People Invite Us To Weigh In On Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
37. AITJ For Not Stopping My Husband From Snapping At His Sister?
“I (25 F) and my husband Ryan (26 M) have been together for 5 years, married for 1. I get along really well with his parents and brother, not his sister ‘Emily’ (25).
Emily constantly makes remarks about my body and clothes. Comments such as ‘looks like you didn’t eat today’, ‘stop buying clothes that are too big it’s trashy’, ‘wow she’s finally eating’, and so on.
Ryan has spoken to her privately numerous times and called her out but she just ignores him and says I’m over-sensitive and she’s not doing anything but joking. (she’s backed off a little.) My whole life I’ve been thinner wearing xs/s clothing.
I’ve also had trouble gaining weight, but with Ryan helping me work out and lift more I have begun getting in my target weight range.
2 weeks ago everyone was over at our house for a pool day and dinner. Ryan and his dad were grilling hamburgers and BBQ.
I went up to grab a plate and filled it with a lot of food. When I sat down to eat Emily said wow, finally about time you start eating like a real person. I ignored her and just went on about eating. She didn’t like that I wasn’t giving her a reaction so she called Ryan and said ‘Hey Ryan, your wife is finally eating so now you don’t have to sleep with bones,’ and laughed. Everyone was silent for a moment but Ryan snapped. He told her to get the heck out of our house and not come back.
Of course, she protested but he let her know he was tired of her treating me horribly and we gave her too many chances to change and now she’s lost the privilege to be near us. She then demanded their parents do something. Her parents walked up to her with her stuff in her bag and said they would walk her to her car.
Once back they apologized profusely for her behavior and said Ryan did the right thing.
For the last two weeks, everyone hasn’t been in contact with Emily unless they were telling her to apologize. She is refusing saying she did nothing wrong and was just joking with her brother.
Her friends and even some other family members are saying I’m just over-sensitive and a horrible woman for taking her parents and brothers away from her. Before we blocked her she told me I should have just laughed at her joke and stopped Ryan from snapping at her and that she now has no one to cry to because I took her family away and I’m starting to feel a bit bad because they were always close.
So, AITJ for not stopping my husband from snapping at his sister?
Edit. I want to clarify a few things:
1. I’m not a confrontational person and have trouble standing up for myself, Ryan has no problem speaking up which is why he talked with Emily.
2. She has made comments throughout our relationship, but I didn’t want to cut contact with her because I have 2 brothers and always wanted a sister. I held onto the hope we could become really close, which may even be why I excused her behavior.
Still not a reason for not going low contact/no contact sooner.
3. Ryan’s other brother ‘Luke’ (23 M) does currently have a significant other and after speaking with her Emily has said snarky comments to her as well, mainly about her eating habits. She didn’t say anything until I asked because she didn’t want to cause drama.
I will say Luke is even more angry with Emily after finding this out. He has blocked her as well until she apologizes to me and his SO.
4. I don’t believe Emily is overweight, she looks great!
5. She and everyone who is supporting her is blocked and will remain blocked unless we receive a sincere apology.”
36. AITJ For Supporting My Son's Passion For Learning Languages?
“My son has a passion for languages that I like to encourage because it will definitely help him in life. My wife speaks English and Arabic, and I only speak English.
Growing up, my wife and her family spoke to our son in Arabic, and he speaks both fluently.
Two years ago, when he was seven, my sister told me about that Duolingo app and I downloaded it, hoping to learn Spanish to help me at work (a lot of my coworkers don’t speak English).
My son was fascinated and wanted to do it too, so I downloaded it on his tablet. He stuck with it long after I gave up (muy difícil, LOL).
My son has actually gotten pretty good. We recently moved to a new house, and one of our neighbors a few houses down is a multigenerational Hispanic family.
They are very friendly and even brought us food on our first night here. The old grandpa likes to sit on the front porch, and my son likes to go over there and talk to him. At first, he would just go say hello, but lately, they have been having longer conversations.
My wife says we need to curb this. She said that it’s not okay for our son to bother our neighbor for an hour or more almost every day. She also doesn’t like that we have no idea what they’re talking about. She thinks it’s okay for him to say hi, but our son shouldn’t be hanging out on their porch with this man we don’t really know.
First of all, I don’t think our son is bothering him. I think the guy is bored and lonely, otherwise, he wouldn’t be engaging in conversations. Second, I asked my son what they were talking about, and while it’s not the same thing every day, it’s usually stuff like favorite foods or old pets, or other random inoffensive things.
Lastly, we can see him from our yard.
My wife wants us to tell our son no more long visits. I’m hesitant to agree, and she’s mad. My MiL called and said I’m being a jerk to my wife. Am I?”
35. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Mom's Partner?
“My partner and I rent a 4-bedroom 2-bath home in Anaheim, we have the master, and my son has his own room, we had two guest rooms open and I wanted to help my mom out who was living in a studio ‘illegally converged garage’ with no AC.
I only charge my mom $750 for rent and she takes two of the rooms and bathroom for herself and turned our garage into a chill spot for her as well. Everything was great until her partner started coming over, every single day and staying the night.
Some days, he brings his car and works on it in our garage during the day and late at night. We rent the home and the landlord had specifically mentioned that only the tenants on the lease should be here. I let my mom know that I did not want him here every single day, weekends are okay and some days during the week are fine but we could be kicked out if she sees him here often.
I also really don’t think highly of him as he doesn’t have any self-awareness to probably not come over so often. It’s irritating to see him walk through the living room in his pajamas while I’m working remotely, aside from that he’s not rude or disrespectful but doesn’t take a hint when he’s overstayed his welcome.
My partner also doesn’t like that she can’t work out in the garage at times because he’s there or sometimes she just wants some privacy coming home from work and not seeing him walking around. He does also come here on his own (he has a garage remote) to let himself in.
I had a talk with my mom and told her that he cannot be here during the week, he cannot sleep here during the week since he pays no bills nor do I want to even make that an option. She got upset and hasn’t talked to me for a month and effectively is considering moving out now.
I’ve mentioned to her that A) he’s not on the lease to be here every day and B) he’s here way too much and I just don’t want to see him every day. I was a bit harsh as well and told her she can do better than that guy and that this isn’t a hotel for him to come every day.”
34. AITJ For Telling My Colleague About What My Team Leader Did?
“I (22 f) work in customer service at a hardware store. I don’t only have to call the clients to tell them their order has arrived, I also have to prepare deliveries, carry heavy boxes, furniture, showers, etc, email other companies to make sure orders arrive on time and so many other things.
Overall it is a job that requires a lot of carrying heavy things and running around a lot.
At the time we would make sure that we would have 2 people on the daytime shift and 2 on the evening shift, due to how busy it would get.
On Friday my team leader (26 M) had his day off and I was alone for the morning shift.
It was a very busy morning, with people forming a line outside the shop that wanted to come to pick up their orders. At the same time, I had to help the delivery drivers and prepare orders that were coming from the shop.
By the time the evening shift arrived (which is around 11:30 AM), our desk was filled with delivery papers, orders, and other paperwork that had to be finished by the end of the day.
Somewhere around the afternoon, my team leader messaged me, saying that he would take the next day (Saturday) off.
No warning or anything, only saying he was going to do it. I wasn’t pleased, as his shift the next day was scheduled with me. I only send him ‘k’ and went back to work.
I was angry and talked to my only female colleague, saying that I wasn’t pleased with how he handled the situation, as he could’ve at least asked if it was ok that he took the day off, knowing so well that Saturday was the busiest day of all and that we were doing a promotion of -20% off everything.
As I was complaining to my colleague about what he said and how he handled the situation, my team leader his boss was standing behind me and heard everything I said. He asked if I could see the message and I agreed.
He told me that my team leader couldn’t just take the day off, as he has to ask him first.
My boss immediately called him and told him that he should be here tomorrow.
The next day he arrived 30 minutes late, blaming it on traffic (which he always did, he was late every single shift).
The moment that my team leader arrived, the boss called him up in the office and gave him a warning that if this happens again, he will give him an official written warning.
Afterward, my team leader came up to me, and called me a backstabber, saying that he knew he had to call his boss to get the Saturday off and saying the messages he send me were his way of ‘asking if it was ok that he took that day off’.
Nowhere in the text did he ever ask me, he only stated that he was going to take the day off.
So now I’m wondering, am I the jerk for telling my colleague about what my team leader did, making him end up with a warning from our boss?”
33. WIBTJ If I Exclude My Sister And Her Family From Our Family Vacation?
“My brother Mark (40 m) and I (39 m) organize a family trip each year which includes my sister Sally (33 m). Our friend Darren (all fake names) has a place that he allows us to stay in for free. My wife and I have twins (15 m and 15 f) and my brother Mark and his wife have 2 kids, (16 m and 9 f).
Sally and my BIL John (34 m) have an autistic son Luke (13 m).
The problem started last year when during our vacation Luke had a meltdown and ended up destroying about £1000 worth of property after he lost in a video game. During the tantrum, there was a lot of swearing.
Before all the kids used to be good friends and they all enjoyed hanging out with each other. However now, my niece (9 f) refuses to play with Luke because she is scared of the ‘bad monster’. We have tried to encourage her to spend time at least with the adults watching but she is adamant not to which we respect.
The older three have also withdrawn themselves as they feel that ‘they must protect themselves first’ and that they choose their little sister over Luke. The thing is Luke has never had a meltdown close to that level before or since the incident. Both I and my brother agree on not forcing the kids to interact but we try to encourage the older ones to slowly talk more with him.
Furthermore, my BIL has refused to pay me for the damages so I could pay my friend, since ‘it’s my brother’s and my responsibility as we organized it.’ We eventually just let it go since they are struggling financially.
About a week ago, at my mom’s house, the four kids (not Luke) came up and asked me if we were going back to the same place.
I said we hadn’t decided yet. Luke must have overheard and came up and said that we have to go back since he has been a very good boy for the last year. I just said we hadn’t decided yet. Well, Luke must have told my BIL since he asked my brother why we were crushing our nephew’s dream and that we were ableist since we could easily afford it.
We said we needed payment first for last year.
Still, we aren’t comfortable going with them since we don’t want a repeat of last year and cause our friend more trouble. However, my brother’s wife feels that it would be cruel to exclude them when our four kids are going and that they also are dependent on this for their yearly break.
My brother now feels that we should cut Sally and her family off completely since they are ‘leeches’. I don’t agree with this but my brother is increasingly agitated. I think the ableist comment got to him as he has a close friend with Down’s syndrome that very recently passed away.
I think I could be the jerk and we are ‘punishing’ Luke for something he can’t control, and really only doing so since my BIL has made it clear that it’s our responsibility to cover the expenses since we plan it, although they are struggling financially.
So, WIBTJ if I excluded my sister’s family from the vacation?”
32. AITJ For Saying My Sister-In-Law's Dress For My Wedding Was Inappropriate?
“I (f 25) got married two months ago (July) to my partner (m 26) (now husband) of 12 years.
My BIL (husband’s brother) and his wife (SIL) got married three months before us. Originally our weddings would have been further apart but the global crisis hit and my BIL and SIL had to postpone their wedding so it was close to ours.
We had a beautiful ceremony in a little church in the town our families live in. After the ceremony we went outside and our guests congratulated us. I was so excited that I honestly couldn’t tell who wore what, but I saw that some of our friends seemed mad.
We wanted a big picture of us together with our guests and while the photographer coordinated who would stand where my SIL tried to stand next to me. That was when I saw she was wearing a white dress. I was shocked but didn’t know what to say so I just looked the other way.
But my maid of honor smiled at her and said quite loudly ‘Oh, what a nice white dress’. My SIL kind of gasped and went ‘That’s Tan!’ I just said nothing. We wanted pictures with our close family and as it was BIL and SIL’s turn, she again went to stand next to me, but my BIL told her to stand next to my husband and he would stay next to me.
I didn’t even look at her.
Later we arrived at our venue and I could hear our friends talk about the white dress and how disrespectful my SIL was, but she couldn’t have heard it because they took the wrong road and weren’t there yet.
Two of our friends even talked about ‘tripping’ and getting red wine on her dress and I still just said nothing. No one did anything to my SIL or said anything else to her, and they left shortly after dinner because they still had a long way to drive home.
Two days later we visited my in-laws and my MIL took me aside to tell me the dress my SIL was wearing was tan, not white. My SIL is extremely hurt about what my maid of honor said and felt shamed and excluded. My mil asked me if I really thought the dress was white and I said yes.
Furthermore, I told her I think it was a totally inappropriate dress because I know that my SIL’s wedding dress was the exact same color and she would have hated having someone at her own wedding wearing something similar. Even if it was ‘off-white’ nearly every dress right now is off-white and she must have known that our guests would be talking about her and not positively if she showed up like this.
My MIL said I can’t really believe that my SIL would do something like this on purpose and insinuated that I am a total jerk for this and for not stopping our friends from thinking badly of my SIL. I’m still getting comments about this so – Am I the jerk?”
31. AITJ For Being Upset At My Mom And Telling Her She Doesn't Deserve To Be My Daughter's Grandmother?
“My wife, ‘Kate,’ and I got married about a year ago. It was a small ceremony with very few people in attendance. None of my family members, except my brother, were invited.
Kate has a 5-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. When we first started Kate, my family, but especially my mum, would make derogatory comments about how I shouldn’t be with a single mother.
My mum would say things like, ‘You shouldn’t be raising another man’s child,’ or ‘Kate is only using you for free child support.’ Those comments were extremely hurtful, and I made the decision to distance myself from most of them.
Around Christmas time last year, my brother and his two young children died unexpectedly.
The incident devastated my entire family, and we are still all processing this loss. Because of their death, I have begun to see my family more.
To celebrate my late nephew’s birthday, Kate invited my SIL for a nice dinner. My SIL, without our knowledge, brought my mum along.
Kate, though surprised, didn’t say anything to my SIL or my mum.
At first, the dinner was going well. Everyone was nice, the conversation was light and fun.
At one point, my daughter woke up, and my wife and I knew that she wouldn’t go back to sleep knowing her aunt was in the house, so we let her stay up with us.
We let her watch some tv and play with her toys, and she was paying no attention to the ‘grown-ups.’ My mum decides to pick my daughter to try and play with her. She starts crying and thrashing around, but my mum refuses to let go, muttering stuff about ‘how she’ll get over it.’ Kate essentially had to force my daughter out of my mother’s hands in order to calm her down in a different room.
Once everything was sorted, Kate came back out with my daughter, and my mum started yelling at her about how ‘she was turning her granddaughter away from her grandmother,’ and how ‘she was poisoning her mind.’ I obviously got upset with her, and told her that ‘Maybe it’s because she doesn’t deserve the title of grandmother.’
This only added fuel to the fire.
My mum stormed out, taking my SIL with me. She later sent me a lengthy message about how I shouldn’t have said that considering recent events (the death of her two grandchildren) Now, I feel extremely guilty.”
30. AITJ For Being Upset At My Family For Not Telling The Truth About Why My Daughter Wet Herself?
“My daughter is seven and autistic, partially verbal. During high-stress situations, she goes mute. Anyway, she went to my sister’s house all happy on Friday. It was a whole family get-together, I had to run and deliver some packages, and I was gone for like half an hour.
Anyway, when I got back she was in different clothes and very clearly upset. I asked what happened and my sister told me she wet herself after she couldn’t have a chocolate pop.
Now, here’s the thing with my girl; she would never wet herself purposefully.
She has extreme anxiety surrounding her toileting, to the point of therapy. I don’t know what this anxiety is caused by, but it’s pretty severe. She was clearly very distressed so I just took her home. In the car, she broke down sobbing but was unable to tell me what happened.
As soon as we got home she took herself upstairs and put a pull-up on (pull-ups being accessible for her is a recommendation, so she has more control over herself) and has been super cuddly since. She hasn’t been using her AAV devices or signing in at all.
She has two therapists and she’s due to see them both in the next week to see if they’ll be able to help me understand what happened.
The family has been awful. My sister, mainly, is still claiming that she was being a brat and is doing this all for attention.
I’ve since told every family member they will not be seeing her or me until the truth has been told. This may be overkill, but I don’t think my daughter would want to see anyone anyway.
Obviously, this has upset a lot of people, especially those who don’t know what happened. I’m standing by my statement – if my sister won’t tell me off her own back, pressure from other family members may help her along.
I’m slightly concerned I’m being a major jerk, though, to those who want to see her and now can’t. I’m starting to feel quite bad, despite having explained my situation in full.
Am I the jerk here?”
I guarantee you're right, something else happened to cause your daughter to wet herself and your sister is hiding it. Her saying that your daughter is "being a brat and doing it for attention" speaks volumes. Something is amiss with your sister and you definitely shouldn't expose your daughter to her until the truth comes out.
I know therapy is supposed to be between your daughter and the therapist but maybe you can bring the situation to their attention and see if they can persuade your daughter to tell you the truth about what happened that day.
Good luck finding the truth. Stick to your guns and NTA
29. AITJ For Agreeing With My Fiancé's Parents' Criticisms?
“I’m engaged to Anthony and I’ve met his parents a number of times.
I’ve always felt like they were very critical, and it was frustrating. Especially because I feel like he’s blind to just how critical and snappish they can be because he’s used to them
But this year, I decided I’m not wasting my energy defending myself and justifying myself, and trying to convince them to respect me.
I decided to just be unashamed about myself, even the parts they are critical of.
So, this week we were visiting because it was his dad’s birthday. And when we were there, his dad made a comment about me always coming across as a bit of a gold digger.
Now, in reality, I don’t think I am. I have a high-paying job of my own, I bought my own sports car in full, I pay half our rent, and I contribute equally to the shopping and utilities, and bills. I buy most of my own clothes and bags and accessories.
The only thing that might be borderline gold-diggery about me is that when I was looking for a life partner I wanted a partner with similar financial stability and responsibility.
But I didn’t explain all of that. I just giggled and said, ‘Right, looking this good doesn’t come cheap!’
Now this was a joke, I was dressed in a very understated outfit. But it kinda frustrated his dad who asked if I really just said that. I just went ‘Yeah, I grew out of messing with broke guys after college. I’m 28, I’ve got no time for that anymore!’
Later that night his mom criticized the cookies I’d brought to the party for being too ‘flat’ and I joked that I was just glad they were edible, and not the ‘Literally On Fire Special’.
His mom asked if I was a ‘radical feminist proud of not knowing how to cook’ and I go ‘Yeah I guess I would describe myself as a feminist!
And I am proud of all the things I’ve put the time into learning, honestly cooking just hasn’t been a priority yet but maybe I’ll learn sometime’.
Of course, this irritated them and also made my fiance wonder what I was saying.
He pulled me aside and asked why I was making jokes about being a gold digger and not knowing how to cook because that’s not true at all, I contribute a lot financially and also in the home.
I said I just wasn’t in the mood for an argument, or a disagreement, so I was trying to brush off his parents’ criticism with light jokes. He said that it was making me look bad and I said ‘I mean yeah, the stuff your parents have assumed about me isn’t that flattering.
But I really wish they’d stop bringing up so much critical stuff.’
He said he meant how flippant I was being and I said that I was just too old to be having the same arguments, sometimes you’ve gotta realize after a while of butting heads, nothing actually changes.
So I’m not interested in arguing anymore.
He said that I was pushing them away right before the wedding…
AITJ for unabashedly agreeing with my soon-to-be MIL and FILs criticisms?”
28. AITJ For Not Tipping A Rude And Incompetent Waiter?
“My partner and I recently went out for dinner. It took them a while to seat us as they were short-staffed.
We ordered an appetizer to split as well as a meal each. I noticed that they were really trying to rush us along, bringing out our meals at the same time as the appetizer. The server kept grabbing things off the table, asking, ‘All finished with this?’ and beginning to walk away with it in her hand, before I stopped her and told her we weren’t finished. After the third time, first the bread, then my half-filled beer, and then the appetizer.
I had enough.
‘I understand you have a job to do. Please do not touch anything in front of me until it is cleared and off to the side. Stop interrupting our meal, please go away,’ I said very sternly.
A friend of mine came in and was seated at a table nearby, I turned around to greet him and engaged in chit-chat for about two minutes.
When I turned around my meal, which I had barely touched, was gone. My partner hadn’t even noticed it go missing. I called the waitress over, who handed me the check and asked, ‘Will there be anything else?’
I told her my meal had disappeared.
She blankly replied, ‘Oh, I thought you were done.’
I said, ‘No, I am still eating. Go get my dinner and bring it back here.’
She replied, ‘Ummm… it got thrown out? Because you looked like you were done, so yeah…’
I told her to go get her manager.
She responded that he didn’t have time to see me. I told her that he needed to make time because I was about to make a scene in four seconds.
She left and a minute later came back and said that he was too busy.
I told her to reprint the check without my meal on it. She refused saying I ordered it, I had to pay for it, and walked away.
I let my partner finish her meal, took the check, put a line through the cost of my meal, pulled cash out of my wallet to cover the appetizer, drinks, and my partner’s meal, and wrote, ‘No Tip: Your server was rude, incompetent, and threw out my dinner’, and handed it to the cashier as one bundle as I walked out.
My partner thinks I went a bit overboard and that I should have at least tipped the other employees involved. My mother, a retired waitress, is furious that I took it upon myself to alter a check and leave without paying for the food I ordered. She thinks it was an honest mistake and I need to be more understanding.”
27. AITJ For Telling My Cousin She's A Self-Centered Immature Baby?
“I (19 m) have a sister Aria (16 f). I also have a cousin Kat (22 f). Kat has been trying to get into college ever since she graduated from high school, but it just wasn’t happening. She got rejected from every college she applied to. She finally got into college this year.
Aria is graduating this year. She has already been accepted to a college, so she will also be starting this year. They will both be going to the same college.
Last week was my grandpa’s birthday. My parents, Aria, and I were at his place with Kat and her family, along with another uncle’s family (not important).
At dinner, Grandpa started asking Aria about her plans for college. Aria told him that she will be staying on campus. Kat chimes in about how colleges should stop accepting students who graduate early. Note that graduating early is a pretty common thing here. She then directly attacked Aria saying it wasn’t fair that she had to ‘share college experience with immature babies’ and how ‘pearl clutchers’ steal the limited number of seats available from the people who work hard to go to college.
She then indirectly called my sister a self-centered brat. I mean, Aria and Kat barely are ever in the same room, so it’s not like my sister always steals the spotlight from Kat.
This wasn’t the first time Kat accused Aria of being self-centered. My sister looked close to tears so I literally said to Kat that the only self-centered immature baby in the room was her.
She didn’t say anything but got quiet for the rest of the night. Aria was happy that I defended her but I got a nasty message from Kat’s parents the next day saying that I should apologize to Kat for humiliating her. I said no. They have since been calling my parents trying to make them get me to apologize.
My parents are on my side, but when I was venting about it to my significant other, she said I should have confronted Kat in private instead of making her look stupid in front of the family, and I should just apologize. Was I wrong?”
26. AITJ For Not Inviting My Aunt To A Family Event?
“I (29 M) just got married this year. My wife and I dated for almost 6 years before getting married. My aunt got married 3 years ago and despite the fact that my wife (then-significant other) and I had been together for 3 years and we were living together she was not invited to the wedding.
The excuse was that it was going to be very small and only enough room for the family at the venue. I thought this was rude to start but I didn’t argue it.
My sister who was invited said that she couldn’t go and my SO could just take her spot.
My aunt then simply said my SO was ‘not allowed’ to go. I decided to not go because I thought it was disrespectful to my SO and our relationship.
Fast forward to another family event a year later where I saw my aunt again and she was openly rude to my SO and me.
Given that backstory when my SO and I got married we decided to not invite my aunt. I have never been close to her and our wedding was going to be small and we truly only wanted people there who would genuinely share in our joy.
My grandparents got extremely upset and threatened that if we didn’t change our minds no one from my family would come. Well, I’m not going to be bullied so my uncle who had previously told my mom there’s no way he’d miss my wedding now couldn’t come because of a yearly golf trip with his boys.
My grandparents said they were too sick to drive up (about 2 hours away) but were miraculously able to drive up to a nearby town a couple of weeks later. The whole time the family was yelling at my mom and saying how terrible I and my wife were and that we were the disrespectful ones.
I can’t confirm but I’m also pretty sure my grandmother called up anyone that we had invited and told them not to come. The result of it all? I pretty much cut contact with everyone from that side of the family. So AITJ for holding my ground and not just letting my aunt come because ‘she’s family’?
To clarify, when I say my grandparents were too sick I meant more in the sense that they gave the excuse of being too old and bogged down with chronic conditions to handle driving for that long. Nothing acute.”
25. AITJ For Wanting To See My Husband's Bank Statements?
“My husband and I have been together for 15 years.
About 3 years ago a massive bomb burst when I found out about $30k hidden debt. He incurred this debt to purchase more cryptocurrency and also give money to his parents who do not work… at this time his two siblings weren’t helping at all and he couldn’t either so he helped them on credit without my knowledge.
We had just immigrated to a new country (AUS) a few months prior and I was pregnant with our second child. After this, we agreed that he would pay his parents a set monthly amount that he could afford and nothing more. I repaid the debt and he took over about 70% of our day-to-day expenses since I moved to working part-time after having baby no. 2.
I am a corporate lawyer and always worked full time and paid most of our expenses but have cut back since having baby no. 2 and settling into a new country
We are comfortable financially and have overcome the issues of the past. He promised that there will be full transparency moving forward, but there has been no reason for me to ask to see anything until now: We are in the process of building a home and each agreed to save a set amount each month.
I have saved my share (sometimes more) but it recently come to light that he has not been.
He earns a very good salary as a software testing manager so I just could not understand why. He is the spender between the two of us, so I asked that we go through his bank statements together to see where we could cut back on subscriptions, etc. to help us reach our goals, but he refused saying that he does not want to be policed and needs independence.
I also know that his mother recently asked him for money again (he told me). His father passed away last year and she moved to the USA to be with his sister and has a job now, so he had stopped paying her the monthly amount as it was no longer necessary.
He told me he has not given her money, but I doubt this since he does not want me to see his statements, and I did see on his computer screen (open WhatsApp chats) that his sister sending him her banking details – very suspicious.
When I asked he denied it and said that I just have to trust him. He has deleted all bank emails and changed his passwords. I am also worried that he may have bought more crypto or games (he is a PC gamer with an extensive Steam library).
I feel so powerless, I do not want to be this way – but in order for us to move forward and work together to achieve our financial goals, I think there should be full transparency. AITJ?”
24. AITJ For Defending My Friend From The Bridezilla?
“My friend has been planning her wedding for nearly 2 years and she wanted me to be a bridesmaid.
Some things have gone down over the last couple of years, a lot of her friends drifted apart, some wouldn’t be able to attend for medical reasons and she fell out with a few. Out of the 9 bridesmaids she had originally planned, only me and 3 other girls were attending.
The day of the wedding was hectic, the bride got overwhelmed so I and the other 3 bridesmaids basically whipped everything into order while she calmed down. Her hairstylist had canceled so I reached out to a friend of mine and asked her if she could swing by last minute and help out.
She did her hair and apparently, the bride didn’t like it. The bands she was using were coffee colored, not white (she didn’t have white) and the bobby pins didn’t match her hair color and the ribbons weren’t curled right. At one point, she said to my friend ‘Are you an idiot’ and I’d heard enough.
I understand that it was stressful but there’s no need to name-call someone who got all of their equipment last second and drove over 20 minutes to an event of someone they didn’t even know, as a favor, not even paid work (though I did offer).
I told the bride she had to calm down and she couldn’t speak to my friend that way but instead, she just ended up yelling at me as well, I told her we were all doing the best we could and she called me pathetic and said it was outrageous that I’d be lecturing her on the most important and stressful day of her life.
She said she had half a mind to cut me as a bridesmaid and so I told her I’d save her the trouble and left.
The aftermath was insane! I had the other 3 bridesmaids calling me to tell me I was a jerk and was so selfish I couldn’t put up with a little attitude for a few hours because she was stressed. The bride called me crying about how I betrayed her and how horrible of a friend I am.
The bride’s mother (who didn’t previously have my phone number) called to tell me how disgusted she was at my attitude and even my partner says I could have sucked it up and it was a total jerk move to walk out like that.
My stance was that high stress or not, I don’t feel like she should have been calling my friend names and I don’t think she should have called me pathetic.
Stress isn’t an excuse to talk down to someone in my opinion, especially people who are trying to help, but I could be wrong.
So I guess, was she acting like the bridezilla I thought she was or AITJ?”
23. AITJ For Refusing To Buy My Daughter A New Dress?
“I (52 M) have two daughters (17 F) Angie & Julie. The girls are twins but are different in every way.
Growing up Angie shared a lot more interests with my wife, she loved performing in pageants, cheerleading, and the whole nine yards. While Julie shared my enthusiasm for the outdoors, camping, and wildlife photography.
It wasn’t intentional but over time my wife started spending more time with Angie while I spent more time with Julie. We tried taking the girl to more places together but it’ll always end in an argument because they didn’t have any shared interests and Julie hated going shopping or seeing her sister perform in pageants while Angie despised the outdoors and always refused to go camping with Julie and I.
I’ll say this now, I adore both my girls and I’m incredibly proud of both of them. But the bond I have with Julie is stronger due to our shared interests, same goes for Angie and my wife.
Recently while bird watching Julie broke the camera we got her for her 15th birthday, it was an expensive camera and she was distraught because she knew we couldn’t afford to buy her a new one.
I knew how much that camera meant to Julie who wants to work in photography after graduation so I decided to take more overtime shifts and sell some of my personal belongings so I can afford to buy her a new one.
It took me a while but I ended up surprising her with a really nice camera and she was overjoyed, I told her she can repay me by making me an album with all the photos she takes throughout the year.
Angie approached me the next day saying she needs a new dress for her upcoming pageant, this confused me a bit because she usually discusses things like that with my wife. I asked how much she needs and she says the dress wants is 4,050$
I told her I’m sorry but I can’t effort to get her that dress right now and she might want to ask her mother.
Angie said mom already told her no and she knows I could effort it because I bought Julie the camera. I tried explaining that a camera and a dress are different but she argued that I could just work more overtime and sell more of my stuff like I did for Julie.
When I refused and told her to either find a cheaper dress or rent one she exploded and accused me of favoritism. Although my decision had nothing to do with favoritism I didn’t bother denying it.
She is now going to relatives complaining about how I favor Julie over her.
From my point of view, she can’t really complain because my wife favors her over Julie. Besides most of our budget already goes towards her pageants and dance competitions so she can’t say I don’t get her stuff.
Some of my relatives are calling me a jerk for not denying the favoritism but I don’t see the point.
Angie obviously favors her mom over me and even told me so a couple of times but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love me. So why is it treated differently the other way around? I could really use some insight, am I missing something? AITJ?
EDIT:
First off, I’m not rich. Really wish I was but I’m not. I’m an immigrant and so is my wife, I work as an ICU nurse and my wife is a dance teacher. We make an honest living and that’s about it.
Second of all, I’ll admit we don’t spend the same amount of money on the girls.
Angie’s hobbies are much more expensive for my wife and me to support. Makeup, dresses, travel, music lessons, and pageant entree fees are much more expensive than the hiking boots, sleeping bag, and tent Julie occasionally asks for. Julie didn’t ask for the camera I surprised her with it, she is going to study photography right after high school and I wanted to show my support.
Besides that, I also enjoy photography so the camera can be used by both of us for a long period of time. I got the camera from a sale and it cost me 3,200$, it’s a professional camera and she’ll be able to use it for a long time.
Third of all, I LOVE BOTH MY DAUGHTERS. My wife and I try to take an active part in both their lives. I drive Angie to pageants, try to learn her choreography whenever I can, and support her from the audience. My wife also makes an effort to be in Julie’s life.
That being said, Angie spends more time with my wife because SHE chooses to do so, the same goes for Julie spending time with me. We never denied our kids love or attention.
The whole favoritism thing isn’t new either, it’s all in good fun and the girls are fine with it and they joke about it all the time.
The only time Angie used it in an argument was when I refused to get her the dress. We love our daughters the same but it’s just easier for me to get along with Julie and for my wife to get along with Angie. That’s why I refer to it as favoritism.
I don’t know how some of you interpreted that as me saying the girls are not loved, and tormented by the other parent but that’s not the case.”
22. AITJ For Not Wanting Visitors When I Give Birth?
“So, I’m due in a couple of weeks. I have two children already and have been thru the birthing process before and know what to expect and how chaotic it can be in those first few days.
My partner has never had a child before and has been incredibly involved in the entire process. My birth plan includes him being there in the delivery room and throughout the entire process. However, I asked that no visitors be allowed at the hospital because I wanted that time for just us to bond with the baby, relax, and for me to get as much rest as possible before the inevitable revolving door of people begins who want to meet the new baby.
Well, his mother is making a big deal out of not being allowed at the hospital. She has continued to try to guilt trip me and make me feel bad, saying things like ‘She deserves to be a part of all the joy a baby brings’ and ‘You’re not going to let me be a part of his life,’ which is not true at all.
I have made it abundantly clear that I just want those few days to just ourselves, and that we deserve that time to bond with the new baby with just Daddy and me. I have told her over and over she will be the FIRST person to meet him when we come home from the hospital, and that having been through the process before, it is just more comfortable and easier, and less stressful for me to have that time alone with my new child for the 48 hours we are at the hospital.
She continues to tell other people that ‘I don’t want her to be a part of the baby’s life’ and ‘I won’t let her be there for her grandson’ among many other things while continuing to try to go behind my back and ask my partner to just let her into the hospital room and I won’t be able to say no. It is in my birth plan that there are to be no visitors.
AITJ here?”
21. AITJ For Getting Engaged Before My Sister's Wedding Day?
“So I (33 f) have a step-sister Anna (33 f), and she’s my best friend.
She got married last week and the day before the wedding we were having dinner when my partner proposed.
Anna has been going out with Joe (31 m) for 6 years. I have been friends with Tom (33 m) since we were kids and have been together since we were 15.
Joe and Tom were friends and that’s how Anna and Joe met.
Tom was complaining about swapping beds with Anna (Anna and I were sharing a bed that night and Tom and Joe were because the bride and groom can’t see each other before the wedding)then turned to me ‘When we get married there’ll be none of this nonsense’.
My stepmom asked ‘When? You two are engaged?’
‘No, sorry I sort of got carried away with myself’.
And then Joe said ‘So you don’t see yourself getting married to my lovely soon-to-be sister-in-law’, he meant it as a joke, he wasn’t making fun of our relationship or anything.
Tom: ‘I do, I have to ask you first, not just assume’.
Joe: ‘I think that’s what you’re doing’,
Tom: ‘I love you OP, and I would love to marry you as soon as we can’.
Anna: ‘Is that a proposal?’
Tom: ‘Not if you mind us getting engaged a day before your wedding?’
Anna: ‘I don’t! Joe?’
Joe: ‘Go on man, it took the guy this long to have the balls to ask better not ruin it’.
Later, Anna’s cousin Rose came up to me and told me it was tasteless and that I was stealing the spotlight.
The only people who would know are us 4, our parents (Anna’s mom, and my dad, Anna’s lost her dad when she was 2) and Anna’s aunt, uncle, and two cousins and we had asked them not to tell anyone and we’ll announce it a few weeks after the wedding.
So no one would find out and as far as I’m aware, Anna and Joe have no problem with it.
Were Tom and I the jerks for getting engaged a day before my sister’s wedding?”
20. AITJ For Still Having A Relationship With My Former Stepmom?
“My dad met my former stepmom, Sara, when I was 9.
They got married, and she was basically a third parent to me. We went on family vacations, she helped me with homework, came to my games/activities, yada yada.
Well, a year or 2 ago we all found out my dad had an affair and they divorced. I told my dad that I wasn’t cutting Sara out of my life just because she wasn’t his wife anymore.
He said, ‘We’ll see’. Sara and I still talk, and meet up from time to time.
My dad’s been with Anne for a while, I met her around Thanksgiving. He keeps trying to make me bond with her, but I don’t want to. She’s annoying, she’s invited me to go shopping with her, to lunch, and get our nails done.
I have no interest.
Anyway, Saturday before Mother’s Day we were by my dad’s family for a bbq, Anne was there. My aunt mentioned some stories that included Sara and said she hoped she was good. I said ‘She is’. My aunt said ‘Oh you’re still in touch?’ I said, ‘Yea, we’re actually getting dinner Monday so I can give her her gift’.
My dad said ‘Her gift? For what?’ I said ‘Mother’s day? She was my stepmom for over 15 years’. He said ‘She’s not anymore’. I ignored him and started talking about something else.
I spent Mother’s Day with my mom, but Sunday night my dad called and said he doesn’t think I should be in contact with Sara anymore.
He said it hurt Anne’s feelings when I told them I was meeting Sara for dinner and that I got her a gift. He said it was wrong since I won’t even put in the effort to get to know Anne and I didn’t even give her anything for Christmas.
He said, ‘You should get Anne something small for Mother’s Day’. I said ‘What, why? She’s not my mom’. He said, ‘I know but she’s my partner and I’m your dad, you should put in more effort’.
I told my dad that being in my life isn’t equal opportunity and that I don’t owe Anne anything.
He said I was being stubborn and needed to grow up.
My not getting to know Anne has nothing to do with Sara. It’s because before my dad met Sara his partners were weirdos, one acted like she and I were instant besties, one apparently called my mom and wanted to be her bestie (found her number at my dad’s house or something), one kept trying to get me to be a girly girl and wear dresses and stuff.
He’d only stay with them a few months and then find a new woman.
When I was a kid I had to get to know them and all that but I don’t anymore, and I’m not. I’d probably feel the same way if he never met or married Sara because I’m over it.
AITJ for still talking to Sara and not getting to know Anne?”
19. AITJ For Not Helping My Abusive Elderly Mother Anymore?
“I (f 43) was adopted when I was 2 days old by a couple in their forties. One night (I was 3) my father had to work late and my mother decided to send me for a sleepover at a neighbor’s house.
My father had expressly forbidden sleepovers altogether but specifically at this particular house. My mother ignored him and sent me over at her first opportunity. It ended very badly for me. Rules prohibit me from explaining.
My dad didn’t have the option of divorce but he couldn’t trust my mom with me so he proceeded to raise me himself.
I went to school and after school to work with him and he cares for me himself. He did everything he could to protect me and help me heal but my little psyche was already irreparably damaged. This worked until I was 7 when she repeated her behavior.
Needless to say, there was a very bad relationship between me and my mother. She treated me badly and constantly threatened to return me to the orphanage. By age 16 I couldn’t take it anymore and I left. I stayed with relatives where I could but I ended up on the street in my final school year.
I finished school on the street. I put myself through trade school and later through university. I got married and adopted kids because the incidents rendered me unable to have my own kids. I got divorced and remarried.
As an adult, I reconnected with my father and he stood by me and helped me wherever he could.
I tolerated her presence in order to spend time with him. I loved him dearly until the day he died.
After his death, I tried to help my mother and even allowed her to move in with me. She proceeded to treat everyone like trash and she nearly destroyed my marriage in the process.
She wasted her entire inheritance in a matter of months and then accused us of stealing her money. In reality, she handed it all over to a con man.
She then decided to move out. Her new arrangements didn’t work out so I found her an old age home.
She met some new guy there and got remarried and moved out again.
Twice more I found her affordable accommodation and twice more she messed it up. Finally, I allowed her to live on my family farm with her new husband for free. That went okay until he died and she could no longer look after herself.
Once more I found her affordable accommodation with 24-hour care. All she had to do was to treat her caregivers with respect. I told her it was the last time I would help her.
I’ve had epilepsy my whole life and stress increases my seizures drastically.
The last time she lived with me I was up to 30 grand mal seizures a day after 20 years without seizures.
3 months into her stay at the new place she is being kicked out as a result of her abusive behavior towards the staff. They asked me to fetch her.
I refused. I also refused to make alternative arrangements for her. I won’t contribute to her expenses either.
AITJ for being willing to let them throw her out on the street?”
18. AITJ For Kicking Out And Banning My Wife's Parents Because Of What They Said About My Kids' Uncles?
“I, my wife, and our friends ‘Jack’, ‘Nathan’, and ‘Suzie’ all grew up together.
We went to the same church, and the same schools, and were all drama geeks together. We’re basically a family. Jack and Nathan are gay and have been together since high school and they live close by so our boys ‘Zack’ (12 M) and ‘Caleb’ (15 M) spend a lot of time with them and know them as their uncles which my wife’s parents have never liked.
Her parents are pretty conservative and homophobic and tried to get my wife to cut off Jack and Nathan when they officially came out in college and she refused. Ever since Caleb could talk he’s been a theater kid like I was and while not fem his never been super interested in stereotypical ‘guy stuff’.
My in-laws have always implied this because he spends so much time with his uncles or would sickly imply they were doing something to make him gay.
Normally I’d let it slide because we don’t see them a lot and I know my wife hates fighting with her parents, but Caleb came out to us last Friday on his birthday.
My in-laws gave him this disappointed look and he just got up and ran to his room. Me and my wife and Zack tried to comfort him but he’s still been moping. Yesterday the in-laws came over saying they were praying for Caleb and told me that it was my fault because I left him around deviants like Jack and Nathan and they made him gay basically implying they did something.
I got mad and told them to get out and not come back. They said they were just trying to help Caleb and I screamed at them that they have ‘helped’ enough and my wife had to get me to calm down while they left.
We’ve been getting calls from her family saying that I was a jerk for treating her parents that way and causing a fight between them and my wife. My parents think I went too far and I shouldn’t have reacted like that. AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Split The Bill With Me?
“So my partner and I have lived together for 7 years.
We usually split everything 50/50. We don’t keep track of small things of course, like snacks and fast food and things like that. But we do split groceries and fancy dinners out, typically. Just to give you an idea that that is how we do things.
So we went out for her birthday last night. At the start of the night, I told her that I had budgeted $500 for her birthday and that I wouldn’t be able to spend more than that. She was super understanding and said she was totally happy with that.
So we go out to an adult arcade, to a paint night, and then to a fancy dinner. Before the restaurant, I told her I only had $200 left for the evening. She said that was totally fine.
So she ends up getting a smaller appetizer and ordering a fancy bottle of wine with dinner because she said she wanted the bubbly more than the food when it came down to it for budgeting.
In the end, our bill was 223 and change. When I asked her if she would split the bill with the 23 + tip as her portion, (not in half, just the portion that went over the 200 I told her I could afford) she just looked at me a little dumbfounded and said she only brought her small purse and it didn’t fit her wallet so she would have to give it to me at home or transfer the funds to me.
I told her that was totally okay and to just PayPal me the payment later. I wasn’t upset or anything and said we could square up at home. She went a little quiet and when we got home, she showered and went straight to bed without saying much.
The next day she gave me the 23 dollars in cash but left it on a note that says ‘Since I guess we nickel and dime each other now, here’s your 23 bucks. Happy Birthday, me.’
And now she’s giving me the cold shoulder.
I’ve tried to talk to her about it but she just keeps brushing me off and saying I’m being a cheap jerk. I honestly wasn’t trying to be a jerk, I just genuinely had a budget and was super clear about that.
She’s never been upset about me using a budget before this. I was very specific that I could only afford 500 and even told her that before dinner.
AITJ here?”
16. AITJ For Not Being Close To My Sister-In-Law's Children?
“I married my husband 7 years ago. At the time his sister was the only one with kids and it was made clear to me that I was not an aunt and I have been essentially made to be a stranger to SIL’s children by her own choice.
She even taught her children that I am not an aunt. As a result of this, I am not close to them like I am my husband’s other siblings’ children, who are my nieces and nephews, and I am their aunt.
I believe I am a fun and generous aunt.
I spend time with my nieces and nephews, I have painted stuff in their rooms for them as gifts because I am artsy. Sometimes I’ll take them for fun little trips or buy them stuff. Even as a mom now I like to do that because I love those kids and I never had a family, so it’s nice to have people who want me.
I don’t do any of this with SIL’s kids. I don’t even try to speak to them anymore when I am at the same place as them because SIL has made such a big deal out of it. It seemed like I was supposed to ignore them and so I wasn’t going to start drama or cause trouble for them by interacting because I’m almost certain she told them not to talk to me.
Now her kids are jealous and hurt that their cousins have cool paintings in their rooms or get to do XYZ and they don’t. She came to me and complained about it and told me I was a jerk for making her kids feel that way.
I told her that was HER fault, not mine. That she set the tone. She made it so I wasn’t related to her kids and thus her kids hurt was her fault. I told her she reaped what she sowed and her poor kids were the biggest victim in it all.
Of course, she’s mad and now she’s all like see, see, she’s a bad person and this is why I didn’t want my kids to think of her as their aunt. The rest of the family are just rolling their eyes. But I know this didn’t help.
I also know it doesn’t fix anything with her kids, who I do feel bad for.
AITJ?”
15. AITJ For Not Giving My Best Friend The Watch My Late Godfather Gave To Me?
“I (19 F) was presented with a watch by my godfather during my first holy Communion. It is a beautiful studded watch by Titan and it is very special to me.
This is the first watch I owned. My godfather was suffering from lung cancer for the last 3 years and sadly passed away in May. I was very close to my godfather and I shared things that I couldn’t talk to my parents about. I am very disturbed by the loss and I know no one can fill his place in my life.
Since the death, I’ve been wearing the watch every day as it reminds me of all the beautiful days we had spent.
My best friend’s birthday was at the beginning of July. She turned 20 and has been my best friend since I was 3 years old.
I love her with all my heart and thus when she asked for her birthday present, I said I’d do anything for her.
Big statement, and now I realize it was a stupid mistake.
She asked me to give her the watch I was wearing (the one my godfather gifted me) and I instantly replied no. She said she was joking and she knew how much that watch means to me.
The next day our common friend called and yelled at me for ruining my best friend’s birthday. She said my friend was truly hurt as I shot her request down without even asking why she wanted the watch. I explained what the watch means to me but she said I shouldn’t have said anything if I couldn’t do it.
I tried to talk to my best friend about it and she said I had hurt her feelings and left her as a laughingstock in front of her friends (there were 25 people). She said though she had soo many close friends she had considered me as her best friend and I had destroyed my position in her heart.
AITJ for not giving my best friend the one thing she wanted from me?”
14. AITJ For Clarifying To My Sister That She's A Single Mom?
“My sister has been divorced from her ex-husband for the last three years and they have two children.
They have joint legal custody and nearly equal parenting time (he has two days a month more than she does because of her work schedule). He makes a lot more than she does and even though he has more parenting time he pays her child support, covers their children’s insurance, and pays for their private school.
From what my sister has told me, financially, the divorce favors her. They actually get along very well for exes and he’s been great with our family – we always get invites to things like birthday parties and such. I’m sure someone will ask, the reason they got divorced, according to my sister, is my sister wasn’t happy and wanted out.
Nobody has accused the other of anything bad, but my sister is a handful. She started seeing other men as soon as they separated and it took him a lot longer, but I don’t think there was any sort of affair or partner in waiting.
Back on Father’s Day, a mutual friend made a charming post about her late ex-husband, what a great dad he was, and how her kids miss him. I made a nice comment and scrolled on. Later another friend made a trash post about moms having to do everything due to absent dads.
I don’t know who the person was with the first comment, but there were several who joined in, including my sister. I normally just scroll on in these sorts of situations, but my sister said something to the effect of her being a ‘single mom’ and joined in on the crapping on dads’ fest. It made me mad, so I replied to her that she was completely tone-deaf and she needed to delete her comments.
True to her norm, instead of saying whoops and deleting her comment, she fired back.
So I told her that she’s not a ‘single mom’, she’s a ‘divorced mom’, with an ex-husband who’s very involved, has the kids more than she does, and pays for everything.
Not long after, the OP deleted the whole nonsense. I let it go but come to find out, my sister is mad at me. I get it if her claim was I ‘don’t know the real situation’ and her ex is really some sort of monster, but she’s just mad that I called her out on social media and ‘diminished her’ by saying she wasn’t a single mom.”
13. AITJ For Causing Stress To My Pregnant Boss Through My Resignation?
“I (16 f) work for a chain clothing store in my mall. We are extremely understaffed and have one manager (26 f) who is eight to nine months pregnant. Even though it is technically illegal for me to be working over 20 hours a week (per rules in my state) I am scheduled much more than that working 25-33 hour weeks as a high school student.
(This was during the year and I am currently doing summer school which she is aware of). I don’t really mind, the pay is decent for my area and the work isn’t hard but recently I was forced to quit without notice.
I rarely request days off for anything and often change my schedule around to accommodate my hours but a day prior to this incident I severely dislocated my knee.
It was possible I would need surgery and I had been advised to use crutches/stay off my feet so it would not be possible for me to work. I told my boss I would be willing to do anything she would allow me to do sitting down otherwise I wouldn’t be able to work till further notice (I had a doctor’s note that also explained all of this) but she said that since she was able to work pregnant I would be able to do my job without crutches and that since it got relocated I can walk just fine.
She also stated if I didn’t work she would write me up/fire me. I ‘walked’ out on the spot since I have done so much for her and worked more than legally allowed and she is not respecting my medical issue.
My ex-coworkers are saying I’m a jerk for causing that much stress especially since she is pregnant and that I should’ve sucked it up so, am I the jerk?”
12. AITJ For Having A Separate Vegan Table At My Wedding Reception?
“My wife and I got married a couple of weeks ago. It wasn’t a huge wedding, we had about 75 guests. During the planning, a handful of my wife’s family members asked us about dinner options because they are vegan. None of my family members are vegan but we wanted to make sure that everyone had good food to eat.
At that point, we hadn’t talked with a caterer yet, but my wife assured them we would offer vegan options for them.
We found a caterer that offered delicious vegan food (we tasted it, very good). When we were planning the seating chart, my wife mentioned that one of her cousins said that she can’t be seated at a table where meat is served. I asked a few questions about it but my wife got frustrated with me so I dropped it.
But accommodating this was difficult and eventually I got frustrated too and told my wife that if her cousin is going to be so militaristically vegan about this, then we are just going to seat all the vegans at one table even if it meant splitting up families and friends.
After a few more discussions and my wife talking to her cousin again, my wife eventually relented to my idea of having a vegan table. We put that part of the planning behind us and moved on. I literally didn’t even think about it again until we started setting things up for the reception.
My wife’s mom noticed that some families weren’t sitting at the same table and asked about it. I told her that we had to sit all the vegans at one table because of my wife’s cousin.
My MIL got mad about this and said it’s rude to have family members sitting at different tables and to have one table basically segregating the vegans from the rest of the guests.
I told her that unless my wife’s cousin wants to sit at a table all by herself, this is the solution we came up with and we aren’t going to change it now. MIL dropped it but I could tell she wasn’t happy.
The ceremony went off perfectly but when it came time for the reception, there were grumblings about the vegan table from my wife’s family.
While we were going around talking to people, a few of the vegans made comments about how they don’t appreciate being singled out and separate from everyone else. I tried to be polite about it, but the fact that they thought bringing this sort of thing up to me on my wedding day was appropriate really started to rub me the wrong way.
When my wife’s cousin (the one who refused to sit at a table with meat) said something to me about it, I told her that we did that because of her, and the next time someone asks me about it, I am going to tell them to talk to her about why we had a separate vegan table.
She told me I was being discriminatory against vegans and I just turned and walked away. I wasn’t going to put up with that nonsense any more than I already had.
It’s apparently still a thing within my wife’s family and she feels I should have been more willing to find a different solution.”
11. AITJ For Entering The Bathroom While My Significant Other Was Using It?
“My (24 F) significant other (24 M) got annoyed with me today after I used the bathroom while he was in the shower.
A bit of context; we have been living together for about 3 years now. He has mentioned to me before that he doesn’t like me using the toilet when he is in the room. This is totally understandable and it’s not like I seek out opportunities to do so.
The issue is we live in a very small apartment and both tend to be on the same schedule, meaning we often need to use the bathroom at the same time. I grew up sharing a bathroom with many people so the lack of privacy had never really bothered me before.
I have done my best to respect his request but sometimes I can’t help it. Today was one of those days that I really really needed to go pee and he was in the shower. I knocked and told him I would be using the toilet so he could look away or whatever.
He got annoyed with me and expressed that even though we live together there are some things that should still be completely private; I disagree and think he’s being a bit dramatic about the whole thing.
We both showered together after that, and he refused to give me my razor while I was in with him, claiming that shaving was also something I needed to do when he wasn’t around.
He knows that I need to do things like shave and use the toilet, but he would ‘prefer to not think about it’.
Overall I am a bit upset and don’t know if I was in the wrong or not. I knew it made him uncomfortable, but I also didn’t really have a choice considering the situation.”
10. AITJ For Trying To Explain Our Family Dynamics To My Half-Brother?
“My parents divorced when my mom had an affair. My brother was 9 at the time and I was 8. Mom had an affair and got pregnant, after dad left her while she was pregnant he did a DNA test when my half-brother was born and confirmed he was not the father.
My half-brother’s bio dad was married as well and his wife would only forgive him if he had nothing to do with my half-brother. They ended up moving and I guess staying out of the view of the courts, so he never paid any child support or had contact with my half-brother.
My dad is not in his life. I know that’s controversial for a lot of people, even people we know, but my brother and I never felt like he was doing the wrong thing. We knew our half-brother wasn’t dad’s and we knew people with stepfamilies where the two sides didn’t mix.
But Mom always felt bad that she had messed up our half-brother’s life. She had no male family members and my brother always has kind of hated our half-brother for being born, not going to lie. So he has all girls/women but no male figures.
It makes me feel bad for him. But I still don’t think it’s my dad’s job. Mom does. She has told my half-brother that my dad is technically his dad because he’s mine and my brother’s dad. So over the years he has sought out my dad and there are times when he’s kinda figured they’re not actually dad and son, but he has asked my dad if he would be his dad since he doesn’t have one.
It’s sad. My dad has told my mom to fix it but she wants to pressure him to do more.
He’s asked me several times if I could help him get my dad to love him. It’s always awkward because I won’t ever do that, but I also don’t wanna hurt him since he’s still so young.
Recently he has bought more into the idea that dad is his dad too and is a deadbeat to him. Mom told me she stands by that thinking 100% and my dad is the jerk in all of this.
It came up again with him and mom was agreeing with him, I called her out and told her to tell the truth and fix it, but she refused. So I told him it was like his best friend’s family, where his best friend has Alex as a dad but his mom is married to Mark and has kids with him.
I said it was the same for us. He was so hurt and asked Mom why she didn’t give him a better dad. Mom kicked me out (I’m 18 and don’t live with her) and told me I was a nasty jerk who broke my brother’s heart instead of going after a grown-up man who could have been loving enough to take on his own kids’ sibling who had done nothing wrong and is the most innocent person in all of this.
She also said she knows I don’t consider him a real brother, and that it’s crappy he doesn’t even have siblings who love him unconditionally.
I know my half-brother is still pretty devastated by it all which is why I wonder if I am the jerk here.
Am I?”
9. AITJ For Making A Scene In Public To Embarrass My Mom?
“On Christmas Eve I (18 F) and my mom (40 F) went out with the rest of our family, were shopping in one store while everyone else was in the other.
This was the first I saw my family after going to college, intentionally, because they are very unpleasant people and I only came back because I didn’t want a crazy heater bill (college’s in a cold place).
I’m the closest to my mom, and after just one evening of trying out clothes, I was so done. She’s always criticizing my body, clothes, skin, my food, and all of them seem to think making me miserable about something will make me change it.
The whole evening was her saying dresses didn’t fit my ‘body type’ and I was fat, and I admit I’m on the plumper side but seeing how real people my age dress at college, not just mannequins and models, has made me feel a lot better about cute clothes.
It was pretty warm that evening and I didn’t want to feel suffocated with how crowded everywhere was so I picked a full sleeve red dress that came up to my knees.
It kept riding up and she pointed it out when I got out of the car.
I pulled it down then.
But later at the store, she kept saying it again and again, and I looked it was up an inch, I ignored her and she yanked my dress down.
I never felt more disrespected. The people out in barely their undergarments had more dignity at that moment.
So I started yelling at her like ‘Excuse me? Did you just touch me? What makes you think you can do that? Security!’
Pretty sure mall security didn’t hear, but everyone was staring and she scurried away quickly.
Later when we regrouped, she announced it and said I could dress like a flirt in college but not in front of her eyes and everyone said I should apologize to her to be a part of the family.
Took a bus to my significant other (19 M) of 4 years. He thinks I was mean-intentioned.
AITJ?”
8. AITJ For Not Being Okay With My Partner's Relationship With His Roommate?
“I (32 F) have been with my (28) partner for about 4 months now. He had moved in with one of his best friends (26 F) about the time we started going out.
I’ve noticed he and her are particularly close. He has known her for 6 years and she has been there for him through many hard times according to him.
It’s just she bothers me. She had my snap chat and would snap me random photos of her and him or post photos of him to her Snapchat story. It gave me a weird feeling. Also when I was sick and throwing up he didn’t bother to bring me anything.
But when she was sick, she called him while he was at my house and he changed our plans for the day so we could pick her up and drive an hour so she could drop off her niece’s gift because she didn’t want to drive herself.
He also bought her cold medicine at Walgreens on the way. I felt hurt because he didn’t do anything for me but I get they have been friends for longer.
Then it really bugged me that she brought him iced coffee while I was asleep without clothes in his bed. Like, I wouldn’t do that for my roommates.
She acts overly nice to me and it honestly doesn’t feel authentic.
One day a few weeks ago I text my partner asking if he wanted me to bring him food because he had a stressful day at work. He said no, he was going to cook at home.
Then he and I continued to text until he randomly FaceTimed me. It wasn’t him but his roommate on HIS PHONE. She and he were at a bar with a bunch of people. I couldn’t help but feel hurt. He insisted he was planning to come by later but if that were the case why didn’t he just text me?
He doesn’t see the problem and doesn’t seem to care about my feelings at all regarding it. He accuses me of wanting him to end his relationship with his friend and I told him that is ridiculous, I would never expect that. I just think healthy boundaries are in order.
I feel like he gets emotionally fulfilled by her and so doesn’t expend as much energy to be emotionally connected to me. Plus it is apparent she is in love with him and desperately wants to be with him.
I know he doesn’t want to date her because he doesn’t seem attracted to her and I know he would never physically lie to me.
Today I tried just to get him to tell me what time he was coming over to my house tonight and he got upset saying his ‘brain doesn’t work that way’ and he doesn’t know when he will be ready to come over.
Honestly, I don’t know if I’m being a jerk partner bringing this up to him but my feelings are hurt and I don’t know what to do.”
7. AITJ For Not Telling My Partner That I Had Been A Surrogate Before?
“I (28 F) have been with my partner (29 M) for a little over two and a half years, when we began to get serious I told him I didn’t want to have kids and wasn’t interested in that as it wouldn’t be fair to string him along when things began to get serious, he wanted kids but we talked it over and he decided he could live without kids.
Things were fine until when we were visiting my family a few days ago for my dad’s birthday, he saw some old pictures of me when I was 20 and clearly heavily pregnant. He was upset and asked me what this was and thought I’d had a child and gave them up, I explained to him that my older sister and her husband had been struggling with fertility and she’d had several miscarriages so I offered to carry their child for them and my 7-year-old niece was the result of this.
I in no way feel maternal towards her, she is their biological child and I’ve never felt I was anything but the handy oven for that bun. I never brought it up before as I didn’t think it mattered and it was so long ago that it wasn’t really anyone else’s business.
He however feels differently and when we left he told me I should have told him and said how it wasn’t fair I’d been willing to give my sister a child but wouldn’t even consider having one with him.
I got upset as there is a big difference between carrying a child and raising a child and told him as much, I told him I was sorry for not telling him but I honestly hadn’t felt it was his business as it had been years before we got together, I then reminded him how HE had been the one to say he could live without children as I’d warned him long ago.
He is still upset with me, I honestly didn’t think I did anything wrong here. AITJ?
Edit: It’s preferred that you be over 21 and have had at least one child to be a surrogate however in our Country Doctors will judge on a case by case situation and will sometimes allow it so long as the surrogate is over 18 even if they have never had a child before.
We were one of those cases though they tried to discourage it. My sister didn’t want to use a stranger however as she was scared, in our country the person who carries the child has all the rights and if they decided to keep the child my sister and her husband could do nothing about it.
I was someone she trusted.”
6. AITJ For Causing My Fiancé To Drink For The First Time?
“My fiancé (31 M) and I (24 F) have been together for close to 3 years now. We met at college when I was doing my master’s. He’s a postdoc in my field, though he never taught me personally. We moved in together shortly after we started going out because of the global crisis (didn’t want to move back home) and while things have been going well overall, it has definitely put a lot of pressure on our relationship.
One of the main things we do together is play Yu-Gi-Oh. My fiancé is a big fan of the game. It’s new to me, but I enjoy playing with him. So one night we’re hanging out and playing Yu-Gi-Oh, and I’m enjoying some wine (he doesn’t drink due to his religion.) He keeps beating me again and again, and I decide that I’ve had enough of the game for the night.
He tells me that I’m just being a bad sport, but I’m tired of losing.
He kept telling me that I’m getting better and then he says ‘You’re just too wasted tonight’ even though I’d only had like two glasses.
I should add that several of my family members suffer from drinking addiction, and while they are doing better it’s still a sore spot for me. He knows my father is currently recovering. I point this out to him, he defends himself saying that it’s just a joke and that I’m just sensitive.
This really set me off so I yelled at him, saying that maybe I’d be a better sport about his game if he gave my interests a try like hiking or tennis. He halfheartedly says that he does participate in my interests, but we both know he doesn’t try nearly as much as I do.
I decide to cool off outside, and as I step out the door he calls me a heavy drinker who doesn’t know how to play Yu-Gi-Oh. I was hurt, so I decided to spend the night at a friend’s place.
After a night of venting to her, I head back to our apartment ready to put it all behind us.
He’s still in bed when I get home, so I wake him, and he’s really groggy. And when he’s finally up, he starts completely freaking out and crying. At first, I thought it was just about Yu-Gi-Oh, but then he tells me that he got wasted last night.
Like I said, he drinks no liquor at all, he has never had even a drop of liquor in his life, so it was pretty shocking. He then says that he decided to drink because he thought that’s what I wanted. He was sad and thought that by drinking he would be participating in my interests.
This was completely baffling to me because drinking isn’t a big part of my lifestyle really. Also, I’ve never had a problem with the fact that he doesn’t drink, so this was entirely out of left field. Now he’s blaming me for his decision to drink, and talking about how he needs to seek guidance to see if I’m really the person he should be considering a life-long partnership with.
I’m unsure of what to do at this point. I feel terrible that he decided to get wasted and do worry that this is somehow my fault, but I don’t think I can forgive him for his behavior. Am I the jerk for causing him to drink?”
5. AITJ For Ignoring My Neighbor's Question?
“There is a community center/hall in my (33 M) neighborhood run by the HOA that residents can rent, which my wife and I rented last Saturday for a Mother’s Day party. I have a big family with quite a few aunts and cousins with kids.
It made sense to rent the hall since we like to do these big get-togethers sometimes. The hall is about 1/4th of a mile from my house or maybe a little less.
I brought my 65-inch TV to the hall and set it up on a table to display a slideshow of all the moms and their kids which ran throughout the party, which I drove over in my SUV.
Our event went pretty well. Most people left around 8 pm. A few of my cousins and I stayed behind until 9 pm to clean up before going home.
I didn’t want to pack the TV back into my car since it was precarious and almost tipped over when I brought it to the hall, so I decided to just carry it home.
As I was walking back, I hear a ‘HEY!’ from a door, and I see one of my neighbors. She looked to be in her 50s. I briefly pause and look at her with the TV held above my head and just say ‘Hi’ back to her.
She asked, ‘Who does that TV belong to?’
I was tired from hosting a party all day and even more tired from walking a quarter mile while holding a TV. I was not really in the mood to keep talking to this lady. I didn’t respond to her and kept walking home.
I could hear her shouting at me and saying she was going to call the police. I ignored all of it the entire walk back.
I got home and put the TV down. Got changed and had some water before I told my wife what just happened. My wife told me I was being a jerk (paraphrasing) because I could’ve just humored the lady for one second, and that I probably looked more suspicious than I realized (I’m a dark-skinned guy in a not-so-dark-skinned neighborhood, and I’m probably the youngest homeowner on the block by at least 10 years, and it was dark outside.) She thinks we’re likely going to have to deal with that neighbor again in the future.
I got into a little argument with my wife about this because I don’t think I owed that lady any sort of explanation and my wife thinks I should’ve just preserved the peace. AITJ?”
4. WIBTJ If I Don't Help My Parents Pay Their Rent?
“I (F 29) have a contentious relationship with my parents (F 53 and M 56), having gone low contact with both of them after they chose to boycott my wedding.
I am open to the idea of a relationship but they don’t like when I go against any of their wishes.
They are currently living in a rental property after selling the family home, and they have said that they would ultimately like to buy a retirement property in Europe somewhere.
To that end, both of my parents are currently property hunting overseas, but I am not sure about the details or timeline of their trip. I only heard about them leaving when they wanted someone to water the plants.
I received a call this morning from the rental agency saying that the rent had been unpaid and is now technically overdue.
I think that I was listed as an emergency contact or next of kin because I have no idea how the rental agency was able to get my contact details. I was told that the company had already attempted to contact my parents without hearing anything in return, and reached out to me because they needed the rent money by the end of the day today.
It is important to note that I was raised to be a people pleaser, especially towards my parents, which meant that my gut reaction was to make the payment and attempt to contact them. They are quite well off, with a very high standard of living, meaning that their fortnightly rent is a lot more than I had access to without dipping into my savings account.
This is something that I can do but I know that the transfer out of my savings account would not reflect in the rental agency’s account until Monday.
Despite numerous attempts, I have also been unable to contact my parents and now my husband is telling me to let it go.
They are adults who are capable of paying their own rent and reading their own emails/text messages, and none of this is my responsibility. I totally understand that point of view, and it is not as if they have made any effort to help us, but I do feel as if I am failing as a daughter.”
3. AITJ For Cutting My Coworker Off?
“I have a coworker, generally an alright guy. But one day recently he came up to me and told me my haircut was awful. I agreed because I had cut it myself.
I made a joke about it. He continued saying No, it’s REALLY bad, did your son do it? (he knows my son is developmentally delayed). I said no. He said well he should have, he would have done a better job!
I don’t remember what I said, but I was basically just taken aback.
Maybe my haircut was uneven. It wasn’t THAT bad. It really sucked that he mentioned my son.
I didn’t see him for a few days. At that time I thought about it a bit. I felt like I should have said something at the time, that it was inappropriate, or whatever.
I thought about how he only really speaks to me to complain that it’s only Tuesday, or that it’s too hot or too cold outside. Or now, to insult me.
So when I saw him again and he said ‘OH MY GAWD CAN YOU BELIEVE IT’S ONLY WEDNESDAY?’ I just said yes it is.
But from now on, let’s limit our conversations to matters about work. He asked why, and what was wrong. I said Because I don’t want to give you more opportunities to insult me. He said I was being too sensitive, and that he was just kidding.
I told him I am no longer interested in his opinion.
Now it’s been a week and he’s been respectful and only talked to me about work things. I still greet him with a smile and hello like I would any coworker, I’m just not interested in starting anything with him because I feel like I have to have some kind of boundary.
But now I’m wondering if I was too harsh. I’m not sure how to walk it back from here.
I’ve had people rib me about things many times and I can roll with the punches. It’s just that his insult seemed so specific, prolonged, and uncalled for.
And mentioning my son and his abilities just really galled me.
AITJ for just cutting this guy off?”
2. AITJ For Forbidding My Son From Selling His Dog?
“I (42 m) have a son (16 m). For my son’s 14th birthday, I and my wife got him a husky because he liked the outdoors and he said he wanted an outdoorsy dog. My son named him Zeus. In the two years that we’ve had Zeus my son has never taken him on a walk, pet him or basically show him any emotion or attention.
He treats him more like a random piece of house furniture than an actual dog.
But in these two years, Zeus has gotten close to me, my wife, and my other two children. To us, he is basically family and we take care of him really well.
We also pay out of our pockets for all his needs such as food, medical, etc. Here is where I might be the jerk. In recent years my son lost his love for the outdoors and now he cares more about expensive shoes and video games.
My son came to me and my wife and asked us if we could buy him some expensive gaming equipment but we couldn’t afford it at this time so we said no.
Last month I caught my son putting up an ad on Craigslist trying to sell Zeus so he could buy the gaming equipment.
I told him he was forbidden from selling Zeus and that he couldn’t. We got into a heated argument after that. A week ago my son offered to take Zeus out on a walk and I thought nothing of it until it hit me that he never has opted to do anything with Zeus.
I decided to follow him from a distance and eventually, after an hour of walking, I caught him in a parking lot trying to sell Zeus. I told the man trying to buy Zeus that he wasn’t for sale and took my son home.
When we got home I took away all my son’s electronics so he couldn’t put up any more ads and he told me that I’m being selfish and that Zeus is technically his dog so he can do whatever he wasn’t with ‘it’.
I haven’t really talked to my son because I’m still mad because I really love Zeus. Some of my family say I’m overreacting, AITJ?
FYI: I probably should’ve said this earlier but my son has a cat that he takes care of very well and loves a lot.
So when he asked for the dog me and my wife didn’t expect this behavior because he loves his cat so much and hasn’t given us a reason he has empathy issues.”
1. AITJ For Telling My Sister-In-Law That She's Lucky She Can Move Whenever She Wants To?
“My husband (26 M) and I (22 F) own a house that we purchased in early 2020.
My husband’s sister Sam (24) came over because we had just got back from our trip to Chicago, where I was visiting some of my family.
Sam was asking about our trip, and I was lamenting the fact that I missed my cousins and that I wish we could move there.
She said that it might be a possibility in the future, and that’s when I said it was not likely because we already bought a house in the state that we live in. That’s when I told her that she is lucky that she only rents her apartment and doesn’t own a house, because she could just move whenever she wants, but it’s really hard for us because we’re tied down here because of the house.
She seemed fine, and the night went on like usual.
Last week, there was a family gathering, and Sam was complaining that she wished that my father-in-law gave her the same help he gave my husband so that she could be more financially secure. I told her that it was my husband’s hard work that got him to where he is.
That’s when Sam got snippy and said that I had no right to talk because the $40,000 for the house and an entire business wasn’t ‘hard work’ it was a handout.
I told her that yes FIL did give us 40 grand for a down payment and gave us funds that helped us start a business, but all he did was supply the money, my husband is the one that runs our business and that is what made us so successful.
She then called me a jerk because I was ‘condescending’ and reminded me of how I told her she was lucky to be able to move whenever she wanted to, and that I would be nothing without her father’s money. My husband and I thought she was incredibly rude but she is refusing to apologize.
So AITJ?”
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