erho
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Sorry barnfodder, but executive dysfunction wouldn't cause OP's brother to purposely make a meal that their mom openly doesn't like. If it was a question of his brain allowing him to microwave something but not cook something on the stove, he would have made something everyone would have eaten. Trust me, I know! Instead, he was selfish and cooked something that only he wanted instead of making something for everyone, so it's perfectly fair that he didn't get to eat what everyone else did, especially since he already ate. Yes, his mental health needs to be addressed, but selfishness is selfishness regardless.
The niece is old enough to understand that those fragrances will make her break out in a rash! If she hasn't figured it out for herself (like I did with poison ivy at 10), then she's old enough to understand when someone explains to her that she gets those rashes from touching things that are scented. And OP was right to refuse to buy a known allergen: allergic reactions can be a mild nuisance one time and result in anaphylactic shock the next. She saved her sister from potentially killing her own daughter is what she did.
So long as the kid is fed. It sounds like she was too overwhelmed with the situation to deal with eating something that wasn't one of her safe foods: it was just more anxiety on top of too much to deal with already. They can work on her eating a variety of foods when she's calm and comfortable and has the capacity to handle it.
Good riddance to Tammy. Accusing you of changing plans specifically to spite her is classic narcissistic behavior, and you do not need to be in a relationship with her, period.
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