People Explore Their Own Opinions In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
25. AITJ For Suggesting My Niece Might Have Autism?
“Let me start by saying I’m not an expert on autism, but I did take a couple of classes in college about working with special needs adults and children, and I have volunteered with special Olympics and YMCA for years.
I 28F have lived out of the country (US) for 2 years now. About a month before I left my niece was born. This is the first grandchild and the whole family was thrilled of course. I was in the delivery room and got to spend a month with her before I left.
I was gone for two years working before I got to come back to visit.
During my visit I got to spend 1 on 1 time with my niece. This is where I noticed some signs of autism. She’s over 2 yo and doesn’t try to speak, won’t make eye contact, won’t respond to her name, really doesn’t play with toys.
More like she inspects them, or tries to figure them out. Maybe I noticed because I don’t see her every day.
I brought up to my bro and SIL that I think she might have autism and they need to talk to her dr. My brother took it pretty well (I think he might know deep down).
But my SIL went off on me. Telling me my niece was perfect and is just developing on her own., that I didn’t have any right to say she had problems. Etc etc. My mom and dad stayed silent. My bro and SIL took my niece and left. My mom said I should have kept it to myself.
My dad has always respected my education and experience and asked me why I thought so. I explained what I saw. He did some googling and now agrees with me. We both know early intervention is important for children with autism and only want what is best for her.
My SIL has now started a campaign in the family that I’m a jealous unmarried spinster, and am making up terrible things about my niece. My dad is taking up for me, my mom and brother are silent, and my SIL is on a rampage.
Should I have just stayed silent and let them and the dr figure it out”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, everything you said was out of concern, not malice. You have experience in the area beyond what they have as parents, and they are not ready to accept anything yet.
Any anger directed at you is likely from not wanting to face reality. If they don’t take the child in now, you know it will come out eventually, and you did your best.” tictactoss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a former teacher, it is very hard for a lot of people to accept their child might have special needs.
They take it as a personal attack because they blame themselves, even though it’s no one’s fault. If they’ve been taking your niece to a regular doctor, I’m surprised they haven’t said something. If you want to continue to pursue getting your niece some profession assessment and help, it seems like your best bet would be to calmly discuss with your brother.
He had as much right to take his daughter to the doctor as SIL does.” Perfect-Map-8979
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister-in-law’s reaction is unhinged and rooted in such profound ableism it’s insulting to those of us with neurodivergence and autistic family members. God. Her use of the phrasing terrible thing is the sort of mask off moment.
She thinks it’s a terrible thing. It’s autism. Your niece will most likely be fine. Your SIL shouldn’t have had children if she couldn’t accept the possibility of having a disabled child. Ugh.” pumpkinspicenation
24. AITJ For Getting Upset With My Partner For Not Helping Me While I'm Pregnant?
“My (20F) and my partner (19M) have been together for a while, and he started a business about 2 months ago.
During this time, some things went wrong, and now he’s scared to go outside by himself. So for the past month, I’ve been walking to the shops back and forth to either get food and other items or withdraw money for him.
Here’s my issue, he gets me to walk up there about 3 times a day.
And I’m getting sick of it, I’m about 14 weeks pregnant and I’m exhausted and just want a break. Yesterday was especially bad, I was getting really bad back pain and was struggling to walk and I needed him to walk up to the shops by himself to go get his money out and a few other items but he didn’t want to, so I tagged along, trying to be understanding about his fear.
When we got there, he realized he had forgotten his card so he couldn’t withdraw money and he needed to give this money to a mate. So we needed to run back up there, but I didn’t want to, I was tired and was feeling extremely sick and my back was killing me.
When I asked him to do it he got upset with me and started using an angry tone and even though it upset me, I didn’t use one back until we got home where he wouldn’t let me sit down for even five minutes before he rushed me out the door.
I got a bit of an attitude with him and he called me a jerk and lazy. I got more upset and just left to go get out his money. When I got home, he still had an attitude with me, and when I told him that I was tired, he told me to grow up you Gronk (it’s an Australian term for idiot or that you’re lazy and dirty) I got more upset and used a tone with him again telling to stop.
He just rolled his eyes at me and called me a jerk again. That’s the end of it, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Oh my god, please leave him. This behavior is not what you need for yourself and your child. He’s putting himself first before his pregnant partner.
You are making a life. He needs to grow up and step up for you both. If he can’t do that, then you really should start thinking about you and your child. And to speak to you like that too? Disgusting. Also, after you’ve given birth, you won’t be able to walk far and will need rest for a few weeks.
Is he going to force you to walk to places with him while you’re bleeding out because ‘he’s too scared’? Gross gross gross.” Suitable-Plant-5779
Another User Comments:
“You’re being a jerk to yourself for being with someone that would call you a jerk. You and your baby can do so much better than that.
If he’s willing to call you a jerk over such trivial things, what’s going to happen when the baby is crying loudly or irritates him? NTJ but you’re not doing yourself any favours if you let this situation continue.” zoobatron__
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ. He is a grown man who can go outside some days. You are pregnant and should be taking care of yourself and your baby! He is not supporting you, be careful & maybe start looking for ways out of that relationship. I don’t know everything about your relationship but there are some red flags there.” Famous-Locksmith-992
23. AITJ For Asking Neighbors To Text Before Their Kids Come Over To Play?
“My 38(F) and my husband 39(M), just moved into a new neighborhood in our area with our daughters, 9(F) and 6(F). We have been in this home for a total of 3 days.
Had to trim a tree down significantly, look to replace some broken appliances, unpack, etc.
For background, we lived in the area and our kids are friends with several children in the area from school. Down the street the 2nd day a girl came and rang our doorbell asking to play with our girls.
We happened to be free and they went to her house (have met the parents before). But over 3 days, another family’s children have come over 6 times and rang our bell asking to play with our kids as early as 8. Our oldest and their oldest daughters are the same age.
My oldest is very friendly and never wants to exclude or hurt someone’s feelings, however in the past has admitted to not enjoying her company. Their sons are the same age as our youngest and she has no desire to play with them.
The times they have come however we have been at activities for the kids or just not ready to play (helping unpack, set up rooms, in pajamas) so wasn’t even a factor to ask their feelings about playing with them.
I or my husband have had to turn them away as our kids were not available to play. If they had the option we would have had to pull them away to ask (respecting their feelings as well).
So I texted their mom asking if instead of just sending them to ring the doorbell she could just text to see if we were home and free.
And expressed some concern with us having tree trimmings and large deliveries sporadically for safety. Hopefully prevent any disappointment as we don’t want to keep having to tell them after coming to our door that they can’t play as our daughters have after-school activities frequently as well.
This mom snapped back with “So they should never right the bell? I was taken aback when the boys came to ask and if they don’t want to play that’s fine then. Kids in the neighborhood ring doorbells. We just won’t send them anymore”.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was a free-range kid, but that was 60 years ago. In those days, people often just showed up at the door, children and adults alike. But that was a different time. Now, if they send their kids over and they trip on your steps or get bumped by workers, you’re looking at a lawsuit.
It takes a few seconds to text before sending kids to knock on your door. Text: Are your kids available to play? Reply: Yes, no, or not now, but later. This is how the world communicates. I get that they want to pretend it’s 1960, but it’s not.
You’re allowed to set boundaries that you are comfortable with. Your neighbors lack basic human respect. You made a very reasonable request. They don’t have to agree with you. They do have to respect you. This also is an important safety measure. If they text that their child will be right over and the kid doesn’t show, it’s much more likely that steps will be taken in a timely fashion.” AdOne8433
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Unannounced visitors are annoying, especially if they’ve let them come so frequently in 3 days and early AF. If they were coming at like the same time every afternoon when they know they all play together, or Saturday at 11am when they all have a habit of being outside together, etc….fine.
This way it’s just annoying and an imposition (are they staying to play at your house or playing outside/their house mostly at least? I ask because this mother might be sending them off to get them off her hands for a while).” GratificationNOW
22. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be A Mother Figure To My Friend?
“I (16f) have a friend (15m) we have met a little less than a month ago. He’s been calling me mommy, at first I thought he was joking and just being a boy but apparently, there’s a deeper reason. I was never really uncomfortable with it but when I would ask him to stop he would never stop and would just say things like “sorry mommy”.
We got into an argument about an hour ago about him calling me mommy. I asked him “Why are you like this” (joking) and he said something like “I just want a mother figure I’ve never had”. I was uncomfortable when he said that and didn’t respond.
He asked what was wrong. I said nothing. He kept pushing so I said, “I wasn’t expecting that.”
He wanted a better answer and when I didn’t answer again he called me rude and disrespectful. That’s when I told him that it was weird for him to say that.
He did not like that saying “How’s it weird? That’s not an answer.” He then starts saying “I can’t talk about the family I never had.” and talking about what he went through when he was younger. I told him I was sorry he went through that but he kept saying “sure you’re so sorry.” Saying he hates me, screw you, saying I’m inconsiderate, self-centered, saying this is why no one respects me, that I don’t care about him.
He has never told me about his family before this. but he’s using it against me. Saying that it’s sad and pathetic how I don’t see that I’m in the wrong. I just said I was done talking and it ended there. I hate confrontation with a passion.
I try to avoid it and don’t know how to react or respond to things like this. He is constantly making problems out of everything I do. We argue at least once a day. I know everyone is probably going to say to stop being friends with him but I can’t.
I have no one else. I would rather get yelled at than be lonely. Pathetic I know.
This is a mess but I just want to get some opinions on how to talk to him.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You met this guy less than a month ago.
He’s either got some serious mental issues or he’s manipulative/cruel, or probably both. Lose his phone number and don’t waste any more time and energy on this situation. As long as you continue interacting with this person, he will cause stress and turmoil in your life.
Cut your losses and move on ASAP!!” PhotographThin3783TA
Another User Comments:
“That’s not a friend, it’s an emotional leech. He wants a woman to take on the role and responsibility of being an emotional provider for him and has decided that you are his Mommy partner.
He needs therapy, and you need to put some distance between the two of you. He doesn’t respect you or your needs unless it feeds into what HE wants. This is a deeply unhealthy relationship, heading into codependency. Run.” Aussiealterego
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but honestly sometimes no friends is better than that one weird guy who has a problem.
This is not a healthy relationship and he needs to talk to a counselor or someone WAY above your paygrade. Yikes on a bike. how to talk to him? Direct him to an adult in social services and let them help him. I know how it is to hate confrontation but this needs to stop.” jolantrulove
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Accommodate An Unexpected Guest On My Birthday?
“I am currently working abroad on a rotation and sharing an apartment with 2 flatmates. I have invited some friends over the year but I’m conscious of not having too many people. My flatmates are actually in a relationship so they’re fairly self-contained and don’t mind me having friends over, within reason.
For my birthday, 2 of my friends asked to come and visit me, which I said was fine. One of them asked to bring his significant other and then decided to get a hotel, which left me and the one friend. I have a double bed and an air mattress so we decided to invite another friend, who would sleep on the double bed, too.
So, my friends who are the couple would get a hotel, and my other 2 friends would share the double bed, with me on the air mattress.
A few days later, one of the friends staying with me said he’d invited another friend because it came up in conversation that he’d be seeing me and he felt bad.
This fifth friend, let’s call him Jeff, is not one of my close friends. Don’t get me wrong, I like him, but I’ve met Jeff maybe 10 times in my life and it is my birthday weekend, and wanted to share it with my close friends, and it’s more of the principle of my friends putting this on me because Jeff feels left out.
Jeff wants to come but will only come if he has somewhere to stay because hotels in my city are insane that weekend because of a concert (our couple of friends got in early and used points so they’re okay). I was then left feeling extremely bad.
I don’t want to exclude Jeff, but 1) that would mean me sleeping on the sofa – as I don’t want my guests sleeping in a communal space and I don’t have another air mattress or enough bedding, 2) he’s not one of my close friends – I like him but I see him once per year or so, and 3) I don’t want to upset my flatmates by suddenly piling the flat full of guests without asking them, too.
I want to say no but I feel awful. AITJ? And any advice on how to resolve it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your reasons for not wanting him over are valid. This weekend is supposed to be yours! You get to decide who to spend your birthday with.
Also, there is that very practical reason for being courteous to your roommates. Maybe you can emphasize that it’s not all up to you because you are sharing the place with other people.” EveningHead5500
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s not cool that a friend invited someone else on this trip without asking you first since this friend is telling you to let Jeff also stay in the apartment.
At the end of the day, there isn’t enough room for all of you to sleep comfortably in your area of the apartment. It’s nice that your flatmates are cool with you having guests but I agree that you don’t want to step on any toes with having so many people over.” Randomlybookish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell him the truth. Either he gets a hotel or he can’t come because you don’t have enough room. I get that you feel bad, but that’s no reason to put yourself in a situation that you don’t want to be in.
You didn’t put yourself in this situation, your friend did, so it’s up to your friend to tell him. Your friend had no right to invite him in the first place.” NOTTHATKAREN1
20. AITJ For Defending My Choice To Quickly Step Outside In A Robe While Sick?
“So I (18F) have been sick for the past 2 days with a fever.
One second I’m super hot, the next I’m cold. Since my body temperature is all over the place I’ve been mostly just wearing a robe around the house.
This morning I still wasn’t feeling well and I asked a friend of mine if they could get me some cold and flu medicine since I was out and my parents were at work.
They said sure. They were in a rush to get to school so asked if I could meet them outside and just grab the medicine so they wouldn’t have to stop their car.
My friend arrived and since I was just lying down recovering I was only in my robe.
I figured it’d be fine since it was mid-thigh length and I was only going to be outside for a second. So I went outside, got the medicine and my friend left. On my way back inside my neighbor (50F) came outside and started yelling at me.
She told me it was disgusting that I was dressed like that outside “for all to see” and started yelling at me. I felt like it wasn’t a big deal so I told her that I was outside for less than a minute and this conversation was longer than the time I was outside for.
She told me I was being disrespectful and then told me to imagine if her husband or someone else was to see me dressed like that.
Here’s where I might be the jerk. I told her that if I had to worry about her husband seeing me when I was still fully covered then she’s married to a creep and should have made some better choices on who to marry.
She gasped loudly and kept yelling at me so I eventually just said I wasn’t feeling well and went inside.
My neighbor ended up talking to my mother when she came back home and she told her what happened. My mother says I was extremely rude and shouldn’t have said those things and I have to apologise.
I don’t think I was in the wrong since it was literally only for a minute and my robe covered everything anyway.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- You were fully covered in a robe. She threw a hissy fit over your legs. Also, you didn’t even bring up her husband.
She did. If she didn’t want a clapback about how he’d be creepy, then she shouldn’t have brought him into the equation. I wouldn’t apologize for anything. If anything, she owes you one for berating you like that.” KryoChamber
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not like you were flaunting yourself while you were out there… You were just sick and didn’t want to change just to grab some medicine.
This lady seems like she’s very insecure, and it’s pretty lame how she went to your mom after you clapped back after she started it.” OwlishCry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not like you started rude to this neighbor lady; it’s she who decided to dig in and require you to stand outside longer in your robe so that she could complain about you being in a robe.
You were sick, for heaven’s sake (!), and had been out only to run over to a car, grab your medicine, and come back in. So WHAT if her husband or anyone saw — a little leg, heaven forbid! She’s 50, not 80, so I don’t know why she’s clutching her pearls so hard.” fallingintopolkadots
19. AITJ For Not Kicking Out My Unemployed Friend From My House Despite My Fiancé's Disapproval?
“I (23M) have a fiance, Sarah (25F). I also have 2 very, very close friends, Tyler and Alister (not real names.) I am fortunate enough to have a very well-paying job that allows me to own my own home at a pretty young age in this economy.
I know that not everyone can do this. My friend Tyler lost his job and needed a place to stay. Alister lives in a small apartment and offered Tyler to stay with him, but I told him he could stay with me. My house is big and there was no way I wanted my 2 best friends to have to cram together in an already tight living space.
Tyler has been staying with me for a little over 3 weeks now and has already found a good job. He’s saving up (because he lost his ‘Rainy Day’ fund before losing his place) and getting his footing back. He’s been a model guest as far as I can tell.
He even walks my dog sometimes because I work a 60-hour workweek and can’t hold the energy for that. He always picks up after himself, stays in the guest room, washes his dishes, does laundry, helps with chores, etc. However, he avoids Sarah. Sarah does not get along with my friends especially not Tyler.
Tyler doesn’t talk about it and tries his level best to keep it under wraps from Sarah but he does not ‘approve’ of her so to speak.
Recently there was a fight where Sarah told me that since Tyler has a job now he can move out and stop mooching off of us.
Tyler made a comment under his breath that at least he had a job. (Sarah does not have a job, she wants to be SAHW and eventually a STAHM). Sarah immediately told me to ‘make him get out’. I’ve known Tyler for 16 years. He and Alister are my family.
I asked Tyler quietly to go back to his room so that I could talk to Sarah. Sarah continued to tell me that this was not a conversation and she wanted Tyler out. I then told her it was my house and I wanted him here, so no. She was furious and her family has been calling me saying I should be treating my fiance better.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sarah is the unemployed adult in the house who contributes the least amount and is ordering that another adult be kicked out because she doesn’t like him but won’t explain why. Does Sarah walk your dog when you have long work weeks before Tyler’s arrival?
Are you okay with Sarah’s plan to be SAHW? Has Tyler offered to pay anything while he’s there? Small things like his own food? Neither Sarah nor her family get to have a say in who you allow in your home. Your house.
Sarah sounds like she’s going to be a problem down the road, especially with your friendships.” Storms_and_Rainbows
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Btw… Run. Throw her out, change the locks, and get a new number. The last thing you need is a parasite for life.
Often when people accuse others, they are the guilty ones. Calling your buddy a mooch is a red flag. No amount of intimacy is worth the hassle and there are plenty of other women on this earth.” thequiethunter
Another User Comments:
“You have a problem freeloader, and it isn’t Tyler.
Your fiancé doesn’t like your dog to the point of neglecting it instead of helping out (when she has nothing else going on all day), she hates your friends who have so far been ideal house guests (and your friends seem to have your best interests at heart)… why are you with this woman?
Seriously what does she bring to your relationship except criticize your existing support network (pets/friends)? All this is based solely on your POV, so INFO, did you get the dog after you and your fiance got together or before? What does your family think of your fiance?
18. AITJ For Not Giving My New Number to the Family I Babysat For?
“I (17F), babysat for my neighbors one time about 7 months ago. They have 4 kids, 3 girls and 1 boy, ranging in ages 3-12. The only reason that they asked me is because their first 2 options of babysitters, Sarah and Maria (fake names), weren’t available, meaning it was my first time watching them.
I have babysat my younger cousins my whole life, but never another family.
Recently, I had to get a new phone and number due to issues with my Apple ID. I know most people keep their numbers when they upgrade, but it wasn’t possible for me.
I didn’t realize that this would be happening until I was in the store so I only had time to send my new number to a couple of close friends and family. I lost all my contacts and I won’t lie, my neighbors were not the first people I thought to pass my number to.
I recently found out that these neighbors have been telling parents around town that I’m irresponsible/rude/a jerk for not responding to their messages, and no one should hire me as their babysitter. I’m not a babysitter. I don’t want anyone to hire me to watch their kids, I have an actual job that I put a lot of hours into and I was just helping this one family out.
However, it’s a small town and everyone knows everyone. I have a reputation to manage and so far I haven’t had a bad one. I see them in their yard almost every day and talk to their kids on the bus/in school, is it that hard to just talk to me like a normal human?!
My mom thinks I should walk over there to explain myself but honestly, I don’t want to babysit for them anyway. These kids were more than just energetic- they were constantly competing for my attention, wouldn’t go to bed, jumped on me, and wouldn’t stop touching me.
I get it, that’s just how kids are, but let’s just say I’m not begging for them to take me back. But there were 4 of them, and I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but the $20 an hour they paid me was not worth it.
So, AITJ for not sending a flair message to my neighbors with my phone number?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Do not go over there, they are adults trying to bully a teenager. They want your number because $20/hour for watching 4 rowdy kids is a really good deal for them and they’d like to use you again.
Also if you go over there, they will want your number and will constantly ask you to babysit and then you’ll just have to block them anyway. Your mom probably just feels awkward and wants things to be smoothed over but the truth is that they are bullying someone much younger than them.
They can ask the other girls to babysit if they need one.” Unhappy-Prune-9914
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – honestly if I was your mother I’d be going over there with you, it’s not reasonable to expect a 17yo to assert themselves to adults alone. The babysitting part or giving them your new number are non-issues.
They talking poorly of you due to a situation they didn’t understand or try to clarify is. That’s what is being raised.” Cheque-Plz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You don’t have to give your number to people just because they had your old number. The neighbors are childish and talk behind your back instead of just talking to you.
As a parent, I would tell them to knock it off and grow up. You did them a one-off and never intended to do it again. How entitled they must be.” WhatanAsh
17. AITJ For Asking My Codependent Roommate For Half Of Her House-Sitting Pay If I Help?
“I (24F) have a roommate (23F) who is very codependent. She got a house-sitting gig and she will be paid over $1000 for the 5 days she’s house-sitting.
For context on the codependency, she literally cannot do anything without someone doing it for her or with her. That’s it. Everything. Dishes, paperwork, homework, getting from place A to B. She’ll miss important meetings because someone was unavailable to go with her. She can’t keep a job because she’s a stick-it-to-the-man kind of person (she can afford to be this person because her parents pay for everything) she gets fired within days.
I’ve gone on strike from helping her because she’s a very take-take kind of person who doesn’t offer anything in return.
Anyways, she got this booking- I took her to the meet and greet in the middle of my work day and we were there for over an hour I told her hey we gotta go I have work to do and it’s still a 30-minute drive home.
So we left and on our way home she asked if we could stop somewhere else and I said no I needed to go home she said “Well how else am I supposed to get back down here” and I again said No I have to get back to work.
Annoyed me.
She started her booking and asked me if I could come with her and I said no. She said well you work from home so you can take it anywhere and you can chill with me for the 5 days and stay with the dogs when I’m at school I asked her “Will I be getting paid?” And she was like “What” and I said “If I’m going to be there for the full 5 days with you, taking care of the dogs when you’re gone then I want 50% of what you are earning” and She said “they’re dogs it’s not that hard” and I was like okay then you shouldn’t have any problems?
She got angry and asked how I could even ask her that when I knew she needed money. I don’t think I’m in the wrong here though. We cross paths in the house obviously but she won’t even look at me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Stop enabling her by taking her places in the middle of your work day. She’s not respecting it as the favor that it is, instead thinking WFH just means you can do whatever you want, whenever you want. You say you went on strike from helping her, but that changed at some point.
If you’re not willing to set that hard line, asking for half the pay for the house sitting is a good move, since you know you’re going to get roped in any way.” jedirieb
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for asking for half the pay if you go with her but YTJ for enabling her to walk all over you like a doormat and doing everything for her like you are her mother, stop enabling her and learn to stick to your boundaries and stop letting her walk all over you like a door mat, she is your roommate, not your kid” No_Law_4450
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your roommate needs to grow up. You’re doing the right thing by trying to not enable her behavior. But still are by driving here there so cut it off completely. Asking for half of the wages cause you’d be taking care of the dogs when she’s not there is completely fair.” Longjumping-Oil-9088
16. AITJ For Eloping After My Family Mocked My Wedding Plans?
“A year ago my husband (24 M) and I (24F) eloped after being together for 8 years. Before we got eloped we were planning a wedding, potluck style. My husband didn’t care for the wedding but he was willing to do it for me. The reason why he wasn’t so caring for the wedding is because my husband’s family isn’t from this country, he only had 6 family members to invite and I had 82.
As I was preparing for my wedding my dad told me that the family was talking behind my back. My dad was visiting his sister when he heard she was on a video call with many of my dad’s other siblings (my dad is 1 of 7).
On the call, they were saying that my wedding is gonna be low quality, cheap, broke, and hillbilly trash because I didn’t want to spend more than 20k and it was gonna be a potluck. They also continued saying if they had to cook then they wouldn’t come, my dad got upset and asked her if they were talking about his daughter.
They laughed and said “Yeah your daughter is an embarrassment”, my dad then told me all of this and said he fully supported what I wanted to do next.
After hearing this I was completely unmotivated to continue with the plans of a wedding. I told my parents that we would get eloped and they fully supported us.
The following week we were at the altar with both sets of parents as witnesses.
Once the rest of the family found out everything erupted. It’s been a year and my family still hasn’t said congratulations. I got a hold of one of my aunts and she told me how disappointed she was in me, I told her it wasn’t fair how the family it treating me since everyone else in the family had eloped as well.
She then called me selfish because I took the opportunity away from the family to have a reunion. All my aunts, uncles, and cousins have me blocked since I got eloped and refuse to talk to me and my parents. If you’re wondering why they’re ignoring my parents it’s because they believe my parents shouldn’t have gone to my elopement to support the family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your aunts and uncles were insulting your wedding plans so it shouldn’t matter if you decided not to push through with it. But a legit question: maybe it’s a cultural difference thing, but is a potluck wedding normal in your culture?
Because in mine it would be considered unacceptable to have a potluck for a wedding/reception. Asian here btw.” New-Rooster-4558
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if they can only have a reunion if someone else pays for it, then they aren’t much of a family.
I mean they weren’t going to come if they had to oh, no cook a dish. Next time, someone brings that up – if family is so important to them, why did they value catered food more?” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- I’m going to save you a lot of future trouble ” She then called me selfish because I took the opportunity away from the family to have a reunion.” If you had a wedding, they would have treated it like a party you paid for. That’s why they didn’t like the potluck.
I had in-laws who treated my wedding like a family reunion too. It sucked. And years later would still hear them at, the tail end of conversations where it was obvious they were discussing wedding stuff and it was my wedding stuff years after the fact. They are not disappointed that they did not get to see you get married. And honestly, had they seen you get married they would have just been complaining about some aspect of the wedding. Or complaining about the potluck.
I mean you know they have no problem shredding you apart behind your back.” PicklesMcpickle
15. AITJ For Confronting My Partner About His Attitude Towards Work?
“Last night I (24F) and my partner (24M) were trying to talk about our future together.
We’ve been together for 3 years and want to come up with a budgeting plan to buy a house.
While talking I asked if he had considered getting a job. Currently, he works at Doordash and just finished a year of grad school. He’s an aspiring jazz musician – where we live doesn’t have many gigs so he hasn’t been paid for performing all school year.
He immediately shut down because he was “caught off guard.” In his mind, he had planned to work at Doordash all summer to get funds. He told me he couldn’t stand the idea of working for someone else and that getting a “real job” just wasn’t who he was.
Context. I’ve worked since I was 16. I have been working the entire time while he was in school splitting our expenses 70-30. I have begged him to work in the past to take some of the load off but instead, he has been using student loans to cover rent for the semester.
Honestly, if he genuinely follows through, I wouldn’t even be mad that he was working with Doordash. He makes decent funds when he does it, but the thing is every time he’s promised me that he’ll work he ends up not following through.
I felt upset that he was bashing “real job culture” when I have had to work so much in my life to keep us where we are. We got into an argument and ultimately I ended up saying that if he refuses to acknowledge his toxic view of work culture then I can’t be with him.
He couldn’t believe that I said that so easily after 3 years together so he drove off for a few hours. We’re now at this point where neither of us is willing to budge.
I will admit that I have an anxious attachment style where I push too hard in arguments and I don’t give things time to settle.
Sometimes I need to be told that I’m right because I seek validation in arguments and it makes people upset with me – which is valid. I pushed last night and I want to hear that I’m right. I can’t tell if I was right or wrong for pushing this particular issue.
AITJ for telling my (24F) partner (24M) off for his view on work culture?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know someone who makes his living as a jazz musician – not only does he spend most of the year traveling for gigs, but the vast majority of his funds (and all the other full-time jazz musicians he knows) comes from smooth jazz he sells to Spotify under a pseudonym with the hopes that it ends up on some popular coffee shop background music playlist. If your partner thinks he’s ever going to make enough funds to earn a living by just playing music locally, or from Doordashing occasionally, he’s out of his mind, and you’re being taken advantage of.” unobtrusive
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You guys aren’t compatible. Your partner thinks other people(you) are going to subsidize him for his entire life. Are you cool with that? Are you alright with your partner bringing nothing to the relationship financially, so that you have to shoulder that entire burden?
Have you looked at the cost of housing recently? How are you planning to afford to buy a home with a partner who doesn’t work or earn funds? There’s a reason the concept of the “starving artist” is a trope. Your partner is almost certainly deluding himself that he will eventually “get his big break” and make it huge.
But that almost certainly will never happen. There’s no reason to presume otherwise, statistically. When I was young, Derek Jeter was my hero, and I wanted to be the shortstop for the NYY when I grew up. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that didn’t happen.
Your partner isn’t so much independent as he is stubborn. Do you know what’s a mark of actually independent people? They are *self-sufficient*, meaning they produce and earn enough to live their lives without other people having to subsidize them. Your partner isn’t independent, he’s stubborn and delusional. His delusions will not put food on the table, nor will they pay your mortgage, nor will they cover the expenses of your eventual children, should you have any.
Question: why is your partner even in grad school? Every useful grad school degree will require him to GET A JOB once he finishes school. But he’s already told you very plainly that he’s never intending to do that. So not only are you seeing someone who’s expecting you to subsidize his existence forevermore, BUT he’s adding an extra layer of mess onto the sandwich by accumulating what I can only presume is tons of debt in the form of student loans.
Guess who’s gonna be paying those off? Not him, if he refuses to earn a living. Anyway, I’ve ranted enough. You guys need to have a serious come to Jesus talk, and if you can’t get him to acknowledge reality, then you should break it off before it gets any more difficult.” deefop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Seems like this may be a core personality trait embedded in him, something like this needs a drastic change for him to adapt to “real job culture”. It seems you have to make the decision and ask yourself if you want to hold onto this hopeful change or leave and find someone who has that mindset.
There’s no compromise in finding a job, he either does or does not. Also, correct me if I’m wrong but isn’t Doordash just taking someone else’s orders and following them? Does he work Doordash gigs because no visible manager is giving him tasks?” VeN0m333
14. AITJ For Being Worried About My Partner's Sister Visiting And Potentially Mooching Off Us?
“Let’s get into the context. Because as soon as he asked me, THE RED FLAGS CAME POURING IN.
I 23(F) and my significant other 24(M) have been together for two years and he grew up with a tough upbringing. He was adopted but his adoptive family gave him contact with his bio mother who would update him every time she had more and more children.
Let’s say there are 14 kids and she has 0 custody of any of them. The woman is on the street off a lot of substances sadly.
That context will help with what comes shortly. One of the eldest siblings recently reached out, saying she would like to come visit and bring her 3 children because she is “off work for the entire month of June” This is where the first flag trickled upwards.
She isn’t an educator, pilot, or in any field where she would get that much time off of work in the summertime. Hmm. Okay, I’m probably just overthinking, continued to listen to him reading the texts. He then tells her, “Well I live with my significant other who is currently pregnant and will be 6 months at the time of your visit.
We live in a 700sqft apartment so it would be a tight squeeze if you 4 are here plus my partner, my other 2 children, and I.” She then responds with “I AM YOUR SISTER, so that SHOULDN’T MATTER.” Alright, he has never met this woman.
She is also still in contact with their mother who gives her $ to supply her tendencies and will let her stay at times.
He wants NOTHING to do with his biological mom. He then responds with “I could pay for a hotel for you?” OH, she was very quick to accept that invitation. And responds with “I could DoorDash while I am there.” How do you plan to come to meet your brother but not have the funds already to care for yourself and 3 kids for a visit that could span longer than 2+ weeks?
It just doesn’t sit right with me.
Look. AITJ, because I’m concerned she will come, she will mooch, she will attempt to stay, and that there is a chance she would even bring his mother?!
I don’t know if it’s my pregnancy hormones but this just sounds like a typical nightmare you would see on Dr. Phil/Judge Judy.
Someone else my brain!!!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Those flags are bright red, aren’t they? She could Door Dash at home during her June “break”, or she could afford a multi-week vacation, including accommodation. It sure seems like she’s looking for a freebie place to land for a while and figured her brother might be the soft touch she needed.” CatteNappe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but you have to be gentle in how you approach this. We are only getting your side, but you have to understand the trauma that many adopted children go through when it comes to their real family and how protective and defensive they will be because your rejecting his family may make him feel he’s being rejected again.
This is not your issue, but if you love this man you have to work with him to find a way to navigate this situation.” WickedAngelLove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all!!! Make sure your partner makes clear how many nights of hotel he will pay for, and that he MUST stick to it.
Every sign says the sister is looking to live off of you guys for as long as possible, regardless of how it impacts you.” Outrageous_Lab375
13. AITJ For Not Wanting to Wear the Dress My Mom Chose for My Confirmation?
“I (13F) had a recent argument with my mom (48F) about what I’m wearing for my confirmation. I am getting confirmed on the 28 of April so my mother and I are looking for something I can wear to the ceremony. It was required that I had to wear a white outfit yet my mother says I have to wear a dress which I’m not sure I believe.
I often wear things more on the tomboy side since I have some insecurities about my body but since it was only a day, I just went with it. My mother had a dress she wanted me to wear even though I wanted a different one and she wanted me to wear it because it was more church-like.
The dress was indeed more churchy and I understood where she came from but there was only one problem I had with it.
The dress was uncomfortable around the neckline. I asked if I could wear the one I wanted to but my mom got mad at me and said things like “Fine make your own choices now”, and “‘You can pay for your clothes and I’ll take your debit away”.
I didn’t want to get yelled at for not talking and didn’t want to yell back so I just nodded and said okay. It registered as attitude to my mom and for the next 3 days, she barely said a word to me.
We’re on good terms as of now but I’m still wondering if I’m in the wrong for this.
It’s my confirmation so shouldn’t I be the one choosing what I want to wear? Another thing about my mom is that she’s a little strict and protective. I’ll do my best to keep it short but all my life she doesn’t allow me to make my own choices, mainly when it comes to going out with friends.
She doesn’t allow me to go to anyone’s house unless it’s with someone she’s related to and when I ask when I’ll be allowed to do this, she says until I’m 18, an adult.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re 13, more than old enough to choose what kind of clothes you prefer.
Mom needs to cut the strings. When I was confirmed, we didn’t have to wear white. I wore black slacks with a light blue turtleneck. Hopefully, your priest or bishop is not as generous as mine was with the holy oil. Had oil dripping down my face the whole mass.” Intelligent_Curve622
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Compromising on wearing a dress to a one-time big church event makes sense, but you should have a say in what you wear. Ask her if she has a silk scarf you may use around your neck/chest. Her not letting you even go to any friend’s house until you’re an adult?!
That’s just ridiculously overprotective and controlling.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry you’re struggling with your mom, she sounds very overprotective. It’s very common for girls and their mothers to clash. It usually gets better though, so hang in there. And good luck with confirmation!
My dress was awful, but it was just a few hours of one day and I muddled through. You got this!” kiwihoney
12. AITJ For Ignoring My Mom When She Constantly Badmouths My Dad?
“My mother [F58] has an autoimmune disorder and is essentially stuck at home.
She has no friends, doesn’t talk with her siblings, and the main person she talks to is me [F19]. I’m the only child who is still living at home.
Ever since I was little, she would tell me how horrible my father [M60] was. That she wanted to divorce him, how he never cared for her, never helped raise any of us children even though she was physically unable to.
When I was younger I was more gullible and believed her. Of course, I didn’t know it was trauma-dumping at the time and I would cry and beg her to not divorce my father.
As of recently, I’ve gotten close to my dad. I learned how much he struggled to cope with my mom’s illness as he couldn’t take away her pain.
He eventually got stressed out seeing her bedridden and often would go out to relieve his stress. I sympathize with him a lot now because I primarily take care of my mother & the house (he works full time, so I do the majority of the cooking & cleaning).
He’s told me he’s trying to repair the bonds he’s broken with my mother, but she won’t let him fix them. It breaks his heart and I’ve seen it personally – he tries to be more affectionate, and take her out to dinner, and she immediately rejects every advance.
After that, I lost all sympathy I ever had for her.
However, my mom can’t stop complaining about my dad even though he’s trying to right his wrongs. She keeps telling me the same stories about him being a horrible father, having to raise me by “herself” (my sisters raised me, not her) and overall trying to guilt trip me.
Recently I’ve been ignoring her because she won’t stop talking about the same thing and responding with only “Okay Mom” or by telling her “I’m busy studying”. She walks away seeming a little bothered I’m not entertaining her.
AITJ for ignoring my mom when she wants to talk to me, even if it’s just her constantly badmouthing my father?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is this familiar? You in no way have a duty to ANYONE to be the recipient of a trauma dump, let alone someone who keeps dumping the same trauma about your freaking parent. She needs a therapist. She either needs to get a real one or start paying you.” ConfidentSun9592
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your mom lives in the past and has zero concern for how you feel. The only way to stop her is to be blunt and honest with her about how you feel about these stories and your dad, but she will get upset, ignoring her is the smartest way through but also quite taxing emotionally as you are being used as an emotional doormat.” forgeries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Listening to these same stories over and over for years has to be draining. Also, your mother repeatedly telling these stories is keeping her stuck in the past. Maybe she needs therapy to heal and move on but you are not a therapist.” No_Cover2745
11. AITJ For Telling My In-Laws About Their Unclaimed Funds?
“I recently read an article about unclaimed funds held by the state (usually uncashed checks, forgotten investments, etc.) and decided to search my name on my state’s comptroller website. I found a couple of checks in my husband’s name and when he claimed them, our state mailed him a check for $400.
We were so excited, that we told a lot of people about this program.
I didn’t find anything in my name, but under my surname, about a dozen or so checks came up in my father-in-law’s name, so I texted to let him and my mother-in-law know what happened with us and how easy it was to claim the funds.
FIL sent my husband (32M) a series of angry texts accusing us of violating his boundaries and stirring up trouble. Right before, my husband got into a huge fight with his mother over boundary issues that led to us being estranged from MIL and FIL for two years.
MIL and FIL were very controlling and tended to infantilize my husband, which significantly impacted his mental health and confidence in himself. We tried to reconcile and apologize while asking for an apology and changed our behavior. They were not interested and were ultimately uninvited from our wedding as a result.
In late 2022, MIL and FIL seemed interested in respecting my husband as a grown adult, and we slowly started talking and getting together for dinner once every 1-2 months again. FIL seems to be respectful except when I trigger him. At one dinner I asked “How’s everything going with you?” and he told me I wasn’t allowed to ask him that.
MIL recently offered us FIL’s recently deceased mother’s home, which we couldn’t accept for a few reasons (it’s a no-dog building and we have two dogs, for starters). When we later asked if they had decided what to do with the apartment, FIL berated us for invading his privacy.
(I wouldn’t have asked if they hadn’t brought us into it, but whatever.)
With the missing funds, I guess I just thought of it as equivalent to saying “Hey, you dropped your wallet.” FIL seems very resentful of the estrangement and doesn’t seem to understand why his boundaries feel less like actual boundaries and more like a revenge tactic.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You were trying to help out, not embarrass them, they way overreacted. They probably will never change at this late stage of their lives. So I would just write them off for the future as they seem set upon wanting to be NC.
So let them be and move on with the people in your life who respect and want to be around you and them. It’s sad, but their choice.” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When I searched my name on my state site, everyone with my last name was listed. I have a pretty unique last name, basically to anyone who has it.
So I took screenshots & sent them to everyone: cousins, dad, aunts, & uncles. My uncle had a couple of thousand from something & he was so grateful, he sent me a check for a couple hundred dollars, saying he wouldn’t have had it if I hadn’t told him.
Your in-laws are jerks.” Jao_99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and also thank you for reminding me because I hadn’t checked in a while and it turns out the NYT owed me funds. There are 250 people with unclaimed funds with my surname right now and while they show me first it shows everyone with my surname after.
I always let my siblings or parents know when I search if one of their names pops up too.” Trick_Recognition591
10. AITJ For Charging $50 Plus Petrol Funds To Deliver Forgotten ID?
“Last night my (24F) sister Chloe (21F) and a group of 7 friends (21-23M/F) went out to celebrate one of their birthdays. They went to a restaurant and then planned on going to a club afterward. Everyone came to our house for pre-drinks and to get ready, and then our mum dropped them off at the restaurant.
Upon arriving at the restaurant, one of the boys, Jay (21M) realized he had left his ID at our house and wouldn’t be able to go to the club with everyone after.
Chloe called me at 8:30 PM and asked if I would bring Jay’s ID for a fee.
I offered to do it for $50AUD ($32USD) plus any petrol money. For context, we live semi-rurally so the restaurant is a 30-minute drive away, and petrol is currently $2.20 (USD 1.44) per litre at the moment. It is nearing winter so it’s cold, plus I was ready to go to bed and watch TV.
Anything below $50 is not enough incentive for me to get up and drive an hour round trip at night to drop off an ID to someone who’s not even my friend.
Jay initially declined and told me not to worry about it but called back 15 minutes later to ask if I could bring it and that he would pay the $50 and petrol money.
I said yes and did the trip and he paid me $50. Now it’s the next day and my sister and her friends are saying charging $50 for a 30-minute drive is outrageous and that I ripped him off.
I said that I’m not doing an hour round trip to make only $30 profit after petrol money and wear and tear on my car.
They said that I should’ve just done it for $30 and that it would’ve been equivalent to working for an hour at a job anyway. Jay said I took advantage of the situation because I knew their entire night would be ruined if he can’t get into the clubs with them, and that he believes $50 is more than enough payment so he won’t be transferring me extra for petrol fees.
So am I a jerk for charging $50 + petrol money to drop off his ID?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Charging $50 plus petrol is fair. His fault for leaving it behind. Nobody would want to do an hour’s drive right before they were going to jump in bed and relax.
1hr drive would probably be what? Over a 1/8th of a tank for a small 4cyl. Maybe $15-$20 worth of petrol.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He had loads of options of which you gave him 1 which is the 1 he took. You said how much it would cost before doing it so he knew what he was up for.
What are people going on about in the comments? Is everyone just expecting handouts from strangers these days?” Oddnamesuggestions
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was an hour of just driving, not an hour all up, and you charged less than half of what Uber would if they found a driver to do it.
Half an hour each way in a semi-rural area; I’m thinking of higher speed limits (higher than 50km/h lol) and that can chew some fuel too. The real problem I’m seeing is that your sister and her friends are being slimy about this by going back on the agreement (after they got what they wanted, of course) and then trying to say you’re taking advantage.
There could have been negotiations before you did the thing they wanted done, but instead, they chose to go “yeh” and then “actually nah” after the event. And they’re trying to convince you that you’re the big meanie lol.” Some_kunst
9. AITJ For Calling My Partner's K-Pop Obsession Unhealthy?
“My (M24) partner (F24) is incredible.
She’s insanely attractive and probably the nicest person I know. We’ve been seeing each other for just around a year and a half and get along great. My one gripe is that she is obsessed with K-pop. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not being negative about it, I respect her music taste.
I even let her drag me to a concert a while back. It’s not my thing, but it makes her happy so I don’t care.
Recently though, she seems to have gotten way more obsessed with this group, particularly one guy called Bang Chan.
I’m not an insecure man by any means but she has been taking it too far. She changed her lock screen to him, and she carries a picture of him around everywhere. She has like 10 of them and matches them to her outfits. She watches every livestream or video that has him in it too.
It’s odd but mostly harmless so I haven’t said anything about it.
I mean I’ve had celebrity crushes before like Sydney Sweeney so I know it’s normal to an extent but my partner takes it too far. Recently she spent hundreds on several copies of the same album because apparently, it enters you into a prize draw to video call the group.
I’m not sure how it works but she didn’t win and was inconsolable. Not even about her reckless spending but because she can’t talk to Bang Chan. She managed to resell them so that wasn’t a problem but I think her obsession with him is a little concerning.
Just today, a picture of him she ordered arrived in the mail and she started cooing over how cute he looked. At this point, I’d had enough and told her that her obsession was getting unhealthy and she needed to realize he doesn’t care about her and that she’s falling for marketing.
She got really annoyed and said she knew that she was just having fun and I was being a jerk for making fun of her interests. I honestly think I’ve been really patient with her and haven’t said anything out of line, so am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – ultimately it comes down to do you want to put up with this behavior? I don’t know your partner but I think people like her who get obsessed like this search for something to obsess over, if it wasn’t this guy it would be someone else and there will always be another thing/person to obsess over next (and it’s not you).” buttpickles99
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re bothered by her obsession with another man and that is valid. However, it’s always very pretentious and condescending when someone talks down at another person for their likes or dislikes. Her obsession isn’t hurting anyone and she probably feels a sense of community amongst other K-pop fans.
Confronting her over her “unhealthy obsession” feels condescending and disrespectful to her interests. You should have had an open discussion with her where instead of talking about how “obsessed” she is, you tell her that you are upset over how she seems to care more for this idol than you.
That’s what you’re upset about and framing it as concern for her is manipulative. Just be honest with her about your feelings. Don’t make it about you knowing what’s best for her.” ominomino
8. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Stay Away From A Persistent Male Acquaintance?
“My (M/25) partner (F/22) has had a male friend since before I met her.
They aren’t really “friends”, but you know, acquaintances, I guess? He is in love with her and has confessed around 4 months ago. She rejected him obviously, because she is with me, and more precisely because she is not even remotely interested in him.
2 months later he confesses again and acts as if he forgot that he did that before already. My partner then asked me to write a reply together with her, so I wrote the entire reply for her which made it very clear that she has a partner and is not interested.
Today she has a trip with a college group. They ride together in a bus, and she sits together with that guy, because he’s the only one she knows, and she’s also mostly with him during the trip. That guy is still trying to make advances on her.
Telling her how pretty she is, how he likes her hair, or the make-up she did, how much he likes her, and so on.
I then told my partner that I wanted her to get away from him and not spend any more time with him.
To completely reject him and completely leave him hanging.
AITJ for this, because I am controlling whom she can be with and with whom she can’t?
She does have other male friends, that she also visits alone here and there. I have no problem with it.
She also told me before the trip that she’d sit together with him and I was fine with it. What irks me is that the guy is still making advances on her, and that’s where my boundary is.
I am not insecure, I do not think she’d be unfaithful, given that I know she loves me and that I know she doesn’t like him like that.
But I think having my partner stay away from guys that don’t accept a “no” as an answer, is a fair and valid boundary to have, no?”
Another User Comments:
“Your partner needs to stay away from this guy – but not for your sake.
She should do it for the guy’s sake and her safety. 1. She sent him mixed messages. Told him she was not interested yet and spent the day with him. He has such a crush on her, that he likely read into this as her feeling conflicted, that maybe he does have a chance.
For his sake, she needs to completely cut him loose so he can move on. 2. Stalking isn’t common, but it can happen. She should consider avoiding this guy just to ensure her safety. Why take a chance?” Ok_Perception1131
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d say have a meeting with everyone present.
You and your partner need to firmly communicate to this guy that he needs to stop and it’s not cool. Before that, have a discussion with your partner about your discomfort and cutting contact with the friend if it happens again.” violetzoey
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ Yes it is controlling of you to decide who she can/can’t be around. It stinks of insecurity on your part. However, it’s a bit odd that she thinks it’s appropriate to hang out with someone who keeps doing this.
This is a red flag. But you have to realize this red flag is a flaw with your partner. The act of you keeping her away from this guy does not erase the red flag.” RegularOps
7. AITJ For Not Treating My Step-Sister Like My Biological Sisters?
“My dad got married 3 years ago to Josie. My sisters (15f and 13f) and I live with him full-time because our mom passed away. I (17m) kind of stepped up because Dad was never the most involved parent and after Mom passed away he still wasn’t great with parenting stuff.
He got married again 4 years after his mom passed away. Josie and her daughter (15f) moved in with us.
So Josie is the same as Dad. Not that involved. She seems less involved than my dad. But what I didn’t know is she expected me to take on her daughter as a sister and be there for her like I am my sisters which didn’t happen.
I don’t hate her but I see Josie’s daughter as someone I’m in a forced roommate situation with. Not family. I see Josie the same way.
I don’t do stuff for Josie’s daughter like I do my sisters. Sometimes I’ll buy them something I know they’ll like as a treat.
Normally one at a time since I’m only working weekends.
My dad and Josie never checked on her daughter or that we’d all gotten close. Then Josie got a call from the school that her daughter was being bullied and going through a rough time.
Josie decided to spoil her daughter and asked me what stuff her daughter liked/was into. I didn’t know and I told her. She called Dad in and she asked me again and I said I didn’t know, I don’t spend time with her daughter.
They brought up the stuff I do for my sisters and I said yeah, I do them for my sisters, not the random girl who lives with us. I said I don’t do stuff for either of them, meaning Dad or Josie, either. Josie freaked out and said I was supposed to treat them all the same and she asked me why I hadn’t taken her daughter on as my sister.
I said because I already had two and didn’t need to worry about anyone else. I said they were the adults and they didn’t make a family, they just thought they could get me to adopt Josie’s daughter.
Josie called me names, dad was like why wouldn’t you embrace the girl, we thought you’d do everything to make sure she felt wanted. I told them it wasn’t my job.
Josie still doesn’t know what her daughter likes and I’m getting glared at every day now.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Josie is the parent, not you. If she doesn’t know this basic stuff about her child, she should be ashamed of herself. … and you are correct: it’s not your job.
You’re already working enough to try to make up for your dad’s bad/uninvolved parenting. You don’t have an obligation to take on new neglected children.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father might be a bigger jerk than he seems. He probably bragged about all you do for your sisters and gave Josie the impression you would be an amazing brother to her daughter.
Naturally, he never mentioned any of this to you. Good on you for setting her straight.” Additional_Prior_981
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This was all foisted off on you. You do not have to have a relationship with someone if you don’t want to. You have been a caregiver to your sisters long enough.
Her mom and your dad have bad parenting skills and it is not up to you to raise her child. You are in a tough situation being under their roof, but before too long you will be able to live your life as you want to.” SliceEquivalent825
6. AITJ For Not Letting My Single Best Friend Move In Based On A Decade Old Joke?
“My best friend and I are in our early thirties. When we were young (around our twenties) we were both single at that time for a long long time. She then said that if one of us is still single when we hit thirty and the other one is not, then the married one “adopts” the single one, so neither of us would stay alone.
Back then I said “That’s the deal!” and didn’t think any more of that because for me it’s been like a silly joke. Now we are in our thirties. She just turned 30 last month and is the single one, while I am married.
Yesterday she reminded me of the deal that we had 10 years ago and I jokingly replied, that she could move in tomorrow.
She then said that she would need a couple of days to pack all the stuff that she needed and she would move in with us. Because I realized how serious she had been I asked if she meant it seriously because for me it was a joke and of course, she couldn’t move in with me and my husband.
She then accused me of being a bad friend because I didn’t keep my promise from 10 years ago and she would have let me move in if she was the married one and I was single. Then I told her that even though I appreciate that I wouldn’t expect her to do that, I understand that I have nothing to do in someone’s household as a grown woman.
I also explained to her that I didn’t expect her to mean it dead serious because it’s common sense that this is not serious for me. So many aspects need to be considered (space, my partner, etc.), and at some point, everyone has their own life.
She didn’t take it well and offered that she could be our maid, but I refused. I apologized for not making it clear that it wasn’t a serious “promise“ for me and if she needs any help in the future I am ok with her staying temporarily but not permanently.
She still thinks I am the worst friend now who doesn’t keep her promises and leaves her hanging down.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ My best friend and I made a similar promise, if none of us was married by 30 we’d marry each other. No one took that seriously.
Your friend is out of touch, I feel sorry for her.” DislocatedPotato57
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds very weird. Maybe have another talk about this with her. Like something like “Yeah you are kind of adopted as family, like a sister and we love to have you around, but not like a maid or a second wife.
Sorry if I misunderstood you back then. But you can’t just jump to the end of a story. Your partner and relationship are still out there.” If you are still renting and would feel comfortable with it (but after some says like this, I wouldn’t feel like that) you could suggest, that you are looking for a place together.
Like two-family homes – with a shared garden or those two houses with a shared wall (if three persons are paying it is cheaper than to find a house for one family alone) but this should be discussed with your partner before you suggest it to her.” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here As a queer person, I don’t see the heteronormative/nuclear family unit as the only valid way or even the default way of organizing your life. My best friend and I discuss, in practical, thoughtful detail, the possibility of living together later in life, regardless of our relationship status.
It’s valid if that isn’t what you want. But I’m not going to immediately say your friend was dumb or a jerk for having taken it seriously.” MaybeHughes
5. AITJ For Defending My Daughter's Celebrity Obsession Against My Mother's Criticism?
“I want to start this by saying I did have a really good childhood. I was fed, well groomed, and overall had everything I needed. This is not going to be something where I’m ungrateful.
I, a 43f, have a daughter Kendra (fake name) who’s 15. My daughter for the last year-ish has been hugely obsessed with celebrities like Taylor Swift. It’s become a focal point in her life to talk about TS’s music or Easter eggs (I think that’s correct).
Honestly, I don’t see anything wrong with this, maybe a little concern over how much she knows, but nothing that raises red flags. I’m happy knowing that this is what occupies her time instead of something truly worrying. I’m heavily emphasizing this because a year ago my baby girl was so depressed she couldn’t get out of bed.
Now the issue at hand is when I was growing up my mother would never allow us to over obsess anything. It’s hard to describe but most of my childhood rules were to sit, be quiet, and obey. I’ve limited my contact with my mom due to this stifling but I’ve let her back in.
This past weekend my family (including my mom) were sitting and watching TV. Taylor S briefly popped up on the screen and Kendra began talking to her brother about it (also a casual fan). No one was paying attention until my mom asked Kendra “When are you gonna grow up?” I snapped at her to leave it but she kept telling Kendra that she was sick and tired of hearing about Taylor.
I got defensive saying Kendra hadn’t brought her up this entire time nor had she the last few visits. We kept going back and forth and I asked my kids to leave the room.
My mom brought up the fact that Kendra posts frequently about TS on her Instagram and I finally snapped saying I don’t mind because at least she feels like she can without judgment.
I kept yelling about the fact that I was never able to talk about my interests or hobbies growing up, so I don’t care if she, Kendra gets TS on her forehead if it makes her happy. My kids aren’t spoiled all I did was give them the freedom to love what they love.
My mom yelled and called me ungrateful and several other words before storming out. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My mother always encouraged my interests, no matter how weird or obsessive. I watched Jim Carrey’s How The Grinch Stole Christmas every day for a year.
She sat through that for a year. I believe it was through that freedom that I never had any desire to party/ drink/do substances while in high school. I never needed an outside outlet because my home was safe. I think you did the right thing to stand up for your daughter in that moment.” Jealous_Turnover_202
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Looks like it’s time to go back to limited contact with your mom as she’s not safe to have around your children. Your mother will undermine anything that your daughter does, wants, feels, believes, etc., merely because it’s what your mother does.
She can’t allow your daughter to be her person. It’s just not in her. Protect your daughter.” KatzAKat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right, this is a very safe and appropriate thing for a teenager to focus on. Encouraging your daughter to have her interests is healthy, and will make her less likely to rebel in dangerous ways later.
You need to defend your children against bad influences like your mom. You were fortunate not to have a worse childhood, but that doesn’t mean yours was great or that your mom did a good job. If she’s going to criticize your children for no good reason, you would do well to keep her away from them for a while.” NapalmAxolotl
4. AITJ For Refusing To Try Deer Sausage My Husband Cooked?
“I don’t think I am a picky eater. There are a few things I don’t like- fish, beans (they have a chalky texture), boiled peanuts and I cannot stand deer meat. My husband knows I don’t like these foods and if I don’t want to eat them, I won’t.
He does like them and that’s fine. I don’t tell him that he can’t eat them, cook them, or feed them to the kids.
Tomorrow our children are having their tonsils removed. Because they will be stuck on a soft diet for a few days, my husband decided to cook a special meal tonight.
He grilled steaks, corn on the cob, mac and cheese, and some deer sausage he recently received as a gift.
As we were fixing plates for ourselves and the kids, I said that I didn’t want any sausage. He told me I should taste it- again I said didn’t want it.
I find deer meat gamey, dry, and stringy. I don’t care how it’s prepared, I don’t want it. But he just kept on, “Just try a little”, “have you ever tasted it”, and “when did you try it, not since we’ve been together”.
The more he pushed, the more resolved I became about not eating it. I’m 40 freaking years old- if I don’t want to eat something, I darn well don’t have to.
It wasn’t even so much about the sausage anymore. I just wanted him to hear what I was saying and respect me enough to make my darn food choices.
It ended with him saying “You’re the reason our kids have such a narrow pallet.” I took it as a low blow. He does a lot of cooking in our house but I do a lot of the shopping. I don’t talk about my dislike of certain foods in front of the kids because I don’t want to discourage them from trying new things, I don’t prevent him from cooking the food he likes and I don’t demand that he cook separate meals for me.
I left the room to cool off, then didn’t eat with the rest of the family because I didn’t feel like eating anymore. But maybe I should have just tried the darn deer to avoid an argument the night before the kid’s surgery.
So AITJ for not trying the deer sausage and starting an argument?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As you said, it’s not about the sausage. It’s about the fact that he kept pushing after you refused the first couple of times. He needs to respect your choice, especially since you don’t push your preferences on anyone else or ask him to make special accommodations.” no-thanks-0
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your boundary is that you don’t want to eat deer meat. He ignored your boundary repeatedly to, in essence, force you to do something you don’t want to do. Doesn’t sound respectful. It would have been okay if eventually he said “Fine, your loss” but no, he guilt-tripped you and now he has ammo for the next time your kids don’t want to eat something.
He’s going to be like, “You’re picky like your mom, I see,” and then make it your fault. And then you’re going to be forced to eat stuff you don’t want. Your kids will be forced to eat stuff they don’t want. But your husband is happy, so it’s all good?” ChiliSquid98
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He was being an aggressive food pusher, which is an annoying way to be. Like you said, you’re 40 years old and can make your own choices. My parents have now been married for over 50 years and my mom abdicated her free will years ago to keep the peace with my dad….it stinks for her now because he decides everything there is no going back.
Make your own decisions and nicely let your spouse know that you would appreciate some respect in such matters in the future.” tawstwfg
3. AITJ For Bringing Up My Friend's Love Life With My Brother?
“So, don’t get me wrong, but talking about your relationship with others is a common thing to do for some people, right?
Anywho, my friend, let’s call her Sarah for now, has recently gotten into a romantic relationship with my older brother, who we’ll name Kyler. Kyler and Sarah haven’t told me a thing about their relationship at the time, so they’ve been secretly seeing each other for a couple of months now.
One morning, I woke up and decided to instantaneously go to the kitchen. Fortunately, Kyler was already up, getting ready for work, as usual. He randomly walked up to me and asked, “Hey, can Sarah stay here while I’m at work?” and I nodded slowly, seemingly suspicious, but not asking questions.
A couple of minutes after Kyler left for work, the doorbell rang. I opened it only to see Sarah. I allowed her in and we started talking in the living room for a solid half an hour before I suddenly mentioned her love life. She immediately froze and glared at me.
I didn’t know what I did wrong at the time, so I remained confused.
After what felt like an eternity, Sarah started ranting, screaming, shouting about how I shouldn’t mention her love life when I’ve been seeing them flirting often. Her ranting went on for a solid ten minutes, without me saying a word.
I allowed her to get everything out before I could say anything.
But before I could eventually say anything, Sarah shouted once again, running and darting out of the door, slamming it behind her, leaving me dumbfounded and frozen. I sat there for a solid ten minutes, not moving at all and just staring blankly at the door.
A couple of weeks later, I’m here writing this. Sarah has blocked me on every social media that we have talked on and refuses to talk about things and sort it out face to face. Kyler, on the other hand, has been refusing to forgive me for it, so he has been continuously ignoring that topic every time I try to bring it up.
(Note: Me and Kyler have both been friends with Sarah for a while and had a pretty strong friendship. I’ve been seeing them flirt often, as well as going out often.)
I think I’m the jerk on this one, but let me know what y’all think.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH “Talking about your relationship” might be common. Talking about your love life is less common, and generally reserved for very close friends. Plus this is your brother we’re talking about, which adds to the ick factor – nobody wants to hear you ask about whether your brother is a generous and capable lover.
And it is completely clear that: 1. You and Sarah aren’t that close. You’re friends, but not close friends. 2. You do not have the sort of relationship where you talk about your love life. As a general rule, don’t talk about someone’s love life unless they bring up the topic first. And being nosy about someone else’s love life is never a good thing.
So that’s why you’re the jerk. On the other hand, Sarah went off the deep end in response to your simple, but rather crass, question. That’s why she’s also the jerk.” _mmiggs_
2. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Take Me To The Hospital For Chest Pain During Pregnancy?
“I’m (26f) four months pregnant with our first child.
This pregnancy has been really hard on me medically. I went from sleeping too much, to now I can’t sleep at all, from cramping and nausea to now muscle aches and overall just feeling of sickness. On top of this, I have pretty bad health anxiety but had to get off my medication because, again, I’m pregnant.
I’ve had this issue the last few weeks, where when I wake up, my heart hurts. It’s an ache that turns into a sharp pain when I bend over. It normally goes away within thirty minutes of waking up. I woke up around two this morning with that same feeling, except it didn’t pass in thirty minutes and I was short of breath.
My husband (29m) wakes up for work at three.
It was 3:30 and he was still sleeping (though his alarms were going off) so I woke him up and said “My chest pain isn’t going away, I think I need to go to the hospital.” He sat up and told me he didn’t think it was that serious, that my heart hurts all the time.
I got frustrated and said, still in an even tone, “Yes, but it’s not getting better like it normally does and I’m having trouble breathing.” At this point he started to raise his voice and stood up, telling me “You feel okay enough to yell and scream at me, you must be okay.” And stormed out of the door to go to work.
He then came BACK in the house to find me crying to the point of snot running down my face because this isn’t the first time I’ve felt like the last priority. He watched me cry and got more upset when I didn’t want him to hug me.
I asked him to please just stop being mean to me when I don’t feel good because I don’t wake him up to upset him. I said I feel like his needs have been put first for a while and it hurts my feelings.
To which he responded, “So is this an attention grab, or are you sick?” At which point I told him to leave.
I’m so hurt. I honestly would prefer to be the jerk just so I could apologize and pretend this didn’t happen.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ “Except it didn’t pass in thirty minutes and I was short of breath.” Unusual or different chest pain(such as duration here) plus being pregnant = straight to the E.R. “So is this an attention grab, or are you sick?” Sorry, I can’t say you’re the jerk so you can permit yourself to apologize.
That’s your husband. It did happen. Again sorry, but if this is what he’s like now, how will he be when the baby comes? Or if like most people you get sick sometimes? You have issues that need addressing. Please also get this chest pain checked out again.
I wish you the very best.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“This is a tough one. On his side of it, I can understand that when dealing with a hypochondriac things are not as bad as they seem or as you would say they are. And on your side of it, when you said it was not going away, his concern for you and the child should have come first. So I think it’s a mild everyone’s a jerk here.
But you two have a communication issue going on in your marriage that you need to work out.” Stup2plending
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for not then getting checked out. I understand you have medical anxiety (which I’m pretty sure there are meds you can take that are for the baby) but if you are truly having these symptoms and they are truly bad enough to ask your husband to take you to the ER at 3 in the morning, him not taking you should not stop you from actually going.
Do you have two cars? Could you have called an Uber? Or, call 911. Or did you call the nurse on call to at least speak to someone and get a second opinion if you should be seen or not? Let’s say you sliced your hand open while he was at work, would you just be out of luck until he came home?
No, you’d find a way to get yourself medical attention. You’re not a helpless damsel, you’re an adult responsible for another life. Or did your husband have a point? You sound more hurt that he didn’t pass your test and “put you first” than the fact you could have been having a real medical emergency that could endanger your child.” tctwizzle
1. AITJ For Returning My Dad's Sentimental Watch Because I Wouldn't Wear It?
“So my father (54M) wanted to gift me (18M) a special watch of his as a birthday present. He told me that the watch was very, very important to him, as it was the first thing he had ever saved up and bought with his own funds.
He wanted to give me this watch, but he also told me that he only wanted to give it to someone who would wear it and could understand the importance of the watch.
The problem is that, while I understand that the watch is incredibly important to him and that he wanted to give it to me…I simply don’t have that same kind of connection to the watch, and I don’t think that I would wear it if he gave it to me.
I didn’t want to hurt my dad’s feelings, but I also didn’t want to take something from him that meant a lot to him if I knew deep down that it wouldn’t be nearly as important to me. And I don’t wear watches in the first place so…
When he did give it to me, it ended up just sitting on a countertop for days. He eventually took it back and later called me telling me that if I wouldn’t wear it, then he wanted it back. At first, I told him that I would go ahead and start wearing it, then hung up.
But as I thought about it, I decided the best thing I could do would be, to be honest with him and tell him what I explained in the previous paragraph of this post, and ask him to keep it. He accepted, but it was clear to me that he didn’t take it well and was quite irritated and hurt by me asking him to keep it.
Now I don’t know if I did the right thing or not. I could’ve just kept it to save him from being hurt, but it just doesn’t feel right telling him that I’m gonna wear it when I know I’m not and that in reality, it would probably just collect dust in a drawer.
I didn’t wanna lie to him, but I also didn’t want to hurt his feelings. AITJ for making the choice I did?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here wasn’t about the watch itself as I think it was your father wanting to pass down something to you that he felt held meaning.
Too bad you only saw the watch & its practical use & not the sentiment behind the act of gifting. Even if it was on a certain occasion or very rarely that you wore it just to acknowledge that. It’s better to hand it back than let it sit collecting dust.” Sea-Tea-4130
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Why not ask him if he wants, he could leave it to you in his will. That way he gets to enjoy it as long as possible, and you get to remember him by it eventually. Win-win. Try to listen to the life lesson message he also tried to give you on your 18th birthday – how good and meaningful something is when you work and save for it on your own.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here It sounds like he just wanted to pass it down to you, but you are also valid if you felt like it wasn’t something you would necessarily use. A good compromise could be putting it in a shadow box with a picture of both of you and making a wall decoration out of it.” ShySkye94
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