediately went into the custody of my grandparents due to my brother and his SO having a history of getting in trouble with the law and both failing the home checks assisted by the social workers.
However, the social workers offered my brother an ultimatum still. The agreement was my nephew would resume in the care of my grandparents till his second birthday. If my brother hasn’t managed to show proof of stable income or found a home by this time, his son will be put into foster care.
But recent events, my grandparents don’t think they can keep him in their care for another 5 months after my grandfather was put on a variety of medications for his heart problem and both of them are too old to take care of two children under the age of 6.
(They already have been taking care of a 4-year-old full-time before this I should mention)
I was asked fairly quickly by my grandparents, my brother, and his SO if I would take him into my care for 5 months. As I’m the only one with a job, a clean record, and a stable house in our family.
I thought about it as I don’t want him going into foster care either, but I just can’t see myself doing that all alone. I (19 F) live in a small bedroom apartment I struggle to pay already, I’m a full-time student and I live 8 hours away from all my family so it would be impossible to go to them for help if things were to go south.
My grandparents don’t want to give up on him but they feel like they have no choice. So he will be going into the system next week. I am being called selfish and other names I shall not repeat here. They said because I’m young and have a clean bill of health, I have nothing stopping me from taking him in full-time.
Now they are saying if I don’t do this, I will never be allowed to see or talk to my nephew again…
After some restless nights and being called selfish constantly I’m starting to think maybe I am in the wrong here. I don’t know, I just need a second opinion.
So, AITJ?”
Who's paying for the kids expenses? Are you supposed to quit school AND your job to take care of kids that aren't yours? Who's going to pay your rent and bills?
You're 19 and obviously more responsible than your brother and his SO. Nobody should ask you to put your life on hold for these kids. Not to mention you'll have no help whatsoever because you live so far away. My guess is they'll end up in foster care anyway because they parents can't get it together and rely on the generosity of the family to bail them out. They get to swing by and have all the fun part of parenting without the full time responsibility.
NTA. Continue your education and let your brother figure it out. You probably won't see the kids anyway after they're in the foster care system
23. AITJ For Sending My Daughters Home Early From Vacation?
“I (38 M) have 2 daughters (Nora, 16 & Lilly, 14) from my former marriage. Got married to my current wife who has a daughter (Jenna, 11). Jenna has a disability, she’s in a wheelchair. before I met her mom her life was pretty much inside the house.
she was homeschooled up until I got her to a private school, but she still struggles with socializing due to growing up isolated. My wife didn’t want to but I pushed for Jenna to get therapy which I hoped would help with her relationship with Nora & Lilly, but the girls took their time to get to know her.
Yes, they did exclude her from activities but I had several sit-downs with them in hopes of getting them to understand that Jenna is a normal girl and has so much in common with them so they shouldn’t feel like she’s difficult just because of her disability.
I thought things were getting better… but days ago, while we were at a beach resort for 4 days. Jenna stayed with us while the girls kept going out. During our 2nd day, I saw the girls getting ready to get ice cream, I asked Jenna if she wanted to join them and she said yes.
I asked them to take her with them and they were ‘unsure’ at first but then took her.
An hour later my wife came to me saying that Jenna called her saying the girls left her near one of the benches and told her to wait 5mins til they get ice cream but didn’t come back.
We went there immediately and found Jenna sitting alone while the girls were eating ice cream and hanging out at a different location. I got so mad at them especially after they admitted ‘leaving her there’. I told them vacation was over FOR THEM and had them pack their stuff and took them home.
Both of them were crying and pleading in the car while my wife and Jenna waited at the resort. I dropped the girls off and had my mom stay with them then I went back and resumed the vacation.
Both girls and their mom were all over me about this and their mom went on a rant about me favoring my stepdaughter over my biological ones and being a doormat for my wife.
The girls were upset but I explained why I did what I did. Their mom defended them saying that I shouldn’t force them to ‘care’ for their stepsister and expect them to be her ‘maids’ and stop their life for her.
It got to my former inlaws who are now blaming me for ruining the much-awaited vacation for the girls and acting irrationally.
My question is whether I messed up and went too far with my reaction. All I wanted was for them to be upfront and honest and not basically abandon her the way they did.”
22. AITJ For Not Giving My Brother Anything To Eat?
“My (17 f) parents went on a vacation for three days after years of not having one for themselves and I was very happy for them, they left me in charge of the house and babysitting my brother (13 m).
For context, my brother is one of the most annoying people ever. He is always a crybaby and attention seeker and will do everything in his power to annoy me to death you might say this is normal for siblings but I truly don’t feel any love for my brother.
Anyways my parents left and obviously, I was going to have to cook. He was already annoying at lunch saying my food was tasteless and didn’t eat half of it. It was dinner time and I was making pasta. While I was cooking he said he didn’t want to eat that and that I should ‘cook something good for once’.
He wanted fried chicken. (there wasn’t any chicken in the house) I told him that I was making pasta and didn’t care if he liked it or not, food was ready and I served him on his plate and the little jerk threw the plate saying that it tasted like crap.
I madly told him that he would never eat something from me again. I cleaned the mess and went to my room to sleep. The next thing I know is that my parents text me like crazy in the night saying that my brother told them that I was starving him and that I haven’t cooked since they were gone.
They told me they canceled their vacation for my mess and that they were coming home and apparently I am grounded now.
My mom says that I shouldn’t be immature and hold a grudge against a 13-year-old but he is a little lying snake and it’s getting on my nerves, I was so mad that I didn’t make breakfast either that morning.
Am I the jerk?”
21. AITJ For Kicking My Sister And Her Husband After She Said I'm Ruining Our Mom's Life?
“I (31 F) have epilepsy and autism. I’m on the high-functioning side of things, but my mother and I made the choice that she would like it if I lived at home with her.
She works five minutes away from home if anything happens and I help to do certain things around the house to help her. I can’t cook, but I take care of the animals, sweep and vacuum, and things like that.
I’ve heard many times over the years my sister make comments about how I’m ruining my mother’s life by still being at home and how my sister moved out when she turned 18.
She never said her remarks when my mom was around, only my grandma or uncle.
This past weekend, they were visiting and my sister (who is 37 with four kids) made the same remark. ‘She’s just ruining the best years of Mom’s life being at home with her like this and not doing anything.
She’s wasting her time and space.’
Normally, I keep quiet but I was wrapped up in the painting that I was doing at the time and just said, ‘Ask mom for your opinion on what you just said.’
She turned around in a panic because she thought our mom had actually walked into the room.
I was too busy with my purple paint to care, purple is my favorite color. I told her, ‘If you can’t say something like that in front of her, maybe you shouldn’t say it.’
In comes her husband to her defense, who has made rude comments about me before.
I continue to not look at either one of them because I can’t look people in the face and keep painting. He has a loud voice so he’s grabbed the attention of the rest of the house and they’ve come to see what’s going on.
‘If you think I’m ruining Mom’s life and wasting space, you should just leave then. So, you can get out now. Go away now.’
I’m not sure what happened exactly after that because I got really overwhelmed and overstimulated, so I had to go to my room to find quiet, but my mom came in later to tell me that I’d been rude and owed my sister and her husband an apology.
I don’t think I was wrong though.”
Explain what was said and that while it's not the first time she said something like that, it's just the first time you responded. If you feel like it would be too much to say out loud, write it down.
Your feelings matter. NTA and don't apologize
20. AITJ For Not Inviting My Brother's Husband To My Wedding?
“My (27 F) brother (32 M) was engaged to my best friend Julia (30 F) like 8 years ago, they had a son Josh (7 M). Julia, and my brother broke up because he was caught having an affair with a man. They separated and my brother ended up marrying that man (31 M) three years ago.
They also have an adopted son, Max (6 M). By the way, Julia and I are still best friends. My brother’s stupidity didn’t affect our friendship.
I’m getting married to my wonderful fiancé Ben this October. Julia is, of course, going to be there since she is my best friend and she has requested that I didn’t invite my brother’s husband because he makes her feel uncomfortable.
I delivered the invitations two weeks ago, so I sent one to my brother. It specified on the invitation that it was only for my brother and Josh. He called me asking if there was a mistake and reminded me that his household is four people but I told him that his husband isn’t invited for obvious reasons and that Max could make Julia feel uncomfortable so to avoid drama I was only inviting him and Josh.
He told me that he would never allow his husband and son to be disrespected this way. I asked him if he should at least let Josh come but he refused.
My parents found out and called me a jerk for prioritizing a friend over my brother and Ben seems to be on their side.
I mean Julia and my brother don’t get along and Julia hates my BIL so I want to avoid drama. I can’t please everyone and my brother isn’t in a place where he can’t request to be pleased because of what he did to Julia.
Everyone seems to be on my brother’s side and is calling me a jerk to the point where I reconsider inviting my BIL and asking Julia to make an effort to ignore them.”
19. AITJ For Cutting My Brother Off The WiFi And Entertainment Apps?
“So I (23 F) have 3 brothers (28, 19, and 15). I pay for the internet, cable, and all the entertainment apps in my family (Netflix, Hulu, disney+, etc).
It’s been years and I’ve never had any problem with it given my nieces and nephew also use it. Recently my brother (19) and I have gotten into verbal fights a couple of times.
A couple of months ago he decided he wanted a new phone, joining my plan but him paying for his line and phone.
About 6 months ago he left his job due to getting his hours cut so I helped him out that month but every month after that he tells me well what do you want, I don’t have a job. The payment though significantly increased and I asked him when he was getting another job.
He always gives me very vague answers and leaves in a hurry or tries to change the subject. He earns from a side hustle he has so he was helping our parents pay for the car he uses for school, not full payment but for insurance and gas.
He could earn more but I don’t know the reasons why he doesn’t.
Recently I’ve heard my parents getting after him for not helping around the house or helping with the insurance. This bothered me because he asks very frequently to take his friend’s food to their house like an Uber but asks me for gas money.
So he doesn’t have money for his phone, car, insurance, or gas but can take food to his friends every day. I got fed up and told him he has to be responsible to enjoy things and told him he should get out of my phone plan soon then changed the wifi and entertainment passwords which he shared with his ‘friend’.
He threw a fit and said that I didn’t have the right to take it because I’m never home. So AITJ for cutting him off like that?”
18. WIBTJ If I Make My Son Pay For The Doctor's Appointment And The Prescribed Soap?
“I (41 F) have a teenager (13 M) who I’ll call Jordan. Growing up Jordan was always a little argumentative but I’ve tried my best to set boundaries and, in the end, whenever I requested something of Jordan, he would comply.
Like pick up your toys, clear your plate, etc. Nothing too out of the ordinary – just chores.
Lately, I’ve noticed that Jordan has body odor like something awful so I went over how to make sure you’re showering correctly, using enough soap, then deodorants, but though Jordan does take a shower he refused to use the soap because he said it makes him very itchy.
So I thought okay maybe he has a skin allergy, even though growing up when I used to give him a bath there weren’t any issues. I made sure to then buy a couple of different soaps, for sensitive skin but still nothing – he isn’t using it and says it still itches.
So I said okay I will make an appointment at the doctor to see if they can help you. I am not in the medical profession so I genuinely wanted to hear Jordan out and try to help us both.
In the days leading to the doctor’s visit, Jordan was getting madder and saying it was wrong to make him go so I wondered if Jordan is lying to me.
I say if you are truly itchy then I want to help him get the issue resolved but if you are just trying to be lazy and not use soap please tell me and I will not make you go the see the doctor.
Jordan doubled down and said no, he was itching.
So I took him to the doctor who ran some tests and said there was no reason why the sensitive soap would make him itch but he gave me a prescription for soap. I filled the prescription which was expensive and a week later Jordan said the regular soap doesn’t itch anymore so he doesn’t need the prescription.
He was so embarrassed that I made him go to the doctor. (At least he doesn’t stink anymore.) I almost want to make him pay for the doctor and the prescription soap since he’s suddenly cured!
AITJ for taking Jordan to the doctor and then WIBTJ for making him pay for the soap/visit since it seems to have been unnecessary?”
17. AITJ For Dropping Off A Bag Of Rotten Food On My Mom's Porch?
“About a week and a half ago my mom called me while I was at work and said she wanted to drop off some groceries that I could use for my daughter and me.
Now my mom and I do not have a good relationship, and I had been avoiding talking to her because of a separate conflict where she put my daughter in danger.
I thanked her for the gesture but told her that I would be going out of town for a bit, and would be leaving later in the day and that I do not plan on stopping back home.
She insisted again that all she had to do was walk down the street and said that I could use the food as snacks but I again declined because going back home would be out of my way. She got snappy and said that’s the last time she’ll offer to do a kind gesture for me, I let it go because I’m accustomed to my mom being like this.
Fast forward to 2 days ago, I walked into my apartment to a bag of rotting groceries on my counter, fruit flies, and rotting food juices all over my counter, I called my mom and asked her why she still brought the groceries, and she said she thought I was lying about being out of town then hung up in my face and wouldn’t answer after, my mom lives a block down from me, so I put on gloves, put the food in a garbage bag, walked it down to her house and left it on the porch.
Yesterday she calls me and just starts flipping out saying she walked out that morning to rotten food and a ripped-up garbage bag all over her porch and that it was disgusting, and I had no right to do that.
I simply hung up on her, and today I’m feeling bad, not that I did it, but because I feel no remorse for what I did in retaliation.
My stepdad was the one who ended up cleaning it up thought it was hilarious and said that it might teach my mom some boundaries, my grandmother said the same thing, but all of my mom’s friends and my aunts think it was wrong, and that I shouldn’t have done it
ETA: my mom was never given a key, my step dad was and he knew it was supposed to only be used for emergencies as they are the closest family who lives near me in the event of one, my step dad didn’t know my mom had my key, he said he put it away and didn’t think she knew where it was.”
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Stepsiblings To Come With Me And My Mom On A Vacation?
“My parents are divorced. Together they have me (16 f) and my sister (15 f). Mom has a long-time partner who lives in another state with his kids. Once a year we all get together at my grandparents’ beach house.
Dad is remarried and has three stepkids with his wife who are all similar ages to me and my sister and he has our two little brothers with stepmom. I like my stepmom I love my little brothers, I hate my stepsiblings. They are jerks.
For so many reasons. They had such a nasty attitude toward me and my sister when Dad and Stepmom first moved in together. They had their dad crash my 13th birthday party to start arguing with my stepmom. And we found out after they had waited a few days to tell their dad something so he would storm right over during the party.
They used to brag about the crap their dad bought them but once they learned about the beach house they would constantly say they wanted to come and demanded that my dad ask my mom to let them vacation there. They also treated my sister like crap over her anxiety.
They have mocked her so many times. They make so so angry!!
In the past year, their dad died and our youngest brother was diagnosed with cancer. They also discovered his heart (he was born with a heart problem) was struggling more than it had been for a while.
My stepsiblings have had a huge change in lifestyle and get way less now. And my dad and stepmom are struggling. They are flying out for some new cancer treatment for my brother in June and they’ll be gone for a couple of months. Dad asked Mom if she would take my stepsiblings on her vacation with us this year, to give them something to look forward to.
She told him it wouldn’t be a good idea given the trouble between us.
So my dad sat me down and started with ‘You’d be okay with your stepsiblings getting to have some fun after all they’ve been through’ and I said I wouldn’t be okay with it.
I told him I didn’t want them there. And that I honestly don’t want them at his house either. But I love him enough to tolerate the fact they exist. He told me he was really disappointed and asked how I could truly hate my family, who I have grown up with.
I pointed out all the stuff they have said and done. I told him that their dad dying doesn’t make them better people. He told me he expected more compassion from me. And I can see he’s mad and sad.
AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Bonding With My Cousin?
“I’m (17 m) Ace Frehley in a kiss tribute band.
My cousin (13 f) (she’s like me in that she likes old music) is a Kiss fan and it was her birthday today so my band and I did a small show for her birthday. My aunt is my dad’s sister, so my dad, stepmom, and younger stepsister (12 f) were there.
We were playing love guns, and just before the end of the song, I tripped and fell on my butt. The song finished, and I heard my stepmom ask, ‘Why are we wasting our time with them? They can’t even stand up.’
I stood up, and we started the next song.
After the show, we quickly got changed and the rest of the band left. I stayed behind to wish my cousin a happy birthday.
I wished my cousin a happy birthday, and she asked about how I joined my band, so I started to tell her the story.
My stepsister was listening too. I had barely started the story when my stepsister said, ‘This is boring, let’s go play by the deck,’ to my cousin. My cousin told her she would be there in 5 minutes because she wanted to hear the story, and after a couple of minutes, my stepmom came over and started to yell at me for ‘hogging all of my cousin’s time.’ While my stepmom was yelling, my stepsister was sitting there with a smug look on her face.
When my stepmom finally stopped yelling, I wished my cousin a happy birthday again and apologized for causing a scene. My stepmom then grabbed my cousin’s hand and led her to my stepsister.
A little while later, my aunt, grandma, and a couple of my other cousins were talking about the show.
My aunt brought out an acoustic guitar and asked if I could play some songs, and I did. I started to play sympathy for the devil by the rolling stones. A bunch of my aunts and uncles heard and started to watch, and eventually, my cousin came over to watch, too.
Pretty soon, most of the people there were watching me. I finished the song and felt like I was stealing the show, which I didn’t want to do, so I invited my cousin to duet with me. My cousin plays piano and we played it yesterday, by the Beatles.
After we finished the song, the party returned to normal, and my stepmom pulled me aside and scolded me again for taking all my cousin’s time. That annoyed me, and I decided to leave. I went up to my cousin and apologized and told her something came up.
Just after I got home, I got a call from my stepmom, and she berated me for telling everyone that she scolded me and getting her kicked out of the party. She started to yell, and I hung up
A little after hanging up on my stepmom, my cousin texted me.
Apparently, she heard Stepmom scold me, and she told her mom (my aunt) who kicked Stepmom out. My stepmom told my mom and stepdad, and they think I’m a jerk, but my aunt and grandparents don’t think I did anything wrong. My dad says he thinks I didn’t do anything wrong but doesn’t want to go against his wife, so he’s staying out of it.
So AITJ for getting my stepmom kicked out of my cousin’s birthday party?”
14. AITJ For Kicking My Partner's Friend Out Of My House For Insulting My Best Friend?
“I (26 female) have a gay best friend, let’s name him, Cam. Cam is 27, and we have been friends since high school but moved away for college. We are still close and talk daily.
My partner (26 male), lets call him Jay, is also pretty close to him. He told me to invite him over for my birthday since it’s been three years since I last saw him in person. He also asked if he could invite his close friend from Arizona since they were coming down to watch a game of some sort.
So, I agreed and said they’re also invited to the party if they like. We called our friends and they were coming on the same day, Cam is earlier.
Today I picked up Cam and since Jay doesn’t pick his friends up til later we all sat down talked and let Cam tour our new house.
When it was time to pick up Jay’s friend me and Cam went to sit down on the couch to watch some tv. Cam has never met Jay’s friend, but he knows that they’re coming. When they arrived Cam stood up and started to introduce himself.
Jay’s friend, let’s call him Richard, cut him off and said, ‘Who invited this maggot?’ (except it wasn’t a maggot but something similar)
Cam stopped and I was at a loss for words. Cam went to the room he was staying in and I ran after, Jay blew up at Richard asking what is wrong with him.
Some context, Cam’s family was never supportive and I was his only true family. They would use that word towards him and it made him feel defenseless, which I bet with most people who are called that word. Jay later came into the room and apologized profusely to Cam, which Cam did appreciate but he said it wasn’t his fault.
I got upset and walked back into the living room and told Richard he was going to have to stay somewhere else.
He looked at me with a face of disbelief and told me that he was staying over because Jay invited him. I told him yes, only because I let him, and that I own the house, therefore, I get to say what goes on in it.
I told him to leave and he blew up at me. Calling me all sorts of words, then calling Jay a coward for not standing up for him, but Jay stood with Cam in the other room. He asked me where will he stay since he only brought enough money for himself to buy food and merchandise, I told him that was not my problem and insisted he leaves.
I feel like a jerk for just kicking him to the curb when he has no place to go, and feel like it was an overreaction, but at the same time, it really hurt Cam. AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Threatening To Call The Cops If My Stepmother Kicks Me Out?
“I (16 M) am currently living with my father (46 M) and his family (Wife – Rose (44 F), 3 kids (going from 12 to 8) & his wife’s young sister (21 F) Lori). My parents never got married and I lived with my mom (37 F) until a year ago, she’s terminally ill and is unable to take care of me anymore, since I don’t have anyone else, I was forced to move in with him.
He doesn’t want me, and it’s okay because I feel the same way, we both agreed that I’m more like a ‘roommate’ than a part of his family. He gave a room and told me that this was my place and could do whatever I wanted if I want to trash the whole place down, then so be it, but I have to respect the rest of HIS house and do everything he or his wife wants in those places (cleaning whatever I use, leaving when they ask, etc), he said that his kids and Rose’s comfort come before mine so I try to be as less as I can in the house and when I’m there I’m mostly in my room doing my homework or my own stuff.
Recently, Rose’s parents had some problems and were forced to evict their place, they came to stay here and my father had to move the rest of his children since this is a 5-bedroom house (1 for my dad and his wife, 1 for his sons, 1 for his daughter, 1 for Lori and 1 for me) moving me and Lori was out of the question, Lori pays rent and if they tried to make her share or sleep in the couch, she said she would stop paying or move out and they didn’t want that, so my father had to scramble his 3 kids in one room to let his wife’s parents use it, but the fight started soon enough and they move the parents to the couch.
Yesterday they knocked at my door and asked for my room, they said I could sleep in the living room and they would get me a sofa-bed but I said no, that would mean everyone could sit on ‘my bed’ and that I was forced to be exposed at night, which was uncomfortable, they offered everything, money, a new phone, an iPad, but I kept saying no, finally Rose yelled at me that this was THEIR house and I said ‘sure, I’ll leave, but I will tell the police that you kicked me out and see how that turns out’.
In the end, they had to give up their room and they were the ones sleeping on the sofa.
I asked a few friends for their opinion and mostly said I was right, but I few called me a jerk because my father, his wife, and his wife’s parents are ‘old people’ and need a bed more than me.
Plus I ‘threatened’ them.”
12. AITJ For Telling My Nephew That Chicken Nuggets Are Made Out Of Actual Chicken?
“I (21 F) was babysitting my nephew (5 M) on Friday night going into Saturday for my sister (26 F) and her partner (27 M) so they could have a night together. He’s my little pal and a total sweetheart so it’s always my pleasure to watch him. I ended up making him his favorite dinner which I’m sure will surprise none of you based on his age – chips, chicken nuggets, and plenty of ketchup.
While we were eating dinner together while watching Encanto together, a thing he loves doing whenever I watch him as my sister never lets him watch stuff while eating (perks of being the cool Aunt I get to break the rules a little) he told me how it was weird how his favorite food was named after an animal and how he liked chickens but they weren’t his favorite so they should really be named dolphin nuggets as he likes dolphins more.
I won’t lie I was a little confused at this and said without thinking ‘Well they’re called Chicken Nuggets because they’re made of chickens.’ It never occurred to me that he wouldn’t know they were made of the animal they were named after, at his age he is more than old enough to know that some animals are eaten.
He was clearly in the dark about this and made me clarify several times that yes chicken nuggets were made out of chickens.
This led to so much confusion on his part but after questioning of why chickens are eaten, he let it go and finished his dinner albeit with less relish.
I know some of you will ask, no I didn’t go into detail about chicken slaughter or how food is processed, etc as, let’s be honest, that is daunting even for some adults, especially in regards to the big bulk bags of chicken nuggets you get in the freezer section.
The next day when my sister and her partner picked up their kid I told them about the exchange more confused than anything saying how he didn’t seem to know chicken nuggets were made out of actual chicken when I explained the exchange we’d had my sister was mad at me telling me I had no right to try and educate her son about things and upset him when he’s just a little kid and doesn’t need to worry about that sort of thing, I explained it hadn’t been me trying to educate him but honestly just a slip up as I was confused as at his age he should know this sort of thing.
She disagreed strongly about this and at this point her partner added that they weren’t teaching him about food and what animals it comes from until he’s older as for now it’s best he just eats without worrying about the fact that whatever is on his plate was once alive, they then told me if I intend to do this sort of thing again they won’t ask me to babysit again.
I won’t lie I was upset by this but agreed as he is their kid but I don’t think I was in the wrong to tell him. I also don’t think they’re doing him any favors by keeping him in the dark like this. Am I the jerk?”
11. AITJ For Telling My Ex She's Being A Drama Queen Over Our Son Wearing A Tiara?
“My son’s 5, by the way. I (25 M) and my ex (29 f) were at a kid’s birthday party last Saturday that my son got invited to by one of his friends at preschool. So like my son loves all kinds of things. He plays with Barbies, Star Wars toys, cars, stickers, and literally anything that catches his attention.
My ex usually doesn’t like this but if he wants something I’ll get it for him (if he’s been behaving and not all the time because we try not to spoil him) even if it’s something ‘girly’. At the party, it was Frozen themed and the girl’s parents were giving out tiaras in goodie bags for girls.
My son sees this and he’s like how come he didn’t get one? It was more the fact he wanted to feel included or I don’t know, I guess he just wanted a tiara but it didn’t matter what the actual reason is either way, I asked the mom if they could switch goodie bags with one that also includes a tiara and she didn’t mind doing that.
He got his tiara to put on so he was happy playing with his other friends after that.
My son’s mom (my ex) showed up a little later to the party. She saw him with the tiara and she wanted to tell him to take it off but I took her aside and we start arguing.
She was like REALLY really mad. My ex said he shouldn’t be wearing that stuff. It’s not the first time we argue about this particular thing so by now I’m already tired of it. I told her it’s literally not a big deal what he likes he’s a little kid.
But all she says is he’s going to like girly things in the future if we don’t nip it in the bud and this could maybe make him think he’s gay or something.
To be honest, that whole line had me so fed up and I pretty much called her a drama queen because she’s making a big deal out of nothing.
She wanted to talk more but I just left her there alone to go back into the party. My ex didn’t say anything to him about taking it off, you could tell she was mad because it was that silent mad.
For days she hasn’t let that go because I dismissed her ‘valid feelings’ about our child and she has a right to voice what she thinks when it comes to him without me insulting her about them.
For things that matter yeah I’m always gonna take in what she says because she’s his mom. But about being worried about something in the future that shouldn’t even be seen as a negative thing I feel like it’s not a big deal. But well that’s probably why I’m here just asking if I’m the jerk for how I handled things with her.”
10. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize To My Brother-In-Law?
“This past weekend I’ve (22 f) met up with my in-laws to celebrate my nephew turning 8. I love this kid to death and we have a close bond so I make it a priority to be active in anything involving him since I had a baby.
Anyways not the point. My baby is 11 months and will be one next month and I take pride in them not ever getting sick not even once. Well my BIL (23) was recently sick but over it. But everyone knows that he still isn’t safe to go out for a couple more days.
He decided it was okay to kiss my 11-month-old all over the face. I was furious. Then I find out that the way his fever broke (my MIL says) was by a cold sore outbreak. I didn’t find this out till about 24 hours after we have left the event.
Well, my baby got sick. Extremely sick. For the first time ever. I’m talking about congested, nasty cough, and fever. We took him to his pediatrician they asked questions and I told them about what my BIL did and his cold sores. I was told to be aware of any signs of RSV and immediately take them in, but that I can’t do much more due to age.
I was devastated, I have slept a total of 6 hours these past 2 days and nothing is seeming to work. He denies ever kissing my baby, and claims we were sick (we don’t ever get sick) that they weren’t cold sores but canker sores, and then had the nerves to say that my baby needs this to build immune system, he won’t apologize and hasn’t even reached out to even see if they are ok.
Well, I just found out he did that out of spite. Because his stepson (20 months) is consistently sick he thought it was only fair to have our baby get sick at least once so we know how it feels. I might have been a jerk by telling him he will never know how it feels to stress and loss sleep about a sick child because he isn’t actually a dad he’s just playing dad for a kid who isn’t even his and that is sad he doesn’t have any common sense.
But at this point, I don’t care. His ‘wife’ is calling leaving voicemails saying I’m a jerk but as a mother, she should understand that having a sick child isn’t funny. I’m furious at the fact that MIL enables her man baby to think this is okay when my LEGIT baby is suffering.
BIL told his brother (my husband) he won’t be involved anymore till I apologize but I told him to eat rocks.
AITJ for refusing to apologize to BIL?
Edit: when I say playing dad he’s legit just playing dad. His stepson has no dad (I don’t know the background story) his wife has told me he doesn’t/hasn’t done anything for her child.
And only does when people are around to put up a show. Why she is with him I have no idea. I’ve stepped up to help her out when she needs it. For example, I watch her child on nights because he refuses to even help with that while she’s at work.
I don’t accept any form of payment because he’s innocent. He’s been around less than a year and has only shown the child anger issues.”
9. AITJ For Telling My Husband I Don't Want To Clean Up After My Father-In-Law Anymore?
“Currently we are living in a house that is being remodeled while we wait on our home to be completed. Once we move, we will be hiring a nurse to come in for a few hours of the day.
My husband (36) has his own business with long hours. My BIL works a job with a night/morning schedule. I work from home full-time and take care of my toddler in tandem. I will have him for about 90% of his waking hours. I usually have to schedule any of my outings around either of their availability since he gets tired easily or might have accidents/too many ppl around.
He’s high-risk, with dementia, etc.
By default, I have been his caretaker since I am at home and they drop him off here ‘since he doesn’t do much’. He stays with my BIL and gets dropped off here for his shifts. He’s really not any trouble.
I feed him regularly, breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks. I used to schedule and take him to mostly all his appointments, but not anymore since I currently cannot use my vehicle and the doctor told me I should not be bringing my toddler to where people are usually sick.
My FIL recently had a foot injury (he’s having physical therapy, going over to my BIL 3 times a week) and he’s been having more and more accidents since he forgets or it’s too painful for him to walk. I try to anticipate his accidents and make sure he’s well-fed, with lots of fiber for easy cleanup.
Before the foot injury, I was able to guide him and have him hop in the shower while I cleaned up and then he would shower himself and he would get dressed. I clean up, wet vac wash his clothes, etc. Now since he needs support getting in/out etc. I call either one of them and they make their way home to clean him.
My husband is now telling me that I am going to have to clean him so he’s not sitting in his mess in case either one of them is unavailable. I told him I do not want to, this is where I draw my line.
AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Arguing With My Husband Over Having My Mom In The Room When I Give Birth?
“My (23 f) partner (22 m) doesn’t want my mum to be involved in the birth but I do.
I’m 38 weeks pregnant and planning a homebirth. This has been a point of contention for the last few months, but after our last discussion a couple of weeks ago I thought he understood why I wanted my mum there. Tonight we had another argument about it, triggered by the fact that his whole family was sick at the moment and so won’t be able to come around for a couple of weeks so in his eyes he has no support system whilst I have everyone I want.
My mum and I have a very close relationship, I lived just with her until I was 19 and moved out and she moved abroad to Australia. Due to the global crisis, I haven’t seen my mum in years and she’s flying in tomorrow, for a month to support me through the birth and meet her first grandbaby.
My main reasons for wanting her there:
– She’s been through it before and I want a woman’s support who has experienced childbirth (if not my mum I would want my aunt or nan).
– I want someone there whose only job is to support me to allow my partner to enjoy the birth of our first baby.
– My partner and I had only been together a few months when I fell pregnant, and have only just hit a year together. Although I love him I don’t know how helpful he will actually be when I’m in pain (I haven’t told him this so as not to hurt his feelings).
– My mum is also a fully trained midwife and having her there is like a security blanket in case anything goes wrong.
– My partner does not have much knowledge about childbirth/biology and I’m worried about how he will react to the gore.
His reasons:
– It should be just our ‘special moment’.
– In his eyes, only the father should be in the room.
– He should be enough support for me.
– He doesn’t want my mum taking his place and pushing him out of the way.
I suggested that my mum be there through labor but leave during the ‘pushing’ so that it will be just us when the baby is actually born but he said it would still ruin it for him.
I don’t want him to feel excluded from what will be a very special time for both of us but I also feel like as the one giving birth I have a right to have as much support as I feel I need.
ETA: the birth will be attended by 2 fully qualified midwives regardless of whether my mum is there or not, she is primarily there as a birthing support for me.”
7. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Having A New Family?
“My mom (42) and I (22 M) used to be really close. Like she’s all I’ve ever had and she’s the one who taught me to be as strong as I am today and her becoming a cop inspired my whole life.
I love her so much and I admire how strong she and I wish things were like how they were. Her uncle (my great uncle) managed to bring her to Canada from Kosovo in 1999 if that helps give you guys an idea of the kind of things that she’s been through.
When I went to university our relationship started changing: she disliked my significant others, my uni choice, wanted me to ferry home every weekend and then I got a co-op term at a prestigious company in Vancouver (don’t ask, I’m not giving it up) that she did not want me to work because she had a moral stance against it.
I agree with her but it was a great opportunity. I’m going to grad at the end of the term and I’m set for a job with the VPD cause of it. But my mom cut me off cause of it and straight up told me not to come back so I had to move in with my great uncle and his son (my uncle).
We started messaging again half a year ago after she sent me a chain message on Whatsapp but we’ve been taking it slow. I follow my mom on IG but she rarely posts and when she does it’s anti-war stuff. But then she put up this post with a caption something like ‘so happy to have a real family again, can’t wait to go on my new journey’ and it showed her partner and her with engagement rings and an ultrasound.
Like I don’t know it just triggered something inside of me. Am I not her real family? Were we nothing? It just made me very angry like I’m going to have the sibling and stepfather I always wanted and she couldn’t even be bothered to tell me personally?
Well, I decided to wait and see how long it would take her to call me about the news and she just didn’t.
The reading break was two weeks ago and at the end of it, my mom came to my great-uncle’s house to pick something up.
She saw me and tried acting like no time had passed and how excited she was for my graduation and this and that. She still didn’t acknowledge she was getting married. I just told her not to care about my graduation and to go back to the family she replaced me with, left, and stayed gone till she went home.
My uncle told me that what I did made her cry and that I was a jerk to her and my great-uncle told me that I should have handled things with more tact. I feel bad about it cause she was reaching out to me and everything’s been frosty with my uncles since then.”
6. AITJ For Politely Asking A Neighbor To Get Her Kids To Keep It Down?
“I’m a 28-year-old single guy who lives in an apartment. My neighbors are in their thirties and have two young kids, maybe six and four.
Every day when I come from work, I hear the kids screaming, and I mean proper SQUEALING like train whistles.
It goes on until sundown, only to start up again the next afternoon.
From what I can hear, they just don’t have any supervision when they’re playing, but I can’t imagine how you could concentrate on anything else in the same apartment as them.
I can sometimes hear the dad playing with them, chasing and whatnot, and this just makes them louder and stompier.
So on Monday, I had a really rough day at the office, didn’t get any sleep the night before, and I’m just feeling exhausted. I get back and the twin tornado sirens start up, so I decide to ask for just an hour of quiet.
I wasn’t confrontational by any means because I’m a nervous lil shrimp who apologizes to the door if it hits me. I just knocked gently and asked the mom if she could get her kids to keep it down, explaining briefly that I’d had a rough day.
She gives me this kinda surprised look and says, ‘Sure, sorry.’ Lo and behold, it works.
That evening, she posts on the building’s social media group that, and I quote, ‘Kids telling kids how to behave is a joke, if you don’t have kids then don’t tell me how to raise mine.
Can’t tell if you’re a jerk or a coward.’
I keep coming back to see what the reactions are. Everyone’s saying things like ‘DM me hun’ or ‘AMEN’. Some guy I’ve never even met comments, ‘They’ve got no idea, miserable jerk.’
This whole thing has really embarrassed and upset me, and I genuinely can’t tell if what I did was wrong, regardless of how polite I was.
It’s true, I’ve got zero experience with parenthood or kids in general, but when I was young my mom always made sure I wasn’t hollering.
Is that weird?
I don’t want to involve my landlord (the noise has started up again) until I get some feedback – am I the jerk?”
5. AITJ For Not Making Any Effort To Have My Family See My Kids?
“I’m a 35-year-old male who has 3 children and we live in a different state than my brothers, sister, and mother.
My family constantly argues with me that they don’t get to see the kids or spend time with us. My wife’s family does a family trip to Disney every year which is paid for by my in-laws and is also where my family lives.
I do not allow them to come see me or my kids because it’s a tradition with my wife’s family. They don’t really want to do the parks with us they’re willing to drive up 3 1/2 hours just to at least see the kids for a little because they claim they never do.
In 2020 I went to my brother’s wedding and told them I couldn’t afford to take the kids because it’s a lot for a family. They offered to pay for my children to come but my wife and I declined because it would just be too much traveling with 3 kids, so we left them with my wife’s family.
They constantly give me crap about making no effort to allow them to see my children but I don’t think that it’s such a big deal. I do not allow them to spend Christmas or holidays with us because holidays are a tradition with my wife’s family so I call those blackout dates and tell my family those days are off-limits.
My brothers claim I am a piece of work because my kids hardly know who their other grandma/family is and I just don’t think that’s right. We’re constantly arguing about it and they just don’t seem to understand that when you get older this is what happens.
I explain the traditions to them and they completely disagree and say I should start new traditions but my wife’s family has been doing this for many years for holidays and the Disney trip. They make attempts to come to visit us but only for a few days out of the year because we all have different schedules and it’s hard to work around.
In the past 6 years of my children being born, I’ve maybe seen some of my family 7 times, and that’s only when they fly and visit me. I live in a 2-mile proximity of all my wife’s family so it’s easier for all of us to have get-togethers and share holidays/birthdays.
I don’t think I am the jerk but you tell me.”
4. AITJ For Replacing The Unripe Avocados With Chili?
“I live in an apartment with 4 other roommates and all of us are female. We each have specific chores in the apartment. 2 of them clean, the other one do most of the shopping (groceries and other necessities to maintain/decorate the apartment), and I’m in charge of the cooking.
R1 & R2: roommates that cleans
R3: roommates that cook
I’m from Southeast Asia and currently live somewhere in the US. I love spicy food but R3 and R1 can not eat spicy food at all.
I have been in some kinda cold war with R3 for a while because she tends to dictate what I should cook and mostly buy her favorite food even though we all chipped in for groceries.
Now onto the stories, the other day R3 come back from the grocery and bring all the ingredients to make guacamole and ask me to make some, when I saw the avocado that she brought I know it was not ripe enough and I told her to wait for a couple of days.
She huffed and puffed but let it go.
I don’t know if it’s because of the image of green food in my head it made me crave this green chili sambal from my country and I decided to buy the ingredient myself and make it while nobody’s home.
I’ve made this green chili before but usually you use mortar so it’s not smooth and you can see the chili chunks in it. I decide that I’m too lazy that day and use the blender instead so it’s pretty smooth but you can still see the seed. I make it extra hot the way I like it, eat some and put the rest in the container and chuck it in the refrigerator.
As you can see where this is going R3 thought that it was guacamole and eat it with crackers. It was too spicy for her that she threw up and have bad diarrhea for 2 days.
She’s now mad at me and refuses to talk to me.
I don’t get it because my chili doesn’t have a strong smell but it is far from how a guacamole would smell like.
R1 is on my side, but R2 is a bit annoyed at me because R3 is a pretty big baby when she’s sick or in a bad mood.
R2 thinks I should’ve warned R3 about the green chili after she asked me to make guacamole and apologize.
So AITJ?”
3. AITJ For Agreeing To Name My Niece After My Late Wife?
“I (36 M) was with my wife for 16 years, we were high school sweethearts and got married when we graduated college. She was an amazing woman, sweet and kind to the bone. We had two beautiful children together, now aged 11 and 8.
However, she died 6 years ago in a tragic car accident. I was devastated and only thanks to my amazing family was I able to pick up the pieces enough to be able to raise and be there for my kids. I now have a new partner (32 F) who I have been seeing for 8 months.
My sister (26 F) is pregnant with her first child. My sister was very close with my wife, as she practically grew up with her around. She was equally as heartbroken and devastated as I was when my wife passed.
Recently, we found out my sister was having a girl.
And she invited me and my partner over for dinner. There, she asked what I thought about her giving her daughter my late wife’s name as a middle name, and stated she would only do it if I was okay with it. I said yes immediately but my partner blew up on my sister saying she thought it would be disrespectful to her, and that she felt like she would always be in my wife’s shadow with a baby that had her name around.
My sister tried to say it would only be the middle name but my partner carried on shouting at her and saying she was sick of competing with a dead woman and how she wished we would all get over it already.
I got up and told my partner that we were leaving and would talk about this privately.
The car ride home was silent and as soon as I got home, I texted my kids’ aunt (wife’s sister) who was watching them during the dinner, and asked if she’d keep the kids overnight as well, she agreed.
I then blew up on my partner, first berating her for shouting at my pregnant sister and then asking why she would disrespect my late wife like that.
She tried to turn it around on me and make me feel guilty for not defending her and told me that agreeing with what my sister asked made me a trashy partner and it showed I didn’t care about her at all. I told my partner I had tried my best to not make her feel like she had been ‘competing’ with my late wife, as she had put it, but she had always known how important my wife was to my family and that she was previously very understanding about it so why had that changed?
She then said she was hoping if we were together long enough, I would start to forget about my wife. I reminded her that was my kids’ mother after all, and her memory would never fully be gone that didn’t mean I loved her any less but if she couldn’t accept that, maybe we shouldn’t be together.
She left shortly after and we haven’t spoken since. I’m now getting texts from her friends and family calling me a jerk and saying if I really did love my partner I would tell my sister not to use my late wife’s name.
I don’t plan on asking my sister to change the name and even though I do love my partner, I don’t think I can move past the things she said, so AITJ?”
Dump her!! She obviously has no respect for you.
Are you supposed to get rid of your kids because they remind you of your late wife? You are their protector and she'd probably mistreat them, especially if you gave her a child of her own. She's self centered and ridiculous.
It's not even like you asked your sister to do this... SHE asked YOU if it was OK.
NTA. Be thankful youre only losing 8 months of your life with this woman. Her outburst at your pregnant sister and her comments in the following conversation tell you all you need to know about her. End it and don't think twice. And absolutely stick by your decision to give your niece your late wife's name as her middle. What a great way for your sister to honor her memory.
2. AITJ For Not Giving My Plushie To A Kid?
“My husband (34 M) and I (33 F) (not from the USA) love collecting animal plushies and cartoon figurines. We went to a museum a while ago and bought a cute axolotl plushie. We don’t have children, so all these toys are for us and we decorate the shelves with them.
Maybe it’s a strange hobby for some, I don’t know, but we love our collection a lot!
On to the problem.
The neighbor’s mail got mixed with ours. I saw her returning home yesterday evening, so I called out to her and invited her inside while I grabbed the envelopes.
Her 7-year-old daughter was with her. Let’s call her Stacy.
Stacy dashed by me and went straight to the shelves where the plushies and figurines are. She grabbed a handful and started playing. I didn’t like Stacy touching the figurines, but she’s young and I didn’t want to sound rude.
I gave her mom the envelopes and I walked to Stacy, gently plucking the figurines from her hands and putting them back. She went for the axolotl plushie and said ‘I like it!’
I told her I like it too and I patiently waited for her to put it back.
She didn’t and turned to her mom like ‘Can I keep it?’ And her mom said ‘Sure.’ I’m shocked, explaining that no, I can’t give her the plushie.
Chaos ensues. Stacy is yelling that she wants the plushie. I’m trying to get it back.
Linda is yelling at me. Linda says I’m a jerk and I have no use for plushies because I’m a grown-up and I don’t play anymore. I tell her it’s none of her business and she’s not entitled to my possessions. We keep screaming back and forth until I threaten to call the police if she doesn’t give back the axolotl.
Linda finally leaves. My husband comes home and I tell him. We both agree the entire thing was just utterly ridiculous. Linda goes on to tell the entire neighborhood about this and now I’m branded as a major jerk and child hater. My parents said I’m a huge jerk for treating a child like this and told me I’m obsessed with the toys and I’ll be a horrible mom if I ever have kids.
My husband says ‘screw everybody’, but I’m worried I was a jerk.
AITJ?”
1. AITJ For Making My Ex Look Like A Jerk To Other People?
“Since the global crisis hit, I’m in a weird spot. I (F 34) live with my ex (M 36) due to our breaking up and not having the finances to move into separate apartments.
So since we live in a 3 bedroom place, our boys share one room, he has one and I have one. He works and I’m a stay-at-home mom (it’s also important in this case to say that I have my own income through disability where I live, so it’s not like I don’t bring in my own money that pays bills, rent, and buys food for the house, I suffer from chronic pain from an accident as a teenager) we have 2 small boys (7 and 3) he has a large breed dog and I have a cat.
The house isn’t big but that also means that messes accumulate faster.
So recently since we’ve broken up, we’ve had issues. We had them before, which is why we broke up but they’re excessive now. Like he seems to think since he works he doesn’t have to do anything.
This includes: picking up after himself, spending time with the kids, and even talking to them when he comes home (he demands at minimum an hour or more of alone time or he will just yell and scream like a bad-tempered teenager) doing anything like feeding or washing himself, putting his work stuff away, you get the gist.
But the biggest thing he says is I’m lazy because the machines do it all for me. The washing machine washes the clothes. The dryer dries them. The vacuum sucks the dirt and the dishwasher washes the dishes. I’m so lucky you have things to do my job for me, I’m just being lazy and spoiled while he works…
But when asked ‘Well then the machines do it for you too?’ He says no… Because he works and he does stuff properly?
So I decided to tell a few of his friends and mine about it… to which they were quite confused since they work similar jobs and also come home and help out… So now he’s mad at me cause not only am I lazy but I made him look like a jerk ‘When he isn’t?'”
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