People Rely On Us To Solve Their “Am I The Jerk?” Problems
20. AITJ For Refusing To Host Christmas At My MIL's House?
“Another day, another mother-in-law issue. A little context – I am currently 10 weeks pregnant with my second child. I will be due at the end of September this year, so preparing for Christmas means I will have a 12-week-old as well as a 3-year-old.
My mother-in-law would like my husband and me to host Christmas this year. We live over 2 hours away from them and my brother and sister-in-law and their 2 children. We have spent a lot of Christmases with them, and each time I have brought a plate and paid for other items like drinks and done everything I’m told, I think I contributed fairly considering living so far away.
We would offer to host before, but my mother-in-law is not keen on traveling that far right before Christmas and works all the way up to the day before too (my husband and I do also).
We recently told her about my pregnancy, she and my father-in-law are so excited. A couple of hours after the announcement, she sat me and my husband down and told us she would like us to “host” Christmas this year, but have it at her place and us bring the majority of the food.
Now I wouldn’t consider myself a freeloader – I think I do an adequate amount of work considering that carting already-made food that far is challenging. I pay for a few extras too (as mentioned above) and do extra chores around the house. Let me add too that my family is down to one income at the moment so we are not super financial.
I 100% agree that we should take turns hosting, but this is a terrible year for us to “host”. I have instead offered to host in a future year when my family is less chaotic. AITJ for refusing?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Traveling for Christmas with small children is difficult enough as it is.
To have to do all the work of hosting as if you’re some sort of mobile catering service is an ask too far. Your mother-in-law is being ridiculous and I’d be inclined to make up in my own brain that she has a motive of not wanting to include your family in her celebrations and that is why she’s making her conditional invitation so unrealistic.
Your oldest child is 3, time to start celebrating Christmas in your own home with your own little family anyway.” Professional_Ruin953
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “he sat me and my husband down and told us she would like us to “host” Christmas this year, but have it at her place and us bring the majority of the food.” Tell her you are not interested in doing that.
Tell her: When you host, it will be at YOUR place. But not this year anyway. And tell her this year is not a good year for you to host, due to several reasons. “prepping for Christmas means I will have a 12-week-old as well as a 3-year-old.” SO maybe this year a small Christmas will be preferable – just you, your husband, and the kids?
Why not avoid a lot of stress for your family?” Excellent-Count4009
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Like you said. You have a toddler and will have an infant. You will also still be recovering from birthing that infant. Not only that! You will most definitely be sleep-deprived, even worse if you’re breastfeeding.
Regardless of what your home situation is newborn & toddler or no children at all. No one has the right to voluntell you to host. Stand your ground and just say no. No is a complete sentence. If she insists, simply repeat yourself. You can be nice and just say this doesn’t work for us.
I’ll host next year in my own home. I can be a huge jerk and petty. I honestly don’t care what others say, think, feel… about me. I would just say nope not happening and actually this Xmas we are just staying home. We ain’t going nowhere cause we are starting to create our own traditions with our children.
Building memories and whatnot. So sorry not sorry.” zeronopes
19. AITJ For Uninviting My Brother-In-Law From My Son's Graduation Party?
“My son is graduating high school in 2 weeks. I personally had some turmoil at that age so I didn’t graduate and had to get my GED a few years later, didn’t go to college, so I am incredibly proud of him and all he accomplished in school.
He also got into an Ivy League for college, which made me even prouder.
Here is the problem. My wife and several family members, including her brother and father, all went to this same Ivy school. So my wife really pushed for him to go there.
An unhealthy amount in my opinion. She has always run a tight ship with his schooling over the years, while I’ve been more relaxed and said that if he is legitimately trying his hardest between school and extracurricular and social life then all is okay even if he struggles sometimes.
Now that the “payoff” is here, wife was insistent that he goes to this school. I’ve told him he could go anywhere he wants and go into whatever field he wants, or he could even take a gap year or go straight to work; whatever makes him happy.
He got into an Ivy. He showed he’s good enough, now let him follow his dreams. My son did two visits to this school and confided in me that he did not want to go there because of the culture, and he felt like the program he was interested in was better at another school.
He was scared to tell his mom to disappoint her. The three of us sat down and talked about how he was feeling. Wife was clearly disappointed but accepted his decision, although we did get into an argument a week later about how he might regret this years from now.
Once the news broke that he would not be going to the Ivy, wife’s family expressed their disagreement with the decision. I laid down the law with how this was his choice and he’s still going to an excellent school and he’s pursuing his passion, so I will not tolerate any harassing him or telling him that he’s making the wrong choice.
Most did not put up much of a fight, but my wife’s brother is being a real jerk about it. All three times that we’ve seen him in the past two months since this all started, he has made comments to my son about how the Ivy is much better and such.
I yelled at him last time when I saw it and he lamely apologized.
So my son’s graduation is in 2 weeks, and his party with family and friends will be a few days after that. My son told me privately that he does not want his uncle to be there because he is uncomfortable around him and doesn’t want to feel that way at his party.
I said okay, no problem, and texted BIL that he needs to sit the party out because he is making my son feel bad for his choices. As can be expected, I am now under fire from my wife’s family. Everyone’s mad that I’m excluding him from celebrating my son’s accomplishments and that my son can toughen up and whatnot, and my wife is mad that I went over her head.
I felt like my wife would not be willing to cut out her brother, so I made the decision myself. I can accept partial blame for going over her head, but I have no regrets otherwise. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ with regards to BIL – good of you to stand up and support your son.
Bit of a YTJ in not having a conversation with your wife about it first. But… it sounds like you may owe BIL an apology gift. Maybe a nice hoodie from your son’s college. Or, since you have established that you sometimes make decisions without consulting others, just slap a bumper sticker on his ride.
It’s the thought that counts.” Character-Toe-2137
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “He was scared to tell his mom to disappoint her”. If a son is scared of telling his mom about his college choice, something is wrong in their relationship. Going to a college, even Ivy, where you don’t feel comfortable, and cannot get the best program for your interests, is a waste of time and resources.
Your wife and your BIL had their time at college, now it is your son’s time. Tell your BIL that his constant pushing of his nephew earned him the non-invite.” Wild_Set4223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Simple question to your BIL, “are you paying for it?” When I was choosing a college, I was interested in quite a few, including a culinary school; however, my mom shot them down for various reasons.
The last one I wanted Mom was on board with until I said the program I wanted was only at the main campus 45 minutes from our home. There was a branch campus in the downtown area, 30 minutes from our home. When she found out my plan was for main campus, she said no. She convinced me to go where I went, which was 45 minutes in the other direction from our home.
No idea why…but that’s where I went. Loans were in my name (they did co-sign but did make it clear I was going to pay the loans back myself). It was okay and I did end up going for my master’s there too.
Flash forward to now, I’m not really happy with my career choice and still feel like I’m trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. My parents were like you – dad super chill, mom not so much.
The conversation you need to have with your wife is about your son being afraid to talk to her about the decisions he makes. As your son got older, she should have been guiding rather than dictating.” Squibit314
18. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Friend's Kid While She's At Work?
“I (32F) am a single mother of two kids (6M and 5 months F).
I am a single mother by choice (my kids are donor-conceived).
I am lucky enough to have a good job (French teacher in a private school), and a paid-off house (parents’ life insurance and inheritance).
Before I had either of my kids, I made sure to have a year’s living expenses saved, then I would take a sabbatical to recover from birth, as well as bond with my kids.
While on sabbatical, I still tutor some kids for some extra income.
My friend (34F) just had a baby 2 months ago. She is the breadwinner in her household, and her husband has been unemployed since he was laid off in 2020.
It was great to be pregnant at the same time, as well as having a friend with a newborn.
But it has turned sour.
She has been saying how jealous she is of me being able to take off a whole year from work, how she would have loved to not worry about losing their home, how she doesn’t even have a couple hundred dollars in her savings account, let alone a whole year’s worth of living expenses….
I usually ignore it or brush it off, because I kind of can understand the stress she is under.
Well, starting about 10 days ago, she started hinting at not being able to afford daycare, and any mention of her husband taking care of their kid is brushed off.
Then she started remarking on how much free time I must have, which I deflected by saying truthfully that being a single mom to a baby and a small kid left me no free time actually.
Then last night she came out with it, and asked if I could “do her a favor” and watch her kid while she’s at work.
I was firm, but polite, when I said that I couldn’t, that I am not capable of watching two kids under 6 months.
She started almost begging me, saying she can’t afford daycare, and if she is not back at work, she will lose her job, and they will end up homeless.
I again brought up her husband, and she said that he was not good with kids, and isn’t capable of taking care of her kid.
I kept saying no, she kept pushing, until it escalated to her calling me heartless, and me telling her that it’s not my problem she chose to have a kid with a useless man.
Now she blocked me, I am feeling very guilty about what I said, and feeling like a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“Eek. NTJ. I think there were no jerks here up to the point of her PRESSING you to do this favor, which she shouldn’t have asked for in the first place.
You’re exactly right that it’s not your problem that she is in this situation, and while I do think a heavy dose of empathy is important to your friendship, her having a husband who isn’t employed AND cannot contribute to the childcare she needs is a problem that she needs to solve.
It is annoying and impractical for her to think the answer here is for you to provide child care. It is dismissive of the fact that you are busy already, and you only have about 7 months remaining of the time you’ve allowed yourself to be on hiatus so it’s a short-term solution.
It’s too bad that she’s letting her situation cloud her judgment. You are not heartless and that was an unfair response for her to have had, and inappropriate behavior all throughout this interaction.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“You may have expressed it in a slightly harsh way, but you’re not wrong.
Her husband hasn’t worked for several years, they had a baby together, and yet he can’t actually do anything useful to help care for the baby. She has, indeed, married a completely useless man. The norm is (should be) that if one parent works, the other parent takes primary care of the kids.
If both parents work, hopefully they make enough to afford daycare. Her crappy husband is not your problem. NTJ.” _mmiggs_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We all have been unemployed at some point or struggled for money, I get that. What I don’t get is how her husband has been unemployed for almost four years.
Even if it’s burger flipping or Doordashing until something better comes along, he could’ve figured something out. And on top of that, he’s “not good with kids”? SHE HAD A BABY WITH SOMEONE WHO ISN’T GOOD WITH KIDS??? Maybe it was a little harsh that you called her husband useless, but he, in fact, is useless if he isn’t capable of taking care of his own baby while his wife works.
He needs to pick a struggle. She’s mad you’re not helping her and I’m willing to bet she’s mad because you made her realize that having a baby with this useless man was a mistake on her part. Either way, NTJ. She kept pushing, so you pushed back.” Atlas-Rising-Up
17. AITJ For Not Accommodating My Daughter's Injured Friend On Our Family Road Trip?
“I (36M) have 2 kids (16F & 14M) from a previous marriage. My ex (34F) and I share custody but because she lives in a better school district she primarily has them during the school year and I get extended time with them during the summer.
For the past 4-5 years I have taken the kids on a fun summer road trip. The three of us plan a destination and pick things we want to see on the way there and back. It’s been a great bonding experience for us and a lot of fun.
Last year I let each kid bring one friend along on the trip and I am doing the same thing this year. We are planning on leaving for the trip next weekend.
My son is an outgoing, gregarious kid who is involved in multiple sports and has a long list of close friends.
My daughter, on the other hand, is very much an introvert and only has a few friends that I know of. The friend she brought with last year is definitely her closest friend. She was planning on bringing the same girl on our trip this year.
Unfortunately, my daughter’s friend had a fall a couple of weeks ago while riding her bike and broke her leg & collarbone. Obviously, she would be very uncomfortable sitting in a car for long periods and there are stops on our trip where she would be unable to participate in the activities we want to do.
There are also a couple of places we planned on camping that I just don’t think will work for her. My daughter says her friend still wants to come with and her parents are OK with it but I don’t think it’s a good idea.
I suggested to my daughter that she invite a different friend but she says she doesn’t have anyone else she wants to ask. I might have messed up but I went behind her back and talked with her friend’s parents about it. I expressed my concerns about their daughter coming on the trip and I guess the two girls did not give them a complete rundown of the activities we have planned. After our conversation, they agreed that it would probably be best if their daughter stayed home.
As you can imagine, my daughter did not take this news well. She is very angry with me and thinks I sabotaged her friend coming on purpose. She has been begging me to cancel/change some of our plans so that her friend can still come with her.
I told her that both I and her friend’s parents agree that her friend coming with isn’t a good idea, so this isn’t just my decision.
She is saying she won’t come on the trip at all if her friend can’t come. I do feel bad about the whole thing, but at this point, I don’t think there’s much else I could do to make this work.
I mean, yes, I could alter plans to make things easier for her friend, but with how limited her mobility is going to be that probably wouldn’t be much fun for everyone else.
My ex thinks I should do whatever it takes to get my daughter back on board so that she isn’t excluded. But that just isn’t realistic.
I’m also worried that this will be the last year this sort of trip happens because summers get busy for teenagers.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your daughter lied and manipulated this other girl’s parents into agreeing to something they wouldn’t have supported. Actions have consequences and your daughter is being unreasonable.
Threatening to not come, unless you give in is a tantrum tactic and your daughter is trying to emotionally manipulate you. Could you postpone the trip to a later date in the summer when the friend could more easily come along or is she out of commission for the whole summer.” vt2022cam
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a great time to explain to your daughter that you didn’t “sneak behind her back” any more than she and her friend did with the friend’s parents. They weren’t honest with the friend’s parents about the nature of the trip’s activities, so they were sneaky themselves.
And that would put the friend at risk for reinjuring themselves on top of it, which would make YOU responsible. You don’t want to sign up for that risk, which is perfectly acceptable. And your daughter needs to learn that. Your ex should be in agreement with you on this as well, based on your daughter not being truthful with her friend’s parents.” Spank_Cakes
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: Speaking to her friend’s parents was 100% the right move. You owe them the ability to give informed consent about whether their child goes. You owe them information about the potential risks of the trip. You are supposed to be mindful of the child’s safety and well-being.
That is what you did by contacting them. It doesn’t look like accommodations are realistic. How can you still have a family road trip with someone who can’t sit in a cramped car for long periods? It is not a minor accommodation, it is a completely different trip.” Impossible_Rain_4727
16. AITJ For Planning A Second Birthday Dinner After My Partner Ignored My Wishes?
“My partner, I’ll call him Alex, wanted to plan my birthday dinner this year.
I was not keen on this because I hate making a big scene and he likes it, also, I had a restaurant in mind already…basically, I knew what I wanted and I just wanted to do that. Alex said he at least wanted to plan/host it.
I said okay.
I gave him all the information on what I wanted. Mind you, my dad always pays for my birthday dinners (we’re not big on gifts so he normally just picks up the tab for whatever celebration I have instead), so when I had thought about what I wanted budget had not been an issue.
Alex was very secretive during the planning but he said I would love what he planned and considering I had written out a full page of what I wanted I didn’t think anything of it.
But when he drove me to the dinner, it was at a completely different restaurant, one I don’t hate but certainly not where I’d want my birthday, he’d invited some of his friends who I don’t like, and had decorated the table even though we were eating in the main part of the restaurant which drew unnecessary attention.
I was horrified. I went into the bathroom, had a little cry, and then pretended to have a fun evening, even though all my friends knew this would upset me.
I told Alex afterward how upset I was and he was offended. He said he couldn’t afford the party I wanted so he’d planned an alternative which I think is a stupid excuse because I never asked him to pay.
Eventually, I settled it saying I appreciated the effort but in the future, I will be planning my own events.
So I did. I planned a do-over dinner at the place I wanted, with the guest list I wanted, and the menu I wanted.
Alex is really mad about this, saying it’s embarrassing for him.
I think he had the dinner he wanted – because a dinner that didn’t take into account what I wanted was not for me – and now I’m having the dinner I want. He’s really not letting it go and his friends agree I’m humiliating him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you said it yourself … what he did had nothing to do with you, it was entirely self-centered on his part. A HUGE part of empathy and a successful relationship is learning what your partner wants. This isn’t something trivial like preferring chocolate cake with vanilla frosting but them getting vanilla cake with chocolate frosting … this is a TOTAL disregard of who you fundamentally are as a person, as another commenter said he threw himself a dinner party for your birthday.
You might just want to have the REAL birthday party with your friends and family … because it is likely this will be your last one together.” txa1265
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Every year, my partner has a very specific request for his birthday…a really great BBQ place that I can’t eat at (I can’t eat pork).
So what do I do? I get him what HE wants because it’s his day (I can eat the sides, so it’s not like I’m going hungry, and it’s not an issue). Not mine. Just as I sometimes ask for food or something on my birthday that nobody else in the house wants.
It’s your birthday. You were very specific about what you wanted. He didn’t do a single thing that you wanted, he planned a party with his own tastes and interests in mind.” toxiclight
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told him what you wanted and you got none of it, he even invited people you don’t like to your own party.
And then he had the nerve to be upset you didn’t like the party he planned….because it wasn’t anything close to what you wanted. You literally gave him a blueprint, he decided not to use it, you were gracious and thanked him but said you’d plan your own event because the last one was not to your liking (which he should have known).” EJ_1004
15. AITJ For Not Accommodating My New Neighbor's Reactive Dog On My Property?
“I live in the deep south, in the deep country. Things are a little different here than they are in the city. I own about 80 acres of pastures and timber, but my house is near the road. Most of my neighbors are on smaller plots of 2-10 acres.
I have my front yard fenced in for my dogs, a shetland sheepdog and a mini Aussie, and then my livestock in the back. The road is narrow but straight and most of the occasional traffic is loud, fast logging trucks. The fence for my yard is set about 25′ back from the road, there is a drainage ditch and then a good 15′ of mowed, shady, grassy strip.
Apologies for the length of setup here, but it helps to explain why this person was where she was.
This morning I went to let my dogs out and found a lady walking a huge grey pitbull-looking dog right up against my fence. Of course my dogs started barking, as they should when a strange dog is on the property.
The other dog reacted very poorly. Of course I called my dogs back into the house, and then went back out to see what was going on. My yard is full of dog toys and this wouldn’t be the first time someone has come to ask if a stray dog lived here.
When I went back outside the lady was standing and pointing to her dog. In an authoritative tone she said, “He is reactive.” I said I could see that. She looked at me like I was simple. “So you have to make accommodations for him.” This was where she lost me.
Come to find out she just moved into a little rental house down the road on the corner of someone’s property, her dog is recovering from knee surgery and needs to be walked a certain distance every day. She expects me to go down my driveway, out the gate, and onto the road to look up and down and make sure she isn’t coming every time I let my dogs out during the day.
As she was talking, her dog was snuffling around at the base of my fence and found a bully stick that my dog had dropped right on the other side of the wire and slurped it through the fence and swallowed it whole. “Oh my god!
That better not be beef! He’s allergic to beef! You can’t just leave stuff like that lying around!”
That was when I had enough. I said, “Ma’am, do you see that ditch right there? Everything on this side of it is my property. You are not welcome on my property.
Please leave immediately. You are trespassing.” She said she couldn’t walk in the road because of the trucks and I told her that wasn’t my problem. She headed back the way she came and I waited for her to leave and then let my dogs out.
I feel like I could have been more accommodating if she hadn’t been so abrasive. Maybe we could have worked out a time every day where I would keep my dogs in so she could walk by for an hour or so. But I don’t like being told what I can do on my own property and I feel like giving her any concession would just pave the way for more demands.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. “In an authoritative tone she said, “He is reactive.”” In the spirit of the South, you could have said – bless his heart, I can see where he gets it from. Simply pointing out that she was trespassing was not a jerk move.
“I don’t like being told what I can do on my own property and I feel like giving her any concession would just pave the way for more demands.” 100% right. Give her an inch, she will demand an acre.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was trespassing, and she should have been working on the reactiveness of her dog with a professional trainer, not expecting complete strangers, in their own yards, to accommodate her.
She also should have told her dog no and taken the bully stick from him, as it wasn’t his in the first place. You may have to put up no trespassing signs at the edge of the ditch, in the event she does it again, because she will do it again.
People like her give responsible dog owners of all breeds a bad name.” WolfSilverOak
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but with how entitled she sounds I doubt she will stop trespassing. If I can make a suggestion, and if it’s not something you are adverse to, maybe have some hedges installed/planted on the outer side of your fence?
Potentially to either block her dog from accessing your fenceline and depending on the overall space and how big the hedges are completely prevent her from walking on your property? Again just a suggestion, I hate dealing with people like this. SHE is that dog’s owner, SHE is responsible for it.
I also wouldn’t be surprised if she shows up “demanding compensation” for a “vet visit” from the bully stick her dog stole while SHE was supposed to be monitoring him. She sounds like that kind of person. Good luck op.” Mental-Woodpecker300
14. AITJ For Telling My Stepmother She's Not Second Best Because She Was Never In The Running?
“My dad and my stepmother got married when I was 9 and I’m 17 now. They have 3 kids together. My mom passed away when I was 8 but my parents were already divorced and I think my dad was already seeing my stepmother at that point.
Either that or he/they rushed the relationship because they assumed I would need a new mom because mine passed away. It was a crazy time.
My dad and stepmother decided we needed therapy together because she was struggling and wanted to communicate some stuff to the two of us that she had not before.
In therapy, she started off talking about how she feels like she’s second best or a consolation prize with me. She feels like I see her as less than a parent, less than a mother, and it hurts. She talked about marrying my dad expecting we would be so close and how she believed a newly motherless child would need someone else to fill in.
But that the whole time we’ve known each other she feels like I do nothing but compare her to mom or dismiss her in favor of mom and leave her in second place a lot. She said she wanted to be more important to me than that.
She wanted to be mom in my eyes. She didn’t want to feel like I would gladly toss her aside if my mom came back. I’ll say now, in therapy, she was called out for that. She was told it was cruel to toss that in my face when I’m old enough to be aware my mom is never coming back.
She spoke for several sessions about feeling second best/like the consolation prize and like I don’t care for her at all. She brought up how I never hug her or how I correct anyone who mistakes her for my mom. Another thing was the fact I have never said I love you to her, she noticed that and she said many times she waited and waited for me to say it but it never came.
She talked about how every mention of my mom hurts her down to her core because she can hear how much I love my mom. She admitted to hating my mom, to wanting to wave a magic wand and have me forget her so she’s not coming in second to her always.
There were lots more things said too.
I was asked to address what she said for several sessions. But I knew it might come across as cruel if I did. So I refused to engage. But my dad kept pressing me on the issue and the counselor was trying to reassure me that I would not be penalized for speaking up.
After a lot of pressing and then my stepmother got involved and told me to speak because we needed to work through this and she needed me to acknowledge her feelings and work on us coming together, I was honest. I said she was never second best or a consolation prize because she was never in the running.
I never saw her as mom, I never considered her to be a possible new or second mom. I never ever looked at her in that way or wanted her to be that for me. And that she was always competing against my dead mom for nothing.
My dad and stepmother were so angry after I said all this. Two weeks after it was mentioned in therapy, they’re still furious with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They pushed for an answer, and you gave an honest one. They don’t have a right to be angry at you because they didn’t like your response.
I am a stepmother, and I have no children of my own. My stepdaughter treats me like a friend, a confidante if she wants one, and I help her navigate situations with a different perspective. However, she has a mother, she doesn’t need 2, and I would never try to undermine that.
I don’t understand these blended families, where the step-parent insists that they want equal status as a biological parent (especially where the biological is deceased) and then get upset when the child resents them for it.” New-Razzmatazz2148
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to.
I see this from time to time, step-parents come in and just expect a child to see them as mom or dad and feel like they’re being wronged if the child doesn’t see them that way. Like they’re somehow entitled to it, like the child doesn’t get a say.
It sounds like she was long overdue for a wakeup call that the expectation she has of what your relationship with her is going to be is not realistic. She doesn’t get to decide for you that you will love her and see her as a mother.
She can either work with you to form a relationship you are both comfortable with or she can keep doing whatever this is and prevent even an amicable step-parent relationship from forming. The icing on the cake is she’s concerned you aren’t taking her feelings into consideration.
When it never once even crossed her mind that maybe how you feel about your own mother and about having a new mother might be something she should take into consideration. Just for the sake of reassurance of what you already know, OP, who you love and how much you love them and in what way, whether it be a friend or a parent (step- or biological) or a romantic partner is entirely and only for you to decide.
No one else gets a say.” CapoExplains
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at all. It’s great when a step-parent can bond with their step-kid and form a healthy, agreed-upon relationship. That is not what she has done. Your dad’s wife is completely delusional and what she said about your mom, wishing she could make you forget, is absolutely crossing a line.
You have a mother, you have a mother you love. Just because she can’t physically be here, doesn’t take anything from the love you have for her or the fact that SHE is your mom, not dad’s wife. I’m so sorry your dad is taking her side when he should be on your side.
You have done nothing wrong, at all. She needs to understand your feelings so she can approach you differently. Everything you said in therapy is completely fair and valid. Don’t let them make you think or feel otherwise, she may want to hear you say “I love you” but unless you mean it, the words mean nothing.
And saying it just to appease her, would be dishonest. I’m sorry for your loss though and I hope your dad’s wife is able to learn and understand boundaries with you better.” Unique-Assumption619
13. AITJ For Not Helping My Neglectful In-Laws Now That They're Sick?
“So just for some background. My boomer-in-laws:
- Gave over £100k to their daughter to buy a house, but not their son (my husband)
- Supported their daughter in not coming to our wedding, just because she didn’t feel like it
- Have never made me feel welcome in their family and have never invited us over for dinner, out for a meal, to spend Xmas with them, not even ONCE
- Never EVER visit our children, their only grandchildren, one of whom is autistic and we struggle with significantly/could do with some support (and despite us asking them over and over again for years which resulted in them telling my husband to stop “trying to make them feel guilty” for never seeing our kids
- Have made several ignorant/judgemental/dismissive remarks about our children, such as “he will grow out of it” in reference to child’s autism and “we would rather have your dog stay at our house than your kids”.
Now they are getting health problems and are in and out of hospital, and they have expressed their disappointment that we don’t visit or help them out.
We get phone calls with MIL crying, passive-aggressive messages from FIL, and SIL playing the ‘angel child’ asking why we haven’t put in any effort to go and see them. Are we missing something?! I feel like you get out what you put in – am I in the wrong?”
Another User Comments:
“No normal selfish behavior. The table has turned and they need help and support and expect it because “it is their son” but when it was inconvenient for them they could care less about their son and their grandchild. I mean even if they didn’t like you they could have asked to see their grandchild and put effort in keeping in touch with their son.
How is it even possible no X-mas? Even families who are not very close invite their kids for X-mas. Your hubby has no reason to feel guilty just list all the stuff and ask them how they justify their requests when they gave a darn about their son.” TRACYOLIVIA14
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Karma can be hard to accept and people often can’t sleep in the beds they have made. The only thing I would watch out for is that your feelings about your partner’s parents aren’t making it difficult for them to express how they feel/how they would like to engage with their parents at this stage in their life.
Even with everything you’ve said above your partner might want to do more for them/be with them and they may not be expressing that because of your strong feelings. Of course you know them best but I would just make sure to create space for that just in case it’s there.” just_some_lover
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But there are people who believe that their title requires respect and sacrifice. My dad’s mother kicked out one of her daughters because she was gay and didn’t speak to her for decades, but the moment she was sick and dying she showed up on the daughter’s step expecting to be cared for and the daughter did it.
Neither one of her favored children lifted a finger to help her but the one she treated like trash waited on her hand and foot til her last day. OP, don’t give in, the golden child only wants you there to do the things she’s not willing to do, and in the end they’ll probably leave everything to the daughter.
‘You reap, what you sow.’” Vegetable-Cod-2340
12. AITJ For Reporting My Roommate's Partner To Our Landlord?
“Basically, my roommate and I have been having problems because her partner was always over. He would trash the house and not refill stuff and just use what he pleased. He’d also walk around the house basically with no clothes on. This started to become a problem and I asked my roommate if he could just not live with us because he’s not on the lease and he has his place but has been living here and didn’t even ask me.
I also brought my concerns to her and was told to take it up with her partner if I had an issue with what he was doing. So I expressed my concerns and still nothing changed.
I politely asked her if he can just spend some time at his place instead of ours every day and every night.
Keep in mind he would also be at the house while she was at work. After I asked her she flipped out on me and it eventually resulted in me telling our landlord. Our landlord told her that her partner cannot live here and won’t be allowed back in the house.
He hasn’t been in the house for a while but now he’s suddenly sleeping over and living here again and it’s making me really uncomfortable especially since he’s not supposed to be here. Am I the jerk for texting my landlord saying he’s been sleeping here.”
Another User Comments:
“It’s time to leave. It’s going to get worse and fast. I would talk to the landlord about it to resolve the issue as safely as possible; getting your name off of the lease and putting him on in your place.
Let him/her be the one to confront them about breaking the rules (again) and that this is the only solution unless everyone is finding a new place to live. Good luck!” litlblackdress0
Another User Comments:
“A constant problem in shared accommodation is people’s partners basically moving in and staying there all the time.
Rules associated with this are usually in the lease, though not always. There is often plenty of leeway and some unexpected flatmates are much worse than others. I have had this happen to me and had it happen to friends. You are not a jerk for taking the matter up with the landlord to enforce the terms and conditions of the living arrangement.
The landlord shouldn’t have banned the partner but set reasonable conditions for them staying over. such as no more than 2 nights a week and no staying in the place by themselves. That would have given some leeway. Should point out though, you not being a jerk aside, you have created additional tension and issues in the house.
So you have to live with that.” flingebunt
Another User Comments:
“Your roommate’s partner needs to stay at his own place instead of constantly being at yours. Getting in contact with the landlord was the right move; if your roommate isn’t careful, she could find herself having to find another place to live if she insists on breaking the lease.
The guy needs to go. NTJ.” GibsonGirl55
11. AITJ For Paying The Little Girls Who Cleaned My Brother's Car After He Refused To?
“A couple of years ago, my brother told some little girls (aged 7 and 9) to clean his car and he would pay them $80. Not aware that he is a total scoundrel, the girls agreed and cleaned his car. They did a pretty good job.
When they asked for the money, he just pulled the oldest trick which is lying. He didn’t pay them. My brother has plenty of funds for substances but zero to pay two young girls who cleaned his car.
Flash forward 2 years later, I’m just hearing about it.
I grab my wallet, pay them the $80, and text my brother that he owes me $80. I doubt he will ever pay me. Everyone in my family thinks I’m in the wrong for paying them. According to them, they’re just little girls who don’t understand the concept of money.
They think I’m stupid for paying them. I disagree. Clearly, they continue to harbor resentment towards my brother 2 years later. They put in the effort, they did their part, my brother just swindled them because that’s his character. The girls felt much better after I paid them and they thanked me.
But for some reason, everyone in my family believes I am wrong because I should never show up a family member. I disagree. I felt like I was correcting a wrong. I think my brother is the jerk. Nobody likes the feeling of being scammed regardless of how old you are.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“LMAO, you are literally trying to teach them about the value of money and your family is treating you like some idiot jerk for it. NTJ. You’re teaching these little girls that their labor matters, and deserves fair payment.
It doesn’t matter how old they are, that is an important lesson. On top of that, you’re undoing your brother’s jerk move of lying to get a free carwash and reassuring these girls that some adults have actual moral beliefs that they will stick by even when it’s inconvenient.
You’re making a great example for these kids and I think it’s cool. I think they will remember this lesson for a long time, in a very positive way. Your family is full of jerks if they can’t appreciate what you’re doing.” kingozma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That your family thinks it’s OK to scam little girls tells me exactly how your brother got to be the way he is…and makes me wonder how you turned out the way you are (which is a compliment to you, in case I didn’t get that across.) You did the right thing.
I’m proud of you! I wish your family had the character to be proud of you too.” Swimming-Fix-2637
Another User Comments:
“Well we know why your brother is like he is. Your whole family is fostering a culture of entitlement, lying, and thieving. They’re mad because you’re better than that and you’re breaking the mould.
Please keep being you and maybe put some (a lot) of distance between you and some of these family members… I’m glad the girls were finally rewarded… it’s a shame they had to learn a lesson like that at their age but hopefully, they won’t be easy to trick from now on.
How did you find them, by the way? NTJ.” Machka_Ilijeva
10. AITJ For Evicting My Terminally Ill Mother After Discovering She Left Me Out Of Her Will?
“My mother and I have a rocky relationship and I stopped caring about it a few years ago.
We “reconnected” for lack of a better word last year. Earlier this year she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. We looked into hospice and palliative care but the good/decent ones had no beds. She was renting a house but her stupid self let my mentally unstable sister move in and she basically kicked our mom out of her own home.
There’s another sibling but she lives in another state and is pregnant and another sister who is living in a small apartment with her kids as her house is being remodeled.
So it fell onto me to let my mom move in back in March.
I was under the assumption that my mom was flat broke. My out-of-state sister was the one handling her finances. I ended up picking up the tab on several things like copays, her cell phone bill, groceries and I pay my maid extra to basically babysit her.
I’ve started to dig into my savings (which I have never done) to cover costs. All of my siblings are crying poverty. I told her that I needed to start putting together her paperwork and she became evasive and hostile. I thought she was scared about facing her mortality.
I found some legal stuff including her will which was signed before she moved in with me.
This woman has 750K and asked that it be divided between my three siblings. I get nothing. The daughter who rang up $3000 on her dying mom’s credit card on unnecessary items, UberEats, and tattoos gets 250K but the daughter who helps her off the toilet and spent $1,300 on a bed gets $0.
This isn’t a misunderstanding. The only time my name was mentioned in the will was to confirm that I was being left out.
I confronted her about it and she said she didn’t think I needed money and I’m the only kid without kids. I said so you were going to use me to take care of you and then basically tell me to get lost when you die?
She said she would change it and I was right and she was wrong.
I said don’t bother. You have to move out. She said she has a couple of months to live. She can’t move back into her rental that she’s paying $2000 a month for because she’s scared of my sister and she wouldn’t survive a road trip to my other sister who is due any day and there’s no room at my other sister’s place.
My house is clean, quiet, and by the beach.
I sent an email to my siblings telling them that she has a week to leave and if you don’t take her then I’ll arrange for the cops to do it. They know I’ll do it too.
They’ll probably take her to some county hospital. Of course my siblings are mad at me.
I’m not looking for advice. I spoke to several professionals from lawyers to CPAs. I do not owe my mother anything. If the roles were reversed then she’d lose no sleep over my sleeping on the streets with cancer.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cancer or no cancer, she sounds like a horrible manipulative woman. She’s allowing you to eat into your savings and risk your financial stability to take care of her and she’s not only left you out of her will, but actively made sure you definitely aren’t in it!
She says she won’t move back to her house because she’s “scared of your sister”, but she’s still leaving her a quarter of a million and you nothing! She’s not admitting she’s wrong, she’s just been caught out.” jake_folleydavey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She needs to get her house back. If you’ve got a lawyer to talk to, get ready with an eviction notice and some police so she can go back to her own house and kick out sister. Or, if she’s got the 750k, she can pay for her own care and rent and whatever else you’re spending.
Her money is to fund her life, and the leftovers are supposed to be inheritance. Not bleeding your savings so hers remain untouched.” somewhenimpossible
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom considered you less worthy of her money because you didn’t provide grandchildren, but was happy to use yours.
She has had time to change it and was only willing because you found out. She wants support from you in her last days but didn’t want to leave you any after she passed. Some people might feel guilty over this, but you are no jerk if you don’t.
Do what you can live with. For some people, they can live with being walked all over to feel better about who they are. Others would be able to live with respecting themselves and knowing they deserve better and standing up for and protecting themselves.
I vote the latter but do make sure this is what you want to do since it is irreversible. I’m glad you found out now and not later after she had passed.” Longjumping_Dish6000
9. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Saved Allowance With My Stepsister At A Fair?
“My parents divorced when I (16F) was 5. My dad remarried like 3-4 years after and his wife also has a daughter my age, let’s call her Cora.
Now, Cora and I get along just fine, though we both can be really difficult toward one another.
I didn’t have any siblings for a long while, so sharing was difficult at first, and still is. I try to be better, I try to not give my dad much trouble, but Cora can be a big pain in the rear because she’s also selfish, but since I’m always ”the bigger person” she’s used to getting her way.
Now, we both have allowances that my dad gives us, 40-50 dollars every week (this doesn’t count what he gives us for school lunches and other stuff, that money is just for us). My mom is a chef and I love to cook with her, so instead of buying lunch, I just pack my own.
My dad still gives me money for lunch, but it’s less than what he gives Cora because it’s just to be ”fair” and not to actually buy lunch, so I’ve been saving that money for whatever.
Last weekend my step-mom took us to a fair and it was super fun, dad gave us some money and I pulled some of what I already had ”just in case”.
Well, Cora and I basically bought the same stuff (some snacks, a few trinkets, and some t-shirts), she spent almost all her money, then, at some point she asked if I could ”give her some” because she had run out and wanted to buy something and I said no. Because it was my money.
She said it wasn’t fair because I had that money because I refused ”to be normal” and packed my lunch (something that apparently brings her shame???). I said I didn’t care. My step-mom came and asked what happened, and when we explained, she offered Cora another 20 but Cora said that what she wanted to buy was 30 or 40??
And my step-mom only had that 20. Then she (my step-mom) asked me to do it and that she’d give me the money at home.
I don’t know why, maybe because Cora called me weird a bunch of times, or because I’m fed up with her always getting her way, but I said no. My step-mom reminded me she was going to pay me and I said no either way.
She said ”I wasn’t being fair”, we had an argument and midway I said this should be talked about with my dad and that shut her down.
Now, Cora and her friend are messing with me because of that and I’m doubting if what I did was right.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As soon as you said no Cora should’ve accepted it and her mom shouldn’t have enabled her behavior further. Cora also could’ve used better judgment when spending her money. Also, nothing is wrong with packing lunch, and it’s probably much better than whatever you’d buy anyway.
If they’re messing with you over this stand up for yourself, and maybe tell your dad as well?” chaenukyun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepmother is the jerk for trying to force you to give money to your step-sister. Your step-sister is the jerk for being a brat about the whole thing.
You did not owe your step-sister money. You did not owe your step-mother money. You did not owe your father money. You did not owe your mother money. You did not owe your friends money. You did not owe the fair money. You did not owe the world money.
You owe yourself money. You owed yourself respect. You owed yourself integrity. You are NTJ.” u271224809
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You being the bigger person has allowed Cora to learn she can get away with whining a bit and she’ll get what she wants. Cause you’ll give in and if not, your folks will.
She’s now weaponized it and expects her ‘requests’ to be fulfilled. It’s why she felt so at ease to complain to her mom and why she has no problem bullying you (and I’m sure whatever she and her friends are doing is most likely bullying) in order to make you doubt yourself.
Don’t. If you can, secretly get proof (record them, text her how you want her to stop, and take screenshots of her response) and tell your dad. And stop being the bigger person. And if your family tells you something, tell them that it’s Cora’s turn to be the bigger person.
If not, how’s she supposed to learn? You’re only trying to help her mature into a better person, after all. The petty person in me would throw a comment about being more concerned about her attitude and how this will affect her in the long run than her own mother buuut I know that’s not feasible at your age.” PruePiperPhoebePaige
8. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go To A Restaurant Because It's Owned By My High School Bully?
“My significant other (34) and I (F31) have a favorite restaurant for our special nights out. It’s nice, cozy, the food is great, and is within our budget, we love it there.
Recently I found out the owner of the restaurant is this girl who used to be mean to me in High School.
She used to make fun of my weight constantly, something teenage me was very insecure about.
I graduated HS in 2010, I haven’t thought about this girl in 14 years. She was mean and a bully, but by the time I was in university she was just a distant memory.
And I haven’t heard anything about her besides that she owns this restaurant, for all I know she might have grown as a person. But I don’t want my money to go into her pockets, so I let my significant other know this and suggested we try new restaurants in the zone, maybe we find another one we like as much.
He said I’m being childish for not wanting to go to the restaurant just because it’s owned by a girl who was mean to me in High School. He said he really likes the restaurant, and that I need to get over this because he is not going to stop going.
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable here, but I could use an outside perspective. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Special nights out are for both to enjoy. Poor behavior from the restaurant owner is enough to not want to go there for a special night out.
If your SO only cares about himself, then he says whatever is needed to go where he wants. If he cares about OP, then he will want OP to enjoy their special night out at a mutually agreed special night out spot. A possible compromise is taking turns to choose for a special night out, but that could lead to more relationship woes in the future.” Cei-U
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Restaurants are an experience more than anything, you can get food anywhere. That experience for you is now tainted by knowing who owns it and so now you don’t want to go. That’s completely valid and it’s very selfish of your partner to demand you go to the restaurant with him.
He’s welcome to go without you but it’s unreasonable to expect you to go back.” DragoBrokeMe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I refused to even go to a local coffee shop because the woman who owns it bullied my friends, and I’m not going to give her a penny.
I “vote with my dollars” when possible. I’m not going to pretend I research everything before I spend money on it, but when the obvious info is given, like “restaurant owned by bully”, I just stop. Does it make a difference to her? No. But the point is, I’m not going to spend MY money there.
What a weird thing for your significant other to prioritize. There are tons of restaurants. How would you even enjoy yourself there knowing what you know now, and how enjoyable is it going to be for him to go with you not enjoying yourself? Is he going to force you to go if he suggests going there and you say no?
How exactly does he think he’s going to win here? This is just one situation, but what a weird lack of simple and easy empathy. Maybe take a look at his philosophy and response here and see how it translates to other areas. I doubt this is a one-off.
I just cannot stress how weird it is for him to double down on this.” schaden_friende
7. AITJ For Cancelling On My Second Cousin?
“My second cousin (F, age unknown), reached out to me on social media a year ago when she learned I moved from the northern UK to London. She lives in Finland, and I have only met her two or three times. She then informed me she and her partner bought tickets without confirming if the dates were okay.
She was intending to stay for eleven days. I was uncomfortable with this, but I was willing to do it.
As the date of her visit approached, I was struggling with a mental health issue. I decided treatment was necessary and decided to seek help in outpatient care.
I messaged her, told her I had a medical emergency, and asked her to please come another time. I offered to pay for her tickets, but she declined. After her arrival date, she messaged and asked me how I was. Because I had started a day program for heavy drinking, I didn’t see her chat until later in the day.
I replied that I was doing okay, and she responded that she had a surprise and had come anyway. I explained that I was getting help for a medical condition and could not see her. I offered to pay for their hotel. She became very angry and unleashed a stream of expletives.
She now says she will take me to court.
I am deeply sorry I canceled on her at the last minute, but I truly believe, that had I not entered treatment, I would not have lived much longer. AITJ? I’m quite overwhelmed with guilt.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She seems very comfortable not directly asking if she can stay, surprising you by saying she booked the trip without running dates by you, etc. I wouldn’t feel bad at all. You even offered to reimburse them for their flights which is something you absolutely didn’t need to do.
My rule is to never expect someone to help cover the cost of my vacation. She wanted to stay with you so she didn’t have to pay for a hotel. People can change their minds about letting us stay. My partner is a good example.
Her cousin changed his mind last minute and said it wouldn’t be convenient for her to stay when she was invited to visit (as in he brought up the idea of her visiting!!!!). My partner’s ticket was booked already. We decided that even though that sucked and we were annoyed that he rescinded, we booked a hotel and just enjoyed visiting but also retreating back to the hotel after socializing with them.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You gave fair warning that you would not be able to host and even offered her money. She chose to come anyway. Her decision – her problem. No court in the world will give her anything. PS you don’t owe her a reason, and you don’t need to justify a thing.
And you dodged a bullet, she sounds like a handful. Block and move one. Good luck with your treatment.” SusanfromMA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were very clear with her that it was a medical emergency, and offered to cover her costs. Turn it around a minute: if you were her, and she were you, how would you have responded?
I’ll bet it would have been ‘OMG, I’m so sorry, hope you will be OK, we’re going to come anyway and stay at X, hope you’ll be well enough to meet up while we’re here’ – or similar. You deserve the same kindness as you would show others and have nothing to be guilty about, hope you make a good recovery.” TeenySod
6. AITJ For Asking A Family To Keep Their Dogs Off The Playground Equipment?
“Alright, I’m (F28) getting mixed signals from my friend group on whether I was the jerk or not. I took my 18-month-old to the playground. Kid absolutely loved it and had a great time. However, I had to be stern with another family over their actions.
This family had like 3 kids under 8 with them. They also brought 2 smaller dogs with them. They stayed leashed the whole time but were allowing them all over the playground, including on the equipment. There are probably 20 kids total playing. The kids are running all over the equipment and bringing the dog.
Nearly knocked over my kid a few times. Kids are reckless, I get it. Accidents happen, I get it. But the dog doesn’t need to be a part of the equation.
I went to the parents and asked them to keep the dogs off the equipment.
They look taken aback by my request and say no the dogs are well-behaved and are playing with their kids. I say, that’s fine and all but I don’t consent to your dogs being on the playground equipment with my kid. The unpleasant woman goes, you don’t control the playground, mind your own business.
Just says go away jerk. I was in shock at her response so I kept my distance and shortly left after. Was I the jerk for broaching this?”
Another User Comments:
“It kills me to say this but… NTJ. I despise playground rule-makers and meddlers but I do think your point was justified here.
20 kids running, screaming, jumping, etc mixed with two small dogs is not a solidly dependable combination. All it takes is one kid to pull a tail, step on a paw, or scare a dog to have a biting incident. And any kid close by could be the victim.
It’s also a massive double standard. People would be horrified if I let a kid walk around up on the play structure with my gentle giant of a German shepherd. She loves and protects kids, but she’s big and people show more caution around big dogs.
Somehow because these dogs were little, they think it’s ok. Little dogs are just as likely to bite – people really don’t give them enough credit and cause potentially dangerous situations. I think you were absolutely justified in saying something.” Latter-Shower-9888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ as a kid that grew up with dogs and was attacked by a dog at the public park growing up. My dad heard me screaming and the dog passed away idk what happened in that moment honestly. . He had my ankle and wouldn’t let go and next thing you know I was in my dad’s arms and the dog was on the ground.
I own a dog and was never traumatized surprisingly. Didn’t stop me from being friendly with other dogs. But I have the scars and it was all because some kid pulled the dog’s tail while we were playing and it latched onto me. I was like 7 and he wouldn’t let go, ended up with stitches.
The scar used to be big, but you can hardly see it now. Dogs don’t belong at a park.” Far_Nefariousness773
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dog parks exist for a reason. I don’t know about your area but in mine, there’s always a bunch of signs warning people not to have their dogs in playgrounds and on the equipment.
Yes, kids can be reckless and accidents happen, but dogs are full-on nonpredictable and often don’t recognize the difference between a kid that’s 18 months and one that’s 8 years old. Plus leashed and running around a playground and on equipment? That sounds horribly dangerous for the dogs.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Accepting A New Seat On A Flight That Upset Another Passenger?
“I (31F) was traveling today with my 19-month-old son on a plane on a 3-hour flight.
My son, being under two, has to sit on my lap. I also had a big backpack with all the necessities that I kept on the floor and easily accessible. It can get crowded fast, but it’s just how it is when you travel alone with a young child.
I got assigned a random seat (12C) at check-in and ended up being in a row with no other empty seat. Although I appreciate it when there is an empty seat next to me as it greatly improves our flight experience, it’s not an expectation I have and I never ask for it at check-in.
Once the boarding was completed but before take-off, a flight attendant came to me and offered to move us 3 rows up (9C) because there were two seats available, and that they usually try to accommodate people with young infants.
I was delighted and accepted right away.
The flight attendant helped me move my things and explained the situation to the other passenger on row 9.
The passenger did not appreciate it at all, she started complaining to the flight attendant that she was planning to sleep on the flight and that it would be impossible now.
That she specifically chose this seat while checking online because the row was empty and it’s gonna be a nightmare now.
The flight attendant simply explained that both my seats (old and new) are Standard, that the woman only paid for her own seat and that their policy is trying to accommodate young parents if possible.
The woman then told me that I should be ashamed to impose all this noise on people who are just trying to enjoy their flight. Especially since it wasn’t even my seat and I didn’t even pay for it.
Honestly, I’m really not good with confrontation, I usually end up either crying or apologizing so I just ignored her all the way, as if she didn’t speak at all.
That got her even more angry but she finally stopped complaining after a while.
My son ended up crying only once, I got some stinky eye and some other rude comments but all in all, the flight was way more comfortable for us this way, so I don’t really regret switching seats.
But I do wonder if I’m the jerk, it’s true that I didn’t pay for that seat, and that it wasn’t my originally assigned seat.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you paid for a seat, the airline accommodated you and explained to the other passenger.
The other passenger paid for her seat only, not the entire row. Sounds like the other passenger was an unpleasant person, which isn’t your fault. If another mother with a young child did pay for the seats near her, I’d almost guarantee she would have complained still.” Unfair_Rain
Another User Comments:
“Ex flight attendant here – NTJ. You were asked if you would like to move by THE CREW so it’s perfectly fine. The other woman was complaining because she thought she was going to get 3 seats and could lie down on all of them.
Ironically, she was complaining about not getting 2 seats she didn’t pay for. She’s the jerk.” SteelBandicoot
Another User Comments:
“Info: is your “big backpack” bigger than the carry-on allowance? And when you put it on the floor is it impeding access for others in your row?
I always purchased a seat for my babies. The airline offered a heavily discounted fare and it was much safer and comfortable. You are NTJ for not wanting to return to your originally assigned seat but I get the sense you take up more space than you should and shrug it off “because baby.”” Longjumping-Lab-1916
4. AITJ For Not Housing My Troubled Brother?
“I, 38(m), live in a small condo with my 38(f) wife and our 1-year-old son. Previously, I lived alone with my brother, now 25(m), for about five years. We left our family home due to our emotionally abusive mother, who exhibited narcissistic tendencies. Our challenging upbringing was exacerbated by the absence of our fathers; my brother and I have different fathers, neither of whom was present in our lives, which instilled in me a strong sense of responsibility for him.
During the time we lived together, my brother, a high school dropout, pursued numerous get-rich-quick schemes, many of which bordered on scams. I shouldered our financial burden, even working as a server after losing my tech job. At one point, my brother managed to earn a substantial sum online (then worth $100k, about $1M today), but he squandered it all on gambling and substances, falling into a cycle of poor decisions and unhealthy habits.
Our relationship changed dramatically after I reconnected with my university sweetheart (after 14 years apart) – she was the love of my life, and I proposed to her after three months only. My impending marriage and relocation to another city meant that my brother needed to become independent.
He kinda accused me of moving into this too fast and that I was the jerk for forcing him to move out so quickly. Either way, I helped him secure accommodation and a job, but he quickly reverted to his previous lifestyle and was eventually evicted due to non-payment and other issues.
Fast forward to the present: after an accumulation of misguided actions, he is financially drained and legally troubled. He reached out, desperate to stay at our condo. Given the limited space and our new responsibilities as parents, my wife and I were reluctant but willing to offer him shelter under strict conditions to foster responsibility and rehabilitation: a maximum stay of six months, mandatory employment, cessation of substance use, no internet access to prevent gambling, and contributions to household chores.
My brother, however, felt these conditions were akin to imprisonment, too harsh and restrictive, and said I was the jerk and I set him up for failure first by kicking him out before he was ready, and now not even helping him.
Because of this, we decided against accommodating him and his partner.
Instead, we purchased bus tickets for them to return to their city, trying to balance our family’s needs with his. As they continue to struggle, he blames me for his current situation – had I never kicked him out, or had I helped him without impossible conditions, he wouldn’t be homeless.
We now don’t talk because of this, and I have basically abandoned my birth family.
I find myself questioning whether our stringent conditions and the decision not to house him and his partner were overly severe, and they are homeless cause I didn’t help. Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did all you could for him, for years. Even offered your limited space and everything asked in return is reasonable (I’m not sure of the internet part but still). It’s time for him to grow up or live his own life in his own way.
You are not responsible for an adult’s life.” Weird-Comfortable-25
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a young family to care for, but even knowing this offered him a dream opportunity to get his life on track, and he wanted to play you. The rules of the game were set up to help him not to hinder him.
Let him take his ball and go home. You are not responsible for anyone other than your wife and child. Period. This is a perfect example of blame-shifting.” randomgirlG
Another User Comments:
“NTJ he made choices. You can’t be responsible for the continued decisions that he makes.
If I were you I would be riddled with guilt, but I’m getting stronger (also from an unhealthy family) & you can’t prioritize everyone else at the cost of you & your wife’s peace!! You’re going to know if the help you offer will no longer just be another temporary fix, & then what you give (if you choose to) will be worth the cost to you, because it will actually be able to make a difference in his life.
Sounds like you already know that he’s not interested in doing the work to fix his continued problems; why throw away any of your resources if it will not make a difference for him? I know this sounds and feels harsh and it’s easier said than done, but if he wanted to light a fire every night, but was only willing to light it with funds (big bills preferably, because the ask is always bigger in reality than it sounds) are you a jerk for insisting he find another way?” Technical_Flight6270
3. AITJ For Not Paying The Entire Bill At My Daughter's Graduation Lunch?
“My daughter graduated today. It was attended by close family.
My ex-wife and I divorced partly due to financial irresponsibility. My daughter got a free ride through university, and my ex has been very much in charge of all my daughter’s finances. Neither parent has had to financially contribute towards my daughter during University.
My daughter worked, had grants for incidentals. I offered to assist, but I wanted full access to at least overview my daughter’s financial situation, and was met with resistance, and some stuff I frankly found to be shady, like my ex-wife insisting she was on my daughter’s bank account.
I have zero knowledge of my daughter’s finances, and any attempt to encourage my daughter to pull her own credit report, etc has been met with excuses like “I couldn’t pull it because it had already been done for the year” – I suspect there’s some fiduciary malfeasance going on, but my daughter doesn’t seem to care about it & her main focus has been getting through Uni.
Anytime my daughter has asked for money for gas, food, or just some money for pizza, I’ve sent it immediately, as I’m sure my ex-wife has. Overall my general position has been strictly arms-length when it comes to anything to do with money and my ex-wife.
My ex has more than doubled her income since we divorced, and seems to be living within her means.
After the graduation, we all went to my daughter’s apartment and moved her stuff into our cars, and my ex-wife had arranged a lunch at a nice little bistro place afterward ($20-$50 a plate) as it was the only place that could seat a party of our size at that time.
I had no input on this other than “cool!”
When it came time for the bill, rather than get into a complex split, I simply said “I’ll pay for the 5 of us” (me, my daughter, and 3 current family members), and we split the bill that way.
Apparently, ex-FIL picked up the tab for the other half.
The $ split was 75%/25% with me picking up the 75% and the grand total for the whole table was just north of $330.
On my return home, I received a note from my ex-Fil. He was upset that I had not picked up the whole tab.
His reasoning was that family members had all traveled to see my daughter graduate, helped her move out of her apt and got her gifts & given her money. All for MY daughter. I immediately apologized, and explained that I had heard someone say “split it 3 ways” and I thought I was doing the right thing by paying for more than half the table.
I immediately offered to give him the money but he didn’t want it.
I have zero experience with university graduations, let alone post-grad lunches or the social etiquette regarding the billing thereof especially when it comes to exes and ex-family members, and so I wondered AITJ?
I realize there is little to no resolve on this issue, the damage being already done, and I’ll probably just treat my daughter with the money anyways.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There was no discussion on who was hosting the meal. In the absence of that, it was quite generous for you to pick up 75% of the tab.
I would assume either a 50/50 split between the parents or everyone paying for themselves. Your FIL could have offered to pick up the whole bill but he didn’t. He has no business deciding that you should’ve paid for everything. Idk why he would even assume that.
You did nothing wrong and owe no apologies.” tatersprout
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You didn’t pick the place, you didn’t have any real input at all, you already went above and beyond here. If I had to hazard a guess, I think he just doesn’t like you and is looking for nonsense to nitpick about and perhaps hoping you’d argue back rather than be kind about it.
It really isn’t your problem to deal with, you handled it well by offering to pay (which is beyond generous), just consider the matter settled (even if he decided to complain about it later). I don’t get why you put in all this stuff about your daughter’s finances, though?
It has nothing to do with this, unless I’m missing something. That seems to be a whole separate thing you need to hash out in a separate post. Either way, it’s really out of place here.” DeadGodJess
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. There seems to be distrust and miscommunication here and there’s a very real possibility that you are in the wrong here but you would also know whether this suspicion is well founded. I think you should also understand that a partner may be financially irresponsible with their partner but not their kids.
The two things aren’t strictly connected. I think it is pretty normal for people to have joint accounts when a parent is financially stable. Of course you shouldn’t have access to your daughter’s financials. If you wanted that you could have set up an account with her or just paid into an account she held individually.
You don’t need to know how much her mother gives her as an allowance or her credit record when you are only giving her sums on an ad hoc basis. Maybe the father-in-law was being pushy maybe he knows his daughter is paying more towards his grandchild and he finds your meanness annoying.
That would require more facts.” Possible-Compote2431
2. AITJ For Eating Junk Food In Front Of My Partner Who's Trying To Diet?
“My (27f) partner (29m) recently found out he is at high risk for diabetes and he is overweight on the BMI scale. His doctor told him he needs to start making changes to his diet.
My partner has always been a naturally bigger guy but recently he’s been eating more unhealthy, thus has gained 15 more pounds since the beginning of this year.
Since his Drs appt, he’s been trying to make healthier meals at home instead of eating out, and he’s going to the gym more often. I have been trying to be as supportive as I can for him and if I’m not able to go to the gym with him, I’ll ask if he wants to go jogging together or ride bikes.
Now I am the opposite of my SO. I have always been very slim and have trouble gaining weight. I’ve just always had a really fast metabolism. My diet isn’t great, but I do eat at home (especially more now since he’s been cooking and I eat his meals with him/or I make us both meals) but the problem is I snack a lot.
I might have some ice cream at night after dinner or a cookie or two.
My partner has been making comments to me saying I need to stop the snacking in front of him because it’s not helping his diet. He becomes tempted when he sees me eating junk food and wants to join in.
For example, a few nights ago after I got done from work, I decided to stop at Dairy Queen and I got a small sundae. My partner ended up getting home earlier than expected so I walked into the house holding my sundae and he got upset.
He said “oh my god… did you really need to get that? You don’t need to have a treat every night, you can go one day without it. This is just ridiculous.”
Also, I bought some Hershey chocolates at the store the other day and put them in the pantry.
When he was in the pantry getting stuff to make dinner with, he saw the chocolates and got mad. He told me I shouldn’t be buying this stuff and starts lecturing me on how bad it is.
Every time he sees me with junk food, he makes several comments about how I need to be healthier, how I don’t need to eat every time I feel hungry, one day this will all catch up to me, and then I’ll regret eating this stuff.
He also says I’m inconsiderate for eating it in front of him when he’s clearly trying to be healthier.
I do want to support him and I feel like I have been but I told him I don’t think it’s fair he controls what I should and shouldn’t eat.
Idk, I do feel bad but at the same time, I’m getting annoyed when he makes comments to me every time I want to enjoy something.
AITJ for this?? What can I do to be more supportive?”
Another User Comments:
“OP do you like your partner?
He’s trying to do something hard and has asked for your help. You are feeling put out because he gets triggered when he sees you eating junk food. While he will encounter people everyday eating junk they won’t trigger him the way you do as you live together!
At the very least, you should eat your junk where he can’t see it. You are entitled to eat what you want, when you want and however much you want, that is your right. Not doing it in front of your partner would be supportive in a very real way.
You want to support him in the ways YOU want to, not in the ways that are most helpful. You’re NTJ for eating what you do, YTJ for doing it in front of him and keeping it in the house, where it will take double the discipline for him to be successful.
And he’s right. All that junk snacking will catch up to you. Maybe not in 5 years, maybe not in 10, but it will catch up to you and when it does, you will be in his boat. Best you put some oars in your storage closet.” Mohawk602
Another User Comments:
“Very soft YTJ. Solution: Go buy your sundae but eat it there. Don’t bring it home. Buy your chocolates but keep them in your desk at work, or someplace more discreet than in the kitchen cupboard. If you want fast food, eat it either when he is not home or at the restaurant.
Even though it’s not fair/nice of him to berate you, do try to be a bit more sensitive when you feel like eating something you know he is trying to avoid (if he is with you/can see you). Once he has started to lose weight, he will be less irritable and will be proud of his weight loss, so it’ll be easier for him to see/know you eat things he has had to give up.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if he really wants to live healthier and eat less junk food, he has to manage such situation. In a way you could argue, that you train him for it. There will always be situations like this – not only with you.
Restaurants, vacations, friends, whatever. The initial motivation to stick to the diet will eventually go away. You can still eat whatever you want – as long as you still support him, go to the gym with him, and eat healthy food on the main meals, I don’t see a problem here at all.” FlapyG
1. AITJ For Not Wanting To Meet My Dad's New Partner After She Harassed Me?
“38F here. Mom passed away 4 years ago, parents’ marriage was basically all but officially over so no love lost, and dad long disengaged from the relationship.
Since 2021 he’s been seeing different women, calling them “friends” to avoid me finding out about them. I found this out recently because at a party here in my new city I met some former interns from his office who told me “yeah you know he’s been seeing J, then P, but he seems serious about this T one” and were stunned I didn’t know.
I played it cool and let them describe the situation. Soon after, the same T woman called me (dad gave her my number), and left a voicemail for me to “call me back baby, bye!” I never did. She then texted me several texts, including photos of them together on an outing and her inside the family farm admiring the place.
I didn’t respond. Finally on Super Bowl, Dad says “here you wanna talk to my friend?” and I said fine thinking it was a guy. It was T; so I just asked her “why are you harassing me with calls/texts/voicemails?” She refused to really answer, stammering like “I uh, I don’t do voicemails” so I texted her the voicemail transcript, and blocked her after she didn’t respond within 3 days.
So I’m going home soon, and one of the first things Dad says is “oh good I want you to meet this woman I’m seeing, maybe nice restaurant. And you can behave, maybe even apologize to her when you were on the phone she said you were rude,” and I just said “mmhmm whatever” and he dropped it.
Yes I probably sound immature. My thing is to me it’s disrespectful to not say “I am seeing someone now for a permanent partner” instead of doing it (I lived at home after mom died so there were times I was stuck with the animals while he was off having fun) and then having this T woman happily serve as the introduction person.
I want nothing to do with her; as far as I feel they can do what they want but quit trying to bother me and meet me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“OP, are you the jerk for setting up clear boundaries? No, absolutely not, what this woman is doing is harassment, OP I highly recommend you get a new phone number and do not hand it out to your father at all.
Second cut contact with your dad because you know he’s going to try and force you to meet his partner which you don’t want to do. NTJ, what your dad and his partner don’t seem to understand is that no means no, “no I don’t want to, I don’t want to meet her” “Yeah but what if…“ “No” “OK but what if we just…” “No I don’t want that.” Like come on guys what part of no don’t you understand?” Yo-KaiWatchFan2102
Another User Comments:
“(Soft) YTJ. Yeah, you do sound immature. You’re 38, not 13. You’re upset at your dad for not handling it better, and you need to talk to him about that instead of taking it out on her. I get feeling hurt that you were left out of the loop and also just the general pain of losing your mom and having to adjust to your family changing in a massive way.
That’s a lot to deal with. But if you love your dad, you should want what’s best for him, and that may eventually involve meeting someone new. While the way they handled the introductions is really off-putting, I don’t think either one of them deserves this level of hostility, and I hope you can work through your anger so that you can enjoy the occasional nice restaurant meal with the two of them.” curious_jess
Another User Comments:
“I think it’s fine you don’t want to see her but I would recommend setting a hard boundary so there’s no confusion about the hostility. With both your dad and her, if you want to have any relationship at all with your dad.
Not just “whatever”, spell it out clearly that you want nothing to do with her and refuse to interact with her, and hopefully they get the hint. Just beating around it while being passive-aggressive will likely just make all parties involved irritated and prolong the conflict unnecessarily.” EntertainmentMuch401
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