People Get Nasty Over These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Not Wanting My SIL, Her Ex, And Their Child To Move In?
“My SIL and her ex have had 5 months to figure out where her ex and their kid are gonna live. 5 months ago they broke up and my SIL moved in with us to get away from her ex, but didn’t want to bring their 2-year-old with her so he stayed at their apartment with her ex.
They have had a court date set for 5 months about them getting evicted. The entire time they didn’t figure anything out. SIL asked if they could move in if her ex’s mom says they can’t move in with her.
Our house is already full. There’s my wife, our 2 toddlers, my 14 yr old daughter, and our 13 yr old nephew. The house is full. The biggest problem I have is how my 4-year-old behaves because of his 2-year-old cousin. 2 yr, Hunter, is super loud.
Always screaming and crying. Can’t blame him because his mom is emotionally neglectful, and just wants him to “shut up and watch the tablet” when he’s around her.
I’m 100% positive my 4-year-old son is autistic. Haven’t gotten him tested yet, but when we do I won’t be surprised when I’m told he’s autistic.
4 yr old, Haitham, does not like loud noises or babies crying. It terrifies him. He is terrified of his cousin because of all the screaming and crying he does. Whenever Hunter comes to visit my SIL, Haitham runs to my wife’s and my bed, refuses to leave, shakes, zones out, and silently cries.
Haitham is my first child and seeing him like this breaks my heart. I hate seeing my son so distressed. I hold him and he refuses to let me go, and if I try to leave he breaks down and panics.
My SIL asked if Hunter and her ex can move for a short time if her ex’s mom says he can’t move in with her.
Her ex is a decent guy, but a bum. He purposefully got fired to collect unemployment.
He isn’t looking for a job, he just wants to laze around.
I do not want them moving in. My son gets too distressed when Hunter is here. I know it’s not Hunter’s fault that this is happening to him.
My wife is torn. She feels horrible for both our son and Hunter. She doesn’t want a 2-year-old to be homeless, especially if they’re family.
AITJ for saying I don’t want them to move in, even if they could be homeless?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to look after your family and put them first, that doesn’t make you a jerk. They had a good amount of time to sort out where they were going to live and didn’t manage that, you can’t trust them to only be there for a short stay, they will likely stay longer than they say.” BellaJones95
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your son (and other children) must come first. His well-being depends on you, so don’t let anybody threaten it. A day or two ok, but what you will get here is him being miserable for months.
Hunter has his parents to think about him.” wild_chiken
21. AITJ For Not Inviting My Self-Centered Half-Sister To My Wedding?
“I have a large family. There are about 15 of us in total but there were 10 of us in my childhood home growing up together. Different moms same dad.
I (28F) am the youngest of my mother’s children and she (24F) is the youngest of her mother’s children and the youngest of the bunch. There was a constant unspoken battle of the youngest growing up. Not necessarily just because of us but also the mothers.
Her mother was jealous and upset with me as a kid (from what I was told by my dad) because I was given certain opportunities that her daughter wasn’t given.
Fast forward years later we don’t have the best relationship.
It’s almost nonexistent now. She had her first child before me and not only was I there for the birth of her child but even being in another state I continued to check on them. However, when the shoe was on the other foot not only did she not check on me when I gave birth from what I understand she was upset that I was pregnant (I don’t understand why but I guess it’s not for me to understand).
My other sister whom I share both parents has two beautiful babies a boy and a girl. And the youngest threw a birthday party for her little one but she only invited my nephew, not my niece.
Now the youngest sibling has been doted on for as long as I can remember.
Because of that, she is extremely self-involved. Everything is made to be about her no matter the situation. You can be celebrating a great achievement and somehow she will make it about her and tell you how she’s so much better than you.
My fiancé has only met her one time and he already says that if I decided to invite her I may regret it. My dad is upset because he feels like I should be the “bigger person” and “try harder” to have a relationship with her.
He says that I’m bitter even though I did try to keep contact with her but it was never reciprocated from her end. Every time it comes up in conversation between her and my dad it’s that I don’t reach out to her or talk to her.
Even though she doesn’t text or call me at all. I say I can love her from a distance and it does not affect my daily life.
All that to say, I did not put her or her mother on my invite list for my wedding.
One thing I won’t have is someone trying to come to my wedding and not be happy for me and try to make it about themselves.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“My assessment: 1) I’m sure your sister is upset you’re engaged. 2) I’m confident that she’s unhappy you’re planning a wedding.
3) She will be upset if you don’t invite her. 4) She will be upset if you invite her. 5) She will whine if she’s expected to respond to the invitation. 6) She will be furious if she has to attend.
Conclusion: **Inviting your sister will do absolutely nothing to decrease her displeasure with you. NTJ**” Literally_Taken
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wedding your rules. Who cares what your dad or anyone else thinks? You tried in the past with her birth but she didn’t reciprocate.
If anything it’s the sister’s fault, not yours.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Cousin Steal My Phone?
“My cousin is someone who gets in trouble for a lot of things including stealing and snooping, several times she has tried to steal and snoop through my phone for her enjoyment, every time I use the bathroom.
Yes, I have set many different passcodes but she always seems to get onto my phone, and always seems to find them out. Yesterday as I was about to leave she asked to use my phone, to call her sister but when I gave her my phone she asked me to leave the room.
I did just that because maybe she wanted some privacy, maybe the conversation was personal. However, when I left the room and peeked my head through the door I saw that she was not calling anybody, she was scrolling through my photos.
I slammed the door and screamed at her for continuously snooping through my phone and for tricking me into believing she was having a personal phone call. She then went on to say that she was about to call her sister but saw my new puppy in my camera roll.
When I asked her how she saw the photo, she said she went to refresh my phone since it was supposedly glitching and saw that photo, she had not yet seen my new dog. I left the room once again whilst peeking through the glass on the door, she lifted the phone to her ear, looked around, and slipped my phone into her bag.
She had no idea I had seen this and said that my brother busted in asking to use my phone, and had taken it upstairs, instead of instantly yelling at her I went along with it. I watched at the top of the stairs as she ran out of the front door with my phone still in her little black bag, I ran out after to confront her and she apologized. She went on to say that she needs a phone and is struggling with money, she would never in any way intentionally hurt me but she needs this especially to contact her new partner.
I’ve never known her to struggle with money but she has recently moved somewhere new and I hadn’t seen her in a while, but I was still very aware of what had happened in the past with my phone and her.
I snatched the phone and said, “I’m sorry but I can’t help you, you’ve done this one too many times and I’m afraid I can’t trust you.” and went back into the house.
So AITJ for refusing to let my cousin take my phone?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I cannot stand a thief. That would have sent me over the “no sense” line. I would refuse to let her step foot in your house again.” 74Magick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you need to learn the adage, ‘fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me’.
Stop being so easily taken in by her lies. Just stop seeing her.” Ok_Childhood_9774
19. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Partner Start A Business Without Ownership Or Employment?
“I have been in a relationship (not legally married, nor do we live in a common law state) with the same man for nearly 10 years. We live together and have 2 kids together. I am a SAHM and he is the only one working.
He has been wanting to leave his job and start his own business, and I 100% support the idea. However recently we got into a heated discussion about finances, particularly that every time a big purchase is made (house, vehicles, business) he puts it in his name and won’t include me, it is solely his income and credit that are providing these things.
I asked him why he wouldn’t add my name to the deed to the house at least, stating that if he died I wouldn’t know where to begin to put anything in my name to continue to provide for our kids.
I don’t know what company his mortgage, life insurance, or even auto loans are with and he doesn’t have a last will.
He told me that he wouldn’t put me on any of those titles because he worked and paid for all of it and that it belonged to him only.
He said that he would make me a “death folder” that has all the information I will need to take over any of the loans he has and get the life insurance death benefit.
This happened a few days ago.
So now, he is asking me to help him write out his business plan for the company he wants to start so that he can start looking for lenders, and honestly, I don’t want to because of his ‘everything belongs to me’ attitude.
He won’t add me as an owner in the company and hasn’t brought up hiring me as an employee, so I don’t feel as though I should help him with that stuff.
I wanted to tell him all of this, but I was diplomatic about it and said that I do not have all the information for the business to write a business plan and that he needs to sit down in his free time and work through it section by section and that I could proof read it for him.
All of this, plus a whole lot more has me contemplating leaving him, but if it’s not apparent, I just don’t have the money nor familial support to leave and stand on my own two feet as I haven’t worked since 2018.
I just feel like if I’m going to help build and run the business, I should have some stake in it. So am I the jerk for refusing to help build the company if he won’t share ownership or at the very least hire and pay me as an employee?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s the jerk and you do need to start considering your future. He can pull the rug out from under you and the kids. Can he set up a trust with you as a beneficiary?
That would make more sense as all property would go into the Trust but he would still have control of it but it would go to you if he passes suddenly. Can he take out an insurance plan in case of unexpected death to help support his kids?
Can you start work doing something online? Is customer service part-time? Start earning some money on your own? Find an income stream before you do anything drastic. Good Luck OP” goldenfingernails
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell him that if he wants a business partner you need to establish what your role in the business is going to be and until that is agreed upon, you’re not interested. You should probably further explain to him how his comments hurt you and it makes it feel like you exist solely to be free help for him and that you’re not feeling valued as a partner in your relationship.
The only way he can work and pay for all of it is because you take a lot of things off of his plate by being a SAHM – and if that’s the way he sees things, then maybe you should find a job and let him realize how much house work he’s been able to avoid.” AtmosphericBrutality
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You’ve allowed this for 10 years. You have 2 kids – how old are the kids? It might be time to get a job so you can build up an emergency fund. It is usually a good idea to NOT add a non spouse to the deed of a house.
But there should be a large enough life insurance policy so that you would be taken care of for several years if something happened to him. Also, you are not getting any funds contributed to a retirement account OR social security so you have absolutely no rights to part of his SSA when you reach retirement age.
You will be dependent on him.” Interesting_You_2315
18. AITJ For Leaving Our Work Party After Colleagues Mocked Mental Health Issues?
“I need an opinion on this because I feel like a jerk. I’m trying to be as objective as possible and I am going to try to stick to the facts, not feelings.
I work in the medical field, employees are nurses, PT/OT, and social workers.
On January 24 all employees were in the conference room for our Holiday party from 12-2 pm. It was decided to postpone our Christmas party due to the recent sudden death of a coworker.
Towards the end of the gathering, a conversation was started about interviews for the position of the coworker who passed. People were curious if they hired anyone yet. The conversation somehow turned into talking about former “crazy” coworkers who were “on meds”.
The conversation continued and various people joined in to describe the behavior of these “crazy” people. One coworker mentioned a former employee who was “nuts” and commented that the former coworker recently had a baby. My manager commented that “she would have to stop her meds when she was pregnant” and they “felt sorry for the kid to have a crazy mom”.
They went on to talk about several other former employees.
Most employees present were joining in with the same derogatory rhetoric about mental health in general.
I sat quietly and listened all the while I could feel tears welling up and my b***d pressure rising.
Without any forethought, I stood up, put my coat on, and grabbed my bag to leave. As I was leaving the executive director, let’s call her K, asked if I was ok. I said “Actually I’m not ok at all.
I can’t believe you’re making fun of people with mental health issues. That’s why people don’t talk about it” I left the office after that.
This was not something I planned, and I wouldn’t have said anything if I wasn’t asked if I was ok.
I’m not very good at faking my feelings. As I was leaving people were saying “Oh, come on” and making it seem like no big deal.
While sitting in my car crying K came out and asked if we could talk, I said I wasn’t in the mood to talk but she got in the passenger’s seat and began to apologize, saying she didn’t intend for the conversation to go in that direction and she should’ve stopped it.
She acknowledged it was inappropriate, they were in the wrong, and kept saying she was sorry.
Relevant information: both my Executive Director and Clinical Manager know I struggle with my mental health and I’m on medication for depression, anxiety, and ADD.
We recently had a conversation about performance concerns and whether I was doing ok on my new meds.
I don’t want to see these people again. I am so disappointed and sad about this. I’m thinking of transferring. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I am astounded and saddened that no one else in the room was also upset. Your cohort is in desperate need of mental health services after the past few years and the burden you all have carried for the rest of us, and instead, these people are being shamed for being “on meds”.
Also, based on your wording, K is a royal jerk for getting in your car after you told her to leave you alone. So boundaries don’t appear to be a Thing in this work environment. Continue your mental health journey and I hope you have the strength and ability to find a more supportive, professional, sophisticated environment than this.” RNH213PDX
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but as a person suffering from PTSD, depression, anxiety, and a few more sprinkles, I’m probably “crazy” and shouldn’t be listened to. >I work in the medical field, employees are nurses, PT/OT, and social workers.
Most employees present were joining in with the same derogatory rhetoric about mental health in general. Now THIS is why I have trust issues.” ladyteruki
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband and daughter both have ADHD. My husband also deals with depression and PTSD and my daughter has recently started struggling with anxiety.
People need to keep their mouths shut about others with mental health issues. If anyone ever says anything like this again, ask if they’d be good with mocking someone that has other chronic illnesses, because diseases of the brain, especially ones that require medication, are just as out of someone’s control as asthma.” Jazzlike_League5374
17. AITJ For Choosing Trade Work Over IT Despite My Family's Disapproval?
“Sigh, I feel like I’m constantly speaking about this. It’s become a daily thing at this point because every single one of my family members keeps calling and wanting on one conversations.
My family hates that I want to do trade work and that I take welding classes at my local community college, wanting to join an apprentice for plumbing, and simply trade work in general. They constantly say, “You’re better than this”, “you’re doing the bare minimum”, “Why would you do this nonsense?”, “stupid choice.” All degrading stuff because I want to do trade work instead of doing computer science, cybersecurity, or engineering.
All the things they want me to do because I did exceptionally well in high school.
In high school, I had a 4.0 and sometimes a 4.1 throughout my high school years. They have high expectations for me because I always was on the principal’s list and received awards for my grades.
For college, they wanted me to do IT work. I did for the first semester. I never wanted to do it at first, yet I did it for them, and I hated every second of it. In my first semester of CS, I had a 3.8, but regardless I felt terrible because I hate coding, I hate doing calc, and physics.
I took all those in high school, yes. Nonetheless, I don’t want to do IT for the rest of my life. I love welding, but I don’t like office jobs. This is something I’m genuinely passionate about. I want to do trade work.
Every single member of my family keeps telling me to rethink my life choices because this is the wrong path that I’m taking. My parents are such big mouths and told everybody about my life choices, even their coworkers that I don’t even know.
Their coworkers are saying the same stuff, “your daughter is dumb to do trade work instead of IT.” It’s none of their business. My mom found me ignorant, and she made everyone believe that I was attacking her for not wanting to do CS.
Everyone keeps saying I’m better than this, I’m doing the bare minimum, and limiting my brain. It’s so annoying. Just because I did well in high school, doesn’t mean anything for college. None of my family members did college either, so I’m considered first-generation.
I don’t like college. I’m doing an apprentice now, with some community college, but there’s no need for me to do community college anymore because I learn the same in my apprentice and get paid for it. I still didn’t listen because I switched all my CS classes to welding/plumbing.
AITJ for doing my own thing and not meeting their expectations? It’s annoying how they keep degrading my plan to do trade work, as I’m “too smart for it.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Trade work – the one thing that will never be outsourced overseas.
Always in demand. It’s highly skilled. Must be done exactly to be done correctly and safely. Excellent pay. Nothing wrong with it. I worked in IT and loved it, but I see people who can sweat a pipe and weld and do electrical work and wish I had those skills.
And when you’re done, you can go into business for yourself a lot easier than any programmer.” FuzzyMom2005
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, OP, It’s YOUR life! You are young! It sounds like you have been very successful in following your dreams. The trades can be extremely fascinating, technically complex & lucrative.
Humanity needs infrastructure and those systems are constantly evolving. Congratulations on your successes in pursuing your field!” stephnetkin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is YOUR life. You need to pick a career that you will enjoy. The trades are an honorable profession.
When I was in my twenties, my husband and I hired Ed a guy to finish our basement. He was 2 years older than us, making better money, and had his own business. We were CPAs. My nephew went into IT when he wanted to be a car mechanic.
He finds his job boring.” Used_Pool923
16. AITJ For Not Sharing My Groceries With My Roommates?
“Different accounts as family and friends follow on my main and I don’t want them seeing. Background for context but growing up with my mother and stepfather we had things that were bought solely for each other.
I was given a monthly allowance for groceries food and snacks I wanted when I turned 6 as my mother and stepfather thought it would be good. They never touched my food, I always had it labeled and they would ask if it was ok to have any of mine.
For the most part, this was fine and I’ve been living with them up until recently for a new temp job. I got roommates and this is where the conflict began.
I 23F live with three other people, 25F, 22M and 20M.
We’ll call them Ed, Emmy, and Eddy for ease. We split the bills four ways including the rent which I do always pay my share. Now I do my grocery shopping for the month, food and snacks that I label before it goes in the fridge and pantry and things were going fairly ok as everyone else did buy their things.
The problem came up yesterday when I saw Emmy going into the fridge to grab a pack of bacon I bought for myself. I kindly took the bacon from her and explained that this was mine and I would prefer it if she didn’t touch my stuff without asking first. She then got angry at me and said that it was stupid because we all live under the same roof and it’s selfish of me to hog all that stuff.
I didn’t change my stance and told her not to use my stuff and left for work and nothing much happened until I got home and saw Ed with Emmy complaining about it and saying that I was being a “stingy jerk” for not sharing.
I’m new to this whole thing as roommates as I’ve only lived with my family and Ed and Emmy told me that I was being unreasonable and that everyone else in the house shares so I should stop being so uptight.
I told them that I bought it and it was mine and that they could ask but they kept calling me names so I left the kitchen and went into my room. I never touched any of their things as it wasn’t mine and assumed that they belonged to them and wasn’t aware that I was supposed to.
Eddy said that I was fine because I bought my food but with how Emmy and Ed aren’t talking to me and glaring at me, maybe I am being unreasonable, so maybe some outside opinions from other people who’ve lived with roommates, am I the jerk for not sharing my food?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s your roommates who are being unreasonable. Unless there is an agreement that the flat account receives money from each one of you and is used to buy the groceries for the house then the food that you buy belongs to you.
It is inappropriate for people to just help themselves to it. would they help themselves to your wallet just because it was lying around and you’re their roommate?” AffectionateTruck984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is the kind of stuff that roommates discuss in advance.
If there’s been no discussion, no one should feel entitled to your stuff – especially if it’s labeled! But if it was the first time this had happened, I’d have been inclined to let Emmy have some bacon as a gesture of goodwill and then bring up the topic of how everyone wants to share food. The way your parents made you separate your food from theirs was kind of odd, but there is no right or wrong way – just better to have an agreed way…” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was always on a very strict budget and so, when I had roommates, we shopped together and we paid an equal share for equal access to everything. We had an agreement, and it made life simpler for all of us.
No way I would assume anything about what belongs to me and what belongs to someone else, though. Mooching isn’t cute when it can lead to someone going without. So, no matter why you have separate things instead of a communal food hall – everyone needs to respect the individuals who live there.
I couldn’t care less what Emmy was upset about. “I’m not your mommy. I’m not here to make your life simpler so you don’t have to shop for your necessities. You are being selfish and sophomoric. And why would I indulge that in you?
Again, I am not your mom. Stop being rude and selfish, OK? That’s all I’m looking for here? Be considerate and be polite. I will always reciprocate those.”” AndSoItGoes24
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pick Up My Sister's Kids From School?
“I (22f) have an older sister (24f) who has 3 kids (6m, 4m, and 2f) she’s been offered a job in a daycare 2 days a week, the issue is the boys are in school until 3 pm and she would need to be working until 4:30 pm, so she needs someone to pick the boys up from school twice a week and look after them until she finishes.
Her options are very limited on who she can ask, the kid’s father is unhelpful (he and my sister split a while ago) I’m freshly graduated and looking for a full-time job, and my dad has a few health issues and wouldn’t be able to manage them, my mam bailed on us when we were young so we don’t have much of a relationship and our brother is autistic so it’s a too big of an ask.
So to cut it short I’m the only option, I have a part-time job, I’m a carer to my brother and I have been looking after my dad recently, to add to it I have multiple health issues myself meaning I get tired easily.
I love these kids with my whole heart and see myself as a second mother to them, I’m always watching them overnight and at the drop of the hat whenever she needs a break and has even agreed (not really given an option it was booked and then she told me I was watching them) for a few days in April to allow my sister to go on holiday.
I know she is on benefits and is struggling to make ends meet and this job would be amazing to give the kids better opportunities.
When she told me about it I think she assumed I would offer, I don’t want to take on the responsibility between everything else and eventually, I would be in full-time work, it would also require me to borrow my brother’s car because I have borrowed/given her my car since she needs it more than I do (for the kids).
In a way of saying no (without saying it) I suggested she ask if the boys could spend 1.5 hours in the childcare she would be working at for those 2 days a week but she instantly shut the idea down saying it would cost too much money.
We left the conversation at that and ever since I have felt a massive guilt, am I being selfish? I don’t want to be the one standing in the way of her having a better life with the kids but then again I’m burning the candle at both ends.
She has also been a bit dry with me since and I hate to disappoint people, especially my sister. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You already have your hands full: carer for your brother, help to your dad, a job, babysitting (for free, I assume) your nephews.
It’s an unfortunate situation, but asking you to do even more than what are you doing is pretty entitled on your sister’s part. She knows that you hate disappointing people and she’ll probably take advantage of this to get you to say yes.
But what will happen when you have a full-time job, a relationship, and a life of your own tomorrow? And maybe you will move to another state?” 000-Hotaru_Tomoe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can’t subsume your life and opportunities for your sister’s.
It sounds like you do more than you should at the moment. Giving her your car was probably the turning point of her assuming she can have whatever she wants from you, with the guilt trip that the kids will suffer if you don’t.
She needs to do what a relative of mine did, which is to look for groups on social media of people in the same situation, join them, and then childcare can be shared amongst the group. This does require effort though, which is perhaps the problem when she can just call on you to babysit at the drop of a hat.
You get full-time work, she’s going to want you to change your hours to suit her childcare needs. You need to set boundaries, before it’s too late, as whilst I’m sure her situation (relationship break up, hard to find work, etc) isn’t her fault, it’s not yours either.” Performance_Lanky
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you’re already a carer for your brother, presumably he is her brother too, yet Responsibility for his care has fallen to you. Tell her you have too many responsibilities already. You seem like a generous and overworked person, it sucks that you and your sister have such a hard time of it, but you know your limits.
Better to acknowledge them now, than take on too much and break down later.” GymBloke123
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dad At My Wedding After His Insults?
“I’m planning my wedding (newly engaged) and my mom and I have been watching a lot of wedding shows after work (Four Weddings, Say Yes to the Dress, etc.). It’s sort of the only time my mom and I have for planning, so we also treat these evenings like mini-planning sessions.
Tonight, my mom made dinner for herself, my dad, and me. There were only three servings of beef for tacos on the stove. My dad took his serving first, and then I served myself, but my mom was still finishing up something for work on the couch on her laptop.
I noticed my dad going up for seconds, so I told him to wait until mom had eaten too (my tone admittedly wasn’t very kind). He starts complaining to the air about how he doesn’t get any lunches during the day and how he can’t go all day without eating—to which my mom responded that he is fully capable of packing his lunches and feeding himself.
I’ve already fled back up to my room when my father starts yelling about how he works all day (we do too) and how he doesn’t want to watch these terrible shows or hear about the darn wedding, saying “forget them” about my fiancée and me, and then said “I have to come home to a horrible daughter”, which was probably because of how I spoke to him.
Here’s the thing—he refused to contribute any funds towards my wedding, which is his right, but he is currently letting me live for free at home to pay off my loans. I’m moving in seventeen months to a new city with my fiancée (who’s finishing school), and we’ll be getting married shortly after that.
I obviously can’t go against him while I’m living in his house unless I want to end up on the streets, but I don’t want him at my wedding. I don’t want someone who would call me a horrible daughter walking me down the aisle, so I’m considering telling my parents after I’ve safely moved out that I don’t want him to do it.
This will certainly hurt his feelings, and that hurts me, but I don’t want him around me or my fiancée or my fiancée’s family for any length of time. Part of me is afraid my fiancée will look at me differently if he sees how my father treats others.
I don’t want to be like him or for my fiancee to think I’m anything like him.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wedding, your choice, and it sounds like him calling you a horrible daughter was just the tip of the iceberg of problems. But this is all 17 months away.
A lot can happen between now and then, so you may end up changing your mind or not having to deal with it at all. Maybe he’ll apologize and start working on himself. Maybe something will set him off so much that he refuses to attend your wedding.
Lots of things can happen, and hopefully, it’ll keep you from stressing too much about it if you remind yourself that you don’t have to *do* anything for a long time yet.” FeuerroteZora
13. AITJ For Not Directly Telling My Partner That She Can't Use The Hotel's Meeting Space During A Major Event?
“So basically I am a Sales Director of a Courtyard hotel in a suburb. My partner is a math teacher and we talked about her potentially hosting a review class for extra income in one of the meeting spaces.
She asked me about certain dates that happened to coincide with a major town-wide event right next to the hotel – the World Cup of Cricket. She knows that this is going to be the highest revenue-generating event of the year for the hotel and that I have been strategizing about the best way to approach it and have been turning down many groups to hopefully be the last closest option and be able to charge a premium.
We have 3 meeting spaces and with all the guest rooms also come meeting spaces whether for team meals, team meetings, etc. Even if we got some sort of media staff we can’t have 100 people over load our breakfast restaurant at once so we push big groups into a meeting space with a breakfast buffet as Courtyards do not have a buffet.
I have deliberately turned away any meeting room-only business over those dates to save my space for the right group.
When she asked me about the dates I tried explaining the situation that teams or staff or media potentially need the space and she said why does cricket need meeting space?
I explained what I just wrote above about how if we need to give all these people breakfast we can’t do it in our restaurant, team meeting, etc., and that my bosses are expecting banquet revenue out of this somehow as well.
She kept pressing me that she just needed a yes or no and I kept trying to explain the situation in hopes that she may let me off the hook.
Eventually, after a tense conversation, I said no not right now I can’t risk losing 2 weeks’ worth of something extremely profitable because I have 2 days of your event and she wasn’t mad but there was tension.
She said the way I handled it she just would have preferred a direct answer but it’s very hard to say no to your partner of 7 years. It is my job to make as much money as possible and it is not a huge conference center with 20 different spaces we only have 3.
Am I the jerk for not being direct? Or is she in the wrong for not taking the hint and forcing me to say no to her? In my opinion, after explaining it if it me I probably would have said ok it sounds like the space is needed for more important things to your business over those dates”
Another User Comments:
“Always be direct and clear. It might be hard to say no to your partner, but it will be much harder to procure an extra conference room. In all honesty, I am not in hotel management.
My eyes glazed over as I read your reasons why it wasn’t available because it doesn’t matter. Going into the why behind it obscures your answer. If you start with a clear, direct answer you can always explain more details later but at least you know you are both on the same page.
Soft YTJ” Late_Arm5956
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here You tried to redirect and use a subtle approach so she would get the hint, and it didn’t work. I’d learn from this though, and listen to her feedback.
Next time, just give her a straight answer just like you would for another customer asking for that meeting space.” lookatbannerjustin
Another User Comments:
“I would say NTJ But similar to what the other poster said, you’ve been with this person for years.
You need to have better communication between the two of you and it has to be direct. I’m assuming you’re either in NY, FL, or Dal. If so, mind DM the location of the hotel so I can book some rooms to watch the games.” carbetocin
12. AITJ For Selling A Dress My Friend Wanted Because She Didn't Return My Clothes?
“I tried on a dress in an expensive shop a few months ago and loved it, almost bought it however it was just too expensive ($90) for what it was and I didn’t have an event coming up so I left it.
Last week I found the dress in a second-hand store for a fraction of the price ($15) however it was 2 sizes too small. I thought I could sell it online for more money however my close friend from back home is always complaining about how some tops don’t go down to her size in stores and everything is usually too big so I called her and asked her if she wanted it and I would post it to her and she could send me the money since it was such a nice dress.
She said yes and said thank you!!
This brings me to the issue, when I stayed at her house while I was home for the holidays just passed, I left some workout clothes at her house by accident. She told me and I asked her to post them to me as I don’t have many pairs of gym clothes (and they also double as pjs) and she said she would but it’s been 3 weeks and finally this week she told me it was “a lot of effort haha” which kinda annoyed me since I would have done it for her.
I decided to put the dress up online instead of waiting for her to send me money which she saw and asked if I was selling the dress. I said yes and told her she could buy it from me for the new price ($50).
She asked why $50 instead of $15 and I said I’ll get more money out of it and then immediately asked her if she had sent me my clothes yet.
She didn’t reply to my message for a few days, (we usually talk here and there every day over text) and still hasn’t sent me my clothes.
I heard from my partner who is friends with her partner that I had been “kinda rude” to her. My partner told me that her partner had called me a jerk for trying to sell the dress without telling her.
(she hadn’t sent me any money yet and I would’ve sent it back if I planned on selling it for more) And it kinda rubbed me the wrong way that a trip to the post office was too much effort for her which it isn’t.
(she’s not a busy person) But the first person I thought of was her with the dress, rather than sell it and get money for myself?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. A teeny little bit of extra communication from both of you would’ve gone a long way here.
She should’ve sent your stuff and when she didn’t get around to it she should’ve apologized instead of trying to laugh it off. You should’ve just said you were annoyed about her being flakey, instead of being passive-aggressive about it – you only did it in retaliation for her annoying you so don’t act like you’re surprised she’s having a negative reaction to it.
Now your partners are dragged into it as intermediaries which is messy.” NewGoatFish
Another User Comments:
“So… you made the mistake of forgetting your clothes, you asked her to fix your mistake, apparently at her own expense and inconvenience, she agreed, but then you decided not to sell her the dress you knew she wanted after offering to, and listed it without even informing her, because she doesn’t deserve it anymore because she wasn’t doing you that favor fast enough, seeing as how she has nothing better to do with her time than box up your stuff, make a trip to the post office, wait in line, oh- and pay for the privilege.
You’re the jerk.” EmilyAnne1170
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My MIL To Watch My Kids Because She Disrespects My House Rules?
“My MIL was watching my son for a while at my home because I got a job close to home and wasn’t going to drive an hour one way to drop my son off for 2 hours.
Everything was good for a while until she started “cleaning” (making more work for me). I had asked her multiple times to stop and explained it made more work for me because I had to go back around refold, rewash, or whatever the case maybe because everything was done carelessly.
Then we got a puppy…..
My MIL has had 1 older dog in a short amount of time so has no clue about dogs let alone the breed we have. She’s been bitten multiple times by him and lets him get in the trash and leaves it for me to clean up, over the summer would take him on walks when it was over 88 degrees and would leave him on our back porch in direct sun.
I had gotten to the point where I would put him in his kennel in the AC downstairs before I would leave and asked her to just leave him in there til I got home 2 hours later. She refused. The first time she let him out and didn’t put him back in his cage.
When I got home he got into 2 unopened bags of dog treats bag and all plus a bag of muffins bag and all.
He was sick for 3 days after and she thought it was funny. The last round she sent me rude texts telling me she was letting him out, that she was going to do whatever she wanted, that I was controlling and dramatic, and that my dog was suffering.
I missed work because I had enough and went home. I got home and the dog was on the porch again in the direct sun, mind you it was 94 out this day. She hasn’t watched my son since because I can’t trust her now.
I am due to have our little girl next month and asked her if she could watch her when I go back to work for a month if she could respect my wishes. She told me she wanted to watch my kids but wouldn’t leave the dog in his kennel.
This is a safety issue and I’m not okay with this especially because my dd will only be just under 3 months. I can’t trust my MIL with the dog or to keep the baby safe while I’m away for 2 hours.
My husband of course is taking her side and told me I just need to “put my ego aside”
AITJ? How would you handle this? What do I do? Having a hard time finding a Sitter for 1 month.”
Another User Comments:
“So you made a boundary, she’s not respecting it. Now you need to enforce the boundary…by not asking her to watch your kids. Now she’s made a boundary (she won’t leave the dog in the kennel), and now you can either accept her help on her terms or find someone else.
It’s quite simple.” funfetti_cupcak3
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’d find a responsible sitter for both kids and dogs who doesn’t go out of their way to make more work for you. No reason your dog should suffer because she leaves it out in the heat.
Kenneled for 2 hours is a better choice. The best choice is someone who will stop the dog from getting into stuff that will make it sick while keeping the children happy and healthy.” SweeperOfChimneys
Another User Comments:
“Your dog bit your MIL and you blame her?
She’s giving you free child care. It’s not clear if the one hour each way of driving that you are avoiding is to/from her house or to/from another daycare provider. (If the 2-hour drive is to her house, she’s contributing that time.) You’re sounding pretty entitled to free child care if you don’t like how your MIL handles your house.
If you don’t like MILs child care then put your kid in professional child care. If you want a better dog sitter/trainer, hire one. If you’re getting free child care, living with misfolded towels is a minor problem.
YTJ” fuzzy_mic
10. AITJ For Asking My College Roommate To Stop Using Her Computer At Night?
“I (19f) am trying to say this in the most objective way possible but it’s impossible to not be biased when I’ve endured living with an inconsiderate jerk for months. While reading this you have to picture three people living in a tiny square of a room with one bunk bed + one loft bed + one desk.
It’s wall-to-wall in here.
Her initial offenses were loud calls inside the room in the mornings, trash in common areas, and extremely long Facetime calls on the speaker. The solution that my other roommate tried was to mediate a discussion that kind of resolved things (fewer loud calls now and we established the main light out at midnight) but ended in her crying because we were ganging up on her.
Which is why I’m hesitant to try confronting her again.
That was at the beginning of the last semester and since returning from break, I think I have a lower tolerance for her behavior. Her stuff on our shared desk constantly spills onto my half and she denies it even when I point it out.
She has the most storage in the room but her messes in her personal spaces always spread. While all 3 of us are late sleepers, I and the other roommate are usually in bed to unwind by midnight-1 am while she uses her desktop monitor until 3 or even 5 am almost every night.
Not only the light but the clicking sounds from her mouse and keyboard drive me insane. She is directly below my bed (lofted above the desks) and my other roommate’s top bunk gets the full brunt of the computer light.
I would possibly be more understanding if she was doing work but she’s usually just on Twitter or YouTube or online shopping. I don’t know how to bring up these issues because every time I’ve tried before, she brushes me off and I kind of have no confrontational spirit in person.
There are many other instances of her being completely unconscientious but this is long enough as it is. I’m currently the only one she speaks to because my other roommate has fully given up on her.
There are other solutions but at this point, I feel petty and I’m kind of unwilling to compromise which is why I feel like a jerk.
We could use eye masks and earplugs but I would be mad at sacrificing my comfort for her. We’re thinking of talking with the RA in a few days. I currently sleep with headphones and take sleeping pills to deal with the disturbances at night but I’m sick of it.
WIBTJ for asking my college roommate not to use her computer at night?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I would talk to the RA about how to approach this. If she needs to use her PC that late, she can use it in a common room or use a laptop or phone in bed. If it is for school work maybe she can do it at the library?
Probably a list of house rules should be drawn up so there’s an ‘objective’ way to address these issues when they occur. It also sounds like maybe she isn’t doing too well…if she is up till 5 AM every day, when does she sleep?
That might also be an angle to explore as it could very well be that she is unaware of her behavior and how it affects others. But disturbing the sleep of others in the room is not ok. As far as the stuff…I would just put everything that is not in its place on her bed. No need to go into a discussion every time.
Some people need the constant reminder of how they are cluttering the space.” Slayerofdrums
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ but unfortunately you’re experiencing what most people your age experience. Bad roommates are a part of life early on. She has never lived on her own and doesn’t know how to take care of a space.
She likely had her parents clean up after her for most of her childhood. The trash, the early morning conversations, etc. are all bad behavior. Need that taken care of. If she won’t do it, the RA needs to be notified to give her a warning.
Not sure what your school’s policy is. **BUT**, the overnight computer stuff is not her fault and *you* need to adjust to that, unfortunately. Some people have to work overnight, whether due to schedule or just mentality (a lot of ADHDers do overnight work when things are quiet).
You’re in college, that’s going to happen. You’re going to have to cave and get the earplugs/eye mask. Sorry. Also, the idea of a shared desk in a living space makes me want to scream. I’d have to chainsaw that stuff in half.
EDIT: If she has a laptop, you could always ask her to go into a common space if they don’t close at a certain time (like a community room).” SecretGrizzlyBear
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. College dorms are absolute torment.
I have a low tolerance for sensory stuff too, and I remember almost having a nervous breakdown when the girl next door got a harmonica (which she played one day at the break of dawn). I don’t think it would be a bad thing to talk to your RA.
They might have suggestions for solving the problems, like helping the three of you all agree on some rules, or teaching her how to dim her screen at night time. But I wouldn’t look at it like you’re tattling on her or anything like that for bringing the RA into it.
They’re there to help.” FactorLazy5546
9. AITJ For Not Immediately Locating My Ex-Husband's Grandmother's Ring?
“My husband (R) and I have been separated for a couple of months. It’s been mostly civil, we’re still good friends and decent co-parents.
When we got married, I gave him my Grandfather’s ring, and he gave me his Grandmother’s. When we split, I asked for the ring back right away as I adored my Pop and it has incredible sentimental value to me.
I tried to return his Grandmother’s ring at the time, and he refused, saying he didn’t want it back in hopes we’d rekindle it. I would offer it again whenever I remembered it, and R insisted he didn’t want it back.
Early on, I even left it on his desk, only for him to put it back on mine.
Now, I have ADHD and my organization skills and memory are both not fantastic. When I first took the ring off, I kept it on my very cluttered desk, and would promptly forget it existed. When I saw it and remembered it was there, I’d offer it to R who would reject it.
Just after New Year I saw it again, was turned down again, and decided I needed to put this somewhere properly before I lost it. So I put it in a little box with my engagement ring and put it somewhere for safekeeping.
I’ll also note that while I’ve said rekindling the relationship isn’t totally off the table, it’s not something I’m banking on, and neither should he.
Yesterday, after a comment was made about me wanting to hold onto my Pop’s ring even if we got back together, he got angry and demanded his Grandmother’s ring back.
I told him I’d put it away somewhere safe, but couldn’t remember exactly where as it wasn’t where I thought it was. He told me to find it immediately.
I told him that wasn’t reasonable, as I didn’t have time immediately for a thorough search, and he called me a jerk for losing it.
I told him I’d put it away so that it didn’t properly go missing, and that I would find it as soon as I could but it wasn’t my top priority above kids and work, and that he had plenty of chances to keep it safe and know exactly where it was every time I offered. He told me I had to return it by the end of today (which I’ve been working for most of) and I got some nasty messages this morning.
I guess he also told his father about it because I’ve had a bunch of messages and missed calls today that I’m not so much as looking at.
AITJ for not dropping everything to look for it immediately?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell his father exactly how many times you’ve offered it back and even handed it to him or placed it on his desk only for him to refuse it. Then tell them both that you put it somewhere safe together with something else just as valuable, that you’re confident of finding it, and that you’ll search for both when you have time.
Which is not now.” embopbopbopdoowop
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- but honestly, I think your rings were a barometer for when you both would let go. I don’t think either one of you was ready yet, I think that’s why he refused and I think that’s why you didn’t pursue your grandfather’s ring as much as you think.
Giving it back means the end of that chapter .. but now that the time has come, you’re going to have to find it, especially if you have any intention of getting your grandfather’s ring back” Fluffy_Vacation1332.
8. AITJ For Ending A Friendship Over A Missed Birthday Party?
“Well, I still can’t sleep at 4 AM over my situation. Might as well get opinions from here.
So….my husband and I went to a birthday party for a friend’s child today. While there my SIL was acting strange towards us.
She was very short and walking away when we tried speaking to her. SIL is one of my closest and oldest friends. We talk to her regularly and she was completely normal up until she arrived today. After an hour, my husband checked in to make sure she was ok.
SIL proceeded to tell my husband that we should not be there because we did not go to her child’s birthday party. She lashed out at him for a minute and then we left.
I sent her a text to remind her why we were not at said party.
It was because a family member I was EXTREMELY close to passed away 2 days before the party. We were grieving and preparing for a funeral service. Also reminded her that we did get our niece a gift and gave it to her at a later date.
She then told me we “didn’t show up to the first party either” and not to argue. We didn’t go to that one because we already had a prior commitment. I told her as soon as I received the invitation and asked if we could come over on a different day.
We did end up going to their house the night before the party. We brought our niece her b-day gift and had a great evening spending time with her. It’s not like we are blowing off our niece. We made sure to still make her feel special and not just skip her birthday.
Now I’ll be honest, I was not nice in my last text to SIL. I told her we would not apologize for going to a birthday party. Why would we skip just because we couldn’t make it to her child’s party?
And she can be hurt all she wants but this is ridiculous.
I then learned that after our conversation SIL spent the remainder of the party today trash-talking my husband and me to our other friends. Bringing up the fact that we don’t/can’t have children of our own and that must be our problem.
This has absolutely nothing to do with this situation, and quite frankly is very hurtful given our well-known history of infertility and miscarriage.
I am over this friendship. I feel like this entire thing is RIDICULOUS. But it kinda seems to me like other people think her behavior is acceptable.
Am I missing something here? Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Someone passed away so that’s a very valid reason and the first party you let her know in advance that you had a prior commitment you couldn’t get out of.
There was no reason for her to act like that. Also, she probably got people on her side by failing to mention those two very valid reasons. My issue is that she dared to blast your issues publicly to make herself feel better.” AlchemyAngel85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This goes deeper than you showing up to a party even though you missed your niece’s for one of the most understandable reasons there is. Unless the first party she was also mad at you over was somehow recent, she’s been carrying that anger for a while.
This has been building up, and instead of talking to you privately like a friend should, she made it public (at a child’s birthday party no less). She readily used your very personal fertility struggles in an attempt to tarnish and attack your character.
I wouldn’t even do that to an enemy. I have no doubt she didn’t tell everyone the full story. The question is, how much has she done this kind of thing behind your back already? Has it been happening on a smaller scale, but given the nature of the current topic, your friend felt you needed to know this time?
Having those answers might make you feel more at peace with ending your friendship.” DragonCelica
Another User Comments:
“She needs to be called out in front of everyone she was trash-talking to about you. Forget her, forget her silly kid party.
She’s so selfish that she doesn’t care that you’re grieving and attending a funeral. What’s funny is these over-the-top parties they have for kids who don’t even know what’s going on and then act like you traumatize their kid when you can come.
These parties are for their parents and they act like you should be grateful you got invited again no one cares about your kids but you” jaggedlittlepill1967
7. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Friend's Towed Car?
“My friend and I were getting together to play a card game, and we decided to do it at my place (an apartment) rather than his (a house that he rents).
There wasn’t any reason; I just didn’t want to drive and asked him to come over instead and he said sure. He’s been to my place multiple times before but not for extended periods or when I pick him up.
After we decide to call it a night, he asks me “Your apartment doesn’t tow, right?” to which I respond “Yes, they do. I saw someone being towed recently.” He goes outside and he doesn’t have a car. He comes back in and instead of asking what we should do about this, he flat up tells me multiple times that I will be paying the whole amount.
I understood he was upset so I didn’t argue or respond really, I just dropped him off at the towing place as he wanted to get it tonight (there is a $100 after-hours fee, but since we have a snowstorm he’d prefer it now).
He told me that I needed to Venmo him $275 (the cost of the towing) and he would cover the after-hours fee.
He later texted me that I owed him 275, to which I responded that I didn’t agree, and after I had some conversations with my roommates, they suggested maybe splitting the cost with him (me paying $150).
I texted him that I would pay 150 if he wanted, and he responded with things like “Don’t speak to me till you send my money,” “Pay me my money to don’t speak to me,” and “That 150 can count towards the 275 you owed me.” I told him to sleep it over and think about me offering $150 and he told me that he decided to unadd him on everything and not to contact him till I “paid him his money.”
(For added context, although this might not be fair to him, he dropped me off at my place yesterday and I mentioned that I saw someone getting towed here and made a joke to which he responded.)
I understand that I might be partly liable and should have checked again when he showed up, but if he’s going to keep being a jerk about it am I in my right to refuse to pay him anything?
My patience is already pretty thin.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Parking is a personal responsibility. You have been very generous in offering 150. Now that he has refused that, this offer should no longer be on the table. Take his advice and stop “talking to him”.
He seems unhinged.” Artistic_Thought7309
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this one is on him entirely. Not asking specifics before parking in an apartment about towing and where visitors should park is just kind of dumb. If it was me I’d just pay him the rest tho and be done with him as a friend.
I do not want to put effort into a friendship where someone makes me financially liable for their dumb mistake.” CrabPeopleGod
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t pay anything – if he didn’t care where to park and what are the rules then it’s only his fault.
If he would ask you before parking about towing and you would say don’t worry, it’s fine and then this would happen then you would owe him money, but he never bothered to learn anything and just relied on “Whatever”, well, he will pay for his ignorance now and maybe learn a thing or two.” forgeries
6. AITJ For Firing My Brother-In-Law Over Shady Sales Practices?
“I own an authorized retailer for a large telco/cell phone company. Yes, my employees are the folks that pitch you inside stores. I know a lot of people hate companies like mine (long story, for another time), but I am held to pretty high standards by both the client and retailers.
I push compliance and transparency to customers and have a very low churn rate (very few customers signed up by my company fall out or cancel). A year ago, my BIL (older sister’s husband, 30) was laid off and last fall he was still looking for a job.
My sister asked if he could come to work for my company as a sales rep, and I said sure. He started in October and was killing it making about $2K a week in wages + commission off his sales.
Maybe around Thanksgiving, I noticed his sales had an abnormally high cancel rate or churn. That’s a huge red flag and after giving him a shot to improve, I sat him down and told him he needed to move on and fired him.
I won’t tolerate that kind of shady stuff and it made my company look so bad, undoing a lot of the reputation I’ve built. I know the timing was bad but the holidays are big sales time and I couldn’t justify shady sales.
Anyways, Christmas was awkward, my sister was upset and pretty much gave me the cold shoulder but told my parents I unjustly fired my BIL and that my new car was off my BIL’s back. I mean he did well but I didn’t make enough for a new Lexus off his sales; besides a lot of his sales were clawed back from my company because of the suspicious and consistent cancels.
But my sister was good to my kids so my partner and I agreed to let it go and hoped time would heal all wounds type of thing.
Well, BIL still hasn’t found a job and this past weekend, we were all at my parents for a birthday and my sister and BIL kept going on about how I shafted him, how my company was a scam and I only have a nice condo and things because of the scam.
I know they are hurt and acting out so I ignored them but now it’s still going on with family chats and stuff. My sister’s kids said something to my son about it too so of course my wife is mad now too.
My parents are staying quiet like in Switzerland. I tried talking to my Bil and sister, but they insisted I was in the wrong. At this point, I think we will just avoid family stuff if they are attending.
I hate to do that but not sure what else to do. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Continue to attend family gatherings and simply set the record straight, as you have explained here; his sales did not hold up.
People are already going to suspect that there’s a reason he can’t keep a job, so you won’t need to say much.” Auntie-Mam69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell them and your parents, that as long they don’t grow up there will be no family gatherings with them and you.
Tell your children that their aunt and uncle are only unhappy and frustrated because your BIL doesn’t get a job and that they try to blame you for that. Tell them they can still see their cousins but only if they leave out this topic.” Business_Serve_6513
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…. it’s business it’s not personal. Also if anyone gives you any more grief about this, add up his canceled sales and the reasons for canceling them, put them together in a binder, and then if they hassle you further, take out said binder and go over all the details of how his actions after he was given a warning were his responsibility and given the bridges he almost burned and money that had to be returned and let the facts and figures tell your story.
You can also compare the work of all the other employees doing their jobs for the time he was employed and show the direct correlation in pay. That should take care of everything.” pandatron3221
I would say you have the right to blurt out "you want to know why I fired him? He was being paid commission on sales but within weeks XX% of those sales were canceling. This is a HUGE red flag and here's why".
Then proceed to lay it out. Step by step.
Make him look bad. He's spread lies to every person in your family. You could sue him for slander, defamation, whatever else. List it all out.
And make sure you point out that he is the one that opened this up for everyone to hear. That you had never said a word.
5. AITJ For Prioritizing A Deceased Friend's Memorial Over My Brother's Lunar New Year Celebration?
“I’ll try to keep this short. Quick context: back in 2018, one of my friends passed away. She was young (mid-20s), and it was sudden and unexpected and preventable. We’d known each other since we were 16 and we were very close.
Her death was a massive blow to our friend group. Ever since then, the remaining five of us have always tried to gather at her niche on her birthday to celebrate, remember, and honor her. This year, her birthday falls on the first day of the Lunar New Year (10 February).
Actual situation: My older brother and his wife moved into their new apartment late last year, which is something they’ve been looking forward to for ages. He’s very proud of the place and he’s thrilled to be hosting family at his place for the Lunar New Year for the first time (for context, in my country it’s common practice to visit on the first few days of the Lunar New Year, you visit various members of your family, especially extended family, at their homes to exchange red packets and catch up, etc).
We were discussing plans yesterday over dinner and I told him that I wouldn’t come first thing in the morning with my parents and younger brother, but I’d go to the columbarium with my friends to pay respects to our deceased friend, then come by after I was done.
(This was long agreed upon in our friend group – we all wanted to celebrate with her first thing, and then we could spend the rest of the day celebrating with our families too.)
I did not expect him to be upset and say that it was disrespectful to put my friends over my family, especially on Lunar New Year, and that it’s inauspicious to deal with the dead during the festive period anyway, and since my friend passed so long ago he doesn’t understand why I keep visiting every year, anyway.
I’m not proud, but I snapped and lost it on him and told him where he could shove it and he’s an unfeeling jerk, and what does he know about tradition and respect anyway (when he was a teenager, he got in trouble for stealing from our parents and grandparents – it was a whole thing.
It was a low blow, and I know I’m a jerk for saying that specifically). TLDR, it became a shouting match and we parted on bad terms. In the light of morning, I don’t feel great about some of the stuff I said, but I’m also still angry at what he said and I think telling him off for callousness was justified. Would appreciate input from the AITJ community on whether I was a jerk in this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This is something you and your friends have been doing for a long time and I’m sure your brother knows that. This was someone that you truly loved and cared for and appreciate to this day.
Your brother makes it seem as though this was something sudden and you wouldn’t be there the whole day (you did say you couldn’t be there in the morning with your family but you could have been there the rest of the day) You should continue honoring your friend and if your brother can’t understand that then he isn’t a good brother.
Seems to only care about himself” Lone_Wolfette2006
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. He was being an inconsiderate, selfish jerk. You are more than justified in wanting to celebrate your late friend. You weren’t even skipping the family traditions, just coming late.
But you just should have said that and let it go. Bringing up his transgressions from his teenage years was out of line. Wait a few days, then apologize for your part and hope he does the same. If he doesn’t, perhaps skip festivities at his house this year.
Good luck! Sorry about your friend.” Austen-aficionado
Another User Comments:
“An everyone’s a jerk here situation. He was an inconsiderate jerk, and you were an inconsiderate jerk. But it feels fixable… go apologize for your part, explain how your departed friend is truly important to you, and hope (perhaps after some time) he also apologizes.” Jeffrey_Friedl
4. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Set Boundaries With His Mother After She Berated Me In My Own Home?
“My husband and I had an argument in private on Christmas Day, mother in law walked in and started crying and made it about her talking about “I shouldn’t have come here all I do is cause problems it took days for me to get convinced to come here” when the argument was about me asking him to turn down the music once he comes inside out of consideration for my mom who had worked at 7 am the following morning.
MIL then proceeded to lecture my husband and me and mostly directed herself at me…she said some things that I took offense to but for the sake of keeping the peace, I stayed quiet but talked to my husband about it the next day.
He apologized promising to change and then a week later I told him that I simply couldn’t let go of the fact that he let his mother berate me (his wife and mother of his children) in my own home while he watched and listened. He got defensive and in the end, he said when he talks to her next time, he’d discuss this with her and set a boundary.
Well MIL called him today and guess what…he didn’t tell her a thing other than “We are all doing well Mommy”. I’m serious. The following are texts I sent to him because his brother is over and I can’t verbally tell him these things for the sake of privacy.
1 “Hey I’ve talked to you about this 2 times already what happened on Christmas bothered me a lot and I even showed you how bad it made me feel and asked you to please talk to your mom about it I already apologized to her even though I didn’t do anything to her I’m not asking you to fight with her but I’m your wife…if you don’t look out for me who else is going to?
You even told me that the next time you talked to her you’d have a conversation with her about this and you didn’t so I honestly feel like you’re not taking me seriously” 2” I’m not asking you for much all I’m asking is for you to set a boundary respectfully I’m not asking you to disrespect or offend her so I don’t see a problem with this at all I don’t understand why it’s a problem for you to do this.
The second time we spoke about this incident I told you that I carried this with me because I thought it was very wrong of you to just stand there and watch and listen instead of putting a stop to everything and that I went up crying and so this also makes me feel like yours and your mom’s feelings matter but mine don’t and if that’s the case I’d prefer for you to tell me that.” AITJ for being persistent and not letting this go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ *she said some things that I took offense to but for the sake of keeping the peace, I stayed quiet* In your own home? Nu uhhh. This is *your* domain, the space you’ve created for *your* family.
Feel free to defend it, no matter how mean and nasty you have to be. Feel free to tell MIL to shut it. If she blubbers to her son, tell him “I *gave* you the chance to fix this.
Now *I* have to and it wasn’t meant to be pretty.” LoveChins2024
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’d stop apologizing when you don’t mean it/when you don’t feel you have anything to apologize for. I’d also tell your husband that as his mother has been treating you like her child/in a disrespectful way, she’s no longer welcome to come over (or only under certain conditions, like you not being home, or she can come for coffee/lunch/whatever but can’t stay the night).
Your husband is spineless. Don’t drop this. He clearly can’t stand up to his mother when it sounds like he should. But moreover, you should stand up to her yourself. This is YOUR house too, and your comfort as one of the owners/main residents should trump the wants of extended family to spend time at yours.” almalauha
Another User Comments:
“I’d show him real quick how I set boundaries. For example, “Shut up and mind your business, this has nothing to do with you. Leave the room.” I’d be kind enough to give him a single warning that the next time she acts up, that’s the response she will get.
And if he doesn’t like it, he can stop being a pathetic jellyfish and do his job managing Lady Histrionics and her Bull. Seething for you OP. Hope he finds his spine before you find a lawyer. ” daisukidesu1981
3. AITJ For Not Inviting My Older Sister On A Family Vacation?
“My family and I (F23) are going on a 10-day vacation with my in-laws in January 2024. We are still working out the details. As of right now, we have the Airbnb situation down pat. We are booking one big house.
The cost is being split amongst the guests. The payment for the home was to be made tonight.
Three out of four of my siblings (F11, F14, and M16) are invited, as they are kids and not married. My mom (F48) and my dad (M51) are also coming, as well as me and my husband (M23), his parents, his older sister (F25) and her fiancé (M?), and my husband’s younger brother (M19).
However, my older sister “Kay” (F26) was the only family member not informed about this trip for several reasons.
The first is that she is very “type A”. Going on a trip with my sister means following HER itinerary, as everything needs to be the way SHE wants it.
The second is that she is married with a two-year-old. Not. There will be NO small children on this trip. The fact that she has a husband and a kid who would need to come along would also mean having to split our families into TWO Airbnbs rather than just one, further complicating matters.
However, my mother somehow didn’t realize until last night that “Kay” was not invited. She was on the phone with “Kay” last night and brought up the trip with her. She quickly realized “Kay” was not informed. However, “Kay” then contacted me immediately after hanging up with my mom asking why she hadn’t heard of the trip.
I told her I was just about to let her know about it and that it wasn’t my plan (a white lie to save face). I told her that if she wanted to come, she was going to have to find her place to stay.
My sister then got extremely angry at me claiming that I intentionally left her out of the trip, calling me selfish and saying I’ve always been such a “mean person”, and eventually breaking down sobbing. This resulted in her husband then contacting me and asking me why I’ve always been so “cruel” to my sister and that this is why he’s never been proud to call me his SIL.
My mom is also hurt that I did not involve “Kay” in our plans. Now our payment for the Airbnb is up in the air for tonight because of my sister’s theatrics. A part of me feels bad for my part in the drama, but a larger part of me is angry because I do not feel my sister was entitled to an invitation and I also am angered by her and her husband’s treatment of me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The way you went about this was selfish, rude, immature, and easily makes you a jerk. It’s a jerk move to not even tell your sister about the trip. This is awful communication and rude to your sister.
Not sure how you maintain a relationship with her when going about plans this way. Boundaries are a thing and you should use them. Also, I understand being with a two-year-old has its downfalls but you’re kidding yourself if you think an 11year old and 14-year-old are going to be full of joy.” bishop0408
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You single-handedly decided to exclude your sister from this trip abs now are trying to blame your sister for the fallout of your excluding her. ***”My sister then got extremely angry at me claiming that I intentionally left her out of the trip”*** She would be correct, you did intentionally exclude her from the trip.
***” A part of me feels bad for my part in the drama”*** You alone caused all the drama by excluding your sister. ***” but a larger part of me is angry because I do not feel my sister was entitled to an invitation and I also am angered by her and her husband’s treatment of me.”*** And there you go blaming your sister for your jerk behaviour.
Your sister and her husband are not treating you anything. You’re not the victim here. They’re simply calling you out on your cruel actions toward your sister.” Cocoasneeze
Another User Comments:
“YTJ y’all left out the sister completely even though everyone else on both sides of your family is going?
And you didn’t think she’d be angry? Why didn’t you just call her and tell her you hate spending time with her, find her annoying, and don’t like her kid? Would have been more efficient and sent her the same message.” Hot_Box_4574
She's controlling, thinks she's the boss, blah, blah, blah.
But guess what. Look in the mirror.
Here's what you should do in the future.
Plan a big family vacation. Give 4 or 5 activities you'd like to suggest as a group event on this day. Then suggest hotels. Don't do a big place where everyone stays together. Maybe set up 3 houses/condos side by side.
2. AITJ For Telling My Friend She Will Look Big Regardless Of The Dress She Wears?
“My friends and I (24-30 F) were going shopping for prom dresses last weekend for an adult prom in a few months.
It’s worth noting that I recognize I am the least heavy person in our group, but not “skinny” as I wear a size L to XL. Or even conventionally attractive for that matter. One of my friends in particular is quite large and has an inverted triangle body type that I recognize makes loving her body and appearance very difficult.
Long story short she confessed that she wasn’t interested in getting a dress that she liked (she was only going to wear black and something a-frame) because any other color or dress shape would make her “look big”.
I told her exactly this “You will look big regardless, so you might as well wear a dress you love”. She did try the dress on (edit: the dress she tried on was one she had been eyeing a lot but was outside her comfort zone) but didn’t come out to show us and was quiet the rest of the day.
Later a different gal in our friend group reached out to tell me that what I said was very rude, and inconsiderate and caused her to sob on the car ride back. (It’s been almost a week since shopping but I just found out about this today.
The other gals did tell me she is still upset but hasn’t cried since and seemed fine when they hung out with her yesterday)
Again, I recognize that I’m the “skinny” one but I also really struggled with my body image and self-love for a long time.
Adopting the mentality of “I’m gonna look big/unattractive regardless, so I might as well wear/do what I love” honestly helped me make a lot of mental health progress. Which is what I want for her! But I also recognize I’ve never been her, her size, or her body type.
Could I have been more tactful? Probably. Should I have brushed over her self-deprecating comment? I don’t know. I probably should have just said “You should wear what you love” or something like that but I doubt that would have had any chance of changing her mind.
But now as I type this, it’s not up to me to change her mind – right? Only she can. But just enabling her self-depreciation seems so much more hurtful and wrong…
I do plan on apologizing to her, face to face, and with no excuses.
If she wants to know why I said it, I’ll explain but only if she asks because I don’t want to make it about me. I’m also going to discuss this with my therapist next week.
But I’m honestly curious what y’all think of this situation.
So, was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yeah, I appreciate you were trying to use strategies that have worked for you, but since it wasn’t couched as that, it just came out offensive.
There was a chance she could have accepted it and been motivated by it, but what works for one person may not work for another in terms of challenging thoughts and shifting perspectives. Having said that, you sound very insightful in your post so just be honest with your friend about your thought process.
That can involve an apology, but it can do wonders to clarify what your intention was, even if the impact was something different.” LowAdvisor9274
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You may want to refrain from “helping” others with their body image challenges until you first get over them yourself.
You couldn’t get through two paragraphs without a body-shaming comment (see the last sentence in paragraph 2). Your poor opinion of her body size and shape is yours. You get to keep that to yourself. Backhanded compliments are never complimentary.” Slow-Show-3884
Another User Comments:
“NTJ necessarily because you didn’t say that to be cruel or demeaning. Are you generally a “tell it like it is” person? If so what you said wasn’t wrong but maybe triggered something in her that made her uncomfortable and sad.
Please talk to her and let her know you love her and didn’t mean to hurt her. Probably she knows this already but a good talk between friends can be wonderful. Did she buy a dress? If not offer to shop with her again.
I truly hope all of you have a great time at the prom.” Rare-Parsnip5838
1. AITJ For Correcting My Dad's Misunderstanding About A Student Discount In Public?
“I (17f) recently got into an argument with my dad (42m), over what happened during a holiday trip to a public pool in Germany.
Recently my dad, my younger brother (14m) and I went to Germany to go skiing and to see some relatives. While we were there, my dad decided to take us to one of these spa-pool-relaxation places that are typically near ski hotels (sorry if I’m not explaining this correctly).
We get to this spa and we check in, and after 3 or so hours we decide to leave. We get to the checkout reception and my dad is paying. My brother, my dad, and I are being charged as adults (anyone over 12 is), but my dad is under the assumption that I will get a student discount.
In Germany there is a “Student” discount— but my dad thought it meant anyone who’s in high school, but it means university students. So clearly there was a language barrier somewhere. My dad starts picking a fight with the woman at the cash register.
The woman at the cash register (Laura, as her name tag said), keeps explaining to my dad that in Germany student is to University student, and “schüler” is a high school student. My dad keeps disagreeing with her and saying that the discount doesn’t explicitly state that it is only a university student discount, and keeps trying to haggle her for a discount.
We’re standing at the front of the cue, in front of a bunch of other families who are waiting to check out. My brother is typically very aloof and stays out of it, but I was honestly dying of embarrassment at this point and tried to jump in.
I told him that Laura was right, and I explained to him (somewhat condescendingly) that Laura was right and he was wrong. My dad is very prideful, so essentially I embarrassed him in front of the woman and the other families.
I told him he should just pay the full price because I’m not eligible for any discount. My dad gives me the dirtiest look. He begrudgingly pays the full price and mumbles some colorful words under his breath.
After we leave the spa and head to the car, he stops me and points his finger in my face telling me:
“When we are in public, you either agree with me or you keep your mouth shut.”
He was very angry with me for embarrassing him in front of everyone, and it honestly spoiled the rest of the day and vacation because he kept being short with me or huffing and puffing during dinner.
My brother thinks I should’ve kept my mouth shut, but I think I was in the right in trying to humble my dad’s attitude.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This reminds me of a trip I took with my friend from Australia (her mom is originally from Peru).
Her mom was constantly complaining and arguing with the hotel staff and my friend was so embarrassed. Sometimes parents can be super embarrassing and in this case, your dad was also being rude and holding up the line. You had every right to intervene and it sounds like you simply matched his energy.
If he didn’t like it then maybe it’s time for him to do some self-reflection.” Tambug21
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Mind your own business. When you are paying with your own money, then you speak up and pay. It is not your place to correct your father in a conversation he was having with another person.
And if you must stick your nose in where it doesn’t belong, you could be kind about it. You were rude.” BBayWay
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