People Hope We'll Be Easy On Them After Telling Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
32. AITJ For Refusing To Cook A Meal For New Year's?
“My husband “Dayton” and I are at odds. We are an older couple, no kids or other family at home besides the cats.
Since the start of holiday season, which I count from Thanksgiving (US), I have done all the shopping, planning, cooking, clean-up (prep dishes AND serving dishes), and all the work around every holiday meal. We’ve been together for almost 30 years, and I’ve cooked every single holiday meal– not just Thanksgiving and Christmas, but the summer holidays, too.
I put a lot of thought and work into every single meal, and also a lot of LOVE.
As anyone who cooks even a simple, basic meal knows– there’s a bit to making a delicious meal, even everyday stuff. Now factor in a full-roast turkey dinner with pies from scratch at Thanksgiving.
Christmas dinner of prime rib that I am proud to say was cooked to perfection, and was Dayton’s request, with all the trimmings, and apple pie that I made from scratch including the crust. Every holiday, I cook AND clean up. Tonight was his request of vegetable soup made from beautiful beef stock and hand-rolled buttermilk biscuits.
You get the idea.
On Christmas, I asked him to please wash one load of a few dishes. Nothing was really nasty as I had done most of the prep dishes and the roasting pan. He pitched and whined, saying, “I PAID for this food so it’s YOUR JOB to do the cooking and to wash the dishes”.
I had a similar response at Thanksgiving, and again tonight when I asked him nicely to please wash our dinner dishes (again, I did all the cooking dishes, so it was like, 2 bowls, 2 spoons, a knife, maybe a few glasses, and that’s it).
Then he asked what was for New Year’s dinner.
I almost lost it. I took a deep breath and said, “You want to know what I’m making for New Year’s dinner? I’m making RESERVATIONS.” He was like, Aren’t you going to cook us a ham and sweet potatoes and greens and blackeye peas like you do every year?
I was going to give you the money tomorrow to buy the stuff to cook it.
I said, “So. You want a good meal where all you have to do is pay for it? No dishwashing? No table clearing… none of that, someone just cooks it, someone just brings it out to you, and cleans up when you’re done and all you have to do is pay for it?
Babe, if that’s what you want, you just need to go to a restaurant. Tomorrow’s New Year’s Eve. I suggest that you decide right now where you want to go and make a reservation quickly because this kitchen is now CLOSED.”. So now I’m being called the jerk because I refuse to cook another meal for quite a while because I’m NOT his personal kitchen staff/waitress/busser/personal chef… and he sure ain’t tipping me really well!
So… Am I the JERK?”
31. AITJ For Being Mad At My Dad For Joining The Army?
“I (24M) said this to my dad recently and I’m not sure if I was a jerk about it. We don’t have a good relationship and that’s because for a huge chunk of my life he was gone.
I can count the times I’ve actually seen him my whole childhood and even he admits he wasn’t there much.
When my mom got pregnant with me they said he quit his job, which was a steady good paying job by the way, and decided to enlist in the army.
He was always gone, sometimes he was away for up to a year or longer, I barely got to see him.
Then my parents divorced and he moved far away then I’d only see him a few weekends here and there whenever he was home.
It was rare though and at some point he stopped coming to pick me up for his custody time. He became like a stranger to me.
For me that was just part of my life and I was never allowed to say anything bad about it because then he’d say he’s protecting the country and I should be proud.
That’s what everyone in my family always said so of course I had to keep it to myself because god forbid I feel anything negative about my soldier dad. At 17 we stopped talking. I got busy with my own life, my partner and I have a 2-year-old boy that my dad hasn’t met.
He didn’t know about it because we haven’t talked in like almost 4 years. He got my number from someone and he called me mad about why didn’t I tell him. And I was honest that we’ve never had much of a relationship and we weren’t talking so I just never felt the need to tell him.
He started his whole talk again about being in the army to make me proud of him. That he started this path because again, he wanted me to be proud I have a “soldier” dad.
And he understands he was never there for me but (his favorite excuse) that’s because he was trying to make a better world for me.
And I got mad. That’s when I told him I needed a father not a soldier. You know what would’ve made me proud? Actually being a parent instead of some dude who drops in every now and then. Never there for a game, birthday, only twice he made it to a school event.
And don’t get me wrong I respect him as a veteran and everyone else who serves but don’t feel anything for him as a dad. Especially after knowing he made the choice to leave before I was even born. It’s not like they were struggling financially.
He just for some reason thought I’d rather him be a soldier than around me when it mattered. My dad hung up on me. And then he obviously said something to my grandma because she starts telling me that wasn’t right.
The whole “I should be proud of him” thing all over again.
And it really hurt him deep what I said about needing a dad not a soldier because this was his whole reason for joining, and I didn’t need to crush him like that making him feel like it was all for nothing. I don’t know if I was a jerk.
Those were my real feelings. But not sure if it was the right thing to say.”
30. AITJ For Defending My Brother From My Partner?
“I’m 21 and my brother Luke is 18.
I was always very protective of my brother. He was the accident baby and my parents made sure that we knew he wasn’t wanted.
We are the opposite, I am into sports and outgoing, and he is shy and introverted. So they always criticized him, compared us and everything he did was never good enough.
Because of that Luke got more withdrawn around my parents and my family.
For my friends, we are a group of 4. I met them when I was between 6 and 10. We became inseparable since then and they quickly took the role of big brother with Luke.
So during our childhood it was always me, my friends and Luke. We were the ones taking care of him, driving him, cheering for him at competitions, helping with homework…
Things changed when my friends and I started university. We were less present. With his school closed and his competitions stopped, he was alone at home with my parents and it got really hard for him mentally.
This year in September I took an apartment with my friends and we changed cities.
1 month ago Luke came one night in tears. He came out to our parents the night of his 18 birthday, and it went badly. They told him awful things and still do every day.
Apparently, they will accept him only if he decided to be in a relationship with a girl to avoid any shame. They also told him I would never accept him and this is why he never told me until now. I never saw my brother that depressed.
That night I told everything to my friends. The next day the 3 of them told us that he should move in and they were adamant that he should not pay rent or anything.
He is doing home classes, everything is good and I can see him getting happier every day.
Now the issue: I got with my partner 4 months ago and since Luke came living with us she has some complaints: I am too close to him, he is always here, always sad..(she says that in front of him). I told her to stop but my roommates told me she still does it when I am in another room.
2 days ago both of us were watching a movie and Luke was working on the table next to us. She suddenly started talking about her dream wedding and at one point she said: Luke if you want to come to our wedding you will have to bring a woman as a date, 2 men together are not pretty for the pictures.
You will just have to be with a girl it’s not hard.
Luke heard and I saw his face crumble.
I immediately asked her to leave and told her I would speak with her the next day. I spent the night comforting Luke. During the evening she texted my roommates and they all told her that she was not welcome anymore.
The next day she and I talked and she told me that it was just a joke, that Luke was too sensitive. She also got mad when I told her that she had to respect the wishes of my roommates, that it was their home too.
She then accused me of not defending her, overreacting, being too protective/too close to Luke, and not trying to understand her.”
29. AITJ For Confronting My In-Laws After I Overhead Them Talking Smack?
“I recently got engaged to my fiancée Abby.
She is an amazing girl and I couldn’t be happier. Abby and I have a pretty modern relationship and are partners in everything. During the six years we’ve been together we have talked a lot about marriage and our expectations. Abby’s mom, Rose, made it clear that she thought we were taking all the romance out of it.
Abby and I ended up picking the ring together and talking about how the proposal should go. Rose kept making comments that we were ruining it, she was so surprised when her husband proposed, etc.
For some background, I don’t like her parents that much.
They have an extremely co-dependent relationship with some old-school gender roles and Rose expects to be treated like an absolute princess. Her dad James doesn’t seem crazy about me. I think he wants me to take care of his daughter more, but Abby doesn’t need that.
Rose seems put off that we aren’t romantic enough, and honestly she annoys the crap out of me.
We spent the holiday at their lake house. Abby and I even went on a hike and she proposed back to me. It was a great day.
When I went to bed one night (Abby was in the living room with her siblings) I heard James and Rose talking crap. She said she would have cried if he made her wait 6 years to get married. He made a joke that she owes him a lot of money because Abby told him women pay for half of the rings now.
Then he said that he would have died if he had to tell his friends she proposed back and jokingly made her promise to only get on her knees for one reason.
Honestly I don’t deal with jerks. I went to the bedroom, opened the door, and just stared at them.
James cussed at me and told me to get out of his room and don’t ever do that in his house again. I said I heard their conversation and thought I was going to barf. No one wants to hear about her on her knees (honestly this might have been a jerk move, she has an extremely time-consuming routine to look younger and looks like Abby’s sister but is insecure about her age) James told me to get the heck out and called me disrespectful.
The next morning he confronted me, didn’t apologize, and said if I ever burst in like that again we were going to have a real problem. I told Abby and she thinks it is hilarious, but it made Christmas awkward and Rose has been telling everyone I have no respect and wasn’t raised right.”
28. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Daughter's College Fund?
“My husband and I are a couple in our 40s, we’ve been married for 10 years now. We both have 17-year-old children, he a son with his ex-wife and me a daughter from my husband who passed. When we married, we chose to keep a portion of our finances separate due to both having children already, previous real estate investments, and he having expenses like alimony and child support payments.
We do combine our incomes for our mortgage and household expenses, our retirement, major purchases, etc.
The college funds we have set up for our children have always been part of our separate finances, and as a result neither one of us has had terribly in-depth discussions with the other regarding the amount put into each child’s fund (we do discuss what goes into then regarding tax returns, gifts from relatives, etc.).
I never expected both children’s funds to be ************** equal, but I did expect them to be closer than what I recently discovered.
Both children have now applied to and both been accepted to university as it’s their Senior year. Now that a majority of scholarships are in, tuition and housing, etc. are more concrete for each of their school options, we’ve started the specifics of the budget conversations.
My daughter’s college/graduation fund is worth roughly 150k while my stepson has approximately a 15k dollar amount.
Here’s where the argument happened… With her scholarships, my daughter will have more than enough for undergraduate school and likely her graduate work as well (assuming she maintains her traditionally good grades).
In fact she’ll likely have a good bit left over. Fine, I say, she can use it for a down payment on a home, whatever. After scholarships and the 15k from his dad, my stepson will still owe for undergrad. My husband feels like we should just combine the funds.
When we married, we very specifically kept certain things separate and this was one of them, so I can’t help but feel unwilling to just scrap that and mix things together now. It doesn’t feel fair or right, but my husband thinks it’s a jerk move not to give the kids the same thing.
It’s never been a problem when my stepson has had extras due to having another parent and household also contributing to his clothing, his car, his spending money, etc., but now suddenly we have to be even. And just to be clear, being “even” actually means giving my stepson even more of the money due to the fact that my daughter’s scholarships are more comprehensive.
The kids are close and I’m sure my stepson will realize there’s a difference in university money, but if my husband wanted to change things I feel like this should have been brought up sooner than this.
AITJ?”
27. AITJ For Not Caring That My Mom Hired Someone To Clean Her Mess?
“My wife and my mom don’t have the best relationship, but it’s ok.
My wife isn’t a big fan and I don’t mind because my mom can be really self-absorbed, overly emotional, and she whines about not seeing our kids, but the moment she is offered the chance she has a million excuses. We don’t see her that much and it normally isn’t an issue.
We haven’t spent holidays with my mom in years because she always has a bunch of people we don’t know and our kids enjoy my in-laws more. My mom is cool with that and usually stops by with gifts at some point before Christmas. She called the other day and asked if she could stop by after work.
I confirmed with my wife and we said yes.
Now one important detail is my mom has never had to clean anything in her life. She is totally oblivious to her surroundings and inept at most basic tasks. My mom came over covered in glitter.
It was all over her dress, some in her hair, and she hugged our toddler because she is an idiot. I was in shock and admit I didn’t stop her fast enough. She did her typical routine of hugging both kids, being like oh I miss you so much, and then making an excuse for why she had to go.
This happened really fast and now the kids are glittery as well.
My wife turned the corner, I asked why my mom was covered in glitter and she explained it was from a prank at work. I snapped at her that did she consider not coming in and leaving the gifts outside.
She said she didn’t know it was a big deal and she is the one who is never going to get it off. My wife told her to clean it up. My mom said she absolutely had to go, she had dinner reservations and concert tickets, and blah blah blah.
My wife was furious, which I understand. My mom said that she would clean it tomorrow and promised.
As soon as she left I offered to clean it and my wife told me no, she really wanted my mom to clean it. We did have to clean the kids obviously, but my wife dusted off their clothes on the carpet the glitter was on and left it for my mom.
The next morning my mom’s housekeeper showed up to clean it and my wife was very upset and said my mom promised.
The housekeeper was very cheerful, said my mom was paying her extra for it, and she did a great job, wayyy better than the job my mom would have done.
My wife was furious though. She said that my mom is a spoiled princess, never has consequences for anything she does, and she exploited the housekeeper. I said that to be fair she did pay her extra and the housekeeper seems to really like my mom (they all do my mom is super generous and ditzy, never pays attention to what they are doing, and sometimes gives huge gifts when the mood strikes).
My wife said it doesn’t matter and it was exploitation. I said she was being too uptight and what does she care as long as the glitter was cleaned. She felt I invalidated her feelings and was quiet for the rest of the day, and doesn’t want my mom to come over anymore, which is fine and I will enforce that boundary.”
26. AITJ For Not Liking That My Family Makes Plans Without Telling Me?
“I (27F) am a 4th year PhD student.
I moved halfway across the country for my program.
My family has a habit of making plans for all of us without asking me and expecting me to be able to make it. The way they see it, I have a flexible enough schedule to make it work.
In general I have a more flexible schedule than someone who works a 9-5, but I also do a ton of work, especially since I teach and am writing my dissertation. Even though I’m not “clocked in,” I work a set number of hours a day and don’t like to deviate from my schedule just because I technically can.
Some examples: a few years back, I was working a summer job and got a call from my grandparents to request a weekend off because they booked hotel rooms in the city. To be honest, they were lucky I was close enough to leaving for the summer and could just put in my two weeks’ notice early to get that time off, because I wouldn’t have otherwise.
They acted like I was ridiculous for pointing this out.
Another time, I was coming home from school for winter break, and I mentioned that about 5 days after arriving, I’d be going into the city to help facilitate a theory reading group with a colleague (this was actually a really cool opportunity) and my mom got upset because apparently she invited half the family and some family friends for a big dinner that night without telling me.
When I said I couldn’t move the group and this was too good of an opportunity to pass up, she said I was putting my career ahead of family (even though I was going to be home for a full month and this was the one night I made any outside plans).
There are many more examples but I don’t have room to list more.
What caused this argument is that my family booked a long weekend trip into the city with a million activities scheduled. This trip would take up over half the time I have to grade my students’ final papers, and I said in no uncertain terms that there was no way I’d be able to go on such a time-consuming trip and leave myself only three days to grade.
My family says I should be willing to work double time for a few days in order to spend this special time with them. They all sat me down and said they feel like they are “in exile from my life” because I “always have something more important to do” than spending time with them.
I pointed out that I spend most of my breaks with them, call every week, and go home as much as I can, and that they can’t make plans without consulting me and then get mad when I already have something going on. They think I’m trying to cut them out when I’m not–in fact I intentionally limit the amount of time I spend with other people when I’m at home so I can spend as much time with them as possible even though there are friends I’d like to be seeing as well
They are all incredibly upset with me, so I feel bad and that maybe I could be more flexible with them, but I feel like I already do as much as I can. AITJ here?”
25. AITJ For Giving My Vegetarian Friend's Kids Soup With Bacon In It?
“So my friend is vegetarian for moral reasons and raised her kids vegetarian. She is a very strict parent. The children are 13 and 14 and can’t even watch Harry Potter. We live next door to each other and our parenting styles are pretty much opposites but we are still friends and we look after each other’s children.
They call me auntie and vice versa.
The other day I was making vegetable soup for my kids. I always sweat the vegetables with bacon and end it with cream and bacon bits. The kids love it and it is easy to make. So we eat it quite often.
The kids from next door came over at about the time I was serving dinner and asked if they could have some. I did think about it for a minute but decided it’s 99% vegetables so why not? They loved it.
A few days pass and I forget all about it and my neighbor asked me for the soup recipe her kids had because they won’t stop asking for it.
Without thinking I give it to her and she reads that there is bacon in it and she flips out. She bans me from ever seeing her kids again and has gone to polite greetings when she sees me but nothing more.
AITJ?”
24. AITJ For Helping My Nieces Behind My Brother's Back?
“A bit of context first, a few years back my nieces confided in me (their aunt) about how difficult their life is in their household.
How they don’t get things like the other kids and all the chores they have. As soon as my nieces turned 14 they expected them to get jobs (babysitting, working at their parents’ restaurant) and pay rent (not the same amount as regular rent but each of them was expected to pay 100 a month).
Which I think is ridiculous and a completely unnecessary burden to place on kids and also an unfair one since only my nieces are expected to live by this standard. While my brother and his wife (stepmom to my nieces) don’t put these expectations on their other children.
My brother and his wife are of the pull yourself by bootstraps mentality but only with my nieces.
The girls then told me that they were short on rent that month and if I could lend them money. I was completely angry but they begged me not to talk to their dad as it just would make their life difficult if I did.
So I decided to give them two cards in my name and put monthly funds into the account for them to pay rent, buy themselves the necessaries (groceries, hygiene products, entertainment, clothes, etc) and I put them on my family phone plan. We kept all of this secret.
They are now both 17 and will be going to college next year. Which I will be paying for since my brother refused to support them.
A few days ago the girls got into an argument with their stepmom as she wanted them to share their car (which I got them as a birthday present) with the other kids and it was a big one.
Nieces said they’d call the police and report the car stolen if anyone other than them drove their car. My brother kicked them out and told them to move come morning if they were going to be that selfish. The girls called me and I drove down to pick them up.
I guess while I was driving to them the girls went all out and cussed everyone out and a lot of harsh words were exchanged. They also told them that they never got jobs and that I paid for their rent and other needs and that this would be the last time they ever spoke to them.
When I arrived my brother was livid and accused me of brainwashing his daughters against him. Then the days that followed my father and other brother called me to tell me that I’m a jerk for supporting the girls behind everyone’s back and that if I didn’t interfere the girls would’ve learned their lesson and been back at home by now.
Info- my dad expected his kids to get jobs and pay our way and by the time I was 16 I was paying rent, utilities, buying my own groceries, etc and so were my brothers. Was kicked out by 18, literally a week after my birthday and I really struggled. Instead of my brother rejecting that parenting style for his daughters he reenforced it but his wife won’t allow him to do that to their kids.
My nieces’ mother died, she was addicted to prescription pills. I never contacted child services as they are useless. Someone did anonymously report them and it took social workers a whole year to check things out. When they did all they did was confirm the kids weren’t beaten, that food was in the house, clean house, clean clothing, and that they had bedrooms. The only reason I ever stayed in contact with my family was because I couldn’t bear to leave the girls.”
23. AITJ For Moving Without Telling My Parents?
“I adopted my older brother’s child a few years ago.
My older brother has two children from different mothers. I take care of one due to the passing of the mum and I have had my brother sign over all parental rights to me after a few years of being the sole provider. His other son lives with his mother but stays at mine every second weekend so that the siblings can spend time with each other.
I am close with the mother of his second child as we do all the parenting and coordinating of the kids’ lives. My parents take care of my brother (30+m) by paying rent for him. My nephew hasn’t had any contact with him during 2020 due to my brother not even trying to engage (we live in Mel, Australia) and my parents have only really tried to stay in contact once or twice during this time.
The mother of my other nephew got a job opportunity in QLD Australia and moved there in August. After a bit of discussion with my nephew and her, we all decided it would be best if I also moved there so the brothers could stay close to one another.
Both children were involved in this discussion and they really wanted to be near each other. She wouldn’t have moved away if the job offer wasn’t really good for them and she kept me updated on what was happening the whole time so that I could prepare my baby for his brother’s departure.
I found a job two months ago in my field in QLD and organized packing us up and moving. We finalized that move two months ago. Neither of my parents has tried to get in touch at all for at least 5 months now. I told my brother that we were moving 2 weeks before it was done.
He gave his blessing and promised he would come visit when he could. I never told my parents. I decided I would rather have a fight with them about it over the phone than have them try and be disruptive during this busy time of moving.
They found out a month after we moved and it was a very explosive call. I explained that I made a parenting decision to move us and that they were not that involved in our day-to-day lives that they needed to be kept up to date.
They feel like I have colluded with their other grandson’s mother to keep them out of both their grandsons’ lives.
My parents are not abusive to their grandsons but they are also not very involved. Neither of my nephews has ever slept over at their place.
My parents are threatening to cut me off and never speak to me or my nephew again. I never considered they would feel like they wanted to cut my baby off as well as me and am regretting going about it this way.”
22. AITJ For Refusing To Help My Cousin After She Betrayed Me?
“I come from a cultural background where arranged marriages are normal. However, I lived in the UK and while arranged marriages had happened in my family in the past, it was much more common for my relatives to marry for love.
So, I always thought I would have the option when it came time for me to get married. However, I ended up being forced to marry my current husband.
Long story short:
I used to be involved with my husband during university. He broke up with me a year after we graduated. He then wanted to get back together 3 years later but I said no. We did have a one-night stand though and had a pregnancy scare.
He wanted us to get married because he thought I was pregnant but I refused. He then went to my uncle (who raised me) and my uncle, to my shock and horror, agreed to an arranged marriage even though my husband isn’t exactly from my culture (I think his grandmother was from the same country as my ancestors but he doesn’t follow the culture at all and only used the whole arranged marriage thing to get his way and my uncle is someone who was really against marrying an “outsider” so I never saw it coming).
I refused but my uncle basically told me I had no choice and I would marry him. I was furious and I was making plans to run away a few days before the wedding. I told my cousin Dina which was a mistake because she betrayed my trust and told everyone and now I’m married.
Now the shoe is on the other foot and Dina is supposed to be having an arranged marriage. She doesn’t work and never continued her studies because she was always on board with the whole arranged marriage/housewife life plan that is common in our culture.
However, she isn’t happy with the person her dad found for her. She wants to run away because she originally agreed and now her dad is refusing to cancel the wedding as he feels it will embarrass the family. Dina reached out to me and asked me if when I come to the UK for her wedding (in two weeks) if I would help her run away and/or if she could come and live with me temporarily.
I told her no because I’m still angry at her for betraying me the way she did. This was petty of me but I told her I didn’t think my husband would approve or give me permission to help her. She’s been begging me to change my mind and said she’s desperate and knows how awful what she did was and she regrets it every day.
Our other cousin (me, her and Dina were all super close growing up) has also been contacting me and basically yelling at me for refusing to help Dina and keeps telling me “I’m better than that”.
AITJ?”
21. AITJ For Not Confronting My Son About How He Treats His Sister?
“I have two kids, a son Ben (44), and a daughter Emma (42F).
Their father and I divorced when they were young. He wasn’t a good husband but he isn’t a bad man. He is wealthy. He didn’t bond with Emma and he favored Ben.
It became overt as they grew up. Ben was easier than Emma and did well in school and sports. Emma, although smart, wasn’t interested in school and was rebellious as a teenager.
Their father spoiled Ben and, if I’m honest, he wasn’t nice to Emma.
This upset her and she would cry, feeling unfairly treated. I felt bad but I couldn’t do anything about it so felt it better to pretend it wasn’t happening and hope it got better. It didn’t, he wanted nothing to do with her although there wasn’t a reason why.
Emma struggled to cope with this and I think expected me to stand up for her but I hate confrontation and her father never listens to me anyway. I preferred not to discuss it with Emma and focus on other things but she said I didn’t allow her to be upset and didn’t validate her.
I didn’t want to potentially cause a bigger rift and cause Ben to side with his father. Ben, on the other hand was lavished with anything he wanted, money, cars. He was expected to be successful like his father.
As adults the relationship between Ben and Emma fizzled out which was sad but I couldn’t do anything about it.
Despite being given a large amount of wealth and more opportunities than most, Ben hasn’t become successful and he is quite resentful about it. His father stopped giving him money a few years ago and he partially blames me because I told his father that he had given him too much.
Despite being an easy child, Ben has grown up to be rather difficult, he has a temper and is very sensitive about his lack of career success, so we aren’t allowed to talk about it.
Emma is a stay-at-home mom. She’s a good mom and her children’s father earns a lot.
Her father was regretful so he reconnected with her. They have a relationship, it’s quite superficial but I think it healed the wound a bit for Emma so she reached out to Ben.
They got along well for a couple of years but Ben stopped speaking to Emma.
Emma was upset and thinks it’s because Ben doesn’t like their father’s interest in her. Ben hasn’t given her an explanation but he told me a silly reason, that doesn’t make sense.
I told Emma I think Ben has behaved very badly.
She asked me if I told him that. I said no and she shouted at me that I have never stuck up for her or protected her and if I can’t do it this one time she doesn’t want a relationship with me.
That I enable this behavior at her expense and she’s sick and tired of it. The thing is Emma has 3 kids and Ben has 1 kid. Emma will still allow me to have a good relationship with her kids but Ben has made it difficult for me to see his kid in the past when he is angry so I’m afraid he will do that again and stop speaking to me.
I also don’t want to be forced to be in the middle of them so I won’t do it. AITJ?”
20. WIBTJ If I Canceled The Flights My Husband Booked?
“I have 2 kids, 10 & 8, who I’m raising with their stepfather. Since 2019 we’ve promised his parents we would visit them during the kid’s Winter Break. The intention was never to see them on Christmas Day necessarily, but to visit during their time off school.
My husband routinely drops the ball in regard to travel planning. I usually don’t mind handling it, although we’ve frequently discussed how I don’t want to be the workhorse for this task. It’s important to me that he steps up and shows some interest – especially with trips to visit his own friends and family.
Anyway, I’ve reminded him about this trip a couple of times. Things along the lines of “Hey, do you want to visit your parents this year? Can you look up flights?”
He states he definitely wants to go, but that’s all he does.
I could be the jerk here because I suspected he wasn’t going to actually do anything. Why didn’t I just plan it, you ask? Well, I was perfectly fine with him dropping the ball and him having to deal with the fallout given our past conversations.
Plus, it’s his family, so if it’s not important enough for him to look up flights after I ask a few times, then, I guess we don’t need to go? I honestly was simply refusing to add it to my plate.
Anyway, last week I finally bit the bullet and began planning the trip myself.
Plus, I do actually want to see his family! Well, flights are now insanely expensive. I showed him and made it clear that I thought we might need to reschedule for a few weeks after Christmas instead.
Without consulting me, he booked flights to leave at 1 pm on Christmas and return home at 11 pm on NYE since those days are now the cheapest. I’m raging for several reasons:
- After months of reminding him about this, he books incredibly expensive tickets without my input. To be fair, our finances are separate, this is a loss he’s taking on. However, this will affect family finances as he’ll absolutely scale back in other areas.
- We’d have to leave our house at 10:30 am on Christmas. I can’t wrap my mind around expecting this to be ok from our kids’ perspective, with brand-new toys and all.
- My husband is aware the kids are scheduled to be with their dad from Christmas Eve to Christmas morning.
He’s also aware that I’ll have to convince their hostile dad to accommodate us and return our kids by 10:30 am. He doesn’t seem to acknowledge that’s a difficult ask of everyone.
- I simply do not want to spend 10-12 hrs on flights on both Christmas Day and NYE.
That’s not ridiculous, right?
Tonight I calmly told him I was looking up alternate flights. He tells me that if I find something better I can change them, otherwise he thinks they’re fine. Then he skips off to bed while I research for another hour.
He figuratively created a heaping pile of wet elephant dung and dropped it in my lap for me to clean up.
I don’t know how to convey that I’m furious without screaming and then canceling the flights. Other days are at least 2k more so rescheduling isn’t a realistic option.
WIBTJ?”
19. AITJ For Feeling Like My Brother Is Trying To Make Me Feel Guilty About Where I Live?
“Much of my family lives in California’s Bay Area.
In August 2021, I (24F) moved from the Bay Area to New York with my partner for my job and because I like the city. I was initially supposed to move to New York in March 2020 but canceled my move due to the declaration of a national emergency.
My brother (27M)—with whom I have a pretty poor relationship—lives in Hawaii with his partner, his two friends. They moved from the Bay Area to Hawaii in September 2020. My brother works remotely for my father.
In March 2020 when I got my NY “dream” (quotes because at this point I do not dream of labor) job offer, I texted my brother that I will be moving to New York, and his first text responses back were, “Mom just told me yesterday that grandma’s cancer prob came back,” “Dad has some minor eye issues he likely has cataracts,” “Mom’s been feeling ‘tired.'” It was definitely horrible to hear about my grandmother’s cancer at the time (to which she has recovered from fully!).
At the same time, I couldn’t help but feel like he was (whether subconsciously or consciously) guilting me into staying home and rejecting the offer, but I didn’t think too much about this because I was more concerned about my grandma. No congratulations from him on my potential life changes.
Fast forward five months, he moves to Hawaii because his partner and his friend wanted to live there together while working remotely for jobs in California.
Fast forward to today, two months after my move, I take a call from him—albeit, reluctantly. At first, he talked about how he’s bored of Hawaii and that it’s for escapists and he’s not about that.
He then says he wants to move to Asia and continue working remotely for my dad from there. Some more chit-chat, and he asks me if I’m thinking of staying in New York, to which I said, I dunno, I like it here, but I also like California, but I’ll probably stay here for while.
Immediately, he says, “Have you considered mom and dad’s health?”
Immediately, I got upset and said “Don’t you think it’s unfair to ask me that if you moved to Hawaii and also are planning on moving to Asia? Of course I think about mom and dad’s health, but I don’t really know how to apply that thinking to my current large life decisions as I just moved.” He then asked me, “Why are you so defensive?” (Fair, I did immediately change my tone from our initial conversation) To which I then responded, “Whenever I talk about my location of living, you always bring up mom and dad’s health and needing to be around to care for them, but you’re moving all over the place and never bring up mom and dad when it comes to yourself.” He then said it was just a question and ended the conversation.
He didn’t call me a jerk, but I’m still pretty upset, but also think I was definitely being defensive.
To note, has been unemployed for 2.5 years until my dad hired him.”
18. AITJ For Telling My Nephews Who I'm Married To After My Sister Refused To?
“So I (F) am bi, and told my family in 1998. In 2017, I started seeing my wife. I told my sister that I was in a serious relationship with a woman and that we were likely to get engaged. She was supportive but asked to be the person to explain it to my nephews (then 7 and 4).
I told her yeah, of course, because she is their mom.
2019: I invite her family to my wedding and she and the husband come, but leave my nephews at home.
2020: it becomes clear to me that she has not yet had a conversation with them because they don’t know I’m married. I bring it up to her (in person) and she’s like “omg it’s been three years?
For real? Yeah I’ll tell them.”
Early 2021: it becomes clear from their questions that she hasn’t told them. She has become much less communicative because reasons and doesn’t answer the phone when I try to call. I am super frustrated because I’m hanging out with my nephews on Zoom frequently (they are now 10 and 7) and feel like I have to lie to them when they ask things like “OP, when are you going to get married?” and “OP, where does your friend sleep if you only have one bedroom?” This feels constant, my wife is hearing it, feeling like I’m denying her role in my life, and I feel like I have to be fake to have access to my nephews.
So I text my sister to say “you need to tell them, or I’m going to answer them honestly next time.”
She does not respond, so next time we’re video chatting I answer them honestly. They are at their dad’s house (my sister’s ex) and he has no issue with the convo.
Last week: my sister texts me and says that this has nothing to do with the fact that I’m married to a woman, but I have no right to have a conversation with her children when she has told me she wishes to have it herself.
I respond and offer to talk about it (but tbh am not super empathetic) and she declines to talk but continues that if I can’t respect her boundaries I won’t be able to see them anymore.
I feel I’m NTJ because I’ve been 100% supportive of her parenting choices that I didn’t agree with up until now, and that this situation is different because 1) it’s about me lying about my identity and 2) it’s not a fair ask to continue to ask me to do this for four years when she didn’t respond to my efforts to engage in conversation.
To be fair, I didn’t even try to tell my nephews that it’s ok to be gay, I just told them who I was married to: a woman they already knew.
But my sister (what I can gather from two text messages) and my mom seem to think that there’s an inviolable rule that you never go against a parent’s wishes in regard to their children and that my “ultimatum” was out of line to begin with.
I totally could have handled it better but I did try to communicate. Add to this that I’ve been trying to get pregnant for 4 years and have finally given up so I can’t speak to this as a parent.
So, AITJ?”
17. AITJ For Asking To Be Refunded For The Suit I Bought For Their Wedding?
“I (29F) have a best friend Tom (29M) with whom I’ve been friends for 23 years.
10 years ago I kinda played matchmaker and introduced him to my high school friend Emma (29F). They matched together perfectly and since then they’ve been happy.
2 years ago I helped him create a pretty elaborate engagement proposal and she accepted. A month later Tom asked me to be his best man and I accepted as well.
Since then she started to make big plans for the wedding and kinda kept me busy all the time asking what Tom said about this and that. Does he really like the flowers and so on.
She asked me if I could wear a suit not a dress for the wedding since I am gonna be walking with her sister as the best man.
I was a bit hesitant but finally I agreed and we picked a tailored suit for me, since I have a big chest and nothing in store fitted me properly. I spent about 300$ on the suit, shoes and a nice white shirt.
On Wednesday she called me and told me, they are basically canceling the wedding and they decided to elope on Friday as they were planning on some time already.
She also informed me I am not invited anymore because she wants just her sister and my best friend’s brothers there.
I was shocked and asked her how long did she know about it. She explained that it was a possibility from the beginning and they discussed it several months ago.
It made me upset because I spent hours going through wedding stuff with her and also I spent money on the tailored suit she persuaded me to buy for the wedding. I told her she could have decided before she made me spend money and put all the effort into something that is not going to happen and asked her to pay for my suit since I am not gonna give it any use.
Emma got angry, told me I am a jerk for not being happy for them and that she is not gonna pay me anything since it’s a black suit I can use on plenty occasions.
Tom later called me to apologize for not telling me sooner but he also thinks I am unreasonable for wanting them to pay for the suit.
Also, he told me Emma does not want me at the wedding because she thinks a best man should be a man. I told him to cut the nonsense, hung up the phone, and haven’t spoken to either one of them since. Tom sent me some photos of their rings and of them as newlyweds but I did not reply.
So, AITJ?”
16. AITJ For Yelling At My Cousin After She Called My Wife A Terrible Mother?
“Yesterday I went over to my mother’s house to talk about the accident that happened with my 3-year-old who tripped off the stairs and injured his knee while I was at work. He’s fine, nothing serious, but my mother was freaking out and wanted me to tell her what happened in detail.
The family was there as I explained what happened and my female cousin then chimed in and said “oh my God where was this boy’s mother? Was she even home?” I said she was but was in the kitchen when he fell and couldn’t prevent it.
My cousin then leaned back and said “how could she? I can not imagine leaving my 3-year-old unattended for so long, what a terrible mother (wife’s name) is honestly!”
I’m fuming at this point I look at her and ask if she is serious and she gives me the most dense look I’ve ever seen.
I told her she had no right to call my wife a terrible mother after she, my cousin, abandoned her kids in foster care years ago. She looks at me grudgingly and tells me that that was years ago when she was too young and not ready to be a mother besides her parents made her give away her son but I told her that is when she failed as a mother because she essentially didn’t fight for her kid and abandoned him so easily.
She lashed out at me saying her circumstances were difficult then and I cannot blame her but if she is to commit to being a mom which she will in the future (she’s 22 btw) she will step up and parent her kids which is something my wife needs to be doing instead of spending time in the kitchen for her internet clout.
We argued back and forth and she ended up leaving the room crying after I said she is a failure of a mother if she think my wife is terrible then. My mother berated me for my unnecessary cruelty and having a habit of bringing up my cousin’s unpleasant past to win an argument.
I said that wasn’t true as she was insulting my wife’s motherhood but my mother agreed my wife was being neglectful towards our son and that she needed to focus less on her social media blogs and more on family. I ended up arguing with her too then leaving.
My wife got involved in the argument after my mother called her to berate her and told her to tell me to apologize to my cousin for what I said.”
15. AITJ For Asking My Dad To Take Me In Full-Time?
“My (15F) parents divorced when I was 3, my mom remarried 2 years after that and my dad 5 years after, they had 50/50 custody until last month when I decided to fully live with my dad.
Both of them have step-kids with whom I’m not really close to, they’re more like friends than my brothers and at first, both of them prioritized them over me. Since my dad remarried when I was 8 I was able to tell him that I felt put aside and left behind because he had a new family that he seemed to prefer, my dad is a very sensitive person and this rubbed him the wrong way, things were hard at first but with a lot of family work we were able to get through that and things are a lot better now.
Even when my dad messed things up, he really tried and tried to fix them, he wasn’t perfect of course and neither was I, but this brought us closer.
Things with my mom were a lot different, I can’t remember the first years of course, but I’ve always felt that my mom preferred her husband over me and this caused her to love his children more.
She forced me to call him father, to give up my room to his twins and everything my dad or my grandparents got me I had to share with them whether I liked it or not. When I was 10 I told her the same thing I said to my dad but she reacted way worse than that, she accused me of wanting to break up her marriage, of being a jealous spoiled brat and that I was an ungrateful little girl because she had done everything to keep me safe.
But I can’t remember the last time I had my mother alone, or at least a proper conversation when she didn’t focus on my step-siblings.
I let time pass and in September of this year I was accepted into a private high school with a scholarship in Mexico, I was so excited because if you get accepted into the HS then getting into the Uni is way easier and this is one of Mexico’s best universities.
My grandparents helped me to plan a dinner for my parents to give them the news so I asked both of them to go to my gran’s house alone next Sunday because I had something important to tell them. I make sure to tell them that it was only the two of them, no spouses, no step-children and both of them said okay.
But my mom attended with my 5 step-siblings and went mad when she realized that there wasn’t enough food for all of them. She and my dad fought and left before I could give her the news and I only told my dad, then I asked him to take me full time because I couldn’t pretend that my mom wasn’t hurting me.
She thought that I was gonna come to her house despite that and when I didn’t show up this Monday she accused me of abandoning her, told me that I was an awful daughter and her side of the family is harassing me to go back because “a mother is the only thing I’ll ever have” and that my dad has never done anything good for me.”
14. AITJ For Being Upset That My Daughter Came Out On Social Media Before Talking To Me?
“I’m 42 and a single mother of three kids. Two daughters (20 and 10) and a son (18). I’ve raised the kids completely alone since their fathers couldn’t be bothered to be in their lives. My kids are my world and I did the best I could to support us while I made it through school to become a nurse.
My oldest and I have always been best friends, I always joke she’s my mini-me.
But recently out of nowhere, she’s like a stranger to me. Ever since I gave her the choice to move out and she did over a year ago… I barely see or talk to her anymore.
She barely comes home and when she does, she’s only here to see her siblings. It feels like she’s avoiding me. I know she’s an adult but I can’t help but feel left out.
Now for the fight… for background, my daughter came out to me around 9 months ago because she was afraid one of her other friends was going to out her.
I told her I loved her and I would always put my issues aside for her. I thought everything was fine. Her partner has been over the house to visit and for birthdays and I always make sure to be polite to her. We get along great!
My daughter agreed to babysit her sister for a week while my son and I went on vacation. After making these plans, she and I got into an argument at a family party and she stopped speaking to me and only spoke to her siblings.
I was scrolling on social media a few days before she was supposed to pick up her sister when I saw that she had changed her relationship status to in a relationship with (partner) and another coming out post. I felt left out and hurt that she would do this without thinking about me.
I’m her mother and she couldn’t even be bothered to text me about what she was going to do. I don’t care if she’s a lesbian not bisexual anymore but she should’ve told me she was fully gay before coming out on social media.
I texted her about this and how hurt I was and she got really upset with me and called me homophobic. I’m a nurse, I couldn’t be one if I wasn’t accepting. My daughter is really mad at me and now won’t speak to me unless I agree to go to therapy with her.
AITJ for being upset with my daughter for coming out to social media before me?”
13. AITJ For Being Upset That I Never Got The Chance To Provide For My Daughter?
“So, I (44M) am fairly well off. I’m high up in the company where I work and money’s no problem for my wife (33F) and our two kids.
When I was 17, I wasn’t the type of person that you’d want to be a father. My own father was a terrifying presence. I almost flunked high school. My high school partner Sofia left me after I got held by the cops one night and in a double whammy, she moved to Scotland with her dad for university in Edinburgh.
Sofia was pregnant and never told me. She never kept in touch I wasn’t looking her up in Scotland. I feel like I had a right to know. Ironically, her leaving made me get my life together and I did very well in university. Sometime when we were 18, she gave birth to my daughter Inessa.
Well, Inessa knew who I was and so she decided to contact me, telling me I was her father.
Sofia and Inessa had moved back to the country (different city) and I flew out to meet her. I saw a picture of her after she contacted me, she looks just like my mother (so no need for a DNA test).
I avoided seeing her mom and I spent all the time I could with her, getting to know her and learning all that I’d missed. Here’s the kicker, I gave my kids the best life possible but she struggled her entire life. After Sofia’s dad died, they had a bad time in Scotland and even briefly moved with her mom to Russia.
They’re doing good now because my Inessa’s got a great job in the same field I started out in.
It made me upset. I could’ve provided for her. She could’ve gone to the fancy schools that my kids go to. She could’ve gotten new shoes, clothes, games every birthday and Christmas.
She didn’t even have her father to teach her how to drive. I didn’t even pay child support. It makes me upset I didn’t do right by her.
When I met her mom again, it was tense. I laid out everything I wrote in a calm manner and my daughter made me leave as her mother was going to cry.
I met Inessa the day after when I left and we’ve talked every night since but we haven’t brought that up.
My wife told me I was a jerk to tell her mother that and demanded I apologize, but I couldn’t help but feel like I wasn’t wrong.
However, a few days ago, my wife told me she’s pregnant and she talked to me about the situation in terms of what if I passed before my child was born and since then I’ve felt like a major jerk because Sofia did a much better job with Inessa than other single parents I knew like my own father.”
12. AITJ For Calling My Cousin An Idiot After She Bragged About Getting A Rich Man?
“I have a cousin called “Alice”. She has taken two gap years and has recently announced that she won’t be going to university after all. Her parents asked her what she was planning to do, and she said her plan was to do what I did but unlike me, she would be successful at it.
My aunt told me this after she asked me to talk some sense into her.
I told her I didn’t want to get involved but Alice brought it up herself in front of me at a family gathering. She was telling our cousins about how they were all wasting their lives studying and working when they could just snag a rich man like she had almost done and that they were wasting their best years.
I tried to mind my own business, but I knew someone was going to mention me, which they did. Her sister pointed out that marrying a rich man hadn’t worked out well for me and Alice turned around and basically said that I had failed because I was dumb and didn’t know how to keep my mouth shut and my legs open (these weren’t her exact words).
I’ve been sort of separated from my husband for almost 3 years and everybody in my family knows it’s a sensitive subject for me, nobody except for my immediate family talks about it.
I asked her what her plan was exactly, and she told me she knew how to keep a man and she was “young and pretty” so she would find a rich man easily and live life in luxury.
I asked her how many rich men she knew, and she got annoyed by my question and told me it was none of my business. I asked her where she thought I met my husband and told her the rest of our cousins had a better chance at finding a “rich man” than her.
She got angry at me and said I was just bitter because she was going to have the life I thought I would have when I “baby trapped” my husband and that instead of focusing on her, I should focus on all of the women my husband was probably sleeping with right at that moment.
I told her she was a delusional idiot and that I hoped she woke up before she made the same mistakes I did. She called me a bitter witch and ignored me for the rest of the day.
AITJ?”
11. AITJ For Kicking My MIL And SIL Out Of My Baby Shower After They Ruined It?
“Well, I (33f) have been waiting 7 years for a baby. I’ve had 6 heartbreaking miscarriages and a lot of failed IVF. So when I found out I was pregnant this time around, I didn’t celebrate till I was 8 months pregnant for obvious reasons.
Well, my husband and I said we’d hold a baby shower with a gender reveal as a party game but the only rule was neither of us would pop the balloons (yes twins) till 8 pm.
If this isn’t obvious, we held two different parties, one with each of our friends/family (gender mixed) but we would meet at my party at 10 pm.
Well, you could imagine my shock when a lot of his side especially his mother and sister ended up at my baby shower.
At first, I felt extremely happy & proud that they came. Everything was going well even his sister who usually makes herself the main character was having a good time.
That was until it came to find out the gender. Look, I know people will have comments about gender reveals being cheesy but since we have everything bought for our babies even the names picked out, realistically it was only a game that if you guessed right you’d win a bottle of wine or bath set.
We don’t care about the gender, we both just wanted the whole pregnancy experience.
Well at 8 pm my sister-in-law comes in with the balloons saying my hubby put mother-in-law in charge of them ….well ok let’s pop those balloons already to move on to the name game.
The confetti came out rainbow, my sister-in-law took center stage and basically went on a long rant about how we were trash for holding a gender reveal. Mid speech I told her to get out and when mother-in-law told me she was right and it was her brother’s (my husband’s) home so she had a right to be here I told her to get out too since she probably knew she was going to do this.
My husband’s grandmother started ringing him about the situation and his cousins/aunts basically started telling them to leave.
My sister-in-law was mid panic attack and my mother-in-law was crying when they left my house. My husband arrived about 10 minutes later and fair play to his grandmother/aunts/cousins they told him the situation and stuck up for me like it made me cry.
So my husband just said “forget them, we are having two beautiful daughters but I’d rather change one of their names to my granny’s instead of my mother’s”.
His dad and a few members of his family left after that because they said I was a monster for what I did to sister-in-law when I know her issues and my husband took it too far with changing the babies’ names.
Girls (real btw) names were gonna be Kayla and Rose now they’re Belle and Rose for anyone wondering.”
10. AITJ For Not Wanting My Neighbor To Tell My Parents About My Life?
“For a bit of background, I (29M) have been with my wife (29F) since we were thirteen years old.
We grew up next door to each other, our families are close and we had the same group of friends. As seniors in high school (18) my wife accidentally got pregnant and even though we were young we decided to keep the baby. I was fortunate enough to have received a sizable trust fund from my grandparents, so supporting my new family wasn’t going to be an issue despite our young age.
However, both of our families disagreed with our decision and we were both kicked out of our homes. Since that moment we’ve gone no contact with our families and still to this day haven’t spoken with them. Unfortunately many of our “friends” distanced themselves from us when we decided to keep the pregnancy and have not spoken to many of them since we graduated 10 years ago.
Now comes the problem. Despite becoming parents so young both my wife and I are doing great. We have three children now, we both have very successful careers, and 3 years ago we bought our dream house. The neighborhood we live in is wonderful and we’re quite close with many of our neighbors.
We are the only ones who have a pool so we often host parties in the summer, we have a neighborhood carpool for taking the kids to school and often have neighborhood playdates.
Recently new people moved into the house directly next to us, and when my wife went over to meet them and welcome them to our neighborhood, she was surprised to discover that they were old friends of ours from high school (both 29M).
They were part of the group of people who distanced themselves from us, and while it was quite awkward my wife made polite small talk before heading back home.
We’ve decided to put the past behind us so that they can be welcomed into the neighborhood, we plan on treating them just like we do any of our other neighbors.
However, we both know that they are still in contact with people from our hometown, including my parents. One of the men was like a brother to me growing up, and since his parents passed when he was a teen he’s viewed my parents as sort of like adopted parents.
Their relationship with my parents is the one thing that we are truly uncomfortable with, and I am considering asking them not to share any details of our life with my parents. My wife and I truly feel like we were betrayed by our parents to have been shunned so young for making a decision about our lives and we don’t feel comfortable with them knowing about our lives or our children’s lives.
My wife thinks we should just not say anything so as to not cause any problems, but I don’t think it’s that unreasonable to ask them to keep the things they learn about us and our kids’ lives private so I wanted to ask some people that aren’t involved in the situation.”
9. AITJ For Not Trusting My Ex To Be Alone With Our Kids?
“I (28M) have been a single dad to 2 kids (6M & 4F) for the last 2 years. My ex-partner, Kate (27F), is the mother of my children but has not been present in their lives for the last 2 years.
She’s spent the last 2 years in either jail or rehab due to her substance addiction. When Kate and I started seeing each other I knew she used but I was young and dumb and in love and didn’t use my best judgment.
She got pregnant young and to her credit she stopped using completely and was a doting, loving mother.
After she got pregnant with our second, we got engaged and were planning a wedding for a year after the birth. But after the birth of our daughter, everything changed.
For the first 6 months or so things were good and we were a happy family.
But then Kate started going out with old friends, telling me she felt like she was losing who she was and needed to realize that she was also an independent person and not just a mother. I agreed that she needed to socialize and have a life outside of our family, but I was wary about the people she was hanging around with and expressed my concern to her.
She assured me that she had put that part of her life behind her and she just wanted to be around friends again.
Well, Kate started using again and got herself put in jail. She got out and went to rehab, but relapsed shortly after and went to jail again, this time for 12 months.
During that time I broke off our engagement and petitioned the court for full custody of our kids and it was granted. We moved a couple of towns away to get a fresh start and my kids are now thriving in their new schools and I have a better-paying job.
Now, Kate is out of jail and is living in a halfway house. She’s working on getting an apartment and has told me she wants to be a part of her kids’ lives again and mentioned she wants partial custody. She said she was hoping to avoid too much drama in the courts and asked for my support on it.
I told her I would fight her tooth and nail to keep full custody until she can prove to me that she isn’t going to mess up again. I told her I will allow her to see her kids under my supervision and on my terms until the court tells me otherwise.
She gave me a sob story about how much she’s changed and she would never jeopardize her relationship with her kids again, but I told her all that talk doesn’t mean a thing to me because I have zero trust in her.
She called me a jerk for depriving her of a relationship with her kids and I told her she did that to herself.
She said I can’t permanently blame her for the mistakes she’s made in the past and I told her that she has a long road to gain back enough of my trust for me to even consider supporting partial custody and that until the court tells me otherwise, I am fighting for full custody.
I’m getting a lot of grief from her family and even my family about it. They all think I should give her a chance since she’s their mother, as if that somehow erases the fact that she’s been gone for 2 years.”
8. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister's Partner That He Doesn't Deserve Her?
“I (24 male) and my sister (24) are twins. We have been close our entire lives, if she moved so did I and we would live together. It helped with money so she didn’t have to pay the whole rent. Well a year ago she started seeing Dan 26m.
He wasn’t bad starting off until he learned that I wasn’t biologically male.
We were at my grandmother’s house for dinner with a few others from our family and my cousin used my dead name. I didn’t blame her she didn’t mean to say it but Dan looked at me and asked who Tracy was.
I looked at my sister, she asked if it was ok to tell him and I told her it was fine. She told him that I’m trans and I go by Blake now and Tracy was my dead name. He just looked like I kicked his puppy and then asked why.
Sis was trying to explain then he said that I was a shameful person and that my family should have kicked me out when they had the chance.
That hurt, a lot then he said that he didn’t want my sister around me anymore and that she is to stop any and all financial support.
She makes more than I do and after all bills are paid I have nothing left for food. I had to move in with my mom because I couldn’t afford the rent anymore and wanted Dan and my sister to have the apartment to themselves.
He said I needed to leave, I got up and started to leave and as I was grabbing my coat and going outside he followed me and told me that if I come around my sister or my family again he would make sure that I would never get financial support and that I would be homeless and he would take my truck (I need a co-signer and he was the only one to do it).
I’ll admit that I teared up and just yelled at him that he didn’t deserve my sister and if he loved my sister then he would have never said that and he wouldn’t keep my sister from me. I left and slept in my truck last night because my mom said that I wouldn’t be able to come home until I apologize to him.
My family’s tried to call me but I’ve tried to ignore it the only call I took was from my sister who doesn’t blame me at all she’s trying to convince me to come home but I can’t stay at their apartment and my mother still won’t let me come back.
I think I am the jerk because I could have just left but I yelled at him and now I think I just ruined her and his relationship.”
7. AITJ For Wanting My Partner And His Spoiled Daughter Out Of My House?
“My partner (34) of 3 years just moved into my (32F) 3 bedroom home 5 months ago. This home has been in my family for the past 70 years.
I have a 5yo son. He has a 13yo daughter. I made sure I moved all of my stuff out of my office and put it in the loft so she could have her own bedroom. I think it was about a month into him living here that his daughter wanted to move in with us full-time – as she doesn’t have her own bedroom at her mom’s.
I was completely fine with this.
Anyways, I started running into a lot of problems not even a week after she moved in full-time. She became really…entitled and demanding. Like demanding that my son trade rooms with her because it has a bigger closet and pitched a huge fit when I said no. Or demanding we buy her expensive clothes or makeup because I’m a real estate agent and I “have loads of money”.
Call me crazy but I’m not about to drop $120 on a pair of ripped-up jeans or drop $200 on 3 pieces of makeup. Her dad works but his income is significantly less than mine so she really just expected me to be the one who spoils her rotten.
Or pushing her plate of food away and saying “I’m not eating that but you can cook me something else.” I can deal with her childish tantrums and slamming doors but she has now started to put holes in my walls and my partner makes excuses saying he used to do the same thing and she will grow out of it.
She torments my son. If he says anything to her she literally ALWAYS responds with “Oh you’re talking to me? Swap rooms with me and I will think about responding.” Her dad literally never attempts to correct her behavior and I’m told I’m being too harsh if I do.
The tip of the mountain for me here was 2 weeks ago there was a foul smell coming from her room so I asked her to clean it because you couldn’t see the floor. She said “Uhm no? It’s my room so I don’t see why you have any say on how I treat my personal space.” Her father actually agreed with her.
3 days later the smell had become so bad that I lost it. I told her to clean it or she was moving out. This was AFTER I saw at least 6 used menstrual pads thrown throughout her room as well as half-eaten food and moldy drink cups.
She starts crying and saying I’m treating her like she is Cinderella and I’m acting like an evil stepmom. I told my partner either he handles it or they’re both gone. He clearly didn’t believe me because he told me that I needed to “lighten the heck up” because his daughter is “having a rough time transitioning and being away from her mom”.
I gave it a week, nothing changed. I went and got an eviction notice drawn up and gave them 30 days to vacate my property and told him he’s lucky I’m not suing for damages. He says I’m a jerk for throwing away 3 years because I “can’t handle not having my own way”.
AITJ?”
6. AITJ For Forcing My Neighbor Off My Property After She Accused Me Of Not Owning My Home?
“I (20f) was fortunate enough to buy a house.
For only being 15k, I have to say it’s quite nice. It didn’t really need much work besides a new roof and the cabinets needed replaced but my dad is a carpenter so that didn’t really matter much. The previous owner was an older man who unfortunately passed away after living in the house since before I was even thought of.
I finally got to move in 2 months ago. It’s been fun making it my own but it’s taken some time to get used to living alone.
3 weeks after moving in, I was outside starting some work clearing out a few places to plant a garden and flowers in the spring.
I live in the Midwest so I wanted to get this done before the ground freezes. My next-door neighbor, I’ll call her Jane (50s?), came out and introduced herself. I explained that I just moved in and was preparing my yard for spring. She said it was nice that someone was doing some work for the old man and gave me a spiel about how it’s a quiet neighborhood and I shouldn’t have parties.
I told her I don’t throw parties but was planning on hosting a housewarming and Thanksgiving soon. She said it’s weird to throw a housewarming when I was renting. I told her I own the house. She didn’t believe me but went home.
Last week, I was out painting my front door.
She stormed over yelling that I better have permission to paint someone else’s house. I again told her I own the home. She started yelling that I was too young to buy a house and she was contacting my landlord. I told her to stop being a busybody and leave me alone.
She started demanding proof. I told her it was none of her business and to get off my property. She walked to the edge of her yard and called the police saying I was a squatter. When they showed up, I showed them my paperwork and asked to trespass her from my home.
Jane is still angry.
I was talking to my dad the next day asking what I should do. He said I was a jerk for making enemies with my neighbors and said I should have just shown her to put her mind to rest. I don’t feel like I was in the wrong but my dad thinks I was.
AITJ?”
5. AITJ For Changing My Last Name In The Yearbook?
“I (f19) am the product of an affair. I have 4 siblings (between 25 and 30) and I haven’t talked to any of them since I was like 10.
I lived with my mom till I was 5 then went to ‘visit’ my aunt and uncle for weeks at a time. I’d stay with them for 2-4 weeks then go back home for a weekend and back with them for the same time.
That soon became my new normal. The days I was “home” my mom and her husband would argue and it was obviously about me.
He couldn’t stand to be in the same room as me, look at me, just acknowledge me at all and she acted like it was ok. I can’t blame him for not liking me but it was still messed up on a level.
Then maybe a year and a half later I stopped going home and my aunt and uncle became my guardians. My belongings were shipped to me and that was about it.
My mom visited me on holidays but that was all I saw/heard of her.
Then around 9 years old she stopped contacting me altogether. As I got older I no longer saw my mom as a mother and saw my aunt and uncle as my parents instead.
I’ll skip all the boring details but fast forward before my high school graduation (back in June), they sent out emails to us asking if we’d like to make any changes to our personal info before everything was put in our yearbooks and I took that chance to change my last name to the same as aunt and uncle.
Because we didn’t get a regular graduation and our diplomas were mailed to us, we didn’t receive them until 2 months after we graduated (I got it 3 weeks ago). I posted it on social media and showed my aunt and uncle and things got super emotional but they loved it.
Now I don’t have any of my siblings or mom on social media so I’m assuming a distant family member that I do have must have told her about it because she got in contact with me that same day on messenger and asked why people were asking her about my name.
When I told her I changed my last name on my diploma she got mad that I didn’t check with her to see if it was okay.
This is where I feel I might be the jerk. I told her she was barely a mother to me and she cared more about being with her husband than raising her daughter.
I said I was legally going to change my last name anyways and don’t need/want her permission. She said I should at least get my name hyphenated and I told her I didn’t want any part of her last name as it meant nothing to me.
AITJ?”
4. AITJ For Shaming A Couple On How They're Raising Their Kid?
“Context: I’m (28f) very uncertain about handling kids, maybe because I’ve seen parents who’ve flipped out when someone tells their kids no, & how some kids run wild in public places. I don’t hate kids, but I’m just very awkward about them. The only kid I’m comfortable handling is my goddaughter Grace (3).
I just fell completely in love with her the first time I met her. Grace’s mother Val is a very close friend of mine, & often calls me to help because I live nearby & have a flexible work schedule.
Prior to Grace’s birth, Val told me that she’d need my help more often since her parents weren’t able to travel & her husband had to go back to the office.
But she wanted to give me the choice to say no cause she knew I wasn’t familiar around kids. I said yes anyway, but made sure to attend some infant classes, learn baby CPR, & sat in on some childcare classes with Val & Dan so I wasn’t completely clueless.
I constantly communicate with Val on what I can or cannot do (in terms of setting boundaries when Grace acts up) so everyone is on the same page.
Issue: my husband & I were talking to a group of friends when the topic of Grace came up.
One couple has a kid around Grace’s age but he is a menace (he’s bitten me before because I tried to stop him from running out the front door). This couple asked if I’m teaching Grace not to have fun, & when I asked them to clarify, they said that I was so good at saying no they wondered if Grace has ever heard the word yes from me.
I was hurt, & asked if they would want their kid to touch a hot pan instead, or get hit by a car when running out the front door (things their kid has done), because having fun is more important than being safe right?
They seemed flustered when I brought it up, but tried to wave it off as ‘well luckily you’re not our babysitter.
(Kid) would lose his spark.’ I just rolled my eyes & laughed, which apparently offended them because they said that it felt like I was kid-shaming them. My husband (he’s a child therapist) said ‘it’s not the kid’s fault when their parents fail to parent’.
Which upset them even more. The conversation ended on a sour note, but no one has called us jerks (everyone else has been a victim at one point or another of their kid’s behavior).
But I’ve been thinking…I don’t have kids, & I don’t know how difficult it is to raise one.
Maybe they’re trying, but some kids are really unmanageable. So maybe I’m the jerk for being rude to them about it?”
3. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Wife For Embarrassing Me At Work?
“I 33M recently got hired at a large company in the south where my wife and I moved months ago.
My wife was excited about my new job and talked about preparing a surprise for me which got me excited but I didn’t know what it was til she showed up at my workplace 2 days ago with a meal she said she prepared specifically for me since it’s my favorite.
Apparently this was her surprise. I was a little upset she brought it to my workplace. My co-workers who are vicious and brutally honest and sarcastic got involved and kept teasing me about the meal. One of them “Austin” joked about how “mommy” is so supportive by bringing food to my workplace.
I felt like garbage as he and other co-workers kept laughing at me.
I went to work the next day and Austin kept making jokes about me saying stuff like “is mommy going to bring lunch today as well?” And “When is mommy coming to change your diaper?” And some other stuff.
One of them who’s someone I don’t know well said “oh you guys I can still smell the meal (my name’s) mom brought yesterday. She’s such a great cook bless her heart!” And the darned giggles kept on.
I felt so awful I went home and just blew up at my wife telling her she flat-out embarrassed me and just torpedoed any darned prestige and respect I had among my co-workers.
I told her what Austin and others have been doing and asked if she was happy for giving him ammo to come at me like that. She argued that she was just trying to do something nice for me and didn’t care about what people might say but I was a selfish jerk who only cares about what others think rather than how she felt by my constant berating over a meal she put effort, money and time to make and bring to me.
The argument escalated after I suggested that she could’ve waited til I got home to surprise me with this darned meal instead of showing up while I was working which made me seem unprofessional. She said she came during lunch break but I was still working during lunch break.
She said at this point I clearly find it easier to blame her than stand up for myself against those childish bullies. I said I didn’t appreciate what she said but she replied that I should be grateful she cared enough to bring me a home-cooked meal then thanked me for showing her it’s not worth wasting any more of her time cooking for me after this.
I told her to stop blaming me for something she caused and asked her to admit that maybe she should’ve consulted me before bringing the meal over so I could avoid being the darned butt of every joke my co-workers told. I don’t even know how long this is going to last. She told me to man up and either report them or quit then.
I was floored by what she said I had to walk out because I couldn’t take any more of this and felt like she wasn’t listening to how her behavior caused me an issue at work.”
2. AITJ For Napping After Work?
“My husband and I recently got married and moved in together. He comes from a background of what I consider to be toxic productivity. If he isn’t busy doing something, he finds something to do.
I have never been this way and it’s not like he didn’t know that considering we’ve been together for 4-5 years. I’m not sure if he thought he would change me after getting married or what, but it’s exhausting.
I am a school teacher right now.
I make 38k a year and I work a minimum of 9-11 hour days. I also have endometriosis. He works with heavy equipment and makes close to 6 figures. He works a minimum of 12-hour days. He and I have a cooking schedule where we interchange who cooks, this has worked out really well for us.
He helps clean everything besides the floors, And I help clean everything besides the shower. I do all the laundry myself and I also vacuum and mop the floors myself. He walks the dog in the morning, I walk her at night. I like to think everything is pretty evenly divided.
Every single time he finds out I came home and took a nap, he seems to be in a down mood. We always end up having a conversation about how he thinks my naps should be limited to one hour, and that instead I should FIND something to do if everything else in the house is done (like reorganizing the closet).
For example, yesterday I came home and worked my butt off for the house to be spotless and to cook— he cried from how thankful he was that I did so much. Today, with a still spotless house, he was upset because I woke up a few minutes after he came home and he says it isn’t normal to want to nap often.
I nap when I get home from work about 2-3 times a week. Never while he is home, and it is never a problem. It is always a problem if he comes home and I am just waking up.
He said I need to conform to normal sleep times, napping like that isn’t healthy, and there is always something to do.
I say I can nap whenever I want as long as the house is clean, and I’m not cutting into our dinner time. It seems he is bent on napping cutting into my productivity, but when I set an alarm before he arrives and appear awake, he has no issues with how productive I am.
I think he is the jerk for wanting to change a way that I have been my whole life, and he thinks I’m a jerk for napping too much instead of filling my time with whatever else.
AITJ for refusing to change for seemingly no valid reason?”
1. AITJ For Not Forcing My Kid To Call My Husband "Dad"?
“My husband (Josh, 30) and I (32F) have been married for over a year and been together for 5, I have a son ”S” (12) from a previous relationship. My ex and I are nowhere near friends, but he’s an amazing father to our kid in every possible way.
My kid adores his father and they look pretty much alike.
Josh and I’ve been trying to get pregnant for two years without success because he has a low count, we’ve tried everything but right now we can only hope that it happens naturally since we can’t afford more treatments.
I guess that out of sadness Josh has been around ”S” a little more, trying to get him to do things together and spend some time, S loves him, but he sees my husband as an authority or uncle figure and not like a dad.
Josh has been trying to get ”S” to call him Dad or Father since we began to try to have a baby because he didn’t want my son to feel left out, but S has refused every single time and continues to call him Josh, it’s okay.
I had a talk with my husband about how ”S” just prefers his name and that it’s nothing personal, after a few more times, Josh desisted.
But right now my husband has begun to try again and ”S” continues to refuse, saying that he already has a daddy and that he doesn’t like the pressure Josh puts on him, I’ve tried to talk to my husband again but every time he says that’s not fair my ex gets all the credit while he’s been a father figure for my kid half of his life.
I told him that we cannot force ”S” to call him something he doesn’t want to, and that not being called dad doesn’t make him less than my ex.
I thought that was it, but yesterday while we were having dinner ”S” told my husband ”Josh, look at this!” and my husband totally snapped, he grounded my son and took his switch saying that unless he starts to call him dad he won’t get it back.
”S” was almost crying and I told him that none of that was gonna happen because we won’t force him to do something he doesn’t want to. My husband began to throw a tantrum about how it’s not fair, how ‘S” looks so much like my ex and it’s always a reminder, and that he deserves more respect.
I told him to get out of the house until his mind is clearer and doesn’t feel that fighting a kid is right.
I get that Josh feels desperate and hurt, but I don’t think that making ”S” call him dad is the right move, however I could be wrong, I know that my ex won’t have any problem sharing the title and I’m afraid I might be the jerk for not taking Josh’s feelings into consideration.”
