People Want Us To Ponder Every Last Detail Of Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Not Informing My Ex That His Son Was Staying At My Place?
“My (F37) ex (M40) and I were together for about five years altogether, although it was never what I would call a ‘serious’ relationship at any point.
The first time we met I was 23 and we had a “summer fling” so to speak, then we met again by chance when I was 26 and were together for about two years then, eventually broke up and the last time we sustained a relationship was four years ago.
I learned that he had a son (now M18, “Connor”) the second time I met him, and the kid and I forged somewhat of a relationship. My ex and Connor’s mother had shared custody, and the kid clearly wasn’t looking for a different maternal figure, so it’s not like that’s what I became or anything of the sort, but he clearly liked having me around.
After the last time his dad and I broke up, we ended up keeping in touch through Instagram, mostly this being through him sending pictures of things he’d drawn and me giving him pointers, as this was something I’d done while my ex and I were together.
These messages were maybe every couple of weeks, sometimes months, and rarely evolved into further conversation, so I was pretty shocked when Connor asked if he could come over to my house. I actually thought he meant it in a general sense until he replied asking for the address.
When he shows up he’s carrying a bag with a bunch of his belongings and asking if he can crash on my couch. It’s about ten at night and he looks exhausted and the drive between my house and his dad’s is about an hour and a half if you go past the speed limit so I let him in and set up the couch for him and he was asleep within ten minutes.
I figured I could talk to him in the morning to see if this was something I should be talking to his father about or not.
Didn’t get the chance to have that conversation, my ex found out he was here through those Snapchat map things of all things and called to let me know what a horrible person I am to not let him know his son was safe.
I explained my reasoning and now he’s also mad that I would dare to assume there would be any reason for him not to have to know and was told that I have no idea what it’s like to have children and that it’s not my place to be involved in “this” anyways.
When Connor woke up we talked about it over breakfast and what he’s essentially said is that they had some kind of college-related fight and that he needs space for a while, and that it’s fine for his dad to know where he is.
I don’t know if I should have called in the first place to give the man some peace of mind.”
Another User Comments:
“Personally. NTJ. One. The kid’s 18. Legally he’s an adult and can walk out the door and never speak a word again to anyone he doesn’t wish to and vanish from the grid. 2. I’m gonna assume it was nearing midnight when everything got semi-settled so I can understand why you’d wanna wait till morning because yeah it’s late and again kid’s 18.
3. As long as you planned on doing a basic “kid’s safe all’s good with him” and that’s it. Then you’re good. As long as you aren’t spreading his location without permission cause again legal adult then you’re safe. The son clearly needed away and found you to be a trusted older adult in his life.
Probably like an older sister of sorts and knew you were okay to go to. I get your ex was worried but calling you names ain’t right. You had a plan and things got sidetracked when he tracked his kid. The best course of action is after a fight to let both sides cool off.
Before he does this which doesn’t look good on him.
Talk to your ex (through text) and tell him straight up it was late I was going to contact you in the morning. I don’t appreciate you coming at me in this manner. Once you cool down we can have a conversation on what’s going on.
Son’s name is safe and I’ll ask him to text you as well. And leave it like that. And just let everyone cool down. And encourage the son to try to communicate with his father if he feels it’s okay to do so but don’t push.
But also find out his plans so it doesn’t become an issue for you.” Alyssa_Hargreaves
Another User Comments:
“My original answer was gonna be no jerks here but then I reread the paragraph about you explaining yourself to your ex and his reaction. Especially his reaction.
I can understand why but he’s acting immature and childishly. NTJ. Poor boy was asleep almost immediately and you couldn’t be sure if he was hiding from his dad or something. Maybe he was running away. Whatever it was, your ex should have listened calmly to you OR the boy should have let his dad know he was safe when he woke up.
If you both were gonna actively hide it when there was no real reason to then that’s a bit of an issue, but fortunately you’re not so all good.” TypicalFalconSans
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you provided a safe space to retreat to for a kid who needed it in that moment.
You didn’t know in that moment why he needed you, for all you knew his dad could have done something bad to him, once you knew that wasn’t the case you let his dad know where he was. If you’d let your ex know where he was before you knew why he was there you’d have been a jerk, in many cases that could have endangered him.
I know lots of people disagree but I think you acted as a responsible adult should in this situation. It sucks for the dad he had to worry but you did nothing wrong.” ViSaph
21. AITJ For Speaking Spanish At Work In Front Of My English-Speaking Colleagues?
“I am a flight attendant, I am by no means fluent in Spanish however I know enough to hold a conversation and interact with native speakers.
Well, last night I worked a flight from Spain to England, a colleague from Spain and I spoke in Spanish to each other and to passengers on board however our English-speaking colleagues were annoyed by this.
They said it is rude to speak another language in front of others who don’t understand and to only speak English at work.
We obliged, however, we felt upset by the attitudes of our colleagues because after all we are flight attendants, and we were operating a flight from Spain with Spanish-speaking passengers on board.
When we spoke to each other in Spanish it was only to ask things like “would you like another coffee?” “how long is left of the flight?” and never to gossip about our colleagues.
This interaction has put me off speaking Spanish at work now which is a shame as I really learn a lot from speaking with my native-speaking colleagues.
So AITJ for speaking Spanish in front of my English colleagues?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Speak Spanish to those who need it.
Knowing more than one language helps. What if none of the flight attendants spoke Spanish and there was an emergency? Don’t think Google Translate would be fast enough. I speak 3 languages fluently and it always came in handy when travelling amongst certain countries I frequent.
Keep learning and speaking, your passengers will appreciate it. Also, it only seems to be a huge portion of the American population to think being monolingual is where it’s at.” Jaded_One7471
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all!! Learning and practicing a language is a beautiful way to expand the mind.
Colleagues should be able to trust each other enough to not suspect gossip or anything like that. Are you also just not supposed to speak at all when they aren’t around, so they know you aren’t talking about them? Ridiculous. This is especially absurd because you practicing Spanish with a native speaker will help all of the crew when you meet a passenger who doesn’t speak English or prefers to speak their native language.” cwbakes
Another User Comments:
“I’ve lived in many different countries, many of them non-English speaking. When I first lived abroad I was paranoid when I couldn’t understand what people were saying because what if they’re talking about me? Then I realized it was ridiculously self-centered to assume everyone was talking about me so I learned to let it not bother me.
What language others speak around us is, quite frankly, none of our business, and English speakers need to get over themselves. The more disturbing aspect of this is that your colleagues are flight attendants. They will be working with colleagues and passengers from many countries speaking many languages.
To express such xenophobic views in a profession where they need to be tolerant of people from different countries speaking different languages is not acceptable. I’d escalate to HR.” Pleasant-Koala147
20. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Return The Laptop I Gifted Her After She Gave It To Her Sister?
“My partner has been talking about getting a laptop for a long time. I offered her mine because I don’t use it but she said it was old and slow.
So for her birthday, I got her a new one. She used it for literally two days and then gave it to her sister.
When I inquired about the reason she said she didn’t like it and that her sister is going to need it more than her because she’s starting college this fall.
I told her if she wanted to give her sister a laptop she should’ve been the one to buy it.
And that you can’t just give away a model that you did a lot of research about because you didn’t like it after trying it for 2 days. I reminded her that we could’ve traded it for a different model or sold it or whatever and got a new one.
I told her I’d been depriving myself of a lot of stuff for 8 months so I could buy the laptop for her so I asked for it back.
She told me that she can’t do that because in the US it’s rude to ask for gifts back, and since the laptop was a gift I can’t ask her for it back and same goes for her with her sister after she gifted it.
I think it’s more rude to pretend for months to want something just so you could give it to someone else shortly after you receive it unless there was a valid reason like the gift requiring funds or maintenance or receiving similar gifts.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your partner is not nice. OP, I hope you can see that you didn’t do anything wrong. Near unanimous consent is that you are not in the wrong. You were being a great guy, saved up hard, and bought a laptop for your partner.
I can only imagine what it feels like to have months of hard work seemingly go to waste like this. Your hands on this ordeal are tied. If she doesn’t want to give you the laptop, she technically doesn’t have to. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and find somebody who spending funds like this on is worth it.
There are people who will treat you better than this. Maybe she comes to her senses and gives you the laptop, maybe she doesn’t. Regardless, don’t forget what YOU are worth, which is a lot more than the way you have been treated.” Whaddup_B00sh
Another User Comments:
“While technically, once you give a gift, the other person can do whatever they want with it, it actually sounds like you were played. It sounds like she always intended to give her sister the laptop and probably worked with her to make sure it was exactly what the sister wanted and needed. Your partner used you.
You are exactly correct that if she actually wanted a laptop, she could have told you that the one you got wasn’t quite right and you could have returned and exchanged it for one that was more to her liking…if she really wanted a laptop.
What she wanted was for you to fund a gift for her sister. Get the laptop back, then break up with her. This one is not a keeper – she’s a user. NTJ.” Veridical_Perception
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were not asking her to give the gift back.
You were asking her to be honest with you that she didn’t like the laptop. The gall of her to say that it is impolite to ask for gifts back. You were not asking for the gift back, you were asking that you could have the opportunity to find something that she liked better.
We have all done the research on the features, speeds, RAMs, etc., only to find that you don’t like the keyboard or the sound is bad when you have it in hand. So you think she was conning you in order to get a laptop for her sister?
Hmmm. Do you think the sister knows that you bought it for your partner? Or did your partner say it was a gift from her to her sister? Tell your partner that as it was a gift from you to the sister, you expect a thank you note.
Not sending a thank you note in the US is very, very rude. If she objects, ask her why did she re-gift a present to her to her sister? Re-gifting in the US is also very rude. So your partner needs to either get her sister to write a thank you note or explain why it is okay for her to re-gift something rather than come to you and ask for an EXCHANGE.” LhasaApsoSmile
19. AITJ For Not Giving A Senior Citizen A Ride To The Train Station?
“I (19F) was outside of my house getting in my car to head to the gym when an old man walking by my house (maybe around 70/80s), sees me turning my car on and walks back towards my car and taps on my window.
I was concerned so I rolled down my window and asked if I could help him.
He asks, “Do you know where the train station is?”
I respond saying it’s down the road about 2 km away.
He then says, “I apologize for disturbing you and I am a senior citizen, would you be able to drop me off?”
I really wanted to say yes, however, my parents wouldn’t like me giving a random stranger a ride and I was feeling uneasy about it in general.
So I respond, “There’s a bus that stops over there that takes you straight to the station, if you want I can give you fare for it and it takes you straight there.”
He then says “Well I would rather walk there or have a ride there. I understand why you don’t want to but it would be nice if you could give me a ride.”
I just wanted him to leave then so I lied and said that I was heading off to work and apologized. He then walked away and I called my dad and explained to him what just happened and he said I did the right thing.
I’m still feeling really guilty because he was a senior and it wouldn’t have taken much out of my day to drop him off. AITJ for not giving him a ride?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Could the old man have been legit? Yes.
Does that matter? No. The offer of the bus money was plenty. You gave directions, refused a pretty big ask, but offered an alternate solution. Walking 2 km would take longer than most buses, and I’m willing to bet you would have even looked up the bus and train schedules had he asked. “Rickety” old men are stronger than they look, and it’s unusual for an old man to ask a young woman for assistance, especially if he refuses the alternative assistance.
To be honest you didn’t even have to talk to him. You don’t owe strangers the time of day. And this is coming from a major people-pleaser. If you ever feel uncomfortable just start driving as long as you won’t hit the person.” karuisama
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If it was really about getting to the station, he’d have accepted your offer of paying the fare. He insisted on getting in your car – that’s suspicious. Always always trust your instincts – they’re there for a reason. People with bad intentions know to play on your kindness and guilt to get you into compromising situations.
They count on social pressure – even after the fact there will be some who say you are paranoid and overreacted. People like that count on that mindset and will use it to pressure you.” murdocjones
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You absolutely did the right thing.
As a young female myself, NEVER let anyone you don’t know and trust into your vehicle, especially if you’re alone. With working & studying in the legal field, you have no idea how many cases I’ve read where a young woman has let someone into their car for a lift and something bad has happened. Heartbreaking for those women who are just trying to help someone.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Not Making My Son Apologize After He Retaliated To His Cousin's Teasing?
“My niece, 11, is an unpleasant child to be around. It may be harsh but it’s the truth.
She’s always been rude and finds humor in agitating and teasing her cousins, and my brother and his wife do nothing to correct her. She was especially rude the other day and teased several of her cousins. She found it humorous to point out my teenage niece’s breakouts, asking why she had ant bites on her face.
She continuously told my son, 13, that he looked like a girl because of his long hair. When no one would laugh or respond, she’d repeat it, louder.
My son finally retorted with, “Well, you look like Peppa Pig.” My niece is on the heavier side for a child, and this comment caused her to immediately run off and start crying.
My sister-in-law was furious upon finding out the reason of her crying, and informed us that my niece had been teased recently at school because of her weight. I refused when she demanded that I make my son apologize, informing her of what led up to the retort and that it was my son’s decision to apologize or not.
In the end, my son didn’t feel that he owed his cousin an apology, and I respected his choice. I agree that the comment was slightly mean, but I’m a firm believer that if you can dish it, you can take it. Am I the jerk for not making him apologize to his cousin?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was going to go with ESH but it says this is an ongoing issue with the niece so I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt that someone has told her parents before how mean she is to the other kids.
And if this situation is anything like the ones I’ve witnessed the parents likely said, “she’s just a kid teasing, don’t take it so hard” until it’s their little kid. I think you handled it very well too with the apology, you gave your son the freedom to make his own choice here.
Forced apologies are worthless anyway. Hopefully, you talk with him about other ways to de-escalate a situation other than firing back. (I’m aware I did a bunch of assuming here but even if I’m wrong in my assumptions I feel the same way about the rest of it.)” Odd_Fondant_9155
Another User Comments:
“AITJ for laughing when reading this story? Hahahaha. Your niece is on the path of becoming a jerk because she likes to tease people but doesn’t like being teased back and your sister seems to be doing nothing about it. Maybe it’s her way to “deal” with people teasing her at school, but your kid doesn’t have anything to do with that.
”But I’m a firm believer that if you can dish it, you can take it.” Exactly what I think. Your niece won’t ever tease your son again, he just found her weak spot and will hit there every time she tries to be rude.” CryptoBeatles
Another User Comments:
“I’ve always gone on the principle that if parents won’t or can’t intervene, and it’s affecting my child, I’ll step in. I wait for the parent (if they are there) to act, and if they don’t, that’s when I act. I didn’t have to do it often, but it was always effective.
It sounds like you were around when your niece was making those comments, so why didn’t you step in? Why put the other children in a situation where they have to first, put up with it, and second, have to figure out how to deal with it?
NTJ for not making your son apologize, but something needs to be done about your niece.” regus0307
17. AITJ For Retorting To My Cousin's Weight Comment At A Family Gathering?
“I (23F) am a fat person.
These past few years didn’t help at all because of depression and borderline and yes, in this period I gained a lot of weight and I’m still in the process of losing what I gain, but I have a long way to go.
This week returned to family gatherings that included uncles, aunts, and cousins.
I have a cousin my age and I (everybody) know she had a lot of cosmetic procedures on her body and face (my stepmother did it and posted it on social media). And so, there were many, especially in the face that is very visible, even more if you met her before everything.
When my cousin arrived with her parents (gathering at my dad’s house), she greeted us and in one of the comments to me, she said “Wow, how you expanded (this is not going to turn out the way I want in translation, I hope you can understand), I almost didn’t recognize you”.
She didn’t say it quietly, there were other guests close to us and I was stunned for about 2 seconds and said “Me neither, there’s so much work on your face that I didn’t recognize you either.”
She got quiet and embarrassed. We avoided each other during the night, but I know the mood was ruined because my uncles were looking angry at me and my father was not happy at all.
After the party was over, my dad said that I made the mood not okay and that I should suck up that kind of comment to avoid situations like this, especially when returning from family events.
AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your cousin clearly is, but so is your father.
You should NOT have to accept hurtful and insulting comments in order to keep the peace or preserve the mood. Your father needs to learn to identify people being mean to you as the problem. It’s not you being unhappy with that treatment that is the offense.
If he doesn’t get that, ask him how he’d feel if you pinched him hard or stuck him with a pin and then blamed him for being the problem.” Revolutionary-Dryad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I used to do something similar when I was pregnant and people would touch me, make comments about how they hope I’m due soon because I look like I’m going to explode/having twins, or ask inappropriate and invasive questions.
I’d simply turn it around and do the same right back. People in my family, at work, and in our social spheres quickly stopped behaving inappropriately toward me. Yes, what you said was cutting. It was also deserved. And with people like that the only way to get across to them that what they are doing won’t be tolerated, is to give them a dose of their own medicine.” CatteHerder
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This was 100% the right move. Body shaming is the last acceptable form of discrimination left for most. That’s why your family was mad at you, but not her, and thought you should have just kept silent. Do not be silent!
If someone makes a rude comment about your appearance, make one back. They will learn to keep their mouths shut. It would be lovely if talking to people and telling them it was hurtful worked, but the truth is they already know it’s a hurtful comment and they said it anyways.” FoodBabyBaby
16. AITJ For Yelling At A Negligent Mother At The Pool?
“I, a 15-year-old male, was with my little brother who is just 1 year old. I take care of him on the weekdays when my parents need to work (since they work from home) and all he does is scream. Today, I tried something new by biking to the pool since it wasn’t that far from where we lived and I knew he could make it.
I used this thing that goes on the back of the bike to carry him and our belongings in. I locked the bike up and started swimming with my brother.
Fast forward about 30 minutes later and this one lady with 3 kids arrives. All her kids get out of the car while she unpacks.
Since she isn’t watching them, all of her kids decide to mess with the carrier and sit in it, and one even takes the cover completely off. Out of spite, I decided to yell at the mother, “Hey, watch your freaking kids and get them off of our stuff.” She tells me that I need to stop since I didn’t lock it with the bike in the first place and that because she is older than me, I wouldn’t understand.
I decided to take my brother to a different place and spent the rest of the time there. My mother seems to disapprove of my actions and said that I shouldn’t have done anything since they are just kids. I personally think my actions were justified since she wasn’t even watching her kids and they need to learn that they can’t go and touch a stranger’s things.
To be fair, using profane language and yelling at someone’s kids isn’t right so I can understand how I was in the wrong.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk for being upset, but there was a better way to address it rather than screaming profanity at her.
The kids aren’t going to learn to stay off things by you yelling at their mom, or them. Their mom isn’t going to correct them after you yelled at her. She was definitely being a jerk because you are a kid, but from her response, she probably would have done the same thing to an adult.
There isn’t really a great way to deal with people like this.
Personally, if I was worried my stuff was going to be damaged I’d start recording them and any identifying information, like their license plate if they are getting out of a car, or just making sure I have clear video of the adult and the kids on the stuff, and politely say something like “that’s actually more fragile than it looks.
Would you mind asking your kids not to touch.” This lady is likely to snap back, so you just ignore her. If your stuff is damaged you now have evidence for the police or small claims court if it gets that far. A non-jerk would turn, see their kids at your prompting, call their kids off your stuff, and turn back to you to apologize.
They may even have their kids apologize too and remind them they aren’t supposed to climb on things that don’t belong to them.
You will find out in the near future, as your little brother gets more mobile, that kids are insanely fast and capable of getting into trouble in the blink of an eye even with the best parents.
It doesn’t make the parent or the kid a jerk when this happens, what makes them a jerk is how the parent responds or if the parent was negligent in their monitoring in the first place. Think more along the lines of the parent that sets up at the pool and then totally ignores their kids until they yell at them to go home and less the few minutes of unloading the car (although her head really should be on a swivel with little ones while unloading a car).” Letters_from_summer
Another User Comments:
“Screaming at and swearing at someone’s kids is a no-go. And if you were older that may have ended up with the woman throwing hands. But all in all, you’re not the jerk. I hate people who just let their kids run wild and do whatever they want and then come back at it with “they’re my kids, I’ll raise them how I want.” When the kids are kids is the time to teach them how to behave in a socially acceptable manner.
It sucks when a 15-year-old kid understands that better than a grown woman with 3 kids. You sound like a very responsible and smart young man.” justlookin-0232
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. Your mother is wrong. Just because they are kids, does not mean they should not be disciplined when they are doing something wrong.
The mom was negligent. All this nonsense nowadays about kids just being kids. That is no better than the saying boys will be boys. Kids misbehave badly when their parents allow it. So many parents today want to be so liked by their kids, that they bend over backwards to be their friend and forget to be a parent.
Then they wonder why their kids don’t respect them after they turn out to be holy terrors.” KarenMaca
15. AITJ For Not Attending My Mom's Stepdaughter's Wedding?
“I (24f) grew up living primarily with my dad. It was less of a choice my mom made and more of a choice the courts allowed when my dad relocated for work and I wanted to go with him because where we all lived at the time was not a great place for me.
I visited my mom during the summer and different holidays throughout the year. She remarried and became a stepmom and a mom to more kids. I was never really all that close to her family and I never considered them my family. Once I turned 18 I didn’t have a thing to do with her stepkids.
Her stepdaughter is the same age as me and got married over the weekend. I was invited and RSVP’d no. Mom and her stepdaughter said they would mark me as a yes and surely I could make the effort to go to my “sister’s” wedding.
I told them I would not be able to make it and to leave me marked as a no.
They didn’t. And they fully expected me to show up but I didn’t.
My mom said I should have made it a priority to attend her stepdaughter’s wedding.
That you attend your siblings’ weddings always.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just like you, I lived primarily with my father. I saw my mother maybe 1 year combined, if that. After she remarried I refused to spend nights at her house. My dad tried to convince me to but he never forced me to go.
I didn’t go to my stepsiblings’ wedding either, or any life event of them. They weren’t invited to my wedding and my mom harassed me until I pulled her off the guest list too. I hate the “parents got remarried and I have to act as if my step/half siblings are my family” bs.
They chose to get married, not me.” KingOfDarkness_CB
Another User Comments:
“Even with full siblings, there are reasons one might not go to a wedding! I wanted to attend my nephew’s wedding but they got married in Vegas. I could not afford the ticket, hotel, and meals plus it was during the busiest month at work, and getting off to travel across the country to a wedding would be extremely difficult.
I had to, regretfully, send my congratulations and a gift but turn down the invitation. Guess what? No one got angry! They all understood. My sisters got married in my town (we all lived there at the time) so I was able to attend those weddings.
My one sister moved to a very remote area on the other side of the country. She understands we can’t attend every event. That’s life. In this case, she isn’t even your sister. She’s a stepsister at most. Your mother’s stepdaughter. You don’t have to attend a wedding.
You aren’t close. It’s hard to think her wedding day was negatively affected by this! You are NTJ.” KoolJozeeKatt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I hate the mentality some parents have where they think because they got married their kids have to think of their step kids as family.
Your mother chose to get remarried. She chose to become a mother to her stepkids. You didn’t choose that. You don’t see them as your family, from the sounds of it they’re little more than acquaintances you occasionally lived with.” Flaky_Tip
14. AITJ For Reporting My PE Teacher After A Boy Invaded Our Changing Room?
“We just finished PE so we went to the changing room to get changed. While we were changing, we heard someone playing around with the key outside the door.
When the door suddenly opened, most of us started screaming when we noticed it was one of the boys.
We proceeded to go to the teacher who told us that it was our fault. What the boy did was wrong, but the thing is, he was trying to lock us inside the changing room as a joke but it didn’t go too well.
But what made me flip was what the teacher did.
So, I proceeded to go to the principal to report the teacher by name. But now, everyone is telling me I’m overreacting and that I shouldn’t have reported the teacher because now the boy might get in trouble.
So now, I’m not sure if I acted too rashly and did something wrong. So, tell me, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am in education and although probably not quite old enough to be your grandma, probably not too far off. This kind of misogyny absolutely needs calling out.
Blaming girls for boys’ actions has far-reaching societal consequences and needs stamping out. You are not responsible for a boy’s education or behavior. If you have a teacher who is blaming you for the behavior of the boys in your class or school because you are a girl, then that absolutely needs challenging.
What other innate bias is he bringing into the classroom? Girls can’t do maths, calling on boys in class more often than girls. Marking girls more harshly? You are right, the boy was messing about but in middle school, it’s too old for this kind of behavior.
And as an adult who has spent years in education, how does messing around with the key pull the door open? Think on that one for a moment. It’s not a story I would be inclined to automatically believe. Should one of the girls in your class have done it last year, no and if she got away with it, lucky her, doesn’t change the fact this boy was stood in a doorway with a load of potentially half-dressed girls in front of him.” Whitestaunton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Firstly, the boy should get into trouble. Secondly, the PE teacher is 100% in the wrong and what they said doesn’t even make sense – how is the boy messing up his own prank anyone’s fault but his? And the PE teacher should get into trouble as well for not punishing the boy and trying to gaslight all the girls.” DerpDevilDD
Another User Comments:
“INFO: why did the PE teacher say it’s your fault? What are you leaving out of the story? This doesn’t make sense why the teacher would blame you for the actions of a third party. The boy getting in trouble I can understand.
If you thought it was important enough to go to the principal about the teacher why didn’t you report the boy too? Were there any pranks the girls pulled against this boy or did the teacher blame you all for no reason? It makes a difference why the teacher would say that.” DeepFudge9235
13. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Share His Fashion Preferences After Criticizing Mine?
“My (29F) partner (42M) often has something to say about my outfits.
I really enjoy thrifting and wearing vintage clothing, and trying to do styles from other eras of fashion. I’m pretty new at doing this so I can be pretty insecure when I get a new piece and like to have some support.
Well, yesterday I went thrifting again and found a pair of jeans that fit me better than any jeans I’ve worn before in my life.
I was over the moon. I get home and put them on immediately to show him and his response is “I guess you didn’t know about my aversion to high-waisted jeans”. This was disappointing to hear since I was so excited about them, and also because it seems like everything I really like he really doesn’t like.
So I came up with an idea to put the continuous dislike of my clothes to an end. I said if he doesn’t like every fashion choice that I show him he needs to look up some outfits online that he does like and send them to me.
I said it isn’t so I can choose these outfits, but at least I’ll know what you actually like so if I find something that I know overlaps in our taste I can share it with you and feel good about it. Perhaps wear it on one of our dates.
He is refusing to do this saying he isn’t interested in fashion and saying that because he doesn’t have a preference he simply can’t send me any outfits. I’m saying he clearly does have a preference because he knows he doesn’t like any of the outfits I wear so he must have something else in mind.
I told him that I’m not interested in continuing the conversation with him if he isn’t willing to do this for me, and he slept on the couch last night. It’s morning now and we haven’t spoken or texted and I’m just unsure how to go forward with this.
At this point it isn’t even that he disliked my new jeans, it’s that he is so stubbornly refusing to do something that I feel is a very simple task that will make these moments easier for us both. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“And now we know why he’s not with women closer to his own age.
He’s not interested in “making these moments easier for us.” Either he fully expects you to read his mind or he’s trying to shift you into people-pleasing mode by wearing you down into feeling like nothing you ever do or wear is good enough. Neither of these is a good long-term relationship prospect.
NTJ, but you will be (to yourself) if you stay with him.” All_the_Bees
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s pretty clear that what he REALLY wants is to be negative about things you like. Is it just clothes? Does he do this about your taste in music/movies/books/art?
Does he ever actually sincerely compliment you or say things that are kind? Do you find yourself apologizing to him over things that seem trivial? I (45F) don’t know if he’s just a garden-variety jerk or if he’s a jerk who wants to break your self-worth so you can never leave him, but I do know that in your shoes, I wouldn’t stick around to find out.
Which might be why so many jerk men my age prefer being with younger women.” Illumiknitti
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t have a fashion problem, you have a partner problem. First, your clothes are your clothes. Outside of fashion requirements for things like the workplace or special events, you should be wearing what you like, not what he likes.
The fact he’s also very happy to criticize everything as “not his style” without telling you what he likes is actually a huge problem–it means he may be less interested in the clothes and more on breaking you down. It’s not hard to tell someone “I like this” or “I like that”.
It would still be a problem if he’s demanding you dress only to his tastes, but it’s a bigger one if he’s also belittling you constantly and nitpicking while refusing to provide any actual useful advice or suggestions. Also, he’s mad you’re seeking validation from the internet because people who aren’t wearing the rose-colored love glasses can often see through the stuff more easily than people still in the relationships can.” Reading4LifeForever
12. AITJ For Not Wanting A Triple Wedding With My Mom And Cousin?
“My mom is in her late 60s and has been married 5 times but currently has a partner that she’s maybe been seeing for 6 months. My cousin got engaged a year ago to a woman he’s been with for almost 10 years with whom he has children.
My fiancé and I have been together for 4 years and got engaged this past October (2021) and I’m excited to plan but there’s no rush or set date for a wedding.
My mom has been smitten with her new partner and recently stated that he has been hinting about popping the question even though they haven’t known each other very long.
She visited my aunt and uncle over the weekend (who she had a falling out with) and figured out that my cousin and his fiancé are engaged. Afterward, she messaged me saying how “wouldn’t it be great if we had a triple wedding?! It would save money!” It almost made me offended because I’ve never been married before and this will be my cousin’s first marriage too.
So, this suggestion runs me the wrong way because it feels as though she diminishes the special-ness of our individual weddings/days.
My mom has a history of making things about her so I’m kind of upset that she would even suggest this. (Example: I asked her to go look at wedding dresses and she had a meltdown when I said I wanted to invite my aunt then proceeded to say things like if my aunt is involved at all or even shows up she will disown me and never speak to me again, so I didn’t go dress shopping.) AITJ??”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And, a small piece of advice, simply answer “no”. If you start giving your mother reasons why, you’re just giving her ammunition with which to argue. She can spend all her time cutting down each of your reasons, rather than understanding that your answer is “no” regardless of the circumstances.” tipsana
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just go secretly elope, and then you can participate in the “triple wedding” if that’s what they want and get to have 2 weddings. One that’s special JUST for the 2 of you, and one where you get to have the party and fun and presents to placate your family.
Inform the officiant in private that you don’t need a certificate since you already got one in a private and intimate service beforehand and that you’re only participating in this as a bonus wedding for the family/friends to see you exchange nuptials.” jammy913
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Seriously, what kind of suggestion was that anyway? In no way should you feel guilty for not wanting to share a wedding. Also, your mother should take a step back and let you experience the dress shopping and wedding you want. If she has issues with your aunt she doesn’t have to talk to her just ignore her.
She’s an adult she can get over a few hours together with your aunt in the same room.” wolperdinger_forest
11. AITJ For Seeing A Therapist Instead Of Just Talking To My Partner?
“I’ve been in the army for 8 years. I met my partner last December. When I met my partner I decided it was time to change and put it behind me.
I pretty much ended the career I had by asking for help. I was put on the waiting list for a therapist back in March and today was my first session.
I am extremely closed off when it comes to talking to people. The things I’ve discussed with my partner, it took a great deal of trust and overcoming fear to even talk about my feelings and what’s going on with me to the degree I have with her.
Anyway, she is now absolutely livid that I’ve spoken to a therapist and not her. “How can you talk to a stranger and not me” words to that effect. When I say livid I mean, ringing up her friends I don’t even know. Breaching my own privacy by telling them I’m in therapy for my mental health, but I struggle to talk to her.
To my surprise, her friend agreed that I’m being out of line and a jerk by not speaking to her, and instead to my military-appointed therapist. She kept on treating me like dirt over this. Saying I’m going to end up single if I continue.
I feel so defeated, but maybe this is my fault?
In my opinion, this therapist is a professional, and is the best place to start with opening up? Even during the session, I offered little in terms of personal experiences. Simply the symptoms I’d been feeling which was already prior knowledge to the medical staff at this point.
It was my first therapy session and I’m not going to be fixed in an hour. But perhaps I’m biased.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all — the point of therapy is to figure all of this out and work on yourself. It’s not about “keeping secrets from your partner” or a lack of trust but more about learning more about yourself, and how to make your future self better (ie better communication with partners, better mental health and coping mechanisms, etc.) Your partner should be creating a safe environment for, when you feel ready after talking with a therapist for however long you need, you to share things that can be hard to share.
The fact that she called her friends and started blabbing about being in therapy would make me less likely to trust her and open up and share personal things in my life/past, and I would tell her that. That she should be communicating with you and not her friends in order to build trust. Definitely not the jerk,” Electronic-Wafer2889
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – do not stop seeing your therapist. First of all, I’m proud of you! It’s hard to take the steps to get better. Second, your partner is not rational. Many people believe that your romantic partner is the only person you should be close to, and the absolute (and only) person you have for support – this is likely why your partner and her friend feel this way.
It’s incredibly toxic. She has to deal with her own feelings about this on her own, and it’s not your problem. Does she always “treat you like dirt” when she doesn’t get her way? If so, that’s not healthy, fair to you, or okay. A good partner would be supportive of your emotional needs, she is not.
She is violating your trust by gossiping about your issues with your friends. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.” daddyslilmonstah
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good for you for seeking help and working towards a healthier you! Wishing you lots of peace and healing on your journey!
Along with taking the steps to start therapy, you also have to do what you have to do to make sure the people around you are good/healthy for you. Unfortunately, your partner is behaving quite the opposite. It was absolutely a breach of not just your privacy, but also your trust, that she is sharing your personal business with others.
Contrary to what she and her friend are telling you, it is perfectly reasonable for you to talk to a trained professional and expect that to be between only the two of you. She’s not meant to be your therapist, she’s meant to be your partner and those are NOT the same thing.
Her flying off the handle about that is concerning.” okayish_22
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Participate In My Niece's Baptism As Symbolic Godparents?
“My wife (28F) and I (27F) were recently asked to be godparents to her brother’s newborn baby.
This is something my wife has really been looking forward to but when asked, we were told her other brother’s fiancée would also be a godmother (3 godmothers total with no godfather). We were later told that she would be the one participating in the ceremony and we would be godparents in symbolism only because they didn’t think we’d be accepted as married lesbians.
The other godmother is not a practicing catholic and should also be disqualified on that basis but it’s being overlooked. My in-laws are not practicing Catholics either, they are only having the ceremony out of tradition and because their idea of a godparent is someone who provides financially for their children.
My thought process is that if they wanted to be inclusive, they would have attempted to find a church that would allow us to participate or would have had a conversation with us first. Instead, they asked us publicly in front of all our family and then informed us they hadn’t actually looked into whether we could be included. My wife and I do very well financially and this feels like we are being asked to provide for their child financially (in a significant way) while making us feel inferior and that we aren’t the child’s “real” godparents.
If I was a man, I don’t believe that they would even entertain the idea of having the fiancé a godparent so it feels like our marriage is seen as less than.
I’ll preface this by saying I do have a lot of trauma around my own catholic upbringing and this whole situation has brought that to light and made me feel invalidated so I acknowledge my reaction may be more routed in emotion.
Anyway, I do not feel comfortable going to the baptism ceremony at all and after discussing this, my wife agrees. We intend to go to any gathering afterward and will treat our niece the same as our other nieces and nephews when it comes to gifts and financial assistance.
Her family thinks we are making this about us instead of our niece and that we are ruining the baptism. They also feel we are responsible for setting up a college fund for our niece and are selfish for not doing so, citing we make a lot more money and don’t have children of our own.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“We currently have symbolic godparents for my kids because we want them to be baptized at our college chapel and the wait after the backups has been crazy…. So they will be official godparents by next summer hopefully. The only thing I currently expect from my kids’ godparents is the occasional heart or haha on pictures I send them (kids are still really young).
I was honestly shocked when a mutual friend said something about our kid’s godfather needing to send them money. We picked the godparents because they are amazing human beings who are the type of people we want to surround our kids with. Even if they weren’t going to be the godparents they would have been bonus aunts and uncles anyways.” WhiskeyCheddar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the other godmother isn’t a practicing Catholic (OR the parents) then there is zero reason why you shouldn’t be included. They’re doing it to make their family happy, I’m assuming, but if they’re not asking the godparents to stand in as religious support throughout the kids’ lives then it’s pretty much a sham to have them participate in the ceremony anyway.
I will respect people’s religions all day long if they’re not hurting anyone else. Here they are excluding you in the name of a religion they don’t even practice? Nope nope nope. When are godparents ever expected to start a college fund???
This is so bizarre.” Rooney_Tuesday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, as a godparent, you would have no obligation to provide for the child, financially or otherwise, as long as the parents are still alive. Second, you are not obligated to set up a college fund for your niece.
It is nice if you want to do it, but there is no law stating you must do it and I’m not aware of any etiquette book that says you should do it. Third, the symbolic godparent stuff is nonsense. I’m guessing the priest and/or the congregation are against same-sex marriage and would cause a scene if they realized that two of the godmothers were married to each other.
Finally, you are not ruining the baptism. Your wife’s family is making it all about money, rather than any religious meaning. I would not go to any gathering held on the same day as the baptism. Your wife’s family, at best, will give you the cold shoulder.
At worst, fur will fly. Instead, you could visit the new parents a day or two later and coo over the baby then.” Sea-Confection-2627
9. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Attend Church Despite Being Anti-Religion?
“My (30m) wife (36f) and I aren’t religious in the least bit. You could go as far as saying I hate religion.
But last week our oldest daughter (8) sheepishly asked if she could attend a Sunday service with her friend and her friend’s family.
She told me she was afraid to ask because she knows I don’t like religion at all no matter which one but I told her it was OK with me because I’d be a huge hypocrite if I said no since one of my biggest hang-ups on religion is that a lot of the time they want to try and force their beliefs on you because it’s what they think is right.
My daughter is still young but getting old enough to be curious about different things and I won’t tell her she has to think the same way as I do. I talked to my wife afterward and she’s on the same page as I am.
The problem comes from when she told her grandma (my MIL who is also very anti-religion) that she went last weekend and wants to go a few more times to see what it’s all about. MIL flipped out and called me to see if I knew she went to church.
I said yes and she just went off from there saying how I am a jerk and hypocrite for letting her go and letting my child be brainwashed.
I got angry and told her she has no right to dictate how we parent and I have no right to tell my daughter what to believe in that aspect.
Also called her a hypocrite and a jerk for being mad that her granddaughter wanted to see what else is out there as well as a few other choice words I shouldn’t have said.
My wife has my back 100% but the family is split saying I’m letting my daughter get brainwashed and that I shouldn’t have been so rude to my MIL.
I feel like I’m in the right to let my daughter grow into being her own person but do feel like a jerk for being so rude to MIL over it. So I want some outside opinions. AITJ for being rude to my MIL over something she’s against (and I as well) but won’t force my daughter to be if she doesn’t feel the same way?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I was this child. I wanted to attend services. As an adult I am similar to you in that I don’t always agree with organized religious bodies. That being said there are many people who benefit from being part of such communities.
I would caveat that it might be worth researching the church your daughter is going to as I have come across a small minority that can be a bit “culty” deviating away from traditional practice. As your daughter grows up she will be free to choose her own path.
I think being a parent is supporting her to explore and being able to have a robust and balanced discussion about these topics will encourage her to think for herself without being “brainwashed.”” Dull-Trade9539
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are doing everything right. You are letting your daughter explore a different culture (which if you think about it is kinda what religion is in my mind because at least to me culture is how you live your life and your beliefs) and as she grows older your example will lead her to be more open to new people from all walks and cultures.
Also by you standing up for your belief in this you are/will teach her that she is worth fighting for. Her beliefs matter to you and I can promise you that it means a whole lot to a child. In all keep this up and she will grow to learn how to be strong and independent because she knows she matters.” rainbow_hawk
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your MIL should keep her parenting advice/beliefs to herself unless asked. She doesn’t believe but wants to have her grandchild believe/think what she does. Isn’t that the same as having parents or the church tell kids what to believe?
Good on you and your wife for letting your child explore and figure out who she is. And not making a huge, blow-up issue with her about it means that she is more likely to come to you with other issues in the future.” Ducky818
8. AITJ For Considering Skipping My Friend's Wedding To Go On A Family Vacation Instead?
“I (21f) have been friends with “Kate” (22f) since we were 14/15. For reasons I won’t waste your time rehashing too much, I’ve realized that this person hasn’t been the greatest friend ever, that we no longer have anything in common, and that we likely won’t ever be as close as we once were.
This is a pretty dramatic change from where our friendship was in recent years, given that Kate and I were extremely close, at one point spending time together every day taking classes together, cooking, driving, talking for hours, etc.
Recently Kate announced she would be getting married and then later told me in the coldest, most passive way I can imagine possible that I wasn’t going to be a bridesmaid because, basically, “I would have hated it”.
After being close for so many years, that hurt me a lot, and for me, it ended up being sort of the final nail in an already well-built coffin. The relationship already felt strained to me because I felt I was doing all of the work to reach out, and from her end, she was always offering excuses as to why she was too busy to reciprocate, but asking me to keep pouring into this one-sided relationship anyway.
Needless to say, I’m tired, and just planning to be done going forward.
The wedding is going to be in a different state, and for me and my family to fly there, tickets cost about $2k. That’s on top of purchasing something to wear, and then a gift for the happy couple.
My husband has to plan his leave days right as his job is very strict with them, and we’d be using 5 days of leave just to be in town for 2.5 days. Also, we have a 9-month-old infant, and as anyone with a baby knows, traveling with him can be pretty taxing.
Finally, I just do not want to go. From my perspective, Kate herself has disregarded my feelings, and there will be a lot of people I do not like at the wedding (from the church we attended together, which left me with a lot of religious trauma) and their presence/talking to them will likely be pretty triggering for me and cause issues for me for days, possibly weeks following.
So WIBTJ if I refunded my tickets and went on a more local vacation with my family instead? My husband already put leave in, so it’d be used either way. I feel really guilty even thinking about it, but I also don’t feel eager to spend $2k on a wedding for a friend who has essentially discarded me, that will almost inevitably be a bad experience.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO – It depends a bit. Did you already RSVP, and how soon is the wedding ? If your absence will cost them money due to empty seats and food already ordered, and short notice means they can’t add another family, then YTJ for bailing.
Other than that, you are not obligated to be there. If you are 1 month away or more, don’t sweat it much. Cancel the RSVP right away. She has already disregarded you as being a close friend and chosen others over you for her WP. That’s fine, but it says a lot, on top of your other details.
It sounds like you won’t have much fun being there and would regret the expense and trouble. As long as it’s not short notice, go have fun with your family. Just remember that she will likely find out what you did instead and it may be the final end of your already strained friendship.
If not, etiquette says you have 2 years to give a wedding gift. It’s not required to be given a the wedding, even if you’re a guest.” ResearcherExpress671
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you should probably let her know you won’t be going, send a gift, and call it a day.
Sounds like the relationship has lasted as long as it will, and you can “end” it graciously by not going. Say something came up, baby’s sick, or you don’t wanna fly because… all the flight problems, whatever, reasons. Or just don’t give one. But I think just straight up not showing up is a little harsh.” susieq1485
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ll come home annoyed and resentful that you’ve spent so much money to be around people you don’t want to, and possibly reliving past trauma because of the church ppl. Plus your husbands down 5 PTO days. I say skip it and plan yourself something fun and memorable with your family.
If the bride doesn’t like it who cares? You sound pretty sure the relationship is over anyway. How do you think she’ll react if you cancel? Will it be crazy drama or will she just stop talking to you?” MainEgg320
7. AITJ For Getting Upset When My Friend Came Out And I Didn't Already Know?
“My friend (f17) recently came out to me (f15) over a group chat. We have been friends for months and I was the only one that didn’t know. When she told me initially, she didn’t say it straight out she kinda just made a joke about being gay.
I asked, “wait are you? Am I stupid and I just never noticed?” She told me “yes you’re stupid.” Some of my other friends started ganging up on me in the group chat kinda making fun of the fact that I never knew. I started saying “You have to tell me these, things it’s rude to assume” to which she responded, “I don’t have to tell you anything.”
After this an argument ensued between us and I kept telling her that I can’t just assume her sexuality, she then started to say how she was offended that I thought she was straight. At this point, I was absolutely fuming and I went off saying that I shouldn’t be attacked for not knowing and that I don’t really care about who she chooses to be with because that’s her life, not mine.
She then proceeded to tell me to chill out and that she was just joking but I told her people get cancelled for that type of stuff all the time. She tried to make an excuse and apologize but I just ignored her. She is always trying to start fights with me and I am tired of it at this point so I’m taking a break from our friendship for a while.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Eh you handled it poorly, but I understand why NTJ. They essentially called you stupid for not stereotyping your friend and it was made worse because not only were you the last one to be told (so you probably feel excluded to some degree), but they also singled you out again and called you stupid and made you the butt of the joke.
Your friend is right she doesn’t have to tell you, but she also misheard what you said. You said, “I will not assume your sexuality, I have to be told”. She also made a very heterophobic joke by disrespecting straight people and I’m sure she wouldn’t have liked you making a joke at the expense of her sexuality.
All in all it’s up to you what you want to do. Accept her apology if you think it’s sincere or don’t and stop being friends with her.” Western-Knee5975
Another User Comments:
“NTJ especially if you’re telling them that you don’t want to assume their sexuality, I don’t understand why your friend said she was offended that you thought she was straight, I know plenty of feminine boys who are straight and tomboyish girls that are straight, how are you supposed to know someone’s gay when there hasn’t been a conversation about it.
I do think that this escalated way more than it needed to and you certainly don’t have to stop being her friend over this, you’ll get this sorted I’m sure.” No-Weakness9861
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Most people assume most other people are “the usual thing” about most stuff unless told otherwise.
Sexuality, food preferences, familiarity with common pop culture stuff, ability to drive, etc. If you’re a pansexual vegetarian who only listens to opera music and has never learned to drive because you strictly use public transport, you’ll probably have to mention your particular quirks with some regularity.
If your friend is “offended” by people making assumptions, boy howdy does she have a life of perpetual outrage coming. There are people are out there right now assuming she’s straight.” SnarkyBeanBroth
6. AITJ For Snapping At My Mom After Constant Body Shaming?
“My (17F) mom is the kind of person who shows no sympathy to anyone. Not to her family at least. She acts like this loving and sweet person around her friends but at home, she starts yelling in huge frenzies. Most of the time it is about me.
I’m a good kid I think – I have good grades, nothing below a B and I’m a starter for the soccer team, I also try to be very respectful but admittedly I do have my days where I talk back a bit.
Many things set off me snapping at my mom, she’s very controlling and loud. If she has a problem you know it. She doesn’t allow me to buy apps or search stuff on my phone even though I am now almost a senior in high school and have done nothing to break their trust. I did bypass those things though.
Another thing about her is she constantly comments about my weight. I am not that big, but I have a lot of muscle and I’m not the skinniest, but by no means obese. But my mother constantly says how large I am and tells me I need to lose weight.
She buys me clothes much too large, like XXL.
I finally snapped when she said, “I don’t know how you got a partner you need to lose weight”. This hurt me deeply and I began to cry and I started yelling at her because I was over it.
I was done being pushed around and told how fat I am. So she eventually just locked herself in her room and my dad got angry because I was disrespectful. I feel horrible so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First… Let me say I’m sorry you’re having to deal with body shaming from your mother.
You’re active and getting good grades in school. While all parents want their children to be healthy, your mother is stepping over the line by saying the things to you she did. It sounds to me like she has her own issues she’s dealing with and may need to seek some therapy.
Talk to your father calmly and state your case as to what was said and how that made you feel. Ask for his support in having that same type of conversation with your mother. If nothing changes, ask for the receipt for the clothing she buys you so you can return those items and purchase something that fits.” TMK602
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Mom here and sometimes we mess up, but this isn’t one of those times. No one should ever comment on another person’s body unless medically necessary. Look, the phone control is a separate thing, but you are almost an adult and it’s time you learn internet safety on your own, though you have to remember that none of us grew up with constant and immediate access and we’re old enough now to remember how naive we were at your age and younger.
It’s not an excuse but something I actively have to monitor in myself for my kids because the internet is a scary place and my kids are mine to protect. I only add this for information because it’s something I didn’t understand until I started raising kids and it might give you a different perspective on some of the safety items you and your parents fight on.” bunnyhopskip
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP! My dad has always commented on my weight I’m 5’2 and 125lbs. I was always either too skinny or overweight to him. This was brought on due to my oldest sibling being on the bigger side (she is but she also has dealt with the same issues from my dad as he wanted perfect beautiful daughters.) I’m 30 and still deal with this daily.
I’ve learned that you can never please anyone and it’s not your problem. It’s theirs and they project their own insecurities onto you. Not fair at all but some people are just unpleasant in general. No real advice here as I still don’t know what to do about it myself but I deeply feel for you!” erohuoyboo
5. AITJ For Being Upset With My Partner's Irresponsible Spending Habits?
“My (32 F) partner (33 M) and I have been together for 8+ years. We argue about money a lot. My partner is forever pointing out that I’m being “stingy” or “money-hungry” and I’m absolutely over it.
For context, after years of arguing with him about bills/rent not being paid on time I had to assume total responsibility for our finances (it was previously 50/50).
I never wanted to have a partnership where that was the case but living under the constant stress of ‘will the bills get paid’ was driving me nuts. My partner works a blue-collar trade and makes more money/hour than I do. However, he is in the middle of paying off a garnishment from an $18k hospital bill he ignored (we live in a good faith state so he literally would have had to make $5 monthly payments and it would never have gone to collections).
I am a tipped employee. I make okay money. My entire paycheck is forever going to the bills, groceries, etc. His goes to gas, energy drinks, and eating out. It’s not uncommon that near the end of the month, I will get anxious because we are behind where we should be and it always comes down to me to make up the difference.
When I was working 1 day a week I remained responsible for all the bills with less than half the income.
The problem is any time we fight and I beg for help with the finances or tell him ‘No we can’t afford that’, he starts telling me I’m just “money hungry”, “stingy”, and “a miserable person” because “all you worry about is income”.
I get no one likes to be told “No” but I’m just trying to keep a roof over our heads. I don’t buy myself extra things. I actively deny myself things I need/want because we can’t afford it. And still, all I’m left with is an empty bank account and a partner who thinks I’m a total jerk for saying “we can’t afford that.”
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a leap, but just saying that at this point it’d be cheaper to move on without him. Let him sink or swim, and have the repercussions if he does not pay rent land on him and him alone.
Why does he get to get what he wants and needs, spending his money frivolously, but you can never rest easy and cannot buy yourself things you need/want because you’re spending all your money and energy making sure everything’s paid up. This isn’t fair to you.
At all. How long are you willing to live like this?” fallingintopolkadots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are not “money hungry” or “stingy,” you are financially responsible while he is not. This is not what you are asking but what you need to hear, you need to leave him.
You’re in a relationship with someone who earns more than you but does not contribute to the household? You would be financially better off without him, which is NEVER a good sign for a PARTNER. YOU pay more despite HIM earning more. You are not compatible, financial incompatibility is one of the main causes of divorce.
You want to save and earn he wants to spend spend spend. He insults you rather than just disagreeing.” RandomSupDevGuy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was ready to call you the jerk because I know miserable, stingy people who are financially comfortable but are still fighting over normal expenses with their partners.
But it sounds like if you are not on top of this all the time, you guys would end up broke, despite there being money that can be used on savings/for your future. It’s been 8+ years of this. You have made your point clear, many many times.
He isn’t going to change. He will always be spending frivolously, not paying attention to bills, not saving, and calling you a killjoy for just wanting to make sure all the bills are paid. This will be your future if you stay with him.
Have you had a real serious conversation about this, where you two sit together, look at all the incomings and outgoings of the past year, look where the money goes, seeing when you have run out of money/you’ve been worried about bills, comparing it you his spending (and your spending), etc, and talked about what you want, financially, for your future?
If at 33 he’s still like this, then I think you need to decide if you can be OK with how he is now, or gtfo.” wandering_salad
4. AITJ For Not Telling My Husband What I Spent My Allowance On?
“We’ve only been married for two months but before our wedding, we came to an agreement that he would give me an allowance and that money was only mine and I could use it on whatever I wanted.
His sister’s engagement party is next week. When he told me about it, I told him I didn’t have anything to wear since most of my clothes are starting to feel tight as I’ve gained weight during my pregnancy. He told me to go and buy a dress but I had to tell him I couldn’t and when he asked me why I had to admit I had already spent all of the money he gave me.
He asked me what I had spent it all on and I told him I couldn’t tell him.
At first, he thought I was buying things for our baby but when he realized I wasn’t, he kept pushing me to tell him what I had spent the money on.
He got increasingly upset with me the more I refused and told me he would find out so it was better I just told him.
I don’t want to go into too much detail but I gave my cousin the money so she can eventually get away from her husband.
I can’t tell my husband because he doesn’t like her and wouldn’t be happy that I was helping her no matter the reason.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I do the finances and my husband gets the allowance. If he needs clothes, we pay for them out of our money, not his allowance.
That’s not for things he needs and I don’t care how he spends it. He doesn’t ask me if I spend money on anything for myself. I mean is your husband informing you what he spends every penny on? And why do you have to use your allowance on things for the baby?” Donkey103
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – If you are given money just for you, you shouldn’t have to tell him where you spent it…on the other hand, if you spend it all, and then ask for more, he probably has a right to know.
This seems like a communication issue. What exactly is your “allowance” supposed to cover? If it is for an event for his side of the family, is it fair that you have to pay for it? Is the allowance to control you, or part of an agreed-upon budget plan?
As a side note, don’t give your cousin money to “eventually leave her husband” (especially all of it). There is a good chance she won’t leave him, or that he’ll find the money and take it, etc. It would be wiser to simply put some aside in a safe place, and let her know that, if she needs to leave, you will be able to help her financially.” Himkano
Another User Comments:
“I’m not sure who the jerk is, but your financial arrangement sucks. You don’t need an allowance. You need a household budget, with some amount of the budget dedicated to discretionary expenses that you both share, access, and adhere to.
And then you probably do need to stop having secrets about your money. You can either agree to some no-questions-asked money (in which case it’s not a secret, it’s the arrangement) or you can agree to transparency. Long term, if you can’t trust each other (if he can’t trust you with how you spend your household money, and if you can’t trust him with that knowledge), you have bigger problems.” diaymujer
3. AITJ For Shaving My Head To Prove A Point To My Husband?
“My (25F) husband (30M) who we will call Kevin and I have been married for 2 years and been together for 4. Throughout our relationship, we’ve never had a fight or even broken up. As far as I know, everything between us has been great.
However, one day we got into the conversation of me getting a pixie cut.
The whole relationship with my husband my hair has always been shoulder length. It’s never been longer or shorter than that. Kevin told me he doesn’t want me to cut my hair that short but if I wanted to change up my look, I should grow it out instead.
However, my hair is super thick and super hard to manage when long to the point of me refusing to grow out my hair past my shoulders. I told him that I want to cut it short because it’s becoming such a chore to manage during the summertime.
My husband argues that “since he has to see it all the time, he should have a say on what I have as a hairstyle.” Then I told him that “it’s my hair and I can do what I want with it, plus it’s just hair” but my husband wouldn’t budge and just kept trying to convince me to grow out my hair.
I eventually got fed up with him and drove to the salon and told the hairdresser to shave off my entire head. When I got home that day, my husband looked visibly upset and began to ignore me. At bedtime, he told me that I should’ve considered his opinions instead of cutting my hair impulsively.
Am I the jerk for shaving my head to prove a point?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, while you can take your husband’s opinion into account, you most definitely do not need to make it the law of the land on your appearances. You are an independent being who is allowed to change things up, and as someone who has really thick hair, I completely get your struggle with it.
He should have been supportive of your choices, like you said, it’s just hair. It grows back.” CrescentMoon314
Another User Comments:
“Ugh, NTJ. I’d have done the same darned thing if it were me, I have super thick hair too. Men might think long hair looks pretty but they’re not the ones who have to deal with washing it, conditioning it, combing it, the headaches that come from the weight of all that hair pulling on their scalp 24/7, and the heat of it.
I never need a hat even in the darkest days of winter because unless I have it cropped, it keeps me nice and warm. We shouldn’t have to suffer to humor someone else. Enjoy your new haircut! I really want to get a crop again myself, if I have time during my next outing (it’s quite hard for me to go out) I’m gonna go for it.” TheNightTerror1987
Another User Comments:
“NTJ OP. When I married my husband 16 years ago, I tried to wear stuff he liked. Colors that, dear God I’d rather die than wear, and patterns. One day it hit me, I hated dressing like that, I didn’t feel confident and wondered why am I doing this?
I went back to my normal black, light black, dark black, and slightly darker black. Funny thing, he now says, “Ew, I don’t like patterns on you.” He loves the black clothes. My point is some guys have an idea in their head, and it’s ok to dress, or style your hair, etc the way you feel like.
They might be surprised that they like your personal choice better!” Remarkable_Winner_91
2. AITJ For Expecting My Partner To Contribute Towards My Flight To His Brother's Birthday?
“My partner’s brother is having a birthday party interstate. My partner of 3 years asked me to go and I agreed. When I asked about flights he told me that his boss would pay for his flight (on the most expensive airline) so he would be traveling for free.
When I asked about me he said that I could catch that flight too. That flight is $300 as opposed to $112 on a cheaper airline. My partner made it clear that he would not fly with me on the cheaper airline or help contribute to the extra $190 so that we could fly together.
Instead, he expects me to choose – pay the extra money myself or fly alone and find my own way to his brother’s house in a city I am not familiar with. Keep in mind that my partner makes 3x what I do and has recently won $5,000.
I was excited to go and can justify $112 but for $300 it seems excessive to pay an extra $190 while my partner travels for free. I do not expect him to pay for my flight or the entire $190, maybe just $90 to help me out. I have never expected or even accepted my partner paying for anything for me ever so this is not a common occurrence.
I know I could just not go but I’m hurt at the fact that he wouldn’t make the sacrifice for me when I know I would do that if the roles were reversed. I don’t know if it is unrealistic to expect the same from him so that I do not have to travel alone.
Am I the jerk for being upset? Is it wrong for me to expect him to want to travel with me and either help me pay for the excess $190 or catch my lower-cost flight instead?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but it seems odd to me that not only is he refusing to help you but also expects you to find your way to his friend’s house from the airport.
I assume this also means you’ll have to find your way back to the airport at the end as well? Is he not concerned for your safety at all? Personally, I would skip this trip. His stance doesn’t make it seem very welcoming. I can understand not wanting to contribute financially but basically abandoning you to find your way there and back seems just… cold.” dominiqlane
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You can ask for his financial help, he can say no. That being said. Your SO’s attitude about this situation bothers me. He invited you, is not paying a cent for himself, and expects you to pay full price or travel Alone to his family function.
Again. He. Invited. You. The fact that he expects you to catch a flight by yourself, and then navigate by yourself to somewhere you have never been, and arrive by yourself… yeah nah. This is not someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
They would rather you go through all that extra effort to attend their family event than just give you the $90 towards the flight you could catch with them, after they just won $5000 and have the higher salary. You’re not entitled to any of his money but a decent bf would contribute because he loves you, wants you to meet his family, and doesn’t want you to travel by yourself.
Don’t go. Don’t stretch your budget for someone who won’t even offer to help you. In fact, don’t be there when he comes home. Catch flights, not feelings. Use that money and go somewhere fun and have a mini getaway.” Status-Pattern7539
Another User Comments:
“Girl, take it from someone who has been married to her soulmate, a dream of a man, for 20 years (together for 23).
Your partner is a red flag alert! I was once YOU, living in NYC, being overly sweet and accommodating to men I went out with – until I realized most of them treated me like crap UNTIL I DEMANDED BETTER and stopped caring about having a partner AT ALL!
He is selfish, he puts himself first, and he is a cheapskate! I don’t care about all the “good things” you tell yourself about him, I am now 58 years old and learned through my own experiences and observations of friends that a good man, a keeper, the one who complements your life and will be there through “sickness and health” is the man who will CRAWL THROUGH GLASS for you.
I know it’s old-fashioned. But it’s the truth. It is partly the way men are biologically wired. I won’t bore you with the science, but it’s a thing.
I believe it’s the writer Toni Morrison who said “When people show you who they are the first time—believe them.” It’s so simple but took me YEARS to learn.
We WANT to see the good in people, in partners and we make excuses or dismiss red flags all the time. No one is perfect, but this story tells me all I need to know about how your partner values you. He probably also “told you” early in the relationship exactly who he was like the Toni Morrison quote.
Say goodbye to him! Spend time with friends. Only go out with guys who treat you with consideration, respect, and value; otherwise, you are better off living your best life and yes, being alone until you meet your soul mate! I want every woman to learn what I learned!
I had an early marriage and divorce, followed by MANY partners and humiliation and heartbreak. I was so sweet. The minute I got picky and flipped my entire attitude – WONDERFUL guys started making moves on me all over the place. It blew my mind.
You get in life what you settle for. Don’t settle, girl!” NYCLucy
1. AITJ For Rejecting A Colleague's Religious Greeting In A Professional Email?
“I work for a big corporation. I’m Jewish/Atheist with a long history of Christians trying to push their religion on me. I’m aware that there are many Christians who don’t do this and I believe in respecting people’s faiths. I also get annoyed when religion is inserted into the workplace.
Today I got an email from an IT person that started with “pray you and your family are blessed and doing well” before answering my IT question.
I responded “not interested in prayers, but thanks for the solution!”
I asked a couple of people who told me I was rude, that it’s a figure of speech and they were trying to be nice.
I’m sure they were trying to be nice but I don’t like prayer/blessed language directed at me. I thought my response was polite-ish as I let them know my preference directly and included the thanks!
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m actually going to go with YTJ.
I’m a card-carrying atheist and I also don’t enjoy having people shove their fairytale religion in my face. However… If I were to confide in someone that I’m worried about something and their reply is to say they’ll pray for me, then I’ll accept the sentiment in the spirit in which it was offered. If your coworker literally wrote “pray you and your family are blessed and doing well” how is that so different from “I trust you and your family are doing well”?
Unless the IT person expressed themselves quite differently from how you described, I’d have to say your response was rude and uncalled for.” Solartaire
Another User Comments:
“Soft YTJ. I’m an atheist. I get squeamish about religious things and hate when it’s pushed on me.
I understand your coworker’s phrasing made you a little uncomfortable (I sometimes have that gut reaction, too), but he was sending you well wishes, not actually asking you to participate in prayer (which is what I originally assumed based on the title). Your response was a little rude, even if it wasn’t your intention.
Kind of reminds me of the people who get offended and snippy when someone wishes them a Merry Christmas instead of Happy Holidays… You could have easily just said thanks for the IT solution and left it at that. Or, maybe you could have phrased your response a bit more gently — “Hey, thanks for the well wishes.
But in the future, would you mind avoiding religious language? While I appreciate your intentions, that kind of language makes me a bit uncomfortable.” Something like that.” BlueBumbleb33
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your restraint is admirable. I would have said, “Thanks for the solution,” and then forwarded the email to HR as evidence of religious harassment and a hostile work environment.
I’m also an atheist, and I have no patience whatsoever for Christians who can’t keep their God to themselves. I don’t give a darn about their “great commission”; you can’t exist in this culture without being exposed to Christianity, the Bible is a public-domain work freely available on the internet in at least 666 different translations, and you’re more likely to find a church within walking distance than a grocery store where I live, so there is no need for individual Christians to go around “witnessing” or “spreading the Good News”.
That stuff is as spread as it’s gonna get short of downloading the Bible into babies’ brains in utero, so mission accomplished. If some Christian wants to testify for Christ, they should do it with actions instead of words because faith without works is dead.
Let’s see some of these evangelical jerks sell their possessions, give all their money to the poor, and devote their lives to healing the sick, feeding the hungry, and comforting the lonely.” DeathFindsAWay
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