People Ask For Our Opinion On Their Compelling "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Not Letting My Stepdaughter Eat My Son's Chicken Bites?
“My son (6m) is autistic and he is non-verbal with a lot of sensory issues. He has very restrictive eating and his list of safe foods is very low, which is something being worked on with a feeding therapist, but he’s struggling through feeding therapy and is not yet at a point where he has many options.
In his safe foods are a specific brand of roast potatoes, a type of fruit cup, and one type of chicken bites. Very very rarely he will eat something else so we always do our best to have those safe foods on hand and in good supply.
But the chicken bites have been unavailable for the last three weeks and for the last two weeks, we had some money issues after some trouble with our house. This meant we did not have as much to spend on groceries last week and because of this, I was extra vigilant about making sure the safe foods were secure for my son especially because he doesn’t eat a lot regardless so it’s important he has something available for him.
My stepdaughter (16f) saw the last of the chicken bites and wanted them for herself. I told her she couldn’t have them because her brother needed them. We were running low on other stuff and I needed everything to keep us going until my husband got paid again.
My stepdaughter said she didn’t care and she wanted them and should have them. I refused to let her have them and offered her something else instead. She complained that she wanted nothing else and I told her she could eat something else but her brother could not.
When my husband got home he backed up my decision and my stepdaughter was so mad.
She told my husband’s parents and then they were mad. They said I should have let her eat them and encouraged my son to eat something different instead of making her find something else.
That she’s old enough to get to choose what she eats. They also said I made her hate us more (me and her two siblings). My stepdaughter also told her maternal grandparents (her mom passed away while I was pregnant with my son) and they were furious and said I have no right to stop her and how dare we act like she cares about my kids eating or not eating.
My stepdaughter has been especially angry since and I sat her down and apologized if I upset her by saying no. She told me I didn’t have the right to stop her because I’m not her parent and she doesn’t care if my kid starves.
We’re nothing to her. She told my husband’s parents I had tried to talk to her and they rubbed it in more. My husband was furious with his parents and he’s still on my side. But I feel so worn down by this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Obviously, you can’t have your son starve. The biggest jerks by far are the grandparents feeding into this. This isn’t about the nuggets, this is a power struggle thing – she’s calling in reinforcements, and it’s bigger than a snack.
In integrated families, it’s often the other children who feel the most neglected and unseen, or get forced into caretaker roles, and need therapy the most. This acting out seems rather disproportional, but it’s likely her lightning rod for a bunch of complex feelings.
If you don’t already have a team of mental health professionals helping with your stepdaughter, your son’s eating, and your entire family dynamics, you’re doing all of you a massive disservice.” broccolicat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe this is crazy on my part but I honestly think that you should have her go live with the grandparents.
If she is this angry and hateful about the three of you, that she’s OK with your kid starving, then maybe she needs to live somewhere else.
She doesn’t care about your kid and will willingly destroy or eat his safe foods. That’s not a person you want around you or the kids.
Maybe I’m mean, but who knows what she’s going to do in retaliation to this? I don’t know why she’s so angry, and yes she does need therapy. But it might be best for your family if she went to live with one set of grandparents since they don’t think your home is good enough for her.
I think this would be my last straw and I’d want her out. If she’s OK with my kid starving then she can get out.” New-Link5725
21. AITJ For Being Mad At My Mom For Not Telling Me About My Dad?
“My biological dad died when my mom was pregnant with me. They had been together for 10 years, married for 2 and he died in a car accident when mom was 7 months pregnant with me. She met my (adoptive) dad when I was 9 months old and they got married and he adopted me before I was 2.
I had minimal contact with my biological extended family as a kid. Mom didn’t give them much access to me. But she did allow some. She never talked about my biological dad though. We had no photos of him at all. I had a pretty happy childhood.
I did sometimes wish I had a photo of Dad. But it wasn’t until a few months ago that I had some more feelings about this.
One of my friends and his partner had a baby. It was a big deal because he was 19 and his parents hadn’t wanted him to be such a young dad.
I’m 19 too so it was surreal for me as well. But seeing him so excited to be a dad and getting ready for the baby and even afterward made me think of my biological dad. It made me think about how excited he was to be a dad and then he died so he was basically erased from the picture and never talked about to the kid he loved and wanted by the wife he loved so much.
It made me kind of mad and sad.
I sat with it for a few days and then one day I went to see my mom while my dad was at work. I asked her if she would tell me more about my biological dad and she refused to.
She told me we didn’t need to talk about that and imagine how my dad would feel if he walked in. I told her he had to understand he wasn’t the only dad, that another man made me and wanted me but he died before he could be my dad.
She told me he was dead and we were alive and we didn’t need to dwell. She also said it was strange to bring this up after so long. I told her seeing my friend become a dad made me reflect a lot and I told her I wished she had talked to me about dad when I was growing up.
That I hate that he was erased and replaced like he never existed.
She told me it wasn’t fair to expect that of her and I was burdening her with my own emotions and it wasn’t right. She also said I was being ungrateful to Dad for mentioning my biological dad.
I left because she was really angry at me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it makes perfect sense to want to know more about your biological father. Wanting to know more and asking that question could never make you a jerk here. The simple fact you still have these questions speaks volumes about your mom and her reaction.
Whatever her reasons may be, she had 19 years to come to terms with it, and your asking questions should not have come as a surprise.
It’s also unfair of her to bring up what your stepdad might think about it because, in all honesty, he’s got nothing to do with it.
Now, that might sound cruel, but the truth still remains that you’re not his biological child, and you should have the right to know about your biological father regardless. I hope you can find the answers you’re looking for and that your mother will come around.” Zagriel55
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You have a right to know about your bio dad and wanting to know about your bio-dad doesn’t lessen what you feel for your other dad. There’s enough room in your heart for all of them. Your mum is also grieving, which is understandable.
No sound it was a shock and she didn’t know how to respond and responded in not the best way. Grief and pain can do that. It doesn’t excuse it, or her erasing him from your life, but losing someone can make you do stupid things.
Or if you don’t feel like doing that, you’re 19. You’re an adult now, go to your bio-dad’s family and start building a stronger relationship with them and getting to know your bio-dad through them. Wishing you the best, OP!” yaboi_jayce
20. AITJ For Spoiling My Daughter?
“I am divorced from my wife ‘June’. We have one daughter together, ‘Clare’. We divorced on bad terms after I lost my job. I came home to an empty house and a note saying she needed someone who could ‘give her the lifestyle she and Clare deserved.’ I didn’t see Clare for a while because of the restrictions on court proceedings.
However, I was one of the lucky ones who came out of the global crisis better than I went in, and I’m now in fantastic financial shape. I now have 50% custody of my daughter and am trying to make up for lost time. This means, since the world has opened up again, as long as Clare does well in school and helps with her chores, the weekend she’s with me, we will do whatever she wants, things like museums, movies, nearby national parks, festivals in our city, etc.
Yesterday I went to pick up my daughter from school and June and her husband were waiting there and asked to speak to me. They said that the businesses he used to run took a massive hit and has never recovered and that it’s meant they’ve had to scale back their lifestyle significantly, including June getting a job.
They then informed me that June was pregnant and they didn’t want my spoiling Clare to affect the relationship between the two kids, as they couldn’t do the same for their baby. I told them I had no intention of changing how I raised Clare because she was a great kid and deserved to be rewarded for her good behavior.
The conversation devolved from there with June finally screaming at me that I was just some ‘Disneyland dad using his money to get back at her’.
At the time I didn’t think I was wrong but since talking to my partner and some friends in child education, I’m wondering if I am the jerk for setting my daughter and her half-sibling up for conflict?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why should you and your daughter suffer because her mother and stepdad are financially unwell? It will also take years till the newborn child will even realize that their half-sister gets other treatment than himself. And if this happens one day and the situation of your ex isn’t changed – you could if you want look into something to do to improve the relationship between your daughter and her half-sibling (if you want and she wants!
Not just because your ex-wife is screaming).
But in the meantime, continue to be the awesome dad you are to your child. And if you want, you can offer your ex, that you could take on more responsibility for your daughter at the moment (like she is staying with you 70% or more) so your ex would not have that many financial expenses as well as more time for the newborn (so there will not be some resentment from your daughter to the baby who will take up all of her mother’s and stepdad’s time).” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – it sounds like the majority of what you spend money on is experiences. It’s deluding to ask you to do less with your child because they can’t do the same with their own. Also depending on the age gap it won’t even matter as it makes complete sense that a baby/toddler/child doesn’t get or do what a teen does.
You can speak to your daughter and make sure she isn’t bragging or being mean-spirited towards her sibling (once your ex’s kid is old enough to understand) but that’s really your only obligation here in my opinion.” PanPolyHexenbiest
19. AITJ For Not Allowing My Son To Stay At His Grandparents' For The Summer?
“I (23F) had a forced marriage (technically arranged but I felt like I couldn’t say no) at 18. I was very mentally ill and my dad just wanted to get rid of me essentially.
I had my son before my 19th birthday and due to my mental illness and how my in-laws treated me, I never bonded with him.
They were a constant presence in my home with my ex-husband and barely let me have my own son and I had no support from anyone since I was in a new country. I filed for divorce a few months later and my ex-husband won custody of my son because he was a man in his 20s with a stable job and I was a mentally ill girl with no means to look after this child.
After this, I moved back to my mother’s country (she never approved of the marriage but was unable to help due to being abroad and other factors) and I wasn’t allowed to call/visit my son.
On to the issue: A few months ago, I got a call from my father.
I don’t speak to him because of the marriage he forced me into so I was surprised to hear from him. Turns out my ex was no longer able to care for our son (he married a woman who didn’t want to be a stepmother) and they wanted to know if I could take him.
I said yes, and a few weeks later my little boy was in my home and I had him enrolled in school. It took me a while to get his citizenship sorted but it’s finally been done. As it stands legally in my country, I have sole custody.
In my son’s country of birth, my ex has also registered with the necessary officials to let them know he has given up my son to me and I have full custody over there too.
It took us a few weeks to get used to each other but he was already calling me mom and telling me he loved me very early on.
I took time off work to get to know him better and we are inseparable.
It’s nearing summer and his grandparents (my ex-in-laws) have been asking me to send him to them for the summer. I refused for three reasons:
1) They were a big part of why I lost him in the first place.
Imagine being newly postpartum, recovering from a horrifying birth experience, and not being allowed to hold your own baby and having NO ONE to turn to. Everyone who cared about me was in my mother’s country.
2) They might not let me have him back and then I’ll have to sue and it will be very expensive and traumatic.
3) I asked him if he wanted to see them and he said he wanted to stay with me.
I passed this information on to them and they’re going mad. I’m being harassed on social media and my family back in their country is blowing up my phone.
My ex is also telling me that the only reason he gave my son to me instead of his parents was because he promised them they would still be allowed to see him. They’ve all been saying I’m a jerk for refusing to let them see my son but I don’t think I’m wrong given my reasons.
I suggested they come visit us and I would even let them stay in my home but they have refused. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would seriously consider deactivating your social media, or at the very least blocking all these people and making sure your privacy settings are on.
Change your number too. You have full custody of your son. Neither of you wants to see them and you don’t have to. You need to do what’s best for both of you.
Sending a 4-year-old overseas to be without you after such a big upheaval in his life does not sound good for the mental health of either of you.
And considering their treatment of you, I highly doubt you would get your son back. Even if you sued, depending on federal laws you may not be able to and if you are it can take years and tens of thousands of dollars. Keep your son with you.
Keep reconnecting and rebuilding your relationship with him and be happy. These people won’t make your life happy or healthy.” wineandsmut
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. DO NOT LET YOUR SON STAY WITH THEM! They will not give him back. I’ve seen this numerous times.
If they really want to see him, they can take your invitation and come over. They refused. Why? Because that’s not the point! They don’t want to see him, they want to have him. They probably are not okay with the father giving up his rights, for it sounds as if you come from a cultural background where this is not the norm.
Whatever you do, do not let him go there, do not take him to that country, and if they do come over, never leave them alone with him. There are too many examples where the in-laws or father abduct the child, even though the mother has custody, take them to their own country where the government and culture are on their side, and you can sue whatever you want, but you won’t get him back.
What use will it be to win a case if their country does not enforce it? Stand your ground!” Hjorrild
18. AITJ For Wanting To Sign A Tenancy Agreement With My Partner's Parents?
“I (25F) have lived with my partner Jake (29M) and his parents Andrew and Steph for the last two years.
We have a weird house set up – it’s a large house that is essentially split in two (two kitchens on either side, two lounge rooms, and two bedrooms on each side with a glass door separating the two sides on the two floors).
It was originally bought when Jake’s grandmother was still alive to provide her privacy in her older age.
In May 2023 we found out that I was pregnant, which was a huge shock to us. We both spoke to his parents, who agreed that we would have ‘nan’s’ side of the house (paying rent) to give us privacy, as we are saving to buy a house.
Once we moved in, Andrew started to nitpick everything we did in ‘their side of the house’. It hit the point that we were told we weren’t allowed to use the front door and had to use the side entrance through an alleyway, as in his words he ‘thought we would want privacy’.
Once our little one arrived, Steph and Andrew would start walking in without knocking, at any time they liked. I usually don’t wear a top on the lounge when I’m either feeding or have just fed our baby… so quite vulnerable. On a specific occasion, Steph walked in to talk to me while I was dyeing my hair (Jake was with the baby) in just my bra.
Andrew tried to come in, but Steph stopped and informed him I ‘wasn’t decent’ and not to come in. He straight up said ‘Which side? Left or right? It doesn’t matter if she’s feeding the baby’ and attempted to walk in again (which Steph stopped him… again).
I have spoken with Jake and Steph about this a few times and told them I’m not comfortable and to please knock and wait for a response so I have a chance to cover myself (Andrew is not the type of person you can talk to directly without him blowing up, Steph is able to word it in a way that he can ‘handle’), yet it continued.
I started to lock the door between the two sides, to try and give myself the privacy I wanted. Jake came home and noticed the door locked. He asked me about it and I told him I kept the door locked during the day as they refuse to knock.
He immediately went to both his parents and told them.
Andrew was mad that I had done that and said ‘Maybe we should have a tenancy agreement then’ which I said was a great idea.
Jake said I’m being a jerk for agreeing to that, and that we do not need one.
I think it’s a great idea as it enforces everyone’s expectations and boundaries. I don’t want to come off as ungrateful, as they have done more for us than we could have imagined, but I shouldn’t have to sacrifice my boundaries for their support.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You live with a bunch of children. The fact that Jake objected to you locking the doors and then went to TELL HIS PARENTS ON YOU is…. like really odd and telling. None of them respect you, your partner included. Having a rental agreement does make sense but you should review it carefully to make sure it doesn’t end up disadvantaging you.
If you have a habit of paying late for instance, or if you are reliant on the use of their side of the house somehow, those things will become more strict with an agreement in place. If Jake doesn’t want an agreement, you and he DO need to reach some understanding and alignment on your completely reasonable need for privacy and boundaries against his parents.
If neither of these is workable, you should move out.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it’s crucial to realize this situation isn’t likely to improve on its own. While homes are typically a place of comfort, yours seems to be an anxiety-inducing hurdle course because basic privacy is somehow up for debate.
Having a rental agreement might not just be sensible; it could be your key to establishing well-needed boundaries. However, don’t proceed without every stipulation being crystal clear, and it wouldn’t hurt to have an outside party (like a lawyer) review it.
Jake’s reaction to your locking the door underlines a concerning communication breakdown that extends to his parents.
Sure, it’s their house, but your living situation isn’t conventional. You’re not a guest; you’re a tenant. Your rights should be recognized regardless of familial ties. The fact that your partner not only fails to defend your privacy but undermines it by involving his parents is a red flag regarding where his loyalty stands.
You’re not just tackling a privacy issue; you’re dealing with a respect issue. Let’s not forget, respect is a two-way street. Even in a traditional rental scenario, unannounced visits are frowned upon, not to mention when those visits are intrusive.
Keep your head up, use this as an opportunity to establish groundwork, and consider this meticulously: If this situation remains static, is it a suitable environment for you?” Alix_Senters
17. AITJ For Being Snarky At My Parents When They Tried To Ground Me?
“I live at home while going to university. I’m in my final year and I have a job lined up after I graduate.
My parents have been charging me rent since I was 16. I have a small company that makes me about $60,000 a year. I started it in high school.
It is one of the reasons I graduated early from high school and why I got attention from recruiters. My parents said that since I was earning adult money I could take on adult responsibilities.
I thought that was fair. So I paid for all my own stuff starting at age 16.
Not university. I got a scholarship. And the rent they charged me was minor. $300 a month.
But I basically considered my room to be completely mine after that. I kept it tidy because I like it that way. But they had no say in when I cleaned it, when I did my laundry, other than to not do it at a time when I would disturb the family for example at 3 AM.
I bought food for myself and I ate when I wanted.
They tried to say I was separating myself from the family but I saw it more as having my own schedule.
This year for spring break I went down to Mexico with friends. My parents were upset because they were hosting a big Easter family get-together.
When I got back they said I was behaving badly by not being around for a family gathering. I said it was my last spring break at the university and that I was not responsible for their schedule.
They said I was grounded and I laughed and said good luck with that.
I went to my room and locked the door. They tried banging on it for my attention but I’m done.
My grandfather came over to talk to me later. He is the one who helped me get my company started and he is always there for me.
He said that I was rude to my parents when they were trying to be there for me. I asked him how much rent he charged my mom when she lived at home. He said it was ridiculous to think he would charge his kids rent.
I told him that I had been paying rent for four years.
He went into the house and I heard a fight. When he came out he said that I need to treat my parents with more respect but that since they are my landlords they do not have a say over how I spend my time.
I’m avoiding my parents for now and I’m renting on Airbnb right now until I graduate. I took everything that was important to me and I left $600 for the last two months I had planned on being there.
They keep calling me but I am currently getting ready to move for my new job.
I don’t have the energy to deal with them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You pay rent and support yourself financially – at that point, you’re essentially a tenant with the right to come and go as you please. It’s bizarre that they’re trying to ground an adult who contributes to the household, not as a dependent child, but as a contributing adult.
It seems like your parents are having trouble transitioning from their roles as parental figures with a level of control to landlords who must respect your autonomy. Going away for spring break was well within your rights, especially as you weren’t informed about their Easter plans.
If family traditions are that important, communication needs to go both ways.
An apology for laughing might be in order simply because it’s always nice to be kind, but setting boundaries is crucial here. It might help to have a discussion about expectations on both sides to clear up this tenant vs.
child confusion. Good luck navigating this; it’s a tricky path when family and tenant relationships are intertwined.” Alix_Senters
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… They crossed a line they drew in the sand. They treated you like an adult with all the adult responsibilities then wanted to treat you like a kid when it suited them.
That doesn’t work. When you hand a teen all the responsibility of being an adult some ego always follows. What did they expect? Someday you may look back and nitpick about the exact words you used to respond. I don’t know your parents. Maybe they fully deserved those exact words.
Maybe they didn’t. Your overall argument and intent though? That was spot on. The fact they hid this from Grandpa but wanted to call him to scold you? That tells me they have some of their own faults they don’t want to admit to. That tells me this is 99% on them.” Odd_Welcome7940
16. AITJ For Demolishing Our Late Parents' Home?
“My parents died four months ago due to long-standing health issues and old age, my mother first and then three weeks later my father. My parents had two sons and one daughter. I’m 38 and my brothers are 46 and 47. My brothers lived at my parents’ house.
All their lives our parents catered to them hand and foot. They fed their egos three meals a day. As they aged it became harder and harder, eventually, they were just worn out by my brothers. Throughout the last few years, my parents tried to set boundaries but my brothers took it as a declaration of war.
In the end, they pretty much lived in fear of my brothers.
When my parents died they left me the house and some money, I was truly surprised. I like everyone else assumed my brothers would get it all. They left a letter saying they greatly regretted having favored my brothers and for having to rely on me in their old age and as compensation for having financially supported them the past 15 years they left me the house and 525 thousand of insurance payouts to be divided between the three of us.
They acknowledged in the letter that they know the house and my 175 thousand doesn’t come close to financially compensating me but they hoped it at least helped. My plans are to use my share of the inheritance to fix up the house. It’s an old house and it needs a considerable amount of work to bring it up to code.
My brothers had no intention of helping me with the house. They continued being lazy, arrogant, and entitled. I continued to pay all the utility bills and whatever else the house needed. I couldn’t afford to keep paying. I asked them to move out several times and they flat-out refused.
My brothers also went through their inheritance like it was nothing. They are quickly running out of money. They bought cars, went to Vegas and just spent like there was no tomorrow. I had enough of trying to be reasonable and I demolished half of the house while they were on their cruise.
My brothers went on a cruise last month and during their time away I packed all their things into two storage units, I paid 6 months in advance for them and then I just let the construction crew start working on the house. My brothers returned to a construction site.
They called and texted me a few hundred times but I never picked up.
Eventually, they got other family members to call me. Everyone is making me out to be a monster. Apparently, I’m a terrible sister, and my parents would be disappointed in me for leaving my brothers homeless and living in a motel.
I feel like I’ve done enough for them. I’ve supported them in some way or another my whole life. I tried to be reasonable but they are unreasonable and insanely entitled.”
Another User Comments:
“Your parents made it clear that the house was yours and they left it to you for a reason.
So you have not disappointed your parents in any way. Your brothers were abusive to your parent for years and now want to continue that tradition with you. Your relatives are free to house your brothers if they are concerned about them.
My advice: Sell the property and buy a house/property somewhere else.
Start afresh, in a new place that your brothers can’t lay claim to. And invest in security cameras and whatnot. Also might be a good idea to cut contact with your brothers and the relatives that support them.” solo_throwaway254247
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you need to talk to a lawyer and get them trespassed by court order from that property FOREVER.
What your parents said in the will will help. Do it as soon as possible. If you don’t, they will break in at some future point and claim to have a right to live there and it may take you months to get through a long slow eviction process.
During this, they may trash and damage your house. And they may try to sabotage your remodel, so HIRE A GUARD to be there whenever a full construction crew is not there. Cheaper than having them cause you $50000 in damages. When the remodel is finished, put up cameras and get alarms so if they enter the property you can get them jailed for violating the trespass order.” bkwormtricia
15. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Back Into Our House?
“I let my mother move in with my family about two years ago.
It was an adjustment for her because it became my house my rules type of thing.
It took some adjusting because she always wanted to steamroll my wife and do things her way but I reminded my mom that we let her live here.
My sister Jane needed to find a place to live and this was one of the reasons my mom became homeless trying to help keep Jane afloat into adulthood.
Jane has 4 children but has custody of two. These children are not well-behaved and have been in and out of the foster system and have behavior issues.
Jane comes over to our house in the middle of the day. Something not allowed. She has her two kids with her on a school day.
I and my family see this on a ring cam. My mother knows we have one.
My family and I are at work and school but we see her enter. What happened next was that I saw Jane carry things out with the help of my mom.
Food, bedding, and a couple of my kid’s toys. Like loads up Jane’s car.
I call my mom. No answer. So my wife calls 911. Calls it a burglary. The police showed up and arrested Jane and while my wife was on the phone my mother was as well.
My mom just started giving our stuff away to Jane.
We let my mom sit in jail while my family and I discussed what was going on and what was wrong with my mom. Bail was set and now mom had been in jail overnight and she called crying.
We did not want her back at the house and she had given the sob story of Jane going through a rough time. I have heard that story my entire life and Mom swore she would not get involved with Jane’s issues when she moved in and not allow Jane into our home.
Almost 48 hours went by and my mom was still in jail and we decided not to bail her out. We contacted a church group that she helps and they set her up in a temporary shelter for women and took some of my mom’s things to it.
Planning on storing the rest.
Then we bailed my mom out. She complained ahead of time she needed a shower, how could I take so long, that she was hungry, and all sorts of verbal abuse. I took her to the church shelter for women and left her with one of the deacons of the church.
Mom realized she wasn’t moving back in with us.
There was just one uncle from my dad’s side left who said he would take my mom in but he lives out of state and because of my mom’s pending changes she cannot leave the state and the shelter is temporary.
My wife said she is not taking my mother back in so I don’t know what to do with her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not a jerk for standing with your wife (who has been supporting your desire to help your mother even though it was not easy) and thinking of your own family’s wellbeing.
Your mom will have shelter and assistance. It won’t be what she wanted but it will suffice. She has made her own decisions regarding your sister for YEARS without changing. She’s not going to change now. If you allow her back, all you will do is show her she can behave poorly in your household.
You may push your wife too far and lose her, too. There’s more at stake than an ungrateful, stubborn old woman’s follies.” lyan-cat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You are wondering what to do with her? You don’t do anything with her. She needs this lesson to learn to stop behaving entitled and selfishly with your property.
It was a HUGE level of disrespect, what she did. Let her sit somewhere she is well taken care of, where she is unable to steal or rob them. Where they won’t cave into her fake crying over her POOR DAUGHTER who needs her help (she doesn’t need her – she is enabling your sister to continue screwing up).
The two of them set forth to ROB your home, openly, defiantly, and selfishly. They both deserve to remain in jail. You have no room for people like this in your life. They will only continue to treat you badly.” C_Alex_author
14. AITJ For Boycotting My Sister's Wedding Because She Won't Invite My New Partner?
“After a significant surgery that left me in the ICU intubated for three days, I resolved to be more assertive in my life. Despite living in the same city, neither of my siblings reached out or visited me during this challenging time.
Earlier this year, I started going out with someone who has since become an integral part of my life, meeting my family and even accompanying me as my plus-one to another wedding, for more context this wedding was for the brother of my sister’s fiancé.
My sister, with whom I share living space, is set to marry in July. A month ago, her fiancé relayed to me that due to guest list limitations and the relatively new status of my relationship, my partner would not be invited to their wedding.
They’re expecting 100 attendees out of 110 invited. Notably, my ex was invited when the wedding planning started, and my brother’s partner is on the guest list as well. Moreover, my partner had been my plus-one at the wedding of the brother of my sister’s fiancé, indicating that she has been recognized in our extended social circles.
While I understand the complexities of wedding planning and the couple’s prerogative in guest selection, I cannot help but feel this is part of a broader trend of overlooking my feelings. This incident has pushed me to the point where I believe it’s necessary to assert myself, seeking the respect I deserve rather than accepting excuses, particularly those not directly communicated by my sister.
The thought of boycotting the wedding has crossed my mind, driven by these feelings of disrespect.
WIBTJ for boycotting the wedding unless something changes?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here/YTJ. Your sister isn’t obligated to invite your recent partner. It doesn’t matter that your partner was included in another wedding – that other couple may have had fewer seating or financial constraints – but that’s not an uncommon line to draw.
An invitation is not a summons and you are similarly not entitled to insist on a +1 or partner. You are just free to accept/not accept the invitation. You’re free to decline the invitation if you don’t want to attend without your partner.
However, beyond the fact that you will know plenty of people there and therefore not require a +1 for entertainment, your sister’s wedding is not the appropriate venue for resolving your other grievances with your sister.
It’s fine to be upset with your sister for not reaching out to you during your illness – so tell her that using adult words and describe how that makes you want to step back in your relationship.
Couching this under ‘assertiveness’ is going to reduce your very valid feelings into a passive-aggressive gesture – there is not a direct correlation between your feelings about your sister and your partner’s invitation to their wedding. The passive-aggressive gesture is a) unlikely to be understood as you intended (it doesn’t really make sense to me, honestly) and b) doesn’t at all address your issues with your sister.” antizana
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to, but your sister doesn’t have to invite your partner of max 3 months to her wedding. I don’t see this as disrespect. Of course, there are most likely underlying things that you see, but not inviting someone whom you have only been seeing for a couple of months to her wedding, is not your sister being disrespectful.
Your ex was on the list because I assume your relationship with her was of longer standing, same with your brother’s partner.” JKristiina
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Weddings are expensive, everything needs to be preplanned. I’d have a hard time faulting a couple for not inviting the significant other when the relationship is so new.
Calling it a boycott is terrible phrasing and doesn’t do you any favors, just decline the RSVP and be done with it. Don’t start any conversations about the upcoming wedding, because that will be a precursor to an argument. You have a reason to feel shaded about the lack of empathy shown your way with your health scare, but by the way this story was written, I believe there is more to this story that was left out.” User
13. AITJ For Refusing To Order Another Pizza?
“I was having a small birthday party for my son. We decided on his favorite pizza place. Both my SIL and daughter are vegetarian and I asked them both what kind of pizza they wanted and they both chose garden pizza with all veggies. We also had pepperoni and meat lovers, cheesy garlic bread, wings, and an Italian salad.
Lots of food for dinner plus the cake and ice cream later.
My brother comes with his new partner and her son. I have never met this boy. I am an extremely busy mom with my 3 kids and 4 other cousins. The woman asked where the cheese pizza was and I told her we didn’t have cheese.
She started in on my brother about how could you not tell my family my child only likes cheese pizza and said something about it being because of his autism. I said we have cheesy garlic bread but the boy didn’t like that either.
Then I suggested he could have an extra large piece of cake. It was white with sprinkles. Her kid only liked chocolate cake.
Around this time my son and his other cousins started arguing about Fortnite and the new update and my son decided he wanted the Airbender battle pass and I’m side-tracked with that and logging the cousin into my daughter’s switch.
The woman asked me to order a cheese pizza for her son so he could have something to eat. I snapped back with ‘Not everything is about your kid’.
I was then distracted by my daughter yelling at her cousin because she didn’t want him playing her switch with gross chicken grease hands.
I went to defuse that.
Afterwards, when it came to cake and ice cream time I noticed my brother, his partner, and her son left.
I got a long text message from my brother about how could I bully a child and his mother and what an awful example I was setting for my kids.
I do not feel like I was out of line and she was a rude guest and now my brother and I aren’t talking.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your brother is the jerk for not thinking ahead to make sure his partner’s son’s very specific dietary requirements would be considered at this party.
Also? They’re guests. Who acts like that, telling you to order more food specifically for one kid? Your brother could’ve ordered another pizza to provide for HIS guests and not just dumped one more thing on your very full plate. He’s the jerk.” LostBody3801
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t care if they were invited or not. You catered to the ones you knew about that had diet restrictions. While I was reading that part I thought wow that’s nice of her cause I would have ordered cheese and told them to deal with it.
But you catered to them and that’s great. With that being said if the woman hadn’t tried to insert the dominant part of herself here and demanded a cheese pizza be ordered this could have been solved peacefully. Your brother is in the wrong here as well.
He should have said it’s okay he can order a pizza for the child he brought with him. This always aggravated me.
I have a child on the spectrum and I never allowed her to be treated any differently than other children. She’s extremely smart and she knows right from wrong.
She had food issues as well and I as her parent would make sure that if she went to a party she knew if she didn’t like the food offered I’d buy her something when it was over. Basic manners and respect. When did these two things get thrown out the window?” WildQuote3213
12. AITJ For Pulling My Daughter Off The Softball Team?
“My daughter is 10. This is her 3rd year playing softball. She is a great player and works her butt off. She plays any position asked, even though she has her preferences.
Our community has an underwhelming Little League softball following. So our 9u, 10u, and 12u girls (ages 9-13) are playing on a team together.
The coach is a local middle school teacher who assists/coaches the softball team. I help assist, along with 2 other parents.
His daughter is the pitcher. My daughter is taking pitching lessons and when I mentioned she wanted to try pitching he said ‘There’s no way she’ll be ready to pitch this season.
It took my daughter a full two seasons before she got on the mound’. We felt this was a little unfair because lots of rec teams have new pitchers, and no one is expecting perfection. (And his daughter is frequently walking players). Today he told another girl who hasn’t been pitching she could try it if it’s ok with her dad (dad is the coach’s friend).
So we shrugged it off.
He asked my daughter to play catcher. She got into it and looked forward to it. So she was the catcher for all the practices up to the first game. The first game comes and he tells the team that a girl who hasn’t even been going to practice (but is a middle schooler and his daughter’s friend)… will be the catcher.
Never let my daughter touch the gear again.
Again. My daughter took it and kept her chin up and didn’t complain.
Today at practice, we both didn’t feel well. In retrospect, we should have just stayed home… but the coach insisted everyone show up because it was our last practice before 3 upcoming games.
My daughter (just turned 10) struggled with her batting today and the catcher (age 13) told her ‘How many foul balls are you going to hit’. My daughter was already feeling embarrassed by her performance, in addition to us dealing with our sinus gunk, and got really upset with this.
I approached the coach and told him they didn’t need to be trash-talking. And he replies, ‘It’s not trash-talking. It’s a question’. To which I replied ‘It sure felt like trash-talking’. And he said ‘It’s not’. I told him we weren’t feeling well and we were going home, I turned around and my daughter thanked me.
And we left without another word.
My daughter doesn’t want to play for the team anymore. She feels like the older girls/middle schoolers are being favored… and I can’t really disagree with her.
She’s also playing for a travel team where she feels appreciated and heard.
She’s feeling like the older girls get preference.
AITJ for taking her off the rec team after this? Normally we would tough it out and use it as an experience to prove ourselves. (She is one of 4 girls on the team with actual experience).
It will definitely hurt the field performance of the team and reduce the player number, which they’re already struggling to fill.
My kid feels undervalued and struggling to find joy in it anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“The coach is a jerk bag. Life and your daughter’s childhood are too short for that crap.
Quit. Stick with travel if she likes it. Youth sports bring out the worst in people. As a coach, It takes a strong soul to navigate these waters. As a girls coach my goals are 1) build confidence in all girls. 2) encourage friendships and healthy relationships among all the girls.
3) help them improve. 4) try to win a few games. Winning is a distant fourth. I have been coaching my daughter’s rec teams for 6 years from t-ball to jr. high. We have never won a championship. We have come close though. I have the same group of 10 girls.
They are far from popular and far from cool. They have each other. They love softball and their parents would run through a wall for me. No drama, just nice old-fashioned fun. I got one last year left before I lost them to school ball and the ugliness that comes with it.
This is the sunset.” Frequent-Interest796
Another User Comments:
“Screw the team as the coach doesn’t care and shows preference. He probably wouldn’t play her anyway. If she is good and wants to continue find another recreational league that keeps the ages separated or go back to competitive.
NTJ. Good recreational coaches are not supposed to be biased. They are to encourage and not build up kids, make promises, and then break them. They are to teach and to find the strength of each player and allow them to play and try.” mynameisnotsparta
11. AITJ For Not Sharing My Recipes With My Daughter-In-Law?
“So my DIL has a habit of one-upping people. In the beginning, I didn’t really notice it but it is obvious now. Everyone in the family has something they are good at and it’s like their thing. For example, my daughter was really into making pies.
One day DIL (I’ll call her Kelly) asked for the recipes. My daughter gave them and started to bring pies to every family event, kinda kicking my daughter out of her thing. Then pushed for the family to compare them. My daughter wasn’t happy.
The big one that made me really notice what she was doing was when she one-upped my youngest. She was 14 at the time and when all the kids hit high school, they were responsible for getting gifts for events. My youngest wasn’t hiding the fact that she was giving me a knitted scarf for Secret Santa.
She was 14 and was very obvious about it. The whole family knew.
So on Christmas DIL got me a very nice scarf bonus gift, and gave it to me right after my youngest gave me hers. So that wasn’t okay. I had a conversation with her and she denied doing it, my son also told me he couldn’t see it.
Ever since then, more people have been noticing it and even my husband sees it. It has happened to almost every woman/girl in the family at this point.
This brings me to the point of this post, I have really good Italian recipes from my mom.
I bring them to events. My DIL asked for the recipes and I told her no. This started about why. She accused me of not giving her family recipes since I don’t see her as family and I told her it was due to her behavior.
She called me a jerk.
My son is also on my butt about it saying I am gatekeeping recipes since I don’t like her.”
Another User Comments:
“Darn right, you’re gatekeeping. Your mum gave you those recipes. It’s entirely your place to choose who you share them with – and who you don’t.
It’s 100% your job to ‘gatekeep’ your mother’s recipes. Clearly, your son isn’t aware that gatekeeping can be a positive thing. It’s not always bad. Family recipes always have a gatekeeper precisely because people like DIL exist. Not only has DIL’s past behavior proven she is neither respectful nor trustworthy, but bullying and insulting you, and turning your son against you, all because you dared to tell her ‘no’ proves she should never have them.
NTJ.” ghostoftommyknocker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There are people in this world that you absolutely just can’t be bothered by what they think or say to you. If she was my daughter-in-law the next time she mentioned how evil I was for not giving her my recipes I’d straight up tell her (and anyone else nearby) that the reason she doesn’t have my recipes is that I saw how she got my daughter’s pie recipes and then took over that and demanded us to compare whose pies were better.
I’d also tell her it was unspeakably rude to buy an expensive scarf for me when she knew my daughter was making me one, thereby trying to force everyone to compare the gifts. I’d then let her know that there is no way I’m falling for her nonsense and giving her my recipes.
And I’d repeat that every time the subject came up.” BoomerKaren666
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Lend My Partner's Mom 30K?
“I am 29, and my partner is 32. We’ve been together for six years, and we still both live with our families (it’s very common in my country). I’m currently studying to get my master’s degree, while I do some side jobs to earn a bit of money (such as tutoring, babysitting, etc).
I have quite a lot of money set aside that comes from my grandparents’ inheritance (around 150k euros), which I am using to pay for university and for ‘extra’ activities.
I always try to be careful not to spend too much, since that sort of money could be used as a downpayment for a house and the remaining could make a good savings account once I move out and start building my financial independence.
My partner is a lawyer, and he earns quite well. However, his mom bought a cafe and is now behind with payments. She has quite a lot of debts because of it, and he already had to take out a loan from the bank to help his mother out.
A few weeks back he was trying to convince me to buy half of his mother’s house, so that we could move there once I get my degree and so that she could pay off the remaining 60k she needs for the cafe. I said I would consider it, but after talking to a solicitor (who told me I would have no guarantee whatsoever) I decided I was not going to do it.
Now, he asked me to lend her 30k, which she would repay with monthly payments of 300 euros. I’m very conflicted.
When I decided I wasn’t going to buy half of her house he got very angry and called me selfish, greedy, and unreliable. Not even a week goes by and he asks me for more money.
I initially said yes, but now I’m starting to regret it. I feel like I’m being used like an ATM.
This whole situation really rubs me the wrong way. I feel like I’ve been put in a situation where if I don’t lend the money I’m the jerk but if I do I put myself in a difficult situation, especially considering his mother’s debts, I’d have no guarantee I’d get my money back.
AITJ for being conflicted about lending him/his mother 30k?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re being used. Your partner’s mother is a money pit. He’s taking out personal loans to support her business and needs more. Sounds like a bad business to be invested in.
There’s no reason to believe that an extra 1,000,000 euros would do anything but delay the inevitable. So any money you give should be viewed as a gift, not a loan because you’ll never see it again. Now, you may want to consider giving this gift. It could be an investment in your relationship if you plan to marry and share finances with your partner.
In that case, I’d urge you to ensure you’ve considered his choices with regard to his mother’s finances in deciding whether to join him. If you have, and you still want to… You’re probably going to end up giving her that money anyhow.
But in all other cases, don’t do it. And in any case. NTJ.” BigBayesian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And DO NOT do it! You will never see that money again – it would take NEARLY A DECADE to repay 30k€ in 300€ installments, and that is with zero interest and assuming she will actually pay.
Luckily, it seems to me that you are beginning to realize that you have a much bigger problem at hand.
You are being emotionally manipulated and coerced into doing something you don’t want to do, and that is NOT OK. You are very right that they (your sooner-or-later-ex and his debt-addicted mother) are using you – and clearly not only you – as an ATM.
And as long as this ATM keeps giving them money, their demands will not stop. You WILL have to say ‘enough’ sooner or later to avoid getting dragged down into the pit of debts, and the longer you wait, the bigger problem it will be.” joe8354
9. AITJ For Not Cooking For My Family Again?
“So I (16M) still live with my family, obviously.
I have chores just like my siblings. But something I do for fun and because I love and have a passion for it is cooking. I started cooking for myself 3 years ago. I had cooked before but nothing like the last three years. I enjoy making my own breakfast and dinner and even lunch if I have no school.
My parents saw I was cooking more and they added that to my list of chores because mom said they didn’t want to waste food and dad said it was rude to cook for only one person. And I didn’t mind cooking for everyone. But they were so ungrateful.
My siblings and parents alike.
Complaints I got were: Too spicy, wanted potatoes instead of rice, wanted rice instead of noodles, wanted beef instead of chicken, wanted something plain instead of spicy, wanted no veggies, wanted a more veggie-focused meal, wanted lasagna instead of pasta bake, didn’t want soup, didn’t like the flavor of soup, didn’t want something sweet, wanted something sweet, changed mind and wanted meat well done, wanted more kinds of potatoes and the list goes on.
None of this was constructive either. It was whining and complaining and I did start out asking what I should do but everyone wanted something different and I’m still in school! I can’t spend 6 hours cooking dinner on a school night so my siblings can have pizza, fries, nuggets, and tacos and my parents can have steak and potatoes and gravy and all the trimmings or none of the trimmings but five different kinds of potatoes.
I even made a weekly meal plan for a while and they wouldn’t complain until after they ate it.
I spoke to my family about the way they were behaving and my mom told me that’s the reality of cooking for a family. She said my siblings and dad had always been like that with her.
I pointed out I hadn’t been and she just said that and she said yeah but it’s part of life. I told her so she decided to treat me worse than I treated her and she told me I was being difficult and I told her no, she was taking everyone else’s behavior out on me.
A few times my dad or one of my siblings would say I wasn’t a very good cook and they hated eating my food. So I said I wouldn’t cook anymore and Dad and Mom would get mad and my siblings would call me lame.
So I stopped cooking for them. I cook just for me again and my parents are furious. They all come home hungry and I have nothing ready for them. Not even my siblings. My parents told me it was disrespectful and I could not continue and I said they were all the disrespectful and ungrateful ones crapping all over what I made for them.
They told me I shouldn’t be okay with letting them go hungry and I said they all deserve to go hungry.
My parents said it was a disgusting attitude and they grounded me for two weeks. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not wanting to be griped over the food you make is reasonable, especially at your age.
If they are so emphatic about not liking your food, they should cook for themselves. You didn’t get married or have kids, so making you responsible for all these people your parents chose to have in the household isn’t remotely fair.
If you want to give them another chance to appease your mother, set clear ground rules.
Set a day and time of the week for meal planning that everyone can make, and if they skip it, they can make suggestions beforehand by text but you can’t promise they’ll make the list. The people who come to meal planning have to agree on a menu.
If nobody comes, it’ll be the chef’s choice all week. No complaining that you want something different than was agreed on, if you want something different (or didn’t show up), you know where the kitchen is.
Constructive criticism that you can do differently next time (about actual problems with the dishes you cooked, like uncomfortably spicy, nothing about wanting something else) is acceptable but should be kind.
Anyone who breaks the rules can cook for themself for the rest of the week. If the family as a whole breaks the rules 3 times, someone else cooks next week, because you won’t. Keep track of the meal plan and the strikes somewhere everyone can see it so they know where they stand.
Lay out the rules for everyone, and the family can choose to follow the rules or make a parent responsible for feeding everyone again.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would cook the same things every day for them and cook what I want on the side, rinse, and repeat.
There isn’t much you can do given your age but why bother putting any effort into it if your family isn’t happy regardless? If they whine because they are being served pasta bake for the 3rd time that week – oh well they were going to whine anyway so why does it matter?
When they complain that they want what you have, simply say that you are sorry, you were already told they didn’t like it so you didn’t prepare any for them. Don’t like the pasta bake? Sorry to hear that. If they complain about the same meal, rotate another 1 or 2 meals that are easy and don’t require much effort, rinse and repeat.
Quiet quit – do the bare minimum required.” bubbleofhug
8. AITJ For Accepting The Jewelry Set?
“My (18f) grandma who passed before I was born had a beautiful jewelry set passed down from the women in her family.
In her will, as she had no daughter, she asked her eldest son, my uncle Jim (51m), to take care of the jewelry. I have only seen pictures of the set growing up.
Uncle Jim’s been married for 8 years to Uncle Bob (45m). He adopted Uncle Bob’s daughter Lara (19f) a few years later.
Lara and I got along OK as the only girls in our generation, though we had our own interests.
Uncle Jim was recently diagnosed with cancer and he started putting together his will. A week before, my family heard that Uncle Jim had a fight with Uncle Bob and went to stay with his friend and last we knew he had taken a spontaneous vacation overseas.
A few days later Lara and Uncle Bob asked to meet me.
Apparently, the reason they fought was because Uncle Jim decided to leave the jewelry set to me in his will. He argued with Uncle Bob that my grandma would have wanted me, her biological grandchild, to have the jewelry.
Uncle Bob and Lara argued that since he adopted Lara, Lara is now the oldest girl in this generation and deserves the jewelry set. Uncle Jim stood his ground, they fought, and he left.
They asked me to convince Uncle Jim to give Lara the jewelry set, saying it would be the right thing to do.
I, however, felt that if Uncle Jim believed the jewelry should belong to me, who am I to question his decision? I told Lara and Uncle Bob that I would do as Uncle Jim wanted me to. They called me a greedy jerk. WIBTJ for accepting the jewelry set?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you are in the bloodline for the passed-down family item. The only reason they’re calling you greedy is because they want the item so I guess they are the ones who are greedy. But it is no one’s choice. But your uncle’s.
And if that one inheritance can cause that big a fight then apparently there wasn’t much of a relationship between the two men to begin with. Basically, you should just stay out of it because it’s not your decision either. I would tell them I’m going to follow whatever my uncle wants to do with it.
And then that will be the end of it. If I get it then it’s mine. If you get it then it’s yours. I’m not going to split it. I’m not going to share it. I’m going to listen to my uncle. Because I’m not going to ask you to split or share it either.” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Not to say that your cousin isn’t part of the family, but, technically speaking, even if she is older than you, you’ve been in the family for longer. And, while b***d shouldn’t be the only condition that makes a family, it is reasonable to assume that the jewelry would pass to a b***d relative.
And listen, the choice of whom the jewelry goes to is still your Uncle Jim’s decision to make as it was bequeathed to him by your grandmother. It’s very possible he’s planned to give it to you since the moment you were born, or even just well before he ever got married to Bob and adopted Lara.
Either way, you are honoring your grandmother by honoring Uncle Jim’s decision. They are very stuck on the jewelry, but they need to look at the bigger picture that they are most likely going to inherit a lot more than just that.” Jendy86
7. AITJ For Telling My Dad I Won't Be Celebrating Father's Day Or His Birthday?
“My dad and I have a good relationship.
This week was my 25th birthday and he didn’t acknowledge it until 8 pm and he texted me. It made me a bit sad but he has a history of forgetting. In our family, each person gives a gift and we go for dinner. My mum got cake and made her present fun by playing a game.
My dad didn’t get me anything which hurts a bit but it’s okay. My mum said that she got a bigger cake because she wanted to share a bit with our tenants downstairs. I said sure and my mum told my dad to cut half of what’s left to share.
When I was about to sleep, my dad came into my room and gave me a gift card to a cafe but I got him that gift card. That made me feel pretty bad because I knew it was just sitting in his drawer. I said thank you and then cried myself to sleep.
The next day we went out for dinner and my dad paid. I put the gift card back in my dad’s drawer because I felt like he didn’t care and only gave it to me because he felt obligated. The day after is when things go down.
When I woke up, I found out that my dad had given the remaining 2/3 of the cake to the tenants and my mum was mad because she reminded my dad twice how much to give.
Later that night, I asked him why he gave all the cake away and he said ‘I didn’t give the whole thing’.
I said that he did and that he had no right and he just ignored me. I brought up everything that I had been feeling and he just waved me off saying that he did what he could (we are not tight on money. He’s looking at buying another new BMW).
I told him that he ruined my birthday for the second time (the first time was a whole nother thing) and he ignored me. I said that I put the gift card back in his office and that he could keep it.
I told my mum what happened and he came in and yelled at her for turning me against him.
He said that he didn’t even want to give me the gift card and why should he have to give me a second gift when he paid for dinner. He only gave it because my mum mentioned that I put so much effort into celebrating them and I might be disappointed. I said he didn’t have to get me a second gift but giving me what I gave him at the last minute was rude.
I did say shut up when he kept on speaking over me and I know I’m the jerk for that. He blamed my mum for the cake thing and he claimed that she never told him to cut half.
I said that I won’t be celebrating Father’s Day or his birthday.
I’ll say it but no gift, cake, or dinner. He said, ‘Good. I don’t care. In our country, we don’t say happy birthday’. But on his birthday at 11 am he asked us ‘Why didn’t anyone wish me happy birthday?’ Also, there’s a pricey concert ticket he wants and he told my mum that he thinks I’m gonna buy it for him for Father’s Day.
I think it’s unfair that he expects all this but won’t reciprocate. I feel I might be the jerk because it’s just a birthday. I didn’t need a gift but regifting something that I gave him rubbed me the wrong way and then saying that he didn’t even want to get me a gift. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“As a person who’s struggled a lot with ‘how people treat me,’ DO NOT LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS. You have expectations from those you love and that’s things like ‘keep the tradition alive, celebrate my achievements (even if it’s just getting older), remind me how special I am to you.’ Just because he can’t do any of these things doesn’t mean you have to lower your standards and ‘settle for less’ as in ‘accept the bare minimum’.
That’s how you end up in a loveless abusive relationship, cause you’ve convinced yourself that ‘the bare minimum’ is all someone needs to show you to show you love. And that’s not healthy.” raedyn_greatdyn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not just this one birthday – it is the latest in a long string of thoughtless acts on your father’s part.
He didn’t realize how lucky he was to be appreciated and took you for granted. This latest fiasco is simply a straw that broke the camel’s back, if you will. The effort you expend into your relationship with him has not been reciprocated for some time if it ever was; any reasonable person would eventually reach a point where they decide ‘enough is enough’ and stop going out of their way for someone who can’t be bothered to return the care shown.
You’ve just hit that point.” AethericOwl
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share A Bed With A Kid?
“I was on vacation with my dad, his partner, and his best friend and their family. There were only 3 bedrooms and two living rooms. So I told them that my friend’s kid could have the twin bed and I’d just sleep on the downstairs couch.
Where it was pretty much its own room. For context, when we were little kids we ALWAYS had to sleep in the same bed because we were both only children and needed to learn how to have a brother or something.
But at this point I’m old enough to drive so I figured I want my own place to sleep.
Like our last vacation, I had my own place on the couch but this kid was crying. My dad came out and told me to sleep in the same bed as him to comfort him and he told me to leave the second I got in there AND I WAS THE BAD GUY!
So I got yelled at and he got off scot-free and there was also a time in my dad’s life when he would constantly talk and compare me to this kid.
So now that all that backstory is out of the way I can fully explain what happened. I told them I’d just take the downstairs couch and my dad’s partner became livid at me and demanded to my dad that I sleep with that kid.
And she started crying and begging my dad and cussing me out. Then she started going on about how when she was a kid she had to sleep in a bed with her siblings sometimes. And I got forced to stay in that room. But I eventually later that night grabbed my stuff and snuck down and my dad found out but his partner didn’t.
But was I in the wrong for not wanting to sleep in the same bed as a 10-year-old?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Assuming your mother has partial custody, make it abundantly clear to both of them that you will not be spending any time with your father unless you have your own bed, whether that is on vacation or elsewhere.
This is very much NOT the same as two young siblings sharing a bed; you are a young adult and this child is not related to you. I would DARE your father to try to explain this to a family court judge should he decide to argue that he wasn’t getting his parenting time.” BaconEggAndCheeseSPK
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a stupid excuse to push babysitting onto you. He’s not your sibling and he’s certainly not your child. Why is your dad’s SO so invested in you babysitting this kid?? I’m confused though. You say since you both were kids, I’m assuming you mean when you were closer to 10, and with a 6-7 year age difference, that means that a 10yr was put in charge of a toddler overnight.
That’s not appropriate.” Famous_Connection_91
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Move Rooms?
“I (21M) live in a shared student house with 4 other people.
The house has 3 floors, the ground floor has the front door (obviously), my bedroom, a bathroom, and the communal kitchen and living room space.
Each of the other two floors has two bedrooms and a bathroom. Everyone in all of the other bedrooms has to share a wall with someone else and they also have a bedroom directly above or below them.
I definitely have lucked out with my bedroom, on the floor directly above my room is a hallway so I don’t have to worry about upstairs neighbor behavior, there’s no one below me so I can be loud and I share a wall with a bathroom that no one but me ever uses.
The thing is even though I love my bedroom, the reason why I have it is because I lost a coin toss because no one wanted to sleep on the ground floor or near the communal areas because they thought we’d use them a lot more/a lot more loudly than we actually do rather than just coming in and out.
There’s a lot of hostility in my house because my housemates want to take my bedroom away from me and instead want to have a competition every week and whoever does the most chores gets to sleep in the bedroom for a week, which I think is very impractical and stupid.
They say it’s unfair I get the room in the quietest part of the house while being allowed to be as loud as I want, also basically having an en suite because it’s right next door and occasionally I have slept in the communal living room and they think it’s unfair I can do that because it’s so close to me.
Also, my bedroom is the biggest bedroom in the house, it’s only very marginal.
They especially think this is unfair because they are all doing academic degrees where they have early lectures and need quiet to study and I’m doing a Fine Arts degree where I blast music to zone out while I finish my projects.
The thing about that though is the only people they are disturbing are each other and if they weren’t so loud it wouldn’t be a problem, I’m not disturbing them.
I’ve been bribed to give up my room, been robbed of my stuff by my housemates occasionally, been both ignored and yelled at in real life and in the house WhatsApp group, and had my food in the communal kitchen hidden and chucked away, all in an effort to get my bedroom.
So AITJ for refusing to give up my bedroom?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Nobody is moving their entire bedroom every seven days, that is beyond unreasonable. How is that gonna work when they have projects, papers, and tests that coincide with weekly move day, or they are out of town and not everyone is there?
To even consider this is insane. Those degrees haven’t imparted any common sense yet. They were happy to exile you to the 1st floor but not suffer the consequences.
They need to figure out their problem among the floormates. If you have a housing advisor get them involved. The destruction of property (food), stealing belongings, etc. are criminal offenses and need to be treated as such.
Y’all are not children any longer. There are consequences. Meanwhile, order a fingerprint lock and swap the handles out. All your rooms need to have locks anyway.” ChaoticCapricorn
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re not the jerk for wanting to keep your bedroom, especially considering you obtained it fairly through a coin toss which everyone initially agreed to.
However, the escalating tensions suggest that there’s a need for compromise and open communication among all housemates. You might propose a meeting to discuss everyone’s needs and find a solution that could work for everyone, like setting quiet hours or arranging spaces for everyone’s needs.” collapseriches
4. AITJ For Not Going To My Stepdaughter's Birthday?
“My fiancé (male 33) and I (female 34) have been together for 5 going on 6 years, I was there for him for his addiction and raised his daughter while he was in jail and homeless and in rehab.
I have a son from a previous relationship (15 male), and we have a son together (2 male).
This last weekend was his daughter’s 13th birthday and the day before he messaged me to say that his daughter doesn’t want my son at her birthday because her partner is coming, my son and her partner get along very well, and she feels like she will be left out.
So, I messaged my fiancé and said I would stop by and give her her gift but I’m not staying as my son was excited about seeing his sister on her birthday and he was sad that he wasn’t invited anymore. My fiancé then got angry that I was making a huge deal out of it saying she’s allowed to have whoever she wants at her birthday, which I agree she has every right, just as I have every right to show up because my son was upset about being uninvited, he knows I will always have his back.
His mom called me to find out what was happening, and I told her what he had said, she told me that his daughter never said that she didn’t want her brother there and that we must come, but I said no because my son was upset.
I did not tell my son that my fiancé was the person who uninvited him, but he figured it out and asked me if it was my fiancé, not his sister who didn’t want him around.
I ended up taking my son to the movies and the arcade but when he saw his sister at the mall, he decided he didn’t want to stay any longer and we left.
Am I the jerk for being upset about this whole situation?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for staying with a man who treats your son poorly. YTJ for staying with a man who is a liar. YTJ for staying with a man who’d rather throw his own child under the bus for whatever screwed-up crap he has against a child.
YTJ for only being angry but still being engaged. YTJ for saying you have your son’s back but you are still with this man.” Comfortable-Echo972
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why did your fiance not want your son at the party? Why did your fiance lie and blame his daughter for disinviting him?
Why did your fiance want to exclude your son and get mad when you had his back? These are questions that I would need my fiance to answer to my face. Then I would seriously consider if I wanted a relationship with a man like that.
From reading the first paragraph alone it sounds like you are completely done with this man to begin with and that this episode was your wit’s end. It is easier to end an engagement than it is to end a marriage. I am proud that you had your son’s back.
It seems like your fiance has growing up to do.” SweetSerenityxx
Another User Comments:
“‘He messaged me to say that his daughter doesn’t want my son at her birthday’ ‘she told me that his daughter never said that she didn’t want her brother there’. So you allowed the lies from your fiance to drive a further wedge between your son and his daughter, the kids that you should want to accept each other as part of your future potentially blended family.
You were pouty and childish in this, I feel. YTJ for sticking with such a jerk fiance and for not even attempting to repair what he wanted to break.” pukui7
3. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Be My Fiancee's Bridesmaid?
“I (30M) have known my fiancée (29F), we’ll call her Amy, for 7 years and we got engaged 3 months ago. I also have a little sister (9F), we’ll call her Lily. Amy and Lily are very close as Lily only has brothers and Amy is an only child.
Amy promised Lily before we even got engaged that she could be a bridesmaid for our wedding. Lily has waist-length red hair which she is very proud of, and Amy loves it and frequently comments on how gorgeous it is and loves playing with it.
The problem came up last week, when I was at my parents’ house without Amy one day, and Lily was talking to me and asking when Amy was officially going to ask her to be a bridesmaid as she was really excited to go dress shopping.
I said that it was none of my business as the groom and that she’d just have to wait and see, but I was really happy seeing how excited she was.
I asked Amy later on when she was planning on asking Lily to be her bridesmaid, but she hesitated and then said she was not going to ask her, and that she was not going to be a bridesmaid.
I was taken aback as she’d always expressed that she wanted Lily to be a part of our wedding party.
For some background, we’re planning on a spring wedding, and Amy is very keen on the trend where all the bridesmaids wear a different pastel color, which is all different but ties together nicely.
I know that the bridal party is completely Amy’s decision, and not mine but I asked her why not all of a sudden. She said that if Lily was a part of the bridal party she would be wearing a pale pink dress, which would clash horribly with her vivid red hair, and she didn’t want that in all the photos.
I personally really don’t think it would be that much of a problem, and I know Lily especially would love that dress as it’s her favorite color. I asked if it was not possible for Lily to wear one of the other colors, and for one of the other bridesmaids to wear the light pink.
She said she’d already decided what each of the girls was wearing based on what best suited them, and that it just wasn’t possible for Lily to be a bridesmaid.
I left it at that for the night, as I didn’t want to get in a fight over it then.
I’ve so far stayed out of the way of all of the bridal party stuff as it’s completely her choice, but I was shocked by this as Amy has already told Lily that she can be a bridesmaid. I brought it up again the next morning calmly and asked her if there was no way she could still do it as she was so excited. Amy turned around and almost shouted in my face though and said she’d made her decision and that it was final and Lily wasn’t going to be a bridesmaid.
I told Lily that it turned out that due to a couple of different reasons, she wasn’t going to be able to be a bridesmaid, but didn’t tell her the reason why as I didn’t want her to feel like it was her fault.
She didn’t make a big deal out of it and just said okay, but from what I’ve seen of her and from what my parents have told me she’s really upset.”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ for being annoyed. Your fiancée already told your little sister she’d be a bridesmaid.
For her to back out now on a 9-year-old child for such a shallow reason… that’s just crap on her part. I hope this kind of behavior is really out of character for your fiancée and that she’s just super stressed out and not thinking clearly.
Surely you don’t want to marry someone who would normally hurt your little sister over something like this. Oh and by the way, pink and red go together very well – it’s actually on trend, so your fiancée is just plain unfashionable on top of being unnecessarily cruel to your sister.” kiwihoney
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Your fiancée has decided to exclude your NINE-YEAR-OLD SISTER on the most important day of your life because of her tacky insistence that color scheme minutiae must take priority. You then went, ‘I don’t want to fight about this’ so you went to bed and then went along with it, breaking your sister’s heart and excluding her from THE MOST IMPORTANT DAY OF YOUR LIFE simply because you’re too lazy and too much of a doormat to actually deal with the issue and prioritize your own sibling.
I would bet a million dollars that, if you told us more about your relationship, it would become clearer that there are big issues here. Anyone willing to toy with the emotions of her nine-year-old sister-in-law and throw her away because of COLOR SCHEMES is not someone I would jump into a marriage with.
I don’t expect you to have any self-awareness about that. I do expect you to grow a spine, prioritize your nine-year-old sister, and stand up to your fiancée on this matter.” jimmytaco6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I get how a 9-year-old may not be a full bridesmaid but they could be a special junior bridesmaid.
However, your fiance made a promise to a child and the child remembered the promise. She needs to speak to Lily and apologize otherwise this will irreparably damage your future wife’s relationship with your family and this is going to cause future tensions between you two, especially around holidays and get-togethers.
Also, she should be more respectful in how she speaks to you for asking a question. It is fairly common to include your partner’s siblings in a wedding. Lily would make a great junior bridesmaid. She doesn’t have to go to the bachelorette party but she could attend the bridal shower.
Your wife would benefit from her, 9-year-olds love to be helpful and put her to work greeting guests and handing out favors. If your wife continues, you may want to ask if she intends to forbid Lily from attending because she wants to make it an adult-only event.
It can be adult only with children of the family invited.” aeryn97
2. AITJ For Telling My Husband How I Feel About Going On Family Trips With His Daughter?
“I (43F) have been married to my husband, George (45M), for about a year now, and it’s been wonderful! Except for one thing. His daughter, Rachel (15F), can’t stand me.
Ever since we got married, George has been pushing ‘family trips’ and ‘quality time’ between me and Rachel.
I have no problem with it on paper, but Rachel does. George and Rachel have gotten into many an argument over the fact that Rachel doesn’t like me or want a relationship with me. Rachel says I’m not her mom, will never be, and that she won’t pretend I am.
I’ve been conflicted about what to do. On one hand, George is Rachel’s parent, not me, so I don’t really get a say in what rules he puts on her. On the other hand, I hate seeing Rachel so miserable every time we go out on a girls’ trip or are sent for bonding time by George.
So I made a decision. I sat George down and explained I wasn’t comfortable with these family trips anymore. I explained that Rachel would always have a place in our home (this is where her dad lives, after all, she belongs here as much as I do), and that of course I’d be there if she ASKED to spend time together, needed something, or if there was an emergency and I had to take care of her.
But I wouldn’t be going on these outings anymore because I was uncomfortable with how upset they were making Rachel.
George was mad. He accused me of undermining his parenting decisions and abandoning Rachel by refusing to fight for our family. I replied that I WASN’T part of Rachel’s family!
She doesn’t like me! She’s made it clear I’ll never be her mother! So I didn’t see the point in forcing her to have ‘mommy-daughter spa days’ and whatever else with me against her will!
George told me I needed to reevaluate my priorities if I wanted to stay together and accused me of wanting to cut his daughter out of our family before storming out.
I’m gutted. Of course, I don’t want to cut Rachel out of our lives or family! She’s George’s daughter, I know she’ll always come first to him, and I’d never want to sabotage their relationship or hurt her! But that’s why I don’t want to keep forcing a bond between us!
Because THAT’S hurting her and putting a wedge between them!
I don’t know. Did I overstep? Am I really hurting Rachel or our family by putting my foot down here? I love George, and I care about Rachel, so whatever the judgment is, I’ll accept it.
I just want to do what’s best for everyone!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When it comes to how a new step-parent figures in a kid’s life, you absolutely have to let the kid lead. What your husband is doing is guaranteeing that Rachel will never want you in her life.
She needs space and she needs more control over how you two interact. If she feels like she has no control, the only thing left that she can choose is to reject you, so that’s what she’s going to do to regain a sense that she has any choice in the matter.
George needs to see a therapist who specializes in integrating families. He needs to understand that by trying to force this relationship, he’s making sure that no relationship can ever form. To be frank, he needed to understand this before you got married. At this point, he has probably poisoned this relationship so thoroughly that there is no realistic hope of her ever accepting you.
Any remaining hope is going to depend on you defending Rachel and her right to refusal, and doing it in front of Rachel so she knows that you’re taking that stance. ‘Rachel gets to choose what our relationship looks like’ and ‘You can’t force Rachel to love me’ and ‘I won’t make Rachel do things with me if she doesn’t want to’ are words I think Rachel needs to hear you say.
If Rachel hears you respect and defend her feelings and her needs and her right to choose (or not choose), you and her dad listen to you and/or the therapist, you might have a chance at someday becoming a trusted adult friend to her.
As long as she’s being tolerant of you and not being aggressively awful to you, that needs to be an acceptable response from her.
Tolerance can grow into more, given time and letting the relationship develop naturally, but it’s likely to die out if he keeps trying to bludgeon the relationship he wants into existence.
It’s like trying to knit with scalpels, it just cuts the thing you’re trying to create into sad, useless shreds and destroys any possibility of making anything else.” KaliTheBlaze
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Rachel is old enough to decide who she does and doesn’t like or want a relationship with and if George refuses to respect that soon it’s very likely she’ll decide to not want HIM in her life, too.
It’s also very possible that without the pressure he’s putting on her to play happy families with you she’d come around to wanting a relationship on her own.
Many adults, much less teens, don’t appreciate being forced to have family time with a person they aren’t sure about, yet.
It’s frankly dehumanizing. Someone mentioned bringing Rachel into this convo and I think that could help George realize he’s doing more harm than good, but it could also backfire if he doesn’t accept that she’s a whole person with her own feelings. Also, I know a lot of people have a hard time accepting their children won’t always do or think what they want them to, but I haven’t personally known a single person who struggled with this concept who wasn’t also at least somewhat controlling with their partners and other loved ones.
Food for thought.” DeadGodJess
1. WIBTJ If I Ban My Roommate's Partner From My House?
“I (26F) have a roommate (26F) who I’ve known for over a decade and we are also now coworkers.
She’s been here for about half a year and ever since she moved in she’s always had a partner who stays over (practically lives at my house half of the days out of the week) which doesn’t bother me enough to say anything about, but at the end of the day it is another person being over at my house all the time.
The issue that’s recently sparked up is that I messaged her and asked if he could help us take some things from the garage to the dump so we can clear it out since my garage is filled with both her and my stuff.
In my head, he has a truck and is a guy, so he would be able to help move heavy things. Usually, guys love helping women with this kind of stuff so why not ask, right?
She responds with ‘I’m not going to ask him to do that.
He already does enough for me and it’s not his responsibility.’ Now I’m not an unreasonable person. I understand that it isn’t technically his responsibility and I never insinuated that. I do feel like it’s a fair thing to ask of him since he stays over at my house rent-free.
It makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and unliked/rejected having people live in my house who don’t think I’m worth helping with things. Yes, I plan on having a talk with her about this but I just wanted to get an outside perspective to help me see if I’m being rational about this before I have the talk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You essentially have 2 roommates, and it is generally expected that all roommates contribute to the care of the home. Grow a spine… ask him yourself and then dig deep and tell your 1 official roommate they can pay more to include the extra roommate and outline your expectations of home chores.
Honestly, I’m a sociopath with high self-awareness, and I would have to control myself from taking advantage of you on a regular basis. It’s a compulsion I struggle with and a reason I can not be friends with mentally or emotionally weak people. You strike me as both.
It’s something you should work on to avoid people like your roommate from taking advantage of you throughout the rest of your life.” MindingUrBusiness17
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I feel like people ask for things all the time. He’s there a lot and you want to ask, not demand.
I think you’d have been ok if he said no, maybe a little annoyed, but you wouldn’t have been a jerk about it. I also think it’s well within someone’s right to say no to a request. I think he should want to help if he’s over there a lot, but it isn’t his responsibility, as you acknowledged. Definitely make sure you and your roommate understand no offense was intended, though.” ZacharyHagen_Writes
Another User Comments:
“You’re a bit of a jerk, but honestly, I’d probably be, too. Add whatever it will take to pay someone to do the monthly errands you want him to do to her rent bill. Tell her he needs to stay somewhere else, she can pay more, or they can agree on a certain amount of chores that will be done (whether that’s her or him who does it, no one cares).
If she balks, tell her you will terminate her lease/living agreement, and she has a number of days to make new arrangements (though check your state laws because there are processes, and you need to follow them to the letter). Also, no man (honestly, no person) wants to help women (or, again, anyone) move or do errands.
Men who love you do it, but they aren’t waiting around for the opportunity like it’s some sort of treat.” Rella32497
