People Talk About Their Sticky Situations In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
23. AITJ For Telling My Husband's Co-Workers That I'm The One Who Wakes Him Up For Work?
“Ever since my F33 husband M37 began working for this company, he became good friends with his co-workers. His boss though is the strict type who doesn’t tolerate being late for work which is something my husband is guilty of and constantly gets in trouble for.
He is NOT a morning person. And hates waking up early. Always did.
I’ve taken it upon myself to wake him up since his job was literally in jeopardy for constantly being late.
Every morning is an absolute nightmare.
He’d stay in bed till 7:30 and refuse to wake up, he’d get so aggressive he’d knock off the alarm clock, push his phone off the nightstand, and put the pillow over his head. Literally scream “Go away I’m trying to get some sleep you jerk!!!” When I try to wake him up.
I’d try everything from shouting to removing the pillow and sheets, to shaking him to tickling to spraying him with water. And he’d wake up eventually but be in a very bad mood.
Despite all that he’d end up being late for work over a sock or waiting for his phone to charge.
This is our life and I’m not complaining however…
It’s Thanksgiving (we’re in Canada) he invited his co-workers over for dinner. I could tell he was trying to “impress” them since they’re older than him. They were talking about how he’s good at everything except that he’s always late.
He shrugged and said it’s not his fault he’s always late since he wakes up at 5:30, walks the dogs, gets the kids ready for school, makes breakfast, cleans up the kitchen, packs lunch then spends almost 40 minutes waking me up.
I was floored like I couldn’t believe he was talking about us. I saw the judging look on his co-workers’ faces as they all started telling him that their wives don’t treat them this way. One of them asked me if I gave my husband “thanks” for the tremendous work he does but I said wait wait this couldn’t be further from the truth.
I said actually if it wasn’t for me he’d never wake up. I’m the one who constantly wakes him up and he doesn’t even know how to set his alarm properly let alone wake up to what he said he does.
His coworkers got quiet and he looked shocked. I explained how hard I try to wake him up every day and they started side eyeing him. He looked upset yet embarrassed and went off on me once they left saying I ruined his reputation and embarrassed him in front of them just to feed my ego.
He said, “it’s Thanksgiving and you ruined it for me, what’s wrong with you?” Then walked out. I don’t know if I should apologize for the awkward dinner.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop enabling him. Tell him you aren’t going to wake him up anymore.
Ask if he wants help setting his alarm, but that is it. Make him acknowledge that he heard you say you won’t wake him up, with a full sentence (really. It matters). Tell him you won’t help him get ready.
Then ignore the issue, ignore the whole thing, just take care of the kids and your own stuff. (Can’t add his share of house and kids at this step, much as I think he needs to step up).
And tell him that you (and everyone online) are disgusted by him lying to his coworkers. Ask him why he tried to make his wife look bad, by describing his own rotten behavior and assigning it to her.
Tell him trying to make you lie for him was a rotten thing to do, and he owes you an apology.” Neenknits
Another User Comments:
“Uh… your husband’s clearly a jerk. First of all, he isn’t even grateful that you wake him up, clearly telling since he yells at you when you try, second, it’s a jerk move to blatantly make up a huge story and paint you in a bad light to his coworkers.
Maybe you should stop waking him up and let him lose his job because he isn’t responsible enough.” oatmilk_baby
Another User Comments:
“Your husband lied about when he wakes up. Tried to make himself out to be a super husband/dad who does practically everything every morning.
Made you look like a bad wife/mom in the process. After you have to deal with waking up a rabid gorilla each and every morning. And you are now somehow at fault for calling him out on his nonsense?
Stop waking him up. I cannot resist this bad pun, and I apologize in advance, but it might be the “wake-up call” he needs. He owes you a major apology. NTJ.” Tralfamadorians_go
22. AITJ For Having My Neighbor's Car Towed From My Paid Parking Spot?
“So I (20m) live in a condo lot with a couple of roommates, and we all have our own assigned parking spaces that we paid for.
My space is next to our neighbors, who have two spots of their own.
Now, normally, I don’t have a problem with said neighbors. They’re very friendly, very courteous of the other people in the condo lot, and just very good neighbors overall.
However, recently, a car that isn’t mine started parking in my space, thus causing me to have to park across the street and cross the street during heavy traffic.
After the first day of this happening, I asked around to the other tenants in my lot to try and see whose car it was, and no one knew who the car belonged to.
Then I asked the neighbors who have spaces next to mine, and they said, “Yeah, it’s family. You’re normally gone all day at college (I am currently in college) so we didn’t think it would be that big a deal since that space is normally unoccupied during the day.” I then asked, “Well, how long is your family going to be staying with you?” I figured if it was only gonna be a couple days or even a week, I could******* up and just park across the street.
They replied, “They’ll be staying with us for a while. We don’t know how long exactly, but at the least, it will be a couple of weeks, if not months.” Needless to say I was not happy. I said, remaining calm and collected, “If I come home tomorrow, and their car is parked in my spot that I paid for, then I will have your car towed.” They assured me it wouldn’t, and I left feeling pretty satisfied.
The next day, however, I come home, and the car is still in my spot. So I park across the street, go to their condo, and confront them, asking why their family’s car is still in my spot.
They said “Oh sorry, we didn’t want to park across the street.” I said, “Okay” and left, fuming. I went inside my condo and called the building manager and asked them to call a tow truck. About a half hour later, the tow truck arrived and towed their car.
I moved my car into my spot. The neighbors saw this, and asked me why I did that. I said, “Because you had a car in a spot that wasn’t yours.” They called me a jerk, and want me to pay the fine to get the car back.
My roommates on the other hand don’t think I’m a jerk because it is my spot.
So, AITJ for having my neighbor’s car towed?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You paid for the spot. Honestly, it was very nice of you to seemingly let them park in the spot while you were gone, and you just asked for it to be moved by a certain time.
Tow Away! Keep Towing if it keeps happening! OR – Rent your spot to them. Charge them double, payment up front, and make some $$ off these neighbors.” Sassy_1109
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told them in advance that if they parked in your space then you would have their car towed. Not your fault that they paid no attention to you.” VodkaQueen_1136
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried to settle this the first day by allowing the person to park in your spot for a day. When your neighbor said their family member didn’t want to park across the street the next day, they made it clear that they would try to bully you for your parking spot.
You showed them very clearly where that line of reasoning got them.” [deleted]
21. AITJ For Blaming My Mom's Forced Sharing Policy For My Strained Relationship With My Half-Siblings?
“I (30m) have three younger half-siblings through my mom.
Because my mom had primary custody I grew up with them and I was miserable because my mom has the “siblings always share” mentality and I would be punished if I didn’t want to. This was mainly an issue because only two of us have the same father and whenever each of our dads gave us something and the others wanted it we would be expected to share.
Because my dad was the most active in being a parent and had more money my siblings always went after my stuff, sometimes without even asking, and I could never do anything about it without getting punished.
There were times I didn’t even get to play or use the things that my dad gave me because “it wasn’t my turn” and if my siblings broke or damaged it my mom would shrug it off because “things happen” and just tell my dad to buy me a new one.
This made me so angry because not only did I feel like I could never have anything nice for myself but my dad couldn’t always afford to get me a replacement. He had more money than the other dads but he wasn’t rich.
I remember being my happiest when I was with my dad and wanted to stay, but because he lived in another state and had a crazy work schedule I could only be with him in the summers. Not only that but I was made to feel bad if I ever voiced my displeasure living with my mom because “she was a single mom trying her best” and I was always provided for and never physically harmed so I should just be grateful.
It wasn’t until I was 16 that my dad became fully established enough in his career that he was able to have a more flexible schedule and was even able to move closer to me. He said that I was now at an age where I could decide and said that he would welcome me with open arms. So when I went to visit him during a long weekend, I just never went back.
It wasn’t necessarily planned and my mom was upset but I just didn’t want to go back and my dad didn’t make me.
After that I’ve been in LC with my maternal side only really seeing them on Thanksgiving and for years they swore my dad turned me against them.
One day my mom was complaining about how lowdown my father was and something in me broke. I told her that my dad may not have been perfect but he was the better parent because he respected my autonomy and that it was her fault I didn’t care about having a relationship with her other kids while I’m close to my older sister through my dad.
Now I’m getting chewed out. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She attacked your father, a figure you respect and you defended him and turned the attack on her. If she did not want her poor parenting brought up, she should not have attacked another parent.” newtennowhothis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She started an inappropriate, aggressive conversation and got honesty back. Sounds like LC needs to become NC. Not sure what your life plans are, but parents like this don’t miraculously change when their children get married and have kids.” J********r
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the thing is, when kids are forced to share they usually start to resent the idea, but if kids are left to themselves they usually end up just sharing what they have naturally.
I don’t remember my mum forcing me or my sister or brother to share their toys with me. We’d have a few toys that were ours, and we could play alone but that usually got boring so we’d find a sibling and they’d join in.
My brother had a huge set of Legos, so when he brought that out we’d all work together to build a town or some race track.. We never had to share our bikes and had to ask the other sibling if a friend could use them.
So I don’t have big issues with sharing things if left to my own devices. I was a nanny for several years and used that same method, and 9/10 times the kids would start out playing alone and then end up playing together with most toys.” shadow-foxe
20. AITJ For Not Wanting To Downgrade My Living Situation To Match My Partner's Budget?
“I (27f) have been seeing my partner (30m) for a little less than a year.
I make almost 3x what he makes (his $45k vs. my $130k), which is a little awkward for us but not horrible. My industry is more lucrative, but he also is underpaid for the industry he’s in. I once offered to help him out with his resume or negotiating or job searching, but he got annoyed with me and I never brought it up again.
The current issue is that we’re looking to move in together. He currently only pays $500/month because his landlord is an old friend who gives him a huge discount. Meanwhile, I pay $2500/month, but I live in the best part of our city and my apartment has a ton of amenities that I enjoy.
It’s bougie, but I can afford it and have grown accustomed to being comfortable at this point. Plus the location is very convenient.
He wants me to move into a cheaper apartment that he can afford half of, but I don’t want to.
He can afford $1k a month max (and even that is a stretch for him because he has a ton of student loan debt he’s trying to pay off), and I just don’t want to downgrade. All the apartments he’s shown me are a lot less nice than mine, and lots of them don’t even have AC.
They’re in worse parts of town and a lot smaller. Plus I don’t want to spend a bunch of extra money moving when this apartment is perfectly good and suits both of our needs.
I told him that I’m honestly fine with him just paying $1000/month toward this apartment (I’m also fine with him paying $500/month but he won’t even entertain paying that little), but he said it’s humiliating to not be able to pay half the expenses.
I told him that no one would know and he said he would know.
I can’t help but think this is a very gendered issue, and it irritates me. But I also don’t want to force him into a living situation that makes him uncomfortable.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – I wouldn’t be comfortable with taking a huge handout from someone I’d just started seeing nine months ago. I also wouldn’t be comfortable living in a less desirable apartment for basically no reason.
You guys aren’t ready to live together yet, which is totally cool.” iwanttoquitposting
Another User Comments:
“If the genders were reversed and he was making 3x what you were, he wouldn’t expect you to pay the same amount.
NTJ. Suggest splitting by % according to income.” del901
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His pride is getting in the way of both of you having a nice living space. You deserve to have nice things and you have been patient, but I wouldn’t budge on this, keep your nice place girl.
And like tbh if you have a nice place to live that you can afford, stay there and treasure it cause there are genuinely people out there who are struggling to even make the rent for the bad apartment.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Not Allowing My Friend To Move Into My Parents' Apartment?
“I (19f) come from a wealthy family. Even so, I had a job since I turned 16, my parents got me a car but I had to pay for my own insurance and gas. I had a limit for how much my birthday and Christmas gifts cost…
When I graduated high school and was accepted into a good college my parents gave me a choice:
- I live in the dorms, they pay for everything, I get just a bit of spending money, but they won’t have a say in my life at all since I am an adult.
- I live in a 2 bedroom apartment they own in the city (doorman, gym, pool, and cleaning service), they pay for everything and I have more spending money. In exchange, I have to promise to keep a high GPA, no recreational substance use, no drinking until I turn 21 and to not have any roommates.
Then when I am a junior the deed to the apartment transfers to my name.
I accepted the second choice and it has been great, I am an introvert so I appreciate my space.
The problem is that a friend I made at the beginning of the semester wanted to move in and I declined.
She comes from a middle-class family, paying for her school using student loans, just normal. The first time she was over she started making some tasteless remarks (must be nice to never work a day in your life, must be nice to have mommy and daddy wait on you hand and foot…).
When she wouldn’t stop I just started distancing myself from her.
She has been having problems with her roommate from the get-go, but yesterday she just couldn’t take it anymore. She asked me in front of all our friend group if she could move in with me.
I said no she can’t.
She called me an entitled trust fund baby who didn’t know what the normal man struggles are and stormed off.
Now all my friends say that I am the jerk, that I have the space and it wouldn’t cost me anything, I could just lie to my parents and they wouldn’t know.
I disagree but I thought it better to ask because if they don’t give it a rest I am planning to cut all of them off. I don’t need that kind of negativity in my life.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You shouldn’t be lying to your parents, and you have no obligation to provide free housing to anyone, especially someone who makes snide comments about you and has demonstrated they can’t get along with roommates.” smartygirl
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your “friends” are though. All of them. All of these people expect you to 1) lie to your parents who are, your parents, and are very generous, loving, and guiding with you. NO. 2) Jeopardize your future. HARRRRRRD NO. Anyone else’s problems with their roommates are NOT your problem, and I guarantee the one asking is the one who is the problem in their current situation.
I love how these types of people shame you for being a “trust fund baby” but want to take advantage of you and love that you have means when they want something. Users and abusers are what they are.
Keep your solitude and drop the jerks. Get your degree and enjoy your life. You don’t owe any of these people anything and neither do your parents.” Catfiche1970
Another User Comments:
“She refuses to treat you with respect now.
It’s not going to get better if she moves in. If your friends are so worried, they can move her in with them. And besides that, you have an agreement with your parents–they pay for your housing, you don’t have roommates.
What do your friends think is going to happen when you break that rule and your parents find out? Because they will find out. NTJ.” genus-corvidae
18. AITJ For Sending My Partner Half Of The Cremation Bill For Our Dog?
“My partner (m36) and I (f32) have been together for 9 years.
I know it’s a long time but he doesn’t want marriage saying it’s meaningless and the same as getting your driver’s license where we live nowadays and that it’s lost its true meaning.
Anyway, we decided to get a dog 3 years ago.
Since we don’t share finances we agreed to pay 50/50 for everything our dog needed. He said ok and things remained that way til recently when our dog fell sick. I found myself paying the vet bill alone for the duration of 4 months.
I asked my partner to help out and pay 50 of the expenses but he kept making excuses to pay for things that weren’t necessary.
Our dog unfortunately passed away which was devastating. My partner cried and went radio silence for 1 day then went back to normal. But my grief was just starting.
I was mad at the fact he didn’t help with treatment but I still asked if he agreed to get our dog cremated and he said yes and go for it.
I asked him to pay half telling him how much it cost and he looked at me stunned and said, “I’m not the one getting cremated, why should I be expected to pay for it?” I said because it’s our dog.
He said he no longer is since he’s dead which got me angry. I said I’ll go with burial then but he objected and said I shouldn’t back out of cremation just to spite him and insisted I go ahead and do the right thing for our beloved dog.
I said alright then and ended up paying for only half of the cremation bill then later sent him half of the bill through the vet and he was so mad when he saw it. He said he couldn’t believe how stubborn I was to pull that stunt because legally, he has to pay now.
We had an argument and he said I should’ve just paid for the entire thing instead of acting petty to prove a point. He accused me of not loving our dog enough to handle the bill. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You got the dog together and agreed to split expenses, he agreed to the cremation. You did the right thing by splitting the bill through the vet. And then he accuses you, the person who handled all the vet bills throughout your dog’s sickness, of not loving it enough to foot his portion of the bill?
That’s incredibly manipulative. If I were you, I’d be re-evaluating the entire relationship. I’m very sorry for your loss and for having to deal with this jerk.” youhavebeensnailed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- your partner is a walking red flag.
He refuses to pay for half your pet’s death. After 9 years he won’t marry you, won’t get a joint account with you. Now that the dog is gone, RUN. He’s showing you his true colors through and through.
What would he do/say if it was you hurt? I suspect he would act similarly P.s. Being with someone for 9 years and guilt-tripping them into not marrying is gaslighting. You didn’t say you didn’t want to get married and based on his comments he’s already convinced you it’s dumb.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Were you the one being cremated? Who says that? And the fact that he was “stunned”. I’m stunned at the never-ending list of jerk things he said and did throughout this post. I’m sorry your dog died. He said he’d pay half of all expenses and so now, after not doing it for 4 months, he is legally forced to do what he said he’d do.
He should be more upset that he was legally forced because as a grown man he decided to shove all the responsibility of your beloved pet (family members) on you. He sounds insufferable, especially in this time of grief.” Gogowhine
17. AITJ For Not Wanting To Switch Apartments With Neighbors Due To Smoke Smell?
“My (25m) brother (26m) and I live together in an apartment.
Last Friday when I got back from work, one of our downstairs neighbors was waiting by the staircase and asked if it would be possible to switch, as in: she and her husband take our apartment and we get theirs.
Their apartment has one room less than ours and would be cheaper in rent, which would be great for us as we technically have a room neither of us uses (except for our pets). She told me that they’ve been trying to find an apt close by but it was to no avail.
They had to take in their granddaughter as their daughter lost custody of her and now need to meet the regulations once the kid has to go to school next year (they need a certain amount of square meters and need to have a secluded room for her, which they don’t have in their current apt) and so our landlord told them to ask a few tenants if they’d be willing to help out rather than them completely moving away.
The school their granddaughter is going to attend is right around the corner from our building. The husband isn’t able to walk properly and his wife is the one working, so I do understand why they don’t want to move further away, as it would bring a lot more struggles.
The thing is, however, they’ve been living in their apartment for well over two decades now and are heavy smokers. They’ve cut down on smoking inside since maybe 3 years when the addition to the lease was ruled, but still smoke out of their windows.
I only got back to working a few months ago and initially the apartment belonged to my brother, so I told her that I’d talk with him about it and that we might need to see their apartment first etc, etc. She seemed relieved and told us to just come by whenever.
We’ve been in the apt yesterday and the stale smell of smoke really was a lot. Even my brother (who is a smoker too, but goes outside to smoke) found it kinda revolting. We also have pets, so we want to think of them too and exposing them to such a strong odor isn’t something we want to do.
I personally would love to help them out, but my brother also said the smell isn’t going to lessen any time soon and that it might stay forever and would need complete renovating to get rid of since it’s in the walls.
Which isn’t even clear if our landlord would cover those costs and so on.
WIBTJ if I decline?”
Another User Comments:
“You are under no obligation. If you were honest with them — that as a non-smoker the smoke residue (damage) to the walls is a pretty big issue to you — they could perhaps look into ways to solve the problem.
It sounds like if they could do a good enough cleaning that everyone would be happy. But can they afford that? My great-uncles lived together, in a house that had at least one chain-smoker in it for 80 years.
When they died, my father was the executor of the will. My mom went to help him clean it up for sale… and went right back to the car without setting a foot inside. We sprayed the brown walls down and found white paint underneath.
It took four of us a month to get a realtor willing to even look at it (but there were other issues…). It’s no small matter. No jerks here. But be honest. And be willing to reconsider if they can meet your needs.” Muninwing
Another User Comments:
“Just say no. You’re not obligated to help them out, and frankly, if the apartment is that full of secondhand smoke residue then maybe they don’t have the sense to raise a kid at all.
This isn’t your problem and it’s kind to want to help, but if I were in your shoes there’s no way I’d agree. Moving is a lot of work, even one flight of stairs. All you get out of it is slightly lower rent but you also lose the room you use for your pets.
And then there’s the issue of no ability to clean the place before moving your stuff in. I own rental properties. For that place to truly not smell like you put your face in a stale ashtray, it’s going to require washing down every surface with a tar remover, new carpet, and new carpet padding, and paint at the LEAST. More likely, the drywall and the cabinets and trim etc. are impregnated with it and the place would need to be taken back to the studs and rebuilt.
Landlord would love to have some rube take it over so they can avoid fixing the problem. NTJ.” gingiberiblue
16. AITJ For Setting Up Rules Regarding Liquor For My Potluck Because Of One Freeloading Friend?
“I have a group of friends with whom I generally do a potluck or two annually for the past 4 years, hosted by me.
The idea is usually that you bring something homemade, maybe a handle of something. I make a few dishes and pull out the bar cart. There’s no set rules, but most of my buddies have been pretty good about bringing something – except for one guy, Kevin (not actual name).
Kevin has brought either nothing, or a half-finished tall boy and a single sealed one (Miller High Life and Twisted Tea seem to be his go-tos). He’s stated in the past that he’d bring more “next time” but that’s never occurred.
Kevin also has the habit of somehow clearing out at least one handle of liquor from my bar cart every time through a combination of drinking and putting it in one of several flasks when he thinks no one sees him.
This would be less noticeable if he did not consistently do this to the more expensive items on the cart. I’m certain it’s not the others as we usually make mixed drinks together and have them while gaming.
As speaking to him has had no effect on this, I’ve implemented a new rule for everyone – bring a dish or a handle of non-garbage tier liquor, and you’ll have access to the cart. Otherwise, I have a fine selection of Miller High Life and Twisted Tea.
You’re still welcome to any food that’s been made or brought.
This new rule was extremely unpopular with Kevin and his significant other, who decided to lambast me in the group chat for being classist. He says this rule feels like a personal attack and that he can’t afford to bring more than he normally does.
I don’t know his financial situation in full, but I do believe he makes a fair bit more than I do. I offered to teach him how to make a smashed potato dish that comes out to about $5, if money is the concern – this offer has not been taken up.
Some of the others are texting me in private saying that it would be easier for all parties involved if I just dropped the rule – the damage is already done and he’ll probably be more mindful since I’ve made it publicly clear I’ve noticed. I’ve given everyone the option of hosting if they feel my rule is unjust – I’ll follow their lead if we’re using their place.
No one has volunteered their home (and by proxy, I suppose their liquor cabinet). A few have also texted privately that they agree with my take.
AITJ? I don’t feel I’ve done anything wrong here, but I also know I’m a fairly spiteful person.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Kevin is feeling attacked because he is being attacked, and he knows that he deserves it. If others in the group want you to drop the rule, cordially invite them to subsidize Kevin’s takings so you are not the only one paying through the nose for top-shelf booze.
If nobody wants to do that — if it is too classist — then keep the cart locked up for everybody.” JudgeJudAITA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – the issue is not only that Kevin is not bringing any booze for others (beyond a can or two of something), but that he’s ACTIVELY stealing booze provided to put in his own personal flask.
If he actually can’t afford to bring anything, he can still have access to Miller High Lifes and Twisted Teas + all the food brought. He wants to drink the expensive booze on someone else’s dollar… if he really couldn’t afford it, he’d gracefully accept the booze listed above and the free food and not be lighting you up in the group chat.
Your rule is fair, stand your ground OP.” jmaeww
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but perhaps a better way to handle it is to tell everyone that going forward you’ll provide a small amount of beer and wine, but anything beyond that will need to be brought by guests.
Then make sure your booze is locked up because Kevin will go looking for it.” Ms_Cats_Meow
15. AITJ For Sending My Partner's Lazy Brother Home From Work?
“I (28f) work for my parents. Perhaps you can see where this is going.
We live in a little town in the middle of nowhere.
My parents run a little mom-and-pop grocery shop that everybody loves. It is a family-owned store. I am a manager here. We don’t usually have issues.
My partner’s (Ryan, 27m) little brother (22m) recently moved in with him due to disputes between him and his parents.
Kane has always been rowdy so I think his parents just got fed up with his behavior, but I really don’t know. Ryan told him he could stay with him but he’d need to get a job because there was no way he could provide for both of them on his salary.
Well none of the places hiring in the area wanted Kane. At least, he claims he applied and just never got calls back. So Ryan asked me to swing a job for him here. I didn’t like the idea but we hired Kane 4 months ago.
In that time, I’ve caught Kane napping in the employee lounge (on his break, but an hour longer than allotted), I caught him smoking in the cooler, and multiple times have found him standing around talking to friends by the work he was meant to be doing without actually doing it.
The final straw was four days ago. Kane clocked in, found me, and asked me what he should do. I told him his job for the day. He said OK and disappeared. 30 minutes later I saw him nowhere in his area.
I went to the Employee Lounge and saw him sitting at the table eating & on his phone.
I asked him what he was doing. He said eating. I asked him if he clocked out for break. He rolled his eyes at me and said “No. I was just grabbing a bite to eat quick.” I asked him how long he was back here for and he said “Idk, I just bought it and came back.”
I told him to let me see his receipt and sure enough it was stamped for about 5 minutes after he clocked in.
I said “Kane we needed you on the floor.”
He mocked me, “Kane we need you on the floor!”
I was really not in the mood for it so I asked him how badly he needed this job. He said “Well if I’m not working I can’t stay with Ryan. Duh.”
I said “Exactly. Kane, go home.
You’re not needed today and don’t come in tomorrow.”
He laughed at me like I was joking until he noticed I wasn’t moving, wasn’t smiling, wasn’t laughing. Then he just said “No.”
And I told him that either he leaves right now, or he can continue sitting there without getting paid because I was done letting him mess around.
A few more words were exchanged and then he went home.
After my shift I got a call from my Ryan snapping at me for sending Kane home. I told him I was tired of letting his brother get away with doing whatever just because of who he is.
Ryan told me that I was being a jerk because I know he can’t support him and his brother, and that there was no way he could send Kane back home because their parents wouldn’t take him.
I told him I’m not going to let my parents pay someone for goofing off constantly, and this is where we still are today.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Considering his behavior during work and his attitude, I’d say it was fair of you to send him home. Just because he’s your partner’s brother doesn’t mean he doesn’t have to work or make you obligated to take care of him.
He was lucky that he even got a job at yours in the first place, and he completely blew it. That’s on him, not you.” Xx_Nana_xX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Kane isn’t your problem. At 22, he should start acting like an adult.
No one should be taking care of him.” WinterBourne25
Another User Comments:
“There are 2 jerks in this story. And you are NTJ. Your partner and Kane however most DEFINITELY are. Clearly neither one of them respects you, your parents, your parents’ business, or your job.
Kane can grow up or go home to mommy and daddy and your partner can do the same. Tell HIM to hire his little jerk brother if he just wants him getting a paycheck while he messes off all day.” Swiss_Miss_77
His brother can figure out how to live on his own.
14. AITJ For Telling My Sick Husband To Help Care For Our Baby While I'm Paralyzed?
“I am the main caregiver of our baby, 6 months old. I deal with a lot, including a medical condition that occasionally paralyzes me from the neck down. It can take a few hours until I can move my hands when it happens, and sometimes even a whole day.
My legs take longer.
For the last 2 weekends, suddenly my hubby gets a high fever, no other symptoms, and claims he is too sick to even watch the baby for a minute while I use the restroom.
Last weekend I gave him all the space he needed, went to my folks’ house, and took care of him every few hours when my parents watched the baby.
I was frustrated, but I understood.
During the week he was ok again, worked till late and acted normal.
Yesterday, few hours after I started getting paralyzed, he suddenly broke with a low fever again, crying out that he is sick and he can’t take care of the baby.
With only one arm working, I took care of the baby all night long, terrified that it would go paralyzed as well… Whenever I begged for help, like change his diaper or make him a bottle, he yelled at me and got mad.
This morning, I lost all my limbs again, and my jaw was stuck for an hour. After that, while he complains that he is too sick and I need to handle the baby all day, I yelled at him to******* up and take care of his child because it is not safe at all!
I can’t move my fingers, how can I keep a baby from falling, or feed him, or help him at all?!
He got really offended, saying I should be more compassionate to his fever and how cold he feels, and find a way to un-paralyze myself so he can sleep.
I got even more mad, considering how many doctors told me that I cannot stress myself out of it, or it gets worse.
He also said I am the jerk since it seems like I don’t believe his mild fever is as severe as my condition.
AITJ for not agreeing with him and telling him to take some responsibility for his child?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh my word NTJ. He’s comparing a temperature with paralysis?! Does he actually believe your condition is real? And even if he does, why does he think YOU are the only one who should work through illness and discomfort?
Is this a wider problem with him?” EssexCatWoman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Men are definitely big babies when they are sick but that is ridiculous. You being paralyzed outweighs whatever if he can still move. I can’t believe you even had to ask this.
If I’m sick, my wife takes care of most everything including the 2 kids. But if we’re all sick it’s me taking care of everyone because that’s my job.” FiciousVish
13. AITJ For Getting Mad At My Partner After She Criticized My Kids' Sleep Schedule?
“My partner (30) doesn’t live with me (35) yet. And she’s very hesitant to at this point. I get where she’s coming from as she’s not a night owl like me and my kids.
But for her to tell me how to parent made me rather angry with her. I have 2 kids with the ex-wife. They’re 4 and 10. I’ve tried morning routines in the past but they NEVER worked. My kids don’t naturally get tired until midnight (and sometimes not until 1 a.m.) so I allow them to stay up until then.
Despite their very late bedtime, they still technically get enough sleep per day. I’ll get them up for school around 7 a.m. and when they’re at school, I’ll take a long nap. When they get back, they’ll take a 3-5 hour nap, which totals to 9-12 hours of sleep per day.
The 10-year-old is doing great in school and the 4-year-old is fine too so I see no reason to change things. This is their routine/preference as well as mine. They’re night owls just like me. I’ve tried to get them to sleep earlier before but they rarely fall asleep earlier than midnight.
My partner on the other hand gets tired around 9-10 pm and goes to bed then when visiting me for a few days at a time. She has an issue with my kids still being up after she’s gone to bed. She says she can still hear them up even though my bedroom (that I let her sleep in) door is closed when she goes to bed. She has to be up in the morning too, but unlike me and my kids, she has difficulty taking naps and thus goes to bed earlier than the rest of us.
I personally don’t have a problem if/when I fall asleep before my kids do because I can sleep through anything and I work from home.
She recently told me I need a better routine for my kids.
I got mad at her for telling me how to parent when she has no kids of her own and it’s my house. Now she wants to visit even less. I tried getting her to understand that my family is filled with night owls.
It’s just the way my kids and I are. They still get plenty of sleep thanks to the long naps they take after school/preschool. AITJ for getting mad at her? I did raise my voice a bit but as a parent, I’d rather not be told how to raise my kids when my parenting has been working (and therefore doesn’t need changing).
I also grew up with extremely strict parents who put so many rules when I was a kid, including an early bedtime, that not only did I eventually become very depressed from it but I would lay in bed for hours without even falling asleep (because I’ve always been a night owl).
I don’t want to subject my kids to that.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, she didn’t call you a bad dad. She didn’t tell you that the kids are idiots or something totally red flag like that.
All she said was that you need a better routine for your kids. She is NTJ in this situation, you are. Also I would be totally on board if you had said that your kids tend to go to sleep at 9 or 10.
That is a reasonable late sleep time, but especially for a child as young as 4 going to bed at 1 am simply isn’t good developmentally. Just a suggestion but maybe your kids will sleep earlier if you cut out the long nap after school.
Totaling 9-12 hours a day is not the same as sleeping that long in one go. 3-5 hour naps are way too long.” Codrus_
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Everyone has already mentioned numerous reasons that letting your kids stay up until 1 AM is a bad idea, but I’d like to add to that.
Sleeping for 3-5 hours after school takes away from any opportunities for them to take part in after-school clubs, sports, socializing with friends, etc., – all key parts of their development. You are absolutely not doing them any favors.
In fact, based on the number of times you mentioned you are a “night owl”, this seems to be more for your benefit than theirs.” Electronic_Trick_13
Another User Comments:
“The fact the kids are falling asleep for 3-5 hours when they get home from school is really alarming and shows you they aren’t getting enough sleep during the night.
This will have long-term effects on their mood, energy, mental health, performance etc…. INFO – is the routine the same at their mum’s? If not it seems more like a you routine than a them routine and you are letting them do this as it suits you and your alone time.
It quite honestly is bad parenting to let a 4 year old stay up til 1 a.m., regardless of whether or not they are a ‘night owl’…. clue: they aren’t. They are sleeping during the day!! If you are napping/sleeping during the day, that’s the cause of staying up that late and not getting tired til then….
not because they are night owls…. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but it’s not rocket science mate!” bunkbedgirl1989
My daughter would stay up all night, if allowed. I would still get her up in the morning. She never napped, stopped when she was 3, she would go to sleep early, the next night. When we started homeschooling, her sleep schedule followed her natural sleep pattern. She's 28, has no problems getting up in the mornings.
If you start reducing the length of nap time, they will get tired earlier.
12. AITJ For Not Giving My Entitled Brother And His Fiancée Money For Their Wedding And House?
“I (38F) have 2 siblings (32F) (30M) but only have a good relationship with my sister. This is the result of our father’s favoritism towards my brother. For you to get an idea, my paternal grandparents left us all college funds and wedding funds but when they died our father tried to cut our college ones so my brother’s would be bigger since he would need it more because we are women after all.
He only attended events for my brother and the only memories I have of him being active in my life are from before they knew they were expecting a boy. My parents separated when my brother was 2 since my mom couldn’t stand the blatant favoritism anymore.
He died in 2010 and left it all to my brother who cut contact, mom was devastated.
Fast forward to now, he got engaged and had spent almost all the money. He came back and tried to make friends with mom and us so we could help pay for the wedding, his wife knew all the history but since her goal was to be at home with the kids she didn’t care.
She was also rude and entitled, simply not what you want in your family but hey…. Mom was happy.
I didn’t use any of my funds since I got a full ride and my husband paid for the wedding.
Our home was bought by both of us but the funds were untouched until my sister got married and I gave her money to cover part of an awesome honeymoon and part of the cost of a house.
She is successful in her own right but I wanted to help my best friend. My brother knew this and expected I do the same for him and told his fiance that.
This is where I might be the jerk: My mom gave him some money for his wedding and our grandparents for a downpayment, her parents also gave them some amount for both of those things.
They made it clear to my sister that they expected the same as she got from me. The issue is that she wanted a fairytale wedding and a huge house, so she started asking me if I would be getting them their gift before or after the wedding.
I just said after. She would also ask me if my sister would be jealous about it, I said I hoped not. You get the idea. For about 6 months she asked me things like this and I just never told her once I would give them money but she believed so, but then she asked if I could do X amount first and then X amount after and I simply said suuure (very very sarcastically).
Last month they ambushed me at a family gathering demanding the money cause they have wedding debts and need it for the downpayment. I told them I already bought them a KitchenAid mixer with many accessories, my SIL started sobbing saying it was just a part of the gift and I let them believe I was giving them the same or more than I did to my sister.
My brother started arguing and my husband told him to get lost.
They have been posting online. My sister is on my side but mom is conflicted and makes me doubt.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother has been given more than his fair share and squandered it.
That’s a him problem. Your future sil isn’t even a proper leech, she’s a tick who latched onto the style without checking to be sure of the substance. That’s a her problem. You have been responsible with what little you were given (in comparison) and have managed the funds well.
Shame on them for thinking you would gift them, two greedy, grasping, individuals who didn’t give you the time of day before deciding they needed what you have, more than what you would give to the sister whom you are close to and have a friendship with.
That’s a them problem. I have yet to see anything resembling a you problem in this equation… … and for the record, the only thing your mother should be upset about is that the son she raised is such a greedy, grasping, character.” MelodyRaine
Another User Comments:
“I dunno, they are entitled and greedy but you should have set them straight in the beginning instead you let them believe that you were going to give them money even though you had zero intention of doing so.
They never should have banked on funds from you and they are definitely the bigger jerk here but you could have been much more straightforward. Sure they made assumptions and made jerks out of themselves but you shouldn’t have let them continue to believe money was coming.
They are worse but I’m going with ESH.” nimatoad62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your money. You’re allowed to spend it however you want. If you want to give money toward your sister’s wedding, but not your brother’s, that’s your prerogative.
Your brother should understand this, since he was the beneficiary of your father’s blatant favoritism toward him.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Lacking Sympathy For A Friend Who Continually Forgives Her Unfaithful Husband?
“We all went to high school together and are in our 40s now. In high school Jim and Kat were together and broke up several times. He was unfaithful to her in a very high school kissed another girl way at least twice that I knew of as a teen.
That drama went on for most of freshman and sophomore year. They broke up junior year I believe and then got back together during college. He was unfaithful again in college, that time the excuse was distance as they went to schools in different states.
They made up, got engaged and he was unfaithful again after a big fight about his mother’s treatment of her. That time to be fair she had called off the engagement but not apparently the relationship. A year or two goes by, they get engaged again, and that time they get married.
Now, while I like him as a friend I would never have been with him much less married him. In my mind, once unfaithful always unfaithful. And we all expressed that to her when she asked back then.
But it’s her life and she loved him, so if she likes it I love it was my answer after that single conversation about him not knowing how to spell faithful. They had a baby and you guessed it, he was unfaithful again.
Marriage counseling, making up, and so on. I don’t know that he ever was completely faithful but at least he stopped getting caught.
Well, their youngest is in college and his midlife crisis is a 22-year-old (2 years younger than their oldest) he was mentoring.
Kat is distraught and fed up and I have kept my mouth shut because I don’t have anything nice to say. She called me this weekend and wanted sympathy and I just don’t have it. What he’s doing is wrong, but this isn’t the first time.
I don’t think it is even the 5th time. She’s upset because none of us are “rallying around her” but I don’t see the point. More than likely unless he asks for a divorce she’s going to take him back.
I said as much and she hung up on me. Am I the jerk for telling her that he has always been unfaithful and at some point she has to own up to her choice to keep taking him back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he was unfaithful to her several times and took him back, aka probably in his eyes he sees it as I did it before so I can do it again, because the times before I got away with it.
She needs to be strong and leave for good.” mademoiselletal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a common cycle. You won’t be able to help unless she’s ready. She needs to find strength on her own.
But you might be able to help her build self-esteem and confidence.” omgreadtheroom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – At this point, it’s just a waste of your energy to do anymore for her. You become numb to her plight because you’ve expended so much sympathy before.
Maybe your latest conversation with her will be a wake-up call. It’s not just you, it’s others who aren’t rallying around her. You want to keep the window open to her in the event she does turn out to be a victim of abuse.
But she needs to want to be helped.” Oldgamerlady
10. AITJ For Not Letting My In-Laws Care For My Child Because They Couldn't Follow Our Dog's Care Instructions?
“My husband and I (28M&F) just had a baby girl.
She’s awesome and I’m nearing the end of my maternity leave. However, I will start at the beginning of this issue with my in-laws.
When my husband and I were 23 we adopted a dog that turned out to be really reactive and anxious.
My in-laws tout themselves as dog people but really only like little dogs, and made it clear they didn’t want us to get a dog. However, they like to be “helpful” and always volunteered to watch him when we needed it (maybe 2 or 3 times per year).
The dog loves them but we put a lot of time, energy, and money into his training and he needs a very specific set of circumstances to be successful in life. We always had long conversations about his needs and made it clear we could find other arrangements for him if it would be too much for them.
Every time he went over there something always went wrong and it always boiled down to my in-laws ignoring the guidelines and rules we set up. We talked to them about it plenty of times but it never changed, and eventually, we stopped sending him there since they weren’t willing to follow our rules, and the trust was slowly eroded.
Fast forward to this year. Shortly after I got pregnant, my in-laws made known they would like to watch the baby during the day instead of sending her to daycare. They are both retired and watch my SIL’s young kids as well.
My husband probably would have been okay with it but I didn’t feel comfortable, mainly because they always disregarded our rules for the dog and frankly put him in bad situations a few times. My husband agreed and backed me up on the decision.
After we said no a few times they started pushing for reasoning and my husband (unfortunately) told them the truth. They’re of course upset and angry and think it’s ridiculous that we think they would “treat our child like a dog”.
I’m getting texts from everyone saying that we’re insulting and hurting my in-laws because a dog is different than a child and that I would rather throw money away on daycare just to stick it to my MIL.
At the end of the day I just don’t trust them to follow our rules long term after they wouldn’t follow them with the dog. So, AITJ for not allowing my in-laws to be caregivers for my child after they mistreated my dog?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A dog is different than a kid, but if they can’t follow instructions for a dog, why would you trust them with a human baby?” dude_number_two
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Trust your gut.
They couldn’t even watch a dog, why do they think they can watch a baby? What it comes down to is that they cannot be trusted, they have shown they follow their own rules and not the ones that you set.” Cybunniesarebest
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – They’ve demonstrated that they’re going to do as they wish regardless of your requests…which is a disaster in the making for a childcare provider. Really, your husband should be taking the abuse from family, not you – it should have been left with “We do our best to maintain separation between business and family.”” No-Policy-4095
9. AITJ For Not Inviting My Recovered Addict Brother To Thanksgiving Dinner?
“My brother has struggled with addiction for the better part of two decades. We (the siblings) are all in our forties now, and he has been in and out of treatment and prison multiple times.
I have been no contact with him for the last 15 years.
The final straw for me was when he said he wanted help and begged me and my husband to let him come live with us so he could go to treatment.
We (my husband and myself) found him a treatment center and bought him a plane ticket to come out to us so that he could go. When he got to our house he was under the influence, he refused to go to the place that we found for him for treatment (that we were willing to pay for) and used substances in my home.
When we told him he either went to treatment or left our home, he stole my credit card and some jewelry and took off. I was able to cancel the card before he could use it, but I have never gotten the jewelry back.
After some major trouble with the law due to his substance use, my brother finally got sober 5 years ago. He is now married and expecting a child. We are also able to have family holidays for the first time in 2 years.
I will be hosting Thanksgiving and my sister is hosting Christmas. My mother called me up on Sunday and asked if we would be inviting my brother and his wife. I told my mother that I would have to discuss it with my husband, but with all of the bridges that he has burned with us, it is probably going to be no.
I discussed it at length with my husband Sunday night and we both agree that we do not wish to contact him or have a relationship with him after all that he has done to us. So I called my mother and let her know that we discussed it and that our answer was no, and we will not be inviting him to dinner.
My mother is upset and thinks that we should give him another chance and that he has changed and wants to be part of our lives. She brought up his wife’s pregnancy and how the baby deserves to have a relationship with his or her family.
I told my mother that the answer is no, and to please respect our decision to not have him in our home. She ended the call crying and now I feel really guilty for upsetting her.
AITJ for not inviting my brother to Thanksgiving dinner?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother did you a very real harm and, very tellingly, he himself has not reached out to offer an apology. As the party who did the harm, it is his responsibility to seek to fix the harm he did.
Also, if he wants to repair the relationship with you and your husband, a big family get-together is not a good time to do it. It is best done slowly and privately to start with, not in public.
And only on your schedule. You are the harmed party: you get to set the pace on this. A good start on behalf of your brother would be to repay you for the stolen items. Right now, if you were to reconcile with your brother, it would not be because you were ready or for the sake of your brother.
It would be because your mother wants the image of the perfect family. And that is the absolute wrong reason to do this.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are setting healthy boundaries after being hurt time and time again.
Others, including your brother, should respect these boundaries even if they don’t like it. I come from a family of addicts and understand the chaos they cause in our lives. You have nothing to apologize for – you and your husband need more time to move on from the trauma of the relationship your brother had with substances to move on.
I think eventually you will feel comfortable allowing him back in your life on a more intimate level, but until that day comes you are doing what’s right for you and your family.” jujusbeer
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. This is a tough situation to be in, and I’m sorry that your brother put you and your mother in a position to be at odds with each other. Trust is huge in any kind of relationship, and the bottom line is, you can’t trust your brother after everything he did to you and your husband.
I’m sure you want good things for him, but you can’t allow him near your family when he’s done so many things to hurt you. I can also understand your mom wanting to invite him back into the family.
After 20 years of addiction, it’s wonderful that he finally got his life together, and I’m sure she’s beyond relieved by this turn of events. She wants to pretend that the last 20 years never happened, and she wants to be there to support him, his wife, and their child.
Unfortunately, that’s just not a possibility for you right now. I really hope one day your brother can EARN back your trust, but until then, hold your ground.” Redefined421
8. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Pay Back $121 After She Insisted I Pay Her $17 For Pizza?
“This is really petty but it’s bothering me.
We have game nights. Usually, they are at our apartment (my partner’s and mine) and we always get food when they are here.
I either cook elaborate things or we order stuff like pizza. We never invoice people or ask them for the money.
Because we were moving, we did game night at my friend’s place and she ordered pizza. It was like 8.50 per pizza.
So for me and my partner, it was 17.
Because we always bought the food and it was not discussed beforehand, we didn’t PayPal her then and there. Fast forward a week.
She calls me all nervous and says she has an important topic to talk about.
We met up and she told me we still owed her 17 bucks and that she wanted it back because it was giving her anxiety (she is very well off this is not about her not being able to afford food).
I was a bit surprised and told her sure I’d PayPal her at home because I don’t like to use public internet for payments.
We parted ways and I went to run errands. So I was not home till 8 pm.
We met up at 4 pm. During that time she texted me 7 times and called my partner saying to PayPal the funds as soon as she hung up.
This rubbed me the wrong way. So as soon as I came home I Paypaled her the full amount.
But I also recompiled what she owed us. Through the app, you can always see when you ordered what, and for my personal finances I keep my shopping receipts. So I calculated that she owed us about 121 bucks.
So I told her that.
She freaked out, saying we never specified and that it was a very petty move. I told her she didn’t specify before either way and I think it’s fair like this. We pay her when she orders and she pays us when we order.
Right now she is very mad. My partner thinks it’s unnecessary even though he agrees with what I said. She called me a jerk… Am I?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Forget about the $17, and drop them from game night.
People who don’t realize that there is give and take, and you have been hosting and picking up the tab are not real friends, but users. They think it is fine to mooch off you for free, but oh, my, god, how dare you not pay them for the pizza.
The way to say it is, “Sorry, we aren’t hosting game nights anymore. Thanks for asking.”” ForwardPlenty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Start doing a “Bring Your Own food/drinks” if your friend is going to react like that.
Ideally though, I would have told her “If you’re that upset over $17 that you didn’t tell us you wanted us to pay for, you owe us $121 for all the food we’ve bought for you.”” TroubledGamestress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like this. It sounds to me like she’s got some underlying issues that she needs to deal with. Perhaps she comes from an impoverished background (I do) and I know what it is like for money to basically haunt you.
You were a little petty but I think you demonstrated well how petty she’s being over $17. A person with “common sense” would not charge a friend who has paid for their meals before. She knows you’ve paid, trust me.
When money is important to you, you notice things people do for you. She should have known better.” SteffyOsornio
7. AITJ For Being Upset That My Parents Prioritize My Brother's Wedding Over My Mental Health?
“My (19f) brother is 27, single and my parents think he’s running out of time and they desperately want to get him married or at least engaged (arranged marriage is the norm in my culture).
My brother is open to the idea but isn’t in a rush and figures it’ll happen whenever.
I have struggled with my mental health most of my life but have tried to keep it to myself as much as possible since my parents don’t really get it or believe in it.
About 2yrs ago I decided to get help. I talked to my brother about it and he was very supportive. My parents didn’t get what I meant and my sister (26) straight up didn’t believe me (she’s a doctor so it’s so ironic).
It was overall a pretty unpleasant experience.
They slowly came around to the idea of me seeing a professional but when it came time to find one they were a little pricey. We still managed to find someone who was well-reviewed, but 5 minutes before we were supposed to leave for the appointment, my mother barged in and very aggressively told me to cancel it.
There’s nothing I can do if they tell me we don’t have the money for it so I just found some online resources.
I had put it in the back of my head until my brother was home to visit and my parents brought up him getting married (again) and how he’s getting old.
My brother said that even if there was someone, he’s still a full-time graduate student and doesn’t make enough to have a wedding and support a household. My parents went on about how that’s not a reason to say no, and that they would pay for the ENTIRE WEDDING and completely support my brother and his wife until he got a job.
They even mentioned how there was this girl who would be perfect for him and they could get married in a few months time no problem.
I blew up. I very abruptly mentioned how when I needed money to get help there wasn’t any but there’s money for a wedding and marriage my brother doesn’t even want?
I was stunned at how little they cared about my mental health. My dad went on about how this “came out of nowhere” and I was making it about myself when they had more important things to discuss.
I was about to lose my temper so I went to my room and just sobbed. My brother came in to check on me and we talked, he even offered to pay to get me a therapist but when I explained the costs he said he doesn’t have enough since he’s just a student and pretty much is only able to support himself.
This situation died down over time but was never really resolved. I tried an online therapist but he left halfway through our first session and then never showed up for the next 2 sessions I rescheduled so I just got a refund and have let it be for a while.
My insurance also doesn’t cover this stuff.
My parents not being able to send me to a therapist I get. But when all of a sudden there’s money for everything but me, it hurts. The country I live in also doesn’t allow teens/students to get part-time jobs, so I have no way of paying for it myself.”
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re NTJ. I’m sorry your family doesn’t take your mental health seriously. I hope that you can find resources to help you. Your parents are HUGE jerks for putting a wedding above their daughter’s wellbeing.” brainfreeze4445
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I want to preface this by saying that I can understand your parents’ position. I am a parent on a budget and sometimes there just isn’t enough wiggle room to allow all of your children to get what they want.
However, what your parents are doing wrong is not prioritizing by need. I am not familiar with your culture or what is important, but I would think that mental health, or health in general, should be priority #1. The fact that they can whip a wedding out in a few months but there is nothing for you to see a therapist leads me to believe that they have clearly prioritized and saved for a wedding that may or may not happen.
I would like to know more in terms of how they budget. I noticed your sister is one year younger than your brother. Is she married? If not, are they pressuring her to get married soon as well?
If so, did they pay for her wedding? Do they set aside some money every month into savings for all three of your weddings? It doesn’t really change my judgment, but it could give me some perspective on why they are acting this way.” Virulencer
Another User Comments:
“Maybe no jerks here? I hate to say that, but really your parents’ values are what they are. And what they are is traditional. The hard truth is that the idea that professional therapy is necessary to deal with one’s problems is a very recent and modern one.
And obviously, one that is completely foreign to your parents. And that probably won’t change in the very near future. The key part to this is that it doesn’t really seem like they’re prioritizing his well-being over your own, as you seem to be taking it.
But rather they feel that being married is far more important to one’s well-being than professional therapy, or maybe even mental health. So, I wouldn’t be surprised at all if your marriage is at least as much a priority as your brother’s, when the time comes.
As much as I’m sure many here will disagree with that set of priorities, there it is. So I wouldn’t look at it as them caring more about him than you, necessarily. You’re in the same position as anyone else who doesn’t have the means to get as much therapy as they’d like, unfortunately.
But, as mental health is important to you, you have to work on it however you can. Keep trying less expensive online resources until you find something that works. And, importantly, try and do your own work with reading and research, and controlling what you can about your lifestyle.
No one here will want to hear this, but professional therapy isn’t the be-all-end-all. You will probably find taking your own journey empowering if you can do it.” Kobe_no_Ushi_Y0k0zna
6. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Cousin's Catholic Wedding As An Atheist?
“My whole family is catholic, very catholic. My mom says she is very religious but has not gone to church in years, and we stopped going regularly when I was like 12. (I am 24 now, I did have my first communion before we stopped going to church.) When I was around 16 I decided I was an atheist, and it was a huge mess.
I told my mom this, and the next thing I knew I had all of my family blowing up my phone about how I needed to be “saved” and blah blah blah. I have one uncle who is also an atheist, and he was very supportive of me.
Eventually, we all moved on and agreed not to discuss religion with each other if we could avoid it. (I will just say I do not care what anyone believes, I do not insult their religion or any other religion.)
Well recently my cousin announced her engagement, and they’re having a traditional catholic wedding. I rolled my eyes at the thought of spending a whole morning in church, but it was whatever. I didn’t want to cause issues.
A couple of weeks ago my grandma came over to my mom’s when we were there to discuss the trip. (The wedding is out of town, so we all have to get hotel rooms and stuff.)
My grandma started talking about how great it will be to have me in church again.
How maybe being there for mass will open my eyes to god and bring me back to the light. (her exact words) I chuckled and said probably not. She continued and said that they uninvited my uncle for refusing to take part in communion.
She then said I should be open to their religion if I want to come. I told her I was not a catholic, nor would this wedding convert me back to catholicism. I also said I didn’t think I’d be comfortable taking part in communion either.
My mom motioned for me to be quiet.
My grandma was very offended and told me she’d be talking with my cousin to see if they really want someone as “disrespectful of their religion” as me at the event.
I told her if that was the case, I just won’t go. I’m not gonna go to something if they only want dedicated Catholics there, as I am not that and never will be. I left my mom’s after this, and both she and my grandma think I’m being a jerk.
My mom said I should’ve just played along even if I wasn’t going to convert again, but I told her it’s unfair they would consider disinviting me just for that reason. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re (potentially) not going because they want to convert you, not because you’re an atheist. Sounds like you would have been fine going if they didn’t want to force you to participate. My initial response to your title was YTJ.
But given the actual situation, NTJ. Talk to your cousin. Ask what THEY want. What your grandma and mom want doesn’t matter at your cousin’s wedding. I’m an anti-theist and I’ve gone to religious weddings and funerals. I fundamentally disagree with them, but people are allowed to believe what they believe.
I go to show respect for the people, not the religion. So I sit quietly and just let my mind wander. I don’t stand and sit or kneel or whatever just to not cause a stir, but I don’t participate in the prayers or anything like that.
I find it a good time to make future plans as it’s generally uninterrupted thinking time.” debt2set
Another User Comments:
“Well you should go anyways, your grandma’s views aren’t that of your cousins and I find it ridiculous that you’re assuming they are when you haven’t spoken to them.
Your grandma doesn’t speak for anyone else. Plenty of people go to weddings when they aren’t of the faith of the couple getting married so that in and of itself is just a weird reason not to go.
But also, as such a devoted Catholic your grandmother should be very aware that you can’t even receive communion anyways. Accepting communion would be a billion times more disrespectful to the religion than refusing. So if you really wanna end this conversation once and for all go ahead and find that tidbit of information which is most definitely on the Vatican website.
I’ll be impressed if grandma dismisses the Pope/Vatican’s rules and insists she knows better. That would amuse me. But the gist is no NTJ as long as you speak to your cousins and not just take your grandmother’s word for it.” FoxUniCarKilo
5. AITJ For Not Ensuring My Ex Knew About Our Kids' New School After He Blocked Me?
“My ex (35M) and I (36f) divorced last year. In the beginning, we were pretty civil; things have changed and he’s pretty hostile with me. We have 2 kids together.
I have primary custody of our kids and have them about 75% of the time.
The decree states the kids are to go to school in the zone based on my residence. Since I moved out after our divorce, I’m in a new school zone. I have made him aware over the summer I need to follow the decree and transfer.
He was very against this. Ultimately it’s my decision but I try to get his input before decisions are made. I made sure the kids were okay with this transition to a new school, then registered them for school.
I texted him to tell him they were now registered for the new school. No response.
The next day the school had a “meet the teacher night.” I texted him the teachers’ names. No response. One of our daughters wanted a pink streak in her hair, I texted him to ask if he was okay with that, no response.
There were a few other texts I sent with no response from him.
I thought this was so bizarre because pretty much all summer he’s been harassing me. Because of this I have retained a lawyer to do a modification so a judge makes us use a parenting app to text.
It should limit the harassment and abusive texts.
Morning of the 1st day of school came and I was getting the kids ready for school. My phone was on do not disturb. Checked the time and I had 17 missed calls from 7 am – 7:25.
Then he called again. I told him I’m doing their hair but I’ll put you on speaker. He starts berating me telling me I ruined this special moment for him and he wanted to see them off. He made it seem to the kids that I intentionally left him out of the loop.
Even though our homes are in different school zones, he lives close. I told him we are leaving for school in 10 min and he can meet us there. We hung up, I texted him the teachers’ names again.
He didn’t show up. Later I got many abusive texts. He said I “messed up” his chance to see them off. He told me he needs to take custody of the kids for “what I’ve done”. I asked why he waited until the morning of the first day of school to make arrangements with me.
He said he blocked me because I called his new friend’s son a friend of our kid’s instead of brother. My kids had never said brother but call him a BFF. He said I disrespected him and his family and this was my punishment.
Him blocking me is like, #GOALS because I know the kids need contact with him, but it was nice those few days not hearing from him.
I feel like this is completely on him. Had he not blocked me, he would have received important texts regarding the kids and info on their new school and teachers’ names.
He also could have made arrangements the night prior after he was done “punishing” me (lol). All he did was punish himself and his children. What if there had been an emergency?
I could be blinded by my frustration with him, but I need to know, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and you need to save and document every bit of his communication. Don’t delete. Don’t edit. Make backups of everything. Go to your lawyer and pursue a change of conditions. He doesn’t get to “punish” you for anything.
Ever. It’s his own abuse that is messing up his relationship with the children. You’ve been reasonable. You’ve attempted to include him and keep him apprised of household changes. You’ve made the effort to co-parent and what he’s giving you in return is abuse and attempts at parental alienation..
Which, without living with him full-time will not have the same effect, but it hurts the children nonetheless to have him attempt to turn them against you. You did everything right here. Don’t let him get under your skin.
His threats of obtaining custody after giving you the “punishment” routine are literally textbook examples of abuse. Keep documenting. Go back to court. This isn’t going to get any better unless you do.” CatteHerder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Yeah blocking the mother of his kids/co-parent and then blaming her when he doesn’t get information from her is really gonna fly with the judges. Heaven forbid something serious happened during the time he blocked you and you needed to get into contact with him.
That’s very irresponsible. You should use it as reasoning to sue for full custody. I hope court goes well! Keep us posted!” a2felix13
4. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For Groceries I Didn't Need On A Group Trip?
“I was invited along to a mountain bike trip this past weekend by a cousin of mine. My cousin’s friend Mark invited my cousin, and they had an extra spot, so my cousin invited me up. We stayed at an Airbnb for 2 nights and split it 6 ways (there were 6 of us).
On the Friday I headed up there, I stopped for groceries and bought breakfast foods and beer for myself, and a bunch of nacho supplies to make a few rounds of nachos for the group.
One of the other guys, Tom, bought some groceries that Friday after we had all met at the cabin.
He bought breakfast stuff, beer, and other snacks for the other guys since they didn’t come with anything. I told him I did not need anything at the store since I had brought all of my own stuff, and I stayed at the cabin while they grocery-shopped.
Come yesterday evening, and Tom is asking me for $35 for the groceries that he bought. I don’t even know how he came up with this number, this would mean that he spent $210 ($35 x 6) on groceries, which I have a hard time believing since he really did not buy that much food.
I kindly explained to him that I bought my own food, and also made a bunch of nachos for the group, so I didn’t think it was fair that I had to pay for anything. He doesn’t answer me at all, and then gets Mark involved because Mark was originally the one who invited my cousin, who invited me.
Mark asks me to just pay Tom because Mark thinks it is his responsibility since he in effect invited me on the trip.
In the interest of not being a pain in the backside (and I really liked all these guys that I met, I want to see them again in the future), I paid Tom the $35 anyway.
So now I am out $85 including the money I spent on my own groceries. I never asked any of these guys to pay me for the $30 I spent on all of the nacho stuff. Also Tom has yet to thank me for paying him the $35 for nothing.
Am I the jerk here for putting up this argument to begin with? Should I have held my ground?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your cousin should have let you know what the usual protocol is and if your cousin didn’t know, then it was Mark’s responsibility.
I guess if you want to be invited again, the $35 isn’t too much to ask but I kinda doubt they’ll ask you again. That sucks because it wasn’t your fault.” LoveBeach8
Another User Comments:
“Every camping trip I’ve ever taken either with friends or just family.
Unless we’re staying in separate cottages. We ALWAYS go in together on the food. Things like floats, folding chairs, swimsuits are purchased on our own, as they can be reused. In 35 years of this never did anyone bring their own separate food.
Do you plan on cooking separately, or at different times?” tejana948
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you should have stood your ground. Mark should have paid your share if it was so important to him. And next time (since you enjoyed their company) tell them in advance not to expect any grocery money from you, you’ll provide your own at a much lower cost. Did he even provide a receipt?
I think you got scammed.” jammy913
3. AITJ For Not Letting My Nephew Take Home My Son's Toy?
“We hosted Thanksgiving at my place. My brother, his wife, and their almost four-year-old son were among the guests.
As people were leaving, my brother asked if my nephew could take home one of my 2-year-old son’s toy trucks.
My nephew had been playing with it nonstop since they arrived and wanted to keep it. My brother said that he’d replace the toy if I told him where I got it.
I told my brother that I’d be happy to give him a link to the store where I bought it, but I would not give him the toy then and there.
I refused for two reasons: firstly, my brother/sister-in-law have a terrible habit of giving my nephew everything he asks for. He is way too old for that. Secondly, I don’t want to reinforce in my nephew that it’s OK to just take things he wants.
My brother said that my nephew would throw a tantrum if he didn’t get the toy then and there and that everything would be easier if I just let him take the toy and get sent a replacement in the mail.
I told my brother that I would not be an enabler for my nephew’s bad behavior and that it’s my brother/SIL’s problem if he throws a tantrum. Of course, the inevitable happened—my nephew started shrieking inconsolably at the top of his lungs and my brother/SIL/nephew had to leave.
Later that evening I got an angry text from my brother saying that my nephew screamed his head off for the entire 3-hour car ride home and only stopped screaming after he literally passed out from exhaustion. He said that the tantrum was my fault since it would have been completely avoided if I’d just given my nephew the toy, and accused me of “backseat parenting,” since in his words it’s not my place to set an example for his son.
My wife thinks we should have just handed the toy over to make things easier, especially since our son has a ton of toys (and is not particularly attached to that specific truck) and would not have noticed it missing for just a couple of days.
I still maintain that it’s well within my rights to set an example for my nephew even if it goes against my brother/SIL’s parenting style of coddling their son and that the tantrum is 100% a result of their terrible parenting habits.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother may think that it’s ‘easier’ to give in to his son’s tantrums, but he’s starting to reap what he’s sown now. The 3-hour tantrum is his own fault for never teaching the kid proper boundaries, and for teaching him that his parents would give him anything if he’d just throw a tantrum.” asianingermany
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This boy throws tantrums because they work. They work because his parents always cave. The real jerks are his parents who are setting firm boundaries for what is and is not good behavior. You did not cause this.
And almost always you should do what is right instead of doing what keeps the peace. When you keep the peace, the jerks always win.” GreekAmericanDom
Another User Comments:
“Light ESH. Your brother & his wife were absolutely in the wrong for making their kid’s behavior your fault.
Nephew’s behavior is not your fault, no matter your decision about the toy. Where I do think you are a little bit the jerk is that you took this as a chance to berate your brother’s parenting. You clearly have opinions about his parenting skills, which means you’ve seen this happen over the years, and thus have had plenty of time to talk to him about it in a less charged environment.
The end of a holiday meal, where they are staring down the face of a 3-hour drive with a tantrum-prone child, isn’t really the time to give advice and have it be listened to and taken to heart.
I think you were right to not hand over your child’s toy, and your wife is probably sick of hearing you complain about your brother, so I can see where she is coming from.” ninaa1
2. AITJ For Losing My Temper At My Sister Over Her Reaction To My Niece's Grades Amidst Cancer Treatment?
“I (40f) have a sister (42f) who has a daughter (14f). She was recently diagnosed with cancer (It is some kind of bone cancer not entirely sure which), and thankfully they were able to catch it early and with treatment, she will most likely live.
She had a chemo day today and my sister/her mother had me pick her up, as she was busy I believe. I don’t mind and even consented to be able to pick her up almost any time if my sister informs the hospital beforehand, as my job is flexible.
So I arrived and then picked her up. She was “fine” just looked like she was a little off, most likely from pain, and looked incredibly tired. We made small talk and then she started checking something on her phone.
She started tearing up so I asked her what was wrong. She said she got a B in math and a C+ in English and midterms were being sent home, I said that with what she’s going through that’s pretty good, and asked her how her other subjects were going.
She said they were all A’s and I said see you’re doing great, she said that her mom would be mad at her. I said that she would probably understand and she said that she would still be mad.
I said that I would try to talk to her.
I drop her off and the moment we step in she starts screaming about the grades. Saying things like, “Do you want to be a failure?” “Are you even trying”, “stop being lazy and start studying more”.
I was angry and told her she was being ridiculous. She said that she wanted her daughter to do better. I said that she has darn cancer and that she should be happy that her daughter is doing so well with that.
She told me to get out of her house and I realized I had no power or leverage here and left. I tried calling her but she told me to shut up and mind my own business and told me I was being horrible for being so rude to her.
I am starting to think she is right because I could have been calm and spoken to her about why I disagree with her, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your sister sure is. Usually, I side against people trying to butt into other people’s parenting.
BUT HOLY COW WHAT THE HECK. When I fell egregiously ill as a freshman in high school I was so thankful to have all my teachers and both my parents supporting me on balancing school and health. It helped me to succeed. I cannot imagine the stress your poor niece is going through.
Your sister was clearly in the wrong for being so degrading.” bunnyelizabeth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister has lost her ability to be compassionate or feel empathy in this situation, and that’s so sad. It’s also worrying that your niece began crying when she saw the grades.
It makes me wonder just how severe your sister’s punishments are. It might’ve been best to approach her more calmly but in that moment your outrage was clearly justified. Definitely NTJ. You keep fighting for your niece, she’s lucky to have you around.” GreatAmericanMan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but your sister sure is. She seems to think that having cancer and going through chemo shouldn’t stop her daughter from being as studious as she was before. Nothing could be farther from the truth.
Both cause pain and pain impedes a person’s ability to concentrate. Your niece needs as many allies on her side as possible for this. Are there other family members who can back you and her up on this and help get your sister to back down and realize that all she is doing is creating more stress for this poor teen, and that the added stress will impede her ability to heal from this dreaded disease?
Can your niece ask her doctor, teachers, and school counselors to come to her aid as well and talk to her mom? Maybe if she hears it from enough people, she will realize what a total jerk she is being to her sick daughter.” SayerSong
1. AITJ For Receiving Daily Gifts From My Husband At Work?
“My (26F) husband (50M) has sent me gifts at work every day since we started being together, he usually sends me a rose and a coffee with a note wishing me a good day or just a note telling me that he loves me, sometimes he also sends me chocolates or food from my favorite restaurant, etc.
He’s a very romantic and attentive man and I love that but my coworker (40sF) doesn’t like it at all. Yesterday he sent me some croissants and a coffee with a note saying he loved me, and when my coworker saw it she said I should tell him to stop, that it’s not appropriate to receive gifts every day.
Another coworker told her that she was being bitter and that it’s nice to have such a loving husband, that since I’m pregnant it was understandable that he spoiled me so much, but she insisted that it is not appropriate in any way, and that if he doesn’t stop she will talk to our boss.
She said she will tell him that she feels uncomfortable and that I’m not being professional enough and that she wants another officemate.
And that made me so mad because I’m professional enough, the things my husband sends me don’t bother anyone, and they’re not a distraction to me either but according to her they are.
So I told her that it is not my fault that she is single and does not receive anything from anyone, that maybe if she were not so bitter someone would send her at least a coffee, and she got angry and now she told everyone that I was rude and that if I don’t apologize, she will talk to HR to see “what they can do with me”, when I told her that I didn’t think of being single as a bad thing, I only said it because she sounded like an envious person, that’s all, but apparently what I said hurt her.
AITJ?
I think I should clarify that he does not show up to my work to deliver the gifts in person, he usually sends me breakfast because I can’t have breakfast early in the morning, so when he goes to work he stops by my favorite cafe and he orders what he knows I like and tells them where the order should be delivered. The owners are his friends so he gives them the notes to be delivered with the order.
And last but not least, I receive the order at the entrance, nobody receives the order for me, that’s why I don’t understand what bothers her so much.
Also, it bothers her that I put photos of my children and my husband on my desk, which doesn’t even make sense because those photos are on my side of the office, sadly this is not the first time she has said that I am being unprofessional (for her having photos of your children in the office is not professional) so I don’t know how I should act to please her.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. So, she may be jealous and should not have said anything since it doesn’t affect her job. You replied with a personal attack which puts you at the same level as her. As a random person, I just have to say that it is weird that your husband sends you a gift to your place of work EVERY SINGLE DAY SINCE YOU MET EACH OTHER.
That’s not romance, that’s marking your property so everyone knows it’s taken. Romance can be public at times, but the workplace is a weirdly public flex.” thequejos
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Sending stuff to work every day is honestly a bit try-hard and unprofessional. Why can’t he get you flowers at home?
Because then you wouldn’t have a command audience for your Grand Romance. I would roll my eyes as your coworker too. She should have ignored it… and when she said something you could have been less snide about her single status.
I worked with a woman whose husband sent jewelry and large florals every major holiday… no one minded. She was pleasant and got her work done and wasn’t smug.” Dezzys2
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I was tempted to go ESH, but your co-worker’s threat was to go to your boss and ask for a different office mate, which honestly sounds like a win-win.
You wouldn’t be paired with her and vice versa. Instead, you took her complaint about professionalism and made it personal. You didn’t need to go there and now that’s definitely a strike against you. A personal attack like that isn’t ok in a work setting, even if she instigated the argument by critiquing your daily deliveries.
Asking to limit these daily interruptions isn’t an egregious ask. Why can’t your husband give you a coffee and croissant before work? Or do you just plan and order on your own at a regular time?
Or get you a sweet treat when you are home? Honestly getting a daily treat randomly throughout the day is disruptive. Chances are now this is definitely escalating to your boss, so be prepared to compromise and offer a mea culpa for the personal attack.” LLDN
Can you change offices? It might be much better than staying in your current on.
Your husband also needs to grow up. He's responsible for getting himself up.