People Want Us To Help Them Tackle Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations
22. AITJ For Accidentally Waking Up My Light-Sleeper Partner During Her Summer Break?
“My (M25) partner (F26) is a teacher, and she just started her summer break. At the current moment, we occasionally sleep in separate bedrooms because she is an extremely light sleeper, and she can’t really fall asleep when I’m in bed with her.
My bedroom is on the top floor of our townhouse, and she’s in the basement.
As of late, I have been consistently waking up at 6:45 am or 7 am. This wasn’t always the case, as I’ve always liked to sleep in a little more, but I’ve recently made a lot of lifestyle changes and I wanted to start waking up earlier to get ahead of the day.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter how quiet I am going downstairs, but she still manages to wake up. Our floors on the middle floor are creaky, and they manage to wake her up every time. When we had opposite schedules (I would sleep in a little longer and she would wake up early for school), it wasn’t an issue, but she would still restrict me to the top floor during the night so I didn’t wake her up.
I didn’t really have a problem with that since there is everything I need on the top floor of our townhouse.
Today, I came downstairs (literally tiptoeing) to get a measuring cup for my morning protein shake. I also let the cat out (the door is a little noisy), and immediately went back upstairs.
She came up five minutes later and got really angry at me for waking her up, slamming her door on the way back downstairs. I find this manipulative, controlling, and selfish behavior, but I wanted to get more perspective on the issue before I confront her.
Am I being unreasonable here? I feel that she shouldn’t be interrupting my morning routine like this, especially since I have work.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t actively being loud or trying to wake her up. She needs to invest in some noise-canceling headphones or put up some sound-dampening in the basement.
That being said, if it’s the stairs that are the issue, and I assume you have to go down them at some point before she wakes up no matter what to leave for work, why don’t you guys switch rooms?” Kasparian
Another User Comments:
“People can be very toxic when they’re deprived of their sleep, probably overreacting waaay more than they usually would. That’s not to say that the reaction was justified but imo it’s all about trying to be understanding. So I’d say NTJ but you’ll definitely have to work out a different solution for this problem together.
Aren’t there any meds or stuff like earplugs that might help your gf with the noise? Especially with a pet you can’t always just restrict certain areas for different times.” xRocktaz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my partner is a teacher too and while I feel bad waking him up when he’s on a school break, he can just… go back to bed. He’s on holiday.
I’m not. I like to get up and get after it before work too and he respects it because again, he is on holiday, and so is she. It sounds like your compromise was working for the both of you while school is in session, but it’s not now.
Maybe rather than having a full-on confrontation about being controlling/manipulative/etc if you want to make the relationship work, you could talk about options for making it work – noise cancelling headphones, white noise machine, swapping bedrooms, something?” freerange_chicken
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Non-Hispanic Friend's Quinceanera?
“I (15M) have a best friend (14F) who is turning 15 in August. For the record, we are both white. Meaning no disrespect, my friend is like the whitest person ever and has no Hispanic b***d anywhere in their family. My best friend has mentioned having a quinceanera before but frankly, I assumed it was a joke as she is not Hispanic.
Today though during lunch (we are both in high school) she asked if I would come to her quinceanera because she knew I had reservations about it before. I said yeah sure but now I am regretting saying yes as I don’t think it should be done by someone not Hispanic.
So, WIBTJ if I didn’t attend my best friend’s quinceanera and told them not to have one?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – This is a coming-of-age celebration that can definitely be practiced by any culture! I think it is wonderful that she wants to share in this celebration.
With modern internet culture, I understand why you have reservations. This is something that could definitely result in a popular influencer being “canceled”, but that is honestly so ridiculous. Culture is meant to be shared, appreciated, and valued.” heresmyopinion_xo
Another User Comments:
“Anyone can have a birthday party.
Calling it a quinceañera when you don’t speak Spanish, don’t have Latin American heritage, or any cultural history of this is a bit odd. Is she planning a traditional Mexican-style quinceañera, or does she just want a birthday party where she gets to wear a poufy dress with rhinestones?
I’m going with YTJ. There are ways for her to turn this into being a racist jerk, but she’s probably just a teen girl wanting a party.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know what the heck is going on in these comments but quinces ARE a Hispanic thing.
They are part of Latino culture & some do view it as cultural appropriation. I guess it depends on the area but in my heavily Hispanic area, a white girl would 100% get side eyes. This girl is not Hispanic nor has she grown up in the culture.
She can just have a sweet 16 or a big party for her 15. These comments are insane.” heftybufalo
20. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Go On A Trip With His Brother After Our Baby's Birth?
“So, my husband (34m) and I (28f) just had a baby boy. He’s amazing, precious, and very gassy at times. I had a c-section, not by choice, and am still recovering.
Baby boy is about two weeks old.
My husband is great, he shares all the responsibilities with me, supports me postpartum, and really makes sure baby boy and I are happy and healthy.
The thing is, my husband hasn’t worked for a while now and I’m the sole provider at the moment.
His dad passed away about two months ago and he had to leave me when I was 9 months pregnant (his family lives in a different country) for 3 weeks because none of his siblings wanted to manage everything around his dad’s passing away. He stopped working when he left and hasn’t gotten back to it since.
We have talked about it and he will get back to work in the near future (a month or so).
I worked until the day I gave birth, I own a small business and need to get back to partial work in a few days.
I will have to get back to full-time in about 3 weeks.
Now, my husband has a brother who isn’t the best family guy. He provides very little for his family, has 5 kids he often leaves his wife alone with, only “helps to babysit” sometimes, and in general isn’t really there unless it has to do with keeping the kids alive at max.
My husband’s brother won some football tickets about 6 months ago and invited my husband and his dad to go with (my husband had to pay for his submission to that contest though). Now that my FIL passed away, my husband’s brother wants them both to go to that football game abroad and stay for 4 days.
My husband doesn’t just want to go, he made it a fact, and says his brother said this would be a trip in memory of their father.
I don’t know how I’ll do 4 days with a baby boy alone at home. He will be 5 weeks old and I will be freshly back to work.
My mom will be able to help but I can’t just leave the kid with her at this stage. I told my husband there’s no way he’s leaving and now he is mad at me and says he will be going anyway and I’m a jerk for not understanding him.
I will say, before their father died, I still said the same thing – I’ll have a newborn at home and won’t want him to leave. This has been known for over 6 months now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Disregarding, like, everything about him not working and you overworking – who cares about what he wants, what his brother wants, or anything like that.
He has a newborn at home, he’s not just gonna up and vanish like that. He chose to have a kid now he has to take care of it. His ‘boy time’ vanished for a good long while the moment he agreed to have a kid with you.
He knows what it takes to care for a newborn, I hope so at least, so no way a good dad would just up and leave you alone like that.” TheAwesomePalace
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your husband and BIL are holding this up in memory of their father.
In other words, family ties are strong and should be respected. Yet, he is not thinking that he has his own new family now. He needs to respect that as well. Further, he needs to respect his wife who is not only the person who carried and nurtured his son, but had a difficult birth to boot.
His wife is also the sole breadwinner at this time. He’s already honored his father by taking time off when you were heavily pregnant. He’s been on vacation and he needs to step up and start thinking about his contribution to his own family. He needs to decide if his loyalty is to his brother or to his wife and newborn son.” Hydrogeology
Another User Comments:
“What is it with these immature, selfish idiots? Don’t they give a d**n about their wife, her health? And the well-being of their newborn? Do they think they can frolic around without a care in the world as they did in their teenage years?
And leave all the responsibilities and care because they have secured a live-in incubator, nanny, cook, housemaid, AND financial provider? I’m 61 years old and I can assure you that things are not going to get better in the future. The path forward is being a single married and working mom.
Men like this only add an extra burden to the workload. Better to be a truly single mom without the extra work, aggravation, and heartache.” jezebel103
19. AITJ For Buying My Wife An Expensive Phone She Didn't Want?
“My (33M) wife (33F) and I have been together for 15 years, married for 9 and have two beautiful daughters.
We both come from poor families, so we’ve always been very responsible with money. We used to live very frugally, which allowed us to buy a home and raise our kids.
Now we both have stable jobs and started earning well. My salary got doubled last year and we literally didn’t know how to adapt.
I’ve been trying to persuade her to change our standard of living and spend more on better stuff, but she is reluctant. She constantly worries that it can all disappear, so she tries not to spend too much and as a result money just piles up pointlessly.
She has a very cheap phone that’s driving her crazy about how buggy it is and makes horrible photos (she likes to take photos of our kids for memories). So I bought her a very good and expensive one even though she was strongly against it when I suggested it.
She says it’s way above her standard, she doesn’t want to look like a shallow person with things she doesn’t need and it is very expensive. It’s actually a 1/3 of my monthly salary, but in her eyes, it’s too much.
We got it today and now she doesn’t speak to me.
She says I should use it, sell it, or do whatever I want with it, but she won’t use it.
I know she would like it if it wasn’t for the price, because we talked about what she wants in a phone and I’ve shown it to her before, so the only problem is the price.
We have a shared budget.
We rarely ever fight, but this time she’s very stubborn and ignores me altogether.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I say this because I think you did a nice thing by getting her a good phone that will actually work and take good quality photos of your family that you know she will enjoy much more.
Sounds like money is no longer as big of an issue and you wanted to do something nice for her that she wouldn’t do for herself. But she’s also not a “jerk” either and this will be something it sounds like she needs time to adjust and come around to.
When someone spends their whole life with little money and is always worried about it, it’s hard to think you’re “allowed” to have nice things or that you deserve it. Hopefully, she’ll realize she does deserve it, you can afford it, and that it will be something she’s glad she has soon enough.” BondraP
Another User Comments:
“I can’t answer this without knowing what kind of phone it is. When you say “expensive phone” I’m thinking like a $1200 iPhone. To me, that would be an unnecessary thing to get someone that they don’t want when you could get another phone that offers the same feature for way less.
If you say the phone was 1/3 of your salary, that tells me you really aren’t making that much money like you are making out to be.” frankbeans82
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. I understand that you wanted to get your wife a nice new phone and you are now making enough money that it doesn’t seem like a big deal to you but you are missing the point.
It’s a big deal to her, coming from money insecurity she’s right to be cautious because it absolutely can go away at any moment. Money “piling up” is not pointless. That’s called a savings, retirement fund, or emergency fund, something your partner obviously cares about having a lot more than you do.
You cannot force her to spend money or be comfortable with expensive things, not everyone likes the liability of having expensive things, it could be very stressful for her to worry about something happening to it. You should have talked to her about phone options and found something she was comfortable with, there are plenty of affordable options for phones that you could have gotten for her without reaching for the most expensive one you knew she didn’t want.
Maybe you and she should have more of a sit down talk about your finances instead of you trying to force your new wealth down her throat.” Catcon95
18. AITJ For Wanting A Larger Stake In My Late Uncle's Business I'm Running?
“I have worked for my uncle’s landscaping business for the past six years.
Quite sadly, we lost my uncle this past January. Since his passing, I have been running his business, as his wife (my biological aunt) had no involvement with it or idea as to how it was managed. I’m the one talking to clients, managing the books, ensuring people are getting paid, etc. Meanwhile, my aunt is nowhere to be seen.
At the beginning of this month, I told my aunt that I am running her business but really getting nothing in return for my effort. I told her that I wanted to become a partner in the business. I also feel that as the one doing all the work, I should deserve a larger stake, and so my suggestion was 65/35.
My aunt already has a very good-paying job, so this would just be passive income for her to enjoy while having to do absolutely nothing in return.
Naturally, she has refused. She says I’m exploiting her situation, and feels I should respect my uncle’s wish that their son take over the business.
Meanwhile, their son is only fourteen and has expressed no interest in running the company at all. In fact, he threw a tantrum at the suggestion of working a few weeks with me this summer to learn some of the ropes.
I did offer to teach my aunt how to do the job, but because of her existing job, she declined. And I have said that I will not train another person in the company to replace me, since obviously such an arrangement only harms me.
This past weekend, I told my aunt that if she does agree to my terms then I plan to leave her company this coming July. I have not told her this, but I am considering starting a competing company, and I know for a fact that several of her employees and clients would follow me.
Since laying out an ultimatum, my phone has been blowing up. My aunt has called me every name in the book, accused me of disrespecting my uncle’s legacy, and has been very clear that she’d fire me if she could. Other family members are also upset.
My grandparents have outright told me I’m exploiting the dead, and my mom feels I should leave my aunt her company and just ask for a raise for my extra work. Others have either remained neutral or suggested it’s probably best for me to leave and find other work and let her sort out her own situation.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is going to ruin a good thing that she had. You might burn some bridges, but she started it. “I would have already fired you if I could.” I personally would have already run off and started making moves.
You’re clearly much more patient than I am. Good luck with your new company.” hypotheticalkazoos
Another User Comments:
“It sounds more like you already inherited the business. Get your LLC in order, get your business insurance and your OWN equipment. Then move on. The employees you want are going to follow, the customers will follow the guys who did the work.
The riff-raff will get left behind and your aunt will have a fire sale on equipment because she’s not a landscaper….. But I would not expect any invites to the family potluck anytime soon.” Naive-Atmosphere-178
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This isn’t personal or familial. This is business.
Without you, the company folds and all of those employees are now unemployed. Whether it is your business or not, you deserve what is right. She doesn’t know nor can she run this business. You definitely are being way undercompensated. She needs to open her eyes and come to the table with something other than passive-aggressive manipulative guilt trips or she will be the reason the company goes under.
NOT YOU.” slap-a-frap
17. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Niece After Being Falsely Accused Of Neglect?
“My brother & SIL say they caught me on the nanny cam not watching their child and working instead. I don’t know who all they told this to, but it got back to me. What actually happened is, I was asked to babysit last minute & I said I had scheduled work meetings & deadlines, but since I WFH I could come over with my partner & take care of my niece.
I offered for my partner to watch her with my supervision. Brother & SIL agreed to this & I sent several photo & video updates of my niece having a lovely time playing with my partner who is really wonderful with children & always so sweet to my niece.
I was horrified that family, friends & who knows who else was being told that I was not properly caring for my niece. I communicated my limitation in advance, but they completely left that detail out & made it seem like I blindsided them. I decided to let myself cool down from this frustrating circumstance & then sent a message to my brother & SIL saying that I love my niece but I no longer feel comfortable caring for her on my own because of the way that things have been communicated and, in my opinion, seriously misconstrued. This meant I’m no longer on the list of people who could be called last minute to watch her or pick her up from school.
Brother & SIL then started telling family members that I don’t want a relationship with my niece & I’m taking out my anger on her. They also said that I am depriving her of a safe person to pick her up if something comes up.
My parents talked to them & my brother then said that they also caught me yelling at my niece on the nanny cam. I know this is untrue because she is a perfect angel every time I watch her. She’s truly the sweetest child! Never have I even had a reason to raise my voice at my niece.
My parents were immediately suspicious of this accusation for the same reasons above & knowing how I am with children & my niece in particular. They asked if my brother & SIL had confronted me about this, to which they said no because I will just deny it.
Parents then said, what does a resolution look like to you, because we are not sure how to help without understanding what you want. Brother & SIL replied that they want an apology for me taking my name off of the list of people who could watch their child & to be available to watch her again.
AITJ for refusing to babysit my niece?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, they sound super manipulative and controlling. Don’t even bother with people who make stuff up. Also, let anyone who repeats their accusations know that they want you to apologize for removing yourself from her school pick-up and continue to watch niece.
If you were so horrible why are they still asking you to watch her? Also, I would communicate only via text with them from now on.” Impossible-Tutor-799
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Hasn’t anyone noticed that they are spreading a bunch of stories that make it sound as though you’re a terrible and unreliable babysitter yet the resolution they want is… for you to babysit?
One would think you are the last person they would want to have care for their child, considering their allegations. The only solution for you is to tell them you’re obviously unqualified to watch their child and they will need to make other arrangements.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The sense of entitlement of these people demanding an apology because you exercised your right to not take care of the child in the future. They’re also trying to guilt trip you regarding depriving her of a safe person to pick her up from school.
They’ve already made accusations against you, twice now. I think for your own peace of mind, the best thing to do is to not take care of her so that they can’t level any more accusations when they don’t get their own way. If you did the things they accuse you of, such as not watching her, or shouting, then why would they be so angry at the prospect of you not taking care of her anymore?
Why are they demanding that you do? They wouldn’t want somebody who does these things to mind their child. They’re telling on themselves.” RemotePhilosophy897
16. AITJ For Telling My Stepmother To Stop Acting Like A Child At My Daughter's Party?
“My father and my stepmother have been together for a little over a decade.
I’ll call her “Nicki”. She didn’t move in with him until years after I had moved out, so I’ve never been close with her (I don’t actually call her “stepmother”).
To be honest, Nicki annoys me. She is childish and naive in ways that often feel forced. She’ll speak in a high-pitched voice and replace random words with the “baby version” of them (think “boo-boo” and “wee-wee”).
I’m always nice to her, of course, but I don’t like being around her for long.
I didn’t dislike her at first, but when my kids (6M and 3F) were born, Nicki’s antics almost immediately went up to eleven. Whenever she’s around them, she acts either younger or the same age as them.
I can never tell whether she’s trying to get their attention or my father’s, but it’s gotten to the point that my husband and I try to minimize contact between her and our children.
My daughter’s third birthday party took place about a week ago, and both my dad and Nicki came.
At one point, I noticed that rather than take a seat at the tables like the other adults, Nicki was walking around talking to the kids. It was odd, but no one seemed bothered, so I didn’t do anything about it.
Half an hour later, my 5-year-old goddaughter came up to me and asked why there was a “lady talking like a baby.” She told me she was scary, and that she didn’t want to play with the other kids while she was around.
I went up to Nicki and suggested that she sit down. I explained that the kids wanted to play by themselves and that having an adult around like that would bother them. She seemed fine with it.
Sometime later, my daughter ran to me crying.
She said Nicki wasn’t letting her play with her friends. At that, my husband and I pulled Nicki aside. From what I gathered, the girls were trying to play princesses and she was trying to dictate who everyone should be.
We told Nicki, once again, to take a seat and leave the kids alone.
She tried to argue with us, saying she was only trying to make sure they were having fun. I replied, “They aren’t. You’re not a child, they don’t want to play with you. I know you mean well, but you’re embarrassing yourself, so please sit down and stop bothering them.”
She stood there for a few seconds before she took a seat next to my father. The party continued without issue. I later found out that at least three of the other kids had also complained to their parents, but they didn’t tell me (one of them figured Nicki was an entertainer I’d hired).
A couple of days later, my father called and told me off for how I’d treated his wife. He says that Nicki is heartbroken and that I was extremely rude when she just wanted to play with the kids. I reminded him that the children didn’t want to be around her, but he’s still insisting I apologize.
My husband told me that someone had to do something, as the kids were upset. I feel like this is a dumb issue, but I can’t help but feel like I might have acted rudely.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Here is the apology – “Nicki I am sorry that you can’t seem to get over the fact that you aren’t a child anymore and need to act like an adult – the kids didn’t want to play with you and that was fine, it hurt your feelings well it’s time to grow up and realize your feelings aren’t mine or anyone else’s responsibility other than your own.” NTJ.” Lunar-Eclipse0204
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – And the only one who owes anyone an apology is Nicki to you and your husband for not listening. She seems very self-centered and only cares about what she wants; not what you want for your daughter and the party, and not for the kids who Nicki wants to control how they want to play.
The only person who was rude was Nicki, and now she feels entitled to an apology because you wouldn’t let her control the kids and annoy them.” StonewallBrigade21
Another User Comments:
“She FRIGHTENED one child, made yours cry, and was acting so strange/different that one of your friends thought she was an entertainer you hired. I would tell your father that and say that his wife needs to learn to act accordingly or you will limit her contact with your children.
Your actions don’t need an apology, his wife needs to rein in her behavior. You were firm and calm, not rude. You had to talk to her TWICE. Rude would have been walking over and yelling “What the heck is wrong with you? You are scaring multiple children and making my daughter cry with your weird nonsense when I already asked you to sit down and leave the children alone!!!” NTJ.” KimB-booksncats-11
15. AITJ For Wanting To Ignore My Persistent Older Neighbor's Date Requests?
“So I, 21(F), had a knock at the door from a man who lives five doors down. I have been living on this street and have known him since I was 14, he is currently in his late 50s. For some insight, I have quite bad anxiety and do not leave the house really unless necessary.
He was knocking quite loud and I looked out the window and it was him and since this was one of the only times I had ever really had him knock on the door, I assumed it was urgent and answered. He asked me on a date tonight and I said no, and he asked for tomorrow and I said no, then he went on to say let me know and I didn’t know what to say.
Ten minutes later he came back to the door but I couldn’t get myself to answer so I stuck my head out the window. He started shouting about how it was on him, how he would pay for everything and not to worry and how he will come see me again.
I’ll be completely honest, I didn’t know how to respond so I just said thanks.
He knows my mum better than he knows me so it kind of creeps me out the fact he asked me out when he has known me since I was 14.
My home is a safe space for me so the fact he came to my home and asked me out at my front door just has thrown me off. I don’t know how to turn him down and feel comfortable. I was honestly thinking of just ignoring him.
WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Yikes, this neighbor was really inappropriate and his persistence after you said no is creepy and aggressive. If you feel safe doing so, telling him no without any conditions or explanation is worthwhile. For example, “I don’t want to go out with you or hang out with you, and I will not change my mind.” Also consider telling your parents and letting them communicate that.
If you don’t feel safe doing so, then ignoring him is fine. You are NTJ.” mewley
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is very, very inappropriate behavior on his part. Have you told your mum about this? If you haven’t, then please do so. I would start documenting anything to do with him.
Any interaction at all. You will have documentation just in case things start to escalate. You (or preferably a family member) need to make it clear that whatever he is thinking is never going to happen, that he is far too old for you, and that his asking you out is extremely inappropriate and then just completely ignore him from now on.
I hope your anxiety eases up soon also. It’s a horrible thing to live with.” scousebutty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but considering he is a man who could be a potential threat, I would politely but firmly decline and let your mom know the situation.
Maybe invest in a ring doorbell and some sort of protection, like a taser or pepper spray that stays on your key chain. If he continues with the persistence, get a restraining order, but don’t tell him that as it could aggravate the situation.
You can’t be too safe, especially considering he didn’t get the hint with the first two rejections.” zoiinksscooby
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My 3-Year-Old Daughter To Be In My SIL's Child-Free Wedding?
“I (34F) don’t like my husband’s youngest sister (30F). She is the baby and acts like a brat. Everyone coddles/caters to her. I have seen her throw tantrums, flip out on family, make her mom cry, and pout because she didn’t get her way, lost at a game, etc. Thankfully she lives 3.5 hours away.
I like my MIL and other SIL. We’ll call the one getting married Tia.
I was fine with Em (will be 3 at time of wedding) being a flower girl despite the logistics stressing me out. Wedding is 3.5 hours away. We need to go up the night before for rehearsal, and set up the next day.
Wedding is at 5 pm. It would be a long day for Em. She’s shy around big groups. I doubt she’ll walk down the aisle when it’s time. At my wedding, I had my nieces as flower girls. 3yo was excited until it was time and then freaked out.
Her mom carried her. Tia later commented that it ruined it. Tia also took control of things I asked not to happen. After the ceremony, we had pictures. Food was to be put out for guests. I didn’t want them waiting on us. Tia knew that but still told people they had to wait for us and she would dismiss them by table.
When we returned I was annoyed and told people to get food. Tia got upset and said she was dismissing them.
During the bouquet toss, my cousin caught it. Tia ripped it from her hands. Tia’s now fiance got upset for the way she acted. My MOH witnessed him telling Tia that wasn’t cool and Tia threw the bouquet at his face and stomped off.
Back to the point. We found out the wedding is kid-free. They want to party without kids. That’s fine and dandy. I love a night off from being a mom. We also have 11M and 15F I adopted before I met my husband. In my family, we have lots of blending and there is no such thing as half or step or whatever.
Nobody gets treated differently. My in-laws use words like “real” when describing family. I don’t like it. I didn’t like when Tia wished me a happy FIRST Mother’s day after I had my bio daughter.
Tia said she expects Em to leave after the ceremony.
That I should get my mom to come, or bring our babysitter who could stay with her at the Airbnb. My mom doesn’t want to. She’ll have the other 2 kids since they aren’t in the wedding. She doesn’t want to make the drive.
My babysitter has a prior commitment. I told my MIL and Tia that Em was not going to be in the wedding or my husband and I would leave early. They are upset. They want me to find someone else. (My 15yo can’t do it because she’s autistic.) They suggested Tia find someone where she lives.
I said no. Outside of family, only our babysitter has ever stayed with Em. I am picky. The wedding is two months away. I could look for someone, but I don’t want to. My husband agrees that the best solution is for Em to stay with my parents, but he won’t tell them.
So, AITJ if I say Em won’t be in the wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – this is about your daughter – not about your SIL or about your wedding in the past. She’s 3 – in a new place with people she’s not that close to – this could easily be frightening for her.
Add in 3.5 hrs drive time – staying in a strange place – etc…and it’s too much. Your husband doesn’t have to speak for you – if you think it’s too much for you and your daughter, say ‘no’. That’s that. If the SIL gets nasty – stay home with your kids…would probably be more fun anyway.” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “I’m sorry, I can’t bring a toddler to a child-free wedding. You were unhappy when my niece had to be carried at my wedding; I can’t guarantee my daughter won’t need to be carried, or sit down in the middle of the floor, or burst into tears, or in general do toddler things.
She’s not old enough to control herself, and I know you want the wedding to be perfect.” Leave disliking Tia (sounds justified!) out of it. Just tell her your toddler isn’t going to be a passive prop. She’s a three-year-old, and if Tia expects more than that, she’ll be disappointed.” ThingsWithString
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, this is a roller-coaster. The reasons why you don’t like her are irrelevant. The reasons why she’s a brat are irrelevant. Your daughter is the priority, everything else is irrelevant. If it’s in the child’s best interest to not be a part of the ceremony, then don’t take her.
All the extra text and justifications actually paint you in a worse light than the matter of fact which is, your kid is not a prop.” WhatThis4
13. AITJ For Threatening To Call The Cops On My Neighbor's Friend Who Blocked My Driveway During An Emergency?
“So I am currently writing this exhausted after being in the hospital since last night.
My son had a high fever and stomach pain.
I called his pediatrician and they told me to get him to the hospital as it sounded like his appendix. (It was and they had it removed from my young child)
Anyway, I went to take him to the hospital and found a car blocking my driveway.
(1 car driveway) Not like the nose of the car, the whole car was blocking me in.
I’m freaking out yelling at my husband that we need to call the cops to get this towed so we can go. The neighbors were having a party and the guest came running out when he heard me.
Said he was sorry and moved. We just got in the car and left.
This morning my neighbor who was having the party came over angry asking why I threatened to call the cops on his friend and ruin his party.
I simply informed him of what happened and that if he parked on the street not blocking me in I wouldn’t have said anything and next time maybe have them park in front of their own driveway so as not to impact anyone that could have emergencies.
He flipped me off and called me a jerk and walked away? So am I the jerk, honestly starting to want to move from this neighborhood but I love my home that we bought.”
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ, it was an emergency, so you said what you said, and that was it.
Your neighbor then proceeded to flip you off like a child with an ape brain after you explained what happened. Lol. I hope he stubs his toe every day for that. In fact, tell him that.” CtheLight590
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At all. People make mistakes and obviously, the guest knew they shouldn’t be parking there based on their quick response, but they obviously didn’t need to make a big deal of it nor should the disrespectful neighbor have made an issue out of it.
I hope your sweet son is recovering well, I can’t even imagine how scary it must’ve been for all involved.” keels81
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Blocking the neighbor’s driveway is a jerk move anyway, and trying to flip it on you as if he wasn’t the one violating your boundaries, putting the health of your child in jeopardy is insane.
Not to mention saying that you threatened to call the cops implies that you were giving them some uncalled for ultimatum, which is an unfair way to frame what happened as well.” Zinnia133
12. AITJ For Preferring My Wife's Family Over My Own?
“My (M33) wife (30) and I have been together for 11 years and have a 3yo son.
My family is what they themselves call ‘traditional’. That means I was spanked as a kid, dad drinks too much and mom is overbearing. My oldest sister was parentified and is very resentful towards the whole family and my brother has a drinking problem. I cannot have an honest conversation with my parents without mom overstepping or dad berating me.
My mom hates my wife and my sister’s husband just for existing. You get the picture. They’re not bad people or anything and I do love them but we’re not the happy family my mom pretends to be on social media.
My wife’s family, on the other hand, is just…
nice? She’s best friends with her siblings and they’re all very close. Over the years, I’ve become good friends with her sisters’ husbands too. When we first started seeing each other I was like wow, your parents are really good at controlling themselves and not quarreling in front of us during dinner.
She was like ‘???’ It took me some time to really fathom that this is just how they are and that family relationships like this are possible. Anyways, from the very start they treated me like a member of the family and I feel very comfortable and enjoy spending time with them.
I used to feel guilty for spending more time with my wife’s family than mine. It changed when our kid got seriously sick and nearly passed away. My wife’s family stepped up and did all in their power to help us without overstepping. Meanwhile, my mom acted like the main character, constantly calling my wife for updates and crying, expecting us to console her while my dad shut out and drank.
I understand everyone reacts to stress differently, but this situation really made me realise what example I want to set for my kid.
So I no longer try to ensure ‘equal time’ for my parents during holidays. We go to our in-laws’ because the atmosphere there is good.
I make sure to call my parents and visit them but I no longer drag my wife and kid along as neither of them enjoys it and it’s not the right example for my son.
Now, my birthday is coming up and we have a trip planned. My MIL will be flying with us and babysitting.
I’m really grateful because I was not comfortable leaving our son behind but we also wouldn’t have been able to attend certain events there if not for MIL’s help.
My parents wanted to come visit on my birthday and I had to tell them all about the trip because mom kept asking.
This resulted in Mom disowning me for taking MIL on a trip when it should be her I’m treating. However, she’s not going there to be treated she’s going there to help. Also, my mom is morbidly obese among other things and I wouldn’t trust her with a toddler so I can’t take her instead.
Honestly, I’d rather not go at all if my mom was going because nobody would be able to have a good time (I did not tell her that).
I feel bad about things being the way they are but I also feel it’s not entirely my fault.
AITJ for letting it happen?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your decisions seem to be based on the well-being and comfort of your immediate family, particularly your young son. It’s clear that your wife’s family provides a healthier and more supportive environment, which is crucial, especially in times of crisis.
Your mother’s reaction, including disowning you, reinforces your decision to prioritize your wife’s family. It’s important to create a positive and stable environment for your child, and it seems like you’re doing what’s best for your family.” Milfielovesu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family is pretty toxic from your story, I would be surprised if you have no childhood trauma as it seems strange for you to see a functional family.
Both of them are pretty selfish, your father prioritizes drinking over you and your siblings while your mother prioritizes herself. It’s a pretty good idea to break the cycle and keep some distance from them, so your son can have a healthy upbringing. I’d also recommend therapy, so you would avoid accidentally passing all this load to your son.” LeeAndrewK
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband feels sort of similarly to you I think. His family never really prioritized him and his childhood was volatile and full of terrible fighting between his parents. His family never really makes him feel valued or cared about… They barely spend any time with our son even, but lament that “he won’t know who I am” the next time they can make it for a visit (they live 10 minutes down the road!!!) Meanwhile, my mom and late grandfather took my husband in with open arms and lots of love.
My mom goes all out for my husband’s birthday, she spends time with all of us, tries to give us breaks to spend time together as a couple, and just genuinely values him as a person. She’s welcome over to our house basically anytime, all the time, because she isn’t rude/insulting/dismissive when she’s here… Unlike my MIL.
One year my MIL gave my husband a book about adult children of heavy drinkers AS A BIRTHDAY GIFT and said he could even give it to his kids one day too… Who does that???” Junior-Pride-9147
11. AITJ For Leaving Home To Avoid Hearing About My Half-Sister's Non-Adoption Again?
“My parents are hosting extended family for a couple of weeks.
It’s my maternal and paternal grandparents as well as my aunt and uncle on my paternal side. It was going okay until last weekend when my parents brought up a topic of conversation that I (17m) am so tired of hearing and being pulled into.
So let me explain the non-adoption and why it bugs me. My dad had a kid before he met my mom. My half-sister (24f). My dad had primary custody of my half-sister, her mom was in and out of her life. My parents met when my half-sister was 2 and got married when she was 4.
Her mom was in and out of prison, was on and off harmful substances and she was really disruptive to my half-sister’s life and to my parents. She refused to stay away but refused to be a good mom too. When I was 2 or 3 her mom offered to walk away for good but only if they removed any chance that she could be sued for child support, etc. My mom was willing to adopt my half-sister.
The three adults wanted this to happen but because of my half-sister’s age, her wishes held a lot of weight and she didn’t want my mom to adopt her, and it never happened. So her mom kept the back and forth for a few more years before giving up the relationship with my half-sister completely.
My parents were so upset that my half-sister rejected having a stable and loving mom in my mom for a woman who even she admitted was so mean to her and didn’t take good care of her. But my half-sister never really liked my mom from what I witnessed.
It’s a really big deal to my parents and I have grown up hearing about it way more than I need to. They told me details I didn’t need to know, when I was too young to be hearing them, they would suck the fun out of things by bringing it up.
And I know they hold it against my half-sister. They think my sisters (14f and 13f) and I do too but the lack of closeness has nothing to do with the not adoption and everything to do with our half-sister not wanting to be close to us.
I asked my parents to stop bringing it up around us a few times. They ignored me. Until they said they got it and would listen.
But last weekend my parents brought it up while family was over and I was so not wanting to hear about it so I got up in the middle of breakfast and left the house and didn’t come back all day.
My parents were so mad at me for that. I told them I couldn’t listen to them talk about it again and they couldn’t help themselves but I wasn’t going to turn it into a fight to stop them. They told me walking out without permission is bad enough but when we have family here is disrespectful and they told me I’m old enough to know and do better.
This was a sore point the whole week.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“”The three adults wanted this to happen but because of my half-sister’s age, her wishes held a lot of weight” – how old was she at the time? Too much math. If the mother and father wanted to terminate the mother’s parental rights it wouldn’t have required the step-parent to adopt or the kid’s consent.
That doesn’t make sense. Leaving all of that aside, a 17 yo excusing themself from a conversation that shouldn’t include them and siblings and just plays on repeat is NTJ.” Tiny_Shelter440
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you told them you were tired of this topic and that they should never bring it up in your presence again, but they did.
I bet your relatives also all know about this topic already since your parents seem to bring it up all the time. So your parents are the jerks for bringing up a topic everyone is already tired of, ranting about your half-sister’s personal decisions and accusing you of disrespectful behavior for leaving, which at this point was a fully understandable action.
Also, Idk why your action should be considered as disrespectful if you hung around your extended family for the past weeks, I mean it’s their fault for bringing up this topic again and not yours for enforcing the consequences of their stupid actions. It sounds more like they feel butthurt for you not staying and taking on their side in this story.” TielPerson
Another User Comments:
“I get why she never liked your mom and why she is keeping you all at a distance. Your mom and dad are bullies. She said no when she was 10, and for 14 years they have constantly brought up what a horrible thing it was for her to want a relationship with her mom.
I can only imagine all the pressure that was put on her and all the times they badmouthed her mom. I wouldn’t be surprised if she one day goes NC with your dad. NTJ.” DubiousPeoplePleaser
10. AITJ For Leaving A Party Early After Being Criticized For My Outfit?
“A few days ago I (19F) was invited to a birthday party for my friend’s roommate (who I’ll call Brandon) as a plus 1.
I don’t know the guy very well but I decided I’d go along anyway since it was my friend who invited me.
The day before, I went out with her to pick out some clothes for it. I eventually decided on a nice crop top I found.
I was told by my friend that it should be fine, and that I wouldn’t be offending anyone by showing off a little skin, plus I thought it looked cute so why not?
Come the time of the party: at this point, I arrive wearing the crop top that I picked out, and some shorts.
I also had a hoodie tied around my waist in case we went outside for a fire later in the night. Most of the party was fine up until people started getting tipsy. The birthday boy in particular, had a few words to say about me.
First it was little jabs at how I look, stuff that could be played off as playful banter… but then he started getting more aggressive with it as the night went on, eventually, it got so bad that I put on my hoodie to see if he’d stop, but after he didn’t I decided to leave.
(I left quietly without a word).
This morning I was woken up to this absolute essay of a text message from the guy’s partner. The tldr was basically explaining how she was “dissatisfied with the outcome of the party.” She continued to explain that my leaving prematurely without saying goodbye was rude and that I had no right to arrive so “underdressed”.
I tried replying to the message to explain my side of the story but she blocked me.
I reached out to my friend asking if they are aware of any of this happening on their end and she told me that after I left, Brandon went on a huge rant when he realized I was gone about my choice of clothes and that he made the claim that I was trying to “come onto him” which isn’t true at all.
She also said that she was the one who gave his partner my number, but that she was told it was to “comfort me about the situation.” Part of me believes she misheard “confront” as “comfort”
I personally don’t believe I’m the jerk here. But I’ve had similar moments where I really was a jerk and didn’t realize it so I thought I’d check here.”
Another User Comments:
“Oh, no, a young woman wore a crop top and shorts in the, (almost), summertime. To a party! With people of a similar age! How dare she expose herself like that! And tempting the young man who, obviously, couldn’t keep his eyes off her!
And the birthday boy’s partner felt threatened and .. was upset because the crop top girl left without asking permission?! Oh, my! OP, you need better friends. I am sure you did “look cute”. If people can’t handle that, then block them and walk away.
NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“It’s a birthday party, it’s not court where there are known strict dress codes. Even if we assume that you misread the vibe of the party and underdressed for it it’s not like you were trying to offend them, NTJ.
Brandon on the other hand is a real piece of work. Even if you were underdressed, a good host would have looked past it and tried to make everyone feel comfortable, while he kept bringing attention to it. Also judging from the fact that he lied to his partner about you coming on to him, I’m guessing he was trying to come on to you and when his partner confronted him about it later he pinned it on you instead.” Lopsided_Put4682
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – He was attracted to you, got tipsy enough to broadcast that to everyone, and then in typical fragile-male-ego fashion, decided to blame you for it. And in typical insecure-partner fashion, she went right along with it instead of realizing her partner is trash.
I really doubt you were the only woman there wearing shorts, or a crop top, or showing any amount of skin. It’s not about that. It’s about him being attracted to you and being immature about it. You did nothing wrong by simply existing.” CrimsonKnight_004
9. AITJ For Not Consulting My Partner About My Daughter's Graduation Party?
“My 11-year-old daughter is “graduating” school tomorrow.
My ex-wife texted me mid-week last week and said she thinks we should do something for our daughter after graduation. I said “sure” and on Friday, she offered to host a party at her place. That was fine by me, and she asked if I could bring a cooler of ice with some beer and I agreed. I think the party is small maybe 3-5 other kids and some parents.
I told my partner (of 18 months) about the graduation and the after-party on Sunday morning, two days after the plans were made. I made the mistake of saying my ex-wife and I were hosting a party for the kids. She got really upset with me about that.
1. I didn’t consult her and by having the party at my ex’s it somewhat excluded her due to the awkwardness of my ex-wife around my partner.
2. She feels ignored and that I’m favoring the ex-wife and her feelings. She thinks my ex is using her power to gain my attention.
(I have no feelings for my ex, for what it’s worth)
From my perspective, a lower school graduation is kind of a non-event. My partner might want to go, maybe not. She is very close with my kids but going to their “events” is a more recent thing.
I can see her side of it because I wasn’t thinking of her when agreeing to the after-party at my ex’s. However, it doesn’t seem she sees my perspective on this and is making a very big deal of this and we are in a fight over it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t favoring anyone, you’re celebrating your child’s accomplishment as a family. Just because you’re divorced doesn’t mean you don’t share a child anymore and thus meaning you’re not supposed to do things as a family. Your partner needs to realize that just because you’re having the party at your ex’s house doesn’t mean you guys can’t do something the following day/week at your house.
Not only that, does she honestly think that changing the venue is going to remove all the awkwardness?” SigSauerPower320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the party isn’t about her or her feelings it’s about your daughter, who should come before any other. Sharing your plans with your partner should have maybe been a higher priority than 2 days after, but the actual plans shouldn’t be an issue as they are based upon your daughter’s milestones/life events.
If your partner can’t handle the dad side of you and all that entails including your ex, then maybe she shouldn’t go out with a dad!” TheSilentObserver76
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if you and your ex have a relationship that is well enough to have a joint party for your kids, that’s amazing and you should do that!
As a step-parent myself, your partner needs to get over herself. She knew you had a kid when you started seeing each other, the kid’s needs and happiness always need to come first. Also, if your relationship with your ex was this good before your partner came along, she should know this is a possibility and get on board or don’t go.
My husband has full custody of his son, and I’ve personally dealt with his ex for sports events and pick-ups /drop-offs because my husband works 7 days a week sometimes. They are not friendly enough to share a party but they communicate well. I trust my husband doesn’t want his ex back and I have no issues around her because honestly?
Why would I? She didn’t do anything to me, I’m just an extra person loving the kid and facilitating her visitation.” MrsBougs
8. AITJ For Calling My Partner A Germaphobe After Her Reaction To My Small Cut?
“So I (27m) had a small cut on my lip, probably from dryness. I had just washed my face, so it was particularly dry.
When I lay down, my partner (30f) noticed that there was a small bit of red on my lip. I wiped it with the back of my hand, leaving a small mark of red on my hand (like maybe a 1/8 inch circle) which I smeared with the other hand, leaving the small amount of b***d invisible on either hand.
She immediately freaked out and pulled all the blankets and sheets off, immediately throwing them into the washer just on the off chance that I touched them. She left home to get away from me and said she was having a panic attack at the thought of all the things I may have touched. She says that I have horrible hygiene for this reason (and no other reason).
Note: we make out all the time. We sleep together every night. She has been exposed to every germ in my body.
I know she’s super sensitive to germs. She has had anxiety attacks simply over the idea that I may have touched raw egg once on accident and touched something else in the kitchen.
If I drop a piece of pasta on the ground, she will grab paper towels and Lysol and decontaminate the area. Simply picking up the food isn’t enough. If I get a smudge of sauce on my hand while cooking, she’d get anxious from me wiping it on the hanging kitchen towel rather than wash my hands.
If that kitchen towel now had a miniature stain on the top of it, you’d no longer be able to dry your clean hands on the rest of it. If I brush my teeth and rinse, but wipe my mouth on the handing towel she says “you’re getting your saliva all over it!
(My mouth is closed) That towel is for hands only!” She’d then replace the towel. If I kiss her stomach over her shirt playfully she’d complain that I’m getting saliva on her shirt.
Even knowing all this, I didn’t exactly realize she’d react that way to b***d, however.
I called her a germaphobe. She claims that she isn’t and that it’s completely normal for people to react that way to b***d. My reasoning is that it’s a complete overreaction over that small amount of b***d. You can’t see the b***d, smell it, feel it, sense it in any way.
Regardless, it’s making her anxious.
I understand anxiety. I don’t mind going out of my way to treat b***d in any form like it’s a deadly germ just to ease her anxiety. I do believe that she’s an actual germaphobe. She claims that she isn’t and that me calling her that is just to invalidate her and continue my nasty habits.
I’m not unwilling to cater to her demands about hygiene to be clear. I am absolutely of the belief that she should acknowledge that everything I’m doing for her is above and beyond to alleviate her own (unnecessary) obsession.
AITJ for believing she’s a germophobe?
Furthermore, is it a disgusting habit to wipe an invisible amount of b***d onto my sleeve or is my hygiene really that bad?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here because this is clearly a serious mental health issue that neither of you are fully grasping the seriousness of.
Accommodating her unhealthy obsession with cleanliness is ultimately not good for either of you. She really needs to get help from a mental health professional ASAP.” PileaPrairiemioides
Another User Comments:
“I agree that she seems to be germophobic, given her anxiety levels about this. But your behaviors are gross.
Are you willing to admit TO HER that your hygiene game is lacking? Don’t wipe sauce on the towel you use to dry your hands. Don’t wipe your face on hand towels. And always wash your hands when you touch b***d – even your own.
Also, dude, you better be moisturizing your face after you wash it. Trust me, you are so far from going above and beyond to ease her anxiety. You are not doing the basic stuff you should be. Why are you so focused on her admitting she’s germophobic when you are completely unwilling to admit that your behaviors are gross?
More than anything this sounds like a huge mismatch. So it’s time to decide – either she’s someone worth doing things right for or she’s not. ESH.” MyTh0ughtsExactly
Another User Comments:
“My wife is a germaphobe and her symptoms are less grave than your SO’s so if it looks like a duck, and sounds like a duck… Also it’s not about hygiene and her basic reactions, it’s about the obsession, the existential fear she feels in her chest when stuff happens…the inability to let it go or be, you can be overly hygienic without being a germaphobe, just saying.
But if she is so sure, let her get a diagnosis that she isn’t.” Kanulie
7. AITJ For Telling My Pregnant Sister To Consider The Father's Role In Her Child's Life?
“My sister is 23 years old and she moved in with us for college. She moved out after she graduated. (Edit: She has a job and her own place) Two weeks ago, she visited us and she told us that she is pregnant.
We didn’t even know she was seeing someone.
She has practically moved in with us and she wants to keep the child and I told her I would support her. It was not planned at all and she said there was almost zero chance she would get pregnant.
I have been helping her plan for her life now. I told her that I would help her with money but it was going to be very tough to raise her kid on her own.
A week ago, I asked her if she was informing the father of the child and she brushed it away and said the child has no father.
I thought it was probably a guy she didn’t want in her child’s life and from what she had talked about him, it seems that is not the case and she clearly likes him and thinks highly of him.
She keeps asking me if it is the right thing to do and I honestly don’t know.
I have never met this guy and she thinks highly of him but also doesn’t want the guy around. I don’t want to prod but she keeps changing her mind.
I had a very stressful day yesterday and she kept asking me about this and I sort of snapped at her and told her that she was going to be a mother and she needed to do what was best for the child and not for the parents and she shouldn’t be deciding based on what is comfortable for her or the father.
She started to cry and was silent for a while, she then said she really needed my help and begged me to not stop helping her and I said I wouldn’t abandon her.
My husband thinks I was overly harsh on a 23-year-old freaking out about major life changes and I should have taken a softer approach.
She has not really talked to me since then and has been avoiding any attempt at small talk. The reason I feel like a jerk was mostly the way she talked to me, the tone she used is seared into my brain when she told me she needed my support.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sometimes tough love is appropriate. Two things: 1. To deny a child a father is a huge decision that should not be taken lightly and will have massive consequences for the child. There better be a good reason if this is the route she takes.
2. Beggars can’t be choosers, if she is asking for financial assistance it’s beyond me why she thinks the father wouldn’t be expected to contribute financially as well (Child Support if need be).” naisfurious
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here in so many ways. Everyone involved seems to have a child’s impression of how parenthood will be.
Your partner is mad that you’re telling her what she needs to hear???? She needed a good dose of reality and you gave it to her. She needs to******* up and tell the father if she’s going to keep the kid. Although she doesn’t sound like she’s mature enough to be a parent and should consider other options.
You’re the jerk for basically just saying yes I’ll help raise it when it’s not your job. It is incredibly hard to be a single parent. Are you ready to commit to putting your own dreams aside for your sister’s plan to have a kid?
Your financial, marital, and career plans will have to be second if you commit to helping her raise this kid. Everyone is in la la land. You all need to get a reality check with your sister’s half-baked plan.” confusedquokka
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The father has a right to know and should be required to help financially and decide if he wants to be a part of the child’s life.
It is odd that your sister is saying there was almost zero chance of getting pregnant, was she using some method of birth control? If not, maybe she told the guy she was and that’s why she doesn’t want to tell him? If you’re going to be helping with this child, she needs to be straight with you.” CTMom79
6. AITJ For Not Giving My Cat Away After My Neighbors Complained About Their Allergies?
“I got a little cat almost a year ago now. We live in a house divided into two apartments. My neighbors live upstairs and didn’t have an issue with our cat. Recently, I allowed my cat to go downstairs where the basement is (he likes it there because there are a lot of spiders and I think he likes the hunting, I don’t know, he’s scared of going outside so that’s what he does) and he went up 2 times because he was curious (which was wrong, I know).
Two weeks ago, the neighbor knocked on our door and was like: my kids have really bad allergies to hair from animals. So then I said: fine we’re not going to let him go out again. My cat always meows now and annoys us because he wants to go downstairs but we don’t let him go anymore.
Now someone was like why don’t you give him away or bring him to an animal shelter? Because I think: WHY SHOULD I CHANGE MY LIFE FOR SOMEONE ELSE? I already try my best to keep the hair away. I clean a lot and don’t let him go downstairs.
AITJ????”
Another User Comments:
“Get your cat some more toys and a cat tree/tower to entertain him since he can’t go to the creepy basement to chase spiders anymore. There is no reason for your cat to be bored and less active just because you have allergic neighbors.
Tell your opinionated acquaintances who think you should get rid of your cat to go pound sand. It’s none of their business what you do, have, or keep in your apartment, especially since your cat will now be kept in your apartment and is not out roaming the building.
Cats are fine living inside, especially when properly stimulated. NTJ.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…asking you to be more mindful of the cat hair was reasonable. And you, in turn, were very reasonable by not allowing your cat to get close to them. Now your cat does not go near them.
They have no right to ask you to get rid of the cat. That is insane. If the neighbor is so concerned at the mere idea that a cat lives upstairs then they should move.” Hopeful-Material4123
Another User Comments:
“I’ve lived in houses like this.
Do you share a laundry? If so, I think you should clean it again because of any hair from previous visits. Other than that, you said you’re already confining the cat to your apartment and tolerating its protests. Re-homing the cat because of a neighbor’s issue is unreasonable and anyone who suggests it clearly does not have a pet he or she cares about.
Do the best you can. Your cat will get into the basement again. When he or she does, I would clean it as best I can, but deny it if the neighbors say anything. NTJ.” EchoThis2
5. AITJ For Refusing To Adopt My Newfound Father's Religious Beliefs?
“I met my father in September of last year.
I (16m) was 15 at the time, had recently lost my mom to cervical cancer and had found out that my grandparents and two of my aunts did not want to keep taking care of me. And instead of letting me go to my aunt out of state, they contacted the man who wanted nothing to do with me before and involved a social worker so I would need to go to him instead of the aunt I actually knew and who did want me.
Because a social worker was involved she made the effort to put me with my biological father over my aunt. I pleaded with her to let me live with my aunt and my aunt pleaded for this as well but we were denied. I was told a biological parent will always get custody over an aunt or uncle who has no legal rights to the child.
Especially when my original guardians (my grandparents) sent me to my father instead. So in October, 3.5 weeks after I met him for the first time, I moved to another state to live with my father and his family.
For those who will tell me I was lied to or whatever, my father has admitted he knew about me but he was disgusted and embarrassed by his promiscuous ways in the past and for having pre-marital relations and he decided to start over.
He said his wife was thankfully “very open-minded” and was happy for me to live with them and have a relationship with them despite my origins… which have nothing to do with me.
My father and his wife are very religious. I’m not. I was raised by an atheist mom, had a mostly atheist family and I have no interest in joining or taking part in anything religious.
This is a serious point of contention with my father and his family who try to take me to church and try to set it up so I will join their church and get baptized. I have refused. I have also said I want to live with my aunt.
But that gets denied. I do talk to her via dms and video calls but it’s not the same. She did try to petition for custody but the different states thing added complications, especially when a social worker is still actively involved.
Things got way more tense recently because two of my father’s other kids were questioning me on why I don’t pray and stuff like that and I told them I didn’t believe, they tried to get me involved with their church stuff and I said no. They got upset and tried to do all this converting stuff and they’re only middle schoolers for goodness sake.
My father tried telling me I shouldn’t shoot it down so quickly and he told me to give it a try and I said no. Then his wife decided to get her say and she told me I should be grateful for a chance to be saved and I’m being very stubborn and should show them respect as my parents to let them guide me into religion.
I told her they are not my parents, they are randos I’m forced to live with and I will never take part in their religion ever and they need to accept that because I don’t believe in God or anything. They didn’t like my “closed-mindedness” and they were upset I spoke to them “with such finality”.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Am I right in understanding that your bio father does want you to live with them now, despite having nothing to do with you in the previous 15-16 years, and you having the other (and preferred) option? This seems enough to label him as a jerk already.
Trying to indoctrinate you? As long as it’s not forceful or has other important things contingent on it, it’s not too bad, but you definitely have a final say.” Irhien
Another User Comments:
“I see 2 options for you. 1) continue as you have been, be respectful, and decline their conversion offers.
Just keep your head down and get yourself through it. It’s not as long as you think. 2) Be more aggressive in your resistance. Watch Matt Dillahunty, Sam Harris, and Christopher Hitchens videos. Learn to defend your position and be vocal about your reasons whenever they bring it up.
Push them to send you to your aunt before you influence their other kids. It all depends on what you have the stomach for. Your post makes it sound like safety is not a consideration right now, so that’s a bonus. Keep your head up.
You’re not alone.” DiceNinja
Another User Comments:
“I am so sorry that you’ve been forced into this situation. I wish for your sake that your grandparents had been more understanding of where you wanted to live. NTJ in this situation. I think emancipation for minors is a difficult thing to accomplish in most states – for one thing, you typically have to prove that you are financially independent, which would mean a job making enough money to support yourself.
If you just leave and go to your aunt’s house, there are apt to be some legal repercussions for her for providing a “runaway” minor a place to live. All you can do is keep pushing the social worker to support your move to your aunt’s house.
Hopefully, as soon as you turn 18, at the very latest, you can get out of there and go stay with your aunt while you find your feet as an adult.” Own_Lack_4526
4. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Be Tougher On His Struggling Daughter?
“I have been married to my husband for many years and have been a part of my stepdaughter’s life since we began seeing each other.
We had the usual every-other-week custody with her mother. Stepdaughter has had behavioral issues for several years now and has done poorly in school since elementary school. Not completing homework or turning it in, not doing well on tests, and never seeking help from teachers.
She is on medication for ADHD and depression. Also diagnosed with oppositional defiance. She lies and sneaks around.
At our house, we have rules and consequences that all the kids follow. We have a total of 6 kids. 4 of mine from a previous relationship and the youngest is ours together.
When the stepdaughter is at her mother’s house, there seem to be no rules or consequences and the mother constantly belittles her, calls her names, screams and yells at her and uses her to get status.
Stepdaughter barely passed high school and we were literally told two days before school ended that she was graduating.
Now she has completed her first year of college unsuccessfully. She failed classes in both semesters and has continually lied about it. My husband also paid the bill for housing and food. We had a conversation this spring with her and she cried and cried about how she wants to take some time off and look for a job but was also told to check with the college if she could take summer classes or what she needed to do to retake those courses.
Here we are summer and from what we know she probably hasn’t done this and refuses to contact her father. When asked what she wants to do for a job she didn’t have any idea. Figured she can just work the bare minimum jobs where turnover happens all the time.
No set plans, goals or ideas for her future.
Lease renewal is coming up and I keep harping on my husband to cancel the lease since she refuses to tell anyone her plans. Why have a name on something that could damage your name and finances?
Husband gets so mad when asked about it but is mad because his daughter avoids any contact. At this point, the bridge is burnt between myself and my stepdaughter. I’m not going to listen to her pity party. Time to grow up and make adult choices and decisions which my husband does agree to this and says whatever those choices and decisions are she will have to live with them and deal with the consequences.”
Another User Comments:
“Stepkid has learning disabilities and mental health problems. Stepmom disapproves of her because of, checks notes, common symptoms of those exact health problems. She barely passed HS. They sent her to college anyway and surprised Pikachu face, she didn’t magically get better.
She breaks down crying after the year is over and wants to take time off college to try working. Disapproving parents say no, you have to go to summer school. Now the disapproving parents are mad that being unreasonable hasn’t produced the desired results, and she mysteriously doesn’t want to talk to them about it.
YTJ. You are absolutely wrong. You’ve been wrong this whole time. ” Kitastrophe8503
Another User Comments:
“So you just told us she has several mental health issues of which at least one (ADHD) won’t go away… ever, is in a toxic environment half the time (her mom) and probably not in the best place the other half (you at least seem to have some issues with her beforehand).
Who could have guessed she’s neither good nor comfortable with explaining her problems? I‘m NOT saying she doesn’t have to tackle those problems herself, but I‘m saying it’s extremely hard to do those alone surrounded by people who aren’t interested in your problems. Now you are telling her father to cut ties/more or less abandon her because of his/your reputation and money?
Sure I could get the latter, but I think even mentioning the first really presents you in a very dubious light. So yes as far as I can tell YTJ.” Few_Engineering4414
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – your stepdaughter obviously has mental health problems. The way you talk about her (pity party, time to grow up…) is absolutely disrespectful and shows that you have no idea about mental illness.
If you talk to her the way you write about her here, it’s no wonder she doesn’t feel safe talking to you about such sensitive, difficult, and personal things. Don’t step on someone who is already down and try to deal with the issue more and help her.
Or at least don’t drive a wedge between her and her father.” Catalia13
3. AITJ For Telling My Brother That His Isolation Is Why He's Excluded?
“My (34F) brother (26M) told me that he is upset because he feels like everyone ignores him and excludes him from things. He told me that no one ever invites him to any events.
He said that no one calls or texts him. He was upset that he found out that all of us siblings have a group chat, and he’s not a part of it. He also told me at work how some of his colleagues ignore him and don’t invite him out to events outside of work hours.
I had to be honest with my brother about why he’s in this position. I basically told him that he is essentially excluding himself and that his behavior is the reason why he’s being left out. He spends the majority of his free time in his room on his laptop; he hardly leaves the house besides just going to work.
He doesn’t have any other hobbies or interests. He doesn’t make an effort to engage with people and reach out to people. He isolates himself from everyone. I told him you can’t expect people to include you and reach out to you when you hide in your room all day and you don’t make an effort yourself to engage with people.
My brother got upset when I told him this, but I felt like he needed to hear it because it’s the truth.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why do you have a family group chat and he is not on it? I have one for my spouse & children and one for my parents & siblings (and any inlaws that care), and we only create one without someone for temporary purposes like planning group gifts for my parents.
Okay, I’m pretty sure my kids have one with no parents, but I’m cool with that. In fact, I’m happy about it. Add your brother to the chat.” ClassicTrue9276
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This isn’t really helpful feedback he can act on. He says people don’t include him in things and you say it’s because he’s always just alone at home.
Maybe suggest how he might more effectively reach out to people. Or how to “make an effort to engage with people.” And I’d be upset if I learned that my other siblings had a group chat and didn’t bother to include me.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“As someone with social anxiety, I probably don’t want to join, but I want to be thought of. Excluding him from the group chat, even if he doesn’t participate seems hurtful and probably to him makes him think you are all bashing him, even if it’s not true.
When you ask him to join into things, how is he asked? It makes a huge difference to someone with anxiety. Also, have you really taken the time to try to sit with him one-on-one to see why he doesn’t join in on things? Tbh, what’s been done will likely cause him to further withdraw.” klynard
2. AITJ For Not Letting Someone Switch Seats Mid-Flight?
“My wife (36f) and I (34m) were flying back from Dublin to Washington DC. We were assigned the middle and window seats in a row. The aisle passenger no-showed so we ended up having the entire row to ourselves (huge win). Before leaving the gate, I moved to the aisle seat and my wife stayed at the window.
Nothing eventful happened for the first 4.5 hours of the flight. FAs were amazing and even gave us extra drinks for the “guy in the middle”. Randomly, the passenger from the aisle seat across from me comes over with her friend who was sitting a few rows back and ANNOUNCES that her friend would now be taking the middle seat to get away from a crying baby further back.
She did not ask – she told us this was happening. There were about 3 hours of flight time remaining.
I asked the woman whether the Flight Attendants were on board with this. She said yes, but since these deals are usually brokered by the FA, I called over an FA.
The FA said the agreement was that they could take an available aisle seat but could not disrupt anyone’s seating arrangements. The woman then starts complaining about how I was assigned the middle but then moved to the aisle before takeoff, so I shouldn’t even have that aisle seat.
I had been sitting there for almost 5 hours and we had already distributed our items all over the row.
The woman and her friend disappear to talk to another FA for about 5 minutes. The woman across the aisle then comes back to her seat and proceeds to yell at me saying that “her friend would not be sitting there – not because she was not allowed to, but because I was so incredibly rude” and that I was a “total jerk”.
I kept my eyes on the show I was watching.
The only thing I did this entire time was ask to talk to the flight attendant. I did not say anything else to this woman, though I would have liked to.
AITJ for not volunteering the middle seat mid-flight?”
Another User Comments:
“And in a twist of events, the crying baby she needed to get away from was her own… But seriously, I get that a crying baby can be disturbing, even more so, if it’s not your own. My own daughter got seriously on my nerves on more than a few occasions – and I love that child more than anything!
But that is no excuse for being rude. If she had asked nicely maybe you could have considered moving back to your original seat, even though you wouldn’t be obliged to do so. But with that attitude? No way. So NTJ.” Every_Criticism2012
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. They should have asked politely, but you paid for two seats and had the benefit of three for most of the flight, and you were not actually entitled to hog all three seats while somebody else suffered. It would have been fair to decide which of the three seats you would let her have, but refusing her a seat because her friend was rude was a jerk move, and the flight attendant shouldn’t have let you do that.” slinkimalinki
Another User Comments:
“Wait. To clarify, your wife and you were taking the aisle and window seat and someone wanted to sit in the middle? You weren’t asked to move, they just wanted that middle seat? And you refused to let them? In that case YTJ.
You paid for one seat. If you were asked to move back to the middle so the person can get the aisle, then you’re NTJ. But you said that the new passenger wanted to sit in the middle seat which is presumably unoccupied” uniqueme1
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Brother And His Wife To My Wedding?
“I (25M) am getting married to my fiance (30M) this coming August. Since I’m not close with my brother and neither of us has many male friends, we both opted to have groomswomen instead of the traditional groomsmen. At our engagement party, we both presented our wedding party with “Groomswomen Boxes” with pjs, candles, champagne glasses, etc.
Two weeks ago I asked my brother (33M) and my sister if their daughters would be flower girls, my sister was overjoyed and said yes but my brother however said no. I called him the following day asking why and he said he was upset that he wasn’t asked to be part of my wedding party and that I should’ve explained to him why I didn’t pick him as I was his Best Man back when I was 15.
He even admitted my niece would love to get all dressed up and walk down the aisle but essentially he wouldn’t allow it as he wasn’t a part of the wedding but said he might change his mind.
Now last night we had a family event, and my fiance, sister-in-law, and brother-in-law were discussing events coming up later in the year.
When talking about August, my sister-in-law referred to my wedding as “little” and “impromptu” even though we’ve been planning it for over a year and it’s at quite a nice venue.
My fiance only told me about what she said as we were driving home because he knew I would’ve kicked off and he expressed how it’s making it difficult for him to like that part of my family/spend time with them.
Long story short. AITJ for not wanting them there with how petty my brother is being and considering the comments his wife has made? I know it’s my wedding and I can invite who I want but I know if I didn’t invite them my family would call me the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Weddings, funerals, and new babies bring out the crazy in people I swear! No you WNBTJ however that doesn’t mean you will be free from the consequences of your choices. You know your brother will throw an epic and public fit over not being invited. Be very careful of having this as a face-to-face conversation, he said, she said will get ugly and be even more careful of an email or text as it will be dissected and taken out of context for years.
Be direct and short about this. “Brother, I understand you are disappointed to not be in the wedding party but then choosing to prevent your daughter from being a flower girl over it, is also disappointing. Your wife’s comments referring to my wedding as “little” and “impromptu” are uncalled for and frankly, disrespectful.
I don’t want this kind of negativity at my wedding, and hope that going forward, it will stop.” Call out the behavior, be brief, offer a way going forward, and put it in writing so that it won’t be a “but I don’t understand if only he had told me” if he escalates his behavior.
Good luck and congrats on your upcoming nuptials!” ResoluteMuse
Another User Comments:
“Your brother feels connected enough to you that he made you his best man on his wedding day. You don’t feel the same way about him, which is fine, but if that’s the case I’m really not understanding your behavior at all.
Like, you don’t think enough of his feelings to have had this very obvious conversation with him already, yet feel entitled to question why he isn’t letting you borrow his daughter for your wedding? You admit you have a hard time even LIKING these people and literally avoid spending time with them… but you need their child on your wedding day?
It’s strange.” psy-ay-ay
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Let me go against the grain here and insist you are the jerk. While I believe that you should have the right to choose your own wedding party, I find it somewhat deceptive of you to claim that you and your brother aren’t close but he had you as his best man.
Even if you don’t feel the same way and don’t want to have him in your wedding you: (1) should have told him privately that you decided to go in a different direction and not have him in the wedding party. This would have been the decent thing to do instead of telling him along with everyone else.
Not doing so is rather cowardly and speaks poorly of your character. I suspect you didn’t do this because you either know that your brother would be hurt because he might see or want to see the relationship differently or because you know that it is a bit unfair considering that he made you his best man, and (2) shouldn’t choose a nuclear option because he’s hurt.
and offended by your poor behavior. You don’t seem mature enough to get married given your actions and reactions. But I hope for the best for your wife’s sake.” saintandvillian
