People Focus On Moving On From Their "Am I The Jerk?" Situations
22. AITJ For Removing My Non-Paying Roommate From My Amazon Prime Account?
“In April I asked my roommate if she wanted to split the cost of Amazon Prime and she said she did.
I told her what half the amount was and she never paid me. Fast forward, she’s moving out in a month so I took her name off my Amazon Prime account. She was super upset. So I pointed out that she never paid for it.
She said she didn’t know how much it was and she thought she had paid. I said I told her the amount in April. She said she thought I would invoice her for it. And she forgot she didn’t pay.
She said she was surprised that I’d take her off since she’s only going to be there a month and she needs the prime account.
I said she could use the funds she never paid me to split mine and get her own. I am struggling because I feel like I was hasty in taking her name off my prime account.
With that said, I paid for her deposit to put her phone line in her own name and I’ve been paying for her cat’s food and litter and flea meds for years.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hey so I’m the kind of absent-minded jerk who might genuinely forget I hadn’t paid someone for something. You know what I say if I forget? “Oh shoot, I’m so sorry, I thought I paid but I must’ve forgotten I’m so sorry here’s the money right now plus some extra for me being a jerk.” Not….
this. She ‘needs’ Prime for the next month? Great she can pay you for it. But she’s had three months of free Prime, she absolutely should not be complaining about not getting a fourth.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Definitely don’t share an Amazon account with someone who doesn’t pay for their own pets’ food and just freeloaded on a subscription she agreed to pay for.
And review all purchases charged to your card to see how often you paid for her stuff. She sounds like a freeloader, and giving her access to your Amazon account was dangerous.” opinionreservoir
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like maybe you are frustrated with your roommate not paying for a number of things and this was the last straw.
I think you might want to practice telling people when they need to pay up. Sometimes people don’t really think about the cost and need to be reminded. I know that flea meds are very expensive (more than Amazon Prime) so maybe you need to start keeping a tally of your expenses so the roommate knows just how much you are spending on their behalf.” Overall-Hour-5809
21. AITJ For Refusing To Make Food For My Mom After She Made Weight-Related Jokes About Me?
“I’ve been taking seizure medication since I was 12 that makes me gain a little weight, so I’m at about 125-150 right now.
I’d always been a very skinny girl before then, so when I started taking the medication my whole family was surprised at how much bigger I was getting.
It’s always been a big insecurity for me, and my mom and sister know this.
They will make jokes at my expense even though I tell them I’m not comfortable with it and it makes me upset. They just laugh it off and call it “harmless jokes”.
Fast forward to today. My mom asks me to make a grilled cheese sandwich for her.
I tell her yes. Shortly after, she and my sister are making jokes about me eating all the food while I’m downstairs and she literally told my sister that I need to be watched because if I’m not, I might eat all her cheese.
In a fit of anger, I tell my mom if she doesn’t trust me to make a grilled cheese sandwich by myself I shouldn’t be making it at all and she should just ask my sister to do it.
I am now being called a jerk and selfish (amongst other things) and I wanted to ask if this was the case.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sweetheart, my mother was a bully, too, till the day she died. When I went no contact, she kept calling and messaging me for years till her death, shaming me into getting back in line. I know you didn’t ask for advice, so just disregard it if not needed. But it hit the nerve here.
What you’re experiencing, is abuse. Abusive parents are much more common than extended family or society wants to admit. When you’re on your own, take time to analyze your mother’s behavior and see if you notice a pattern of disrespecting you, using you, or manipulating you in any way.
I don’t believe that this heartless weight-shaming is an isolated thing with somebody who is so relentless in their “jokes”. Neither is shifting the blame on you because you stood up for yourself – they didn’t like it one bit. They had so much fun and you ruined it (sarcasm intended).
If there is indeed a pattern of abuse, the single best thing will be to put space between you (physical, if possible, or disengage emotionally). Then seek help and advice from a professional. The fact that you’re even asking whether you’re a jerk, makes me wonder if you need help understanding what is going on in your family and coping with it.
I hope you’ll be able to get out of this toxicity before you get any lasting psychological damage. The longer you put up with it, the worse the damage. And who knows how it’ll affect your medical condition in the long run. Take care, hun.” noregrets2022
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless you’re super short or gained that weight in a short amount of time, being in that weight range doesn’t even sound that concerning. And even if it was, the way to deal with it would not be shaming and jokes like they’re doing, it’d be having you see a doctor or nutritionist and support you in figuring out an appropriate diet/exercise/lifestyle routine if that was something you wanted.” RespectTheGreenHats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ oh the folly of thinking you should mess with someone making your food. She’s lucky you didn’t drop it on the floor and serve it with a smile! I’m clearly less of a good person than you are because I would have exacted revenge in a heartbeat.
On a serious note, I think she is acting like this because of her own issues. She may be embarrassed to have a heavy daughter if she is known for being heavily invested in her appearance and the appearance of your family. She may also be dealing with programming from her own youth that told her that shaming a daughter for gaining weight may be a way to “cure” her of the problem.
She may think she’s somehow helping you by bullying you herself so that you can see it will be worse outside of the house and that she is doing what’s best for you. Sadly, she could also be genuinely intending to hurt you.
I am sure your instincts on why she is doing this are correct. Ultimately, her reasons are not important other than they may help how you decide to handle the situation. If you think a serious conversation would help or even calling her out in a way that makes it clear she’s hurting you to the people around you (very effective if she’s super image-conscious) or just keeping your distance and focusing on yourself and the people who care about you.
Please try your best to remember how wrong she is.
I had a very bad accident earlier this year and was unable to do anything physical for months. I gained a tremendous amount of weight and even though I’m nearly all the way recovered I am on medicines and doing physical therapy so I am often not feeling up to being as active as I used to be.
I cannot imagine how painful it would be for someone as critical as a parent to make fun of me right now. I am so sorry you are going through this. It makes my heart so sad that your mother would rather have a thin daughter who died from a seizure than a living daughter who gained weight.
Does she realize that is exactly what she is saying?
I don’t have children, but my dear friend lost his 13-year-old daughter to a seizure after having complications with her medication no longer controlling it. I cannot tell you how awful it was to lose such a bright wonderful girl.
It devastated him and his wife and her younger siblings. They immediately went into counseling and have worked so hard to manage the loss in a truly healthy and healing way. I am so proud of him and his family, but I can’t help but place their story next to yours and feel such anger at your mother for being so careless with you.
She has no idea how lucky you are to have found medicine that is helping you. Please know that your health is more important than her messed-up priorities and insecurity. I really hope you are able to put up the boundaries you need for dealing with her.” BorderlineBabydoll
20. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Miss Work To Take Me To Urgent Care?
“My husband and I are in our mid-20s and have a son (11 months) and I am halfway through my pregnancy with our second child.
I have been sickly my whole life and have a very weak immune system but nothing that doctors have been able to pin to anything specific. I just get very sick very easily and very fast. This pregnancy has been taking a really hard toll on my body and I’ve been extremely physically weak the whole time as well as having other issues.
Last night I began throwing up, having migraines, and couldn’t stop my body from shaking. I didn’t say anything to my husband in case it would resolve by this morning but it hasn’t. I was up vomiting all night, tossing and turning, coughing so hard I couldn’t catch my breath and so this morning I asked him if he’d be able to watch the baby while I went to urgent care when it opened. He said no and that he can’t keep missing work (he has called out twice in the last month.) I feel like absolute crap but this response makes me feel like what I’m experiencing isn’t bad enough to warrant him staying home.
I asked him again if he could just go in later after taking me and he said no again and got upset at me for asking and now I feel like if he doesn’t want to miss a day of work then I must not really be as sick as I feel.
(I know that doesn’t sound right but that’s how my brain justifies it as if roles were reversed I would stay to help him in a heartbeat). He said he’ll tell his brother to come by and help but that just makes me uncomfortable and I’d rather just deal with whatever I have than bother him with it.
I have a habit of minimizing when I’m sick but I’m genuinely scared especially with this pregnancy being as rough as it has been on me. But at the same time if he thought I was really sick he’d stay, right? I don’t know but he’s upset with me now for asking so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. He can genuinely believe you’re sick and still be worried about the repercussions if he misses any more work without some kind of actual proof from the doctor that he needs to be there. Especially when if this does get worse, you two can’t really afford to be down a stream of income.
Take the help from his brother that’s being offered, or reach out to your contacts if you don’t want to rely on his. If the hospital does end up admitting you, you can update him as soon as you know.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
You’re not being unreasonable in needing help while you’re so sick, but at the same time, he probably can’t keep taking sick days. At my workplace, we can only call in sick a set number of times before we get summoned to HR; there might be something similar with your husband’s work.
I get why you’re uncomfortable with your brother-in-law coming by to help, but it sounds like that might be your husband trying to find a way to help you while also not losing his job.” AlanWithTea
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here, I had to stay in the hospital with our sick baby and I felt very hurt and rejected because my husband was not right by my side.
The admissions nurse asked me about the baby’s father and I said he was at work, expecting her to give me a hug because he was so heartless. But she obviously had seen this many times before, and just said “Good, he’s bringing in the money, so he’s doing his bit, we’ve got that sorted out.” And I realized she was right.
It’s not going to help you if your husband loses his job. You definitely need a long-term plan so you have support for your health and your baby, but you also need to accept that his job is to bring in money for the family, and that is really important.
Sit down together and brainstorm how you can get the support you need while he focuses on work. You’ve got this.” Reddit User
19. AITJ For Not Trusting My Friend After She Shared My Personal Secrets?
“Everything I (19M) tell my friend (18F), she tells her best friend. Some of these things I don’t need others to know, but I trust her enough.
Today her best friend came to me asking about these things I told her in confidence and I got mad.
The things I told her ranged from personal details about my sexuality and my family. I confronted my friend, she said she’d fix it, I said “no you’ve done enough” and went on to say I couldn’t tell her anything anymore.
She cried after that.
I don’t feel like a jerk. Her best friend says I’m a jerk. Am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your best friend shouldn’t have been telling your personal stuff to another person. That’s for you to disclose. I would say it could be an honest mistake or loose lips.
Just be a little clear in what is private from now on until she gets it. She may also have thought that friend would have kept her mouth shut. Maybe she was looking for advice for you since I don’t know what was said it could have all been innocent.
But be extra clear with your friend from now on. It’s not great to lose a confidant. Have a good talk and say how it hurt you. Communication is key. If she’s your best friend you guys can fix this.” Zestyclose-Lime-217
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
No. When you tell someone something in confidence they’re supposed to know not to share the details of your life. I suppose if you didn’t make it clear that she shouldn’t be telling anyone else your secrets that might be different. Although, you shouldn’t have to tell someone not to talk about your personal stories that you’ve told them if they seem to be of a very personal nature.” removed_bymoderator
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and congrats on defining a boundary. I wonder if her tears might have been a sign of actual remorse, though. If she’s a close friend, maybe try to talk this out. But going forward, be more careful about what you share, or at least be explicit in stating “this information is not to be shared”.
Her best friend is biased because 1) it’s her best friend that’s upset she’s only hearing her side of things, and 2) she sounds like she loved hearing about our business.” StorytellingGiant
18. AITJ For Telling My Daughter To Stop Copying Recipes From TikTok?
“I raised my daughter by myself and now she’s 17. She’s a good kid, but she’s obsessed with TikTok. She also wants to be a chef.
Saturday night she made spaghetti for dinner and it was excellent. I praised her for her creativity but then she told me it was a recipe she found on TikTok.
I told her just because she sees something on TikTok she doesn’t need to recreate it, and real chefs don’t copy recipes and they make their own stuff up by using their imagination.
She said she just wanted to try the recipe because it sounded good and I was fed up.
She copies everything off TikTok like recipes, art/craft/bedroom decorations, and even finds music off it. I told her to grow up and find her own sense of individuality because I’m scared that the app is going to rot her brain and she’s just going to be one of those annoying kids who’ll do anything for 5 minutes of attention.
My partner called me a jerk but she also uses TikTok.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Would it be less childish if she used a recipe from a Julia Child cookbook, even though that’s essentially still “copying” by your definition? I thought this was going to be about your daughter doing stupid dances or “challenges” all the time.
This is like the most wholesome usage of TikTok ever, and you’re upset about it? Good grief.” bluelion70
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. And I was not expecting that coming into this post. I can’t stand TikTok, nor the way people are glued to social media in general. But… how is that any different, then the way I learned to cook 30 years ago as a kid?
I pulled out the recipe book. Copied the recipe. Arts & Crafts? Same thing. You used a book you would copy out of it. It sounds like you just have a stick up your backside about TikTok. I get it. I feel the same way.
But this is the wrong time to be a jerk about it – because frankly, you are wrong, no matter how you slice it. This is coming from one TikTok hater to another.” SDstartingOut
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I feel bad for your daughter. She makes a dinner, that you love, but then, because it came from TikTok you don’t like it?
By the way, chefs 100% use other recipes. They may change or add things to make them their own, but 99% of food comes from a recipe someone else already made. Your daughter doesn’t need to grow up, you need to evolve. Sorry TikTok is so scary for you.
You seem to have some weird hangups.” tall-irish-girl
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Wife To Be An Uber Driver To Pay Off Her Debts?
“When my wife and I got married 5 years ago, we both went into it with student loan debt.
We both agreed at that time that we would each be responsible for paying our own debts.
I have a much higher paying job than she does and I have aggressively been paying mine down. I will have mine paid off by August of this year.
She still has a significant amount of debt and she wants to take on an extra job to pay it down. The problem is the job she wants to take. She wants to be an Uber driver but she wants to do it late nights, and weekends.
I feel this is an unsafe job for her to take and I don’t want her risking her safety for this. I’m ok with her getting a safer job but not this. She says she can make a lot of money doing this but I do not feel comfortable with it so I do not support her idea.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“What’s the potential jerk behaviour here? If you’re simply just not wanting her to take that job then I’d say that’s not jerk behaviour. You’re allowed to feel a certain way. But if you’re restricting her from getting the job (no idea how you’d enforce that) then yes, that would be jerk behaviour.
You can feel your feelings, but once you’re actively limiting her freedom and autonomy then you’d be the jerk.” teawithsocrates
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – if it’s as simple as you both dealing with your own debts then it’s entirely her choice how she earns money.
If you are so worried why not help her pay off her debts? If you earn significantly more than your wife you can pay more towards the bills etc leaving her a bit more space to pay off debt. What happens if you guys decide to have kids?
She will earn even less then.” Odd_Turnover_5853
Another User Comments:
“Very light YTJ. I know you care about her safety but it’s something she wants to do to be able to pay off the debts that she has. She could apply to other places but it would be a minimum-wage job probably and the chances of them not meshing with her current work schedule is high.
Uber is flexible and you can work whenever you’d like. Let her try it out and see if she enjoys it, or let her test out her theory and see how much she makes from it. At least let her try before automatically saying no to the idea.” [deleted]
16. AITJ For Secretly Planning To Move Out Of My Overprotective Parents' House?
“I’m a woman in my mid-twenties. I currently live with my folks, Sarah and George (fake names), they are in their mid to late 60s. They took me in when I was a baby due to my mother, their daughter, having “issues” at the time.
When I was younger, my folks were overprotective of me. Due to my mother having run away from home a few times, being a wild girl (parties, sneaking out, substances and drinking, all the cliché rebellious stuff), they were afraid I’d do the same. I wasn’t bothered though, the paranoia over me going to peers’ houses did get bothersome at times but it was fine.
Then I started developing my own interests and beliefs. They were not supportive. Commonly telling me to be in the “real world”, then when I’d make friends they would judge them harshly. I couldn’t have ambitions, wanting to one day be a police officer or an artist, anything of the sort.
“You gotta be REALISTIC” I’d hear all too often.
They still see me as a child, it took them far too long to “allow” me to do anything. I just started doing things without telling them to not result in conflict. They also have emotionally abused me, I think.
Insult the way I laugh, my weight was always an issue to them, and my preferences in clothes. Commonly shout at me for the most petty things, I still flinch when I hear my name called by someone.
I pay to live in their house, and Sarah has been telling me I’ll be staying with them indefinitely, I’ll get the house someday basically.
I was fine with that at first, so I didn’t pay much mind for saving my money. Her attitude got worse though, starting when I was reorganizing my bedroom and locking my door for privacy. She would also get so angry if I took time off work.
I have slept in my car in grocery store parking lots when I took approved time off work, just so I didn’t have to wake up to Sarah storming in and shouting at me. I am really scared of her, I hate to say it.
Then, I finally made the decision to start doing things for my health.
I went to the doctor without telling Sarah or George, and got a prescription that’s been incredible for my health as of late. Then I went to the bank and opened a new account only I can access.
I have been packing away my unnecessary items like merchandise from games and shows I like. I’ve been looking for houses to learn what I’ll need to be prepared for in the future.
Am I the jerk for doing all these things in secret? I am terrified of how they’ll react if they find out.
Inevitably they’ll know I’m moving when it happens, and Sarah will probably attempt to guilt trip me into staying with them. They might have a hard time without me around anymore and they’ll have no trust in me when they uncover the truth.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What you’re doing is creating a safety plan and making sure you have the resources and funds to leave an emotionally and financially manipulative/abusive situation. Info: Just curious, when you say that they might have a hard time without you around anymore, do you mean because of what you paid to live there, did around the house, both, other?
What you’re doing is smart and absolutely the right choice. You deserve peace of mind and to be able to be free to grow and explore as your own person.” eirasmus
Another User Comments:
“Basically they messed up your mother’s childhood and then were given the opportunity to do it all over again.
You have no idea what they may try to do to you to ensure you don’t leave them or why they don’t want you to leave (I kinda suspect something else is going on in the background with them). You’re separated your finances but make sure you put a lock on your credit.
The best way to stop you from moving out would be to get credit in your name and default on it so you’re found ineligible when a credit check is run when you try to rent somewhere. Check your credit and if something is amiss then report it to the police and then contest it with the creditor.
Collate all your documentation (birth certificate, graduation stuff, etc.) and, ideally, store them outside the house. When you do leave, drop by the local police station (with ID) to let them know that you’re not missing but are moving away. This will prevent complications if they do report you as missing.
NTJ and good luck.” East_Parking8340
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No, they’re toxic and abusive, op do whatever you need to do to go out of there safely. Make sure you get your passport, birth certificates, and social security card, don’t be pressed to get them from them you can order your own copies.
Also check your credit report, just in case. I would encourage you to get a PO Box, so that you can get mail you don’t want coming to the house, the bonus of that is when you move out you can just give that at your forwarding address, and you never have to give them your physical address, which I would not ever give to them.
You should probably contact a domestic violence center, I think it falls under that category, and they can help you come up with a plan for escaping. Op, have you started seeing a therapist yet, because they can help with the strategies to maybe counteract the guilt trips.
Also, you may need to make the decision about whether you will continue contact with them once you’re out, taking into account that you’re leaving could change the situation dramatically.” Vegetable-Cod-2340
15. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Remove My Baby's Pictures From Her Instagram?
“A couple of months ago, in the accounts suggested for me (F25) to follow on Instagram, I saw my sister’s (F23) name.
I clicked on the account to follow her and was surprised to see she had several posts with photos of my baby. Doubly surprised because I had told her before that I didn’t send her more pictures of my baby because I didn’t want them being shared with the rest of my family (she was a little offended and said she would never do that.) Triply surprised because when I helped our teenage sister make her first Instagram, my sisters were mad at me for helping her get an Instagram and told her to be careful to not post pictures of herself publicly (yet here were several public posts of my baby.) Even though time has passed I feel a lump in my throat as I am typing this.
I have never even posted my baby without covering her face. And some of the people seeing my sister’s posts are family that stopped speaking to me in painful ways – I still love those people and was dreaming of the day we could heal and I could be the one to show them my baby for the first time.
I texted my sister right away “There are pictures of ___ on Instagram. Can you delete them”. She doesn’t normally respond to texts so I wasn’t surprised to not hear from her until she called the next day. She told me she was hurt by the way I texted her.
She said she thought we had a better relationship than for me to just text her in that way without “please” or an explanation. Paraphrasing, she said it sounded like I didn’t trust her with my baby and she has felt for a long time that I hold her at arm’s length when it comes to my baby.
Honestly, if it had been about anything else, I would have tried to see her side and do what I could to make her feel better. But I don’t play when it comes to my baby, so I stood my ground and countered her every complaint with “I didn’t do anything wrong.
I have every right to make the calls about my baby.” The conversation basically ended with her still thinking I was rude and me agreeing to disagree.
THREE days later I went back to the posts just to double-check, AND THEY WERE STILL UP! I texted again, “You really didn’t delete the pictures?” The next day they were down.
Unless I had sent that follow-up text I don’t think they would ever have been taken down.
Anyway after this incident, I look back at our relationship very differently. I think she has been pretty manipulative and I have been deferring to her and I didn’t realize until this incident.
When she called again I didn’t pick up and we haven’t spoken ever since. I miss her and have a nagging voice inside of me that I’m doing the wrong thing. I have my own problems to work through and I don’t want to cut her off for being unhealthy herself sometimes.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I have issues with babies and kids photos being on social media cause they can’t consent and deserve privacy, particularly public posts. You’re the parent and your sister is the jerk for not only not asking you before posting but not immediately taking them down when asked!
She’s talking about the tone of the text to deflect and distract from the issue. I think she’s lucky she got a text and not a screaming phone call!” Stunning_Morning_474
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re protecting your child, as is your right. She also violated your trust. So if you didn’t consciously keep her at arm’s length about your baby before, you have every reason to be conscious about it now.
FYI, you can report her account to Instagram for posting pictures of your baby without your consent. They’ll remove the pictures. If she reposts them, they’ll ban her for good.” runtheclock20
Another User Comments:
““I have my own problems to work through and I don’t want to cut her off for being unhealthy sometimes.” As hard as it may be, this is actually the exact opposite of what your perspective should be.
You may need to cut her off because you’re doing the work on yourself and she’s not healthy. A large part of my healing process from all my trauma and mental health ended up being me having to cut my mother out of my life.
I couldn’t move forward with her and her issues weighing me down. It was like I’d take 2 baby steps forward and then she’d visit or call or we’d have a fight (our fights were really just her gaslighting me or manipulating me and I would be trying to defend myself or hold on to the truth and she would wear me down or make me feel so guilty that I would give up) and it was 1 giant step back.
You have to do whatever it takes to get through it and be the happy healthy person you want to be. For yourself and your child. And if she’s not willing to do the bare minimum and respect your boundaries about your own child and/or mental health then you may have to cut her out until she is willing to do the work.” vettechrockstar86
14. AITJ For Not Supporting My Brother's Fake Internship?
“I (f26) have a younger brother (m24). We come from an average-income family and struggled financially for a while before things improved slightly.
I pursued a 2-year degree and worked through a physically demanding unpaid internship, followed by toxic office jobs. After years of hard work, I now have a well-paying job I enjoy.
My brother chose a 5-year degree but rarely attended classes or contributed at home.
After finishing his exams, he needed a 4-month unpaid internship to graduate. He started one but quit on the first day, claiming no one paid attention to him. Despite my advice to give it time, he stopped and has since sent a few applications and attended just two interviews.
Now, his college says he must complete the internship by year’s end or risk not graduating. My mum, who has always coddled him, found someone to fake his internship. He won’t work or attend; just submit papers. He also lied, saying he needs to focus on another degree to justify not attending.
When I expressed concern that skipping an internship would hurt his future, both he and my mum lashed out. They accused me of being unsupportive, while I argued that gaining work experience is crucial and that his entitlement will hold him back. My brother insists he’ll “work on his own terms,” dismissing my efforts to help.
Am I the jerk for not supporting this fake internship and voicing my concerns?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It isn’t “unsupportive” to have morals and be opposed to fraud. Bro knew the internship was required for graduation and refused to put in the effort to meet the minimum requirements for the degree. If he just blatantly refused to sign up for and attend any other class, and then tried to get the professor to just sign off on it without effort, then he wouldn’t be allowed to graduate either.
The only thing that makes you seem like possibly a slight jerk is that you seem to be judging your brother’s choice of degree/career path harshly since his experience doesn’t mirror yours. I get the impression from your post that he may be using education as a way to delay entry into the workforce rather than a way to gain relevant skills, though (five-year degree and he has another degree distracting him from finishing the internship requirements for his first degree?
Is this a dual degree program or did he just stretch a single bachelor’s degree over 5 years?)” Kaynico
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Unless you’ve said something to your mum and brother that you’ve not included in your post, you’ve not mentioned the moral position, you’ve not threatened to report this, or said something being perceived as an implied threat to report it by commenting what would happen if the uni or awarding body discover this deception; the concerns you’ve raised relate directly to his future and career.
All would have been valid concerns, but you (it seems) refrained from making [valid] accusations of fraud. On the plus side, your brother has insisted that he will work on his own terms and dismissed your efforts to help. Keep that dismissal in mind for when (because I do think it will be ‘when’, not just ‘if’) he or your mum comes to you asking you to help him get a job where you work, or act as reference, or loan him money.” Ok-Status-9627
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! You’ve done what a responsible sibling should do, voice a concern. You were re-buffed by your brother and your mother. Fine. Now step back and keep your distance from both. Because, sooner or later (probably sooner) one or both of them will be asking or demanding financial assistance from you, citing that old truism ‘family helps family’!
When you block them, they’ll go out to the extended family to put pressure on you – again, on the premise that ‘family helps family’. That is a rabbit hole you DON’T want to follow. Don’t buckle to their demands, and don’t allow the brother or your mother to move in with you, even for a ‘little while’.
That ‘little while’ will grow to weeks, months, and years. Oh, and the counterfeit internship? If it gets found out his entire degree may be forfeit. He’ll crash and expect your complete assistance. Good luck!” SlammerofHammer
13. AITJ For Treating My Best Friend The Same Way He Treats Me?
“I 19F and my best friend 18M have been close friends over the past year. Let’s call him Damian. He is very busy, so he cannot respond a lot.
At least I thought he was. We made a friend (let’s call her Eliza, 20F) together on a game, and ever since we made a group chat for us, I’ve noticed he’s a lot more active than he should be for someone so busy. As the friendship between me and Eliza has been forced upon me without my say, I don’t text much on the group chat.
Think of it as if you were out with a friend and you went to the bathroom and came back to your friend hanging out with someone you’ve never seen before, and then they spend the rest of the day with you, so to be nice you allow it.
But just because I don’t text on the group chat much doesn’t mean me and Damian don’t text privately. The thing is, I text every single day, giving updates about my life since I know he likes it and I like doing that too due to my past trauma of being ignored for years by my middle school classmates, so texting someone every day has helped a ton.
The problem is that Damian takes days up to a week to respond to me at all. When he would vent to me he would say he’s very busy or he’d be too tired to respond so it takes quite some time to find a time where he can respond.
But now that we have a mutual friend I feel like he wasn’t telling me the full truth. He is busy I can confirm, but he can still play Roblox for up to 3 hours apparently. He still finds the time to respond to all of Eliza’s messages!
It really confused me that he found all that time in his “busy schedule” to do all that but not respond to a few messages, he knows how much it matters to me.
There’s this saying “treat others how you want to be treated”. I follow it religiously.
When someone treats me well, I treat them well. When someone is being a jerk to me for no reason, I treat them with the very same attitude.
It is the 21st of November, the last time I texted him was on November 4th. To which he replied on November 6th.
After I realized how often he replies to me after I patiently wait for days, I decided to see just how long it would take for me not texting anything for him to notice.
15 days later, on November 19th he finally texts me 5 messages. I thought why am I suddenly obligated to text back?
Today he texted me again. Why is he so confused about why I’m treating him the same way he’s treating me? I’m busy too but I still find the time for him.
I honestly have no idea how to proceed from here. I love my best friend, I always give him gifts and all I get is late responses, showing up late to meet-ups, and promises of gifts that never come.
I am fed up with being treated like this. All my private friends are telling me to block him, but I don’t know if I want to. Maybe he has an excuse for why he’s doing all this?
I want people to tell me if I’m in the wrong here, and I want the full truth on what you all think.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You’re playing games instead of just talking to him about your concerns. “There’s this saying “treat others how you want to be treated”. I follow it religiously. When someone treats me well, I treat them well. When someone is being a jerk to me for no reason, I treat them with the very same attitude.” You absolutely don’t follow that religiously.
You do the opposite – you treat people like they are treating you, not how you want them to treat you.” yensid7
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. What, exactly, is he doing that you see as treating you badly? You are into texting him a lot because it makes YOU feel better.
There is nothing wrong with that. What is wrong is that you are getting upset with him for not texting you back and responding as promptly as you would like him to! It seems he’s never been big at returning texts quickly, so this is nothing new.
You bombard him with texts, updating him on your day “since I know he likes it”. How much he likes these daily messages might not be as much as you imagine he does. Honestly, he just doesn’t seem like a person who is much into texting at all.
Then comes Eliza. What I see is that you are now feeling jealous of his interest and the time he devotes to her. He has the right to live his life as he wishes, without having a best friend micromanaging how he manages his time in his everyday life!
He owes you no explanations on how he conducts his work and social lives, at all. If you keep this up, you will lose him as a friend because he’ll soon tire of your clinging and neediness.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – It doesn’t seem like you’re being fair to yourself or your friend.
You mentioned that texting helps reconcile childhood trauma. If that’s what your conversations revolve around you could be pawning off emotional labor on your friend, who may not be qualified to help—expanding your support system or seeking professional help might ease some tension.
You implied frustrations about observing their commitments to showing up in the group chat or to play video games. These might be tools that Damian is using to cope with his overwhelm—through that lens, it makes sense that he’d devote more energy towards that.
The friction in your relationship with Damian seems to stem from the idea that he isn’t as available to you as you’d like. Is that unnatural? No, this may be more common in that age range than you’d expect. Is it helpful to feel entitled to another’s emotional resources?
If it drives you to retaliate like you did, I don’t think you’ll cultivate the kind of emotional availability you’re seeking with that approach.” That_Buff_Nerd
12. AITJ For Ignoring My Mom's Demands To Care For My Younger Sisters?
“I (15f) have been taking care of my little sisters (10 & 4 years old) for as long I can remember. If they were hungry, I fed them, if they needed help with work I helped them, if they were sick I took care of them, etc. I’ve essentially been their mother.
I never complained about it since I love them.
Now my mom doesn’t see me as one of her daughters but as their nanny. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, if they need something, she sends them to me. She yells at me if I don’t make them dinner.
She blames me if they misbehave, and she expects me to put my homework aside to help them do theirs. It’s gotten to a point where I’ve failed assignments because I was busy watching my sisters.
Now I simply ignore my mom when she calls me to deal with them, which makes her very upset to the point where she storms into my room and curses me out.
I understand as an older sibling I have the responsibility of taking care of them but it feels like too much of the parenting is on me. I don’t want to think of my mom as a bad person but I have to put my priorities first, right?
AITJ?
Sidenote: I have 2 older siblings that can help as well.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are your siblings, NOT your children. Mom is failing in her responsibility as a parent! Sure, with a large family, everyone pitches in from time to time if there is an emergency or if time is of the essence.
But taking care of the children’s day-to-day needs is parental responsibility and does NOT belong to you. Yes, you do have to put your own needs in life as a top priority because while you are looking after your siblings, who is looking out for YOU?
I’ll bet it’s not your mom! Next time it happens, just tell her that you have your own tasks and work and responsibilities you have to take care of. Remind her that the things she is yelling at you for, or blaming you for, are things SHE should be doing!!!
If she couldn’t handle 5 children, she shouldn’t have had 5 children. Mom needs to step up to the plate and take responsibility for her own children instead of farming out responsibilities of that to her older children.” Aggressive_Cattle320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are a child, it is your mom’s responsibility to take care of you ALL.
Just because you are older does not change the fact that you are still a child and you also need to be taken care of. Your mom may not be a bad person but it is very easy for people to just run away from the responsibility if someone else is taking it.
I hope she gets it together. You should try to communicate your needs to her. If she is not engaging, simply stop doing her job. Eventually, she is going to have to do them herself because complaining/getting angry with you is not going to sort stuff out.
I am sorry you have to go through the guilt tripping but you got to put yourself first. It does not mean you do not love your siblings.” serranimo
Another User Comments:
“Your parents, especially your mother, shouldn’t have had kids if she’s not willing to be the parent.
Demanding that you do her job, for free I’m betting, is just wrong. NTJ. Especially when it affects your classwork. I’m so angry for you. And then screaming and cursing at you? So wrong, on so many levels. Can you go to the library after school to do your homework?
Or talk to a friend and their parents about going home with them to study there? Or a school counselor or a teacher you like? You need to let someone know. This is something that is going to affect the rest of your life. Get out as soon as you can.
And stay out. When you get into your twenties make sure that your family knows that you’re not the retirement plan.” Mulewrangler
11. AITJ For Not Letting My Toxic Mother Attend My Daughter's Baby Shower?
“I have not spoken to my mother in 5 years. I will just give you the last interaction I had with her; it should set the stage for the type of person she is and why I walked away.
My husband and I decided to separate for a while. My daughter, 19, was living in my parents’ extra house and was currently looking for a roommate to help her pay the bills. I called her, it was about 7:30 pm, and I asked her if I paid half the bills for the month could I stay with her so I could save some money to get my own place.
Now again, this was just for one month until I could save some money.
That night I gave my parents 600$. I went to work the next day, came back, and was putting the bunk beds together for the kids. My 15-year-old daughter, bawling her eyes out terrified, runs in the back door and into the bathroom.
Not too far behind, my stepfather, completely inebriated, kicks in the back door screaming and yelling, kicked me and my children out to live on the streets without returning my money.
So now I’m forced to call my husband, who I just split up with, to say hey can you just take the kids so they have somewhere to sleep.
Between the two of us co-parenting, we figured things out. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me to say I can no longer be around my toxic mother and her toxic husband.
Flash forward to a few months ago. My oldest daughter, who is now 24, is pregnant.
I tried to be the bigger person and say I know you want your grandmother to be a part of this. So why don’t we split the events? I’ll do the gender reveal and she can do the baby shower, or vice versa. This way we are both a part of it for you, and you don’t have to choose.
(I will add a side note I did tell my daughter for her wedding day I would be the bigger person.) My mother, being the petty person she is, said no, she (talking about me) isn’t going to make all the decisions, I just won’t do anything then.
So now I am doing both the baby shower and the gender reveal. The week before the gender reveal I had already paid for the food, the decorations, the place we rented, and the big reveal. I have paid for all of it while letting her pick all the decorations, all the food of her choosing.
I find out she has told my mother about the events. Luckily, the gender reveal my daughter told her too late and she was unable to go due to work. But my daughter told my other children she is going to invite my mother anyway to the shower because I am being unreasonable that I won’t have contact with my mother until she can at least own the things she has said and done to me and my other children.
This isn’t just a baby shower in your backyard that I am organizing; this is at a hall for 75 people. She said a baby shower holds the same weight as a wedding and I should just be the bigger person and let her come. So am I the jerk for not letting my mother come?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your daughter that you understand that she’d like to have her grandmother attend the baby shower. Tell her that you’ll take a step back from helping plan it and from attending and that you will mail the gift. But tell her now because it sounds like your daughter is trying to get you to pay for and organize these events while not honoring your NC with your mom.
If I’m being honest, it sounds like your daughter is not much better than your mom. She’s fine with forcing you to be in contact with someone who has repeatedly treated you poorly and she doesn’t even believe you’re owed an apology.
She sounds horrible too. You should keep this in mind going forward. Some people can be unhealthy for your life…and you need to love them from afar. Your mother is one of those people. Don’t put yourself in a bad situation where you’re being used and then find out the same thing about your daughter.” saintandvillian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but this isn’t really about being right. You can be right and still be framed as the bad guy by your daughter. Your daughter, for whatever reason, has decided to have her grandmother be an active part of her life.
Your daughter has also decided to deceive you and force your hand when it comes to your mother attending events that you organized and paid for. These are your daughter’s choices. You need to decide if/what the consequences are for her decisions when it comes to your relationship with her and her future child.
She’s banking on you not risking your relationship with her or her child. There’s no right answer here because there’s no clear way to convince your daughter that this was wrong. There are only answers you can live with. Only you can decide what they are.
Has your daughter and your mother been close this whole time? Or is this a newer thing with her pregnancy?” EmpressJainaSolo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to set your boundaries and decide to go NC with your mother/her husband, but this is a celebration for your daughter and grandchild to be, your daughter should be able to determine her guest list. If that’s an issue for you, you have the right to not go, leave when your mom shows up, or deal with her sharing space and avoid interacting as much as possible.
If at some point your daughter decides to go NC with you, your grandchild(ren) should have the option to continue their relationship with you.” Wise_woman_1
10. AITJ For Considering Putting My Name On My Partner's House Deed And Mortgage?
“I’m from an Indian family.
I (24F) live with my partner (27M) of 1 and a half years, and he has a mortgage.
I’ve lived with him since May (6 months). He’s well-made, earns BUCKETS more than me, and never asks me for funds or to pay for things if he can help it.
The deeds and the mortgage are in his name since he bought it, and I’m currently jobless as I got made redundant from the job I had so I can’t help out as much.
I still pay 30% to 40% of the bills, though, since it’s only fair.
I’m doing random jobs I can find, pet sitting, selling on Vinted, and temp admin to keep my account from going empty because my ENTIRE SAVINGS OF 45K SINCE I WAS 17 YEARS OLD are with my dad.
He bought the house next door to put on rent, and the property is going in his will for me and my 2 siblings.
I thought it was a good future investment since I get my 45K back with interest which would put me at 50k and 1 and a third houses to inherit since our family home goes solely to me, and the new house will be split between me and my 2 siblings.
My dad never steered me wrong before, so I did it.
Being jobless, though, is getting difficult. I’ve had arguments about my funds with my mum (barely getting me 5K of it which she said was HER funds she’s GIVEN me), my spending habits (she forces me to show her my bank account), bills (which she says I shouldn’t be paying because it’s not my house), literally ANY funds that leaves my account since I left because the 45K was taken when I was with my parents and had a job.
She’s said things like “I don’t want you to have too many funds then spend it all”, “I don’t know if I want to give your funds back because of him”, “I gave you MY 5K and now I’m struggling too”, and similar things even though they owe me that darn funds in the first place.
The recent argument was about my name being on the title deeds of my partner’s house. We thought it’d be best to wait until marriage, but recently, my partner suggested when I get my 45K back, I could put some funds in the house and get my name on the deed and the mortgage since I’ve been stressed and my mum is high strung about it.
My parents BOTH seem to think he’s using me and manipulating me to try and lower his mortgage now but I’ve worked in remortgaging as a Caseworker. THIS IS NORMAL ISN’T IT? They hate that we bought 2 cats, they think we’re irresponsible, they don’t like that I pay for the cat’s food and he pays for the litter, they hate ANY funds I spend here.
My mum says it was all a mistake and I would “never be spending so much if I was still at home!”
Now they’re saying I should ONLY put my name on the house. Not the mortgage. That I shouldn’t have to pay him or be on the mortgage.
I think that’s wrong but now I’m starting to doubt myself.”
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk to yourself if you entangle your finances with your partner. You’re not even engaged! This guy makes buckets more than you, yet he’s ready to spend your $45k, which you don’t even have possession of because it’s invested. Have you even seen his finances, considering he’s asking you to take on a mortgage with him?
If he is unable to afford his home, it’ll ruin your credit. You’ll be on the hook. If you go on the mortgage, it means any breakup is going to become a legal mess. You won’t be able to afford another mortgage for a home of your own while you figure it out.
Also, are you still expecting part of the eventual inheritance from the rental property? Your mom makes this an everyone’s the jerk, but I’m wondering how much her actions are because she sees what’s going on. She’s still suffocating.” DragonCelica
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk.
You need to stop feeding your parents so darn much information. How do they even know what arrangements you have made to care for your cats? Your dad shouldn’t be controlling the funds you earn. You’re an adult, not a teenager who might blow her cash on clothes and toys.
You are not long enough invested in this relationship to be putting your name on the title and mortgage. That gets incredibly messy to sort out if the relationship goes south. However, that is your and your partner’s decision. Your parents stated their opinion, now it’s time for them to shut up about it.
It’s your life. You can make your own choices.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk – Ok your parents are super controlling. But your mother cannot ‘force’ you to show her your bills and bank account unless you let her. So stop letting her.
If your family has any access to your bank account, you need to close that account and open a new one that they do not have access to. As for paying 45k toward the mortgage with your partner, I’m really doubtful that is a good idea.
You should speak to a financial advisor and possibly a lawyer. Those funds may better serve you in an IRA, CD, or money market account. That’s why you should get a professional financial advisor and not your father. And of course, what if you break up with your partner?
I wouldn’t put funds into his house unless you’re protected by marriage or a legal contract.” MurnSwag2
9. AITJ For Not Waiving The Interest On My Divorce Settlement After My Ex's Death?
“Married 23 years. Divorce was final and 3 weeks later my (67F) ex (67M) passed away in a car accident.
He was supposed to get a loan and buy me out. Since he had not done that yet, the whole thing went to probate. My lawyer put a part in the divorce, that after 60 days, 9% interest would start being charged. Obviously, probate has dragged on and on.
My stepson is requesting that I forgo the interest. I took $70000 less than I should have gotten in the divorce. I feel like I’ve already given a lot and I’m not heading into retirement with a very big nest egg.
I’m not angry nor do I want to take advantage of anyone.
But it’s been 9 months and it doesn’t look like anything has been done to get the property ready to sell. I really don’t want to be a jerk but I don’t want to be taken advantage of.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Are there VALID reasons for the delay?
I’ve done the executor role for way too many estates now, and some go quickly and some, when obstinate people, companies, organizations, or governments are involved, can take years and years! Second issue: Death generally cancels all contracts. Depending on exactly what laws apply, your divorce agreement’s 9% ‘penalty’ may NOT apply to his estate nor to his executor as an ‘Act of God’ or other unforeseen circumstance.
Last thing: Lawyers can nibble an estate to death quickly… Because the lawyer fees used to defend the value of the estate from you will come out of the estate BEFORE you get anything… I’m not saying not to get your share of the house.
I am saying be SURE that you want to be contentious about this ‘penalty’ because the executor can legally spend the entire value of the estate defending it from you!” theory240
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your stepson that any future communications should go to the lawyers, just for the sake of civility, but offer him this piece of advice.
If he wants to stop the interest on what you are owed from the divorce which is now from the estate all he has to do is pay you what you are owed. Even if he can’t pay it all immediately the more that he pays the less interest accrues.
As you said it’s been over 9 months so you can’t use a period of mourning or is it that you were being insensitive to his sadness.” Dimgrund71
Another User Comments:
“Listen to your attorney. You hired him for a reason….his knowledge and expertise. So do as he says.
He’s working for you and YOUR best interest. If you agree to no interest or a max amount your step-son will hold onto the house until his retirement. Keep the interest in place and keep collecting it until the house sells, you are owed this.
Nine months and the house hasn’t been listed…. you need to talk to your attorney about this. Your stepson has plenty of time to grow his own nest egg. Don’t allow him to do that at your expense. If you need money now, retail stores are hiring for the holiday season.
If in the US, go to your local Social Security Administrative Office and ask how much you can earn without it impacting your social security. NTJ.” Outrageous-forest
8. AITJ For Sabotaging My Family In A Board Game?
“I (17f) was recently playing a board game called Ticket to Ride with my family. For those who don’t know, it’s a strategy game where players compete to build train routes on a map.
You score points by completing routes from your destination cards and claiming railway segments, and you can also lose points if you don’t finish your routes by the end of the game.
Toward the end of our game, I realized that if I drew more cards to try to finish my routes, I’d probably lose points.
So, instead of risking it, I decided to “sabotage” my family by claiming random train routes they might need. This didn’t break any rules—claiming any available route is allowed—but it frustrated my mom. She said the way I played wasn’t kind and accused me of being a jerk and even “being dishonest.” I told her I wasn’t being dishonest because everything I did was within the rules, and I thought of it as strategic gameplay.
For the record, I would never be dishonest in a board game because that ruins the fun for everyone. But I think any strategy that follows the rules is fair game.
So, AITJ for sabotaging other players during the game, or is this just part of playing strategically?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You didn’t technically break the rules, but you also played in a way that made the game less fun for the group. Games are played in a social context. Some groups are going to be hyper-competitive, some groups prefer a more positive, collaborative and laid-back style.
Neither style is right or wrong. My guess is that your mom (and maybe the rest of the group) thinks of family game night as a way to have a good time together, so when you bring a style of play that’s highly competitive it wrecks the vibe.” Dazzling_Suspect_239
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You and your mom just have different goals for gameplay. Some people just want a simple pastime and a chance to connect, where winners are pretty much left to chance. Others like to strategize and compete with others’ strategies and learn from one another.
There are some games where I’m aware I turn into a cutthroat person. I love my family, so we don’t play Scrabble or air hockey because I become a jerk. It’s like I can’t turn it off. This is one of those social things you need to learn.
Read the room. Is everyone just joking around? Maybe inadvertently playing a move that screws another player’s, but nothing intentionally malicious? Or is everyone really thinking through their moves and strategy, and sometimes even sabotaging opponents? If you’re the latter during game night and everyone else is the former, people will think you’re a jerk and probably won’t want to game with you anymore if it keeps happening.
You’re playing within the rules and so aren’t a jerk, you’re just missing the social cues as to whether you’re playing to socialize, or to win.” DrBeckenstein
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – it’s a game. who cares. But objectively, yeah instead of trying to win, you played spoiler for everyone.
Personally, I think it’s jerk behavior. But it is within the confines of the game, so can’t get more mad than going ‘that’s a mean move friend’. But in a ‘fair’ game, it’s broadly considered that each move must be an attempt to improve your position, or worsen an opponent’s, with the intent of helping yourself.
You gave up on winning and moved only to spoiling. Kinda like spitting in a bowl of food because you’re done eating. It would’ve been more in the spirit of games and competition to quit at that point.” Least_Key1594
7. AITJ For Letting My Partner Ruin Guys Night By Turning Off The Electricity?
“My friend (whom I don’t get to hang out with often) and I finally planned a guy’s day. My partner asked if she could come over later on, and that she “won’t bother us.” After asking multiple times, I finally caved and let her come over.
She comes over smelling of booze and immediately starts playing the main character and takes over the conversation and runs the show.
She took my friend outside to see her new car which is fine of course, but again, we just wanted to chill since we only get to once or twice a year.
As the night went on her behavior began to change for the worse, telling us that the video game we were playing is dumb, and that I needed to come to bed since it was 1 am…etc.
So, she finally walks away, and soon after the power goes off.
I looked over at my friend confused and noticed some lights were still on so it didn’t make sense.
But, then I figured it out…
SHE TURNED OFF THE ELECTRICITY!
In the middle of us playing.
On our guy’s night.
I walked to my bedroom and found her lying in my bed. I immediately told her how disrespectful that was and that he and I never get to hang out and she’s overstepping her boundaries.
She didn’t care. She stood by her decision to turn off the electric and that it was late and I needed to come to bed with her.
I told her that I would have NEVER done that to her and her friends. Finally, my friend stepped in and told her off.
They went back and forth and I eventually told her to leave. She refused.
My friend looked me in the eyes and told me I needed to get away from this girl.
I’m afraid to move forward with her and she wants to move in together but I feel it would be miserable.”
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you stay with her. “My friend looked me in the eyes and told me I needed to get away from this girl. I’m afraid to move forward with her and she wants to move in together but I feel it would be miserable.” You admit to thinking you would be miserable if you all lived together and it makes no sense to stay with her.
Put your big boy pants on and leave her.” COLGkenny
Another User Comments:
“If you’re worried you’ll be miserable in this relationship, that’s a sure enough sign to leave it. Your situation can only get better by being single. But for the sake of completeness, let’s recap what happened. Your partner would not take no for an answer and invited herself over while you were busy with other guests you wanted to prioritize, after insisting she would not interrupt you.
She interrupted you all evening and even tried to take control of the evening, including setting your bedtime and trying to dictate an end to the activities as an unwelcome guest who wasn’t even invited. That is indeed the life you can look forward to if you move in with her.
NTJ.” Korrin
Another User Comments:
“My brother, I have been in a relationship with your partner before and she will only get worse. You are seeing the early warning signs and need to end it now. I moved in with her and it was 6 months of chaos, holes in my walls, my sanity gone, and 10k in debt before I got her out.
Please don’t make my mistake. On a positive note, I celebrated my anniversary with my current partner who I’ve lived with for a year/soon-to-be fiance yesterday who I’ve never even had so much as an argument with let alone some crazy stuff like turning off the power.
Wait for the right person don’t try to make the wrong person work.” Btender95
6. AITJ For Not Allowing My Grandmother To Bring Booze To My Son's First Birthday?
“My son is turning 1 this weekend and I, F(34), am having a birthday party with the family at home to celebrate.
I’ve decided to serve champagne, enough for each person to have 1-2 glasses, but have asked people not to bring any booze with them.
This is because of my grandmother/mother’s behavior at my niece’s first birthday where they drank a lot, spilled wine on the carpet and presents, and just bad behavior all around. My mother doesn’t have a great relationship with me and my sisters due to substance and mental health issues and because of how she and my grandmother act when they get together when booze is involved, I’ve decided to only invite my grandmother who I have a pretty good relationship with overall.
However, she seems to be taking issue with me not allowing her to bring booze. I told her I’d ‘probably serve some champagne’ and the following day she rang me, again asking about bringing booze as she ‘can’t see herself going all afternoon without a drink’.
I confirm that I will be serving champagne but don’t want anyone bringing any. My husband’s family aren’t big drinkers and neither are the rest of the people invited. At this point, I’m starting to get a bit fed up with the fixation on booze when it’s about my son and dryly ask her if she’s a heavy drinker.
She tells me ‘no but I’m a drinker and I drink every day, don’t you know that?’ and saying ‘what are the adults supposed to drink, raspberry soft drink!?’ For your information, I plan on serving champagne, coffee/tea, soft drinks etc.
So, AITJ for not allowing booze to be brought to my son’s first birthday?”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, yes, she IS very clearly a heavy drinker. She IS either going to show up already very tipsy and/or she will bring booze. It is a guarantee. Because she is a heavy drinker. So… yeah. Be prepared to toss her out instead of letting her ruin your child’s birthday.
My mom gave my “not a heavy drinker” grandpa the choice, be sober when he visits or don’t visit the grandkids. He chose not to visit. I could not have picked him out of a lineup. And I don’t miss him (because I don’t know him) and I am very glad I grew up not having to be around that.” Personibe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your home. You make the rules. The event is to celebrate your child’s first birthday. I am a former wino and even I think it’s deeply weird to serve booze at a child’s birthday. Even a 1-year-old who isn’t hosting a gaggle of tiny friends.
When I was a daily drinker who’d have gotten the shakes without a regular drink, I’d have “hidden” my drinking at family events. Brought a Stanley 40 oz. Quencher filled with pinot or something, with another bottle stashed in a gigantic purse. I’d have bummed a ride from some other family member.
No one would have been fooled. Drinkers aren’t particularly subtle, even if they aren’t the blackout kind of tipsy. I was more the “maintain a continual buzz” type. More likely, at a child’s birthday, I’d have come up with an excuse as to why I couldn’t be there and would have sent a gift. Even completely lost to addiction, I’d have had the sense that drinking at certain social occasions is odd and I’d have stayed away by choice, to avoid inflicting myself on others.
I was well aware I had issues. It was absolutely no fun living like that. But if the grandmother is still drinking at her age, she’s unlikely to stop now. Especially as she doesn’t seem to think anything is amiss with her drinking as is.” LK_Feral
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk here. You seem intent on following the family’s taste for drama. Your grandmother’s drinking habits are not news. If you wanted her to come and you wanted to be sure she didn’t bring additional booze, you would simply have said ‘It’s a party, so I’m serving champagne!’ Instead, you wouldn’t say whether you were serving champagne or not, and then you brought up heavy drinking.
Wryly. As an argumentative maneuver. To be a jerk. Your grandmother may be a heavy drinker. She may be a drinker without the markers of heavy drinking. We don’t know enough to say but one thing is very clear: you’re not the least bit concerned about her well-being.
And you seem to want to engage in the same nasty behavior that characterizes all of your family’s gatherings. That is sad.” EmceeSuzy
5. AITJ For Giving My Mom An Ultimatum To Move In Or Leave?
“My partner and I own two homes. Our first one we bought right at a cheap price and low rate.
Golden handcuffs.
We outgrew it, bought a second, and just kind of hung on to the first while we decided if we wanted to rent it out or eventually sell. At the time we were juggling a 1 year one at the time, medical issues, and overall wanted to take our time making a decision because again, golden handcuffs.
Fast forward to today and it’s close to double the value and the second house is a lemon that we’d like to get out from under.
However, at some point along the way, we offered the home to my aging mom in exchange for after-school care for our toddler and light upkeep.
We’ve been paying both mortgages for close to two years and would like to consolidate for a number of reasons but the problem is my mom.
She doesn’t seem to have a plan outside of my son. When we look at homes large enough to accommodate her, she seems reticent and won’t really give an honest opinion.
She can’t outright afford to rent from us either as we live in a HCOL city for the area.
Outside of babysitting, she has little hobbies outside of smoking, social media, and sometimes being married to my dad (they’re living like they’re separated but married because of a whole bevy of reasons but tldr; enmeshment & codependency) so that’s a whole other thing.
My partner and I are tired and, while we’re immensely grateful for her help, are starting to feel like her retirement plan and are overall frustrated at the situation and all the bills.
So dearest gentle reader, AITJ for setting an ultimatum for my mom to either move in with us or back with my dad?
I feel bad about reneging on our deal but it’s starting to cause a lot of stress with diminished return.”
Another User Comments:
“OP, “she has little hobbies outside of smoking, social media, and sometimes being married to my dad (they’re living like they’re separated but married because of a whole bevy of reasons but tldr; enmeshment & codependency).” Send her back to your dad, per your own statement, “My partner and I are tired and, while we’re immensely grateful for her help, are starting to feel like her retirement plan and are overall frustrated at the situation and all the bills.” You are not seeing the forest for the trees, so you need to focus on your family, offer some financial help if you can afford it, but avoid the living situation because you sound like you will regret it.” NumbersGuy22
Another User Comments:
“INFO: There absolutely were some sort of terms or implied terms when you made the very specific arrangement for your mother to move into your vacant home in exchange for babysitting. Have you told her that she has to move? Is she going to be happy about that?
When you go and look for larger homes and bring her along, is she well informed? Meaning, does she know that her options will be: A. In-law suite or B. Out on the Street?” EmceeSuzy
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Selling the houses and buying one house with a mother-in-law suite where she can continue to live in exchange for childcare seems like the best option.
But it doesn’t seem like she’s outright fighting that option either, just being “reticent.” So it doesn’t seem like an ultimatum is necessary, just let her know that this is your plan and if she wants to opt out she needs to speak now.” ConflictGullible392
4. AITJ For Using Booze In My Cooking For My Dad's Friends?
“My(18) dad invited some of his friends from his school days over.
He asked me to cook for them. I asked if they were allergic to anything and they all said no allergies.
One of them said they like the chicken and wanted to know how I prepared it. I told him I used white pepper, soy sauce, black soy sauce, oyster sauce, and Japanese cooking sake.
Another of his friends looked very upset so I asked him what was wrong. He said he can’t have booze because of his religion. My dad quickly admonished me, saying I shouldn’t have used booze without asking if people can’t have booze due to their religious beliefs.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is against my religion to drink booze, but there are no specific rules about having it in cooked food and the general presumption is that, if we can’t detect it is there, the booze has largely burned off in cooking.
And even if that wasn’t the case, intent matters in most faiths and your guest had no intent to imbibe. If anyone has strict dietary restrictions, whether related to allergy, religion, special fitness program, or veganism, it’s really on them to inform the host of such before showing up and/or to bring their own food.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“”No, I’m not allergic, but I can’t have anything made with booze” “I keep kosher, so I don’t eat pork” “It’s not an allergy, but I have several food restrictions…it would be easier if you just give me the ingredient list and I can tell you if anything would be a problem.” Those are all valid ways to answer your question.
Because it’s very clear that your question about allergies was really about whether you were free to make anything you wanted or whether you needed to be mindful of a limitation. And frankly, I’m not aware of any religion that restricts booze that doesn’t also restrict other ingredients, so when he failed to tell you about the booze, he also didn’t think to tell you about the other issues.
NTJ. I’m a bit torn on whether your dad or his friend is the bigger jerk… The friend failed to tell you his restrictions but technically, he didn’t blame you for including the booze (the way you describe it, it’s possible that he was upset with himself, not with you).
On the other hand, your father actively admonished you even though you’d made a good-faith effort to discover if there was an issue (and if your father knew about the friend’s religion, then he is actively responsible for the whole situation).” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It’s natural for the person to be upset at finding this out. However, it’s a mix of miscommunication and irrelevance. Straight off the bat, you didn’t intend to offend and he didn’t know there was booze in the food. He is not “screwed over” even by his religious beliefs (unless it’s some wacky cult).
That’s not even talking about the fact the actual booze will have cooked off, but that’s neither here nor there. You should make sure to request people for their dietary requirements, but honestly, it sounds like you did. Anyone who has a particular nuance to their diet who wasn’t asked specifically about it should really venture that info themselves.
If the person is Muslim (for example) and is going to a non-muslim dinner where a person who doesn’t know them is cooking… they should probably give a heads up about not eating pork or drinking booze if they weren’t asked about it. When asked about allergies, they had an opportunity to mention this.
Your dad could have also told you about the specifics of this person’s religion.
Frankly – if your dad asked you to cook and didn’t specify anything beyond that, you did what you were asked for. It’s not your place to nanny your dad or his friends.
You asked for what they can’t eat and you cooked based on the info provided. You’re under no obligation to think of all the different niche wants and needs people may or may not have. The only suggestion I would say here is that you could have always phrased it more ambiguously like “do they have any dietary requirements?” instead of allergies specifically.
However, you asked and they had the capacity to answer. Booze in cooking is a very common component so it’s not like it was a unique and unusual thing to happen.” BobR969
3. AITJ For Not Including Friends' Names On A Gift They Didn't Pay For?
“I swiped my credit card on a $700 birthday gift and asked 5 friends to each pitch in $100 and I’ll cover the rest. I gave them 30 days (due 2 weeks before the birthday) to get the money together, they all agreed.
2 told me they couldn’t pay me on time but would pay me before the birthday.
I told them if you don’t I’ll have to cover the difference and say it was from me and the other friends.
Come the day of the birthday; both didn’t pay. I said out of good faith can you at least give me a portion; they both said they couldn’t.
This meant I was covering $400 of the $700 of the gift. I wrote on the gift package From Me, Friend 1, Friend 2, Friend 3.
The other 2 were upset because I didn’t put their name but they said they would’ve paid me back after the birthday. I told them that’s nonsense because you were blowing off money on dumb stuff (booze, pokemon cards, grass, etc) all month when you could’ve paid me back.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“I have never had a $700 gift from friends. It’s not even typical for $100. Don’t get elaborate gifts unless they pay BEFORE! Have them Venmo or cash app you the money ahead. This is exactly what I would expect to happen.
They are covered so now they will pay you whenever or not ever. NTJ for not putting their name but be smarter next time. Let them buy their own gift, even. Clearly they weren’t going to spend that much.” alicat777777
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
There’s no reason why they would magically be able to pay you back after the birthday but couldn’t pay you back before. Given they had a full month to pay back, it’s not a question of waiting for a paycheck. You even gave them the option of paying you back partially before the deadline and still getting credit.
It’s pretty clear that if they ever intended to pay you back their portion, they would have done so already. You were right to just cut your losses and take their names off the gift.” anbaric26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I totally get spoiling your friends when you can – especially if you’re in a financial place to do so.
I’m sure your friend is super appreciative of the gift. The friends that didn’t pay had plenty of time to get money together and should have been upfront about not being able to get $100 within a month.” cha0tic-neutral
2. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Daughter Have A Playdate With My Ex's Alleged Child?
“I was contacted by a former friend who is claiming my ex is the father of her daughter. He denies it and I have no idea what they’re doing to figure things out but she wants to organise a playdate between our daughters so that they can get to know each other.
I told her no, as I don’t want to get involved and I feel like my ex should be the one to facilitate the relationship between the girls if the other girl turns out to be his. She said he wouldn’t ever let the girls meet because he’s a selfish jerk and the two of us should do what’s best for our daughters.
My ex insists she isn’t his and that he doesn’t want our daughter around them.
She’s been trying to convince me to reconsider and is getting upset because I won’t. At first, she thought I was scared of my ex and his family and that’s why I was saying no, so she told me he wouldn’t need to know.
Now she’s saying I’m just as selfish as my ex and that I’m not putting our daughters first.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Not gonna lie, I am suspicious of this woman’s intentions here. It’s not a normal request she’s making, and she’s not taking no for an answer either – why is she so fixated on this ‘playdate’ idea?
Is it an excuse to find out more about you and get access to your daughter? Her saying that your ex doesn’t need to know, then switching to calling you names and going for the big guilt trip (claiming you’re selfish and a bad parent for saying no) is also a BIG red flag to me.
She sounds like she’s pulling multiple manipulative tactics to try to coerce you into changing your mind, which is never a good sign. NTJ, and do NOT meet this woman. Anyone who reacts like this when you assert a boundary is not a safe person to have in your life, and certainly not safe around your kid.” ArtichokeDramatic534
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s no need for them to be in each other’s lives just because they share the same sperm donor. Half of us are probably walking around with half-siblings out there, maybe some of us have even passed them on the street without realizing who they were.
And our lives are no different from it. Why does she think it’s so important the two hang out? She sounds like a nut-job, I wouldn’t want her to be in my kid’s life either. It sounds exactly like you’re putting your daughter first. Block her on everything.” echoCashMeOusside
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you ARE putting your daughter first. If your daughter developed a relationship with this girl and then it turns out she isn’t her half-sister it could crush her. Without a paternity test, there is no link and therefore no relationship.
She’s not missing out on anything because it’s an unknown. To me it sounds like she can’t get a paternity test from your ex so is trying to butter you up to then try and get some sort of test with your daughter.
That’s all she wants. If she can prove they share DNA she can go after him that way. Don’t get involved.” Global_Monk_5778
1. AITJ For Keeping My Grandmother's Jewelry Despite My Cousin's Claims?
“My grandmother passed away last year, and she left me (24F) a beautiful jewelry collection in her will.
Growing up, I was very close to her, and we spent countless weekends together where she would let me try on her pieces. It always felt like our little thing, so when she left them to me, I was deeply touched.
Here’s where it gets complicated. My cousin (28F), let’s call her Emma, insists that my grandmother “verbally” promised her the collection years ago, even though there’s no mention of her in the will.
Emma claims that the jewelry is hers by right because she was the oldest grandchild and used to model the pieces during family events when she was younger. She’s even told everyone that my grandmother’s decision must have been a mistake or made under pressure.
Emma called me last week, demanding I hand the jewelry over to “honor” what she says was my grandmother’s real wish. When I said no, she called me selfish and accused me of stealing what was meant for her. The family is now divided, with some saying I should just give Emma a few pieces to keep the peace, and others telling me to hold my ground because the will was clear.
Emma is now posting passive-aggressive messages on social media, making me out to be the villain. I feel terrible because I don’t want to cause family drama, but I also believe my grandmother knew exactly what she was doing when she left the collection to me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“1. Grab a bag of quarters. 2. Search this sub for the word “selfish”. 3. Every time that you read a post where the demanding party called OP selfish because OP wouldn’t do something, put a quarter in a jar. Warning: Do not play this as a drinking game.
The will is dispositive. Ignore everyone’s opinion; they weren’t left the jewelry in the will, so they have no stake in this. Ignore Emma and her sour-grapes posts. Learn while you are young that not every outburst warrants a reaction or response from you. The only one kicking up a familial fuss is Emma.
Don’t dishonor your grandmother by going against her expressed written wishes. NTJ.” CandylandCanada
Another User Comments:
“If you had to choose between more time with your grandma and the jewelry, which would you choose? Which do you honestly think she would choose? Base your decision on that.
If you honestly believe she’d rather have Grandma back, by all means, share with her if you want to. If she’s just after the jewelry, then don’t. It’s all well and good that you both had access to the jewelry when you were children. If your cousin had maintained a good relationship with your grandma, wouldn’t grandma have left her something?
I have a feeling that only one of you continued spending time with grandma and including her in your life. I think Grandma gave the jewelry to the one who deserved it, the one who appreciated her. I’d give back everything my grandma ever gave me if it meant more time with her.
My dad passed earlier this year. We didn’t have a good relationship, but we were trying. After he left us, Mom gave me one of his rings. It’s gold and has a fancy rock in it. I’d much rather have my dad.” Bouche_Audi_Shyla
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your grandmother might have verbally promised Emma the jewelry, but it was left to you in the will. This can be taken one of two ways: Either Emma is lying or your grandmother, by the time she wrote the will, had changed her mind without letting Emma know, and if she did tell Emma, Emma either is pretending that convo didn’t happen or she legitimately forgot that it did.” Efficient_Wheel_6333
Everyone who is learning a skill begins by following instructions - recipes, patterns, online tutorials, classes, textbooks etc. People need to learn how and way some things are done some ways before they can adapt them. TIkTok is no less valid a source of recipes than any old recipe book or cooking magazine. Get over yourself.