People Tell Us Their Unpleasant "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Not Wanting To Call My Dad's Partner To Invite Her To My Wedding?
“I’m celebrating my intimate wedding in May. My fiancee and I only invited our parents and our brothers and sisters, along with their respective partners.
No kids.
Two months ago, when we booked the venue, I told my father, who lives abroad (4-hour flight), that his new partner was invited, obviously. I just sent the invitations, so he hasn’t received his yet, and of course, she is included in it, as I had already told him.
However, they haven’t bought their flight tickets yet… only because his partner is ‘waiting for me to call her’ and vocalize my invitation to her, specifically, even if I already told my father several times that she of course is invited.
We have a good cordial relationship, but I don’t feel the need to call her only to tell her what she’s already supposed to know… through my dad!
I didn’t personally call my siblings’ partners to let them know that they were invited. It’s not only obvious, but I explicitly told each of my brothers and sisters that they can bring their spouses and partners.
Also, I have never seen anywhere that the bride calls their siblings, and separately, their SOs.
I’m my father’s oldest, and first daughter to get married… My unnecessary separate call to his partner shouldn’t be a requirement for their (or his?!) attendance at my wedding. Flight tickets are getting more expensive by the day, and they’re just wasting their time unnecessarily.
Am I being a jerk for feeling annoyed by this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You sent invitations with +1. Your father’s partner wants you to call to be invited. Not to be just a +1. Is there a problem with your father? Why doesn’t she feel legitimate?
A +1 is not a guest and that’s why we don’t call +1s: the guest chooses his/her +1. So your father is supposed to confirm HER to YOU. You can’t confirm to her she’s invited because she’s not BY YOU. Maybe there’s a problem between your father and her, but it’s not your problem.
You can just tell her that you don’t mind if she comes but not that she’s invited or you’ll have to send her an invitation, and they’ll be authorized to come with a +1.” Lyzab77
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but also not worth getting upset about (easier said than done around a wedding, I know).
This is not your problem, this is your dad’s problem. It’s his job to invite/reassure her, not yours. You’ve already extended an invitation via YOUR DAD where she is only welcome AS his partner. In what world would you be inviting her if she wasn’t attached to him?
It sounds like it’s time to set some boundaries with your dad and let him figure it out. He can sort out his own plane tickets. He’s an adult first and foremost and can be held accountable as one. He doesn’t need a special envelope to know when the wedding is because you’ve already told him.
What’s the logic here? If it got lost in the mail, no invitation exists, and therefore no attendance?
Release yourself from this weird power play. It’s not your responsibility to deal with it. Focus on your wedding, may it be a joyous one!” User
22. AITJ For Excluding My Stepfather From My Graduation?
“My stepfather (50+?, M) came into my (25F) life a month after my father passed. He and my mom had been together as my father was in the hospital gravely ill (he’d been ill for several years and my parents were legally separated).
We’ve never gotten along. My father didn’t like him and that probably infected me. One of the reasons that I still dislike him is that he refused to allow me my parent’s ashes because I needed to ‘move on.’ Several years after he passed (roughly 8), I was finally allowed them but he threw them away.
He also wouldn’t allow me any pictures of my father. At one point, he burned pictures of my father as punishment. I’ve strongly disliked him since.
I’ve not been innocent in it. I’ve repeatedly told him I’ve hated him. I’ve said a variety of nasty things to him as I was growing up.
I also used to sneak food from the fridge and such when I was on punishment and not allowed food for the day or a couple of days. I cost them a lot of money in therapy bills and such. I had constant night terrors that would wake the whole house.
I was very difficult to live with. I was constantly crying. Whenever I was at home, I wouldn’t interact with anyone. I never let myself be photographed with the family.
He (on the advice of my therapist) decided for several years that I would only be allowed to see my mother for 30 minutes a week if I showed appropriate respect towards him.
The rest of the time would be spent with my step-brother. Contrary to the rest of my family, I wouldn’t be allowed a bed for the entire time I lived at that house. I lost it after a period of bed-wetting and never earned it back.
There was a behavior chart and I never earned enough points to get it back. We constantly fought.
My family is trying to get me to reconcile. I’ve been told that I need to invite them to my college graduation in order to reconnect and keep the peace in the family.
I’ve done my best to remain civil with my stepfather. I honestly hate him, and I don’t think I’ll ever move past that. It would especially be a slight if I invited my grandparents (who took me in after a major fight immediately after my high school graduation that left me homeless.) I honestly don’t want him there.
I could be the jerk for:
- Carrying on a childhood feud;
- Making life hard for my mother;
- Separating the family;
- Hating my stepfather who was in a difficult situation raising not his kids;
- Showing favoritism;
- And maybe something else.”
Another User Comments:
“You sound like you were a child who suffered a trauma and was never allowed to heal or grieve.
In turn, you started having negative (but normal) responses to losing a father and just as quickly having a new man step into this father role with ridiculous expectations for you. Bedwetting? There were reasons and not because you were disrespectful. ‘Sneaking food’? No you weren’t.
You were acquiring the food your mother is LEGALLY required to provide for you. Not for your stepfather to use it as a source of control and punishment. Burning pictures of your father? That is evil and was done to bully and hurt you. Not teach you.
Do you actually know if you cost them a lot to see these ‘doctors’ or whoever? They can tell you whatever they want. Night terrors? Because you were being mistreated and dealing with the loss of your dad. Of course it manifested… I’m sorry I’m all over the place, but your story resonates.
Please please do not worry about these other people who spent years tearing you down and trying to get you to conform to their awful ways. Being guilt-tripped or gaslighted by others about your situation can be difficult to handle and hear. Maybe you don’t need those other members either?
When you finally make the hard cut to all the toxicity in your life, you can fully start to heal and probably finally mourn your dad.” TooTallBrawl1919
Another User Comments:
“Honey, you were a grievously mistreated child, and nothing you did caused any of the harm meted out to you.
You didn’t deserve it. At all. Never ever. The childhood therapist was a monster and I think either your mother lied to support the evil man known as your stepfather, or they weren’t actually a licensed therapist. The therapist that you have now is exactly what you should have had as a child.
Listen to your therapist, not your inner child who thinks they were a bad child for trying to stand up for themselves.
You have every right to cut this nasty abusive heinous excuse for a human being out of your life. Anyone who is trying to force this relationship also should be cut out.
They didn’t defend you then and they don’t deserve any of your time, effort, or energy now. Be safe. Listen to your therapist. Believe in yourself. You’re a good human being who deserved the very opposite of what you got. Live the life your father would have dreamed of for you.
NTJ.” Ok-Writing9280
21. AITJ For Not Wanting Any Of My Fiance's Sisters To Be My Bridesmaid?
“My fiancé (M 27) Rob and I (F 26) have been together for nearly 8 years, engaged for a little over 1 year. We’ve been living with each other now since 2021. Around this time (I guess when it became apparent that we were serious) an animosity between his parents and one of his sisters started to develop.
We’ve had some ups and downs, usually starting a down period when I say or do something they don’t like or agree with, such as having a boundary (I could list every infraction over the last few years and end up with an encyclopedia level of volumes, where 99.99% of those would make you laugh-cry).
Then these down periods have usually ended with me making a compromise (which more or less has me having to make a 180°) to keep the peace.
Now, none of these boundaries are unreasonable. Asking that they not turn up at our house unannounced and uninvited, is one of them.
To only invite us to dinner over the weekend (we work ave. 12 hour shifts weekdays). Just to name a couple. However, these 2 in particular cause the most grief because it means that I don’t like them (apparently).
Come to planning our wedding. We’re having a small ceremony, maxing out at 50 guests.
We agreed we only wanted a small wedding party, 2 bridesmaids, 2 groomsmen. No page boys, flower girls, etc. I chose my (only) sister as my maid of honor and a close friend as my bridesmaid. We sent out the ‘save the dates’. Rob handed his personally to his family.
No sooner had he done that had his mother, Jan, gotten in his face and demanded to know why neither of his sisters were in the bridal party. Rob mentioned that we were originally going to elope but felt that it excluded family so we opted for a small wedding.
Jan then stated that she would prefer us to elope, then said that I should remove my close friend as bridesmaid and have one of his sisters.
Originally, he had no problem with not having his sisters as bridesmaids, but now he seems to have changed his mind (he says).
I think that Jan getting in his face has caused some emotional conflict in his mind and he just wants to keep her happy.
Because of my having to relent usually, I don’t want to change our arrangements and want this aspect to remain solely my choice (as I have never asked him to include one of my brothers as his groomsman as it’s his choice who he has).
But now it’s caused this whole argument where I’m being called a jerk and spiteful because I don’t want to relent.
I’ve always been told that the wedding is about the couple, and it’s not their responsibility to keep everyone happy with their choices.
Given their history, I can’t trust that they’ll get their way this one time, and then not demand more changes the closer we get to the date.
I don’t think I am being unreasonable, but am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you don’t just have an in-laws problem.
You have a husband problem. You will always be compromising your own happiness and boundaries for his family because he is allowing this behavior all the time! I wouldn’t be marrying him at all until he grew a backbone and started putting mummy dearest in her place!
Imagine how awful it’s going to be when you have kids and she just comes around to visit the baby when you are exhausted, covered in vomit and poop, and answer the door with one of your melons hanging out. I’d be making it very clear to future hubby that this placating to mummy needs to stop because you are the person he has chosen, so he needs to act like it.” Difficult_Jello_7751
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I would consider calling off the wedding until your partner can stand up to his mother. What happens when you choose one of the sisters and the other is left out? Will you then be made to dump your sister as maid of honor and replace her with one of his sisters?
Right now you have a fiancé problem, he is letting his mother dictate YOUR wedding plans, he needs to nip that in the bud. What happens in the future if you decide to have children, will you be brow beaten until you let her in the delivery room, or will you be called names until you decide to name an offspring after her?
The wedding is between you and your fiancé, not his mother. It’s up to you to choose the wedding party.” Crafty-Gardener
and tell off the old broad. If he can't back you up on this God help you if you marry this wuss because mommy fearsstvis going to the 3rd in yourforevermore threesome
20. AITJ For Telling My Neighbor Not To Bring Her Kid To My Place If He's Sick?
“Sometimes I help my neighbor (Jessica) by caring for her five-year-old while she works from home.
I genuinely enjoy her kiddo; Jack. I also work from home and have a 3-year-old, Joe; so the boys are little buds.
We’ve been neighbors since 2018 with zero history of even minor issues. We aren’t having game nights together but we did celebrate each other’s pregnancies and attend kids’ birthday parties, and as I mentioned, I watch Jack occasionally.
When he comes over, I watch him for free, provide food, and pay for any activities we do. Most recently I took Jack with us to an indoor gym. I usually keep him for 3-5 hours. I’ve never asked for money and she’s never offered. (This isn’t necessarily important but it’s not paid child care; just wanted to make that clear)
Well, here’s the problem – almost every time Jack comes over he is sick! Coughing, dripping nose… like no possible way Jessica didn’t know?
Previously her baby had a diagnosis of hand, foot, and mouth THE DAY AFTER Jack had been here. There’s no way her baby showed zero signs prior to diagnosis.
Multiple times, after watching Jack, my whole house has been sick, we’ve missed work, we’ve had to spend money on doctors and medications and we missed Thanksgiving with my husband’s family.
Anyway – I’ve not said anything until today. (I know, I know – but she’s my neighbor and it felt awkward)
So… It, uh, didn’t go well.
Below is the conversation and I’m genuinely confused – AITJ here?
Me: Hey girlie, I have to have a conversation with you, and it feels a bit awkward… Four out of the past five times that we have watched Jack, our entire home has gotten sick.
A couple of times Joe has even asked Jack if he was sick again? I totally get how hard it is with the kids in school and everything else but this is now the second or third time that one or both of us has missed work, had to pay for doctors appointments, and we’ve been generally miserably ill.
I know that that is not your intent, but on more than one occasion, Jack has been over when he is obviously ill… And I just have to ask that if we are to watch him again, that he is either healthy or you are upfront about anything that may be going on.
When he came over last and we went to the gym, he was coughing, and he had mucus dried to his face… I did ask him, and he told me he’d been sick for several days. Prior to that, it was the exposure to hand foot, and mouth, it’s just so frustrating to want to hang out with Jack and want to help you but end up in a bad position nearly every single time.
We adore you guys and don’t want our relationship to be damaged in any way, but we can’t keep getting sick.
Jessica: I honestly find this very offensive and I believe our friendship has ended.
Me: What?
Jessica: There’s nothing to question, end of story.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you wayyyy over-explained yourself. A ‘Hey, please don’t send Jack over when he’s sick, thanks’ would have been plenty. This is a normal, reasonable request. Daycares won’t take sick kids, and neither should you. The fact that she has two kids is irrelevant – her responsibility for Jack didn’t end when she decided to have another.
When he’s sick, she (and her partner, if she has one) are the ones who need to care for him.
You have a child of your own to consider. The fact that she blew up an INCREDIBLY beneficial childcare arrangement over this request makes me wonder if she’s all there.
And it also makes me wonder if she’s expecting you to grovel and BEG to care for her child out of panic over the threatened friendship. I’m not entirely convinced this is over. Be prepared for part II of this conflict, and make sure your spine is intact if this turns out to be a manipulation tactic.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s upset because you called her out on something she was obviously doing – sending over a sick child. She either doesn’t think it’s a big deal, believes it reflects poorly on her as a mother, or has bought into some narrative where even acknowledging illness is being a liberal (I don’t get it, but it’s a thing).
Either way, you didn’t do anything wrong here. You had to call attention to it. No one wants the whole household sick. And this isn’t the end of the world, either. She’s threatening you with ENDING YOUR FREE BABYSITTING. Who cares? When she realizes she’s bit the hand that’s been feeding her, she’ll probably come back to ‘rekindle the friendship.’ Don’t let her.
Her true colors are ugly.” Lulu_42
19. AITJ For Refusing To Bake My Niece's Birthday Cake?
“I (24F) didn’t grow up with my step-siblings Kyle and Kameah (24M & F) so I barely knew them. I lived in another country with my mother and moved to my dad’s country a year ago for a marriage that never happened.
Basically, my dad introduced me to a man Neil (32M) two years ago and we had a year-long long-distance relationship.
We decided to get married and I moved over. Then he slept with my step-sister Kameah and got her pregnant.
It was just a messed-up situation. I didn’t make a fuss, my dad barely stood up for me and the only person who was apologetic was my stepmother and that was because she didn’t want me to make her kids look bad to the rest of the family.
She is also the reason my parents’ marriage broke up.
I stayed in my dad’s country and I’m seeing someone new so it’s all good. I bake as a hobby and very occasionally will sell some of the things I make. I usually just bake for my partner Will (27M) or his mother because she’s a sweetheart but last week, my dad called me up and asked if I would bake for my half-sister’s birthday.
She will be turning 14 in a few weeks. I agreed and started buying materials/looking for inspiration. I was asked explicitly not to put any numbers on the cake because they said they had gotten some special candles for the cake that said 14. I believed this because my sister is autistic and likes things in a particular way.
I’m going on holiday very soon so I won’t be able to attend the birthday party.
I was with my grandmother yesterday and she remarked how kind I was being by baking for Kameah and Neil’s daughter’s birthday. I asked her what she was talking about and turns out, my dad had lied to me and in reality, the cake I was baking would be for that child’s 1st birthday instead.
I know nothing about this baby because she’s not even related to me, and I didn’t even know when her birthday was so I didn’t suspect anything. Turns out her birthday is a few days before my sister’s. My grandmother showed me the texts (she thought it was wrong of my dad to ask me to bake for the party) confirming what my dad had done.
I called him to let him know I would not be baking for the party and I was horrified at his attempt to con me out of time and money for a baby I don’t even know with parents I don’t particularly like. He begged me to reconsider because it was too late to ask for any other baker but I hung up.
Now I’m being bombarded with texts accusing me of punishing a baby for her parents’ actions and for leaving them with no alternative besides store-bought cakes. I’m starting to feel bad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a very unkind thing for your father and everyone involved to do to you.
They should all be ashamed of themselves! As to ruining the birthday of a one-year-old by not baking their cake, that’s ridiculous. One-year-olds have no idea what’s going on on their first birthday, and could not possibly care less who bakes their cake. These people are cruel.
There’s something seriously wrong with a father who would treat his own daughter like this. Good for you for standing up for yourself!” Auntie-Mam69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, TOTALLY NTJ. Your family approached you in a dishonest way about the cake because they knew they would get a different response in answer to a cake for the baby, and rightly so.
They are horrible, manipulative, and dishonest people, and don’t let them convince you otherwise, nothing about your response is rude or heartless, you responded as any normal person would when faced with this outrageous request! Let them buy and pay for their own b****y cake, baby isn’t eating it anyway!” Oscarmaiajonah
18. AITJ For Being Angry At My Wife For Destroying My Photographs?
“After the death of my first wife, I married Emily, and I have step-daughter Hannah (14F). My first child is John (13M) through my former wife.
We recently moved to a new house as we were previously living in the same house where my first wife Sarah and I used to live.
I wanted to get away from it as it was hard for me to remain there. However, I carried everything else with me, including my first wedding photograph, and other pictures of her.
Emily was against the idea as she said that the whole point of moving elsewhere was to start fresh and that I should not be carrying pictures of my former wife as it shows that I am still latching onto her or something.
I refused by pointing out that I did not want to do that. She argued, but in the end, she gave in, or so I thought.
Yesterday, Emily approached me and said that she doesn’t think I’ll have any issues related to Sarah any longer.
I asked her what she meant, and she said that while I was at work, she and Hannah took the opportunity to throw away the wedding photograph and other stuff I had of Sarah. She wanted to ‘come clean’ about it or something.
I was flabbergasted, and we got into a really large argument, and I called her a pretty nasty name, among other words.
In the end, she was saying that I should not be having such photographs of other women in the first place and that she only wanted the best for her daughter and herself. She’s not talking to me now (is giving me the silent treatment), and Hannah’s very upset as well.
Should I not have had these photos?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. MASSIVE RED FLAG! This is one of the most telling, obvious, and consistent red flags you can find in new marriages/relationships, especially blended families. She will try to push herself onto your son as a mother and alienate him from you both, or simply intentionally alienate him from both of you since he is the ‘other woman’s’ child.
She WILL play favorites with the kids, I can bet you that.
For your own son’s sake, you MUST end this nonsense now. She does not care about what you or your son think. She does not care about how you and your son feel.
Those were photos of the mother of your child, not an ex you broke up with. I would suggest immediately leaving her. It may seem drastic, but no one who behaves like this should be trusted in any capacity. If you love your son at all, get your photos out of the trash and walk away.” claybonsai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, you could have called her every swear word in the book and you still wouldn’t be a jerk. She destroyed your property and photos that held memories dear to you and your son. Photos that included a woman who is no longer on this earth.
You can’t recreate pictures or rebuy those gifts. I hope you had some of them elsewhere or had negatives/digital copies to print. I would very much be divorcing someone who did this, especially since she didn’t do it alone. She dragged her daughter into it and is teaching her that this kind of behavior is okay.” effinnxrighttt
17. AITJ For Saying I Love My Cats More Than My Niece?
“I (28F) live about 4 hours away from my sister (26F).
She gave birth to my niece 4 weeks ago and I haven’t been able to visit yet due to my work schedule. She really wanted me to meet the baby so she offered to come stay the weekend at my place so I could spend time with them.
I was very excited and asked if I needed to babyproof anything or buy things she would need while she stayed.
She then told me that for the weekend I would have to find somewhere else for my two cats to stay since she didn’t want them around her baby and was afraid they would try to climb into her crib and hurt her.
I don’t want to do this since my cats are seniors (18 years old) and wouldn’t take well to the change no matter how short. I told her that since they are old they would have no energy and interest in a newborn, plus they sleep with me every night and I can just keep the door closed. She didn’t respond well to this and told me that if I really loved my niece I would do anything I could to protect her.
I was getting frustrated at this point and told her that I love my cats more and am not going to stress them out so I can meet my niece for a weekend.
She hung up on me and is not responding to my calls, she got our mother involved and she’s taken my sister’s side and said I went too far and how could I love my cats more than my own niece.
I admit that I could have responded better or kinder I just was frustrated that she wasn’t even trying to find a middle ground where we could both be happy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your home. They are your pets. Your first responsibility is toward your cats.
Not your niece. It’s frankly a dumb idea to make the cats leave when you have a ready solution; keep the cats in another room with the door shut. The kid isn’t even a toddler, so she’s not going to be crawling around and opening doors.
The fact that your sister didn’t even consider that shows her lack of regard for animals. You don’t need ‘protection’ from 18-year-old cats who will be sleeping most of the time due to their age. Kittens? Yeah, they run around a lot, and climb, and are curious.
But again, you have a ready solution; keep them in another room with the door shut. And yes, they’re not going to like being moved and looked after by someone else for two-three days; cats like routine and it’s going to upset them. There is nothing wrong with being concerned for the welfare of your cats.
It doesn’t mean your niece ‘doesn’t matter’ to you. It means you’re a responsible pet owner.” stroppo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: The phrase ‘if you really loved your niece…’ was manipulative and it blew up in her face. It came across as ‘if you really loved your niece you would make two innocent animals very uncomfortable’ as if this was the only way OP could demonstrate love for the new baby, and no other alternative was acceptable.
If you are uncomfortable with your baby around cats, and the cats are fragile seniors that don’t take well to change, then don’t go, and find a different way to support a growing bond between aunt and baby niece. Instead, she put OP in a situation where she had to declare her love for one over the other when it was not necessary.
She was not choosing who to rescue from a burning building.
Yes, your response could have been better but it was in the heat of the moment. ‘I refuse to make my animals uncomfortable and stress them out to demonstrate my love for my niece.
If you loved ME, you would work to find another way for us to bond, and not make me demonstrate love by making animals suffer.” nouserredditname
16. AITJ For Offering A Kid A Warm Place To Sit?
“I (36f) usually have time to drive my daughter to the bus stop every morning before work. Last week, where we were, it was -11 windchill.
There is a kid (12-14m, middle school-aged) who comes down to the bus stop as well. I do not know him, or his parents. This is relevant to the story. On Friday, when it was -11, he came out in nothing but a thin pullover.
I felt like I couldn’t ethically allow a kid to stand out in such cold weather when I had a warm car he could sit in. He took my offer and sat in my backseat while my daughter and I spoke. He kept his AirPods in and didn’t say much other than saying thank you.
Busses were running ~15 minutes late as well so nobody really should’ve been out in that.
However, yesterday while I was walking my dog a woman came up to me. She asked me why I took her son into my car. I explained that the weather was well into the negatives, he was not wearing a coat, and the bus was quite late.
She told me to never do that again that what I did was incredibly creepy and to leave her son alone.
I was taken aback, I just offered the kid a warm place to sit and didn’t even speak to him. I feel bad, because of course I never want to come across as creepy or overstepping boundaries, but I also feel like if the roles were reversed and I was unable to take my daughter to the bus stop, and this mom offered her a place to sit, I would be thankful.
I feel bad for doing something I thought was nice. Is this weird? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Speaking as a former child who got frostbite in both hands at the age of 10, THANK YOU for caring about someone else’s child. You are NTJ. The mother’s concern is valid, but she also was the parent who sent or allowed her child to go to a bus stop in weather that could have seriously harmed him.
Instead of thanking you for protecting her child from harm, or even asking why you had her child in your car, she’s attacking you. To me it appears she is deflecting blame and trying to make you out to be the villain, so the conversation is diverted from why SHE allowed her child to be at risk.
You did the right thing, but if it happens again, call the school to report the child neglect. And then the cops to come pick up the kid.” savinathewhite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get why the mother would be uncomfortable with her son getting into a stranger’s car, but I think her reaction was really over the top.
You just let him sit in the back seat while your own child was in the car in order to keep warm when apparently his own parents don’t ensure that he’s properly dressed for the weather. Like I said, I can understand why she was uncomfortable and I think she definitely could have had a talk with her son about getting in cars with strangers, but I don’t think you did anything wrong and it certainly wasn’t creepy.” hannahkelli
15. AITJ For Not Telling My Son And His Wife Our Vacation Plans?
“My daughter (middle child) just graduated college and has started her job. She is the first in the family to do this and I decided we need to celebrate. She has always wanted to go on a cruise so that is what we are doing in the summer.
My youngest’s birthday is also around that time and he asked to go for his birthday present. My daughter agreed so we are all going on a trip. My husband hates the ocean so he is staying home with the dogs.
My eldest (26) is married to Bethany.
I was speaking about the trip. This is when they both got upset they were not invited. I pointed out this was a celebration trip for his sister and a birthday present for the youngest. They told me they should have been invited or at least run the plan by them since they are part of the family.
I had enough and told them they are being entitled if they think I need to run plans by them to go on a celebration vacation that isn’t about them.
They are mad and I may be a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your eldest & wife are living their own lives.
Your two youngest are your nuclear family (with one of them about to start their own life). You are correct. This isn’t about them (son/DIL), and this isn’t a family trip (husband isn’t going), it’s a celebratory trip. They are entitled. You can invite them to things when you want to.
They can do the same, but they can’t crash a party – it’s rude – and frankly, you said it exactly right. You definitely DON’T need to run something by them that isn’t about them. I think the tone was set when you said your middle daughter agreed to your youngest attending.
That means daughter was ASKED. If you want, tell eldest that he’d have to ask his sister for permission & then they are more than welcome to book tickets.” OkSeat4312
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Sometimes trips are for you, and sometimes they are not.
But let’s put this into another frame. If your son and DIL were taking you on a trip to celebrate you and didn’t even think to invite his younger siblings, you know their feelings would be hurt. Your child, regardless of their age, is going to get their feelings hurt for not being considered/asked.
You’re not a jerk for not inviting them, and they are not jerks for feeling hurt by not even being considered. Probably would have gone over a lot better to say ‘Hey (oldest), I’m doing the graduation trip (like the one you had) for (middle).
The timing worked out that (youngest’s) birthday is going to be celebrated on the same trip. This isn’t a family trip, just a celebration, and Dad is staying back. Do you think that you’d be able to check in on him while we’re gone for me?
I’m sure he’d love some 1:1 time with you guys.’ But having it a private communication allows for your adult child to not feel blindsided/ostracized and doesn’t make their reaction visible to the rest of the family.
I’m often the family member who is advised AFTER plans are made with other family members that ‘this is what’s happening’ and it hurts.
After a few years of saying it hurts when they do that, it hasn’t changed, so I just don’t bother making plans with them or trying to be included in plans.” shorthumanfemale
No disrespect, but I think her thinking is swayed by her own experiences.
The suggestion that the oldest and his wife "check in" on his father while his mother and siblings are away is even more dismissive than not "being consulted" about the trip in the first place. It screams of "You're not important enough to be invited but, by all means, here's the consolation prize of hanging out with dad. Oh, by the way, he's only staying home because he hates the ocean or he'd be going too". I doubt that would make son and DIL feel any better.
Mom was right. Eldest and wife have their own life, why should they be consulted about a celebration trip that doesn't celebrate either of them? It's not like it was a trip to celebrate the dad and notbeing asked to join... THAT I could see them getting upset about.
14. AITJ For Not Wanting To Help My Parents' Business?
“My parents (50M and 55F) who own a small retail/wholesale business, expect me to ‘help out’ every once in a while.
This could be easily solved by hiring a help-out person but they just refuse to hire someone for normal pay and they end up with unreliable or untrustworthy people. Also, they could easily live off their retirement money but for some reason, they just choose this way of life.
For example. Last time they just didn’t find a person to hire for restocking (big shock since they pay little) while they ordered a truck of new products. In the end, I had to take a day off and spend 24 hours with them in a warehouse, being completely exhausted in the middle of the week.
Now my father has set off to a tropical destination for three weeks. We have one small store where my mom can take the work for weekdays. Father manages wholesale which is a bigger part of the business but that is irregular and he can schedule it mostly how he wants and still be profitable.
But during the weekend they have much bigger sales in the retail and for that time mom is not enough. Usually, my father helps out. But since he ventured to his tropical vacation he expects my sisters (25F, 32F) and me to help out during weekends.
A long time ago, I chose to not be part of the business since I hated it. I found my own way of making money by having a normal white-collar desk job. I still do help on some weekends and when it is needed. But it is driving me crazy.
I myself spend 5-6 days working on my regular career. On Sunday I would like to have peace.
AITJ for that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have your own life and career, and it’s unreasonable for your parents to expect you to consistently sacrifice your free time to help with their business.
They need to take responsibility for their staffing issues and find reliable employees instead of relying on you and your sisters. Your father’s vacation planning is not your problem, and you should be able to enjoy your weekends without feeling guilty. It’s important to set boundaries and focus on your own needs and well-being.
Don’t feel obligated to take on the burden of your parents’ business decisions.” MackenzieBlu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re a grown adult with your own job and life, and it’s not your responsibility to continually pick up the slack for your parents’ business. It’s their choice to not hire reliable help, and they shouldn’t be relying on you and your sisters to fill in the gaps.
Your father’s decision to go on vacation without ensuring adequate staffing for the business is his own and it’s not fair for him to expect you to give up your weekends to cover for him. You have a right to set boundaries and prioritize your own well-being.” AllisonRipplee
13. AITJ For Not Letting My Wife Drive My Car?
“My wife has a 2018 Camry. It’s well maintained because I make sure it is. It’s scratched and dinged because she’s not acutely aware of taking care of it. The interior is quite cluttered and stained because that’s her level of care. She also has 24/7 access to our 2022 Nissan pickup.
No rules or restrictions.
We’re both 62 years old. I’ve been a car and motorcycle enthusiast my entire life. I love working on them and taking care of them. For about the last 25 years, I’ve driven basic vehicles: minivans and pickups. Gotta have useful vehicles when you’re raising a family.
Well, we’re empty nesters now.
So I bought a 2021 Corvette. It’s the nicest, fastest, baddest car I’ve ever owned and I LOVE IT. I owned a 1970 Dodge Challenger for 30 years. It was a 440 Six Pack, Pistol Grip 4-speed monster that I pretty much hand-built. I let lots of people drive it BUT IT NEVER WENT ANYWHERE UNLESS I WAS IN IT.
That was the rule. Period. But it’s gone. I sold it.
So it is with the Corvette. I’ve let my two sons drive it. BUT I WAS IN IT. My wife wants to take it out and about. I won’t let her. She’s not tuned into the ‘special car’ kind of mentality.
She doesn’t understand why I won’t let her. She says it’s ‘just a car’. And that is exactly why I don’t want her to take it. Besides, my rule of ‘The car doesn’t go anywhere unless I’m in it’ is fair and equitable, and easy to interpret.
No one can claim favoritism. No one can bring it home damaged without me knowing EXACTLY HOW IT HAPPENED.
She’s angry. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have every right to have those rules and she should comply. But just so it’s clear… you say it’s ‘fair and equitable’ it is without a doubt fair, and your reasoning is more than sound.
But unless she has something of her own where those same rules apply to you, it’s not ‘equitable’ in the sense that it’s not equal. Is there anything she owns that she will not let you use without her supervision? This may be why she is feeling a bit like you don’t trust her.
It may not be about the car itself, but in how she feels you see her. She may just need some type of reassurance that you trust her, she is a responsible person, and she has done an amazing job keeping an amazing home, and raising the children (if all those things are true) but your car rules are long-standing rules, and just because the car changed, doesn’t mean the rules have.
Congrats on becoming empty nesters!” DorothysRevenge
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it’s ‘just a car’ then there’s no reason for her to want to drive it over her regular car. But it’s not just a car. It’s a really nice car. Part of the reason it’s a nice car is because of how it’s built.
And part of the reason is because you take really good care of it. Something that might partially address the issue is to gift her a car detail for her birthday/Christmas. But that’s a call you’d have to make since you know her better.
I get the feeling that she would rather get something else.” lespritd
I know exactly how you feel. I'm a retired horse trainer/riding instructor and keep two horses at my home. One is an adorable former ranch horse that you could explode a bomb next to, and he wouldn't flinch. He's my "company horse" as he can be trusted with anyone. The other is a 17h brown and white pinto warmblood showjumper who is absolutely stunning, with a great personality, and it will snow in he!! before I let anyone ride him that I don't know is capable, because he's huge and he's a handful. Think "Ferrari" about him, and "Corolla" about the ranch horse; apples and oranges. That's you and your wife's cars. Don't let anyone jack up your "Ferrari".
12. AITJ For Telling My Friend To Stop Letting His Daughter Drink Juice?
“I (F 28) have been friends with Gordon (M 30) since college and I am fairly close with him and his family. Gordon has a 6-year-old daughter who has just had her first cavity and the dentist suggested to my friend that he should make sure she isn’t getting too much junk food.
Gordon was very frustrated and venting to me about how it is normal for kids to get cavities and that his daughter is very healthy. This quite simply isn’t true, I know that they are pretty good for food most of the time, but since the age of 2, she has been drinking juice.
It has gotten to the point where she only drinks juice and the only way they can get her to drink water is if they mix the juice with water. She’ll throw a tantrum if there isn’t enough juice mixed with her water and her parents always end up giving her more juice.
I told Gordon that he should probably cut way back on the amount of juice he gives her and it shouldn’t be the only thing she drinks.
Gordon got very frustrated with me, he told me that as a single person without any kids, I don’t understand what it is like to have a kid and that juice isn’t as bad as people say.
I told him that even if I don’t have kids I know there is a lot of sugar in the juice he buys and that isn’t healthy. Gordon ended up telling me that if I can’t be a supportive friend I shouldn’t be near him or his family.
This was a few days ago and he has not answered any texts since.”
Another User Comments:
“This is a hard one for me. Cavities are caused by bacteria, sugary and acidic food or drink, and poor oral hygiene. This child at 6 got her first cavity, her parents are actually doing a pretty good job.
Her cavity could be because she isn’t brushing her teeth well. You say yourself the daughter has a fairly decent diet. Sometimes, you need to allow your friends to vent without giving your opinion.
If venting is becoming too much change the subject or put some boundaries in place.
Honestly, I feel you were slightly out of line. I work with children, I have had toddler teeth pulled because they were rotten, due to the parents allowing the toddler to have a milk bottle before bed. By the time the toddler was 2, they had all their teeth pulled. These people weren’t bad parents they just didn’t have the knowledge and this is why I ended up working with family.
I am someone who reads 1 cavity by 6, these parents are doing a good job.” Loud_Eye_7141
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, this is a tough one. Cavities by age 6 are not great and the juice probably contributes, but some kids also just have soft enamel and will get cavities no matter what you do.
And, when parents are not following wise advice, it is often not because they don’t know they should do that. Usually, there is some underlying problem that is preventing them from following the advice.
I think it is more useful, when troubleshooting parenting problems, to give encouragement about working on the root cause rather than just swoop in and give advice like he probably hasn’t heard it a hundred times before.
Ways to look at correcting the problem would start with figuring out how the problem arose. For example, maybe their tap water tastes terrible, or, worse, is unsafe for drinking. So, there could be a reason they give her juice. Just ‘stop giving her juice’ is not going to solve the problem.
They may need to use filtered water to get the contaminants out. They may need to gradually start diluting her juice to accustom her to doing without the sweet taste and fix the problem over a long period of time. And so on. Soft YTJ.
Giving him advice was probably useless as he already knows he shouldn’t give her juice.” Reasonable-Sale8611
11. AITJ For Talking To My Sister's Fiance's Family In Their Native Language?
“My (24/F) sister Lily (26/F) got engaged to James (26/M), who’s originally from another country (I’ll say France, for this story). They planned their wedding for two years after their engagement and for a trip to meet James’ family one year after their engagement.
I was excited for her and excited to go abroad for the first time, so Lily and I made a pact to learn French together so that she could make a good impression on James’ family since we were going to be staying with them for two weeks and hoped to be invited for future visits.
I took it seriously, enjoyed learning the language, and was able to get to about B1 fluency with a combination of apps, immersion with newspapers and YouTube videos, and a local beginner’s course. Lily started strong, but for whatever reason she started flaking on things like her Duolingo streak, and brushed me off when I tried to FaceTime and have practice conversations.
In France, we met James’ family, not all of whom speak English, which meant that Lily stumbled along in the French that she had learned and I was often translating.
After only a short time mingling, Lily pulled me aside and asked me to ‘tone it down,’ especially in front of James’ grandmother (whom she wanted/needed to impress the most and who speaks no English), and to act like I could basically only understand English.
I told her I wasn’t intentionally showing off and it wasn’t as if I had native fluency, so I didn’t think it would matter or be beneficial for me to suddenly start pretending I understood less than I did.
Things came to a head when James’ grandmother told everyone how wonderful it was that I was embracing the culture and language, and in a joking-but-not-joking way said that James needed to work on Lily’s language skills before the wedding.
Lily grinned and bore it while James translated that. But later that night Lily confronted me and accused me of deliberately outshining her and taking her moment away so that I could both suck up to James’ family and make her look bad (which isn’t true).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You showed up your sister in front of her family and she made a request after. This wasn’t you going in with a talent or skill and then later finding out she resented you. She literally took you aside and asked you.
And then the grandma compared you to her in a negative way. And I can bet you sat there silently just basking in the glow.
You could have used your French to hype up your sister and compliment her but you deliberately chose not to.
Your relationship with your sister is damaged and that’s on you because she literally gave you a warning/request that you chose to ignore.
If you get into a relationship do not expect your sister to be on your side if you feel insecure, jealous, or concerned about it.
If she is better at something that your fiance/partner really enjoys do not expect her to care about you. I hope you getting to practice your French was worth it. Because I definitely bet this will be the last time you will be invited.” Maleficent-Bottle674
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here (except perhaps the grandmother who seemed to enjoy sticking the knife in a bit there). However, you could have stuck up for your sister and said you had more time to practice or said you had been learning longer (sometimes a little white lie is a kindness).
You knew how important it was to her for things to go well. Although you shouldn’t have to hide your knowledge I can understand her frustration in this situation. When you have both had a chance to calm down maybe offer an olive branch and suggest you help her practice (without reminding her you already have before) so she can wow grandma at the wedding.” lysalnan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, borderline ‘no jerks here’. Language learning IS hard and lots of people struggle with it. I can see her side too. She wanted to impress her in-laws and if it’s French you were learning, then it’s notoriously hard and the French themselves are notoriously tough on people who are trying to learn French (not to mention snobby).
She may have floundered while learning, but she could also just literally be bad at languages and you may be better.
It doesn’t make it alright to ask you to tone it down and pretend you can’t speak French, but I can see her panicking and thinking that her in-laws will dislike her because she can’t speak French so well.” NightSalut
When asked she should make it clear she doesn't want her in laws to ignore the bride to speak to her in their own language.
10. AITJ For Bringing The Kid I Was Babysitting To My Dad's House?
“I (18F) was babysitting my significant other’s younger sister Amelia (2F). My SO (21M) was out of town.
My family and my SO’s family are extremely close. My dad and his mother have been friends since childhood.
I was asked to babysit his infant sister by his dad Richard because his mother was in the hospital and he needed to go to work for an emergency.
Of course, I agreed and went over there. He offered to pay but I declined because I love that little girl like she’s my own sister. Richard said that he would be back by 10 pm at the latest. I told him that was fine.
I went over to their house at 9 in the morning.
Richard did not turn up at 10 pm. I called him and he didn’t pick up. I called my SO and my SO’s brother who had no idea where he was. I did not call their mother because she was in the hospital and the last thing she needed to know was that her husband was missing.
Plus, they are having problems so I didn’t want to be the cause of a divorce. My SO asked me to wait until his dad got back.
I waited another hour and then called him again. No response. I was getting worried because I had work in the morning, plus this man who said he was gonna be back had just gone MIA so he could have been in trouble himself.
I ended up calling my dad and explained the situation to him. He was extremely mad and told me to bring Amelia over to his place so he could watch her for the night.
When I got to his place, my stepmother put Amelia down in my little sister’s room and my dad went out.
Turns out, Richard was at a bar and my dad found him wasted out of his mind. He said that he did actually go to work but went to the bar to let off steam because he was stressed which I do understand because his wife is in the hospital and they’re having problems.
Now, my SO’s mother has asked Richard to move out and she paid me for my time (she wouldn’t take no for an answer). Apparently, his drinking has been a long-term issue and she’s had enough. My SO is mad at me because he asked me to stay and I didn’t, and he said that I could’ve called in sick the next morning.
He said that considering how close our families are, I could’ve done him that favor instead of blabbing to my dad and causing his parents to split up. My dad says I did the right thing because Richard could have been in trouble and his next move after checking the bar would have been to call the police.
I just feel terrible now and my SO won’t speak to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you did the right thing by calling your dad. Your SO is trying to guilt you falsely. No, you are not supposed to stay overnight nor take a sick day, and his parents’ marriage issues including his dad’s choice to go drinking are not your fault nor your responsibility.
Instead of throwing all those false claims he should look closely at his family issues and hold himself (Mr. Out Of Town While His Mum Is In The Hospital) and dad (Mr. Goes To A Bar While His Wife Is In The Hospital And Their Infant Is Alone With The Babysitter) accountable.
Instead of all that he said he should have thanked you for apparently being the only actual responsible adult who made the right decision while taking care of an infant (mum excluded of course since she was in the hospital). On a separate note: I’d be concerned if your SO’s natural response is to deflect blame on you, that’s not a healthy loving partner approach.” ThrowRA_oddcat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You haven’t caused his parents to split up – his parents’ relationship issues are their own. You were just the messenger. Your dad is also right that Richard could have been in trouble. What if he was, and you left it and things got worse?
Would your SO be saying it was your fault for not flagging it?
Your SO seems to be in denial about his parents’ relationship issues and wants to avoid any trigger for its breakdown – maybe he feels guilty himself for not being there – and I get that, but at the end of the day that is out of your control and his.
This story alone shows your SO deflecting blame in a few ways and preferring a problem (even if the problem is sheer bad behavior) to be hidden rather than dealt with & if this is a pattern, especially if he refuses to acknowledge he is doing this and apologize, evaluate the relationship.” queryasker123
9. AITJ For Wanting Our Apartment Keys Back?
“Last year I (24f) moved in together with my partner ‘Alex’ (27m). I moved to his city because it was more convenient with work for the both of us. His parents live a few minutes away from us. They and I don’t really get along.
They blame it on ‘cultural differences’ but in short: his mum is overbearing and doesn’t care about boundaries and his dad is a tyrant. My partner does stand up for me and doesn’t pressure me to spend more time with them than politely necessary.
When we moved in, he said he would give two spare keys to his parents, in case we forget ours.
I was really uncomfortable with that, but he promised, that even though they are as they are, they would never just enter our apartment, so I agreed.
Not even 2 months later, I was woken at 5 am because I heard someone enter our flat. I’m terrified and wake Alex, who only seems annoyed when he gets out of bed. I heard screaming, and suddenly, the door to our bedroom swung open, his dad started yelling at me that he called one of Alex’s coworkers, who said Alex was sick, and ‘as a good woman’ it’s my ‘responsibility to make him go anyways’.
I was in shock, covering my bare chest, when Alex finally managed to drag him out of the flat.
Scared, disrespected, and violated did not even begin to describe what I was feeling, and Alex promised that the first thing he would do the next day was make sure his dad didn’t have access to our flat anymore.
It has been a few months without incidents, but yesterday I found out that even though Alex took his dad’s key, he still left one with his mum. I was really upset because he promised to make sure his dad would not have access to a key anymore, and that I wanted that second key back today, but Alex did not understand.
He said it’s just inconvenient for us to break open the door if we ever forgot the key, and that I should not be so dramatic, since nothing happened in the last few months.
I told him I didn’t know that, since someone could have been at the flat when we were not there, and besides that, I gave them the benefit of the doubt, they severely overstepped, and taking the key seemed like a natural consequence.
He then asked why I was punishing his mum, and I countered by asking how it was punishing his mum if the key was not hers to begin with. He said that this would create a lot of drama with his family and that I’m a jerk for demanding he put up with that when there is no reason.
I feel like this one incident is reason enough, not to mention that he broke my trust by letting me believe he took both keys. But what do you think? AITJ in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for wanting the key back. It seems it might be time to give the whole relationship a review, is this the only problem, or just one of several?
I suggest re-keying the lock. If you’re renting you can ask the landlord about it. Depending on how many units they may do it themselves or just ask for a copy of the new key. Consider a doorbell camera or a motion-activated camera inside that is pointed at the front door.
I’m not sure if your partner should be told about the inside camera if you think he will tell his mother. For me the goal would be to see if his mother or father ever go in your place when you are not there.” floridaeng
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Think about the life that you want. Is it with a man who doesn’t do everything he can to make you feel comfortable in your own home? Is it with in-laws with no respect for you and your boundaries? If you have children are you foolish enough to believe the overbearingness will calm down instead of going into overdrive?
There has to be a friend you could leave with a spare instead of your in-laws. Your partner needs to decide who comes first, you or his parents. If it’s not you then walk because this is only going to get worse.” Weird-Jellyfish-5053
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Apologize To My Mom Until She Replaces My Magnet?
“I (17F) and my mum (45F) recently had a big fight over a magnet on the fridge.
I have recently finished the first term of my final year in high school and have finally had the time to relax, so last night I went to the fridge to get a snack, only to realize that my favorite magnet wasn’t there.
I’ll admit I was very tired, it was about 12:30 am, and I started to get a bit teary-eyed, so I got my dad just before he went to bed to help me move the fridge and to look for it, but it wasn’t anywhere.
Now, when I first got this magnet and put it on the fridge, my mum hated it.
It didn’t match the rest of the kitchen’s style because it was bright and colorful, however, my dad got to have his magnets on the fridge, and when I pointed that out, my mum finally agreed to let me keep it on the fridge.
As stupid as it sounds, that magnet made me really happy.
It would always cheer me up when I was going through medical complications and the general stress that comes with the last couple of years of school, not to mention I paid $30 for it with my own money (it was official merchandise that has now been discontinued), so I did panic a bit when I realized it was missing.
My dad eventually calmed me down and said we’d have a better look for it in the morning. When I got up this morning, I saw my mum on the couch, and I asked her if she knew what happened to it. She responded with: ‘I threw it out when I was cleaning out the fridge, I didn’t know it was yours’.
This made me really upset because I’m the only one in the house who liked the particular show this magnet was from. As the day went on, I just got more and more upset because there couldn’t be any way she didn’t know it was mine!
We had an argument about it being on the fridge, and it was in the style of one of my favorite shows so of course she knew it was mine!
So I ended up doing something very petty and stupid. I took one of the many fake plants she had bought recently and put it outside, wanting to see how long it would take for her to notice when one of her decorations went missing.
About an hour later she came into my room screaming and yelling at me about how I was being ‘petty’, ‘mean’, and ‘a jerk’ for putting her fake plant outside and then took my phone and my laptop away.
My dad later came in and told me that what I did was dumb, but he understood it completely and how important the magnet was to me, but he said that I should probably apologize.
I told him that I wasn’t going to apologize unless she replaced my magnet.
So would I be the jerk if I didn’t apologize until she replaced my magnet that I bought with my own money?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, people don’t understand it but sometimes a little thing which is meaningless to them is something really precious to us.
Your mother knew how much you liked that magnet and yet she threw it out not even thinking about your feelings for once. Yeah, putting her plant out was a dumb move but then again when it came to her things, she called you a jerk.
Which again shows how important the plants are to her. You need to sit down and have a talk with your mom. You need to let her know that your things are important too.” kageyama1009
Another User Comments:
“First off, NTJ. I’m so sorry this happened!
When someone takes something that brings you joy (that they KNOW makes you happy) and throws it away on purpose – that demonstrates just how little they care about your feelings. Realistically there is very little you can do. If your mom refuses to reimburse you you can’t force her.
I would chalk it up to experience and treat it as a helpful reminder that even the people who are meant to be close to us can be very selfish. It might even be worth telling your mom ‘We’ll leave it, I apologize and let’s move on.
However, you have shown me what matters more to you and it was the style of the kitchen, not my feelings. I will bear this in mind for the future.’ Regardless of how you choose to move forward from this, keep your chin up, OP.” User
7. AITJ For Not Allowing My Mother-In-Law To Have My Child Overnight Ever Again?
“My husband (38m) and I (32f) had our first son four months ago. Since he was born, my mother-in-law has been begging to keep him for an overnight stay to give us a break. I’ve been hesitant because he is really a very easy baby; we all get plenty of sleep and he makes being a mom easy.
She babysits during the day on occasion.
Well, we were invited out by friends and my husband wanted to see a movie tomorrow, so I agreed to let Son spend the night with MIL. I explained my expectations, the only major one being safe sleep protocol.
I told her he must sleep on his back, no exceptions. She didn’t have to use the swaddle (she’s expressed scorn for them in the past), I sent him with a sleep sack too so she was free to use that if she could get him relaxed enough in it, but he must be on his back.
It was my only rule. I’ve caught her letting him nap on his tummy before, but she’s always been directly supervising him, and being a new mom I didn’t really want to start anything in those situations. But with a full overnight, I was adamant, back sleep only, while she was also sleeping.
She agreed to this.
On our way home from our night out, I became uneasy and asked her to send me a picture of him, because I was having a hard time being away from him. She sent me a picture of him lying flat on his belly asleep in the bassinet.
Then I think she remembered my rule because it was followed up hastily with ‘I have to turn him over, he keeps rolling.’
This, dear readers, was a lie. My son isn’t rolling yet, we’ve been practicing daily but he still doesn’t have the strength or muscle memory to do it by himself yet (he was a month premature, so some physical developmental milestones are still a little ways off).
I turned to my husband and after a quick discussion, we turned around to drive the hour to pick him up at 2 in the morning. On the way, my husband laid into her for lying to us, and by the time we got there, she was crying and refused to acknowledge us at all.
I grabbed the baby and his car seat, and she threw his diaper bag at me and slammed the door behind it as I worked to get my son packed up.
On the way home my husband and I talked some more, and I told him that I’d see how our son slept in the sleep sack, and if he really did keep rolling while in it, I’d call MIL the next day and apologize.
Once home, I put him to bed and he couldn’t even get settled without his swaddle. He was nowhere close to rolling, just flailing his arms around and crying when he whacked himself in the face since he’s not accustomed to having his arms free overnight yet.
So, she disobeyed my only rule and put him to bed on his belly, and is angry with us for calling her out for lying about it. I could be a jerk for refusing to give her another chance, but I worry that the patterns of disrespecting my parenting, because I’m a new mom, will simply continue if I don’t put my foot down about this one rule.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“‘I grabbed the baby and his car seat, and she threw his diaper bag at me…’ You were holding your baby and she threw his diaper bag at you! Never had a child, but if this were my child, MIL wouldn’t see him again until after he had received his second or third PhD!
The diaper bag could have hit him, caused you to drop him, or hit you. What was she even thinking? A rhetorical question as she had not been thinking the entire evening!
She endangered your infant, lied to you about it, and then endangered him again.
She does not deserve another chance. What would her next rule to break entail – letting him play in traffic because her kid(s) all survived doing so? NTJ, both you and your husband. MIL, on the other hand, is a disrespectful liar, possibly with some warped agenda to prove you wrong in your parenting choices.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Babies do not have to do sleepovers. They don’t get to be used as someone else’s do-over baby. There is nothing wrong with you not allowing a sleepover, ever and I do NOT understand why anyone would want to have a baby spend the night with them if they were not the parents!
MIL lied to you and threw the bag at you. She’s done. I wouldn’t let your child stay with her or spend time with her until your child is old enough to advocate for themselves. Do you think the disrespect will stop when the baby is older?
Think again.” CalicoHippo
6. AITJ For Not Letting My Son Pick A Meal From The Adult Menu?
“Today my 5 kids, my husband, and I went out for dinner at a fancy restaurant with my husband’s parents, brother, and two nephews. My son Max is 14 years old and is the same age as my older nephew. Here’s the thing though, Max is a very picky eater.
He has an extremely small appetite and only eats certain foods. He is autistic and he has suspected AFRID. I was very worried when we booked this restaurant because I didn’t know if it would cater to Max’s very specific needs. He only really eats pizza, certain soups, plain noodles and rice, chicken nuggets, fries, and steak.
I was very relieved when we got to the restaurant and realized that they had a kid’s menu, which had a lot of foods Max would like. The main menu was a lot of foods I knew he wouldn’t touch. Plus my brother-in-law was buying his kids a meal from the kid’s menu, and his kids are Max’s age.
My other kids are aged 4, 7, 8, and 11 and they were happy with picking a kid’s meal so I asked Max to pick something from the kid’s menu and that’s when the problems started.
Max said he was feeling hungry and ‘brave’ and said he wanted to try something else from the adult menu.
I was reluctant because he had said this before and then not been able to eat the meal he ordered and then we would have to buy him another meal. I said that I didn’t think he’d like the adult meals so he should choose something from the kid’s menu.
He got upset and started having what was probably the start of a meltdown. My husband got annoyed and basically told me to just let him have it. This made my mother-in-law upset because she thought I was restricting what Max ate.
Anyway, he ordered something random and as I predicted, he didn’t like it.
And as I predicted, we ended up having to order a chicken nugget meal as well. I told my husband we probably should stick to foods we know Max likes IN RESTAURANTS but at home, he could try the new foods. That made him angry because he thought that Max should be allowed to explore new foods and we should encourage it.
So now my husband is annoyed at me and my mother-in-law thinks I’m restricting Max’s diet. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like your son, like oh so many teenagers, is trying to have some modicum of control over his life and feel like an adult.
I get that it feels like a waste of money but it’s also probably good for him, mentally and emotionally, to feel like he can make some decisions like this for himself. Maybe a softer touch. Maybe an ‘Are you sure? The last few times we did this you ended up not liking it and we had to order another meal, are you sure that’s not gonna happen again tonight?’ Maybe even an ‘Okay, but then I won’t have money for (random thing he likes) later this week if I gotta buy two meals tonight, but if you’re sure’ type thing?
It sucks that you gotta pay for it, but the kid does have to make some mistakes on his own to learn.” PriorHot1322
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I see your POV and I see theirs. I think the key is that you have to make MAX responsible for whichever choice he makes.
As in – if he wants to try food at a pricey restaurant, he accepts that there will not be another meal ordered for him if he does not like what he has ordered. Otherwise, in this environment, he may try to taste things that other people have ordered, or he may try a side dish that he hasn’t had before but would like to try.
But fancy/pricy restaurants are not a space where he gets to have a backup plan of another meal ordered for him if he goes out of his comfort range and does not like what he has ordered.” animaniactoo
Another User Comments:
“You know your son and know what he will and won’t eat.
It’s good that he was trying to be brave and branch out with his eating habits. However, with family and as you said at a ‘fancy place’ he should have stuck to what he knew.
Your mother-in-law needs to butt out. I’m not sure if she knows the extent of your son’s struggles or not, if so like I said butt out.
If not I can understand how that looks to people if they are not in the know. It sounds like your husband was either embarrassed by the situation or just didn’t want to push the issue so it wouldn’t cause a meltdown in public.
I’d advise you to pick your battles. I’m happy he had the courage to want to try something new maybe next time just not at an expensive restaurant.” slientlurker
5. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For A Damaged Rental Car?
“My wife and I flew out to spend Christmas with her family. Her sister and her husband did the same so we decided to split the cost of renting a vehicle. My BIL and I went to rent the car together so both of us could put our names on the form as drivers.
However, once we were at the counter, we disagreed on the insurance.
I wanted to buy the rental insurance because we would be driving around in a very large city with mostly parallel parking and terrible drivers. BIL argued against the extra cost and said that his insurance would cover any damages.
We talked for several minutes but couldn’t agree so I decided not to add myself as a driver and he rented the vehicle in only his name. I forwarded him half of the cost of the rental before we left the counter.
At some point during the week, someone hit the vehicle and put a hole in the bumper so big that I could put my entire hand in it.
Now the rental company is charging him for the damage. I’ve never dealt with this issue because I’ve always gotten the rental insurance so I don’t know what’s happening with the insurance but BIL and SIL are asking us for half of the repair cost.
I refuse to pay because I don’t think we should bear the cost of something that’s not our fault. They argue that since we shared the vehicle, we’re equally responsible. My wife wants us to pay to keep the peace. Now my wife and I are arguing about it.
I think I’m right so what do you think?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t pay either. You told him you wanted insurance and he declined. You didn’t even put your name on the rental so only he drove. He said his own insurance would cover it.
This is on him and him alone. I get that your wife doesn’t want this to cause a rift but it’s not on you two. The gall of this guy to ask for 50% when he was against insurance and sure his would cover it.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – You and your BIL decided to split the cost of the rental car. You disagreed on details like whether to buy insurance, but you still went through with the half-and-half deal. It turns out that the group decided to not get insurance.
You stayed with the deal even after you knew that the insurance wasn’t purchased. You stayed with the 50/50 deal and, oops, it turns out you were right, it would have been wise to buy insurance. Still, you stayed with the 50/50 deal. (You didn’t rent your own car, you used this one.) So you should pay for half of the foolish group decision to not get insurance.
If you find the driver that hit you, you will get half of what they sue you for. You drove half the car, you should pay half the damages.” fuzzy_mic
Another User Comments:
“There are two different arguments going on here. On whether you should pay because you have any legal or moral liability for the damage… nope.
Your brother-in-law firmly took control of that car and all its risks. On whether you should pay up to keep the peace… I dunno. If it was money you could afford I would just pay up and never split a car with them (or holiday accommodation, flights, blah blah) again.
But if it’s money you can’t afford, or if it’s a large sum of money, then her sister should deal with this (it’s her family!) and stand her ground. NTJ, but sometimes peace is worth a few $.” Particular-Try5584
U paid him basically to use the car and he is the one who took on the responsibility.
4. AITJ For Only Taking Some Bites Of The Cake?
“I (21F) hosted a birthday dinner for my best friend, Anna (22F), the other day. I invited all her close friends, made the cake, made a ton of food I knew everyone would enjoy, and decorated the place with all her favorite things. I was exhausted, and honestly, all that cooking kinda killed my appetite.
So when everyone was eating, I only had a couple of things before putting my plate away. One of the friends, let’s call her Sarah, noticed and asked what was wrong. I told her ‘I just don’t have that much of an appetite, but, please don’t stop on my account, I made all this food so enjoy it to your heart’s content.’ She didn’t say anything, just nodded and walked off.
Then we moved on to games and everyone had a blast… until it was time to cut the cake.
The cake was delicious and people were gobbling it up (as they should because it was AMAZING). I only took a few bites of cake before putting it away and Sarah once again walked up to me.
She talked about how good the cake was and how everyone was downing it. I laughed and told her I was super happy everyone was enjoying it and I wished I could down my piece like everyone else but I just finished a whole bottle of Mexican cola earlier so a few bites were all I could stomach right now.
She went OFF on me. She started yelling at me about how I shouldn’t have called her fat (I don’t think I did though?) and that I should be ashamed of making people feel guilty about eating. Anna came over trying to calm Sarah down because now everyone was staring and wondering what was happening.
I tried to reach out to Sarah in an attempt to diffuse the nuclear war I inadvertently started but she stomped off. Anna looked at me confused and I just shrugged before telling everyone to continue as they were. The party eventually kicked back off.
I tried to text Sarah to come back and apologized but she just left me on read.
Now, a few days later, Anna’s friends refuse to talk to me. Sarah has spread the word that I’m fatphobic and everyone is eating it up. I know I’m not as close to them as Anna is but it still hurts that they seem to believe Sarah so easily without attempting to understand the whole situation.
My best friend tried to explain to them it was a simple miscommunication but no one seemed to be listening. The only thing that’ll apparently help the situation is a full-blown apology from me in person to Sarah (Sarah’s words to my friend). But I really don’t think I did anything wrong?
So please weigh in, I’m so confused.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sarah is very much overreacting and nearly blew up her own friend’s birthday party. If you were looking for the moment when it went wrong it might be when you were discussing the cake.
She came up to you and said that it was good and everyone was enjoying it. You then commented about not being able to eat it, as with the previous food, instead of just saying thank you.
If she was EXTREMELY sensitive about her weight (which it sounds like she is) then that might have been taken the wrong way by her.
I’d guess this probably isn’t the first time Sarah has accused a perfectly innocent comment of being targeted. Anna might remember other times. You could give a short message to the group directly or via Anna about your side, but if you aren’t close to that friend group then it might not be worth the bother.” SuspiciousOne5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I will say, however, that I can get where she’s coming from, but only because I’ve met the kind of people she’s assuming you are. There are plenty of women who will brag about being full, bring up how they’re done eating constantly, and how little they need to eat.
Depending on how you said it, the whole ‘I’m full because I drank a soda’ thing could’ve come across as someone rubbing in how little they eat in her face. You didn’t come across that way here, and she’s overreacting even if you did mean it that way, but that’s probably where the problem was.” VermicelliNo2422
the house didn't catch fire), abd by tte y8be tte meal was on tre table I was so exhausted zi wouldn't eat. All I wanted was to sit and have something cold to drink. From what you said you in no way said anything personal to her. Sounds like she wants attention and doesn't care who she hurts to get it. Explain in detail your two interactions to Anna abdomen tell her as far as you are concerned you have nothing to apologize for but you feel Sarah owes Zango an apology for causing unnecessary drama and a scene at her birthday party.
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Get Rid Of My Cats For My Pregnant Partner?
“I and my partner are expecting our daughter in April. We are in our 30s. We have lived separately while being in a relationship. However, for the next stage in our lives, we got a 2-bedroom condo that we are staying in. I have owned two small domestic short-haired cats – one being 7 years old and the other being 4 years old.
They are very much bonded to me and typically stay out of trouble. My partner knew that I owned these cats and would stay over while we were going out (she reduced staying over while in her 1st/2nd trimester due to her allergies).
We have now moved in and this has caused her to not stay here and tell me to foster or re-home the cats.
She has admitted that it’s her allergies but also she is not a ‘pet person’ and hasn’t lived with pets all her life and hates cat hair. She wants me to give my cats up, who I love, for adoption. I may be the jerk because I am not fully willing to re-home my cats for my pregnant partner.
These are the actions I took that I should be judged on:
1. I clean the litter always
2. I bought anti-allergy food for the cats
3. The cats are not allowed in the bedroom
4. I vacuum often and brush the cats
5. I contacted her OBGYN about the issue where her OBGYN advised against an over-the-counter allergy medication like Zyrtec or a Neti pot or nose spray
6. I have reached out to a family member to potentially foster my bigger cat with the possibility of adoption if he does well in the environment
7. Will buy an anti-allergy shampoo.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You two don’t seem compatible in the long term.
This conversation should have happened before you moved in together. While I would never re-home my cat for anyone, it’s really not advised to take any medication while pregnant due to the limited data available and it is likely your child will also have allergies.
Are you going to dose your infant with allergy medicine if that’s the case? Do you expect your partner to do the same to exist comfortably in their own home? That’s kind of unrealistic.” leviathianlaroux
Another User Comments:
“Soft NTJ. This discussion needed to happen well before you two began having children.
It sounds like your partner downplayed their feelings about the cats, and if so, that’s absolutely not fair to you. But I’m not sure what compromise looks like here. You honestly seem to be trying, and she’s giving nothing. But she’s also carrying your child.
I do find it annoying that she refuses to take medication for her allergies, but that’s also her choice to make. I’m a big proponent of sticking with your pets, but I feel like your partner moving in without liking them has already done a great disservice to their care.” NoContribution9879
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Who in their right mind gets pregnant without ever having lived together in the first place? That’s completely irresponsible to start with. And in second place, the pet situation should have been sorted out BEFORE you moved in together.
I get the feeling your partner isn’t allergic, she just really doesn’t like pets. So now it’s down to finding a solution.
No matter how much you love your cats, (I have had cats all my life myself, we currently have 3), you should love your partner and unborn child more.
If that isn’t the case, that’s quite telling, in my honest opinion. At the same time, your partner should be completely honest about whether she really is allergic or not. She should love you more than her aversion to cats unless she really is allergic or has a phobia.
A compromise could be that you live with the cats for a couple of months and try to get her to bond with them. If she really still hates them, you find them a wonderful home, together. Either way, you are both very irresponsible and immature, which doesn’t bode well for parenting together.” Visible_Cupcake_1659
2. AITJ For Buying An Extra Movie Ticket?
“I’m (27M) a second-generation Vietnamese-American. My parents immigrated here in the 80s where they met and had me and my two siblings. Our family also loves going to the movies and whenever there is a Vietnamese movie in theaters, I always take my mom and siblings (dad passed during the global crisis).
There just so happened to be a romantic comedy called ‘Mai’ that just came out last week.
The movie theaters in my area all have select seating and I usually purchase my tickets online before I come in. With that being said, there is a bigger population of Vietnamese Americans in our area who love supporting Vietnamese movies as well, so this particular movie theater always sells out whenever they show one.
Originally, I had bought tickets for a Monday night showing to take my family, but there was a work situation, so we decided to reschedule for Tuesday instead. Well, upon exchanging the tickets, I realized that Tuesday nights have cheaper tickets, so I could get 5 tickets for the price of the original 4 I bought.
Being someone who prefers not sitting next to strangers, I did end up buying 5 in the middle of the theater so that we would have wiggle room on at least one end.
We went to sit down around 5-10 minutes before the movie started with our snacks.
For reference, I bought seats E5-E9 and so we sat in seats E6-E9 with E5 being empty on my left. By the time the trailers rolled around, the theater was nearly full with the exception of a few seats towards the front and E5.
Well, 2-3 trailers in, a middle-aged man sat down next to me in E5, turned to the patrons on the other side of it, and told them he ‘made it to the movie after all’ in Vietnamese. I politely got his attention and asked if he was in the wrong seat since I bought it.
He said he thought the seat was empty, so he sat down because it was next to his friends, but that he could move if the person sitting there showed up. I told him straight up that I bought the extra seat so I didn’t have to sit next to strangers and would appreciate it if he could move.
My sister on my right at this point just tried to get me to stop it because she didn’t want to be confrontational, but I held firm and he eventually moved to his seat towards the front while saying something in Vietnamese under his breath.
I just replied by saying thank you to him in Vietnamese as he walked away.
After the movie, I heard his friends whispering about me in Vietnamese as we were all walking out and even my sister said that I could’ve been polite and let him sit since respecting our elders is a big part of our culture and he just wanted to sit with his group.
I told her that he should’ve bought tickets earlier then and that he knew the seat was occupied when he bought a ticket, so it’s not my fault for holding my seat.”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, YTJ. Sure, you bought the ticket and were ‘right’ that you paid for the seat.
However, you’re still a selfish jerk. You bought prime seats just to avoid strangers sitting next to you. That’s a jerk thing to do. You knew he wanted to sit with his friends, but you still forced him to move. Selfish jerk thing to do.
Overall, your actions are pretty selfish and crappy. This was not a display of good community. You’re a selfish jerk who should stay home next time.” BulbasaurRanch
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you’re not the jerk for doing it.
You’re in a public theater. The entire design of the experience is that you will be sitting next to other people and watching a movie. Buying an empty seat next to you and sitting in prime theater spots means that you’re likely to get someone moving to that empty seat.
If you don’t want to sit next to a stranger, SIT BETWEEN YOUR FRIENDS, or don’t go to a public theater. It’s a total jerk move to buy the prime seats JUST SO THEY’LL STAY EMPTY.” Samael13
1. AITJ For Telling My Former Friend The Reason Why I Changed?
“I (m 29) met my former friend at work back in 2013.
She is a year younger than me and we actually went to high school together but never crossed paths.
We clicked, swapped numbers, and began to hang out more and more. During this time, I began to develop feelings for her. Time was never right it seemed to ask her out properly. But we would go out as friends.
Dinner, movies, road trips, family parties, so on.
I thought we were really close. But then she just stopped and ghosted me one week before my birthday. We had plans, so I couldn’t figure out why. But left to give her space. Her family said she was good, so I left it at that.
Six months later, I got a save the date for her wedding. I didn’t know she was seeing anyone at the time. 2 months after I get the invitation in the mail. It had a wedding website on it where it had ‘their story.’ She ghosted me the day they met.
Their wedding was on their first anniversary.
I knew then how much of a simp I had been. I treated it like a bad breakup and took my frustration out at the gym. I have been going consistently for 3 years now. I’m not the 5 ft 8 345 lbs guy I was.
I’m now just under 200 (part was also due to a medical issue I had). I’m now in better shape and not just a shape (round).
Last week, I bumped into her and she asked how I was and said I looked good. Some awkward pleasantries later, she asked what happened to me to make such a change.
I was honest and said at first it was her and how much she hurt me and I took it out at the gym. But, I realized it wasn’t for her anymore it was for myself. She looked taken aback at that, and we left it at that and said our goodbyes.
She sent me a long message on social media apologizing but said that what I said was very hurtful. She said I didn’t have to be a jerk about it. She said I really had changed and not for the better.
I didn’t really know how to respond so I asked my SO (who knew everything) about the message and she said she sees both sides of things.
That I should have not been so direct about it. There are others as well saying I was a jerk for the things that I said to her. Need an outside opinion.
Was it a jerk move?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she had no reason to ghost you out of nowhere, it’s not like you professed your love to her and creeped her out.
You went on road trips together for crying out loud. And then to invite you to her wedding after 6 months of silence? Who does that? I hope you didn’t go.
You weren’t wrong for being honest. Even if you didn’t like her at the time, friends ghosting friends is hurtful too.
If she’s offended that her actions hurt you enough to make a change it’s cause she knows she was wrong and doesn’t want to admit it. But ehhhh I’m thinking there’s more to the story of what you actually said to her.” Cheap_Ad_7327
Another User Comments:
“Back then, you developed the feels for her, but in reality the two of you were just casual friends. You never made a move to initiate romance, and neither did she. It’s likely that she viewed you platonically. Then she met the love of her life.
It’s understandable that she got wrapped up in the new exciting relationship. I’m sure you aren’t the only friend who got ignored.
Often when people fall in love they forget to keep up with friends, forget to engage in their usual hobbies, etc. This is quite common.
I think you took it far too personally. It’s great that this experience was a catalyst for you to make positive changes in your life. But you are wrong to view her as a villain. Your bitterness towards her just seems misplaced. I can understand why she felt taken aback by your comments.
YTJ.” WhimsicalFancy
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Some people drop off the face of the earth to their friends when they meet a partner, it’s wrong and crappy and it sucks. But there is legitimately no evidence that she was leading you on, or that the ghosting was because she had been using you.
You’re assuming malicious intent, there are a lot of people who (again, unfortunately) drop friends when in a relationship and later invite them to their wedding. You’re projecting your own feelings and assumptions. And she’s right. You changed, and not for the better.
You have an incel mentality that will keep you single no matter how good-looking you may think you are now. Please see a therapist.” SavingsSad2382
The only thing good about you running into her again is that she's now having second thoughts about her wedding because you turned out to be a hottie. As for your honesty being "hurtful" to her, that's b******t. She's just having buyer's remorse with her fiance and wants someone to blame it on. Sucks to be her.
