People Want To Be Left Alone After These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
29. AITJ For Hanging Out Near A Hot Tub At A Party Without My Partner?
“Me (F) and my partner Jamie (fake name) recently went to a house party with a couple of our friends. We didn’t know there was a hot tub, so we didn’t bring any swimming clothes. A couple hours in, I and I had maybe two drinks but were still sober.
Jamie tells me he’s going off to find his friends: okay, cool, I’ll go hang out with people I know. I wander around for a bit before spotting two of my friends, Kira (F) and Mason (M) in the hot tub. I walk over and make conversation.
There were other boys that I didn’t recognize in the hot tub. I ignored them. I took off my shoes, sat on the ledge, and dipped my feet in while talking to Mason and Kira.
Jamie finds me an hour later and says he wants to go home.
I say “Okay”, and we leave. The entire drive home (We’re sober!) Jamie looked irritated and shut down any small talk I tried to initiate. I asked him what was up once we were inside the house. He started to raise his voice and said it’s not cool that I was in the hot tub.
I ask why, and he rants for a little about how there were too many guys, they were all “checking me out”, and that it’s not being unfaithful, but it’s disrespectful towards him for me to be in a hot tub around other guys.
I talked back and told him that I wasn’t even inside the hot tub, I was fully clothed (a loose dress), and I only paid attention to my friends, I completely ignored the other guys.
He reiterated his point about it being disrespectful and that he felt hurt about it. We both started to get annoyed at this point and decided to just sleep it off and figure it out tomorrow. It’s the next day, I slept in, he’s at the gym, and I’m sitting here starting to wonder if maybe I’m in the wrong.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! It’s a red flag. Your story reminds me of a friend, whose jealous partner became controlling and abusive. Then he didn’t want her to wear makeup. He didn’t want other men to find her attractive. Then cut off her friends and family—they were a bad influence.
Isolation makes it easier to mistreat someone in a plethora of ways.” UusiSisu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…your man has issues…he does not possess you. And it sounds like you are willing to walk on eggshells around him, not good. I think the only opinion you need to worry about is your own and not his made-up beliefs of jealousy and supposed hurt.
That’s the trick they will use to get you to behave how they want you to behave… I recommend you leave this relationship before he goes narcissistic on you.” arocks1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your man can’t handle another man looking at you then he needs to take his caveman-like attitude back to the cave and leave you alone.
You need to dump anyone trying to control you because someone might look at you. RED FLAGS, RED FLAGS!! Get out!” Whatevergrowup
28. AITJ For Expecting My Roommate To Be Responsible While Cooking?
“So a few days ago, Rachel wanted to prepare a new kind of dessert, made out of milk.
She was very fond of making desserts and made them often, and I was confident that she wouldn’t mess anything up. I gave her the whole kitchen to herself to prepare the dish.
The first step involved boiling the milk, so she did just that.
After putting the milk to boil, she stepped out and started looking at other ingredients she needed. Suddenly she realised that she needed to buy saffron for the dessert. She forgot everything about the boiling milk and went shopping.
At this time, I had gone to take a little nap as I was feeling slightly dizzy.
After an hour or so, I woke up to a horrible smell which was extremely unpleasant and pungent. After I managed to get myself out of bed, I made my way to the kitchen where, to my shock, I found the milk had over-boiled and spilled everywhere.
I called Rachel and told her about what had happened. She then seemed to remember about the milk and told me that she’d be back in 10 minutes. I then asked where was she, and she replied that she had found an old friend of hers in the shop and was in a restaurant with him.
She came quickly and looked at the horrible mess. I told her that we needed to clear this up ASAP and that she ought to be more responsible in the future. She then snapped at me saying that I shouldn’t have slept back then and should have kept a watch on the milk when she had gone out.
I replied that I wouldn’t have minded watching over the milk while she was out, or better, going shopping for the ingredients she needed, but as she was in charge, she could have at least made sure she had all the ingredients in the first place.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Rachel is an idiot who needs to take responsibility for her gross negligence. You’re both incredibly lucky that she didn’t start a fire. My 10-year-old understands that you don’t leave the stove unattended. There’s no excuse for a grown adult not to.
If she wanted you to watch the boiling milk, she needed to tell you that, but let’s be serious. There was no way the milk was going to be kept while she was going to the store and then out to a restaurant. She just plain forgot and tried to pin the blame on you.
NTJ and I strongly recommend you find a new roommate before this one accidentally kills you.” album
27. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mom Cancelled My Birthday Party For Her Own Plans?
“I know from the title that it doesn’t sound very bad… However, I, a 17-year-old female, asked my mother for a birthday party, as I hadn’t had one in 9 years. For some context, I have two younger siblings, and every year they have huge sleepover parties with their friends (12–20 people each time).
I do not have very many friends, as my mother has control over a lot of who I can and cannot talk to, so I was only wanting to invite four people to this party.
I talked with my mum, and she said I could have one, but I noticed she had already invited her friends to my party (which isn’t a big deal), except when I went to invite my four people, she blew up on me, telling me I should’ve talked to her first about the party (which I had already done the day prior).
She then told me that she had booked my birthday to go out of town with her partners just an hour ago, and I could no longer have a party.
I was devastated and tried to talk to her about how upset this made me and my past experiences with my birthday (no one showing up) and how she’s essentially doing the same thing.
She then told me that I was gaslighting and abusing her, that I would not get a birthday anymore, and that I wasn’t going to get a gift anyway because she had booked flights to Fiji with my stepdad and couldn’t afford something for me if she wanted to have her trip.
My partner said I could have my party at his house, and I turned it down because I thought this year would be different, but I’m beginning to see otherwise and regret turning his offer down. I just wanted to have a birthday when I wasn’t making my cake.
I can’t seem to understand where I went wrong here for my mother to be throwing around such terms…
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry you have to deal with it. Some families just for some inexplicable reason make birthdays into a day of neglect, for one or all of their children.
I think it’s worse when it’s just one, and you have to wonder why the sibs are given different treatment. If it isn’t too late, ask your partner if you could still do a celebration of some sort. You’re going to have to take charge of your celebrations, and recognize that your mother has some weird thing going on with her that makes her someone you can’t trust her.” mifflewhat
Another User Comments:
“Your mom has treated you the same but you’re expecting different results so stop putting expectations on her. She didn’t change, won’t change, and doesn’t want to change. You are not important enough for her to do so nor will you ever be.
Accept that…it’s the truth..so have a party with partner’s house and stop expecting anything from mom” TimeRecognition7932
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t like my birthday because my mom always dedicated it to the family, I had to put up and take down decorations, help cook for and clean up after 15 people, and let a younger cousin blow out my candles… My partner has shown me my birthday can be about me though, I still don’t like parties, but I take the day off and do the things I want to do, I don’t talk to anyone, I just relax, and he brings me some new little plant.
Your mom is selfish, and I’m sorry you have to suffer for her happiness. You do matter, you’re important, and you deserve a special day too, don’t let her gaslight you into thinking you’re a gaslighter. You’ll be old enough to leave her house soon, I’d recommend taking time away from her once you can because you deserve the chance to shine.” Separate-Frosting421
26. AITJ For Forgetting to Call My Husband After Dealing with Our Son's Nosebleed?
“My husband and I (both 39) have a 15 yo son(D).
Our son and I stayed home today because D had a fever this morning. We went to the doctor and D was diagnosed with a lung infection and now he needs to take antibiotics. My husband was at work and we said we would go for groceries afterward and would meet at the grocery store.
Around 3 pm D’s nose started bleeding, and I tried my best to get it under control.
10 min into it, my husband called to let me know he needed 30 min to get to the store. I told him the matter and said I was not sure if I would make it in time and that he should come home before we went together.
I went back to D to check on him and the bleeding stopped for once, but he had blood in his nose so he tried to get it out. Well, it happened what had to happen. The bleeding started new.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t have a problem with blood I’m working as a dental assistant.
I work with blood every day. But this is my baby that was bleeding heavily here.
So we needed another 15 min. to get it to stop.
After it stopped I cleaned everything up because D had bled everywhere over the bathroom.
After I finished the cleaning and checking in on D, I needed a minute to myself.
So after the stress, I forgot to call my husband to tell him we could meet at the store and he came home to find D in his room and me on the balcony to calm down. Now I’m getting the silent treatment because I honestly forgot to call him.
So he had to walk 5 min. home to come and get me and walk together to the grocery store 5 min back from where he came from.
So, AITJ for not calling right away???”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If he had to walk 30 minutes carrying groceries because you forgot to pick him up, that’s one thing.
But a total of 10 minutes walking for him? Not really a big deal. Why didn’t he call you when he got to the store to see if you were on your way or not?” Own_Lack_4526
25. AITJ For Wanting An Apology From My Friend For Eating My Cupcake?
“A little info before the story: Let’s call the eldest one in my friend group Amy, and my closest friend among them all be Mary.
A few days back, my friends bought some delicious-looking cupcakes from a newly opened bakery. One day, when I was going to do the laundry, I saw Amy eating a cupcake and thought to myself, OK, even I will eat mine once I finish the laundry.
When I returned, I saw that all the cupcakes had gotten over. I was annoyed because I was very much looking forward to eating those after work. I asked Amy if she knew anything and she replied that she didn’t.
I then went around asking the others and they all replied that they had only eaten their share.
So I came back to Amy and asked her if, by any chance, she had eaten extra. She replied that she had, which she claimed to be Mary’s share.
I don’t know why she was eating Mary’s but then Mary usually does give her desserts to us as she is not very fond of sweets.
I asked Mary about it and she replied that she had eaten hers long ago.
Later, when Amy and I were having our lunch alone, I told her about what happened and asked her to apologize. She defended herself by saying that it wasn’t her fault, I then said, “Yes, I agree you did not mean to do it, but you made a mistake”.
Then she started saying that it wasn’t her mistake either and that I was getting too worked up about a cupcake. I told her that I was not so worried about it anymore but the fact that she wasn’t able to apologize was a little sad.
She then snapped at me saying that she was the older one and that youngsters should not expect apologies from their elders. After that, I just gave up on trying to get a sorry.
AITJ for trying to persuade her to say sorry?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But don’t be naive. Amy knew she ate your cupcake (as she knew she ate two) as soon as you asked her the first time. She never had permission from Mary to eat her share. She lied to your face as you asked her the first time.
Are elders now allowed to lie too? lol Let it go.” CakeEatingRabbit
Another User Comments:
“So that’s weird. Why would being the eldest in a friend group matter? Amy lied to you, is not sorry, and refuses to own what she did even after getting caught.
It was generous to pretend it was a “mistake” – maybe too generous; it does not appear to be a mistake or an accident. Just plain old greed. NTJ. (edited because I deleted half a sentence and it made no sense that way)” mifflewhat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, so she lied to you when she said she ate Mary’s share because she hadn’t been checked with Mary. That girl is just a thief, and trying to minimize it just to be “a cupcake” is ridiculous. You paid for it and she ate your share.
She doesn’t seem like someone who is going to accept fault so you can either forget about it or get even. And I’ll leave that part open-ended for you because there are a lot of options.” BigNathaniel69
24. AITJ For Not Mowing My Neighbor's Lawn While They Were On Vacation?
“I’ve lived next to these neighbors for years and we’ve never really had issues besides a few times they’ve parked in our driveway (we live on opposite sides of an entire street so it was completely uncalled for).
These are ultra-clean freaks, though. I’ve seen him on multiple occasions scrubbing individual rocks off his driveway with a toothbrush, pressure washing his outdoor trash bin, trimming bushes with scissors, etc. like super weird people.
Last week they decided to go on a vacation and called us to let us know and ask to watch over their house.
We agreed. We didn’t see anything unusual and even made sure their packages were out of the rain. They have 4 outdoor cameras so it’s not like they couldn’t see what was up anyways. Over the past week, we’ve had a lot of rain where we’re located so the grass grew a lot.
They moved the day they left and it grew to about 5 inches.
Anyway, they got home yesterday and called us to let us know. We thought nothing of it and asked how their trip was. We were friendly and chatted for a while about their vacation yada yada.
Then they say “would’ve been nice if we came home to a nice yard, but I see you didn’t care to do anything nice for us.” Excuse me?? There were branches in their yard which we gladly moved when we moved the ones that fell in ours, but mowing your grass…?
We told them it wasn’t a priority for us as we work full time, they’re retired and it’s not even our house.
It’s important to mention, that our property line doesn’t cross, we have a road between our houses. So it’s not like it’s just running the mower over ours and just connecting theirs.
We would have to walk the mower across the street and mow it. They’ve mowed for us twice when we were sick. Other times they’ve called the city on us to get us fined for having “too long of grass” yet they want us to mow theirs???
Right… AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would’ve simply replied “That wasn’t the arrangement we discussed. As discussed we kept an eye out on your property and moved all parcels to a secure area for you, didn’t allow the mail to build up in your letterbox, put your bins out for collection, and brought them in again.
But we can’t read minds, and had you asked us to mow your lawn I would’ve drawn the line at that, as we work all week and didn’t see it as overgrown anyway. “” Longjumping_Win4291
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- and I’d just say- hey, watching the house for a few days and taking on the lawn duties are two separate things.
If you expected that, you should have brought it up. We may or may not have agreed to it, but it’s a bit much to expect it without talking about it.” chuckinhoutex
Another User Comments:
“When someone says “it would have been nice to do ‘whatever’” it codes for “I expect extra effort because I’m me”.
No one of the characters mentions what “would have been nice” but would be instead grateful for what you did. Ditch the expectant neighbors – you don’t need this kind of entitlement from people of acquaintance. They probably didn’t ask the attached neighbors because they’ve worn out their welcome there as well” No_Independence9170
23. AITJ For Wanting To Financially Support My Siblings Like I Did For My Husband's?
“I (25F) have been married to my SO (29M) for 2 years. Currently 8M pregnant. I work in IT whereas my SO works in pharmacy. We both earn a decent amount to sustain ourselves. After our marriage, we have been living with my in-laws. For context, we both have 1 sister and 1 brother.
His both siblings decided to settle abroad so we financially helped them. I gave my entire paycheck to his family so that I could support them financially. Due to this, we have zero savings in our name. Now both of my siblings have decided to stay in the country and pursue further education.
I informed my husband that I would be using a small amount (40%) of my payment to help my brother and sister out with their tuition fees.
I also informed him that he is not obligated to use his paychecks to help my siblings and he is free to do whatever he wants to do with his money.
He suddenly became defensive saying that how will he manage the expense and I should not help my siblings financially.
I calmly told him that I helped his siblings when they needed help so I should be able to help my siblings when they need help and again that he is not obligated to spend a single penny on them.
He called me a jerk for making him and his family feel that by helping them out I did a favor on them and by saying that he is not entitled to my paychecks.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Did I just read that right?
He is okay with you supporting his siblings. But he gets angry when you want to do the same for your siblings? And your entire paycheck goes to others while you have a baby on the way. This is wrong on so many levels” NeighborhoodSuper592
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Why the heck are you giving your entire paycheck away to help other adult people live their lives? I’m sure you’ll blame the culture or tradition but this is insane. I can barely fathom that your dilemma is about who to give away your money to instead of whether should I keep my money.
Yes, you should keep your money, all of it. Stop carrying anyone on your back. I can’t stress enough how ridiculous it is for you to be supporting your or his adult siblings.” Skizzybee
Another User Comments:
“Men who like to control the finances of their wives would not be okay to give them any independence.
It’s time for you to save your money without any contribution towards the household until you get back your savings. Start monthly SIP and transfer a certain amount there with the nominee being your child. Open another savings account for your monthly expenditure for your child and your siblings.
Keep a minimum amount in your salary account for your expenditure. Keep finances separate from your husband until he learns to respect you as a partner and not a cash cow !!!! Be aware of the fact that your husband and in-laws would not accept it quietly, and it is going to be very tough for you.
You are now also responsible for a child and you have to be very strong for the baby.. you are young, you are educated and independent. Do not let them bully you. Take care and be safe” lazyUnicorn15
22. AITJ For Asking My Ex-Partner To Pay Part Of The Rent After She Inherited Money?
“I think people are going to assume I’m a guy, so I’ll start by saying that we’re both women.
I’m about to move out, and our relationship is de-escalating from a partnership into something else due to incompatibilities. The plan was that I was going to pay 100% of the rent for 3 months because my partner only works part-time and is looking for a better job.
I offered 2 months at first, but she was panicking about getting a better job and told me she needed 3 months. This would probably put me in credit card debt, but I didn’t want her to go hungry or homeless. I thought she understood that because I go into debt in months when I have to pay all the rent.
I was hoping she would find a roommate, but she was planning on not doing that for the period that I paid all of the rent. A couple of days ago, she got a 30k inheritance. Yesterday, I asked if the plan was that I still needed to pay all of the rent.
I said that maybe I could pay 70%, like what our current arrangement is. She got mad at me at first because I was asking her to dip into her savings. After all, she has lower earning potential than me, and she doesn’t think she’ll ever get this amount of money again.
I said that I don’t have savings, so it’s like I’m dipping into my savings every month. But now she is mad that I didn’t tell her that I would go into debt if I paid the entire rent because she said she would have said no to my offer of paying 100%.
She is insisting that I pay 50%, which I am fine with. The debt part wasn’t a big deal to me before, because she didn’t have enough money to live off of, but now that she does, the context changed for me. Am I the jerk for not telling her that paying 100% of the rent would probably put me in more debt?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It looks like you were trying to make a gracious exit and not put an undue burden on your partner. I think your approach was very noble. There’s also nothing wrong with you responding to her new financial situation and asking if she still needed your help.
She honestly should have let you off the hook for rent the second she got the inheritance. Whether you’re a millionaire or you’re going into debt with each rent payment, her inheritance put her squarely within the bounds of being able to cover the rent herself.
She’s just mad that she feels guilty now, as she should. You did absolutely nothing wrong.” Latter-Shower-9888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Adults need to be adults. It was kind of you to offer to help her get on her feet, but it now isn’t a matter of helping her do that – she’s quite able to handle things on her own.
I don’t think anything more than 50% is even reasonable, and even that is generous in the circumstances. Don’t let her manipulate you or try to make you feel guilty.” savinathewhite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you were being too nice by trying to spare her from guilt.
Glad you worked it out. No reason for you to go into debt if you no longer need to. And no reason she could not use her money now to invest in herself for better future employment.” More-Diet3566
21. AITJ For Telling My Sister My Medication Could Kill Her To Stop Her From Using It?
“My (f17) half-sister (f16), Ella, is a menace.
She constantly takes from me and treats me horribly. This has gone on for our entire childhood and I’ve always had to be the bigger person.
A few months back I was diagnosed with a pretty harmless skin condition but I have to apply a steroid treatment every night before bed. Also a few months ago, Ella moved into my bathroom since her shower pipe burst and our parents haven’t the funds to fix it right now.
Ever since she’s moved in, the bathroom has been dirty, my shampoo is now OUR shampoo, and she even took my flatiron and claims to have “lost it”. I’m not salty.
Anyway.
I walk into our bathroom one night realizing I forgot to apply my skin treatment to Ella squeezing abysmal amounts of it into her hands.
I immediately freak out because hello??? And I got this sick idea in my head to scare her into not touching my MEDICATED skin treatment and said, “Oh my God, Ella, you can die if you use that.” Her face fell and she asked me to elaborate and I said, “There’s a chemical in it that starts attacking your immune system if you don’t have the illness.”
Ella starts freaking out and wipes it off and she’s crying hysterically and honestly, it was pretty funny. That is until our dad walks in and sees Ella crying. He immediately asks what’s wrong and she tells him what happened and he reassures her that she’s not going to die.
Ella goes to her room and then our dad turns to me and starts lecturing me about being nicer to Ella and that I need to start acting my age. The next morning he made me apologize to Ella and I had to miss my after-school club as punishment.
My friends all think that I’m right and that she deserved it but Ella and our mom are both ignoring me.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My sister had these exact issues, and my parents enabled her massively. Once, my mom told her to go take my contact solution (something I’d have been willing to share, but it WASN’T EVEN IN MY ROOM) because she was out.
The bottle I kept in my room was the peroxide to deep clean your lenses overnight in a special case. My sister used it directly in her eyes. To this day, my mother hates me mentioning that story to anyone as a precaution because my sister’s screams of pain were so impactful to her that she finally started agreeing with me more.” missxmonstera
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My sister is a type 1 diabetic. When she was in year 6, someone took the insulin pen out of her bag. She calmly went to the office and reported it stolen. They called Mum to bring some spare insulin while reassuring my sister they would find it.
My sister responds with, ‘Yeah, you’ll either find it or find a body with it.’ She had to explain that taking insulin without being diabetic will kill you. The lesson is- don’t take stuff that doesn’t belong to you.” ShaddiJ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ True it maybe got a bigger reaction than you expected but hey it stopped her using it.
I don’t feel it’s fair you got punished for it at all. Someone using your general beauty products without asking is annoying but to use something that is medicated is wrong – your parents should have recognized that. You clearly can’t trust her to respect that your stuff is YOUR stuff, so have it in a case/beauty holder in your room and take it in and out of the bathroom when you need to use it.
I know that’ll be annoying for you but if your parents aren’t gonna step in and stop her then it’s the only option you have.” Away-Giraffe2792
20. AITJ For Being Upset My Sister Used All My Reward Points Without Asking?
“I 27 female have a 20-year-old sister, who used 150.45 dollars worth of redeemed points on a site that I use.
I have bought many things over about a year or so. After purchasing stuff the site gives you points for purchase so 100 bucks worth of stuff could be about 200 points and 100 points equal a dollar. I use this site frequently and my sister has asked me a few times to order her stuff.
I paid every time and gave her a rough estimate so if her total was 25 dollars before shipping and all that I’d tell her 20 dollars. After getting tired of losing money for products I’m not using I told her she had to pay for herself the full amount of shipping and everything, she wanted to use my account instead of making one because I pay for faster shipping, and her using my account wouldn’t change anything if she paid for her products.
Here’s where the problem starts, I log on to see when the package will arrive and I see that she redeemed points and when I looked at how many points she redeemed it was $150.45, and that was ALL of my redemption points, I now have 345 points from her purchase which was around $400.
I blew up on her and told her that she no longer has access to my account and changed my passcodes. She told me that I’m being unreasonable and when I voiced that I don’t appreciate being stolen from she said that I was making a big deal out of nothing.
She told me I never told her she couldn’t use the points and that I was being dramatic. I told her that she always uses me as a foot stool and never respects my feelings or boundaries. She called our mother who agreed that I was being dramatic but also said my sister should have told me she was using my points because the points don’t matter(insert who’s line is it anyways joke) and families share.
So…am I being dramatic?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, def not overreacting your sister is trying to minimize stealing from you straight up and not respecting your boundaries. She knew what she was doing. You protected yourself going forward and learned you couldn’t trust her for the low cost of 150 bucks more or less.
Those were your points and you earned them spending your money. She comes across immature and entitled, she has a lot of growing up to do. Good luck OP, you did nothing wrong.” Apprehensive_Call_33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your sister sounds like an entitled jerk, thinking she could pull a stunt like that without thought or consequence.
Whether it was points or actual money, she still stole from you. Those points you accumulated through your purchases were worth $150, so at this point, I would be asking her for that amount in cash or bank transfer. If she did that, I’d still be angry, but I’d be more willing to let it go if I were you.
So it all depends what she does next. Does she just brush it off and move on, or does she agree to pay you what she rightfully owes? You need to decide if you want her to pay all of it right now, or if you’ll accept installments (if she’s broke, it might be the only way), and then tell her your decision.” JaneDoe_83
Another User Comments:
“NTJ those points had value and were yours, she used them without asking. She stole from you, no question. Points cards in my province are protected in some cases because of theft of points. Companies warn you that your points will expire.
This is because they have value. It is no different than if she took cash from your wallet. Your mother sounds like she favors your sister.” joosdeproon
19. AITJ For Telling My Friend She Has It Easier Than Me Right Now?
“To put it short; my (27f) mom recently (3 months) passed away after dealing with a chronic disease for many years, I broke up with my partner and closest friend of 10 years around a year ago and had to find a new apartment, new job, etc – and had a couple of smaller inconveniences and difficulties in the passing year alongside having a very demanding job I get paid not very well for (which I’m only doing for experience to get accepted to a masters degree.)
My friend, let’s call her Sara (26f), has recently decided to complain that “I’m not attentive enough to her these past few months.” I tried to gently tell her that while I love her a lot, care for her, and do want to hear any complaint or difficulty she has in her life – I am not as attentive as I once was (we have known each other for 10+ years too), and I need her patience since I’m going through a lot.
She replied that she thinks “I can’t see anyone else’s pain anymore and think my pain cancels everyone else’s.”
I will add that Sara’s recent “pain” has been around being super busy with her upcoming wedding (which she declined any help from me at prepping) and job, and admittedly some past trauma she was reminded of – but I DO listen when that comes up to my best ability.
Long story short, I got mad and told Sara that while I get that you can be sad or mad or tired while having a decent life, right now she DOES have it way easier and can cut me some slack and lower expectations for a bit, and she is acting completely entitled unlike what I expect of her as someone who did have some hardship in life (in which I was there to support her.) She told me that while she knows I’m doing bad, I’m also being selfish and self-centered, and for the past two weeks hasn’t talked to me at all.
AITJ for telling her that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Seriously, instead of saying she misses you and wishes you two could connect more often she goes with “you aren’t being attentive enough to her” It says volumes about how she sees the relationship, she is self-centered as well.
You are grieving. Remember not all friendships are meant to last.” Laines_Ecossaises
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk here. Yes, she for sure needs to try harder to not only support you but also not to dump all her issues on you at this time.
Also, it was harsh to try to compare pains and traumas with someone you say is a good friend. She is reaching out and is being told her issues aren’t important because they don’t stack up to yours. Maybe you both could do a little better at being there for each other, sounds like you both need a friend right now…” AgitatedDot9313
18. AITJ For Having A Drink With My Partner's Friend To Help Her Avoid Harassment?
“I went out for a few drinks with my best friend last weekend.
While we were at a bar I noticed one of my partner’s friends at the bar with a guy who looked like he wasn’t taking no for an answer. I’ve met this friend a couple of times and she always says hi when she sees me etc so she knows who I am.
I needed another drink so I went to the bar and I heard the guy keep trying to talk her into letting him get her a drink despite her repeatedly saying no. I went up to her and said hi and asked how she was.
She seemed happy someone had come over and started talking to me. I asked if she wanted to join me and my friend and told her I’d order her a drink if she wanted to go and sit down. She agreed and went and sat at our table.
When I brought the drinks over she thanked me for stepping in and said the other guy had been bothering her for a while. She stayed for a couple of hours with us and had a few more drinks and then she wanted to head off home so I ordered her a taxi and made sure she got in the taxi okay.
The next morning my partner seemed annoyed so I asked what was wrong. She mentioned that another friend of hers had messaged her to tell her I was sitting drinking with her friend and it looked like we were getting on well. I tried to explain what had happened but she just said I was wrong for drinking with her friend.
I mentioned that I was doing her friend a favor and that I was doing nothing wrong. She just said I shouldn’t be having drinks with other women that it’s disrespectful and that I was wrong for doing it.
AITJ for having a drink with my partner’s friend after she got harassed?”
Another User Comments:
“Well she’s a bad friend, isn’t she!!! What decent friend wouldn’t want you to step in and rescue her friend from a guy not hearing no? Her attitude should tell you all you need to know, and even when told, she doubled down and was quite prepared for you to throw her friend under the bus just because she’s your partner.
I’d dump her, and let her friend know how bad a friend she is. NTJ.” Lost-Imagination-995
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Your partner is insecure and a bit jealous of the other girl. Sorry to say that people who have those character flaws usually never change so consider that moving forward in your relationship.
The fact that your partner got upset because you helped someone being harassed, is a big red flag I wouldn’t ignore.” OrangePineapple11
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, that was nice of you to help her get away from the guy who was harassing her. Socializing with her in a group setting is normal. So is walking her to the taxi so that the guy who was harassing her doesn’t intervene again.
I would be so proud of my partner if he did that. Your partner is jealous without cause unless you were excessively hugging, kissing her, etc. ” asecretnarwhal
17. AITJ For Not Sharing My Lecture Notes With My Bully?
“I (F21) am a college student. There’s a girl (F21, let’s call her Katy) in a group with me. So, Katy and her friends are my bullies. They make fun of my appearance almost every day (e.g. my clothes or makeup), and they make unpleasant comments about everything I say.
It feels like they hate me for no reason. I try to ignore it and not worry about it too much.
For context, I’m a rather good student, and I attend all the lectures. About two weeks ago, we had an important exam. I was one of the few people who had all the lecture notes.
A few days before the exam, Katy texted me, asking for my notes (she had never texted me before). I read this message in my notification bar but didn’t open it. I decided to ignore her text and not respond to it at all. I just deleted the notification and didn’t care much.
We got the exam results last week, and most people, including me, passed. Katy is one of the few who didn’t. During lunch break, Katy ran up to me and started yelling at me that it was my fault she failed the exam because “I can’t even send her my stupid notes.” She also called me names.
I was stunned and nervous because it caused quite a stir, and everyone was looking at us. I simply told her she could attend all the lectures and write her notes like I did, or ask anyone else to send them to her. She got even more upset, but finally gave up and left.
I’ve talked to my friends about this, and they all think I was rather a jerk for not sending her my notes and ignoring her text. At first, I didn’t care, but now I think I could have just sent it to her and I feel kinda guilty, even though Katy is my bully.
It’s worth adding I would have gladly sent her these notes if Katy hadn’t behaved this way towards me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why in the world should you share your work and effort with someone who treats you horribly? Katy got the consequences she deserved, and still takes no responsibility for her actions.
Your friends are bad if they think you should be a door-mat.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need new friends. Why would you help your bully pass her exams? Shouldn’t a 21-year-old spend less time harassing people and more time attending lectures? You’re in Uni for goodness sake, not middle school?
How is this girl still behaving like a child? **Block her number**” Otherwise_Degree_729
Another User Comments:
“NTJ And your friends are 100% wrong. You didn’t cause your bully to fail, she is the only one responsible for not passing the test. She had the same opportunity as you did to attend the lectures and there are many other students she could have asked to use the notes.
This is how childhood bullies grow up to be adult bullies. They mistreat people and then think they can expect their victims to be too scared to say no. I think you are brave and strong to refuse to bow to your bully.” minimalist_coach
16. AITJ For Not Wanting My Sister and Her Kids to Move In With Our Sick Mom?
“About a year ago my mother suffered a health crisis and as a result, I (28M) moved back in with her to take care of her. She still has some independence, but I drive her to and from doctors, go shopping for her, help with cleaning, etc. She can wash herself, walk around the house, etc, but not much more than that.
My father died a few years back and up until I moved back in she has been living on her own.
Very recently my sister (30F) and her husband (30M) have separated on bad terms. Don’t want to go into details, but it’s a fairly hostile situation.
My sister has two children 1M and 4M and as a result, hasn’t worked in quite some time. Now she is in the process of trying to find a job, but with the children that is difficult.
Because of this, my mother suggested that she should move back in so she could look after the children.
I am strongly against this. I feel for my sister, but my mother can’t even really look after herself anymore, let alone provide childcare for two young children. If she moved in her children would become my responsibility (even though they both deny that) and I can’t and don’t want to add that to my plate.
My sister and mother also argued that she could help with taking care of my mom, but honestly, she wouldn’t be much help and it certainly wouldn’t make up for the added burden of having an infant and a small child in the home.
The house is big enough in terms of rooms for her to move in without a problem, but the fact that all the caretaking duties would inevitably fall onto me is what’s making me want to put my foot down.
I feel like a complete jerk, but I’ve considered telling my mother that if my sister moves in I will move out.
I work full-time. I am a pathology resident. I pay for my expenses and most of my mother’s as well. I do not pay rent, because my mother owns the house, but I do pay for electricity, water, heating, groceries, gas, and any out-of-pocket expenses at the doctors.
My mom has a small monthly pension that isn’t able to cover her costs anymore due to the increase in medical costs (and inflation isn’t exactly helping either.)
The reason why I don’t think my sister will be able to look after her kids or help with our mom is because the whole point of her moving in is so that she can get help with childcare and get a job.
If she were able to work and provide for her kids on her own she wouldn’t need to be moving in, in the first place.
My sister is not escaping an abusive relationship. I said hostile to indicate that they were on bad terms and not speaking to each other, but she wasn’t being mistreated and she wasn’t fleeing from him.
If she were that would be a different situation. She currently lives alone with her kids in their apartment (co-owned by her and her husband) and he is paying for the utility costs as of right now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel for your mum and sister, but you can’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
If your sister can’t even look after herself, the responsibilities of caring for her and her children will fall on you, which is a completely untenable burden for you when you’re presumably already pretty overstretched being a young working adult and a carer.
Unfortunately, it’s your mum’s decision who moves into her house at the end of the day. My suggestion would be to move out if she moves in, but consider bringing in a carer for your mum. If your sister does indeed move in and you move out, this risks your mum being neglected, so the carer will ensure her safety.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…Your reaction is reasonable. It’s her house and she can choose whatever situation she wants, but she has to accept the consequences of that choice. There’s no reason you should have to live in a situation that makes you uncomfortable. Make sure your sister knows, because it’s quite likely that she will change her mind when she realizes the added responsibilities that will be hers.” RoyallyOakie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your sister moves in just move out. They both are adults and can do whatever they want but what they can’t do is force you to suffer for their poor choice consequences. If your sister can take care of your mom and your mom can take care of her kids then it’s great, let them do that and you can take a breather somewhere else.” forgeries
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay More Rent After My Roommate's Partner Moves In?
“My roommate and I share a 3-bedroom apartment.
She has the master bedroom (attached bathroom, walk-in closet, and more square footage), and I have one of the secondary bedrooms (bathroom not attached, no walk-in closet, smaller square footage). The third bedroom is a shared office space. For now, we split the rent equally, and she pays for all utilities to make up for her living in the master bedroom.
Her partner is moving in with us for the new lease term and is moving into the master bedroom with her. She proposes this plan for how the rent should be paid: I pay for half the rent (minus $100 for having a smaller bedroom), but the other half of the rent (+$100 added for a bigger bedroom) is split equally between her and her partner.
We split utilities equally in three ways. In the end, it comes out that I am paying $150 more a month than either of them. I feel this is unfair since it was her choice to bring him into the apartment and I now have to deal with living with an additional person in the apartment.
She argues that she is having to give up some of her space and will now have to share a bathroom, so they should pay less for this. I proposed that we should all split the rent and utilities equally in three ways, but she does not feel that is fair because I have my room and bathroom.
She said if we split the rent equally all three ways then they could’ve just moved into their apartment together, as they would be paying the same in that situation. I should have brought this concern up earlier to her when she first shared her plan for paying the rent, but I was busy at the time and didn’t think anything of it until I started speaking with others who thought her plan was unfair.
SO, AITJ for not wanting to pay more rent than my roommates?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Screw her plan. 3 people should split everything 3 ways. “I will be sharing my space with someone.” Well yea, she’ll be splitting space with the guy who will be spending time with her.
Make him move into the office space if she doesn’t want to share her space.” clityeastwood805
Another User Comments:
“Ntj and my head is spinning from this complicated maths from your roommate. Just say no or don’t renew the lease. End of discussion. How clever of her to split utilities 3 ways when no one knows who would be using them most. Also, $150 is too much extra amount.
Essentially she is unhappy that she is sharing her space and as a strange revenge she is putting extra costs of it on you. Just move out but don’t give into this arm twisting.” Weirdoeirdo
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. This is like baby names and constantly comes up.
Rent is divided by personal area. A personal area is an area someone can shut others and guests out of for any reason. So the rent is divided into 2 as there are two personal spaces. Just figure up the square space of the two areas and proportion the rent.
Utilities are by per person.” GalacticCmdr
14. AITJ For Not Directly Inviting My Muted Group Chat Friend To Our Japan Trip?
“I (25f) have a group chat with my friends. There are a total of 15 of us in that group chat, so some days it’s pretty quiet, and some days it’s very active and the conversation shifts quickly.
I have a friend, Henry (25m) in this group chat.
He lives in a different city and cannot hang out with us as often as he would like. He has told me before that the group chat sometimes gets exhausting so he has it muted.
The problem is that is where we plan all of our hangouts.
Usually, if we are planning something in the group chat, I would message Henry directly to invite him because I know he doesn’t usually read the chat. He is the only one I have to reach out to directly.
For the last few months, we have been planning a trip to Japan for our other friend David’s (26m) birthday.
Since I plan and book everything, I write all the details into that group chat. I didn’t message Henry directly because there is so much planning involved to relay to him, and we have been mentioning and talking to him in the chat, so even if he has it muted, he still gets notifications.
I did mention to him to go look at the few polls and links I had in the group chat regarding the trip, but never outwardly asked him to go. Our trip is coming up next month and I finalized everything with a headcount.
Henry never responded so I left him out.
He messaged me yesterday asking what we were doing for David, and I told him we were all going to Japan. Henry got upset asking why we didn’t invite him. I of course told him we did but he never responded. He told me that I know he doesn’t read the chats and he is upset that we deliberately left him out.
He is really upset calling all of us jerks for not reaching out to him directly. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As someone who absolutely *hates* group chats in general, I do eventually read the muted ones. It doesn’t sound like this was a hastily planned trip that was done in one day; Henry had plenty of time to read the messages and respond if interested, not to mention assisting with planning as well!
Why is it everyone else’s responsibility to hold his hand so he can partake in events? I’d have him read The Little Red Hen and learn some responsibility.” nightmere622
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a 25-year-old man who has decided to make you his personal assistant with regard to this friend group.
The information was available to him via a channel he was aware of. Your big mistake was acting as his secretary up until this event so he’d gotten used to it. But you being nice enough to manage his social calendar thus far does not equate to agreeing to be solely responsible for him knowing what’s up and making sure he’s included.” gavrielkay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You told him to look at the links and polls regarding the trip, that’s pretty much an invitation itself. If you felt really guilty about it maybe apologize (emphasis on the maybe), but if Henry isn’t someone you care much of or what he thinks then I would say enjoy your time in Japan.” OkTeacher903
13. AITJ For Not Remembering Feeding Our Baby in the Middle of the Night?
“My (35M) husband keeps getting frustrated with me (29F) for things he says he’s told me/asked me to do when he’s woken me up in the middle of the night, that I have no memory of.
We have a 1-month-old newborn, and as I’m staying home with her and our 19-month-old son while he’s working, I’m the one who gets up with her every night when she cries, but a few times in the past month I’ve woken up in the morning as he’s leaving for work (6 AM-ish) and he’s angry at me because he says the baby started to fuss in the night wanting to eat, and he’s nudged my shoulder to wake me up and get me to feed her, said I told him “okay I’m going,” then said he woke up a few minutes later to her still fussing and me still asleep, meaning he’s had to get up and feed her himself.
No matter how many times I say that I’m sorry and explain that I haven’t done it on purpose and genuinely don’t remember doing it, he still makes me feel like I’ve done something wrong and kept him from sleeping on purpose.
Regardless of how I look at the situation though, I just don’t see how this is my fault, or something that’s anyone’s fault, rather than something that happens when two people are worn out from having a new baby. He doesn’t seem to get or have much sympathy for how tired someone would have to be to sleep through their own baby’s cries, or that it feels awful to start the day feeling guilty for something you don’t even remember— much less how awful it feels that I’ve inadvertently let my baby go hungry longer than necessary.
Realistically, though, how am I supposed to avoid doing this thing that bothers him when I’m not doing it on purpose and don’t remember doing it? Just not sleep at all? Is it unreasonable to feel like I’m NTJ and he should give me the benefit of the doubt/suck it up and get up with her every once in a while even though he’s working?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. Your husband, however, sure seems to be one. It’s not remotely surprising that you’re so exhausted; he needs only to Google for 30 seconds to find out this is normal. That he is arguing with you and saying you’re doing this on purpose is just awful.
He’s gaslighting you. You deserve to be treated better than this. I hope you manage to get him to see some sense (I would use stronger language here if I could).” kiwihoney
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but why are you always the one expected to get up in the middle of the night?
Does he think taking care of a newborn and a toddler is *not* work?? It sounds like an issue exasperated by your collective stress and sleep deprivation, the more you can work as a team to find a solution the better.” csanford43
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Why doesn’t your husband take his share of parenthood? You are on call 24/7, of course, you are tired. Maybe talk to him about taking the kids after his work, so you can get some hours of sleep in the evening and be not so exhausted during the night.” midway_through
12. AITJ For Not Wanting A Relationship With My Biological Dad Who Was In Prison Most Of My Life?
“My dad (40m) went to prison before I (14f) was born. My stepdad did the best job he could to make me feel like I was his own.
My biological dad did call me, but he would always tell me he was just at work, I was young at the time. And very confused as to why he didn’t come to see me after work. I was 10 years old when he was released from prison, and I didn’t know him that well and was very angry at him for not being there for me.
But I forgave him and started getting closer to him, and he promised me he would never let anything like this happen again, I felt like we might have a bond. Out of nowhere, he went back to prison for almost 2 years. When he got out I was very frustrated with him, because he promised me, and I trusted him.
I told him I didn’t want him to be a part of my life anymore, and I didn’t treat him as my dad.
Everyone tells me I should give him a chance before I regret it. My older brother thinks I’m a brat because I don’t wanna be a part of our dad’s life at all.
My mom said that I need to respect my dad more and try harder to build a relationship with him, but I just don’t think anyone understands, he doesn’t reach out either, and I don’t think as a child I should have to be the one to try more than he does.
I consider my step-dad my dad more than my biological dad because he was the one there when my biological dad wasn’t and everyone says it’s not right, because even though my dad was gone, he’s here now, I just tell him he went to prison for his actions and that’s his fault.
But I don’t know what to do, I’m kinda in a rock and a hard place. I’m 15 years old and still don’t know what to do. I just really want some outside opinions.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would highly encourage you to speak to an adult you trust that is not your family.
It is not the child’s responsibility to fill in the gap left by a parent. All of your feelings are typical for a child who grew up with an absent parent. Your brother and mother are not being fair to you. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with this.” MushieBlorb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, those who try to make you feel guilty for not wanting a relationship with your biological father are total jerks. Why don’t they hold your father accountable for being a bad example for you? This man has been in prison for most of your life, and they expect you to magically create a relationship with him.” Hour-Wind-2410
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father failed at his most important job: taking care of you, for his own foolish and selfish reasons. This is not someone deserving of your respect. At some point in the future, you might want to develop a relationship with him, but it doesn’t have to be now.” Ok_Childhood_9774
11. AITJ For Wanting to Move Out of State for College Despite My Parents' Disapproval?
“WIBTJ for wanting to move out of state for college? I, 16 female, have always been made to watch my siblings no matter what and I’ve always been expected to go out of my way and help my parents. I’m the oldest of 8 and I try my hardest in school, I also take up many extracurricular activities so I don’t have to be home.
Some days I get back home at 8:40 but if I’m not home before 9 I get locked out of the house even though I have keys. I’ve never really wanted many siblings but when discussing where I wanted to go for college I was thinking of going to a good pre-med school because I wanted to be a doctor but my parents got really mad and said that I couldn’t leave the state for college.
I also don’t only babysit, they force me to clean and cook as well. My mom still wants more kids but I don’t want to be a babysitter anymore.
They want me to work my schedule around to help them out but I don’t want to.
I feel so trapped and I want to go anyway but I’m scared of getting disowned. I’m gonna try to get a full ride to a college far away but even if I do they won’t care and would make me turn it down to be close to home.
I’m also not allowed to sleep in because the weekends are the “only days I can help my parents” and they always come up with something for me to do. People in my family are split about this, some are saying I am the jerk and should help my parents since I’m their oldest daughter but my brothers can too.
Others are on my side but I don’t want to lose my parents. I’m also pretty broke so I’m gonna start saving up but they take a lot of my check so I don’t know if it’d even be enough to support me. Also, they threatened to send me back to my parent’s home country and I hated it there because I didn’t understand anybody and it’d just mess up everything I worked so hard for.
I’m a sophomore right now so I’ll have time to think, English isn’t my first language either so sorry for the mistakes. They’re getting to my head so please tell me if I’d be the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Parentification isn’t acceptable. Live your life.
It’s fine to try to help out family, but not at the expense of your own mental and/or educational well-being. Besides, YOU haven’t decided to be a parent yet. Your PARENTS decided to be parents. So they should be parents and let you study where you want.” HedgieTwiggles
Another User Comments:
“Of course, the people in your family are split. Your parents’ expectations of being entitled to your help, time, and future are probably a shared expectation of the eldest kids throughout your family. Put a plan together and understand your options. When you are an adult, you won’t need their permission, but you also may not have their support.
It’s easy for an internet stranger to tell you to go 100% for university and study hard and find resources to help prepare you because I’d want my kids to succeed in the future they want. You decide your future, remember that. Even if choices sometimes seem limited, you always have a choice.
NTJ.” ur_mom_cant_get_enuf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family are traditional I guess based on the expectations of daughters vs sons. It’s not your job to take care of their kids, house, bills, etc. You’re not their servant. You should live the life you want.
It might require moving far away, finding who you are if you have been limited from trying other things or thinking independently, and going low contact for some time.” Powerful_Presence508
10. AITJ For Declining Bridesmaid Role Due To The Bride's Bullying Stepsister?
“Recently, my friend Laura asked me to be her bridesmaid. I wanted to accept because she is one of the first friends I made in America and I love her dearly.
My problem is that her family wants her stepsister in the wedding party. I don’t get along with her stepsister and haven’t been for years. For example, she doesn’t like how I broke my “no politics or news” rule for social media to post my thoughts about what happened in my country when I didn’t for any other political issue (which has nothing to do with my blogs, which are about crafting, dolls and being an immigrant).
The other thing is that whenever we are in the same room, she always wants to grill me on what is going on in my country and the war and how I feel about (insert something horrible that happened). It makes me extremely uncomfortable. When I tell her I don’t want to talk about it, she’s called me ignorant and other nasty things.
It’s gotten to the point where the stepsister is harassing me on my accounts. Like, I would see a concert and she would post how I feel enjoying myself when (atrocity) is happening.
I have started to avoid places where she will be because no matter what I do, nothing seems to stop her.
Which leads me to now. Laura wants me to be a bridesmaid. But if I accept, I’m going to be standing with the stepsister, who is a bully. I don’t want to put myself in a position where my mental health will tank.
I told Laura my concerns and she was so sad and so disappointed. And it breaks my heart because this is a huge moment for her and I’m ruining it by not being there for her.
Our friends think I should suck it up and accept the position, even at the cost of my mental health.
Is it worth it? WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and quite frankly, I’m appalled that nowhere in your post do you mention what Laura has done to stop the harassment to which her stepsister is subjecting you. It sounds like Laura hasn’t done anything, which if true, is a whole other issue.
She should be cutting her stepsister off at the pass, and if she can’t be bothered, then she’s not that good of a friend. You have every right to protect yourself from this person, and Laura should be more understanding and supportive.” PodcastJunkie8706
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Explain to your friend that you are doing this to ensure there is no tension or drama because she deserves to have an amazing wedding that is all about her. Tell her you will support her and would love to participate in a reading or some other meaningful way on the day of.
Honestly, though, I hope your friend recognizes how disgusting her step-sister’s behavior is and stands up for you.” Reasonable-Bad-769
9. AITJ For Yelling At My Dad After He Broke My Headphones And Refused To Let Me Exchange Them?
“My F15 father M45 has been having quite a few fights over small petty stuff.
But yesterday he got into a fight with my mother, (this was dumb) I tried to get in the middle to stop him and get him to stop yelling at my mom, but he took away my gaming laptop that I bought with my own money after I didn’t want to leave after failing to get them to stop fighting.
This afternoon after I got home from school I did my usual stuff leaving him alone. He comes into my room and starts to talk to me while I’m in the middle of painting. He lectured me for an hour about our bad family dynamic then started to make me do my sister’s F17 chores as I got up and started to do her laundry he ripped my headphones off my head (I had an ear out that he could see) and they fall on the floor and they break.
I started to cry and panic because my school is in the middle of state testing so we have 2-hour class periods and I don’t want to go to school without them. He tells me we can return them and I check the exchange policy and I could return them and get new ones!
He then decides when my mother gets home that we will go tomorrow after school when I try to refute him and tell him that it’s open till 8 pm (at 5 pm) and we could just do it now and I won’t have to worry and not go to school without them.
He repeated as he said about doing it tomorrow and that it’s too much wear on our car (that runs perfectly fine) to go and do it tonight, I offered to take an Uber he said no and then I got frustrated and said
“why the heck can I not go return them tonight when it’s still open I don’t want to go to school without them?!”
Am I the AITJ for getting mad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dad sucks. He has no problems inflicting his anger on his whole family, but he cannot tolerate your anger at all. Even worse because you were angry at him for a problem that he caused and was unwilling to fix, and he is angry about silly things in his head.
I’m sorry.” DazeIt420
8. AITJ For Refusing To Continue Helping With My Former Teacher's Never-Ending Thesis?
“In late 2016, I (26F) took on a project to help out a teacher who was also a PhD student with the references for their thesis.
The pitch was that as they finished their chapters, I would take their notes, search, and document their references in the right style.
I took it on at the time because I was desperate for cash, and it worked out – for a while.
Fast-forward to 2018, when I graduated—they hadn’t been able to finish their PhD. There was a lot of back-and-forth, and I kept getting pulled in when they would have an adjustment to make, especially at a difficult time in my life.
Still, I continued to help out because I thought it was the right thing to do.
Here’s the problem: it’s still going. It’s been eight years! And as far as I know, they’re not finished with their thesis. Look at my age vs when I started. I entered adulthood working on this.
I’ve moved out of my parents’ house. I could be married with kids before they’re done.
Now, mind you, I had only been paid once for what was two years of off-and-on work. I got a payment in 2018 for the prior two years and haven’t received any money since.
And yes, I acknowledge that I should have spoken up about this.
But at this point, I don’t care about the money and can forgo the time I’ve spent as long as I don’t have to look at the APA referencing system ever again.
I just don’t want to keep doing this.
So I’ve been ignoring their calls and messages, but now I feel bad. I accidentally peeked at one of their messages, and it looked like a guilt trip for not answering their calls.
It’s not like this takes up so much of my time that I can’t continue, but I’m tired. I’m sure there’s been an important development which is why they’re messaging me, but I can’t bring myself to keep doing this back and forth.
So, am I the jerk for refusing to pick up their calls and continue helping with their thesis?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but just put this person out of your misery and send them a text: ‘Hi. I wanted you to know I’ve graduated, have a new career, and a very busy life, and I am no longer available to help you with your thesis.
I wish you the best of luck.'” TossingPasta
Another User Comments:
“Of course you’re NTJ. Agreements require both folks! Just be professional, I’d recommend saying ‘This is the last time; I can give you XX hours (for pay) but after this, you’ll have to find someone else; make sure you wrap up any questions you have for me.'” zippy_zaboo
7. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Stop Calling Her Brother's New Partner A Siren?
“My (m34) wife (f35) is best friends with her ex-sister-in-law, Jen(f35) who was together with my wife’s brother, Jack (m38)for 15 years. They got to know each other when Jack introduced Jen she became close with my wife.
I have been a part of this family for 10 years.
I am very close friends with Jack.
Jack and Jen have always had a turbulent relationship. I don’t want to take sides and I think both were wrong and right and it wasn’t anyone’s fault and nobody knows what happened behind closed doors.
They have had breaks on several occasions and I will not lie Jen is always the instigator. I also won’t lie and say that Jack is a flawed man and Jen had a point in not being satisfied with him. Anyway the last time she asked for a break, Jack met Amy.
This time Jack didn’t want to go back to Jen. Jen became distraught and devastated. It was devastating to everyone because we all were friends.
Now my wife and Jen call Amy the siren. I think it is unfair. First, because Amy is a great person.
Second because I have never seen Jack this happy and third because I believe Jack is family and we should welcome his soon-to-be wife into our midst. I think calling her a siren is cruel and disrespectful not only to her but to Jack as well implying that he was dumb enough to be hoodwinked.
On the other hand, I see that Jack is a way better man with Amy than he ever was with Jen. He even admitted that he learned from his mistakes, which is unfortunate that he learned from Jen who put up with him to be a better man for another who just got the final draft and best version.
So I get my wife’s and Jen’s hurt.
Anyway, I told my wife to stop calling her a siren and to grow up. People move on and life is unfair. She cried and called me an ah”
Another User Comments:
“Your wife has a long-term relationship with Jen.
So of course she is more likely to be on Jen’s side. Just talk to your wife about being fair to Amy, because to do otherwise will harm her relationship with her brother. She should encourage Jen to move on and be glad she and Jack broke the toxic back-and-forth cycle they were in.
NTA.” Accomplished_Two1611
Another User Comments:
“So Amy is your wife’s brother’s new wife. That makes this issue primarily her family’s business. In my humble opinion, you might suggest that your wife’s attitude is likely to make HER family occasions uncomfortable but beyond that, I think that you might be wise to step back.
By all means, refuse to participate in their childish name calling but you are risking being perceived as being Team Amy by your wife. Yes, you have the moral high ground but, unless this is your hill to die on, what are you achieving? NTA” ClevelandWomble
Another User Comments:
“NTA – what is your wife crying about? Being told to act like an adult? Jack is her brother. She can be friends with his ex and still accept his new partner….or she can alienate her brother with her rudeness and name-calling.
Jack’s wife was critical – hot and cold – wanting ‘time out’ etc. He found someone who liked him as he was, who enjoyed being with him and wasn’t constantly finding fault. His new wife is his future and if your wife wants to be part of it she needs to stop the name calling.” omeomi24
6. AITJ For Denying My Troubled Sister-In-Law Prom As A Consequence For Her Actions?
“Trying to figure out how best to deal with a situation and think I need some outside opinions.
**Would I be the jerk if I told them she couldn’t go to prom as a consequence of these decisions?**
Back story, a 16-year-old sister-in-law who lives with us due to irreconcilable differences with her parents got inebriated in a public place and blacked out at her friend’s house later.
A friend called us in a panic and we had her taken to the hospital where her BAC was dangerously high. This is not the first time this has happened. She is in weekly therapy.
My wife and I are at our wit’s end with her.
She is combative with us any time we fuss at her for doing things she isn’t supposed to do. She has brought illicit substances into the house (I have three of my kids and I don’t want them around that). She brought Oxy into the home once.
She is disrespectful to us. She lies to us all the time. Argues every time she doesn’t get her way. Again this is not the first time with drinking. The first time it was at a friend’s house, the mom of all people gave it to her.
The second time was at a school football game where my son was in the marching band. The third time was on the BUS ride to school. Blacked out in the hallway. This time was at a different friend’s house. We cut off contact with these people that enable her.
She always finds new people. Her therapist tells us we need to give her some freedom as a sign of trust but every time we give just a little bit she does things like this.
Now really looking for advice to deal with all of it, it’s not y’all’s job, but any advice would be considered. In any case, would I be the jerk if we denied her prom this year as a consequence of the bad decisions?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I was like this at 16, rehab by 18 and sober by 19 counting 2 years now. This has surpassed the range of normal, she sounds like she needs more serious intervention.” Icy-Interaction-6559
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for exposing your other kids to this type of behavior.
They’re gonna see what she’s doing and possibly emulate it. You’re endangering your other kids by having her around acting like this. She needs to be sent to a treatment center. I say this as someone who’s done all the things she’s done at around the same age.
Treatment was what I needed, not punishment. I was never offered that kind of help until much later and it took me many more years to get a handle on my addictions because of it. Weekly therapy is not enough, she sounds like she’s well beyond that.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Not a jerk, but it would be ineffective and just cause more drama. I doubt a single punishment would change her behavior at all and would just create more drama. I think you need a family therapist who can help you write a family contract with clearly defined consequences for certain behaviors.
At that point, you do have to stick to those consequences. Get your husband on board, then have weekly family meetings with all members of the household. That’s the time to hold firm and enforce the consequences that were clearly articulated in the family contract.
Ideally, the rules should apply to all children equally.” ContentContact3254
5. AITJ For Suggesting My Mom Get Therapy Over Her Dislike For My Niece's Name?
“My brother and SIL had their daughter two months ago and they named her Wren. My mom had a very visceral reaction when she learned the name. I (17f) was home with her when the text came through and she went on talking to herself rant about it.
My mom grumbled the whole way to the hospital when we went to meet the baby the next day and was very short about the name. She asked my brother why we had to say the name so much. He was shocked because mom never talked to us like that and she’s generally an easygoing excitable person.
I tried not to bring it up but Mom has vented to me about how much she hates the name. She even commented to my brother about it and he told her to deal with the dislike because Wren’s name isn’t changing.
It was a week ago when Mom confessed why the name bothered her so much.
She said she had some trauma related to family members who all had nature names and animal names more specifically and it felt like a curse or a bad omen to use the name. I let Mom talk and she didn’t give a lot of specifics but I can see why she might have some fear about it and I guess that fear comes out as disgust and anger.
I told Mom I was sorry for what had happened and suggested she work through that in therapy because Wren’s name isn’t changing and doesn’t she want to enjoy her granddaughter without all this fear inside of her that bubbles over into anger. I told her the issues with the name are hers to work through at the end of the day.
My mom seemed so frustrated with me when I made the suggestion and she pulled back and has been moodier since. She seems so on edge and angry with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m not at all saying this is right or mature, but I tend to react more strongly to disagreements with my husband when I know he’s right than when it’s just a matter of opinion.
You’re NTJ and handled the situation well by listening and being empathetic, while also honest and… correct. Unfortunately, this means you may be on the list for a while as your mom works through and accepts this.” SunshineShoulders87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is in danger of seriously damaging her relationship with her son and grandchild.
If whatever happened with “nature” names in the past is so traumatic that she’s acting out over a baby’s name then she 100% needs therapy. Whatever she is dealing with is on her, though – don’t take it personally if she is grumpy while she is working through her past issues.” Lucia_be_Madici
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The family members your mother had a rough history with may be closer (like siblings in one nuclear family or cousins who were very close). If that nature makes family were closer it would make sense their behavior was similar and your mother was affected. Your niece is your brother’s child, in no way linked to the other nature names other than the theme of the name choice.
You’re right that your mother needs to work this out. The issues are with the people who treated her badly, not with their names.” hipsterdude
4. AITJ For Not Defending My Daughter's Decision To Attend Prom Over A Volleyball Tournament?
“Daughter (16) is a junior in high school. She has excelled her entire life at volleyball and plays on a prestigious club team in our area. She is currently being scouted by Division 1 universities.
2 weeks ago, her high school had a prom. She went, even though I thought she shouldn’t.
She had an out-of-state tournament that she skipped to go to prom. Other girls on the team skipped their school’s prom for this tournament. I told her what I thought she should do, but I allowed her to make her own decision and wasn’t going to interfere.
She had another tournament this past weekend where, unsurprisingly, she barely played. She normally starts and plays most games but she sat on the bench most of the time for this tournament. She told me that she thinks this is unfair, and she is being benched because she went to prom.
She wants me to talk to the coach about her decision and make sure it doesn’t happen again.
I told her what I felt. I flat out told her no I would not talk to her coach. I told her that she was part of a team, and had a commitment to them and she decided to be selfish and go to a silly dance.
She argued with me saying how this is a special occurrence. I reminded her of 2 things. 1) That other girls on the team prioritized the tournament over their proms. And 2) she’s lucky to be as talented as she is, and she will most likely not pay for college.
This is an opportunity all those promgoers would probably love to have. I warned her this would happen, and she decided not to listen to me.
She is still upset with me; I told her I hope she learned something about being part of a team.
My husband thinks I am wrong because prom is important to a teenager and thinks the coach is being unfair. But I have 0 issues with what the coach did.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Holy smokes, your daughter is excelling in life, being scouted by Division One universities, and you’re upset she wants to have the slightest hint of a social life?
If she was a general underperformer or did something genuinely bad, sure, but all this girl did was go to ONE social event and she’s being blatantly punished for it. Sure, the other girls went to the tournament, and that’s great, but your daughter starts and plays most tournaments because she’s a skilled player, and suddenly she’s sitting bench?
That’s just blatant retaliation for missing one tournament, and instead of helping her stand up for herself, you’re scolding her for daring to want to do anything but work for one night? Okay.” AngelicBear05
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m surprised by all the Y T J answers here.
The coach has to do what’s best for the team. The coach has decided that means playing your daughter less. That’s the coach’s decision. Talking to the coach is not going to do your daughter any favors. She put herself above the team. The sooner she learns that her choices will have natural consequences, the better.” UteLawyer
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – Why is there an expectation on people to miss important events in their lives for sport, at this age? Let kids be kids instead of placing unreasonable expectations on them. You’re not at fault for the wider issue but you’re part of the problem” ReviewOk929
3. AITJ For Using Our Family Ranch For a Work Retreat Without Asking Permission?
“I (27M) am in a bit of hot water with my family right now, and I’m starting to think I might be the jerk here. My family owns a large ranch in Montana that’s mostly used for family vacations and the occasional hunting trip.
It’s a beautiful place that everyone in my family cherishes for its peace and connection to nature.
I recently got promoted at work to a managerial position, which includes hosting and organizing corporate retreats. Seeing an opportunity to impress my new bosses and colleagues, I thought the family ranch would be the perfect place for our upcoming company retreat.
It has all the facilities we would need, and its remote location seemed ideal for team-building activities.
Without thinking it through, I went ahead and invited my entire team to the ranch, planning a weekend of workshops, meetings, and some leisure activities like horseback riding and fishing.
I genuinely thought I was doing a good thing by using the ranch in this way.
The retreat was a success from my company’s perspective, but when my family found out, they were furious. They told me that I had no right to use the ranch for such purposes without consulting them first. My family members were upset that I had brought a large group of outsiders to a place that was reserved for family privacy and relaxation.
They felt that I had commercialized a cherished family space.
In my defense, I argued that the ranch was being underutilized and that this retreat could help with its upkeep costs. However, my family countered that it’s not just about utility or money, but respect for what the ranch represents in our family history and relationships.
Now, I’m left wondering if I was indeed inconsiderate for not asking permission first, assuming that my family would be okay with it because I’m part of the family too.
So AITJ for using our family ranch for a work retreat without asking for permission first?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Majorly. It’s not yours, I assume you contribute nothing to its upkeep, and you exposed the registered owners (your parents, most likely?) to such liability had there been an accident/injury within the premises or something got damaged. Did your company pay any amount towards the use?
If yes, be transparent with your parents and give the amount to them. If not, that was a foolish move and with such a big risk. All it needed was one phone call to ask. You know why you opted not to. You owe your parents and the rest of the family a massive apology.
What you did was gross disrespect.” peregrine_throw
Another User Comments:
“YTJ It takes 5 minutes to fire off a group text saying “Hey, how would everyone feel about me using the ranch for a work thing?” The ranch is a family property and you brought a bunch of strangers there.
People have things kept there, personal items that they might not be comfortable with random people seeing.” janewilson90
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and I didn’t even need to read the story or your nonsense justification for using something that does not belong to you without asking to know for sure YTJ.
Fair repercussion for your mistreatment of other’s property AND trying to plead innocence and how you were trying to help the family out when all you were doing was abusing the privilege of access for your gain is to be permanently banned from the premises.
And I do mean forever with no exceptions. The fact that you tried to make excuses and need to turn to Reddit to understand that YTJ shows you don’t deserve all that the property brings to the rest of your family and never will.” Dont_think_Do
2. AITJ For Feeling Like My Parents Care More About My Sister Than Me?
“I (14f) have a sister (10f). I am the first born and yet it feels the least cared about. For a little bit of context, my sister is a little bit deaf (to the point that she has hearing aids).
So I broke my fingers last week, leading to me going into the emergency room for 8 hours. This was a hard time for me because the doctor told me that I might need surgery to put pins in my fingers. I was sad because I had a competition in 2 weeks and a show for theater a day after.
I cried hard. And during this, my mother got a call from my father. My mom came back into the room and sat by my side, a few minutes later, saying that my sister and my father were sorry for me. I later found out that this was false.
I came home and immediately flopped onto the couch from a shocking day. The next day my parents went shopping and my sister came up to me and said “You seriously had to get hurt? Are you that SELFISH?” She stormed off to her room and I was left in shock.
We have never had an amazing relationship though this had made me feel as if our sistership was tarnished. She has yet to bring the conversation up though.
When I told my parents later that night they brushed it off as unimportant and I should think about how she must be feeling.
I hated my parents and said this was kind of like me being jealous of her being hard of hearing. They said this wasn’t the same and I agreed but like her, it wasn’t something I could help right now.
There have been other incidents where I’ve told my parents of the injustices she’s done and they have brushed most of them off.
This time I snapped and said they cared for her more than me.
Was I overreacting? Am I the jerk??? I have no idea anymore!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- try telling them this— when all of her feelings are ok and all of my feelings are wrong- it feels like you guys are playing favorites.
No matter what she says to me, it’s ok. And no matter how I feel about it, I’m wrong? And I’m just supposed to “get over it”. How do you think that’s going to work out long term? Because that’s pretty much my whole childhood with her so far.” chuckinhoutex
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, clearly your parents care more for your younger sister, just because she is deaf (although that is not her fault so I blame the parents). Your sister however is also not a very good sibling. Like how dare she say to you “How dare you get hurt, are you that selfish!?” ?????
I mean you don’t go around telling her “How dare you be born almost fully deaf and snatching all our parent’s attention away from me”. That’s wild” palpatin6031
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. Why did your sister ask why you had to get hurt? You are upset because your sister is not being sympathetic. Did she miss out on something because you were in the emergency room? Did she have plans with your mom that were canceled?
Your sister is 11 and if you getting hurt caused her to miss something she was looking forward to, then you ruined her plans, at least in her mind. You tell of other injustices, but you haven’t said anything that sounds like actual favoritism. Your parents likely brush off your injustices because they are minor, and your sister can probably come up with just as many showing they favor you. It is all part of having siblings. I would suggest you ask your parents or your sister why your sister said what she did, or what she may have missed because of your injury. You may find out that she missed out on something really important to her, even if it means nothing to you.” Lego_Panda_Bear
1. AITJ For Constantly Arguing With My Wife About Keeping The Lights On?
“My wife and I are 23, and we’ve been together for 6 years. We moved in together about 4 years ago and never really had overhead lighting in our apartments. I knew she hated lamps for some reason, so we never really had our lamps on either.
We moved into our house together 2 years ago and installed overhead recessed lights about 6 months ago. They’re great! They bring life into the house. That being said… I often walk into our living room and see her hanging out in there after work or on the weekends with no lights on at all.
It looks very dreary!
Try this yourself to see where I’m coming from. Try to hang out in your living room after work around 5 pm with no lights on in the house, or any time throughout the day on a weekend. We have a pretty open floor plan so she doesn’t like any lights on in any room.
We have “fought” about this many times since we installed the recessed lights. It gets under my skin that the house looks so dreary, and it gets under her skin that I want the lights on so bad when she doesn’t. It was a blessing in disguise because through talking about it, we realized that she has photophobia and dry eye, which cause high sensitivity to light.
For her whole life, she thought this was just normal. We are treating it now and her quality of life has changed a lot for the better! That being said, she still likes the lights off… Something else to mention is that these are LED lights, which don’t use much electricity at all, so it’s not a money thing.
She just prefers the lights off. She mentioned that it might be her brain being trained to hate the lights on her whole life because it always hurt. I keep instigating fights about this, but she makes me out to be the jerk. What is the answer here… lights on, or lights off?
Again… try it yourself!… Very dreary.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You aren’t even in there, why do you care? You didn’t say she turns them off when you have them on, but you do the opposite and think you have the right to berate her because it’s “dreary”?
She has a medical condition that overrides your aesthetic preferences. You do need light sometimes so here are some things to try: *Lamps set on a switch or controlled with a remote. *Warmer light color with lower lumens *Dimmers *Non-LED bulbs (they flicker and cause brain distress for people with epilepsy, migraines, and similar illnesses)” Wonderful-Teach8210
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You said you’re the one instigating the fights! She doesn’t think it’s dreary because having the lights off is what her eyes have been comfortable with. I also like to have most of the lights off with maybe a dim lamp on.
My partner and I always have to compromise about fans and AC being on though because the sound of them really bothers me and I get cold easily but he overheats. Usually, it’s just a game of turning them on and off because I can’t concentrate with that much noise and he can’t concentrate when he’s so hot!
Sometimes I sit somewhere else with a space heater. Sometimes he sits somewhere else with a quieter fan.” ManyYou918
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You said you’re the one instigating the fights! She doesn’t think it’s dreary because having the lights off is what her eyes have been comfortable with.
I also like to have most of the lights off with maybe a dim lamp on. My partner and I always have to compromise about fans and AC being on though because the sound of them really bothers me and I get cold easily but he overheats.
Usually, it’s just a game of turning them on and off because I can’t concentrate with that much noise and he can’t concentrate when he’s so hot! Sometimes I sit somewhere else with a space heater. Sometimes he sits somewhere else with a quieter fan.” ManyYou918
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