People Shake Off Their “Am I The Jerk?” Situations
21. AITJ For Yelling At My Step-Mom That I Need My Antidepressants?
“I, a 14-year-old female, and my stepmom haven’t gotten along since she put bells on my door since “I was probably going to steal money” since I had been taking food up to my room at night.
Now keep in mind she is an EA, an Educational Assistant.
She would yell at me for not getting good grades and mock me for playing with my hands or mumbling to myself as a coping mechanism. (I have ADHD and have bad anxiety). So when she found out that I was on antidepressants she yelled at me saying maybe if I actually went outside I would feel better.
At the time I barely had the will to eat or do anything.
She was mocking me for being overdramatic and saying why won’t you look me in the eyes? I have told her it makes me uncomfortable when I do that many times, she said why aren’t you showing any emotions do you even care.
I had gotten so used to her yelling at me I didn’t even cry I didn’t feel anything. She screamed at me do you even need them I bet you don’t if you stop being lazy then you would be fine.
So I finally had enough and yelled back at her, yes, I need them and you are one of the reasons I need them.
Her mother found out and screamed at me for doing that so did her sister. I get where they are coming from so I’m starting to feel really bad about it so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh sweetheart, you are so NTJ, you cannot help suffering from a genuine medical condition.
Your father should be stopping this from happening, he has a responsibility to protect you from her and everyone ganging up on you at such a vulnerable point in your life. Carry on taking your medication for as long as you need, do what’s best for you no matter what your stepmother says.
I would make sure they are hidden from her as well as she seems like the sort who would try to take them away…” Littlestars03
Another User Comments:
“Sweetie you are absolutely NTJ. Your stepmom and her family are the jerks. I’m so sorry they’re doing this to you.
It’s without a doubt abusive behavior and it’s endangering your mental health. You’re already struggling with it, you don’t need someone who’s supposed to care for you intentionally aggravating it. Do you think talking to your dad would help? If not you need to discuss this with another adult.
A Dr, a counselor at school, your therapist….pick one. Meddling with antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication is a dangerous game and your stepmom shouldn’t be playing it. I wish you well and I really hope things get better for you. Try to stay strong.
I suffer from severe anxiety too and I promise if you keep fighting to get better, it’ll happen. I still have issues with it but it’s like night and day compared to just a few years ago.” AidanBubbles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It doesn’t matter even if you were just an overdramatic teen.
Your stepmother should NEVER speak to you this way. Are you in the US? If so, I would suggest you stop going to your father’s house, if you feel safer at your mother’s home. Simply refuse. If they take you there, walk out, and take the bus back to your mother’s house.
You are old enough to make independent moves and for it to be near impossible to physically control them. At that point, the only option for your father (if he even tries to keep shared custody, since it sounds like he is not that involved) would be to try and get the court involved. Most states generally start taking the child’s preference into account at 14.
Even if your state does not, they will still ask to speak to you or require a court psychologist to do so, since you will have been exhibiting runaway behavior. When you detail your stepmother’s ongoing mistreatment, your dad will have a tough time making a case that your mother is withholding his custodial rights.
The court could still order some forced visitation. But actual custody becomes hard and eventually impossible to enforce when kids get older.” ImaginaryAnts
20. AITJ For Accusing My Influencer Neighbor Of Starting A Fire For Attention?
“So there’s this girl who lives in the apartment next to me. She was cooking something and it caught on fire. She was freaking out and yelling for somebody to help, and the fire alarm went off. I ran over thinking maybe somebody was in danger, only to see it was a minor grease fire.
I grabbed baking soda, smothered the fire, and put a lid on it. By this point, 3 different people were in her apartment.
I asked her what happened, and she showed me her Ring camera pointed at the kitchen (she’s an “influencer” so cameras are everywhere).
Basically, she was standing there for a whole 30 seconds, screeching and panicking and I guess expecting somebody to come save the day. I sarcastically said, “It’s almost like standing there and panicking doesn’t put out fires. Who would’ve thought?” And everybody started yelling that I needed to read the room, and gave excuses like “stuff happens” and that she’s only human.
I pointed out that I wouldn’t be freaking out because, unlike this girl, I’m level-headed, and she most likely wanted attention.
She said, “What the heck is your problem? You’re assuming way too much stuff about my life over a simple mistake.” I pointed out it was kind of obvious that as a vlogger, she probably wanted drama to bring in views, and that I see that kind of thing on Reddit all the time.
She said, “I’m done with your nonsense. You need to go.”
So I left, and she said, “Stay away from me.” Since my walls are thin, I could hear them all apologizing on my behalf, and they all started talking about how I’m “weird” and assuming I’m anti-social since I intentionally interact with the people in this building as little as possible.
AITJ? I’m sure I’ll be in her vlog, so I don’t see anything wrong with asking you guys.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I almost started a grease fire on accident once. It was super close and I freaked out. At that point, the only thing I could think to do was remove it from the heat and get it out of my apartment before it caught on fire.
I knew all of the things you were supposed to do but panic makes people forget something so basic. Did I do them? Nope. I ran through my apartment with a pan that was so hot it actively burned an entire piece of chicken in less than 5 seconds and plopped it on my balcony and yelled for my partner’s help.
Just because your neighbor vlogs does not mean they did this for attention and it gives you no right to treat them like a child. I’m glad the neighbors apologized to her on your behalf. You acted really weird and freakishly judgy.” nathistj
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – mainly because you made premature assumptions. Maybe she played it for her vlog, but maybe she DIDN’T. When you don’t have enough evidence either way, it’s pretty low to make immediate assumptions – and to actually accuse someone, when there are other possibilities.
I’m the one in my family who is good in a crisis, but others AREN’T necessarily. My mum in particular tends to just freeze, scream, and panic. The flight-fight-freeze response is involuntary and affects people differently. Just as many people have social skills, some don’t…like you didn’t, in this situation.
It’s pure luck you’re calm in a crisis, and not down to hard work or personal achievement. It’s ridiculous and arrogant to immediately judge people for not being you, who would have the ‘right’ reaction. Indeed, perhaps that arrogance also led you to believe your kneejerk assumptions must also equate to hard evidence.
Now you’ve caused tensions with your neighbor. Well done.” NoSurprise82
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna go with NTJ. I know people who have frozen up or run away when scared. I’ve seen those same people freak out and try to put out fires that start.
They were not always successful but they TRIED. I’m inclined to side with your belief that this was somehow either staged or an opportunity to have a dramatic post. Even if her initial reaction was to freeze, there was plenty of time for her to smother the flames.” David5051
19. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Use My Gaming Headset That I Bought With My Own Money?
“I’m 15, so obviously cannot get a job, but instead I saved money from birthdays and other events in order to get a good gaming headset for £60 to talk to my friends online.
Anyway, I come home from school to see my headset gone from my room, and within 5 minutes my sister (19) comes into my room to tell me she has been and is going to continue using my headset to talk to her partner for the rest of the day and potentially longer as she has left her Airpods at work.
I tell her I want them back in a bit as I will be wanting to talk to my friends after I do some homework.
She did not like this answer.
She then went on a tantrum towards me and told my mum that she should have them because she NEEDS to talk to her partner.
I told her no and that my mum has no say in who uses it because I purchased it with my money.
I am now banned off of most of my electronics and grounded for being “inconsiderate towards my sister.” However, I do have my headset back, in still good condition, even though she threw it down the stairs.
Tell me, should I let her use them or should I keep them?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t get to demand to use your belongings when you paid for them. She could have asked politely. She could have asked if she could use them until you were done with your homework.
The fact that she insisted that she was going to use them “for the rest of the day and potentially longer” is out of line. She is the one that left her airpods at work. She can either buy a cheap headset, speak to her partner on the phone without a headset, or she can take a night not talking to her partner.
She probably lied to your mom and tried to make herself appear more reasonable. I’d see if you could talk to your mom alone and basically let her know that you would have been more open to sharing if your sister hadn’t disrespected you and your belongings.
Tell your mom just how much that headset cost and how you saved up for it. You aren’t keeping her from using them to be mean but because you are trying to assert a boundary, especially since your sister, who is 19, had a temper tantrum and decided to try and break your headset by throwing it down the stairs when she didn’t get her way.
If that headset breaks, who will buy you a new one? If your sister has a job and airpods why can’t she go out and get another headset for herself? Why can’t she go back to work and get her AirPods? Why do you have to be the one to solve that problem for her when she is essentially an adult and has more resources than you?” lilbunnifufu2you
Another User Comments:
“Stand your ground on this, tell your 19-year-old sister to learn accountability and that her forgetting her Airpods at work doesn’t entitle her to use your property without your permission. If she had genuinely asked I’m sure you might have considered letting her use them, but to find out she took them without asking and then proceeded to say “you can’t use these for the day because I forgot my headphones at work.” NTJ all the way… Also why the heck do people “need” headphones to talk to people, if you don’t want other people to hear your conversation then take the call outside or go somewhere.” Medium_Sleep9524
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Put a lock on your door. They are very, very easy to install. You can get one easily at places like Target. Also, the idea that she can’t talk to her partner without a headset is crazy. People have been communicating with their partners long before headsets even existed. She can call her on the phone ffs or, god forbid, go see her in person (unless this is one of those internet relationships, in which case lol).” Reddit User
18. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Sister About Our Parents' Financial Favoritism Towards Our Brother?
“My father is in a cycle of debt. He owns a business with more monthly payments than revenue. Every while, around the time he can close off a loan, he takes a new loan to close off his negative balance.
Currently, he has the following:
- $23k until the year 2027.
- $43k for the year 2024
Monthly paying:
- 1500$ for property rent
- 992$ for loan payments.
- Government taxes as well.
- His income to live on is 2000$
As you can see, it would be impossible to get out of this in his retirement age without external help.
I am well off, and so is my sister. We can pay off these loans and debts and not sweat it.
But, I found out a few financial secrets, that made me change the way I look at my parents.
Here is a bit of cultural issue and favoritism:
Brother (middle child):
- Will inherit 3 properties and be the sole heir.
- Received substantial financial help to buy his own house
- There’s another $30k in savings that they intend to keep aside for my brother’s wedding if he ever finds someone.
- They paid for his uni, and really low while struggling with living costs.
Sister (older):
- They helped my sister out financially when she got married.
- She got a Uni scholarship, but they gave her a car and covered her housing cost.
Me (youngest):
- They only covered the cost of my rent while living in uni.
Note, that I didn’t need money, my siblings did.
I’ve given them 10s of thousands of dollars to try and help them cover their debt. Never thought about wanting it back – this is not about giving them money and expecting it in return.
Now, my sister does not know that only the ‘boy’ will inherit everything.
And that my parents have 30k in savings, not for their personal use, but to spend on setting up my brother.
I don’t care about the inheritance, but I feel sour worrying about their financial health. About the fact that they don’t have money to live on day to day.
But, it is absolutely in their hand, and paying off their debt is like giving my brother money, rather than helping my parents. Which if he asked, I’d give him directly – but this way is just leaving a bad taste in my mouth.
WIBTJ if I told my sister how my parents won’t give us an inheritance and how they have savings but are keeping them aside for my brother while they struggle and make us worry?
I hate this feeling that I am having, and I wish I didn’t know. I wish I didn’t know so that I’ll just pay off their debt and move on with my life. This will cause family drama, to a family that only has love in their heart.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re experiencing cognitive dissonance. You know the right way to handle it, which is not to support them anymore, but you have some old deep belief that the right thing to do is take care of your parents. But that belief started when you were young, and came with the assumption that they couldn’t take care of themselves.
So work through that awkwardness. Because they can take care of themselves and aren’t a bank.” loginorregister9
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. Before anything else, your sister should know the full details before she makes any choice about financially supporting anyone even if it is your parents.
Not telling her and letting her support them blindly and then be blindsided by this later would make you a jerk. Your father made his choices and is continuing to make those same bad choices while seemingly expecting you and your sister to cover for said bad him while he hides facts from you that do matter to those issues.
Your parents have the money to pay off a little under half his debts right now and those 3 properties he could probably sell one to clear more of it so he and your mother weren’t so financially at risk. They have chosen to not do this so why should you and your sister take on the burden of covering their debts?
I think you should simply tell your sister the facts that your parents have 3 properties they are leaving to your brother and the 30k they have could be used to pay a large amount of the debt. If she still decides to help your parents that’s a different matter.
But she deserves to know the full details before doing so.” Drayle171
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. You really need to invest and look after your own retirement. Costs are rising globally. Our life expectancy is longer. You might have money and high earnings now, but that won’t always be the case.
You need to secure your own future before you allow your parents to repeat the cycle of incurring debt (because they absolutely will) and providing extravagantly for him. Your sister also needs to make her own financial decisions with all the facts. Her future is important too.
And you two are no less important than your parents or brother, no matter what cultural and familial expectations are telling you.” Peskypoints
17. AITJ For Taking Back My Audio Equipment During My Sister's Party?
“So my (21m) sister (19f) and I usually throw a party together since our birthdays are close together. This year, however, we could not work out a date and decided to throw two separate parties, a week apart from each other.
For our party, I’ve always used my own audio equipment, consisting of a set of speakers and a receiver/amplifier that connects them to the laptop.
They’re nothing too crazy but they get the job done much better than a cheap Bluetooth speaker would.
After my party was over I agreed to let my sister borrow my equipment for her party on two conditions. 1: I set everything up and make sure it’s in a place where drinks won’t spill on it.
2: we agreed on a max volume that she would not exceed so as to not risk blowing out the speakers I use on a daily basis since they aren’t really meant for this kind of thing.
I was out of town on the day of the party so I set everything up before I left. When I got back home later that night the party was still going so I came to check in and say hi to some people.
I decided to also check the amplifier and find that the volume is way past what we agreed on. At this point, I confront her and tell her that if she can’t be responsible with borrowed equipment she can’t use it at all. I disconnect the speakers and take the amplifier back.
Her party still continued with a smaller Bluetooth speaker but she accused me of ruining her party, and later my parents agreed with her that I was being a jerk and I should have talked it out the next day.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Honestly, she still had a speaker to use so not like the party went silent. I get it – your sister isn’t the audiophile – and I’d entirely be peeved by her going over the limit on the speakers. I once came back to a roommate abusing my speakers and let me tell you if she’d blown them?
Hmm…. (Years ago and I’m still salty about it). Your sister sounds pretty entitled. And I agree with what others have said about maybe having more of a hands-off policy with any of your valuable items until she grows up more. (Of course, all of this is about growing up and how you choose to treat other people, and setting limits is DEFINITELY part of that).
Never lend something you can’t afford to replace.” Fair_Ad_6259
Another User Comments:
“NTJ regardless of whether it was your sister or one of her guests that upped the volume of your speakers. Good quality speakers are very expensive so I can’t fault you for trying to keep them intact for as long as possible.
Besides, the party went on just fine without your equipment.” anonymousforthewin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was super nice of you to lend her your speakers/amp for her party, but in the end, she broke your trust. As the owner of a few audio systems/full-room sound systems, I wouldn’t personally lend them to anyone in the first place.
I don’t think your reaction was out of place. Speaker diaphragms are quite sensitive, and if you don’t know what you’re doing, they can most definitely be blown by running them above their thresholds.” anothersip
16. AITJ For Suggesting My Overweight Roommate Try Running For Fun?
“The girl (20F) I (20F) room with is quite overweight, definitely over 300lbs at 5’6”.
This is only relevant because she’s very active in body positivity circles and even organized a small fat activism group at the college we both attend. We’ve been rooming for about 3 months now after my previous roommate moved back home, but I’ve been making efforts to be better friends.
She’s educated me a lot about the discrimination people in larger bodies face over the time we have roomed together, things I had no idea about as a person who has always been naturally slim. For example, about how fat people will get shamed for eating foods no one blinks an eye at a thin person eating simply because they are fat.
It’s something she’s clearly passionate about so I’ve always politely listened. Anyway, personally I am someone who is really active. I’ve always loved martial arts, going on jogs and swimming, and usually go for a run before or after college.
So yesterday after college, I had changed into my running clothes in the changing rooms and was about to go for my jog when I saw my roommate with a few friends about to head home.
She saw me in my gear, turned to her friends, and said “Oh that’s my roommate, she goes running almost every. single. day. She’s always going on about how much she loves running,” and rolled her eyes to her giggling friends. So I basically said “Hey, maybe if you tried running one time you’d realize that it’s super fun and actually helps a lot with energy and mood!
Maybe we could go jogging together sometime and you can see for yourself.”
At that point, the laughter stopped and she said “are you trying to say that I haven’t tried running just because I’m fat?” To which I had no real answer so I just said that well I’d never seen her go running and she said that she runs on the treadmill in the college gym 2 days a week and that I’m trying to stereotype her as a lazy inactive fat person and that my fatphobia is showing.
At that point, I was feeling antagonised by the whole group of 4 people so I just left with my cheeks flushed. Apparently, my roommate told her whole group about the interaction as an example of subtle ways fatphobia can manifest and today I got dirty looks from her friends arriving at school.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m actually impressed by your ‘kindness snapback’. You reacted to her rude behavior with a friendly suggestion, and nowhere in anything that you said was anything related to her weight. You didn’t suggest it to lose weight, either, you just straight up said it was fun, and you invited her to come with you.
That’s just good friend behavior. NTJ.” KingRhiot
Another User Comments:
“Based on the information you’ve provided, you are NTJ. By the way you worded what she said, “She goes running almost every. single. day,” seems like she’s making fun of an activity that makes you happy.
She preaches for body positivity and then goes and makes fun of a healthy and fun exercise you do on your own time. I personally don’t think the way you went about this was of evil intent by the way you’ve written it. She seemed to be micro-analyzing your sentence to find something wrong with it.” samorodook
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think you did anything wrong and it sounds like she was showing off to her friends. Maybe she could do with someone telling her the truth, there’s a dangerous culture of people surrounding themselves with people who never challenge them and enable them to keep living and justify their dangerous lifestyle.
I invite people to exercise and run because I enjoy it and the benefits are huge, they can accept or decline as respectfully as asked. I remember someone at work did that to me once, I mentioned something completely innocent and she said ‘is it because I’m fat’, I didn’t even think about my response I just said ‘if the shoe fits, but those were your words, not mine’.
Let’s just say her face dropped and she had no idea what to do because this was a girl who was like your friend. People laughed at her which I didn’t like because I didn’t say it to bully or shame her, but she never tried to do it again.” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Laughing At My Daughter's Teenage Romance And Calling It 'Puppy Love'?
“My daughter (14) has been with her partner since they were basically old enough to understand the concept of being in a relationship.
His parents are extremely close family friends so they grew up together and have been inseparable since they were infants. When they were little, they used to tell everybody they were going to get married. We all thought it was cute when they were younger, but now that they are actually old enough to really start being in a relationship, both sets of parents are putting boundaries on their relationship and they aren’t happy about it.
For example, they used to have sleepovers together (and share a bedroom on vacations), but we told them they aren’t allowed to sleep in the same room anymore. My daughter got mad at me yesterday because I told her he couldn’t be at our house past her curfew, and especially not in her bedroom with the door locked. She told me she was going to be with him forever and he was “the love of her life” so I shouldn’t treat their relationship like a casual teenage romance.
In retrospect, not the best reaction, but I started laughing when she said that and told her “puppy love doesn’t necessarily mean you’re going to end up together forever.”
She got really mad at me and hasn’t spoken to me since then.
I get that they love each other and acknowledge that maybe they will end up together as adults, but they are barely teenagers, and who knows what will happen. Also, while I think her partner is a good kid and I care about him (he’s my godson), I don’t think I’m being too harsh by enforcing what I think are pretty normal boundaries for a teenage relationship.
AITJ for telling her this? I feel guilty, especially for laughing (I tried to say sorry for my immediate reaction but she refuses to acknowledge me currently).”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, in the words of The Dude “you’re not wrong, Walter. You’re just a jerk.” I mean ya, it’s a teenage romance and because they’re kids, they tend to act like…kids!
It’s up to you to be the adult in the room and teach your daughter how to deal with things like an adult, and one of those very important lessons is to not be dismissive of other people’s feelings. You had a teachable moment and your rules were not unreasonable and again, you’re not wrong about the teenage romance thing.
But you handled the situation very poorly. Put your adult hat on and go apologize to your daughter.” NeedsMaintenance_
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, not for enforcing the boundaries (which they should absolutely have), but for calling it puppy love and laughing. That’s super disrespectful and who is anyone to say at what age love is real?
My wife and I are high-school sweethearts, we were 16. Now in our 30s with two kids of our own and a lovely life together. Was our love real at 16 but your daughter’s is not at 14? Enforce the boundaries 100%, because after all, they are minors and you all need to be doing your part to prevent a teen pregnancy.
At the same time, treat their relationship with more respect. The divorce rate in the US is 50% so it’s not like ‘adults’ have it figured out better than these 14-year-olds.” MikeDaRucki
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for laughing at her strong feelings, but as a parent, wow, I get you.
This is when you text your parent friends to laugh endlessly. (Which I would. I would also point out, though, that the guys I went out with in my teens turned into really good partners and parents, and the guys I went out with in my twenties, uh, not so much.
That said, would I be suited to those guys as an adult? No.) More than the laughing, though, I think you have some cleanup to do on the “isn’t it cute, our babies are going out” front. That was cute when they were babies. It was also kind of presumptuous of you as parents to let it go so far.
Anyway, now that them being together is a real possibility, it isn’t cute and harmless anymore. Your daughter and your godson have reached an age where people quite frequently break each other’s hearts, where they can experiment (while being completely unprepared to deal with the consequences), and where it behooves you, as a parent, to stop treating them like innocent children.” eaca02124
14. AITJ For Wanting To Walk Myself Down The Aisle Despite My Dad And Stepdad's Objections?
“My (26) fiance (34) and I are getting married next fall. I couldn’t be more excited to marry the love of my life!
We’ve been getting the wedding planned and it’s been going pretty smoothly. The only problem is that I have decided to walk myself down the aisle. My dad and my stepfather are both furious that I didn’t choose either of them to walk me down the aisle and now are threatening to not come to my wedding.
A little backstory. I didn’t have a great childhood. My parents divorced when I was 4. My dad had a new partner every week. Then he married an absolutely horrible woman who hated me and was mentally abusive. I moved in with my mom and stepdad in high school.
My stepdad was an abusive heavy drinker who made my life a living nightmare. My dad disowned me after I moved out of state without telling him when I was 24. He’s recently come back into my life after I had a baby. I think he only reached out because of that but that’s a story for another day.
Either way, I would much prefer just walking myself down the aisle as I still don’t like either of them very much. My family is making me feel like garbage for it. Should I just******* up and let my dad walk me down the aisle?
WIBTJ if I just walk down the aisle by myself?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Both men are showing their true colors in how they are reacting. You’ve clearly made the right choice. If they do decide to show up, assign a couple of the groomsmen a job to run interference for you at the ceremony and reception.
I know many people who simply walk down the aisle on their own. Here are other suggestions if you are not comfortable walking alone: walk down with your mother, your brother, your sister, a friend, your child, your future husband, your future father-in-law, mother-in-law, your parents-in-law together, the best man, the priest/rabbi/etc. There are a million combinations, and solely your decision.
Good luck and congrats!” impostershop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve been married twice, and my dad walked me down the aisle exactly zero times. Don’t get me wrong, I love my dad very much, but neither of us really believes in the whole handing me over to my husband thing.
I went to one wedding where the bride walked halfway down the aisle, and her husband came up to meet her halfway, and they walked the rest of the way together (it symbolized their decision to come together as independent adults, and decide to walk through the rest of their lives together).
I really thought that was lovely. You can walk by yourself. You can walk with your partner. You can walk with any other person who is significant in your life. Heck, it doesn’t have to be a person: my friend’s daughter walked with her dog.
There’s lots of different ways to do this, that don’t involve people you don’t like.” HokeyPokeyGuestList
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Neither man has earned the right to escort you down the aisle. It’s your wedding and your choice. I did the same thing, years ago.
Firstly, I was and am a feminist. I feel the custom of a man handing his daughter to another man is archaic and sexist. I am not a cow or a camel to be given away. Secondly, I hated my father. I was physically and emotionally ill-treated all my lif.
He was horrible to my mother, who died 7 years before I married. He quickly married a nasty woman who not only banned me and my brother from his house but even tossed the cat out to live in the woods. She gave my mother’s furniture to her son for his sunroom, even though I needed it badly.
After a year he realized she was awful and got an annulment. My brother, the cat, and I were allowed to visit again. He kept on seeing other women. Just before my wedding, he began seeing another woman. I met her for the first time at my wedding, which was pretty tacky for both of them.
I walked myself down the aisle. Apparently, she used that, among other things, to convince my father I was a rotten daughter. She banned me and my new husband, my brother, and the cat from the house. The story ended very badly for my father, brother, and myself.
Once he could afford a place, my brother gave the cat a good home for the rest of its life.” Paevatar
13. AITJ For Posting A Birthday Celebration During A Distant Relative's Mourning Period?
“I barely know the stepson of my aunt and have little to no relationship with him except when I see him 1-2 times per year at some family events.
To be honest I barely have a relationship with my aunt as well. I’m just generally not as close to that side of the family. Neither are my mom or dad.
My mom told me yesterday morning about how the stepson’s wife passed away from a stroke.
I felt sorry and sent my condolences but since I don’t know him well and I have only seen his wife twice in my life, I just moved on with my day.
Yesterday it was also a friend’s birthday and we just had a small gathering at her place so we could have some casual dinner and cut cake.
Another friend had posted a story and tagged all of us and I reposted her story on my own stories.
10 minutes later I get a text from my cousin, my aunt’s biological daughter that I should take down the story and be more empathetic to the hard time her family is going through.
I told her I’m sorry for their loss but at the end of the day I’m not close to any of them and barely have any relations so I’m just deciding to move on with my life like usual. She said I’m insensitive and she’d tell my aunt, her mother about this but also her stepbrother.
The next few hours I got texts from my aunt, her husband, and her stepson about how it would be the right thing to do to take down the story and show solidarity because we are still family and it’s not a good look to post stories of birthdays while a family member is mourning.
I tried to be as kind as possible in my response and I kept saying I’m sorry for their loss but I have no contact with any of these people and while I do feel sorry for what happened I’m obviously not as emotionally affected as they are.
My aunt’s stepson then called me an insensitive jerk and said “I hope you never go through what I just did because only then you’ll realize how disrespectful it is to post happy stories while your family is in grief.”
AITJ in any way for just moving on with my life?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Look if you had tagged all that side of the family in the post I’d maybe understand them saying “Not the time and place OP,” especially if they don’t know your friend. If you turned up at the wake with a birthday cake and started to have a birthday celebration for your friend I’d understand their anger.
If you decided to take selfies in front of the casket and post them to Instagram with happy birthday wishes to your friend I’d totally be on their side. But you were just at a friend’s place having a birthday celebration for them. You did nothing wrong.” Inallea
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I mean, it’s not like you posted “so glad my wife isn’t dead” with a picture of flaming shots or something. Unfortunately, around 120 people die every minute around the world. There are about 27 military operations occurring currently causing suffering and misery.
More than 820 million people globally are suffering from food scarcity. In the US, approximately every 40 seconds, a child goes missing or is abducted. Everywhere you look, if you look outside of your own posterior, people are going through it. People are grieving, and no one’s grief is worth more, or less, than another’s.
Perhaps they should all get off social media for a bit and work on their grief. Yelling at you will not bring his wife back.” Repulsive-Exercise-4
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is no unwritten rule of etiquette that says you can’t do this. Shortly after my own dad passed away, I posted Happy Birthday to a coworker.
I also saw other people making happy announcements. The harsh reality of the world is that it doesn’t stop turning when someone passes as much as it may feel that way. While it doesn’t make it okay by a long shot, grief often makes people say and do things they otherwise would not do.
When my dad passed, I felt a deep burning rage towards my husband for cleaning my dad’s car out for me. I knew deep down that my reaction was unjustified, but at the time all I felt was that my husband was taking advantage of my grief.” Notsogoodadvicegiver
12. AITJ For Yelling At My Partner For Not Helping During Rough Nights With Our Baby?
“I (21f) and my partner (21m) are first-time parents. He works around 8 hours a day in construction while I’m a SAHM. We each have our own “jobs” and so far it’s been working 85% of the time. We decided early in the pregnancy that this was the plan because of how expensive and nerve-wracking childcare can be.
But like all first-time parents, we’d had no idea what to expect with a baby and how postpartum would affect me.
Our son is 3 weeks old and has a pretty good schedule at the moment. He wakes up every 3ish hours for a bottle and diaper change, and my body is finally adjusting so I’m handling it well until a surprise “rough night” happens.
This is when our baby is more fussy than usual and scream-cries, fights sleep, eats WAY more than normal, and just rebels against his usual routine. This is when my postpartum anger sets in. I get so angry because I’m tired, can’t figure out what the baby needs from me, and I’m going through the motions.
Meanwhile, my partner sleeps through EVERYTHING. I wake him up numerous times saying “please tag me out” “I’m getting too angry to think straight” “I need help, I don’t know what’s wrong,” and he wakes for a second but goes back to sleep.
However, on the last bad night we had I lost it and yelled at my partner. I was so angry I couldn’t think and my partner wouldn’t wake up to help so I yelled at him and woke him up out of a dead sleep.
I instantly regretted it because he looked frightened and after I said “I’ve been asking you for help and you won’t. I can’t do this, I’m tagging out.” He got angry. He called me rude for yelling at him, said “I’ll just get up then” with an attitude, and yelled at me because I went to go cry in the bathroom saying “oh god, don’t be like that.”
I’m not asking a lot, just help on the bad nights and the moments that I need to tag out for safety. However, I feel guilty that I got angry with him. I know we each have things we do for “jobs” and his isn’t easy either.
So, AITJ for getting angry and lashing out about the lack of help during bad nights?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He works 8 hours. You work 24 hours a day/night. It is reasonable for him to help give you breaks and he be a 50% parent on his off times.
If you had a job during the day just the same as him and you both had hired a nanny or sent the baby to daycare. Who looks after the baby when you both get off work??? You BOTH do. So why is it different because you are home instead of paying for childcare?
Looking after a newborn is exhausting and can be dangerous to both the baby and you if you don’t get enough sleep and help. When both are home BOTH are responsible. When he is home, you could both work in shifts so you have rest/sleep for the first few hours he is home and he takes care of the baby.
Then he goes to bed so he gets enough sleep for work but you have had a sleep also which will then help you through the night. Please go to your doctor to talk to them also about your postpartum as you need help with this now rather than later.” Strong_Storm_2167
Another User Comments:
“Don’t take your baby’s crying personally. You get to know them, and it takes time for you to understand, and them to express themselves. The first 3 months at least can be tricky, like they scream from hunger, pain, restlessness, being uncomfortable, and whatnot.
If they slept, got fed, it can be anything really. Crying is their only way to express themselves for now. What ours had was tummy ache, while being hungry. So he wanted to eat, but it hurt, but he was too hungry not to eat.
And yeah not a lot you can do…massage his tummy if you feel like it helps, carry him around on his tummy (tiger in a tree). Sometimes you just have to wait for them to calm down. Just don’t confuse their crying with judging you, or that you did something wrong.
It can also just mean “I miss you please hold me.”” Kanulie
Another User Comments:
“This is not a situation about jerks. I had a baby at 21. The first three months were tough. Your partner needs the sleep. Arriving at work fatigued could kill him.
You need some help sometimes. I understand. I was a single parent. It was like that very much. Is there a parent who can stay for a few nights? Or perhaps your partner could take him either Friday or Saturday night and let you sleep.
Also, speak with your maternity provider about options for a little sleep training. Baby will have nights of long sleep and hungry nights. That’s how he grows. Keep your chin up and be open and honest with everyone about your challenges. Help is there. This bit will be over soon enough (although it probably feels like it will never end right now).” Limp-Comedian-7470
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Disabled Mother To Move Onto Our Property?
“My partner wants to move her parents onto our property. I don’t want this.
My partner and I have recently just bought our first home together, one which we plan on living for the rest of our lives (all going well). My partner’s mother has recently started having problems with her mobility and it’s getting progressively worse, to the point now where she’s almost completely disabled. She is going through the process of having scans etc. to try and get to the bottom of it but my partner’s family feels like this may be her life now.
She has asked me if it would be possible to build some kind of extension to our home or a small structure on our property if she needed it (the land isn’t huge, it would probably dominate the back garden/yard if we build something).
She got very upset and is understandably worried about her mother’s health so I feel like I have to say yes but I really don’t want to. I also feel very selfish for even saying I don’t want it but I’ve just bought my home and I want to feel like it’s ours.
I don’t want to feel like it’s shared. Again, I feel like it’s coming across as very selfish from my point of view and maybe it is.
Should I be more understanding of her side, given that it’s her mother? It just seems like such a major life decision and I don’t want it but feel like I have to say yes.
It’s not that I don’t want to help out her mother or have anything against her, we get on well, I just don’t want her living at my house. Am I out of line?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here if your SO’s mother is/becomes disabled, she will need far more care than just housing.
She may need specialized nursing care, for instance. And neither you nor your SO are trained to be caregivers for the elderly, I presume. Your SO is anxious and trying to solve a problem that isn’t completely known yet. Try to support her in reasonable tones but discourage her from making big plans without enough information.
For instance, it would be reasonable for the two of you to ask her parents if you could take them to dinner a couple of times a week or help arrange a visiting nurse to help with some personal care stuff. Once the doctors have a diagnosis and prognosis, it will be possible to offer more support.” teresajs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Besides you don’t even have an extension for what they’re asking already built? That’s a pretty big ask, a lot of your resources to be put into this. A bit of a different situation but one to consider since you stated you just want your home to be your home for a while.
My cousin built an extension after she took over (and purchased) the family home so her parents could continue to live there. Mind you this is the place where all of us grew up, holidays, parties…grand central station. Even after my cousin tried to establish rules and boundaries…they have zero privacy with people coming and going from the main house (their part of the house).
If your in-laws live there, people will come and go as they see fit because “it’s their house/property too and they have the right to visitors.”” GreyLillies123
Another User Comments:
“First of all, make no commitment until you know what is going on with your MIL.
It may be that adding on would not be an option. Assisted living or in-home health care may be required, in which case, an extension would not work. But once you agree, the solution may be forced to fit the issue, even if it is not the right fit.
Do your in-laws own their own house? Can they move closer to you vs. on your property? How far will this put her from her medical care team? These are all options or issues that need to be discussed before you jump to adding on to your house and moving her parents in.
NTJ.” YeeHawMiMaw
10. AITJ For Suggesting My Friend Consult A Professional About Her Extreme Diet?
“Yesterday a few of my friends (we’re all mid-30s F) whom I only see 1-2x a year (due to kids/distance) and I were finally together again, and having brunch.
One of the girls “Jenna” has gained a lot of weight in the past few years due to stress. She is still absolutely gorgeous, and also none of us ever mention her weight to her or to each other at all.
She herself started a conversation with us about how she’s trying to lose weight, and that she is currently on a diet of only 800 calories a day, while still running and working out.
The rest of us said that that’s very little for an active woman in her 30s, but she said no because she knows what she’s doing, and she just wants to lose weight fast.
I told her that I have a family member who did such a hardcore diet a few times, and it resulted in an eating disorder and osteoporosis because she didn’t consume enough nutrients.
And that therefore it might be a good idea to talk to a nutritionist or a doctor just to make sure she stays healthy while losing weight.
She got SUPER angry at me and said that it’s none of my business, and that because I’m naturally skinny I have no idea what life as a fat person is like, and I shouldn’t offer any opinions.
Again I never ever mentioned her weight at all, I just got worried and suggested she consult a medical professional just to make sure she’s going about a diet in a healthy way.
AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If she doesn’t want comments about her diet, she shouldn’t start a conversation about it.
She got defensive because she knows what she is doing is not right. Just because you might not have struggled with weight loss (and maybe you have, that’s why we should never assume) it doesn’t mean you don’t understand what’s healthy and what’s not. You want the best for her, she snapped because she is not mentally healthy right now, and seeing her reaction, it doesn’t seem like she wants to be helped right now.” Darth_Hufflepuff
Another User Comments:
“I might go against the trend here but no jerks here. You did right worrying about how extreme her diet is and, from what you said, you voiced this concern in a careful way. On the other hand, her current self-image may be affecting her a lot and she could really well not be receptive to any type of criticism regarding her weight, including how she manages it right now.
Her choice of diet and her reaction, although not fun for anyone, do not make her a jerk IMO. I sincerely hope that, although what you said made her angry, she at least heard it and may consider it when she’s calmer, as to not put herself in any danger.” faniro
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is struggling with something that is most likely a constant stressor in her life. I’d even venture to say that it was hanging over her like a dark cloud knowing she was going to meet up with you guys. Most likely, she was embarrassed (even though she had no reason to be in front of friends) and therefore felt incredibly defensive on top of it.
She didn’t hear your concern, she heard she’s doing it wrong on top of being overweight. You’re not in the wrong, but if you two are close, I would recommend speaking to her again one-on-one, preferably in person or through a video call so she can see the honesty, concern, and care on your face.
The follow-up will be more important to her because it shows you care enough about her feelings too that you made the effort to reassure her of that.” Mundane_Biscotti7175
9. AITJ For Confronting My Grandmother For Using A Homophobic Slur?
“I was on vacation with my mother, her sister (my aunt), and family (my cousins, my uncle, my grandmother, and my sister). During this vacation, my grandmother said a very offensive homophobic slur during one of our conversations. I confronted her about it and said that it wasn’t appropriate to say.
My aunt then told me that she’s from a “different time” so I really should just leave it alone and her husband agreed. I said that it doesn’t matter and that she still shouldn’t be saying it because she’s a grown woman and should know better, and that they (my aunt and my mother) shouldn’t be defending her for saying it.
My grandmother then started crying and said that sometimes she feels like I hate her. The real kicker is I know that my aunt’s middle child is gay, and my grandmother says that word a lot around her.
Earlier on the vacation, my sister and my cousin were doing a fake “friend wedding” in a chapel we stopped in to say that they would always be best cousins, and my grandmother was saying here comes the “offensive word”.
My cousin laughed it off, but it made me angry and uncomfortable. I’ve confronted my grandmother other times, but it seems fruitless because her daughters and my aunt’s husband just get mad at me and justify her actions, or she’ll start crying and wonder why I don’t want to be around her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve seen so many elderly people be loving and accepting of all genders, races, and s****l orientations. “Different time” isn’t an excuse to not learn. Dementia maybe is. Maybe it’s time you confronted the aunts and uncles about their enabling.
If everyone just gave her soft reminders instead of saying “it’s fine” you wouldn’t seem like you’re attacking old granny. Everyone needs to do their part to educate.” DeerIndigo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! People don’t get a pass to be awful because they’re old, and this “it’s not worth confronting” attitude.
Not wanting to hear a slur is extremely reasonable and is WORTH making waves for, especially since she’s saying it in front of your cousin and no other adults are doing anything. “Sometimes I feel like you hate me” uh huh, I’m sure her gay grandkid thinks grandma hates her way more after hearing that slur time and again.
I bet your cousin really appreciates you sticking up for her more than you realize.” catpaw_tappers
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandmother knows. She knows when she utters the syllables of “here comes the offensive word” that what she’s saying is hurtful. Being old doesn’t absolve her of continuing to spew hatred when you and modern society (on the occasions it penetrates her brain) have told her to stop, and why she should stop.
When she starts with the waterworks and the “do you hate me???” tell her, “no, but I believe you’re capable of being a better person.”” [deleted]
8. AITJ For Pretending Not To Remember My School Bully?
“I (29F) was out running errands when a girl (who bullied me in school) came up to me to say hello.
She was friendly and asked me how I was, but I wasn’t having it and wasn’t in the mood. I pretended to not know who she was and kept asking where we met etc. I wasn’t trying to be mean and tried to play it off as nicely as I could.
We hadn’t spoken since we left school at 18 and I’ve blocked her and everyone on social media since.
I was a weird kid at school, had a lot of fixations and obsessions because of my ADHD and Autism. Even though she was friendly on the surface I didn’t realize until I was older that the things she and some of the other girls did were considered bullying (e.g. purposely excluding me, laughing at everything I said, calling me weird, ditching me in public spaces without telling me they were leaving, making fun of my obsessions, shaming me for being ‘childish’ etc).
I could tell she was clearly hurt by me not ‘remembering her’ but then I told her I had mentally blocked out my memories from school because of the trauma I dealt with – then she looked concerned. We said bye, and I felt bad because I think she felt bad too.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Of course she doesn’t think it was anything. To her, it wasn’t. Bullies are like that: it was all a big joke and they can’t really relate to still being traumatized years later. But it is very real to you and you must deal with it in the way that is best for you.
Sounds like you did it exactly right.” HerefsAndrew
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1. She deserves to feel bad. Genuinely nice people usually cringe when they look back at their behavior when they were younger. We’re all learning, constantly, and kindness is key. I remember talking badly about people in a “witty” manner because I thought that this was what people found entertaining because my then-friends did that all the time and got such a kick out of it.
2. Pretending you don’t know them and living your best life is the best kind of revenge.” ChickyNuggies6789
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I did something similar to the person who bullied me, she came over and did the whole “hi! Oh my God how are you??” Etc…I knew exactly who she was but looked confused, shook my head, and asked “I’m sorry, do I know you.” She had pretended to be my friend as well but as I was fat, not conventionally attractive, into ‘weird’ stuff, and didn’t really get into the whole clubbing/drinking scene, I preferred knitting and reading while being Goth, she made fun of me, would decide she didn’t like me for some reason and turn people against me, etc…
When she tried to jog my memory “I’m Annie, (false name), Annie Jones, we’ve known each other since we were 10?” I continued with “I’m sorry, you must be confusing me with someone else, I’ve never had a friend called Annie”. She was very upset that she apparently hadn’t had any lasting effect on me and began to tell people she was concerned for my mental health.” Brundall
7. AITJ For Being Upset My Stepdaughter Keeps Bringing Her Dog To Our House?
“My wife and I just had our second big argument in two months over this. I don’t like animals at all, but I knew when we moved in together two and a half years ago that her daughter had a cat. My wife (at the time partner) told me that her daughter brought it home one day and was persistent on keeping it.
I didn’t really care, but I didn’t hide the fact that I was not going to make any effort to spoil or bond with it.
About a year later the daughter got married and six months later they got their own apartment. A week before they moved out, the daughter and son-in-law tell us that they’re leaving the cat at our place.
I rolled my eyes at their lame excuses (him being “allergic” to a pet that had been sleeping in the same bed he does or the pet fee being too high at their new place) and my respect for them started sliding. I cared for them and their well-being, but I don’t like being lied to.
Fast forward to about two months ago when my wife showed me a photo of my stepdaughter grinning ear to ear while struggling to carry a huge “puppy” that she adopted from a friend’s baby shower (???). It seems all those concerns they had when they moved out disappeared and they just forgot to tell the cat they dumped on us.
The first time they brought the dog over was on her birthday. They told my wife they were going to do it, but she thought they were kidding since I made it clear (or so I thought) that I felt that they were taking advantage of us by abandoning their cat just to turn around and get a dog.
Other than constantly reminding them that they need to keep their dog from just roaming everywhere, I kept quiet in front of them; but the next day I told my wife that I thought it was messed up and I felt like we were being walked on.
She didn’t take that well.
Today my wife let me know my stepdaughter was coming over to do laundry. The dog came too. My wife said she didn’t know the dog was coming but wasn’t mad about it. I just didn’t want to pretend that I was okay with this at all.
I had some paperwork out and within a couple of minutes, the dog startled the cat which scurried its way across my work sending it all over.
I gathered my things and left. I didn’t greet her when she came in and I didn’t say anything to her while we were in the same room.
I am angry, my wife is angry that I’m angry, and my stepdaughter is hurt. My wife reminded me that her ex-husband wasn’t very affectionate to their daughter and it led to their divorce. That’s scary, considering that the daughter at least loves him, I’m just a guy she values less than a dog she adopted on a whim two months ago.
My wife thinks we need counseling, but I think she just wants me to accept pet ownership without question. I just want someone to listen to my concerns and stop telling me to pretend that my boundaries don’t matter at all.
Please do me a favor if you care to weigh in: you don’t need to tell me if someone else is the jerk.
I love my wife and her children, I just don’t prioritize pets as much as I do people.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for being upset about all the miscommunication, but of course you need counseling. You’re not communicating your boundaries, and she’s not listening properly.
You obviously need a third party to help communicate. You also could do with an attitude adjustment. You don’t like the animals, but the people you love do. This issue isn’t going away and will only get worse. Your resentment for the animals will only keep growing and spreading to the people you love until you learn to accept those animals in your life.
No one’s saying you have to accept all pet ownership. But if you can’t even talk clearly, then how can anyone start to help you feel heard?” theultimasheep
Another User Comments:
“Your feelings and concerns are valid. I think that you should take your wife up on the counseling.
Because right now, you feel unheard and unappreciated. If you think that your wife will just pick a therapist who will validate her, then be a part of the choosing process. Look for a truly relatable and reliable third party. Going with ESH. Your stepdaughter is making decisions in a home she doesn’t live in without checking, your wife is not validating your feelings and is rug sweeping, and you’re holding onto resentment, not standing by your boundaries, and (at least initially) resisting counseling when it could be beneficial.” Ladygytha
Another User Comments:
“As someone who adores animals, you sir are definitely NTJ. Your stepdaughter is showing how irresponsible she is, could you imagine her having a kid? Bet that just scared you cause you’d be stuck babysitting. It seems like she’s a great mom but she’s not teaching her daughter to be responsible.
Pets are a huge responsibility, they are basically kids who can’t speak. Vet bills are expensive and a puppy is very needy and a lot to handle at this time. I understand your stepdaughter might have to bring the dog because it is a puppy and you can’t leave them home alone.
She could at least have a playpen for it, a designated area for it to stay in so A) it doesn’t pee where it’s not supposed to. B) puppies are teething, curious and hyperactive so gotta make sure they don’t get into things. C) the CAT!!
Cats are territorial and can get aggressive with new animals, keeping them separate until they get used to each other’s scents is best for both. All parties know how you feel about animals and you have accepted a cat already, I think a little consideration for you wouldn’t hurt them a bit.
Stepdaughter should have a plan for the puppy going to anyone’s home honestly. That’s being a considerate pet owner, not everyone feels the way we do about animals. I have a niece who is terrified of animals so I keep my dog at home or close by me during family events.
Hope you can all just talk it out, you accepted a cat I think you’ve shown your wife and daughter how much you love her. Even though you truly don’t like the cat hahaha.” notyouravgperson3
6. AITJ For Wanting My Cousin To Pay For The Repair Of Our Family Heirloom Veil She Altered?
“My cousin got married a week ago. I’m super happy for them and I know she worked really hard to pull off her beautiful wedding – she did a great job.
She asked if she could wear my mother’s veil on her wedding day. My cousin’s mom (my mom’s sister) wore this veil at her wedding too, as did I on my wedding day— it’s become a family tradition/heirloom. My mom agreed and passed off the veil a few weeks ago.
My mom’s veil is pretty ornate, it has a wide headband with intricate beading and a two-layer fingertip-length scalloped tulle veil attached. It’s beautiful and it’s delicate. The other thing I’ll say is it is extremely difficult to wear because of the width of the headband.
I was able to pin it to the back of an updo, but it was tricky. When I found out my cousin was going to wear it I was immediately curious how she would style it in her hair because I remember my trial being so involved because of it.
The day of the wedding my cousin is walking down the aisle (& looks beautiful) but as she approached I noticed that the veil wasn’t my mom’s as the beaded headband was nowhere to be seen. As she got closer my heart dropped when I saw the distinctive scalloped tulle: she made the tulle into a new veil without the headpiece.
I have always been very into family heirlooms and this is a piece that I’d planned on keeping in our family (as my mother’s eldest daughter she promised she’d leave it to me). My younger sister has also expressed interest in wearing it if and when she gets married. I am heartbroken.
When my cousin came over to our table we chatted (I gathered myself enough to gush over her wedding). After a few minutes, she commented that she was wearing the veil and I told her I saw and asked “what happened to the rest of it?” (I was careful not to say this in a mean/accusatory way) She casually said “oh, the lady just did this to it..I don’t know.” I don’t know any seamstress that would take apart an heirloom veil without direction, or a reason (maybe it was deteriorating or something and this was a salvage measure)?
I suspect she decided that the headpiece didn’t work with how she wanted her hair, so she cut the veil from the headpiece so she could still ‘wear the veil.’
I asked my mom if she’d seen the veil and said I was really upset that it had been destroyed. I asked if she’d consented to any alteration and she confirmed that she hadn’t.
My mom isn’t sentimental and doesn’t seem bothered. She seemed annoyed that I am upset, but she knew how much this piece means to me.
I’m planning on finding a professional to take care of the repair. WIBTJ if I asked my cousin to pay for the fix?
In my opinion, it makes sense because she altered the veil, but she also is now a stay-at-home mom and I have a job with a decent salary and could pay for it myself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, however, you should reconsider your motives here.
You know that your cousin isn’t going to pay to repair the veil so why even ask? It sounds like you want to use the expense of the veil restoration as an opportunity to confront your cousin for her insensitive and inconsiderate decision to alter your mother’s veil without permission.
That’s not the adult way to handle this. If you want to confront your cousin, just do it. If you want to have the veil restored, just do it. There’s no need to connect the two actions.” Mother_Tradition_774
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, borrowing something is one thing.
Modifying aka damaging something that is borrowed it is usually expected that the borrower will fix what they borrowed. However, it seems like your cousin felt this was theirs to do whatever they wanted with instead of simply borrowing something. Which makes them the jerk here.
I’m going to guess they won’t see it that way and expect some drama.” Kaptain9981
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You loaned her something which she damaged. The onus is on her to repair it. That said, what may make this more complicated is the family aspect, especially as your mother is still living and not equally upset… I can see there being a lot of pressure on you to drop your complaint, especially if this becomes a conflict that puts a damper on their wedding.
I’m not saying you’re not entitled to have the repairs paid for but it may be more family drama than it’s worth, given that you could pay for it yourself. Entirely up to you whether or not you are willing to insist – you know best how your family would respond to that.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Wanting To Paint My Little Brother's Nails?
“I’m 21F and the oldest of my siblings.
There are 6 of us now (4 still live at home) and my mother will give birth to the 7th one in a few weeks. During her hospital visit, the plan is that my stepdad will be staying home with the kids. I will swing by after work to either bring food or cook there and then go home.
Last night, I was visiting home and my sister (7F) noticed my painted nails, wanted hers done too while mom was in the hospital and mom said it was fine as long as I would remove it before visiting her. My sister (6F) wanted it too and mom said fine.
But when my brother (4 years old) wanted his nails painted too, mom said no.
She has always been big on gender roles while I think they are a waste of time and energy. I argued back saying nail polish has no gender and I can paint his nails if it makes him happy.
I still see no reason to deny him that little bit of fun with his big sisters.
1. They live in the middle of the woods in the countryside with a 30-minute drive to the nearest store so no one would be around to see it.
2. The nail polish would be removed before they go out and mom wouldn’t be around to see it either.
3. He is the one who asked for it and I have the remover at hand if he changes his mind.
Would I be the jerk for painting his nails if he still wants it when I paint my sisters’ nails?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you will ruffle feathers. I’m a hetero adult guy. When I was like 4 or 5, I saw my older sisters painting their nails. I wanted my nails painted too. They obliged. I recall being asked if I was a boy or girl by another kid days later.
That memory stands out so it must have been unexpected. I don’t think there was more to it than the question. I think that kid was told only girls paint their nails. Your parents are the caregivers for your brother. They get the say in what you can do when watching the kids.
Expect drama if you proceed.” Mamertine
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ for wanting to, but you would be the jerk if you did it and it got your little brother’s feelings hurt from how she reacts to it. If you know that there’s a chance she might say something that upsets him yet you go ahead and do it anyway then you are kinda creating that situation.
There are alternatives that you can do with him that fit within your mum’s ridiculous ideas of gender norms but still give him the bonding time. Plenty of men get manicures, you can paint on cuticle oil and a clear top coat, it’s basically everything you’ll be doing with your sister but without the colors.
I know this as I have a boy who loves to rock colors at home but prefers to be neutral at school.” SeePerspectives
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think you’re the jerk because you feel that way about gender roles. I think you’re the jerk because you went against a parent’s wish for how things are done with their kids and you’ve also set a precedent that it’s ok to sneak and do things when mom and dad said no as long as you cover up that it was done.
As a big sis looked up to and wanting to bond, this just wasn’t the thing for you to do with him. So now you’ve done it and your mom barely wanted your sisters to have it on hence you having to take it off before you left. If you do your sisters’ nails again guarantee he’s going to ask again and this time you really won’t be able to because mom will be home and he will say you did it before and then the cat’s out of the bag.
My rule of thumb is to stay out of other people’s parenting choices unless it puts the kid in direct danger because if I say I don’t want something done with/for my kids and someone goes behind my back and does it I’m going to go wild.
Now if you have kids in the future and your mom goes against your parenting choice for something you are adamant about how would you feel?” silentobserver40
4. AITJ For Wanting To Hire Help For My Stepdaughter Amidst Custody Battles?
“My husband and I have three kids in our home. My stepdaughter is 9, I have known her since she was 2 and I became her stepmom when she was 4. We also have a 3-year-old son and a 10-month-old daughter together. To give some background info first:
My stepdaughter’s mom was not in the picture when I met my husband. She never wanted to claim any parental responsibilities and when I met my husband, his ex had accumulated a lot of child support debt and had not seen my stepdaughter since the hospital. I signed up to be a second parent and I love my stepdaughter and in my heart, I consider her one of my kids just as much as my bio children.
We had such a good relationship. She would sometimes call me mom, sometimes my name, but she’d always say my husband and I were her parents and she adored her brother when he was born.
Over two years ago her mom came back into the picture and said she wanted to see my stepdaughter.
My husband said it would need to be a gradual thing but my stepdaughter had a right to know her. His ex didn’t like that and sued for full custody, and yes, after having nothing to do with her for 7 years. She lost but this started us on a step-up plan for her to gain some custody.
It’s been a struggle.
My relationship with my stepdaughter suffered badly because of all this. Her relationship with her siblings has also suffered. She is rude to me now, refuses to listen to me, and rejects the three of us. It’s always worse after she sees her mom.
My husband took this issue to court and the judge made it clear he will never sever the relationship between mom and daughter, no matter what.
I’m struggling. If I give her the time and attention needed, it comes at the cost to our younger kids.
But if I focus just on them, it’s not giving her the time and attention she needs and the counselor told us she needs to see I’m not going anywhere. She really emphasized that it was important.
The counselor even spoke to the judge (a different one this time) and the judge said he was going to follow the previous judge’s decision that contact is never to be severed between mother and daughter.
My husband brought this issue back to court because it was getting worse.
So now we’re at a point where I can’t be in charge of all three at the same time all day, especially now school is out but even during school time it’s too much.
I told my husband we need to hire some sort of helper for me with the kids. He was against it and told me it was a big expense after we spent a fortune on court and therapy. His parents heard us talking about it the other day and they jumped in to say I wouldn’t do this if all three were my bio kids and I just want to pawn my stepdaughter off on someone else.
I insisted this was not true to all three and I insisted I needed help because the kids will suffer in the long run and so will my mental health.
My husband felt guilty because I got very emotional but his parents said I just proved I wouldn’t do this if they were all really mine.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s clearly apparent that the ex is poisoning the child against you and both of those judges are failing all of you, but her especially. Obviously, the ex is committing stepfamily alienation, and since the ex hasn’t escalated to full parental alienation, it’s incumbent upon your husband to set rules and boundaries for the child to counteract what his ex is doing to her.
Also, next time the in-laws say that you wouldn’t be doing this if she was your bio kid, tell them that they’re absolutely right. Because if she was your kid she’d live 100% of the time at your home and a stranger wouldn’t be sabotaging the relationship.” IAndaraB
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is precisely the disruption that the birth mother wanted. You are darned if you do and darned if you don’t. If all three were yours, you wouldn’t have someone dripping poison into the heart of your family. Tell your in-laws that their opinions are causing even more disruption in a household where there are too many conflicting voices as it is.
Do they want to hurt all three children more? Because that’s all that they are achieving. Tell your husband that he needs to be following up on the child support the birth mother owes. Keep going back to court and demanding the child support that she owes for all this time.
Use that money to pay for a nanny, or your husband and in-laws can spend more time at home helping you manage this situation. The bottom line is that you do have to prioritize. The younger children need you more and are your children. Your stepdaughter does not get to hold you all hostage by demanding 100% of your time and affection, especially if she is throwing it back in your face.
Why is this all on you to manage? Your husband and in-laws should stop their complaining and actually step up to help.” Cursd818
Another User Comments:
“First off, you are NTJ, this is a lot. My question is, is there any contact with bio-mom directly?
Is there any plan, any common ground? Any constructive communication resembling co-parenting? Is there a social worker involved? If there is any chance, you, the adults, need to come together and talk about this for your daughter. Maybe she gets alienated, maybe this is all just a lot to take in for a nine-year-old.
It is pretty common that the resurfacing of a parent leads to acting out and that it gets worse after visits. You also shouldn’t ignore that if your kid knows about the ongoing court and how you feel about bio-mom, that can be hard on her as well if she wishes to have contact with her bio-mom.
What I don’t get is the constant running to court. You won’t win this. As long as bio-mom adheres (mostly) to the rules and doesn’t actively endanger the kid, they have no ground for severing contact, especially because it’s not just about bio-mom, your kid has a right here to see her as well.
The court made this very clear multiple times now and I seriously question the therapist here asking a judge again and fueling this. The court doesn’t help the situation at this point, it just prolongs this battle and furthers the rift between you as the three parents and also costs a lot of money.
Invest the money in a mediator and get to talking this out together. Even if it fails and you decide once again to go to court, you could at least show them you tried alternatives. Seriously, this feels all too familiar as a social worker.
Every parent thinks they are right, every parent has some point in this but in the end, they fail to get together and work together for their child and continue to blame each other. Regarding getting help: yes, do that, always. But make sure that it is the kind of help that brings you together, not drifting you further apart.” let_me_know_22
3. AITJ For Letting My Friend Confront My Husband Who Was Pretending To Flirt With Me?
“My husband does this thing where he’ll pretend not to know me and start flirting with me in public.
I was out with a childhood friend who I had lost contact with and we ended up at the same place my husband and his friends were.
He noticed me first and decided to come up to me and flirt. I jokingly told him I didn’t think his wife would like him speaking to me like that and he said she wouldn’t mind. I then told him my husband would definitely mind and he was trying to convince me he wouldn’t.
His friend was making conversation with my friend but she turned to him and started telling him off for harassing me and trying to be unfaithful and get me to be unfaithful. I told her it was fine but she was so heated that she kept going and any time I tried to explain she kept cutting me off.
My husband found it funny and let her go on for ages before he introduced himself and told her he was my husband. My friend was angry at me for not telling her before she started telling him off and for letting her humiliate herself.
I tried to apologize but she said she needed space.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and your husband is a bigger jerk. He was amused by humiliating her and I imagine she’s rethinking what kind of person you are to be married to someone who intentionally humiliated her.
If I were her, the only way I would go back to being friends with you is if your husband apologized to me and made it clear that you had changed his mind and reminded him of how much you valued her. Embarrass yourselves apologizing to even the score.
Chocolates would help.” Pretty-Standard8598
Another User Comments:
“Kinda NTJ, kinda YTJ. This is an adorable relationship first of all. But in regards to your friend, Someone give that woman a medal!! She was not only defending you, but also his ‘wife’!! What a woman! I understand she’s probably a bit embarrassed, I can understand being a little upset because of that, but nothing to be overly angry about.
At least your husband knows that when you’re with her, no man will be brave enough to hit on you! Overall, I would probably call you a jerk, but in a joking/light-hearted way.” lil_miss_bipolar
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, that’s super cringe to drag unwilling bystanders into your flirty game.
I’d feel super gross if it happened to me and I’ve been in a real situation where a friend was being harassed by a man (found out later that cops were called on the same guy at the event) and I was so shaken trying to defend her.
It’s not funny, it’s upsetting. Your friend is great for trying to defend you and I understand why she needs space, I was shaking for hours after my experience.” tryingtonovel
2. AITJ For Not Returning My Dad's Gifted Sports Cards After They Were Appraised High?
“I (19M) was gifted my dad’s sports card collection for my 18th birthday. He had boxes of them from when he was growing up. I started looking into how you could get them graded. I finally shipped the best ones out a few months ago and just got them back last week.
I was happy to see how highly some of them were graded. I researched what these cards would go for and my jaw dropped. This money would help me pay for college and I would still have a decent amount left over.
I was visiting my parents and my dad mentioned something about those cards.
I made the mistake of saying how much some of these cards are worth. He didn’t have much of a reaction that night. The next day, I get a long text from my dad saying that he had given it some thought and wanted his cards back.
The money would help him and my mom pay for their dream vacation. I thought it was a joke, but he was serious. I told him sorry but they were a gift and I intended on using this money for college.
Since then, I’ve been getting hurtful texts from my parents telling me how selfish I am.
They said I’m a jerk for wanting to sell these cards because they were a gift. Even though they would do the same thing if I gave them back. I planned on getting my dad a cool gift for his birthday with some of my money, but I’m starting to think he doesn’t deserve anything at all.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I say NTJ. Originally I was a little wary, thinking that he wanted you to keep them and hand them down if you have kids because they meant a lot to him. When you said he found the value and wanted to go on a dream vacation I changed my mind.
I think college is more important than his vacation, but it also sounds like they’re trying to manipulate you to give the cards back by saying “they were a gift not to sell” when he already said he wanted to sell them for a vacation.” WarthogIcy9275
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Honestly, I have watched my parents struggle my whole life to carve out a good life for themselves and me and my siblings. They grew up in poverty and they’ve always dreamed of traveling and never got the opportunity. If this came up, I would 100% at least share the profits to make their dreams come true.
I don’t understand your incredibly selfish logic here. Were they bad parents? Did they do something to hurt you?” DismalDally
Another User Comments:
“Can’t we find a compromise here? Money makes people crazy so maybe not. Yes, it’s a gift but they intended to give you a few thousand dollars, not $200k+.
My mom gives me scratch-offs in my stocking every year. If I hit the big one I’m absolutely splitting it with her. Not because I have to but because she supported me for my entire life. Yes, that’s a parent’s job but I’m still eternally grateful so she’s getting half no questions asked. I have no idea what your parents were like and their demands don’t paint them in the best light.
Personally, I’d split it with them. Even if you lose 100k in the process you are still up 100k in “found funds.” And as a bonus, you get to (hopefully) continue to have a relationship with your parents. No jerks here.” anon19111
1. AITJ For Telling My Roommate She Needs To Use Shampoo?
“My roommate (19F) offered me (19F) a bottle of fancy shampoo, saying she won a basket of soaps and other stuff from a contest. I happily accepted and asked if she didn’t like the scent.
She said that the scent was fine, but shampoo is “bad for her hair.” I was confused and asked what she washed her hair with. She said conditioner. I was taken aback. I said conditioner softens your hair, but it doesn’t wash it. You need to wash your hair with shampoo.
Roommate got annoyed and said she knew how to care for her own hair. I said not washing your hair is unhealthy. She took the shampoo back and stormed off.
Did I overstep? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Does your roommate have curly hair? I have curls.
I seldom wash my hair with shampoo. What I do is wet it, blot out extra wetness with a towel so it doesn’t drip, put in conditioner, then put in product and style. Once it’s dry, it doesn’t get touched until the next day when I do my hair again, using the same process.
I wash my hair with shampoo when it needs it. YTJ for assuming that all hair needs to be cared for like yours and trying to shame her for it.” ClothDiaperAddicts
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – most shampoo IS bad for your hair. It contains harsh ingredients that strip your hair of its natural oils, forcing it to compensate and overproduce oils leaving you with greasy hair forcing you to have to wash your hair again soon after.
Shampoo is created to make this never-ending cycle of greasy>overly clean>greasy>overly clean. It’s a very common misconception that not using shampoo means you have dirty hair, but that’s exactly what the shampoo companies want you to think. Before shampoo was invented, people washed their hair in plenty of different natural ways, such as using water only but scrubbing the scalp to clean it, brushing it constantly to spread the natural oils around, using natural products such as apple cider vinegar, etc. Educate yourself and realize that everyone has different hair and not using shampoo does NOT equal bad hygiene.
It was extremely rude of you to call your roommate dirty just because she knows more than you about hair care.” anonananbanana
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You don’t know anything about curly hair, obviously, and you didn’t try to learn either. While you felt so free to call your roommate dirty, you should reflect on yourself.
Do you scrub your entire body with a washcloth or something similar, every time you bathe? Do you bathe every day? Do you wash your body before getting into the tub? Do you change your towels frequently and your sheets at least every week? Do you take your shoes off at the front door and wear clean house shoes inside?
Do you ever sit on a bed in outside clothes? Consider all of the above questions and realize you may very well be filthy in your roommate’s eyes.” Atala9ta
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