trly1
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NTJ for expecting your husband to participate in raising his child. You should not have to physically, leave the house to get him to take care of her. Big red flag! I suggest you talk to each other and involve a counselor if you want to stay married to this man. It sounds like he doesn't want to be married or a father, start with that question.
NTA. If this isn't explained to Ian now, it will cause them trouble in the future. Yes, he's a teenage boy and on the spectrum. That doesn't mean he can't be taught to be respectful and have manners.