People Are Ready To Own Up To Their Mistakes In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Paying For My Nephew's Ivy League Education Against His Parents' Wishes?
“My (42M) sister (6 years older) passed away 6 years ago, leaving one son, “Jeff”, (11 at the time), and her husband, “Scott.” I live in the same city and have always been close with my nephew, as, he, like me, is a precocious mathematician and coder.
I got along fine with Scott, though he always struck me as a bit of a weak personality and not an intellectual match for my formidable and successful sister. She wore the pants in that marriage. Since her death, I stepped up my time with Jeff and continued to help him pursue enrichment in math/CS.
3 years ago, Scott married “Jane”, who brought with her 2 daughters (now 9 and 11). Later, they had a son together (now 2). It has not gone well for Jeff. Jane dominates Scott and has pushed the “blended family” hard. Jeff has little in common with his sisters or Jane.
I’d guess he’s got at least 25 IQ points on anybody in that house. Jane has also pushed him to be involved in her church, much to Jeff’s annoyance (my sister was vocally atheist and Jeff is not into religion either). He spends as much time at my house as he can get away with.
When it was time for Jeff to apply to college, his parents insisted that he only consider commuting to one of two universities close to home, because, “if you leave, you won’t ever bond with your siblings” and because “you should help out at home.” They also objected to the cost, though my sister left a lot of money and a fully paid-off house behind.
Much of this has been used to pay for a bigger house to accommodate the new family and for the stepkids’ private schools (lesson: leave your inheritance to a trust for your kids!). Jeff secretly applied to his mother’s alma mater, a top Ivy League school, and got in. Jane was furious and she and Scott said they wouldn’t pay for him to go.
I happen to be successful, rich, and childless. I told them and Jeff that I would pay (I can afford it easily). His parents flipped out on him and me, and things have been tense for the last few months. They continue to pressure Jeff not to go away to school, to the point that they ALSO put down a deposit for him at the local university.
When it became clear that Jeff was really going, Jane pivoted to complaining that if I am paying for Jeff’s education, I should make the same contribution to her other kids, to which I replied that I am not related to her, her husband or her other kids; I am related to Jeff, the son of the person whom I was closest to for much of my life.
Jeff turns 18 in two weeks and I have offered to let him move in with me for this summer (and future summers, if necessary). Jane has been berating me for “trying to break up her family” and Scott has been less strident but has asked me to consider Jane’s feelings.
Am I the jerk for interfering in my nephew’s family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re providing your nephew with the opportunity his mother would have wanted for him, an opportunity that his stepfather and stepmother are actively trying to deny him. You’re fulfilling your sister’s wishes: While not explicitly stated, it’s clear that your sister would have wanted Jeff to attend a top university like her alma mater.
You’re honoring her legacy by helping Jeff achieve this goal. You’re prioritizing Jeff’s well-being: Jeff is clearly unhappy in his current family situation and thrives in your company. You’re offering him a supportive environment where he can flourish intellectually and personally. You’re not obligated to Jane’s children: Your financial responsibility is to your nephew, not to your sister’s husband’s new wife and her children.
It’s admirable that you’re willing to help Jeff, but you’re under no obligation to extend that help to others. You’re not breaking up the family: The family dynamic was already strained before you offered to pay for Jeff’s education. Your actions are a response to an existing problem, not the cause of it.” The_ghost_of_spectre
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for the specific situation but bro. You keep talking about IQ like it means something. The family doesn’t suck because they aren’t smart in ways you respect; they suck because they’re trying to squash and diminish your nephew and erase your sister’s memory and values.
Says some not great things about you as a person that you see it as a problem of mismatched IQ.” Optimal-Apple-2070
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her stepmother stole his house, his inheritance and now wants to steal his future too. The moment the clock strikes midnight on his birthday get him out of there.
Put security on his Social Security so nobody can open anything in his name. Where I am from children inherit part of their parent’s estate even if there’s a living spouse. If your nephew wants he can sue for it. I know he doesn’t need it since you will be paying for him but it irks me that she took everything his mother worked for.” Otherwise_Degree_729
20. AITJ For Not Allowing My FIL's Partner Around My Child?
“I, a 23-year-old female, have been married to my husband, a 21-year-old male, for 3 years and we have a 9-month-old.
Last May, I was 5 months pregnant when my MIL passed away. It was hard on everyone and devastating and totally random. Less than 2 months later my FIL moved a new partner into his house. My husband and I thought this was way too soon but remained respectful and civil to her, she met my daughter once and held her because she asked and all was fine.
Since then she has messaged me on social media trying to insist I have to have girls’ days with her and get pedicures like I used to do with MIL. I was very kind in explaining that I did not feel ready and didn’t know if I ever would anytime soon.
She kept insisting and friending me over and over and I hardly knew her, so I stopped responding.
It became obvious very early that she has a drinking problem, and my husband looked her up online out of curiosity and found a record of driving while intoxicated. Well, we told his dad about it and maybe that’s where we messed up.
She has since harassed us and said she is suing for defamation and getting my police officer father fired for looking up her record, despite the fact that my husband got it off the public records website and has a receipt. She’s flown off the handle on us a couple times now totally unprovoked after drinking.
She recently grabbed my FIL’s phone in the early hours of the morning and started blowing my phone up cussing me out, saying horrible stuff, and threatening me. At first, I thought it was my father-in-law because the texts were acting like it was him, even though the texting wasn’t at all like him, but then he called me later on in the day and told me to never answer a text from him ever again because he can’t guarantee it’s not her pretending to be him.
My husband and I (yes both of us) because of this explosive behavior created a stipulation that when he came over to see our daughter, we didn’t want her coming along for the most part. Now we just avoid family gatherings because we know she will be there.
Now FIL never comes around, I’ve heard she threatens their relationship over him seeing us without her present. But I can’t say for sure if this is true.
AITJ for not wanting her around our kid (or us for that matter)? Family is divided on this one, some think we are driving a wedge between grandpa and granddaughter.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You aren’t driving the wedge, the heavy drinker partner is. Sounds like you are ready to see FIL anytime he wants to visit – alone, so all that’s lacking is some spine for him to do so. That said, if he’s falling into an abusive relationship with this woman you need to maintain the connection with him so he knows he has his relationship with you to fall back on.
Both of you can visit him fairly often without the baby, or your husband alone can.” CatteNappe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Anyone who thinks you’re ‘driving a wedge’ needs to be shown those texts she sent, especially if she made some of the threats there.
Also, point out that you’re perfectly fine with FIL seeing his grandkid as long as his crazy partner isn’t there with him. If he doesn’t want to, that’s on him and if he’s doing it to keep up a relationship with someone as toxic as hers, then you’re better off not having him around your kid either.” Owenashi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your FIL’s partner is cuckoo for cocoa puffs and has no business being around an infant. I hope your FIL gets a reality check and recognizes the issues she has and the help she needs. FIL could probably do with some grief counseling too because to be involved with someone 2 months after the loss of your spouse sounds wild to me.
Sounds like he’s lonely and it’s making him overlook the clear red flags.” No_Bother_7533
19. AITJ For Moving Out And Leaving My Mom To Take Care Of My Siblings?
“I (F22) have been babysitting my siblings (M15, M7) for about 3 years now. It was initially from 3 pm-1 am about 4-5 days a week. But last year it’s switched to 10 pm-7 am 6 days a week as my mom is working a graveyard shift.
I finally found a place to move out to with my friends and partner and signed the lease back in March and move in in July. Since then there have been some family issues in my parents’ ongoing and messy divorce that have left me to be a punching bag and feel really drained in general being home.
Now my dad is out of the house (not by choice). my mom who was initially supportive of moving out has now said I should get out of my lease and stay to watch my siblings still or at least come home every night to watch them.
I find that a ridiculous ask for me to not sleep in a house I’m paying for or break the lease before it even starts.
My mom also has a partner who may not live in the house but is here often and I believe can watch over them.
He does have his own kids but he’s already given her a promise/engagement ring which I believe means they should be able to figure out how to navigate life together and with each other’s kids.
I desperately just want my mom to need me less and to get out of this house but she continues to guilt trip me every time I bring up that I’m going to leave.
Am I the jerk if I still choose to leave and leave it up to her to figure out with the possibility she won’t?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not your siblings’ parent. It is not your job to take care of them.
Also, at 15, I don’t see why your brother can’t start being entrusted to watch 7. Also, while I’m not sure because I’ve never had or broken a lease, would that reflect on your credit score? I’ve heard in some places it would then contradicting information about that but either way, it’s unfair of your mom to want you to start your independent life by potentially breaking a lease that you haven’t even started yet.
She’s being selfish and she can definitely figure out a way to have your siblings taken care of, she just doesn’t want to and wants to take the easy route, for her, and shackle you with it.” Beneficial_Local1012
Another User Comments:
“OP make sure you have EVERYTHING you need for your future, any and all paperwork.
Get it OUT of the house NOW! Anything sentimental needs to go temporarily live with trusted friends. It might not seem like it, but your mom might do things you wouldn’t think she’s capable of to get you to stay. Make SURE she can’t mess up your lease.
If she already knows where you’re moving to, make sure the landlord/leasing company is aware not to take any calls from her. If she doesn’t know where you’re going, KEEP IT THAT WAY!! Good luck OP!” LettheWorldBurn1776
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have your own life.
Live it. Your mom chose to have the kids, she can figure something out. There is her partner, there is your dad (or at least her soon-to-be ex-husband) who could look after the children. Your oldest brother should be old enough to look after himself and the youngest could also stay with family or a paid babysitter.
Or your mom could change her work schedule to work a better shift to take care of HER kids. Not your responsibility. And if she tries to guilt you more, tell her ‘I’m leaving. You had enough notice, stop guilt tripping me or I will cut contact with you to a bare minimum.'” Trevena_Ice
18. AITJ For Locking The Bathroom Door While I Shower To Avoid My Husband's IBS?
“I 40f am married to my husband 41m. Whenever I shower or take a bath, even if I lock the door he comes in and uses the toilet stinking it up and ruining my relaxation. It has bothered me for years. We have two bathrooms, one has a tub, the other does not.
He tells me he doesn’t like using the other bathroom so he “has to” use the main bathroom. He does have IBS and he blames his behavior on that. If I lock the door he will use a penny or a screwdriver to open it as it’s one of the locks that you can open from the outside.
We have small kids so we don’t want them to accidentally lock themselves in the bathroom that’s why the lock can be opened from the outside. I can’t take long showers or baths when he is at work as I need to be watching our children, so I have to wait till he’s home.
Most days I get only a short shower as the kids will start asking for things almost right away, so I usually only take a long bath every few weeks when I really need to relax.
Every time, no matter if he’s already used the bathroom before I go in he comes in.
He gets mad at me for locking the door as it takes him longer to get in. One time I pulled out the drawer under the sink to prevent the door from being opened more than an inch and he got really mad over that.
He says that because he has IBS he can’t help it and I’m being a jerk taking up time in the bathroom. I said he could use the other bathroom but he refuses and said I should just get over the smell or not take baths.
I’d really just like some time to relax alone without smelling a sewer.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That’s infuriating, and it feels like he is doing this precisely so that you don’t take long baths or showers. Depending on money, location, etc., I wonder if you could change the game by taking the time you would have a long bath and instead going to a spa?
Or maybe look at couples counseling to get it into his head that it is time for this behavior to change. How gross.” BulgingKegelMuscles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a huge boundary violation and at this point sounds like a total power play. You have repeatedly told him you want privacy when you take a bath (Completely Reasonable Request/Boundary), and yet he continues to ignore your feelings/desires so he can come in and literally mess up your privacy.
That’s aggressive and mean. He has access to another perfectly good bathroom but refuses to use it. That speaks volumes about how little he respects your wishes, and you for that matter. His behavior is self-centered, controlling, and abusive. Are there other ways in your relationship that he mows over your wishes?
Time to take a hard look at this dynamic. Marital counseling certainly seems in order.” wisewoman707
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s deliberately trying to prevent you from having alone time. He can use the other bathroom and you both know it. He doesn’t like you “relaxing” for whatever ridiculous reason is going on in his head, so he’s punishing you by taking a stinky dump whenever you try to take a bath.
Anybody who “picked the lock” on a bathroom I was using, short of me having an emergency, would quickly learn that I don’t tolerate that kind of nonsense. Bathrooms are a place for privacy and security, where we take care of our personal hygiene and health.
Barging in uninvited is never ok. Sincerely, you have a bigger problem than your husband’s stinky poops. If you have been tolerating this kind of controlling behavior “for years” then I highly suggest some marriage counseling. Or you could always change the locks on the house and see if he likes that better.” savinathewhite
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister Move Into My Small Studio Apartment?
“I (22M) start grad school in August and my sister (18F) is a rising second year. We go to the same college. She will live on campus with a few of her friends next year, and I will live in an off-campus studio by myself.
But recently, she got into a big fight with a couple of those future roommates. Things got so bad that they don’t want to live together anymore.
Now she’s asking if she can move in with me. My room is only meant for one person in terms of furniture and space, and I don’t think I can survive living with her since we have very different schedules and sleep habits.
She also judges everything I do, and I really don’t want someone micromanaging what I eat, what I do in my free time, etc. And I lived in the studio for the last few years and I enjoy my personal space and independence.
I told her that I don’t think we can live together in such a small space.
I pointed out that it would be too cramped, but she suggested she can bring a sleeping bag and a small, cheap IKEA desk and chair. I said that I still like my personal space, and she got mad and said I’m being selfish.
My parents are also pressuring me to let her live with me next year. They said that even though I’m not a perfect person they let me live with them for over two decades. I explained my reasoning for wanting to live by myself, and they said that family should come before comfort and personal preferences.
So, AITJ for not letting my sister live with me?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. It’s a studio. Neither of you would have any privacy whatsoever. It is not your fault that your sister dynamited her living arrangements. She needs to figure out her own situation and handle the consequences of her own actions.
If your parents are that concerned, they can provide her with financial assistance. Beyond that, grad school is NOT like college. It is a lot harder. You are going to face real challenges adjusting to that, especially going in at 22. You are going to have to work and study hard.
Your sister, meanwhile, is likely a freshman or sophomore. She is going to want to have the undergrad experience, which is normal and fine, but not compatible with someone just starting grad school. Do not do this.” SteelEyesMagee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your parents are jerks for their false equivalence.
You were their responsibility as their child. I also assume you had a separate room and, you know, bed. Hold firm to your ‘no’. Let your sister work out the issues with her housing. If she’s signed up for on-campus housing, she can probably switch roommates.
There are resources for her to reach out to. Your parents can help her find a place. This absolutely falls on your sister to handle, not you. There is time for her to find a reasonable option; living with you is not one. Signing up for a year of misery is not okay.
You’re right–you do not have space or the ability to accommodate your sister.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
““They let me live with them for over two decades.” Well, gee mom and dad. Maybe because for the first 18 of those years, you were legally responsible to house, clothe, and feed me.
Honestly, I would seriously be questioning my relationship with my parents with a statement like that. Perhaps a good way to get them to back down would be to bring up this statement and follow it with “So were you saying you never wanted me at all?
Was I just a burden to you?” Lay the guilt on reeeeeeeeeeal thick.” theycallmemrmoo
16. AITJ For Telling My Partner To Stop Putting My Things In His Son's Room?
“My partner (30M) and I (25F) have been together for 3+ years, living together for 2. He has a 13-year-old son (had him when he was very young). He is at our house Friday night-Monday morning.
Since we moved in together, there has been an ongoing issue that my things end up in his son’s room, especially if he’s cleaning or moving stuff around.
Last week, I came home from work and realized my PS5 was missing the HDMI cord. Son’s room. Disconnected and on the floor. Because son was using it earlier and just unplugged it instead of putting it back. Which, he’s 13 and in his own world.
My partner let him borrow it, so he should have put it back when he was done. Side note, I bought his son a couple of cords so my partner would stop taking mine for him to use. No idea what happened to them.
The other day, I was looking for my dog’s combing supplies.
She has her own cabinet of “dog stuff.” They somehow ended up in his son’s room. He said he was reorganizing the cabinet and took some things out, and he must have moved the comb in the process.
Today, my partner was taking a nap and I was going to go to the gym.
I could not find my headphones. They are usually in my gym bag, but I had taken them out to charge earlier today.
I looked in his son’s room but did not see them, so I looked elsewhere but could not find them.
When my partner woke up, I asked him where my headphones were.
He went into his son’s room and said he put them in his closet on accident while cleaning around the house. His headphones were also in the closet.
I honestly lost it. I told him I am so tired of having to question where my things are at.
Our house is not cluttered. It is hardly messy. There is no reason for MY things not to be in OUR room. There is no reason for my things to be in someone else’s room. I told him that if I have something in one spot, he does not need to move it.
My headphones being on the charger is not inconveniencing anyone.
He said I am overreacting and it’s harmless to just go into his son’s room and look for something if I need to. He said that he accidentally/subconsciously moves things and doesn’t realize they are mine.
I called nonsense, because this has been an issue for 2 years. I told him I am just not going to leave anything that is mine around the house anymore, not even a pair of shoes at the front door.
I also do not like having to look in other people’s rooms or playing hide and seek with my things.
I would hate for someone to look through my things/room. If he wants to put his stuff in his son’s room, by all means, do it. Which he does sometimes. But I told him to Stop. Putting. My. Stuff. In. There.
I feel like a jerk just typing this.
We have a great relationship and hardly argue. However, I have asked him in the past to please not do this, and he isn’t getting it.
Am I overreacting? Am I the jerk for not wanting my stuff in his son’s room?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner has absolutely no reason to move your things. Growing up my mother was a constant tidier and decided to move other people’s things. It was a constant battle until she threw away research my brother was gathering for a paper and then all chaos broke loose.
To this day, the number of things she moves and forgets where she put them is hilarious. When she can’t find something we tell her maybe you should have left it where it’s always been, keep looking.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and sorry but a bit funny.
I don’t see any reason for him to be stashing stuff in his son’s room, I mean seriously, you have your headphones plugged in and somehow it gets put in the son’s closet? That’s sheer nonsense. Maybe try picking a central spot like on the counter and tell your partner that if he ever has to move your belongings for any reason then put them there.
You can also talk to his son yourself and remind him to put your stuff back if he borrows something. He’s not so young he can’t do that himself.” MayorSalsa
Another User Comments:
“No what he’s trying to do is dehumanize you by stripping away your identity see if everything that is associated with you becomes either commonly shared items and/or becomes his son’s property then you are nothing without him.
This is one of the oldest manipulative tactics that’s been out there he’s doing it on purpose he’s doing it to get a rise out of you he’s doing it to gaslight you and then he’s going to say you’re irrational and blah blah blah this is a power trip, he’s trying to put you in your place.
This is already so freaking toxic it’s frightening.” YouKnowImRight85
15. AITJ For Telling My Friend's Partner About His Past Behavior Towards Her?
“My (24F) friend, Adam (24M), has recently started seeing Cynthia (23F). The three of us went to the same school but we weren’t friends with Cynthia back then. She was a bit of a weirdo at school but people mostly left her alone because of Adam.
He only made sure she was left alone in the beginning because their parents were friends and his parents told him to look out for her.
In our final 2 years, their parents had a big falling out and Adam completely turned against her. I don’t know if he did it intentionally because it all started when someone made a comment about her to him in a group setting and Adam said something along the lines of “who gives a darn about her?” which a lot of the year took to be a green light to finally be able to openly ostracise and bully her.
Adam did encourage it at times I feel by the way he would ignore her in front of people when she tried speaking to him but he mostly just let people bully her without acknowledging it. He was the popular guy in school so one word from him and it would’ve all stopped so I do think he intentionally let her continue to be bullied even when things got really bad.
When he introduced her to us as his partner I just felt so bad for her so when I got the chance to speak to her privately I told her everything I wrote above since I was sure he hadn’t told her. All she said to me was “oh” and then she continued to act like everything was fine but I know she’s since confronted him because he’s blown up at me over it.
He said I shouldn’t have gotten involved and that he never bullied her or told anyone else to. He claims he wouldn’t have ever done that to her but I think he’s just rewriting history. A lot of our friends are people we went to school with so they obviously don’t want to be reminded of what jerks they all used to be so they’re siding with him.
Was I actually the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“At no point in your post do you point out that Adam actually bullied Cynthia in any way. You are trying to sabotage this relationship because he once mentioned he didn’t care about a girl in high school, and then ignored her sometimes?
That’s it? I feel like you made a bunch of assumptions from missing information and turned it into some story where Adam is some bully mastermind who had Cynthia ostracized on purpose. Maybe if you had anyone backing you up I may see your side.
Yet none of your other friends seem to think this way. YTJ.” meeebs
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. “The three of us went to the same school but we weren’t friends with Cynthia back then. She was a bit of a weirdo at school” and “He said I shouldn’t have gotten involved and that he never bullied her or told anyone else to.
He claims he wouldn’t have ever done that to her but I think he’s just rewriting history.” If he had been one of her tormentors at school why on earth would she be his partner now? It’s called moving on/growing up not rewriting history.
Seems like YOU are the person who can’t let who she was in high school go and doesn’t think she should be with your friend. Why is that?” Dear_Tangerine444
Another User Comments:
“From what you wrote Adam didn’t bully or tell others to bully Cynthia, you cannot control what others do.
If others took it as a green light to bully Cynthia because of what Adam said, they are the ones in the wrong and not Adam. Did you do anything to try and stop the bullying, or were you just an onlooker who ignored what was going on?
Or maybe you were one of the bullies? That would make some sense as to why you brought this up, you wanted to try and clear your conscience. For all you know Adam and Cynthia talked about what happened in private before they got together.
YTJ.” Knightseason
14. AITJ For Telling My Dance Graduate Son He's Lucky He's Pretty?
“My wife and I have four kids.
The first two are a welder and a doctor. My middle son just graduated with a degree in Dance. Our youngest is studying engineering.
My son is still living at home trying to figure out his future. We were talking about it and he said he wants to move out so he can live how he wants instead of by my insane rules.
Those rules are 1. Be self-supporting after you graduate. 2. Help with chores as long as you live at home. 3. Don’t engage in intimate activities I can hear.
Those are too much for him. He went to my wife and said that he wanted some help so he could move out.
She backed my rules. She also expects him to get a job, help around the house, and not expose us to the sounds of his intimate activities.
He came back to me asking how I expected him to make a living.
We had both talked to him about getting a degree that had more prospects and maybe doing a minor in dance.
Our daughter who is a doctor did her undergrad in music. But she also took premed classes and rocked her MCAT.
He says that he didn’t want to do that. He wants me to tell him what to do. I am just kind of lost. So I told him it’s a good thing he’s pretty.
All I meant is that he is a tall, athletic, handsome young man. With a degree, he can find an entry-level position and work his way up. Many successful people have.
He took it to mean that I thought he should marry well and be a kept man.
His other mom and he are upset at me for undervaluing his potential. I think I was being realistic.”
Another User Comments:
“Tell him to move to NYC and try to get on Broadway as a dancer. Or on a cruise ship. Or Disney. Or Vegas.
Or Branson. Or Atlantic City. These are venues where dancers work. He should be attempting to get a job as a dancer. Or teach dance lessons. There are dance schools in cities everywhere. Why is he not even trying to get a job as a dancer?
Did he think you were going to house/feed/support him forever? Or apply to sell cars. People like to buy cars from a good-looking man. Or get a part-time job flipping burgers and do one of the online abbreviated teaching degrees so he can teach phy ed or theatre or something.
Seriously he needs to be a little creative here. He had his fun for 4 years. Now it’s crunch time. Someone mentioned modeling. Get some headshots done and send them out but do other things while waiting. Make him a list every day of places to apply to if he can’t figure it out.
Seriously this is ridiculous. Either get a job doing anything, look for a job using dancing, get a part-time job, and continue with school this time with a degree that will get you a job. Life isn’t that hard.” BargainHunter333
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – WHAT ‘potential’?
He doesn’t know what he wants – he had the opportunity for an education and chose to study ‘dance’. Is he a dancer? Is this a passion – something he’s good at? He could sell dance equipment or promote dance schools or work on dance productions, etc etc etc. Or he can stay home, be the ‘do nothing’ son, and live off you for his adult years.
You have really easy rules – if that’s too much for him – he needs to move out and taste the real world for a while. What did he plan to do while he was studying dance?” omeomi24
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here.
I feel like we’re not getting the full story from you. You listed off your other kids’ accomplishments and compared them to your other child. Do you do that frequently? Because I wouldn’t feel very valued if I was compared to my siblings all the time.
Being told “why can’t you be more like ____,” isn’t helpful. It doesn’t matter if your other kids are rocket scientists or work at a convenience store. What are you hoping to achieve by comparing him to other people? Then you proceeded to say “you’re lucky you’re pretty.” Maybe this isn’t universal but whenever I’ve heard that term used, it basically implies that you’re lucky you’re cute because you just did something really stupid.
Now even if that’s not your intended message, I would never have taken that to mean what you’re saying. Nobody would assume that to mean that he should get an entry-level job and work his way up. Because those things are not related. You’ve laid out simple rules but I have a hard time believing you’re being truthful since you’re not even being truthful in your post…” girlwcaliforniaeyes
13. AITJ For Doing My Husband's Ex-Wife's Laundry Without Asking Her First?
“I 33f have been with my husband 46 for 5 years. Before me, he was married to his ex-wife Rachel for 10 years. He had 2 kids with her both teenagers we get every other week. He and Rachel are civil but she dislikes me because I was the young girl he got with 3 months after their divorce.
I know I’m horrible, but I’ve always had good b***d with her, I had no bad intentions towards her.
Earlier this month Rachel was in a really bad accident, she was bedbound, and couldn’t afford a home nurse, (I am a nurse and my husband also works in the medical field).
Rachel has no family at all, and we had an agreement she’d stay with us. I’ve helped her shower a few times so I didn’t think it was a big deal when I threw some of her clothes into the washer. When I grabbed them she told me to put them down and don’t fiddle around in her stuff, and that she’d have her daughter do her laundry for her.
I told her that I was sorry.
I guess she brought it up to my husband because he brought up to me that she was really upset that I was just grabbing her stuff without asking and he kinda seems like he’s taking her side, he said it’s best that I just apologize again so there’s no tension.
I thought I was helping. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, and definitely not you. The ex is in a pretty vulnerable place dependent on you to shower and for help… Perhaps, just to try and be fair, she just wants to feel a little control in a life over which, right this minute, she likely feels she has none.
That’s my hopeful take, at least.” 12JGC3
Another User Comments:
“Can this be true? I need to inform you that you have a husband problem as well as a problem with his ex-wife. IMO your husband should be worshipping the ground you walk on for the accommodation and nursing care you are giving his ex!
Having said that she is probably utterly humiliated by this situation, but should not have been rude to you. She could have asked you politely not to do her laundry. Strictly speaking, in spite of everything, I think you should have asked if she would like you to do her laundry.
Boundaries, autonomy, and dignity are especially important to incapacitated people and as a nurse, you should be well aware of this. So I think you are a bit of a jerk for doing the laundry without checking. I can’t help wondering if his ex being vulnerable and needy is engendering feelings from your husband.
Overall I’m torn between E S H and no jerks here. All of you are under stress and you all made errors in communication.” Time-Tie-231
Another User Comments:
“Her staying with you to receive care and recover implies she needs your help. You were going about your caretaker duties in the best way you knew how.
Her reaction was uncalled for – and worse, she’s expecting her teenage daughter to care for her because of her pride, which isn’t fair to her daughter. If your home and her help are good enough for her when she needs you, she can certainly be gracious about you doing some chores on her behalf rather than throwing a fit.
NTJ.” Major_Barnacle_2212
12. AITJ For Buying My Stepdaughter A Used Bridesmaid Dress For My Wedding?
“I’m getting married in December of this year. I am bringing 2 daughters into this marriage.
They’re 8 & 12. My fiance has a daughter from a previous marriage as well, Kiki (15). All 3 girls are in my wedding party, with Kiki as a bridesmaid. I’m letting all of my bridal party pick out their dresses, with the condition they’re all the same color and within a certain budget.
I’m also paying for all of them. Kiki sent me a link to the dress she liked and I thought it was pretty. I planned on ordering it once I had the other members of the wedding party send me what they wanted.
I was scrolling on social media one night and one of the buy/sell groups I’m a part of showed the dress that Kiki sent me.
It was only used once in a wedding and is in perfect condition. You can’t even tell it was worn before. It also so happened to be in her size. So, I figured it’d be cheaper to buy this as it’s a dress she’ll likely also wear once and never again.
The dress new online is $200. The person was selling it for $50 and just wanted it gone. I’ve seen the dress in person. No stains, no smells. Truly a steal. So, I bought it.
When I told Kiki, she got mad and said she was the only one not getting a brand-new dress.
I pointed out I’m still getting her new shoes, and accessories (again all of her choice), have alternations done to the dress as needed, she’ll have her hair and makeup done with us. If I found any other member of the bridal party’s dress in a similar condition and cheaper price in a social media group or a thrift store, I’d buy it.
As it is, I’m spending about a grand on dresses for the 5 members of my bridal party. If I can save a little money, I will.
Kiki wants me to buy her a brand-new dress. I spoke with my fiance and he agrees with me.
We told Kiki if she wants the dress brand new, she can pay the difference. She’s still upset with us. Other members of my husband’s family feel I’m being a cheap jerk and should just buy the dress new. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your reasoning was totally sound. Weddings are expensive so save where you can. The dress you found is in like-new condition and the correct size. Like you said a total steal. Too late now but why did you inform Kiki you found it used?
Did she really need to know? She obviously feels singled out by her stepmom-to-be. Everyone else is getting a new dress, and she gets a used one. Then instead of seeing her position, you tell her she can pay $150 to get a new dress. I get you are being practical, but this isn’t a great start to fostering a good relationship between you and Kiki.
You coldly disregarded her feeling excluded.” Doktor_Seagull
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You are thinking like an adult trying to save some money instead of a 15-year-old. I mean you are leaning right into the Cinderella evil step-mother trope. Giving your 2 girls new things and she gets used, good-enough, thrifted clothes.
I get the urge to save some bucks but you’ve made Kiki feel like she’s less-than and that sucks and is a really crappy way to start a marriage and your step-parenting relationship.” Laines_Ecossaises
Another User Comments:
“YTJ unless your kids are getting used shoes and accessories while Kiki gets new ones.
If everyone is getting new shoes and accessories then your comment to Kiki would be pointless. It isn’t about not getting anything new. It is about the stepchild getting treated less than the bio kids. Even if you didn’t mean it that way, it is not a good look.
Can you figure out what the budgeted amount is that gives each kid 1/3rd of the total? Then, maybe let Kiki use her extra amount saved on the dress to buy nicer jewelry? She is of an age to start appreciating things and something she can wear often would be special for her to remember the day her family grew.” NeptunianCat
11. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Due To Unfair Treatment By My Parents?
“I (19F) grew up as the eldest of 5 children which I thought would be nice because it means more help with chores but boy was I wrong. In our household, I’m the main person doing all the chores i.e. cleaning, laundry, vacuuming, cooking meals, etc. while both my parents and my siblings sit up and do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
It’s unfair as I feel like I never have time for myself and have ended up losing out on friends and sacrificing different events with friends because I had to stay home and help out.
My younger brother (13M) has been treated so differently than when I was that age.
He’s allowed to do whatever and say whatever without consequences. He was recently caught drinking in a field (it’s quite common in the UK to be drinking at this age despite not being of legal drinking age) with some of our neighbors who were of legal drinking age by another neighbor and my parents never said a thing yet I asked to go to my best friend’s birthday party for a few hours and I was told no because there would be booze despite me being over the legal age.
I was recently talking to my aunt about how to stand up to my parents more and she joked that I should just come live with her but now I think I might take her up on the offer because my parents clearly won’t let me live my life.
I told them that I might move out and they went ballistic and told me that I’m the only help they have and that they would be at a loss if I left.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I can relate as the only son, effectively was a constant day laborer, spread at least 4 trucks of woodchips in the summer/fall, any plumbing, automotive, tree surgery, yard maintenance, or construction work was on me.
My sisters did some housework like cleaning bathrooms and dusting. But even I helped with seasonal decorations and weekly vacuuming. Generally, they had free time to hang out with friends while I was outside splitting wood, building rock retaining walls, etc. One time my sisters complained that I wasn’t dusting, luckily my parents reminded them I managed the outdoor work.
Luckily for me a few weeks later I was spending the week away at my grandparents’. My sisters had to help my parents empty and spread a truck of woodchips over a week, afterward they never at least openly complained again. Luckily for me, my parent saw the value of the work I was doing.
If they didn’t I would do the same as you.” Existing-Plant6671
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your family is relying too much on you! They can’t handle their other kids and the chores, so they just let you do all of it. That’s messed up. Move out and do what makes you happy.
You might actually wanna live with your aunt if both of you are cool with that! I think it’s a good idea if you plan to move out on short term.” Fearless-Memory-595
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are an adult and deserve to have an independent life.
You are not meant to be your parents’ servant and what’s with other siblings not having to do any chores? Your parents chose to have 5 children therefore it’s up to them to manage. Please, move on since you deserve much better. I wish you all the best for all of your future endeavors.” Kukka63
10. AITJ For Snapping At My Bullying Coworker Without Knowing Her Personal Problems?
“I 20F work in a bakery and have a boss that’s a nepotism hire. She’s the assistant manager because she’s best friends with the manager who promoted her. Or at least that’s what everyone assumes since she’s a recent hire with no prior management experience.
She’s also a huge bully. Like whenever I work with her I take out my piercings and don’t use any fun hairclips (I’m usually into alternative fashion and since we wear uniforms my hair is the only thing I can customize). Usually, customers love my fun hairstyles but she bullied me so relentlessly about my fashion choices I don’t dare to do anything but concealer and a ponytail around her.
Now one of our stores had a bunch of people quit because it’s in an expensive living area and people who work a bakery job can’t afford to live there. So I’ve been taking on double shifts to the point of complete exhaustion. Like sometimes I’ll start at 5 am, have a 1-hour break, come home for an hour, drive to work, come home at 9 pm, eat, go to sleep, and only get 4/5 hours of sleep.
This isn’t sustainable and incredibly draining.
So when I came in at 5 am and this coworker who has never worked a shift longer than 6 hours and has set shifts from 7.30 am to 1 pm because she has kids and complains about everything, tells me to “stop complaining, other people have problems too.” I snapped. I don’t know if it’s the sleep deprivation or the constant bullying or the exhaustion but I told her that her stupid housewife chores are nothing compared to working from sunrise to sunset and not even having time to sleep.
I work 10 times her workload on tasks ten times as exhausting I have a right to complain and moan as much as I want to.
Now this is where I might be the jerk. Apparently, her 17-year-old son ran away the day before and the reason why she was telling me to stop complaining is because she didn’t know where her kid was.
I feel so guilty about yelling at her because she’s going through a lot but I’m so tired and sleep-deprived. I don’t think I could have reacted differently in that moment.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – What was her reasoning for being a jerk all the other times her son ran away?
Like she was awful before this incident, and your child running away sure would make someone’s mood worse, but it’s not a free pass to be crappy to others. Especially if she was so awful to the point you had to alter how you style your hair in front of her.
See you’re a better person for feeling sympathy for her circumstances, when if you were truly the jerk you could weaponize this information and state “no wonder your child ran away with how you treat others. I’d run away if you were my mom too.”” singyoulikeasong
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, keep in mind though we’re all human. Her bullying definitely was connected to her stress at home. Not defending the bullying because realistically I’m with you. I personally tell any coworker I work with that I’m not there to be their friend and I’m only there to work and go home.
You guys both chose a way to cope with your ongoing stress. You just know how to keep your thoughts to yourself though. When a coworker tries to bully me I tell them “I don’t even think about you when I go home.” It usually leaves a bad taste in their mouth but I get what I want.
SILENCE.” EquivalentPolicy7508
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did not know. Which holds for her too. She does not know your life either. So when she is browbeating you, is she considering what you go through or your feelings? No. Is she cognizant of that? YES.
She chooses to be a jerk on a daily basis and DOESN’T THINK TWICE ABOUT IT. You, on the other hand, feel awful for yelling at someone who was in a bad way at that moment, even though you did not know. Cut yourself a break.
She created the circumstances for this blowout, and unfortunately, it landed on an awful day. Them’s the breaks.” SubjectBuilder3793
9. AITJ For Sarcastically Responding To My Coworker's Unsolicited Medical Advice?
“I (F30) was running this weekend, tripped, lost a fight with this gnarly board that was lying on the sidewalk, and sliced up my leg pretty good. Real smooth, I know. I went to the ER and they taped me up, gave me a tetanus shot and some antibiotics.
Today, my coworker noticed my bandaged leg and asked what happened. I told her the story. Side note, I am ALWAYS polite to this coworker, and she doesn’t know I don’t like her, but we have very different politics and views on things. I’m always cordial though.
Anyways, my coworker was HORRIFIED to hear I was taking antibiotics and started throwing out all these alternative treatments. I think she said oregano? My brain spoke without my filter activating and I was like “oh yeah and when I get the plague next I’ll use bacon lard.” She was really offended!
Said she was just trying to help me and that antibiotics were poison. Hasn’t spoken a word to me since.
I’m on my lunch break now. My wife says I’m in the right (she actually thinks it’s hilarious and laughed at my debacle for a good minute or two) but my dad (I ask him for a lot of work advice) says I should really keep my mouth shut on these things, and that being rude could come back to bite me in the butt.
AITJ? Should I have just swallowed what she said and never mentioned it again?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Only advice you need to accept is from a doctor. Mindsets like what your coworker has causes more harm than good. This one story that always sits with me was when a mom put a potato in her child’s sock to help “treat” his sickness resulting in the child unfortunately passing.
Basically, if the advice isn’t coming from a licensed doctor don’t listen to it.” DJ_Too_Supreme_AITA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She did open herself up to a response and got one. But it’s best to just ignore people like her and tell her to never give you unsolicited medical advice and if she does or you overhear her discussing your medical health that you will formally go to HR.
Best to do it with a witness, and from an HR perspective consider then writing it in an email so there is a record.” dr_hits
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unfortunately, people like that often give unsolicited medical advice, and there’s no low-key way to stop them.
(Arguing with them about it just makes it worse.) Her not speaking is a win. (Btw, oregano is a mild antibiotic, useful under some circumstances.) Your dad is kind of right. If you can come up with a response people like that don’t think is rude, you’re a better man than me (they tend to be really defensive).” hubertburnette
8. AITJ For Walking Out On My Partner After She Used My Deceased Friend's Nickname For Me?
“For context, I 24M, had an extremely close friend, Ben, from my teen years. My relationship with him was complicated and I think it veered past being strictly platonic at times.
Unfortunately, I never really had a chance to explore my possible b*********y, since he passed just a little over 3 years ago and I’ve steered clear of guys ever since.
Ben had a nickname for me which is fairly common for my name, so the first time my partner Sally called me that, I had to explain.
Sally didn’t particularly like that this was ‘Ben’s thing’, for me but accepted it anyway. Yesterday we were at a restaurant when she suddenly started calling me that. When I asked her why, she said it was time to face my fears and get over it.
I told her to stop but she didn’t and just kept saying it until I couldn’t take it and walked out.
I took an Uber home and I’ll admit it took me a good 5-10 minutes to remember the bill but I Venmoed her the cost after.
Sally got home about 30 minutes after I did and was furious with me for embarrassing her and scaring her that she wouldn’t be able to pay the bill all over a stupid nickname and she ‘wasn’t going to be second to a dead guy’.
She isn’t listening to my apologies, and while I am sorry, I do think she was pushing a bit further than she had to on a sore spot, so I don’t think this was entirely my fault?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She can’t get angry at you after you told her to stop with the nickname. She messed around and found out, now she’s sulking. Honestly, just let her get on with it. However, sounds like you aren’t really over what this potential relationship could have been with your friend who passed away.
She’s right in that aspect, no matter how crudely she put it. Perhaps you need to explore that with talking therapy?” ElectricalTaste4519
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The nickname is associated with your trauma. You lost someone important to you and hearing that nickname brings up your grief.
She sounds legitimately jealous and insecure of a person who has passed away, and not at all thinking about your feelings. I don’t blame you for momentarily forgetting about the bill, grief does that to people. Please stop apologizing for your past, she needs to grow up and accept it’s a part of your history and show some respect for your feelings.
I mean seriously, what if you just REALLY hated the nickname. Just because it’s common doesn’t mean you have to like it. I’m sure she could come up with her own pet/nickname for you. She is being immature.” Doktor_Seagull
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
She isn’t your therapist. She’s supposed to be your loving and caring partner. Repeating a nickname when she knows it upsets you is a complete jerk move. If she wants to be embarrassed? She should be embarrassed by her own actions. She’s the one that owes you an apology.
There is a “cute” nickname for my specific name. I hate that nickname. I demanded everyone stop calling me that. I refused to acknowledge them if they called me that. I clearly explained to them how much I loathe that nickname. They finally stopped. Except for my dear sweet uncle.
He called me that until the day he died. I smiled and let him. Because it made him happy to call me that. My cousin commented on it one time. Why do I let him do it? Because I can. And if you call me that?
I will punch you in the face. Although I have relented forty years later. I let that cousin call me that once a year on my birthday. It’s a term of endearment. I still hate that nickname. Not exactly the same circumstance as you. But the point is still the same.
Respect. Nobody should call you a name that you don’t like. Regardless of the reason. It is extremely disrespectful. Especially from someone who is supposed to care about you. ” Desperate-Film599
7. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Change Her Hair Color For My Parents?
“I have been seeing my partner, Emily, for two years. We were supposed to visit my parents at their vacation home on the beach on the 4th of July.
She knows my parents’ attitudes and the kind of impression they value. However, on our date night, she showed up with bright pink hair. I expressed my concern about how my parents might react to it and asked if she could go back to her natural hair color before we go.
She said she’s not going to change it and that she likes the pink. She mentioned that her workplace has a “casual summer” policy for those who are not in court roles, and since she’s in a litigation support role, she’s allowed to participate in casual summer with her support staff co-workers.
I asked her to consider my parents, and she immediately started: first it’s hair, then clothes, to how she talks, what wedding dress to get, and even how we would raise our children. She said she was done with this and stormed out of dinner before we even ordered.
I tried texting her, and we got into an argument about the cost I put in for our plane tickets. She told me to sue her. This was the last I talked to her on Sunday and my texts are still green. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal for her to blow up on me about.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, OP, holy smokes. You’re incredibly controlling. If you didn’t want a girl who enjoyed off-the-wall hairstyles and had no issue with her own autonomy, why in all seriousness are you still with her? You can’t magically tame her. She’s not your manic pixie dream girl.
If you really respect her, then let her choose what she wants to do with her body. That’s her choice. Now if you don’t want to be with someone like that, sure, that’s your choice. But you can’t tread on her personal aesthetic choices. Don’t get me wrong, you can give your opinion, I mean, technically you’re valid in doing so in the proper setting and context…but that’s it.
After that, you are blatantly overstepping.” kaleidoscope_view
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Emily is right. Right now, it’s hair. What will it be next? Your parents and you need to respect her right to dye her hair whatever color she sees fit. “Asked if she could go back to her natural hair color before we go.” And this part right here?
It’s not exactly cheap and easy to just go back to your natural hair color after dyeing it a bright color. Especially if you want it to look good while also maintaining your hair’s health. Emily shouldn’t have to mess up her hair just to appease your parents.” buttercupgrump
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, and you have hinted at some other things going on that you’ve failed to expand upon. “She knows my parents’ attitudes and the kind of impression they value.” What does this mean, that you know they will dislike her for a hair color?
They’ve already met her, so it’s nothing to do with a first impression. So you think they will discard her for this, and you’re happy to support that action? “She immediately started: first it’s hair…” Clearly, this is not the first time she has had an issue with your attitude.
Can you honestly say you’ve never tried to control her before? “We got into an argument about the cost I put in for our plane tickets.” Are you saying you threw it back in her face, like you had paid for her ticket, therefore, you get to dictate how she looks?
Or that she refused to go on the trip, and you are trying to emotionally blackmail her by making her feel bad about standing up for herself?” Original-Winter9334
6. AITJ For Not Telling My Parents My Brother Was Two-Timing His Abusive Wife?
“I want to preface this by saying that I do not condone being unfaithful. I just thought this situation was none of my business.
So my (19M) older brother (22M) has been with his wife Maria (24F) since he was 15. They have had the most toxic and frankly demonic relationship I have ever had the displeasure of witnessing. Maria is actually insane and extremely abusive to my brother and I’m not just saying that because he’s my brother.
When they were still in a relationship, my parents tried everything to stop them from seeing each other. They even sent him to live abroad with our relatives in Europe for a year but guess what Maria did? Caught a flight and stayed in a hostel nearby.
They put him in therapy and pleaded with him to leave her but they’ve stayed together. I don’t fault him for it because I know relationships like that can mess with your head but it’s been painful watching my brother suffer like this.
He is a grown man and is responsible for his own relationships but she was his first everything and he seems very attached to her even. He also has bipolar disorder that he was diagnosed with at 19 (his psychiatrist suggested that the stress of the relationship could’ve triggered it since it runs in our family) and he thinks that it makes him defective and no one else will want him even though he’s objectively a great guy.
He married her after she got pregnant and they have a 1-year-old son together. My mother and my brother raise that kid, Maria probably hasn’t even changed his diaper once. I’ve probably bathed him more than she has.
Recently, I’ve noticed that my brother has been happier.
He’s been complying with his therapy and meds more and I’ve even caught him singing in the house which is insane if you knew him. He told me that he met a girl and he really liked her. He said that she was really nice, she was forcing him to go to his therapy sessions and she was making him take up his old hobbies again.
He also said that being with her is making him feel brave enough to leave Maria. I think being unfaithful is bad but also…
Anyway, somehow Maria found out and she went ballistic. She took their son and it took three days to get him back.
The stress of that got my brother put on a psych hold and everyone’s angry. Good news, it looks like they’re getting a divorce but my parents are extremely angry at me for not telling them that I knew he was seeing someone else.
They said that if they knew, they would’ve been able to deal with the situation better and convinced him to leave Maria sooner. I don’t think I did anything wrong because it’s not my business to spread but they’re very angry with me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m not sure your parents knowing would have made things go smoother. Besides, your brother told YOU, not them, and while you could have encouraged him to tell them, it was not yours to do. I wish your family the best of luck and hope things get better for all of you.” Tancredi29
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What your parents are saying is likely untrue. They’ve been talking to your brother trying to get him about not being with Maria since he was 15 years old, without him changing any of his behavior related to Maria. So they suddenly think he would’ve listened to them now?
They are not thinking clearly.” Gladtobealive2020
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. You should have told your parents. Your brother is mentally ill and in an abusive marriage and they are caring for his child. That’s relevant information that they needed to know. If they’d known, maybe they could have prevented his wife from taking the kid.
Wife is a jerk for obvious reasons. Your brother is a jerk for being unfaithful. Your parents are not jerks, I have no idea how y’all ended up with so many problems.” rghb792
5. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Wear A Bib While Eating?
“Recently my daughter (9) asked me (36F) if I could buy some bibs for her to wear while she eats.
Her hands have always been jittery, she has a form of Tourette’s syndrome that affects her hands and causes some muscle spasms in her hands, which can make it a little difficult for her to eat without getting messy.
She’s always being extra careful when she eats, but still gets stuff on her clothes, mainly right under her neck.
So I agreed and bought her some bibs online and when they arrived I put one on her for dinner, and it worked like a charm, she only got loose bits of food on the bib.
I mainly bought bibs instead of having her wear a napkin because bibs are reusable and don’t have the same risk of falling off during mealtimes.
Since it’s summer break now I asked her if she’d like to be homeschooled next year, so she does not have to worry about people at her school making fun of her for wearing bibs while eating.
She said yes as long as she can still hang out with her friends, which I told her she can always see her friends when she wants.
Some of my friends found out when they came over and saw her wearing a bib, and they said that I’m treating her like a baby and it’s infantilizing.
Am I the jerk for letting her wear a bib whenever she eats?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your daughter asked for this accommodation and it probably reduces some anxiety around mealtime. My only thing in this post is that I don’t think should be a full reason to transition to homeschooling.
If she wants a bib but doesn’t want people to see it, could there not be an accommodation with the school for her to eat elsewhere?” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a former teacher, I will strongly encourage you to research whatever math & science programs you will be using to homeschool.
Those are the subjects my previously homeschooled students struggled with the most. There are lots of great resources online, especially! (Parents often homeschool younger children, then start integrating them into public or private school when the kids hit 12-14 years old, so the kids can attend high school.
The kids were at or above grade level in most things, but nearly all the kids were significantly behind in math & science.) Best wishes for your daughter!” CampfiresInConifers
Another User Comments:
“Your able-bodied friends don’t get an opinion on your daughter’s medical accommodations and please tell them that.
Their ableism judgments are not friend behavior. Their limited ability to understand disabled perspectives and issues uniquely disqualifies their comments and they should know (never too late to learn) to keep their mouths shut on the subject. Sincerely, A Disabled woman who has been yelled at this week for using her own powerchair by some old lady with a stank face.
For some weird reason, older women seem to relish hating on younger disabled women who choose to use accommodations the old ones won’t allow themselves because of their own internalized ableism. Older men never seem to care what mobility aid I’m using. If anything old dudes giggle when I use my cane to push an elevator button.
Old ladies have to be publicly shamed with a loud “got a problem with my chair lady” for them to remember that it’s rude to stare.” YellowBrownStoner
4. AITJ For Cutting Off My Neglectful Father After He Insulted My Parenting?
“I’m a 19-year-old male and I have a fiancée let’s call her K who is 19 female and I have an 8-month-old little girl.
So all my life my dad has basically done nothing for me. He would call to tell me and my mom where to go so I could stay with him for the summer and then ghost us and I wouldn’t hear from him again for months.
He is still way behind on child support for not only me but for 2 of my other siblings. He’s always just been hateful and mean. I have tried to talk to him and have a relationship with him especially since now I have a kid and I want him to be a part of her life.
We talked and stayed civil at least for a couple of years. I used to live with him when I was around 16 and worked at the same place as him. He stole around $1,000 from me in total while I lived with him and he would promise to pay it back or buy me something I wanted to make up for it and I never got anything.
I would help with bills and buy my own special things so he didn’t have to.
So my fiancée and I just got a puppy about 3 months ago and my dad called and asked if we wanted to come stay with him for the weekend.
Our puppy wasn’t housebroken yet and couldn’t be alone for that long and we don’t have anyone to watch the pup so we asked if we could bring him with us. After a little convincing my dad agreed. So we got to his house and everything was fine with the entire visit.
I actually had a good time.
Now for the part where I might be the jerk.
My pup is from a litter of like 6. My older brother got my pup’s sister and found out she had Sarcoptic Mange which is a type of mange dogs can get from a parasite called scabies.
We thought my pup had it because his ears were crusty and started to split. So I called my father and told him about my brother’s dog and how my pup might have had it. He went on a whole rant telling me I should be ashamed of myself for bringing an animal around my 8-month-old daughter and called me a bad father.
I was honestly kind of shocked and responded with “you have no right to tell me how I am as a father when you have 6 kids and only 2 talk to you.” (me and my 13 yr old brother) He told me I was neurotic and told me to screw off.
I just didn’t respond at that point.
A couple of weeks later I saw that Godzilla Minus One was on Netflix and my father and I are huge Godzilla fans so I tried to call him ….. no answer. So I tried again a few hours later …..
no answer.
I called my little brother just to find out my dad blocked me and it was because “he doesn’t put up with nonsense” so I told him and his wife that my family will no longer be a part of his cultish family and how I will not allow my daughter to be around that kind of toxicity.
He just yelled and told my little brother he was no longer allowed to talk to me. AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“It appears you have tried very hard, over and over again, to keep your father in your life and have a relationship with him.
It also appears that he, every single time, falls short of anything a father should be, and hurts and disappoints you. You were justified in telling him he has no right calling you a bad parent. He’s projecting what he knows he is onto you.
You said he was still behind on child support, has actually stolen cash from you, and made empty promises. Maya Angelou said, “When people show you who they are, believe them.” Your father has taken out a billboard on life’s superhighway showing you who he is.
Next time you pass that billboard, keep your eyes on the road and ignore it. You have a child to show up for and be the dad for her that he never was for you. This is not to say to cut him out of your life forever, but for now, his presence in your life adds no value and only distracts you from where your focus needs to be.
As for your brother… hopefully, he will be strong enough to ignore your father’s order to not talk to you, and stay in your life. (Disclosure… I’m a therapist, and have worked with parental estrangement.). Best of luck with your new baby girl and your fiancée!” Fast-Shock5188
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your child will not suffer by not having this man in her life. My daughter is now 16 and only feels that her grandfather missed out on knowing her, not that she missed out on knowing him. I also find it funny that he says he doesn’t put up with nonsense when he could start a fertilizer company with the amount of nonsense he’s producing by the sounds of it.
His loss. Enjoy your family, enjoy watching your daughter grow, and grieve for the relationship society tells you you should have had.” Vegetable_Stuff1850
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I had an absentee father growing up, it really hurts, especially the ghosting. My nana told me when I was a bit older than you are now, that just because they’re your b***d that doesn’t mean they deserve to be a part of your life.
Do you really want your dad to do to your daughter what he’s done to you? He’s showing you right now he hasn’t changed. You didn’t deserve what he said, he’s projecting his own nonsense onto you.” faintrottingbreeze
3. AITJ For Refusing To Watch My Mom's Dog After She Left For Vacation?
“So my mother decided a week ago to go on a trip to India for a month all of a sudden.
She lives with my grandpa and has a dog, and I live over an hour away from them. Originally she tried to pressure me into living there for a month instead of at my home with my partner and our pets, but I pushed back on that since I couldn’t balance being there + work + my home/family.
She found a solution where her partner would stay at the house and watch my grandpa and her dog.
She’s only been in India for a few days, and now she’s telling me her partner all of a sudden has a work trip for 4 days in a city 5 hours away and is asking if I can go over and stay for a few nights and watch her dog.
For context, I work full time at a hybrid job (been there for less than 3 months), and have a side hustle I spend 6-8 hours a week on. Not to mention I’d have to leave my partner and our pets for a few days.
I feel like she’s trying to manipulate me into staying, especially considering before she left she was trying to pressure me to stay there.
But on the other hand, I’m worried about her dog and my grandfather being alone for 4 days.
So, WIBTJ if I refuse to watch my mom’s dog because she asked me AFTER going on vacation?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but sounds like Grandpa and dog (especially Grandpa) need somebody.
Your mom’s let them down, and, through no fault of their own, it sounds like they’re up the creek. You wouldn’t be in the wrong for refusing but I think you might regret not helping out your grandpa. As for the dog, idk you could tell your mom that you’ll take it to a kennel but that she’ll have to pay for it.” Material-Duck3305
Another User Comments:
“How old is grandpa? Is he in poor health? My grandfather dog sat until he was well into his 90s. He loved dogs but was too old to take on a new pup, so loved having them stay temporarily. Your mother’s partner should take the dog to a kennel if your grandfather cannot take care of him for a few days.
You can’t be expected to take leave of work so that you can dogsit. Tell the partner that HE will have to make other arrangements. He took on the responsibility, it is up to him.” Maximum-Swan-1009
Another User Comments:
“YWNBTJ. If this were a situation where mom had to suddenly leave to go care for an ailing friend or relative, omg, of course we’ll all pitch in to take up the slack!
But that’s not what this is. She planned a MONTH-LONG foreign vacation — and part of planning a vacation is taking care of the additional needs the vacation causes: child care, elder care, and pet care. If you have $5K budgeted for the vacation, that does not mean you get to spend $5K on plane/hotel/food/entertainment/shopping.
What you actually get to spend on those things is WHAT IS LEFT OVER after you budget for your travel/parking to and from airports, paying a neighbor to grab your mail twice a week, and paying for pet boarding or housesitting. Sounds like she didn’t do a very solid job on that part, and figured she could just lean on you instead, and AFTER you’d already said that this would not be something you could do.
Nope!
She and her partner need to find someplace to board the dog or find a trusted friend to come stay (FOR PAYMENT, NOT FOR FREE) who Grandpa would be okay with having in the house. At the most, I would offer to go get the dog and deliver it to the vet/doggy daycare/petsitter if for some reason her partner can’t.
The only thing that might alter this: is Grandpa pretty independent? Fully mobile, able to get around just fine on his own and cook for himself and properly take any medications he needs, etc. If he’s not, and he also needs looking after, well, that’s a whole additional layer of “w*f, mom??”” OrigamiStormtrooper
2. AITJ For Banning My SO From Using My Espresso Machine If He Doesn't Clean Up After Himself?
“My SO (30) got me (30) an espresso machine for my birthday, which I have been wanting for many years. On my birthday, he was so excited he started opening the (unwrapped, not that this matters but just clarifying that he didn’t unwrap anything) espresso machine before I even had a chance to and I had to gently joke/remind him that I would like to unbox them myself.
Yesterday was the first day that we used the machine. I was excited to use it and made a few drinks for us, and he made one too. He kept offering to make me a latte and I had to remind him that I would like to try it out since I just got it.
Today, I woke up and went to use it finding a mess of coffee grinds and water all over the counter and accessories. I know he had an appointment to get to and he took the dogs out so I could sleep in. I cleaned up the mess and made my coffee, as I’m steaming the milk, he asks me if I filled the milk to the line and reminds me there is a max and minimum line on the cup and that it looks overfilled. Not gonna lie, I got annoyed at this as I used it multiple times yesterday and he saw me reading the directions.
I feel like he talks to me like I’m dumb or a child, like because he used it once he is the expert even though I made him a latte yesterday and we have had the machine the same amount of time. I have also used my mom’s espresso machine and steamed milk on it, whereas he has never done that before.
Also, I don’t go up to him when he’s cooking and ask if he knows how to turn on the oven and if he knows there are different temperatures. Just feels condescending.
When he came home, he made himself another coffee. I go to make my second drink and again there is a mess of grinds and water everywhere.
I became frustrated because it’s my second day with this new gift and I want to be able to use it without having to clean up after him.
He was in the restroom when I found the mess so I texted him: “I would really appreciate it you cleaned up after yourself.
I already cleaned up the ground coffee and water after you left this morning. If this is going to be another area that I have to clean up after you use it, then you’re not allowed to use it.”
I feel like I have to come behind him a lot to keep stuff tidy as he has ADHD.
We got into a heated argument because he started getting defensive saying I didn’t give him a chance to clean it and I should be nicer with my approach as I cause him to be defensive. I feel like my stuff is always our stuff and his stuff is his, and I’m tired of not having my stuff respected. Whenever this gets brought up he basically says that I just have a bad case of only child syndrome.
So AITJ for banning him from using it if he can’t clean up after himself?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s shining you on. You “didn’t give him a chance to clean it”? And he turns it around and makes himself the victim. Yeah, don’t let him get away with that.
Bring him back to the point and reiterate that you need him to clean up his own messes right away. The “he was getting to it!” excuse is nonsense. It is unfair to force you to either live in the mess he leaves behind or clean it yourself.
Don’t know if this is your hill to die on OP, but in my experience, slobs rarely reform.” Global_Look2821
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have an ADHD husband and from my experience, “you didn’t give me a chance to clean it” means you didn’t remember you’re supposed to remind me to clean it and then accept waiting until I feel like taking care of it.
If you clean it yourself, of course he’ll have been just about to do it. My husband’s one chore is doing dishes and I finally broke and did the mountain that was piled in the sink and on the counter today (funny enough, because I needed to clean my espresso machine out since he never does it).
I fully expect to get “fussed at” when he sees it tonight. Also, it sounds like he used your interest in an espresso machine to buy himself a gift. You’re not the jerk for reminding him that this was presented as a gift for you and you would like to be able to use it without having to clean up after him first. It’s basic respect for property.” Unhappy-Dimension681
Another User Comments:
“I personally think it would be fair of OP to say “this machine is mine and I would like it to be used and cleaned the way I want it to be used/cleaned. Due to our differences in what we view as a timely manner to clean, I do not want you using my espresso machine.” He is allowed to have his own view on how something gets or doesn’t get cleaned but that doesn’t mean he gets to use everything.
That kind of mess needs to be cleaned ASAP to keep the machine from getting icky, he is unable to see the need to clean it right away. My husband is lax when it comes to his bathroom, not filthy but not the clean I prefer so I have my own bathroom I clean a certain way each day.
Mine is also the guest bathroom so it is important for it to be a certain level of clean. My husband doesn’t like it when I clean off his bookcase on his side of the room and organize his “box” of stuff. I might do a quick surface dust but don’t touch of any his things.
He doesn’t mess with my small handheld steam cleaner, he doesn’t follow directions and thinks he knows best and I don’t want it messed up so he doesn’t touch it.” pizzasauce85
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Wife Workout In The Morning?
“I (33m) try to run several times a week but I do it in the mornings (like 6ish) because of work and it gives me an hour with our baby and toddler to help with the morning before the day starts.
My wife (30f) is a STAHM and likes to work out at a gym and yoga studio. Both of which are great because they offer childcare.
Generally, the plan is that I run in the mornings before everyone gets up and she works out in the morning during the workday because there’s childcare.
I know that she often prefers the early morning classes at her gym and yoga studio and we’ll sometimes schedule it so that she can go and I just run during lunch or late afternoon (my job is flexible and mostly async thankfully).
I will say that I prefer early morning runs because it starts my day off right and it’s really hot and humid where we live right now.
This week, we planned on me running every morning. On our walk last night, she asked “there’s no any chance of me being able to work out in the morning is there?” I just kind of replied by saying I’d prefer to run in the morning and also referenced the heat wave we’re currently in.
Fast forward to this morning, I woke up, got ready, and at around 6 am decided to not run. I started having migraines yesterday afternoon (I think because of the heat) and hoped they would be resolved by the morning.
I got back upstairs where she’s getting ready for the day.
She’s instantly mad at me saying things like,
“This is unfair! Why don’t you think of me?”
“I sacrifice so much for you. You’ve ruined my whole day.”
She then starts to cry and continues saying how unfair it is and how much I don’t think of her.
She goes downstairs and comes back upstairs to again say how I don’t think of her.
I tell her that I didn’t purposely try to ruin her day and that I can’t control if I’m not feeling well. I apologize saying it wasn’t my intent.
She says intent doesn’t matter. I tell her that her reaction is poor.
She says I should have woken her up so she could go work out. “If you were ‘so deathly ill’ you could have told me.”
At that point, she wouldn’t have made it to a class.
Both the gym and yoga studio are 20+ minutes away.
I totally get being frustrated. It makes sense. I did tell her during the argument that her reaction was poor and it was akin to a 4-year-old not getting her snack (should not have done that in hindsight).
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Dude this is about way more than the morning classes at the gym if she’s lashing out like this after you have a headache. It sucks that she came unglued in the midst of your headache but something tells me that it’s more a case of poor timing than making it about her.
She’s having a breakdown because it’s all too much for her. Being a SAHM is unforgiving and sometimes has no structure at all. Morning classes are important for her for the same reason you refuse to just use the flexibility of your job to run during lunch or even a night run?
It gets darker later now, doesn’t it? You reacted to a mental breakdown by telling her that she’s acting like she’s 4 – she has a toddler and at this stage, she’s already questioning if she has the energy to be a mom. All she hears all day is Cocomelon and the sound of her own intrusive thoughts/exhaustion.
You showed zero empathy (probably because you had a headache) to your wife who is falling apart at the seams and needs help. For that reason, YTJ.” MyCouchPulzOut_IDont
Another User Comments:
“The 4-year-old not getting her snack comment was out of line and you should apologize for that.
You aren’t a jerk for having a headache and deciding not to go for your run, things happen. But it sounds to me like your wife is burnt out and feeling undervalued. Does she ever get to go to the gym/yoga without the kids?
Or is it just expected that she’ll take them because they have childcare there? Because that is a logistical nightmare every time. You get to get up, spend an hour with the baby, and just go for your run. She has to get up, do housework/breakfast, get herself ready, get the kids ready, get them in the car, drive to her gym, unload the kids, drop them off at childcare, and THEN she gets to work out.
That’s a big difference in the way your respective workouts are structured. If I had to guess, there’s a lot of unseen work being done by her on a daily basis. From task management to project management, to the projects themselves. There’s so much that goes into keeping a house running.
I would ask your wife if she’s feeling undervalued and, with an open and receptive attitude, get her to tell you what she does on a daily basis. I guarantee it’s more than you think. For the reasons above, no jerks here, but please talk to your wife.” thedartofwar
Another User Comments:
“Here’s the bigger issue: she’s carrying the weight of the entire household and fitting her only “me” time into the gaps that you allow. Your time is your time (hence why you can run or not run depending on how you’re feeling), but her time is essentially shared with you and the kids.
I’m sure that she would like to get her day started with a workout just like you enjoy. Take the argument over the workout as indicative of this larger “time robbery” issue and really hear what she’s saying to you.” Less-Audience908
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