People Wonder If They’re The Heroes Of Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Reporting My Dad And His Family For Using My SSN?
“I (f16) had a job interview for a fast food chain on Tuesday. I got hired and told to come back Thursday to set up, so I could start working soon. This would be my first job ever.
I go in Thursday and there’s a part where I have to put my SSN in the system. When I entered it I got an error saying that my SSN was already in use with another profile. That was obviously strange since I had never worked at a restaurant from this company, or even at all.
I text my dad to let him know what’s going on. He says he’s on his way to my job.
When he gets there I come out and he says. “I think I know what’s happening. Ugh, it’s because they screwed me over.” Let’s call them S and C.
By the way, C is an immigrant. (My father’s cousin and her wife) He then continues and says “S and C asked me for your SSN and they promised they would only use it to actually get C the job and nothing else.” C happens to be working at the same company, in a different part of town.
It took everything in me not to get angry. We went to C’s workplace, my father told her that she was working with my SSN. I think my father was trying to fix my situation now, but he was acting as if they had gone and stolen my SSN without him knowing.
When he’s the one who literally gave it to them. C has been working for several months.
My father dropped me off at my mom’s house. She then noticed I was a little off. I told her, I can’t start working yet. She asked why.
I told her everything. I could tell she was angry. “This is the ONE thing I asked of him when we were married. TO NEVER USE you or your brother’s SSN for anything no matter what,” she said. We go to my father’s house. He and my brother were outside unloading groceries, and she gets out of the car and yells at him.
She told me, “even a few years ago when I had just come back into the country and was struggling to even find a job as an illegal, I didn’t even think about ever using your SSN.”
The next day my mom and I went to the police station and filed a report about all 3 of them.
The deputy who assisted us helped us write the report and told us to go to the SSA. Although why didn’t they use my aunt’s son’s SSN? Still would’ve been wrong but they could’ve. Why use mine?
I do feel kind of bad for reporting them.
I did/do care about my father’s cousin. I call her aunt. Now my aunt’s wife might get deported and even if she doesn’t she’ll never be able to get her citizenship. Also, there was barely anything done to my credit score.
So maybe it was an overreaction because there wasn’t much damage. If she had done more under my SSN. I would’ve had to get a new SSN, the lady who assisted us said it would’ve been a more lengthy and complicated process. She told me, it actually wouldn’t hurt keeping that on there.
Though she said she could wipe it. I said I prefer that. To be honest I’m not completely how this all works I’m only 16. Haven’t been out in the world much.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s called identity theft. Her wages were being reported under your number; when you went to do taxes you’d have been in trouble for not reporting correct wages.
Your dad had no business giving out your SSN and was part of the fraud for providing it. With that number, they could’ve opened credit cards and taken out loans that would appear on your credit report. You’re never the jerk for reporting fraud and identity theft.” Clean_Factor9673
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is identity theft, and unfortunately, it happens all the time, especially within families where some are citizens or otherwise in a country legally while others are not. Happened to a friend of mine—her cousin not only “borrowed” her SSN to get a job, but she took out a credit card under her name too, and got in a ton of debt.
This was years ago that it all went down, but it still wreaked havoc on my friend’s life. Don’t ever tolerate someone using your SSN for their own gain. Ever. Not even family. Not even once.” Carma56
Another User Comments:
“OP you are not a bad child and you did the right thing so NTJ.
I am so sorry to read what you shared and what you have experienced is known as familial identity theft which is much more common than you think. Let Dad, his cousin, and the wife all stay mad at you. They did something illegal and there are consequences for them.
Familial identity theft is no laughing matter and it can affect an identity theft victim a lot! Moving forward, I hope you and Mum sort this mess out and hopefully your credit score is sorted out. From now on, protect it.” Kangaroo-Pack-3727
20. AITJ For Yelling At My Partner For Leaving Our Door Open And Risking Our Pets' Safety?
“So we had a great morning, I was laying in bed and I got up to grab something and I saw the door wide open. (we live on a 3rd-floor apartment for some context) We have 2 cats and a dog and the dog was on the porch barking and the cats were nowhere to be found.
I started yelling for my partner and she didn’t respond so I start freaking out and searching for the cats while yelling for her to come help. I find one cat under the stairs in our driveway within a minute, but couldn’t find the other cat.
I go up on the porch and start screaming for her with no response still. She was upstairs changing and came down, the cat was only in the driveway and I screamed at her to learn to shut the door because this is the second time in a week she has left it open and the animals have gotten out.
She acted like it was no big deal and that I was crazy for being upset about it, but it’s not like we live in a residential neighborhood we live right off an extremely busy main road where cars constantly go 45-50 mph. The bottom of the stairs are only 10 feet from the road.
For some background I have extreme OCD about doors being closed and locked, I will leave the house and turn back around to make sure they are all locked if I didn’t triple-check them. It’s not healthy and is annoying sometimes but I genuinely feel like I’m having a panic attack if I don’t know if they are 100% locked and closed.
Our first fight (4 years ago) was because she left the outdoor gate open and let my first dog outside accidentally and he almost got out.
I feel bad and I hate that I screamed at her but my biggest fear is our animals getting out because of the main road and other variables that could happen.
I apologized after I calmed down but she’s still upset with me and won’t come home.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What is the reason she left the door open in the first place if she planned to go upstairs to change?
So many things come to my mind! Is she doing it on purpose because she doesn’t like the pets that much? Because clearly for her is not a big deal if they get hit by a car or get scared about being outside and get lost?!
What about if a stranger enters your house at that moment? And even considering that you genuinely got scared for her safety when she didn’t respond and she doesn’t seem to care for your anxiety about doors. Find someone else who cares for you and your pets!” FeelingCheesecake480
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She negligently left the door open twice in a matter of days. Knowing the door will not stay closed. Knowing the animals will get out. Then showing absolutely no concern about the animals’s welfare. Frankly, she sucks. Does she do other things that endanger the animals?
Does she even like them? Want them? But, other posters are correct. You can take preventive action by installing appropriate hardware that will secure the door. You apologized for yelling, correct? But I think a more complete conversation needs to be had.” PurpleStar1965
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not like this was the first time she’s done it. How hard is it to close the door!!! What if you had little kids and she did the same thing? I’ll never understand how people can leave the door open like it’s no big deal. I ask people, “What do you live in a barn or something?” I find it very ignorant.
Don’t apologize for yelling because, apparently, having a normal conversation doesn’t work. Let her pout because she knows she was in the wrong not you.” Last_Nerve12
19. AITJ For Not Backing Up My Partner's Friend Who Used My Name On His Job Application?
“My partner’s good friend is seeing a guy who is unemployed. He’s been unemployed for around a year now but will barely apply for jobs. We live in the UK and he will only apply for jobs in the field his degree is in.
This field is the field I work in.
My partner asked if I could ask around for any jobs but I told her I didn’t really want to because I don’t want to recommend someone when it could reflect badly on me. He got let go from his last job for being lazy so I know he doesn’t have a good work ethic.
My partner asked me to at least tell her when there are jobs open. I told her I’d mention it to her but that I’m not going to ask the recruitment team to consider him or anything because I don’t want my name associated with him which she agreed to.
A job became available and when he applied he put my name down when asked about how he heard about it and said I’d recommended him. The recruitment team asked me about it and I denied it. I told them he’s my partner’s friend’s partner but that I don’t know him personally.
The recruiter thanked me and then declined to process the application further.
When giving feedback on the application the recruiter just stated that he had lied on the application. My partner asked if I knew anything about it and I told her. She said I should have backed him up and said that I did refer and recommend him but I told her she knew I wasn’t going to do that and it’s his own fault for putting my name on his application.
AITJ for “costing my partner’s friend’s partner a chance at a job”?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think your partner is taking this seriously enough. The fact that recruiting followed up with you shows that your name being attached matters. As you said from the start, you didn’t want your name associated with him.
Shame on him for putting your name down and shame on your partner for not seeing how wrong it was.” SnooPies8509
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – When a recruiter sees that an applicant put down one of their employees as a referral, they will prioritize that application.
Why? Because we feel that if an employee is referring someone they know the person, their work ethic and feel this person is a good fit for the company. That is why the recruiter will reach out to the employee to inquire about how they know each other.
This will give the recruiter more context as to the relationship. Plus, if the person that applied is a brick the next time the employee does refer someone that is good, they will be looked at differently based on the first referral.” trfkah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve earned your professional reputation and it is important to you to act with integrity – bravo! Playing devil’s advocate here… do you think he ‘lied’ or that he made an assumption based on how he learned about the job? If your partner omitted some/any of your request, I can see how he’d assume the job details and endorsement came directly through you.
Your partner is being a bit shady. Hopefully, this is a one-off and there are no other red flags about boundaries. The recruiter needs to brush up on their feedback skills. There are much better ways to deliver that information without putting you in the hot seat!” LunaRizz777
18. AITJ For Snapping At My Ex-Wife For Eating Our Kids' Lunch Snacks?
“I’m a dad of 3, ages 3, 4 and 5. I have full custody of the kids. My ex-wife currently lives with us because she either can’t or won’t work.
That’s a different discussion for another post.
AITJ for snapping at her just now when I discovered she’d eaten one of the three snack cakes I had for the kids’ lunches?
While I generally don’t object to sharing food with the ex, I’ve asked her on several occasions not to eat the treats I buy for the kids because I generally apportion them equally and plan my grocery shopping accordingly.
I just went to make lunch for the kids and one of the three remaining Zebra cakes in the package was missing. The kids are still not into pilfering food so I asked the ex if she ate one of them. She smirked and said, “yeah, sorry.”
I’m already tense over having her in my home while I still do approximately 80 to 90 percent of the child care. This was too much. I snapped and, while I didn’t yell, I very forcefully told her she shouldn’t take their food and that she needs to shop for herself (I’d just picked up a few things for her this morning at Walmart because she rarely has the wherewithal to shop for herself – see a pattern here)?
She responded by telling me that she’d be open to a discussion if I didn’t use such an aggressive tone.
So am I the jerk for taking an aggressive, forceful tone and pretty much chewing her out for once again screwing up my plans for the kids’ lunches?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she’s not only defiant & disrespectful of your request that has to do with her kids, she doesn’t give a flip about discussing anything with you. She’s not going to change. She’s freeloading & a mooch. Time for her to go bye-bye.
It doesn’t matter if she’s the mother of your children, she apparently doesn’t care enough about them to help out. So letting her take advantage of you because of the mom card.” Correct-Jump8273
Another User Comments:
“There’s a big difference between thinking you’re kindhearted and being a martyr. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved and you thinking you’re helping her out is just not true.
You’re making yourself feel better, sure, but it’s at the expense of your children. I can’t imagine how confused they are at this whole setup. She’s your ex-wife, you’re divorced, and yet she lives in your home with your children.
How are they supposed to adjust to a new way of life with such mixed messages? I’d suggest looking at this situation for what it really is. It’s not about her eating a snack. It’s about you enabling her to stay dependent on you and the only person who benefits from that is you.
You have your children to think about first and you’re failing them. You said that issue was for another post but it’s the heart of the matter here. And for that, YTJ.” forgetregret1day
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Son, listen. You have full custody for a reason.
Get that woman out of your home, now. She is not contributing anything to your life, or your kids. If she will literally take your CHILDREN’S FOOD, what else is she doing? Get her out now. Your children will be better off with only one parent, who is not so stressed. Kids pick up on that.
The more and longer you are stressed out, they will become more clingy and stressed. Get her out. Ex is not your problem. She can go to her own family, or grow up and get a job. She does not need to be around your children until she gets some help for her mental issues.
Get her out. You will feel better. Yes, I am more than old enough to be your mother. I am worried about those kids. Hugs from an internet Mom.” Fickle_Toe1724
17. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Late Mom's Letter In Therapy With My Stepmother?
“My parents broke up when I (16m) was a few weeks old. They were never married and they were like 19/20 when they had me, so pretty young.
They didn’t get along so well but they could be sorta civil to each other. It really depends on what was going on I think because sometimes they stayed away from each other. When I was 6 my dad met my stepmother and they got married by the time I was 7.
My mom and stepmother did not get along at all. I remember feeling the tension between them. I remember hearing my stepmother grumble to Dad about Mom if I had to go to their house instead of home with Mom after they had all been in the same place.
It was extra bad if they all showed up to my dance recitals. My stepmother wanted to be the one doing some of the dance stuff. She used to tell my dad she didn’t think she’d have much in common with a young boy but dance could be our thing and mom was hogging it by always being there.
Mom was the person who signed me up for dance. Dad wasn’t on board back then. He’s a bit too macho dude for that.
My mom got sick when I was 8 and she died when I was 10. The worst part of that time was when she got too sick to take care of me and I had to live with my dad all the time.
I still saw my mom. But it wasn’t the same. Before she died she wrote me a letter and told me to read it whenever I needed to feel close to her. She said she put all her love into that letter. She also left me cards for milestones.
My mom’s original letter made my stepmother so angry though. I never called my stepmother ‘mom’ or anything. I never call her my parent either. I know she technically is. But I always disliked the idea of her being called that because she hated Mom so much and felt like Mom needed to step back from stuff to let her take over them (like dance).
My stepmother is mad that my mom never mentioned her in the letter and that mom never asked me to let her (stepmother) in. She felt like mom put up a final wall between us and made sure she would always be the outsider in my eyes and I would always long for my mom and reject her as a mother figure.
Our relationship is really tense while things with my dad are better than they were when I was younger. He got softer. So he said the three of us should go to therapy together to figure stuff out.
After two months of therapy, my stepmother wants the letter brought into sessions and the counselor feels like that’s a good idea and we should discuss the content of it since it’s such a point of tension.
But I don’t want my stepmother anywhere near it. She’s poison when it comes to my mom and I don’t want her to taint it. The counselor told me it would only benefit us all. My stepmother got mad and said even a piece of paper is more important to me than she is.
We had two sessions since and I did not bring it. This made my stepmother’s anger worse.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a very personal letter, written by a woman who knew she wouldn’t be around for her child. That is YOUR letter.
It’s only a point of contention because your dad’s wife is making it one. If you haven’t already, maybe you should share in therapy exactly why you don’t see your stepmom as a parent. Let them all know it doesn’t have to do with the letter, but the fact that all she has done is talk poorly about your mom.
Her actions are why you feel the way you feel and until her actions change, nothing else will. The letter is irrelevant and your stepmom needs to grow up. I am so sorry you lost your mom so young. I know what it’s like to have your stepmom consistently talk poorly about your mom for no reason, I barely speak to mine now that I am an adult.
Hold your ground. Keep the letter safe and don’t let anyone tell you you’re wrong for doing so.” ThunderboltToke
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not even close. This letter is just a physical manifestation of your stepmother’s perceived inferiority complex. She’s being needlessly competitive over the role of a maternal figure, when she could’ve created her own role for herself in your life had she not been a brat about it all.
If the counselor brings it up again, I would simply state that you do not wish to dissect the words of your mother which bring you comfort. You don’t want the letter to become something negative in your memories with your mom. And I would throw the tiniest bone to your dad’s wife by saying, you are asking her to respect that and it would mean a lot to you if she could understand that this letter is not a way to spite her but to comfort you.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time to drop the truth on her in therapy. Time to tell her “Since the moment we met, you have talked about my mom in the most disgusting way. I’m not sure why you think saying disparaging things about her will make me like you, love you, or see you as anything other than my dad’s wife.
If someone talked about your mom (or someone else important to her) like you talk about my mom, you wouldn’t like, love, or see them as a parent. You are the reason we do not have a bond. That letter is personal and I am not sharing it with you.” “Dad, you should have stopped her from talking badly about Mom years ago for my sake, for my mental health.” KEEP THAT LETTER SAFE.” LouisV25
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Friend's Wedding After She Criticized My Bachelorette Party Planning?
“I was MOH for my friend of 10 years. She has other bridesmaids she met about 2 years ago and I have only met them twice. She is having two bachelorette celebrations, one was abroad and one at home and she asked me to plan both as MOH.
Although it was a lot of work, I was so happy to do this for her. I created a 4-day itinerary for the celebration abroad and I was preparing a bigger party for her home celebration since all her family AND friends were coming.
At the end of the trip, she thanks me for my efforts and tells me she’s had an amazing time, ‘memories of a lifetime’ to be specific.
I left 2 days earlier than her and the other girls due to work. 2 days later, she messages me and tells me that she’s actually really disappointed and underwhelmed by my planning and that I put no effort into it. She’s clearly spoken to the other girls about me, they told her I didn’t take their suggestions on board, but I have evidence of messages of me asking for their input.
Another part of her reasoning for being underwhelmed was that she didn’t have personalized banners and themes for the trip. The first thing I did was apologize that she didn’t have the time she wanted, I was truly sad about it, but also felt blindsided and let her know I’d made the banners for the home celebration.
She also complained that we didn’t do all the activities on the itinerary and arrived at places late. But this was because some of the girls wanted to go clubbing every night so they were always hungover in the morning. One had too much to drink to the point we had to end two nights early because she couldn’t stand up, and the police even stopped by us.
Her response to this is I should have been more strict with the other girls and made the itinerary militant. But we’re all 25+ and I sent the itinerary to everyone 2 weeks in advance so we all knew the timings of activities in the day. I also didn’t feel comfortable going to the girls’ rooms and waking them up as I don’t know them very well.
I’ve pointed these things out and she’s defending her other bridesmaids and saying it’s all my fault that she didn’t enjoy it, so the conversation didn’t really go well. She came back a day later and told me that I’m no longer MOH, but can still be a standard bridesmaid if I want to.
She told the other girls they can take over planning the second bachelorette and I am working to cancel and get back deposits for things I ordered. They also decided this with the bride before telling me.
The wedding is also abroad and I’d be spending hundreds to get there for a bride I don’t think even respects me.
I’ve told her I’m not comfortable going but I’m afraid this will be the end of a 10-year friendship if I don’t go and I’ll be the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The friendship is already dead. You planned a trip over several days and all she could do was complain.
And it is all your fault for not babysitting grown-up women. They trash-talked you the two days you weren’t there. Do not put any more effort into anything there! This woman is a selfish person and doesn’t deserve any input from you. Ask her and the bridesmaid to refund you for the costs of the second bachelorette and tell them off.” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like her more recently acquired friends are not good. They’re the ones who decided to go too hard to remember that they were supposed to have an itinerary and be there for the bride, not just uncontrolled drinking. If that’s what they expected the week to be, they could have at least told you that they planned to get completely smashed every night so you could adjust the itinerary to allow for daily hangovers.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can tell you that if a friend of mine took time out of their life to plan a special event for me (let alone 2), I would say nothing but “thank you, it was amazing”. Even if I didn’t enjoy every aspect, I wouldn’t complain, let alone humiliate them by demoting them in the bridal party.
This woman isn’t a friend, and frankly, 10 years or not, I would not be paying hundreds to go to her wedding. I guarantee these new friends will mean she will have a problem with your hair, your make-up, that you weren’t attentive enough, you left too early/arrived too late, your gift wasn’t good enough, and on and on.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Asking My Neighbor To Leave After She Revealed A Bed Bug Infestation?
“My neighbor just came over to chat and told me she has a friend staying over because they have bed bugs at home. She proceeds to show me how she’s bit up but says she got them at her friend’s house. I promptly asked her to leave and that she shouldn’t have let her friend stay.
She proceeded to tell me her friend didn’t tell her about the bed bugs until today after she had been staying over.
A side note is that pests and parasites are a phobia for me, I lived in a house with roaches and experienced a steep mental decline and I’m pretty sure bed bugs are about the worst you can get.”
Another User Comments:
“I work in EMS and we’re used to some pretty nasty stuff. If we transport a patient with bedbugs it’s a shift-ending call, doesn’t matter if you’re 10 hours in or 1 hour in. Back to the main, set the rig up to be decontaminated with foggers/pesticide spray, change clothes, put uniform into biohazard bags to be deep cleaned, and go home to wash your uniform and the clothes you changed into for good measure, and take a scalding hot shower.
The rig won’t be put back in service for at least 6 hours while the foggers run, it’s aired out, and then deep cleaned with bleach by vehicle care staff. Same protocol for chiggers (?), scabies, lice, etc. Bed bugs are no joke, you had every right to kick her out, and I would have too.
Just thinking about it is making me itchy.” JazzyCher
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bed bugs are a nightmare. Two of my friends have gone through it. I actually avoid seeing people who are in the middle of a bed bug infestation. My friend who works at a government housing building for people at risk said the building always has bed bugs.
He would literally finish work, go to his car, strip down entirely in the alleyway, and bag his clothes in a white garbage bag and tie it up, new clothes, go home, immediately throw in the washing machine hot cycle, go shower. It’s no joke.
You weren’t being a jerk. No one wants bed bugs.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“What kind of absolute moron finds out their moron friend gave them bedbugs, and immediately turns around and takes their bitten-up self into someone else’s house? Bed bugs are extremely difficult to eliminate, you don’t have to have a phobia to justify telling her to leave her own now-infested house.
This is some peak stupidity. Never let this person back into your house ever again.” Sea-Wasabi-
14. AITJ For Letting My Brother's Transgender Partner Stay At My Place After His Parents Kicked Him Out?
“My (20M) baby brother “Khan” (15M) has a partner “Chase” (16M) who’s trans.
This is something Chase’s parents have a huge issue with especially after he started binding, wearing “guy clothes”, socially transitioning and cutting his hair short. It got to a point where they basically threw him out over the weekend. Supposedly trying to teach him some kind of lesson.
Khan brought him over to my place and my roommate ok’ed it so I happily let Chase stay on my couch the last few days. This morning after the boys left somewhere Chase’s parents came pounding on my door demanding to know who gave me permission to let their kid stay at my place.
They apparently tracked his phone to my place. I responded that I was under the assumption they kicked him out. They yelled at me that it’s none of my business and that I couldn’t let him stay there any longer or they’d call the cops on me and sue me and my parents.
I called and told my parents what happened and they’re mad at me saying that while they understood why I did it, it was reckless. They said I should’ve sent both of them to them first and they could have found something more suitable for Chase.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d maybe consider getting some kind of evidence just in case this happens again (like Chase could screenshot texts of his folks kicking him out or video evidence of that?). Just a CYA move. Also, let Chase know they’re tracking him with his phone so he can turn off his location if it happens again.
But, overall, you did the right thing. And you should be proud of it and do it again if needs must. I don’t know what solution your parents are offering, but it would be smart to discuss it now, with Chase as well, so that everyone is on the same page if/when it’s needed in the future.
Best of luck to Chase!” Alternative-Job-288
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, my parents were the default crash pad for kicked-out teens when I was young. They should be grateful that you prevented their child from being hurt on the streets that they sent him. My mom always said people who throw kids onto the street were horrible parents.
Child neglect is a crime too. Hopefully, I read wrong and you guys aren’t in Texas, they have horrible laws against trans kids.” OpenYenAted
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – And yet sorry, your parents aren’t completely wrong. Both your brother and Chase are minors, and that adds a new level to things.
Yes, they kicked him out, yes only he slept on your couch. but better safe than sorry so that you aren’t busy with legal problems and can’t continue to help however you can. Those idiot parents probably did think he would run home right away, and when he didn’t – well, they are blaming you, thinking it’d scare you and THEN he’d just run home.
Maybe circle back to your parents and see what they feel is ‘suitable’. If it includes really helping, great. If it was just to call his parents to get him, then stand your ground and remind them that something like that might just push both Chase and your brother to maybe do something stupid like run away,..” CornerSevere
13. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Opportunities For My Disabled Sister's Sake?
“My older sister Rita (20f) is disabled. My sister’s disability comes with a lot of health issues and while mentally she’s capable, physically she cannot do much and struggles, even with regular school. She never graduated high school because she got so sick in her senior year that it set her way back and she didn’t get the grades to graduate.
She was offered the chance to repeat but she said no because she was still really bad afterward. It’s something that causes her a lot of distress and she still cries because she feels like she failed in the worst way. Nobody can convince her differently.
She doesn’t work and she doesn’t go to school or anything. She’s at home and gets taken care of by our parents.
I (17f) am still in school and I’m going into my senior year. There have been a lot of discussions about college or what other avenue I could go down.
I was given information on this apprenticeship that could be perfect for me and my guidance counselor wanted me to give it consideration over the summer because they take high school graduates. It’s exciting.
Rita was super upset to hear I had so many options.
And not for the first time my parents expected me to think of her before making decisions. They suggested I focus on looking at community colleges only or not going to college at all and going into retail or a service industry job. They told me I could afford my own place if I were to do that.
I didn’t get to go to camp because Rita couldn’t and they didn’t want me to have experiences she couldn’t. I wasn’t allowed to participate in school plays because Rita couldn’t participate in hers (my parents would actually stop my teachers from including me). They refused to sign a permission slip that would have allowed me to enter a competition on behalf of my school because Rita would never get to have an experience like that herself and they didn’t feel it was right for me to have it then.
The permission slip came in because some travel might be involved if I were to go anywhere. They pulled me out of art classes when I was young because I was doing super well and getting a lot of praise. My parents actually pressured me to ask if I could leave the classes.
But they pulled me regardless.
Rita would always get upset when I achieved something or got presented with a great opportunity. She’d cry, ask me why I got everything and she got nothing. I felt bad for her but also resentful of the fact she was glad when our parents held me back.
This became a fight when the college stuff came up again and my parents saw me looking up the apprenticeship and my parents asked me how I could even think about going and how selfish I would be. They said I should aim for something lower for Rita’s sake.
Rita heard us argue about it and she said she knows I’m too selfish to give it up for her. I told them I hated them for expecting me to. Rita and my parents said I had no sense of family loyalty at all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is appalling. “My parents asked me how I could even think about going and how selfish I would be.” You’re the only one who isn’t being selfish. “They said I should aim for something lower for Rita’s sake.” They’re a disgrace.
“She said she knows I’m too selfish to give it up for her.” For her!? Does she think that she could take your place? You’re the only sane one there.” diminishingpatience
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I’m sorry to say this, this sounds like emotional abuse.
Try to talk to someone, maybe at school or a family member. They are forcing you to live your sister’s life. But you have your own life. You are your own person. If they cannot see that, you need to leave that house as soon as possible.
Try to go low contact for a while as well until they apologize for what they have done. You are NOT being selfish for having your own life. Your sister is being selfish for denying you one. Your parents are being absolute jerks for forcing it on you.” MichaelKerk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While everybody has to make sacrifices when it comes to a loved one having a disability, you should not be expected to give up your entire life to accommodate what’s best for everyone else. It seems like your parents have already forced you to do that enough.
They deprived you of things you wanted out of it being “unfair” to your sister when honestly it just seems like they wanted you to be her babysitter so they didn’t have to. You owe nothing to them, you’ve already done enough and had enough taken from you.
The manipulation isn’t going to stop unless you make it stop. I know it’s a tough thing to do, but my advice would be to put your foot down and tell them you’re going to do the things you want to do. If you want to go for that apprenticeship, go for it.
If you want to go away to college, do it. I would highly recommend it to you. It sounds like your family is trying to limit you so that they control your life. It’s your life, not theirs. You deserve to experience everything you want to.” [deleted]
12. AITJ For Telling My Mom Not To Forcefully Hold Our New Kittens?
“My (24F) family recently adopted two kittens a couple of weeks ago. They are about 8-9 weeks old now and they are still a bit skittish and getting used to human interaction. They’ve made a lot of progress but still don’t like to be held/picked up unless they’re super sleepy.
I’ve done a lot of research on good ways to help kittens acclimate to a new home, and one thing I’ve learned is to not pick them up every time they come to you. My mother has not gotten that memo and still will try grabbing them when they come close.
What I do is sit on the floor with them and offer them treats and they usually come right over to get pets and stand on my crossed legs, so they’re obviously acclimating to me faster since I don’t scare them.
Today, my grandmother was over and was happy to see the kittens.
My mom picked up one presumably to let my grandma pet her easily, who was struggling and squirming to get free and obviously stressed out. I told my mom to just put her back down on the ground (she has scratched before trying to get down from being held, and my mom throws a hissy fit if she gets scratched).
My mom then proceeds to tell me “Do NOT tell me what to do!” At this point, I’m like ??? Because she’s treating me like I’m a 12-year-old.
I tell her “fine, get scratched then I don’t care”. And went upstairs to get a shower.
I could hear her slamming and stomping from the bathroom as I was showering (normal for her when she’s upset). She is my mom but does that mean I have to be 100% at her mercy and not tell her what she should do with the family cat?
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You might want to rephrase that question because it sounds like you told your mom to have the cat hurt because it didn’t want to be held. NTJ. Parents have this weird thing where, no matter how old you are, they still think of you as a child.
My dad once got the idea to put a dividing BRICK wall in a room in our house. Both my older siblings and I told him that was not going to be statically sound because there was no supporting wall on the floor underneath. Three grown adults separately told him that it wouldn’t work, and he did not listen.
Granted, none of us are architects or building inspectors, or something similar, but it got really weird when he eventually dropped the idea because some guy at the pub had said it wouldn’t be safe, for the very same reason we had told him so.
Not an architect, not a building inspector, that guy was an accountant. But him saying “Nay” had more weight than the three of us. I’m not sure how to fix that. To a degree, it’s cute that parents will always see their children as their little imps, but it can take ridiculous forms when they refuse to listen to reasonable input.
That’s what you were trying to give, and it was rejected.” KatKaleen
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I am almost finished with my vet degree and you’re doing everything right tbh. Cats are such complex creatures, and you really have to do it their way or the highway.
Forcing it to be held is very very counterproductive, it will just make the cat dislike you. Further, treats are fine, it’s about associating yourself with a positive experience so the cat will be comfortable around you. You’ll notice its flight zone decrease around you and increase around your mum.” Temporary-Bird-3989
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I do have a tip though! You’re both kinda right about picking them up. You, because you shouldn’t just hold them if they’re upset, and certainly not if they’re panicking and hissing! Your mom, because this is the age to practice where they’ll get used to being held easily.
That being said, it should be pretty quick. Gently pick up a kitten, supporting it under its armpits and back feet. Give it a kiss and a little snuggle, then put it right back down. Less than 30 seconds. But do that a LOT. The thing they usually don’t like is either dangling or being confined – both are scary for kittens.
Being sure you support them well, and releasing them right away both help them feel safer. We’ve raised over 100 foster kittens, including socializing some feral babies, and the “catch and release” method works really well.” Librarycat77
11. AITJ For Lying About Watching Shows To Share Them With My Partner?
“My partner is super particular about what shows we watch together. If it’s something he or I have already seen he doesn’t want to watch it, he only wants to watch something that is “fresh” for both of us. This has led to multiple conflicts where I’ve gone ahead and watched something I really liked and he got upset enough that he wouldn’t watch it with me.
He says that it ruins the experience because he’s not getting my first-time reactions and that I may spoil something. I’m careful about the spoilers thing since that is a valid concern, but his first point is silly to me.
The thing is, I enjoy a show more upon rewatch because I get to catch things that I missed before and solidify my thoughts on it.
My reactions are still genuine and expressive. Thus, there have been occasions where I lied about not watching something so that I could get him to watch it with me, even though he hates lying too. My thing is that I really want to share certain shows I like with him because we have similar tastes, and he isn’t likely to watch them on his own if I merely recommend them to him.
It should be a win-win as long as we both enjoy what we’re watching but he is instead very stubborn. I dislike lying to him but I really just want to watch some good shows with him even if it’s not my first time. If I enjoyed it on my own the first time, I want to enjoy it further by sharing it with someone and talking it through.
He’s been none the wiser about my reactions and we still have a good time when I don’t tell him, so I think that already disproves his point about ruining the watching experience. Whenever I am honest and ask him to watch something with me anyway, he says I’m shoving my preference down his throat and disregarding his opinion about what he likes us to watch together.
It just feels like he disregards my own all too readily. AITJ for lying anyways?”
Another User Comments:
“I’ve been in a similar situation to this before. I can’t really support lying, even about something as mild as this, but I’d recommend you examine his behaviors in other situations.
If he’s that particular about dictating how you “should” feel/experience things, and unwilling to see your perspective, that’s a red flag. I would recommend you try to tell him how you feel but it sounds like you’ve tried that already with no results, which…is also a red flag.” eelregular
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. I get his behavior is unreasonable. It seems a bit controlling as well. I’d just watch what I want when I want unless he expressed interest in wanting to watch together. I’d ask before I watch it to see if he’s interested, if not watch it without him.
It’s his loss. Trying to do everything together all the time is not reasonable. Just because you’re a couple doesn’t mean you should live like conjoined twins. A couple is made up of two individuals that sometimes need room to pursue individual interests.” Puddin370
Another User Comments:
“Okay I’m not gonna lie, I really enjoy watching things both my partner and I haven’t watched because we get to experience the movie/show together and kinda prefer it sometimes, but if my partner has seen a movie or a show already and tells me that it’s really good and something that’s good enough to watch again, then we watch it.
If it’s something we both haven’t seen but really wanna watch, then we wait to watch it so it gives us something to do when we just sit at home and hang out. We both wanted to watch Fallout but didn’t wanna wait til the next time we saw each other so we both started it.
I was ahead of him, but that didn’t stop me from watching it with him when I went over even though I’d already seen the episodes. It helped him out because if he’d ask a question I’d be able to clarify what happened or I’d just tell him to keep watching so I didn’t spoil anything lol.
It’s kinda ridiculous that your partner gets so worked up over something so minuscule, and like I said, I’m someone who kinda has the same mindset of preferring to watch things we both haven’t seen yet. If you have to lie about something this little to keep the peace, then that’s something you need to think about.” Routine-Budget923
10. AITJ For Not Changing My Pre-Planned Solo Trip To Accommodate My New Partner?
“We are both 30. We started seeing each other about 8 weeks ago, and are now “partners”.
I’ve had a three-week road trip in Europe planned for summer for a while (since last year, without making any concrete bookings yet). She wants to join, but only has time for 8 days (due to work commitments).
I would love to travel with her, but don’t really see how it is possible – it would mean rushing from place to place, and then her flying back home alone, which I think is kind of sad – overall it doesn’t sound like a fun/relaxed/romantic trip together, but rather something that would be a little bit forced.
She says she doesn’t want to spend three weeks without me in summer and got a bit mopey when I told her that I didn’t see a lot of scope for her to come (mind you, I spent several hours trying to plot some kind of trip that she could join).
At the same time, considering that this relationship is still young, I do not want to completely cancel my own pre-existing plans. The road trip I had planned out for this summer was basically planned along the lines of my niche historical interests, and I’d feel bad for her to have to tag along to all of that (it would be her first time in Europe).
I told her I’d be more than happy to plan a substantial trip for next year if we feel like we’re on a good track together. I feel a little sad about having to pour a bucket of cold water over her head, but I also think that planning a transcontinental trip less than two months into seeing each other is quite a big step, or is that just me?
Difficult to make great summer plans if you’ve only just started seeing each other in late spring.
I would theoretically be open to considering going somewhere different with her 8-day timeframe, but at the same time, I also don’t want to relegate my own hobbies/interests completely to the background.
I’ve done this in previous relationships and have regretted it. I would like to do this trip for myself this summer and then plan something with her when our calendars align better and when we’ve settled into the relationship a bit more. We are going away for a weekend soon, so that will be a good first travel experience together.
However, she is now somewhat upset with me and moody, basically telling me that her willingness to tag along was evidence of her flexibility and that I should show the same. I don’t feel like it’s entirely fair.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you said yourself, the relationship is young.
Don’t sacrifice a trip of a lifetime for it. If your partner cannot understand why this is important for you, she cares more for herself than for you. 3 weeks might feel like a lot in a new relationship, but it should be doable if she is really committed.” nordic_wolf_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not being unreasonable here. You had plans in place before you even started seeing this person, and it’s only fair that you get to fulfill them at some point. It’s great that she’s enthusiastic about joining you on your trip, but it’s also reasonable that you don’t want to rush through your own vacation just to accommodate her.
And let’s be real, planning a three-week trip is a big ask for anyone, especially someone who’s new to the relationship. It sounds like you’re being pretty considerate of her feelings by offering to plan a trip for next year if things work out between you two.
You’re not shutting her down completely or dismissing her desire to spend time with you. And hey, maybe she’ll come around to see your point of view once she’s had some time to think about it. As for her comment about being flexible, yeah… maybe so, but that doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your own desires and plans to accommodate hers.
Relationships are about compromise, not one person completely sacrificing their own interests for the other” xSNYPSx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please do not cancel your trip, you can always do something together another time, and you can still stay in touch with Facetime, calls, etc, it’s 3 weeks, not 3 years.
You made the plans before you met to do something you enjoy. Don’t change your plans to try to please someone you have just started a relationship with. My partner and I met in November last year and we are both turning 40 this year, within 5 weeks of each other.
He has multiple festivals booked as part of his celebration and I am going away on a trip for mine. The dates clash so we cannot go away together for my 40th and I cannot afford to do both my trip and join him at the festivals for his.
I’m still going to go on my trip and he’s still going to go to the festivals, we both want each other to have a great time and we’re having a joint celebration together by going away later in the year.” judgeymcjudge84
9. AITJ For Feeling Ignored When My Fiancé Zones Out To His Phone Mid-Conversation?
“I (female 28) and my fiance (male 29) have been living together for years.
Most things are great. My only qualm really is the fact that the moment his phone catches his attention, (even if I’m in the middle of speaking,) he zones out to his phone and literally doesn’t hear me anymore. This makes me feel like other people who are texting him or whatever are more important than waiting the 2 seconds to let me finish talking before his attention is gone.
When I bring it up, he gets defensive, telling me, “well sorry for so and so texting me, what do you want me to do??” Even though I’ve explained to him many times that it makes me feel unimportant. AITJ for this? What do I do?”
Another User Comments:
“When he does it, leave. Every time. If he asks why, say “You’re clearly busy with something else.” If he gets huffy, tell him he has a choice between being on his phone and conversing with you and he always chooses the phone and forgets you exist in that time, and that’s fine, he gets to make that choice, but it doesn’t come without consequences.
You choose to not tolerate his rudeness. Try to have your stuff ready to go at all times and don’t stop to turn off a stove or to do anything. Just. Leave. NTJ.” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My severely ADHD husband used to do this to me.
It caused a lot of fights. We had a talk about how not every text/notification/etc. needs immediate attention, and that if I’m not important enough for him to finish having a conversation with, I will be leaving. I told him how awful it made me feel and that I felt less important than a screen since whatever was coming through wasn’t for me – so all I saw was him staring at a screen.
Please don’t marry this person until you’ve solved this. Phone addiction is a real thing. If this is happening now, even before you’re married, it will not get better unless you both do the work to fix it. You need to find a cue word that pulls him out, and he needs to respect that.
If he can’t, then his phone is indeed more important than you.” Discount_Mithral
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Receiving a text message isn’t an immediate life-or-death situation. He can choose to not respond to that text message in that immediate moment. Instead, he’s choosing to prioritize a random communication that is probably fine waiting for five minutes, over the actual communication that he is actively involved in.
He’s literally choosing anyone else he knows (or potentially doesn’t know) over you. When he asks “what do you want me to do”, he’s putting the onus of responsibility on anyone but himself. It’s the phone’s fault. It’s his friend’s fault.
It’s your fault. But noooo, not his. He’s acting like he has absolutely no agency in the situation at all, and in doing so he’s making you out to be the bad guy for putting him in an “impossible situation”. If he’s not capable of ignoring the texts, then he should be using dnd a lot more liberally.
If he won’t, then he’s choosing to always make you his lowest priority.” ThePhilV
8. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Parents' Second Wedding?
“I (23F) have been low contact with both of my parents for a while. The backstory is that they got divorced when I was 13, it was a drawn-out mess and a pretty awful time in my life.
To be fair, I know they tried not to drag me into it, but I still ended up having to live with the chaos on top of some otherwise rough teenage stuff and the whole thing permanently changed my feelings about both of them. I do love them, but I can’t see them the same way as before and they can’t accept that, so it’s better if I focus on my own life.
Both of them saw other people but none of them stuck, although I got a half-brother out of it. Apparently last year they reconnected and started seeing each other. They didn’t tell me, which is fair, but they asked to talk to me together while I was visiting for my great-grandma’s birthday and announced that they were getting remarried. It was clear that they expected me to be thrilled and for this to fix things.
All I could think of was that they made my teenage years so hard just to turn around and “oops, we’re back together again, our bad”. I congratulated them but told them not to expect things to change much.
Ever since my mom has been trying to involve me in wedding planning.
She wants me to be a bridesmaid. I said no. They asked me to give a speech, I said no. At a certain point, I decided that I really don’t even want to go, so I told them last week. They’re both very upset and really want me there because they want this to be about the family coming back together.
Other relatives have contacted me to talk about it with mixed opinions, but also a lot of “be the bigger person” and “give it a chance”.
I just don’t want to go and be thinking about how all that turmoil was for nothing while everyone else is happy.
I don’t want them to interpret my attendance as consent to just pretend none of it happened. But I know a lot of people would kill to have their parents back together.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – This is my litmus test to determine if the other party is the jerk – it is when they decide that they need to get other family members involved and on their side.
Where were these family members when you were going through difficult times? They can’t expect to spring this on you and decide that this is just going to be ok with you.” Tetchy9999
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t about what other people would kill for.
This is about you and what you can live with. I think you are right that by showing up at this wedding it would insinuate that you are supportive of this marriage. Is that the message you want to send? If so, go. If not, go on a mini vacation during the wedding.
Additionally, stop entertaining comments from other people advising you to go. Tell them this matter is not up for discussion and you will make the decision that is right for you!” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can always explain to them that they totally messed up your teenage years, and now they’re back together.
Do they really want you anywhere near the wedding and microphone to make a speech voicing your opinion on the mess they made of their lives, your life, and those of innocent bystanders like your half-brother? So maybe it’s better leave you out of this and enjoy the wedding with those who want to celebrate it with them, rather than force others to attend “because family.”” stiggley
7. AITJ For Demanding My Roommate Return My Stolen Charger?
“I (24F) have a roommate named Aalachia (21F). Aalachia’s not a very considerate person. She steals from people and claims that she’s “borrowing” it but 9 times out of 10 she never gives it back and it’s gotten her into a lot of trouble and nobody really likes her messing with their things.
A few days ago she took my portable charger without asking me and went to her partner Calvin’s (42M) house. It’s nothing fancy. Just something that I got from Walmart but it still annoyed me. When she got home I asked her if she brought it back and she said yes.
However, after asking for it multiple times she confessed that she left it at his house. I was furious.
A few days later Calvin had given us a ride somewhere and decided to let us spend the night at his house since it was late and his place was closer.
When we pulled up to the house I asked if my portable charger was still in there and Aalachia told me to chill out and stop being rude. I replied with “No. What’s rude is the fact that you took something of mine without permission and left it at your partner’s house.”
When we got out of the car she pulled me aside and told me to chill out and stop asking about my charger and to stop being so rude. I told her that I have the right to ask about something that I spent money on and bought for myself and I don’t consider it rude to ask about it.
When Calvin came over I said, “Either one of you find my charger or one of you owes me the $20 that I spent on it.” Luckily Calvin was very understanding of the situation and he found my charger and I got it back. However, Aalachia says that I did the most for no reason and was a very rude and disrespectful jerk toward Calvin.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Make it clear to your roommate that if she takes something of yours again without permission you will file a police report and she can find another place to live. I don’t care if it is a $1 item. You might think about putting a lock on your bedroom door and make sure your things aren’t left where she can steal them.” BooCat3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Every time she takes something without permission, immediately send her a Venmo/Cash App request for the cost of the item with tax, plus paying you for your time to replace the item. She’ll likely return the item much more promptly.
She’ll certainly complain about your behavior, but that’s okay – she’s stealing and you’re setting boundaries. If you send a payment request every single time she takes something of yours, she’ll probably quit doing so nearly as much since she immediately gets negative reinforcement for it.” pupperoni42
Another User Comments:
“She’s worried he may dump her because of her behavior. She may have been lying to him too. She put you in a position where you had no choice but to bring it up to the both of them at the same time.
That’s when you finally got results…. your item returned without more lies from your roommate. Change the door knob on your bedroom door to a knob with a key lock. Keep everything locked in your room. How much longer until the lease is up? If a key lock on your bedroom door isn’t enough, might need to find a new roommate or living situation.
NTJ.” Outrageous-forest
6. AITJ For Not Having Dinner Ready When My Partner Expected It?
“My (F29) partner (F24) and I have recently moved in together after being together for two years. She has a tendency to get irritated pretty quickly but I always try to apologize for anything that I have done right away to not make matters worse.
It has gotten to the point that I’m afraid of making a mistake because I don’t want her getting mad at me.
We recently got into a fight as she got angry that I was going out to watch a game with a friend (she doesn’t like him as one time I went out with him during a fight to calm down).
The bottom line was that she told me she was bothered and that she “expected me to be home before she got there and food needs to be ready.” After reading the text I felt that it sounded pretty controlling and told her as such, she got irritated telling me that she was not being controlling and that I was being “absolutely ridiculous”.
Long story short two days later we have a conversation to sort out what happened and she starts telling me it’s my fault that I got upset and she was not being controlling and that she couldn’t believe I didn’t listen to her regarding the food being ready.
I got home at 5 pm but couldn’t get in due to me not having my key, waited at the apartment lounge and came home at 7:00 pm when she told me she was home. She didn’t say hi and just told me she was going to take a shower and a bath, as soon as she told me that, I was already starting to prepare the food.
By then, she was done preparing the bath, my food was ready for us (including the extra for tomorrow’s lunch) and dishes had been washed and put away. She said I should’ve been home before and that even though I made food as early and as quickly as I could she said that was no excuse and she expected it to be ready regardless and that it was not okay that it was not ready and that was not what she “expected this relationship to be like”.
I’m always there for her and for whatever she asks for, I work from home and she usually is the one that cooks but anytime she asks or I see that she’s pretty tired I make food. AITJ for not having it ready exactly when she wanted?”
Another User Comments:
“OP you said it yourself, “I always try to apologize for anything that I have done right away to not make matters worse.” “It has gotten to the point that I’m afraid of making a mistake because I don’t want her getting mad at me.” You are NTJ.
As much as it may hurt because that’s 2 years, you may want to rethink this relationship. Her behaviors ARE in FACT controlling and gaslighting/manipulating behaviors. You are heading down the road of “dealing with” being mentally/emotionally/verbally abused, is that really how you want to keep going?” Dapper_Application37
Another User Comments:
“OP, you’re NTJ. You are her partner, not her slave. She just doesn’t sound controlling; she IS controlling. Yes, she might cook a lot of your meals, but this doesn’t give her the right to treat you like crap. Take the time to evaluate this relationship and see if this is the kind of stress you can deal with moving forward.
Unless she changes for the better, this is most likely how your fights generally would be, and this is most likely how she will continue to treat you. Don’t let the sunk cost fallacy fool you into spending more time with her than necessary. Two years seems pretty long at first glance, but you can chalk it up as the time you need to learn how to identify red flags in a partner and value yourself more.
I stayed in an abusive relationship for 12 years. I had to walk on eggshells and constantly apologize for making small mistakes to avoid triggering their anger. Don’t be like me.” PassengerAlarmed303
Another User Comments:
“Sweets, you’re in an abusive relationship. It’s always hard to understand when you’re in it (I’ve had a domestic violence relationship).
This is emotional and mental control. You make sure you do things right so they don’t lose their cool on you. THAT IS NOT OK. It sounds like they gaslight you too to make it seem like it’s your fault. DO NOT BELIEVE IT. I think you should look up emotional and mental abuse/control and look up the traits.
I think you’ll find some here. I would get out now before it gets worse. NTJ.” Proof-Ad6354
5. AITJ For Wanting To Move 3 Hours Away For A Better Life, Despite My Mom's Opposition?
“My (26F) partner (29M) just recently found a deal on some land via a family member for cheaper than we can find anywhere near where my family currently lives.
Overall once we build a house and buy the 25 acres, it would be about $150k for everything. It has been my dream to not live in town and raise my son (3 y.o.) outside of city limits where there’s more room to run around. We would raise cattle and have horses like I’ve been working towards without going into $600k in debt.
The only thing is, the property is about 3 hours away. I brought it up to my family and while most would be sad to see me go, it’s an opportunity of a lifetime that they would encourage me to take.
The problem lies with my mother.
My mom has always been super family-orientated and can be super emotional, but once she heard about me possibly moving, she screamed at everyone (throwing in my face that she watches my son so I owe her and need to stay nearby) and promptly stormed out of the house to disappear for almost 4 hours.
We’ve always had issues with my mom not listening to my requests when she does watch my son for us (I go to school to become a nurse so she offered to watch him so I can focus on school and not work).
She’s called me every name under the sun and has not talked to me since then.
She made me feel like I would be abandoning my family and has made me feel like total crap for wanting to do better for me and my son all because I’ll be moving from 5 minutes away to 3 hours away. I would still come back often but she seems to have taken it as a personal hit against her.
Now I’m questioning if it’s even the right thing to do. So, WIBTJ if I move my son 3 hours away from my family?”
Another User Comments:
“To digress a moment, at least at 3 years old, your son’s life won’t be disrupted and hopefully the school system and social environment are suitable.
Making a big commitment like this without being married can be done, but has higher risks and, if things go south, your son’s life is at a high risk of being disrupted. (with an ongoing “I told you so” from mom even though she didn’t say so).
See a lawyer about setting up planning for rights and responsibilities if such a situation arises. As to the question, your mother is obviously obsessive and extreme over this. Your judgment should be based on an objective standard.” Scenarioing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Do what you want/need to do for yourself and your family.
It is kind of ridiculous for your mom to say you owe her because she watched your son. Watching him is either a privilege or a chore. If you “owe” her, then she’s saying it’s a chore. So why would she be mad if you remove the chore?
She’s upset because it’s not a chore, it’s a pleasure. So it’s logical that she’s sad or upset, but that means you don’t “owe” her anything. When she realizes the silent treatment will not get her what she wants, she will come around. And if not, not.
You still aren’t the jerk. PS. Be sure to buy the acreage BEFORE you build the house.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please don’t let your mom’s poor behavior interfere with making the best decision for you and your family. You certainly do not owe her to financially struggle just because she babysat your 3-year-old.
However, if you didn’t pay her any money to do so, you might want to write her a check for whatever you think you would have had to pay a babysitter and mail it to her after you move away.” Tranqup
4. AITJ For Being Upset About My Husband And FIL Watching Late Night Sports In Our Bedroom?
“I (22F) have to get up at 7 in the morning to leave for work and I do work jobs so I’m very tired at the end of the day.
Recently there was an International cricket tournament going on and now a Football Cup which my husband and FIL along with my FIL’s caretaker watch. I barely know about sports and am too busy to watch. The cricket cup would end by midnight but the football one local time ends at around 4 in the morning which means all three men watch it on TV in my bedroom where I sleep.
My bedroom has the only TV where live football can be streamed and is fixed to the wall and the other TVs are too old and don’t support streaming and only have local/regional channels.
It was fine for a few days. We have in the past together seen movies.
But that was like once in 6 months. But this football tournament is going to go on for about a month and every day it’s becoming intolerable for me to have the lights and TV on cheering while I’m trying to sleep.
My husband has very flexible working hours and works from home so he can get up anytime he wants.
And my FIL is like 80, retired, and a very lonely man (MIL died a couple of years ago). I don’t like saying no to him because he is older than my grandfather and I respect him a lot. But him sitting in my bedroom from 9 pm till 2 or 4 o’clock in the morning is something I don’t like anymore.
I’ve tried to tell my husband several times how their being there affects my sleep as I have to work 13 hours the next day. He just shrugs and says that his father will take offense if he asks him to not come as seeing football together has been a tradition for them.
This led to me being very upset and I am not talking to my husband anymore. He is now all sad and stuff.
But my friends and family had shown concern over this and asked me to ask my FIL directly. I’m just afraid he might be hurt because he is a proud man and will take these things to heart and he might end up not coming to my room at all which is bad as he barely goes anywhere else, most times we have to put in so much effort just to get him out of his own room as he has lots of health problems and can’t walk very far.
So now I’m in a dilemma.”
Another User Comments:
“”The other TVs are too old and don’t support streaming and only have local/regional channels.” INFO: Why can’t they get a new TV (even a small inexpensive one) that will support streaming? NTJ. “I’ve tried to tell my husband several times how their being there affects my sleep as I have to work 13 hours the next day.
He just shrugs …” Your husband is a jerk though. “I’m just afraid he might be hurt because he is a proud man and will take these things to hear.” If he really is a proud man he will understand that he needs to stop watching sports in his DiL’s bedroom at all hours of the night while she tries to sleep.
Especially when she works early in the morning. For your own sake and sanity, insist on putting a stop to this. It’s really very ridiculous.” StonewallBrigade21
Another User Comments:
“Unless the TV is stuck to the wall with something like cement, then there is always a possibility to detach it.
Honestly, it’s really weird that you’re all comfortable with this situation (you are if it’s just for a few nights). There are so many solutions to this problem, that I’m going to say YTJ for not demanding them to buy a Chromecast, unscrew the TV, or just bluntly tell them to stay out of the bedroom while you sleep.
It’s weird as heck.” Angus_McFifeXIII
Another User Comments:
“Can you sleep in another room? The rooms with the old TVs? The couch, the tub, Grandpa’s room, the spare bedroom, in the car. If you’re so adamant the TV can not be moved, and you can’t sleep with them in there, why haven’t you just moved?
Are the pillows and blankets also mounted to the wall? I get it, it’s your room and you should be able to sleep in there. But dang. Take the easiest solution!! It’s for one month. Instead of trying to sleep through the lights and TV and shouting/cheering.
Just get up and move! Girl! Go get some sleep! They should definitely respect you. They should go to another room. They should keep their voices down, or at least turn the lights off. But sitting in the bed upset about not being able to sleep isn’t going to fix it.
Just get up, take the blanket, pillows (the remote), and go chill somewhere. Then start pressing buttons while you’re falling asleep.” yournewhabit
3. AITJ For Not Forcing My Daughter To Invite Her Mother To Graduation?
“I have three kids. When they were in middle school, our family went through a nasty divorce. In short, I wasn’t happy and tired of paying for her lifestyle while still dealing with the household stuff.
We had split custody and she needed to go back to work.
Over time the kids came to live with me since she kept missing things because she had to work.
Now the big issue, my daughter is graduating high school this Friday. The school only gave 6 tickets. She invited me, her siblings, and her grandparents.
She didn’t invite her mom and I didn’t fight her on the decision.
I got a call today asking for a ticket and I told her she wasn’t invited.
This started an argument and she is angry I didn’t make our daughter invite her. After a while of going in circles, I told her not everything is about her and to grow up.
She called me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“So after the divorce that you initiated, your wife who was a SAHP, had to go back to work. We only have your word that you were “paying for her lifestyle”- this is something lots of men say as justification when they leave their SAHP.
She was presumably caring for small children for a considerable period of time as part of that lifestyle? Anyway, she now has to work and has been out of the workforce for a while and can only get poorly paid work. These sorts of employers aren’t flexible and she needs to work a lot of hours to support her children and put a roof over their heads.
You are in a much better position financially with a more flexible job and have stepped in where your wife is having to work, eventually taking the kids off her and getting child support from a low-paid worker who presumably now has to work even longer hours.
Honestly, your post is kind of gloating. You’ve been able to be there more for your kids and instead of helping them have a good relationship with their mum, it sounds like you’ve enjoyed taking them away from her and being the “better” parent.
It’s better for kids to have good relationships with both parents and you sound mean-spirited and kind of a jerk. You could have said “Your mum earns less than me and has to work more hours and sometimes this makes it hard for her to be there, but she loves you and would love to come” – that would have been the adult thing to do.
You had children with this woman. You’re a family. This is very sad and eventually, your kids will suffer.” stoopstofolly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! When my middle graduated boot camp he only had 4 tickets. His 2 brothers, Dad and me (stepmom). His bio mom was very absent.
She was upset and his stepdad lit into him on graduation day. I was livid! The night before graduation they had concert tickets and insisted they could do both. Really??? How were they getting from the East Coast to the Midwest before 7:00 the next morning??
I get it. Congratulations to your daughter.” fortheloveofbulldogs
Another User Comments:
“This is a bit more complicated than just a simple YTJ or NTJ. Your daughter is the one graduating and she can invite anyone she wants to be there, that is her choice. However, there seems to be missing information.
Because you divorced your wife who was SAHM and she had to return to work and it didn’t sound like she had a high-paying job and had to work a lot and long hours to survive. Meaning she would be tired and sometimes need to get extra shifts.
Now yes oversleeping or working and not getting the kids is an issue however those things don’t make for a bad parent. Nothing was said to make the daughter have animosity for her mother. Yes, I can see that she may think that she may not show but that wouldn’t just be the only factor in not even give her mother the opportunity to try to come.
I mean you not really showing any care is kind of a jerk move because if the roles were reversed I’m sure you would feel a certain type of way as well. So I think without extra context your daughter is a bit of a jerk too because if working to survive and missing a few pick-ups makes her think I can’t count on my mom to be there for me at the biggest life event to date and I’m not even going to give her a chance to try, that is just wrong.” starrhunter633
2. AITJ For Telling My Brother He's A Bad Dad?
“So my (45F) brother Joel (40M) is a single dad to Daisy (15F).
There’s little to no contact with his ex-wife so he’s been doing it completely on his own since she was like 3. He’s done an amazing job and Daisy is an absolutely fantastic person.
Without knowing many details, Joel has some crazy project going on at work until July where he’s there for like 12 hours a day 5 or 6 days a week.
He’s expressed that days are running together and he doesn’t even realize when weeks have passed.
Almost two weeks ago was Daisy’s birthday. Joel forgot. He had reminders and posts about everything he wanted to do and needed to remember but everything got buried under everything else and the day just approached faster than he anticipated. My understanding is that he remembered on the way home and just ended up getting a store-bought cake and giving her cash.
He told her he’d take her to the mall that Saturday so they could spend the day together and he’d spoil her, but he got called into work so he canceled that too. That Sunday we were supposed to have a little family party for her birthday.
Joel had already started making arrangements to make up for it. When the day came she refused to come so it got canceled.
The next weekend (this last weekend) we were all getting together again, just because we like to get together as a family a lot.
Joel showed up late and without Daisy. He seemed distraught so I sort of just said hi and let him be. He ended up talking in the kitchen with our parents. He was all choked up talking about how Daisy isn’t acting herself. He mentioned how sweet she was on her birthday even though he forgot and how she’s been so understanding, but all she’s doing now is locking herself in her room all day.
Maybe it wasn’t my place. We’re a very tight-knit family and all of my siblings joke about our kids having multiple moms and dads because of how close we all are, so I didn’t even really think about it. I just told him Daisy isn’t acting like herself because she’s mad at him for being a bad dad, and she has every right to be.
He disappointed her big time and he shouldn’t expect her to ever forgive him. He didn’t say anything, but my parents scolded me. He was quiet the rest of the night and left early maybe 30 minutes later.
He didn’t say it directly but I know I hurt his feelings.
My parents, my other brother and sister, and even my husband told me it wasn’t my place. With that being said I don’t necessarily think I am wrong either.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It seems Dad’s been doing an awesome job for over 10 years and just happened to drop the ball this season.
That doesn’t make him a bad dad, it makes him a good dad who messed up. Stuff happens, other life commitments get in the way and mess up our priorities. The 15-year-old understandably is mad at her dad for missing an important occasion and bailing on her last minute, but you calling him a bad dad and telling him his daughter will never forgive him is uncalled for and you unnecessarily escalated the issue.
Sounds like you wanted to make him feel worse than he already does. So yeah, YTJ. You should apologize.” RoseJoy_1980
Another User Comments:
“YTJ he isn’t a bad dad. What is wrong with you? He messed up and he will need to make it right with Daisy but she will 100% forgive him.
What would cause you to tell your brother that his daughter would never forgive him? I’m honestly flabbergasted that you think you are in the right here. What you said was cruel and factually incorrect. AND if you are sooooooo close why didn’t you step in and help with her birthday since your brother is slammed at work?” Shortestbreath
Another User Comments:
“Telling him that his daughter was mad about him missing her birthday makes YTJ. There are so many emotions Daisy might be feeling, sadness, grief, who knows, maybe a guy she liked rejected her. Laying all that guilt onto your brother when honestly, you don’t really know what’s going on with Daisy.
You just laid a lot of judgment he’s probably already tormenting himself about. You’ve not said that he is a bad father, but yes, he forgot his daughter’s birthday. Do you even know why he’s putting in all that overtime? Could it be raising a teenager is expensive?
Your husband is right. I think you should apologize.” CaliforniaJade
1. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Late Partner's Cat To His Grieving Mother?
“My partner (26) of 3 years passed away in November of 2023 after getting in a car accident. He left behind his 2 cats Gizmo and Shortcake who we love dearly. Gizmo is 8 and Shortcake is 2.
Before we met, my partner adopted Gizmo while he still lived with his mother so they all lived together for around 5 years before they moved out and moved in with me into my apartment and then we adopted Shortcake together a year ago from a local shelter.
Before his death, his mother and I had a decent relationship and we got along fine. I think his death brought us together more and she supported me throughout my grief. She would take me out for coffee and make sure I was eating well and taking care of myself, and I would try to help her out as well.
Just recently she reached out to me on WhatsApp to ask about Gizmo and if she could come over to my place to say hi to him because she hadn’t seen him in a while. I said sure and she came over for around an hour, we chatted about stuff and then she left. Later that night she messaged to ask me if she could maybe take Gizmo back to her house as he reminds her so much of her son and having Gizmo back would make her feel a lot better.
I said to her that it wouldn’t be fair on Gizmo to disrupt his routine on top of everything that’s happened as Gizmo was pretty shaken by the loss and was slowly starting to come back out of his shell.
Her tone takes a 180 and she demands that I give her back Gizmo as it’s “technically her cat” and that she’s known him longer than I have so she has “more of a right to him than I do”.
I refuse and try to reason with her that Gizmo is fine where he is. She sends me in full capitals that “the grief of a mother is more than the grief of a partner.”
I genuinely considered giving Gizmo back to her after she said that but I love Gizmo with my whole heart and I don’t want to make this harder on him than it has to be and anyone with a pet would relate to that.
In the morning she asked me to reconsider my answer to which I say it’s still a no and she leaves me on read. She then blasts me on social media calling me “selfish” and I get a dozen messages on social media from her family calling me the same but I am still standing firm on my decision.
This whole situation has put a major strain on my relationship with her and my partner’s extended family. This is a side of her I’ve never seen before and I think it’s damaged our relationship to a point of no return which sucks as they were my support system during my partner’s death.
It hurts me to think what my partner would’ve thought of this whole situation as he and his mother were super close as well. I don’t know what he would’ve wanted me to do but regardless Gizmo is staying with me.
Does this make me the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but just please make sure that this is best for the cat. Did he prefer a one-cat house? Does he act as if he actively misses this woman? I don’t think that going back to a familiar home would necessarily be damaging for him.
If, after assessing, you truly believe that him staying with you is the best option then absolutely NTJ.” CommonishHuman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please keep Gizmo and Shortcake together in their home. Separating them will cause them more trauma. I know your SO’s mother is grieving, but she’s not thinking of the cat’s best interests right now.
Be gentle, of course, but tell them no, or block them. I would also suggest grief counseling or a grief support group for you so you have a support system. I’m so sorry for your loss. Hug your kitties and take care of yourself.” Desperate_Chemical91
Another User Comments:
“There’s the moral side and the legal side. I assume he didn’t have a will, so his property reverts to his next of kin, ie his mother. Technically pets are property, so the cat is likely legally hers. This doesn’t actually address what’s best for the cat, for the mother, or for you.
No jerks here. I also do want to point out that you will move on with your life, likely within the lifespan of your kitties. She will never move on from this. If your vet thinks that this won’t be significantly disruptive, I would really consider letting her have him.” Witty-Stock-4913
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