People Ask Us To Analyze Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
25. AITJ For Telling A Friend She's Not Welcome In My Home Anymore?
“I have a small 2-bedroom house. A (now ex) friend of mine Aly recently ended a relationship and her ex kept the apartment so I agreed to let her stay with me for a few weeks while she searched for a place.
She isn’t in a good place financially so I didn’t ask her for money but I did let her know that I very much like living alone and 6 weeks was the hard limit, preferably sooner.
Exactly one week after she moved in, Aly had a date over at my house while I was having dinner with my partner.
I came home and they had pulled all of my Judaica out of its cabinet and were ‘using it for dinner’. Drinking whiskey out of my kiddush cup. They were using my seder plate for charcuterie.
I got really, really mad. I didn’t start out with yelling but it got there quickly when her date started calling it a ‘(redacted) cup’.
I told him to get out of my house right now and he definitely did not want me calling my partner to come deal with him. He put up an argument but left as I was calling.
Aly started screaming at me about how I embarrassed her and she just wanted to use the ‘special stuff’ and she didn’t even know it was important because I didn’t tell her not to use it.
I told her it was a bunch of unfamiliar-to-her objects in a dedicated cabinet; she’d have to be a complete moron to think it was free to use. She told me I was blowing it out of proportion and I should apologize to her for ruining her date.
We argued more and eventually, I told her we would talk in the morning.
The next morning, I asked Aly to leave immediately. She was no longer welcome in my home and I would give her the rest of the morning to pack up and get out. She put up a fight but I threatened to call the cops and she shut up and left.
This was almost 2 weeks ago and as far as I’ve heard, she’s been spending a lot of nights in her car. She can crash a night or two at a friend’s but she doesn’t have enough to move into her own place. I’ve gotten 2 nasty messages from mutual friends about leaving a woman homeless after I promised I’d take her in and possibly put her in danger.
I don’t feel bad but maybe I should. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
I can’t believe the nerve of people who are given a hand and chop your arm off.
Don’t know if it’s just me, but whenever I’m at someone else’s home, even my BFF, I don’t use anything I didn’t ask about previously.
Let alone something that is in a cabinet.
And seriously? Bringing in a DATE without even telling you? Even bringing an unannounced FAMILIAR into someone else’s house is rude (at least to me).
I don’t think you overreacted. She didn’t even wait a day to use your stuff and invite people, why would you wait more than that to kick her out?
She deserves ‘being in danger’ if she can’t even be at least polite when given help.
Also, your mutual friends can host her, since they’re so worried, see how they enjoy it.” AkediaTDW
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, if it was thoughtless behavior then I’d say it was an overreaction but it wasn’t – it was malicious.
A clearly special set of dishes kept in a separate cabinet from the rest of the dishes is, I would wager, basically culturally universal – ‘this is important’. And separating the audacity of 1) bringing a guest to your home without so much as a heads up, 2) using special dishes that do not belong to her – her date made it exceptionally clear he knew these dishes were tied to your faith and was intending to upset you and she seems very in on that intention.
That’s a line in the sand – she couldn’t not be antisemitic long enough to not be homeless. This is literally her having to lie in the bed she made.” Wrong-Construction40
24. AITJ For Not Going To My Partner's Sister's Wedding And Going On A Guys' Trip Instead?
“So I (27M) have been with my beautiful partner Jenn (27F) for three and a half years.
She has a sister Kelly (30F) who was married to my buddy Dylan. Dylan and I knew each other growing up, but became friends once he married Kelly 4 years ago. We four hung out all the time so I and Dylan became friends through the sisters. Well, a year ago Kelly left Dylan for some other guy in the middle of the night.
Obviously, this caused a huge amount of drama and fallout. Kelly is now engaged to the guy she had an affair with and is getting married in April.
I told Jenn from the minute the new wedding was announced that I wouldn’t be going. We fought about this because she wanted me there for support.
I told her that I believe only people who support a wedding should be in attendance. She said it was a family event and they take family pics and I should be in them. I told her they could photoshop me in from the first wedding. We ‘shouldn’t pick sides’, I said that I already picked a side so she can do whatever she thinks is right.
She kept on thinking that I would cave and eventually come with her. So Dylan decided to plan a guys’ trip for the same weekend as the wedding because he wanted to get out of town and avoid everything. Asked me and his buddies to go to his lake house to fish and golf.
Of course, I agreed and told Jenn. Jenn freaked out saying all the above things and saying how we already RSVP’d. I told her to call her sister and tell her I wasn’t coming then, but Jenn refused. So I did it myself and told Kelly that other plans came up and I wouldn’t be able to attend.
Since then I’ve been getting the full-court press. Their mom called with Kelly and told me she knew about Dylan’s trip and asked if I was going. I said that I was and they both lost it, saying things about how that isn’t how you treat family.
I responded with ‘Pretty sure Dylan was family too and I saw how that worked out for him’ and hung up. Kelly’s new husband for some reason even called me. Saying they were hoping I would be an usher and how my presence would make everyone happy.
I told him that the wedding was about them and nothing I do should affect that. Jenn is mostly upset that I’m making her go alone but I keep telling her that I shouldn’t be forced to sit there and pretend like I’m supportive. Also, I want to support Dylan in what I’m sure is gonna be a tough weekend for him.
And that my friend comes before her sister in this. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I agree you shouldn’t attend a wedding if you don’t support the bride and groom. But I think you have a slightly bigger problem. Your partner is glossing over infidelity under the guise of family.
That gives you some fairly valuable information about her ethics and how much she respects you. She chooses to support her sister first regardless of her poor behavior and that affinity for her sister is so strong she wants you to abandon your ethics. If I were in your shoes, I’d start thinking hard about what those things mean.” Irmaplotz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You need to cut your partner a break though. I understand you not wanting to go and I completely support you not going and think it’s the right decision, but you have to understand that’s your partner’s sister and her family. You don’t know the full ins and outs of Kelly and Dylan’s relationship, and you’re driving a pretty hard wedge here.” User
23. AITJ For Banning Pranks From My Wedding?
“I (29m) and my fiance (27f) are supposed to get married in a couple of months. We’ve been together 3 years and we haven’t had too many major conflicts and none we couldn’t get past. Her brother Ryan (31m) and I, however, don’t get along. He’s kind of a jerk.
He’s got the kind of personality of someone who never grew up after his freshman year in college and never takes anything seriously.
I recently found out that my fiance’s family has a ‘tradition’ of organizing pranks on the bride and groom. Some of it is just stupid stuff that causes a temporary disruption (think pretending to lose the ring for 5 minutes or orchestrating a fake mix-up with the cake).
Some of it is more elaborate. I heard that at my fiance’s aunt’s wedding, they somehow managed to keep it a secret that they’d put bubble wrap under the entire carpet leading to the altar before the bride walked down it.
The pranks are supposed to be a bonding experience and a sort of induction for new family members.
The examples I’ve heard about have been annoying and disruptive, but on the whole, mostly harmless.
Personally, though, I hate pranks. I feel that regardless of stated intentions, there’s always a bit of maliciousness hidden in the act. And sometimes, even without meaning to, the pranksters go too far and genuinely hurt their targets.
Ryan is definitely the kind of person who would pull a prank that went too far and has already started making jokes about how much fun he’s going to have at our wedding.
I talked to my fiance and told her that I don’t want any pranks at our wedding.
I don’t want our day to be ruined by childish jokes or, what I’m more worried about, her brother pulling something more mean-spirited.
She said that this was her family’s special tradition, that it was harmless fun meant to bring people together. Some of her favorite family memories came from this ‘tradition.’
We argued. Eventually, things got heated and I yelled something along the lines of, ‘There’ll be no pranks at my wedding!’ My fiance got quiet and then left.
I immediately knew that I’d made a mistake and tried to apologize, but all I got was silence. The next day her brother called to tell me that I was a jerk and to stop being such a baby.
They’re just pranks.
I can’t help but wonder if I’m overreacting. I know that this is a tradition my fiance values, but, again, I hate pranks. Even more, I hate the idea of having pranks being played against me.
Our wedding is supposed to be a celebration of each other.
While setting it all up is stressful and while I understand that not everything will be perfect, there’s a difference between dealing with an unexpected accident and actively incorporating something I loathe into the ceremony.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Congratulations! With this marriage, you have a lifetime of dealing with a whole family of idiots.
Your fiancée will allow this to happen. She has already sided with her family. She will continue to do so throughout the marriage. You might want to rethink always being second to her family. If she would have understood your feelings instead of continuing to argue, there may have been some hope.
A wedding is an important day for you both. She is showing you your feelings about your (both of you) wedding doesn’t matter. Believe her. Pause and think if this is the life you want.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds childish. You want it to be a celebration of you and your fiancee?
And they want it to be about them ‘pRaNkInG’ you.
It appears they are looking forward to the pranks more than seeing two people who love each other marrying.
I personally hate these ‘initiation/induction’ type activities. Why is this so necessary?
Like you said weddings are a joyful experience but stressful?
Why should you have to worry about being pranked on a day that is going to be significant in your relationship?
If her brother is so bothered then they can do it at his wedding.
What I will say, however, as your fiancee is for her family’s ‘special’ traditions, then there may have to be some sort of compromise.
Such as she gets pranked and you don’t.” icanschwim
22. AITJ For Bringing My Daughter To A Different Pediatrician?
“I (30F) have two children, but I will focus on my daughter, Sarah (4F).
A month ago, Sarah started to have red spots on her body and I told my mother about it.
Well, the news got around (because 4 days before the grandchildren were playing together and it could be contagious).
On the family message board, my SIL insisted that I take Sarah to her check-up (she is a pediatrician). My daughter’s pediatrician is on maternity leave, by the way.
I ended up going and had more stress.
She just took a quick look (once) at Sarah and already determined it was chickenpox (no temperature, no body look, nothing) and prescribed some medicine. In addition to treating us as a favor (consultation was paid) and being unnecessarily rude to me.
I was very bothered by this and the other day, I went to another pediatrician (one recommended by my pediatrician when I contacted her).
She took the temperature, took a look at Sarah’s body, and because of the areas with the red spots (hand, mouth, and foot), he diagnosed hand, foot, and mouth disease and prescribed medication.
Saturday, there was a meeting of the women of the family and between conversations. I was having another one in parallel with my mom talking about what Sarah had, etc.
My SIL heard and started questioning about it, what it was like hand, foot, and mouth disease when she had been diagnosed with chicken pox. And I said my mother’s instinct was to take a closer look at this and I sought a second opinion.
I wouldn’t comment on the treatment she gave me.
But when she started saying that I was doubting her medical ability and that was extremely rude of me. I told the truth… that if she had taken care of my daughter better, I wouldn’t have sought another opinion.
Dinner ended there and my SIL has been saying that I treated her very badly and that I doubt her ability as a doctor for everyone in the family.
My family is very divided.
AITJ for going to another doctor even though I went to my SIL before?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter’s well-being comes before your SIL’s feelings. Your instincts were saying something was off and you followed them. Now you know not to go to her and won’t have to worry about making any excuses not to!
Don’t worry about the family thing. As I said before, your daughter comes first.” rebel_scum51915
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. First, it’s unusual for doctors to have their own family as patients for reasons I’m not even going to get into here. If I had been you, I would never go to my SIL for an official doctor visit unless it was the only option.
This dilemma you’re in right now just proves that point. If your SIL is secure in her abilities as a doctor then she shouldn’t have any issues with the whole situation. She’s the jerk and needs to grow up.” zinky30
If ur sil can't be bothered to truly check out a child and the symptoms instead of just basing her opinion on a look, then maybe she needs to have her abilities as a Dr checked into.
21. AITJ For Not Telling My Uni Friends About My Health Condition?
“I (19f) am in my second year of university.
In my uni, as with most others I assume, students are able to apply for an extension if they’re suddenly sick or unable to submit an assignment/sit an exam.
At my uni, extension applications are for when you have an unexpected issue around submission time and you can’t meet your deadlines.
If you have a chronic or ongoing medical issue, you have to work out a ‘plan’.
In my case, I got diagnosed with something a few years back (don’t want to talk about it). Since this problem isn’t going away anytime soon, I contacted my uni and worked out a ‘plan’ with them.
So now, I get an extra week for all of my deadlines. For example, if an assignment for my course is due on the 5th of April, my deadline would be one week later, on the 12th of April. Similar thing for exams. If I have an exam and tell my uni I can’t make it, they’ll let me take it later.
My uni friend group knows about this stuff, but they never questioned it or anything until now.
One of my friends is pregnant, and she applied for an extension. The uni rejected it. She’s appealed the decision and in the meantime asked for a ‘plan’ because she says she’ll end up needing it later on anyways.
They haven’t gotten back to her yet, and she’s freaking out. She’s been asking me how I got mine, what I did, what I said, and stuff. I explained the process to her, but then she kept pushing me as to why I needed it.
Like, is it worse than pregnancy? Is it worse than this? Is it worse than that?
I think she’s just freaking out because she’s way past her deadlines, doesn’t have an extension for them yet, and is trying to gauge how difficult or easy it would be for her to get a plan like me.
And everyone’s saying that she’s pregnant, she’s worried and stressed so just tell her so she can get some peace of mind. Plus it shouldn’t really matter since we’re all friends.
I think I’ve offended some of them by refusing so much because now they’ve point-blank asked me whether I even like them or trust them.
I’ve been left out of plans because of it recently and it feels pretty crappy.
Honestly, I’ve told some of my childhood friends about my health issues and I guess telling my uni friends wouldn’t be too big of a deal but I don’t know, it feels off.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – One medical condition isn’t ‘worse’ than the other. Being pregnant is a temporary thing, it ends eventually. I’ve been through it twice myself, I understand your friend’s hormones are all over the place and she feels anxious, but it’s no reason to divulge information you don’t want to.” Mullberries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel like this is one of those situations where you have to just step away. Clearly, your university felt that your medical condition was worthy of accommodations and your friend’s pregnancy was not. It’s a decision they made, not you. Revealing your medical history to your friends still won’t change the university’s decision regardless.
Your friend is pregnant though and may be concerned she’s being discriminated against. This is her battle to fight though, not yours. No need to share any info that makes you uncomfortable.” RazzleDazzle722
20. AITJ For Refusing To Help A Coworker For Free?
“I work in an office setting. Most of us were allowed to work remotely two years ago.
My coworker ‘Jill’ ended up moving from San Diego to Utah. Because the cost of living is cheaper in Utah than in San Diego, she is living quite well.
Jill had someone who volunteered to help her with office stuff like her mail so it worked out great for her.
I never liked Jill because she took advantage of me when I started and never apologized or made it right. She also threw me under the bus.
The person who helped her left and our company is requiring staff to come back to the office twice a week.
Jill panicked because she obviously can’t fly from Utah to California every week. Our boss said he was fine with her working remotely because she can do 95% of her job at home as long as she has someone handle her office stuff like mail.
Guess who she asked?
I asked her why she was asking me and she said I was ‘nice’ and I’m in the office regularly.
Then I asked her what was I going to get. She was confused. I said I understood how valuable it would be if I helped her but I’m not doing it for free because I’m not a ‘nice’ person, I don’t care if she’s in a different state, I’m busy enough, I don’t owe her anything, I don’t work for her, I don’t have to help her and quite frankly I really didn’t like her.
I’m not saying no, but what is she going to do for me? All she said was we were a ‘team’ and that I am in the office. So I said sorry, I’m too busy.
Now she’s coming up with Plan Bs that are being shot down by HR and compliance.
Honestly, I would have settled for a gift card every now and then. It befuddles me how some beggars want to be choosers.”
Another User Comments:
“Coworker moved to Utah. In theory, she’d have to move back, but she’s an expert in suckering others to carry part of her load, so no, she knows she’ll be able to get away with staying in Utah, with others effectively subsidizing her cheaper rent.
Absolutely NTJ. Not even close.” billlevansatmariposa
Another User Comments:
“‘Our boss said he was fine with her working remotely because she can do 95% of her job at home as long as she has someone handle her office stuff like mail.’
NTJ. Then the person who is handling her office stuff should be getting 5% of her salary, so you were not out of line with asking what was in it for you.
She was the one who relocated to save funds, so 5% shouldn’t be a big deal. If it is, she can always move back to San Diego. Jill doesn’t work for free, nobody at the company works for free, you shouldn’t be expected to work for free.” rangerman2002
19. AITJ For Posting About My Pregnancy?
“My (20s F) significant other (20s M) and I have been together for two years now and have an amazing relationship that I wouldn’t trade for the world.
Recently, I discovered I was pregnant. His ex (20s F) has had a lot of trouble letting go of their past relationship.
Shortly after they broke up, she found out she was pregnant. She ended up losing the baby during pregnancy and has never really quite recovered from that.
My SO was supportive during her pregnancy, although he made it clear to her that he didn’t want to rekindle things between them just because they were going to be parents. After she lost the baby, he was there for her emotionally but slowly had less and less contact with her because she kept pushing him to be in a relationship again, which he didn’t want.
My SO and I have been really excited about my pregnancy and after the initial ultrasounds, we took to social media to share our happiness with family and friends that we aren’t able to see or talk to much. I made a public post and in the comments, an old coworker said congrats and asked if my daughter was happy.
I was confused because I don’t have a daughter but then realized I do post a lot of photos of my 3-year-old niece so I assumed maybe she thought she was mine as well. I replied and said, ‘This is actually our first child together, the other photos on my profile are of my beautiful niece!’
Later that evening, I received a text from my SO while he was at work that his ex saw our posts and the comments and was cussing him out via messenger and calling me a heartless witch for saying that this was our ‘first child’ considering he had another baby with her.
She said I was disrespecting the baby they lost together because that was technically his first child. I told him that what I actually said was this was our first child TOGETHER and that I meant it as the first time the two of us as a couple made a baby together.
She ended up messaging me and cussing me out too. I told her I was just excited and was trying to explain to someone else that I didn’t have another child already. She called me heartless again and demanded I delete the entire post and make a new one clarifying that this was my first child, but not his.
This angered me and I told her I was absolutely not going to do that and that even though I sympathize with her over what happened, I deserve to celebrate my pregnancy without having to tiptoe around her feelings. She’s now making me out to be a jerk for this and crucifying me all over her social media with all of her friends and family agreeing I’m an awful person.
I just wanted to be happy about this and enjoy my pregnancy with my SO whom I love more than anything but now I’m thinking maybe I was wrong. Should I just remove the post altogether?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
She read way too much into it.
You are correct – it is your first baby together. What did she expect you to say: it’s our first baby together, but his previous SO had a miscarriage unfortunately (this probably would have upset her as well). But she needs to realize it is over between her and your SO as well.” crbryant1972
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – first of all, congratulations!
The post clearly stated that it’s your first child together, which it is! Even if his first baby had lived it would still be your first child together! She’s probably going through a lot of emotions seeing that post and taking them out on you if just to feel sorry for her more than anything.
Also of course her family and friends will take her side, don’t let that influence your decision.” Friendly_Order3729
18. AITJ For Causing Our Friend Group To Split?
“I’m (26M) part of a pretty big friend group. We live in a big city so we like to go to concerts, sporting events or nights out every weekend.
Me and my high school boys/girls I guess are the ‘core’ of the group with others bringing in work colleagues or SOs. Our high school friend Jamie ended up introducing us 5 years ago to Caitlin (26F) who was her friend at work. For the past 5 years, Caitlin has been part of our group, also playing on our kickball team.
Before people ask, no, I never considered her a friend. We were part of the same friend group. I’m good friends with Jamie. But me and Caitlin weren’t close at all. Like yeah, we’d talk at bars or during kickball. But nothing beyond the surface level.
I always thought Caitlin was good-looking and seemed fun. So one night I texted her and asked her out. She basically said she didn’t want to mess with the friendship we had or the group dynamics so it wasn’t a good idea. I told her I understood and thought that would be the end of it.
The next time we hung out she was super weird. Like was all up next to me all night. Constantly trying to start a conversation. It made me feel awkward, so I sorta stopped hanging with the group for a few weeks to get some space. During this time she texted me and snapped me a bunch asking where I was.
I didn’t show up to kickball for two weeks because I just didn’t want to see her and felt embarrassed. A few of my guys decided to just hang with me at my place for a few weekends instead of going out with the larger group.
During this time Caitlin told everyone in the group that I asked her out and the reason I wasn’t coming around was that I ‘friend-zoned her’. My lady friends reached out asking if this was true. I said that I did ask her out. But she and I were literally never close, to begin with.
This caused a whole bunch of drama and some of my lady friends gave me tons of crap for it. I told them I just wanted some space. And that my guys, not me, were the ones who decided to come hang with me instead of the larger group for a few weeks.
But since we are the ‘fun’ ones in the group I guess our lack of attendance was felt.
I got over it a few weeks later and last weekend decided to go out to a baseball game. We all met up (including Jamie + Caitlin) and drank then watched the game.
Then we went bar hoping after a while I stayed sober and was the designated driver. At the end of the night, I was taking my guys home when Caitlin/Jamie hopped in the car and said they would like a ride home. I told them to get out of my car and I wasn’t giving them a ride home.
They started arguing and asking why. And I said because Caitlin tried to make me look bad in front of the group for no reason. So they could call an Uber. They ended up getting out. But not before calling me a jerk. My guy friends are on my side.
The girls in the group think what I did was petty. But I wasn’t about to go 20 minutes out of my way home to drop off two girls who had been trash-talking me for weeks. The friend group is split. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you asked, she rejected, you respected her rejection!
Nothing in the world wrong with that. The rest is nothing more than immature nonsense that they are trying to start. Sounds like you need some actual adult friends. Maybe stop hanging out with people who act like children still in high school.” Familiar-Awareness10
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
From her perspective, you tried to freeze her out of your shared social group because she turned you down romantically. This was an entirely reasonable response based on how you reacted to her the next time you hung out. She appears to have been trying to reassure you that she wasn’t put off by your proposition and didn’t want things to be awkward between you two.
Instead of talking to her like an adult about how she was making you feel, and asking her directly like an adult for some space to clear out your romantic feelings so you could get back to being friends, you just walked away and took the guys with you (and don’t lay this on them – you easily could have stopped it coming to this).
How else did you expect her to react? How else could she possibly interpret your behavior?
Then, after all of this drama that you caused, you accuse her of ‘trying to make you look bad in front of the group’. My dude, you did that. You chose to split the group over this, and you chose to keep the split going by kicking her out of the car.
Next time you get rejected by someone that you want to remain friends with, just talk to the person if you need some space. This whole thing can be avoided if you just say to her, using your words, ‘I’m sorry, but I was developing an attraction to you, and I’m not quite over that yet.
I just need a little time to readjust my expectations of being friends. I promise I’ll get there soon. Thank you for being cool about this.'” User
17. AITJ For Raising My Daughter To Be A Brat?
“I (53M) lost my wife (46F) seven years ago to ovarian cancer. She was my everything. She was funny, stubborn, smart, and just amazing overall. I would have happily spent the rest of my days by her side, until my dying breath. Together, my wife and I had two daughters: ‘Michelle’ (25F) and ‘Olivia’ (18F).
Mourning my wife has been difficult for us all, but slowly, we healed.
Just under two years ago, I met ‘Theresa’ (50F), who I have now been together with for a little over a year. My daughters were a little standoffish at first, but they grew to accept Theresa into their lives.
The issue now is that Theresa moved in a couple of months ago and has been somewhat harsh on Olivia.
For context, Olivia has always had some mental health problems. She has been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and has struggled with disordered eating since she was a young teen.
She has (thankfully) made a lot of progress after going to therapy. Because of her struggles, I like to give Olivia more freedom with how she structures her life, meaning she is allowed to eat when she wants (rather than at designated meal times), I do not expect her to have top grades (though a passing grade is expected), etc. Also, Olivia has been very attached to Michelle since she was young, but Michelle recently moved out of the province for her job, which has shaken Olivia a little.
Since she moved in, Theresa has been trying to get me to crack down on Olivia’s behavior and habits, saying that Olivia shouldn’t have free rein over the house the way she does and that she should have more respect for me as the man of the house.
I’ve tried explaining to her that I don’t believe in strict, traditional gender roles in the household because it’s better for everyone to be well-rounded, but she keeps insisting that I’ve raised my daughters to be disrespectful and selfish. She has been forcing Olivia to eat at the table with us at our meal times, is choosing her food portions, is pushing her to work harder in school (Olivia’s grades are in the 70-80 range), and is giving her more household chores.
I’ve argued with Theresa before over her treatment of Olivia and have told her that I do not expect Olivia to do so much around the house because she has a job that she goes to 15-20 hours a week, but she still insists on controlling my daughter.
Last night, Theresa and Olivia got into another argument over her grades and Theresa said that if Olivia does not get her act together, we (meaning I) will not pay her tuition for college next year. Olivia started crying and when I tried to comfort her, Theresa said that she’s a brat and I’ve been enabling and babying her.
I’m at a loss and I don’t know what to do. I love Theresa, I really do, but I do not like how she’s disregarding the way I chose to raise my children. I’m now beginning to doubt myself—have I raised a brat?
Am I the jerk for babying my daughter?”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you don’t get that woman out of your house! She is no parent and has no right to discipline your daughter for any reason. If it was my house, Theresa would have been out on her ear months ago.” wind-river7
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for raising your daughter as you see fit, but you are going to be the jerk if you don’t lay down some clear boundaries with Theresa.
You’ve been with Theresa for a year, and she moved in a couple of months ago. Theresa is not in a position of authority over your children, and her actions are inappropriate, to say the least.
It might be different if your children were both ten years younger and Theresa would be actively raising them to adulthood, but that’s not what’s happening here. She’s swooped in and decided to clean up Dodge, actively ignoring your wishes and frankly disrespecting you as a parent.
She doesn’t have to agree with everything you do, but it’s not up to her to determine if you will be paying for your kid’s college or not.
The only thing you should doubt is the long-term future of your relationship with Theresa.” Cultural-Ambition449
16. AITJ For Not Picking Up My Niece From A Party From The Other Side Of Town?
“I (19m) have two half-sisters, one of which, Sarah (32f) has three kids (12f, 10f & 4m). Yesterday, she called me to say that her car was in the garage, which was a problem because her middle daughter, Lola, had been dropped off at a party at the local swimming pool that morning, so she needed me to pick her up when the party ended. I initially refused because the swimming pool is on the other side of town and the traffic was always bad at that time of day, especially on a Friday night.
Sarah said that she had no other options. Also, her fiance (33m) had forgotten the birthday present, so I’d need to go to his mother’s house, the completely opposite direction, to collect that before I picked Lola up, so she could give it to the birthday girl. I continued to refuse.
I didn’t want to go across town in traffic, have my new car smelling of chlorine, or chauffeur around a hyperactive child after hours of eating sweets and cake. Last time I had one of my sister’s kids in the car, they were sick and it was awful to clean up.
My sister told me she had no other options and hung up.
I messaged her to say I never agreed to her request, but she never responded. I didn’t go and later got some angry text messages from her and her fiance, who had had to pick her up on his way home from work a few hours later.
My sister called me to complain and said that she never checked Whatsapp, so she never got my message, but had explained the situation to me. I think that she could have found someone who lived closer to help or asked one of the other parents to drop Lola off instead of having me drive about, but it seems she has told a few people and now my father and other half-sister are mad at me too.
AITJ? Should I have picked up my sister’s daughter?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ in my opinion. It’s your sister’s responsibility for the wellbeing of her children, and if she didn’t hear a confirmed, ‘Yes, I will pick her up,’ then she should have looked for help elsewhere.
Sounds like she does this sort of thing to family quite often and never expects anyone to say no. Also, it seems she had people closer by who could have helped (and did!). Why did she tell you to do it?” ilestledisko
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her kids are her responsibility.
She can certainly use WhatsApp when she demands something. It would have been nice to help but too many family members demand it. People that are that entitled deserve what they get. The daughter was in a safe enough place for them to leave her.” LouisV25
15. AITJ For Telling My Son Not To Share His Food?
“My son Gregory is 13 years old. He just began the 8th grade. His friend, Peter, is also 13 and began the 8th grade too.
Gregory and Peter have been friends since elementary school. Last year, I noticed that Gregory would be ravenously hungry after school every day. He would come home and eat a frozen dinner or something, and then help himself to seconds at dinner time.
I chalked this up to him being a 12-year-old boy and let it be.
Something about the situation was nagging at me though, and while Gregory wasn’t clear about why at first, he eventually came clean. Peter was sent to school every day with no lunch. It looks to me like a typical case of neglectful and unfit parents.
The one time that Gregory went to their house he came home with comments about it smelling really bad and Peter’s parents locking themselves in the garage for hours.
Feeling bad for Peter, I decided to discretely begin giving Gregory more food every day, just about doubling all his food.
Over time I became less discrete and began packing a separate lunch for Peter. I was never thanked for this by anyone, but I knew Peter was eating the food I sent.
This year, things are different. Finances are tighter for personal reasons and frankly with how expensive things are, I have decided not to spend exorbitant amounts of money supporting someone else’s child.
I sat Gregory down and told him that I would be packing him one lunch which is for him and him alone. I made it extremely clear: do not share with anyone, and this includes Peter.
Gregory followed my instructions until one day last week I got a phone call from Peter’s mother.
She was livid that I had cut Peter off without a single word. I asked her when it became my responsibility to feed her son, and she responded that if she had known I wasn’t sending Gregory to school with ‘too much food,’ she would have handled it herself.
I asked if she remembered why I began sending him to school with two lunches in the first place and she hung up on me.
I feel conflicted. I know I’m having my kindness thrown back in my face, but did I approach this situation incorrectly?”
Another User Comments:
“I hate to say YTJ in this situation, but you are. Not for how you handled the mother, but because as far as Peter himself knows, you did ‘cut him off’ without a word. He’s the only one who’s suffered here. And while you’re correct that it’s not technically your responsibility, and your family absolutely needs to come first in terms of tighter finances, for any reason, yes you did handle this incorrectly.” whiterice2323
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for how you handled it. You started packing full daily lunches for him and did it for a year. Nobody forced you to do that, but you chose to, then stopped with no warning. For a child experiencing neglect and probably feeling a lack of trust in adults, it seems like just another time an adult in his life abandoned him.
He could very easily be blaming himself and wondering what he did wrong and thinking that he was a burden.
At the very least, you should have had a personal conversation with Peter and told him about your financial situation and how you can’t keep sending lunch for him, but it’s not his fault and he hasn’t done anything wrong.
He’s 13, he’s more than old enough to have that conversation. You could also have contacted the school counselor or social worker to see if they could help.” Spallanzani333
14. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Get Involved In A Funny Skit At My Wedding?
“When I was fifteen my sister’s wedding was extremely stressful for me, especially as an introverted autistic teenager. Especially the smells, the large crowd, the uncomfortable ugly dress, and the shoes that left blisters on my feet.
But she’s my sister so whatever. It made her happy and her big day special. She knew how hard it was on me so promised one day when I get married she’ll do ANYTHING I want.
Cut to ten years, it’s the present I’m getting married.
Me and my soon-to-be wifey don’t like traditional weddings.
We find them boring and a waste of funds, blah, blah, blah. So we decided to keep our wedding small and fun, we have a large list of silly ideas. In fact, since we both met because of college theater, we’re using all our old props to decorate, we’re reacting to our favorite comedic moments together as our vows, playing games, and a few other things.
One idea I had was since our first kiss was at a showing of Jurassic Park film we could have the officiate dress in one of those large inflatable t Rex costumes, my wife LOVED the idea, remembering what my sister said I asked if she would officiate it.
She agreed happily!
I told her about our t rex idea and at first, she thought we were joking but once I bought it and gave it to her she seemed confused, then laughed before saying she wouldn’t do that, I tried to gently talk her into it and she flipped out and went on and on about how embarrassing it was and she could never do it, how dare we ask such a thing of her.
I’m just standing here like meh.
I reminded her of what she told me ten years ago which just made her madder and she stormed off. I told my wife and she was a little upset but said we could just find someone else it was no big deal but my sister ranted to one of my cousins who told the rest of our family and now everyone thinks I tried to intentionally humiliate my sister but like???
No???
I just wanted to have her involved in a funny skit and have wedding photos to look back on, I and my wife aren’t going to look elegant either we have several goofy props when we reenact our favorite moments together, and again it’s meant to gently poke fun at each other.
That’s what this wedding is.
We’re both goofy kids that met, fell in love and used comedy to cope with bad experiences, so our wedding celebrating our goofy moments is perfect for us.
I genuinely don’t see why the request was so offensive to her, it’s not like I’m forcing her (unlike what she did with me at her wedding), and it’s just a small wedding with friends and family meant to goof around at.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You asked. She said no. You didn’t try to pressure or force her. You said you could just find someone else to officiate. And it isn’t hard to become able to officiate (both my partner and I got certified easily) so it isn’t like you are forcing her specifically.
She is being a drama queen. Your style of wedding doesn’t need to be her thing, but she is being rude and acting like this was to target her. Seems a little self-obsessed to think you’d base your own wedding around embarrassing her.” ReadIt2MeAgain
13. AITJ For Putting Up Trees In My Backyard?
“I just purchased a corner house in a nice neighborhood.
Most of these houses don’t have any kind of fencing and it looks like one huge park-like setting in the backyards. The few that have fences are on the far side away from me. My house backs up to the side of a neighbor’s house, and this house has a sunroom on their second floor which overlooks my backyard.
My ‘backyard’ is tiny compared to the regular backyards because it is just a side piece of land between the 2 houses since I have a square lot with my house in the center vs the other houses with rectangular lots and their houses towards the front of their lot.
When I saw the house and their sunroom when I looked into purchasing, I knew I would need to put up trees or something to gain privacy along with the 6 ft privacy fence that I would get to contain my dogs and small child.
Fast forward to moving in, I had the fence installed the day after I moved in.
I had plans to get 15 ft arborvitae installed down the length of the privacy fence, but the weather changed quickly between the time I bid on the house and the time I actually closed on it, so I would have to wait until spring. Well, the day after I had the fence put in, the sunroom neighbor yelled out saying ‘Hi’ and welcomed me to the neighborhood and also complimented me on the fence.
I was playing with my anxious dogs and I didn’t want them barking and disturbing everyone if I stopped playing with them (All sounds bounce off of the houses since there isn’t much to stop the sound).
Well, the very next day the same neighbor posted pictures of my house/yard/fence complaining about the fence and that they wished we had an HOA so people didn’t do stuff like this.
There are plenty of other fences just like mine that are in the neighborhood that can be seen from their sunroom, but the only difference is that they can see directly into my yard and not the others because they are so far away.
Well, this spring I will be getting the 15 ft arborvitae installed the length of my fence that is directly against their house, which will most likely block a lot of the sun at their house.
But, it will also completely block their view of my yard in which they can see EVERYTHING. I’ve even seen other posts from this particular person stating that they are constantly watching out their window for wildlife and into others’ yards. They have windows on three sides so this will only block one side.
Am I the jerk for blocking their view and sunlight to not have nosy neighbors spying on me in my own yard?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just make sure the trees are ones that grow up and not over. If they go over the fence into your neighbor’s yard they can trim them to the fence line.
Do for you and screw them. They may not be owners anyway. Look up and see if they truly own the property. They may just be ranting and complaining.” OperationBright2450
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. As long as you’re not breaking any community regulations there may be and doing it on your property, they can get lost. You do what is comfortable to YOU and YOUR privacy.
Just be prepared for some kickback but if that does happen, just make sure you start recording dates and times and what happened just in case they get petty.” Illustrious2340
12. AITJ For Going With My Boss' Solution About My And Another Coworker's Name?
“My name is Rachel (26F), this is important to the story, and have worked for a smallish vet clinic/boarding/shelter since I was 14.
So I technically have seniority in years on most of the other employees, even if I’m one of the youngest there.
I work the front desk area, while a different Rachel works as a vet tech. When she was first hired this caused a LOT of confusion. So to make life easier I go by a nickname.
I would have gone by Ray but our main vet is Ray. Rach is a nickname I actually hate going by because it sounds like retch, and tech Rachel also goes by that. So I suggested a different nickname I use to go by in school. Rob.
This has worked for the past few years.
Until we hired a new vet to help Dr. Ray. Our new vet is Dr. Robert. His first week I was on vacation so I didn’t get to meet him right away. One of the vet techs texted me about him so I wouldn’t be surprised to see him, and she told me that he didn’t like being called Rob or Bob, just Dr. Robert.
Cool, I can handle that.
A few weeks ago I went back and finally met him. I introduced myself and said my name was Rachel, but I go by Rob here to avoid confusion with other Rachel. He didn’t say anything at first. However, the next few weeks we went back to the confusion of not knowing which Rachel he was calling for since he didn’t call me Rob.
So other Rachel would go, and he’d tell her no he was calling for me. Then we both started to come when called and he’d get mad.
On Friday he talked to me about not coming when he was calling for me, and I explained we don’t know which Rachel he was calling for and to please just call me by Rob to avoid the confusion.
He refused, saying I wasn’t Rob though, I should be Rach or something. I told him I don’t like the nickname Rach, and also the other Rachel goes by that so you would be calling her but not me. He said that’s fine, he’ll call her Rach and me Rachel.
I explained that that would only confuse us more since he’d be going against the grain and we only see him a few days a week at most. I asked if there was another nickname he’d prefer to call me, but he said no.
Saturday I asked Dr. Ray what he’d like me to do about this.
Since he owns the clinic he is the boss. He seems just as confused about the situation as we are. He said for now if he calls for a Rachel, just call him on the phone and clarify what he’s calling for. That way if he needs me I can go, or I can call tech Rachel and send her in.
Mostly so we stop yelling in the clinic. He said this will be a short-term solution while he finds a better solution.
I did this yesterday and Dr. Robert quickly asked me to stop because he was busy and couldn’t answer the phone to respond. I told him Dr. Ray said this was our solution to the two Rachels situation until further notice.
He refused to talk to me and other Rachel for the rest of the day.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Calling people the name they ask to be called really isn’t that hard, a lot of people use nicknames and it’s logistically by far the easiest way to deal with two people that have the same first name.” Sk111W
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You literally gave the dude a million options – call you Rob or pick another nickname other than Rachel or Rach, and did the right thing by talking to your boss.
The only other thing you possibly could’ve done was go by your middle name, which if you don’t like that name either, then yeah, don’t conform to the newbie.” UltraDinoWarrior
11. WIBTJ If I Don't Help My Parents With Their Restaurant Anymore?
“I (22M) graduated as a software engineer in August and started my first job. Not much to say here: near home, pay is good (just a bit not enough to live alone), good hours (classic 9-18), I like the place.
Can’t really complain about that.
The problem is with my parents: they own a restaurant, and since graduation, I’ve basically been forced to help there.
Now, in my free time, I used to help with no problems, as they paid for college and everything. But now it’s like I have literally no choice: I exit from work and start working again.
Every single day.
In these months I lost touch with friends and my significant other. I stopped going to the gym etc. Basically, I can’t do anything but work, work, and work.
Every time I tried to ask for more free time or to do something, I was met with complaints and guilt-tripping.
They don’t really say no, but for days they go like ‘What will we do?’, ‘We can’t find people…’, ‘Nobody wants to work’ and goes on forever.
I know this is a bunch of crap, and simply paying your waiters more and not being insufferable would do the job.
I endured anyway, thinking it will end. We got to the point we don’t even talk anymore, outside the bare minimum needed for work.
Last week I got a huge offer at my job. Basically doubling my pay, but I need to go to work in another city.
Of course, the pay bump is not a problem, and I love the place so I was really happy.
It’s been a week, and every day I heard ‘We now need to close, to sell everything’ or some variation of that. I haven’t accepted the position yet, and here I ask if would I be the jerk in doing that and (maybe) force my parents to close and lose their jobs.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you know that they could afford to pay more and get more people on board… it’s a choice not otherwise, I don’t see why you are the issue. One person working evenings/weekends can’t be the difference between keeping a business viable or not.
Ask them to explain why they think that and you’ll find it’s a non-starter and you can offer them alternative solutions… again which they can choose or not choose but it’s up to them!” StunnedinTheSuburbs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
They won’t close the restaurant, they just enjoy whining and guilt-tripping you.
Left to their own devices, they will find ways to keep the restaurant open.
Also, a software engineer should definitely earn enough to live alone. Seems like your employer is actually the biggest jerk here.” No-Papaya7898
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Join A Family Trip Full Of High-Activity Sports?
“I (32F) have a son named Toby (8M). Toby has JIA (arthritis), sometimes he has to use a cane, sometimes he doesn’t but overall there are quite a lot of high-activity things he can’t do because it’s in his knees.
We do our best to give him a ‘wider’ scope but there will always be certain things he can’t do and we’ve accepted that.
I have 4 siblings, all who have at least one child of their own. My parents decided they wanted to take me, them, my siblings, our kids, and our spouses on a family trip, in which they were gonna plan out certain activities, etc. We had a group chat for the trip so people were sending their ideas and suggestions there, there was some stuff Toby couldn’t do but I didn’t expect him to be able to do everything anyway.
When they made the final schedule, most of it didn’t accommodate Toby at all, rock climbing, abseiling, hiking, orienteering, and cliff jumping.
This really annoyed me, because they’re very aware of the fact Toby has JIA, and there were plenty of other activities that we all could’ve done (there were more activities that he was able to do than ones he wasn’t, yet it’s like they chose every sport in the book that he was incapable of).
I told them that the fact that they’d booked all of this without even consulting me first, or taking my son into consideration, shows that this trip wasn’t worth it and that I wouldn’t be going. My husband agrees with me on this front, since he was only going for Toby anyway.
I’ve been called selfish and immature, that it’s a family trip and it’s about spending time with each other and having fun. That there were other things Toby could do (about 2 things) – so I feel the need to clarify, I’m not annoyed that they chose high-activity sports, I’m annoyed that the ‘majority’ of what they chose is high-activity sports.
I told them I hope they enjoy their trip, but I’ll be doing something else with Toby. They’ve been consistently messaging me saying that I’m ‘spoiling’ the fun and that I’m taking family time away from Toby and everyone else.
I don’t know, I don’t think I’m in the wrong, but I want some outsider perspective, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You’re ‘taking family time away from Toby’ while they choose all the activities he’s unable to do? Right. I guess it would have been a lot of fun for your poor child to watch others do stuff he cannot do. Every child likes to be excluded, right?
They love being the outsider, right? (sarcasm off)
I think you did the right thing. If it was about ‘spending time together and having fun as a family’ they should have tried to find something to do as a family. Instead, they choose to book things that would exclude your little family.
That’s what I would call selfish.” redsoxx1996
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, this is wild. I fully expected to say ‘no jerks here’ because, as much as you want to accommodate your son, they can’t be expected to plan the entire trip around one person. But it almost feels like they did, only with the specific intent of excluding them.
I truly cannot imagine planning a family trip with so many activities like rock climbing, abseiling, hiking, orienteering, and cliff jumping.
That’s unreal for ANYONE, much less a family who knows one of them can’t partake in any of those activities. For Christ’s sake, Bear Grylls plans more relaxed vacations.” LilSergio_
9. AITJ For Being Angry At My Partner's Sister For Ripping My Bridesmaid Dress In Half?
“I (26F) and my partner Mike (27M) have been together for 4 years and living together for 2 of those years.
Backstory: Mike, his sister Kate (26F), and his mom (51F) unfortunately lost their dad to a car crash 6 years ago. It was very hard for them. Mike and his mom channeled their grief with working out and his sister channeled her grief with eating. Before you think I’m being rude, his sister is way over 400 lbs.
She has health issues and trouble walking for ‘long’ periods. When we try to help her, she tells us we are exaggerating and trying to project our own insecurities onto her.
I’ve always been on the thinner side, wearing XS/S clothing. I work out and eat healthily but of course, have plenty of free days.
I would also like to mention Mike’s mom will sometimes borrow my sweatshirts. And one day when I came home from work (a month ago) Kate was in our room with a pile of ripped clothes next to her. She said since I’m letting her mom borrow clothes I had to do the same for her.
(She only borrows my sweatshirts) I was upset she came over unannounced and ruined my clothing. She told me the clothing was poor quality and she wasn’t the reason they ripped. I told her she wasn’t allowed to borrow my clothes and couldn’t just come over whenever.
She was mad for a few days but eventually got over it and things got back to normal.
My best friend is getting married in a week in Hawaii. Mike and I are going early and we leave for Hawaii in 3 days. Last night we had Kate and his mom over for dinner.
Everything was going great and Kate excused herself to the bathroom. She was gone for a while so I decided to go and check on her. I found her in our room holding my bridesmaid dress that was ripped in half. When she saw me she said I really need to stop buying such poor-quality clothing.
I was so mad, the wedding is in a week and my dress was ruined. I looked at her and started yelling. I told her we weren’t the same size and to stop thinking we are and that she needs to realize she was not healthy and needed help.
She started crying, pushed past me, and drove home.
Mike and his mom heard everything and told me I had every right to be upset and that what she did was not okay. The next morning I got a ton of calls and texts from Mike and Kate’s grandparents and their aunts (dad’s parents and sisters) telling me I’m a complete jerk for yelling at Kate and making her cry.
They told me I’m an insecure brat and it’s a good thing their dad wasn’t with us anymore because he would be ashamed Mike was with me. I was hurt, I always wished I could meet him and never expected to hear that from his family.
I’m now starting to think I am the jerk for yelling at Kate so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kate could be 100 pounds and it is NEVER right to just grab people’s clothes. And a bridesmaid dress? No, she’s doing it deliberately. No one that heavy, and I am heavy, would think they were a small.
She owes you for every article of clothing she ruined. She needs therapy. And she needs to pay for the fixing of that dress. Now.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, Kate is 26, not 13. She knows your clothes aren’t her size. I mean I understand some people can have body dysmorphia but she would have bought heaps of clothes and knows she’s not an extra small.
I don’t know what her motivation for doing this is and don’t want to speculate but it’s not okay for her to destroy all your clothes or even try them on without asking. I hope your partner and his mother called up the grandparents and aunt and told them the whole story, they owe you an apology.” Accurate-Ad-4905
8. AITJ For Not Telling Everyone That My Daughter Is Trans?
“My daughter, aged twelve, told me she was a girl at two years old (a week after her second birthday). I kind of assumed she was playing pretend, but after a year of it incessantly, I realized it was something more.
By the time she was 3.5 she had fully transitioned (in every way she could at that age) and we haven’t looked back since.
My cousin recently got married. His wife and her family did not know us when my daughter was younger, and I presume my cousin never thought to mention it.
Anyway, we were at their house – she has two daughters from a previous marriage, and her younger sisters spend a lot of time there, so the girls were playing. My daughter excused herself to the bathroom, and I guess my cousin’s stepdaughter followed her up.
Anyway, about two minutes later, we hear my daughter yell before the little one runs downstairs and announces to the whole room that my daughter has male parts.
I obviously run straight up to my daughter, who was in tears. Essentially she was desperate and hadn’t locked the door. Littler one barged in and saw her. My daughter pees sitting down and the toilet faces the door, so it was kind of obvious.
My cousin’s wife comes up after me and asks me what was going on.
I explain her daughter had barged into the bathroom when my daughter was peeing, and she asked me if my daughter was secretly a boy. Which, obviously, upset my daughter more. We left without me answering any of their questions.
It was a day of cuddles following that, with my phone turned off.
My cousin showed up at my door and said his wife had kicked him out after he stated he wouldn’t share my daughter’s private information.
I thanked him and decided to deal with the situation. My daughter had given permission to tell them, but I worked on a sort of protective force first. Called my two older sisters, one of which is married to a trans woman, to come over and stay with my baby while I dealt with everything.
She had a good night with them.
Anyway, the incident had reached a lot of people, and I had an influx of angry people, saying I’d deceived them, and now they couldn’t trust me in case I lied about anything else.
Essentially I made a public post explaining that my daughter is transgender, came out at a young age, and that I didn’t lie to anyone.
She’s a girl, regardless of what parts she has.
No one took it particularly well, besides the people who already knew.
Now I’m not sure if keeping it secret was the best way to go about things, seeing how negatively it’s affected everything. I feel bad for my daughter, and the family this has negatively affected.
I will not apologize for not telling them, I don’t feel like an apology is owed. But I still don’t know if I was necessarily in the right for keeping it secret.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your daughter’s business, not anyone else’s. Their kids shouldn’t be trying to look at people going to the bathroom.
That’s the real issue here. The bathroom door is closed and shouldn’t need to be locked for someone to not walk in. Your daughter is 12 why was her cousin trying to follow her into the bathroom?” pnutbuttercups56
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, you are proof that not all heroes wear capes – you are a wonderful parent and deserve all the credit in the world for supporting your daughter.
Second, you never deceived anyone. Your daughter is your daughter. This is a fact. As far as whether to reveal whether or not she is transgender – that is entirely up to her. You never out someone without their permission. Which, incidentally, is what your family has now done.
By accusing you of not being trustworthy, they have actually proven that they cannot be trusted.
Do not apologize for not telling them. You were 100% correct in not telling them about it. If anything, their reaction proves that you were correct in not telling them.” bamf1701
7. AITJ For Telling People My Wife And I Are Sisters?
“My (29F) wife (30F) and I are currently on vacation in Savannah, GA. We are both from New England and neither of us had ever been to the deep south before this trip. We decided before even getting on the plane that we would tell people we were sisters if anyone asked since we know that the South is not at all progressive.
Yesterday was our first full day here, and we went on a half-day kayaking tour.
Now weeks ago when I signed us up for the tour, I signed myself up and then added another person, and the website asked what my relationship is to the person who I added. I just left it blank since it wasn’t a required field.
There were about 12-ish other people on the kayaking tour with us yesterday, including a family of four who said they were visiting from Mississippi. The father of that family asked my wife and me right away if we were sisters. Like it was the first thing he said to us.
Didn’t even ask our names first. I said yes and changed the subject by asking him a question about his own family.
Now, my wife and I are very used to people asking us if we’re sisters, even though we look absolutely nothing alike. We are well aware that people (almost always men) ask us this because it is their way of gauging whether or not we are a couple.
It happens ALL THE TIME and I knew right away what this dude was getting at.
Throughout the entire tour, this guy kept making comments like ‘You two don’t look anything alike, are you sure you’re sisters?’ He asked us if we have the same father and made a comment that our parents must have had us back-to-back since we couldn’t be more than a year apart in age.
My wife was very polite to him the entire time, but his creepy prying was causing me to slowly build up anger, and at the end of the tour when we got out of our kayaks and he asked one last time if we were really sisters, I snapped and said, ‘We aren’t sisters.
We are lesbians who are married to each other. Please for the love of god back off of us.’ Dude instantly made a scene and started screaming about how he had to spend the last 3 hours in the presence of sinners and not only did no one warn him, but we straight up lied to him.
I thought he was making a jerk out of himself but NO ONE said anything and the guide of the tour apologized profusely to him and told him his family would receive a refund. I was completely dumbfounded at the whole ordeal. My wife is a little mad that I snapped and said we were lesbians, but other than that thinks the guy was totally out of line.
This has been eating away at me all day and I can’t help but think if I was just honest upfront or even if I told the kayaking company upfront on the form that we were gay, none of this would have happened. I think if I said that my wife and I were married straight away when the guy asked if we were sisters, he wouldn’t have had a problem.
His issue was the fact that he was conversing with ‘sinners’ for 3 hours, which he wouldn’t have done if I was honest from the start. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Fully NTJ. The father reacted by saying that he was upset about being lied to but from the story, one can all but guarantee he would have been just as upset with being told upfront.
And what nonsense to accuse you of being sinners, like he has never done anything wrong in his life.
I’m so sorry no one came to your defense, you didn’t deserve to have to be on the spot but I think the way you handled it was perfectly fine.” d4nkgr1l
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He probably meant sinner in the sense of you being gay and liars. Even if you told the truth, he probably would have still considered you a sinner and had a big deal with it. I would have had it out with the man too.
Sorry you had to go through that, I wish more areas would become progressive in gay rights.” GreedoTheFett
6. AITJ For Telling My Stepdad To Stop Filming My Outbursts?
“My parents got a divorce when I was two.
My mom has gone out with a few guys since and she has married two of them. The one I’m talking about was the second guy. His name was Mark and he has been a jerk for a long time. We have never really gotten along, but everything got worse in 2020.
I had been going through a really tough time with ADHD and controlling my anger. I would never let out my anger and just hold it in because as a female, I would be attacked relentlessly. So every once in a while when I was having a bad day and when Mark decided to be a jerk, my patience would break and my anger would spill out.
During these breakdowns, Mark would take out his phone and would film me. But recently I snapped. I was in the process of moving out and I had a lot on my plate. This specific day was super stressful and I went to go get some chips from a bag in the pantry so I did what most people do and put my hand in the bag and grabbed a handful of chips with my stepdad watching me.
The thing is, he has believed that I haven’t washed my hands ever since I was 9, I was 19 when this happened.
Anyways, Mark decided to point out that I grabbed chips with my hand. I was angry at the fact that he got mad at something so small and slammed the door to the pantry before trying to go to my room to cool off, but he stopped me by saying: ‘I should’ve recorded that,’ as he took out his phone and started to film me.
I was fed up so I turned around and yelled at him. I said that I want him to stop filming my outbursts and that I have the right to my own privacy. He responded by saying: ‘No you don’t, this is the kitchen’. Ever since, everyone has painted me as the bad guy and I don’t know if I should’ve defended myself.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“100% NTJ. That is pure, plain, and simple abuse.
What reason would he have to record you anyways? For clout? For a laugh? If it’s for a laugh, I’m pretty sure he’s going to be the only one that’s laughing.
But like for real, you have every right to be upset and angry.
And it is fully okay to express your anger in whatever way you see fit, as long as it’s not hurting anybody or yourself obviously. Like that is a plain human emotion and everyone feels it.
And the fact that your stepdad is using that against you is… Just…
wow.
Yeah, you’re justified in your anger. Your stepdad is the jerk here. Not you.” HollyGoldheart
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Filming someone without their consent is never ok EVER. He’s a major jerk.
Also, I understand what you mean when you say you’re bottling up because you’re a woman.
The term for it is ‘masking’ and lots of women do it. Because we women are expected to behave a certain way. I hope things get better for you OP.” User
5. AITJ For Secretly Practicing Super Smash Bros?
“My partner and I are competitive people and often play board games, video games, puzzles, etc against each other. We are both in STEM fields, and we compete in a lot of things. It’s usually all in good fun, I often win in puzzles and he in video games.
We recently visited his parents for the holidays, and he brought back an old console and we played super smash bros together, a game he used to play as a kid. Not going to lie, he beat me pretty badly, but what bothered me was how condescending he was about it.
When I asked him questions about how to get better or what to do he said something along the lines of ‘You could play for years and never beat me’ and ‘I shouldn’t even try because I had no chance’. He wouldn’t even properly explain the controls to me.
It was frustrating and I saw red and I thought to myself ‘Oh it’s on.’
So I googled how to improve, and I asked a mutual friend for help, who linked me to a bunch of youtube videos on how to play, and apparently, you can play the game online even though it’s so old.
I have a very OCD personality and am well organized when it comes to learning – I did a crazy intensive coding boot camp to get the job I have now, as I didn’t study programming in school. So I immediately hired the best smash bros coach I could find (never thought these even existed until I looked) and they were surprisingly cheap.
I even paid more than what the coach asked for per hour because he was so helpful, he was asking for like $15 an hour or something (What?! Every piano lesson I’ve ever had was $40+).
Learning the game was hard but not that difficult compared to my boot camp.
My coach would do an hour a day with me explaining things and giving me stuff to practice on my own. I’d only do this during the day when my partner was at work (I work from home). Within weeks we were playing close matches, and within a month I was beating him.
I could tell he was getting more and more frustrated. He’d force me to play until he won one, or make excuses. Honestly, I started losing on purpose sometimes to spare his feelings. In one of our more intense sessions, he threw his controller and yelled at me, and I replied ‘You could train for years and never beat me’ and he wouldn’t speak to me all night.
To be fair, I did gloat a lot.
He must have complained to our mutual friend about it because he found out I was secretly practicing, and he got really mad at me. Apparently, it’s ‘messed up’ that I hid this and paid a lot only to humiliate him, and it’s been so frustrating it’s even affecting him at work.
I told him that this was just my personality and how I approach challenges, and his ego should be able to handle losing. He demands I apologize and refuses to play Smash with me anymore, and is extra annoying anytime he beats me in the other stuff we play together.
So, AITJ for secretly training and beating him?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
It’s a game! He sucks for being so condescending when he won. You suck for lowering yourself to his level by gloating about it.
This is just toxic behavior from both of you. You should be supporting each other in life not trying to hurt each other.” wendelporcupine
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say ‘everyone sucks here’, I think you should have told your partner that because he was unkind to you when he beat you in the game, you were taking it as a personal challenge to be better than him and practicing so that he understood your motivation, but you doing this was definitely a ‘put him in his place’ move, which can be hurtful sometimes because you were trying to knock him down a peg.
I think that your level of competitiveness is no longer healthy. Your partner sucks for always assuming he would be better than you, being a sore winner, and acting like he was something special then getting mad at you when he realized he wasn’t.” ctonj
4. AITJ For Being Jealous Of My Dad's Relationship With My Stepsister?
“I (16) have a stepsister Nora (14) that I cannot stand.
Daddy and my stepmother got together 4 years ago, and I even have a new little brother. I’ve always gotten along with my stepmother because she’s nice and caring, but Nora is just a selfish jerk and constantly tries to provoke and annoy me. I’ve tried to ignore it, but it’s hard.
However, two big issues have made things really bad.
Two months ago Nora asked Daddy if she could call him Daddy too. He said yes to be nice and not hurt her feelings, even if it was wrong. She HAS her father in her life. She sees him every second weekend, she doesn’t need to call my Daddy that.
Daddy told me that he’s a parent to her, even if step, so there’s no harm. That I should just let it go. I don’t get how he can just let her though, if I called someone else Daddy I bet he’d be upset with me. Plus she constantly calls him Daddy in front of me trying to upset me.
She purposely does it because she knows I hate it. Still, I tried to let it go like Daddy told me.
But now it’s even worse. Every weekend Nora is at her father’s, and Daddy and I have a day out just us two. It used to be the weekend, but now with my brother here it’s just Saturday.
It was a day for us to spend together, and we’ve always had it since my stepmother moved in. So last week Nora demanded that Daddy have a special day for her because she can’t let me have a day alone with Daddy if she doesn’t. Daddy said yes, apparently he would spend a day the other week with just Nora.
I got angry and later that night we started to fight. I was trying to tell her she was being selfish and rude to her father and mine. We both got upset and she told me that it’s my fault Daddy loves her more and that I don’t deserve him.
She ran off and told on me, and Daddy didn’t even listen to my side. I’ve been grounded and can’t see my friends, and our Daddy-daughter days are canceled for a month. Nora has just been ignoring me aside from making it clear Daddy chose her and telling me she’s the favorite cause I’m a jerk.
Daddy said I’m being selfish and unfair, but SHE HAS HER OWN FATHER. She doesn’t need to take him too.
I’m still upset and want to tell her father that she’s been calling Daddy Daddy. It’s not fair that I’m being punished when she’s purposefully provoking me. She should be in trouble not me.
But Daddy and my stepmother keep trying to tell me it’s ok, that it doesn’t mean anything bad and it’s not wrong. But I don’t agree. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Girl… I’m going to level with you. You sound like an entitled 5-year-old yelling about having to share your toys, not a 16-year-old woman.
Your dad is also her father now. She can call him whatever she likes and you cannot control that. Here’s a tip my therapist told me that I literally live by now:
‘You cannot control how others think, feel or act. You can only control how you think, feel, and act.’
You should not concern yourself with trying to control the former because it adds additional uncontrollable stress to your life. While her calling your daddy, daddy, upsets you there is simply nothing you can do about it. Don’t let her negativity toward you define you as a person.
You are punishing yourself. Your parents are right, It’s going to be ok. But, right now, YTJ.” SandBrilliant2675
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You are a jerk for trying to police their relationship and considering using that relationship as a weapon to hurt your stepsister.
Your dad is a jerk for not being willing to critically look at this situation, and the personality dynamics at play.
Your stepsis is a jerk for being that annoying kind of sibling that knows how to get under your skin without triggering parental alarms about her own behavior.
You’re getting mad about the wrong things here. How your dad and her relationship grows is none of your business.
You focusing on that makes you a jerk, and means you’re not thinking about how to handle the real problem of how your step sis is walking all over you.” toofat2serve
3. AITJ For Expecting To Have The Right To Spend My Mom's "Family Money" However I Want?
“I (24f) am currently living with my mom (48f).
My parents have been separated for about 5 years and are on good terms, I am also close to my father and his side of the family, more than my mom’s. For the record, and this is important, I am an only child.
I recently started looking for a place of my own, and my mom graciously offered to help with the down payment as like an early inheritance.
I was obviously super grateful but I told her clearly that if she wants to give me money it is mine to do with as I please, and if she prefers to lend me the money that is also fine. I do intend to put the funds toward the house, it’s a matter of if I were to pass without a will.
My mom inherited money from her parents a while ago and still considers that money ‘the family money’. She is in the process of (finally) taking my dad out of her will (and vice-versa) and has been pressuring me to write a will for about a year now.
I told her that when I turned 25 I would, and then it would make most sense because I’d actually have a property.
She has always said that she wants her family money to go back to her family. I always said as long as I don’t have kids my money and assets would go to my cousin (24f), who’s really like a sister to me, who happens to be on my dad’s side.
This obviously implies whatever house I have.
Tonight she once again demanded that I include her wishes to have ‘the family money’ returned to her side if I were to pass away without kids in my upcoming will. I told her I would consider her wishes when the time comes, but once I inherit, I do think this becomes mine and I can do whatever I want with it.
She said I was being pigheaded and refusing to respect her wishes and would remove me from her will. She kept insisting the money not go to my dad’s family. I told her she was trying to be controlling but it was in her right to do whatever she wants with her money.
I don’t want it with strings attached.
She asked what my dad would say, and I told her I genuinely think he trusts me enough to do what I think is right with his money when he passes, and not impose terms on the inheritance.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Many, many, times money comes with strings attached. While I see your viewpoint, I agree with your mom on this one and her desires are valid. Overall though, you two just have two different views. If you can’t come to an agreement sounds like you’re not getting any financial help for a house/from her will.
No harm, no foul in that. I’d hope you weren’t planning on inheriting family money when you made determinations about future finances/career paths.
No jerks here.” honey-smile
Another User Comments:
“Sort of ‘no jerks here’, sort of YTJ? You are definitely being pigheaded about this.
Your mother has every right to have specific wishes for how her inheritance is handled and wants to keep it on her side of the family. If you can’t accept that she doesn’t have to give you anything. So, yeah, feel free to turn down free funds because you won’t respect your mom’s wishes.
It’s a weird thing to do but you’re entitled.” User
2. AITJ For Uninviting My Pregnant Best Friend And Maid Of Honor From My Wedding?
“I have a best friend of 17 years and 6 months ago asked if she wants to be my maid of honor and she said a big YES!
2 weeks ago, we had a small gathering with the people who are a part of the wedding to finalize the wedding plans and that’s when I got to know that she was 6 months pregnant.
She didn’t make an announcement during the gathering or look pregnant as she was wearing a baggy sweatshirt with jeans. Just that she was eating a lot and one of my bridesmaids teased her if she ‘got a bun in the oven’ and she just laughed it off.
Later during the gathering, the same bridesmaid teased her and said ‘How amazing your food baby seems real’ while rubbing my best friend’s belly only to realize that it was an actual baby bump.
The crowd went crazy and congratulated her but at that point, I felt a little uneasy as to how she will steal my thunder during the wedding since most 95% of my guests know her.
She then thanked and told everyone that this gathering isn’t about her and it was about me, and it will be the same during the wedding.
After the gathering, I called her and told her that I was upset because she didn’t tell me about the pregnancy and how it will steal my thunder during my wedding.
She told me that she only plans to tell about her pregnancy nearing the end of the pregnancy itself and as of now, only she and her husband’s family know and the people who were at the gathering. She told me that her dress is not tightly fitted and there will be a d***e covering the front of the dress and it will not show the bump and that I don’t have to worry because all focus will be on me since I’m the bride.
I felt like she didn’t know how I was feeling since she didn’t have a wedding like mine. Hers was just a small solemnization with high tea and it was a quick one as she always likes it to be a close and intimate ceremony.
I told her that I don’t want her in the wedding as she will steal the show and will definitely look very pregnant walking down the aisle and might not be able to run her maid of honor duties.
She told me it was fine and she’s just attending as a guest but told her not even the wedding and I don’t think I’m inviting her anymore. She said it was fine by her so she can just get rested before bursting. We both hung up.
The following day, a few of my bridesmaids told me that they don’t want to be part of the wedding after knowing that I uninvited my best friend.
I got so furious and asked my best friend why she told everyone that she was uninvited and she told me ‘If you think I told everyone that you uninvited me just because you think I will steal your thunder since I’m pregnant, you’re just kidding yourself. They got to know since I met them to plan a surprise hen night for you since I won’t be in the wedding but it seems like you don’t deserve any kind of surprises.’ I felt like she was just creating stories and stirring nonsense about me.
Now, most of my bridesmaids won’t be a part of my wedding and they’re calling me a selfish mean witch just because I don’t want her to steal my thunder. Am I really the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
She tried so hard not to make it about her pregnancy and tried to keep it on the dl for your sake, you made it about her pregnancy anyway, and you were a vicious insane jerk about it – so much so that other bridesmaids BACKED OUT.
HARD YTJ
Hard and Firm YTJ
And for the record, I usually side with brides in these situations. Most of the time ‘it’s your day you get to invite who you want’ covers most jerk transgressions to at least some extent. I was ready to side with you in the beginning.
But no, OP. Not you. All of this was your doing. You are a tremendous jerk, a terrible friend, and a vicious bride.” ThrowawayforMILBS
Another User Comments:
“YTJ
Steal your thunder? She did everything possible to avoid taking attention away from you. She didn’t announce her pregnancy, she didn’t respond when asked about it, she was wearing baggy clothing to try to hide it, and when the group found out she tried to redirect all attention to you.
What else do you want in a bridesmaid?
She’s trying her best to make you the center of attention at your events.” My_Opinions_Are_Good
1. AITJ For Insisting My Significant Other To Buy A Game With Me?
“So I’ve (26m) have been going out with this girl (25) for about a year. We have been getting along very well and have been even talking about moving in together.
We often play games together and enjoy picking out new games to play.
Though I’ve recently run into a problem with how she buys games, she is extremely cheap. She has this huge spreadsheet with everything she buys down to a pack of gum and she is constantly talking about how much money she has left in the month for specific types of things.
Whenever I point this out to her, she apologizes and makes up some excuse about why she is always worried about finances and budgets so much. This hasn’t affected much for me but it does when coming to the games she buys. Before she buys a game she does a bunch of research on every single part of it, only buys games on sale, and often pirates games to test them out before buying them to make sure she likes them.
Lastly, she only buys one game a month, it doesn’t matter if she got a small 5-dollar puzzle game that’s how she does it.
I found this fun first-person shooter game with a two-player option that I was really interested to play with her. I mentioned it to her and she said she’ll check into it.
This already made me mad a bit cause I feel that my review should be enough.
A few days later she mentioned that she pirated it and played for an hour or so and didn’t like it a lot so didn’t want to buy the game. I sort of lost it yelling at her saying that she is way too cheap and that if she valued our relationship she would get the game.
She gets upset as well arguing back that we have a ton of games to play with each other and that she doesn’t want to sink money into something she will only play for about a month when I’m interested in it. We continued to argue for a bit before she got upset and left.
I took a few hours to calm down and texted her that I was sorry, and she just broke up with me and told me that her brother would be coming to my apartment to pick up her things. When he got there I begged him to talk to her and tell her that this is stupid and he just ignored me and grabbed her stuff and left.
AITJ for just wanting my significant other and I to get the same game and enjoy it together?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. She should not have needed to apologize to you for budgeting her own funds the way she wanted to. She can spend her money on whatever she wants and has zero obligation to buy a game that you want to play with her just because she’s going out with you.
If you care that much and have the money to waste, you could have just bought it for her. Good for her for breaking up with you honestly; I could not imagine being in a relationship with someone who thought he had the right to tell me what to do with my money.” enkayeleven
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why is her planning a proper budget for herself AND sticking to it something you would admonish her for? That’s not cheap, that’s frugal. It usually stems from growing up fiscally unstable, not that you would care as you dismissed her replies as ‘made-up excuses about why she is always worried about finances.’ It sounds like she has a system that works for her finances, a strong internal willpower to stick to her plan, and a terrible significant other who doesn’t listen because ‘sHe DoEsNt LiKe ThE gAmE I wAnT hEr To BuY’.
Oh wait, sounds like she solved the last one. Grow up before you go out with anyone again.” MizZo2
