People Try To Forget Their Actions In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Stop Bringing Up Religion While Visiting Our Depressed Friend In Hospital?
“I (19f) have been a part of a friend group since middle school/beginning of high school.
One of my friends, whom I’ll call Sarah, has been deeply depressed for the past two years, seeing a lot of psychiatrists, being on many different medications, and was recently admitted into a mental hospital. Through that tough time, we all tried to support her as much as possible, including visiting her at least twice a week.
She’s been in the hospital for around a month and a half now, and we’ve gone to visit her many times. Now, each time we see her, one of my friends, whom I’ll call Mary, talks about religion. For context, we were all in a private catholic school, and while some of us don’t believe in God or aren’t very religious, many of my friends are believers.
I know it was Mary’s way of trying to be supportive and help Sarah according to her beliefs, but it sometimes felt insensitive. She would say a lot of things like “I’ll pray for you”, and “God will help you” Every time Sarah talked about struggling, when Sarah mentioned how bored she was, Mary would say “You could read the Bible”.
I know she meant to be nice and wanted to help, but it felt a bit weird, especially since we all know that Sarah doesn’t believe in God and has had some bad experiences with religion in the past.
The last time we all went to see her, which was two days ago, Sarah mentioned that it had been a really bad week and she had been having thoughts of …… you know.
When she told us that, Mary immediately screamed “You can’t do that, you’ll go to a bad place!”. Considering the state that Sarah was in, and what she had just told us, I felt like this was the worst possible reaction. I was a bit angry at her, and looked at her and told you something like “Could you stop bringing up religion for two seconds, not all of us care”.
After that, she got upset and ended up leaving the hospital.
While most of my friends agreed with me and think it was inappropriate of Mary to say that, some are defending her, which has created a lot of tension in our group and a fight like this is the last thing Sarah needs I think.
So I tried to talk to Mary, to make things better and try to explain to her why I said what I said, but she got super angry at me and said that I was disrespecting her religion. I feel bad about all of this, partly because Mary was a good friend so I’m sad that we’re fighting, but also because the situation is making it worse for Sarah.
I really want to fix this, so if I was in the wrong please tell me and I’ll try to understand and apologize to Mary. And if not I’m not sure what else I can do to make her understand that I’m not insulting her or her religion.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“What does Sarah say that she wants? Does she find Mary’s comments annoying or disturbing? Or does she appreciate the intention behind it and doesn’t really care about the comments? Even if she has had bad experiences with religion in the past, is it potentially comforting or interesting to her now?
Has anyone just asked Sarah?” oldyorker123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one has the right to push their personal beliefs on others, especially when they’re vulnerable. You weren’t disrespecting her beliefs, you were standing up for and supporting Sarah, whose beliefs were being disrespected, continuously, by someone claiming to be a friend pushing her beliefs on her at a very vulnerable time, and then essentially threatening her with eternal torment because she’s having dark thoughts.
Sarah needs support and understanding, not threats and pressure to follow a religion she doesn’t believe in. You’re doing good, keep at it. Keep supporting Sarah, and shut Mary down every time she brings up her religion, that’s the last thing Sarah needs right now, especially after that last visit.
If Mary can’t handle other people not believing the same things she does and continues to think she has the right to threaten and pressure someone as vulnerable as Sarah, she’s not a real friend, she’s just looking for converts. I’d let it go if she leaves it at ‘I’ll pray for you’ because that usually has good intent behind it.
Anything beyond that needs to be shut down. Also, get some things together, a sort of care package, that is allowed in Sarah’s facility. Those places can be boring, and then you get stuck in your head, and that isn’t helpful. I’m sure the facility is doing its best to keep the patients occupied while also having the time needed to work through their mental health issues, but I think Sarah will appreciate you putting a few things together for her.
Stuff like books, pens and notebooks, pencils and sketchpads, whatever Sarah is into that they allow. It’ll be a physical reminder that you’re thinking of and supporting her even when you’re not physically with her.” WhiteKnightPrimal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If I am on my deathbed, gravely ill, or at death’s door and you tell me “god will handle it” I will use what strength I have left to rip out your vocal cords.
Prayer and faith are meant to be private – keep it that way. If your friend or neighbor needs help you get off your rear and lend a hand – not tell them you’re praying for them.” Equivalent-Ad2181
20. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Nephew For My Cruel Sister?
“My older sister (20f) had a baby with her husband a month ago. I (16m) haven’t actually met her son yet and maybe I won’t ever and that’d be fine by me but even still, she (and my parents) want me to babysit right after school until 11 pm each night so my sister’s husband can work and my sister can do whatever it is she does for a few hours.
I want to say she’s working also but I don’t know if she is.
I have a part-time job I’d need to quit if I did say yes. Not to mention my sister and I are not close, she’s a mean girl with a cruel streak that I was exposed to a lot growing up and even after she moved out.
Our parents think she can’t do anything wrong and they’re so proud of her for getting married and having a kid by 20. They think it’s the way we should all want our lives to work out.
Did I mention my sister wanted me to change my name because she wanted to name her son Theo but didn’t want to name him after me?
That’s how much she dislikes me and how entitled she is. She went with a different name because I refused but she called me a waste of oxygen because she didn’t get to take Theo off me as a name.
I was first asked/told I needed to babysit a week ago and when I said no she went to our parents who agreed with her that it should be me.
They told me I should think of it as getting time with my nephew and how good it would be. I asked her if their daughter feels the same way about it and they said of course. So I asked why it was made clear I wasn’t allowed to come to meet him with the rest of the family.
They told me it was because I was in school and he was a newborn.
My sister told me her son would be told I’m not an uncle and I’m just the babysitter. She said she doesn’t want people to know we’re related and doesn’t want me with her kid but she won’t have to pay me, and our parents will make sure I don’t do anything dumb like demand money for it.
I told her I wouldn’t quit my job to watch her kid and she told me I would if she kept crying to our parents because they would march over there and say I quit and then make me go to her house every day after school.
My parents threatened to do that but I told them then I’d still say no and I wouldn’t have my own money to spend which would annoy them. But they keep putting pressure on me and my sister is calling me a wasted life for not submitting to what she wants and she told me I’m a pathetic, useless little boy who was a mistake from conception.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She claims you are not family and that you will not be named uncle, so you have no further obligation to babysit her spawn so she can have freedom. Your parents as well as her are entitled and sick to believe they can FORCE you to do anything.
Speak to your boss and inform them of the madness you have to endure so you don’t lose your job. Are there any relatives you can stay with, someone who can help you? Seek help ASAP.” SuperHuckleberry12.5
19. AITJ For Refusing To Accept My Mom's Husband As My Dad And Disengaging In Therapy?
“My mom, her husband, and I (16f) are in group therapy with each other. We started therapy a few weeks after Father’s Day because that was the final straw for them to insist we all needed therapy to work on why I won’t let us be the family they want.
We started at the end of July and by the end of August my mom accused me of lying, called me a liar, and laid out this really big sob story about how much it hurt to have me lie to her and do everything in my power to destroy her marriage.
It made me so angry. I didn’t lie at any point about this. I said as much in the follow-up session and the therapist asked me to outline my side and how I felt about having Mom call me a liar. My mom kept trying to interrupt me, she told the therapist to shut up and she accused me of being a vicious liar then.
To give some explanation about the situation. My mom and her husband got married 3 years ago. They moved in together 2 months before. Before moving in they sat me down and asked me if I was okay with us moving in together and making a family of three again.
Mom brought up how we’d have a man around the house again (my dad died) and how good it would be for her to have a husband and for me to have a dad and he said he couldn’t wait to be my dad and he always wanted to be a dad.
He said he already had plans for us for Father’s Day. This was February three years ago. I told them I wasn’t okay with that stuff. I didn’t want another dad, wouldn’t let him be my dad, and was not about to spend Father’s Day celebrating someone who isn’t dad.
They started laughing and proceeded as normal but Father’s Day became a struggle because I have not spent the day with him in the last three years and he has tried, and so has my mom. I meant what I said. I never called him dad or let him fill the role in my life.
This year he snapped and he had a temper tantrum and said I was supposed to be with him on Father’s Day and not spending the day alone and he didn’t sign up to be nothing to me.
My mom called me a liar because she said I promised to develop a close relationship with her husband and that I said yes to wanting what they asked. She said I had said I would give him Father’s Day and I lied and I have not followed through on any of it.
She said I made them think I would be a willing participant and I wanted us to be a family. It makes me angry because I never said what she claims and I even repeated what I had said back then.
The therapist couldn’t get mom to apologize and she has no control over the sessions where my mom and her husband dominate.
So I’m silent and I zone out. They only realized this two weeks ago. They called me on it and I spoke up again after more than a month of no talking in therapy, to confirm I wasn’t listening it came up last week and I said I was done engaging because I was owed an apology for being called a liar.
My mom and her husband are angry that I’m wasting everyone’s time letting therapy happen.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m surprised the therapist is still taking the sessions. They must need the money pretty badly. Your parents, like so many before them, aren’t after therapy – where you have to work on your stuff.
They want a wizard who can change reality for them, and maybe change them for someone who wants to call their mom’s husband’s “dad”. Good luck with it all.” chrestomathycy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother and her husband are horrifically selfish people. Do you have other family you can reach out to?
Paternal grandparents, aunts, and uncles? I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Parents who try to force your feelings to fit the mold they want are a serious level of emotional mistreatment. Just start counting the days til your 18th birthday. Make plans to leave and never, ever look back.
Your mother and her husband do not deserve to be in the same room as you again.” KingGuinevere
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Include My Step-Siblings On A Trip With My Grandparents?
“I (16M) have a chaotic house because my mom remarried after my dad passed away.
Her husband already had two kids when they met who are now 12 and 11. Her husband’s best friend went to jail 18 months after my mom got married to her husband and they took in his best friend’s kids who are now 8 and 6. Then her husband’s sister passed away and she had a kid now 5 who also came to live here.
So in total, there are 6 kids (including me) in the house and two adults.
My dad’s parents see me a few times a year. My mom doesn’t let me see them too often because she’s worried the other kids will feel left out, especially because my grandparents don’t automatically include them or send them gifts and stuff.
About a week ago they told me they were planning to take me to this water park that got renovated about 2 hours away from where I live. They said we could make a day of it and mom already permitted them to take me for the whole day.
Mom was listening to my conversation with them and right after the call ended she asked me if that was the place the other kids had wanted to visit. I told her I wasn’t sure but probably since everyone was talking about it at school.
My mom made a noise and then a few hours later she told me she had talked to her husband and they wanted me to ask my grandparents to include the other kids that day. She said they could never afford something like that but my grandparents can and she’s happy to pay to come along and be an extra set of hands.
But she feels like they should be willing to include all the kids this once because it’s something so popular and exciting.
I told Mom I didn’t want them to come with us and I wanted to spend time with my grandparents. She told me I needed to ask because they would never say yes to her but if they think I want them there it’ll convince them.
She gave me a few days to ask and I didn’t and then her husband brought himself into the conversation and the two of them reprimanded me for being selfish and for being greedy. They said I have the chance to do something kind and wonderful for my “siblings” and it’s not like mom isn’t willing to come so she can help.
But I need to accept that I have the only grandparents in this family and that means I should be encouraging more of an inclusive dynamic between us all. My mom told me she might not be able to say no to it but she can remind me that I’m already not the best oldest brother in the world and one day I might think of them as siblings and regret not trying to make them happier.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t owe those kids a big brother or grandparents. Sadly, your Mom married a man who brought in all of those children and your Mom thinks their needs are more important than yours. Sadly, your Mom fails to realize the importance of quality time with your paternal family.
Hold on to the living representation of your father. Enjoy the time you have with them. Please talk to your grandparents so: 1) You can live with them at 18. 2) Tell them if they plan on you inheriting anything, put it in a trust so your Mom can’t spend it on all the kids she didn’t give birth to.” LouisV25
Another User Comments:
“Next time, don’t share the plans with your parents… I feel sorry for your grandparents. It’s very nice of your mother to take care of all these kids, but that is her choice. She cannot decide or have others manipulate her to have her way.
You know that if you take 3 kids in extra your budget for fun stuff will shrink. But that is not the responsibility of any other third party.” throwawee1234
17. AITJ For Calling My Mother-In-Law A Bad Housewife?
“I don’t know where to turn to so I am turning to this.
I called my MIL a bad housewife in front of my husband and FIL. So a bit of back story.
My hubby and I have been together for 4 years and married for 1 and a half. His mom has never liked me and she can’t give me a reason why even after I asked her.
The smallest of things will set her off like when I was pregnant and the food she made triggered some nausea she almost went crazy. We have been living with them for about a year now and it has been a year of difficulty so far.
In the past, she has made house rules to suit her and when we played along with the rules she would get upset. My FIL works overseas and he comes home every few weeks. She does not clean the house before he comes home (and I mean their living area and their bedroom) when he is here she does not wash his clothes or hang them.
We had a rule in the house (her idea) that three times a week she makes food and then the rest of the week it is me and when you make food you have to clean the kitchen.
The three days she makes food, she leaves the dishes in the sink until the morning of my day or she would ask my husband to clean the dishes before I start cooking.
After a while, she just stopped doing the dishes on her nights and my hubby and I had to clean the kitchen every day. I talked to her about it because she would ask us to clean before her day began and we agreed to keep to the house rule.
FIL’s last rotation came around and now he is home for good. They don’t really talk to each other or even eat dinner together. On a grocery run I made with her, she told me that FIL is very unhappy with her because the house is always messy and she doesn’t do his laundry but she told him that she will not be his cleaner and he can do it himself.
The newest thing and the final straw for me was she started a diet recently and decided that she would only be making food for herself and intended to make food for the rest of the house. She will only be cleaning her dishes. But she never does.
She would leave her dishes in the sink until my hubby washed them or she would pick out her things from the full sink and wash them. I decided that I would start doing the same as I am not the wife of this house.
I started only cleaning my things and hubby’s things and I could see it bothered her. Then she started leaving all her dishes on the drying wrack for days until I asked her to pack them away.
During the day I would be the one who offers to make my FIL a cup of coffee or something to eat as she just makes fit for herself.
A few nights ago she was complaining about something my FIL did and I guess I just snapped. I said to her that she is a bad housewife because her job is to take care of her husband and she refuses to do that. Everything and everyone was silent for a few minutes and she just left the kitchen.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because it’s not your business what kind of “housewife” she is. INFO: why are you living there? Do you pay rent? If so, find another place to live asap. If you’re living there for free, then yup, you AND your husband need to put in sweat equity in housekeeping and other chores.
Regardless, you don’t get to tell the woman how she “keeps” her house or what her “job” is. That’s not going to make the IL relationship stronger. Move out.” National_Pension_110
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk. Your conservative views make me sick.
It’s disgusting. Your MIL shouldn’t shove work on your shoulders. Your FIL could get his rear up. He’s a pensioner now, so he has time. Your husband seems like a solid guy. He’s the only non-jerk here.” bonhomie
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Inheritance With My Stepbrother And Half Siblings?
“I (17M) won’t be going to college after high school and instead I’m going to learn a trade. I feel like it works better for my skills and generally would be a better job for me. My mom isn’t super happy about it but she knows college has been pushed on me for almost two years and my mind hasn’t changed. So she’s accepted that she won’t change my mind and nobody will.
Here’s why my post is here. My dad died when I was 6. When he was 9 my grandmom (his mom) died and it was due to medical negligence/malpractice my grandpa, uncle, and dad were awarded compensation, a huge amount too, for her death. Granddad split it between my dad and uncle.
He was working and received social security benefits for them because Grandmom died and he knew she’d want them to be taken care of above everything. When my dad realized he was sick he made sure that money would go to me, his only kid.
He set it up in a trust and left my granddad and uncle in charge of it. The money is a lot. I could easily be debt-free going to college with it and have some leftovers if I was smart about it. My mom knew about the money but could not access it.
My mom has been married to her husband for 9 years. My parents were separated when Dad died, by the way. Her husband has a son who’s a year younger than me and has a medical condition. My mom also has two kids with her husband/my half-siblings.
Because of my stepbrother’s medical condition and his mom not being in his life or his mom’s family, they don’t have any savings for his college anymore (they had to spend it on some medical stuff) and my half siblings have nothing either.
My mom and her husband think that since I have the money and won’t be using it for college, I should give it to my stepbrother and half-siblings and let them pay it back if I insist but that I could also just give it to them as a way to help them with their futures and be a good brother.
I said no and I told them I wouldn’t change my mind. Mom asked why and I said it’s my inheritance from my dad. I could buy a house with it. I could protect my future with it. I could save it for my future kids.
But I don’t want to risk it not being paid back when it was Dad’s way of securing my future. She told me he’d want me to do this and I asked her if she thinks he’d want the money he got from losing his mom to be used on random kids that aren’t me.
She told me they’re not random to me so yes. She believes he’d want me to be a good brother. She told me I should give it more consideration.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Congratulations on protecting yourself and your future. You have considered your mother’s request and your answer is still no. If you lend them money you won’t be able to get it back without suing them.
If they can borrow from you then they can borrow educational funds in other ways. You shouldn’t be their only source of funding. They will take your money tend pretend like it was a gift. Make sure your grandfather and uncle are aware of the situation and your plans so your mother can’t go behind your back.
Unfortunately, sometimes people act this way when large amounts of money are involved. Good luck with trade school and your future!” BeeJackson
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it is not your responsibility to provide for your stepfather’s child or your half-siblings. Your mother is being disgustingly greedy trying to guilt you into taking care of her responsibilities.
If I were to be brutally honest, it was irresponsible of your mother to procreate with a man who couldn’t support the child he has even once, much less twice. Could you go stay with your grandfather or uncle?” MelodyRaine
Another User Comments:
“No, your dad wouldn’t “want you to do this.” He intentionally set up the trust for you alone, so her plan would never happen.
You would never get that lent money back. Your dad left you a tremendous gift for a head start in life, no matter how you use it. Honor him and his wishes. NTJ.” Only-Ingenuity7889
15. AITJ For Refusing To Get Rid Of My Cats For My Pregnant Roommate?
“I 22F have lived alone since the beginning of this year in a 2b 2bath condo. I have one cat who is my pet, but I also volunteer with a local cat rescue organization. It’s fairly often that I temporarily foster cats/kittens anywhere from just 1 night-2 weeks at most, until we clear them to be placed in our shelter, or with another foster, or they are adopted. Usually, I take in 1 foster at a time, but at times it’s 2 if they’re siblings, bonded, etc.
Recently this summer, my best friend ‘Kristy’ 23F moved in with me because she was on very bad/hostile terms with her mom and stepdad who she lived with, and it was safer for her to move out. I of course offered her to stay with me, and she’s been in the spare bedroom since.
However last month, Kristy found out she was pregnant by her partner. They have a plan to get their place asap she says, but I truly don’t mind if she stays here as long as she needs.
Given that she’s pregnant, when she told her mom last week, her mom wanted to come over and talk things over.
So she came here on Thursday and they talked privately for about 2 hours. When they came out it seemed like it was a good chat and they were more relaxed. But, her mom kinda turned her attention toward me and said “If Kristy’s going to be living here, you need to do something about the cats.” I asked what she meant, and she mentioned toxoplasmosis, the litter boxes, the number of cats here, etc., and started getting an attitude towards me and said You guys should’ve thought of this already.”
I let her know we did actually, and there’s an extremely low to no risk of toxoplasmosis. I only have one cat (my own) in the main house, who doesn’t go into Kristy’s room. Kristy also has 0 obligations or responsibilities for my cats, I let her know that the minute she moved in.
All litter boxes are cleaned a minimum of twice daily and aren’t even anywhere near Kristy. My litterbox is kept in the garage (she has a cat door) and any foster cats I have are kept in my master bathroom. It’s a large bathroom and adapted to be safe for a temporary foster.
The only interaction Kristy has is if she happens to be in the living room/hallway/kitchen with my cat at the same time, so contact is extremely limited. I also want to add, that all cats I foster are up to date with for getting spayed/neutered, and exclusively indoor cats only.
After explaining all this to Kristy’s mom, I told her that at most I would be willing to possibly limit the fosters I bring in, but I will not be getting rid of my cat. She told me “Well yours is the biggest risk here.” Also, she tried to suggest that I should stop volunteering with cats altogether until Kristy moved out or until the baby was born.
Kristy tried interrupting her mom to calm down because she kept going on about how I’m being selfish, I’m not realizing that she’s carrying another life now, not considering the risks, etc. but given their relationship, she was very on edge with her mom which I understand.
I love my best friend, but I will not be getting rid of my pet in my own home that was here before she was. I’m willing to adapt and limit fosters, but I genuinely do not think I’m risking anyone’s health he, re and don’t want to stop volunteering.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t want to get rid of the cats. Kristy doesn’t want you to get rid of the cats. This is a non-issue. If Kristy has such a toxic relationship with her mom, her mom should not be coming to your house.
Let Kristy go to hers if she can’t go NC.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cats were there first. Kirsty’s Mom was so toxic that Kirsty had to move out. Seems to me that Kirsty’s Mom is just trying to stir trouble. Maybe tell Kristy’s Mom fully act like a Mom her daughter wouldn’t have had to have moved out in the first place.” Waste_Worker6122
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you need to have a talk with Kristy and give her a timeline to move out. You’re being naive that things won’t blow up in your face if she stays any longer. I’m guessing Kristy couldn’t afford to move out on her own so she had to move in with you?
What makes you think she’s going to be able to afford to move out with her BF now that she’s pregnant and she’ll have to stop working in a few months? Kids are very expensive. If you let her stay too long the partner is going to start coming in and intruding on your space and you’ll be the third wheel in your home.
Forget about waiting until the baby is born, you’ll regret it when you’re trying to sleep and the baby is crying 24/7. Then come the sad stories, she can’t afford to move out because she’s postpartum. Then she can’t afford to move out because she needs to find childcare to get a job.
Then she can’t move out because childcare is too expensive and she can’t afford her place and childcare. The excuses will be endless and you’ll be stuck living with Kristy and the family she chose to create when she couldn’t afford it.” Euphoric_Egg_4198
14. AITJ For Not Paying My Friend Back After She Took Advantage Of My Kindness?
“I’ve (23F) been best friends with this girl (23F), let’s call her Sam, since childhood. She and her partner (23M) broke up two months before their lease ended and she had nowhere else to go.
My apartment was close to hers so I decided to let her crash on our couch while she figured out a plan. She seemed to have no plans to move out of my apartment. After noticing this, I asked her if she could help pay $100-$150 for rent at least since money was tight, and she didn’t want to.
She bought us things such as toilet paper, paper towels, and toothpaste, even though we kept telling her we didn’t need them. She had no hobbies so on our days off, she would just lay on our couch all day and watch TikTok. She never helped us clean and helped us walk our dog maybe twice.
I had a roommate that WFH and was unable to do his meetings in the living room because she would sleep in, so he had to do them in the bathroom. Even when her ex wasn’t home, she would still stay at our place and we had no personal space at all.
During the time that Sam crashed on our couch, she kept pressuring me to go on this vacation with her and I kept declining because I was tight on money and she knew that. She continued to pressure me and I eventually gave in. On the vacation, she was in a bad mood constantly.
It felt like I was walking on eggshells. There were many instances where she would walk ahead and pretend I was not even there. Instead of enjoying the vacation, she kept trying to make TikToks together and hoped that her “exes would see them”. She would blast her songs the entire trip and when I wanted to listen to my songs, she told me to turn them off.
It honestly felt like she only made me go on this trip because she just wanted company. On our last night, she unplugged my phone from the charger while I was sleeping so she could use it. My phone ended up dying and there were no outlets to charge my phone at the airport.
After our vacation, thankfully, her parents forced her to move out of my apartment.
My roommate and I helped her move her things for five whole hours since she was too cheap to hire moving people. Right after arriving at her new apartment, she asked me to send her money back for the Uber we took on vacation, which was around $50.
I asked her if she was serious since I felt like the help I gave her was worth more than that. She became passive-aggressive because she “paid for food three times on vacation” and I “only paid for two”, which I thought was ridiculous. After that, I told her I didn’t want to deal with her anymore and that she was ungrateful, she saw my messages and never replied. She made three times my salary and bought herself a $2000 necklace not too long ago, don’t think she needed $50 after all I’ve done for her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t think you owe Sam anything. She moved in, took advantage, didn’t pay rent, didn’t help around the house, and the vacation is beside the point, although it does show she is all about herself and not anyone else. Someone who counts the number of times she paid for meals vs the number of times you did is way too focused on money, especially since she wasn’t pitching in at home.
She would have a hard time getting the Uber money out of me, but maybe that’s just my sense of self-righteousness. If she could afford to take the vacation in the first place, she can probably afford the Ubers. Furthermore, you are probably right to take her off of your “friends-who-you-would-willingly-help-out-again” list and onto your “don’t-wanna-deal-with-you-anymore” list. She’s lazy and entitled and there’s nothing there that would enrich your life to keep her as a friend.
Sorry.” LonelyOwl68
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s fair to keep track of who covers what on a vacation, and then square up at the end to make it fair… but not so much if you’re already in a financial relationship where you’re giving someone a free place to stay and getting almost nothing in return.
At that point, you have contributed far more financially and so for her to start keeping track while on vacation is completely unfair and ignores all that you have done for her. And it’s frankly insulting that she would even bring it up. Thank goodness she isn’t living with you anymore!” Lizwings
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you seriously need to not be such a doormat and allow people to walk all over you. She makes three times your salary yet couldn’t contribute to the rent? Seriously? That would have been established upfront before I would even allow her to move in.
This girl took so much advantage of you AND your roommate. Don’t pay for her part of the rent but yet she quibbles with you about her paying for one meal more than you while on vacation? So it seems she does know what is fair as long as it is in her favor.
It’s not like she doesn’t know that she is not being unfair to you for the rent. The fact that she used you for free moving service then quibbled over Uber fees for herself?! Really?! You need to cut this useless selfish girl out of your life because she is not the definition of what a good friend is… friendship is give and take… meaning you give as much as you take… she sounds like all she does is take and is completely ungrateful for everything you and your roommate had to do to put up with her.” deliberatewellbeing
13. AITJ For Being Upset With My Friend Who Invaded My Privacy And Lied About It?
“A month ago I invited my friend (I’ll call her Ellie) to the countryside with my family for the weekend.
I noticed that she was hanging out a lot more with my brother than me, I thought this was weird since she had joked before about liking him but I never thought it was serious. I kept trying to talk to Ellie to which she would respond “Not right now, (brother) wants to do this with me”.
It was annoying, and my brother told me that it was making him confused so I sent a text to my partner about it. The text read: “Ellie keeps hanging out with (brother), I’m bored because she doesn’t want to do stuff with me”.
I then put my phone down and went to the bathroom, and a text back from him that read “That’s so annoying, why would she do that” popped up on the home page of my phone which I had left on the counter near her.
Ellie saw this text and got curious, so that night when I was asleep she opened my phone and read all of our texts, screenshotting and airdropping them to herself.
I am upset about this as I had been telling my partner directly above that text about something very personal to me about my mental health that I didn’t want people seeing, and I later learned from a mutual friend (who has since cut ties with Ellie) that she saw a screenshot of that private conversation in Ellie’s camera roll when they hung out.
She also told this friend that it was her who went on my phone, and the friend told me. I confronted her about this but she denied it.
For the rest of the weekend, she acted as if everything was okay, and it was the next week on Thursday that Ellie told me what she had found – however, she lied and told me someone else had gone on my phone, screenshotted those texts and sent them to her during the week.
I knew this was not true, as I had not hung out with any of my other friends that whole week, and I knew no one looked on my phone during school as we have pouches that we keep our phones in during school hours that lock.
I also checked my screen time to make sure I wasn’t wrong, and I saw half an hour of screen time on the Messages app at a time early on Sunday morning when I was asleep. I texted her that I knew she was lying on Thursday night, to which I was left on read.
She then ignored me the whole of Friday, and on the weekend I attempted to contact her multiple times only to be ignored again.
The next week in school everyone had heard about this, and Ellie was sitting alone at lunch and break. On Wednesday, she realized she didn’t have any friends so she told one of my friends that she “wasn’t mad at me anymore and was ready to be friends again”.
Which I think is unfair because I’m the one who’s mad at her. Yes, I did tell my partner about her behavior, but not before I told her myself that it was bothering me, so it’s not like I went to him without telling her how I felt first. I’m not sure if I should just forget that this happened and sweep it under the rug for the sake of her, or demand an apology and for her to be honest with me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and better stay away from her because: 1: She’s using you to get to your brother 2: She’s breaking serious boundaries by reading AND screenshotting private messages (and she might’ve even shared them with others) 3: She takes no accountability for her actions 4: She lies This is not a person you should be friends with.” accidentallywitchy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I see two points of jerk with Ellie: 1. She took it upon herself to look through your private communications, 2. She then made herself to be the victim Regarding your concern about sweeping this under the rug and forgetting, or demanding an apology: Option 3 is to do neither.
Do you think this won’t happen again? Do you think any apology will be sincere?” Stuck_in_now
12. AITJ For Expecting My Roommate To Pay For Parking Tickets She Got With My Car?
“I (20 F) live with 3 other roommates (also 20 F) in the apartments on our college campus. If you’ve ever lived on campus, then you know there are many rules and it’s very different than living in a regular apartment.
There is a parking lot right next to our room, but that is the school’s commuter lot. You have to have a specific pass to be able to park there. My car’s parking lot is MAX a 4-minute walk to the parking garage across the street.
I have become a friend who always drives and pays for things because my parents give me money each month. I was happy to do it for a while until my friends EXPECTED me to pay for things that were not my responsibility. I would gladly always get us UUber DoorDash, or little things.
But then it turned into any booze or groceries I bought that was suddenly “for everyone”. There are many other examples, but overall, I was getting taken advantage of. So, I decided to stop paying for things. They did not take it well, but anyway.
My roommate (who was my best friend at the time) was at her partner’s house for a party. She called me and begged me to bring our foldable table because they needed it. She said I could stay and hang out as well. I wasn’t doing anything, so I said I would.
Then, I realized I couldn’t bring a full table in an Uber, so respectfully declined. She said I could drive over there – Uber back later – then she would drive my car back in the morning. I hesitated but ended up saying yes. Everything was fine and I ubered back to the apartment that night.
The next morning she said she made it back fine and my car was perfect. I didn’t need to drive anywhere for a few days, so I didn’t check on my car. When I finally needed to drive somewhere, I couldn’t find my car anywhere in the parking garage.
I called her and asked where my car was and she said the commuter lot. I get to my car and it has 2 tickets on it, each for $50. I drive us everywhere, so she 100% knows where my car is supposed to be parked. Many of our friends have gotten tickets in that lot, so she knew better than to park there.
I told her about the tickets and she said: “That’s terrible”. I told her she needed to pay them and she refused. She said she did not have the money for that and to “put it on your parent’s card”. I said no and she had to pay them.
She still refused and we kept going back and forth. Eventually, I talked to my mom about it and she said she would pay for it (even though we both disagreed).
Should she have paid for the tickets? Or is it my responsibility because it’s my car?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She did the parking that got the tickets, she should pay for the tickets. Of course, she won’t do that willingly, because you’ve always folded and let her get away with any cost or inconvenience she chose. Your future policy should be to refuse to do anything for her, and reply to any request with “Where’s the $100 you owe me?” If she argues, do not engage and simply repeat “Where’s the $100 you owe me?” as if whatever she said was irrelevant.
You’ll eventually either get the $100 or finally get rid of the leech.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“These are not friends. Can you move out now, it’s so early in the semester (assuming you’re US). If not, maybe move out after the end of semester one?
Then with new roommates, don’t let them know how much money you have. When I was in college, I never expected others to pay for me. I remember being in high school and the only one whose parents would let me have the car, and rarely did anyone give me gas money.
This was even when I drove to pick them up and drove them home! Stick up for yourself, your “friend” should pay for the parking fee, don’t pay for anything else until she does. You’re NTJ.” HorseygirlWH
11. AITJ For Refusing To Give Back The Dog My Neighbors Abandoned?
“I (28F) live in a pretty quiet neighborhood and have always loved animals. About six months ago, my next-door neighbors, “Mark” and “Julie,” moved out of their house and completely abandoned their dog, “Buddy” (a 4-year-old Golden Retriever).
They didn’t say a word about it—just left him tied up in the backyard with a bag of food and water.
When I realized what had happened, I was furious. Who leaves a dog behind like that? I immediately took Buddy in and made sure he was safe and fed. Over the next few days, I tried contacting Mark and Julie to find out what was going on.
They ignored all my calls and texts, so I figured they didn’t care and had intentionally left Buddy behind.
I ended up deciding to keep him. Buddy is the sweetest dog I’ve ever met, and he quickly became a huge part of my life.
I took him to the vet, got him checked out, and made sure he was healthy. It’s been six months, and he’s like family to me now. He’s happy, healthy, and honestly living his best life.
Then, last week, Mark randomly showed up at my door, saying they “wanted Buddy back.” They had some personal issues and had to leave town quickly, but now that things had settled, they were ready to bring him home.
I was shocked. I told Mark there was no way I was giving Buddy back after they abandoned him for six months without any contact.
Mark got defensive, saying that Buddy was their dog, and I had “stolen” him. He accused me of taking advantage of their situation and guilt-tripped me by saying that he and Julie had just been going through a tough time and needed a fresh start.
He claimed that Buddy was “better off with them” since he’s their dog, and they had raised him for years.
I told him straight up that Buddy was staying with me. If they cared so much about him, they wouldn’t have left him behind like he was nothing.
I reminded him that I had spent time and resources taking care of Buddy when they couldn’t be bothered to even let me know what was going on. I told him that Buddy has a new home now and that I wasn’t about to uproot him just because they suddenly decided they wanted to play the responsible pet owners again.
Now, Mark and Julie are furious. They’ve been going around the neighborhood, telling people I “stole” their dog and that I’m a terrible person for not giving him back. FYI they’re living at a hotel and will leave sometime this week.
I feel like I’m doing the right thing by keeping Buddy, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Tell anyone who comes to you with this nonsense that the dog would have died, chained up in the backyard if you hadn’t rescued it and that you are now planning to report them to animal welfare, as they’ve acknowledged that they left the dog there unattended, having given no notice to anyone – intentionally.
You don’t have to report them, but everyone else needs to know that they left the dog to die and that there are consequences for that.” KrofftSurvivor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. After six months, they show up out of nowhere wanting him back. Nah, that’s not how it works.
They had their chance to be decent pet owners, and they blew it. You’ve given Buddy a loving home, and he’s happy with you. It’s on them for not keeping in touch or taking care of him.” LauraMartin288
10. AITJ For Being Upset My Sister-In-Law's Partner Charged Their Drinks To Our Tab?
“My (48M) sister-in-law (51F) started seeing a new guy (50s M, “Pierce”) 2-3 months ago.
SIL seems semi-serious about Pierce and ready for everyone to meet him, so yesterday we made loose plans to meet up at a local pub to do so.
They didn’t want to be beholden to a specific arrival time, so my wife (41F) and I planned on having our evening and seeing them whenever we’d see them.
We went to the pub, had dinner, had a couple of drinks, and enjoyed the live band that was playing.
After we’d been there for a couple of hours, SIL and Pierce showed up. We got up to greet them, chatted very briefly, then returned to our table.
Pierce stayed at the bar and ordered drinks for himself and SIL while SIL chatted with some other people she knew. After they got their drinks they came over and joined us, and we chatted amicably, ordered some more drinks (my wife and I had another round, and Pierce separately ordered more drinks for himself and SIL), and enjoyed the music for a couple of hours until the show ended — a perfectly pleasant evening, all in all.
After the show was over, I got up to pay our tab, and I saw that Pierce had charged all of his and SIL’s drinks for the night to our tab.
I make a decent living, and the additional $50 or whatever for their drinks isn’t a problem, but it seems weird and kind of off to me for someone to charge drinks like that without saying a word, especially to someone you’re meeting for the first time and trying to make a good impression with.
My wife thinks I am making too much of it and told me not to say anything. She said maybe the bartender automatically put the drinks on our tab because we were together, but Pierce ordered their first round before they came and joined us, and even if it wasn’t his intention to put them on our tab he never asked about the bill or expressed surprise that it had already been paid, or even thanked us for treating for that matter.
We regularly treat SIL when we go out together, so maybe SIL told Pierce that beforehand, but even if she did I don’t think she would have told him to go ahead and charge drinks to our tab without asking.
For some added context, when SIL first started seeing Pierce, she said that he made ok money but was very cheap, and that was something she didn’t like about him.
It’s such a minor thing and I don’t want to cause a fuss for no reason, but I find it a little concerning that this is how he acts when he’s on his best behavior, and if SIL was already unhappy about his cheapness then she should probably know about him cadging drinks as well.
So WIBTJ if I told her about it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Contact your sister and tell her there was a mix-up at the pub and for some reason, their drinks were on your tab. Let her know next time you all meet up you’re going to double-check with the server or bartender to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
It’s not accusatory. You’re letting her know it happened and you’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.” Peony-Pony
9. AITJ For Letting My Stepdad Control My Haircut Choice?
“I’m 19 and I live in my stepdad’s home due to not having a house yet among other reasons. Anyway, when I got my new car my stepdad started acting like some father figure. He would say “It’s time to get to the next step in life” etc. He tells my mom that he wants me to get a new barber & haircut.
He said this for a while then one day he was like “Alright, time for your haircut tomorrow. You’re gonna get a new haircut that’s more modern. That makes you look like a man and will get you the girls. You’ll be a forever-changed man.
You need the popular haircut that today’s men have”.
I didn’t want a new haircut but was too afraid to say anything because he owned the house. So I told my mom I didn’t wanna get a new haircut. 1, my haircut doesn’t have an age limit, it’s a unique style that only I do.
2nd everyone around my age has their style. Nobody is the same. It depends on face shape. 3rd I got a baby face so my hair won’t make me look like a man. My mom said he probably wants to control me because he can’t control his daughter since his daughter left over a year ago.
Anyways, today he told me “I’m not trying to hurt you I’m just telling you to get a new haircut because you need to get to the new step in life and be a changed man. If you don’t wanna change the haircut then that’s fine, you’re old enough to make that decision but you should try”.
At the barber, he didn’t let me introduce myself to the barber and kept telling me again to “try” new hairstyles so I did. They gave me selections but you know the things in photos will look different in real life and it only showed 1 angle.
The whole time my stepdad was just constantly talking to me & the barber with some massive smile and constantly talking about hair and how all the girls would approach me and I’d look like a man… The guy was acting like a proud father in a movie.
The barber was saying how my stepdad cares so much about me and telling me my hair is perfect nonstop. The hairstyle ended up being terrible. I had many bald spots and the side of my hair looked messy. Other people at work agreed and thought it looked weird too.
They asked what the heck was that etc.
At home I told my mom I hated the haircut then I heard my stepdad saying behind my back to her that I was unappreciative and that I was gonna look like a child again with the old haircut I had.
He never said anything to my face though which is funny. He also went on about how I wasted his 40 dollars and his time when he chose to do this and kept pushing me to change my hair.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re the one who has to wear your hairstyle all day, every single day.
It should be something that you like, that makes you feel good, and that you feel comfortable wearing. You’re not a little kid – you’re a young adult. The choices about your appearance are all yours. And paying $40 for a crappy haircut that has bald spots?!?!?!
Stepdad is out of his mind thinking that a cheap chop job would do anything but embarrass you and bring you shame and misery.” Kaynico
Another User Comments:
“I think YTJ to yourself for not standing your ground. Your SD even gave you an “out” by saying it was your decision.
Now you have terrible hair that is no longer your unique “look” and who knows how long it will take to grow out. Don’t let him talk you into another haircut again” alisonchains2023
8. AITJ For Wanting To Drop Out Of A Friend's Expensive, Last-Minute Planned Wedding?
“In May of 2023, a long-time friend of mine got engaged to her partner. It’s one of those friendships where she and I are decently close (she calls me her best friend) and our significant others are friends because we’re friends.
They asked us to be in their wedding about 6 months into the engagement (November 2023) and we agreed, thinking there wouldn’t be much involved. When we got married we paid for the bridesmaid’s dresses, make, up and hair, and had a local wedding, and the groomsmen’s suits were only $90 a piece plus alterations so we kept it pretty affordable because we didn’t have a lot of funds and knew our friends didn’t either.
Now to the issue: their wedding is in a month and they have put off every important aspect of the wedding until the last minute. The venue was picked maybe 6 months ago, the dresses were chosen 2 months ago, and the hotel was chosen yesterday. They chose an out-of-state wedding where no one lives so everyone has to fly in and it’s adding up all at once.
We were thinking it would maybe cost us a few hundred dollars for everything but they aren’t shelling out a dime. After everything is said and done it’s going to cost us over $2000 for her wedding/bachelorette (which is only $250 each)/ flights, rental car, cheap place to stay, etc. Not to mention that the groom keeps planning things in the wrong group chat and leaving my husband out of the loop on things like what day his bachelor party is and when to get a suit.
I have dropped subtle hints about trying to mitigate the costs a little because all of her bridesmaids have said they’re on a budget but they’re still having to shell out $1000 each. Then when that didn’t help I outright told her we couldn’t afford to pay for a $400 suit- that they specifically asked the groomsmen to get because the place they’re going through said if all the groomsmen buy their suits through this shop the groom gets his free- she didn’t acknowledge anything, only said “it’s not $400, it’s $329” and moved on.
It’s been like that the whole way, every time I mention that the cost is adding up and it’s getting expensive, I get “yeah, well…..” and a topic change.
She mentioned the rehearsal dinner and I asked what the plan was since the groom’s family usually pays for that, and she said Yeah about that… his mom was going to pay but she’s not invited anymore we were just going to ask everyone to pay for themselves for it”.
WIBTJ if we just told them we can’t do it and drop out of the wedding a month out? We have two kids on top of this and we’re not close to homeless or anything but we have one income and asking us to shell out $2k while she offers nothing, not even a thank you, just seems very entitled and selfish.”
Another User Comments:
“It would have been so much better if you had bowed out when it was clear this was an out-of-state wedding requiring flights etc. I agree that what they expect of their wedding party is ridiculous and their organizational skills would drive me crazy.
You would be the jerk but only because it’s so close to the wedding, in my opinion. If you decide to drop out, be prepared to lose your friend. Only you can decide if it’s worth blowing up a friendship.” Ill_Dragonfly_6673
Another User Comments:
“I’d have to go with Everyone’s a jerk here. While I agree the bride is….a bit much being the nicest way possible to say it, you are also a grown adult with 2 kids and should know not to assume anything. Just because you did your wedding 1 way (pay for bridesmaids), unless specifically told otherwise, presume you will be paying for everything/most things.
The key thing is “The venue was picked maybe 6 months ago”, everything else you mentioned after that is mostly mute. Knowing the venue meant you would have known about flights/car hire/hotels. You really should’ve clued in the cost factor and not just dropped subtle hints but rather a proper conversation way earlier.” warclonex
7. AITJ For Refusing To Leave My House During My Roommate's Therapy Session?
“I recently moved in with a housemate and they asked me to leave the house while they have online therapy. Their session is at 1 pm, right in the middle of the day when I work freelance. I am also a therapist, and I see clients out of the house from 3:30 pm, which means I need to leave about 2:30 pm.
I have a routine where I might go for a walk and do something out of the house in the morning, then relax at lunchtime before I see my clients. I’m someone who struggles with anxiety and I’ve found that my routine helps me to feel my best so I can show up for my clients.
I can find it anxiety-provoking being out and about/in a coffee shop etc all day, so being at home for lunch helps me to be calm and grounded for my clients.
When my housemate asked me to leave the house for their session, I explained that this was my lunch break in my workday, and asked if there was a compromise we could make.
I agreed to stay in my room with headphones on while they had their therapy in the living room. The next week, they said that they had left the house for their therapy session because even though I stayed upstairs and promised to wear headphones, it didn’t feel right energetically for them, and asked if we could talk about it again.
When I repeated that I felt like I needed my lunch break in the house to protect my energy and show up for my clients at work, they seemed upset and said that I should know how important therapy is. At this point, I blew up (I do feel like the jerk for this part) and said that I shouldn’t have to leave my own home during a workday when I have a routine, and that it seemed like they weren’t able to hear my feelings in this, only their own, and that it felt unreasonable to act this way in a shared house.
They asked if we could alternate with me going out one week and staying in the next. This was a couple of weeks ago and I said I would think about it.
I’ve thought about it, and I maintain that I don’t want to leave my own home during my lunch break on a busy workday.
I recognise that I’m bringing my own emotions into this, I had a hard time feeling safe growing up and now my home is my safe place, so being asked to leave is triggering something in me. I’m happy to make any compromises, and in my eyes giving them the living room while I stay upstairs feels pretty decent, but what do you think, am I the jerk for refusing to leave the house while my housemate has therapy?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Yes, the roommate deserves privacy, but OP has already offered them a reasonable way to get that. OP has agreed to stay on the 2nd floor of the home with/ headphones while their roommate uses the living room. Tbh that’s as much privacy as they might get at an in-person office too.
I go in person, and my therapist’s door connects directly to the waiting area, and I don’t feel any off “energy”. They play a white noise machine (ocean sounds) in the lobby to prevent anyone from overhearing someone’s session. Also, why does their session need to be done in the living room?
Why can’t the roommate do their session in their bedroom with the door shut/locked? Or out in their car if they have data? Or move their appointment to a time they know OP usually isn’t home. I feel like OP has offered a reasonable solution, so now it’s up to the roommate to try and compromise if they still aren’t satisfied.” anothertypicalcmmnt
Another User Comments:
“A good compromise could be they change their therapy time to an hour that would be easier for you to be out of the home. Do you go to the gym? Maybe during that time because it takes a few hours to work out, shower, etc. I would also assume therapy is only once a week, it doesn’t seem like too big of a deal to be supportive.
I think I might struggle to be fully open if I know someone could potentially be within earshot.” HellerrrItsMe
Another User Comments:
“Why does your roommate need the living room? Wouldn’t it be more private in their bedroom? Anyway – I can understand the request, but this is your house too, and you can’t be kicked out because your roommates ares are uncomfortable.
He should range the time of his therapy to when you are regularly out of the house instead of scheduling it when you are regularly in the house. NTJ.” Quick-Possession-245
6. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Name Despite My Parents' Regrets?
“I’m (16m) my parents’ youngest kid and the only kid named based on what they liked vs what the family wanted them to name us. My siblings were all named after family members like both my dad’s and mom’s families prefer.
By the time they got around to having me, they were like forget this nonsense, and told their family they were choosing a name based on what they liked and not based on family. So they named me Sunny. Yeah, the “girl version” of Sonny.
I don’t care. I don’t think Sunny is girly because it has a u vs an o. But anyway.
My parents started to regret my name when I was maybe 1? I don’t remember exactly when but I can remember being about 10 and my parents started sometimes calling me by my middle name and only stopping when I told them it was weird and I liked my first name.
When I was 13 they asked me if I ever went by a nickname and I said no.
Last year they said some kids change their names before graduating high school because they want something more grown up and they want to save the added expense of changing the name on their degree.
I was like oh, I guess if people want that it makes sense. Then I said it must suck to hate your name.
Six months ago my parents said I looked like a James nicknamed Jamie. I asked them why they thought that and they said I just had that look.
They asked what I thought of the name and I said I like Jamie but prefer Sunny. Then they asked if I liked the name Luke and I said no.
In June they asked me if I would consider letting them change my name to something different.
They said they felt like they named me to rebel against their families but felt bad that I had such an unserious name for a man. I told them I didn’t want to change my name and I always loved the way they talked about finding my name.
They said their feelings had changed and they felt like the name being cute and light and full of hope wasn’t great for going into my adult years. They said they deeply regretted it. I told them I was glad they made the choice they did and they shouldn’t stress it.
But last week they got the paperwork for a legal name change presented me with like three name choices and asked me to pick. They said they didn’t want to live with the guilt. I told them I’m not changing my name because of their name regret.
I told them how I feel about my name is more important now. They told me I should at least think of their feelings and that I should consider the future and whether I’ll be taken seriously.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I knew a guy named Summer and he was great!
I liked him. He joked that he had a girl’s name, but, frankly, I’d never heard of anyone named Summer before, so to me it was neutral. He wore the name well. He had hippy parents. Sonny Bono: that’s precedent for your name, but yours is spelled better!
I’ve never heard of the name Sunny either, so, to me, it’s neutral, not a girl’s name.” Such-Marionberry-615
Another User Comments:
“A man named Sunny, full of confidence, who loves his name, will succeed in life. Sunny, your parents are trying to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, for no apparent reason.
NTJ. Your parents, while not exactly jerks, (not but not enough for no jerks here), are mostly just behaving foolishly. They should accept you love the name, love the story, and relax and eagerly look forward to seeing what you do with your life!” Neenknits
5. AITJ For Confronting My Dad About Only Calling Me When He's Upset?
“So I’m 16 (M) and I don’t have the worst relationship with my father but it’s not the best either, sometimes we get along, majority of the time we don’t. Both my parents got a divorce in 2013 before my sister was born.
We only see him every other week but the majority of the time, we’re with my mother. My father (47) hardly ever talks to me, I have to beg him to give me a call or text me or I always have to reach out first but it’s a problem when I don’t ever text or call him.
I try to bond with him, but he doesn’t really seem to care and it kinda hurts, he thinks all I want is money and for him to buy me stuff when that’s not all that I want, I want a relationship with my dad where I can be close with him, I think he hardly ever comes around me is because he found out I was gay & just thought I was a full-blown feminine dude & that put me through some guilt.
Anyways, main point. So the other day I had to spend $10 on a public wifi pass because my wifi was out and my mom didn’t know what was going on and I had a school assignment I had to finish. So, I made a charge with my card and I don’t know how it got through to my dad, mind you he hadn’t called me all week, not even the week before & when he saw the charge go to my card was the first time I heard from him in a while.
Then he went on complaining about how I just bought it to mess around, I told him it was for an assignment but he didn’t believe me and after I tried showing him multiple times saying “I’ll show you the assignment right now” he said he didn’t wanna see it and that I’m just lying.
So then I ask him “Why is it you only ever call me when I happen to do something you don’t like and you hardly ever call me to check up on me?” There was dead silence for a good 20 seconds, and then he said I’m just trying to throw him off track meanwhile that’s something that I’d been wondering for the longest time.
I was scared to ask him because I knew this was how he was gonna react. He then starts insulting me throwing every insult in the book he could think of saying I’m soft and weak & I kept yelling & responding when he tells me to “watch my mouth and to keep my respect on” and laughed at me.
I just lost it at that point, this wasn’t the first time something like this had happened (not this exact situation but something similar). I then just cried after that, and told him “Forget you, you’re a sad excuse of a father” and hung up.
He then told my mom and I guess she was just upset I spent money on the wifi pass than me insulting him back.
All this over a wi-fi pass?? A little unnecessary don’t you think?
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, as sad as it is for me to say this I’m just gonna have to come out and say it, as much as you want a relationship with your father it sounds like he doesn’t want a relationship with you, to be honest, I really can’t tell you why he’s acting this way and why he won’t give you a straight answer, but my theory is because you’re bisexual and your dad just won’t accept that or can’t accept that.
NTJ, I’m really sorry that your dad is treating you this way.” Yo-KaiWatchFan2102
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Live With My Mom After My Dad's Death?
“My dad passed away in June. He had custody of me (16). My mom lives in another state. She moved when I was 7 because her husband got a new job and wanted a better life for his kids.
Mom wanted to take me. She and Dad battled it out in court. I was asked what I wanted by a judge. It was a really bad time for me. I told the judge I wanted my mom but didn’t want to leave my dad, my friends, or my family.
I told him I didn’t want to go. She was kind to me. I don’t remember everything she said. But I do remember her apologizing for me being in that position. She decided to give Dad custody of me and gave Mom some parenting time and weekly calls to me.
I begged Mom not to leave. She told me she had to but wanted me to come with them. I told her I didn’t want to leave Dad behind but I didn’t want to be left behind. She left and told me nothing much would change.
For a while the calls were great and all. But then she started putting her stepkids (who were under 5 when mom and her husband moved) on the phone after 2 minutes of us talking. The calls were meant to be for her and me. But she wanted me to “keep the bond” with her stepkids.
I never had a bond with them so the calls were a pain and I started ending the calls when she would pass the phone to everyone else. Mom never came back on the phone so I didn’t need to stay on the phone. She’d correct me for it and I’d tell her I wanted to talk to her and not them.
The calls stayed on the court order but they were at most 5 minutes instead of 20 minutes.
Summers I spent 5-7 weeks with Mom. She’d act so excited to see me but we never really got time for just us. Her stepkids were always added on because her husband would be at work and when he’d get home he’d join us.
I asked for time with just my mom and she’d ignore me. I grew more resentful of it all.
My dad passed away right before I was due to fly out to Mom’s. I do want to live with her so I asked my grandparents if they could file for custody quickly.
There was an emergency hearing because of the situation and mom had to fly out for it. She wanted custody. She told the judge. But the judge said I could temporarily stay with my grandparents until a formal court date. Court is a little over a week away.
My mom has tried to convince me to move in with her. She told me I should be with my family and my parents. I told her she’s my only parent left but she chose her husband and his kids over me before so why should I choose her now?
She told me I should understand that she didn’t want to end her marriage over a good opportunity and how I could have gone with them. She told me she couldn’t let his kids down after she became a mom to them. I told her she could separate me from one of my parents.
Then I pointed out she prioritized them over me. She told me it was not a reason to make her life harder by having to fight for custody of her son who already lost his other parent. She told me to be fair about this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are allowed to feel how you feel. And you are right, she chose her husband, his kids, and his job opportunity over you. She failed to show any kind of familial loyalty to her child, why should you demonstrate such loyalty now?
You didn’t make her leave or make her leave you behind. You were 7 years old. It was up to her to make decisions with HER child in mind. Yet she chose to move out of state, and she chose to squander her allotted time with you instead of treasuring it.
If you don’t feel inclined to live with her now, she has only herself to blame for it.” Fluffy_Sheepy
Another User Comments:
“Moving for a job happens to many families. Where she went wrong was putting the steps on the calls and not making time for the two of you.
Since it has been a consistent pattern at each visit you are right to weigh out giving up a familiar place with people who prioritize you for a place away from friends where you are expected to bond with younger steps and only have group family time.
So sorry you have to go through this. NTJ.” Sure_Flamingo_2792
3. AITJ For Leaving My Friend's House After Her Partner Insulted Me?
“Okay so boom I have this one friend (let’s call her Clarissa) that I’ve been close with since like second grade. We were always hanging out, I had clothes at her house and she’s got clothes at mine, you get the picture. When Rissa and I got to middle school, my features started to..
mature. So my chest was growing and I was dragging a wagon while she still had her elementary school body. Naturally, I started getting attention from boys in our grade, and older people too, and I guess she didn’t like that.
Fast forward to last month, I’ve had a couple of talking stages here and there, and I’ve been seeing 3 people since 7th grade (that’s important, remember that).
So Clarissa meets this boy named KJ and they hit it off like I’m talking they’re adorable together, and I loved them together (for the most part) but KJ was kinda weird.. every time I’d be around he’d look at me like I was a piece of meat but suck his teeth after everything I said.
One day I facetimed Rissa to let her know I was coming over, (we’re juniors and I drive) and she said it was fine but what I didn’t know was that KJ was also going over and we were both going to spend the night.
Once I got there I didn’t have a problem with KJ being over because like that’s my homegirl’s partner why should I care? But then KJ started being just mean like making comments about how I was weird because I didn’t see people from our school and other rude things but I just ignored him, but then he told me I was a “good body wasted” and I started to get fed up and I told Rissa like “get your partner he’s being weird” and she said he didn’t mean it and was joking.
When he went out to smoke, me and Rissa made a couple of tiktoks and I put on my pjs that I left there (unfortunately they’re super short and my wagon peeks through the bottom) so Then KJ came back and started laughing.. he asked Rissa what the heck I had on and asked me was I trying to steal him from her which I told him no and no one wanted him.
He didn’t like that and he told me that I was nothing but a promiscuous jerk and he wouldn’t let me turn his partner into “someone like you” (what does that even mean!) So then I called him a disgusting pig and a jerk and I told him that he was weird for commenting on me despite not even knowing me, I then turned to Clarissa and asked if wasn’t she gonna say something, ANYTHING.
But she stayed silent so I just grabbed my things and left, right then and there.
The next day I had some missed calls from her, I thought it was to apologize but I picked up and this girl dared to call me a jerk for calling her partner names and told me I was mad that it was true.
I was in so much shock and I hung up right then and there. I told my mom what happened and she told me I could’ve covered up a little around him because he’s my friend’s partner but I dunno, I think he should be considerate because..
that’s his partner but I’m torn right now and I miss her and she’s not letting me get my stuff back until I apologize but I don’t want to. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Girl, you did not deserve that at all.
KJ was being straight-up rude and disrespectful, and it sounds like you were just trying to chill with your friend. Like, what kind of partner calls someone a “promiscuous jerk” just because he’s feeling insecure? That’s so messed up. And honestly, if he can’t respect you, why should you have to respect him?
It’s wild that Clarissa is putting the blame on you instead of realizing that her partner is a jerk. If she can’t see how wrong he was, then maybe she needs to rethink some things. You should stand your ground. You don’t owe him or her an apology for speaking up when someone was being mean to you.
Take your time and think about if you want to keep that friendship. If she’s not willing to back you up, then maybe it’s not worth it right now. You got this!” MommyMistressQueen
Another User Comments:
“You have learned the sad lesson that many women have the backbone of a jellyfish when it comes to their partner.
ESH: You should have worn something your backside wasn’t hanging out of. KJ seems to think he owns your former best friend and is disrespectful to you. Your former best friend is woefully lacking as a friend, and would rather keep the peace with her partner than stand up for what is right.
Extra jerk points to Clarissa for keeping your stuff hostage as she waits for an apology that might not come.” MissionHoneydew2209
2. AITJ For Asking My Adult Daughter To Contribute To Household Expenses And Limit Her Partner's Visits?
“My daughter (23) just started a well-paying career while living at home with me after graduating from an out-of-state college five months ago.
I am a few years away from retirement and spent several thousand dollars to remodel a bed/bath on another level of our home for her, to suit her style and give us our own space, which she enjoys. I paid for her college and she drives a car I purchased for her with the agreement that when she earns a paycheck she would reimburse me $5,000 if she chose to keep the car.
She has twice that amount in savings from an internship, but can’t begin paying me back because she needs it as her safety net.
After we agreed to her living at home, she began seeing a man her age who lived with his parents 30 minutes away while working and finishing college.
He seems to be good for her and I enjoy spending time with them…to a point. Over the past 5 months, he has spent a lot more time at our house than I expected, including arriving Friday evenings and leaving Monday mornings for work. They are in and out of the house and spend most of their time in the lower level of our home where her room is, but I’m never sure when they’ll pop into my space or be using the kitchen, laundry, or other common areas.
It’s hard to find any time with just her, as the two of them are almost always together even within the house. I sometimes feel like a third wheel in my own home. I also admitted I miss spending some time with just her, which I thought would be a benefit of her moving home, but I can accept that her friends and significant other are her priority.
I said now that she will have a regular paycheck, we should talk about her contributing to household expenses like groceries, cell phone bills, personal care items, etc. I am not charging her rent, just requesting a contribution toward incremental expenses. She was immediately offended and defensive because I don’t “need” the money (although I am trying to contribute to my savings to retire).
Then she said she’ll buy her food, but didn’t think she should be expected to contribute to other household expenses. I also said that as much as I like her significant other, he is a guest in our home and I’d like to limit his (or any guest’s) time at the house to 1 or 2 nights a week and not every full weekend.
Out of courtesy, I would appreciate communicating about plans at the house, but she said she and her college roommates all just did what they wanted without having to coordinate or communicate and she doesn’t think it should be any different at home.
AITJ for trying to set boundaries at home and asking her to cover her expenses and limit the amount of time her significant other is at our home?”
Another User Comments:
“It is YOUR home, regardless of her being your daughter she should respect it. I am now 25 and have lived out of home since 18, but when I was 21 I briefly lived with my mom for a few months post a bad breakup before I got back on my feet.
I cannot imagine bringing a significant other over every weekend and most days to my mother’s home, or being angry if she asked me to contribute, I often contributed to household needs without being asked. Your daughter needs a reality check. You’re her mother, not her college roommate.
And it is your home, not a dorm. NTJ.” Mediocre_Quality_221
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ask her if her roommates, the ones she did whatever with, pay for her lodging, her vehicle, and many of her other expenses. She can be a roommate or a daughter who is being financially supported. And don’t let her walk over you.
She sounds very entitled and you sound like you’ve spoiled her quite a bit.” saintandvillian
1. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Pay Full Rent After She Moved Her Partner Into My Apartment?
“I am the oldest daughter (28) in a household of divorced immigrant parents and she is the youngest.
My sister (20) no longer wanted to live with our father and she left for my mother’s and then decided she did not want to be there either. I told her she could move in with me.
She moves in & does not help with anything financially at my place.
A few weeks after moving in she gets a part-time job and still won’t help w/ anything. (Not even the groceries that she ate.) I set boundaries and told her she had to pay me 100 a month to stay. She never pays and I let it be.
She’s always been irresponsible, I was planning on living abroad for a year (I work from home) I told her I would be leaving her in the apartment, and she has to pay 700 dollars a month. My rent is 1445 and all utilities are included in the rent and I left all furniture there.
She agrees to cause 20 don’t want an apartment for themselves in a city where renting a bedroom goes for 1600+ a month.
All goes well for a few months, she is paying her part of the rent. However 6 months in I found out she moved her partner into my apartment (she said only for 2 weeks while he found an apartment but he was already at my place for a week & couldn’t find a place, he also had no money because supposedly his friend who he used to live with was renting him a room and took his money and gave up the apartment he had left him broke and homeless).
I found out that a cousin needed a place to crash for a few weeks. (my cousin paid rent for the time he stayed) I found out about this on the phone with her while I was out of the country. I am upset so I tell her they need to pay the full sum of the apartment since he is living there and I am not going to pay for her and her man to live in my one-bedroom apartment when I am not even living there and they both work and she says no. My mother agrees with her, saying my sister is doing me a favor by paying part of the rent while I am away (I can afford my apartment just fine on my own).
Because I make more money and my sister can’t keep a job and only does low-paying jobs and her partner couldn’t keep a job either what I was doing asking her to pay for the apartment was wrong. My mother called me a bad person, a demon child, and bad mouth me and said horrible things to anyone who would listen.
She said, “She can move anyone in because she is paying for her side of the apartment.”
(Against my mother’s wishes I got her and her man to split the rent in 3 (my rent is 1445. My cousin stayed for 2 months and he paid the 3rd part.
When my cousin left I told her she had to pay the full sum and she said no. My mother treated me like a jerk. I only had 9 months left of my lease so I agreed to pay the third part. While still not living in the 1 bedroom apartment)
FYI she broke up with the guy and now I find out she didn’t even like him enough/at all. Yet she ruined our relationship for that. She still won’t apologize and continues to say I am dramatic and overreacting.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you asked for is reasonable.
And your sister should NOT move someone into your apartment without letting you know, I think it is crazy that your mother is so strongly siding with your sister. Sorry that your mother is this terrible to you.” DonWilliam77
Another User Comments:
“Boy are you a jerk to yourself.
When she didn’t pay the $100 you should have given her 30 days to pay last and current month’s rent or she needed to find somewhere else to stay. When you found out the bf was there you should have checked your lease. There’s usually a limit on how long guests can stay there, not to mention laws limiting how many people can live in a particular place.
Not knowing how many people live there can be the difference between life and death in an emergency, like a fire. Also when she refused to pay the full rent, instead of caving and paying a third for nine months, you should have contacted the landlord and checked how much it would be to end the lease early.
You didn’t refuse to pay the rent, you still paid a third for nine months which is ridiculous. I hope you get better at setting and maintaining boundaries.” ApprehensiveBook4214
