People Have Us Questioning Everything In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Babysit My Brothers On My Birthday?
“I (20F) have two brothers, Nate (14) and Blaine (11). I also work 20-30 hours weekly at a fast-food restaurant, saving up money for the summer before I go back to school. Today my parents asked me if I could request off three consecutive days in July to babysit my brothers, and I really don’t want to.
For starters, I already have to take off five consecutive days close to the dates for my second job. They also said they’d pay me a “nanny fee”, but based on what they’ve paid me for babysitting in the past, it won’t be nearly as much as I would get working for those three days.
Lastly, the day they said they “needed me the most” was coincidentally my birthday, which I don’t think they realized. I didn’t have any special plans for my birthday, but it hurt a little that they either forgot or didn’t think to ask if I had plans.
My mom has several siblings who live 1-2 hours away, and have kids Blaine’s age, so it would be really easy in my opinion to drop him off there. Nate has sports that he needs to go to, so he can’t stay at cousin’s, but I was watching other people’s kids by that age, so surely he can watch himself while I’m not at work.
There are a couple of factors that might make me the jerk, however. Firstly, Nate isn’t old enough to drive, so he needs a way to get to and from his sports practice. However he has many friends who can drive, so I feel like it would be easy to arrange a carpool.
I also live in my parents’ house rent-free for the summer, which means I have to live “under their rules”, and I have a feeling that if I try to refuse, they’ll pull that card on me.
So, WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“So just to ask the question I’m sure a hundred people will ask … babysit an 11 and 14 year old?
If they can get a ride to their activities like you describe, what on earth needs babysitting at their age? I used to get the bus to places myself at that age … they can’t feed themselves? Get themselves to school? It’s a couple of days and they can have an emergency contact etc, etc. NTJ honey!
No way would I agree to this. Go out with your friends for your birthday and don’t feel guilty for one second. It SUCKS they forgot your birthday, but your friends won’t – get a drink (or appetizer) for me. I’m shocked by this!” heather20202024
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If you were not working I’d think you should do this – but telling you to take off work is too much. You’ve requested one multiple-day time period off – you don’t want to lose your job. There are paid sitters – paid nannies – if the boys have ‘best friends’ perhaps it could be arranged that each stays with a friend (sports events) for 3 days.
Yes, you live there for the summer – but you have a job. Is there an option for the boys to be cared for during your work hours and with you at home at night, for example?” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“You should do as your parents ask.
They have told you to request three days off. So, approach your boss, and tell them that you’re going to ask a question, but before they reply you’d like them to read a piece of paper you hand to them. Say: “Can I have off ?” They can look at the piece of paper that says: “My parents want me to request these days off so that I can babysit my brothers.
Please just say no. I’d hate to lie to my parents, so if I ask and you say ‘No’ then we’re both golden.” Your boss can then decline your request.” FoxySlyOldStoatyFox
21. AITJ For Agreeing With My Mom's Discipline Method For My Misbehaving Son?
“My mother babysits almost all of the grandkids three times a week in the summer. I am very grateful she does this and it saves us a ton of money. In total, she watches about 7 kids, and one of those kids is my middle child son, Jamie.
Jamie is a lot sometimes. He is 8 years old, and compared to his younger sister he is less behaved. My mother has talked to my wife and me multiple times about him. She has done recommended timeouts. Overall he doesn’t behave much better after them.
We have both talked to him about it but no improvement.
This is the issue, my mom was going to take all the kids to the pool with my dad. Jamie would not stop goofing around. Running around, grabbing the other kids’ pool stuff, and in general being loud/annoying.
My mom told him if he didn’t stop then no one would be going to the pool. He didn’t stop and she held true to her word. The rest of the day all of the kids were mad at him.
I picked them both up and she informed me above what happened. Mom told me he behaved the rest of the day after that.
Jamie was very upset about no one liking him, the kids basically ignored him. Even my youngest was upset at him.
My mother told me that he needs to learn how his actions affect other people and I agree with her. I am 100 percent fine with her using social dynamics to get him to behave.
It also seemed to work, she plans to take the kids to the pool on Friday.
I told my wife what happened and she is upset that my other did this. We had an argument and she thinks I am being a huge jerk for agreeing with my mom.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is watching seven children. Unless there is an underlying condition that affects your child’s behavior, your son needs to settle down and find another outlet for his energy. His behavior was so disruptive I don’t blame your mother for canceling the trip to the pool.
How can she adequately keep an eye on seven children in a pool if all her attention has to go to your son. Your wife doesn’t have to like it but your mother is responsible for the safety and well-being of six other children. It is what it is, your mother only has one set of eyes.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mum was looking after seven children. One of those children – Jamie – was misbehaving and may well have put either himself and/or the other children at risk when they were at the pool. As a snap risk assessment, there wasn’t a lot of choice for your mother to control that risk as she really needed your dad there at the pool as well for safety reasons.
I can’t see what other options there were as Jamie would need to be supervised even if separated from the others. If he does behave himself and they are able to go to the pool on Friday then that will, with luck, have done something to teach him about consideration for others and that negative actions negatively affect other people and cause them to dislike you.” ShineAtom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, there was no way to punish your child alone for his actions. If it were possible to only leave him behind, then that would have worked. She could have left him behind as punishment while everyone else went to the pool.
Had she not canceled the trip to the pool, then he would have learned that he could continue to act up and not get punished because he would still have gone to the pool with everyone else. Peer Pressure can be bad, but also really effective when used in appropriate situations.
He needs to learn that there are real consequences for his actions, and when he acts like a fool, he should expect to be punished, even if it means others are affected negatively as a result. He cannot make up for the canceled trip, but with another one set up for Friday, you could impress on him that he needs to not act up this time and it might smooth things over with the other kids if he apologized for acting up the last time and getting that trip canceled.” JessieColt
20. AITJ For Wanting My Husband To Stay Home With Me Instead Of Attending His Daughter's Performance?
“My husband has a 17yo daughter (Ella) with his ex. Their relationship is difficult at best. His ex also practices a lot of parental alienation.
It’s incredibly toxic. Ella has invited my husband to attend a performance she’s in this weekend. My husband has not said either way whether he’ll attend or not. The performance is not local and he would be gone a big chunk of the day. Ella has said if he comes, he must sit at the back, do not approach her or speak to her, and he must leave as soon as it’s over.
She does not want to speak to him but she’s willing to allow him to see her perform, and my husband is taking that as Ella’s offering an olive branch to him.
I’m pregnant, or was, I’m currently going through a very painful miscarriage and struggling to sit, stand, walk, lay down, anything without hurting and cramping to the point of vomiting.
I need my husband home with me this weekend to help out with our little one and me because I’m going through a tough time right now. I do not have any family or friends nearby (really not within a 3-hour drive) and my husband is my main support system, and with how I’m feeling, (severe cramping, vomiting, dizzy, lightheaded, chills, etc) I really don’t want to be left alone with the little one for many hours.
I’m also completely wrecked emotionally and mentally right now, going between hating myself, feeling like a failure, and just heartbroken.
AITJ if I want/ask my husband to stay home with me instead of attending Ella’s show?
Ella has made it clear only my husband is invited, so him taking the little one is not an option.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your husband should stay with you. If you’re having a fever/chills have you been to the Dr? I had a 2nd trimester miscarriage had to have D&E, and then started having heavy cramping and chills. Turns out not everything was removed with the initial procedure so had to have a second D&E.
Then stay in the hospital. In the maternity ward. That was a special kind of tough. The only person who made it the least bit better was my husband. He never left my side. Just a thought OP if you haven’t been to a Dr and you’ve got fever/chills that’s all the more reason your husband shouldn’t leave you alone.
This is one performance, she’ll have others. OP can’t exactly have her husband’s emotional support another time for this situation. In times like this, the greatest need wins and OP definitely has the greatest need.” MiserableQuit828
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here: This is a tough situation.
My heart breaks for you and your family. You need support right now, especially with still having to be a parent to your little one and processing a painful emotional and physical experience. Your husband needs to help you right now. He needs to be there not only to support you as you undergo the physical and emotional pain of a miscarriage but to take care of his other child.
Your little one needs someone who can be there and who is healthy enough to handle a little human energy. You are in no position physically to do this. Ella is going to need to be a little understanding. I don’t understand why the half-sibling cannot come to the performance during an emergency.
This is a situation that requires compassion and empathy.” Vast_Lecture
Another User Comments:
“Info: Why is his daughter angry with him? Did he leave his ex for you? I will say, as someone who has zero relationship with my father, this is an olive branch to this girl.
Whether you think it’s justified or not, and whether it’s the ex-wife’s fault or not, Ella is clearly hurt. She is clearly willing to give him a chance to be there for her within the boundaries of her comfort. And you know what?
She’s a child and he’s the parent. If he can’t see her where she’s at, she’s not going to let him in her life later on. Fault is irrelevant. If he wants to repair the relationship, he’s going to have to show her he’s willing to show up for her in a way she’s comfortable with.
If he skips this time, he might not get another chance. And I do think there is a whole side of this story missing. This 17-year-old feels like her dad disappointed her in some big way. You don’t have to understand it. But he needs to try.
I think YTJ if you keep him home. I’m sympathetic as a mom and as someone who has also been through miscarriages. It’s half a day. I would call a good friend for support. Get some help for sure. But try to let this happen for him.” [deleted]
19. AITJ For Offering To Babysit Without Consulting My Partner?
“My (32F) partner (29M) and I live together. We have a couple who are friends of ours who have a 2-year-old toddler (we have no children).
She is the cutest little kid. My partner isn’t a kid person, he doesn’t dislike her or anything, but he doesn’t go out of his way to interact with her when we see them, like I do.
They had a get-together earlier this week, and while we were there, the wife started talking about how she and her husband hadn’t had a night out in a while.
I told her that if they wanted to go do something on Friday, I would be happy to watch their daughter. I already knew I didn’t have plans, and I knew that my partner didn’t have any plans at the house or anything, so bringing her to our house wouldn’t be a problem.
She thanked me and confirmed with her husband that he was available on Friday.
The morning after the party, I mentioned to my partner that I was going to watch their daughter on Friday so they could go out. He got annoyed and said I should have asked him before offering.
I said he didn’t have to do anything, he didn’t even need to be there if he didn’t want to, and I wasn’t expecting him to help. He said that at the party, he had asked a couple of the guys to come over on Friday, and didn’t want a little kid running around bothering them.
I said I would entertain her separately so it wouldn’t be a problem.
That’s exactly what happened. They dropped her off after my partner’s friends were already here, I took her into another room, we played games and watched TV until they picked her up, and that’s it.
My partner is still acting salty this morning because I didn’t talk to him first. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Well, I am glad you had a good time. I think you did every single thing you were supposed to do. You both get to make your choices if you’re reasonably considerate.
Having the child over didn’t interfere with him at all. I’m not sure what he’s in such a snitch about because it didn’t even impact him. It sounds like it’s worth being with him but isn’t he fragile and self-involved.” mcclgwe
Another User Comments:
“Your partner’s being a bit of a control freak. You had every right to offer to babysit someone even if your partner had made other plans. He darn sure doesn’t have the right to tell you you should have done it because it might bother him.
Did he check in with you before he made plans to have people over to the house? If you didn’t he’s being the jerk. I’m not saying either of you has to ask each other’s permission. If you make plans separately that’s fine you just inform each other.
Couples don’t ask permission unless it’s something that involves both of you. Couples aren’t joined-at-the-hip just because they’re living together or even in a relationship.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“You and your partner both decided to have other people round without asking the other person, which seems like more of a miscommunication than anything.
However, a 2yo isn’t the kind of guest that is going to be respectful of the fact there are other people in the house. Even if he wasn’t having friends over it’s a jerk move to invite a human hurricane over when you know he doesn’t like kids.
“I said he didn’t have to do anything, he didn’t even need to be there if he didn’t want to.” The first is a given, the second sounds like you’re basically kicking him out of the house if he doesn’t like that you’re bringing a kid around.
It’s his house too, he shouldn’t have to leave just because you decided to babysit. INFO: Why are you babysitting the kid at your house rather than your friends’ house? Their house is fully stocked, you cut the driving required in half, and that way it has nothing to do with your partner.” annedroiid
18. AITJ For Complaining About My Doctor's Remarks On My Pregnancy Weight Gain?
“I (36F) am pregnant with my second child and I’ve gained quite a bit of weight. I’m 34 weeks and I’ve gained almost 70 lbs. I’m also really petite (5’1”) and only weighed 105 lbs pre-pregnancy so it’s obviously a lot. However, the same thing happened during my first pregnancy and I lost almost all the weight within a few months and was back to pre-pregnancy size within a year post-partum.
I also don’t have gestational diabetes and everything seems healthy and normal with both baby and me. The huge weight gain seems to run in the family because my mom also gained between 60-80 lbs with each kid (also very petite pre-pregnancy and no gestational diabetes) and my sister gained almost 100 lbs (same thing).
Anyway, so at my latest appointment, my OB basically started berating me about the weight gain. He said I was becoming obese and putting my health and the baby at risk and started asking me very aggressively about the kinds of food I eat. When I mentioned that I eat carrots with hummus he started berating me about eating high-calorie foods and demanded that I keep a food journal and count calories.
I tried to tell him I do eat healthy and exercise, but he essentially told me that he didn’t believe me because “the scale doesn’t lie.”
After the appointment, I contacted the office and said I absolutely never want to see him again and that I wanted to file a complaint about his behavior.
Most people say I did nothing wrong but my BIL (who is also a doctor) said while the OB should have talked to me with more tact, he was correct to be worried about my weight gain.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I had a doctor do the same to me.
“How in God’s name did you gain 10 pounds in a week?” (It wasn’t that hard.) I am normally slim as a whippet and gained 55 pounds with both kids. No stretch marks, high blood pressure or gestational diabetes, etc. Of course doctors told my mom she should gain no more than 10 pounds with each pregnancy in the 40s and 50s and to curb her appetite so I take it all with a grain of salt.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – why just why. You spent the majority of the post justifying weight gain. A lot of what he suggested was good advice and is common practice. Sure he could have used a bit more tack but it seems that you weren’t listening to him (from the tone of this post).
When I was pregnant (2 children) I had to do this. I had trouble putting on weight and it worked. I also think the assumption that you will lose it again within a year is a fallacy. All pregnancies (including post) are different. While you don’t have gestational diabetes now it doesn’t mean that you won’t in the future.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you only gain weight if you consume excess calories. That’s it. You probably do eat too much but you think it’s normal, that’s why he wanted you to do a food diary so he can demonstrate that you are eating too much.
He’s right you are wrong. Put your emotions aside and objectively consider his advice. Your family all gained weight from their habits, not their genetics. You are clinically obese and that is horrible for your health. But the upshot is you can change that anytime.
But first, you have to take responsibility.” Adjectivenounnumba
In the next few weeks I lost over 60 lbs. I figure something was going on that the doc was missing. I was back to my normal weight in about 4 months.
17. AITJ For Going To My Best Friend's Bat Mitzvah Against My Mom's Wishes?
“I (13F) am best friends with Allie, who just recently turned 12. Allie is Jewish, while my family is hardcore Christian, but our religious differences have never gotten in the way of our friendship.
Allie has been planning her Bat Mitzvah for many months, and I have had the honor of helping. A month ago, when I informed my Mom (my dad isn’t in the picture) of the day of Allie’s Bat Mitzvah, she sort of laughed it off, and said yes in an odd manner, as if she thought it was a joke.
I kind of brushed it off and moved on after that.
Fast forward to yesterday, I came down the stairs with my dress and makeup and everything on, and I told my mom that the limo was here and I was leaving. For context, it was always worked out that Allie was going to pick me up from the house and stay the night after.
She turned around from the couch and said I wasn’t going. I was really confused since she was on board with it up until this point. I asked her why and she said that she didn’t want to tell me until the last second but she didn’t want me going.
She doesn’t want me to “be lost” to another religion and that I was betraying my Faith. I told her that supporting someone else doesn’t make me part of Judaism. I quickly left the house and went with Allie to the Bat Mitzvah.
My mom has been blowing my phone up all that evening, and into today.
I feel bad about disobeying my mom because this is the first time I’ve ever done something like this. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and if your mom really felt strongly about this she should have said something to you months ago. Telling you no as you were leaving was not OK, and I understand why you disobeyed her.
Ditching your best friend on such an important day of her life would have damaged, if not downright ended, your relationship. Going to a bat mitzvah won’t make you magically convert to Judaism any more than going out for sushi would make you magically become Japanese, and I hope once your mom calms down you can have a good talk with her about why her last-minute edict and ensuing textual harassment put you in an unwinnable situation.” norismomma
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your mom is! That’s your best friend. You are going to support her not to convert. (Which honestly wouldn’t be your mom’s decision if you wanted to either. You are your own person and you get to decide what you believe.) Not only did your mom go back on her word, but she also made it clear she’s intolerant of anything other than her own opinion.
You can be a Christian and still respect other people’s religions. It could be argued that you are 13 and therefore you should have listened to your mom regardless, which to some extent I agree with as you are very young, but at the same time her sudden change of heart was irrational and imo cruel and in this case I think you stood up for something you believed in.
(Supporting your friend) You were the rational one in this decision. You did nothing wrong. Sometimes our parents are the ones in the wrong.” marriedtoinsomnia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I feel really bad for having to explain this in the 21st century. A person is free to practice their religion as they see fit.
To me, sounds like you’re being there for your friend at an event that is important to them. As far as your friendship goes, the religious aspect of it is unimportant. Had she been trying to get you to go to a service that tried to change your beliefs, that would be wrong.
But she didn’t. I am personally very proud that you and your friend have been able to keep a friendship going when your mother is so closed-minded. If your mother is so sure that her faith is “correct”, then you attending another religious ceremony should not be an issue.
Religious faith is all about accepting others as they are and loving them regardless. I am deeply disappointed that religious faith is still an issue that needs to be forced in the 21st century. You’re free to believe what you want, and you’re free to trust in your friends believing differently than you do.
Go to the Bat Mitzvah, have a great time, and when you get home, tell your mum that you haven’t changed your faith. If she still has issues, she’s arguing in bad faith and you can ignore her arguments.” yokohama2177
I appreciate that there may be some people who would have not wanted their child to attend a Jewish ceremony because of the Gaza situation: that would also be stupid bigotry with a side order of virtue-signalling(particularly as plenty of Jew also hate what the IDF is doing in Gaza) but your mother is just a dimwitted christofascist.
16. AITJ For Telling My Best Friend's Partner About Her Unpaid Debt To Me?
“About three years ago, when my best friend and her partner first started seeing each other, I “loaned” her around 20k USD.
I know it’s a ton of money but our financial situations are wildly different and I’m very settled and she’s always been very bad with money and got in a lot of debt. I honestly did not expect to get this money back, but I hoped it would help her start to fix her life, and for a while, it really did.
She started therapy and was doing absolutely great with debt. She never paid me back at all, but like I said, I never expected her to, and I was really proud of her for paying her car off, saving money, and paying off her school loans.
So recently, she’s been asking her partner about marriage and moving in together with a mortgage, and he’s not quite at that level. I assumed she was still financially doing well since she hadn’t told me otherwise. But he texted me the other day asking if she’s paid me back at all and I told him no but that I was just proud of how far she’s come.
WELL BOY WAS I WRONG. It turns out she’s gotten herself back into debt. This all seems to be relatively recent, over the past couple of months, and not life inflation debt, just your typical overbuying things debt, like clothing and shoes and whatnot.
She is absolutely fuming at me for talking to him without consulting her first. I have never texted him before – I guess he got my number from her phone on his own, and he does not want to have a mortgage with her at all now because of how bad she seems to be financially.
AITJ for telling him the truth, or for texting him back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously, there has been some communication between the partner and your best friend about it. He then started comparing his notes, got suspicious, called you, and you assuming that your best friend mentioned it to him, you answered him honestly.
You didn’t volunteer that info so you’re far from being the jerk. Your best friend has a problem with her spending and needs guidance from an expert. Right now, she’s a bad bet for a mortgage.” stacity
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I gather that she told him about your loan/gift and he was following up on details.
He asks you a relatively benign question and you give him an honest answer. What were you meant to say? She hadn’t briefed you on what cover story to give her partner if he asked about the money you gave her. The old “I’d rather not talk about that”?
Lie and tell him she was repaying you or had repaid you? Not the jerk. And she shouldn’t be fuming at someone who gave her twenty grand. Very naughty.” TheTrueAHWasInsideUs
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you were asked a question that is massively important in the big scheme of things.
You were asked and you honestly answered. That’s it. Not once did you go up to her partner and volunteer that information. Her partner was having suspicions about finances. Maybe she lied about the whole thing. Claiming that she paid you back. Nobody knows as we are not privy to that conversation.
Your friend is not financially responsible. And you OP are not responsible for her irresponsibility in her own life, especially in financial issues.” demonmonkey1313
15. AITJ For Suggesting A Restraining Order Against My Stepmom After She Crashed My Sister's Wedding Planning Dinner?
“My oldest sister Asia, 33, is getting married in about 6 months and we are doing things like wedding dress shopping and event planning.
I already know a big wedding won’t be something I’d ever want but I’m happy to help my sister plan.
Our stepmom (Becky, late 40s) and step sisters Doe (12) and Kayleigh (14) really haven’t been included because we just don’t like our stepmom.
Things got worse last week when Becky insisted on being included in the wedding planning. She actually showed up to a dinner that my sister posted on Instagram that we went to.
Becky went berserk yelling at us (in a restaurant) because she and her daughters weren’t included. Asia just froze because who does this and Becky said jealousy is a normal healthy experience for her daughter and we should think of them.
I told her they all need to go to group therapy if this is how they think people should act and maybe I should call CPS because Becky’s acting like an unhinged toxic lunatic stalking someone’s Instagram and showing up at a restaurant.
My sister decided to disinvite my dad from the wedding after this and now have my grandpa walk her down the aisle.
Some family members think it was disrespectful to talk to my stepmom like that and call her crazy. I personally think my sister should just file a restraining order to keep Becky out of a wedding because she’s crazy for just stalking somebody’s Instagram stories and showing up to a restaurant to yell at people.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your sister needs to stop posting everything on Instagram before/during pre-wedding planning. She should post AFTER the event is over for pics. This way your stepmom can’t continue to ruin the events that come before the wedding. (info diet) And also, advise your sister to have some good security on hand to take out any trash that might show up.
And to password protect with her venue and vendors.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She set the tone when she went off on you in public. Mutual respect went off the table the minute she opened her mouth. And crazy is an appropriate, if probably not medically accurate, word for someone who hangs on to anger long enough to research, stalk, and confront y’all so explosively.
In front of her own children. Some wedding planners and suppliers have procedures in place for managing unwanted visitors/guests. If not, agree with others some security would be useful to specifically watch for her arrival. Document all of this and any future craziness she does in case she does it again or escalates her behavior.
If you’re in the US, some jurisdictions may allow a temporary restraining order for a short period. You’d have to check. It’s a lot of effort and may not result in an order anyway. Just the one situation and she wasn’t physical is all you have right now.
Because the Instagram post was prior to your dinner, you had no reason to expect privacy. So the stalking charge – assuming this is the first instance – is weak. Creepy, though.” maburke
Another User Comments:
“A 33-year-old getting married isn’t going to include actual 12 and 14-year-olds in wedding planning much less children she has a vague relationship with.
Becky married your father when your sister was an adult, of course your sister isn’t inviting her to wedding planning. I wouldn’t engage with Becky again over anything. Oh! Becky has been married to your dad for four years and thought her 12 and 14-year-olds were going to be flower girls (wrong age bracket) or bridesmaids (basically also wrong age bracket and inappropriate with lack of relationship.) “My sister decided to disinvite my dad from the wedding after this and now have my grandpa walk her down the aisle.” Good.
I don’t know who is upset at you for yelling at your stepmom (of four years. Please.) but she invited it by showing up to a party she wasn’t invited to to pitch a fit. NTJ. She’s not even really your stepmom, she’s your dad’s wife.” slendermanismydad
14. AITJ For Refusing To Sign An Unfair Job Contract My Friend Referred Me To?
“My friend (we’ll call Jane) told me about an opening at a seasonal weekend job that sounded interesting. It was something that matched my interests almost perfectly. I was able to shift my existing job schedule without losing any income to be able to do this, so I did.
I filled out the application form, used my friend as a reference, and was offered the position, with a starting date (at that point) 3 weeks in the future. The recruiter said he’d have a contract ready within a few days. I waited and waited.
Two weeks went by, and the contract sent to me basically said, “I agree that I am a student of the academy, NOT an employee, and am not entitled to any income”.
I wrote back saying (in a professional manner) there is no way I’m signing this, I was told this was a job and I’m not doing it for free. They told me to just disregard it and they would send the REAL contract later.
Then, two days before I’m supposed to start, they give me a contract that was completely asinine.
Some highlights:
- I get paid $4/hr for 11-hour work days on half of the days I work, and I get paid nothing the other half.
- I have to go to five press events for them at my own expense anywhere they want me to.
- If I get injured because of their negligence, they are not liable
- If they get sued for any reason while I’m on premises, I have to cover a part of their legal fees (they have no obligation to reciprocate)
Naturally, I said no, to which they responded, “we’re sorry to hear that, but we understand. I’m sure Jane will be disappointed to hear about your decision.”
I didn’t think anything of it until some of my other friends said I was the jerk and made Jane look like an idiot after turning down a job she referred me to, and that I should have just taken it for the one season to save face.
Except the pay was so abysmal it would have cost me more to travel to the workplace than I would have earned, the contract might have left me on the hook for unreasonable expenses, AND I got a much better job offer AND could re-rearrange the hours at my other jobs for much higher pay under much better conditions.
Still, my friends were persistent, so I figured I’d ask. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s probably a federal wage violation as well if that original language you cited was removed. You are not obligated to take a position whose salary is below what you are willing to trade your time for, and it is sad that your “friends” don’t see that.” Independent_Ad4410
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Backing out of jobs you initially agreed to, especially when the terms are worse than promised is normal and completely fine. That business had no right to offer an absurdly low wage and they most definitely don’t have the right to use your friend to manipulate you and your decision.” ABZ-havok
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one in their right mind would accept those absurd working conditions in fact they’re illegal because they don’t even give you the basic minimum wage. And no one can be expected to work for free, that’s insane. But why would any friend of yours who actually likes you want you to work under those conditions because you couldn’t pay your bills?
It doesn’t make sense!” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Reporting The Delivery Guy Who Kept Texting Me To His Boss?
“I (19F) recently ordered some food from a local restaurant for delivery.
The food was good, but the delivery driver was weird. He kept lingering at the door even after I paid, I asked if there was anything else and he said no, so I just shut the door.
The problem: he’s been using my phone number I left to order to text me, in a flirty way.
I politely told him I’m in a relationship (that’s a lie, but it seemed preferable to telling him he has no chance because he’s my dad’s age and creepy) but I still got good morning/goodnight/how you doing texts every day.
I was/am pretty creeped out.
This is a complete stranger who knows where I live, knows my phone number/full name, and I don’t know anything about him.
Since he kept texting I called the restaurant and told the boss what was happening and that I found it unprofessional and inappropriate.
I got one last text from the guy cursing me out because I got him fired, and that I should have just talked to him.
AITJ for not talking to him first?”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. You followed your very good instincts and reported him to his superior.
That’s exactly what you should have done, and it’s his own fault that he was fired. That being said, please watch out for the guy hanging around your house, following you, etc. because you know he is angry. You may end up having to report him to the police too.” thekellysong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t engage with creeps like that. Just get away from them as fast as you can. Anything you said would only have escalated the situation, as he would either become irrationally angry at you or more desperate in his harassment. Either could lead to a very bad situation for you.
It’s best to report him to someone in authority and keep yourself safe.” TinyRascalSaurus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did talk to him and told him you were in a relationship. Either way, he sounds like a total creep & I don’t blame you for being concerned. Just watch yourself for the coming future.
Make sure he isn’t lurking in your neighborhood. If you do see him call the cops straightaway. Don’t fool around with this.” J************g
If he is stalking you then he might be watching you not be in a relationship.
12. AITJ For Handling Office Birthdays Differently And Making Donations Optional?
“For the past year, I have been handling the birthdays for my department in the office. We used to do this years ago and every month we would donate $5, not everyone was comfortable with how this was done, and decided to stop doing this.
I thought I would do it a little differently.
Rather than buying decorations, I thought that getting a simple gift and goodies would be better. I would send out text messages to everyone a week in advance and tell them what I have planned. I would also give people the option to donate, and if they couldn’t that would be okay too.
Mostly this meant I would pay more than my fair share which I don’t mind. Everyone deserves a little special something for their birthday.
I was giving people the option because not everyone felt comfortable with giving money, and not everyone carries cash or uses cash apps.
I would not exclude them from celebrating just because they were not comfortable or couldn’t give money. A few people have expressed to me that they prefer the way I was handling it because the money is going towards getting a meaningful gift from the entire group, and some yummy treats.
It also depended upon the person if I was going to let the whole office in on the birthday plans or not. Only a couple of our people are social butterflies and will talk to everyone no matter what department they were in. It’s our boss’s birthday!
My boss is not a social butterfly so I was going to keep it between a couple of departments.
As usual, I sent everyone in my department a text message. I was going to get her a plant because she loves plants and possibly a fruit bowl instead of cupcakes because she loves fruit.
Two out of seven co-workers gave me $5 to put towards a gift, and my new co-worker was going to get the fruit as her way of donating. Almost everyone seemed fine with the idea.
An old co-worker of mine has seemed to have a problem with how this is being done lately.
She did ask how much the gift was, and I told her I was unsure I had not gone to get the plant yet. “Since when was it ever an ‘option’ for people to donate?” I tried to explain that not everyone may be able to.
A few expressed that they hated the way it was handled before and liked the way I was doing it “How you are doing it is not personal enough! She is our boss!” This is how her birthday was done and she didn’t seem to have a problem with it, especially after receiving a small canvas with a momma and baby elephant, and cupcakes.
She loves elephants. The only thing I could think to do was go quiet. “I don’t want to be part of this anymore!” I only told her ‘okay,’ and turned to leave since this was after work hours. I still got the gift, a bonsai tree.
I tried not to cry in the store.
AITJ of giving everyone the option to donate if they can? I don’t want to make anyone feel bad for not donating. I am considering not doing this anymore. This is also not the first time she has become confrontational with me or others in my department.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are doing the best you can to be considerate of people with vastly different opinions on how birthdays are celebrated at work. You appear to be doing this as a volunteer as well. You have no obligation to meet anyone’s expectations.
Also, the idea that your boss’s birthday should be more special because of position is ridiculous. Your boss when it comes to birthdays should be an equal which you are doing. If in the end, this becomes too political and no longer worthwhile you can stop.
Or go to something simple like cake once a month celebrating all the office birthdays on one day. You will not be able to please everyone.” GWeb1920
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t please everybody (and you shouldn’t try!). I did the office birthday plans for my office (around 22 people) for over 20 years and it can really wipe you out financially, emotionally, and physically.
But there comes a time when you are EXPECTED to do it all up every. single. time. and someone always feels a need to critique what you did, the cake flavor, the gift, the card. Finally, I just started buying one HUGE cake on the first of every month.
The words on the cake read “January birthdays!” or whatever month. I did always buy a birthday card for each person’s birthday to pass around for everyone to sign. I am so sorry that you ended up crying, this is so danged sad, all you want to do is make sure everyone has a good special day, bless your heart for trying so hard.
You have such a good heart.” NCKALA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I still don’t like this. People are constantly being asked for money these days. Donate to this cause, buy my kid’s raffle tickets, or turn up to their school’s car wash, etc. so-and-so is leaving or it’s their birthday or they’re sick.
Even when it’s not mandatory there’s an implied obligation. While you seem to have good intentions, some will feel guilty if they don’t/can’t contribute. From what you’ve said, this is your thing. You love celebrating birthdays? Wonderful! Drop the gifts, but offer the birthday person a cake OR a fruit bowl for everyone to share.
If they want it, fantastic as it’s a great way for the team to bond. Many people don’t like celebrating their birthdays – so it’s also an opportunity for a polite no thank you. This way, nobody is forced into a situation where they feel uncomfortable.” delila-blue
11. AITJ For Having A Skull Decoration In My Fish Tank?
“I’ve never had a pet before so I asked my mom if I could have a fish tank in my room. She gave me the okay. So I got my tank supplies and put one big skull in the tank (with other decor). I’ve had it for THREE months and she didn’t realize it until one day
She came to me screaming on the phone about the skull and said I’m bringing the devil spirits into the house and needed to come home asap. I was at work so she had to wait
I come home and the tank is shattered on the ground.
Plants everywhere. Water is everywhere. My fish is dead on the ground. She threw the skull away and took the trash out. I asked her why did she smash the tank and she said “It had devil residue on it”. Then she proceeded to yell at me more about the skull.
Like I touched skulls in my Anatomy Lab and never got possessed? She used to be a nurse???
AITJ for having a skull in my tank?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother is insane. Also, in the name of her superstitions, she killed a living being because, apparently, she could not control herself.
A rational person would remove the skull without killing the fish (or wait for you to come home and have you remove it). I hate to say it, but your mother is dangerously deranged.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mum is clearly mentally unwell and needs help.
That being said if you want to speak in her language, I’d suggest googling some bible verses. Here’s one, proverbs 12:10 10 “The righteous care for the needs of their animals, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel.” You should tell her a righteous person has regard for the life of animals especially the ones under their care, and she was acting wicked and against god with her “kind act” in killing the fish.
She could have just removed the skull if she believed it offended her god. The fish and plants didn’t need to die.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is nuts. Also, she should be aware that religious paintings and sculptures are chock full of skulls, they are a memento mori (reminder of mortality) so obviously religion doesn’t have a problem with skulls at all.
There are a number of churches richly decorated with actual human bones, such as the Sedlec Ossuary which features skull garlands hanging from the ceiling.” Broutythecat
10. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Baby's Gender With My Husband And Family?
“My husband and dad both have a vested interest in my baby being a boy. Although my husband now claims he wouldn’t care either way and would love to have a daughter, I don’t know if I believe him. As soon as I was able to find out the gender, my husband wanted to but I said no.
I started to feel anxious the further along I was, so I decided to find out alone. My family, especially my dad, have been asking me what the gender is. Everybody, including my husband, is upset with me because I won’t tell them.
The reason I won’t is because I think they should be happy the baby is healthy and the focus shouldn’t be the gender.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not YOUR baby. Your husband has just as much a right to know as you do. It’s one thing if you decided to keep it a surprise at birth, but you decided you could know but not your husband.
You’re being controlling and selfish and using the baby as a pawn to make a point.” Turbulent-Army2631
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I understand where you are coming from but finding out the gender, letting your husband know you found out, and then refusing to tell him is a jerk move.
You went and found out so you would have time to plan how to deal with any potential disappointment and stop feeling anxious. Your refusal to tell him is either refusing to give him time to process his disappointment before your daughter gets here or refusing to allow him to know he’s not going to have to deal with disappointment with your son (which kind of comes across as punitive towards him for having a preference).
The rest of the family can go kick rocks but your husband should get to know since you decided to find out.” Sadbabytrashpanda
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That you’re so anxious about this signals a pretty serious problem in your partnership. Your gut is telling you that he’s going to be a jerk about your kid not being a boy, and your dad’s being a turd about this as well at a time when you need support, not coddling their ideas about machismo.
It’s the most stressful possible time to have it reiterated that they are jerks who look down on women and will only pass on business/money/houses to SONNY BOYS. It’s a big kick in the teeth to have it out in neon that your own father thinks you’re nothing more than an incubator for the all-important GRANDSON/HEIR.
Would you feel more comfortable being with a counselor and talking with a neutral party about why he’s acting this way and why you don’t trust him to want a daughter? You’ve discovered something absolutely sick about your husband (and the pain of already knowing this about your jerk father) and it is manifesting by holding on to this small bit of control (which will slip out of your hands inevitably when the kid is born).” Sea-Mud5386
9. AITJ For Giving My Ex Extra Child Support While My Current Partner Struggles Financially?
“I, m38, share 3 kids, 12-11-9, with my ex, f36. We have been separated for 8 years and I have been with my partner, Zoe f31, for 7 years. I pay child support at $200 a fortnight, $400 a month, and my ex gets a single-parent payment, $970 a fortnight.
She also has a government house so rent is $110 a week, but she now shares that with her partner of 2 years and they split the bills 50-50 and he has a well-paying full-time job.
Zoe works 3 jobs, a morning and afternoon job at a school, and also works as a student support worker at the school.
On Saturdays she works in disability, taking care of disabled children for a few hours to give caregivers respite. She earns about $1700 a fortnight after tax, I earn $1000 a week.
I feel bad for not being there to support my kids as they live 3hrs away and will give my ex extra money to help out, $120 for their shoes each, $150 for their sports shoes each, I paid $100 towards their music lessons a week for 2 months until I found out they stopped playing and ex was keeping the money.
I pay for uniforms, robux, tablets, bus tickets to school, sports uniforms, etc. And when not paying that I pay about an extra $200 each week to my ex.
Zoe asked me to stop paying so much extra because it is sending me broke and she has to give me her money to cover my half of the rent, power, water, and put petrol in my car, which then leaves her with no money.
It’s true that I give my ex the extra amount and leave myself short, especially considering we are paying a house loan on top of our rent. So sometimes Zoe has to cover my rent and the $230 for my part of the loan repayment, as well as buy the week’s food, but it’s not like I’m gambling the money it’s for my kids.
She asked that for a while can I just give my ex $50 extra if I really want to pay more child support, instead of $200+ because she is working 12 hours Mon-Fri and had to take on a 3rd job just to keep us afloat and she is struggling.
I said it’s not fair of her to ask me to stop giving my ex more money towards supporting my kids. Zoe said she has no problem with me giving my ex more child support than the allocated amount but that I’m being a jerk by leaving myself short and needing her to cover my costs, she said she is ‘supporting us both’.
I told her I thought that’s what a relationship was, knowing your partner has your back, clearly Zoe doesn’t have mine. But my sister called me a jerk and said Zoe has a point.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not for wanting to provide for your children, it’s great that you care about them.
What makes you the jerk is the fact that you are relying on Zoe to cover expenses you are unable to commit to because of the extra money you’re giving your ex financially draining you. Zoe should not be working 3 jobs to cover your share of bills.
If you want to continue giving your ex extra money you should be taking up a second job to do so. That way you’re able to pay your share of bills and not expect Zoe to do everything for you. This isn’t an issue of Zoe not having your back, this is an issue of you not having Zoe’s back and being incredibly ungrateful for everything she’s done to take care of you when she shouldn’t have to do all of that alone.” roseisms
Another User Comments:
“I was so so ready to call your partner the jerk going into this post, but I actually think she’s in the right. YTJ Wanting to give support to your children with more money is perfectly reasonable, but the fact is you’re spending beyond your means.
If your partner has to cover you on your half of the bills, then it isn’t actually your own money you’re sending your kids, it’s your partner’s money. If you want to send your children every single dollar left over after your required expenses are paid and avoid spending any extra money on yourself, then that would be perfectly reasonable, admirable even.
But that’s not what you’re doing. You’re requiring your partner to supplement your bills when it sounds like she’s already working herself into the ground. You say partners should support one another but you aren’t supporting her, and you’re actively taking away from her ability to support herself, both financially and in terms of time, given how much she works.
If part of your partnership was the agreement to help raise and support your children, then it would make sense for her to help support your children financially as well, but that would need to be an explicit conversation y’all have and she would need to have equal input on how her money was spent on the kids.
You clearly mean well, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re taking advantage of your partner, who’s already working 3 jobs to survive.” sr9876
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “Zoe said she has no problem with me giving my ex more child support than the allocated amount but that I’m being a jerk by leaving myself short and needing her to cover my costs, she said she is ‘supporting us both.'” Zoe is correct and I can’t really summarize it any better.
“I told her I thought that’s what a relationship was, knowing your partner has your back, clearly Zoe doesn’t have mine. “You made a unilateral financial decision that is negatively impacting your finances and your partner is covering for you. Imagine if you bought a new car without telling Zoe and couldn’t afford the car payment and the rent, so she’s gotta cover for you.
That would be a real jerk move. That’s what you are doing.” Malphael
8. AITJ For Disliking My Little Sister's Physical Affection Due To My Discomfort With Being Touched?
“I don’t like being touched and am very aware of it due to personal and just generally not great reasons.
My close friends never try to touch me or hug me because they know I hate it. I try to avoid physical interaction with my family that is unnecessary. The only person that I am fully comfortable with is my partner, but even then it took a lot of talking and slow physical interaction before getting together for me to be this way and find comfort in his touch.
My little sister, now 4 (I’m 19 btw) loves hugging and kissing. She would run up to you and hug you. Kiss your cheek out of nowhere. Skin-to-skin interactions. She’s just generally a very touchy and affectionate kid in that way. I used to be fine with it when she was a baby or a younger toddler, but she’s older now, talking and fully aware so these days I started to feel more uncomfortable with her touching.
It has nothing to do with her as a person, just being touched in general freaks me out sometimes. And I have to add, she is the type of kid that would start throwing a tantrum if you don’t hug her or carry her when she wants to.
I find myself flinching, moving away, and sometimes avoiding her touches. When I tried to resist to try to say no, she would throw the biggest and loudest tantrum. Crying nonstop unless you carry or do whatever she wants you to. Sometimes she will understand if she’s in a particularly good mood but other than that, she just wants to be as close to you as she can.
That’s exactly why I feel horrible. So I make myself tolerate it even though I’m extremely uncomfortable. I just don’t want her 4-year-old brain to think why does her older sister not want to hug her or kiss her or be physically affectionate with her.
She’s a kid. She wants these things.
I just feel horrible for having a reaction to it and just feeling uncomfortable so I make myself deal with it. I just don’t know how long I can keep doing that. Especially as she gets older.”
AITJ?
I don’t know what to do.
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You OP have every right to avoid touching, and your sister as a 4y/o simply doesn’t know that it makes you uncomfortable. 4 is a great age to start teaching a child about consent and bodily autonomy, and with good communication (with the parents involved, of course) it can be addressed and resolved while giving your sister the understanding it has nothing to do with her or against her personally.” IHateDarlaSherman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and after reading your other replies it’s sad to see that your parents don’t have a more active role in trying to support you with this. I feel like reinforcement of your boundaries to her by them would probably help quite a bit.
I know you don’t want to hurt her, but all you can do is keep doing your best to communicate your feelings to her, OP. All children are different, but most will learn if they are taught/told/shown something over and over. It will probably just take more time with her, just keep reinforcing those boundaries and double down on showing your love in other ways, such as quality time, to help her not feel rejected or disappointed. Wishing you the best.” IonicKingslayer
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, and I was in a similar boat. As I’ve gotten older, I’m able to push down those red flags in my head, which I needed to with the same 15-year age gap between my sister and me, as well as when it comes to my daughter.
But sometimes I have a hypersensitive or overstimulated day and have to tell people around me that I need to back away and be calm for a while. This is easier now that the children in question are 17 and 10, so they (mostly) understand. Hopefully, this will be something that can fade or be worked with over time, but even if it’s not, I hope for the best for you in this.
Maybe speaking to someone who specializes in children can help you find the right way? And whatever you find you’ll need your parents’ help to reinforce. Also, if you’re able (and I know the market sucks right now), I would look into getting your own space.
Visiting with boundaries is easier than living there and having them pushed constantly.” RavenAmaranth
7. AITJ For Getting Ear Piercings Against My Grandmother's Wishes?
“I’m 17 years old and legally in England, you can get piercings at 16 years old without parental permission.
2 days ago, I got two ear piercings, helix and second lobe on my left ear (I already had my lobes done).
I paid with my own money and told my parents what I was doing and they were fine with it. I have thought about getting them for a while so it’s not some spontaneous decision I have just made in the heat of the moment.
When I showed my Nana (dad’s mom) she told me I had ruined myself and she thought it was disgusting in her opinion. I told her that I liked them and they were nice. She then proceeded to tell me I was wrong and I better not think about getting any tattoos or she will “fall out” with me and I will never receive money from her again (she gives me £5 a week pocket money till I turn 18).
When I spoke to my grandma on FaceTime (we FaceTime every Sunday due to me having a busy schedule with work and college as well as sports commitments and me being only able to see her once a week) she noticed the piercing and she proceeded to argue with me saying if I get into a fight that’s the first thing they are going to go for and that they are horrible (I have never got into a fight and never associated with people like that).
I told her it was my body and I could do what I wanted with it and she proceeded to hang up on me.
This morning I received a long paragraph saying she loves me very much and usually supports everything I do. She then went on to basically say I have disfigured my body and tell me my grandad hated his tattoos and was ashamed of them.
And I will hate them when I’m older. She also told me employers look at how I present myself basically suggesting it will prevent me from getting a job.
I told her it is not a disfigurement and I already spoke to my boss before getting them and he is fine with them.
I told her, again, I am nearly 18 and I can do what I want with my body and it is quite frankly none of her business and if I dislike I can take them out and it will heal over.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s obvious that more traditional people like your grandparents aren’t going to like body modifications. That doesn’t make you a jerk at all. They will get over it in time as they’d be stupid to let a bit of metal determine their love for you.
You are right in saying they don’t control your body, your parents approved because (I’m guessing) they want you to be happy, so your grandparents should feel the same way. Don’t let this get in the way of you having a relationship with them however as you’ll definitely regret it.
But also don’t change who you are just to please them.” GroovyEmu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I agree with some other comments saying being old is no excuse and it isn’t. But unfortunately, a lot of people in that generation still decide to talk down to the younger generations for modifying their bodies with piercings and tattoos.
My grandma flipped when she saw my 3in tattoo on my ankle when my pant leg rolled up, she’d probably have a heart attack if she knew/saw my 12×6 tattoo on my thigh lol. Even my parents had something to say about my tattoos and when I got my belly button pierced. It has nothing to do with them though, you do you and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” Great_Raccoon3726
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m f43, (in the UK) and I remember my gran taking me to have my ear pierced the first time (as I didn’t think that my parents would approve) and for the second ear lobe piercing…. Cause I definitely didn’t think my parents would like that.
My friends had more than me, But too much pain for me to consider a 3rd. So I’m a bit surprised about the reaction tbh.
s for your nan is the issue that she thinks she has funded the piercings? Is this the money you saved?
Even if your nan gave you the money “no strings attached” was there an expectation that you would put the money towards something? For example, saving towards a laptop if you are going to continue your studies? Or put it towards a bike so you can get back and forth to work….
Or something “nice”? Often grandparents give money in the hope, nay expectation, that you will spend it on something they approve of… and hope that you make the “right” decision showing how mature you are. Unfortunately, your nan doesn’t have to give you any money.
And certainly, if she does give you money I think it’s fair to say it will come with conditions attached. If you saved up the money from your pocket money from your parents or doing odd jobs tell her that. What you could do is come to an agreement that you will spend the money on xxxx – something you want and she will be happy with.” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Letting My Stepson Call Me Mama?
“I’m F32, I’m married to M38. He has a 6-year-old son Chris who he shares custody of with his ex-wife. We have been married for 2 years. Chris lives with us every other week. My husband and I have a 1-year-old daughter Aurora. My husband works and I am a SAHM so I take care of both kids most of the time.
Chris’s mother works and he is with a nanny 9-5 when he is with her.
Chris started calling me “mama” a few weeks ago. He sometimes called me mama and sometimes by my name. Lately, he started calling me just mama. My husband explained to him that I am not his mommy (that is what he calls his mother) but his stepmother and what that means.
Chris said he knows that and that I “am his mama, and mommy is his mommy”.
My husband is okay with Chris calling me mama and so am I. When his mother came to pick him up a few days ago he hugged me and said “bye mama”.
His mother got very upset and said he had to call me by my name. My husband said he can call me whatever he wants. I agreed.
Ex-wife said we are jerks for alienating her child and deceiving him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is touchy, because I can see how Chris’ biological mother might be taking him calling you “mama” the wrong way.
Still, as long as Chris is differentiating between you and his mother, and he knows you’re not his biological mother, and it’s not otherwise affected his relationship with his biological mother, I don’t see why it should be a problem for Chris to call you “mama.”” Zazzog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You handled the situation perfectly by explaining the difference to him. Him choosing to call you that just shows that he feels that bond with you, it’s not up to her. She’s likely upset and dealing with feelings of inadequacy or feeling like she’s being replaced. Which is why she’s saying the things she is.
She’ll get over it in time. I would just make sure Chris knows she is and always will be his mother, but it seems like he already does. She needs to accept that Chris is allowed to define the relationship he has with you, and luckily for all involved, it’s a good one.” associaterogue
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can understand why bio-mom would feel stung by this, but she needs to understand that it isn’t a reflection of him NOT considering HER mom, but how well you’ve done at being a step-mom to him. There’s no reason he can’t have two “mamas.” “Mom” is not a biological thing.
It would be like adopting a baby and telling them not to call you mom because you didn’t give birth to them. She may be experiencing some guilt and feeling like you’re outshining her on the motherhood front because she’s a working mom who doesn’t get to spend as much time with him.
I can sympathize with that feeling, so maybe it will require some compassion on you and your husband’s part. But no, YTJ for being a good step-mom the kid wants to call mama.” echoCashMeOusside
5. AITJ For Putting Lemon In My Food To Stop My Dad From Eating It?
“My dad is allergic to citrus which includes lemons of course.
Over the past year or so, almost any food that I (17f) consider a safe food, which is basically a comfort food for different occasions, has been eaten by my dad (50m).
Normally I wouldn’t have a problem with this, but now it’s starting to get on my nerves considering he’s taken it upon himself to eat any food I bring home (from work, school, etc…). He doesn’t ask, he just takes and doesn’t tell and lets me figure it out on my own sometimes.
So to retaliate, I’ve started putting lemon juice in nearly everything I cook/bring home so that he can’t eat it. This has stopped him from eating my food, but now he gets upset when I tell him something has lemon in it.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Love my dad but he HAD to taste all our food as kids. Big massive bites of sandwiches or scoops of our meals. I’d say he could have leftovers once I was done but he’d refuse to wait because he wanted it to be hot.
He hates Parmesan cheese so I coated everything in it even potatoes. Now pasta is one of my favorites and I wonder if it is because of my desire to consume as much parmesan as possible as a kid. He’s much better now we’re all adults.
Still loves ‘a variety of flavors’ at meals!” tulipbeans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My Mom has a habit of doing this with any food in the kitchen…my dad and I actually didn’t mind sharing since we’re both more grazers so it would sit forever if she didn’t get to have some too.
We just both started keeping little hoards in our office/room because she wouldn’t remember to tell us when something was gone and there is NOTHING like the frustration of not knowing you were out of blueberry pop tarts and also being ticked because you know it’s a petty thing to be upset about but darn it, I was in the mood for a pop tart!” Steamedfrog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are far more merciful than me. You are not the jerk, he is a grown man acting like a 6-year-old. He should be ashamed of himself that he has so little self-control and so little respect for his daughter that he cannot be bothered to ask permission to eat your food.
It is good of you to warn him, it covers your back and sends a powerful message to the man. “I would rather change my diet completely than have you disrespect me further.” Brava my friend, well played.” Ariyana_Dumon
4. AITJ For Wanting Our Baby To Sleep In The Living Room To Get More Sleep?
“Recently, my wife and I had our first child. We’re both stay-at-home parents, so we’re with the baby all day, every day.
We live in a small apartment, and our bedroom is right next to the living room, where the baby’s crib is. So, during the day, the baby is in the living room and we’re in the bedroom. At night, we put the baby in the bedroom with us so we can all sleep together.
The problem is, my wife is a very light sleeper. She wakes up at the slightest noise. So, every time the baby moves or makes a noise, she wakes up.
And, of course, when she wakes up, she wakes me up.
So, for the past few weeks, I’ve been getting very little sleep.
I’m exhausted all the time.
Yesterday, I finally snapped. I told my wife that I can’t take it anymore. I need to sleep, and I can’t do that with the baby in the bedroom.
I said that from now on, the baby will sleep in the living room during the day, and at night, we can put the baby in the bedroom with us for a few hours, but then she has to go back to the living room.
My wife was really upset. She said that I’m being selfish and that I’m not being a good father.
So, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“Babies are recommended (at least in my country, I’m aware none of this is universal) to sleep in the same room as you to minimize risks of sudden infant death syndrome until they are 6 months.
Incidentally, it’s also recommended they go in a cot/basket rather than sleep in your bed where you could roll onto them. So based on that I’d say YTJ, but being sleep deprived is incredibly tough and you will need to find some solution to your situation – one that works for you, your wife, and the baby.” Elivercury
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Parenting is wild and sleep deprivation makes it so much worse. Your wife still has hormones raging through her body. And for a good reason, her body is going to be hypervigilant about keeping that baby alive. For some people, that’s waking up to every sound.
And, you both need sleep. Having a newborn around, that’s going to be difficult. It often makes more sense and is safer for the baby to sleep in the same room with you until at least 6 months. Your solution does not account for that, and the anxiety it might cause your wife to have the baby moved (she will probably still get up and check).
For all the above reasons – neither of you is a jerk. Being a first-time parent is difficult. You’re keeping a screaming potato alive, you’re on the same team though. Work together on a schedule that allows each of you to get 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep each day.
At the start, it doesn’t matter when that sleep happens. Just make sure you both get it. Phones down, eye masks on, white noise, ear plugs, SLEEP. Just remember, you’re on the same team (they might convince you otherwise when they are teens).” mchursty
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for insisting the child sleeps in a totally separate room. When I had my kids, it was recommended that for the first 6 months, the baby slept in its own crib/bassinet in the same room as the parents as a safe sleeping method. Also makes it easier if you’re breastfeeding to just get up and get the baby from a couple of steps away as opposed to a whole other room, plus makes it more likely a parent will wake up and tend to the baby quickly, thus making sure everyone’s sleep gets disturbed as little as possible.” throwRA_justjjj
3. AITJ For Being Skeptical Of My Friends' Claims Of Having DID?
“I (NB15) have 3 friends, Tom (16), Cara (16) and Noah (16). I’ve known Cara and Noah for about a year but Tom joined our friend group around October.
Tom has always made it clear they apparently have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) but Cara and Noah didn’t until recently.
I already feel like a jerk for being skeptical of Tom’s DID since I first met them. Mainly because I know how rare DID is and how most teenagers with it don’t have clear or separate alters, when Tom has 30+, each with their own name and backstory.
Noah never originally identified as being part of a system but Tom somehow convinced them they were. From my understanding Noah never said they felt like they had DID, Tom just convinced them they did.
Fairly recently though, Noah and Tom have convinced Cara they also have DID and as of yesterday they now identify as part of a system.
I feel like it’s worth mentioning that all three of these people are avid TikTok users. Now I don’t use TikTok but I’m well aware of the nonsense that’s gone down on there with people treating DID and other mental disorders like fun personality traits rather than actual illnesses.
I haven’t mentioned how I feel to them because I don’t want to start trouble but whenever I say anything fairly innocuous like “darn, isn’t it kinda weird how all three of you are part of systems.” One of them (usually Tom) will become really defensive and hostile and try to push the matter further.
One thing that makes me kind of skeptical is that all of their alters are supposedly “introjects” of anime or dmsp characters. I don’t know enough about this disorder to say whether that’s a thing that actually happens but I know it’s weird for teenagers with DID to have clearly separate alters with their own lore and names.
Another thing that makes me so mad, however, is how they treat this disorder. They don’t act like it’s an actual severe disorder that negatively affects people’s lives, but instead like it’s some fun and quirky personality trait that they can gossip and laugh about.
Like yesterday they were going around trying to name one of their alters for each letter of the alphabet or some nonsense.
I’ve personally struggled with paranoia and delusions (don’t wanna label myself as I haven’t been formally diagnosed. I’m trying to work through it with a psychologist.) and hearing them just talk about a very serious mental disorder like they have absolutely no negative effects and is just something quirky to joke about makes me feel like nonsense and feels like a big “screw you” to all the genuinely traumatizing things that have happened to me because of my mental illness.
I feel like I might be the jerk because I know how it feels to have people accuse you of faking when you’re actually struggling. And maybe they talk about their mental illness like that as some coping mechanism I just don’t understand and they shouldn’t have to stop just because it makes me uncomfortable.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Literally NONE of your three friends has DID, I promise. As someone who knows someone with diagnosed DID who has literally been a case study in textbooks, and who has done extensive, real research on it, it is (contrary to what social media will tell you), an EXTRAORDINARILY rare disorder (like most psychiatrists will never encounter a case in their entire careers), absolutely cannot be self-diagnosed for very specific reasons, and is rarely if ever diagnosed in adolescents, also for very specific reasons.
It also usually takes years and years to get a clear diagnosis because most people with true DID are completely unaware of it . . . part of the diagnostic process usually starts with missing time, and OTHER people noticing the disparities. Any adolescent who talks to you about their “alters” or “systems” (much less names them) is basically telling you not only that they DON’T genuinely have DID, but also that they don’t even understand what it is or how it works as a psychiatric disorder.
You are NTJ – far from it, your friends are gross. They’re cosplaying mental illness. They may be struggling with something real – a need for attention, struggling with figuring out who they are (as so many teens do), depression or anxiety, etc. – but DID ain’t it.” FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. TikTok is a cesspit. There’s a very real psychological phenomenon called social contagion. It’s very trendy right now for teenagers to claim to have mental illnesses that they don’t actually have, and the content on TikTok can help persuade young teenagers just looking to fit in and find their own identities that they have a mental illness like DID.
You’re correct to be skeptical. I would be too. DID can only be diagnosed by a mental health professional. If none of your friends have been formally diagnosed with DID, then NONE of them have it as far as anyone should be concerned. DID is a serious mental illness that requires treatment.
It is not a fun personality quirk that makes you unique and sets you apart. It’s unhealthy nonsense for teenagers to go around claiming to have DID without a diagnosis, and it’s especially unhealthy for them to reinforce their self-diagnoses with each other.
The purpose of a mental health diagnosis is to treat a mental health issue. The purpose of claiming an undiagnosed mental disorder is to achieve a sense of belonging with a community, and it’s a profoundly unhealthy way to go about finding an identity.” zszal
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friends clearly don’t have DID or have a clue about what it really is. DID is not 58 super cool, fun personalities wrapped up in one package. 1 of the 5 diagnostic criteria actually says: “The person must be distressed by the disorder or have trouble functioning in one or more major life areas because of the disorder”.
DID isn’t fun it’s not something you can control, is absurdly scary and confusing. On another note: delusion and paranoia are some of the most crippling mental disorders out there. If you really have them you should seek medical attention now, before you seriously hurt yourself or someone else, since you would be at extreme risk of becoming psychotic.
Either down the road, you’ll risk developing paranoid schizophrenia, personality disorders, bipolar 1 and 2, etc. I’m not kidding or trying to scare you, but mental illnesses aren’t fun or a bit annoying or something that pops up once in a while.” Stuebirken
2. AITJ For Asking For My Absentee Son's Grades Before Helping Him Buy A Car?
“I (37M) have three kids (17M, 12M, and 5M). The 17-year-old is shared with a girl I had a one-night stand with, I didn’t want to be a father at that point so I told her that I’d only pay child support and that’s how we did it.
I don’t even know the child (in person), I never bonded with him, we are social media friends, but that’s all we don’t have the son-father relationship, which means I don’t know how he is doing at school; my mom and dad say that he is terrific and I feel happy (and proud) for him.
His mom sent me an e-mail saying that my son wants to buy a car for himself, she stated that he has saved some money (1.5k) and wants to buy a 9k car. She said that she’d give 2.5k and wanted me to give him the rest which I think is fair since she is the one that has stepped up for him (physically).
I said yes, under one condition, I need to see his grades to see that he is doing well at school, he is soon to graduate high school and I wanted to see if he’s doing as well as people say.
She got mad at me and said I was a jerk for requesting such a thing since I owe this to my son because I abandoned him, my parents got mad at me too and said I was rude to ask for such a thing, and he deleted me from his friends on social media.
He already sent me the grades and yes, he is terrific and is doing great, but everyone acts as if I asked for a kidney or something.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you were worried about his grades for his own sake you would have asked about it before now.
Asking now makes it seem like you are not interested in spending money on him unless he is “worthy” of it through his academic achievements. This is deeply offensive to both the kid and his mother. Offensive to the kid because he has nothing to prove to you, he doesn’t owe you anything, it’s the other way around.
Offensive to the mom because her judgment as to whether or not he deserves a car is the only one that matters. You have not been involved in his life as a parent, you have about as much right to pass judgment on his grades as the next stranger walking down the street.” dumbname1000
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you want to know more about your son, this is not the way to go about it. You have had plenty of time to reach out and get to know him. You don’t have to be the close dad.
You just have to be present. This isn’t about owing your kid, this is about accountability. The fact IS, you abandoned your child. You decided to financially provide for him and be absent in every other way. This is hurtful to a child. And the first time you show any interest in how he’s doing, it’s framed in a way that he has to prove himself to earn “love” which is simply you doing what you’ve done: provide financially.
This is called conditional love, and it’s damaging. Whether or not you are an active part of his life, is that really what you want to teach him? That to be deserving of love – he needs to earn it? And if he’s not successful by some metric, any sense of being deserving can be taken away from him?
You are an adult. You have 2 other children. You don’t have any more excuses for yourself. You should know at this point, what it means to be a responsible parent and adult. You should know how your adult decisions influence and impact children. You should apologize.
The fact is that you thought that it was fair to give them money, already. You simply used the situation to leverage what you wanted to know – information about your son. You didn’t need to. You could have simply asked, at any other point, for the information you wanted to know.” Kawaiidumpling8
Another User Comments:
“You’ve wanted nothing to do with this poor boy and you made that very clear. You are within your rights to be an absent father, however, you can’t just start demanding personal information like grades that only his actual parents should have access to.
(Read: Actual, not biological.) If you didn’t feel comfortable forking over the money, which you yourself made your only role in his life, then you could’ve just said no and left it at that. Also, what would you have done if his grades weren’t the best?
Berated him, withheld the money until he improved? That would be waaay over-stepping the role you designed for yourself. Your job is not to parent him but to give him money when needed until he’s legally an adult. You can always say no to large expenses outside child support, but that’s it.
YTJ.” Sugar_Soul
1. AITJ For Refusing To Quit My Job To Babysit My Sister's Kids Full-Time?
“I (f21) have been watching my sister’s 3 kids since I was 18 and lived on my own. My sister was a teen mom having her first kid at 15 and she’s 18 now. She’s heading to college this year and has informed me that the uni she was going to was right next to my apartment, and asked me if I could watch her kids 5 days a week nights included. I said absolutely not because I have work, and these are her own children she is responsible for.
Maybe I worded it wrong, but I have a job that is necessary for me to pay rent. My sister then started to cry and say her dreams were being crushed all thanks to me.
She then proceeded to beg me to quit my job and get a part-time job and I got super irritated. She has a 3-year-old and 1-year-old twins that I cannot handle 5 days a week.
I instead offered to watch them on Saturday nights to Sunday nights then have her significant other maybe watch them since he had a part-time job and wasn’t in college. She said she wouldn’t make him do that because he has his own life and mine wasn’t as important.
After this, she did the same thing to my parents and they said that it was her choice to have her children and they were in no shape to watch them that often. Again, they also offered to watch them on weekends, but she said that they were being unfair.
So, AITJ for not wanting to babysit for my sister? I feel like I could be a jerk for not watching them since she’s a mom at so young, but she can be entitled to things so I’m not sure which one is in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “If my life isn’t that important, then I’m too mediocre to watch your kids, what if they end up learning my boring ways?” Your sister sounds like an irresponsible child, having 3 kids before being out of high school, blaming others for “crushing her dreams” when they are the consequences of her choices, trying to make other people drown so she can still keep doing everything she wants (suggesting you quit your job????).
DO NOT BABYSIT FOR HER ANYMORE UNTIL SHE SINCERELY APOLOGIZES and after that have really clear boundaries.” Slow-Bumblebee-8609
Another User Comments:
“Retract the weekend watching offer. I guarantee she will take advantage of you with this since she already has made it clear her children are your responsibility and her life is more important than yours.
She will abuse the situation for sure. Do not feel bad for saying no. She is basically demanding and trying to guilt you because she does not respect you. She should maybe do an online college to accommodate her life better. Her decision to have kids is not your responsibility.
You can love her and her kids and still say no. Establishing boundaries is healthy in any relationship. NTJ.” Clear_Ant_5480
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. My eyes almost popped out of my head when I read the line that she can’t trouble her baby daddy to watch his own kids because he has a life and important things to do while your life is not important.
What the heck?? Talk about entitlement. Why do you even feel bad about this OP? YOU didn’t get your sister pregnant. YOU didn’t force her to not use contraceptives. YOU didn’t decide to forgo adoption. Her attitude is straight nonsense. She decided to become a teen parent 2x in two years.
She decided that her bum of an SO doesn’t have to be a father. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Your sister needs to get out with that nonsense She made her bed. She can lie in it. I hope she is on birth control.
NTJ 1000x.” DigaLaVerdad
