People Try To Make Us Understand Their Reasoning In Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Being Offended That A Guest Whom I Welcomed Into My Home Thinks I Am Lazy?
“I (29f) am currently pregnant with my second child. I’ve recently had a friend and her husband over at my place.
They left a few days ago. They dropped by to visit me and a few mutual friends from uni, but they had an issue with their Airbnb and needed a place to stay during the visit. I offered.
My husband and I are Muslim; my friends are not.
It’s Ramadan, but I’m pregnant, and our daughter is only 4 years old, so my husband is the only one who is fasting this month. I’m also on maternity leave, so I’m pretty much at home most of the time.
My husband and I generally split cooking, doing the dishes, etc. Our division of chores has not changed during Ramadan because even if I were fasting, we would still have to cook three times a day for our daughter.
For example, when my husband makes lunch or breakfast, it’s generally for me and our daughter, but when we have guests, it includes them as well. And obviously, our iftar meal (meal after fasting) would be for everyone. Same situation when I cook.
I make breakfast and lunch for myself, our daughter, and guests, and an iftar meal for everyone.
After they leave, my friend sends me a message, thanking us for letting them stay at our place. She specifically thanks my husband for all the amazing meals and company while he must be exhausted, and that he was such an amazing dad and husband for doing so much work during Ramadan.
The tone of the message sounded a bit odd to me, but I just brushed it off. However, recently one of our mutual friends told me that my friend said my husband is a saint for ‘doing so much work when he must be so tired while I don’t pull my weight.
He cooks, cleans, does the laundry, and even looks after the kid when she goes out at night’.
I guess this made my friend think that I’m lazy, because who makes their husband who is fasting do chores? I guess she thought I should be the one doing all the cooking and cleaning because I’m not fasting, so I must be having an easier time than him.
It didn’t matter that I was cooking half the time; it was not enough, apparently. Also, my husband and I alternate days for going to the mosque for Taraweeh (voluntary prayer performed during Ramadan), which is the explanation for the ‘when she goes out at night’ bit.
I feel a bit upset, and I did send her a message asking whether everything is alright. She replied, saying our mutual friend shouldn’t have told me what she told her in confidence but that she stands by everything that she’s said.
I’m honestly a bit upset. I haven’t replied to her messages after that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a rude guest to be so judgemental of her host and hostess. She was happy to accept hospitality when her accommodation fell through but took it upon herself to involve herself by commenting on another couple’s relationship.
She is also pretty misogynistic in that it is your role to do all the house stuff. I don’t think I’d be inviting her back. It is also worse to smear someone behind their back after accepting a favor.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Fasting doesn’t mean life stops happening. Responsibilities don’t go away. Are things harder when you’re fasting? Yes, and that’s most likely the point, to be able to better appreciate the blessings you have.
You both were doing your established routine.
It’s not like he asked or expected you to do everything for him while he fasted, and it’s not like you dropped your responsibilities because you’re pregnant.
This person who stayed with you sounds like she doesn’t understand your relationship and probably doesn’t understand the reasons behind fasting.
She made some pretty hefty assumptions.
(Disclaimer: I am not Muslim, and my knowledge of Ramadan is limited to vague memories from school 9 or so years ago, so my understanding of the purposes behind this fast may be wrong.)” Cesa-BUTTERFLY12
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You graciously allowed this person to stay in your home when their other plans fell through. That was very kind of you. They rewarded you for your kindness by stabbing you in the back about very personal issues that were none of their business.
It’s up to you and your husband how you function together as a couple. You don’t have to get anyone else’s approval for how you split up household tasks. The fact that you are pregnant and on maternity leave makes it even more offensive how they criticized you.
I don’t blame you one bit if you just terminate the friendship and never offer these people hospitality again.
You are very lucky to have a great husband. He’s the only person whose opinion matters here. If you both are happy with your family life, that’s all that counts.” Crazy_Banshee_333
20. AITJ For Not Visiting My Sick Father?
“I (34F) used to have a great relationship with my parents back in the day. I held a deep sense of love and respect toward them and my extended family.
I moved away at 18 for undergrad and hid the fact that I was gay from them until I was 22.
That was when I was getting serious with my then-partner, now wife. My family disowned me and cut all ties with me back then.
I moved on, married my wife (36F), and we have two kids together (7M, 5F). I didn’t hear from my family at all over the years.
Not when I had a tough time with work, not when any of our kids were born, not when my wife was going through her residency, which was the most stressful time for us, not even when I had a very bad motor vehicle accident, nothing.
My wife has been my biggest and only source of support through these years. Marrying her was the best decision of my life.
My mother recently called me, told me that my father is terminally ill, and asked me to come to see him on his last days as a means to comfort him and myself as well.
She told me I could bring my wife along if I wanted to.
I said I really didn’t want to see him, not after he ignored my very existence on the surface of this planet for 12 years. My mother told me my heart was made of stone because I was ignoring my dying father, and she said all kinds of things trying to convince me to get there.
I have to mention after the call that, despite the rift between us, my wife helped my dad during the course of his illness by linking them to a few of her colleagues in other specialties and even her own, though she didn’t give them any professional medical opinions herself.
I asked my wife, and she told me she would do whatever I chose to do in the end. I feel like a jerk for saying no, but I don’t know if I can handle the situation at hand. Does this make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“They removed you from their lives because they don’t like your s****l orientation. They don’t get to arbitrarily declare that you’re family again just because he’s dying and finally realized that he messed up. They may be your relatives, but they aren’t your family.
Only go if YOU feel the need to go. I wouldn’t because I expect you’ll just get hit in the face with bigotry again.
Absolutely NTJ.” I_Frothingslosh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your parents disowned you when you were 22. They didn’t want to see you, your wife, or your kids.
Those people are your family. The only family you’ve known for 12 years. Your mom doesn’t know anything about you. She doesn’t know who you are or what you are like as a mom, partner, coworker, or anything else. Yet she manages to judge your heart.
Your heart is made of stone? Nah. You’re so loving that you want to protect your family from a man who has only hatred in his heart for you. May he rest in peace, but you don’t have to disturb your peace to see him.
Does he want to see you one last time to apologize for being a trashy dad? Doesn’t sound like it.” Special_Cover2777
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d really think about how you may feel if you do or don’t go.
I do NOT think you’re obligated to go, and if you truly have zero interest in going then that is absolutely 100% acceptable. People say forgiveness is ‘free’ or ‘it will help you’. But that isn’t always true. Nobody is owed forgiveness from you, especially when they only want it when they’re on their deathbed. You don’t have to forgive him or your mother to move forward in life and be happy and successful.
You just have to be happy and confident in the decisions YOU make. Good luck!” RaRa_Badger
19. AITJ For Not Offering My Mom's Friend To Stay At My Place?
“I (42 M) live on the opposite side of the country from my parents, and my husband (45 M) and I happily accommodate them in our condo when they come to visit. We’ve got a guest room and guest bath, so it’s not usually an imposition.
For reasons I can’t explain, my mom seems to be absolutely in love with the condo and talks about it frequently.
One day—and without my knowledge—my mom offered up my place to two of her friends, a pair of women around her age, who were going to be traveling to my city.
She called to ask me after the fact, almost certainly expecting that I’d say yes. She tried to sweeten the deal or guilt-trip me into it by saying they’d cook for me and that one of them just lost both her husband and son and could use the financial assistance and company.
But the reality is that I’ve never met these women; both I and my husband work during the day, and I feel like I don’t owe my place to these strangers, no matter their life situation. I recommended some hotels they could stay at instead and left it at that.
Here’s where it gets weird: When I returned home to attend my grandmother’s funeral, this woman was there and confronted me. It was, frankly, uncomfortable. She introduced herself as ‘I’m so-and-so, the person who you wouldn’t let stay at your place.’ I brushed it off with a friendly ‘It’s nice to finally meet you—I hope you enjoyed your time in (city),’ but I couldn’t help but feel surprised that she, a total stranger to me, was offended that I wouldn’t offer up my place.
I empathize that she’s had a lot of hardships and that my actions meant she had to pay hundreds of dollars for accommodation, but I’ve still got a strong feeling that I’m NTJ here. Am I right?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and I think you should tell your mom that if she ever offers up your place again without checking with you first, she’ll be the one staying in a hotel from now on.
It is beyond the pale that this woman confronted you at a funeral. It speaks volumes about her.
Make sure your mother knows about this behavior and that it has only served to reinforce your boundaries. If this is the type of person your mother feels free to dump on you, that speaks volumes about HER.” CPSue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your personal residence isn’t a hotel, hostel, or rental; your mother was WAY out of line by offering her friends your guest room. The fact you’ve never met barely has any bearing on my judgment since even if you had known the people, you’d be under no obligation to follow through with your mother’s offerings, especially since she didn’t get your approval beforehand.
Your mother needs to check herself since I doubt she’d appreciate you offering her residence up for your friends if they visited her area.” Few-Entrepreneur383
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. OP, you were reasonable for not letting adults that you don’t know personally stay with you.
Your mother was wrong to put you in a difficult position, and you did the right thing. Her friend’s rude/inappropriate comment at your grandmother’s funeral should have given you a glimpse of what her behavior might have been if she were allowed to stay.
Their hardships are not your hardships, and if they could not afford accommodations then they should have stayed home. NTJ.” Retirednursey
18. WIBTJ If I Spend My Children's Inheritance On Vacations For Myself?
“I have 3 children: Jason (25M), Monica (30F), and Veronica (32F). I’ve always had a good relationship with my children. It was a bit distant after my wife’s death, but in general, we have a nice relationship.
I received a hefty inheritance from my parents, who unfortunately passed away a few years ago. This inheritance is not only a product of my parents’ work but also money that has been in my family for decades, so it is expected of me to try and save as much of the inheritance for my children and so on.
It’s important to mention that in my culture, children are supposed to take care of their parents in their old age. Both my mom and dad suffered from diseases that required 24/7 care by the end of their lives. These diseases run in the family, so most likely I will suffer from one of them too.
A few months ago, I made an offhand comment about going to the doctor for my annual visit since my health has not been so great. I said, ‘Has anyone talked about who I will live with when I’m old and wrinkly?’ It was a joking comment; I’m actually not planning to live with any of my children yet.
I guess this comment didn’t sit right with any of my children because they told me about 2 months ago that they had decided that they would not be taking care of me when I was old. They told me that they have to first look out for their family, that the cost of living is rising, etcetera.
It was very hurtful to hear them say that.
Since then, I’ve made the decision to start planning for my old age. I moved a lot of the funds from the inheritance to my savings account and plan to go on trips that I’ve always wanted to go on while I’m still a bit young and healthy.
I plan to pay for this with my inheritance.
I mentioned I’m going to Mexico in a few weeks to Monica, who asked me how I’m going to pay for the trip. I then told her I was planning to use the inheritance from now on to pay for trips, accommodations, food, etc. She then called me ‘selfish’ and accused me of trying to punish them for not following tradition.
After that, Monica called her siblings, who in turn called me to tell me that if I start to use the inheritance to live a lavish life, then I’m robbing them of the funds that their grandparents promised them. They are all very mad at me and refuse to talk to me to get to an agreement.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They don’t follow tradition, so why should you follow tradition?
They think you shouldn’t use this money because they want to use it.
This inheritance could grow because the older generation had help from their children, so they didn’t have to spend as much.
When this system stops working, it goes both ways: no help means you have to use the inheritance.
If you think that you’ll need care when you’re older, look for some options to secure your finances. A trust fund, maybe?
I mean, if there is a possibility, you will need a guardian with power of attorney. If you won’t do it, this role automatically goes to your children.” Garamon7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your children were callous to tell you point-blank they would not be taking care of you if you needed help in old age.
They openly said they were going to take the selfish route and leave you out in the cold at the most vulnerable time of your life.
When they said that, they broke the social contract that had existed in your family for previous generations.
Since they broke the reciprocal social contract, they can’t expect you to hold up your end of the deal.
I wouldn’t worry about leaving them anything at this point. There’s no reason for you to feel guilty about spending it on trips or whatever else you want.
But be sure to invest some for your future care since you know your children won’t be providing it. You might want to buy long-term care insurance and put aside funds for your future medical needs.” Crazy_Banshee_333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While your parents likely expected you to ensure there is an inheritance for your children to receive, they also likely expected your kids to care for you when you’re no longer able to care for yourself. Since they’re not willing to obligate themselves to do the work, why should they benefit from the notional reward?
Still, generational wealth planning dictates you never spend the principle. You’re still going to need to plan for the time you’re not able to care for yourself, and that money would be better spent doing that.
I’d recommend talking to a financial advisor to invest those funds for when you may need to live in an assisted care facility.
Keep the money where it can do you good when you need it, and do some estate planning, so your grandchildren can inherit instead of your children. Your children may not owe you their support when you’re older, but by the same token, they also can’t expect you to leave them an inheritance.” srgonzo75
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Disturbed Just To Look At The Dog?
“I am simply not an individual who wants to focus on what a dog is doing all the time.
I don’t think that everything a dog does is cute or funny. I respect that some people are definitely the complete opposite and I never give people a hard time about it. I am simply just not that person. My husband IS that person though.
We have a dog (a 2-year-old corgi mix) and absolutely everything she does is just downright adorable/hilarious to my husband. Even her laying normal and looking out the window is something he will start laughing over and telling me to stop what I’m doing to watch her.
It doesn’t matter what I’m doing honestly, he truly doesn’t care. Reading a book, writing, drawing, cooking, doing the dishes, mopping, taking the garbage out, doing laundry, working, etc. He will 100% say ‘Babe, come look at the dog, quick’ and she will quite literally not be doing anything at all but sitting there.
I don’t see the amusement. I don’t see it as adorable. Maybe I’m broken, who knows?
I love the dog. I simply just don’t think everything she does warrants my complete undivided attention. I’ve tried explaining this to him so many times that I’m honestly just ridiculously tired of having the repeated conversation.
He continues to ask me to stop what I’m doing to watch her while he’s laughing hysterically regardless of these conversations. It’s becoming quite exhausting, to be honest.
So I was on the porch in my hammock, reading my book.
He came out per usual and said ‘Babe, quick, come look at the doggo’. I will admit that even hearing this kind of set me off because I’m trying to read, and I know for a fact she was probably doing nothing.
I went in anyway, and I was correct. She wasn’t doing anything. So I just kind of deadpan my husband and say, ‘What exactly is she doing that I had to stop reading for?’ He says something about how she was covering her face or something, and it was funny, but she apparently stopped. So I said, ‘Okay, well, I’m reading now, so…’ and I walked back outside.
Not even 15 minutes later, he comes back out and says ‘Quick, hurry, she’s doing it again’. I honestly didn’t even say anything to him. I just put my shoes on, grabbed my keys, and left. I’m currently sitting in the park, reading my book.
Or I was trying, but now I’m conflicted because he texted me saying that I have made him feel awful for trying to share his joy with me and that he doesn’t understand why I can’t even pretend to be amused for his sake.
A part of me knows he’s right because… I could at least pretend to find it amusing like he does, but it’s so frequent at this point and, like, I’m tired of being interrupted to watch a dog do absolutely nothing.
I’m tired of feeling like my life has to revolve around a dog doing nothing, and I don’t want to mentally strain myself by pretending I understand the hype. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He cares nothing about your boundaries or about what brings YOU joy.
To him, his desire to ‘share his joy’ with you far outweighs your boundaries or feelings.
The fact that he literally wants you to pretend to be amused for his sake is an enormous red flag. He’s literally telling you that he does not care how you really feel as long as you are faking it for HIS sake and happiness.
Honestly, this entitled attitude would be a dealbreaker for me. I cannot comprehend living with someone who is so incredibly disrespectful of my time that I’d have to (rightfully so) sneak off to the park to be able to read my book.” Pepper-90210
Another User Comments:
“You have expressed your feelings to your husband yet he continues to ignore your request for him to stop. Is he wanting more of your attention and using the dog as a means to get it? Does he disregard your feelings in other ways?
You are not broken for not feeling the same excitement as he does! I have three dogs and find the silliest things adorable, but I wouldn’t expect anyone else to feel the same, especially after they have shared that they don’t.
You can love your dog and not be enamored by their every behavior. If it is bothering you enough that you had to leave from frustration it has gone way past him ‘sharing his joy’. He needs to pay attention!
I wish you luck, NTJ!” Odd-Ad-9472
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand him wanting to share his joy with you, but that can become excessive after a while. You just aren’t into the dog as much as he is, and this is fine.
You have tried to talk to him and set a reasonable boundary, and he has shown you no respect by ignoring you entirely. Basically, he had this coming for a long time, and his being blindsided by it shows just how self-centered he is and unwilling to see the world from anyone else’s view.
Your response of leaving to get some peace was a completely reasonable response, and he should have taken it as a hint as to how unreasonable he was getting as opposed to only thinking about how he felt.
The one consistent thing throughout this whole story is that your husband never once takes your feelings or wants into account.” bamf1701
Be honest and tell him that you don't agree with his assessment of the dog's behaviors being that great. Stress that while you love the dog, you just don't find the dog as engaging as he does.
NTJ
16. AITJ For Not Allowing Dogs At The Easter Event That I Am Hosting?
“I (46 M) host Easter for our family every other year. My sister does it on the even years. Just after Easter of 2021 (the last time my family hosted), my sister and family got 2 Great Danes. We also have a dog, but she is a small wiener dog.
I always host outside in my backyard because it is large, and we just finished our new patio setup. We have the egg hunt back there; I cook food on the grill, and we all eat back there, and the kids open their gifts.
My sister called me on Thursday and said she planned on bringing their dogs. I said absolutely not. Although I do not know that her dogs aren’t well-behaved, I imagine it being difficult with everyone eating out there, kids looking for eggs, and whatnot.
I don’t want anyone pounced on, getting food stolen, or stepping in poop. I don’t want them bothering our dog either, even though she will stay inside most of the time.
My sister was doing the whole ‘they’re part of the family’ schtick, and I said they weren’t part of my family.
They are not the family that insists on bringing their dogs everywhere they go and usually have no issue leaving them at home. But my sister doesn’t want to budge because ‘the dogs will love the yard’. I am still saying no because of the reasons I listed above.
My brother-in-law called me to tell me that he would personally take responsibility for watching the dogs. I still said no.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even if the dogs couldn’t be left alone, if you can’t leave the dog, then you stay home with them rather than take them someplace they’re not wanted. Because it sounds like your sister’s dogs are fine at home, she’s being ridiculous, though to be clear, she’d be wrong even if they weren’t fine at home.” ADawg28
Another User Comments:
“You’re doing an Easter egg hunt for children, which I am sure will involve chocolate, the kryptonite of canines, and very hyper children who may be careless as to where they leave sweet treats.
You are hosting the event for the kids in the family.
You are keeping your dogs indoors to keep them safe from chocolate and to prevent the kids from stepping on something in the grass that is definitely not chocolate.
If her dogs come, it may upset your dogs that there are intruders in their domain, marking your garden as their own territory.
The big dogs may get themselves into chocolate, resulting in vet fees, eating other human foods they shouldn’t eat, hurting children they knock into, and generally disrupting the event you have planned.
Is your sister willing to pay from her own pocket if her dogs get sick from eating something they shouldn’t, pay for any damage or breakages, or pay hospital bills if anyone is injured by her pets on your property?
The fact that she locked up her dogs when she previously hosted the event shows she didn’t trust her pets to behave, so why is she expecting you to agree to have her pets over?
You having a lawn the dogs will enjoy running on is not enough of a reason as to why they should come along with their owners without your consent.
NTJ.” GeekyFreak07
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I don’t see why the dogs would need to be at a family outdoor event. It just seems as if it would make the day more chaotic, and with small children and food involved, I can’t see how having them there would benefit the group.” ContentedRecluse
15. AITJ For Being Annoyed At A Service Dog?
“I went to a trendy restaurant tonight with 3 other people. It was very busy, and we waited like 30 minutes for this table. We sat indoors, and the back wall seating was one big long bench seat.
All along it were tables of 4.
We got seated next to a full table of 4. The guy on the bench near us had what appeared to be a service dog on the seat. I squeezed in, and it was a tight fit.
So I asked the guy if he could keep his dog on the ground. Like the dog’s tail was literally on me. He tells me no and that he needs his dog close to him.
I’m getting increasingly frustrated. I’m not comfortable; this guy is doing nothing about his service dog.
I asked him to get the dog off the seat. He tells me no again; his dog has rights, and he doesn’t need to listen to me. I flip out about needing my space and the dog not needing to be on the seat.
The guy calls me a jerk, among other things.
I went ahead and just left; I had made a mini-scene and just removed myself from that situation. My friends met me outside and weren’t happy with how everything went down.
Was I a jerk to this guy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, as a service dog handler myself, the dog should not have been on the seats at all unless actively tasking at that moment. If you’re in the US, the ADA even has a section about this and states that seating, food, and drink are provided for customer use only and that restaurants are not required to allow service animals to sit at or be fed from a table.
I really can’t think of a situation that would require the dog to be seated there unless, again, it was actively tasking. Even then, if it was trained to do alerts, for example, service dogs are trained to be able to alert from the floor, even the ones that are generally carried when working, so being on the floor wouldn’t prevent that type of task.
I will say though that it would have likely been best to bring the issue up with an employee or a manager after the person refused, that way either they can request the person puts their dog on the floor where it’s supposed to be or at the very least so they can change your seating to somewhere else.” VenusAndSaturn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is no scenario where it is ok to expect a person to eat in a restaurant with another person’s dog literally across them. It’s also not my place to judge that it wasn’t a service dog, but OP could be allergic to dogs and it’s reasonable to expect to be able to eat in a restaurant without a dog on you.
That means the owner’s assumption that it’s ok makes him the jerk. There are also 2 other jerks to consider.
The first is the restaurant. They completely failed in managing the situation, and sitting one group so close to another group with a dog that the dog was in OP’s lap was unacceptable, in my opinion.
Even if service dogs are allowed on the seat there, having them so close to another group is not hygienic and should be a food safety violation. They should have seated the group with the dog where it wouldn’t bother anyone else, rather than right up to them.
The second jerk is the dog; if its tail was across from him, it’s likely its butt was on him as well, and no one should be expected to eat with a dog’s butt pressed against them.
I’ll also point out OP said their group said they are a jerk but I noticed not one offered to swap seats.” AlGunner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he is the jerk. No one should be forced to sit close to (let alone up against) any animal or person unless this is consensual. His dog was certainly in your space & that would make it his responsibility to correct this.
Even if he had to change places with someone else at his table to do so, this was totally his problem, not yours!
The fact you left, unfortunately, allowed him to get away with this & send the wrong message to all who saw it.
I would have asked him, as you did. When he refused I next would have asked the hostess or server to correct this & demanded to speak to the owner or manager if they did not handle it.
If the restaurant accommodates Service Animals then it is the restaurant’s duty to accommodate them, not another customer’s job!
If he needs his dog, then his dog needs to be at his table & in his space, not yours! Someone else’s disability does not give them any right to impose on a fellow customer, only an employer or service provider.” 1972USAGuy54872
14. AITJ For Getting Fed Up With My Aunt?
“My (16F) aunt (34F) has recently been dropping her child off at our house for no reason without notifying us, and I’m talking about leaving him here at all times when she’s busy or when she goes out with her husband (36M) who barely helps.
Sometimes this surprise babysitting prevents my mom from being able to pick me up from school, causing me to have to walk home more often, even when it’s raining. I’ve become very annoyed with this and it’s starting to become repetitive, and I’ve told my aunt to quit multiple times, but she brushes it off because we’re ‘family’ and I should be there for her.
Now, I wouldn’t mind if she was paying us, or even a little heads up would have her on thin ice, but dropping her son off almost every day of the week with no kind of pay or appreciation isn’t cool.
This morning, my aunt, of course, comes over to drop off her son, and my mom is not home. I was still sleepy, so when I woke up to the doorbell ringing multiple times, I was still a bit grumpy.
When I went downstairs to see my aunt with her child, I really couldn’t take it anymore, so I slammed the door and went upstairs to finish sleeping.
After this, things went down, and my mom (35F), grandma (57F), aunt (23F), and uncle (my other aunt’s husband) had all gotten angry at me and told me that what I did was rude, and my first aunt called this morning and said I was the jerk.
When I asked my 23-year-old aunt, she said my aunt was a jerk, but I should’ve just opened the door for her to resolve the conflict. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mom can let her walk all over her, but you don’t have to.
Your mom wasn’t home and you were unwilling. Last-minute notice is not OK.
Also, have a talk with your mom about how upset it makes you that she puts your aunt and her child ahead of you. That your aunt’s constant dropping off her child last minute shows she has no respect for your family’s time or schedule.
That if she needs help this often then a schedule needs to be made. But that demanding everyone drop everything for her whenever she demands it is not going to happen with you anymore.” Last_Caterpillar8770
Another User Comments:
“From what you’ve described, I don’t think you’re the jerk here.
It sounds like your aunt has been taking advantage of your family’s kindness by dropping off her child without notice and without offering any compensation or appreciation. It’s understandable that you would be frustrated by this, especially if it’s causing inconvenience to your daily routine like having to walk home from school more often.
As for the incident where you slammed the door, I can see why your family members might have thought it was rude. However, it seems like this was a reaction to a build-up of frustration rather than a deliberate attempt to be disrespectful.
I think it would be worth having a conversation with your family members and explaining how you’ve been feeling about the situation. It’s important to communicate your boundaries and expectations so that everyone is on the same page.
Overall, I think you’re NTJ in this situation.” AITA_Analyst
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I get that stuff happens, but your mom always letting your aunt get away with this kind of crap must be super annoying. It sounds like you’re being put last when in comparison to your cousin, not to mention, you’re not a professional babysitter or a child care center.
So it really isn’t your job to take care of her kid.
Your aunt is a mother, a parent. She needs to be more present with her child because the only thing her kid is going to remember when they look back at their childhood is constantly being pawned off to other people.” SwordsOfSanghelios
13. AITJ For Making Sure My Son Isn't Spending Too Much Time With His Significant Other?
“My youngest, Oscar (15M), has been with his first love, Andre (15M), for almost a year and a half now.
It’s really sweet, and Andre is a wonderful boy, and he comes from a good, nice family. The thing is, Andre had leukemia when he was younger, and a few months ago it came back. He’s started chemo, and he’s progressively gotten sicker, and he’s been spending more time in the hospital.
I understand how sad this is; it hurts my heart, and I know how hard this is for Oscar. Oscar has been there for Andre, going to visit him all the time, sitting with him through chemo, trying to keep his spirits up, etc. I love that about Oscar, but I can tell it’s starting to weigh heavily on him, and he spends so much time taking care of Andre that he’s not taking care of himself or enjoying much of anything.
His grades have also slipped, and he’s been very exhausted and down. I feel like he might burn himself out. We still don’t know whether or not Andre will beat this, but I don’t want Oscar to get ‘stuck’ and to know that regardless of what happens, he has to take care of himself too.
That he doesn’t have to feel guilty about living his life and not just constantly taking care of Andre.
My husband protested, but I had a talk with Andre’s parents last week about limiting Oscar’s time with Andre, at least for a while, and they agreed with me.
Yesterday I found Oscar crying in his room, and I asked if something had happened, and he told me that Andre’s parents had been limiting his visits and that he doesn’t know what was going on or why. I told him the truth, and he yelled at me about how I could do something like that.
I tried to explain to him that it was for his own good and that he couldn’t live only for Andre. He just yelled at me to leave him alone, and he hasn’t talked to me since yesterday afternoon. His dad basically said, ‘I told you so,’ and my older kids think I overstepped. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
This could have been handled better. A conversation with your own son, perhaps! All you had to do was have a heart-to-heart conversation listing the points you gave here with your kid.
This was such a delicate situation, and you definitely shouldn’t have asked his parents to limit their time together just because you didn’t want to be the bad parent.
Not only are those poor parents dealing with their son’s health problems, but now you’ve put this burden of limiting their time together on them too. Imagine the conversation they had with their kid.” lovealwayswins14
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
It’s true that you should teach your son to not let his own important things go by the wayside while also helping others, but you did it in a really crappy way.
You need to spend more time helping your son make plans for how to use his time. More plans for how to help your son take his homework to the hospital. More time teaching your son how to self-care and avoid burnout.
Just limiting their time and especially putting that burden on a potentially dying kid’s parents was a double-jerk move. It was spineless, subversive, and manipulative. Be better.” SadieTarHeel
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
I’m trying to be sympathetic; I really am, but you’ve made some ridiculously bad decisions here.
If Oscar or your husband was in that bed, would you be taking care of yourself? Would you be eating and focusing on your work if you were acutely aware someone you loved could very likely die? If you truly believe you can answer that question with ‘yes,’ then I hope you never have to find out.
Oscar is 15. He’s not a child you can distract with a shiny toy or lock in his room in the hopes he’ll move on to another new fad. His SO is going through cancer treatment, and what should be evident from his response to being gated out by Andre’s parents is that he genuinely loves and wants to support this boy.
You have interpreted this as Oscar devoting too much physical labor to Andre, which has led to his own issues, and not also as a case of emotional distress on his part. You can keep him away from Andre, but short of a lobotomy, you can’t stop him from worrying about him, which is going to once again contribute to these falling grades and lack of self-care you worry so much about.
Perhaps he’s stressed out because his support network at home involves a mother who goes behind his back rather than communicating like an adult and a family that ‘protests’ his decisions but doesn’t actually do anything to correct them.
Let him make his decisions, and get him to see a counselor or therapist if you’re worried about his health through this.
The only coping mechanism your way will teach Oscar is that should you or your husband ever get cancer or a similar condition, you can be shelved at a whim and will be given an allotted timeslot of care so long as it doesn’t conflict with any other priorities.
Because you’ve put him in this rigid box where compassion and self-care can’t co-exist.” MimeyWimey
12. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Baby's Name?
“I (31f) married into a family in South Asia. My partner is still there because he is not able to do his language course. I am living in Europe. So when I was there on vacation, I got pregnant and found out when I came back home.
Two months into my pregnancy, we looked for baby names and decided on Lila (the original name is different). We were happy with the name.
My daughter was born, and I gave her the name Lila, just like we decided. Out of emotion, I asked my husband if I could give her a second name; I wanted to name her after my grandma.
He was fine with it, so I put the name on the birth certificate.
Just two months after that, his family and he had problems because of the names. They wanted me to change it to his mom’s wishes. I was totally against it.
It felt like changing the identity of the baby girl.
And they haven’t stopped with it.
My daughter is now 1 year and 1 month old. Now they are telling my father to make me change the name, and so on.
I am really angry about this situation.
My husband and I have chosen those names. We were both fine with it, and now he plays the victim and is saying I chose all the names by myself (I have WhatsApp screenshot proofs from that time when we discussed the baby names and the second name, which I send him every time he starts with this subject).
I feel betrayed and lost. I get absolutely no support from him. Neither emotionally nor financially.
And maybe that’s important to know too. I had paid for his stuff. Like clothes, phone bills, and language school. Everything. And I stopped with that after I gave birth because I wasn’t working anymore and had less to live on for me and my daughter.
I do it all by myself. And I am just very angry with the whole situation. I don’t know what to do.
He stopped his language school. Saying he can’t do it. I should live with him in his country.
But I declined. First of all, my daughter is not getting a visa for that country because of diplomatic problems; it will take a long time. Second. I can’t live there. I made that clear from the beginning: I am a full-time working woman.
I have my own home bills and food. I am independent. In his country, I am not even allowed to leave the house. Because people will talk and yeah, all that came by surprise. First, they told me nothing like this.
And then all the issues with this family and him started.
Well. I don’t know what to do in the future. For me, it’s a big deal that they want to change a girl’s name, whom they, till today, have never offered any kind of support.
So AITJ for being angry?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and do not go to his country ever. Seek asylum and citizenship in the country your daughter was born in and never return to your husband’s village. This is all about control on his family’s part.
I’m not sure why you married this man, maybe young infatuation, but you are not benefiting from this marriage and likely never were if you were living abroad sending him funds.
Stop being his cash cow and look into hiring a lawyer to divorce him without traveling to his country.” Sweetsmyle
Another User Comments:
“So you never see him. He doesn’t provide for you financially. He doesn’t provide for you emotionally and in fact, is causing you emotional grief. Lets his family bully him into going back on decisions you made as a couple and is helping them to try to bully you into changing things too.
This isn’t a marriage.
Do not move there if they are this controlling when you’re in different countries it’ll be million times worse when you move there. Honestly would divorce him and make sure he doesn’t ever get her alone else he’ll take her back there and keep her there.
NTJ.” S*********a
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like the typical controlling in-laws from a very traditional country. If your husband isn’t supporting you in any way, then what’s the point of your marriage? He won’t even stand up to his parents for you, and he won’t take any steps to improve his skills to help financially support you and your daughter.
Right now, he’s reaping all the benefits of the marriage, with you paying for his lifestyle and study until recently.
This is not a good marriage that is worth staying in. It’s ultimately your decision, but it sounds like you’re better off without a husband causing you unnecessary stress and raising your daughter alone.” fingerkuffs23
11. AITJ For Getting Tired Of Always Waiting For My Friend?
“So my (25f) friend (26f) is always late for everything.
Yesterday we were having a shrimp feast, and I told her to be at my house at 6 p.m. so we could get the shrimp together at 6:30 p.m.
She agreed and said she’d be there.
Well, 6:20 rolls around, and I’m getting ready, and she isn’t there.
I left and got the shrimp and returned, and she still wasn’t there. 7:45 p.m. rolls around and she still isn’t there; she said she was still at the store.
I got so tired of dealing with how late she always is, so I said to her, ‘Look, it’s going to be at least 8 by the time you get here. I don’t have the patience to wait forever, and the food is cold now.
I’ll see you some other time.’
She got upset and said I needed to understand that she has ADD. She was 5 hours late for something the day before this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Late people ruin things.
She was late and having your shrimp party at 6:30 was impossible because of her lateness. Being 30 minutes to an hour is pushing it, but 5 hours shows some major disrespect toward you. There are things she will show up to before 5 hours have passed (like a concert, work, or school), but you aren’t one of those to her.” Neravariine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she needs to learn how to manage her ADD. Since she is blaming her ADD, you could just not invite her to things that are time-sensitive. Unfortunately, I believe most things are time sensitive, and if you do invite her, tell her that the time is firm and you will not wait for her.
There are many ways for people with ADD to cope; it is up to her to find what works for her. I was surprised to learn they have apps for ADD that go on your phone. It is up to your friend to seek out the resources she needs to manage her condition.
So many people are managing their ADD; they put the effort in to find ways to be successful. She sounds like she prefers making excuses instead of finding solutions.” ContentedRecluse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
As someone who has really bad ADHD and bad time management, ADHD does not excuse someone from the consequences of their actions.
Your friend is not a friend since she knows she has an issue and blames that instead of giving an apology.
Adults are responsible for their own behavior. People teach you how to treat them. Repeating the same behaviors over and over while hoping for a different outcome is madness.
Let her still be your friend, but stop inviting her out to things. She’s shown that she’s not going to change, so you have to respond accordingly.” mimi7600
I hate to admit that I am not the most punctual person on the planet, but I would cancel plans far in advance if I were going to be an hour late, never mind five hours late. That's not ADHD - that's blatant disrespect and disregard for you and your plans with her. Shame on her, and shame on you if you continue to be her friend after she's treated you so shabbily. She needs to grow up and manage her "ADHD" or she'll never hang onto a job, much less be financially independent.
10. AITJ For Telling My Husband To Pay Me If He Wants Me To Attend His Relative's Wedding All By Myself?
“Whenever my husband doesn’t want to go to a family event of his, he asks me to go solo and then uses the fact that he has work to do as an excuse for why he couldn’t make it.
I’ve always gone in the past, but he told me he wouldn’t be going to his cousin’s destination wedding and that he wanted me to go alone.
I don’t mind going to the wedding, but I’m peeved that he’s bailing again because it’ll just make things awkward for me as his family will be upset he’s missing such a big event.
I’m going to be the one who has to deal with them being upset with him, and I know it’s not going to be fun. By the time he sees them again, they’ll have forgiven him, so it’s only going to be me who has to deal with the backlash, which isn’t fair.
Originally, I did agree to go, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how his not going would completely ruin the wedding for me and upset his family. It’s a destination wedding too, which is contributing to why I don’t want to go alone.
His sister mentioned the wedding, and he told her I would be going but he wouldn’t be. I interrupted and said neither of us would be going unless he was planning to pay me to go and deal with his hurt family.
He asked me what I meant and insisted I was going because we couldn’t both miss it. I told him to pay me then, and he got mad and brought up how I have complete access to all of our finances, and he’s never stopped me from buying whatever I wanted. His brother defended him by saying my husband has always taken care of me and given me what I wanted, so I said that throwing me to the wolves wasn’t taking care of me.
My sister-in-law did side with me and told my husband he couldn’t skip the wedding because it wouldn’t look good, but he’s still mad at me for my comment about how he should pay me and because I brought it up in front of his siblings.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know why your husband thinks he can tell you what you are doing and not doing. Scratch that. I don’t know why you have allowed your husband to tell you what you are doing in the past. Why didn’t you shut that down the first time?
You have created a pattern that now becomes harder to undo. But now it is time to undo it.
Outing him publicly is exactly what you needed to do, so kudos to you for doing that. And I would keep doing that.
Let the b***d relatives do some of the work to get him there, and let them set the expectations for the future since he cares so much about what they think. Let him fight with them.
You need to stop saying you are okay with going to these events because he is using that to manipulate you, and you are posting here so we know at best you are okay with some reservations and stipulations.
You are okay with a weekend away with your husband.
He needs some therapy, and you would benefit from couples counseling because this whole co-dependent dynamic he has with his family is not cutting it. He’s taking the enabler route of just trying to keep the peace for years and years instead of having a spine and saying no, sorry, this event doesn’t work for us.
It is time for him to understand that it is okay to make Mommy and the rest of the family mad sometimes. He’s okay with disregarding your feelings; now it is time to see that the sun still comes up in the morning when he disregards theirs.
Definitely NTJ. ” Parasamgate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your husband doesn’t want to go, which is his choice, but that doesn’t mean that it is your responsibility to put up with his family’s hurt feelings and make you miserable for the trip as some sort of de facto representation for him.
That is not fair to you and literally somewhat manipulative of him.
Now if it were your family 1000%, go without him and have a great time. However, this is his family, and it is his responsibility to show up and put on a good face for those events, not yours.” Grannywine
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I understand what you were trying to go for by asking for payment, but I think it would be wiser to say you’re not going to be covering for him anymore. Your husband uses you as something worse than a human shield; he’s using you as a decoy (and it isn’t even working!).
He’s allowed to not want to go to family events, but it’s disgusting that he expects you to fill in for him at something he obviously finds unpleasant enough to bail out of. If you want to go, go, but when asked, tell his family ‘You know, I think it’s best if you ask him directly’.
Refuse to be put in the middle anymore.” TheNcthrowaway
9. AITJ For Bringing Home Food That My Fiancée Doesn't Eat?
“I (28M) and my fiancée (29F) have been engaged for a year. She got weight loss surgery in March and has been on a strict liquid diet. She asked if I would go on a liquid diet as well, and I told her that I would do it for a few weeks.
I got to my goal weight and started to slowly ease back into eating solid foods.
She found out and was not happy that I was eating solid foods again. We fought a few times about the food, and she would get defensive, saying that she didn’t want food in the house that she couldn’t eat.
We work different shifts, and I normally eat dinner when she’s at work. My brother came into town last week, and I picked up a nice meal that I was going to make for him when he came over.
I get home from work and see all the food that I had purchased in the trash.
I called her and asked why she threw out the food I had purchased. She went on to say that my brother can enjoy all the protein shakes and juices that he wants. It turned into a huge argument, and she’s trying to twist it into saying that it’s all my fault.
My brother and I ended up going out and having a good time.
She thinks I’m the jerk for purchasing the food and not being supportive of her new diet. So, AITJ for being angry that my fiancée threw out food I bought?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
So if she ends up having to get one of her legs amputated, she’d expect you to support her by chopping one of your legs off in solidarity? She wouldn’t allow anyone with two legs through the door?
That’s as unrealistic as expecting everyone in her home to stick to a liquid diet.
Part of losing weight is learning new eating habits and exercising your willpower. You still have to live in a world where you’ll be surrounded by temptation, and you need to practice saying, ‘No thank you.
I’m good with this protein shake.’
It sounds like she’s setting unrealistic expectations so that when you inevitably start eating normally again around her, she can blame you for her failure to stick to her new eating requirements.” Salt_Spray_Rose
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did go on the diet with her and support her, and that is great. However, you are also an adult capable of making your own decisions, which means you can choose to stop any time you like.
Just as she is an adult and shouldn’t be reliant on you for anything more than the moral and emotional support expected of a fiancée.
Also, ignoring the obvious fact that you bought the food and she has no claim to it, that food technically wasn’t for you.
You really bought it to treat your brother. So, not only is she trying to dictate what YOU can eat, but she’s also trying to control the diet of anyone who comes to your home.
She is the major jerk in this situation, and you two should probably sit down and have a serious talk about control, respecting boundaries, and what exactly constitutes ‘supporting’ her diet.
Otherwise, you (and everyone else in your life) are going to be living off protein shakes until you die. Which, trust me, will make people dislike your fiancée at best and straight-up isolate you from them at worse.” TheGrimReader1888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Support is not asking or making her eat solid foods. Support is making sure she has healthy liquids. Support is NOT being forced to be on a diet you no longer have an interest in or need to be on.
If she can’t be around food, she has self-control issues. If she can’t handle solid foods being around, she needs to seek help. She’s being wasteful and unreasonable. If she can’t handle reaching her goals individually, she needs to figure out why.” Glum_Hamster_1076
8. AITJ For Expecting To Be Paid My Full Rate For Babysitting My Cousin?
“My (19F) cousin Joshua (15M) has a form of inattentive ADHD. I’m not going to try and guess how much of Joshua’s behavior and immaturity is his ADHD and how much is because of my grandparents’ parenting, as I know I’m not qualified to comment on it.
My grandma had a medical procedure during Christmas break. Since my grandfather and parents were going as well to support her (the medical facility was about a two-hour drive away), they asked me to watch Joshua during this time. They just said that they would feel more at ease knowing that if anything happened to either of us, there was another person nearby.
Being in charge of Joshua was like babysitting a small child; Joshua put a frozen pizza in the oven and left it to burn for almost three hours until I smelled it. He did the same thing later that night with cornbread.
(He set an alarm for himself yet kept hitting snooze because he didn’t want to pause GTA.) I caught him trying to order fireworks online through my grandfather’s computer. He tried to ride my dad’s motorcycle to 7-11 despite being unlicensed. I got woken up twice by Joshua because he was trying to break into my grandparents’ liquor cabinet.
When my parents and grandparents came back, they were upset at me that Joshua didn’t do his school assignments and claimed they expected me to hover over him so that he would do them. I wasn’t able to get any of my own schoolwork done because I was constantly having to chase after Joshua.
During the week, my grandparents and Joshua came over for dinner. This time, my grandparents and parents explained that they wanted to go on a vacation over Spring Break and tried convincing me to stay with Joshua again. I told them that if they want me to babysit Joshua, then they need to pay me my full rate.
My parents immediately said that my word choice of ‘babysit’ was unnecessarily rude because Joshua is almost sixteen and I came across as condescending and a jerk to him. I told them that it was really babysitting. Joshua is immature, and I do have to treat him as if he’s a small child.
My parents pulled me aside and told me to help my grandparents because they have gone through a lot and they want to do something nice because they haven’t gone on a vacation in years, and you never know when you won’t be able to anymore.
I told my parents that I’m not stopping them; I just want to be fairly compensated for my time if I’m tasked with being in charge of Joshua.
My parents grounded me for the night, so I explained to my friends why I had to cancel plans.
Most of my friends agree that my request for compensation was fair. But about three people said that my grandparents deserve to be able to go out and enjoy life because they gave up their relaxation years to raise Joshua, and I should help them so they can have some of the fun times that they deserve.
AITJ for expecting to be compensated for staying with my 15-year-old cousin?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They just want cheaper or free babysitting. It should be the parent’s responsibility to have someone they can hire to deal with ADHD and other special needs.
You should get more pay because you are dealing with more than just one person.
It would have been okay if the kid was actually a kid, but not in this case. If they think the word ‘babysitting’ is condescending to use on a 16-year-old who has more than ADHD, then they would have serious problems if they heard you say ‘assisted living’ for higher pay.” Madame_Spiritus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They know Joshua needs a keeper. The fact that they blamed you for not making sure he did his school assignments shows they’re ungrateful and unappreciative of your help when they legitimately did need a family member looking after Joshua when your grandma had a medical procedure.
That is the kind of thing family should step in for.
But now they want to go away on holiday, and though they didn’t thank you or praise you for the good job you did looking after Joshua last time, they know you did an excellent job, and they want you to do it again.
Having someone look after their son while they’re on vacation is part of their vacation expenses. They need to figure the cost of paying you into the expense of their holiday. You are entitled to ask to be compensated.” Enough-Process9773
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
Your grandparents do deserve to go out and enjoy life, and you should be able to say no or ask for compensation for something that is work.
It’s not condescending to acknowledge that Joshua cannot be left alone and requires someone to watch after him.
Frankly, because he’s struggling so much with basic tasks, especially the oven, which was a huge safety risk, he needs more help than just a minder; he needs therapy and access to medication.
Your grandparents choosing to take in their grandson does not create an obligation for you, and while I would heavily suggest it is appropriate to help them out once in a while, a week-long job of chasing after someone who is the size of an adult and who can’t manage basic tasks (by no fault of their own) sounds exhausting.
Your parents are also jerks for grounding you.” Kettlewise
7. AITJ For Not Agreeing To Have My Partner's Sister Stay At Our House?
“I’ve been with my partner for 10 years, and right at the start her mom and stepdad took a disliking to me. I was under the impression that they liked me until my partner told me that they always slagged me off behind my back.
My mother-in-law even tried to hook my partner up with a rich older man whilst we were together a few years at that point. I’m basically a guy that’s had problems with mental health, which in turn affected my having a decent job, and that’s why I assume that her mom didn’t like me, but I love the bones off of her daughter, and I’ve never mistreated her and never will.
So I was at home, and my partner came in after seeing her family and told me that her sister and partner were staying at our house for a couple of nights. I asked if I had a say in this, and she told me that her stepfather told her, ‘They are staying at yours,’ and my partner just accepted it as she dislikes conflict.
That really angered me because that kind of behavior is toxic and pretty rude.
Common decency would be to ask us both whether we’d like to have them stay at our house or to ask her sister and partner ourselves, so I told my partner that I’m not happy with it.
My partner then told her mom that her sister couldn’t stay, and then her mom got angry and drove over to the house! When she got here, I received a tirade of abuse that made me feel like the guilty one, but I gave as good as I got.
Her mom landed a few low blows, and eventually, she left. Her mom then wanted my partner to leave me because I’m controlling and even asked my partner if I’d ever hit her, to which my partner said ‘No!’
This happened about 6 months ago, and even though her mom and I both made up over text, my partner has told me that her mom still doesn’t forgive me for how I spoke to her the night she shouted at me on my doorstep.
So AITJ for not allowing her controlling mom and stepdad to force us to host my sister-in-law and her partner?”
Another User Comments:
“Obviously NTJ. It’s your house as well as your partner’s. There is no reason your partner or her parents couldn’t pick up the phone and rope you into the conversation about SIL staying at your place.
Not doing so is hugely disrespectful. You responded as most of us would. And your MIL coming over to blow up at you over it was totally out of line. If she is still unhappy, that is just too bad.
I might suggest some serious talks with your partner about setting boundaries with her parents, or even couples counseling if she continues to have problems with doing anything that might displease them.” VariousTry4624
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and yours was an important victory for independent thinkers everywhere.
Would-be guests have to be invited, not assigned. As for your MIL charging over there to run her nasty mouth at you, that is unpardonable. Her texts would be bad enough.
Keep that MIL as distant as possible and try to help your partner understand that she isn’t her family’s property.” RealbadtheBandit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but her mother and stepfather are. Who stays in your house is for you and your partner to decide, not a bully boy stepfather. I’d definitely say go no contact until they can learn to treat you with the respect you deserve.
Don’t be a doormat to them. It may not be possible financially or logistically, but if you can, I’d flit to a house and area chosen by you and your partner, not her mother, and don’t give your new address to any of them.
Then relax, enjoy, and make some babies!” Littlevoice13x
6. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Room For One Night?
“My father had me, my biological mother left, and my father remarried a woman who already had 5 kids, all 20+ years older than me. My stepmother’s family is an absolute nightmare, in the sense that they have a very different way of running the house.
They have a hierarchy where the youngest sibling will always be the one that is stepped on; their room will be the guest room if needed; their plate will be the disposable one, etc. Basically, they are the doormat for everyone else’s comfort.
They also have a lot of family politics, but I won’t get into that for now.
I live with my stepmother and father, and we’ve been having a whole lot of dinners lately (my stepmother LOVES having people over, catering, etc.).
My father isn’t the biggest fan of it, as he’s always the one entertaining and keeping everyone talking. I absolutely hate it, as I have severe social anxiety and am just a private person. It doesn’t help that my stepsiblings don’t really treat me as one of them, which definitely isn’t helped by the age gap either.
We have a relatively small house with three bedrooms, one of which is in the basement.
This night, my stepbrother and his family (wife, 2 babies, and 1 toddler) came over for dinner and decided to stay overnight. I really didn’t want to give up my room because 1, I hadn’t cleaned it because the sleepover was impromptu, 2, I have many things in my room that are very attractive to a toddler, and I didn’t want him messing with my stuff, and 3, I have pet gerbils and two fish tanks, and I really didn’t want my family messing with them.
I thought this wouldn’t be a problem because my stepsibling’s family is all allergic to furry animals (I also would like to add that my stepbrother’s wife spent some time outside my room talking with my stepmother, and she started getting a runny nose and sniffling.
Just imagine what she would be like after a whole night in my room), and we could have figured out a sleeping plan. I specifically asked my father to please discuss it with them and ask them to sleep in a different room.
Well, this made them mad big time! They got super indignant that I wasn’t giving up my room, saying that since I was the youngest in the family, my room should be the one offered, even if they were to say no. They said that they felt disrespected and pushed out of their own mother’s house, and they gathered their things and left immediately.
This didn’t phase my stepmother too much, as she knew I was uncomfortable having people in my room. She didn’t say anything to them though, keeping a neutral ground.
I feel awful, and even though my father tells me that my stepmother’s family is just like that, I’m starting to wonder if I am the one in the wrong.
Please let me know, and if I am, some tips on how to fix this disconnect?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like your jerky step-siblings decided to invent a rule just to take advantage of you in every situation. You need to have a talk with your dad and stepmom about what rules the 3 of you want to have in your home.
If you reach an agreement that would change any of these bogus ‘rules’ the step sibs invented, then it is your parents’ job to inform them there are some rule changes, and that they are all expected to abide by them if they wish to visit your home.” 4TheLonghaul731
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You have been eloquent in explaining why this would be a big problem. I hate to think of what would be done to your ferrets because of the woman’s allergy, and, yes, toddlers love to get into your stuff and wreck it.
I have to say as well that it sounds strange that your step-brother and his crew can’t simply arrive for dinner, partake of dinner, say thank you, and leave. It suggests that he deliberately stays to assert his authority over you, and your parents should tell him to go home rather than play his psycho games in their house.” RealbadtheBandit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are the ones in the wrong, not you. They are the ones who threw a fit when they didn’t get their way, not you. Plus, who wants to give up their room with all their personal belongings in it to people with small children?
They absolutely get into everything, and their parents rarely watch them.
Additionally, you said that they don’t treat you like a member of the family. That’s not okay. I think it’s sad that your dad let them treat you like that, but in my experience, the vast majority of men in his situation don’t want to cause a fuss with their wife or stepchild either, so he certainly is not alone there.
I think you should consider this a boundary you have established. Keep it in place. And don’t let them treat you like crap.” Blahblah9845
5. AITJ For Not Going To My In-Laws' Easter Sunday Lunch?
“My (34 M) partner (28 M) told me this morning that while he was arriving at work yesterday, his mother called and wanted to know if we’d be coming to their cookout this Sunday. He said no, before getting input from me (I’m not upset about it and feel like he did the right thing).
We are now being painted as the jerks who don’t ever want to be around them.
I work the 3rd shift, and my partner and I are often given no details until a few days beforehand, leaving me no time to ask for time off work (getting my schedule covered by another employee is out of the question; we have tried that already), and the events always seem to be planned to take place during the hours I find myself sleeping normally and always after I’ve worked a full shift prior (we’re expected to arrive around 11 a.m. and be present until at least 5 p.m.).
They live about 5 minutes away, so it’s not a long drive. I just feel it’s unreasonable to expect to stay awake for 24 hours. We’ve asked them to take my schedule into account, but ‘9 a.m. is too early to expect us to be awake,’ and ‘if you get there at 5, there’s no point; everyone else will be gone.’
The last time we went to one of these gatherings was Christmas, during which I fell asleep on the couch and then was told I ‘ruined the entire day’ and because of me, my MIL would never be having another family gathering.
So, we assumed nothing would be happening for Easter this Sunday. We made our own plans. So when she called yesterday and told us ‘Lunch is at 11,’ we told her we weren’t coming. Now she’s upset, and FIL is mad and wants us to call and apologize.
I think we should stand our ground, as I frankly feel it’s disrespectful that after several years of asking them to compromise with our schedules as independent adults with our own lives and responsibilities, they still won’t.
So, are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, you have the right to turn down any invitation you want; you are independent human beings, not servants.
Second, you have your own life and your own schedule, and it sounds like your work schedule is grueling.
Your in-laws are not taking that into account when making the holiday schedule. It sounds like the holidays are all about them and the vision in their heads of the ‘perfect holiday’ instead of making something enjoyable for the people involved.
And your MIL is a drama queen.
You did no wrong by turning them down, even without your work schedule. And if your not being there is ruining the holiday, then that is a problem with their planning and expectations.
I also have a problem with people issuing summonses to gatherings with things like ‘lunch is at 11’ instead of asking if the people can attend. They do not have the right to order you around, and perhaps they need you to turn them down a few times until they learn to ask you respectfully.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, a gold star to your partner for standing up for you.
Your in-laws are being unreasonable. They don’t care about your needs or try to be accommodating so that you and your partner can happily attend.
They are doing everything to try to break you. They want what they want, and they expect you to comply as if you were minor children being given a command. When you don’t do what they want, they treat you like disobedient children.
You can’t reason with unreasonable people because they are unreasonable. Their very nature is to control and expect submission to their desires, regardless of your circumstances.
If their goal was to have a happy family gathering, they would want to accommodate people’s needs.
They don’t. They want control. They are having an event at the time they want, and you are supposed to attend at their desired time. If you can’t, you are being disrespectful and disobedient. That’s the very definition of being unreasonable.
So, enjoy your peaceful Easter… and be ok with saying no when they are unreasonable.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Props to your partner for standing up for you without being asked. You shouldn’t be expected to be anywhere or do anything when you’re an adult with your own responsibilities and schedule.
And a demanding one at that! You and your partner have every right to decline and have other plans.
Your family-in-law has a problem with you specifically. It’s not the timing or the event. It seems like it’s you.
Maybe the next ‘event’, whatever holiday comes next for you and your family, request the day off way in advance and plan to be there regardless. I know you’re rigid about your schedule, but maybe there’s a way to bridge the gap between you and your in-laws, at least for your partner’s sake.
Is that opening the door for them to expect you to do that all the time? Sure. But maybe there is a way to have a conversation with them and say, ‘Here is what I can do,’ just so it’s not a complete ‘shock’ to them when you decline the ‘invitation,’ if you can even call it that.
I would try to head them off in advance of the next holiday to see how they handle it. If they come up with some other reason you’ve ‘ruined’ the day, there’s your proof that it’s you.
Family drama like this is hard, and I’m sorry you’re going through this OP!” BigAd5325
4. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mother-In-Law For Telling People About My Marriage?
“So my fiancé and I have a big wedding planned in 2026, for financial reasons, etc. However, he turns 26 in a month and goes off his parents’ health insurance, while I have great health insurance through my work.
We planned to do just a quick formal courthouse wedding in a week, and are trying to treat it as much as a business deal as possible to not ruin what we consider to be our true wedding day in 2026.
We needed two witnesses, so I asked my mom and he asked his, but I told them both they were 100% absolutely not allowed to tell anyone because we didn’t want anyone knowing, and they said okay. Since we figured this would mean a lot to them to have them there,
Now tonight I go to a party with his family, and I show up to find that his mother, my future mother-in-law, has told everyone in the family, and later throughout the night we even get phone calls from family out of town who are asking about the courthouse wedding.
And I blew up. I am beyond mad and feel like she 100% betrayed my trust in something that meant a great deal to me. She thinks it was okay since she was just so excited to finally have me as a daughter-in-law.
Am I the jerk for still being mad? Or should I just******* up and forgive her.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. FMIL said she wouldn’t tell and then blabbed to everybody. You’ve learned not to confide in her in the future.
It’s also best if you don’t make a big deal out of it now so that your future relationship doesn’t suffer.
The YTJ part: You want to elope but also have a big marriage ceremony. Once you’re married, business transaction or not, you’re married. This ‘wedding’ in 3 years is just false advertising.
Have and enjoy the ceremony you want, but please don’t call it a wedding. Maybe call it a ‘belated wedding ceremony’, which it truly is.
This is especially appropriate since everybody now knows you’re married.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Marriage is a public record. I don’t really think it makes sense to have secrets over matters that are literal public records.
She violated your trust, and that has nothing to do with the law.
You wanted to have your cake and eat it, too.
Share health insurance now, and also only claim you are getting married in 2026. This is probably at the low end of difficulties you might have otherwise encountered, and now you don’t have to worry about keeping a secret.” CobraPuts
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She broke your trust and you have the right to be mad about that. You were going to lie to everyone you know so that you could have a big party in three years. That’s a trashy thing to do.
Since you and MIL both messed up in different ways, have a serious but calm talk with her and then let it go.
You don’t have to trust her in the future (and probably shouldn’t), but don’t tank your relationship with your in-laws because someone was so excited to have you in the family that they didn’t help you live a lie.” unlovelyladybartleby
3. AITJ For Arguing With My Fiancé Over The Deed Of His House?
“My fiancé (28M) and I (26F) started our relationship 3 years ago, and I can’t wait to be with him for the rest of my life, but I think I might have messed up. We got engaged 3 months ago and are planning on getting married in November, and last night we were discussing some things about the wedding and the topic of our financial plan once we are married, which is where the argument started because I asked him when I would be added to the deed for the house.
When my fiancé was 23, his uncle died and left him a huge inheritance, which has basically set him up for life, especially since he doesn’t like super flashy things and only really spends money on his hobbies. For the first 2 years after, he struggled to go out with people because he was always worried the girl he was seeing was using him.
I moved in with my fiancé a year into our relationship, and he has never charged me for any bills and only expects me to pay for the luxury items I want. Nine months ago, I and my fiancé had a discussion in which he asked me if I wanted to stop working because I worked as a teacher, and he could tell that my work wasn’t making me happy, and he was right.
We came to the agreement that I would stop working and some ground rules. The ground rules include that he would give me an allowance every month and that he expected me to not just sit at home all day on my phone because he wants me to find hobbies and passions because we both don’t want children.
I was totally on board with the rules, and quitting really helped my mental health.
So when I brought up having my name added to the house deed, he got really quiet. He told me that he didn’t feel comfortable adding my name to the deed as the house had been fully paid off by him before we had even met, and he felt that he was the one responsible for all the payments.
This made me upset because I thought he was trying to say that I was using him, and we are getting married, so I thought the house would become ‘ours’.
He told me that things would become ours, but this was the first house he ever bought, and he wanted to keep something for himself.
He told me that if we decide to change houses or have one built, which we have discussed before, he would have both our names put on the deed. This made me more upset because if he is willing to do it on the possible next house, why can’t he do it on our current house?
We got into an argument, and I left to go to my sister’s apartment and texted my friend about the situation, and she told me that I was being a jerk and overreacting, but I don’t see it that way, and I think he should be willing to put my name on the deed.
Am I overreacting and throwing away a good relationship? Or is he being a jerk by not seeing my side?”
Another User Comments:
“I think this is a ‘no jerks here’ situation.
It’s normal and understandable for you to want some security in the relationship.
If you leave your job, the property is all in his name, and then you guys get divorced, you’re potentially going to be completely screwed. And I think it’s a very bad power imbalance to have that in a relationship.
That said, he’s coming at this from the perspective that this is his house, and he’s already worried about girls only going out with him for his money. If he puts your name on a house he owns 100% of, he’s basically giving you half of the house.
And that’s a big ask, especially if you aren’t even married yet.
There are probably ways to address both of your concerns. But I would probably not run headlong into ‘husband pays for everything’ when he’s not thinking about this in terms of ‘we both own everything.’ If the important assets are his separately, it’s probably not safe (for you) to stop working for a long period of time.” CollateralEstartle
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, it was his house before you met. You aren’t going to work, and he is providing for you financially. If you want financial independence, earn your own income.
Why is what is his suddenly yours? What are you bringing to the table?
Yes, you will be married, but you did nothing to build his wealth, so how is it unreasonable that he would want to protect pre-existing assets in case of divorce? If the situations were reversed, you’d feel the same.
He is very lucky, and he is sharing that with you.
Try to look at it from his perspective, and maybe you’d come off as less of a gold digger.” Flashy_Ferret_1819
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think it’s an overreaction. I’m concerned that you’re allowing him to have total financial control over your life, though.
I’m a teacher myself and know its highs and lows: if not teaching, please find another job, even if it’s part-time so that you have at least that financial independence to fall back on—not to mention connections to people outside of your SO.
From a legal standpoint, if he wants to protect you and ensure you’re never thrown out into the hedgerows upon his death, it would be a good idea to add your name to the deed of the house. Also, for anything related to the house where he might be absent—either out of the country or in a hospital, for example—you can still do what needs to be done.
However, you could also do something like a prenuptial agreement where, in the event of a divorce (worst-case scenario!) then he retains full ownership of the house, as he brought it to the marriage.” mellowenglishgal
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I do not think you should be added to the deed of his current house either.
You didn’t contribute to it. It makes me a little uncomfortable that you are fully comfortable being completely supported by him, not contributing anything, and still asking for more. Someone from the outside looking in might think you are actually using him for his money.
Also – You really should think about continuing to work after you get married. If you ever get divorced, it’s likely you won’t get much in this situation, as his inheritance likely won’t be counted towards alimony, you are capable of working, and you won’t have any children.
You are putting yourself in a really bad position. It’s not smart.” Remarkable_Buyer4625
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Have A Relationship With My Sister Anymore?
“My parents have me (18f) and my sister (17f). My sister and I are not close and now that I have moved out, we have no relationship. We do not mesh well. We have never been friends. Weren’t always so far apart either.
But our personalities are not good for being close and then she played a ‘prank’ on one of my closest friends and I was done with her after that (she was 15 and I was 16) and this ‘prank’ was outing my friend as trans in our school and showing people photos of him.
My sister said it was just a prank and wasn’t meant to be such a big deal. But my friend did not return to school and has been home-schooled since then because we go to a very conservative school and anyone who is LGBTQ+ has a rough time.
So anyway, my parents despaired at our lack of relationship and called me home to talk to me about the future. They said they wanted my sister and me to plan their funerals together when the time came and to fix our issues before then.
My parents said when they are gone, we will be all that each other has and that ours will be the longest relationship either of us has. I told them they were wrong. That when they’re gone, we won’t have any reason to see each other, and we won’t be part of each other’s lives.
My parents were shocked that I was thinking like that. I told them we were better off staying away from each other.
The last time I expect we will see each other is at one of their funerals, and then we’ll just live our lives apart.
I told them they needed to come to terms with that because I wouldn’t be taking part in any attempts to make us closer. My parents said I was unnecessarily cruel to them about that, and how could I not understand why they would want us to be there for each other?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You can understand why your parents would want you to be there for each other while at the same time acknowledging that will never happen.
You can plan a funeral with your sister while also planning never to see her again.
Some siblings get along. Others don’t. Make it clear to your parents that you don’t think it is their fault the two of you don’t get along and reassure them that you have a support system of good friends who will help you when you need it.” krankykitty
Another User Comments:
“Her behavior was absolutely beyond the pale and frankly, vicious. I’m glad you stood by your friend; this was disgusting, and before absolutely anything could ever possibly occur, she would need to educate herself to the extent she could actually understand the level of damage she did and take accountability for it.
I sense she’s likely some way off this level of empathy and introspection, so at least for the foreseeable future, she can stay in the bin.
Your parents also need to level up; if her behavior didn’t incur consequences that effectively educated or punished her at the time, they likely also didn’t really understand or care.
It’s not weird for families to seek reconciliation, but there is a lot of work that needs to happen first, and it cannot be forced beforehand.
Personally, I wouldn’t hold my breath; you are perfectly capable of finding your own ‘family’, as so many of us do, and I imagine you would be much happier for it.
NTJ!” dora_greenfield
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have every right to your feelings and who you want to associate with.
That being said, what your sister did was horrible, very horrible, but people can change over time. What most of us would consider very cruel and inconsiderate, well, some people at that age really are caught up in their own world and not thinking about the impact of their actions, and some later grow into completely different people.
I don’t think you should just write her off. I’m not saying you have to act like best friends, but you never know where life will head.” boomosaur
1. AITJ For Refusing To Kick My Dog Out Of My Bed?
“Last year I (M23) was very depressed after losing my job. Back then I adopted my emotional support dog Angel (F3) and she helped me through it all. Angel is the cutest, sweetest golden retriever and I love her to the moon and back.
4 months ago I met my SO (F22) at the birthday party of a mutual friend and we instantly liked each other. I asked her out and we became a couple shortly after. My SO isn’t a dog person and never really tried to befriend my dog, which hurt me a little but I thought she would eventually warm up to Angel and adore her just as much as I do.
Yesterday my SO wanted to sleep over (this was the first time she slept at my apartment, we always stay the night at her place because she prefers it). When we got ready for bed, Angel followed us into the bedroom.
When I sleep at home, she always sleeps in my bed and we cuddle (she always wants me to be the little spoon). She is very protective over me). My SO was confused and asked if ‘the dog’ was going to sleep in the bedroom with us.
When I said yes, she made a disgusted face and said she felt uncomfortable sharing a bed with an animal and accused Angel of smelling bad.
I calmly explained to her that Angel always sleeps in my bed and that it was our routine and that I’m not going to kick her out of the bedroom.
I offered my SO to sleep on the couch instead. She got angry and said I was being weird for making a human sleep on the couch while sharing my bed with an animal. She got dressed, grabbed her bag, and drove home.
I tried calling her this morning, but she didnʼt pick up the phone. Am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You’re effectively telling your SO that either she sleeps with you and your dog or she doesn’t sleep with you at your apartment.
She appears to have decided to break up with you over that, which is her privilege.
You are not the jerk for wanting to keep sleeping in the same bed as your dog. But if that’s a dealbreaker for any relationship you want to have with a human, you need to make it clear upfront.
Because someone who decides that this is a dealbreaker for them—they’re not the jerk either.” Enough-Process9773
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not inherently because neither of you is wrong, though I personally agree animals in bed are a no-go. That being said, YTJ for not giving her a heads up and then telling her to crash on the couch.
That’s just poor etiquette as a host and a partner. Of course she left; she came there to be with you, not bunk down on the couch.
In your next relationship, maybe give the person a heads up about it, because it will be a dealbreaker for many.” Kasparian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she has no care for the feelings of other humans or animals. This is your routine with your fur baby and she is entitled enough to think she’s god’s gift and her crap doesn’t stink then let her.
This is a nice early red flag. I’d suggest not ignoring it because if you push to have a relationship with her she will expect things her way or not at all which will probably lead to a ‘the dog or me’ threat down the track.” User
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. She could’ve acted like an adult. She is new to your life and Angel isn’t, and your dog is clearly important to you and she should respect that. She didn’t need to be a jerk by saying your dog smells bad or leaving in a huff.
That said, she was clearly getting this sprung on her and was uncomfortable, and it was a single night that you could’ve said, ‘Okay, this is not going to be the norm, but I didn’t warn you, so we can discuss this in the morning, and this one night I will put Angel out,’ because it is kind of a jerk move to tell your SO to sleep on the couch.
It’s one thing if she’s expecting it, but she clearly wasn’t.
Apologize, empathize with her POV, discuss the situation and why you prefer to have the dog on the bed or why she doesn’t want a dog on the bed, see if you can come to a compromise, and be ready to admit maybe the relationship won’t work out – or at least won’t involve sleepovers – if there’s not a compromise you can both be happy with.” suchanirwin
