People Tie Up Loose Ends In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Refusing To Move Out Of My Room For My Stepbrother?
“I (17F) live with my mom and her husband, Dave. They got married two years ago, and Dave has a son, Jack (19M), from his previous marriage. Jack lives with his mom but visits us every other weekend and during school breaks.
My mom and I have lived in our house for as long as I can remember.
When Dave and Jack came into the picture, I had already staked my claim on the biggest bedroom (other than the master) because it’s been mine since I was little. Jack usually stays in the guest room, which is smaller but perfectly fine.
A few months ago, Jack’s mom moved to another state for work, and Jack decided he wanted to stay with us full-time to finish his last year of high school.
Dave thinks it’s a great idea and that it’ll be good for us to bond more as a family. I was on board until Dave suggested that I move into the smaller guest room so Jack can have my room.
His reasoning? Jack is older and needs more space for his stuff, plus he’s not used to sharing a bathroom, and the guest room doesn’t have an en-suite.
I was really upset by this. I’ve decorated my room just the way I like it, and it’s my personal space. I told them I didn’t want to switch rooms and that Jack should take the guest room since he’s the one moving in.
Dave wasn’t happy with my response and said I was being selfish. My mom is trying to stay neutral but keeps hinting that it would be nice of me to help Jack feel more at home. Jack hasn’t said much, but he did mention how cramped the guest room feels.
I feel like I’m being reasonable by wanting to keep my room, but everyone else seems to think I’m being difficult. So, AITJ for refusing to move out of my room for my stepbrother?”
Another User Comments:
“So Mom is alright with sacrificing your bedroom?
Maybe sit with Mom (without stepdad) and let her know you love her, and tell her how you feel, but try not to keep the conversation focused on you and her. Something like…. That house has been where you grew up and made a life for yourselves, where you and Mom supported each other, made memories, and where you can always feel safe and loved. You understand this is her house, but it hurts because you feel like she supports the idea that you shouldn’t have your current bedroom, like your answer to swapping rooms shouldn’t taken seriously, like you don’t deserve to keep that part of your life consistent.
Ask her if that’s true. NTJ.” ur_mom_cant_get_enuf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s profoundly unfair to force you to move out of the room you’ve grown up in. Also, perhaps point out that if you are forced into the other room, then all of your period-related materials and issues related to that are going to become a public thing because you’d be forced to use the public bathroom.
Plus. He’s an adult. If he really thinks the room is too small, then perhaps he might consider getting a place of his own. Then he would have all the room to himself and the added bonus of not having to share the bathroom.” IAndaraB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it is your room. “His reasoning? Jack is older and needs more space for his stuff, plus he’s not used to sharing a bathroom, and the guest room doesn’t have an en-suite.” Response: “I also need room for my things, have an attachment to my life-long private space, and do not want the decorations that I put work and effort into destroyed. I am also not used to sharing a bathroom, I have always used my en-suite.” Your mother and stepfather do not have a leg to stand on.
Point out that if they want Jack to have a larger room with an en-suite, they can give him their bedroom. Oh, you should because it is only a year? Same back to them. Also, point out that you do not take away from one child to favor the other, that is not creating a family but bad parenting – especially when the one being favored is already an adult!
Speak to your mother first and be very clear that she is mistreating you and that she is not just trying to make the situation work for everybody, she is ruining your home life and showing you that she will not stand up for you, putting her new beau’s wants over your needs/boundaries.
Good luck OP.” BENSLAYER
21. AITJ For Wanting To Breastfeed In Front Of My Husband's Family?
“I (23F) am pregnant and getting close to my due date. My husband (24M) and I are going over labor and recovery now. His family (mom, dad & bro) are coming to visit on their way to vacation. He knows I want to try and breastfeed and he said his one “rule” is to not do it in front of his family.
He says he doesn’t want me to make his dad and bro uncomfortable and that I should go upstairs to feed our baby every time, every 1-3 hours. He said he would go up with us so he could bond too.
My problem is I will be in recovery and am supposed to rest so stairs happening that often seems like a problem to me.
I told him it’s about my recovery and bonding with the baby, and his family can just leave the room or just NOT LOOK if they’re uncomfortable. I said I would wear a cover, SOMETIMES, but I need to be able to see because I’ll still be learning.
He kept insisting so I dropped the subject. I need to bring it up again before then so we’re both on the same page but I don’t think he’ll have budged. WIBTJ for telling him to screw off?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
You are FEEDING your CHILD in YOUR HOME. If that makes them uncomfortable, they can step out or look away or just NOT come over. With how my first delivery went… there’s no way I could have been going up and down the stairs every time I had to feed. This is such a caveman thought process, that I can’t even grasp it.
Feed your baby wherever you want/need to feed your baby. Full stop.” RoxasofsorrowXIII
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. You’re absolutely right that if they’re uncomfortable, there’s nothing to stop THEM from leaving the room. The person recovering from giving birth does not have to make the extra effort.
Also, DO NOT let yourself be pushed into promising to wear a cover! It’s fine if you WANT to or it makes you more comfortable, but the reality is that not only are you right that you may want to be able to see to make adjustments at first, but also lots of babies don’t like being covered while they’re eating.
I mean, would you want to eat your meals with a cloth draped over your head? I know I’d find it distracting and claustrophobic, and that’s EXACTLY how a lot of babies react to having something draped over them! You don’t even have to tell him to screw off.
Just tell him politely but firmly that you will be doing what is best and most comfortable for you and the baby to make sure that feeding goes smoothly (and that includes YOUR comfort because stress does not help nursing go well), and that his family members are more than welcome to do what they need to, to feel comfortable as well .
. . including leaving the area if they feel squidgy about it. You most certainly WNBTJ.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – not at all. Breastfeeding and figuring out a rhythm with your new baby is HARD. I think a lot of men just expect it to be easy and happen like magical clockwork right away.
But it doesn’t. You need to make it clear to him now that not only do you get to decide how you are going to be comfortable in your own home while breastfeeding your child, but you will also need his support 100% on how that needs to be accomplished for you and your baby.
Stress is the number one killer of breast milk and being able to have the patience for a good latch, so please tell him that asap. Wearing a cover is not a solution for most breastfeeding people, and he needs to understand that.
Also, I do not blame you at all for not wanting to tackle stairs that often when recovering from childbirth.
This is not about him and his comfort level or his family’s whatsoever – it needs to be completely about you and the baby navigating your first few weeks together and that’s it.” HumbleOrganization71
20. AITJ For Telling My Mom She's Overeating And Consuming All My Groceries?
“My mom (60s) came to visit my son (1) and me (30s F) for 9 days. We both weigh around the same amount. Before she came, I told her money was very tight for me so I couldn’t keep buying groceries.
I asked repeatedly for things she wanted. She never told me anything so I went ahead and bought the groceries for my son and me with some extra things I knew she liked.
When she first got here (afternoon around 3), she wanted to know what I was fixing her for dinner.
I told her I hadn’t thought about it but mentioned several things. We settled on spaghetti, bread, salad, and brownies. For dinner, she had 2 large plates of spaghetti, 4 slices of Texas toast, a large salad, half a pan of brownies, and 3 bottles of water. I figured she was so hungry because she gets really nervous about flying so she doesn’t normally eat.
A few hours later, she got sick. She blamed me for not cooking things correctly. I told her I don’t think that my cooking was the problem.
The next day, she had 4 packets of grits, an entire bag (8 oz) of shredded cheese, an entire stick of butter, 8 strips of bacon, and 4 biscuits for breakfast. A few hours later, she was sick again.
She continued to snack all day and had a very big lunch and dinner. I asked her if she normally ate like this. She got mad at me for controlling what she ate. This continued for the entire 9 days and the month of groceries that I bought were consumed in 9 days.
I told her that she was inconsiderate because she was overeating to the point of getting sick after every meal. I told her that groceries were very expensive and I had planned on those groceries lasting a month. My son and I still have food but I have to replenish a ton of stuff.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This was nine days of gorging. While it is not ultimately up to you to tell her what to do, mentioning that she objectively eats too much is the truth, and you are not obligated to enable her. Unfortunately, as others have stated, this is probably the result of an eating disorder.
When the dust has settled, a more calm, caring talk may be in order.” intripletime
Another User Comments:
“Normally I’m not for controlling what people eat, but it sounds like your mom is gorging. Which is usually the result of mental issues. And it’s an issue added on that she’s gorging at the expense of your grocery money.
NTJ but you have a bigger problem than your mom eats too much, your mom probably has an eating disorder.” NatashOverWorld
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is policing what people eat to shame them, and then there is telling them they are literally eating themself sick.
What she is doing is not healthy and it is not considerate. Also, if she goes through an entire month of groceries in 9 days then that is an issue. I feel that, at the least, if she was going to be eating that much then she could have at least contributed something to the household so it wasn’t on you to support her.” Blake_Raven
19. AITJ For Wanting To Use A Vehicle I Help Pay For?
“I (30F) have been with my husband (35M) for 6 years and married for 4. Our relationship has had its issues but we’ve gotten through them. I love my husband and just am not sure what to do. Everything “we own” is in his name.
I had really bad credit from a divorce when we first met and that’s how things just happened. I was okay with it until he would start saying things like “well you can’t drive my car to x y or z” even though he has always been on the kick that everything is “ours.”
I also have to point out that I make a majority of the money that goes into our “joint account” which doesn’t even have my name on it. Anytime I bring up getting my own separate account or putting my name on to our account, I get immediate resistance from him.
I’m okay with our money situation. I’m okay with the fact that we have three vehicles plus two motorcycles. It’s just frustrating that I can’t even use the vehicles I help pay for because they aren’t technically mine.
I know I’m not a great driver and accidents happen.
I’ve been in a few car accidents 3 years ago and got rear-ended a few months back. But he is constantly threatening me with having to take the bus instead of using a vehicle that I pay for. (I am a nurse and work 12-hour shifts.
I work at a hospital with a large homeless population and isn’t in the best area) so it scares me when he says that. I try and talk to him about it and immediately get shut down.
I get that I don’t always take the best care of everything but I try!
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please go get a bank account in just your name at a new bank and have your paychecks deposited there. Your husband’s behavior is controlling. If/when this relationship ends, he will cut you off from all of your money and vehicles and housing.
You need cash in your own account to regain your independence. Don’t ask him, don’t discuss it, just do it. He will definitely throw a fit afterward. But when he does, tell him that his constant threats to cut you off from access to the vehicles made you realize that you needed more control over your finances.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Open up a separate account at a separate bank. Have your paycheck directly deposited to the new account. Your credit should have improved over the past few years. Proceed to buy your own car in your own name. Your husband is financially abusing you.
I lived the beg-for-money game. It is not worth it. Get yourself set up and away from this abuser.” wind-river7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and the best advice I can give is get your own bank account and start having your pay cheques into it because your husband is financially abusing you.
Your account is not a joint account if only his name is on it, and one reason you have no credit is because his name is on everything. If you want to buy a car and have it in your name you can after you have your own account and your cheques start going into it.
You can put a down payment on one. Your interest rate will be higher but you will build credit and your husband will have no say over the car. I am willing to bet you paid for at least 2 of those cars that are in his name, so please put a stop to his abuse.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Laughing At My Future Nephew's Unconventional Dragon Ball-Inspired Name?
“My brother and SIL are expecting their first child.
These days, we had a family dinner and they decided to tell me what my future nephew’s name would be.
Alef Gohan da Silva (yes, Dragon Ball) (Brazilian here). I had a chuckle in my throat, but it was still audible.
In my defense, they had previously talked about which options they were discussing and were all between common names, like Arthur, Miguel, Aaron and this unconventional was a surprise.
And my brother and sister-in-law are the most serious people I know, in addition to being traditional, so imagine that they would put that name… Not even in my dreams would I think about it.
This may have been the trigger for some stray laughs at the dinner table and I know very well they were upset and later on I wasn’t surprised to get a text from my brother saying I was insensitive and inconvenient.
I take some of the blame, as I was the starting point for the laughs, but I wonder if it was totally a jerk move because you announce a totally unconventional name and it can happen that you have… adverse reactions like mine.
So, I bring it to you, was I a total jerk?
Extra: Alef is not a common name here in my country.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do they even know what “Gohan” means? Yes, it is from DragonBall but it is a Japanese word for “cooked rice” but it also composes the names of meals – asagohan (morning meal), hirugohan (lunch), and bangohan (dinner).
So, yeah, it is awkward.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am also Brazilian, and I’m Japanese. That is a horrid name, legit. And I say this as someone whose nephew’s middle name is Satoshi (after Ash from Pokemon); that’s a nerdy name that’s normal – Gohan is just cruel.
Alef is unusual, but we’re in an unusual name time (look, my other two nephews are Ethan and Logan, take that as you will), but Gohan is just screaming “my parents are jerks who didn’t care about how I would have to deal with this name for the rest of my life”.
Good luck to him.” OffKira
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. What reaction were they expecting? They want to name their child after a cartoon character. An incredibly popular cartoon, so there’s zero chance the source of the name will be secret.
Better for them to be laughed at now than for him to be bullied later.” Catinthemirror
17. AITJ For Staying In The Left Lane And Causing An Accident?
“I was getting on the highway downtown. I was in the rightmost lane as it merged with another highway on our right. The left lane ended. So while I had been in the right lane, I was now in the left lane.
My exit was about 4 miles up and was on the left so I just stayed put.
I was going about 75 in a 70mph and a car comes flying up behind me beeping and blinking his lights.
He zipped around me on the right and hit his brakes as he cut in front of me.
My car was much bigger and he clipped my front bumper sending his car rolling into the median. His wife and kid were injured, but he and I were fine.
When the police arrived, he somehow thought the accident was my fault and was yelling at the cop to ticket me for driving in the left lane.
He didn’t believe the cop when he said that wasn’t against the law in Ohio.
He got to pay for the damage to my car, my deductible, and whatever happened with his car and family.
I’ve been surprised how many of my friends thought I was wrong even though I was following the traffic laws (aside from going just barely over the speed limit).”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This guy is just an aggressive jerk driver and taking it out on you. When the highway has exits on both the right and left, you can’t assume the left lane is always going to be the fast lane in the same way.
Also, even in the fast lane it’s your job to be aware of other cars and, you know…not hit them. I hope his wife stops letting him drive her and their kid around before he really hurts someone.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“The facts as you describe the accident make him the guilty party rather than you.
If he came zooming up behind you, maybe he barely gave you time to switch lanes and instead, he aggressively overtook you. He misjudged his distance, made contact with your front bumper, and went off the road. He chose to drive like a jerk, with a kid and wife in the car who also got injured. I’m sure the wife is NEVER going to let him forget that one.
You were driving safely even if you were in the left lane. That is not a crime by itself. If you were Sunday driving in the leftmost lane and impeded traffic, then you could be the jerk. NTJ.” BeeYehWoo
Another User Comments:
“Ugh, I hate it when people zip around you and cut you off and then brake hard.
What did he expect was going to happen when he hit his brakes going over 70 on a highway? He was being a jerk and it could have killed everyone. Good that he now gets to pay for his actions. You sound pretty honest but he could have done this to an opportunist who sees this as a way to get a bunch of cash and fake injuries.
Actually, he sounds like someone who would do that. NTJ. It’s too bad that his wife and child were injured though. But if he had just gone around you and not hit his brakes, none of this would have happened.” bookworm_70
16. AITJ For Yelling At Tourists Who Disrespected Hawaiian Ancestral Graves?
“I live in Hawaii.
I am native Hawaiian. I have lived here my whole life and so have many generations of my family before me. From a young age, I’ve learned to just leave tourists alone even if they may say something disrespectful since tourists basically fund Hawaii with us being heavily in the tourist industry.
There are many historical and cultural lands, buildings, and relics in our museums and on private properties.
I was visiting one of these private properties that had graves of Hawaiian ancestors. It was a tour and of course we were surrounded by tourists. Nothing wrong with that.
But there was this group in particular that was a little extra rowdy. Again, nothing wrong with that, maybe they were just excited. Once we got near to the area with the graves, that group broke off from the main tour and one of the guys started spitting on the graves and throwing their trash over the fences to the graves.
If it wasn’t already obvious, this is highly disrespectful.
I was definitely surprised, in a bad way. I went over and yelled at them for being so disrespectful to the native land. They said it was a joke. Joke or not, that’s not something you do to a place you’re visiting.
I reported them to the tour guide and they were escorted off the lands. On my way back out to the parking lot, they came to yell at me, seems like they were waiting just for me to come out. They said that they weren’t able to get a refund for the tickets that they paid for and blamed me for it.
I just drove home after security was called and they were taken away. AITJ though?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. These people just suck and it’s their own fault they got kicked out without a refund, not yours. I am sure that they know that.
Good on you for sticking up for the sanctity of your homeland. Just because tourists bring money, it doesn’t give them the right to do whatever they want.” silverpalm_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Thank you for speaking up & saying something to them.
And thank you so much for reporting their behavior immediately like that. I wish more people would do what you did – instead of quietly seething and not saying a word until everything is over and done with and no repercussions were had! Their own behavior caused them to be kicked out.
Of course they shouldn’t get a refund. That’s the punishment for the bad behavior. You did nothing wrong! Thank you for speaking up!” Less-Quality6326
Another User Comments:
“Wow, I have been around a lot of tourists in my life. And that behavior is completely unacceptable.
Honestly, I’d be surprised if someone hadn’t yelled at them! I’m sure you said what a lot of others were thinking. On behalf of the dead, thanks for standing up for your accessories and sacred spaces in general. Reporting them was the right thing to do.
I guess it was possible to just report them and not yell at them. But I think their behavior was at the level they deserved a taking off in addition to being booted. You’ve no guarantee reporting them would do anything, so personally I’m glad you did something.
I live in a state with a lot of guns and knives, so personally I’m afraid to stand up to people but I’m always glad when others do. So, good for you.
Also, I’ve been in sacred spaces where I was accidentally the jerk. For example, visiting an old church or equivalent and to cover my hair, that sorry of thing.
Someone has always come up and politely (or rudely) told me what I was doing wrong. Without exception, I have always apologized and covered up or whatever the situation required. Why? Because I was a guest. I was visiting someone else’s safe space, and in doing so I should follow their rules.
If I didn’t, I was in the wrong. So were these guys. It’s not a joke to throw trash anywhere, especially in sacred spaces. Would they think it funny if you threw your trash on their family’s graves? I bet not! It wasn’t a joke.
They were being deliberately disrespectful. I’m glad they were booted. Good for the tour operator for not refunding their money. You might be the jerk for yelling at them when you could have first asked respectfully. On the other hand, throwing trash is hardly an accident.
You were right to be angry and to show that anger. I wonder if they were just intoxicated and looking to start something?! That’s the only reason to act like that I can think of!” ParentingTATA
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be A Dad To My Biological Child?
“I (M29) had a child when I was 19. I wasn’t ready to be a dad and I asked her to consider other options. She refused and we decided she could keep the baby and I’ll pay child support but I wouldn’t be involved in her life.
I didn’t tell my family about it.
3 months ago when I was at work I received a lot of angry messages from my parents asking me if I have a child. Apparently, my ex had told them everything because she is sick and wants someone to look after the kid since her own family refused to do this.
They were mad at me, telling me it was very selfish to hide their grandchild from them (I’m an only child and she is their only grandchild). They agreed to look after her and brought her into our home (yes I live with my parents to help them with the expenses).
I told them that I can’t stop them from doing this but I still don’t want to be her dad and they agreed.
She has been living with us for the past 3 months but everyone forgot about our agreement. Two days ago my parents left her with me to go somewhere.
I told them I don’t want to babysit but no one listened to me. As soon as they left she started coming into my bedroom with different excuses. I finally got annoyed and told her to go to her room and not to come out until her grandparents came home.
My parents came back and freaked out when they found out. They called me a jerk for being a “horrible dad” but I never wanted to be a dad and I made it clear several times. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So move out? If you don’t want to be a dad, go get your own place and pay the child support you paid your ex to your parents.
They can also get help from the state as official foster parents but might need to take courses. Your daughter needs someone to live with because her mother is sick? I would have reached out to extended family too if I was the only one able to care for my child and was too sick to do so.
Sending her to her room because she’s such an inconvenience to you is such a jerk move. She’s still a human being who recently was uprooted from a life she knew.” metomere
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here I say all this as a woman.
Your ex should have never contacted you from the start. You guys decided a long time ago that you wouldn’t be involved and she agreed. I feel for her being a single mother and her family sucks, but ultimately she decided to take on the child herself, she should handle it by herself.
Your parents suck for taking on the child and not respecting your choice to not be involved. That all being said, this girl was brought back into your life, and while you may not like it, and while you don’t have to act like a father to her, you’re a jerk for treating her like a nuisance.
This child has done nothing wrong and had no choice in being brought into your home. Shutting her out is just messed up on a human level. Again, you don’t have to be her father, you should’ve looked at this like she was your niece or something and treated her with basic respect and kindness.
I’m sure people will argue against me saying that you need to take responsibility as a father but I just disagree. Again, what I DO think you need to do is take responsibility as an adult and temporary caretaker and not shun or neglect any child that is under your TEMPORARY supervision.” stumblin_thrulif3
Another User Comments:
“Ok so nobody is going to like this but NTJ. You are saying you made it clear you did not want to be a dad to your ex from the beginning. No one would be this harsh on a mom for adopting out her kid if she didn’t want to be a mom.
This is another darker side of equality is that it has to be equal. My mom’s bio dad didn’t want to be a dad (back in the 60s) but he was made to and he treated my mom and her brother like garbage.
Yes was he a jerk yeah, but he wouldn’t have been if he wasn’t forced to be a dad when he didn’t want kids. My mom and uncle were much better off when he signed away his rights as a dad and my grandma met the only man I recognize as my grandpa.
You aren’t a jerk for blowing off the kids. You didn’t want this. Men don’t have a right to tell women they can or can’t consider other options but at the same time she made the decision to have the baby and you made it clear you didn’t want to.
You messed up at 19, so many people do. I would lawyer up, go to court, and try to get rid of any legal responsibility you have. Also, you mentioned you lived with your parents to help them, if they won’t respect your wishes on this it may be time to branch out on your own.
Best of luck.” whittyray
14. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Entitled Friend Get A Job At My Company?
“I (25f) have a close friend A (27f) who I have known since college.
After college, I got married, started a career with a local company, and bought a house with my husband. I have worked hard these last few years to build my reputation within my company and with my peers.
A fell on hard times after college and never really got past it.
She refuses to look for jobs or accept any job that she views as “beneath her”. She frequently parties, and has gotten into legal trouble several times due to her habits. Up until this point, her significant other had fully supported her since college and she has not been able to hold down a job.
About a month ago A got intoxicated at a party and hooked up with someone, her significant other found out, and it ended the relationship. She and I had a bit of a falling out over this as well since I was good friends with her significant other.
A came over yesterday, asking me to help her find work since she was forced to move in with her parents after the breakup. Over the years, I have tried to help her find a position within my company multiple times. Each time, she has either cancelled the interview, shown up late, or just never applied to the position.
Due to this, I’m not willing to stick my neck out for her when it reflects poorly on me at work.
I offered to help her apply to some jobs, but was immediately shut down and she specifically asked for a position she saw advertised at my company.
She asked me to hook her up with an interview and asked that I try to get the salary increased to make it “worth her time”. I flat out told her “no, I’ve tried multiple times to help you get a position, and at this point, you have essentially been blacklisted since our recruitment team won’t want to meet with you.”
That did not go over well. She went off on me for “looking down on her” and “flaunting my success”. I told her that she is being a choosing beggar and should have put an effort into the positions I tried to help her get in the past. She ended up storming out after calling me a jerk.
I know what I said was harsh. I am not going to lie, I’m still upset with her for stuff said/ done in the past and her being unfaithful to her significant other who has been my friend for years. My husband thinks I am letting some of that anger cloud my judgement but also it is time for everyone to stop enabling her poor choices.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Would I have called her a choosing beggar? No. She’s your friend, if she wants to ruin her job opportunities, that’s on her. Your words are not going to help her turn her life around. You don’t need to be the one to tell her harsh truths.
Just be a friend. That being said, it was completely fair for you to say that she is blacklisted at your company due to previously blowing off interviews. She is, and that is the honest reason why you cannot do what she is asking. It would reflect poorly on you at work.
You don’t need to put her down, but you also don’t need to let her drag you down.” ImaginaryAnts
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seems to me that this friendship has met its sell-by date. It is not uncommon when people enter in mid-twenties to find that some school friendships simply become unsustainable.
Frankly, your instinct regarding blowback on you if you were to try to place her in your company seems spot on.” LynnChat
Another User Comments:
“You are definitely not the jerk, you’ve bent over backwards for her and she has to learn to dig herself out.
Your husband is right, don’t fall into the trap of enabling the car crash, by all means, offer help and support but don’t feel you need to fix her, she needs to do that herself.” SteveGoral
13. AITJ For Accusing My Mom Of Being Jealous Of My Fiancée?
“I’m getting married next weekend and obviously my fiancée and I are beyond excited. I don’t think my mom likes my fiancée at all, actually I know it, but she isn’t one of those blatantly horrible MILs, and they don’t fight anymore.
It is just a cold war right now. I have always sided with my fiancée, and my mom and I don’t talk much these days.
Recently we spent some time with family at my aunt’s beach house and my mom happened to be there, which is fine, it isn’t like I can’t be cordial. I overheard my mom asking her husband if the 25th (my wedding date) was next Saturday or the one after.
He said next and my mom was like nooooo.
That just annoyed me and I confronted her. I said I can hear from the other room and what the heck is her problem. My mom apologized and said she didn’t realize I was in the other room.
I said that wasn’t the point and demanded to know why she reacted like that. When she didn’t answer, I said she must be jealous of my future wife.
My mom got mad and asked if I was really one of those jerks who assumes women are all jealous of each other.
I said she doesn’t seem to have another reason and MILs get that way. My mom said she was just whining because weddings take up the whole weekend and there is a lot of socializing with people she doesn’t like and being fake, and that was it.
I just rolled my eyes and my mom got annoyed and followed me out of the room demanding to know what she could possibly be jealous of and listing things sarcastically. I just went into my room and locked her out, but we were both pretty heated.
In the morning she apologized for complaining about my wedding but said that she can’t believe she raised a son who just assumes women are jealous.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You were…there were a whole host of things that could have been about and you jumped to it was an attack on your wife…Your mother asked what weekend a date was.
Have you never lost time?
Things it could have been about: 1. Your mum hasn’t got her wedding outfit sorted out yet
2. Your mum has lost a week and promised to do something next weekend thinking it was the weekend of the 18th not the weekend of the 25th
3. Your mother may genuinely dread spending the weekend with some of the family friends and relatives sounds like your parents are divorced it might not all be that friendly.
4. Your mum has now realized she only has 7 days to get herself waxed, dyed, nails done, and a whole host of things women have to do before these big events.
5. Your mother may have missed one of the above appointments.
Things to consider: Your mother may have been objecting to your fiance but the truth is you know they don’t like each other so that is hardly a surprise. The fact that this was immediately where you went is problematic if only because it is going to make it harder for your mother and fiance to ever have a thaw in their relationship You were eavesdropping on a private conversation between a husband and wife.
Your mother is entitled to those. It sounds like your fiance and you have had negative conversations about your mother. You took ONE WORD and turned it into a whole conversation. You went on the attack without listening or letting someone explain. You were determined to be offended.” Whitestaunton
Another User Comments:
“Your comment seems like it comes from things not mentioned in this post because, in this specific isolated scenario, it doesn’t seem like jealousy was indicated at all. However you being defensive isn’t surprising to me at all considering she could be heard loudly complaining about your wedding from a different room, and this not being the first time she’s acted up about something.” RevaSharkbait
Another User Comments:
“So there’s not a lot of context here. You’ve said your fiance and mother have always had issues but that it’s turned into a sort of cold war between the two of them. What were the past issues over? Were you the favorite of hers?
Are you the youngest? Does she dislike your fiance because she doesn’t approve of her, or is it not about her at all but about the fact that you are now grown and she doesn’t want to accept she’s getting older? Is it a class status difference?
A religious or racial prejudice? There’s just not enough context. With only what you have said, that they have a history of negative feelings towards each other, it would be easy to assume it’s about the wedding in general. I would rate it an esh.
If she knew you were in the house, then she should have been more considerate of what might be accidentally overheard, intentionally or not. That makes her jerk. However, for you jumping to conclusions and getting hostile immediately also makes you jerk.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Uninviting My Best Man's Partner From My Wedding?
“My partner (m27) and I (f31) are engaged (YAY!), we have been together since 2015.
Not two weeks of engagement, and the drama is here.
I asked my best friend, let’s call him Bill, to be my best man.
We have been friends for 20+ years. I talked to him, his partner, and my partner before, to make sure everyone was on board. But Bill’s partner, let’s call her Jill, never liked his female friends. Our friend group is really diverse, so having close male and female friends is really common to us.
Since Bill moved across the country for his relationship, I called him, together with my partner. I made sure his partner was there, so she would know what was going on. Since I already talked to everyone, it wasn’t a big surprise when I asked. He happily accepted, and everything was fine.
Or so I thought.
For some context:
Bill has great taste in women, and I really liked every partner he ever had. So I figured that Jill was an amazing person. I was thrilled when Bill and I met up for a walk and he told me about her.
But, when he texted her, mentioning he was on a walk with me, she lost IT. She immediately called him, screaming and crying. We were both baffled, but I went home to let them talk it out. Since then, we have not met up just us because she wasn’t okay with it.
I wasn’t happy, but she is his partner, and when it makes her uncomfortable, I respect that.
I tried to get to know her better. I really tried to find common ground with her, to make sure she was feeling welcome, and I thought it was going okay.
Since she wasn’t nice to Bill’s other friends, I didn’t feel too bad.
Yesterday, Bill called me, shaking, telling me that his last days had been terrible. She said she always hated me and talked trash about my efforts to be her friend. She is furious, and since he accepted they fight all the time, so he stepped back from being my best man.
I already talked about him being the best man with many friends, so now, everyone I’d ask would feel like a second choice.
I’m crushed. We haven’t been as close as we were and he admitted, that he wasn’t sure if he will continue the relationship.
He also told me, that he won’t tell her the real reason he stepped back. I’m really angry about this, because, if he throws away our friendship, I would hope he would do it for something he is really sure about and not this trashy relationship.
Why is he being such a jerk and lying to her? I’m so done with them.
My partner was amazing, supported me, and has just been wonderful. He was angry for me, he said, that when she does not celebrate my fabulous self, she’s not welcome at our wedding.
I don’t think he will be there if she can’t come.
So now Jill will not be invited to our wedding. I still feel like a jerk, because I’m excluding her, but not him, even though he was a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“If you haven’t sent invitations yet you are not uninviting.
Avoid all the drama for him and for yourself by not inviting either. If you invite him you guarantee drama. If you love your friend wish him well and let him know you will be there for him when this relationship ends and you hope she’s not cutting him off from all important relationships.
Then let it go. Your other friends will not feel like a second choice if you give this some time to settle. They’ll be sorry for your loss and then proud to stand with you. The wedding is one day, despite all the emphasis in this forum.
Life is much longer.” Tiny_Shelter440
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not inviting the partner. I doubt that she wants to come anyway. But your friend Bill is in an impossible situation here, and you really should cut him some slack. I’m certain he wants to come to your wedding.
I’m certain he wants to be your best man. He’s not throwing away your friendship. But he is dealing with an unstable and abusive partner. Give him space and time to extricate himself from that toxic relationship. Anyone who has ever been with an abusive partner knows how fraught it can be to break up with them.
You have no idea what’s really going on in that relationship right now, but I’m sure it’s ugly. I am also certain that whomever you ask to stand up for you at the wedding in Bill’s place will understand and not be upset by not being asked first. Friends understand and forgive.” Mehitabel9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean I would understand her having some insecurities if you two have had a romantic past or he ever requested to pursue a romantic relationship with you in the past, but it sounds like that never ever happened and so his partner is being toxic because she can’t bear the thought of him being anywhere near another female.
And even if you two had a past way back in history, her controlling behavior is not chill. Trying to control your friend through verbal abuse and emotional manipulation is not okay. She doesn’t have to go to the wedding, a simple “sorry I can’t make it” would suffice, but her not going should not have an impact on him going.
Your friend should also grow a spine.” redditerla
11. AITJ For Not Buying My Father A Father's Day Gift After He Forgot My Birthday?
“I am 19 and my father is my biological one and has known me for my whole life. My parents are still together and have never dumped me with my grandparents or anything like that for any long amount of time.
He always has been obsessed with money and work, and we definitely do not have the best father-son relationship on the planet.
We’ve hated each other for quite a while now, but I still make sure I keep up to date with anything going on, because it’s the right thing for me to do. I know his birthday, his family, and the date he bought his accountancy practice, so there’s not really the comeback I don’t care about him.
A few months ago it was my birthday, and he forgot. He claimed he didn’t even know that it was my birthday that day, and when I asked him when he thought it was he said he couldn’t remember. I asked him what sort of father forgets his own son’s birthday, the supposed “best thing that happened to him”, and he couldn’t answer and told me to drop it.
When Father’s Day came, I didn’t get him a present. He got upset and I told him it was because he didn’t deserve one if he couldn’t do basic fatherly stuff, like remember my birthday or treat me properly. He was really angry, but I just walked out.
My mother says she sees where I’m coming from, but she bought a Father’s Day present on my behalf to solve the issue.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry, that really sucks. It’s upsetting that your mother still got him a gift when he has clearly failed as a father, but you did the right thing.
Remembering a birthday is the bare minimum for being a parent. Try to detach yourself from him, it’s not worth wasting emotions on someone who doesn’t put in such a basic amount of effort. You’ll get plenty of happy birthdays from people who care about you and are decent enough to show it.
Best of luck! And happy (very) belated birthday!” sarcast1c_0ne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people struggle to remember that stuff but if he cared he would set a reminder. I don’t care much for my wife’s dad as he doesn’t care much for family.
I told my wife how I doubt he even knows our kids’ names. She informed me that he got his daughters’ middle names wrong for something he knew he was supposed to get the names right for. There are lots of things my wife tells me about her childhood and I say that’s messed up but she thought it was normal. I bet you’re the same way in not even knowing how a normal parent should be.
Some people just don’t care, if it matters to you then limit your relationship with him.” Effective_Material89
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all but your father’s passive-aggressive behavior makes it appear that he has a deep-seated resentment towards you for some unknown reason.
Did he perhaps not want to have kids? Is there any chance he’s not your actual biological father and your parents have been keeping this secret? Your mom is no better for buying a gift on your behalf just to smooth things over in the moment rather than figure out why her husband treats his son like crap.
If they won’t tell you why your dad has this horrible attitude towards you I’d recommend starting with a DNA test to rule that out. The fact that he told you to ‘drop it’ makes me suspicious that he’s hiding some secret.” Mirvb
10. AITJ For Barring My Sister From My Room After She Let Our Cousin Destroy My Lego NES?
“I (13m) recently bought the Lego NES de. My sister (10f) likes to play with my cousin (2m let’s call him Finn) when he’s staying at our house for a few hours.
So I normally sit in my room reading, gaming, or watching YouTube, but on this date, I was out of the house to meet up with my class to go to a theme park.
I didn’t know my cousin would come but I trusted my sister to stay out of my room when I was gone. When I came back I noticed my door was open and my NES was destroyed. I confronted my sister about it and she said that she just went into my room to play with my cousin.
After that, I said that she wasn’t allowed in my room anymore when I wasn’t home.
I started rebuilding the NES but right at the end, I noticed she had lost a few pieces, one of those was Mario himself. When I asked her if she knew where they were she said ”I don’t know Finn probably took it.” When I asked her what she meant she said that Finn probably went into my room alone and took it.
I blew up at her saying that she left our two-year-old cousin alone in MY ROOM with Lego scattered across the ground, and then I told her she was barred from my room even when I was home. She told me I was a jerk because ”it wasn’t her fault” but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister does not have the right to use your room. She certainly doesn’t have the right to damage your stuff or allow others to do it. You should have the right to deny her entry. The reality is she might get your parents/guardians involved. You can’t control the actions of other people, so you may want to consider your options and a lot more.
Can you lock it? Does she have the ability to get past a lock? How mad are you? Are you going to stay mad? Is this a trend or a one-off? What if the fight gets bigger? Ultimately, I would make the same decision as you did.
She can stay out. But I would also get ready to calmly defend that decision.” Jed_Bartlett_99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 10yo took a toddler in someone else’s room, stuff got broken, and OP has set the reasonable boundary of her no longer being allowed unsupervised in OP’s room.
10 years old is not too young for consequences. Incidentally, what do OP’s parents think of this? They apparently have a child watching a toddler, but do they know stuff was broken/stolen? Will they enforce boundaries/consequences? OP may want to talk to them before the sister can spin it into “OP being mean to me when it’s not my fault!”” Notte_di_nerezza
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, while I don’t own the NES Lego set I know it’s expensive, so losing pieces, especially Mario himself is a kick to the nuts. Whoever was supposed to be watching the 2yo should have been doing a better job, and your sister should have also been watching him and should have known better than to let him near a choking hazard like Legos.
I wasn’t bright as a 10yo, still not bright, but I had enough common sense to respect others’ spaces.” That_on1_guy
9. AITJ For Not Doing Enough Chores While Visiting Family?
“I, 19F, have come home from college to visit family. I’m only staying for three weeks. One of these weeks is vacation, I paid for my ticket and will be paying for my own food/drinks. I’m not paying rent for these three weeks, so to show my gratitude I do things around the house like cleaning the dishes, taking the trash out, and cleaning the floors/counters.
This is a house of 5, plus me. One of the residents is my little niece. Dishes are stacked up high every day, toys stay on the floor, and trash is always full by the end of the day.
A couple of days ago, I took out the trash, cleaned the dishes, wiped off a counter, and put toys out of the floor into the designated bucket before I left for work.
Later, I was scolded by Stepmom for only doing that. She says I need to do more and that I’m not doing enough. She also scolded me because she asked me on a different day if I could help out with the dishes. She said she should never have to ask because I should have already done it.
I thought I was doing a decent amount, but now I’m wondering if I simply haven’t been doing enough? It’s not a big house, and I’m unsure if my help is wanted. It seems like no matter the amount I do, it isn’t enough. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ based on what you’ve written that you are doing. I suggest going back to your stepmom and saying something along the lines of “I am doing SOME stuff to contribute as part of my stay here, but it seems like you think that I should be taking over doing ALL of the stuff and I want to be clear that I am not doing that and I don’t think it’s a fair expectation that I should be.”” animaniactoo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepmother is a bit harsh but again this is hard to measure because we did not see the complete scenario firsthand. If you’re helping around the house already, I don’t see the issue? It’s not like you’re a deadbeat couch potato who only eats and sleeps with no aspirations.
Has your stepmom always treated you this way? I ask because stepparents can be a bit mean to kids that are not theirs biologically.” One-Kaleidoscope1786
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sounds like you’re already doing a lot! Are the other people in the house helping out?
When I go visit family, I do help with this stuff, but I’m definitely not expected to be taking care of the whole house. I’ve been brought up to clean up after myself and contribute a fair share to the housework (keyword is fair share, definitely not cleaning up the whole house all the time), as have my siblings – and it sounds like pretty much nobody is cleaning up after themselves here.
For instance, after dinner, everyone puts their dishes in the dishwasher, and the trash gets taken out when the bin is full. I understand if there are children here who might not be picking up after themselves yet, but if they’re teenagers or older, I feel like they should be able to pick up after themselves.
Granted, I don’t know the full details of this, but that’s my take for now.” composingmusic
8. AITJ For Kicking Out A Non-Contributing Group Member From Our Project?
“I (19F) was not close to any of my classmates until the beginning of this year. We needed to make groups of five to do all the projects. I joined a group that was already friends but needed a fifth one. I ended up befriending all of them.
We are quite close now.
Well, I befriended almost all of them. There is this girl (21F), let’s call her A, who didn’t do anything for the projects. She didn’t even attend class. I am not a big fan of confrontation so until now I hadn’t said anything.
But, I hit my limit with her some weeks ago when we had a project overdue and she went to class, stayed exactly fifteen minutes, and left. She didn’t say anything to us even after we tried contacting her.
So I said forget it.
I did A’s part and told my friends that she was out of the group. They all agreed. I felt a little childish considering this is college, but for goodness sake, she didn’t even sign her name.
Now she is upset, she keeps telling me that she failed that class because of that, which, fair, she didn’t receive a score so she definitely failed because of that.
I feel justified in kicking her out of the project. I, however, do feel like a bit of a jerk because our mutual friends kind of just stopped talking to her? They’ve known her for a while and I think they were her only friends, so that sucks.
I am feeling like a jerk for that. And I can’t just ask my friend “was I a jerk for what I did to A?” that would be a bit weird. I used this subreddit before so I thought asking here might help clear my mind.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A is childish and irresponsible. She keeps telling you that it was your fault that she failed the class when the entire situation was on her. She failed because she didn’t attend class, didn’t respond to your attempts to contact her, and didn’t do any work on the project.
She has no one to blame for her failure except herself. She’ll continue to fail until she learns to stop blaming others for the consequences of her actions. In that same vein, you didn’t alienate her from her friend group; she did that herself by mistreating them like this.
All you did was validate what they already knew to be true.” SomeoneYouDontKnow70
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she’d put any more effort into maintaining the friendships than she did into the project, she’d presumably have people sticking up for her or offering support.
As it is, either this is the last straw for everyone else, or they agree with you and the teacher she handled this badly enough that it’s on her to try and fix it if she genuinely understands or cares where she went wrong.
If she’d rather just blame everyone for not letting her coast, she doesn’t get to be surprised if no one else is having it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ it sounds like she may have had some other issues and this might be just a straw that breaks the camel’s back.
In any case she made her own bed, and she’s laying it. I would text her just once asking her why she did not attend class, why she did not participate with a group and add anything, and did she expect the group to take up all her slack and let her take unfair credit for the work.
By the way, depending on how much of the group’s work was pulled together versus how much can be attributed to different people specifically, if the group had let her take credit for things she did not do she may have been guilty of academic ethics violations such as plagiarism, etc. And depending on how bad it was again and how attributable work was a different people, you guys may have been guilty as well for covering up for her.” [deleted]
7. AITJ For Suggesting My Brother Use Deodorant?
“My little brother (13 M) has 0 personal hygiene practices. This isn’t an exaggeration, I really wish it was. I (20 F) don’t live with my parents anymore, but I do tend to make the trip all the way out to see them a few times a year.
One thing that my parents always complain to me about is my brother’s smell. My brother has a kind of… stench that clings to him and literally everything he touches. He refuses to get up and go to the bathroom when he’s playing video games, so he’ll soil himself.
He rarely showers, when he does, he doesn’t use soap, shampoo, nothing. He just stands there for 3 minutes not moving and letting the water just fall. He never does laundry, but if he does, his clothes leave their funk on the washer and dryer and it causes everyone else’s clothing to smell awful.
He also refuses to brush his teeth to the point where they go black.
Recently…he’s hit puberty. So he’s starting to smell a little more, growing up and all that fun stuff. My parents have been trying for years to get him to practice good hygiene but he just doesn’t feel a need to.
Trust me, there have been so many attempts to get him to actually try, my parents had to literally treat him like a baby (changing him, bathing him, brushing his teeth, etc.) when he was around 10. He just refuses to even try or keep anything up (Yes he’s been to therapy and all that, trust me we’ve done everything available to try and help him, it isn’t any kind of mental issue, he’s even admitted he’s just too lazy to even try and doesn’t even think it’s a big deal, so there’s really no point in his mind).
My parents have been trying even more recently to convince him to pick up at least applying deodorant everyday before he goes to high school next year. He refuses saying he doesn’t like the smells they have available or the feeling it leaves, etc. All valid feelings.
We tend to have these kinds of talks as a whole family, so I offered up maybe trying spray-on deodorant or a body spray if he really is 100% opposed to using deodorant, keep in mind I didn’t say this in a mean tone or anything.
My brother went wild after this comment. He started yelling at me saying I’m a jerk and that I’m (insert all the horrible names a 13-year-old boy can imagine). My parents just rolled their eyes and ended the conversation, letting him have a tantrum. It’s been a week since this conversation, and he’s still bringing it up.
He’ll tell everyone around him that I insulted him and called all these horrible names then demanded he use body spray. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like maybe I went too far? Was I really being a jerk? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is going to high school soon and if he thinks you telling him about deodorant is going too far, he’s in for a massive kick up the backside. Kids are cruel and if he stinks and it’s his fault, he’s going to have it pointed out at every junction.
Every day. For the foreseeable future. It kind of sounds like everyone has been tiptoeing around him for long enough. I don’t think tough love really works but some harsh truths might be helpful.” Alive-Armadillo-126
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I have 2 teenage boys that love video games and sometimes get a little stinky.
I took them to the store and let them pick out all their own hygiene products. It’s not just a matter of smelling. Bad oral hygiene can cause serious health issues. It doesn’t seem like your parents are really trying to fix the problem. If one of my sons was so lazy they soiled themselves because they were too into a game that game would be gone.
That’s just ridiculous.” International-Win989
Another User Comments:
“This is an issue beyond laziness. This boy needs to be evaluated by a mental health professional. This sounds like autism or something bigger. It needs to be dealt with before the school steps in and does it for you all and they will trust me.
If the school gets involved you’re looking at a potential CPS investigation and maybe him being removed from the home. If I were your mother I’d give him tough love, take the video games until he wants to act normal since it’s just ” laziness.”” Responsible_Break_67
6. AITJ For Taking My Daughter's Car As Punishment For Breaking School Rules?
“I (34,f) and my husband (36,m) just got our daughter her first car.
She absolutely loves it and while only being a Junior in High School still drives better than my husband haha (do not tell him I said that lol).
We have always given our daughter a lavish life and she grew up very spoiled. The problem arises with her school and the school rules that she is expected to follow.
Since she attends a private high school one of the rules is she must stay ON CAMPUS for lunch and breaks in between classes. When she took the bus this was not a problem.
However, the moment she got the car my husband and I started receiving calls from the school saying that she was leaving campus for lunch and being late to her next classes.
I had a talk with her and told her that she could not leave campus and that if she did again there would be punishments.
Well lo and behold I got a call 3 days before the last day that she had left campus again and ended up skipping her last class for what she called a “double lunch”.
So when she came home I told her to hand over the car keys and she would get them back when she showed she could follow the rules.
My daughter and my husband flipped out saying that I could have made the punishment less severe and she ended up going to stay with her grandparents for a couple of weeks.
I don’t think I’m the jerk here but I just need some other people’s opinion..
So AITJ for taking my daughter’s car as a punishment?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I get that it’s the last days of school, and the classes by that point are a joke and everyone’s in exit mode.
But the fact that she went to stay with her grandparents for a few weeks??? What is that about? She’s y’alls kid, if she wants to throw a temper tantrum for getting in trouble for breaking your rules, she should be sulking in her room instead of a “safe haven”.
Your husband should be backing you up on the punishment. I guess this really comes down to; are you and your husband on the same page about the rules for having a vehicle? Are y’all on the same page on how your kids get punished?
Does your kid understand that there are consequences to breaking said rules? She’s a junior which means next year she’s got a whole year to defy your leaving for lunch and skipping class rule. Nip it in the bud now so this isn’t a problem down the road.
When I got my first car I was around the same age, my mom and dad put a strict curfew on me, I couldn’t have more than 3 passengers in my car, and I knew that if my mom said be home by 12, I was absolutely in trouble if it was 12:01 and I wasn’t in the driveway.
Find a punishment that fits the crime, if she does it once, two weeks no car, it happens again – one month without a car, etc. You’re NTJ, but just work together to what feels appropriate in your household.” Munzz36
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was using the car to leave the campus which is against the school rules.
You warned her not to do it again. She did. The punishment fits the “crime.” I would say the time she spends with her grandparents doesn’t count toward the punishment. In other words, if she had stayed at your home, the punishment would have started then and perhaps she could have gotten the car back within two weeks.
She should not be rewarded for running off to her grandparents.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You warned her and then followed through when she didn’t listen, and the consequence is fair. I have a 13-year-old daughter who has a natural talent for ‘lawyering’ her way around things and I have learned that the best way to get her to listen is to haggle with her.
If I were in your situation I would offer her a deal: she can have the keys back, on the condition that she use the car to get to/from work and pay for her own gas. It’s summer, and there’s never a shortage of places hiring teenagers.
If she shows that she can be self-disciplined enough to get herself to work on time and budget for her gas (say, a month), then she can have her keys back for real. Doing this would not only allow her to gain valuable life experience (budgeting, forming work relationships, and practicing self-control) but also give her a sense of accomplishment if she follows through.
Bonus: it also allows her a sense of choice or control over the situation, which is what teens have and always will crave.” VampirateV
5. AITJ For Sending A Mass Email About A Colleague's Behavior?
“I am the head of a college IT department that oversees 250 staff members and over 6,500 students. To facilitate the computer needs of students the school leases 98% of the desktops in the school.
These desktops are kept for 3 years and afterward are replaced with newer models and the cycle begins again. This goes on for every department except for mine as we have a special deal with the administration. The deal is that rather than leasing PCs we are given the opportunity every 3 years to buy, build, or upgrade our computers within a certain budget.
The problems with this started when my department merged offices with another. The department we merged with has one teacher named Melissa who is the most senior in her department and a complete jerk. She can be very narcissistic at times and loves to try to push my techs around.
In the past, I have had to sit down with her and discuss her treatment of my staff. Due to unfortunate timing, the move coincided with the removal and upgrade of all workstations and monitors.
As per my department’s agreement, every tech was allotted 2,000 for the purchase or upgrade of their hardware.
I decided that with this allotment I would purchase a single 33-inch monitor and build a new mini ITX workstation that would run on Linux. With everyone having new hardware things were good for several days until Melissa returned from her vacation. Upon seeing my department’s new hardware she started demanding that she get a better PC and monitor because she is the most senior in her department.
I politely explained to her that regardless of seniority every teacher gets the same setup and there is nothing I can do for her. She begrudgingly accepted these answers but not for long as she went behind my back. She started harassing my techs in an attempt to get them to change her hardware which resulted in them pulling me aside to complain about her.
Upon learning about this I was livid and wrote up two emails. The first email was to HR and the administration. In this email, I attached and went through every report about her behavior and said that my techs would no longer work with her.
The second email was sent to my techs with Melissa being blank carbon copied. In this email, I explained that due to multiple reports of improper conduct, she is not to be served by anyone but myself. After getting my email Melissa is now claiming that I am ganging up on her with my techs and publicly humiliating her.
Am I a jerk for doing this?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, you need to be on a management forum for this. Everybody, who never had this level of responsibility is giving you bad advice. It is beyond me how someone in your position of authority could behave this way.
This is Management 101. Not good to do mass emails. Just tell her in a single email. Tell your techs in an email to them. Don’t cc each other. Just tell your techs to tell her that you will handle her IT (ensure you have a backup, ensure your management is notified and aligned).” lovebombme2u
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Melissa sounds like a pain in the back to work with, but your response was immature and definitely unprofessional – especially as a leader. Business Conduct 101: take a step back when emotions are high before sending an email. I’m not so concerned with embarrassing her, however, she should have been addressed in private, perhaps with HR present to mediate the situation.
Usually, these calls are scheduled so everyone is prepared and you can present a paper trail of her misconduct. What you did will not provide any value for future discipline or performance plans.” jabmwr
Another User Comments:
“No jerk here – She sounds entitled and a jerk.
Letting your techs know not to work with her is just you looking out for your people. Plus any record that you can keep to CYA (cover your back) is always a good idea. Have a paper trail and print copies of everything. Also, send various emails and screenshots of text messages to your private email and phone.
If things get really bad record her verbal abuse. Always protect yourself and your team. Keep a paper trail!” dmitch79
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go Back To Work And Pay My MIL To Babysit?
“My maternity leave is soon to be up. My husband wants me to go back to work part-time.
He wants to pay his mom 1200 a month to babysit. I would only make around 1200 myself from work and that’s not including taking taxes out. MIL lives 2 hours away from us though. So when she comes to watch the baby she would stay the night 3-4 days out of the week.
I love my in-laws but I don’t deal well with being around people a lot. It affects my mental health a lot when I’m around people for large amounts of time. Plus I just like to feel comfortable in my own home and don’t believe that I would be comfortable having someone in my home more often than not.
We have the financial means for me to be a SAHM. He makes 8k a month. If you round our bills up they come to 4k a month.
I breastfeed so we save money by not buying formula. I don’t respond well to pumping but I’m a just enougher when the baby eats directly from me.
I don’t sleep well because I’m the only one who gets up with a baby due to me breastfeeding. He keeps pressuring me to go back to work but I really don’t want to.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t rely on someone who lives 2 hours away to be your child’s caregiver.
You would lose money by working part-time, paying MIL, and covering MIL’s utilities and food. So, it makes absolutely no sense for your MIL to be your full-time babysitter. None. MIL can babysit occasionally on a weekend or if you have an unavoidable appointment or something, but not be your baby’s full-time babysitter.
Your other option would be to find local baby care, put the baby on formula, and pay $$$ for babysitting and formula. Even though this would be more expensive than having you be a SAHM, you and your husband can afford it. Another option might be to see if your employer will allow you to work from home or change some of your hours so you don’t need to pay for as much childcare.
But your husband’s idea of importing his mom from 2 hours away just isn’t feasible.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Simply because it would essentially be your whole paycheck paying for someone else to care for your child when you easily can. Hopefully, where you live you’re not experiencing the formula shortage, but if that’s the case then you DEFINITELY should stay at home and continue to breastfeed if pumping doesn’t go well.
If your husband is just concerned about your mental health and staying cooped up inside for too long, maybe you can look at jobs where you can work from home or find activities for you and your baby to do so you can socialize. Have you both sat down and had a heart-to-heart talk about this?
You make great points and if he loves you he should work with you on this.” Looking-Glass4815
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m curious what the original plan was though. Because there seems to be a big communication lapse. Break things down into chunks. First of all, you aren’t on board for MIL moving in.
That’s a hard no for you, so it’s time to brainstorm a new idea. First of all. Are you guys planning on more kids or are you one and done? If more kids, what would be your preferred timeline? What does this future look like?
If no more kids, how long would you like to stay home? Until kiddo is starting to wean? Until the kiddo is old enough for school? Financially what would the budget be for what you’d like the future to look like? Do you have a house?
Retirement savings? College fund? Emergency fund? Are your cars in good order? Try to figure out what you would ideally want. Then bring it up with your husband. Get his input. What does he want your joint future to look like? Is he worried about you having a gap in your career?
Is he under too much stress being the sole income? Don’t worry too much about breastfeeding in the middle of all of this. There are certain foods that can help with milk production. And it’s advisable to reduce stress, relax while pumping, and pump while nursing to help produce more milk.
You’re just going to have to keep trying things until you figure out what works for you.” Llyndreth
3. AITJ For Getting Upset At My Friend For Suggesting I Should Have Used A Surrogate?
“I’m currently pregnant with my first child and pregnancy hasn’t been anything like I expected it to be… it’s actually been pretty horrendous and most days I have zero energy to do anything.
Before I got pregnant, I ranted to my friends about how my in-laws and family were dropping not-so-subtle hints about me having a baby soon constantly.
During that conversation, my friend Sarah told me to use a surrogate despite me having zero fertility issues and only being in my late 20s. At the time I thought her comment was gross but I never said anything and just laughed it off.
Fast forward to yesterday and my friends came to visit me to see how I was.
I mentioned how the pregnancy was hard, I felt like I was a balloon and I couldn’t wait for it to be over. Sarah replied that this was why I should’ve used a surrogate like she suggested. I got upset, admittedly more than I normally would, and told her I wasn’t going to rent a womb just because.
She got defensive and said that my husband probably would’ve preferred it if I had and he didn’t seem happy with the state I was in.
My husband and his reaction to my pregnancy was already a sore spot (she wasn’t aware) so I got really angry when she said this and asked her to leave.
She did try to apologise but I had her kicked out still. It made things awkward and the rest of my friends left soon after.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“As someone going through the process of conceiving with assistance, the stimulation of harvestable eggs is horrendous, so suggesting someone go through this for no reason but to avoid pregnancy and pay huge sums for someone else to carry their child instead is wildly stupid.
Harvesting eggs isn’t cheap either, plus it’s not comfortable to have dozens of follicles growing on your ovaries and it involves general anesthesia to collect them, too. NTJ. She is horribly insensitive and thinks it’s no big deal to drop significant money to not carry your own child when you’re capable of it.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Sounds like there’s much more going on that led to your reaction. Your friend should have backed off with her opinion after you had gotten pregnant, simply because it doesn’t matter now. I do wonder if she suggested that because maybe she viewed you getting pregnant due to peer pressure instead of actually wanting to wait until you and your husband were ready.
You did rant to your friends about the peer pressure you were under from them. What issues your husband, and you have regarding this pregnancy are the ultimate drivers for your emotions regarding this topic. While she didn’t know how he truly feels about things, it set you off.
Her observation of him was uncalled for yet hit close to home though. It doesn’t sound like he is thrilled about things and that maybe you two really should have talked more about having a family together when things were right for the both of you and not for what others wanted. Not enough context to fully understand the situation, just going off of what you had talked about.
If possible, maybe do some counseling. There’s much more going on here and AITJ judgment isn’t going to be able to help you with those issues going on that you are struggling with.” Dry_Dragonfruit_4191
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This person is not a good friend.
She lacks boundaries and respect and consideration for other people’s feelings. I don’t know why she felt the need to say those things to you. Maybe she has her own insecurities about pregnancy and childbirth and felt the need to project that onto you.
That’s really not okay. You weren’t wrong to ask her to leave at all. Her words were insensitive and not what you need. Her comments about your husband are something else also! I think it might be wise to rethink this friendship. You mentioned as well that your husband’s reaction to your pregnancy is a sore spot for you, I think it may be worth having a talk with him.
You deserve all the love and support and it’s good to express your feelings. OP, I have three kids, my first and last pregnancies were really hard. I sympathize with you, completely.” Status_Inspector_972
2. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Dress Down For Casual Gatherings?
“My roommate has a tendency to overdress. She likes to be all made up, heels, dresses. She does this consistently, to the point that we’re going to Panda Express for dinner and she’ll get done up like it’s a date.
I play Ingress, and the local ingress group is meeting up for dinner tonight at a sushi place, there’s gonna be about a dozen of us.
My roommate started playing the other day finally, so I invited her. Come meet the crew, the folks! But hey, it’s a casual dinner, so dress casual please. Jeans and a comfortable shirt or something, and shoes you’re okay walking in because these nights typically end with walking all over the place hacking portals and building fields.
Okay, message received, she says.
We’re getting ready to go, she comes to me and asks “is this good?”
She’s got a dress on, heels, necklace, eye shadow and liner, lipstick. Color-matched her makeup palette to her dress.
Like, come on, we talked about this.
You’re dressed like it’s a date, this isn’t, this is a casual dinner with some friends, can you reel it back please? The dress is good, but the heels and makeup and jewelry are overkill, can you downscale please?
Now she’s cursed at me, flipped me off, and slammed the doors.
She’s done this at pool parties at my brother’s place, when folks come over for a party here at our place, it’s gotten to the point where my family has asked me if we’re seeing each other. We’re not.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You don’t get to dictate someone else’s wardrobe.
The most you could have said was “We’ll be walking around quite a lot, did you want to bring along a set of comfier shoes for later or will you be fine in heels?” Which would have given her a chance to grab a backup shoe if needed for the activities.
It’s about her comfort, not your dress code and weird need to dictate her clothing. “It’s gotten to the point my family has asked me if we’re seeing each other. We’re not.” This read to me like you’re feeling a little bitter about that. Your family asked if you were seeing a well-dressed person and your reaction is to have her dress down?
How does her dressing up reflect poorly on you? Are you mad that she dresses up, or mad that she’s not dressing up for you in particular? This felt really weird to me.” ignisgirl
Another User Comments:
“I over-dress for everything. It’s a running, very good-natured joke among friends and family.
I know when my shoes will hurt my feet and to switch to ballet flats or comfy booties and I know when I need a pair of runners and shorts under my dress. I almost always wear makeup because oooh pretty colors! Shimmer! Glossy pretty lipstick!
I always have on a pretty choker and big flashy earrings. My sunglasses are leopard print hearts. I love these things and they make me happy. They make my friends and family happy because they want me to be happy. So why do you care if she dresses to the nines to get McDonald’s or hit Target?
Why would anyone? And honestly, most sushi places around me are really nice. Perhaps YOU are UNDERdressed. YTJ.” RiverTam86
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t get to gatekeep what you want your roommate to wear. That’s so offensive and frankly, nonsense. Move out, or ask her to move out so you can get a frumpy roommate.
As someone who wears makeup and jewelry to the grocery store, I sure as heck don’t dress up for men. I dress up because it makes me feel good. It has nothing to do with attention. I’d rather have a nicely dressed roommate than one who doesn’t wash their clothes or take a shower.
Get over yourself. It’s none of your business, so you can’t make it one.” Sundae-83
1. AITJ For Being Upset At My Husband For Missing A Doctor's Appointment Due To Work?
“My husband (32) and I (28) are expecting our first baby together. I’m 4 months along in my pregnancy and I regularly go to the doctor’s office for checkups.
My husband comes with me often but he recently started working a full-time job that requires him to cover night shifts.
I noticed him no longer taking part in my pregnancy. Like this one time when he had his brother bring me over-the-counter medication because he couldn’t get off work and come deal with my nausea.
I told him about the doctor’s appointment on Monday and he said he won’t guarantee that he’d come but I told him he needed to.
The day of the appointment, he called me saying he was stuck at his work and couldn’t leave and go with me.
I had an argument with him and he said it was just a follow up so it’s fine if he missed it, then suggested I take my mom with me. I hung up because I was so mad at him and felt like his baby isn’t a priority when it comes to work.
I went to the appointment with Mom and after I got home I called him and told him that his absence from the doctor’s office today shows just what kind of dad he will be. He got offended and said it was not cool then went on about how unfair of me to judge him off of one time thing and offend him as father.
He then started cold-shouldering me saying I hurt his feelings and made him look like a neglectful dad over missing a follow-up appointment because he was trying to make a living for the family.”
Another User Comments:
“Wow honey YTJ he’s working full time and covering nights yet you want him to just forget his job to go with you to every appointment…..do you not understand how having a job works?
You sound like an entitled brat complaining he puts work over you…..someone’s got to pay the bills! He is doing the best he can balancing you and his job which likely keeps you insured for your health and upcoming baby….show some compassion and thank him for taking care of his family or keep up your bickering and find yourself a single mother.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You seriously expect him to leave work to bring you meds for your nausea? You’re seriously getting upset because he couldn’t leave in the middle of his shift to come to a doctor’s appointment? Most places require a 2-week notice to take time off.
You gave him less than a week’s notice. You yourself admitted that he goes with you often. On top of that, he just started a new job. Some places won’t let you take PTO until you’ve been there a certain amount of time. He can’t just up and leave to come to a FOLLOW-UP appointment.
Seriously why did you NEED him to go with you?” HogwartsAlumni25
Another User Comments:
“YTJ he’s working! Not making it to every appointment or running to help you because you’re sick (common with pregnancy and not a major issue). I’ve had 2 children myself sickness sucks (I threw up most of the pregnancy with my second) but you’re an adult, not a toddler you don’t need someone to hold your hand for it, he still got you your medication even while working by sending his brother.
You’re pregnant not dying get your act together and stop being cruel to the man working his tail off to provide for you and your child. Stop expecting him to take time off to attend every little appointment and stop acting like a spoilt child.
You’re about to become a mother for crying out loud.” Anewstageinlife
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AND the baby is staying upstairs with you. Period.
If they want to see the babu they can come upstairs. That you'll be feeding the baby a lot, AND if they don't like it they can go back downstairs until it's done eating.