People Need Us To Keep Up With Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Defending My Adulthood Against A Family Friend's Biased Comments?
“I (24f) have some mental health issues including ASD, PTSD, and possible schizophrenia. I do look young for my age and I sometimes come across as younger because of some facial expressions, body language, and having a higher-pitched voice which is related to my disabilities.
I don’t mind looking younger and see it as a positive thing but I also get infantilized by some people and treated like less of an adult by family members and their circles due to bias against disabled people which I find unfair.
I recently graduated with a bachelor’s degree and I was working and supporting myself in college, and have been for the most part financially independent since 21 years old.
However, I am on the family plan for my cell phone, and during my last year, my family sent me money to go to Starbucks once a week. My new job doesn’t start until fall since it’s in education so I have been staying at my parents’ house and enjoying my free time.
Some family friends came over for lunch and one of them said that I “will be an adult soon” during conversation and I said that I am already an adult. A family friend (25f) said something like “if your parents send you money every month you’re not really an adult yet, it’s a different experience.”
I pointed out that her parents pay for her children’s daycare and also help with bills every month and asked if that means she’s not an adult. She got defensive and I said that we’re both adults, we are making our own decisions and for the most part supporting ourselves and getting help doesn’t mean that we are not adults.
She seemed upset and everyone quickly changed the subject. Later my parents and siblings said that I didn’t have to “call her out” like that but she literally said the same thing, I wasn’t even actually calling her a child I was pointing out the flaws in her logic and I said that we are both adults.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re right – If her definition of adulthood is not needing financial help from your parents, then she’s not an adult either. I got assistance from my parents when I was studying for my degree – that didn’t make me a non-adult, it just meant my parents wanted to help me graduate.” Enough-Process9773
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her logic is flawed. People’s definition of ‘being an adult’ is different for everyone. I considered myself an adult, having been married (and divorced), with kids, a job, a car, rent, bills, etc. But, after both my parents died, by the time I was 30, that’s when I realized I was truly an adult.
No one to ‘borrow’ money from if I was short one week or getting money as gifts. There was no longer a place to run back to as a backup plan if things got ‘bad’. I no longer had a ‘safety net’. I was truly on my own.
On the other hand, my husband grew up in Foster Care, aged out, and was an Adult at 18, having no one else to depend on but himself. (I think the same can be said for those that have gone NC with their family.)” pinkflamingo-lj
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, as you said, her reasoning was flawed and hypocritical. Second, forget the idea that adults don’t need help on occasion. It’s a corrosive, ableist, and elitist lie that people use very selectively to put down people they see as less worthy while ignoring all the ways they receive help themselves.
I’m going on 50 and just sent a friend (same age) some money because she’s going through a tough time and I’m doing fine, so let me care for my fellow adult navigating incredibly hard stuff. We’d all be happier and better people if we could celebrate the ways we support each other instead of shaming people for it.” mewley
20. AITJ For Confronting My Brother About His Abusive Treatment Towards His Autistic Partner?
“I (25F) have a brother (23M) who has a partner (23M). From what my brother told me he has autism and is a very introverted person, which is very easy to tell once you meet him.
My brother treats him pretty badly I’d say. He always talks about how he finds all his quirks annoying and about how lucky his partner is that he’s willing to deal with them because nobody else would want to stay in a relationship with him, monitors everything his partner eats and essentially has him on a strict diet (even though his partner is already a pretty thin person) and also constantly talks about how his partner doesn’t make enough money so they can have nice things and even though his partner always looks uncomfortable with my brother talking about him like that he never says anything back to him.
And that’s just the things he says about him in public in front of me and even our parents, I don’t even want to imagine what he says to him in private.
The last thing my brother complained about was how they couldn’t afford to go on a trip to Greece because of his partner’s low income and once again said that his partner is lucky that he loves him enough to get stuck with someone like him.
I honestly got sick of my brother talking like that and I asked if he can pipe down already, making a scene over a darn trip wasn’t worth it. He told me to not get involved because this has nothing to do with me, but I told him that at this point it might as well because I find the way he treats his own partner really disgusting and he’s pretty much acting like an emotional abuser.
Well, things escalated quickly and my brother started screaming at me that I’m only trying to paint him as an abuser because I’m a jealous liar over not having my own partner and not understanding how gay relationships work, that I’m delusional and the only disgusted person in the room while his partner legit just apologized to my brother and told him to leave.
They eventually did, but my brother also blocked me everywhere afterward and my mom’s been on my case about calling my brother an abuser. I asked if she hasn’t seen the way he treats and talks about his partner, but my mom said that their relationship isn’t any of my business and I shouldn’t have gotten involved in their conflicts because it’s now affecting our entire family due to my brother seemingly wanting to cut all contact off with me now.
AITJ ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m gay and I had my first partner 29 years ago, so I’d say I’m quite experienced in how gay relationships work, and while there are definitely differences, talking trash about your partner like this, talking down to him, all this other trash is considered just as bad with gay men as it is with anyone else.
I sincerely hope your brother’s partner gets out and finds someone who will treat him with kindness and respect, rather than trying to induce an eating disorder.” Big_Metal2470
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – As much as you don’t know what is going on behind the scenes, that is no excuse for treating anyone that way.
You shouldn’t feel ashamed for saying something because it was the right thing to do even if the response was overwhelming. The whole ‘it’s not your business’ is a pathetic reason to let someone get emotionally manipulated and feel worthless. If your brother’s response to your criticism of his behavior is to cut everyone off…then he is not at all mature and needs a reality check.
Not sure how you should proceed, but I would definitely try to be the mature person and not let him emotionally manipulate you into apologizing!” known_blank
Another User Comments:
“As a neurodivergent bisexual married to a neurodivergent lesbian, I assure you, OP, you are 100% right and your brother is emotionally abusing his partner.
Unfortunately, since autistic people often have trouble understanding social situations, we can be very susceptible to gaslighting. We’re especially prone to believing when someone criticizes us because they “love us and want us to be better.” Like the witch in Tangled. They tell us we misunderstood and we chalk it up to our autism being the problem, not them.
Was the partner there when you spoke up? If not, maybe you could send him a message and let him know that you think your brother is treating him poorly and he deserves better?” Slow_Nature_6833
19. AITJ For Refusing To Lend My Car To My Sister Who Recently Wrecked Hers?
“So my (26F) sister wrecked her car last month. Totally her fault – she was texting while driving. Now she’s been bugging me to borrow my car for work and stuff.
The thing is, I need my car for my own job, and I’m not comfortable with her driving it after what happened. Plus, she hasn’t even started looking for a new car or saving up for one. She says I’m being selfish and leaving her stranded.
Our parents are split on this. Mom thinks I should help out family, but Dad agrees with me.
AITJ for putting my foot down and saying no? I feel bad, but also think she needs to face the consequences of her actions. What do you guys think?”
Another User Comments:
“”Mom, I am helping out family. I am doing my part to prevent Sister from harming herself with reckless driving by not enabling her when she clearly does not yet understand how easily this could have ended in tragedy.” NTJ. Even if the crash (I hesitate to call it an ‘accident’ under the circumstances) were not your sister’s fault, you still wouldn’t be a jerk for not lending her your car.
People have to earn the opportunity to borrow something like that, usually by demonstrating consistent responsibility and being a part of ongoing mutual training of favors.” DinaFelice
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, a car is not something you can risk like that. Plus, you need it yourself for your own job.
I suggest you hide the keys. Take one key and hide it somewhere it won’t get lost like with a friend. Take the other key and hide it every night before you sleep. Do this out of sight of everyone. Make sure that you have it on you every waking moment while you are anywhere your sister or mother might be.” ylwsubmarineresident
Another User Comments:
“No, you aren’t wrong and she clearly couldn’t afford to get her own car fixed so she can’t afford to get yours fixed if something were to happen. If she wasn’t responsible enough with her own stuff she surely isn’t going to be responsible with yours and the thing is no one will be held liable if something were to happen but you.
I wouldn’t even care about what your mother thinks about the situation honestly. Is she paying your note? Insurance? Putting gas in your car? Is her name on your loan? If your mother feels so strongly about it tell her to let your sister use HER car or tell HER to help her get a new one.
Men tend to be logical thinkers and women emotional thinkers. I’d listen to your dad if I were you.” TAA_1126
18. AITJ For Not Cancelling A Pre-Booked Concert To Attend My Friend's Last Minute Wedding?
“So my best friend got engaged 6 days ago. She contacted me 3 days ago and said her wedding is going to be on July 26. I informed her that we have a concert to attend on the 24, and I already booked off two days for the stay in Toronto.
So I wasn’t sure if they’d grant me the 3rd day off. I am still on probation, and they were very generous in providing me the two days anyway.
Well, ultimately they denied my time off request. And I’ll be working until 7 pm on the day of her wedding.
She’s now demanding that I cancel the concert and attend her wedding because it’s nonsense that I would prioritize a concert over her. This concert was booked a year ago, as a birthday gift to my spouse. He has made numerous posts on social media about how excited he is, she has liked and commented on them.
So she knew it was coming up.
She literally messaged me giving me 3 options 1) I sell the tickets 2) I give away my ticket and my spouse still gets to go or 3) I tell her which day I can get off work between the 22-26, when I literally can’t get any more days off that week.
She claims I’m a monster for wanting her to change her entire wedding for me, it’s a simple backyard wedding with a marriage officiant and nothing was set in stone when she asked so I assumed swaying a week or two wouldn’t be the end of the world, but apparently that made me the bad guy.
Note my entire family was supposed to be her wedding party, maid of honor, flower girl and ring bearers, and a witness. So considering she’s literally doing a shotgun wedding was it so wrong of me to assume that we would have been included in some form to ensure we’d be available?
I don’t know. Maybe I am the jerk. But she’s being awful.”
Another User Comments:
“She is the monster. I hope she did not actually call you the monster and that was your interpretation, but if she did, boldface my last sentence and add an exclamation point.
She is expecting you to upend your life because she has planned an impromptu wedding that is occurring in a little over a month. That is not normal, and her behavior is not to be indulged. This might be a good sign to rethink the friendship, especially if this is the last of a long line of her entitled behavior and very unrealistic expectations of you.” anitarielleliphe
Another User Comments:
“Holy entitlement Batman! She knew about the concert, so that’s on her. The logical reply is that you’re regretfully unable to attend given the prior commitment of which she was aware. She can voluntarily move the date if she really wants you there, but that’s up to her (assuming it’s a date for which you’re able to obtain leave).
That being said the 3 options she presented are jerk-like of the highest order. NTJ.” AgitatedJacket9627
Another User Comments:
“15 years ago my husband and I got married on a whim. With little notice, very few people could make it. His parents weren’t even there. But we were fine when people said it just wouldn’t work for them to make it.
Because, we were the ones who made the choice to have a quick wedding, and on a Wednesday (we both worked in a nightclub so never had weekends off). No one was mad at us, we weren’t mad at anyone else. And we had a lot of fun!
It’s bizarre to me that your friend is behaving as she is. You’re most definitely NTJ.” MissLissa2584
17. AITJ For Asking My Neighbor To Have Her Son Lower His Late Night Music?
“Our neighbor is an older woman who lives alone. Her son (mid-40s) lived with her for a while, moved out to his older sister’s place but frequently comes over and spends the night at his mother’s. His bedroom window is directly across from mine, and he loves house music.
Which is dope, because so do I! However, he has a habit of blasting his music during the late night hours – typically between 11:00 pm and 1:00 am.
So cut to tonight – it’s 11:00 pm and he starts up the house music. I’ve got my window open because it’s mid-summer and it gets sickeningly hot here at night.
He’s got his window open too, so the music is blaring directly into my room. Fortunately, he’s got a good taste in the stuff, but unfortunately, I wake up at 6:00 am for work. So we let it rock until midnight, and sure enough, he’s still going hard.
I’m talking fifteen-minute-long Seven Nation Army remix hard. It ends up getting louder, at which point we decide to go next door to request he either turn it down a smidge OR close his window. Mind you, we had no intent of asking him to shut it OFF – just turning it down or closing the window so that every lyric and/or instrument isn’t audible in my room.
So we go next door, knock, and his mom answers. At first, she doesn’t even open the door, she just looks at us through the side window and goes “What?!” So we calmly, politely request that she have her son turn the music down or even just shut his window as we are trying to sleep in preparation for the Monday work day.
She then opens the door, and before we can explain any further, SHOUTS, “He’s hardly here so it’s not like it’s happening all the time! So please don’t complain!” I try to explain we aren’t there to rag on them, but before I can finish, she says, “Well that’s just TOO bad!” and then proceeds to slam the door in our faces.
We go back to the house – and I’m honestly flabbergasted. We usually get along fine with them both. I was just in the yard chatting with her for an hour about our local mourning dove population not even a month ago. I used to bring her son fruit from our yard when the season was on, etc. Everything was normal. So where this hostility came from… I have no idea.
So what gives – am I the jerk? Were we being totally unreasonable? It feels bad considering we’ve gotten along well as neighbors in all the years we’ve lived beside one another.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were polite and patient trying to compromise.
It is not acceptable to be playing loud music during late hours of the night, super ignorant to people in surrounding houses trying to sleep. Her behavior was super ignorant. Not sure if she was awake when you guys went over there but maybe she was just cranky because she was woken up?
Not sure. I’d say try to talk to her again during daylight hours, maybe she might be more calm? Wishing you guys luck!” jordanaaa11
Another User Comments:
“Definitely not the jerk. Especially, since you were just making a polite request. It’s not like you called the local authorities straight away – you asked them directly.
Some people just feel too entitled and have very little consideration for others. She got her back up about her son but really should have let him come and speak to you himself as a 40-year-old man. I wonder what his response would have been to your polite request. Maybe you could catch him one day and explain the issue to him without his mum.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he was cool with it and appreciated you letting him know.” JanYeWest87
Another User Comments:
“Next time you’re having a pleasant chat, kindly drop (not hinting, blatantly saying) that if her son plays his music at that volume past midnight on a Sunday night again, you will call someone to make him stop.
And it will not be her. Then go inside and decide who that someone is. Condo board, police, neighbors. Whoever. But give her the warning and then see if it happens again. I’ve been to festivals where people pull this and you suffer through to not harsh anyone’s buzz.
But this is a housing estate 6 hours before work – screw them and Skrillex, it’s about common courtesy.” No_Ad_770
16. AITJ For Publicly Calling Out My Son's Teacher For Ignoring His Speech Impediment Accommodations?
“I (41F) have a son who I will call Jack (12M) with my husband (42M). Jack has a speech impediment that causes him to stutter, it’s not too bad at home but he really struggles to speak in front of other people due to some past bullying.
He’s okay when it’s just his friends, but if he has to speak in front of the whole class, he can take several minutes to finish a sentence, which he finds very upsetting.
My husband and I have spoken to the school and have arranged accommodations for Jack, all of his teachers know not to call on him for reading or to answer questions, and he is allowed to raise his hand or have a friend respond for him when the teacher is taking the register.
He has a note from school that he can show his teachers if they question why he is not able to speak aloud.
Recently, my son has moved up to a higher level English class where he has a new teacher who I will call Mrs. A.
Last week, she tried to get my son to read aloud, he showed her the note and she didn’t make him, however, she emailed me saying that she didn’t think my son needed the note. I explained he did, and told her the school had evidence from his speech therapist, thinking that was it.
That was until Monday when I had to come pick Jack up from school. The nurse said he felt sick, but when he got into the car he confessed that was not really the case. Basically, Mrs. A had asked him to read, he then showed her the note again, but she said that she had seen him talking to his friends and knew he could “speak fine when he wanted to” and told him not to be so shy.
When my son refused, she promised to let the whole class out early if he read, again he shook his head. Some of his classmates were understanding, but as it’s a new class some of them don’t know him as well and were upset at him for the fact they didn’t get an early break, causing them to be rude to him.
My husband and I were obviously very upset and sent an email to the school to report her, but I also made a post on the school’s parent WhatsApp group calling her a “cruel, power-tripping bully” and explaining what happened. From what I can gather, a screenshot of my message got shared around with many other parents siding with me.
However, I received a message today from the school warning me not to use “abusive language” to describe teachers, and telling me to please speak to the school directly instead of complaining online, as it could “compromise teacher safety.”
Part of me feels justified in sharing, but I don’t know if I went too far in calling her that and then sharing it to a group chat with basically all the year’s parents, especially if it could really put her in danger.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Look, I’m not going to vote one way or another, and I do think the teacher handled it inappropriately, but what was the point of posting in the social group? Not being snarky, but legitimately curious. If you thought the school was going to handle the issue you raised, what were you hoping to achieve with the post other than just venting?
Also, are the accommodations made by the school actually enough? It seems like it may need to be something more concrete like an IEP or 504 (though may also not qualify since the issue does not seem to be severe). It just seems like the note is something the teachers can ignore if they choose to.
More like a request than an actual accommodation they have to follow.” Kasparian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, no way the school shot back. I would screenshot that nonsense and go straight to the head of the school district with that nonsense. Abusive Language? What was the teacher doing when she was attempting to bully your son into doing something he wasn’t comfortable with?
If able, get the law involved. I would raise a fuss and ruin the entire school for this nonsense. How dare they. This is straight-up an attempt to pressure you into submission, don’t take it. Recruit other parents to help. I have no patience for school districts power-tripping like this.” Authentic_Jester
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You communicated that the accommodations were necessary and instead of complying with those accommodations, she doubled down by using his peers against him. Now it is no longer just a teacher bullying him, she set the stage for him to be bullied by his peers.
I probably would have gone to administration prior to communicating it in a parent group, but I also know from being in those parent groups, that sometimes the only way to get the school to deal with issues is to make them public. Otherwise, they sweep it under the rug and the child continues to suffer.” ProfessionalLog7127
A note he carries around means nothing. A contract for a learning issue can hold up in court. This teacher will retaliate against your son.
15. AITJ For Telling My Stepdaughter She Looks Stupid Wearing Boxers In Public?
“I (m47) have 2 stepkids f(16) and m(12). I have known my stepkids since they were 8 and 4. Their bio dad hasn’t been consistently around since my stepson was a baby. He pops in for a little while and then doesn’t hear anything for a while. Neither calls me dad but I have always thought we had a good relationship and I’m one of their main male role models.
Now with the issue. My stepdaughter a few months ago started wearing boxers. Just around the house no big deal no different than any other lounge shorts she owns. But the past 2 weeks I’ve noticed her leaving the house or coming home wearing the boxers.
A few nights ago I told my wife that I found it weird that she’s wearing boxers out in public. My wife says it isn’t a big deal she’s just a teenager going through a phase and a lot of kids her age choose to wear stuff like that out in public.
It still bothered me. So this morning when my stepdaughter was downstairs in boxer shorts and a t-shirt I asked if she’s going out in that today. She shrugged and said probably, why. I said well I think you have plenty of other short options to wear.
She asked what was wrong with what she was wearing. I just said wearing boxer shorts in public makes her look stupid and that she has many other lounge shorts she could wear instead of boxers. Later when I came home my wife was furious asking why I was mean to my stepdaughter.
I said I didn’t think I was being mean I was being truthful that those boxers in public weren’t a smart decision and she should change when going out. My wife said I’m a jerk because she’s just a teen girl and as long as it wasn’t inappropriate I shouldn’t have said anything.
Both she and my stepdaughter haven’t spoken to me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ 1. There’s a huge difference between voicing that you don’t understand it, that you think it’s inappropriate, you don’t think it’s fashionable, or otherwise voicing slight concern or confusion.. and saying it makes her look stupid.
You had half a dozen ways you could’ve been “honest”, without just insulting her. You’re not offering constructive criticism, you just bullied your stepdaughter. 2. You’re a 47 year old man. You are so far removed from teenage girl fashion. As long as her friends don’t think it’s weird and nobody is picking on her; shut up.
It doesn’t have to make sense to you, so long as she’s happy with it and it’s not causing any problems with her social life.” SupermarketNeat4033
Another User Comments:
“Don’t tell your kids/stepkids they look stupid. Do they look stupid? Of course they do.
But you said the quiet part out loud. There are a lot of more appropriate adjectives that you can use to get your point across that aren’t demeaning and insulting. Pick one of them instead. Or, start having conversations with her about taking pride in her personal appearance and wearing clothes instead of boxers when she leaves the house.
Yeah, you’re going to get a ton of eye rolls and “you don’t understand” and blah blah blah. But if you say it every now and then, it eventually starts to sink in. Start holding your kids to higher standards and they’ll start living up to higher standards…and setting higher standards for themselves.
Just make sure you and your wife are also living up to those same standards, otherwise your words are meaningless and hypocritical. YTJ.” OGBrewSwayne
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Mostly because my guess is she probably bought those boxer shorts recently at her favorite store and they are 100% intended to be worn outside.
As I and pretty much every female I know have done recently, because boxer shorts are on trend right now and temperatures are heating up and it’s nice to be both cool (fashionable) and cool (not dying in sweatpants or jeans). Even if they are actual men’s boxers, it’s still a trend and she’s the smart one for paying $10 for something the rest of us are paying $50 for.
If you want to call a fashion choice stupid you better know what you’re talking about. Otherwise, you’re just another boomer jerk.” Fast_Pop_8911
I'm happy to hear they're back and will get a pair and enjoy the snot out of them!
The young lady is right-- you don't get why ppl wear things they like. You also don't get how to discuss issues with her, so you use personal insult and intimidation instead.
YTJ of the week already. Do better next time.
14. AITJ For Telling My Partner's Nephew He Won't Make It To The NBA?
“My significant other’s nephew who is a freshman in high school joined my son and me at the park. I watched him almost get beat at B-ball by a 5th grader wearing one shoe. The only reason he did win was because he was dishonest on game points multiple times.
Afterward, he started bragging about how he was going to the NBA and I told him, that wasn’t going to happen.
He asked why I was hating and I explained that at his age, size, passion for the game, and skill level it just wasn’t going to happen.
The kid can’t even dribble the ball without double dribbling, has never played on a team, doesn’t even own a basketball, and is a freshman in high school. I told him he could be great at something and become rich and famous but just not playing in the NBA.
He seemed to appreciate the discussion as he is very immature for his age, doesn’t have a male influence around and his family treats him like a small child.
The next day his mother called me up and was very angry. I told her we were just 2 dudes shooting the breeze at the park and if that was an issue to not send him to my house anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m tired of seeing and hearing young people who are TERRIBLE at something and think they are going to be stars (not even just a professional) because the people around them enable them. People in the nephew’s life should have been serious when he started saying something like “I’m going to be in the NBA”.
They should have told him it takes hard work every day and practice. That in high school he needs to be on the basketball team and do well. But now he’s IN high school and can’t even hold his own against a 5th grader. Yet he is still being encouraged by people in his life.
Just like the stupid participation trophy “everyone’s a winner” people.” Djinn_42
Another User Comments:
“People are gonna go “aw why’d you shoot down the kid” cause they can’t read. I personally got annoyed as soon as you said that buddy was dishonest at basketball with a child.
That’s worth more of a convo than his NBA pipe dreams. Not the jerk unless you literally were trying to be one, you were being real. Sometimes people need to hear someone else’s opinion, or the delusions will grow. Acting like that with a fifth grader (I’m gonna go to the NBA YEAH) is one thing, but if he plays like terribly and does that around real peers, it might be a different story.
Dudes gotta look out for each other, and you seem like you did a fine job.” Benign_Despot
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, anyone who says you are has no sports knowledge. Calling it a “dream” is an elegant way to describe some nonsense. I have seen several people destroy their chances at success because nobody told them the reality of pro sports.
He literally has a better chance of hitting the lottery than making it to the NBA. You can help him realize this on his own though, without devastating him. Tell him to just read the Wiki page of a few of his favorite players. He’ll quickly learn that most NBA players (and most pro athletes in general) stood out and were scouted before they even entered high school.” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Not Wanting A Relationship With My Half-Sister From My Father's Affair?
“My father wasn’t a great parent to me (17m) and my sister (19f). He never showed up for any of our school plays or games. He never took the time to just spend with us, either as a family or as a father and his son and daughter.
Three years ago we found out my father had an affair and he had a kid who was 3 years old at the time. My mom ended their marriage and my father moved in with the affair partner and married her once the divorce from mom was finalized. My sister and I were already done with our relationship.
She had to spend custody time with him for a year and was around his wife (before she was his wife) and his other daughter at that time but then she ended all contact when the courts gave her permission. I needed to go to him for custody until last year when the courts let me stop it.
And I did stop it.
His daughter was really confused by it all. She was told my sister and I were her siblings but we did not make an effort to know her or be in her life. My father and her mother pumped her full of hope that we’d be close.
My sister and I want no relationship.
Now my father’s wife brings her daughter to my football games and she has shown up to dance competitions I take part in too. Her daughter gets so excited to see me but I never want to see her at them.
I try to be nice but I’d rather not talk to her at all. My father showed up once or twice too. When I ignore them I see how much it hurts the kid. She saw my sister last month when I had a dance thing and my sister refused to look over their way and left as soon as she could.
I could see my father’s daughter crying… and yes I know she’s technically my half-sister, I have no love for her, no interest in being her brother, no wish to have a family life with her. I don’t blame her. I blame him. But she means nothing to me.
So I call her my father’s daughter instead.
My father knows. And after the dance thing last month, I reached out to him for the first time in a year and I told him he should try being a better dad to her and stop letting these games be played. I told him we’ll never want her and he knows that.
So he should protect her and focus on giving her a good life instead of putting us in the position to be jerks and ignore her or to make her more hopeful. He ranted and raved at me that we made him sound like a worse dad than he was to us and he said my sister and I are no better because we have a responsibility to our younger sibling.
I quickly told him that we did not make her, choose her, or accept any responsibility for her. But he made us which made him responsible. And that’s why he should do better. I had to end the call and block him because he went crazy down the phone at me.
But he saw me when I was out with friends and he ranted at me some more and told me I shouldn’t have said what I did.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your father is trying to alleviate his guilt over what he has done.
You are absolutely correct that you have no obligation to have a relationship with any of them. However, there is a young child that is understandably confused. Why are his wife and daughter showing up to your events (it sounds like from the text that she has come to several football games and several dance competitions, whereas you said that your father showed up to one or two).
I would suggest that you text your father and tell him that he, his wife, and his child are not welcome at any of your events. You might be specific about your comments about his daughter and just limit it to pointing out that bringing her to the events is hurting her, which is clear because she ends up in tears.” Late_Confidence8101
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like the affair partner is living in a fantasy world and Dad is guilty and doesn’t know what else to do so he’s taking it out on you. Their daughter is suffering and that absolutely sucks. Can the school remove him from your account now that he is not a custodial parent so he doesn’t know when they are?
It’s ok to ignore him/gray rock him and the affair partner in public even if they have the child with them. This is 100% on them and not on you. They don’t need to manipulate you anymore and guilt you into it. They are the adults in this situation.
They need to act like it.” Connect_Guide_7546
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It should be self-evident to him that he was a terrible parent. If he’s not able to work that out for himself, there’s certainly nothing you can say that will get through to him.
He’s likely to go on being a terrible parent to your half-sister. Of the two of them, you would be better off spending the time to explain to the six-year-old what the issue is, because she may be able to learn and understand. “Your father is my father.
He was an awful father to me, and his other daughter. He did not love us, he never wanted to spend time with us or talk to us, and he never came to our big days. We wanted to love him, but he never did.
It was heartbreaking for us, and for years and years we wanted him to change, but he never did. Eventually, we stopped trying. Then one day, he made our mom sad, made her cry a lot. I do not forgive him for that, or think of him as a real father.
You may love him, and he might be a better father to you than he was to me. But because I do not think of him as a father, and you and I do not share a mother, I cannot see you as a real sister.
That is not because of anything you have done, it is all because of him. I’m sorry if that makes you sad. I don’t want to make you sad. But I am not going to lie to you. I don’t want to see my father ever again.” Harsh words for a six-year-old to hear, but if your father is not prepared to let up, it’s probably necessary.
Break her heart properly once, and she’ll stop being complicit in the games your father is playing in trying to get you into the role he wants you to play.” chrestomancy
12. AITJ For Keeping My Ex-Roommates' Belongings After They Left Them Behind And I Got Fined?
“I (21f) used to live with two roommates (both 21f) in an off-campus student housing apartment. We used to be friends prior to moving in but ultimately we did not get along as they were disrespectful of my property and our shared space.
They both found housing for next year while I decided to stay in the same apartment unit.
The apartment staff clearly stated that they were required to clean every apartment before the next tenant arrived thus everything had to be empty before leaving. However, since I renewed my lease, I could keep everything in my room but I had to leave the living room and kitchen completely empty.
The day before my roommates moved out, they asked me if they could keep some of their boxes with me and I said ‘no’. I was going home for the summer that day and I thought I made it clear that they had to find other arrangements.
I received an email a week ago stating I was fined $900 for failure to clean my space. I drove to my student housing apartment the same day to check on my apartment and speak to the housing staff. When I got to my apartment, I noticed several things still in my living room.
These were things left by my roommates like their T.V., vacuum, water purifier, dish rack, rice cooker, toaster, rug, couch pillows, ottoman, boxes, etc.
I spoke to the apartment staff and explained none of these things were mine and instead were my roommates’, thus I shouldn’t have been fined. However, they explained that my roommates were no longer on the lease as of late May, thus any belongings in there would be my responsibility.
In the end, they basically said there was nothing they could do and I had to pay the fine – which was a lot of money, so my summer savings were basically gone in an instant.
When I got home, I messaged my roommates and told them about the situation.
They gave a half-hearted apology and said they assumed it wouldn’t be an issue since I had the lease and we all collectively used some of the stuff they left, thus was technically my responsibility too. I asked them to both pay me $450 each to cover the fine.
They said ‘no’.
To that, I said, “Yeah, we all used those things. But now they’re all mine. I had to pay the fine, I’m gonna keep everything you guys left.”
They began to freak out and spam-messaged me about how I’m being a jerk for keeping their personal belongings.
I ignored the messages. After they got on social media and blasted me for being a thief. I had many of their friends harass me. Now they’re getting their parents involved, but so am I. I know whatever they left was probably worth more than the fine, but I’m not going to pay for someone else’s carelessness.
They assumed they could just come over after the summer and retrieve their stuff while bypassing the need to buy a storage unit or find other arrangements to store their stuff.
Am I the jerk for keeping all my roommates’ belongings after they moved out, despite them wanting it back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and the next time you speak with them use the word LAWYER. They either pay the fine or you will sell their stuff to recoup your loss (I know you probably won’t sell because you may need some of if not all that was left).
It’s that simple. DO NOT get caught up in them trying to manipulate by deflecting to some nonsense that happened last month when you said…yadda yadda yadda. None of that matters here. Stand your ground. They assumed they could just come over after the summer and retrieve their stuff while bypassing the need to buy a storage unit or find other arrangements to store their stuff.
When you make an assumption…. I’m sure you know the rest.” slap-a-frap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, put them on blast “You both knew the requirements to have everything out of the apartment, you didn’t, and because you didn’t there was a $900 fine levied against me for your abandoned property.
If you want to reclaim the items, I am willing to sell them back to you, but as you abandoned them, and caused me to pay a fine due to your actions, you either pay me for the fine + headache, or you accept you abandoned the items and they now belong to me.” With the heartache caused, I would say minimum it should be 2x the fine to buy things back and stick to your guns, it’s all or nothing.” PenBoom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even the usual legal standing, at least in the states I’ve seen, you have to give the person that lived with you 30 days notice to collect their things. Once the 30 days are up, if they haven’t collected their things, those belongings are now abandoned and they forfeit ownership.
If they were dealing with a landlord, they wouldn’t expect that they could leave their things there until it was convenient for them to collect them. They’re trying to take advantage of the social exchange to get you to give them extra accommodations they aren’t entitled to.
Also, not to victim blame, but never, ever trust a roommate (especially an ex-roommate you’re in bad standing with) to take care of their obligations without oversight and/or confirmation. Some dark magic takes over the minds of ex-roommates who feel a sense of bad b***d that they will go out of their way to make them move out the worst it could be and try to take advantage of every liberty.
In the future, know their obligations to your rental manager and enforce them to avoid getting screwed.” SupermarketNeat4033
But do insert that you have contacted an attorney and you would appreciate their payment post haste having go drag this through the court. Check the law in your area because from what I am reading their stuff has been there over 30 days and at this point is considered abandoned property and is therefore yours to do with as you please
11. AITJ For Refusing To Share My Prescription Medicine With The Guy I'm Seeing?
“The guy I’m seeing and I were about to go to dinner. It’s a place that charges your credit card if you don’t show up.
Before dinner, he tells me that he has an upset stomach and would like to take some of my prescribed medicine before the dinner because he’s been prescribed it before and it helps stomach ache.
I only have 3 left. I explicitly outlined to him that him taking my prescriptions is a big NO because I am about to travel for a month and that’s what they are prescribed to me for.
I’ve had such severe panic attacks that I have fainted in public on multiple occasions. I need these meds and I won’t be able to have a refill soon.
He said he possibly could replace them and that he would not go to dinner unless he could take one.
When I explicitly said “NO” multiple times, he brought up how selfish I am, that I don’t carry these things with me anyway in my day-to-day life, and that I haven’t had a panic attack in a while.
I caved in after multiple “nos” and let him.
We had a conversation after of me explaining how I do not appreciate his pressure, not listening to my words of “No”. No means no. And that’s probably why he doesn’t get along with his brother because he won’t take “no” for an answer.
He got very upset and told me again that I’m selfish, should share, and don’t have the right to bring up his family. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but you do realize he’s using you, don’t you? He claims a “stomach” problem and demands some of your medication (which you take for panic attacks).
So you’re taking psychotropic medication and he hassles you for unrelated physical reasons. I hate to sound obvious but I would be prepared to lay actual money he simply wants your medication for recreational purposes. To that end, he’s prepared to hassle and abuse you until you cave.
Girl – dump his manipulative, abusive backside and find yourself a decent companion. Don’t go out with someone who is displaying more red flags than an event in Red Square, Moscow. BTW – even if he had a clinically diagnosed MH diagnosis, he can arrange appropriate medication through his own doctor.
NEVER give your medication to other people.” cynical_old_mare
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I find it awfully convenient that he had an upset stomach right before a dinner you couldn’t cancel without penalty, and the only thing that could help him in that moment was one of your pills you take for panic attacks?
He couldn’t take Pepto Bismol or Tums? Sounds like substance-seeking behavior to me. He knows you’re not supposed to share your meds. He has no business asking and he definitely crossed a line trying to pressure and guilt trip you when you said no. And you should definitely take it as a serious red flag that he can’t take no for an answer – if he couldn’t take no in that instance, when else might he try to coerce you for something he wants?” VisualCelery
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for letting him take your prescription medicine, and him for asking. First, this is a prescription that you are prescribed for and he is NOT. I didn’t see what this was but there are reasons why someone needs a prescription for it.
And if he needs this he would be prescribed for it. There are probably either medical effects or danger of addiction involved. Second, it’s illegal to provide prescription medication to someone without a prescription, so he is asking you to break the law. And you did break the law.
If nothing else, this shows you how much he cares about you. He basically wants you to do things that can get you a criminal record and possibly go to jail. This could also affect what medications you are prescribed in the future, thus affecting your health.” Ohio_guy65
10. AITJ For Relying On An Older Sibling While Babysitting?
“I’m 18f who just graduated high school a few weeks ago. I’ve never had a job before, and now that I’ve graduated, I want to earn some money for experiences at community college.
I asked my mom if she could help me find a job, and she suggested babysitting. I thought it would be easy.
My mom’s supervisor needed a babysitter for the summer because their daycare shut down. They have two sons: Len, who’s 10, and Bo, who’s 5 and autistic.
They reassured me that Len is very independent and prefers to be alone, so I would mostly need to focus on Bo. I’ve never dealt with autistic kids, but I figured it wouldn’t be too hard since he’s so young.
On my first day, I got to know the boys, and things started off pretty simple.
Bo played with his toy cars for a few hours while Len stayed in his room. Around noon, I called them for lunch. I’m not great at cooking, so I just heated up some canned mac and cheese. Len was fine with it, but Bo burst into tears, saying he hated mac and cheese.
I tried to get him to eat, but he kept crying.
Since I didn’t know much about autism, I asked Len for help. He was a bit rude but took Bo’s bowl, got him some fig bars, and that seemed to calm him down.
When I asked Bo what he would like to eat in the future, he just made angry noises and ignored me.
Later, Bo started crying again because he couldn’t assemble his fire truck. He asked for help, and since I didn’t know what to do, I called Len again.
Len complained and didn’t want to help, so I snapped and told him to help his brother or he wouldn’t get a snack later. He did it grudgingly, and things were fine for a while.
Some time passes, and I find Bo crying in the laundry room again.
He told me his cat scratched him and made him bleed. I called Len again to put a band-aid on him because I wasn’t sure how Bo would react if I did it. Len looked really upset while doing it, but nothing else happened that day.
When their mom came home, I left. Later, I got a long, angry message saying I “parentified” Len and that it should’ve been my responsibility to take care of Bo. She said she didn’t want me to babysit anymore. I was livid because I feel like Len is very spoiled and can’t even handle helping out around the house.
My mom is mad at me, but my dad is on my side and is really angry with their mom.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, realizing you’re inexperienced, you seem like an awful sitter. You had pretty much one kid to focus on and managed to outsource most of it to the other kid in your care, and on top of that threatened to withhold food based on the older child’s compliance?
The parent is correct for chastising you, and you should not babysit that family again. You should not be livid. It sounds like both kids played on their own for hours at a time and at least once you seemed to have lost track of the younger child, which strikes me as odd for someone who is a first-time, presumably attentive, sitter.
What were you doing while they played independently? In the future, consider asking some questions about the care of the children to help things go smoother, including their dietary preferences or limitations, and methods that should be used especially if a child has special needs.
But mostly it sounds like this particular job might not be a good fit for you and you probably owe them an apology.” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“You must be joking. You’re 18 and your mom had to hold your hand to find you the job.
Then you failed to actually do any part of your job at all. The parent should have notified you about what food preferences the kid had, but instead of shirking off all responsibility to the brother, you get your butt on the phone and call and speak to the parent.
You couldn’t put on a Band-Aid or help build a kid’s toy? You should not be in charge of anyone’s children if you don’t have enough common sense to do these things. And then you had the gall to threaten a child for not wanting to help.
Do it or no snack for you is not professional.” Kasparian
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If you did this with my kids, you’d be blackballed from EVER babysitting in my social circles. Both my kids are autistic, and one of them struggles badly with food.
Being watched by someone who did this would make him not want to eat for a week! You NEVER threaten to withhold food that’s part of their regular routine/habits. And to put the bandaid on the 5-year-old, you say, “Hey kiddo. I’m cleaning your boo-boo” and explain the process as you do it.
Christ. It’s very likely their mom explained the food situation but you weren’t paying attention.” Accomplished_Area311
EDIT: Found the oldest half sisters of the boys. OP was told what to do. The camera showed she was on her phone while kids doing whate ver. Both boys have disabilities, and OP knew. Her mother now might lose her job because OPs character kinda hurts her mother's credential. And OP updated basically telling everyone t*o********.
9. AITJ For Taking Money From My Ex's Drawer To Pay The Sitter After A Miscommunication?
“Our 9-year-old Jeremy went to sleepaway camp on Tuesday. On Thursday the camp called us and said he lost one of his shoes and we needed to get him a new pair.
He was just wearing sandals and they weren’t going to take him hiking or trips. The camp is a couple of hours away.
We have a sitter who works at the same day camp as our 7yo and he takes him to and from camp and watches him afterwards.
I told my ex that I would see if the sitter could find a way to drop off a pair of shoes and we’d pay him twice the amount of whatever hours the trip took him. He said he’d let me know Friday AM.
Yesterday he said he’d go drop shoes after taking our 7yo to camp and I said great.
Later in the afternoon he texted me and said Jeremy already had shoes. I asked what he was talking about and he said my ex placed an Amazon order to the camp. He said he was a bit miffed that he lost pay at the day camp to help us out when he didn’t need to make the trip after all.
I said I didn’t even think about you losing pay at the camp and I had no idea my ex placed an order on Amazon. In fact, the camp said they don’t allow Amazon or UberEats or other delivery services. I said I’d take care of him either way.
I called my ex and she said she called the camp director the night before and asked if she could just have shoes delivered and he made an exception.
I told her that our sitter drove all the way out there and is mad. She said that she didn’t know he was going.
I said no one knew that you placed an order. Had you told me that then I wouldn’t have asked the sitter to go. She asked what I wanted from her and I said you should comp him for wasting his time. I’ll pay to comp him for half the day and you the other half.
So $120 each.
She refused because it was a “mistake” and I typically pay him for babysitting. I said this needs to be fixed ASAP because finding a good sitter is very hard. She said no.
Last night I went to pick up my 7yo from her house and it was the sitter’s payday.
I know my ex keeps thousands in cash in her desk drawer. I took $120 and gave it to the sitter in addition to my $120 and his normal pay.
I told my ex and she was furious and demanded that I pay her back. I said I didn’t care.
I possibly prevented him from quitting over a lack of communication. Keeping him happy is way more important. He’s such a good sitter that I didn’t know that he bought Jeremy an ice-blended mocha when he saw him.
The amount of money is trivial. My ex and I make good money and kill in OT.”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, no one knew his mother ordered him replacement shoes for her shoeless son, but did you tell his mom that you were doing this other thing? Because it’s not fair to be mad at your ex for not communicating with you… when in the exact same way, you failed to communicate with her.
The whole $240 is on you. As you admit, you are in charge of paying the sitter, and you communicated nothing about your plan to your ex. Your ex did nothing—not one thing—wrong; she was just being a good mom, getting her shoeless child some shoes ASAP so he could partake in regular camp activities.
In no way should she have to fork over $120 because you failed to communicate with her. Also, you committed a crime—you actually stole from your ex. Police would arrest you for this. You don’t get to steal just because you lose an argument; I would be furious too.
(you’re lucky she didn’t call the cops – yet!) YTJ and now a thief to boot!” CanadianJediCouncil
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why didn’t you communicate with your ex about the shoes? Why didn’t she communicate with you? If you had done that from the start you would have hatched a plan together.
Instead of dealing with it yourself, you asked the sitter to drop them off knowing he works. He should have communicated that he was missing pay to go but it sounds like he’s young and that he went to do you a favor during an emergency.
You should have gone yourself. You told the sitter you would take care of him and made promises to pay so you owe him. She already paid for the shoes too. Overall you both need better communication skills but since you could have avoided the cost and offered so much money to the sitter and stole it from your ex after she clearly said no, YTJ.
If the amount of money is trivial why would you steal it and not just pay it yourself?” Gogowhine
Another User Comments:
“YTJ everything else aside, you literally stole money from her. She said she wasn’t going to pay it and you went into her desk and stole $120.
That wasn’t a misunderstanding or miscommunication, that was stealing. That makes you a jerk and a thief, frankly. Enjoy never being allowed in her home again. You’re also the jerk for expecting her to pay money for the babysitter for a plan you didn’t fill her in on.
Her plan was more sensible, and a general “no delivery policy” is different than a kid needing to get shoes ASAP because he lost his. It was reasonable to call the director before asking your babysitter to blow off his other work commitments and drive up to a camp.
I know you meant well trying to get him shoes, but you should’ve talked to your ex first and been on the same page.” TravelingBride2024
8. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancée's Family Dog In Our House?
“I (24m) just bought a house that my fiancée (24f) and I will be living in. It is our house to live in together, but FWIW, I paid for 100% of the down payment and will pay the mortgage while she focuses on her student loans.
Only my name is on the deed…
Anyways, her family has a dog that they love and adore and treat like part of the family. I think that (like most dog owners) they do not see how gross and annoying their dog is to others, but whatever, they can do what they want in their house and life.
Not my business.
Today, they came and checked out the new house for the first time, and the dog ran around so excited (in my head, probably scratching the nice hardwood floors) and took a poop inside on the floor because “he was so excited”.
Sigh…
I told my fiancee that I don’t want her family dog or any other dogs in the house because I do not like dogs and find them disgusting and that the dogs can just stay outside in our fenced yard.
She was so offended and said that the dog is like part of the family and that her parents probably wouldn’t want to come over as much because they can’t leave their dog at home for extended periods of time.
I think this is ridiculous and she’s not respecting my wishes. She got so offended I even brought it up. I also hate to say “my house”, but considering I put six figures of my own money down on this house, and am making the mortgage payments…
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I cannot emphasize enough, don’t pull the “my house” card – If you are marrying her and living with her in this house it will be her house too. You absolutely get to say to your fiance: “It’s me or the family dog – either we as a couple have a stringent, joint, mutually enforced rule that no dogs are ever allowed to set paw inside this house, including the poopy old dog you and your parents are so fond of who crapped on the floor in here – or you and I are not getting married.” Your fiance then absolutely gets to decide “I’d rather not marry you if it means separation from my parents and our beloved Mr Wuggles who only pooped on your floor a little and we cleaned it up very promptly.”” Enough-Process9773
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Two separate issues here. Pulling the “it’s my house, not yours” card will end the relationship really fast. If you’re 24 and engaged and are about to marry this girl, she’s going to be on the deed soon eventually, right? Buying a house is something the two of you should be doing together at this point in your lives, not something you should do without your wife, and then hold over her head because she has the misfortune of student loans and you have lots of money.
If that’s your attitude, you aren’t ready to be married to her or anyone else. As for the dog, it is completely 100% reasonable to not allow other people’s pets in your house. Her parents can certainly leave their dog at home when they come to visit, or if they live far away, they can get a dog sitter, or board the dog.
I have pets and am absolutely CRAZY about them. I have never once attempted to show up with my guinea pigs at my mother’s Thanksgiving dinner. She would absolutely faint if I put a pooping rodent on her beautiful table. Just because I love my pets, doesn’t mean everyone else feels the same way and wants to have them forced on them in their homes.” dragonsandvamps
Another User Comments:
“Dude, I feel you. I am allergic to dogs and people usually don’t even ask if they can bring their dog. They just do. I hate it. The only way to handle things is usually to never invite them at all. This said, NTJ, but as soon as fiance becomes wife, it’s her house as well.
So figure out now, if you can have arguments without bringing up the my house/your house thing. It’s not about ownership, but mutual respect for boundaries.” Xellbys
7. AITJ For Sneezing Multiple Times In A Row?
“When I sneeze, I sneeze 8-10 times in rapid succession.
I don’t know why, but I always have. I don’t have allergies, that’s just the way I sneeze. I don’t sneeze super loud, but it’s impossible for me to sneeze quietly. They’re normal volume. I always sneeze into my elbow. My (25F) partner (26M) thinks it’s gross when I sneeze.
He always makes this disgusted face. He says he doesn’t understand why I can’t hold my sneezes in, or sneeze just once like a normal person.
When I have to sneeze in public, people look at me like I’m crazy. I hate how I sneeze and I’m so embarrassed every time it happens.
I can’t do anything about it and I can’t hold the sneezes back. They just come out. All the attention goes to me. He says he thinks it’s embarrassing and disruptive. What am I supposed to do?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner is a nightmare.
Sorry but who shames someone over a darn sneeze? It’s really strange to me to make a big deal over it, even if you sneeze so much. So long as you cover your sneezes properly, as you do, then it is not gross. He’s not a keeper.
Seriously, this is some basic stuff. He’s trying to make you change something so trivial it will only escalate from here.” Elegant_Bluebird_460
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 11 times in a row sneezer here. Also comes out of nowhere at random times, no allergy that I can figure out.
After people bless me for the third time I have to tell them they can stop and it’s gonna be a while. One piece of advice that I can give if you are in public is: rather than sneezing into your elbow, use your napkin, if you don’t have one, getting up to go get one will at least show people that you are attempting to do something about it.
Plus if you are anything like me at around 6-7 you have snot coming out your nose and water pouring from your eyes.” redd-junkie
Another User Comments:
“”My (25F) partner (26M) thinks it’s gross when I sneeze.” I summed that up as: “It’s disgusting when you do something completely normal.” NTJ, UNLESS you’re not fully covering your mouth and nose when you sneeze.
Also, there’s sadly nothing you can do to change the way you sneeze to my knowledge. I don’t know if there is a way, so people are more than welcome to correct me in the comments, but yeah I know exactly how you feel. When I sneeze, it feels like I break the sound barrier.” Competitive_Jump_744
6. AITJ For Buying Jeans That Don't Fit My Sister Anymore After Losing Weight?
“My sister (24f) is really upset with me (16f). Recently I bought a few new pairs of jeans. My normal size used to be about a 30 but over the course of a few months I lost a lot of weight and my size dropped to about a 25 (or 24 depending on the brand).
My sister had always been the skinnier of the two of us so whenever she gained some weight she would borrow my jeans because she was “too fat” to fit into her normal pair (a 26), and my clothes were the only things that would fit her without her going out to buy new clothes.
Yesterday I went to the mall with my friends and bought some new clothes because the majority of my wardrobe didn’t fit me anymore. I bought a few tops, shoes, and three pairs of jeans. When I got home I put the clothes in the wash and went to my room.
After about an hour my sister walked into my room, visually upset, holding my jeans. I noticed she was carrying them and apologized to her because I assumed that they were done for a while so I was hogging the washing machine and perhaps she wanted to put her load of clothes to wash.
When I went to grab them from her she stepped away not letting me take them. I asked her what was wrong and she asked whose jeans were these for. I told her they were for me and took them from her arms so that I can put them to dry.
She replied by saying they’re way too small. I answered by saying that they fit me very well and I already tried them on at the store to make sure. She scoffed and said “well they won’t fit me”. I blinked and replied with “sorry I guess you’ll have to wear yours”.
She seemed even more upset and told me about how she gained weight and can only fit into my size. I listened and shook my head replying that I’m not her size anymore. She left in a huff and I just watched.
I’m a bit confused and I’m wondering if I had said something wrong?
A few hours later she texted me that I shouldn’t get used to my body right now because it was just puberty helping me and that I will gain all the weight back quickly. I don’t know how to reply and I’m honestly a little concerned that maybe I was too insensitive about the situation.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“For someone with such great clothing and size advice to give out you’d think she’d just buy clothes in her own size. You did nothing wrong. She seems to be insecure about the change in your size. Unfortunately, it’s an example of someone who can’t just be supportive of you without comparing it to themselves.
NTJ.” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“As a 24-year-old woman myself, your sister has some serious self-image issues she needs to work out. She is projecting onto you, even from the start when she used to wear your clothes because she was “too fat” to fit into her own.
Her saying those words is her way of showing you how she feels about herself, while also inadvertently calling you fat. Ignore her, she will have meltdowns about it but they have nothing to do with you, so don’t even give them your attention. We all have our own problems, and she needs to deal with hers, instead of trying to make you feel as bad as she does.” seekingopinionsofall
Another User Comments:
“Awww 1st of all: CONGRATULATIONS! I know how exciting it is to lose weight/be able to buy new clothing that’s smaller, etc.! Good for you!! Honestly, she probably never thought you’d be smaller than her, which could have given her a tiny bit of relief self-esteem-wise (I know….as horrible as that sounds).
Now that you can fit in clothing she can’t, my guess is it’s causing her to look at her weight. I’ve never had a sister, but I’m a female who’s struggled with weight for 30 years & I know that I’d compare myself to other overweight people constantly.
Losing weight when you’re larger can be tricky because you don’t always notice it just by looking at someone, so not fitting in your new jeans was probably the 1st time she really realized you’ve accomplished the opposite of what she has recently accomplished. Congratulations on the weight loss & I think/hope that in the future your sister will become more supportive.” PeaceLoveLite
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pay $400 For A Car Accident I Didn't Cause?
“Let me start off by saying I (16f) am a minimum wage worker at Starbucks.
So are my two friends in this story who I’ll call Bee (16f) and Tana 17f). Bee has her license and her own car, and Tana has her learner’s but doesn’t have a car. I have neither since my mom lost my citizenship and I barely have any ID.
Anyway, we all work at Starbucks. Tana was hired by reference from me and Bee. Bee has let Tana drive her car around ever since she took it for a spin without Bee’s knowledge and filled up her tank.
Long story short, about 2-ish weeks ago Tana and I were waiting for Bee to get off her shift so we could go to the beach.
While we were waiting Tana and I went to go fill up Bee’s tank at the gas station where Tana used to work at. Jokingly Tana’s old co-worker suggested she bring them all drinks from Starbucks which we did. Tana and I had also made 2 drinks for ourselves.
While parked at the gas station we placed our drinks on the dashboard since the cupholders were occupied by Bee’s 2 water bottles. When we were leaving we somehow forgot that the drinks were up there, and during a turn, the drinks spilled all over the car.
Tana panicked and hit a parked Volkswagen. The lady we hit was understandably very mad. The payment for the car ended up being $1300 which Tana and Bee agreed to split since Tana was driving and Bee let her drive.
Now today, they suggested I split it with them since my drink also spilled. I argued that the drink Tana had would have spilled regardless if I was there or not and my drink didn’t make much difference.
They said it was the “principle” of it and that I should do it because I’m their friend. I don’t feel $400 is fair for the amount I contributed. I would’ve felt 100-200 reasonable but 400 doesn’t seem reasonable.. I blocked them both after this argument because I’ve just had a rough day and can’t deal with this.
But what should I do? Am I the jerk for not wanting to pay 400?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you cleaned up the spill so there was no cost for that. It’s not your car and your insurance. They are being jerks for trying to get a break on the repair cost. You weren’t party to their arrangement, you were just riding along.
So you don’t owe them any money. “You should pay me money because you’re my friend” doesn’t work in real life. “Yes, we should have been driving with a DL.” Honey, you weren’t the one driving. Bee and Tana made the arrangements between the two of them.
They are financially responsible. The important lesson here is that 1) Tana shouldn’t be driving without a licensed driver accompanying, 2) Bee shouldn’t be loaning out her car, 3) your friends are trying to extort you. They aren’t being friends, they’re just trying to reduce their own financial responsibility at your expense.
You owe them nothing.” kamwick
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you were not driving without a license, you did not hit another car. An accident could have happened whether there were drinks on the dashboard or not. If you had been hurt, no insurance to cover the medical bills?
Learn some lessons from this. Don’t drive without a license. Don’t get in a car driven by someone who doesn’t have a license. Don’t drive a car if you’re not insured. Don’t drive with people who aren’t insured.” MercuryRising92
Another User Comments:
“Hey, kid. Safety of the car operation is the sole responsibility of the driver.
Driver should have ensured car is fit to go before taking off. This offence together with driving without a valid license is solely on Tana. All kinds of incidents may happen – bee flies in the window, murky water covers the windshield, the driver is blinded by the sun… No matter what it’s on a driver to stop a vehicle safely, not nosedive it into obstacles.
She’s lucky it was a car, not a person.
Your friend Bee is not responsible for this either, it’s on Tana, but she commits a separate offense – lending a vehicle to a person without a valid permit. Where I’m from it would cost her the same as if she herself was driving without one, so fine, license points, potentially ban, and retaking the license exam.
But it’s separate, as it wasn’t her that drove in the other car. If she tries to cover up this transgression I suppose it makes sense for her to subsidise Tana. Although usually insurance will get involved and it will come up anyway and make its way to the police, so not sure what’s the point.
Now you. You have no business with all this crap show whatsoever. While it wasn’t the best of judgment to travel with an unlicensed driver, you didn’t lend it to Tana and you didn’t drive in a parked car. Checking that the vehicle is safe to operate which it wasn’t with unsecured drinks on the dashboard was also the driver’s sole responsibility.
So no, you don’t owe anything to anyone, NTJ. Seeing how they are your friends depending on how important they are to you you may lend a hand by lending or gifting them some funds but it’s solely up to you and has nothing to do with your responsibility for the accident.
NTJ but try to avoid driving with unlicensed drivers in the future.” quick_justice
4. AITJ For Pronouncing Words In Their Origin Language?
“So English is my first language, but I have a tendency to pronounce certain words the way you would say them in the language of origin. I also do this with other English-speaking accents a la Kiwi, Australian, etc. Melbourne and Edinburgh being prime examples.
It’s usually with French and Italian food/geography.
The Italian words I learned as a kid from my father. He is not Italian but lived there and speaks Italian. This meant that he said a lot of Italian words commonly used in English with their Italian pronunciation, so I learned them that way.
The French I learned in school.
My friend says I am a jerk because it disrupts conversation and makes it more difficult to communicate. This all started because I said Haiti the French way which is very different from how it is pronounced in English.
She says that there is no legitimate reason to do so and it slows conversations down which is annoying. In my brain, the words I say are just pronounced the way I say them. Sometimes it’s because I learned them that way as a kid, and other times it’s because my brain decided one is just more fun to say than the other and permanently rewrote it.
Am I the jerk for not taking the time to self-correct these “jarring” changes to an otherwise standard Utah accent?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes it comes across as pretentious, as if you are trying to sound worldly and well-traveled when you aren’t either, and is definitely annoying.
I don’t know about “more difficult to communicate”, but I can definitely see it messing with the flow and groove of any conversation, especially serious ones. To be sure, it’s pretty low on the jerk scale, but still YTJ. And whether you believe it or not, you are being selective about your words.
I doubt you’re pronouncing, for example, volcano with an Italian accent, even though it’s a borrowed word. On some level, you’re picking and choosing words you’re adding flourish to, which, again, makes it annoying. e.g. I’m sure you’re pronouncing these borrowed words in normal English: ketchup, chocolate, mosquito, cafeteria.
The list goes on. I’d also add you might want to be careful how far and wide you stretch your accents, because depending on your audience, it might come across as a little racist.” SoImaRedditUserNow
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like an affectation intended to make you sound fun, quirky, or sophisticated, and it also sounds like your friends and acquaintances are over it.
I also don’t have a lot of patience for the idea that you can’t possibly learn anything new because you learned something one way as a kid or your brain “permanently rewrote” it the fun way. Honestly, that’s the part of your post that might push me from no jerks here to YTJ.
Adults are perfectly capable of learning new things, including new pronunciations. Trust me, as a person who learned a lot of words the wrong way as a child from reading, I have since learned to say them the right way and you can too. And if you decided to rewrite it in your brain once to be “fun” you can do it again to be understandable.” mewley
Another User Comments:
“Not sure how you’re intending to present yourself, but a constant barrage of odd or foreign pronunciations from an English speaker is not cute, quirky, or whimsical, it’s annoying and pretentious. Thank your friend for letting you know. That can be an awkward conversation and she cared enough to tell you to your face.
I wouldn’t use the word on someone who does this in the real world, but here, YTJ if you continue. People correct/moderate speech all the time. Ex. Around certain crowds, I can use swears as punctuation, but you can bet my gran, mom, in-laws, work, etc. have never heard that side of me.
Best of luck!” Objective_Lead_6810
3. AITJ For Wanting My Roommate To Be Quiet Late At Night?
“I 24F don’t want to hear my roommate 25F and her partner hooking up late at night. I have to literally text and call them what feels like 3 times during the week to tell them to please be quiet because I have work in the morning.
They know I have a 35-minute commute to work and have to get up at 6:30 am, yet they will be up at 2 am. By the way, our rooms are sharing a wall.
I tried to talk to both of them and even asked why they couldn’t do these activities earlier before 10 pm.
They said it isn’t their fault, that they can’t control when they get into the mood and it just happens. I replied I have no problem with adults having fun but I don’t want to underperform at work because I’m tired. I also said that if they couldn’t be more respectful at night we’d have to figure out how to take me off the lease and I’ll just move to my own place.
She said I’m being a bad friend because then she would have to pay the whole rent because her partner doesn’t have a job or any money. I told her that is crazy for her to just say I’m the bad guy when they’re causing the issue by keeping me up at night.
Another User Comments:
“Play BABY SHARK at a reasonably loud volume that only your own roomie and her partner can hear. Instant mood killer. No mood, no noise. And if that doesn’t work, maybe it would be better for you to get your own place.
Not just for this issue, but in general as well. If you can afford it, it’s always a better option to have a space that’s just yours. If your roommate can’t pay her entire rent, that’s her problem. Her partner can get a job and move in.” thatphotogurl
Another User Comments:
“Info: Being roommates always involves compromise – what steps have you taken to minimise the impact their behaviour has on you? Earplugs, white noise, asking her to put something soft between her headboard and the wall, etc etc? (Also, getting out of leases is probably not as easy as you think.
Even if she is clearly the jerk, legally you’re on the hook for half the rent for the entire lease period – she could take you to court for your half of the rent, and you would lose.)” FacetiousTomato
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can find a compromise.
Ask them to move their bed, or put pillows or a comforter between the bed and wall. Super easy. If they can do something to minimize the noise, then you can also do something like earplugs to minimize it on YOUR end. Other than that, you’re looking at ‘rules’ and that’s never a fun thing.
They can have intimacy whenever they want, but they can’t/shouldn’t be causing excessive noise during ‘quiet time.'” Canadian_01
2. AITJ For Refusing To Eat At A Fancy Restaurant Because Of My Picky Eating Habits?
“I (18F) am extremely picky when it comes to food, especially sauces, meat, and fruits. I always try to eat foods I’ve never tasted before, but 8 out of 10 times, I dislike them.
My friends know how picky I am and often make fun of me, saying I’m “missing out.”
The problem is, yesterday my friends and I went out for a birthday dinner at a new fancy restaurant in town. I was excited until I looked at the menu.
I instantly knew I would dislike everything on it because I’ve tried similar dishes before, and I am not willing to pay $40 just to dislike my meal. Since there were no simple options like fries, I just got a drink and declined everything else except the complimentary bread.
My friends were visibly upset when I said I wasn’t willing to try anything because I knew I wouldn’t like it. They offered to pay for my meal and urged me to try something, but I still refused because I knew I wouldn’t enjoy it.
When I woke up today, I found an angry message in our group chat complaining that it was rude of me not to eat. I explained that I just knew I wouldn’t like what they offered, since most dishes were either mixed with fruits I dislike (like avocados) or meats I don’t enjoy.
So, am I the jerk for refusing to eat?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH, but lightly on both counts. If you know you’re picky you should look the restaurant up in advance and if there is truly nothing for you, don’t go. It’s an extra person at the table generating little revenue/tip for the employees.
Also if the expectation is for friends to enjoy a meal together and you back out of the planned activity it’s a bit awkward. Also, I don’t see it here but did you ask the waiter if they could make changes to accommodate your preferences?
That being said you shouldn’t be forced into eating anything you don’t want, your friends were nice to offer to pay but could have handled the angry message in a different way.” chafe3232
Another User Comments:
“After seeing that you tipped and drank cocktails and even had cake, NTJ.
Your friends aren’t being understanding at all and some of the replies to this post are so hostile, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. You deserve to be able to go out and socialize with your friends regardless of dietary restrictions. If you hadn’t tried stuff in the past I might be a little less sympathetic but I usually follow the belief of “try something once and if you don’t like it that’s okay because at least you tried.” And you have tried, so I don’t understand why your friends and people on the post are being so harsh.
People are so weird about picky eaters. You did your best but next time, definitely look at the menu beforehand and call ahead to see if the restaurant can make you a nice dish that’s off-menu that’s not just broccoli and rice.” No-Understanding9745
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna say YTJ, they’re going out for a birthday meal as a group activity, you’re not participating. If you all went to an art class, or go-karting, skating, karaoke, paintballing, etc it would be frustrating to bring you along to do nothing because you don’t like it.
The social event is going to a fancy restaurant, part of that is participating in eating food. If you’re this picky and aware of it you should have asked prior about the venue and checked the menu. Yeah, no wonder your friend group saw it as a buzzkill.” Neko_Kotori
Your friends picked this place without taking your likes and needs (needing food you will eat being a no-brainer) into consideration.
THEN they doubled down, saying you don't get an opinion on the menu and must eat as they order you to. When you didn't they tried harsher means to control you.
None of this is behavior people who like you should show. You're NTJ, they are for not accepting you as you are.
1. AITJ For Comparing My Best Friend To Other Men When He Ignored My Hospitalization?
“My (F29) best friend (M30) met a girl a couple of months ago and he fell head over heels for her.
I’m beyond happy because he had been rather unlucky in the past when it came to love. Things are still evolving between him and his new love interest, so I understand that she is somewhat the priority right now.
Important to know:
a) 2 years ago he admitted to having developed feelings for me.
I didn’t reciprocate. I know it did hurt him at the time, but luckily we overcame that “issue” and our friendship grew strong again.
b) He did tell me two weeks prior to the following happening that the girl he was seeing was jealous of me.
Now, onto the issue: I was hospitalized two weeks ago while he was out with her. He was texting me about an issue he had with her, and I replied, and then let him know that I was just admitted to the ER. He did send me a message wishing me luck and telling me to keep him posted. I did send him a quick message basically stating that I still had to wait on the results from the lab.
That was Thursday. Friday, I didn’t get a message from him. Saturday I did send him a quick (admittedly rather cold-assed) text to enquire about the situation with the girl, after the issues he had Thursday. He said they were okay again, nothing more. Sunday passed, Monday, Tuesday,… no message.
Wednesday I sent him a message telling him I was hurt that he didn’t care about how I was doing. On Friday he sent me a message stating I was right, but not even an apology.
So I got mad and I sent him a voice message along the lines of “ok, I get you’re happy with this girl now and I am so thrilled for you, but you’re acting like any other man – as soon as they meet another girl they’ll abandon any other female person they have in their life!” The message was 2 minutes long and I used at least 1min30 to tell him I kinda understood he made her a priority right now, but that it made me feel sad anyway – and then in the other 30 seconds I pulled the comparison to other men that were previously in my life (so like, my previous experience).
He completely ignored the first 90 seconds and got super angry over the comparison. So AITJ for comparing him to other men?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you want him to treat you like a partner without having to give him the partner perks. He should not have to check up on you every day regardless of the situation.
You are not his responsibility. Don’t you have other friends/family? It is normal for opposite-gender friendships to step back from each other a bit when they get into a new relationship. Just be happy for him and expect less, and take a step back yourself, you seem a bit codependent.” Prudent_Fold190
Another User Comments:
“You friend zone the guy then pretend you are happy he got a girl and then are surprised when he makes her a priority. Then you blast him for ‘being like other men and leaving’ For God’s sake the entitled attitude. Leave the guy alone.
If he is smart he will 100% block you and ignore you from here on in. The VERY WORST thing you can do to a guy is to friend zone him and then try and keep him around like a puppy dog.” Timely-Profile1865
Another User Comments:
“A few months ago I called one of my best friends, he answered, said he was at the hospital for X reason. My response was basically “darn, that sucks. Let me know how that works out and if you need a hand with anything” didn’t hear from him for a few days till he texted asking if I wanted to grab a beer.
No mention of the hospital stuff at all. You want a guy best friend you are going to get guy best friend interactions, and that’s often along the policy of “don’t ask, don’t tell.” YTJ.” Winter_Valuable_9074
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