People Are Relatable In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Yelling At My Brother For Removing A Sentimental Sticker From My Bike?
“Last year, my (20F) parents gifted me a 350 CC cruiser. It was a surprise: my father took me to the showroom to look at the bikes “for a friend” (and no I didn’t get suspicious, I’m not that smart when it comes to these things), and a few weeks later, it was on our doorstep.
Since it was a surprise, they hadn’t consulted me about the customizations, so I ended up with a small front visor with the sticker of a flower. The specific flower was the literal meaning of my name in the Persian language. I didn’t exactly like the visor (I would’ve preferred a long visor or no visor at all), but the flower was actually sweet, so I just ignored it.
My brother (25) really hated the flower and always complained about it whenever he had to borrow my bike, but I ignored it.
Anyway, last week, I decided to just take the visor off with the sticker intact and just keep it. The sticker was a nice thoughtful touch by my mother (she calls me her (the flower) a lot, my contact is saved in her phone as the flower, etc).
I’m currently in the middle of board exams, so I was planning to do it literally TOMORROW.
This morning, my brother had to borrow my bike (I didn’t mind). Around noon, my mother called to ask why I let my brother take the sticker off.
(I didn’t?) So when he called a few minutes ago to ask my mother about some client, I yelled at him and he just asked me to leave it. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you have a lot of feelings tied to that sticker because of the thought your mom put into it.
Your brother overstepped by taking it off without your permission and understandably, you were frustrated. Yelling might not have been the best way to handle it, but it’s clear you didn’t mean to escalate things. He needs to respect your belongings and the sentimental value they hold for you.” imalkrz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would get a whole bunch of flower stickers and just plaster your helmet and bike with them so the next time he has to borrow it…… yeah, he’ll be that guy on a girl’s bike. Make sure there’s a lot of pink as well.
I’m just feeling petty today because it’s Halloween and I have tomorrow off. Either or, you are definitely not the jerk and your brother most certainly is the jerk.” slap-a-frap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He doesn’t need to borrow your bike, he wants to borrow it.
If he doesn’t like the sticker because it “hurts his male ego” or something like that he can just decide not to borrow your bike. Him removing it was a jerk move, he had no right to do it. I wouldn’t let him borrow it again since he cannot be trusted. You could also ask your mum if she’d be up to getting you the same flower sticker again for your new visor.
This way you’ll even have it back on your bike and it will still be from your mother.” Crazyandiloveit
21. AITJ For Snapping At My Husband For Shouting At Our Child When He's Stressed From Work?
“My husband on the whole is great!
We have 2 kids and he’s a great dad. I’m a stay-at-home mom, discussed and agreed. His job can be stressful, he deals with lots of big events and lots of people management, and at times it can be overwhelming.
I’ve noticed that whenever things are hard at work with events coming up or he’s struggling with people’s mistakes etc. he’s just not as nice at home.
To a certain degree, I’m okay with this. I can’t expect him to be nice and happy all the time. I support him in any way I can.
The main reason I snapped today was because he shouted at my 2-year-old. We have a system with discipline, we say no, warn him, and then get down on his level and sternly talk to him.
Then it’s naughty step and a potential shouting depending on the situation. Almost every time the job is stressful, this goes out the window with my husband. He just defaults to shouting straight away.
My little one was super upset, he loves his dad (further proof he’s normally an awesome dad).
I whispered to him, I think you shouted too soon. (We’ve agreed not to disagree with discipline in front of the children but back each other up.) Well, this time I just didn’t want to keep my mouth shut.
Well, my husband shouted at me that I shouldn’t undermine him in front of our child.
I snapped back, I said I was done with how he treats us when he’s stressed, we are not the bad guys and he cannot take his frustrations out on us. I told him to get out and leave us alone. He left for work then and we’ve not spoken since.
I’ve been for coffee with a friend and she thinks I was too harsh and that I should cut him some slack as he’s in a stressful place with work. I’ll admit I shouldn’t have said about not shouting, as I went back on something we agreed on.
I just hated seeing my little one cry because of it. I want to protect him.
I don’t really know how to handle the situation otherwise. I have spoken to my husband about this issue before and he always apologizes and says he’ll work on it.
But I’m not seeing any change and don’t know how to help this issue… But I won’t have him taking work stress out on us as a family…”
Another User Comments:
“So you yelled at your husband in front of your son and told him to leave you alone and to get out of the house because you were frustrated at him for raising his voice because he was frustrated at your son’s actions?
Ohhhhhh, the irony there. There’s too much of a one-sided story here (as is almost always the case on here) to make a real assessment… but it sounds like both you and your husband might be jerks… and honestly, that might be making your little one a little jerk too.
I said what I said. You and your husband need to fix your relationship for your kid’s sake. If he is super stressed, are you doing anything to help that? Are you doing anything to make it worse?” SufficientBass8741
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I will say that while you are not the jerk it could’ve all been handled in a healthier and more productive way.
Perhaps on days you know he is extra stressed you could give him some time to destress alone before he interacts with the kids? I work 45-57 hours a week and there are times when I come home and have 3 kids wanting me to do everything with them and I feel very overwhelmed and it is very hard to stay composed. I’ve not lashed out at the kids but I do feel the need to hide out in the bathroom for 10-15 minutes to relax before I can put on a smile for them.
Maybe offer him that time so he can compose himself as well? I’m sure he didn’t mean to snap.” ThrowAwayUser06
Another User Comments:
“I know I’m going to get downvotes and hate for this, but….gentle parenting creates entitled jerk kids that grow into entitled jerk adults.
The real world doesn’t have a naughty/timeout step. It has jail. You don’t get a nice talking-to before you get arrested or fired from your job for being an entitled jerk. You also can’t quit every job because your boss was mean to you and yelled when you didn’t do your work.
Parent like a Gen X parent. Or like Gen X’s parents parented them. Not every bad behavior deserves getting yelled at. But, some behaviors need to be corrected faster than a 5-step discipline escalation scale. And yes I have kids. They are now functioning adults who know they aren’t getting handed anything in this world, no one is going to be nice to them just because they deserve it, and that respect is earned.” CurlyMamaNini
As for your telling him to leave, that was not to harsh. It probably wasn't a good idea to yell at him in front of the 2 yr old, but it is what is. U both probably should go through counseling on how to deal with each other.
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Birthday Party With My Cousin Anymore?
“I (15M) was celebrating my birthday this month. My cousin (13F) celebrates in May. My mom and Aunt are extremely close. They thought it would be a fun idea to celebrate our birthdays together. I didn’t mind it as much when I was younger.
When I turned 9, the party would be focused on what my cousin wanted the theme to be. I also had a set amount of guests I was able to invite.
I was only allowed to choose the cake flavor. My mom and dad are divorced. They have split custody of me and I will be at Dad’s during my birthday.
My mom told him not to throw any birthday celebrations as there would be a huge party that weekend. I had enough and told my mom that I was done celebrating my birthday with my cousin.
My mom grounded me and told me that I needed to change my behavior if I wanted to celebrate my birthday.
My dad is angry with my mom for controlling my birthday. My mom and I aren’t speaking to each other.
AITJ for not wanting a combined birthday celebration?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Correct me if I am wrong but it sounds like the past parties were much, much more about your cousin than you.
Cousin always chooses the theme. Did cousin also choose the food? Have more guests than you? And as your parents are divorced, why does your mother think she gets to dictate if your dad throws a party for just you? Are you even close to your cousin?
Sounds as if your mother just wants everything on HER terms and her terms alone. Everyone would like to be the sole focus at their own birthday party sometimes. No one wants to have to share the spotlight every single birthday, especially in your teens.
To be clear, your mother is the jerk here.” AffectionateOwl5824
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re NTJ here, you have every right to want your own celebration. Have they ever asked you if you wanted to pick the theme? Or even asked what you wanted to do for your birthday in general??
I also did a few combined birthdays in my younger years, as long as you weren’t rude to your mom about not wanting a combined birthday, I don’t see why you were grounded. Your desire for your own party is valid. Maybe the common ground could be your dad does a party for you where you can invite a bigger group of your friends and be a theme of your choosing, then the combined birthday be one more for family.
That is if they make it that you absolutely have to have the combined birthday. It’s okay to be angry about sharing a birthday party. It’s okay to express that, but also make sure you’re trying to come up with something that may make both of you (you and your mom) happy.
You should also be able to not do something if you don’t want to.” Electrical_Example_7
Another User Comments:
“I share an actual birthday with two of my cousins (none of us have the same parents, two of us were born the same year, crazy cool coincidence).
So I’ve had joint parties before. But they were never like this! This sounds awful. This isn’t a party for you. You’re just being treated as another guest at your cousin’s party. It sounds like you’ve never actually had a birthday party at all. You should be able to talk to your cousin and come up with ideas you both like, and do those, and if you guys can’t come to an agreement, not to a joint party.
It’s really not that hard. Your mom is definitely the jerk here, you are NTJ. I hope your dad sticks up for you, it’s about time someone does!! Hugs.” Lepiotas
What goes on at dad's house is 100% none of mom's business, just as what goes on at mom's house is none of his.
If your father wants to have a huge birthday party for you and invite his friends and family, then that is his right, and again, none of mom's business.
I find it appalling she is trying to control both of you this way. I would tell dad it's time to go back to Court to have the judge decide if there is legal reason for dad's rights to be limited by mom.
19. AITJ For Refusing To Drive My Friend To The Airport When She Owes Me Money?
“This morning I was lying in bed and got a call from my friend who is planning on going to Indiana from Florida today, her mom’s truck broke down and she called me asking to bring her to the airport.
Some context as to why I said no. In April she asked me to bring her to the mall about an hour away, she spent MY money on something she wanted ($80), then a week later quit her job.
She’s been begging me to see a friend every day who lives about 20 minutes away, I’ve always said no.
I told her I can’t because money is really tight for the week and with gas being $4.67 a gallon driving ~90 miles is too expensive, on top of her owing me $80.
She also told me that she would sell her Xbox to pay me back, instead, she used it to buy the plane ticket. For the past hour, she has been calling everyone she knows to an answer of “No” and now she’s back at me begging for a ride.
I’m very hesitant to say yes because recently she has been treating me like I’m a lesser person using me for my car and money.
There are still about 6 hours before her flight and I don’t know what to do. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are not an Uber. Plus unless you want to spend $40 for gas, this isn’t a reasonable thing to ask, especially since you can’t afford to take her. A true friend knows “No” is a complete sentence and will scrap the money together for a taxi or the cheap shuttle the airport offers.” LongNectarine3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She already owes you money, is she going to pay for the gas to take her to the airport? (An AITJ chorus of ‘NOOOOO’ echoes across). Uber exists, and Taxi services exist. Bus lines exist. You already know what this person thinks of you: ‘Recently she has been treating me like I’m a lesser person using me for my car and money.’ Listen to yourself and don’t allow this freeloader to take advantage of you anymore, her problems are not yours to solve.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s using you, she seems to be ungrateful and doesn’t follow through on anything to make things right. Luckily, none of that is your problem. Tell her (if you’re considering) you need cash in hand or Venmo first before you go anywhere.
It’s not your responsibility to foot the bill for her. She will likely protest and that’s your chance to make a clean break. Personally, I’d have cut my losses a long time ago.” ProfessionalSugar790
18. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner Move In To Replace My Moving Out Roommate?
“My (33m) partner (36f) wants me to not renew or not get a new roommate and instead let her move in. I have 2 roommates in a 4 bedroom house. The other room is my “stuff room”(computer, weights, hobbies etc). I live in the medical district and charge 1k a month to my roommates.
One is about to finish their residency and be off to greater things and I was prepping to get a new one.
She requested the room and I said no because she can’t cover the rent. She thinks she shouldn’t have to pay the same amount because it would just be her stuff in the room and she would be in mine….
wink wink… I told her I don’t want to lose the income as it’s helping pay the house off faster.
She thinks I’m the jerk for choosing money over her and so do her friends and some of our mutual ones. We’ve been together for around 10 months now I think so I’m not even ready for that part yet and I’ve told her this too, but she thinks it’s about the money still.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is rushing things and wants you to sacrifice your financial future for her. Soon, she’ll expect that she won’t have to pay rent at all. Someone who pushes the relationship faster than you’re comfortable with is usually someone you don’t want to be with.
It tends to be an indicator that they have some serious flaws (abusive, toxic, mentally unstable) and they want it to be harder for you to break up with them by the time you find out. Hold your ground on this and don’t let her move in.” crazymamallama
Another User Comments:
“If she still thinks it’s about the money, maybe it IS about the money….to her. Rent being what it is these days, she may be rushing things because it will make her financial situation better (at least, it will if she gets her expected break on rent).
Trust your instincts; if it feels too soon, it definitely is! Don’t listen to mutual friends (and especially don’t listen to HER friends) who say you are being a jerk. They are jerks for meddling in such a private decision and your partner is a jerk for trying to make it a public debate.
You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders, so trust what your brain (or gut) is telling you.” alc2757
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. At 36 years old, if your partner wants kids then she doesn’t have time to wait for you to pay off your home with roommates.
If she doesn’t want kids, she is still almost 40 and would probably like to progress to husband and living together. 10 months of being together at your age is long enough to know if you want to live together or really be together for the long haul.
If you are indecisive or scared of commitment then do what every other guy does in that situation. Don’t go out with women older than yourself.” JdorianIRL
17. AITJ For Not Offering My Sister Some Of My Dinner Shake?
“Lots of little things my (18F) family will side against me on make me worry if I am the worst person ever, as it seems to happen often.
But nonetheless, we’ll get to what happened just a few minutes ago, what the title is about.
For dinner my parents made chicken and fries, I wasn’t looking forward to it so I made my own quick meal, which was a banana shake. I was in the kitchen with my mom and sister (14F), and I’ll specify that my sister knew I was making the shake.
She sits down, goes on her phone, and ignores us, but she knows what I’m making.
After I finished making it, I’m drinking what is obviously my own dinner, but she sees me after I poured it into a cup and drank over half of the shake.
She then decides to ask if she can have any, and I explained to her what’s in my cup is all that’s left, and that it’s my dinner. Instantly, she gets frustrated and tries getting me to pour some of it into a separate cup for her.
I explained, again, it’s my dinner, I need to eat, and she already had her own dinner. I would’ve been just fine with making extra for her if she had asked, but she didn’t! How was I supposed to know she wanted any?
So then I go to my mom for some help, as standing against my sister on, really any conflict, feels like fighting a brick wall; she doesn’t budge from her opinion, and if she doesn’t get her way, she’s mad. My mom to my surprise took my sister’s side, saying something along the lines of “Well you should’ve asked her if she wanted any while you were making it!” So I have an upset sister who didn’t think ahead and a mom who’s got her back.
I gave up and poured whatever was left of my shake into a separate cup for her.
What I got from this was that I was in the wrong, because I didn’t ask my sister if she wanted any of the drink I was making for dinner.
But the thing is, she was there and aware when I started making it! She’s 14, she easily could’ve asked. I don’t know why it’s my fault she failed to ask for something that was being made right in front of her?
I don’t know if I’m being too stubborn, and I am aware of how small of an inconvenience this is, but it just hurts that little things like this happen so much.
AITJ for not offering something?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have a younger sister who consistently thought she was entitled to whatever I had.
This has turned into a game of keeping up with the Joneses for her. Everything I do she wants to do better however because it’s competition motivating her and not logically assessing what’s best for her and her family she makes stupid choices to the point where she and her husband were getting their rent paid by my parents until she was 28.
They have three kids. Would it have been considerate of you to see if anyone wanted a shake before making it? Sure, but it’s not a requirement. At 14 your sister is old enough to ask while you’re making it and she’s more than old enough to make her own.
Her timing was absolutely a power play and next time it happens I’d just grab the ingredients and tell her to make as much as she wants.” BresciaE
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No is an entire sentence. You aren’t her parent. You have no obligation to ask anyone if they want something because you are making something for yourself.
Is it nice to ask? Yup. Is it wrong if you don’t? NO. Can a 14-year-old human being make their own banana shake? Yup. As a former enabler, your sister acts like this with you because you allow her to. State your answer and go on about your business.
She gives you the silent treatment? Enjoy your peace and quiet lil. She tells your mom? Act like you have no idea what the heck your sister is talking about. However you decide to deal with it good luck and next time, enjoy your shake!” MobileRub1606
Another User Comments:
“NTJ do you know what a “golden child” is? Because it sounds like that’s what she is to your parents. Nothing you do will ever be right or even enough. Your sister is 14 not 4, she is old enough to make her own shake if she wanted one, not take your dinner, or how about your mother, who was right there, make her kid a shake if mom thought your sister should have one.
You’re legally an adult now, start standing up for yourself and shake that feeling of guilt your parents keep putting on you. Next time they say you’re being selfish, entitled, greedy whatever just reply with she’s your kid, not mine, you take care of her needs it’s not my responsibility.
Don’t fall for the “we did so much for you” nonsense either, it’s a parent’s job to provide food, clothing, and shelter to their children so unless you’re driving a Range Rover and dripping in diamonds your parents most likely didn’t do anything for you that wasn’t required by law.” Beautiful_Sweet_8686
16. AITJ For Calling Out My Uncle's Hypocrisy About My Cousin's Behavior?
“My (16) uncle Tommy used to mess around with multiple girls at once, chasing them wherever he’d go like a dog or something. My mum and aunts would constantly tell Tommy it was wrong, but he wouldn’t care and my granny thought it was all cute and encouraged him.
Well, fast forward to now, and Tommy is furious because my cousin Mariah (14) is talking to boys who are literally exactly like he was. Tommy’s arguing with my cousin’s mum Sophia because Mariah is hanging out with/texting these boys instead of doing her schoolwork.
Tommy even got Granny involved and they’re both blaming Sophia for who Mariah’s talking to.
Granny was over at ours the other day and was talking about how worried she and Tommy are about Mariah. I didn’t try hiding it and was just laughing. Granny was like this isn’t funny, Mariah can’t be behaving this way, and she shouldn’t be hanging around “skirt chasers.”
I told her “What goes around comes around,” and basically that it’s karma because Tommy was a “skirt chaser” himself and now he has to be on the other end with his own daughter hanging around boys who were exactly like he was. Granny was so mad that she left early, which she never does.
My mum and two of my aunts were over as well. All three of them agreed that what I said was funny and technically true. But I’m old enough to know that it’s one of those times when you laugh about it privately but not to their faces.
And it was something for an adult to talk about in a serious matter, not to bring up as a joke. I know I probably am, but still, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and frankly, I disagree about it being something you laugh about in private.
Tommy needs to grow up and address that part of his life if he wants to be able to connect with his daughter and guide her away from the guys she’s hanging out with. He should also grow up and realize that what she’s going to need most is a parent who will give her good advice about safety and her emotional well-being.
Maybe being laughed at and made to feel uncomfortable will make him examine the way he behaved and the example he set. It’s extra funny that he’s blaming her mother when they wouldn’t have a child together if she hadn’t been attracted to that type of guy.” Zealousidealism
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s about time that somebody told Granny the truth. She thought it was great that her own son was an immoral skirt-chaser, but can’t stand that her granddaughter is now taking after Dad and running around. It’s worse than a double standard – Granny actually sounds like she was PROUD of her son for acting so “manly” and now she has to worry about the granddaughter.
Why would the granddaughter be different? She was taught by a pro on how to treat the opposite sex.” ElmLane62
Another User Comments:
“To my experience, hyper-controlling parents in this case a dad usually had the wildest freedom. The ones who grew up regularly and acted right are not insane with their kids.
Wild-free children become controlling borderline-abusive parents. Your uncle thinks he can control his daughter but he can’t and also not all boys are like him and not all girls are like the girls he used to hang out around. Maybe Mariah is just innocently chatting and having crushes and he’s making it worse than it is.
Have the mom assess the situation. Many of these reckless in youth parents project their own promiscuity on their own children sometimes to the point of destroying their social lives and relationship lives even in adulthood. Normal parents usually the same sex parent as the child sit down and explain stuff in a way to make the child understand the danger of life the care the parent has etc and put limits to not be texting all day etc. In my experience, misandrists have sons and misogynists have daughters and it is the saddest irony of life but it teaches them the lesson they thought they would never have to learn that the opposite sex is human and deserving of respect.
So nope, you’re NTJ.” Afraid-Ear8391
15. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Overstay At My Studio Apartment For His Airbnb Business?
“My partner (46) of two years is a very unique person.
He’s spontaneous, low maintenance, and always keen to make a quick buck. I (32) am quite the opposite. I’m planned, like a cleaner and tidier environment, and am financially comfortable. I don’t mind some extra cash but not at the cost of my wellbeing or stability.
My partner and I currently live in different places. He owns his own spacious 2 bedder and I’m in a studio. We have around 2 or 3 sleepovers spread throughout the week, mostly at mine. Usually, these are planned in advance and broken up to give me some alone time on alternating nights.
I work a demanding job and am introverted in nature. I usually need a few hours to myself between work and socializing and I have communicated this clearly to my partner.
Recently my partner worked out that he can rent his room for around $1K a week.
He has done this a few times whilst we have gone on holiday. Personally, I’d rather not have a stranger sleeping in my bed but he can do what he wants. A week ago my partner said he’d been offered another $1K for a week’s stay.
He told me he planned to stay at my place from Friday to Monday (4 nights). I tried to explain why that would be a lot for me to handle, but he had a response to every excuse I gave. His idea was that he would duck out of the house for a few hours to give me space.
I appreciated his trying to accommodate my introversion needs but in reality felt taken advantage of. I felt like I wasn’t consulted and was just expected to be ok with it.
Tomorrow (Wednesday) is my birthday and my partner asked if I wanted him to stay again tonight – this would be the 5th night in a row.
I broke down and shared how I feel like my space has been invaded and that I was just expected to agree to this arrangement. On any other occasion, I’d want him to stay but feel like I’m clutching at some space. My partner has said that my need for space isn’t normal, that I keep talking about wanting to move in together but am not showing that I can share a space, and that I am not showing family values despite saying I want to have a family.
I should note that all of this is happening in the context of me working in a high-pressure job that is very taxing. I am also navigating several mental illnesses and am trying my best to keep my head above water. My partner is aware of all of this and I thought he would be more understanding that living in a studio is not the same as sharing a place together.
Am I the jerk not just letting him stay and not making a big deal about it?”
Another User Comments:
“I wonder if he’s actually the right partner for you, given how tough it can be to spend so much time together. I think I would also get very upset by having someone live with me in a studio apartment for 4 days without significant prior planning, especially if I were also under enormous amounts of stress.
I’m not saying he’s a bad guy, but it does sound like your partner doesn’t understand your need for recharging, which might be making the situation tougher for you. All conjecture, of course. NTJ.” maucat13
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not the jerk at all…! It’s extremely unreasonable that he just invited himself to stay for longer than you guys were in the habit of doing, for purely selfish reasons.
And he clearly didn’t think about your birthday at all, even though it was only a few days away – adding on the 5th night sounds like a last-minute thing. That also sounds very self-centered of him. Why wasn’t he more aware of the date of your birthday & factoring it into his plans?
And yes, you’re entirely right that sharing a studio flat unexpectedly is completely different from choosing a place to live together, that would have separate rooms to decompress in. Personally, I think I might have suggested he use his $1k income to get a cheap hotel room for the 3rd & 4th nights.
He still would have had an overall profit. Or he could have stayed with a friend for the extra nights since he voluntarily made himself homeless.
There’s a good quote for the workplace that kinda applies here: “Lack of planning on your part doesn’t make it an emergency (or: problem that I have to fix for you!) on my part.” Don’t let him try to change the subject from his selfishness & lack of proper planning (the actual topic) to it somehow being a character flaw in you (you’d be a bad parent because you don’t like him making use of you & your resources, without asking permission, for his own income!?).
Does he often do that – turn around a topic so that somehow you are at fault & he has nothing to apologize for?” amberallday
Another User Comments:
“”He told me he planned to stay at my place from Friday to Monday (4 nights).” I’m sorry, he told you?
He told you?! What the heck? No. No way. He doesn’t tell that he’s going to be spending 4 nights at anyone’s house, he asks. I cannot believe this guy’s audacity! Doesn’t matter if you’ve been together 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years, or 2 decades! If you live separately, he does not have any right to control your living space (he also doesn’t if you live together, but that’s not what this post is about).
This screams entitlement and lack of respect. He’s using you. He doesn’t care about you. He wants it all his own way or nothing. He doesn’t care about your needs or wants. Why are you with him? You realize you don’t have to be with anyone, right?
NTJ. And it’s not even about your need for space to decompress (which is fine, a lot of people need that). It’s about his assumption that he could arbitrarily decide what was going to happen. He gave you no choice. He said “This is how it’s going to be” and expected you to fall in line with what he wanted. Forget that.” Reddit User
14. AITJ For Insisting On Compensation After My Photo Was Used Without Permission?
“I am a serious photographer and have been mostly a hobbyist for years (with 5+ years where it was a part of my job function).
I went on a trip with someone close to me a few years back and spent about 20 minutes making a specific image during the trip. I later found out (via an IP protection site I use) that my photo was being used without my permission on a website, and being attributed to the article author.
I worked within the system to file a takedown notice and licensing fee request.
I found out the other person on the trip used it for an article they were paid for on said website. This person got notified about my actions by their editor and is freaking out because supposedly they are on the hook financially for any payouts.
AITJ for protecting my IP/insisting the website compensate me?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anyone who is competent enough to publish articles on the internet for compensation should have the sense not to steal someone else’s content. You are NOT in the wrong for demanding credit for something you created. The only jerk here is the person who knowingly and intentionally used your photo without properly crediting you.
Also, I don’t buy the whole nonsense about them thinking it was listed as your work. They knew. They thought you wouldn’t find out and now they’re worried they’ll have to face the consequences of their own actions.” thebuffaloqueen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why would you feel like a jerk?
The person knew what they were doing when they took the photo. They didn’t ask you for permission. They just took it and used it to make money. And if it is true, if they listed you as the photographer…then there will be a record of that and they will be able to refute the claims and this whole thing will be cleared up.
But let’s be real. That ain’t gonna happen because they didn’t do or say anything about you. They rolled the dice…hoped they wouldn’t get caught…and it blew up in their face.” The__Riker__Maneuver
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m in a bunch of craft groups on social media and the amount of times we get asked to remove a watermark from digital content is infuriating.
If it’s a group I help run it’s an immediate removal of the post and blocking the person. Also if I can find the creator I make them aware too. I can’t get a professional-level photo to save my life but that doesn’t give me the right to steal other people’s.” Equivalent_Sector786
13. AITJ For Kicking My Nephew Out Of My Room For Going Through My Wife's Jewelry Box?
“My family was hosting a get-together for our extended family and I all of a sudden needed to drop the fattest dump.
So I go up to my and my wife’s bedroom (bathroom in there) so I can go.
I notice my nephew going through my wife’s jewelry box picking out stuff he wants. I immediately picked him up and placed him outside the room before locking the door.
Not only so he couldn’t steal but also so he didn’t have to smell my awful poop.
Next thing you know he’s crying and my brother is upset at me for not letting him go through my wife’s personal belongings. My brother is never content with anything so I just asked his family to leave before it got out of hand.
They left, and my brother cut me and my family off. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your gastrointestinal issues are irrelevant. Whether you were full of garlicky or spicy food or just went to the bedroom to look for your nail clippers, it was inappropriate to walk in and find any visitor rummaging around.
“I notice my nephew going through my wife’s jewelry box picking out stuff he wants.” Are you saying he was stealing, or was he just curious and fascinated with the shiny, pretty things? Either way, he needs to learn (and it should be from his parents, not his uncle) that it is wrong to go into other people’s spaces and look through their things without permission.
If he was just curious, it should be easier to fix than if he was actually trying to take what wasn’t his. Your brother’s reaction suggests that the kid is being raised without discipline or morals, and any bad behavior is ignored or excused. You can look forward to years of hearing these parents lament about being called by families of kids he has stolen from, school staff, retail security, and eventually the police.” Rural_Bedbug
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t mention how old the kid is but given what you said I’m assuming a toddler. Perhaps picking him up and putting him outside and locking the door wasn’t the best way to approach it though – I know you were busting for the toilet but you could have probably done that a bit differently.
The main issue is that your brother seems too proud to admit that he’s wrong and prefers to damage close family relationships rather than admit that and apologize. Given that are you surprised he doesn’t wanna teach his kid that it’s not the right thing to go through other people’s things without permission?” 5tedes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family members who do not live with you have no right to go through your belongings or your wife’s belongings while they are guests in your home. You said he was picking out stuff he wanted like he was going to take the stuff, thought he could have whatever he wanted and was entitled to it, or thought he was owed the stuff, that’s even worse.
You called your family out on the issue and now they are not talking to you. You have to ask yourself is that the type of people that you want in your life, around you and your family? Because if it was me, I wouldn’t want people who cut me off for no reason around me because they are fair-weather friends or family.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Refusing To Make Funeral Arrangements For My Estranged Father?
“My parents separated when I was one due to my father’s unfaithfulness. My mother made ends meet by working several jobs in another country and sending money back home. I was pretty much raised by my maternal grandparents until my mum got citizenship in the country she was working in and moved us over.
I was 9 when we immigrated. For the first 9 years of my life, I saw my dad probably two to three times a year during the holidays, and after we immigrated to another country, I saw him maybe once every 4 years from when I was 9 to now (I’m 35) and all those times were me going back and visiting other relatives and calling him to see if he wanted to meet.
Also, between the ages of 9 to 18, he gave my mum $6,000 in total for child support. He never once called me or initiated a meeting after we moved.
Yesterday, my stepsister, his daughter from his first marriage called me saying he passed away, and due to some legal matters she’s currently fighting, she doesn’t think she has the capacity to make his funeral and other arrangements (I think there are debts and other things involved. I’m not sure.
I haven’t spoken to them in more than 2 years).
WIBTJ if I refuse? To even fly back? That country is also full of corruption and not the best in terms of human rights. I really don’t want to be tangled with their mess.
I have two small children to take care of and I just cannot be stuck in a country where I don’t even know how to speak the language fluently anymore if there are more things to just funeral arrangements.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You didn’t have any type of relationship with him to be this involved in his funeral arrangements.
His daughter from a previous marriage should bear that cost and the plans herself. She seems like she had a better relationship than you with him. I think she is just trying to rope you into paying for it all. And for what? Nothing that I can see since there is nothing there for you.
It’s sad but that is the way it is, you owe him, her, or anyone nothing at this point. Tell your step-sister you’ll just send the smallest bouquet of flowers you can find and call it a day. And don’t feel guilty as you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about here.” PumpkinPowerful3292
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In my country, there is something called “emotional abandonment” which is a legal term for parents who abandon their children. Legally, these children are not obliged to care for parents who abandon them. And you can’t go to a strange country.
You’re not gonna help anything without knowing the place, language, and people. Funerals are for the alive and he doesn’t need one if they don’t have money. It’s not your fault.” Accomplished_Mud1658
Another User Comments:
“Given how little contact you’ve had with him, you can just write your step-sister and say that you regret that you can’t attend the funeral or contribute to the cost. There are reasons people go to the funerals of estranged relatives or help pay for them, but I can see why they might not apply in this case since they usually require at least more contact pre-estrangement, or a wish to support a close relative.
YWNBTJ.” SavingsRhubarb8746
11. AITJ For Keeping My Cubicle Light On Despite My Coworker's Complaints?
“I’m (f23) a crisis line worker who works nights 6 pm-6 am. I have two lamps, one is a desk lamp and one is a floor lamp, in my cubicle both are just standard lamps with that soft yellow light. I like to keep both of them on during nights because the main office lights aren’t ever on so these are literally my only source of light besides my computer screen, and I don’t like straining my eyes since my vision is already pretty bad.
My coworker (f30) just started working here and she works in the cubicle behind me. She has stated several times she doesn’t like my floor lamp because it’s too bright and she doesn’t like the yellow light because it looks dirty as opposed to natural bulbs.
I’ve tried compromising by turning it off for a couple of hours here and there but eventually, I need it back on so I can stay awake and focus on my job, and so I can also see what I’m doing. Is there any compromise here?
Am I the jerk for keeping it on?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. But you would benefit from a re-think about your lighting situation. In the situation you describe, the floor lamp isn’t helping you and (ironically) could be making your lighting situation worse FOR YOU.
Assuming you are working with computer monitors and paper, you need to minimize the light level difference between the two. This will be tough, as paper is fighting (without any weapons) against the monitors with strong backlights. If you need a one-piece solution, your best bet would be to use an LED desk lamp…one large enough and bright enough to allow you to comfortably read paper documents on your desk and in your hand.
Even then, if you are working only at night…you should turn down the “brightness” (black level) of your monitors, to reduce the lighting difference between your monitors and your papers. Some monitors also have a backlight control, but these are kind of unusual. If your monitor has a backlight control, turn that down about 25% or more.
If this makes it harder to read your monitor, you can adjust your operating system (zoom/resolution) to make text larger or even apply high-contrast themes.
Now, why is the floor lamp bad? Well, while it will increase the overall light level of the entire area, that is bad for office work…especially for someone with failing eyesight.
While the floor lamp won’t significantly help with non-monitor work tasks (unless the floor lamp is way WAY too bright, that is), the increase in ambient light level requires you to mis-adjust your monitors to compensate. Bottom line. If you had your monitors properly adjusted and you were using the proper desk lamp, your work would be much easier if the floor lamp were to disappear.
Then both you and your coworker would be happier.” CommunityGreat9255
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Having enough light is important to see. You may be working an overnight shift so this is your day. You will be sleeping during the day when it’s your night. There is really no reason why you can’t have as much light on as the day shift does.
This is an argument I have at work when I do nights. There are people that say it’s night time so it needs to be dark… umm, I actually want to be able to see when I’m reading and writing and we do it on paper (yes we’re a bit behind the times).
It also makes me want to sleep. And I have astigmatism which creates a halo around the LEDs that are left (the more night lights ones) which is irritating, means I can’t see properly and is likely an OHS issue or rather a disability needing an accommodation (which is not needed during the day as the lights are on).
The other day someone from another area came up to where I was a proceeded to turn all the lights down to suit her… ummm F off… this isn’t your area and you had no right. And she was only there for a short period to visit and not even to work.” KitchenDismal9258
10. AITJ For Letting My Dog Sleep With Me Against My Parents' Wishes?
“My parents don’t like it when I let my dog sleep with me, last night I let him sleep with me. This morning as I was leaving for school, my dog followed me down the stairs, seeing this, my dad got mad and yelled at me.
Mind you, I was rushing to leave. (It was around 7:05 and I left the house at 7 to walk to my bus.) He asked me why I slept with my dog, I told him that I let my dog out before we went to bed. He asked the question again, I told him I didn’t have time for this and started putting my shoes on.
He started yelling about how he didn’t have time to get a builder for my room (I’m supposed to get a closet built in my room), this is when my mom chimes in and says “Your bus is coming.” Then she starts telling me about how she had to work so hard to get me up this morning (she woke me up and I got dressed, so that’s nonsense) my dad AND mom kept yelling at me.
I told my dad “You guys are both yelling at me, mom is yelling at the fact I’m not walking to my bus, you are yelling at me for the fact I’m about to walk out.” I then told them I don’t wanna miss the bus, and if I miss it, it’s their fault.
I feel like I handled this well. I didn’t raise my voice, they did. I was calm about it, but I don’t know.. all of this over a tiny dog sleeping with me? It was a stupid argument, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While you may have broken the rules and may have to deal with those consequences later on, the tug-of-war scream match is in poor taste before school.
School can be stressful enough to start a day off like that. But I don’t think anyone is the jerk here, parents also have a lot going on. While they were wrong to start the day off like that, you have to understand that they can have bad mornings too.
Go home and talk to them. Most times, just talking it out is helpful for the next time something happens.” Dalfina
Another User Comments:
“I would have a calm conversation about why they don’t want the dog to sleep with you. You mentioned it is tiny.
Maybe they worry you’ll roll over the dog at night? Maybe the dog is getting very old and they are trying to spare you the trauma of waking up with a pet who has passed away (sorry to put that out there but sadly it happens).
Also, you are living at their house so their rules apply. I would talk it through but ultimately you need to follow their rules.” Mimikat220000
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Parents’ house, parents’ rules. We have 2 dogs, both labs, they are mostly indoor dogs especially as they are getting older.
They aren’t allowed upstairs as even though they are fairly clean they do shed hair all the time, their nails do leave marks and scratch wooden floors and pull threads on blankets, etc. We hoover downstairs multiple times a day but hair still turns up in random corners.
Is your dog wormed every 3 months? How about fleas and ticks? You don’t want any of that in your bed. NTJ if your parents sleep with 2 dogs. But if you were told not to have the dog in your bed and you still did it you’re probably going to get in trouble.” Fishboyman79
9. AITJ For Not Inviting My Brother To My Wedding Due To His Domineering Behavior?
“I have an older brother David (41). David has boundary issues and was in the learning-disabled classes. My parents never let him out of the home. He has a very rough personality and because he was never allowed to work or do anything, so in his 40s he doesn’t have friends.
He still dominates the conversation at every holiday with “fun facts” and goes off on those and doesn’t realize no one is listening.
My other siblings and I just really don’t like David because my parents let him do whatever and just dominate whatever social settings we are in.
My older sister eloped because of David. My mom kept trying to find David a “place” at her wedding.
I’m getting married to Mel, and my youngest brother Nick is my best man. My sister who is close to Mel is in the bridal party.
Her husband is one of my best men and their son is a ring bearer. My wife wants a real wedding and not to be forced to elope like my sister did.
David has no place. He’s not going to be invited because the first thing he did was insult the ring I got my Mel.
His “fun facts” were about how diamonds are worthless and do not resell well. I should have gotten her a second-hand engagement ring or a colored stone engagement ring. We then got a history of engagement rings and marriage traditions. We tried shutting him up but he wouldn’t and my mom said “let the professor talk.” Even at 40, she thinks my brother’s “fun facts” are cute.
This put a hard no on Mel’s stance that my brother can’t come to the wedding. If my parents defend him, even once, they are not coming. She’s not having an elopement like my sister and it’s time for David to be put in his place.
Mom called and asked about wedding planning and I told her she wasn’t involved after what happened to my sister’s wedding dress shopping (Mom brought David who told everyone his fun facts about wedding dress history) that’s when my sister decided to elope.
I told mom if she and Dad wanted to come to the wedding as guests they could but David wasn’t invited. Mom didn’t talk for a while. I think she started crying because my dad took over the phone call. I told him what upset Mom and said David isn’t invited and mom can’t be trusted to be involved in wedding planning without David tagging along.
Dad said he doesn’t understand why we all hate David and I told him what is wrong with his “fun facts.” My dad said “the boy likes to talk and there’s no harm in it.”
I told my dad that’s the thing there is harm in David’s “fun facts” and now no one wants to be around him.
Dad started arguing saying stuff in defense of David and I told Dad we are at a stalemate and I guess all 3 of you won’t be coming to the wedding. I’m sorry but that is how it is. I ended the conversation with my dad, and my mom has been upset texting like a crazy person to everybody about how we all need to understand David.
What I’m doing is mean. Mel feels like this whole thing is why I can’t invite David or my parents. I agree that they can’t even be trusted to come to my wedding without sneaking David in.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your parents are delusional and straight up harming David by coddling and indulging him.
You stated in comments that he’s never even been diagnosed with anything and your parents refuse to have him evaluated. They have hamstrung him. Someone needs to sit down with them and ask them what their plans are for David when they die. How will he take care of himself when they’ve never taught him how to behave socially or how to hold a job?
For all they know, if he had been evaluated and given early intervention, he may have a regular life with a spouse and kids. But they robbed him of that chance with the way they’ve treated him. They may very well expect that you and your siblings will “step up” and become his caretakers.
Or they may be planning to leave everything to David in their wills which will backfire considering he’s never been taught to be self-sufficient. They have set him up for failure and they need to fix this mistake as quickly as possible. Your dad is probably the most reasonable one to have this conversation with and then he can help bring your mom around.
As annoying as he may be, remember your parents made him this way and the situation is borderline if not outright abusive. He’s in a very pitiable situation and is going to have a very harsh life once they pass.” Silaquix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your brother is used to being the center of attention. Always. He’s never not been the center. It’s not even fair to call it main character syndrome since he doesn’t know any different. Your parents created this problem. There is nothing wrong with your future wife wanting to be the center of attention at her own wedding.
The only way she will get this is if your brother doesn’t come. Be happy that you still ended up with so many awesome people who do want to support you and your new family. Your other siblings sound really great.” Atherial
Another User Comments:
“ESH, but mostly your parents for not getting your brother an autism assessment, giving him any tools to connect the neurotypical way, or explaining to you and your siblings his ways of connecting. For that last one, from an autistic person’s perspective, it’s obvious that your brother is trying really hard to connect, but in doing so is pushing you away further.
What he’s doing is referred to as info-dumping, and one of the many ways an autistic person can show affection is by researching a topic of interest to you, instead of to themselves, and info-dumping about that. The engagement ring conversation was almost exactly the same as one I had with a friend when I got engaged, and because I had actually been taught about autism, I could see that she was excited about my engagement and wanted to share that with me in her own way.
Overall, this post is just really sad.” blueocean43
8. AITJ For Wanting To Use The Same Baby Name As My Close Friend?
“About a year and a half ago before I even knew our friends were trying to conceive we all had a discussion of what our baby names are. We both had the same #1 name and ultimately ended the conversation with her saying there can be two kids with the same name and me saying good because I’m not changing it.
(At the time I didn’t feel the need to express how long I’ve wanted the name) Lo and behold about a month later they’re expecting and two months later they find out the gender and shout at the rooftops what the name is going to be.
You guessed it…it’s the name we both wanted.
Immediately I’m heartbroken but how am I supposed to tell someone in the middle of their pregnancy that I still want to use that name? Ultimately we don’t know if we’ll ever have a girl and I fully believe you can’t call dibs on a name.
It’s just not fair.
Well fast forward a couple of months ago I’m 5 months pregnant and she now tells me I can’t use that name anymore.
I just feel that it’s so unfair for her to go back on her word.
And at the end of the day, she knew we also wanted that name and it should have been a part of their decision process when naming their child. If it wasn’t, then our feelings weren’t really considered.
My husband and I are just having such a hard time finding a new name and feel as though we’re having to settle.
Long story short I still want to use the name I’ve wanted for forever, but I feel guilty for going that route. AITJ for leaning towards going with that name our friends just recently used? I just feel like one day I’ll regret not being able to use it.
Like if I were to know we would end up here I would have been a whole lot more vocal about us still using the name.
Added thoughts:
We do live across the street from each other and this is a small town. Our children won’t be in the same grade at school but they will be in the same social circle.
I also have a huge family and we have repeat names all over the place. I genuinely don’t think it’s weird and it’s the silliest thing to get worked up about someone using the same name as your child.
We have been friends a lot longer than we have been neighbors.
The heartbreak was less about her using the name and more about the worry of being put in the situation we are in now – her backing up and wanting us to choose a different name. I’m not upset she used the name – everyone has a right to a name.
I am more heartbroken about potentially not being able to use the name.”
Another User Comments:
“”We both had the same #1 name and ultimately ended the conversation with her saying there can be two kids with the same name and me saying good because I’m not changing it.” NTJ.
She was willing to share the name when she thought there was a chance you’d have a baby first, but forbade you from using it when she realized she’d be the first one to sign the birth certificate? Nope. I personally wouldn’t want to have the same name as a neighbor, but the name is free game if you choose to use it.
That being said, be prepared for your friend to become an ex-friend if you use the same name for your baby, and be sure you spread the story YOU want to tell to your social circle before she decides to tell everyone you copied her.” SolitaryTeaParty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Use the name. I had a name picked out for my first daughter when I was 13 years old. It was not popular back then. Lo and behold the year I got pregnant Princess Kate was also pregnant and the girl name I had picked, which was the projected name for the child if it was a girl, jumped to the #1 most popular girl name.
I was basically devastated but stuck with it. My husband didn’t like the middle name so I compromised and picked another middle name. Months after she was born I read someone locally had named their daughter the exact first and middle name of my child, who was supposed to have this unique, beautiful name and I was devastated again.
My daughter is 11 now and I can tell you with absolute certainty pregnancy hormones are making this seem like a bigger deal to both of you than it is. I promise!!!! Years from now you will laugh about this.” sots989
Another User Comments:
“ARRRGGGHHH! Why, oh why do people think that they can prevent anybody from using a name that someone else has used?
Unless that name has been trademarked and copyrighted or it’s against the law for some reason, anybody can use any name they like for their child. Your friend cannot tell you not to use whatever name you want, so she needs to get over herself.
There is absolutely NOTHING stopping you from using the name you chose unless you decide to give in to your so-called friend’s feelings of entitlement and I think you will regret that if you do. Keep the name you chose for your precious baby. If you have a boy, you won’t need to use it straight away, so save it until you do need it.
Your “friend” will just have to suck it up and get over it. If she doesn’t, not your problem. NTJ.” Alarming-Iron8366
7. AITJ For Learning Spanish To Understand My Brother's Conversations At Family Gatherings?
“I (f42) have decided to take up learning Spanish. I love languages and in the past have studied (though not retained a lot of) French, German, Mandarin-Chinese, Dutch, and even ASL. But I never really had an interest in Spanish.
My daughter goes to a private school that insists on Spanish from 2nd through 8th grade.
Though the teachers before now haven’t given homework nor have they been particularly consistent. Sadly they never managed to keep a Spanish teacher more than a year (which is odd because the school is great in all other aspects).
My daughter, who had been a Straight A student her entire life is now getting a D in Spanish in her junior high years.
I told her that we were going to have to spend extra time outside of the classroom learning Spanish together, which we have and it has been great. She’s now getting a B at midterm and I am very pleased with her progress and hard work.
The part I have yet to mention is that my eldest brother (54) and his wife (50-something) talk to each other in Spanish at family gatherings. My mother has mentioned she feels it is rude to have them speak to each other in another language that no one else at the table understands.
Not to them, of course. She doesn’t believe in confrontation. Regardless, I do see her point.
So I have decided that I will continue learning Spanish with the express purpose of being able to understand their conversations.
Am I the jerk for continuing to learn Spanish with the express purpose of eavesdropping on conversations openly had in “public” when they think no one else understands?”
Another User Comments:
“No. They choose to speak in the language they want to. It is their problem if they are saying things they wouldn’t want others to hear but it turns out the other people do. They would be jerks for using it as a shield if that is what they were doing.
You can learn whatever language you want for whatever reason you want. If you went ahead and used it to hide from them and listen, then that is just the same as doing it to anyone in any language. However, in the context you are discussing, I see no problem: they are saying stuff in front of people, so they can have no reasonable complaint if it turns out they are wrong that nobody else understands it.” CastleCollector
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, a mild sort. More likely than not, they are not talking about you or your mother. If two people are speaking their preferred language in public or in a group, the rest of the group is not being “left out” unless they are socially isolated for not speaking the language.
This sounds childish like Spanish is pig Latin or something kids use to talk in code- it’s not code, it’s a language, and this is not elementary school, it’s a group gathering. Haven’t you ever spoken English with another English speaker in a situation where people are speaking some other language, eg during a trip abroad?
I do applaud your wish to learn more Spanish, though. Just not this particular motivation.” SadPolarBearGhost
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – They could be having a private conversation where he’s reassuring her of something or talking about therapeutic stuff in order to help. Without knowing the complete context, it is difficult to tell exactly why they are talking to each other.
If it’s their way to help each other out, then it’s kind of like eavesdropping on personal matters… The bigger issue that I have is that it sounds like you’re doing this without being open about it with your brother. I’d mention it in a conversation where the daughter isn’t involved. “(Daughter’s name) is having trouble learning Spanish, so I’ve been learning Spanish with her in order to help her succeed in class.” That simple and move on.
In the end: Open and honest communication is key and paramount.” DetectiveQueasy1711
6. AITJ For Not Letting Family Kiss My Premature Baby?
“My husband and I had our daughter at 6.5 weeks premature, and she spent 12 days in the NICU to grow and feed. We faced lots of issues predominantly from my father-in-law regarding our “no visitors” policy while she was in the hospital, so far as for him to call me manipulative (behind my back because he apparently doesn’t have the guts to insult me to my face).
Baby is now almost 3 months old, 1 month 2 weeks adjusted, and we have set one rule in place that we don’t think is asking for too much: don’t kiss our baby anywhere. I had hubby relay this to his parents, and I told my family.
My family was totally cool about it, and even my mom said that she’d never dream of kissing a baby when they’re so susceptible to things. I thought his parents would be the same. Wrong! My father-in-law and I quote (passed along by my husband, as I was not present for this conversation): “That’s sick.” I’m sorry, what?
My husband explained that because she’s still such a young baby, and was a premature baby at that, we want to protect her from germs that are way too big for her tiny body and immature immune system. He then went on to say, “So does that mean that we can’t hug her on her 18th birthday because she was a premature baby?” and then “It’s okay, I know you just have to relay the message.” Which seems like he’s insinuating that I created this rule by myself and my husband is just the messenger.
Like, AITJ for not letting these people kiss my baby? I understand that they’re her grandparents and they love her and want to give affection to her, but can’t we do that when she’s not super prone to getting everything under the sun germ-wise?
I know she’ll ultimately get sick with something at some point, but I feel like this is a pretty standard safeguard.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The proper question should be if you WBTJ if you didn’t let your FIL see the baby until she’s a year old.
Also, your husband needs to grow a spine. Why is he “relaying” the expectation and not owning it himself? Is it not also his child? If he took the posture that no kissing is what it is, rather than what you are suggesting? He’s hanging you out to dry.
Also, people that like to talk behind your back, cannot stand being confronted. You need to confront your FIL directly and ask him, “do you want to be the reason the baby gets really sick and has to go back to the hospital?” Then tell him his son has been communicating everything so he can save time and speak to you directly.” StLeo21
Another User Comments:
“Regardless of who the person is; YOU are the parent. That’s all the information they need. I have SEVEN grandchildren. I asked each set of parents (4) what their wishes were and some of them even made me have updated shots at their pediatrician’s behest. I love my grandchildren but I also love my children.
Whether I agree 100% with everything they say/do is neither here nor there. THEY are the parents. As long as they are acting in the best interest of my grands, I will always do as they say. Now, if they are ever putting them in harm’s way… that may be different but my “babies” range in age from 15-3 years.
So moms and dads must be doing something right. Never mind what your jerk FIL thinks. Tell him if he keeps it up MAYBE he can see her when she’s 18.” HotTea9436
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I see this as the Chicken Little story. Did they conceive the baby?
Did they carry the baby? Did they go to all the invasive medical treatments and checks? Did they become sleep-deprived due to discomfort? Did they get bloated? Did they give birth? Did they pay all the medical bills? Did they volunteer to take care of the baby emotionally, spiritually, and financially for the rest of the baby’s life?
I guess then, they don’t have any input on decisions pertaining to the baby. It’s your child. Your decisions. If they want to make those kinds of decisions they can have their own baby. Not your job to make them happy.” Organic_Awareness685
5. AITJ For Wanting To Uninvite My Former Bridesmaid From My Wedding?
“I (22 f) am having a wedding in May. I had my bridesmaids all picked out. I had one (21 f), and she was a close mentee and friend. I legally got married because my husband and I needed to for personal reasons. Somehow she found out, and someone called it a wedding.
(It was in a parking lot; we had our Best Man and MOH as witnesses and my mom and siblings.) It felt more like a vow exchange or a courthouse wedding versus a big wedding.
Basically, she flipped out on me and the person who told her.
She made me cry, and I did raise my voice at her because I wanted her to stop. She wouldn’t stop until I told her the very personal reasons we got married legally. She then made a joke about it.
She then asked me to come to her dorm two weeks later and told me I was a horrible friend and that she was backing out of the wedding.
She continued to tell me how I was a terrible friend and mentioned every bad thing I had ever done. (Including making jokes about my trauma and getting freaked out when she was eating food I’m very allergic to in front of me.) Every time I tried to defend myself, she shut me down.
She called me a liar and said I was using logical fallacies to make my point. I apologized and she said she still wanted to come to the wedding.
I am thinking that because of how she acted, I’m not sure if I want her to even be there.
I also want to note she told a bunch of our friends that we were engaged before we told most of our family just because we didn’t call her right when it happened, and she begged both me and my husband to be at the wedding party.
But WIBTJ if I uninvited her. I have not sent a Save the Date yet due to the personal issues my husband and I have been experiencing but I did text her the date.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your wedding and you should only have people there that you feel want to celebrate your marriage and give you joy.
This girl, she’s not your friend. She’s a Sterling example of the kind of friend you don’t need and the ruler to use for the rest of your life if you feel you’re being abused or taken advantage of. Anybody that screams at you, abuses you verbally, walk away.
Don’t worry about what they think of you, cut them out of your life and keep moving. Be your own best friend and recognize when someone is abusing you. Then walk away. I hope you have a wonderful marriage and a long and beautiful life with your new partner.” Remote-Physics6980
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are allowed to do as you wish and marry in the way you want to, and have a ceremony to celebrate in the way you want to! OP, this person is much too self-involved to be a good friend to you.
It is an honor to be asked to participate in a wedding party, and she doesn’t seem to realize that. You have given her an honor, and she has thrown it in your face. You should have a happy wedding day and not have a gloomy cloud like your friend there.
You don’t need to invite her. She didn’t extend you the courtesy of compassion and kindness; you don’t need to return it to her. All the best for a lovely future, OP!” Euphoric_Travel2541
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you don’t want her there (I wouldn’t either!)… but also be prepared for that to be the end of this friendship if you do.
She sounds unpredictable and inconsiderate of your new marriage dynamic. I’d encourage you to think back on the times she has been a true friend to you, she doesn’t sound like she has been one at least lately… you deserve a beautiful wedding that is exactly the way that you want!
If you don’t want her there, I’d have some muscle there the day of that knows she is not welcome in case she tries to come anyway to stir more drama…. Happy marriage, OP!” Dependent_Deal3984
4. AITJ For Canceling On A Date After Being Left Stranded For Hours?
“I (22M) had plans to meet a girl (21F) that I’d met on an app a couple of months ago. She was in town for a wedding and had an extra day, so we decided to meet up. The plan was to meet around 3 PM, grab some food, and then go clubbing later with both of our friends.
Two nights before, she asked if I could pick her and her friend up from where they were staying. I told her I’d already made excuses to my parents about not coming home that night, and since my apartment was 90 minutes away, I thought we’d just go to the club together afterward.
She agreed, so I picked her up around 3 PM.
The day went fine initially—we drove around the city, then came back to the same place where I picked her up to grab some food. After eating, she asked her friend to come downstairs, and they wanted to buy booze to pregame.
I suggested we just pregame in my car since my friend had some booze, but they wanted to go upstairs to pregame instead. I couldn’t go up with them since it was a PG (no boys allowed), so I just stayed in the car while they went inside to drink.
They told me they’d meet me around 10 PM to head to the club.
I ended up stranded outside for three hours with nothing to do, which was super frustrating. I went to my friend’s place nearby to kill time, but I was still pretty upset about the situation.
At that point, I was really annoyed, feeling like I was just a chauffeur and that the plans were being completely disregarded. I had already made an excuse to leave a wedding I’d been at for two days to meet her, and now this.
I thought about canceling on them later in the night and making them change their plans, but ultimately I just canceled the whole thing, texting that I was stuck with my cousins for a small get-together. They ended up going to the club without me.
So, AITJ for canceling on them last minute, or should I have just gone along with it, even though I felt like I was being treated badly?”
Alternatively, I could have stuck it back to them by canning the plan even later and ruining their plan too.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – as long as you were respectful in your text saying you plan to stay with your cousins, then I don’t see any problem. Maybe I’m old but I thought the point of a date is to spend time together, and she chose to leave you for 3 hours alone when you’d both planned to go out then there’s no need to wait around.
The other side of this is why was her friend there? Did she feel uncomfortable? Was she hoping you’d leave?” Mandos-moustache
Another User Comments:
“So she’s in town for a wedding and you’re also at a wedding that’s multiple days? Also, she wasn’t “in town” if she was an hour and a half away.
You correctly assumed they just wanted you to drive them around. If she was interested you could have gone into the no-boy zone, I snuck into worse places for a girl that liked me at that age. One thing I never did at any age single though is try to get involved with someone that lived more than 25-30 minutes away (and honestly I wouldn’t agree on a group date or continue talking to someone that suggests it, but I don’t necessarily think there is anything wrong with it).
If you can’t find anyone in your city that is interested in you the problem ain’t the city, it’s you.” CarmenxXxWaldo
Another User Comments:
“Gently, you’re kinda giving off desperate vibes. You canceled plans to celebrate a friend’s wedding to go clubbing with a stranger you met off an app.
Then all you did was drive around in your car, eat food, buy booze, and wait in your car outside her hostel for her to finish pre-drinking. I hope you can see how the planned date activities weren’t very fun, there was a lot of pressure for her to connect with you and her friend to connect with your friend, instead of seeing what vibe there was naturally.
It genuinely sounds like she used no boys hostel rule to end the date and go clubbing. You have to remember no matter how much you text beforehand, a date off an app is a date with a stranger. And strangers are allowed to change their minds.
Your suggestion of drinking in your car with your friend and her friend doesn’t sound fun and probably sounded very creepy to her. Especially when she knew you were waiting outside her hostel for her to finish pre-drinking with her friend and the other travelers she met.
I don’t think this person was upset when you texted that you would no longer meet them at the club. YTJ.” excel_pager_420
3. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Replace The Jelly Beans Her Son Ate?
“I (25M) recently invited my family over for dinner at my new condo. I’m really proud of this place—it took years of saving, hard work, and sacrifice to get here.
It’s small, but it’s mine, and I wanted to celebrate with a nice family dinner.
I decided to make homemade spaghetti carbonara. I spent hours on it: crisped pancetta, freshly grated Parmesan, whisked with eggs and pasta water for a perfect, silky sauce.
Carbonara is all about timing and texture, so I was in the kitchen paying close attention to every step. I added garlic bread, salad, and even made a cheesecake for dessert. It was a big effort, and I wanted the evening to feel special.
Now, I keep a big jar of jelly beans on my coffee table as a treat.
I love picking out a few here and there, and I always save the Cream Soda ones for last—they’re my favorite. The jar has lasted a long time, and it’s something I enjoy after a long day.
My sister Laura (35F) brought her 7-year-old son, who’s honestly a bit of a handful.
He’s not used to hearing “no” and thinks every space is his to do what he wants. My sister has never set limits with him, and growing up, our parents spoiled her too.
While I was busy in the kitchen, my nephew found the jelly bean jar.
I didn’t notice at first because I was trying to get the carbonara just right. After dinner, I went to grab a handful of jelly beans and realized that almost all the Cream Soda ones were gone. My nephew had picked them out, leaving a mess of crumbs and broken bits.
I pulled Laura aside and mentioned it, asking if she’d noticed. She just shrugged and said, “Oh, he only likes the Cream Soda ones, so he picked those out. No big deal.” I tried to be polite, but I told her that those were my favorites and asked if she could replace them, or at least get me some more of the Cream Soda flavor.
She got annoyed and snapped, “He’s just a kid. You’re seriously this worked up over some jelly beans?” I told her it wasn’t about the jelly beans, but that it would’ve been nice if she’d kept an eye on him or taught him to ask.
Laura rolled her eyes and said, “Then don’t leave temptations out if you don’t want kids touching them.”
I asked her one more time to either replace the jar or just the Cream Soda ones, but she refused, calling me “petty” and saying I was blowing things out of proportion.
My parents jumped in to back her up, telling me to “drop it” and that I should “know better than to have temptations out around kids.”
But it’s not just about the money—it’s about respect and boundaries. I put a lot into that dinner, and her response was to let her son treat my place like his personal candy store.
Now my family thinks I’m overreacting, but to me, this is about respecting boundaries.
AITJ for asking my sister to replace the Cream Soda jelly beans her son ate?”
Another User Comments:
“You wrote, “I keep a big jar of jelly beans on my coffee table as a treat.” Well, that is exactly what happened. Your nephew discovered them and helped himself to a treat of the flavor he liked. I get your point, but you’re being very precious about jelly beans.
I tend to agree with you regarding your nephew’s behavior but again he didn’t break or damage anything, he merely ate something that you left out as a treat. Your response is over the top to the point of – YTJ.” Waste_Worker6122
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. He’s seven, old enough to have been taught the words ‘May I’ and ‘Please’. Laura’s reaction is effectively permission for him to take without asking again in future. Your parents, the same applies. Apparently, they don’t see the benefit of a child learning self-control and being respectful.
You…well, I don’t see the issue with the jelly bean jar being visible on the counter. But I do have an issue with the fact that whilst guests were still present, you seemingly went to grab a handful for yourself, but did not offer to share with said guests.
That would have been impolite.” Ok-Status-9627
Another User Comments:
“All these comments prove why kids act so entitled these days; everyone around them is enabling poor behavior. A jar of jelly beans isn’t an invitation for a guest to take all they want, even a child.
Being a child, his mother should have intervened. Being a gracious GUEST must be taught, though it’s clear your sister isn’t one herself. I’m going to guess that she does all his homework for him too, and can’t believe it when the teacher tells her he did something disrespectful in class.
(These same parents all think their kids are just misunderstood geniuses, too) Your parents get a pass here. A loving grandparent’s prerogative is to spoil and think the world revolves around their grandchildren. Honestly, I don’t think grandparents (good ones at least) can help themselves.
If you choose to have children someday, they will probably treat them just the same. So NTJ. I come to this as a parent of a 6-year-old who is forced to socially navigate these types of parents and their obnoxious children.” Old-Arachnid1907
2. AITJ For Not Warning My Wife About Our Fart-Smelling Puppy?
“My wife and I just got a new puppy. He is quite fuzzy. This is pertinent.
The reason we got the dog now is because I’m currently unemployed and I am able to train him before I start my new contract.
Telly is only twelve weeks old so he needs lots of sleep. I spend a good portion of my day in my recliner reading. His favorite spot to be is between my legs.
He doesn’t seem to care when I fart on him. No gagging sounds or anything.
But he complains a lot if I get up while he is there.
My wife came home from work yesterday and picked him up for a cuddle. Then quickly put him back down while dry heaving. Apparently, the farts linger in his poofy fur.
She said that I’m a jerk for not warning her.
I didn’t know she was going to stick her face in the dog and inhale like she had just come up from a two-minute free dive.”
Another User Comments:
“My cat LOVES to be in caves. So when I’m on the couch with a blanket over my legs she likes to nestle right up against my butt.
She’ll come out, rub on my face and I’m immediately like “aww how cu- you smell like farts.” My partner knows she’s going to smell like farts. I know she’s going to smell like farts. It’s part of having a pet who likes to nestle into those warm spots.
No jerks here. Your wife will learn, lol.” notyourcoloringbook
Another User Comments:
“My cats and I fart on each other all the time. When they fart on me, I snuggle them and say “DID YOU JUST STINKY FART ON ME?” and when I fart on them they either don’t react or attack my butt through bedcovers.
Everyone farts. Nobody’s the jerk in this situation, we just all have one. Sometimes, we all just stink.” kittiekittykitty
Another User Comments:
“If the smell is that (allegedly) toxic to your wife, she ought to be freaking thankful it didn’t kill the poor puppy.
Seriously though, you’re NTJ but please be mindful of the puppy now that you’re aware that the smell lingers. And for crying out loud, go to the doctor. If your farts smell that bad, it might be the result of gastrointestinal issues and it’s better to get that checked out ASAP before any potential issues have the time to become worse.” sheriberri37
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Pregnant Sister-In-Law As A Bridesmaid?
“My fiancé and I have been planning a wedding for 2 years. His sister unexpectedly got pregnant and she told us the due date is 3 weeks after the wedding. While she said she is having a healthy pregnancy and would be fine to participate in the events I am not comfortable with it and am insisting she just be a spectator.
The problem with this is she is his only sibling and they have a very close relationship. This decision has caused tension between her and my fiancé. Another problem is that the bridesmaid’s dresses I selected from David’s Bridal don’t come in maternity sizes.
I’m not trying to be offensive but she seems to be very offended. I am just wondering why she doesn’t understand this decision wasn’t made to slight her.”
Another User Comments:
“Are you really willing to cause this much tension between your sister-in-law, you, and possibly also your fiancé over a dress?!
Is it really worth it in the long run? It’s your wedding but don’t be shocked by the long-term implications. Considering you haven’t actually clarified what you’d be uncomfortable with, I’d say you’re the jerk.
Oh my goodness, I just read some of your responses to the comments and you’re so much worse than I thought.
You’re uncomfortable with not being the center of attention. Your fiancé wants her there and to be a huge part of the wedding, like siblings do, but you don’t care about that. Good luck to your fiancé in the future, I’ll keep him in my prayers.
He’s about to be married to a real jerk.” SleepDangerous1074
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You know what will happen if you win this argument? Every time anyone looks at photos of your wedding party, all they will notice is that your fiancé’s sister isn’t in them.
No one will ever comment about how wonderfully balanced they are and thank goodness there wasn’t a pregnant woman in a non-matching dress. They’ll just scroll past them and say “wow, what a selfish person, did you hear she actually kicked the sister out of the wedding party because she was pregnant?
Everyone at the wedding knew, too. What a psycho.”” ParlorSoldier
Another User Comments:
“Yikes, YTJ. Your responses to other comments are incredibly shallow to the point where I have difficulty even believing this is real because how could someone be that callous? “It’s going to throw off pictures.” The comparison I’m imagining is, what if you asked your best friend to be a bridesmaid a year prior to the wedding and they gained a lot of weight over the course of the year… you strike me as the type of person to go, “ooo, you’re no longer a size 4, you’re a size 12 and that’s ‘heavy,’ so you will ruin my pictures, I don’t want you in my bridal party anymore.” Do you not see how shallow that is?
This is the same. It’s about having you and your fiancé’s loved ones standing by you, not about how “pretty” the pictures look, and if for you, it’s about pretty pictures, maybe you’re getting married and holding a wedding for the wrong reasons. She has every right to be offended because what you’re doing is incredibly offensive.
Your priorities are out of whack.” valbuscrumbledore
As for u, U need to learn to speak up and start caring more about what's going on around u. He probably looked at ur attitude towards everything and thought it wouldn't matter, so he removed it. Had he known it meant something to u and that u did care that it was there, he might not have bothered it.