People Present The Facts Of Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situations
22. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For House Repairs After My Ex's Indecision To Sell?
“My ex (M33) and I (F32) got divorced last year. He got the house in the divorce and had 24 months (against my lawyer’s advice) to sell or refinance.
Either way, the decree states that I will receive 50% of the equity. Early on in the divorce proceedings, I told him that I would pay for half of the necessary repairs for the sale, as he planned to sell it. In all honesty, I would have given him anything just to have him sign the papers.
It has been a year and a half since I moved out. He has gone back and forth multiple times on whether to sell or refinance. I have tried really hard to be accommodating and he has done many things to make it more difficult.
He is manipulative and often gaslights to get his way. I have grown tired of his abuse and no longer wish to be nice and helpful. AITJ for not paying the 8k for the repairs now that he has decided to sell?”
Another User Comments:
“If your divorce decree says he has 24 months to decide whether to refinance or sell, and it also says that you have to pay for 50% of the repairs if he decides to sell, then YTJ. This is a legally binding document. Also, OP, have a think on this: half the equity in-house is worth more than 8k (at least, I hope it is).
If you put 8k in repairs in for him to sell, the 50% of the home sale price/equity you’ll get back when he sells will be much higher than if the repairs weren’t made. Also, if you refuse to uphold your end of the decree, he can presumably take you to court to invalidate this agreement, so they’ll either make you pay or you may get nothing out of the home sale.
YTJ. I know divorces are beyond frustrating (divorcée here, whose ex was such a jerk that I had to get him wage garnished over 5k just because he was feeling petty and didn’t want to write a check). But just pay up and be done with it.
And next time, listen to your lawyer when they give you advice about the time frame. He should have had six months to sell or refinance; you let him drag this process out.” trashpanda44224422
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re only as good as your word, and now you’re going back on it even though the circumstances haven’t changed. I will list the timeline of events to make it clear.
1) He signs a contract in which he is given 2 years to sell the house. 2) You verbally agree to pay half of all repairs, totaling $8k. 3) 1.5 years have passed. He has not sold the house. He has 6 months left to sell the house. 4) You go back on your word to pay the $8k because he has not sold the house yet.
He still has 6 months left to sell as per your contract. I’m gonna level with you here. You can be the jerk if you want. Not my circus, not my monkeys. But withholding the money is not a good idea for you financially. If the repairs made are going to raise the value of the house more than $16k, then putting in the $8k is essentially getting free money upon sale.
If you aren’t going to do it because it’s right, do it because it’s smart.” BananaSlamYa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His inability to make a decision has cost you both the purchase price at the top of the market and him if he wanted to refi.
Prices 12 months ago were considerably higher than they are now, and interest rates have basically doubled. Plus anything that was wrong is now worse since it had 18 months to further decay. So, he may be out even more, due to his own neglect. Good luck, make him stick to the 24 months, and don’t give him a dime.
He already spent it by not taking care of business last year.” Algebralovr
21. AITJ For Telling My Mother She's Disrespecting My Uncle's Will By Including Her Granddaughter?
“My uncle just died, he had no immediate family of his own and though he didn’t have much to his name he left what he had to be split evenly between me and my 3 siblings (approx 3k each).
In his will, he wrote these specific instructions. “I leave my $ to my sister-in-law (my mother) to distribute evenly between her 4 children”.
My mother has 4 grandchildren as well but is particularly close to the eldest. So my mother has said she intends to split the $ 5 ways instead of 4 so her granddaughter gets some.
I love her as well, and I don’t need the money at all, but I feel it’s disrespecting my uncle’s instructions/wishes as he wasn’t close to her granddaughter. When I told my mother that, she insinuated my problem was that I was being selfish and wanting more $ and abused me.
Which honestly is not the case at all. I honestly don’t need the $, I just think it’s not right. I’m the only sibling who feels this way, and it has caused enormous fights.
AITJ for telling my mother she’s disrespecting his wishes?”
Another User Comments:
“Maybe phrase it as “I’m concerned for you illegally splitting the money 5 ways. If you do that, at any time while you’re living, if any of your children become angry at you, they may report you to the police for theft. In addition to disrespecting uncle’s wishes, you will also forever leave yourself open to being arrested and having to pay back that money should anything go wrong over the years.” Because FYI, that is theft and depending on where you live, has possible jail time for a sum that large.
Wills are legal documents, they aren’t guidelines to doing whatever you want, and probate court will not look kindly on a thief. NTJ.” ppl_n_r_neighborhood
Another User Comments:
“Why didn’t he just name the 4 of you in his will directly? Why give it to his sister-in-law to distribute?
Any lawyer would have told him to do that if that was his actual desire. Is this a legal will or did he write this out? how was this actually documented? She should follow his wishes but depending on whether it is a valid will or not she may not have to do so LEGALLY.” Msmediator
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yeah she’s doing wrong. I probably would have tried to make her feel worse about it. Something like “It didn’t take you long to start stealing his money.” I think saying she’s disrespecting his wishes doesn’t have the same impact as telling her straight out that she’s a thief.
It doesn’t matter if she’s giving it to her granddaughter or keeping it for herself, either way, she’s taking it for her own use.” disruptionisbliss
20. AITJ For Looking At My SO's Screen After Being Invited In?
“My SO (30M) and I (29F) have lived together for years.
Currently, we have a house with separate offices for each of us. Earlier today he said he’s like to play some games together. I agreed, told him I would take the dog for a walk and we can play when I get back.
When I got back I knocked on his door, heard him say “come on in” and then opened the door.
He had inappropriate content on his screen which I then gave him a funny look. He first tried to tell me that he was looking at buying a new TV, then told me there was no inappropriate content. Now he’s saying I’m a jerk because I never give him privacy, always look at his computer screen, and am not allowed to knock on his door anymore.
In response, I told him I’m not interested in being blamed for knocking, waiting to get invited in, and then getting blamed for not respecting his privacy. Still, he insists I acted inappropriately and I’m a jerk. Any help?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but understand he’s probably lashing out because he might be embarrassed and this is a result of panic.
Maybe try talking to him calmly about it. If it’s not crossing a boundary you’ve clearly set in your relationship, inappropriate content isn’t something he should be ashamed about, so maybe remind him of that (and that if he prefers that to be private, to be mindful of who may be asking to enter his space).” Basic_Burch
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I feel that he is lashing out because he got “caught” in what, for he himself, is something inappropriate – maybe for him inappropriate content = bad, maybe for him he knows it would hurt you, or for whatever reason… My point is, I think it was one of those knee-jerk reactions of trying to save face.
I think you’ve tried to make it okay by talking with him. If he keeps going about only he is right, only his “needs” should be respected… I would want out too.” LittleThoughtBubbles
Another User Comments:
“You existed in the same space as him, don’t you see how bad that is???
Lol…ok, joking aside, are you kidding? You knocked, he said enter, and then your eyes which see things saw his computer screen, and that makes you the bad guy here? Sounds like he’s embarrassed by getting caught with inappropriate content on his screen and is doing his cognitive dissonance best to put the blame on you somehow.
Any help? I honestly don’t know of any help for that except to find another guy who won’t act like you’re a bad person for knocking and looking at things in your line of sight. NTJ.” Karma_1969
19. AITJ For Expecting My Husband To Clean Bottles And Pump Parts Since He Doesn't Help With Our Child?
“I (33F) am married to Scott (41M). I have exclusively breastfed our 16-month-old daughter. I have recently returned to the office 1× a week. The reason I started going in the office though was to force him to start watching her because he wouldn’t watch her while I was working from home and she eats table food now in addition to breastmilk so he can feed her something.
I pump while at work so I don’t become engorged.
In my opinion, the least my husband could do is wash the pump parts and bottles. Remind you, he’s never fed her. He doesn’t wake up with her, buy her diapers, or wash her clothes.
Am I the jerk for expecting my husband to clean the bottles and pump parts I use since he never had to feed our child?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I know a lot of people recommend divorce, but at the very least, ask your husband if he wants to be a father.
My dad went to law school when I was a baby, and he and my mom split taking care of me. If he wants to be married, he better clean up his act. I know a cousin whose husband did nothing to take care of the kids.
She divorced him when the baby was 8 months old. He was shocked because he thought that since they had children, she wouldn’t leave. Again, at the very least, do counseling.” NoGenderOnlyChaos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for expecting your husband to contribute to the care and tending of your child together.
I don’t know that THIS (bottles and pump parts) is the hill to die on. He could wash the clothes. He could go out to buy the diapers. He could feed her table food. He could tend to her needs while you run to the store.
It’s not necessarily a partnership if you order him to do certain things. What you need to do is sit down and discuss how he can be a more involved parent and a good partner.” PrivateEyes2020
18. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Partner's Daughter On The Weekends?
“I’ve been seeing this girl for a while. We used to go out in middle school and we reconnected about 10 months back and started seeing each other again.
It’s been pretty cool, she does have a daughter now and the father is definitely involved but I try not to get between them as a respectful matter. I’m not trying to play daddy when daddy is in her life.
She’s a cool little girl.
I do hold her, feed her, occasionally buy a couple of necessities nothing crazy, and stay in the car or room with her when mom leaves the room for a second you know basic stuff but never babysitting. I feel that’s not my responsibility.
Of course when she’s there I act accordingly but I feel any outside responsibility isn’t my own.
She is asking if I can start babysitting on the weekends (the father apparently is starting to work weekends but so does she). I told her I would let her know but I don’t think I should have to take care of her the only time of the week I get to myself, why should I have to sacrifice my free time?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – because this is something that can be negotiated, and most good relationships require negotiation skills from time to time. Yes, it’s far too much for you to have to spend your two days off caring for your partner’s child (assuming that you are not married and acting as the child’s father).
But your partner is in a bind, day care (especially outside regular business hours) is extremely expensive. So, why didn’t you offer a compromise? Say you don’t mind doing her a favor, but you will only cover one day, or half a day, or both days for a maximum of a month, after which she will need someone else to cover both days.” SavingsRhubarb8746
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You haven’t been seeing each other that long, both parents are involved and you don’t live together, as others already said. While long-term you need to decide on your role and relationship with the kid as well (which both parents should have input on), I think it’s completely fine to only babysit in emergencies, especially before it becomes a habit.
In this case, it’s a “Her dad is working weekends now and I’m already working so we need someone to watch her”. Cool, get a babysitter or ask a family member, working usually means you can pay people. I’d worry about it becoming a habit with differing expectations.
Especially if you break up that could get messy. As a partner, you should support and help someone you are seeing, but in my opinion, it’s fine to draw boundaries as well. In my opinion, it’s a huge step going from “can you watch her, while I briefly hop out” to “Can you take care of her regularly on the weekend?”” Korooo
Another User Comments:
“Ehh, not necessarily the jerk. Kinda everyone’s a jerk here. You’ve been seeing each other for 10-11 months. That’s almost a year. That’s not nothing. It’s not a whole lot either. Knowing that she has a kid, you’ve got to put thought into this now.
Is being responsible to a kid something that you want to have in your life? Sure, the kid has two active parents. But if you’re going to continue a relationship and grow with this woman, you will be taking on shared responsibilities as well. If that’s not something you want long-term, or in the future, then you should just walk away now.
Now, on the other hand, asking someone you’ve started seeing ~a year ago to start regularly babysitting is wild to me. Especially without first having a conversation about expectations & boundaries when it comes to the kid. It seems to me (as someone who is a co-parent themselves) that you both skipped over some pretty big discussions that should have happened by this point in seeing each other (especially seeing each other with a kid involved).” blue_wytch97
17. AITJ For Leaving My Family's Christmas Gathering Due To Their Illnesses?
“I (25f) went to visit my parents and my sister (15) for Christmas today. I live around 400 miles from them. Upon arrival, my dad told me that my sister had been sick the entire week with a fever and a bad cough.
My mom also started to feel sick this morning. They know that I have health anxiety and also that I am still recovering from my last illness and the bronchitis I caught a few weeks after. However, they didn’t think it necessary to tell me beforehand, because “we didn’t think that would be a problem”.
My grandma, who’ll come over on the 25th, lives with my aunt and uncle who are currently sick. I panicked and asked my dad to drive me back to the train station and took the next train back home.
I’m feeling terrible now because I feel like it was selfish of me to miss out on Christmas with my family, especially since I don’t know if there will be another Christmas with my grandpa who is 86 and not in good health (But also, isn’t it irresponsible to invite him over and possibly expose him to an infectious disease?).
I know they are angry and disappointed now – I am too because I was looking forward to this so much and I really miss my family. I’m just so mad they didn’t tell me before I made the trip, so I could get the chance to decide whether I wanted to take the risk for myself or not.
Now I’ll be spending Christmas alone for the first time in my life and I’m already feeling so depressed.
Was I overreacting? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“They did this on purpose. They knew if they told you beforehand you wouldn’t show up but didn’t expect you to leave once you were there.
It’s a tough choice. You wanna be with your family on Christmas but you don’t wanna get sick because of it. Prioritising your health is never wrong tho. I was tricked like that as well a couple of years ago. Parents invited someone I absolutely hate and don’t wanna be near under any circumstances.
I was only told once I was picked up from the airport and minutes away from home. It was the worst Christmas ever and they thankfully never tried that again.” flyingdemoncat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your health anxiety is immaterial here. It’s bad to not tell people you’re sick and have them still come over to see you, giving people illnesses is a jerk thing to do even if all it does is make them feel crummy for a week.
But as we’ve found out it can end in much worse, prolonged illness or even death. Some people get sick and then recover. Some people get sick, appear to recover, and then develop a lifelong degenerative condition. Don’t get people sick.” SheepPup
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I asked my dad not to come last year if he was sick. He assured me he wasn’t sick. I pick him up from the airport, and he’s coughing like crazy. He says it’s just from the air con on the plane. 2 days later I’m feeling sick and like there is a herd of elephants sitting on my chest. Highly contagious bacterial pneumonia.
My partner also got it and was sick for almost a month too. And I had to get antibiotics for my birds too. And he almost killed my dog. Honestly, I’m still annoyed at the whole thing. Well, a couple of weeks ago my brother told me that Dad is sick again.
I pulled the plug on his visit right then and there. I wasn’t having a repeat of last year. Dad’s like it’ll be fine. I was like nope not a chance. Last week that same brother messaged me that he was in the hospital with the same pneumonia strain that I had last Christmas.
Guess who gave it to him because he STILL has it? Yep. Dad still has it because he refuses to admit that he’s sick. His cough is just from the air con or it’s asthma (it’s not asthma. I have asthma and have never coughed the way he does except for when I had pneumonia) or it’s an allergy from the cat or it’s sinus.
His friend dragged him to the doctor the other day but Dad refuses to get the test done or even fill the script for the antibiotics…” blackcat218
16. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Little Sister The Truth About Santa?
“I (18f) have a little sister we’ll call Kayla who is 7f. Our parents divorced when she was two and this is the third Christmas since then that she is spending with our father.
Growing up, I was told the regular story of Santa. If you are good you get gifts and if not you get coal. Some years Christmas it would be regular stockings with stocking stuffers from Santa but some years I’d get coal with a list of things I messed up throughout the year.
I wasn’t a very bad kid, just a hyper ADHD kid who sometimes made mistakes like any other kid. It really ruined my Christmas not just in those years but made me very anxious every year. It caused a lot of pain and self-hate. Our parents just laughed when it happened.
After the divorce, our mom stopped doing this and the Christmases with dad never had an issue either. This year, however, I found out that our dad is planning on doing this to Kayla this year. I tried to tell him not to and why but he just says that she’ll learn for next year.
Kayla is a good kid, even better than I was. She deserves Christmas. I talked to our mom and she shrugged it off.
I am thinking about telling Kayla the truth about Santa so that she doesn’t think he hates her or that she is a bad kid.
Is this even worse and am I being a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What an idiotic and already proved-wrong tradition. Preventing “naughty” kids from getting gifts is proven to not change their behavior, and it even worsens the behavior in most cases. I would do the nicest thing for my sister, by telling her the truth, telling her she was a GOOD kid, and getting her something nice (if you can of course).
It was heartbreaking to hear your parents went this way when you were a kid, and instead of rewarding the good things you’ve done in the past year, chose to focus on your mistakes, and punish you all together.” edebby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I don’t think you even need to ruin Santa for her.
I know you don’t have much money, but if you could even get her a small stocking with a couple of chocolate bars or something, you could give it to her and tell her that Daddy made a mistake, that HE gave her the coal as a prank, which was very naughty of him, but that Santa gave you her REAL stocking because he knows that she just made mistakes but is not a bad girl at all.
I don’t even celebrate Christmas (I’m Jewish) and didn’t grow up with Santa, so I don’t think it’s the worst thing ever to tell her he’s not real. But these little traditions are sweet and very magical for kids, so if there’s a way around it I’d suggest that.
Either way, though, you are NTJ, even if you have to tell her that the stocking wasn’t from Santa. The most important thing is reinforcing that she’s not a “bad child”. She’s lucky to have you.” Sorry_I_Guess
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and what is wrong with your parents?
This is emotional blackmail by any other name. It is not a lesson, nor is it cute or anything. Your sister may learn two things from it: anxiety or to lie. Neither is great. And may I add, this is her parents’ job to help her through her mistakes, it’s what parenting is about.
So once again, you would not be the jerk, and she is lucky she has you. Your parents very much are jerks, though.” Certain-Business-632
15. AITJ For Favoring My Dad After Learning My Mom Never Wanted Me?
“My (15f) mom despises anyone who’s different than her. I’m not talking just skin color, sexuality, and things like that (although those as well) even something as small as being soft-spoken instead of loud like her. When I was 14 we had a month-long fight because I started eating breakfast right as I woke up instead of 2-3 hours after like her.
Growing up, I did not have much of a real personality, I did the opposite of anything she did because she very clearly favored my brothers (19,17) and that was the only way for me to get her attention.
I have grown since then, and I find myself and my real personality more and more every day.
Now, my mom and dad divorced when my mom was 6 months along with me, my brother and I visit his house every other weekend. My dad has a wife now and 2 more kids (twins, girl and boy) that I’m closer to than my brothers even though they’re 12.
I never knew why my parents divorced until last week. In the last year, I’ve been staying more and more with my dad because I just can’t deal with my mom anymore and my dad is always there for me.
My mom has been getting increasingly irritated but for the first time ever she kept somewhat quiet.
That is until last week when we had a fight (about my style of clothing, apparently I dress too masculine now) when I was about to leave to go to my dad’s house to get away from her (not his weekend) and my mom just blurted out why they divorced.
My mom never wanted me, she was okay with two kids but my dad wanted a daughter so he pressured her to try again to have another kid. But making my mom do things never end well and now they’re divorced. I went to my dad’s anyway.
I don’t know what to do, I don’t see it as such a big deal, my mom never agrees to do something she doesn’t want to unless she somewhat wants it as well. But my entire family from my mom’s side and my brothers are calling me a jerk for still favoring my dad and being willing to have a relationship with him (my brothers already knew and apparently that was why they hate him so much).
Am I in the wrong? Is it just my favoring of my dad that doesn’t let me see the problem in the situation? What should I do?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh, I’m so sorry she said such a thing to you! My heart hurts for you.
And why on earth would anyone then expect you to want more time with her and less time with the parent who’s always wanted you and loved you? And with your stepmother and younger siblings, who sound like they love you like their own?
I hope you’ll spend as much time where you prefer to be as you possibly can. Your mother has to have known what a hurtful thing that would be for you to hear. Which means, on some level, she said it TO hurt you, and your dad.
If you feel like it, tell your brothers, “so now that I know, you think I’m supposed to want to be closer to the parent who’s never wanted me, never encouraged me to be who I am, and wants me to know she didn’t want me?” NTJ, no way no how.” Purple-Gap2522
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is the one who’s messing up by trying to make you take a side in something you’re not involved in. I don’t even understand how she thinks he did something to her. It sounds more like she agreed and then they fought after you were born.
Either way, none of that is your fault. Moms and daughters often have a tough time in the teen years. Try not to say anything you can’t ever come back from. But protect your own heart and do what feels most healthy for you right now.
Tell your mom you love her but need some space right now. She will eventually understand.” Traditional-Load8228
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you really need to talk to your dad before making any decisions. It sounds like he’s in your corner and even if he did pressure your mom, people can make mistakes and still be good people, or make mistakes and learn from them and do better.
And based on what you’ve said about your mom, I really don’t think her version of events is necessarily reliable. She may be right, she may not, but I think you know you can’t trust her without getting a second opinion from someone you trust. Talk to your dad, tell him what’s been happening, and that you’re getting a lot of people who are pressuring you to hate him but you don’t know what to do.
Don’t worry about whether it’ll make him feel bad, it sounds like he loves and is there for you, so he’s going to want to protect you, and as the dad it’s his job to be there for you if you’re hurting. His response will tell you a lot about who you can trust because if he focuses on you, reassuring you, and explains the situation without dragging your mom down, you’ll know that you can trust him.” RivSilver
14. AITJ For Confronting My Brother About Taking Advantage Of Our Parents' Financial Support?
“My brother (29M) is going through a divorce and has full custody of his 5-year-old daughter. My family has been extremely supportive, covering his legal fees, daycare costs for my niece, and household expenses, as well as paying for a vacation to Thailand for him and my niece to escape the stress.
They’re not too well off, just saved really well, sacrificing every little thing for my siblings and me so we could have the best opportunities. My father’s always wanted to open up a guitar customization business after retirement and my mum a little boutique for her hand-embroidered crafts, and they’ve been saving up for it and it’s all been blown on my brother.
My parents even bought our SIL’s share of their shared house so my niece could grow up in her childhood home and have some stability during this time. While I understand helping, I feel my brother is taking advantage of it all, making more demands knowing my parents will indulge it.
He earns a decent salary too as a software engineer but keeps asking my parents for more money, including to cover the majority of a new car. He doesn’t need one, he just wants one because he had to downgrade from his Range Rover to a KIA after selling it during the split.
He’s not even grateful for it all, never says thank you, never even looks the least bit embarrassed to ask my parents for money to cover a new laptop, gaming setup, etc. My parents have sacrificed their own plans for him, my dad’s given up on ever opening his store, and I’ve been helping them financially as much as I can with my part-time job, but I recently found out they gave my contribution to him.
I never interfered in this until now because it was between them but I thought that money would be spent on them so they could do something they wanted, no matter how small, but I figured now I could intervene because I do not want to enable my brother or contribute to it.
I confronted him, and he accused me of sabotaging him and my niece, which isn’t true. I love my niece to bits and would drop everything for her but now he’s mad. My parents are trying not to say anything and cause him more stress because they don’t want to put more than the divorce on him so my niece will have at least one sane parent.
This isn’t them taking sides, they’re very supportive of me, they cover my education and rent and I work for my living and textbook costs which isn’t much, so it’s not like he’s the golden child, they’re just trying to do right by him but at their own expense which makes me sad.
More so when I confronted my brother and he said “this is the bare minimum, they owe me for bringing me into this world.” Which as a 29-year-old man with a child and a job? I thought it was pathetic so I told him they owe him nothing at this age.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The specifics don’t matter in this case. No parent legally owes any child over 18 anything. Period. Your brother sounds like a real tool. Personally, I’m on his ex-wife’s side, and I don’t even know them. That said, I can’t believe you thought your words would have any impact on his behavior.
Your parents are adults, as is your brother. You are entitled to express your opinion, but this is between them.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“Oh snap. This is my sibling but THANK GOD they never had kids. My sibling–like yours, it sounds like?–would be absolutely delighted for my parents to hand over every penny they’ve got, with never a thought for their own happiness, their retirement and elder care, what they owe to themselves as hardworking people who’ve tried to do right and save for a comfortable future.
Narcissists are never grateful or done taking. Every day is Groundhog Day, a day when no one ever did anything for them. All this is to say, no. You are not the jerk. And I’m so very sorry there’s a lovely little niece involved. It makes sense that your parents are throwing their retirement money at the situation when they’re trying to help out their ingrate child AND innocent grandkid.
And the fact that your brother has custody when the other parent is a woman (a generally unusual situation) tells me this little girl needs as many stable adults in her life as possible. My hope for you is they ultimately cut your brother off financially and he stews and rages but has enough sense not to break with them right when he’s going to be needing family support and free childcare (assuming they live close) more than ever.
Sending commiseration your way.” chic-a-go-go
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, I have a brother like him. My dad used to put emphasis on education, repeating many times the importance of it. But what did he do? Not studying. And this is not even, hey, I studied 3 hours, I deserve an hour of game.
If he’s not sleeping or eating, he was doing some wasteful stuff. Literally, if you let him be, he won’t work for his future. So naturally as he grew up, failed an equivalent of O level in my country, which honestly is much easier. He failed all but one subject.
So naturally, the place where he can apply for work is kinda hard labor-based. No disrespect to such a job, seriously but he was job-hopping like every 6 months, at best. His excuse/reason was almost always – it is such a hard job, my body can’t take it.
He also almost always asks for money from my mom, whose mistake was indulging his every want ever since he was small. He will ask for a 20, pay a 10, ask for 20, pay a 10.
So last year, I invited him, my mom, and another brother to come to my place – different part of the country.
I paid for their tickets first. Guess who quit his job like a month before the trip and therefore unable to pay for the ticket? He was hoping I would cover his everything while he was here. Had to stand my ground. I didn’t allow him to come and I never spoke to him after that, because he refused to.
Again, before anyone starts to throw insults my way, I have no bad perception towards such job. My mom and dad both worked such job. What I can’t respect is lying down, stuffing your mouth all the while hoping you will get 6 pack abs and depending on people to basically keep you alive.” clowninmyhead
13. AITJ For Recommending ASMR To My Stepdad And Causing Arguments With My Mom?
“I (20M) listen to ASMR every night to sleep. My stepfather was having trouble sleeping so I of course recommended he try ASMR. Well, he did and my mother found out and thought it was weird that he was (sleeping to women whispering in his ear).
They argue about it pretty often because she considers it strange and “borderline unfaithful”.
I get where she’s coming from and how it’s weird if you don’t know much about ASMR but it’s all wholesome ASMR that he watches. Like Gibi ASMR and stuff. I’ve tried to tell her that I told him about it and it’s very innocent but she still argues about it.
He’s stopped but she still brings it up and I just can’t help but think it’s all my fault. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I will say, as an ASMR listener myself, there is a very large percentage of creators who are women making content aimed at a male-skewed audience.
Obviously, not all ASMRtists are that way, but as someone who has been listening for years, it is unavoidable when shifting through content. I know you said your stepdad listens to users like Gibi (who does really fun vids) but even just the first page of a YouTube ASMR search already pulls up several “personal attention” videos aimed at men where the artist purposely speaks in a seductive tone.
If mom caught him watching a few of those I can understand why she’d be upset, it’s not unfaithful, but it can verge into an “emotional connection” to the artist, the same way with online creators.” x_HorrorHime_x
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but it does kinda weird me out when I listen to it with my spouse, it feels like another woman is there.
There are a bunch of really good free apps for meditation and sleeping too that don’t sound like ASMR. Calm or Headspace. It’s like they’re trying to sound emotionally attractive sure they’re not talking about anything romantic but it’s the kind of low heavy whispering I associate with intimate moments.
So I don’t like it for myself. Maybe your mom can record her own voice. It shouldn’t ruin their marriage though.” Character-Twist-1409
12. AITJ For Being Angry At My Family For Mocking My Partner's Crocheting Hobby?
“I’m upset about what happened today, my (F22) partner (M23) was at my house today hanging out with me, I still live with my parents and my brother (M19) too. My partner really likes crocheting and he’s really good at it, he has an online store, it’s not his livelihood but it gives him a little extra income.
He does it because he likes it and that’s it and it’s something I love about him. He really has a lot of talent. I myself am a mess with my hands and I admire how skilled and talented he is, but it seems like my family has some problem with that.
We were both in the living room watching Netflix while he was knitting (He has a lot of Christmas errands that he needs to finish) and my mom came up to him and asked him point blank “Seriously, you don’t have a guy hobby?” My partner was literally stunned and so was I because this came completely out of nowhere.
I told my mom that it’s art and art has no gender. She looked at me like I was dumb and said “but knitting is a girl thing.” My dad was there and said something like “Well, everyone can try new things these days, right?” It upset me because she clearly said it in a sarcastic way and my brother just laughed.
My partner left shortly after, and although he remained calm he was clearly upset. I called them out on what they said, they’d never had any problems when they’d seen him doing their errands before. Then my dad told me that he thinks my partner is too effeminate (he has long hair and also paints his nails) and my brother said that he does look kind of gay.
Now I’m fuming in my room, I texted him apologizing profusely and he said not to worry and that, it’s okay.
I feel so bad and embarrassed, I’m so angry right now. I just skipped dinner and my mom says to stop being dramatic because they’re just looking out for me, but belittling and embarrassing my partner to his face isn’t looking out for me.
I’m too angry to think clearly, am I overreacting or am I right to feel this anger?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family is just being a jerk about your partner for no apparent reason. He should be able to do whatever he wants without your family harassing him about it, especially in this day and age.
Your mom saying she’s “looking out for you” is so incorrect – she’s not bringing up any legitimate concerns about your partner, just harassing him for having a hobby.” wh1telotus_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “They’re just looking out for me” means they have biased, outdated expectations of what a man should do and look like.
And those biases are inappropriate and hurt your partner. Inform them as calmly as you can that their actions were hurtful to him, and you because they hurt your partner, and that hurts you. That “looking out for you” doesn’t mean causing pain to people you care for and they need to allow you to choose your own happiness.
Their preferences and expectations are not welcome. And then you can tell them that plenty of traditionally attractive men like Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe knit, so maybe they’ve missed the memo on knitting being cool for everyone. Because it is.” emptysthemepark
Another User Comments:
“If you allow it, your family’s antiquated gender role views will mean that the only acceptable partner is one just like them. Their behavior was cruel and intentionally so. That isn’t “looking out for you”, but it is about controlling your choices. Unless you want them dictating who you end up with, you have to put firm boundaries into place now.
Sit them down and calmly explain that their behavior was cruel and unacceptable. If they cannot treat others respectfully, they will not be introduced to anyone you are seeing and will eventually find themselves cut out of a relationship with you and your partner. Let them know that you want them in your life and hope that they will choose to be kinder and more open.
Your partner sounds lovely and shows strength of character by not holding you responsible for their bad behavior. He certainly shows more maturity than your family. Best to you both.” SJNEEDSANAP98
11. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Save Waffles For My Picky Eater Child?
“My partner (44M) and I (40F) live together. We both have two children each from previous marriages (14M, 13M, and 10M, 8F, respectively) from previous marriages. We have split some of the household responsibilities and over time it has become my responsibility to provide groceries for us all.
Recently we have had some disagreements about how and what we feed the children but I have been incorporating his feedback.
During the week when we have all four kids with us, his two kids get up and off to school a little earlier than my kids (about 10-15 min difference in routine).
He makes his breakfast for his kids and then I make breakfast for mine after they leave.
Today after he left with his kids, I noticed all the waffles were gone. Stuff like this is not a big deal normally, however, one of my children is particular about food and plain waffles happen to be one of the only few foods she will eat in the morning.
We have bagels and other foods in the house but ran out of waffles. I had to scramble and figure out an alternative this morning. After I dropped my kids, I sent a text to my partner asking that next time, he set aside one waffle for my “picky” eater.
He got very defensive and told me he didn’t want to deny his children waffles while giving one of my children preferential treatment. He typed back “do better” and “buy more waffles next time.” I am wondering if my request is out of line.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, if my partner wasn’t willing to be considerate regarding the food I had purchased so that my children would have something they liked, I’d tell him that from now on, he’s not to touch the food I buy for my kids.
That he needs to start buying food for his kids so that they can finish their own box of waffles in the morning, and there won’t be any issues. That’s the problem solved for the future. It’s really rich to tell someone else to “do better” with the grocery shopping when he contributes 0% of that effort.
Since he’s not grateful for the work you do, I think it’s time to stop covering this for him. He can grocery shop for his own kids so he can tell himself to do better if he runs out of items. Don’t make this your problem.
Put the work back on his plate if this is how he’s going to act.” CrewelSummer
Another User Comments:
“Your separate breakfast arrangement is a little unusual and sounds inefficient. If your partner was making breakfast for EVERYONE it would be a different story to exclude a child.
The fault here doesn’t fall on your partner for using up the last of the waffles, it’s for running out of them in the first place. But, that really isn’t a big deal, especially in a household with 4 kids that’s going to happen MANY more times….
move on to the next item…. toast, cereal, granola bar…. whatever. If running out of waffles is a big deal, then why let the supply get so low in the first place….. in a household with kids…… FOUR kids? But, I do find how your partner responded to you to be a jerk move, so my judgment is NTJ for that specific reason: “He typed back “do better” and “buy more waffles next time.”” Even if it is your responsibility, lord help me if I ever said that to my wife…” naisfurious
Another User Comments:
“It’s so scary to keep seeing posts where women with kids end up with someone who really just seems to hate her kids. How do you end up in this situation? With what amounts to a roommate who’s not even considerate towards the kids they live with?
How do you end up in a relationship with someone who basically says go F you and your kids? He doesn’t even do the grocery shopping, has no respect toward anyone else he lives with, and tells you to do better? To me, that’s the last thing you’d say about me or my kids before they’re finding another place to live.
I hate to think how he is around your kids any other time with this mindset. And, according to your post, you’re the one making concessions, ie, “incorporating his feedback”. I read that as you’re the one always giving in because he’s unreasonable. NTJ, if I were you I’d put him in his place or tell him to find a new one.” Nicolozolo
10. AITJ For Telling My Mom To Stand Up To My Brother Over Christmas Film Night Drama?
“I (F18) live at home with my mother, (F51). I have two older brothers, twins, both are M24. For the sake of this post I’ll call them John and Tom.
Both are married and have a baby. John’s wife is Ava (F23) and Tom’s wife is Gia (F24). John and Ava have been married for around a year, and Tom married Gia earlier this year.
My mum is a little obsessed with Christmas. Our family has a lot of Christmas traditions and we often go all out with celebrations.
The other week, my mum hosted a Christmas film night at our house (as is our family tradition). She invited John, and Ava with their baby. She invited Tom over text and he said he could not go as he is working, but suggested that she talk to Gia directly, as she might like to go.
This caused John and Ava to get unsettled and they said Tom doesn’t get to just choose who goes, and they asked my mum to not invite Gia otherwise she’s “setting a bad precedent”. My mum chose to accept this and didn’t invite her, and kept the film night a secret from her.
Things went south recently because Gia found out she had been excluded through a post made by Ava on a social media platform. She had plans on that day anyway with her own parents but said it would’ve been nice to have at least been invited. She’s very upset with my mum and John and Ava.
I’ve now been caught in the crossfire because Gia has been asking me why I didn’t say anything to her about this. Tom is also upset with us and said that we are all bullies.
This has caused tension between me and my mum because I feel like I’m being held responsible for what she chose to do.
Last night, John came round to get Ava’s lipstick that she had forgotten at our house and he was making very rude, unprompted comments about Gia. He said that she’s a dramatic person and that he can’t believe his brother is with someone like her.
I told John that I really don’t want to listen to this and that I think he’s being unfair to Gia. John just started tutting and sighing and left.
This caused an argument between me and my mum because she said that I was snarky to John and I shouldn’t speak to him that way.
I said I thought I was being perfectly reasonable and he shouldn’t be so rude. I told my mum she needs to grow a backbone and that this whole situation is because she didn’t have one, and that she needs to stand up to John and his wife.
My mum said that I don’t know what I’m talking about and to mind my own business. I feel like I’m going crazy here especially since all of this is over a stupid film night. Am I really the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Who does this?
John and Ava’s treatment of Gia is uncalled for…. why be so rude as to say SIL isn’t invited if Tom can’t come? Your mom rolling over and participating in their nasty little exclusion game is her own mess she made, and you were right to shut John down.
I will say this — you can tell your mom what you think, but while she’s putting a roof over your head and food in your mouth, I’d use some discretion in how you address her. You don’t have to agree with her, but you will come across as more mature if you do choose to drop it with her.
If she’s smart, she knows she did wrong and likely feels some shame at alienating her DIL. You might consider inviting Gia, Tom, and their little one to get together with just you for lunch at some neutral place — not to rehash this, but to chat, and reassure Gia that the entire family isn’t against her.
NTJ.” fernswordgirl432
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is NOT about a stupid film night. This is about your mom being a jerk and a toxic liar. If Tom has any sense, he and Gia won’t visit your jerk family over Christmas. Your mom and that jerk John broke up the family.
“I’ve now been caught in the crossfire because Gia has been asking me why I didn’t say anything to her about this. Tom is also upset with us and said that we are all bullies.” They are halfway right. True, you have clearly chosen sides.
But tell them they should direct their anger at Mom and John because you are still living at home and were caught in the crossfire. The main jerk here is your mom. Tell her not to come crying to you when she does not get to see her grandchild anymore.” k23_k23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. BUT maybe being so forward wasn’t the way to go. People with “no backbone” tend to double down on their anxiety hence the “mind your business, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” It’s probably just hard for her to accept that she does in fact need a backbone.
I don’t think anyone is blaming you specifically, I think they just want people to be mad at because they were excluded. Honestly, tell everyone to go away and maybe apologize to your mom for how you worded things and explain a little gentler.
You shouldn’t be in the middle of anything yet you are, Gia shouldn’t be pressing you because none of this is your fault. Your brother and Ava should sound like jerks, no offense. Why get so immediately “unsettled” just because your brother said to be considerate and ask his wife who is just as a part of the family as anyone else at this point?
Maybe they don’t fully like her? Anyways, everyone needs to back off and be adults, I understand feeling excluded, but take that up with the people who said not to invite you for literally no reason other than “John doesn’t decide who gets to go” whatever that is supposed to mean (that comment is why I think they don’t like her because what?).” Purple_box999
9. AITJ For Not Letting Go Of My Sister Stealing My Christmas Gift?
“My mom bought me a Dremel kit in 2016 for Xmas. I appreciated the gift but wasn’t going to be able to use it, but had something else in mind.
My sister said she could return it because she had the receipt and would give me the money. I said fine and she took it Xmas day. Then she never tried to contact me about the refund.
I reached out to her and she said she hadn’t done it yet.
Then time went by and every couple of months or so I’d reach out and ask her what the story was.
She transitioned into saying she couldn’t return it since it was past the window. I then asked her to return it repeatedly every month or two for the next year or so.
She then says she lost it and that I should just accept that it’s lost. I said, no, you need to pay me for the Dremel if you lost it. I’ve asked you for two years. She refuses. I don’t particularly let it go, but every couple of months I’d reach out and tell her I expect her to replace the gift or go find it.
She then accuses me of harassment because I won’t let it go.
She then confesses.
She took my gift, gave it to her friend, and repeatedly lied about it for 2+ years. Completely and disingenuously gaslighting me and making harassment accusations to get me off her back for the gift she stole.
Her position was that it had been years now, that I needed to get over it. She refused to reimburse me. It was made clear to her that I wanted the value of the gift, or it back if it couldn’t be returned.
I told her no, I’m not going to get over it, that her behavior was disgusting and heinous given the total context.
That she’s harmed me on an emotional level, and that she needs to make amends by buying me a Dremel, or giving me its value.
She refuses to this day.
Every year or two we argue about it when friends bring it up to her how messed up it was.
Her response is to tell me how ridiculous it is that I won’t move from my position that she owes it to me.
My take is she’s completely nuts to think that. Even the idea that the person who was wronged is more absurd to be implacable in their position than the person who did the “crime”.
She’s acting as if she’s the reasonable one and that it’s unreasonable that I won’t accept her theft.
She goes nuts and makes declarations that if I can’t get over it maybe she shouldn’t have a relationship with me. She pretends to play the victim as if she’s being abused because I demand she amend her character flaw and repay me in this instance.
I’m like ok… yeah, you can cut your relationship off with me because you’re an abusive thief OR…you could just buy me a Dremel… you could do that too.
It doesn’t live rent-free in my head, I don’t care on a day-to-day basis. I hang out with her and we have a fairly decent relationship in adulthood.
But yeah, around Xmas time, especially if she reaches out to me because people are giving her grief about it, I definitely tell her my position hasn’t changed and that she’s messed up.
My parents think her behavior is so messed up.
AITJ for not letting it go?”
Another User Comments:
“You are in the right, and that and $5 will get you a cup of coffee from Starbucks, but it will not get you anything from your sister. You can keep this argument up every year at Christmas so that you both have poor holidays.
Or you can write it off and realize your sister is never going to buy you a Dremel or pay you any money. So, you know to never give her anything to return for you. If you want to keep getting upset about this every Christmas for the rest of your life, keep it up.
It’s a no. It caused you to write this post, and it caused you to talk about it for the last 8 years with your sister. It may not live rent-free in your head, but it’s definitely squatting in a corner of your mind forever. Since she’s not going to let it go and she’s not going to pay you, you can do one of two things, keep bringing it up every Christmas so that you upset each other or let it go and realize that one Christmas in 2016 you didn’t get a gift. NTJ.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“Whatever you do, you aren’t going to get satisfaction from her. It sounds like others might be keeping the story alive. Yes, it’s annoying to be deceived by a family member, but the fact that others are keeping the story alive and reminding her of it annually, not letting her live it down, is a small measure of justice.
There are family stories that have lives far out of proportion to their significance, like the time that I fell down the basement steps with an ice cream cone but rose from the floor at the bottom of the steps with the ice cream cone still intact.
My family laughed about that every so often for the next decade, until I went to college.” No_Philosopher_1870
Another User Comments:
“I don’t know how some people can function being the way they are. I only ever had one sister and we could trust each other with our lives.
It wouldn’t occur to us to do this to each other in a thousand years. Never even mind stealing from anyone but to do that to family and still show your face and act like a victim?!? I don’t get it, I really don’t.
NTJ, man, she’s lucky you still speak to her at all the way I see it.” MikeDropist
8. AITJ For Taking A Neglected Stray Cat To A Rescue, And It Turned Out To Be My Neighbor's?
“I have lived in this house for two years. There are a ton of stray cats around, mostly ferals. I have been taking kittens to a rescue when they pop up for the entire time, no problem. There has been a tomcat outside for a long time, I know him and feed all the cats.
He has always been more social than the others, but he is clearly neglected. The things I noticed off the bat are just the immense matting in his fur and how underweight he is for his size. He has fleas and all that as well.
Indistinguishable from the other ferals, just a little friendlier.
I see this cat outside every day, at all hours. Eventually, I can pick him up and he follows me around all the time. I was grappling with taking him in, and ultimately couldn’t. However, the rescue I work with tells me they have a space for him.
Excellent. I took him there about two weeks ago.
The day after, they sent me the vet report. He is underweight and dehydrated, has FIV, fleas, and heartworms. He has rotting teeth that need to be pulled. He has to be sedated and completely shaved down to get him clean at this point.
The prognosis is not good, basically managing symptoms and hoping he doesn’t die. But he is with a foster somewhere, and comfortable.
Cut to yesterday. My neighbors come over, and tell me they’ve seen the cat near my house and want to know where he is.
I say, rescue. They tell me it’s their cat. I tell them I’m sorry, there was no chip, nothing. The cat is extremely sick and did not look cared for (tried to phrase it nicer but…). They want to know where it is, I honestly have no idea.
The interaction got aggressive quickly and ended with them threatening to call the police. I basically said, okay. No cops showed up, didn’t think they would even if they did call (my area sucks so). But I feel a little bad. In my opinion, they were not taking care of him in an appropriate way and it kills me to see animals treated this way, but they claim he’s been theirs “forever” but he’s “hard to get inside” (was not my experience).
But, what does everyone else think? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ, it’d have been different if you picked up a completely healthy and well-taken-care-of cat and took it to a rescue when it was clear he had a home, but you didn’t, you took a very obviously neglected and sick feline to get the help he needs and hopefully a nice future home where they actually take care of him.” Is_He_A_Ham
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would’ve confirmed their address, asked for their phone numbers, and said thanks now I can report you for animal neglect. Had a similar situation in my old town, they got all puffed up that people were catching strays to bring to a shelter.
Claimed we were stealing their cats. As soon as I asked for their info and said I’d be reporting them, as well as giving the foster their info so they could pay the vet bills, they shut up and disappeared right quick.” Bearsandgravy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have a bad animal owner neighbor too and they brought like 4 cats with them then got a couple more only to kick them all outside once they were no longer kitten status. 2 of them wandered over and claimed a different neighbor’s house and they called SPCA because they don’t appreciate the cats peeing and pooping everywhere outside and they’re not their cats.
A YEAR later the SPCA finally called back and said they had space to take the cats so my neighbor took them. That was roughly 6 months ago and the cat neighbor has yet to even ask about them. One was not doing well when taken in.
Now the cat neighbor is down to maybe 3 cats (one “disappeared” and all the neighbors hate them so do your own math) and has added 2 dogs to the dog they already have. The dogs aren’t socialized and bark all the time in the backyard. It’s really sad.
All this to say, you did the right thing. Don’t lose any sleep over this, that cat will get better care than your neighbor ever gave it.” Bring_cookies
7. AITJ For Choosing My Mental Wellbeing Over Living With My Stepdad And Siblings?
“I, (16m), have grown up with divorced parents since I was 8. My mother remarried and had two kids.
Since last year, I have been treated very poorly by my “stepdad” (not gonna get into this for obvious reasons lol) but it took a huge toll on my mental health, causing me to disassociate and feel very depressed 24/7. Because of this, I decided to move to my dad’s, who I have a good relationship with.
(Before this, I went back and forth half and half to both houses.)
This move has helped me get a lot better and less depressed in life, and I’ve noticed an improvement. I’ve been here for a few months now. I still visit my mother’s house on occasion.
The issue with this move, however, which I did after threatening my stepdad numerous times, is that now I no longer see my siblings very much. My siblings, who are very young, really seem to miss me, as does my mother. I know it hurts them that I barely ever come around there.
Recently, there have been talks from my mother that my stepdad feels remorse and wants me to give it another shot, but I refuse these proposals and stay at my father’s.
Am I the jerk for pretty much neglecting my siblings and mother for my own mental well-being?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your mom is making choices. She chose not to protect you from her husband. She is now choosing not to take time away from her husband for you and the kids to hang out. You living for an extended time in her home is not the only way.
You could have a mom and kids lunch on Sundays or a mom and kid outing once a week to connect, but she hasn’t done it. If the subject comes up, it might be worth suggesting to see if maybe she just hasn’t thought of that, but none of this is any of your fault.” SnooPets8873
Another User Comments:
“There is no evidence that your stepfather feels any remorse at all! Your mother is now liable to pay your dad extra child support so I’ll bet the remorse is linked to the amount of money your mum is forking over for your care.
Suggest to your mom to meet up regularly at a park or somewhere so you can hang out with your siblings. She knows why you’re not there so she can make the effort and if she doesn’t then it’s just too bad about the kids.
I’m hoping she lets you FaceTime them regularly?” ComparisonFlashy8522
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Abusers of any kind rarely feel remorse in my experience, but they would occasionally pretend to get their victim back. Make sure you are safe first, life jacket, oxygen mask, and all that.
You can explain things to your siblings when they are older. Also, where was your mother in all that? What is her excuse? Why is she still living with a man who treats her eldest daughter poorly? (Let’s be honest, parents often choose SO/parents of the younger kids over their own children). Do not let her guilt you into coming back.
If your stepdad really changed, there would be signs, like him going to therapy or taking steps to be accountable for what he did. And even if he tries to make up for what he did, you do not owe anybody to forgive him.” Certain-Business-632
6. AITJ For Ignoring My Best Friend Until He Pays Me Back?
“I (30M) have two best friends (30M) ”John” and (30M) ”Paul“.
When I moved to America, they were my first friends and we have been best friends for 18 years. The three of us have literally done everything together. John and I decided to serve and join the United States Air Force right after high school. While we were serving, Paul went to college to study to become a nurse.
In 2019 I finally separated from the military and moved back to my old neighborhood. After leaving the military, I found a new job and started saving money. A couple of months went by and I decided I wanted to build a new gaming computer since mine was getting quite old from my time in the military.
This just so happened during the chip shortage. Everything was either sold out or hard to find. I bought and held on to components for months since nothing would be in stock.
Fast forward to 2021 and my local computer store had parts. While I was browsing the store, Paul asked “how hard was it to build a computer”.
I told him it was easy and asked if he was going to build one. He said he would once he saved up enough money. So I had the brilliant idea since I had made more money. I told him “I can lend you my components that are currently at home if you want to buy the rest of the missing parts.
Just pay me back whenever you get a chance“. Been best friends for a long time so naturally I trusted him and didn’t put anything in writing.
Fast forward Paul lost his job. He then asked me if he could borrow money from me.
I naturally said yes. Paul finally found a new job. He then later bought luxury goods, a new car, and electronics. From 2021-present, Paul has not paid me a single penny. When I found out Paul was buying these things, I got furious and told John.
John asked me have I told Paul about the money issue? I said no because “a best friend should not forget about their friend’s help. Let alone spit in it by buying things in front of me“. I then told John “If I am being honest with you John, I wouldn’t even take a bullet for Paul.
That thought would have never crossed my mind. But for you John, I would take a bullet for you in a heartbeat no question asked”. John then told me that was really messed up. I also told John, ”I am not going to message or talk to Paul until he pays me back”.
It has been two months since I last talked to Paul. He would message me and I would just ignore him. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself for holding on to this so long without communicating with Paul. You have nurtured this hurt and let it build up inside of you.
You are 30. You are plenty old enough to ask Paul if he has a moment to talk. And then let out what’s been on your mind – tell him directly that you expected him to pay you back, and when he didn’t, you were hurt and felt like he didn’t truly care about you or value your friendship.
You don’t have anything to lose by doing this. If you think about it, you haven’t really been a good friend to him either. You haven’t talked to him. You’re already well down the path to losing the friendship, without ever letting him know how to make things right.” HowlPen
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here except John. You and John were in the Air Force. Let’s face it you wouldn’t take a bullet for anyone, you’d probably fight over which suite you got at the hotel if you ever did an Air Force deployment.
Save the taking a bullet talk for actual combat vets. Yes, Paul is a jerk because he borrowed money in the first place from you and hasn’t paid you back. Yes, you are a jerk because you clearly are afraid to communicate with Paul about the money, and also the fact you are talking to a mutual friend about it.
Also, you should have required collateral for the cash loan.” SeraphimKensai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband was in a similar situation…he transferred investments to his brother, so he could use the assets to obtain a visa to the States. Years later, his brother would constantly talk about how well “his investments” are doing.
It irritated my husband, but he wouldn’t say anything. He said that he shouldn’t have to (just like you). I told him to make a choice – either let it go (which he obviously couldn’t cause he kept talking about it), or he tells him to pay him back.
I also warned him that if he didn’t say anything, there would always be a wedge between them. He ended up confronting his brother, he came over and handed my spouse the equivalent of what the money was worth (not the current value). However, with time it fixed the resentment and they are back to best buds.
OP, I hope you will fight for your relationship. Let him know how you feel, it won’t hurt anything since you are willing to walk away anyways.” llmcr
5. AITJ For Making Blankets For My Lesbian Daughter's Children?
“I (52F) have three daughters, Anne (30F), Carrie (26F) and Jane (20F).
When all my girls turned 18, I made them a special blanket.
I then made three swaddle blankets out of the same materials for their future children. Carrie told me not to because she didn’t want kids. I found out later it was because she’s a lesbian. I said okay, but made them just in case.
Earlier this year, Carrie married her lovely wife, Rory (28F).
Her amazing daughter Diane (5F) is my third grandchild. I approached Rory and asked if I could give her one of the blankets I made for Carrie’s kids, or if she wanted me to make one special for her out of the materials I used to make their wedding living room blanket.
I always give these out on the day they’re born, so for Diane, I plan on giving it on her birthday and was explaining that to her. She told me to ask Diane. I did, and Carrie overheard.
I found out that she’s pregnant because she was crying and yelling that I didn’t respect her wishes so how can she trust me with her baby?
I’m just so confused and hurt. I was trying to do something nice for all my girls, and then my sweet Diane. Instead of being happy, I was cautious. Carrie is threatening to go low contact because I don’t respect her and am obviously homophobic because how else would I have thought she’d get pregnant, which is very confusing.
Rory is telling me it’s hormones and that Carrie is emotional because of how hard it was to get pregnant (I didn’t know they had been trying) and that she’s afraid she’s going to lose it.
AITJ? I was trying to be kind. I wasn’t being homophobic or trying to be disrespectful.”
Another User Comments:
“This is really confusing. But I’m pregnant, and in the first three months, I was really emotional. Was kind of a lot. My poor husband. Maybe give her a little space right now. Maybe put the blankets away. Don’t know why she’s triggered by blankets.
Hold onto the blankets and maybe she will come to see them for what they are, which is a really thoughtful gift. Tell her you love her, you’re happy for her, and you’ll talk when she’s ready? You wanted to show her partner’s child she was part of the family.
That is so lovely. This is clearly a miscommunication. You’re definitely NTJ. If she continues to yell about stuff maybe give her even more space.” shoefarts666
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I think this is all a biiig misunderstanding. Personally, I feel you did the right thing by preparing ahead just in case.
It’s not homophobic, it was just a bit of foresight that your child might want to have/adopt children of her own one day, regardless of sexuality. I think if she calms down a little, she might be able to reassess. Maybe just having a gentle and honest talk about it with her wife as the mediator might help?
It seems like her wife is not as offended and might understand and be able to act as a buffer. Be careful and give her a lot of grace. Especially when the hormones die down and the baby is born, she might genuinely understand what you were trying to do.
It can genuinely change everything between a mother and daughter.” -WeirdFish-
Another User Comments:
“I’m saying no jerks here. I think what you did was very kind and sweet, and I think thoughtful. I think that Carrie is struggling with a lot of emotions and hormones right now, and she’s using you as an easy scapegoat.
That is not okay, obviously, but I think she’s allowed SOME grace, provided that she takes some time to calm down, and once she does, she makes a proper apology. I think giving your daughter a little space for now might be beneficial. Not cutting her off, but perhaps allowing her to come to you with the baby topic, rather than asking after it.
You obviously didn’t know before now, so you had no reason to think it needed to be avoided, but now that you do, allow your daughter some time to process everything. I think perhaps a solution, were you keen, would be to write your daughter a letter with your thoughts, give it to her, and let her know she can read it when she feels ready, but until then, you will not discuss the baby/blanket topic with her until it’s a little less raw for her.
You might say something along the lines of “Carrie, when I made those blankets for your potential future children, it wasn’t because I doubted your identity as a queer woman. I did not think it ‘was just a phase’ and that you would eventually find a man and create a family that way.
My thought was that, were you to ever decide to have a family, whether biologically, or through fostering/adoption/IVF, I wanted you to be a part of the same tradition as your sisters. As your mother, I wanted all of my children to have this special gift in place for the future.
It was not something I did to pressure you, or because I ever questioned your identity. It was something I did because I’m your mother, and I love you, and I will love your children, and this is one of the ways I want to express it.” I think the fact that you wanted to include Diane even without knowing about your daughter and her wife’s family planning speaks to the fact that you clearly don’t care about HOW the family was made.
She is as much a granddaughter to you as any biological child Carrie might have. I think maybe once those hormones die down a bit, she will hopefully see that.” yeahlikewhatever
4. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Pay For The AirPods She Lost?
“In our family, we borrow a lot from each other, like clothes, jewelry, etc…. The problem is that my sister and my mom lose a lot of my stuff.
About a month ago, my mom lost a pretty expensive ring that my dad gave me for my birthday. This time my sister lost my AirPods. I got no apology or anything else from her. It’s pretty annoying because these are expensive things or things I use almost every day.
So WIBTJ if I ask her to refund the AirPods or pay me back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but regardless of whether or not they pay you back (mother and sister) for the things they have lost, it’s time to get a lockbox or safe.
Anything expensive that is at risk of being “borrowed” needs to be locked up and the lending/borrowing needs to end. If you can’t trust that you will get the items back in the same condition that they were when they were lent out, it’s not borrowing, it’s taking.” CatlessBoyMom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people need consequences to act responsibly. If they “borrow” something, it’s not expensive–it’s free. If they lose your AirPods they have lost nothing personally. I think it is 100% fine for you to ask them to replace what they have lost. And certainly until they do, you should feel perfectly justified in not loaning them anything else.
“Can I borrow your new AirPods?” “Did you pay me back for the once you lost?” “No.” “Then, no.” Alternatively, you could ask for a deposit of money or an item of equal value. Or offer them something cheaper that you’re not worried about losing (like regular wired earbuds).” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“Honestly, I would take valuable things from her and sell them if she doesn’t replace your AirPods. Ask once and then if she refuses, start disappearing her most precious things one by one. And obviously, lock up what you’ve got as well.
If she complains about items that you’ve lost, tell her that she can’t complain until the total cost of the items you’ve “lost” exceeds what she has lost.” RecordingNo7280
3. AITJ For Leaving Dinner After Asking My Dad To Chew With His Mouth Closed?
“I 19F came home from college for Thanksgiving and had Thanksgiving with my father 49M.
This did not occur on Thanksgiving day. A couple of days after we were eating together at the dinner table. My father who was next to me was eating with his mouth open and smacking his lips obnoxiously. I took a deep breath because I knew if I hadn’t I’d be rude.
When something’s bothering me I tend to overreact so I took a second and then asked him “dad, could you please chew with your mouth closed? It’s bothering me.” I made sure to ask in a soft tone so I didn’t get misinterpreted as rude.
My father then responded, “get lost, eat somewhere else if you don’t like it.” It shocked me for a moment because I really didn’t expect him to say that. I then got up, took care of my plate. Then I drove to my mother’s house and stayed at her home for the night.
Am I the jerk? I really don’t think so, but my father’s wife said I should have never said anything to begin with. I do think I may have overreacted by leaving his house altogether.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I mean…he did tell you to get lost and eat somewhere else.
Probably didn’t expect you to go to another house entirely, but he was a bit too vague with his statement LMAO. You didn’t ask him anything rudely, though. Even took the time to collect yourself before asking him to stop but he was rude to you in response.
You only did what he said!!! I’d say that’s polite and obedient.” Alternative-Drop-664
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Step-mum is reinforcing his bad behavior and thinks it’s okay to talk to his kid that way. Cut off Dad and wait for him to reach out to you directly.
If he cares he will, if he doesn’t he won’t. I’m sorry, you’re 19, and this is hard. But parents can be awful — no need to baby them just because they’re the only ones you got. Save yourself the sanity and spend time with people who want you around and make you feel peaceful.
Dad will come around when he’s had time to think, and if he doesn’t then live your life and be happy because you can and you should.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“When I was married before, after a couple of years I realized my ex-husband started having the worst table manners when we ate together alone.
With anyone other than me, his manners were excellent. I called him on it too and he completely denied it (a pattern with that jerk). I realized it was one more way he showed his lack of respect for me, so I finally got smart enough to leave him.
We all deserve to be treated with a minimal amount of respect. Good for you for taking the time to reply reasonably and then getting the heck out of Dodge when he was unreasonable.” Spirited-Round3989
2. AITJ For Wanting To Reconnect With An Old Friend My Partner Dislikes?
“When I first met my partner “P” I was open about my friend “F” being someone that I had once had a casual relationship with.
F and I were just friends before and after anything intimate occurred, and it stopped happening on its own (we didn’t continue until meeting other people or anything like that, we stopped and went back to just being friends).
I could tell that P wasn’t super comfortable with this, but I knew they had bad previous experiences with being deceived and also that trust is earned, so I hoped that in time (and with demonstrated faithfulness) this wouldn’t be an issue.
I didn’t push to maintain a friendship without P’s involvement.
One day a group of us went out for a drink, with P coming along and meeting these friends for the first time. P got along with some, but things with F were awkward. At one point, F was making some bawdy jokes. Not to me, just talking nonsense with the group at the other end of the table.
P became very uncomfortable and spent the rest of the evening withdrawn and staring at the pub TV. I didn’t speak up at the time because there were multiple convos happening and the jokes weren’t directed at us at all so I didn’t think much of it until later realizing how withdrawn P had become.
After this point, my friendship with F faded. We caught up one time when I returned an item that I had borrowed previously, which I discussed with P and they said it was OK, they didn’t expect me to just drop it on F’s doorstep and bail without catching up for a bit.
I felt that this was positive and showed trust, however any active friendship with F was pretty much in the past at this point.
Now, years later, F reaches out asking how I’m doing, hoping I’m well. I respond in kind, and F asks if I’d like to catch up.
I bring it up with P before responding, letting them know that I’d like to. Thought it would be OK as we’ve had no issues with infidelity, and I’m sure that I’ve never given any signs that I would be unfaithful or anything like that.
Now the jerk moment. P posted about it on a support forum specifically for people with lousy partners. Words it as “my partner suddenly wants to start hanging out with someone they used to be intimate with, who has only ever been incredibly rude to me”.
Then shows me the responses, which almost all say that I am clearly being deceptive, I am trash, throw me out. And now P is upset that I am “critiquing their post” when I point out that the wording would make me think that someone is being deceptive too, and the replies might be biased. I’m open to discussing the replies but I think it’s a valid observation that affects the discussion.
P asked me how I would feel if it were reversed, and I told them that I would be absolutely fine with it because I trust them. P doesn’t seem to believe me.
AITJ for bringing this up and then “critiquing” the post that P made to ask for advice?
I might be invalidating their feelings by doing so, but I don’t know how to discuss the responses without discussing that part.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I think you’re not doing anything wrong. But it seems like you and P have bigger issues to discuss around trust. P obviously feels like you still have feelings for F and would deceive them.
It’s a clear situation for you. The post P made their feelings very clear – and obviously, the post was worded to get the types of responses they wanted. That’s not the problem. It’s how P worded the post. It’s a clear window into how P is feeling about this situation.
You guys have some serious talking to do about this. And some work to put into your relationship if P isn’t feeling the trust and respect you feel.” MushroomRadiant4647
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and imma say it loud for the folx in the back: CONTROLLING YOUR PARTNER’S SOCIAL CIRCLE IS A DEFINING ELEMENT OF ABUSE.
I’m not saying that your partner is abusive. But what they’re doing here, is something that abusers do. They’re making you responsible for their own insecurity and lack of trust. That’s an impossible standard for you to meet, because it’s not really about you – it’s them saying “I’m feeling bad, so you must be doing something wrong,” instead of taking responsibility for their own emotions.
It’s okay to have friends. It’s okay to have an intimate history. It’s okay to have friends of the gender you’re attracted to. It’s okay to have friends that you have an intimate history with. Everything you’ve ever seen, done, experienced, and been through, everyone you’ve ever known, loved, hated, laughed, and cried with, has shaped the person you are now – the person your partner supposedly loves and cares about.
You cannot accept this attempt to isolate you from your friends and your support system. Your partner should love and trust you for who you are. If they can’t trust you, why are they with you? Oh, and the way they posted their side of the story, and tried to use the responses as ammo to influence your decisions?
Super disingenuous. You’re not a jerk. You’re a human being, who’s had a life full of human connections. That’s okay. Your partner is way out of line.” Teleporting-Cat
Another User Comments:
“Umm.. this is too vague to say either way but, sounds like P has some serious doubts.
To run straight to posting just because an old friend wanted to catch up. Was so insecure that in a group setting, P withdrew making you cut contact “naturally” because of how it was affecting P … It’s emotional manipulation. Instead of saying stuff to you directly, just mope around about it so you stop.
Sure they can be a natural reaction and genuinely not able to control how you react especially when so many people are around, making jokes and knowing one of them used to have intimate moments with your partner.. but the rest? It’s the fact a part was apparently needed AND how it was worded!
Plus where it was posted! You know darn well what answers you’ll get in places like that. NTJ.” NettyKing89
1. AITJ For Excluding My Ex-Bridesmaid From Wedding Party Events?
“I (29f) am getting married soon and I recently had one of my bridesmaids decide to step down from the wedding as she didn’t like the dresses I had asked them to wear.
This was fine, we had a polite discussion about it and it’s a voluntary position so it wasn’t like I was going to try to force her to stay in the party if she really didn’t want to wear the dress.
The problem is that because she’s not in the party anymore, I’ve removed her from the bridesmaid group chat, she won’t be invited to the bachelorette dinner (we hadn’t started planning this when she dropped so she isn’t out any money or PTO taken or anything), and she also won’t be going to the rehearsal dinner, getting ready with the bridesmaids the day of, or sitting at the head table.
To me this made perfect sense – all this stuff is for the wedding party, or in some cases for family and out-of-town guests (she is neither). Her perspective is that she was invited to all of this before and she still should since she’s been a good friend of mine for many years, and that by excluding her after she decided to step down I’m being vindictive.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stepping down means attending as a guest; guests don’t buy the dress, come to dress appointments, attend Bach, get ready with the bridesmaids, be in pictures other than general reception shots (not posed ones), or sit at the head table.
At this point just disinvite her if invitations have been sent.” Clean_Factor9673
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say you’re NTJ. However: 1. The bachelorette party, or ‘hen party’ as we call it in the UK, is typically for all your close friends, cousins, and your fave gay besties including those who didn’t make the cut as bridesmaids.
So, you could invite her if you wish. 2. As for the rehearsal dinner, I think those tend to be very intimate affairs – your one chance to be surrounded just by your family, his family, the wedding party, and a few close friends. It’s understandable that you’d want it to be more personal, which is why it might not be the right setting for someone who isn’t in the inner circle, even if she’s a friend you considered for your wedding party but couldn’t include due to distance.
But still, you’re NTJ, because ultimately, it’s your day, and you should feel comfortable with the choices you make.” mxquint
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She stepped down from the wedding party by her own choice. She surrendered the wedding party privileges/benefits in the process.
To be fair, I do think it should be noted that some people do invite more than just their wedding party to their bachelor/bachelorette. I can see where she may have reason to feel excluded from that one specific event. (Everything else, on the other hand, she should have expected to be uninvited from.) That being said, it is still ultimately your choice.
If your intention all along was for that event to be “wedding party only”, then it would be reasonable to stick to it. Ultimately, she’s now just a regular old, in-town guest who is a friend (not family). Invited to wedding and reception but that’s it.
Assuming, of course, she doesn’t blow up and manage to get herself uninvited completely.” hard_tyrant_dinosaur
