People Put Us In The Middle Of Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations
22. AITJ For Not Signing Papers That Would Allow My Aunt To Inherit My Grandma's House?
“I (30F) lost my grandma (89) in December of 2023. Amy is Grandma’s daughter.
In 2019 I moved in to help. We had always gotten along well. She relied pretty heavily on a walker to get around and needed help with cooking and cleaning.
I had been working full-time and starting to burn out. My brother (31) was out of work. We decided he would move in and help.
My brother really dove in and we managed for a while.
2022 and my grandma is in a wheelchair.
She needs help in and out of bed, on and off the toilet, she wasn’t even able to lift her arms high enough to brush her hair. My brother and I have tried to have conversations with Amy about getting my grandma into a nursing home.
We were shut down.
Grandma was not rich but did own her home and was always good with money. Amy had a lot of influence over her, when I would talk to her about selling her house she would say “Well I’m supposed to leave it for Amy.” We don’t have medical training and it was starting to be too much.
Late 2022 my brother had to leave. He needed somewhere with more job opportunities. We also hoped this would force Amy’s hand.
For the first few months, Amy and my grandma’s son’s wife Cassie were alternating 2 weeks with her. My grandma now spent all day sitting in the chair.
I would help her to the bathroom on my lunch. Amy would help her with showers but was often snappy and harsh. After 4 months Cassie stopped coming. Grandma spoke often of wanting to die and that we should just put her out of her misery.
Amy relied on me more. Soon I was getting calls in the middle of the night.
Months later she was taken to the ER. For a few days, they couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t waking up. Medically there was no reason to keep her there so they began pressing Amy to provide the information needed to transfer to a nursing home.
Amy told me that they were moving my grandma to a “hospice wing” but the social worker at the hospital called me and told me that none of that was true. There was no “hospice” wing and that A was being uncooperative and that she had spoken with the nursing home and there had been no inquiries into getting her in.
I was prepared to try and get APS involved and try and get a case of elder abuse opened. Then my grandma went from “unresponsive” to the “active dying”. 2 days later she passed quietly with me sitting in her room playing her some Johnny Cash.
Grandma left a holographic will and did not appoint a personal representative. She left me her mom’s bedroom set. When I asked when I could move it Amy told me I couldn’t have it and she was giving it to her son.
A sent out a petition to appoint herself as personal representative. Since I was named in the will I have to sign a renunciation of rights and a receipt of property but I didn’t get it.
She’s been coming into my work, calling non-stop, harassing me to sign the papers.
She’s saying they are running out of money and the bank is going to take the house.
Is it more of a disgrace to my grandma’s memory to fight her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and keep fighting, grandma left you her bedroom set and you now own it.
Aunt is asking you to break the law by signing that document. I would write to her, recorded delivery, and tell her that you will not break the law by signing a fraudulent document and you will only be prepared to sign once you are in possession of your rightfully inherited goods.
Also, well done for caring for your grandma so wonderfully in her lifetime.” SadFlatworm1436
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I would speak to a lawyer and put your case that Amy willingly denied her mother care she needed and could have had so she could keep the house rather than properly care for Grandma.
I am sorry Amy sucks. I am sorry you had to be alone with Grandma while she passed. Grandma was lucky to have you.” CrankyArtichoke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, What you are really asking is if you should let this woman who did not care for her elderly relative have a financial gain from that relative by cooperating or if you would be wrong to cause the house to be foreclosed on.
Personally, I think you should let, and help, the house go into foreclosure. If the house sells for more than what is owed she will get some money but less than if she had the property to sell or live in, in essence living off the relative she couldn’t bother to take care of during her last days.
It is my opinion that if you don’t bother to take care of someone during their dying days, you shouldn’t receive anything from them of value.” ConfusedAt63
21. AITJ For Eating In Front Of My Unemployed Friend At Happy Hour?
“I (31F) went out with a friend (also 31F) who has been unemployed and struggling to find work for a few months. She wanted to go for one happy hour drink because she’s trying to save money. I had been running around all day and was starving when I met her.
On top of my drink, I ordered a salad (she only had the drink) and offered her some (she said no.)
Later I got a text about how it was “very rude” to eat in front of her when she couldn’t afford an entree.
Was it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But if I were out of work and hungry, I can’t say my first choice of where to spend money would be on a drink. She picked the place, and you offered to share your salad.
Were you supposed to drink on an empty stomach because she can afford a cocktail but not a meal?” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“All the people saying if she can’t afford a meal then she shouldn’t be going out for drinks…haven’t you ever wanted to balance having a social life with staying on a budget??
She wanted to do something fun without spending the cost of a whole restaurant meal. That’s perfectly normal.” besssjay
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend had multiple options. She could have ordered food instead of booze if she was hungry.
She could have eaten something at home to make sure she wasn’t hungry. She could have accepted the offer to share the salad. I’m frankly baffled that people are suggesting that you should have bought her food. Just because you have a job and bought one salad doesn’t mean you have zero financial constraints of your own and can just foot the bill for an unemployed friend whenever the friend wants something beyond her means.
The friend picked the activity. Not you. It’s weird to suggest you are somehow more responsible for paying for them both than the person who made the plan in the first place is for paying for herself.” TreeHuggerHannah
20. AITJ For Refusing To Attend And Work At My Partner's Sister's Party After Paying A Guest Fee?
“I turned down going to my partner’s sister’s birthday party because:
1. I was invited as a guest and paid 100 dollars as a mandatory guest contribution to the party.
2. They failed to mention that I wasn’t really a guest and that my partner and I were supposed to be working in the kitchen, clean, etc, this was after I had RSVP’ed and sent them money.
3. The birthday party was for the sister who I had met maybe 3-4 times at that point, we didn’t live in the same city as her sister.
4. It was also at the same time as a birthday party for her sister’s friend whom I had never met.
5. I didn’t know any one of their friends or anybody who was gonna be there.
6. It was to take place over 300 miles from where we lived.
More info:
– My partner and I had been together for a little over a year.
– We were both 25 and her sister turned 35.
My partner was absolutely furious that I didn’t do this. I never heard the end of it. That it was something you were supposed to do for your partner/her family, to be a supportive partner, etc.
But I felt like I was being used and decided that I wouldn’t give in.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ after point 1, everything else was just padding your case. Being mad that someone isn’t willing to travel 300 miles and pay to work at a family member’s party who you barely know of an SO you’ve only been with for about a year is a heck of a red flag.
If she’s this upset about something so incredibly reasonable on your part, I’d be looking forward at what else you might be contending with in the future.” D20IsHowIRoll
Another User Comments:
“You’re the winner! Your relationship strategy – be with someone long enough to see how they and their family really work so you can decide if they’re a fit for you- worked!
She and her family are terrible! You found out before you got engaged and didn’t have to lose a bunch of wedding deposits! You found out before you got married and don’t have to lose half a house! Take yourself out for a beer and toast to your wisdom.
NTJ.” capmanor1755
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You thought you were an invited guest & paid a mandatory (that’s ridiculous) $100. Nobody EVER should make their guests pay to come to their function. That is absolutely a jerk move. You invite people, you pay.
You were never told that you were supposed to be working. If you knew that, you never would’ve given them the $100. Your partner & her family suck man. They just assumed you would go along with it. They assumed wrong.
This has nothing to do with supporting her or her family & everything to do with them being deceitful.” NOTTHATKAREN1
19. AITJ For Charging My Brother Rent And Asking Him To Contribute To A Family Trip?
“My brother recently moved out of my mother’s house after they got into an argument, for reference he’s about 26 years old.
He left on bad terms and moved in with his partner who had a house nearby. Turns out that her house wasn’t hers and she was living with a friend who allowed her to let him move in. So after about a month there, he is kicked out along with his partner who now has to leave to move back in with her parents.
The reason he said he was kicked out was because although his rent was basically free he refused to clean up after the owner’s pet, an elderly dog. So with nowhere to go, I opened my doors to him for two months where I charged him $500 a month to stay with us.
He ended up paying only for a month as our mother paid me for the second month.
Truthfully my wife thought he should pay more since he is an able-bodied grown man but I vouched for him and that was the price.
During his stay, my father was coming into town to visit us as we live across the country. My wife had a great idea to take my father to Disney World and I warned her that by extension my brother would need to go as my father wouldn’t like him to miss out.
We agreed to have my brother come along but I made sure I was clear with him that he help us pay for the trip. We asked him that in two months’ time he pay us $1,000 which is 1/10th of the total cost. The trip happened during his stay and now he has moved out after asking our mother for forgiveness so she would co-sign an apartment with him.
I asked him a couple of days ago if he was aware that the money was due to which he told me there was no way he’d be able to pay me back.
After me sending a couple of text messages and being ghosted I sent him a text suggesting perhaps we should just sell a guitar he left in our garage.
I was promptly called and got sworn at for being a “jerk” and told “screw you”. I was told I did nothing for him and now that he’s moved out he’s had time to think about how by asking for rent we took advantage of him and that my wife and I are greedy.
I’ve been told to sell the guitar and to leave him alone. Also, his partner moved in with him with 10k in savings which he refuses to ask for because he’s the “man.””
Another User Comments:
“You all agreed to it so NTJ.
You would also not be wrong to sell his guitar since even if he couldn’t pay you immediately he could have negotiated a payment plan with you but he instead just ghosted you. I do think it was unreasonable of you to expect him to ask his partner for money though.
Not because he’s the man, but because she wasn’t involved in the agreement, she isn’t his wife, so there’s absolutely zero reason for her to shoulder that cost.” Lopsided_Put4682
Another User Comments:
“Huh? NTJ for charging another able-bodied adult rent to live with you.
I really don’t get the $10,000 Disney trip part, though. If he had to get Mom to pay half of the $1000 rent for two months, why would you expect to be able to collect an additional $1000 from him for his share of this trip?
To be clear: should he pay you for the trip? Yes. Is there any reason to expect, based on all the other info in this post, that he ever would? No!” CoverCharacter8179
Another User Comments:
“So why did you vouch for him?
Because of his ‘stellar’ track record as a free-loading tenant of your mom and his partner’s friend? Because he demonstrates a commitment to pay his obligations? And why did you think it could obligate him to pay $1,000 for a vacation when he wasn’t even able to keep his commitment to pay you $1,000 for 2 months’ rent?
Why are you asking him to ask his partner to pay for his debts? (His logic that he’s ‘the man’ is bogus, but your expectation that his partner pay his debts is also bogus.) So the dynamic in your family is: bail out Junior, get mad at Junior and kick him out, bail him out because he’s burned a bridge with someone else, get mad at him again and kick him out again.
someone else bails him out because he burned his bridge with you, blah, blah, blah ad nauseam. You might want to wait a few months. Your mom will kick him out for being rude and irresponsible. He’ll come back to you for a bailout.
You’ll vouch for him again and want to include him in some fun thing that he can’t afford. He’ll stiff you again; you’ll kick him out again. Back to mom’s, blah, blah, blah. It doesn’t matter if you charge him $500 or $100 or $1.
It’s not like your brother is going to fulfill any reasonable obligation. Everyone’s a jerk for enabling this dynamic.” swillshop
18. AITJ For Refusing To Continue Parenting My Siblings For My Overwhelmed Mother?
“I (23F) currently live with my mother (45F). A couple of weeks ago I left due to an argument and didn’t come back until yesterday. When I came back she called me into her room to talk and had her friend on the phone.
This particular friend is supposed to be my godfather even though I’ve never met him.
When I came into the room the friend said that he was glad that I was home and that I needed to stop lashing out and not leave again.
I told him that leaving for a little while was what was best for my mental health. He and my mother both said “No it’s not” and I replied with “Maybe it’s not to you but it was to me and you can’t tell me what is and what isn’t good for my mental health”.
They said that my siblings missed me and hate it when I leave. I said that that’s what happens when you grow up around other children. Eventually they grow up and leave and live their own lives.
They changed the subject and started talking about my siblings (19M, 16M, and 13F) saying that I needed to do more to help my mother with them and make sure that they do what they’re supposed to do (like chores, schoolwork, etc.).
I told her no. I’ve been basically raising my siblings my whole life and I wasn’t going to play replacement parent to them anymore. And plus she’s asked me to help before and when I tried she wouldn’t listen and all she did was get angry at me and say “You’re not the mother.
I am”. Besides they’re all old enough to know what they’re supposed to do.
My mother said that she’s tired and needs a break and can’t work and take care of them at the same time and really needs my help.
I told her that I’ve been helping her without even a thank you and now I’m done and need to start figuring out and living my own life. She and her friend called me selfish and said that I only look at it that way because of my mindset and that I need to change my mindset and help the family more.
I stood my ground and said that I just wanted to focus on myself from now on and that my siblings were old enough to know what they were supposed to do and if they don’t do it then she needs to discipline them.
Her friend asked me what I think the proper discipline should be and I said that’s up to my mother. He said that’s too much work for her to do and asked why she should have to worry about things like that after getting off of work and said that I should do it.
I stood my ground and said, “No. You’re asking me to play mommy to them which I’m not going to do. I’m the big sister, not the mother”. They called me a selfish jerk for not wanting to be a part of the family and helping.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not their parent you’re their sister if she needs help she needs to ask the other parent of her children. She chose to have them, not you. You should move out and find your way out of that situation that you did not create.
I say this as a mother myself. I chose to have my children, my children did not choose to have me. My job as their parent is to care for them and guide them so they can grow up to live their lives as they want.
They have no obligation to me in any way.” Over-Equivalent-9649
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t something to be argued or negotiated. Your mother is used to bullying you to get the help she sorely needs. You can’t argue or reason your way out of this.
What you do is embrace your inner jerk. No is a complete sentence. Don’t argue. Move out and leave to go live far far away. Show up for the holidays if you wish. Of course there are downsides to this decision.
You can’t count on family help and your siblings might hate you. But you trust as they’ll get older they’ll understand. Do try to be responsible so that you don’t find yourself having to make crappy decisions to stay independent.
It’s not uncommon for women to leave crappy homes only to land a crappy partner who cripples their life prospects. So stay level-headed, stay responsible. Go live your best life.” PandaStroke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. W*f did I just read?
Please leave and don’t tell her your address, if you want to retain contact you could do her the favor of not blocking her number, which she doesn’t deserve! Please don’t sacrifice your life for this very selfish, entitled woman.
A 19-year-old is a legal adult, a 16-year-old should be more than capable of looking after themselves, as should a 13-year-old for many things. I did note that the older siblings are both male, is that why they aren’t deemed capable to look after themselves?!
Well done on standing up for yourself. Formulate your escape plan and just leave, do not inform her of this. Get any help that is available to you and contact CPS if you are worried about the 13-year-old, who is probably in line to be the next Cinderella.
The random on the phone has absolutely nothing to do with you, he is an irrelevance. Wishing you all the best in life. Live, be free. Put yourself first, at last OP.” YrCeridwen
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Comfort My Misogynistic And Messy Roommate?
“Recently, my roommates all sat down to discuss resigning our lease.
The roommate we all took issue with is Aaron. The rest of us decided we wanted to move out without Aaron because of how he treats the women in the house and does not clean. We have had multiple discussions regarding cleaning and respecting public shared areas, but nothing has changed. We have all lived together for two years, and it’s becoming increasingly difficult to live with him.
Not only this, but he has a tendency to make me and the other female roommate extremely uncomfortable with remarks about women, no matter how much we have told him that it is not okay to make those remarks.
Back to early this week, we all decided to sit down and talk about moving.
When we mentioned we wanted to move without him and he asked why, another roommate and I told him the issues we have had living with him and that it’s coming to a place where we don’t feel comfortable living with him.
He downplayed how we were feeling saying we were the problem, and went to his room. One of the roommates, went to comfort him, in which Aaron told him he wanted nothing to do with us. He is now in his room all the time, slamming doors, leaving cabinets open, and generally being passive-aggressive.
Now, his friend wants everyone to talk to him to try and make him feel better, but I don’t feel bad for anything I said and don’t want to talk to him. AITJ for not wanting to talk to him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Consider it early training in confronting rude people and expecting them to throw tantrums and play victims. You will need it in life. You said what you said. You absolutely do not owe anyone to mollycoddle him to make him feel better.
He doesn’t deserve to feel better or get let off the hook for his rude behavior without an apology on his part. Hold your ground.” Content-Plenty-268
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But also your friend is an enabler of this guy’s misogyny and bad behavior.
This guy is a bad roommate, and he is experiencing the consequences of his own poor behavior. Of course if you treat people badly, they won’t want to live with you. When people don’t experience natural correction, they never learn to self-correct, especially if others are running interference making sure they never experience consequences for their bad behavior.
Natural consequences are how we learn, and if people interfere with that process, they create a false feedback loop for the toxic person.” invah
Another User Comments:
“Forget that nonsense. NTJ. Y’all called him out on his bad behavior and now he is throwing temper tantrums like a toddler.
Sounds like they are deflecting and trying to throw it back and say y’all are the problem instead of owning up to their bad behavior and working on it. A roommate is supposed to be respectful of everyone else in the house, and everybody there should be able to feel comfortable in the house that is being collectively shared.” OptimusShredder
16. AITJ For Leaving The Restaurant After My Friend Was Almost Two Hours Late?
“First of all, all the involved are Latinos, and Latinos have this “Latino hour” thing where you say to someone “meet me at 4 pm” and both of you show up 2 hours later.
I am Latino, but I find that very annoying and everybody knows that.
I (32M) was visiting a city where I lived before and I had a tight plan so I could do everything I wanted. My friend (32M) invited me to a restaurant, it was for us to catch up and for me to meet his new partner, and we agreed on 7 pm.
He didn’t want to make a reservation, but I did anyway because I hate waiting in lines.
Timeline:
7 pm – I am in front of the restaurant and he’s not there.
7:20 – I texted him telling him that I’ll wait inside because they hold reservations for only 20 minutes.
I enter the restaurant. I order a drink.
7:40 – He answers saying that he’s on the way.
7:44 – I call him asking where he’s and he says that he’s on the way and should arrive in 20 minutes. I am already really annoyed and I tell him that.
I order another drink. At this point, there aren’t tables and I can notice the waiter looking at me because I was alone using a table for 4.
8:10 – He’s not there yet, I am very frustrated and I decided to order a snack, something small, while waiting.
The waiter asks me if I want to change to a smaller table and explain that I am waiting for friends.
8:20 – I call him again and he doesn’t answer. I order another drink.
8:45 – He texts me saying “10 minutes”.
I pay the bill and I leave.
9:01 – He calls me, I don’t pick up and I text him saying that I left.
He doesn’t say anything at the moment, and then one hour later calls me angry saying that I embarrassed him, that his partner felt bad thinking I didn’t wait because I didn’t want to meet her, which is a total stretch to me, and we had a little bit of an argument.
I asked the opinion of a common friend and he said “he should be on time because we know how you are with time”, which makes me feel like I am right, but at the same time makes me feel like I am the problem here.
AITJ for leaving after waiting for one hour and 45 minutes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m not Latino so I can’t comment on that cultural element, but I would have left under those circumstances too. If I attempted to call my friend 40 minutes after they said they were 20 minutes away, and they didn’t answer or call or text me back soon after, I’d also be pretty miffed. I have no issues with people running late to events at my house.
Two hours late? That’s fine, I’ve things I can do. But if we’re buying a service (dinner out) being late by two hours, leaving me sitting on my own waiting, is extremely rude. It’s not just rude to me, it’s rude to the establishment.
Restaurant seating durations are usually 90 minutes. So a dinner table booked at 7 is usually free around about 8:45. Expecting both you and the restaurant to be happy to see him finally turn up 2 hours late is the epitome of self-centredness. Your friend is upset but he’s the one who behaved badly.
At any point, he could have given you a realistic idea of when he would actually arrive. He didn’t. He owes you an apology.” Equivalent-Board206
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My partner is Spanish and he has never been late. He has also shared that while Spanish culture commonly includes this concept when people are late to events, not everyone does that and if they are required to be on time, most will be on time.
Besides, rather than encouraging people to be late, it’s more of many people won’t mind much if you’re late within an hour for casual events. Of course for formal events like weddings and interviews, people will be on time.
Your friend is using culture as an excuse for his own convenience and bad behavior.” Kaku_Yukiei
Another User Comments:
“This was extremely disrespectful. The whole being late thing applies to parties or gatherings AT HOME. But if you make plans to go out then that’s where I’d draw the line.
You were more than patient and waited way longer than I personally would have. I have the same standards with time and it should be common decency for people to try and make it on time or at least around the agreed-upon time.
I understand some things happen but arriving 2 hours later is completely unacceptable and shows he does not value your time.” Neat-Rush-5366
15. AITJ For Asking My Fiancé To Take Substance Tests And Show His Bank Statements?
“I recently found out my fiancé has been doing illegal substances regularly for at least a year.
We have 2 kids and drew down on our mortgage last year.
I found out because I was applying to skip a few months’ mortgage payments. To do it, you need to both submit bank statements including app banks like Venmo.
I had been suspicious of his spending and behavior for quite a while. I’ve found empty bags in the house but he said they were casual (which I don’t mind). Another fight about finances last week sparked me to comb through his statement and the transactions were all there.
I confronted him and he confessed to taking it regularly (it’s been 4.5k worth since March) We’re only recently drawn down on the mortgage and have 2 kids (one of them is very new). I asked him how he could jeopardize all of this.
He broke down and said he would stop – that he would do whatever he had to.
I’m not stupid enough to think someone could go cold turkey without any problems. I told him that he was free to take all of the rest that he needed. (I looked up withdrawal symptoms and his big one seems to be oversleeping).
I also asked him to talk to me, that I expect wobbles and struggles and I’m here for him. Every time I ask him how he’s doing he rolls his eyes and tells me to stop asking.
This past weekend I got suspicious.
His movements were a bit shady which isn’t important. What’s important is that I quickly realized that I had lost all trust in him. I asked him today if he’d be willing, just for a couple of weeks, to allow me access to his statement to see where his finances are going, and to take some substance tests for no other reason than to reassure me because his word just isn’t enough anymore.
His reaction was really bad. He blurted out flippant comebacks like “what’s the point of this relationship if you don’t trust me”, “what, like you’re my Mam?” And “I’ll actually do a substance test so I can LAUGH at you”.
If I didn’t suspect it before asking, I definitely do now that he’s on a comedown – there’s no need for such defensive behavior. But is it that unreasonable to ask him for those things just for a few weeks?
I’d get it if we didn’t have kids or joint assets but we do so I need to think of that above anything else. I feel gaslit and have nobody else to talk to about this without messing up his relationship with them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you are putting your kids’ lives at risk. “I’ve found empty bags in the house but he said they were casual (which I don’t mind).” You should mind. If you’ve found them, what if your kids found them?
What if they found a bag? There should be a no substance policy IN the home, even if you don’t mind casual usage. Also, he’s being ridiculous. Relationships are built on trust. He broke that trust. Needing regular substance tests to ensure he’s holding up his end helps to rebuild the trust that he broke.
He doesn’t get to just ask for forgiveness and you blindly forgive him. That isn’t how this works. He doesn’t want to be accountable and is trying to make you feel like you’re being unreasonable.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“Addict here.
This guy has no plans to give up. I’d have killed for a partner as supportive as you are, so don’t let him convince you you’re a nag or a pest. You’re a mother and a partner. You’re the jerk if you don’t protect your kids.
You might want to look into Al-Anon or Narc-Anon if you want to work on the relationship, but he needs to be in therapy and he needs to recognize the magnitude of his problem. You can’t make him want to change, and it’s clear he isn’t ready to quit.
If he did, he’d welcome your substance tests and thank you for supporting him. Can you put the wedding on hold until he’s been clean for a year, at least? NTJ.” MRSAMinor
Another User Comments:
“”You told me you’d do whatever you have to do.
You’re right, right now I can’t trust you. In order for me to do that you need to be transparent about your bank accounts and take the substance tests. If you don’t do that, how do I know you’ve stopped?
You hid it from me so now you need to prove it to me,” or some variation of it is what I would say. Of course you’re NTJ. You are protecting your children. Don’t get drawn into an argument. Tell him exactly what you need. If he’s not going to listen, gaslight, be defensive – is there someone you can go to who can support you through this?
Messing up his relationship with them – be darned.” proserunmad
14. AITJ For Limiting The Number Of Free Candles For My Partner's Sister's Wedding?
“I have been with my partner for almost 8 years, fast forward to my partner’s nephew’s christening. My partner’s brother and sister-in-law chose me and my partner as godparents for their second child.
And they had this whole party and everything. I had thought of getting gifts but realized I didn’t think they had a souvenir or any sort of party favor for their party and I offered to make some personalized scented soy wax candles for the event.
I make candles sometimes because it’s kind of my hobby/side hustle. I don’t make cheap ones that’s for sure. I use premium high-quality materials and they end up costing close to $6 each. And I made around 55pcs for the christening, all for free of course.
Following the next few days, my partner’s sister gave me a bunch of compliments on how well the candles turned out, etc, and ultimately mentioned it was her dream to have candles as the wedding favor or souvenir at her wedding.
I told her that yeah it would be nice to have candles at a wedding but she ended up asking me anyway if I could be the one to make the candles for her wedding like how I did with my partner’s nephew’s christening.
Ultimately signaling she’s asking for this for free.
I said maybe to her. But she already took that as a yes. So I was like ok well******* up buttercup. I knew she was having 100 guests so I knew it was gonna be 100 candles.
In the next few weeks, I asked her what she wanted and the scent, the jar, the design, etc. Lo and behold she starts messaging me these requests like the kind of jar (a much more expensive kind), she wanted 4 different scents (this is a bit of a hassle on my part to make different scented ones) and to top it all off she wanted 200pcs of 200g candles.
So I’m already computing in my mind and what she wanted was gonna cost over $1200 at least. In my mind, the $600 would be some sort of wedding gift already from me and my partner to her. But $1200 is a huge huge amount.
I feel like it’s too much. I don’t even make that much in a month at my job.
I told my partner the situation and he said he will talk to her and offer that we only give 100 candles as our gift to her.
On my part, I’m just so surprised that she would even ask for 200pcs? She’s not having 200 guests she’s only having about 100-120. So I don’t understand it. It really makes me question if she’s taking advantage of my generosity.
And she knows we aren’t close at all and that she has never made an effort to be closer to me for the 8 years I’ve been with my partner. Isn’t it already a bit crazy on her part to ask me to do this for her when we’re not even that close and I know she never liked me and she had the gall to ask for 200pcs among other requests?
Anyway, I haven’t even replied to her until now. I saw her message but I didn’t reply because what in the world am I even supposed to say.”
Another User Comments:
“To answer your last sentence: ages aren’t given but since you have been with your partner for 8 years I am going to assume you are over 20.
By that age, you should have learned to say “No” or “Okay, but this is the cost” or any number of other things. Also, you say you make candles as a side hustle so surely you have learned to deal with customers and this situation is not much different than that (the difference being how much you are willing to give for free, and that amount should be no more than what you would have spent on a gift in the first place).
You set the limits on what you are comfortable with. If you bend over backward now imagine the demands for free candles in the future…” Random-OldGuy
Another User Comments:
“She’s way too demanding and you should have stopped her in her tracks as soon as you realized that.
Soft YTJ for not telling her to be real and limiting the souvenirs to a much more reasonable amount. Tell partner not to offer her the 100pcs, that you are done and are no longer interested. Tell the future bride that it’s way too much work and way too expensive and send her some links where she can buy candles.
If she doesn’t want you at her wedding, I mean, who cares, you can stay home and relax.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is what we call “escalation of commitment”. You (grudgingly) agreed to 100 candles of a moderate range, she’s escalated you through a series of steps into something you would never have agreed to, but you feel like it’s harder to back out since you agreed to everything up to this point.
This is where you say: “now that I understand the scope of what you’re asking for, I can’t offer these for free. In fact, I never really said “yes” in the first place, you just took my “maybe” as a yes. I’d be happy to…” and describe what you’re actually happy to do.
Whatever that is, make it clear how much labor and costs you are covering and make it clear that that is your gift to her, so she doesn’t come back later being all “they never even gave me a gift.”” Haunting_Clothes1673
13. AITJ For Being Upset That My Dad's Friend's Son Invaded My Privacy By Using His Face ID On My Phone?
“I’m 21F, and staying at my dad’s friend’s house for maybe a month or two, for study-related reasons.
These people are more like family at this point because this is my dad’s childhood friend, and his wife eventually became my mom’s friend and overall we’ve been close throughout my life. Their kids and I basically grew up like cousins you could say.
So their son is also close to me since we’re in the same age group.
Anyway recently I noticed his behavior changing towards me, he’s become much more available to me, shares his problems with me, acts really caring towards me, and just hangs out with me often when I’m at the house.
It was fine I mean we grew up close and like we joke around and stuff but never to this degree. He started sharing memes on socials and randomly hitting me up to talk as well which we never did before, and the memes he shared sometimes were all stuff like “send this to the prettiest girl you know” and stuff you get the gist. So I kinda gathered that okay he might have developed a slight crush, I have been living at his house after all.
But I was sensible enough to withdraw a bit and not give him any signals from my side.
Anyway a week ago again he’s in my room hanging out and we’re talking random stuff and somehow we end up on him betting that he can open the passcode on my phone through some hack he knows.
I take the bet I was like there’s no way iPhones can be hacked by dumb tricks you see on YouTube. Lo and behold he opens it, I’m shocked and he admits he’s kidding and that he just knew it already, so I immediately change the passcode and then he says bet I can open it still and I’m like okay there’s no way and he unlocks it AGAIN.
I’m kinda shaken at this point because I might not have much to hide but I’m still a very private person and leave my phone unattended sometimes, and knowing he could’ve looked through it any time did not sit right with me.
I pester him and he eventually tells me that he put HIS face ID on MY phone when he knew the passcode???? And he was laughing like oh I pranked you but I got so mad! I called for his dad and told him everything and he just slightly told him off and nothing more.
I call my own dad and he just goes that he’s a bright kid and laughs as well, like excuse me? They think because we’re basically like cousins there’s no big deal. I still was so mad and when his dad saw this he was basically trying to console me but I could tell he still didn’t see the big deal about it.
I’m not talking to him still and come home very late so he doesn’t get the chance to even apologise. I don’t reply to his texts or anything. He told his mom and his mom told mine.
I’m still so mad but no one thinks this was a horrible thing to do! Invasion of my privacy! Especially knowing he probably has a crush on me and had access to my phone like that. I’m thinking of winding up my work quickly and leaving soon.
My mom legitimately said I’m being dramatic. So am I still overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The first part where he showed you that he knew your passcode was harmless and motivated you to change it. Having it respond to his face ID means he used your passcode to make changes to your system.
At this point, you have no idea what else he may have done to your phone while he had unlimited access. You need to have a professional check it for compromised privacy settings and malware. Meanwhile, check immediately for whether your location is being shared.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. An explicit and deliberate invasion of privacy. Ugh! I am not really the right person to judge but I would be giving this person the side-eye for a very very long time, assuming I had anything to do with them ever again.
What’s meant to be funny about it? In any case, as with all pranks, if you don’t laugh, it’s not a prank. It’s usually bullying hiding behind the label of ‘prank’. From the sounds of it, this might be weirder than straight bullying.” stoat___king
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I once had a situation, about 16 years ago when I was in college. I have two guy friends, one is a close friend, the other is his best friend and we aren’t as close. Anyway, we spent a lot of time together, but we mostly used social media messenger to talk so we didn’t have phone numbers.
so when college broke for the summer I asked them for their phone numbers. Ray my close friend had told Alan to give me the phone numbers. but he swapped the numbers so I thought Alan’s number was Ray’s number.
That summer I went through some difficult times and I texted who I thought was Ray numerous times. When we returned to college, I found out I had been texting Alan. I was embarrassed and upset. Alan got mad cause he said it was just a joke, but I had said some deeply personal stuff that I never would have told Alan.
What your friend did was not ok, and the fact that the dads are brushing it off sucks. Your feelings are valid.” sheldon4ever
12. AITJ For Tearing Down A Sentimental, Yet Hazardous Gazebo?
“I live in a very small town in the mid-west USA. My primary job is working as a farm hand on my uncle’s farm. My side job is being a hired handyman. The current issue I am facing is I got a call to do a little demolition.
I went over and he has a gazebo in his backyard that he wants torn down and cleared away. The problem is while we were talking his mother came out yelling at me to keep my hands off her property.
For simplicity, I will call him Sam and his mother Mabel. Mabel is technically the homeowner as the title is in her name but she began to suffer from dementia a little over a year ago and Sam was given power of attorney over her.
Sam is allowed to make both financial and medical decisions in her name so legally he is allowed to demo the gazebo.
Legally I am not doing anything wrong. My problem is more of a moral issue. Mabel’s late husband built that gazebo for her as a wedding present when they married back in 1974.
Mabel has tea and snacks out there almost daily and is really attached to it. Sam wants it gone because the wood is rotten and is in danger of collapsing. I checked the wood myself and can confirm that it is a hazard but seeing Mabel in tears about it had me feeling bad.
So WIBTJ for destroying the gazebo as it is a hazard but breaking an old lady’s heart in the process?”
Another User Comments:
“Okay, since the wood is rotting and it’s a danger to Mabel, obviously NTJ. However, you and the son could probably work together to come up with an alternative – can the rotting wood just be replaced?
Can you and the son work together to rebuild the gazebo for her? I think there’s an opportunity here to help an old lady just live out her last years happily remembering the man she clearly loved.” ThePhilV
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – Sam wants to keep his mom safe, Mabel loves the gazebo and likely can’t understand the safety hazard, you are following the rules for doing your job and empathizing with both sides. If you felt really bad about this situation, you could find a carpenter to recommend to Sam to reinforce the gazebo so it can be safe?
Might be cheaper than a tear-down actually. But it’s not really your responsibility to solve their problem, you can do what you can do, offer options, but at the end of the day, if Sam decides not to keep it, if you don’t take it down, someone else will.
Hopefully, Sam can take some nice pictures of it for her, frame them…maybe have a last ‘tea’ in it before it has to go. You’re very sweet for thinking of Mabel.” Canadian_01
Another User Comments:
“Oooo…tricky. I’m going to say NTJ because you were hired to do a job.
Sam is technically the one in charge and it is on him to help his mother understand. Possible solution: Salvage the usable portion of the wood and turn it into a bench she can sit on under her favorite tree (assuming she has trees in her yard).
If her son does this, it will have deep meaning for her, her husband having built the original then their son remaking it into something else beautiful. He could also take a portion of the wood and make a photo frame for a picture of her and her husband sitting in the gazebo.
There are a lot of ways to commemorate the gazebo using pieces of the original structure and keeping a piece of it might help Mabel be alright with letting the rest of it go.” IamIrene
Repair it enough for her to sit safely in it. Tear it down after she's gone in a few years.
11. AITJ For Defending My Partner's Choice To Drink On Her Birthday?
“So my partner just enjoyed her 25th birthday last weekend.
She was inebriated and I had told her in advance I’d watch after her while she was in that state. A friend of mine who is very conservative in his views and almost borderline misogynistic in his views was on my case for allowing her to get inebriated. I told him to screw off and leave her be; she was inebriated and I wanted her to enjoy her big day.
He thinks I’m morally shallow and is no longer speaking to me. I say Godspeed and you shouldn’t have come. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. “A friend of mine… was on my case for allowing her to get inebriated.” Found the jerk.
First of all, it’s none of his business. But the idea that he thinks you’re the authority over your partner and have the power to allow (or not) her to get inebriated is ridiculous. “He thinks I’m morally shallow and is no longer speaking to me.” And I think he is probably beyond “borderline” misogynistic.” But it sounds like your problem with him is solved.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband doesn’t “let me” do anything. If I want to drink, I drink, and he takes care of the kids if I can’t. If the kids are with my parents, then we both may drink quite a bit.
It sounds like you don’t control her, which is a good thing. Your friend sounds awful.” JustAnotherUser567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. God guys like that are insufferable. Not just because of the misogyny, but because they believe they have a moral authority over everyone else.
Everybody else is morally shallow. Everybody else wants to destroy America. Oh, and women need to get back into the kitchen, marry who their parents want, and pop out babies. Only they get to be highly ethical. Only they get to be patriots.
I’d ditch this dude within five minutes of meeting him. Was he always like this?” glvsscannon
10. AITJ For Defending My Niece And Nephew After My Brother's Wife Criticized Them?
“My brother had two kids with his ex by the time he was 21.
He stuck around for a couple of years but when they broke up he left the kids too. He paid no child support, made no effort to keep in touch with the kids, did not check if they were okay, nothing.
The rest of my family let the relationship drop too but I (38m) was the exception. I stayed part of my niece and nephew’s lives. I still have a good relationship with them today and they’re close to my kids.
Five years ago my brother got married and now he’s expecting baby #3 with his wife. After settling into family life he started to think more about his oldest two and he made the decision to reach out to them. He was met with silence initially and then after speaking to his ex, he got a brief message from his kids that they were still mad and hurt that he left. They had contact for about a month and it was sporadic.
He asked if they could meet in person and the kids said no. But they said they would do a video call with him one time and that was it. This call happened 2.5 months into their “reconciliation”.
At some point during this, he mentioned wanting them to meet his wife and other kids.
They told him that was not going to happen and they didn’t want to reconcile with him. My brother was surprised, he had thought that them opening up to him about being angry and hurt was a sign that they were willing to work through that.
They told him it would be one thing if he hadn’t settled down and started a family all over again but the fact he did that and then reached out to them was too much for them and they want nothing to do with the family he created now.
This led to a back and forth where he said they have younger siblings and they told him very clearly they will never acknowledge or accept them as siblings and they will never accept him as their dad and he needs to move on.
I spoke to my niece and nephew after the call, they reached out to me, and they said it was good to close that door and to have the decision be their own. They felt like they got closure.
My brother wasn’t prepared for the outcome and his wife is furious that my niece and nephew rejected them for existing.
She started badmouthing the kids at my parents’ house in front of all of us. My brother told her to stop. But she told him they should be ashamed of themselves for reacting like spoiled brats who don’t get their way and punishing innocent children when they’re supposed to be grown adults now.
I told SIL she should be ashamed of herself for talking like that about the kids my brother abandoned and didn’t give a second thought to until he had settled down with her and their kids. I told her she should learn to be a mature adult and accept that his actions had consequences and this is one of them.
Cue her being offended and saying I have no right to speak to her that way and some of my family telling me I should have said nothing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needs to understand that what her husband did was disgusting and he doesn’t deserve forgiveness.
She is owed absolutely nothing, and you were right to shut her down. She and her children are nothing to them, and she has no right to expect them to want to embrace any of them. Good for you, not sitting by and letting her have a tantrum about a situation that doesn’t revolve around SIL” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Brother is a deadbeat who leaves his children, doesn’t support them, and has nothing to do with their lives for years. SIL decides they’re spoiled brats when they don’t want to reconcile and meet their siblings.
Who exactly spoiled these kids and how is expecting a parent to step up become “not getting their way”? SIL thinks it’s fine to say horrible things about the abandoned children but you have no right to say anything to her.
There is a spoiled brat here but it’s SIL, not the kids. Good on you for pointing out the consequences.” squirrelsareevil2479
Another User Comments:
“When my ex and I split up, his family (dad and sister) cut my kids out of their lives.
I spent a year sending regular email updates of their lives, photos, and videos of the kids (who were 2 & 3) to his dad and sister to try and keep them involved. Their dad didn’t want anything to do with them but I thought their grandad at least would.
Especially since he made so much fuss over my daughter being the first granddaughter and had previously been very involved. After a year of no response from either of them, not even a Christmas card I gave up and stopped sending the emails.
When my ex died they got in touch, … to ask when I was going to organize the funeral! They wanted me to cover all the expenses since I was the mother of his children. The same children who had not had any contact with anyone from their family in over 8 years.
NTJ, but your SIL and your family are.” merryfan4
9. AITJ For Not Giving Up My Dad's Taylor Swift Ticket To My Uncle's Daughter?
“I (19f) and my mom got tickets to the Eras tour for the fall in Miami.
We were so excited because we were unable to get tickets to our home show. We are planning to get an Airbnb in Florida and make it a family vacation. We got four tickets so my brother and dad could come too.
While we were buying the tickets, my uncle found out and asked if he and his daughter could come with us to Florida because he hates traveling alone and wanted to take a trip. He even offered to pay half of the Airbnb.
We said yes and that has been the plan since we got the tickets last summer.
A few days ago, my mom was talking to my uncle and he said that he assumed that his daughter would get my dad’s Taylor Swift ticket because he knows my dad is not really a Taylor Swift fan.
Apparently, he’s been making these comments all year to my dad and my dad has been responding, “It’s up to OP”. If I asked him to, he’d give up his ticket because he is mainly coming to experience this with the rest of the family and not really as a fan.
This is where I might be the jerk, I told my uncle that it was always my dad’s ticket and I want him there. My uncle said that his daughter is an actual fan and she would benefit more from having the ticket.
He said that he might as well not go now.
I feel bad because he already told his daughter that she would get to go but my dad has been listening to Taylor Swift in the car, asking about the meanings behind different songs and he is a huge Kelce brother fan so he has been planning on wearing a Jason jersey and my brother is going to wear a Travis jersey.
(My dad likes Folklore and Evermore and my brother likes Speak Now and Reputation.)
So, am I the jerk for not giving up my dad’s Taylor Swift ticket?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – not at all. Your uncle is though.
He went out on his own and told his daughter whatever without checking with any of you. That’s 100% on him. And every time he comes at you or your family saying “well what about my daughter” you can look him right in the eye and say “what about her.” We have 4 tickets (you, mom, dad, brother) to one of the most popular shows on the planet.
What exactly does he “expect” any of you to do? It’s his responsibility to take care of his daughter, not any of you. YOU go and have the family vacation that you have planned and don’t worry about the spoiled little brat who is your uncle.” slap-a-frap
Another User Comments:
“If the experience was bought for you and your mom then you two should get final say (especially if you/your mom bought them). If you want to introduce your dad to Taylor Swift, then that’s your prerogative.
I’m no Taylor Swift fan, but I’d be a fool to deny how massive she’s become and I assume it would be quite an experience as far as concerts go (and I go to a LOT of concerts). NTJ. OP, your uncle doesn’t get to assume that he/his daughter are entitled to your very expensive and hard-to-acquire tickets.” Baileythenerd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and please bring your dad. He may not be a “real” Taylor Swift fan, but he’s obviously a big fan of you. It’s also pretty clear that he’s looking forward to experiencing this concert with you – he wouldn’t be learning about her songs and planning an outfit otherwise.
And while I get the feeling he’s the kind of dad who’d act like it’s no big deal if you gave his ticket to your cousin, I’m willing to bet that he’d be really disappointed about it. Also, you’re 19. It won’t be that long before you and your brother have moved out (if you haven’t already) and established your own lives that may include partners and kids of your own.
These family vacations with your mom and dad may still happen sometimes, but they’re going to get fewer and farther between which will make this one extra special. I do feel a bit bad for your cousin, but that’s not on you.
Your uncle shouldn’t have promised something that he wasn’t sure he could give to her – especially since it involves something that isn’t even his to give! Trying to make you feel guilty is just one more bad choice on his part.” cyclone_madge
8. AITJ For Not Going To My Best Friend's Wedding After They Changed The Location Without Telling Me?
“Today was my best friend’s wedding; a month ago, I received the invitation with the location and time set. Today, on the wedding day, I had to ask for permission at work, and since the wedding would take place outside the city, I had to hire transportation to take me there, which has a high cost for a journey of approximately an hour.
So, upon arriving at the venue, there was no one there; I called my friend’s family and her, but no one answered, so I went back home since it didn’t make sense to return to work. As I was entering the city, I was informed that they had changed the location of the ceremony.
Obviously upset and annoyed, I decided not to go because I was never informed of the change in location.
Now, my friend is calling me asking me to please come and saying it was a mistake, but I no longer want to go cause I feel really disappointed and disrespected. So, AITJ for deciding not to go to my friend’s wedding?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I get the feeling that in the insanity of wedding planning, your friend just forgot to notify you. I don’t think she meant to disrespect you or hurt your feelings. (I completely understand that you may feel hurt or disrespected, but I don’t think that was her intent.) I also completely understand that you’ve probably just spent a small fortune being driven two hours round trip, and aren’t in the mood to spend that money again.
So sorry this happened to you.” Active-Anteater1884
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If they really wanted you there (and I’m guessing they knew how difficult it would be for you to travel there), they would have told you of the venue change ahead of time.
I’m willing to bet that they forgot to tell everyone and when they noticed you weren’t there, had an “oops!” moment. The bottom line is that they sent you on a wild goose chase and then pressured you to make another trip so they wouldn’t feel so bad about their mistake.
But you are not obliged to make them feel better about their mistake.” PendragonINTJ
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Send a text so you can screenshot it later for when they turn everything around that you “ruined their day because you didn’t show”.
You went to their wedding, the date time, and place they told you to be at. You took time off work, had to pay to get out there. And no one is there. That’s beyond disrespectful to you. Are you the only person who didn’t get the new location?
Was the new location right next door, was it closer to your home than the original location? You aren’t and shouldn’t need to be available at their whim.” Exciting-Peanut-1526
From what you said you were the only one who showed up at tgey location and at the time on your invitstion. To me that says they notified everyone else but just happened to forget you
Sorry, but that stinks like 3 day old fish. Something is fishy about this and they want you to spend more time and more money to come to their new location. Nope. I wouldn't waste any more time or money. If it was a last minute thing tyen why were you the only oops. Do not allow them try to play the victim. With friends like those who needs enemies
7. AITJ For Barring My Recovered Addict Brother From Seeing My Newborn Son?
“I have a younger brother who used to be another casualty of the substance abuse epidemic in North America.
He fell into his addiction starting late in college, and the last time he ever did substances was 10 years ago when he was 28 years old. My brother used to be a very reluctant, quiet sort of addict, and whenever he used his substances, he did his best to make sure that he didn’t disturb anyone or make any loud noises or things like that.
In the present day, my brother has beaten his demons. He’s earned his doctorate, and now he’s a scientist at a federal agency. My life has changed too – in March of this year, my wife and I welcomed our baby son into the world.
My brother used to want to see our son so badly, and he adores children. But I’ve built up a barrier between him and us due to his past obscenity, and for the time being, I’m reluctantly barring him from seeing our son.
My little bro was crushed when I told him the news over the phone, but he tearfully told me that he understood and that I have to do what I have to do to build a safe space for my son.
On the other hand, my parents are against my reservations. Their POV is that my brother was in a horrible place back then, and even during his lowest lows, at least he was remorseful when he did mess up. They think he’s paid his dues, and I want to believe that…”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your brother has been sober for 10 years. He’s achieved his academic and career goals. That would make a great role model, honestly. Do you have any idea how much work goes into getting sober? If he was just now getting sober and you wanted distance, understandable, but to thrust this stigma on your brother ten years on, that makes you the jerk.” AliceandRabbit
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Like you said, he beat his demons and hasn’t been high for 10 years. I get wanting to create a safe space for your child, but what exactly are you afraid of? If he’s a high-functioning adult now, which he seems to be, what do you think is going to happen if he’s around your kid?
Offer him some substances? No, he’s changed now. Your kid could grow up without ever knowing that his uncle was an addict at some point. His past is not relevant now.” LoudCrickets72
Another User Comments:
“OP, what more could you possibly want from your brother?
As an addict, he did terrible things. Since that time, he has learned to deal with the voice of addiction calling to him daily for years and he has not succumbed. By isolating your son, are you really trying to protect him or punish your brother for the terrible things he did in the past?
Couldn’t you invite your brother to your home to see your son with lots of family supervision? You do not ever have to have unsupervised visits. I’m guessing that he doesn’t want unsupervised visits with an infant anyway.” Key_Plastic_3372
6. AITJ For Telling My Sister She's Not A Martyr For Being A Stay-At-Home Mom?
“My sister and her husband have two kids. They are both in school. This whole year she has been complaining constantly about how hard it is to be a stay-at-home mom but she doesn’t want to go back to work.
Even though her husband has been pushing her to do so for a while.
The issue is that she doesn’t do much compared to her husband. He takes the kids to school in the morning. The kids come home on the bus in the afternoon.
She has a whole day with no kids that she can do whatever she wants. Maintaining the house is like 2 hours a day. That leaves her with about 6-7 hours of just being there. I was a stay-at-home parent after I lost my old job for a bit, really it’s not that hard when the kids are in school almost all day.
Anyways, she came over yesterday and was ranting. They got into an argument about her picking up more slack or getting a job. I guess this started because he came home to a dirty house and no groceries in the fridge.
I asked why she wasn’t doing chores or at least getting food and she told me she didn’t have time.
I asked if she got a work job and it was a no. I asked what she is doing all day and she gave me no answer.
She then went on a rant about how he isn’t doing enough and her husband is being unfair.
At this point I had enough, I told her she isn’t a martyr to be a stay-at-home mom. That she literally gets everything paid for and can’t even bother to get food.
I told her if I was her husband I would divorce her since she acts more like a kid than a partner
This started our own argument and she is angry. I personally think she needed to hear it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you were honest with your sister about the imbalance in her relationship and her responsibilities as a stay-at-home parent. While your delivery may have been blunt, it seems like the situation had reached a point where directness was necessary.
You provided a perspective that she might not have been willing to acknowledge, and sometimes tough love is needed to prompt change.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m currently a SAHM and have been for the past 7 years. We have 5 kids and 4 of them are currently in school.
The one kid at home DOES make things a bit difficult because she’s like a tornado who’s drawn to clean spaces in a mission to destroy them. But I still take care of laundry, dishes, groceries, and basic tidying while the other kids are at school, plus make supper 90% of the time.
The youngest will start school in September and I’ll start working part-time then, but I’m SOOOOOO excited about how much time I’ll actually have to get stuff done around the house uninterrupted. I can’t imagine what your sister is doing all day long if it’s not household responsibilities or caring for their children.” SmithOfTheWild
Another User Comments:
“I think staying at home long term is not good for most women’s mental health. Most of us need more structure, social interaction, and challenges to stay healthy. A few people have the constitution and resources to do it well without becoming out of touch with reality, but most of us need to get out and do things outside the home and family to be healthy.
It makes sense to take time off when the kids are babies or work part-time when they are still growing, but never getting the stimulation, challenges, and self-respect that comes from a career can drain the brain.” Strange-Calendar669
5. AITJ For Not Wanting Kids At My Wedding?
“My (27) fiance (33) and I have been together for 6 months and are planning on getting married in another 6. We are very in love and I know that he’s the one that I want to be with. I come from a family that is not very close with extended family (i.e. cousins, aunts, uncles), and being the youngest member growing up I never had to babysit or be around any younger siblings or cousins.
My fiance comes from a family that is very close to each other and their extended family. There are 11 kids between his siblings, cousins, and a friend who are all under the age of 10, and two older teenagers. Most of the kids are well-behaved and act like normal kids, but there are a few that are not disciplined, throw tantrums often, and generally just don’t listen.
I told my fiance when we were first planning the wedding that I didn’t want to have kids there, and even though he generally would have liked to have them, he agreed.
We sent out invitations that noted this would be a child-free wedding.
Most of his cousins, friends, and one sibling have told us that they would not be able to come since they couldn’t bring their kids. This is the majority of our wedding party and people we want attending since we planned to have a small wedding.
I feel like since we are giving several months for them to plan a babysitter or another friend to watch their kids they should be able to come.
We have been trying to come to a compromise and he would like the two older teenagers to babysit the kids at the wedding, and we would have to pay them to do this out of our own pockets.
I don’t want to do this because of the few kids that misbehave often, and 11 kids is a lot for two teenagers. I don’t want us or our families to pay for a wedding my fiance or I won’t enjoy, but I also want our family and friends to come.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for wanting things exclusively your way. First, some folks said they couldn’t attend. You can ask for a child-free wedding and it is very common that some people won’t attend. Yes, they have plenty of time to plan a babysitter, but it sounds like they don’t want to.
You made your choice, they made theirs. Then there is the idea to involve some older kids as babysitters for the younger kids. You don’t like that either. So ultimately, you’re uninterested in compromise. You want a childfree wedding that people are obligated to attend, and that’s unrealistic.” reggiesnap
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you want your cake and to eat it too. Babysitters cost and some parents just aren’t comfortable leaving their kids with non-family members. You can totally, completely your choice, have a kid-free wedding, however, you can’t get upset when guests with kids decide not to go.
It just isn’t going to work for them. You wanted child-free so that’s what you’re getting.” Unique-Assumption619
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you want the people who have kids to come to your wedding then don’t have a child-free wedding.
You have absolutely no right to expect anyone to have childcare solutions they are not comfortable with. Kids have different needs and not everyone can just hire a babysitter. Lastly, If your fiance is really close with his family then you will want to be too.
This could start the wedding off on the wrong foot. A wedding is not just an expensive party, it’s a melding of families and welcoming of each of you into each other’s families…the reason I’m mentioning this is my husband’s family is also really close, but mine not so much.
I left some people out of the wedding invites because I wanted the wedding small and didn’t really understand how supportive extended family members can be. I regret that now.” Prudent_Fold190
4. AITJ For Confronting My Neighbor About Their Dog's Poop In My Yard?
“My wife and I live in a HOA (which sucks), but we follow the rules.
One of the rules is to pick up after your dog as a common courtesy to your neighbors. My wife, 44f, and myself, 40m, also have a dog whom I walk and clean up after.
We live in a decent neighborhood and I like to work in my yard and take very good care of it.
I also spend a small fortune on it by treating it, weeding it, etc. I came home today from a long day’s work and found myself enjoying a cold beer while walking over the lawn and enjoying the view. I have been working on this yard for six years and have turned it around from the previous owners who really didn’t take good care of it.
I was walking through my yard and I stepped on a big pile of steaming crap, which you can tell came from a large dog. I immediately get upset about it and clean it off of my shoes and then clean it from my yard.
I was so upset about it that I had to go inside and chill for a minute.
I’m a bit paranoid about home security so I have cameras all around my house on the outside. I did some investigation and found out who didn’t clean up their dog’s poop.
After fifteen minutes I have the clip of who let their dog leave poop in my yard.
I told my wife I was going to walk down the street to the neighbors who are three houses down and confront them about this.
I was going to be polite and ask them to clean up after their dog and hand them their dog’s big pile of poop. My wife immediately starts to tell me not to do that and that she doesn’t want to start a neighbor war.
I start to get a little snippy and raise my voice a bit saying, “These are the rules and I want to let them know I caught you and have them apologize for it!”
The part that really upsets me in the clip is that the owner of the dog was about to pick it up with a plastic bag.
You can see clearly in the video that the neighbor bent over and acted like she was cleaning it up. I think that is where I was even more upset about the situation. She had the bag and all!
My wife starts to get really upset that I want to do this and walk down and just have a conversation.
She then states, “We don’t want to do anything because they might get upset and turn you into the HOA.” I disagreed with her about this and stated that I wanted to do it anyway and I did. I politely went down there and asked them to pick up after their dog and that I didn’t appreciate it.
The husband got his wife who was the one that pretended to pick it up. He apologized and so did she.
After all of this, my wife is upset with me. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong but wanted to stop something from happening again by owners of pets not taking responsibility for their pets’ poop.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are much kinder than I am because I would have brought the dog poop to them in a plastic bag and handed it to them while saying “I believe you forgot something your dog left on our yard earlier.
I have the video to prove it. Please stay off our lawn, thank you,” and turned and left.” jippyzippylippy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s fine that you had a chat with the neighbor and explained that you’d like them to clean up after their dog.
Completely acceptable BUT.. When you were telling your wife of your intentions, you were highly strung and wound up about the situation. You even mentioned how you were “so upset you had to go inside and chill”. Your wife is imagining the worst-case scenario and worried that you’re going to cause WW3.
If you had explained your intentions to your wife in the calm manner in which you approached the neighbor, she probably wouldn’t have been so concerned.” skalliwag___
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People like your wife annoy me. If you let it go, it will keep happening.
And it will get worse because once the scent of poop is on your lawn, more dogs will want to leave droppings there because the offending dog made that spot his droppings spot. I live in a gated apartment complex and my neighbors are terrible dog owners who don’t pick up their dogs’ poop.
But guess what, they don’t do it on the lawn in front of my apartment. Why you may ask? I take the poop from my lawn and I literally line the concrete walkways with the piles. Neighbors don’t like that and if there’s a new pile of poop, they come back and pick it up by the next time they walk their dogs.
It was inconvenient for me either way but lining the walkways drove the point home for neighbors and haven’t had a problem since.” ulterior_motives69
3. AITJ For Not Giving My Lottery-Won Theatre Tickets To My Partner And Her Mom?
“I (32m) won two tickets in a lottery to a theatre show my partner (34f) also entered but wasn’t chosen for and has wanted to see.
My partner’s mum is visiting from interstate the night of the show and my partner said I should give the tickets to her and her mum.
I love theatre and have also wanted to see this show but have been less interested than my partner overall. She is now upset that I didn’t offer the tickets to her and her mum. These tickets usually cost between $80-$150.
AITJ for not just giving them to her?”
Another User Comments:
“You want to go, and so does your partner – we don’t know exactly how much her mother wants to go. Not sure why she can’t do something else with her mother, or why an extra ticket can’t be bought so you can all enjoy it.
If you’re putting your foot down because she seems to be insisting that your prize should go to her, you’re a little jerky. Otherwise, NTJ because it seems you have a legitimate desire to go – and you’ll be missing out!
It’s not like you both entered with the understanding she’d benefit either way.” moneywanted
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but incredibly dumb. You said you wanted to see the show, but weren’t really that interested. What you should have done was give the tickets to your partner as a surprise for her and her mother when she was coming over.
You could have sold it as you wanting her to have some mother-daughter time. That would not only have gotten you major browny points with your partner but would also have put you in the good books with her mom.
These tickets didn’t cost you anything, but I’m sure it’s going to cost you a lot to get back in favor with your partner.” cleotorres
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This reminds me of a post I saw last week about a kid who won two raffle drawings for a couple of high-end toys.
There was a younger child that pinned all his hopes on one of them and after he didn’t win, would walk over and stare wistfully at the RC car he wanted. People told the OP they should have “made” their child give the car to the other child.
Why should he? He won, the other child didn’t and even the other kid’s parents did NOT raise a fuss about it. Your partner has to learn sometimes you win, sometimes you don’t. If the partner didn’t win, it’s not up to them how OP uses or distributes the prize.
Maybe offer to try to get a third ticket for partner’s mom, sit with mom and have partner sit in the random reserved seat. Or cut yourself for the peace and quiet, but make sure the seat is better than what you won.
I’m petty like that.” blondeheartedgoddess
2. AITJ For Refusing My Partner's Offer To Hire A Maid Instead Of Helping With Chores?
“I 26(F) and my partner 27(M) have been in a relationship for 4 years. I work at an IT company and my partner works at a bank. I do most of the household work like cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. He only helps me with cleaning the bathroom and dishes (we have a dishwasher) so he just puts dishes in it.
I complained about how I have to work at the office and also work at home and said it is unfair. I asked him to help around the house, his response was to say he doesn’t like doing household chores.
And that he earns more than me. His salary is higher than mine but still, we work the same hours. So for that reason, both of us contribute equally.
Now to the recent problem, I just got a promotion and now both he and I make about the same.
Now I asked him again to help me with the household work, but he refused. We had a huge argument about it. After the argument, he said he will hire a maid to do the household work. I asked him why can’t he help me, his response was “I am lazy”.
We checked the prices of a maid, in our area it is 4000 for doing kitchen, bathroom, living area, all floors, and dishes. He said I don’t have to do anything except cook. He also said he will pay her and I don’t have to pay anything.
4000 dollars is a lot of money and compared to the other option which is free, 50/50, and helping me. Plus I have been doing household chores for 2 years mostly all by myself. So for that reason, I said no to the maid option.
Now we are not talking.
I think I might be the jerk for refusing a compromise. That benefits both me and him.”
Another User Comments:
“I say let the lazy man hire a maid. If the two of you don’t work out that is the route he is going to go anyway.
I feel you are talking to yourself when you try to explain your reasoning to him. Is that $40 an hour, a week, a month, or $4,000 annually? I will be honest the rate in my area is $20 an hour. I do cleaning weekly but it still gets away from me and now that I am single with grandkids who visit and stay over often I hire in early spring and late fall for a deep clean of three hours.
It’s his money. Take a hard look at what you want him to do. Maybe continue to do the chores you are willing and let him pay for a maid for the grungy stuff. Is this hill so important to you that you would sacrifice your relationship over it?” becoming_maxine
Another User Comments:
“Info: 4000 monthly, annually? For what? Daily, weekly, bi-weekly cleaning? This is important to know. We have a maid. It’s great. Have had her for 20 years. She does all the big stuff so we can focus on day-to-day life.
But here’s the thing – it doesn’t mean we don’t still clean. Day-to-day life still happens. Dishes, basic cleaning of the kitchen after a meal, etc. Which is why I wonder what it is he wants to hire.
The frequency. If it’s weekly, I don’t see the issue. Take the deep cleaning off your backs. BUT it won’t solve the smaller stuff. If he wants to hire someone daily – well, that’s verging into real laziness and makes me wonder how he expects to handle things if you all have kids.” Goalie_LAX_21093
Another User Comments:
“Okay, outside of him being willing to pay for the maid. Is his expectation that the maid will do all of the house tidying? Is he going to leave his used dishes/laundry/whatever around the house?
Sure maybe he can pay someone to clean, but if he expects you to only do cooking.. what does the house look like when the cleaner isn’t there? Or are they coming every day? We have had a similar discussion in my household, that if we had the free money how many things my partner would be willing to “pay his way out of”.
I think the underlying problem could be the lack of initiative and self-efficiency- there are things that irk me because of the core attitude and values differences that we have. I think it’s cool that he’s willing to pay and not make you pay, but I can see how if this attitude were to carry over into other areas (like parenting, etc) that could cause more of a rift later on.” ChalkRebellion
1. AITJ For Leaving Family Dinners When I Feel Ignored Or Disrespected?
“So when we have family dinners, I (19F) choose to go upstairs or outside when the talking begins. The main reason is because when I do join the conversation they act like I’m invisible or just completely disregard me.
For example, we could be talking about food and as soon as I say something I usually get talked over. It’s not like they don’t hear me, they (especially my mom) act like I’m not there.
Another situation happened where I had just got a new Macbook because my other one was stolen.
I was walking up the stairs and my brother tried to snatch it. Everyone got mad at me except my grandma because I held on tight and I got upset. I told them, if he had asked to see it I would have let him.
But as I’m walking upstairs don’t snatch it because it could fall and break. I was yelled at because I always have an attitude but my grandma stepped in and told them they’re wrong. I can admit that I do have an attitude sometimes but when I don’t like something and I get an attitude, I tell them I don’t like it but they still do it.
Another example is I don’t like being touched above my shoulders, I don’t know why but I can’t stand it. I expressed that I don’t like it and for my brothers to please stop. Usually, I will deal with it because they’re playful but at our last dinner I got fed up with it and got mad.
Anytime I get mad or express I don’t like something it’s because I’m stuck up and can’t just joke around. But I don’t like those jokes.
I understand that siblings always joke around I’m fine with that but that’s one of the things I CANNOT stand.
Today we had another family dinner and I expressed to my grandma how I feel after she kept calling me an introvert because I go upstairs or outside. I told her why (which I’ve already explained why) and it’s because I’m ignored or always talked over.
I’ve gotten to the point where I really don’t care to engage in the conversations. And every time, everyone has something to say and I am tired of repeating myself.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But pay attention to the conversation without adding anything.
Is anyone else being ignored or talked over? I had this same issue, but I decided to observe things from an outside perspective. I wasn’t actually being ignored, I was just in a situation where everyone talks over each other and it’s super overwhelming for me.” lostalldoubt86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m the same with family gatherings. I’ll mingle, say hi, but I generally don’t stick around. If people wanna talk to me, they’ll figure out where I’m at (downstairs with my dogs, outside with my dogs, or on a walk with my dogs).
Whenever people say “it’s just a joke”, it’s like they assume it makes everything just a-okay! It’s infuriating, and it makes it seem like your reactions are the real “jokes”. I don’t blame you for slipping out, and I hope they either listen or leave you alone about it.
Introverts for the win!” CapOk7564
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because the point of family dinners is to spend time as a family and socialize. Disappearing when company is there is kind of universally considered rude. I think if you communicate moving forward hey if this stuff happens again clearly to others who you feel are disrespectful as a means of setting a boundary and leave only when it’s explicitly tied to that behavior (I’ve asked Joe not to do this and it’s happened again.
I have to excuse myself early, thank you for coming, etc) it’s different but right now you just sound kind of bratty tbh.” ktjbug
