People Try To Get Genuine In These ‘Am I The Jerk?’ Stories
18. AITJ For Cutting Off A Friend Who Made Up Drama Over My Breakup?
“I (26F) met my former friend, Katie (28F), through my ex-partner Mark (27M).
Mark and I met in 2021 and broke up in May of 2024. In 2022, Mark decided to go back to school and joined his college rugby team. The team had a lot of social events and parties; soon, our relationship had a large network of friends. Katie played soccer at the College.
There were some events that I attended and some I did not. I was a young woman with a career, and it was hard to party every weekend. Mark and I had a terrible relationship. He was abusive, jealous, hiding a problem, and essentially ended all of my friendships that he was not a part of.
Everyone in my life wanted the relationship to end, but I was young, manipulated, and stupid. (I am now single, back home, and in much better mental and physical health.)
I met Katie at one party where Mark had requested I don’t hang out with him because I was too clingy.
The other partner’s of the athletes had told me the following about Katie:
1) She was not a girl’s girl. She called all of the rugby guys her “brothers.”
2) She had slept with several of the guys on the team.
3) She always talked about how unique and unlike other girls she was.
She “only drank beer” and “had no female friends.”
4) She started a lot of drama and was a liar. This was who she was. But that night I saw a kind, sweet, and supportive girl. She spent the whole night supporting me while I cried over Mark’s latest actions.
We spent a year being friends, and in that year I rarely saw the behaviour the other girls had mentioned. In the time before Mark and I broke up, Katie was my confidant. She was supportive, always telling me I was strong and I could make it through.
But I think she knew, deep down, that Mark was abusive.
Mark and I broke up in May of this year. He showed up at my apartment after a trip, told me he was with me out of obligation because I had been so loyal, but he was not attracted to me anymore because I let myself go.
He told me he had not been in love with me for a year. It hurt. It stung. It was awful. I was going through the worst emotions of my life.
After the breakup, I decided to cut off connections with Mark (he also had the audacity to get mad at me and the two friends I had left for signing him out of our streaming services and leaving him with none).
Katie was being a good friend during the breakup, or so I thought. I had previous mutual friends asking me why I had unfollowed them or why we broke up. I had unfollowed about 250 people on Instagram. I did not shy from the truth, but I acknowledge I said things about Mark that were spiteful.
I got a message from Katie, telling me I was causing drama with Mark and that she had screenshots. I asked her for specific details and to see the screenshots. She told me she could not provide them and advised me to just keep living my life and stop talking about Mark.
The key theme of Katie’s tales of my “actions” was that I was a drama queen and it was bothering Mark. I never heard from Mark about any of it. I still have never heard from Mark. I said okay and tried to move on.
I decided to talk to Katie less, since she also said, “I am not taking sides, you and Mark are both my friends.”
About two weeks after that (one-month post-breakup), I was hanging out with a friend, Brenda (24F), who was roommates with Katie. I told Brenda about the “drama” Katie told me about, with no specifics or details.
Renda suggested we go through my phone and make sure everything I said was accounted for. We noticed I had not said anything to anyone in about two weeks.
That same night, Katie was out drinking with Mark and his friends. She was plastered and called Brenda asking for a ride.
We went to pick up Katie. When we got back to the house, Katie told me I had started more drama and that I was hurting Mark, her “brother.” “Me? I hurt Mark? Mark, the betraying addict who ruined my relationship with my family and isolated me from my friends?
Mark, who told me I had let myself go when I had gained 20 lbs in the 2 years we were together?”
I lost it. I told Katie I didn’t believe her; she was starting drama for the heck of it. I said if she were a true friend, she would tell me what was going on instead of making things up.
I called her a jerk and told her to get out of my life. Brenda told Katie to get it together and stop making crap up. Brenda drove me home. Katie ended up moving out of Brenda’s house a few weeks later.
Was I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Wow, this is such a tough situation. It sounds like you were really stuck between your loyalty to Mark and your growing awareness of his toxicity. It’s hard when a friend who you thought was supportive turns out to be more neutral than you need them to be in such a raw, emotionally vulnerable time.
It’s clear you were dealing with so much already, and the last thing you needed was someone telling you to “stop causing drama” without really understanding the depth of your pain. Honestly, cutting people off who aren’t aligned with your well-being is probably the best choice.
It’s sad, but it sounds like you’re in a much healthier space now, and that’s what matters most.“ User
Another User Comments:
“It’s crazy how people can present themselves one way, and then when the time comes to stand by you, their true colors show.
Katie was your confidant when it suited her, but as soon as it became about protecting your peace and your breakup, she seems to have backed off. Her telling you to stop talking about Mark and then claiming you’re a drama queen without providing any concrete details is just…
shady. People who don’t pick a side or offer true support in moments like this are often doing so to protect their own comfort, not your well-being. You deserve friends who will stick by you when it matters. It sounds like you’re better off without that kind of energy in your life.” User
17. AITJ For Leaving A Controlling Partner And Taking My Home Investments?
“Partner 32 and myself M 36 have been together for 2.5 years. We each have a daughter from previous relationships, ages 5 and 7. I make good money at my day job. I rent 4 apartments and one house out, do all my own repairs, and sometimes door dash for extra.
She has been a waitress working for tips and just started at the school as a para and doesn’t make much. We bought a house in April, but when we went to the bank the lender recommended we put the loan in her name and get an FHA loan for better rates.
I had two mortgages already at the time, one on a fourplex which I rent out and one on the home I was living in, which I now rent out. The bank dropped the ball and forgot to add me to the deed, but said I could add it after the loan was issued. This house was a foreclosure home, and before we even moved in we had to fix a bunch of plumbing, hire an electrician to bring electric to code and install a new meter socket, hire HVAC to install AC, bring in appliances as there were none, and install a new water heater.
I paid the electrician, I paid the HVAC bill, I bought appliances, and I paid for inspections. We split the down payment, which was only 1500 or so each. Since we closed, I’ve paid every house payment and dumped all of my extra savings into fixing this house.
Since we moved in together, she has been increasingly controlling. She yells at me if I go to her sisters and talk to her partner for too long without her; she gets mad when female tenants talk to me; she gets irritated if I talk about a woman I encounter at work if she knows them; she gets mad when I try to be a good co-parent with my ex for my kids’ sake; and she gets mad about a woman I’ve been friends with since kindergarten.
My kid’s mom doesn’t get out of her car when she drops my daughter off; still, my partner gets mad at the sight of her. Meanwhile, her child’s dad will stop and come to the door just to talk to his daughter on nights she’s at our house; he sits with us at parades; he’s shown up to gatherings of ours; and he even followed her to my aunt’s house last Halloween and followed her inside the house like he lived there.
The other day, we got into an argument and she brought up a woman friend of mine. I’m not friends with a lot of women, but there is one I do talk to regularly. I’ve been up front with my partner that I talk to a woman friend since day one.
It’s caused problems with a couple of relationships, and it’s always been my opinion that if you think you need to change me to be happy, then we shouldn’t be together. We have not hung out for more than a couple of minutes since my partner and I got together; I’m still friends with my friend’s ex husband and he never cared. My partner even bought her a birthday present and told her to stop by and get it before we moved in together.
This has all become very overbearing. I like to work on cars and listen to music after the kids go to bed, sometimes until midnight, and if I do that now it’s a problem. I’ve decided on pursuing a career in real estate sales, and it’s important to have lots of relationships with lots of people.
I’m fighting hard to become a better person and obtain a career that allows me freedom to always be there for my kid. I don’t think she can offer the support my kid or I need to get where I want to be in life.
I don’t want someone who is going to tell me who I can be friends with. I’ve tried explaining this, but it’s always only me who is the problem. I asked her why she was okay with my woman friend at first and why she bought her a birthday present.
She tells me she thought I would grow away from her as the relationship went on. I was very clear that I’ve ended relationships before over this. If I break it off, she can’t afford the house on her own, and I can’t afford to leave behind everything I’ve bought for the house.
WIBTJ if I left and took my appliances, central air unit, water heater, and meter socket/breaker panel? Everything I’ve provided can be removed, but she won’t have air, electric, water, or appliances when I leave, just as it was when we first got it.”
Another User Comments:
“This situation is really tough, and it sounds like you’re stuck between wanting to be supportive and being true to yourself. The level of control your partner is exerting, especially over your relationships with other women and even your hobbies, doesn’t seem healthy or fair.
You’re allowed to have friendships and maintain a sense of independence, especially when you’re working hard to provide for your family and improve your life. As for the house, it’s tricky, since you’ve invested so much into it and provided necessary repairs and appliances.
But, taking them would be a huge blow to her, and you’d have to consider the long-term consequences of that. I’d suggest having a calm conversation with her where you lay out your needs and boundaries one more time. If she’s unwilling to change or respect your autonomy, then it might be time to move on, but with careful thought about how to handle the house situation.“ User
Another User Comments:
“I get that you’re trying to support her, but this level of control is concerning. Relationships should be built on trust, and it sounds like your partner’s jealousy and controlling behaviors are creating an unhealthy environment for both of you.
You’ve done a lot for this house, and I get your frustration—especially if you’re trying to set yourself up for a better future. It’s tough because she’s likely financially dependent on you for the house, but you can’t sacrifice your sense of self and future for a relationship that’s stifling you.
If you do decide to leave, it’s probably best to do so in a way that doesn’t create more animosity but ensures your well-being, maybe through mediation or legal guidance on what’s fair.” User
16. AITJ For Not Supporting My Sisters Financially When I Am Starting A New Life?
“To start with, I am coming from a middle western and conservative culture and have been a single mom for 12 years of 10‐year‐old boys. I have been struggling with my kids, but my older sister was always there for me and them and supported us financially and emotionally.
I passed through long years of depression.
After I picked myself up, I started working with a good salary and began helping my kids and sister. I used to work more than 16 hours sometimes and got promoted 3 times within 3 years. My sister lost her job and took care of my kids, so I kept on providing a decent living for my sister and kids.
My younger sister joined us as we live abroad and tried to look for a job, but she was not serious about building a career. As well, she has a lot of medical conditions, which was fine with me as her insurance covers most expenses.
I have decided to send my kids to my parents for better schooling and to learn the culture, as back home I can afford less than where I currently live with far better options.
Then I resigned from my job at the beginning of this year due to a medical condition because of the stress, and my fiancé (not the father of my kids) assured me that he would take care of all my and my kids’ expenses until I find a job (which he is committed until now).
We decided to get married; we flew to my parents last year and asked for permission from my parents, and all went well. Now we decided to move forward with the marriage, move together, and have a cozy and private life. I informed my sisters, who have been unemployed for 6 months, about my plans as we will rent an apartment together, and I asked them about their plans many times, but they shut me down every time.
Now my mother is showering me with calls and demanding to rent for my sisters. I was clear that when I move out, my fiancé and I want to live alone, and she told me that it is my responsibility to take care of my sisters, though I always did that when I had a job and income.
But now it is my fiancé who is covering my expenses, and I feel like my sisters think that I dumped them.
I really cannot afford to rent or support them financially now, knowing that they have no plans and they cannot even stay in the country as their visas are about to end and they need an employment visa.
Am I the jerk because I am not backing up? Am I ditching my sisters because I found a man who really loves me and supports me in all ways? Please tell me, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your agreement with your sister was mutually beneficial when she was watching your kids while you worked. You’ve informed your sisters of your plans to marry and vacate the home you all share with ample notice.
It’s up to them to find new housing. You are all adults. It’s nobody’s responsibility to care for another, especially long term. If they are physically not able to work, then they need to pursue benefits from the government.” EwwDavvidd
Another User Comments:
“No, it is perfectly reasonable for you to want to move on and start a new life with your partner without having to bring your family members along and invade your privacy.
You gave them 6 months notice to get their lives together, and if they’ve done nothing then it’s completely on them. Everyone here in the story is an adult and should behave as such.” Legal-Lingonberry577
Another User Comments:
“YTJ so you abandoned your kids and let your parents take care of them – and now that it is time to return the favor you are flaking out.” Excellent-Count4009
15. AITJ For Being Uncomfortable With My Husband Taking A Trip With His Former Partners Amid Financial Stress?
“My husband (30M) told me (27M) a couple months ago that he wanted to go away for 3 days with his friends to celebrate one of their birthdays.
Normally, I wouldn’t have an issue with this, but I would like to provide some context to the situation as to why I do.
Our relationship is not on the best terms at the moment. We’ve both been unfaithful and lied to the other in the past. We’re both to blame for this.
I truly want to make an effort to be comfortable and have trust and faith in him again. I believe he wants the same.
These friends that he’s wanting to go away with are other men. It honestly hurts me deeply that he still wants to maintain a relationship with these people.
He tells me that he can separate the feelings and allow a platonic relationship with them. I truly want to have faith that nothing will happen, but I just don’t have the trust or at least feel like the trust hasn’t been built back enough to make me feel comfortable about the idea of him going off for 3 days with them.
I’m usually made to feel guilty like I’m trying to put a wedge between him and his friends, even though I’ve never made him choose nor would I feel it’s necessary to even give someone a choice like that.
The other issue is that we’re newly married and still trying to sort out our lives.
Before we got married, my husband already accumulated thousands in debt. I agreed to help him pay it off as I believe marriage is teamwork, and whatever debt is his is also mine. We’re currently staying with his mom, and we were invited to a family holiday to go to Disney in a couple months.
Because I really wanted him to go, I agreed, and so we both have been saving our money towards this vacation even though we’re putting off important crap like getting our own place, getting a car, etc.
I am a bit bitter because I make around 2x than he does and have been putting away MOST, if not ALL, of what I earn towards the holiday while he takes care of the daily expenses (electric, food, gas, etc.).
He never has enough money leftover because he’s always in overdraft and is usually paying his credit card interest fees. I even put a couple thousand towards his debt to help him, and he accumulated that back during the holidays! Before we even got married, I stressed that I wanted financial stability, and I feel like my husband continues to make poor choices regarding our finances.
The idea of my husband going away was eventually dropped due to my husband agreeing that we’re currently spending a lot on this Disney holiday as it is. The idea was brought back up recently when one of his friends told him that he would pay his way and that if I wanted to come, then I would have to pay for myself.
I don’t believe that his friend will pay for his ENTIRE 3 days, and that my husband will eventually need to take on some additional expenses for this trip with his friends. Also, I find it extremely unfair that I’m stuck at home, paying for a large majority of this Disney holiday and helping out with his debt, only to be told that he’s still going and I have to pay for myself if I want to go.
I think that in a normal situation, him being away for 3 days would be alright with me. Of course, I would get lonely and miss him, but that’s normal. The fact that he is wanting to go away with people and the fact we’re already crippled in debt makes it a pretty uncomfortable situation for me.
Maybe I am the problem. I am trying to be alright with the thought of him going.”
Another User Comments:
NTJ- This marriage ain’t lasting, so I wouldn’t sweat him going on that trip, but I’d also be putting that Disney money somewhere safe out of his reach because after he takes his boys weekend, this ship ain’t getting righted, and that Disney trip ain’t gonna be a fun one if it happens.
Another User Comments:
ESH. OP, think about what you want from your life. If you were visited by a magical creature who could make your life be whatever you want it to be – is this really it? Because I know you said you’re newly married, but your husband sounds like he’s not even interested in trying to make this work.
And you seem to be just reacting to everything. And there doesn’t seem to be any reason to trust. mifflewhat
Another User Comments:
NTJ for this specific insurance, but why did you get married? You’ve both been unfaithful to each other, trust is gone, hubby is hanging around with the people he betrayed you with, has brought large debts to the marriage, is still irresponsible with spending and you’re having to live with his mom while you sort your finances, which I assume really means you fixing his finances since he’s the one with the debt and you earn 2x what he does.
And in this context, he wanted to go on holiday with his top shagger mates, who will pay for him but happily make you pay for yourself (so you won’t go and they can all continue being unfaithful in all likelihood). Seriously, what series of poor decisions lead to this situation?
14. AITJ For Prioritizing My Exam Over My Pregnant Groupmate's Last Minute Work?
“For a bit of context, it happened a few years ago.
I was a student at the time, and so was she (19F at the time). I met her at the beginning of the school year and decided to be “friends” with her (as in more like classmates). We will call her K. As she was the only person I knew and we had a lot of group projects in different lessons, we decided to do all of them together (plus some other people sometimes if we needed more than 2 people).
Oh, the mistake that was.
Not only was I doing most of the work, she was complaining about me asking to come at 9 am to work in a group instead of 8 am so I don’t have to wake up too early and be way more productive to then me coming at 8 anyway and her coming at 9 and leaving 3 hours later,… The typical group work problems.
So we sadly failed one of the group project we had (with 2 other boys) in June and had to redo it in August. On Monday, a week before we had to give our work, we talked in our group chat about finishing the work so it’s done.
For my part of the work, I needed K’s part to be finished so I could’ve done mine. On Wednesday she still didn’t give any info on how her work is doing, so I asked her if she’s working on it. She told me she has an exam to work on and that she will do it once she’s done with it.
Fast forward Saturday, I ask her again if she has done her part, no answer. Sunday I asked, no answer. So I decided to kind of do my part and guess the info I needed from her part. It’s only on Monday, a week after, at 9 pm that she send a message that she started working on it and that she will give it to me in 2 hours.
Issue is, I am an early sleeper, at 10 pm I am in bed getting ready to sleep. I could’ve stayed up a bit longer, but then there’s the second problem: we had to give the work for Tuesday (so next day) at 8 am, and then at 10 am we had another exam which was really hard, so I really wanted to sleep good to be in form for it.
So I told K that I already did my part and if there is something false on it, then she can correct it, but I won’t stay up because I have an important exam the next day and I have to sleep well for it.
We argued for a bit, me telling her that I gave her an entire week to do her part and when I tried to reach out to her, she didn’t bother answering, and that’s when she drops the bomb on me
“Well I’m pregnant and I always have medical appointments.
Also I had to prepare my kid’s bedroom”
For context, I had no clue she was pregnant and had no clue that she was always at the doctor. She never communicated anything about that, she didn’t communicate at all. I just told her that it was none of my problems and that I won’t be getting up at 11 pm because she couldn’t do the work during the week we gave her or communicate that she couldn’t.
Luckily we did pass the work and I never spoke to her again, but this situation really got stuck in my head. I really did react harshly to her, but it could’ve all been avoided with proper communication. So AITJ for not doing the work?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Communication is critical in a group and you were relying on her. The complication of pregnancy and appointments should have been discussed before you drew a boundary at the final hour.” November-8485
13. AITJ For Requesting Therapy With Just My Mom Instead Of Embracing A Blended Family?
“My mom is engaged to Charles and he and his kids (13m, 11f and 9f) moved in with us in February.
I (16f) am the only one in the household who isn’t talking about the wedding non-stop. My mom picked up on this a while ago and then she overheard me tell my friend I just wanted it to be over and that I wasn’t excited for the wedding.
So she asked if we could talk. It was a difficult conversation. I told my mom that I wasn’t totally happy about the wedding, that it has been difficult for me, with dad, who died when I was 10, being gone and some things that have been said.
I told her I was so glad she was happy and I know Charles helped bring her back to herself. The conversation highlighted that I don’t see Charles and his kids as my family and that I’m unsure if I’ll ever consider them in that way.
Some (maybe) relevant info to some of my feelings: When Charles and his kids moved in first, he took me out for pizza and told me he doesn’t want us to be a blended family; he wants us to be just a family. And he doesn’t want to be my stepdad.
He wants to be my dad. He said he would do everything for me that he does for his kids and would be there for me always. He said we could start trialing out some dad names for me to call him. I told him I already have a dad and the sentiment was nice and all but I was going to be his stepkid.
He really challenged me on why I could only have one dad and why I didn’t want one. It was very uncomfortable for me. He and his kids also tagged along when mom and I went to remember dad on his anniversary, at the diner we went to as a family.
His kids talked non-stop about the wedding and we didn’t actually get to talk about dad. Then Charles declared we’d make it a family thing every year and even when mom was like “let’s just see,” he was like “it will be good for bonding.” I didn’t like that at all.
It was the first time where I went and did a solo thing to remember dad because I hated every second of the diner experience.
Mom wanted us to explore this in family therapy and I asked for it to be just her and me.
She was going to say no and then she asked why. I told her I would open up more with just her and a therapist and that I would rather make sure we’re okay than work on trying to bond me to others right now.
I told her I could see that she was hurting, that I felt the way I do, and I didn’t want our relationship to be ruined by this. Mom agreed for therapy to be just me and her.
We start next week. But Charles doesn’t like that I wanted it to be just mom and me.
I think he was a little offended that I feel this way in the first place and then to not want to include him and his kids in family therapy. Mom told him she wished it could be all of us. But she didn’t want to push me away or waste money by taking us all if I would find it difficult to open up around them.
Charles told me I was putting my mom in a bad place and I was selfish, and he has only ever tried to show me he loves me and will be my dad happily.
AITJ?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – But Charles sure is. He’s tried, which is great at first. But he’s not respecting your wishes, which isn’t.
He has kept on pushing and pushing, which is ignoring your wishes. If he had any sense about him at all, he would realise that pulling back and giving you your space is the best thing he could possibly do to try and form a legitimate relationship with you.
By repeatedly trying to force it and by interjecting him and his kids into your things, all he is doing is showing that he doesn’t respect your boundaries at all. For a guy who wants to be your dad, he is really struggling to act like a grown up.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Charles need to back off, you have told him how you feel and why you don’t see / want him as your Dad. You are obviously still grieving for your Dad. I don’t think your Mum is getting how you feel and why you are upset, especially over the anniversary of your Dad; Charles and his kids should never have been involved in that.
Make sure in therapy your Mum understands how you feel and why!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Charles needs to learn that not everything is about him. You want to do therapy with your mom because you recognise that something is fundamentally wrong between you and you need help processing and fixing it.
Charles wants to do everything together because he has the skewed idea that because he’s marrying your mom he slots right into your life. Honestly, your mom might be the biggest jerk here. She knows Charles is upsetting you and she’s letting it happen. Maybe it’s what she wants as well, maybe because it’s just easier to give in to what he wants.
Therapy will help the two of you communicate, and it will tell you whether it’s worth trying to save your relationship or whether your mother is picking the new family she’s forming as a unit over you.” User
12. AITJ For Yelling At My Partner For Not Doing Her Share In Parenting And House Chores?
“Both of us work full time and we both have fairly good jobs. Free weekends and all that.
Our jobs aren’t overly exhausting since we both work from home and remote.
We’re on child number 3. I do 90% of the daily chores at our house. I’ve literally told her it’s fine for me to do all of that, as long as she does 1 chore, which is laundry.
Guess what hasn’t been folded in at least a month. Not only that I take on nearly all the responsibility as a parent. I’m the disciplinarian and I’m also the only one that spends any significant time with them.
The last time I went out and had any time to myself, was probably 3 or 4 years ago and it was 1 night for 3 hours with people I didn’t know well.
I don’t have any friends or any hobbies other than occasionally sneaking in a couple hours of games when the kids sleep. She also plays games and streams as her hobbies, so when the baby wakes up I’m the default. Most nights, she stays up until 2am.
When the kids get up and have to get ready for school, she brings them down and falls asleep on the couch, so I get them ready.
She also became averse to changing poop diapers. I change every poopy diaper. That has turned into me basically being the only one to change any of their diapers.
She goes out with friends and gets tons of breaks from the kids. On normal weekends she’s either too sick or too tired to help me, so I let her sleep so that I might get some help later in the day. Then when she finally gets up the kids are taking a nap and I sometimes get to nap, but it’s usually super short.
The past 3 weeks I’ve been pulling overtime at work.
So, today I took all 3 kids to the park by myself. I spent about an hour at the park with them. I came back home and stopped to talk to one of my neighbors and my oldest went ahead of us and woke her up since she was sleeping on the couch.
It was a little under an hour until their bed time. She didn’t start anything before I got back. She probably had at least 30 minutes to realize the kids still needed dinner before I came home. I walked in and asked what the kids are going to have for dinner and she said she doesn’t know.
I said that we don’t have much time before they need to get to bed. She said do you want me to grab fast food.
I passive aggressively said I wish she had made some food for the kids while we were gone, especially since she knew they were hungry before we left. She then said something along the lines of, you’re going to upset me.
Which really made me mad because she uses this as threat all the time. I really hate confrontation and she will tell me that to get me to shut up.
I said I’ll just make them something here. I start making something and she says that’s going to take too long, so I stop making it.
I tell her it actually only takes 10 minutes to make that food I was making.
Then she says something along the lines of, if taking the kids out is going to make you stressed maybe you just shouldn’t take the kids out. I told her it’s not the kids that are making me stressed out.
She asked what is?
This is where I started yelling, You. It’s you, of course. You don’t do anything. I feel like I’m literally doing everything by myself. There was more context, but I had to cut it to make the character count.”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you’re really overwhelmed, and I can see why you’re frustrated. You’re carrying so much of the weight in your family—doing the chores, parenting, managing the household, all while working overtime. And it seems like you’re not getting the support you need from your partner, who should be sharing in that responsibility.
I get that you want to handle things calmly and not escalate, but when your partner isn’t pulling their weight and continues to avoid simple tasks like making dinner, it’s bound to build up. The way she uses threats like “you’re going to upset me” to shut you down is manipulative, and it’s clearly making things worse.
She’s not just absent in the day-to-day tasks, she’s also avoiding the emotional labor. You’ve communicated your frustration, but it doesn’t seem like she’s listening. You’re right to be upset that she’s not doing her part, but it’s understandable that you feel like it’s becoming an unhealthy cycle of frustration.
You might need to sit down with her and have a more direct conversation about what you need from her in terms of both practical support and emotional cooperation.” User
11. AITJ For Informing My Sister I Could Not Attend Her Celebration Due To Work?
”So my sister and her husband sent out a save the date card a year in advance for their wedding. They hadn’t booked anything at that point in time; they had just decided on a date. They are already married, as they eloped at a private ceremony 12 months ago.
I was present at that and even witnessed their marriage certificate, so the wedding for the save the date card is essentially the formal celebration with all their friends and family. Anyway, once I received the save the date card and saw the date they’d decided on, I realised I am rostered on at work on that date, much to my horror.
For a bit of context, I work shift work in Healthcare in an extremely stretched and understaffed department. I informed my sister I was rostered to be working, and this is where things went downhill. I didn’t realise telling her I was rostered on would cause such an issue.
My hope by telling her was to be honest and upfront about my possible non-attendance with that date. This is obviously not what I want, but given the date and my work, it is going to be impossible to get out of my rostered shift. My sister has now stopped talking to me.
She will only reply on occasion if I send her a message, which will be a blunt one-sentence answer, but most of the time my messages are ignored. My sister is presently living overseas, so I can’t just pop over and see her to have a face-to-face discussion about it.
The last time we spoke was several months ago. I’ve apologised to her several times, but honestly, I don’t know how I can fix it. My work requires us to put our leave requests in 18 months in advance, and due to being short-staffed, they have no wiggle room for accommodating changes.
I have asked, and they have said no. My only other option is to try and swap out of the shift with someone else, which I will try to do closer to the date, but I can only do this 2 months in advance due to company policy.
The problem with this is, I need to swap two night shifts, and from past experience, swapping night shifts is damn near impossible. I didn’t want to give her a false assumption that I would be able to attend on that date, and that’s why I let her know about all of this.
My parents said I should just call in sick for those shifts, which I can’t do either, as it would be breaching policy, which could lead to me being reprimanded at work. My parents are on her side and think I should be more accommodating and shouldn’t have told her yet “as it is not confirmed that [I] cannot attend,” even though I’ve explained to them my situation and that it is out of my control.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s already married. You’ll be missing the party, not the wedding itself. If she can’t understand that this could literally affect your job and livelihood, she’s selfish. She’s justified in being disappointed, but to act childish with the silent treatment is stupid, more so considering this is just a party and not her actual wedding.
If you can make it by chance, awesome! But her one night party isn’t worth losing your job over. Question… You mention she lives overseas, is she also getting married overseas? Where you would have to pay to travel and all that?” jacksonlove3
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with No jerks here because I know how healthcare works, and it’s not your fault it’s that horrible. But if you don’t move heaven and earth to get to that wedding, you will be crushing your sister, so I see why she’s so mad.
Honestly, with healthcare as understaffed as it is, I think you really should be throwing around your weight more. Tell your supervisor you’re taking that day off. It’s weddings and funerals; any supervisor that can’t make accommodations is a jerk. They could if they tried, but they aren’t.
If they fire you, they fire you. Everyone in healthcare is short-staffed, so I don’t think they will. Also, it’s not like it would be hard to get another job. Crappy jobs are a dime a dozen, but your sister’s wedding reception is supposed to be once in a lifetime.
I get it’s stressful, but you need to be there. You can also use the good ol’ food poisoning excuse to call off sick. Nobody ever asks questions if you tell them you’re crapping or vomiting uncontrollably.” beanfiddler
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What others are failing to see is that this isn’t technically a ‘wedding.’ They are already married, and you attended that one.
It could be considered a vow renewal, but still not as important as the actual first wedding. If your sister wants to be petty and go NC, let her. She’s not paying your bills or giving you money to live off, so do what’s best for you.
I’ll say this: This may not be the case, but cutting toxic people, whether they are family or not, is the healthiest and wisest thing a person can ever do.” tryme_75
10. AITJ For Not Allowing A Kitten Adoption After Their Disrespectful House Visit?
To make a long story short, my partner and I found a pregnant stray cat outside of our home. We did our due diligence, checked for a microchip (she had none), and took her to the vet (underweight but healthy) and decided to keep her and see her through her pregnancy.
(Don’t worry, we will be spaying her as soon as it is safe to do so)
She had the kittens and we were tasked with finding the right homes for them. We’re planning to rehome them once they’re about 2/3 months.
We found a seemingly good home for one of the kittens from a social media group- mom, dad, two young boys.
We had the parents over to visit the kitten and get a feel for if they would be a good family for the kitten. It seemed like a good fit and the mom asked if she could bring her two sons over to see the kittens.
We found a day and she confirmed she would bring her sons over to see them.
When they arrived the boys were instantly roaming our house. We were trying to be understanding, as they were relatively young (somewhere between 8-12) and the mom said her friend was outside on a call but was hoping to see the kittens.
We were very confused as she did not ask in messages and then just implied that her friend wanted to come in but was on a work call.
Based on the last visit, we were only expecting them to stay for maybe 20 minutes and figured that if the mom asked about the friend coming in we could decide if we were comfortable but express that we wished she would’ve asked first.
When we get to the room where the kittens are currently staying with the mom cat, the kids and the mom are not being very gentle. The boys picked up the kittens and did not necessarily listen when we said that they are still growing and as such could get hurt if they fell from too high.
One of the kittens ended up falling when the boys were holding them. One boy tried to give the other boy a kitten when the other was already holding one. The kitten was fine, thankfully, but it could’ve been a bad situation. The mom also let one of the kittens fall from an almost standing height.
We were feeling very uncomfortable while the kids continued to make themselves at home and we had to keep an eye out for the kittens. The mom expressed that they were about to leave and we heard someone upstairs.
Apparently the friend had finished her call and just walked into our house.
We don’t know how long she was in there before she came down to our downstairs and we found her there, outside the kitten room. She didn’t even fully close the front door behind her, and our other cats could have potentially gotten out.
We were very anxious at that point that a stranger just walked into our house unsupervised and left the door open.
We quickly got them all out of our house and checked the ring camera. The friend was outside and knocked a few times, then opened our door and called for the mom.
When there was no answer it seemed like she looked at her phone then walked in.
We don’t know if the mom had told her to come in or she just assumed, but the mom continuously had her phone out and may have just told the person to come in, again, not asking our permission at all.
We don’t feel comfortable for many reasons at this point giving them a kitten. We feel like our home and our offer for the kids to meet the kitten was very much taken advantage of and there was no regard for our house, cats or safety.
We don’t want the kitten to lose out on a potentially good home because of personal discomfort on our end, but we also don’t want to ignore red flags.
We never confirmed with them for sure or set dates to rehome, etc. but have said we are looking forward to them having the kitten prior to this incident.
Would we be TA for deciding not to give them the kitten?
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – There will be better safer matches. Don’t adopt to this family given the observations you cited and how it will gnaw at your conscious. Thank you for rescuing the momma and being invested her litter will be placed in healthy homes.
Having volunteered at animal shelters for years it is the hardest to place a mom. I’d watch them deplete all their resources to ensure her kittens survived only to be overlooking on adoption days. Best to you!.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like there are 2 reasons for your dislike of these potential adopters: (1) they’re bad guests, (2) they’re rough and careless with the kittens.
If it were just (1), I’d say you’re under no obligation to give them a kitty, but if you think they’ll provide a good home to a kitty/kitties, maybe it doesn’t matter so much that they’re bad guests. But based on (2), don’t give them a kitty.
The kids aren’t ready for one, and for whatever reason, their mom isn’t helping them learn. Good luck re-homing kitties and queen! <3 P.S. -- Tiny deet -- going forward, maybe don't tell people you'll give them a kitty sight unseen. Do what shelters do, and wait until after you've met them to make your decision." ggcc789
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Trust your instincts. These people don’t seem to have a lot of common sense about cats. BTW, please don’t let the kittens go before 12 to 14 weeks. Taking them too young from their mother can cause lasting behaviour problems. Just because they are weaned at 8 weeks does not mean they are mature enough to leave.” Maximum-Swan-1009
9. AITJ For Planning A Solo Motorcycle Trip After 30 Years Of Shared Vacations?
“I (m50) have been married to a wonderful woman for 30 years now. We met when I was stationed in Germany in the Army. We moved back here to the states after I got out of the Army.
I make a decent living—not extravagant, but enough to pay the bills. She for the most part has been a stay at home mom with some side jobs here and there, but nothing long term—maybe four years of working all together.
The problem is my wife and I completely disagree on what a vacation is.
My idea of a vacation is going somewhere and doing something, rent a cabin at a lake, go to a beach somewhere and get wasted from morning till midnight. My wife hates all of that. Her idea of a vacation is to go to some city she has never been before and walk around ohhhhing and ahhhing at the buildings, or go to a museum.
That is my definition of torturing me for the nuclear launch codes.
This has been an issue our entire marriage. We can never agree on a vacation, so we just end up spending most of our vacation budget on sending her back to Germany every other year to visit family and friends (when she goes back it’s for a month or two).
On the years that she doesn’t go to Germany she usually does some girl trip with some of her friends; Las Vegas, Nashville, Gettysburg (her family from Germany came over and wanted to go), New York, etc.
In our 30 year marriage I’ve been on two vacations.
One was in 1998 to a lake cabin that my parents paid for and invited us to go with them. Once in 2019 for our 25th anniversary, we rented a motorcycle in Miami and went to Key West and Naples Florida. Now that trip to Miami was what I thought a start to something we both enjoyed.
I bought a cheap used motorcycle and we started riding all over our home state. Then when I came in to a little bit of unexpected money I upgraded to a bigger touring bike thinking that we could use it for vacations. Well right after I got the new bike my wife had an unrelated injury and couldn’t ride for awhile.
No biggie, right? Well now I can’t get her back on the bike. I know I can’t force her, but I spent a LOT of money on this bike because I thought it was an investment in something we both enjoyed doing together. I’m not going to let the investment go to waste and so I’m planning a 2,500 mile road trip on the bike here in a few weeks for my vacation.
My wife doesn’t like the fact that I planned a vacation without including her. To be fair I asked her to go, she said “no”. I guess she thought that meant I wasn’t going to go either. We had a big argument and basically I just put my foot down and said “I get to have a vacation that I want also”.
She already had another Vegas trip planned for later this year and is planning on going back to Germany for X-mas and New Years. I honestly don’t know why she is so upset about me taking a week for myself. Am I missing something?
Didn’t realize that I left out the part where I may be TA.
I am using most of the budget for her Vegas trip that she was planning. She can still go, but it may mean she will have to use the money from her trip to Germany and so she would probably have to cut the trip to Germany shorter than she would like.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But yes you are missing something. For 30 years when she said “no” to your style of vacation you accepted it and did not go. You just completely changed the paradigm. Sitting down with her and explaining why it is important is in order.
Right now she is wondering what else changed in your marriage” ItIsNotAManual1984
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Sounds like you two need to sit down and have a conversation about budgets and establish money each person can have for vacations, with an eye towards equity in your different styles.
Some advice: also tie that to some repairs in your relationship regarding the hurt feelings this fight clearly has done, and calmly express your viewpoint about what you want to be different in your ideal vacation without crapping on her idea of one.” Valarmorghuliswy
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I don’t think you are being unreasonable for wanting a vacation, and I do think your wife got comfortable with her two yearly trips. But I also think that your change in heart is a bit late in the year, and should have been more of a discussion than you arbitrarily changing possibly set plans.
I think you should just have a conversation with your wife and explain the situation. However, a suggestion: set a separate fund for your wife’s trips back to Germany to see her family, and two separate funds that are equally financed for each of you to take a vacation.
The intervals and length will be completely dependent on what type of trip each of you schedules. I suggest a separate fund for her trips to Germany as a few other commenters indicate it may not really be a vacation and with that long of a flight and flight costs, spending more time less frequently may actually be more financially logical.” AlexRyang
8. AITJ For Buying Out My Cousins And Taking Full Ownership Of Our Family House?
My family (mother-side) have a beautiful house that’s been in the family for more than 130 years. It’s an amazing 2 story house and it’s a cultural statement in the city in which it’s located due to our family impact over the years.
A big part of my family lives on the seaside of my country, but my grandparents and my Mom moved to live in the capital when Mom was accepted in university. The village that the house is located in is much closer to the capital than to my mother’s hometown.
(Important later). My grandpa renovated the whole house with his two own hands and ONLY with his money. (Also important later). My GP and his Sister “Anne” both sadly passed away a couple of years ago, leaving my Mom and her two cousins B and M (both females) as co-owners of the house.
(Mom has 50% and the other 50% is split between the sisters).
I’ve lived only with my Mom while B and M have pretty big families. Mom, B and M spent their summers together in said house. As 3 young teenage girls, they were fairly close, but with time they started to drift apart.
Now our communication with their families is limited. We all have different views on things.
B (F early 50’s) has 3 children and a husband that has NEVER worked. NEVER.
M (F late 50’s) has 1 bio child and 2 step children.
Due to the location of the house, they use it only in the summer and go there for a month or so as a vacation.
While Me (F 21) and my Mom (50’s) go there much often. For us, it is only a 50 min drive. We acknowledge that we use the house way more; hence, we pay all the bills, we pay for security and for everything that is needed for the house.
It was always like that, even when my GP and his Sister were with us. And we don’t mind it, but here is the deal:
After every time they come, the house is an absolute disaster. Chocolate fingerprints on WHITE couches, dust everywhere, trash stuck under the carpet, bathroom drain clogged with hair.
You get it—a disgusting mess. They use everything and never restock. They treat the house like a hotel and us like housekeeping.
The house is old (as I said, it’s a 130-year-old house). It needs maintenance. I’m sure you can imagine how much time it takes to clean after them.
And even when they do something around the house (recent example: put a mosquito net on one of the windows), they do it with their feet—just to get it out of the way. We’ve talked multiple times with them, but it has never shown any results.
Also, B’s husband is very aggressive towards me and Mom.
My Mom and I both have pretty steady incomes and we live comfortably. We decided that we can afford to spare a part of our money to buy off the house and all the land that comes with it from our cousins.
When we offered them the money in exchange for them signing off on their rights to the house, they were pretty upset. We once again tried to reason with them, but B’s husband lost it and started calling my Mom names. There is the part where I lost it and told them that it’s not our job to clean after them and that they were being extremely selfish and, well, unmannered.
After that, we talked with some friends and neighbors and they agreed to help us out. We put the house up for auction. The notary had to inform our cousins, but they couldn’t do much about it. Our friends and neighbors hyped up the price of the house enough for the cousins to drop out.
Then we made the final bid and the house was sold to us. (My country is messed up. I know.)
That made us the sole owners and B and M lost their shares to the house. They tried to make up with us and victimize themselves, but we stood our ground.
Now they are going all over social media and other relatives saying that we banned them without any reason or explanation why. No one is taking sides for now. But, did we step over a line trying to protect our house?”
Another User Comments:
“It sounds like you and your mom were genuinely trying to preserve the family home while maintaining your peace and avoiding further issues.
It’s understandable that you’re frustrated, given how your cousins and their families treated the house and the lack of respect they showed for it. The fact that you’ve repeatedly tried to talk to them about the mess and maintenance only to be met with aggression and dismissal must have been incredibly exhausting.
At some point, it’s reasonable to think you need to take control of the situation, especially when they’re treating your home as their personal hotel while contributing nothing. While the way you handled the auction might seem extreme, I can’t blame you for taking action when the usual approach wasn’t working.
You’ve been stuck in an unfair dynamic, and it sounds like they were taking advantage of your generosity.” User
7. AITJ For Standing Up To My MIL When She Disrespected Me And My Wife?
“So I 29M have been married to my 34F wife for 7 years. I never had a chance to get to know my in-laws before getting sent to another country for several years. My MIL and I never really got along.
Last 2 weeks: So my wife had back surgery and my MIL came out to help.
My wife finally made it home. The plan was I take our 3 dogs and sleep in a different room to keep the dog hair away from my wife’s incision. And my MIL would take care of my wife at night. My MIL would roll her eyes and would groan if my wife called her for help.
Mind you my wife can’t move or walk without help. So my wife ends up calling me to help her, which I don’t mind
Now for today and the reason for the post.
My wife and the MIL wanted to go to the store for some food and I needed to drive.
My wife also wanted to go to thrift store to look around before shopping. She told me I can just sit in the car and wait for them to come out, which I wanted to do so it worked out for me. I drop them off at the front door and go park.
My MIL calls me 2 min later and said “ are you not coming in to help”. I said yeah I can come in. We found a few items and checked out. My wife wanted to go sit in the car since her back was hurting. No problem.
We get to the car and I help my wife in and go to help my MIL shop for food. She already left the car and was in the store. Weird I thought I need to pay this trip and go in to find her.
Well I don’t get more then Ten feet away from her and she say I don’t need you, go back to the car. I can shop on my own and I am better at it. I said well I need to pay for it and you can have my CC to pay for it.
She refuses and goes back to shopping. So I leave and go back to the car. My wife asked me what happened and I tell her. She says, “oh that just my mother and I will call her and see if that is what she said.”
So she calls the MiL and she did say she was being a B word. No problem. She gets back to the car and says i am sorry if you thought I was being a B word. I didn’t say anything and just pull out of the parking lot.
My wife decided to say that I wouldn’t forgive her since I wasn’t talking. So the MIL said I don’t care if he does with a condescending attitude. Well I finally snapped and said you have an attitude and I will not tolerate it any longer at my house.
And you will treat me with respect. She then said well I don’t know you very well and I reiterated that you don’t get to speak to me like that. I told her that she acts like she is better then everyone and that isn’t.
Well that is where I might be in the wrong, after I called her out she said start playing the victim and says maybe I should just move my plane ticket early and go home. And I said maybe you should go home you still have time to get your plane ticket.
She the. Lost her mind and started to yell and we had an argument the rest of the way home.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you guys never really got along as you said in your initial post, and just by reading the rest of it, she sounds like an insufferable person to be around with.
The fact that even your wife agrees with you on some level speaks volumes. The outburst was a bit unnecessary, but I’m assuming this sort of attitude from her wasn’t just a one-off incident and your resentment culminated into that one outburst. I would try to calm down and recollect your thoughts and try to see if you guys can work it out, although that’s wishful thinking; it doesn’t hurt to try.” Orthruscum
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It would’ve been better if you had been a little kinder and less “snappy” in your response. But you’re right, she does need to treat you with respect. She’s staying with you, you’re her son-in-law, and “not knowing you very well” is not reason for her to be rude.
Your wife can be forgiven, but she didn’t help matters by accidentally implying that YOU called your MIL a B word, and then not taking ownership that it was her word, not yours, and by saying you wouldn’t forgive her. I’d be inclined to say she’s a bit of an A H but after surgery none of us are at our best so I think it’s fine.
In the end, it’s good you stuck up for yourself. Ideally, try to de-escalate things with your MIL by clarifying that you aren’t holding a grudge, but you insist on her speaking respectfully to you going forward, and put the ball in her court.” Prince_Jellyfish
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not knowing someone doesn’t mean you can’t have basic manners and be polite. MIL is rude and doesn’t even seem to want to help your wife. If she’s going to act so put upon, she should’ve saved herself the trouble and stayed home.
At this point, she’s hindering, not aiding your wife in her recovery. Your wife doesn’t need any added stress.” Additional_Earth_817
6. AITJ For Confronting A Parent Over Her Child's Public Food Shaming?
“Back in June, I was one of the chaperones for the 6th grade graduation party at our local elementary school. The attendees included ~100 students, the 6th grade teachers, and a handful of parent and staff volunteers.
Two of the sixth-graders were a pair of twin sisters, whom I’ll call Maddie and Katie.
The girls are both average height for their age (5’0), but their build differs by quite a bit. Maddie is ~ average sized (90-95 lbs), while Katie is a little heavy (115-120 lbs). The girls’ mother was also in attendance.
Everyone was having a great time, but when food was served, tension started to rise.
The twins’ mother (Mrs. T) was relentlessly commenting about Katie’s eating habits. First she said, “No, don’t eat the whole cupcake. Cut it in half.” Katie did as her mother requested, and when she started to eat the remaining half of the cupcake, Mrs. T immediately told her to wipe off the icing first. Maddie was permitted to eat a whole cupcake with all the icing, without their mother saying anything.
Then a while later, the twins went with a group of friends to get pizza. Mrs. T said to Katie in a rather loud whisper, “You’re getting ANOTHER slice of pizza?” and raised her eyebrows dramatically. I was starting to notice a double standard, because all the kids were eating the same amount of pizza, and yet Katie was the only one reprimanded. After that, when the kids were getting potato salad, Mrs. T walked over & tried to take the serving spoon away from Katie.
Near the end of the party, ice cream was being served. Mrs. T loudly and forcefully said to Katie, “No, you can’t have any. It’s fattening and unhealthy, and you’ve already eaten more than enough today.” Then she turned to Maddie and said, “You can have ice cream, you’re skinny enough.” This conversation was loud enough that at least a dozen other 6th graders were able to hear it, and they were all very clearly paying attention to what was happening.
Katie protested that it wasn’t fair that everyone could have ice cream except for her. Their mother responded, “You can have ice cream when you lose at least ten pounds.”
Enough was enough. I immediately confronted Mrs. T and VERY loudly said that she was “bullying and humiliating her child,” that “if Katie developed an eating disorder it would be her fault,” and that, “mean, rude, judgmental people like you are the reason so many people end up needing therapy.”
Mrs. T got rather heated as well, and snapped back with, “You need to stay out of this. As Katie’s mother, it is my job to make sure she loses weight and adopts healthy eating habits, so that she doesn’t eat herself to death by age 30.” Then she poked her index finger into Katie’s stomach and said in a scolding tone, “Shame on you for eating so much.” Mrs. T and I continued arguing for several more minutes, with me insisting that she was doing more harm than good, and her insisting equally hard that I needed to mind my own business & that this was “for Katie’s own good.”
Later that evening, my husband also said that I should not have gotten involved, because the situation was none of my business. Or at the very least, I should not have confronted their mother publicly and “undermined her parental authority” in front of her own kids and so many other children.
I disagreed. Since she was so publicly criticizing and humiliating Katie, I believe it was fitting that I stood up for Katie in an equally public manner.
AITA for getting involved in a situation that was none of my business?“
5. AITJ For Leaving My Drunk Friend On The Porch?
“I’m a university student, and my friend/roommate is really into going out and drinking. Sometimes drinking a little too heavily. I’ll call my friend Lucy. It was fun at first, partying with all of your friends and getting into some harmless shenanigans. But now, going out has been more of a chore.
It seems like more often than not I’m babysitting Lucy after she gets way too intoxicated. Even if I choose not to go out, she’s stumbling out of an Uber, crying, laughing too loud, whining that she’s hungry, etc. Typical obnoxious intoxicated people behavior.
I took a break from partying for a while, but I decided to attend a pool party with Lucy and other friends.
Of course, Lucy got incredibly intoxicated and by the evening she was barely able to stand. I didn’t want her to get into a dangerous situation, so I painstakingly dragged her into my car as she playfully screamed and laughed. I had next to no booze for the entire day, so by the evening I was fine to drive her home.
Our campus has split villa housing, which gives each pair renting a small porch. Lucy barely made it up the stairs with my help, and just as she approached the door, she became dead weight in my arms and fell to the floor. She wasn’t hurt; she was still laughing and mumbling.
At this point, I was very frustrated and upset. I told her to get up and that I would not be carrying or dragging her into the house. She refused.
I threw in the towel and headed inside. I told her that the door was unlocked and that she could come in whenever.
I checked on her about an hour later; she was asleep on the floor. I threw a blanket over her and placed a bottle of water near the doorstep. At that point, I felt I had done my due diligence.
The next day, Lucy was furious that I didn’t bring her inside.
She said that she could have been kidnapped. Our complex is gated with security both at the gate and with regular patrols. The majority of the other residents are our classmates and friends. This is by no means a dangerous part of town.
Lucy formed a group chat of our mutual friends (without adding me) and told them what I did and how awful it was.
Most of my friends have backed me, but a few said that I could have just taken her inside. I told them that I wasn’t her babysitter and she needed to stop blaming others for the consequences of her intoxicated stupors.
I could use an unbiased opinion.
Was I right to leave her on the porch or should I have just taken her inside? At this point, I think it’s clear that I’m going to lose a friend regardless, but I want to know for future reference if what I did was okay or not.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why should you risk injury from hauling a dead weight? You left her safe and comfortable, frankly, I wouldn’t even have given her the blanket and water unless outside temperatures were life-threatening. Her discomfort was the consequences of her own irresponsible drinking.” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did your best to get her to a safe place, and she was too intoxicated to even allow you to steer her through a door. Tell Lucy that you no longer accept any responsibility for her safety when she is intoxicated because her choices make it beyond your capacity to help.
She needs to get her drinking under control or, at the very least, find herself a new designated driver.” IntrovertedBookMan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She should drink responsibly or not drink at all if she knew she was gonna end up in that state. You’re not obliged to take care of her.
She chose to be intoxicated and intoxicated irresponsibly. Personally, I don’t drink and choose not to because there’s just so many things that can happen (drinking addiction, drinking and driving, etc.), and honestly you can’t rely on your friends all the time to take care of you.
I’m not saying that you can’t drink at all. You just have to know your limits and drink responsibly. What I’m saying is, you have to be responsible for yourself and look out for your own safety, especially when you’re a grown adult. But if she was given substances unknowingly, that would be a different story.” [deleted]
4. AITJ For Bringing Up My Husband’s Affair?
“First a little backstory. I (25f) and my husband (28m) have been married for 5 years.
When we were first married, I lost my phone and had to borrow my dad’s old flip phone for a few weeks while I waited for my phone to come in the mail.
This phone is so old that the only game available to play was Snake.
Well, turns out that for some reason my dad had his really good friend Alex as number 1 on his speed dial. I didn’t really care and didn’t want to go through the process of adding any contacts on this phone since I was only going to have it for a short amount of time.
My husband was looking at the phone and freaked out that some rando was 1 on my speed dial and not him. I laughed and explained that since it’s my dad’s phone, it’s his contacts, but agreed that his friend was on his speed dial as number 1 and my mom was number 2 LOL.
So, for the past 5 years, my husband will say random comments about how I should ask Alex what he thinks since he’s the one I really like. Sometimes when we’re with his family or friends, he will even make comments about how my side piece is this Alex guy and crap like that.
I’ve told him over the years that it’s stupid and it annoys me.
So fast forward to last year, he actually was unfaithful to me by going to massage parlors and getting services that were not on the menu. I decided to forgive him and we’ve been working on our marriage and doing couple and individual counseling.
Whenever we have a disagreement, I try not to bring up him being unfaithful to me or our past problems and really working on moving forward. So, this is probably where I’m the jerk. We were talking about something and he brought up “Alex” again and was talking about how he’s the one that I want to be with and I bet I would do something if Alex asked and not him.
I told him that there is no Alex and he’s my dad’s friend, and to stop saying stuff like that and it needs to be done. This went on for 15 minutes of him just saying all this crap and how I want to be with Alex instead of him.
So, this is where I snapped. I told him Alex is better than “Sally” (A name I made up for whoever he was seeing at the massage parlor.) He asked me who Sally was and I told him. You know Sally, I hear she gives really great massages.
He freaked out and said I was a jerk for bringing up his unfaithfulness and said how dare I throw it in his face like that. He locked himself in our bedroom and is refusing to talk to me. I know that I shouldn’t have said what I said.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments::
“I can understand why you snapped—your husband has been relentlessly bringing up Alex for years, even after you’ve repeatedly told him it’s not a big deal. It’s clearly an insecurity of his, but his comments are completely disrespectful and hurtful, especially after what he’s done.
You’ve tried to move past the infidelity and focus on healing, but then he throws something like this in your face. It’s also frustrating that he expects you to just “let it go,” while he keeps poking at the issue. That said, I do get why he was hurt by you bringing up “Sally”—it’s not an easy thing to bring up, and it sounds like you were just trying to make him feel the same way he makes you feel.
I don’t think you’re entirely the jerk, but it might have been more productive to express your frustration in a less pointed way. Still, it’s clear he’s been needling you for far too long, and his inability to see the issue here is part of the bigger problem.” User
3. AITJ For Threatening Not To Visit My Dad If He Doesn’t Hold His Wife Accountable?
”So for background, I’m 18F. My mom and dad got divorced when I was 1 year old because my dad has a drinking problem and won’t get help. When I was 12, my mom and my dad were co-parenting and my mom had mostly full custody.
My dad only saw me on Sunday from 10 to 7, Monday from 3 to 6, and Friday from 3 to 8.
My dad has a problem being alone and goes out with women and introduces me to them. My now stepmom is 10 years older than my dad. She came into my life 6 years ago.
She would often give me gifts to buy my approval. She was a nice lady, but she was poor and was pretty much using my dad for his money.
When I was 15, my mom told me we were moving 10h away from Dad, but I would still get to call him, text him, and see him, just not like normal.
About a year before that, my dad got engaged to my now stepmom. Then, when I was 15, he got married. Keep in mind it was 1 week before I moved. I went to the wedding and it was fun, but after I moved, it took me some time to adjust.
When I was 17, I visited them and we had fun, but my mom made my dad pay more child support because she was getting $100 a month and my dad makes six figures.
My mom won, but my stepmom was not happy, so she would often pick fights with me because she didn’t like that my dad was playing more money.
Keep in mind, my dad didn’t care about money at all.
She said, “Your mom is stealing from your father. She needs to stop; we could be using that money to go on vacation.”
And this isn’t the last time she’s done it.
I’m 18 now, and I went to visit my dad again.
It has been 3 years since I moved, and my dad hasn’t visited me once. I do a lot of concerts that I star in, and he hasn’t seen one of them.
I find out that it was her fault.
She told my dad right in front of me that it isn’t worth it to visit me when I can visit them.
Then, throughout the rest of the week, she would say stuff that was definitely targeting me, but without addressing me, like, “I took off work so I can spend time with you, (Dad’s name).
Why don’t we do something,” right in front of me.
My dad and stepmom are really conservative, and I don’t really care about politics, but I do care about what’s right. Stepmom and I got into a fight about pregnancy termination, and she was yelling at me because I didn’t think it should be illegal.
I yelled back and went to my room. Keep in mind, it was my last day there.
Then later that night, she yelled at me again because I was on my phone (keep in mind my phone is the only way I have been able to talk to my dad for 3 years).
She said that I got a phone when I lived down that road, so I was lying, and my dad defended her. I stood up and went back to my room, saying that I didn’t have to put up with it. Now, this is where I think I might be the jerk because I cried for an hour, and then when she went to bed so I could hang out with my dad.
We watched a movie, and halfway through, my dad said, “(Stepmom’s name) did so much to make sure that you had a good time and you didn’t say thank you. I raised you better than that.” I retaliated by saying that if he didn’t get his wife in check, I wouldn’t come back to visit.
So am I that jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But: ‘I find out it was her fault she told my dad right in front of me that isn’t not worth it to visit my when I can visit them’ It’s still your dad’s fault.
He could make the effort, he could do the right thing and visit you, see your performances – he chooses not to. I’m sorry mate.” happybanana134
Another User Comments:
“When I was 14-15 my Dad was in a relationship with a woman who was verbally/physically abusive towards him, and it got so bad I was afraid to be around her.
My Dad had a child with her so he was “trying to do the right thing” by staying, but it was bad. I told him I wouldn’t see him unless he left her, and I didn’t see him again until I was 18. We hung out a few times, got close again.
Then he had a heart attack out of nowhere and died. Just trying to say don’t do anything rash and just try to talk things out or you could miss out on time you’ll never get back.” siberiansneaks
2. AITJ For Telling My Ex To Stop Sending Flowers Despite My Dad's Meddling?
“My ex-partner (25M) and I (24F) broke up about a month and a half ago.
We were together for almost a decade, which is sad to see something for so long end, but I didn’t feel like I was actually his partner anymore. He would choose hanging out with friends every night until 2 am, drinking and partying, instead of ever just having a night in with me.
Along with the fact that we were trying to buy a house and he lied to me about how much money he had saved and what his credit was. He and my father always told me that I need him to be able to get the loan for the house.
When we went to our meeting for the loan, the only way we could get it was if it was just me by myself. Before it ended, I was the only one paying for our rent and other expenses. On top of the fact that he has been making fun of my weight and my looks.
So obviously, I came to the conclusion he doesn’t see me as a partner, and he sees me as his ATM. So I ended things.
Now this is where it gets weird; My father will not let this breakup go. He keeps setting up meetings for my ex, him, and me to talk things out.
He says I must try to fix things instead of throwing out so many years of my life. I kept replying that I did try for months leading up to the break and that I’d made it extremely clear to my ex that I wasn’t happy and that we needed to work on our relationship.
Despite all these attempts, he ignored me and told me I was “whining and complaining.” So I feel that I did try and that it was a one-way street.
My ex now keeps sending flowers to my work and house, and I told him to stop because they are not wanted. I also find it weird because it’s the only contact that my ex has done for attempting to get me back.
When I was talking to my mom about it, my dad came into the conversation and said that it was his idea for my ex to do that and he told my ex to do so. (Random side note: My ex works for my dad and still does after the break, which I am fine with and do not care about).
I freaked at my father and told him that he was being so weird supporting my ex when he had done so many things to break my heart. I told him that if he liked my ex so much, he could go see him. Now my dad keeps calling me ungrateful and throwing away something worth saving, as far as sending me photos with quotes about how no man is perfect and that I need to make a man perfect for me.
My ex, by the way, has not done any communication; the only communication I have gotten from him is the flowers and a meme he sent me when he found out I have a mouse in my apartment and asked my dad and mom for help.
The constant messages and remarks about it have just stressed me out to the point I blocked my father. I’m not planning on doing so forever, but just until I can calm down from it all. My family says it may be a little much.
Am I the jerk for telling my ex to stop sending me flowers?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But damn, your father is being so weird… Why would he do all this? What does your mother say about this? It sounds like your ex and your father had some sort of arrangement?
Or he’s just trying to ‘save face.’ Like… wtf? This is so bizarre for a father to do. Is your ex secretly rich or something?” WatercressSmall8570
Another User Comments:
“NTJ … But as to creepy family involvement – I broke up with a guy once, father of 3 of his own kids, and my family decided he was too good to lose (they were clueless & he was absolutely deadweight), so they began inviting him to family functions while not inviting me.
They succeeded in setting him up with a close friend. I was vindicated in later years as that ended badly.” PeppermintWindFarm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your ex you aren’t interested and stop sending flowers. If they go to a reception desk at work, ask them to refuse the flowers.
If he sends from the same florist, call and tell them they’re unwanted and not to deliver them. Look up harassment laws where you live. You may want to get an attorney to write a cease and desist letter to support your restraining order.” Emotional_Bonus_934
1. AITJ For Opting For A VIP Ticket Over Keeping A Promise To My Young Sister?
“My parents (57M and 59F) divorced nearly a decade ago, and both have remarried since. My dad is married to Carrie (45F), and through their marriage, I have a half-sister, Lily (9F). My mom is married to Alex (36F).
As you may know, Taylor Swift is currently on tour, and it’s been a bloodbath trying to get tickets.
Millions of Swifties were left empty-handed, and resale prices have been insane. I (23F) had originally planned to go with a friend, but despite our best efforts, we weren’t able to secure tickets within our budget. My stepmom Carrie, on the other hand, managed to get two tickets for her and my sister.
Since she’s not really a fan of Taylor and was only going for Lily, she later offered me her ticket free of charge if I would agree to take Lily to the concert instead.
Two days ago, Alex called and told me that the friend she was supposed to go with would no longer be able to attend the concert, so she offered me her second ticket.
Alex has been a Swiftie since Taylor’s debut album, so she was willing to splurge a lot more. Her tickets are absolutely amazing: they’re floor tickets from one of the VIP packages, just a few rows back from the aisle.
When I told Carrie about the change of plans, she wasn’t too happy with me and said that I would be abandoning Lily.
She also said that since the ticket was given to me over two months ago, she and my dad had already made plans for that night, so she wouldn’t be able to go herself. I even offered a compromise by suggesting that our cousin (20F), who has already confirmed that she’ll be willing to go, can be with Lily at the concert.
But Carrie shut down this idea, claiming that Lily would feel more comfortable with me. Now this is definitely true—Lily is quite sensitive and shy around others, and at most she only sees our cousin a few times a year.
I love my sister, and I want her to have a good time at the concert.
I do feel bad about springing this on everyone when the concert is in a couple of days. But at the same time, it’s hard to say no to a VIP floor ticket when this will likely be my only chance. Plus, it’s not as if I had planned to go with Lily right from the get go.
I admit that, as a huge Swiftie, my perspective here must be distorted, so I’d appreciate your help. Am I being selfish here?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely YTJ. If they decided to give your ticket away to someone else after promising them to you, that would be totally wrong, since they made a commitment.
Just like that, you made a commitment to go with your little sister, and cancelling on her is a huge jerk move.” ed_lv
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, you made a commitment and you admit your sister would be more comfortable with you. So you want to make her not enjoy her time so you can have better seats.
She’s 9. You are an adult. She’s not the one that should be asked to sacrifice here. You have a chance to make a great memory for her. You might enjoy the closer seats more, but she will likely always remember the night her big sister took her to the concert as a major happy memory in her life.” Rathanian
Another User Comments:
“I think you are being selfish and I think you know that you need to cancel on your friend and go with your sister. I’m sure the VIP tickets are amazing, but you already promised your sister you would go. Don’t break a promise to your sister, especially while she is this young.
I promise you, you will feel so much better and have a much better time at the concert if you go with your sister. It will feel good to make her happy, it will feel good to know that you didn’t let your sister down, and it will feel good to know that you showed your sister she is important to you.
It won’t feel good to go to the concert with your friend. You will feel guilty for letting your sister down, and you just won’t have as good of a time. Going to a concert is about sharing an experience of live music with fans who love that music.
Don’t introduce guilt into the situation and ruin the experience for yourself. Make a memory with your sister. I’m reserving judgement because you still have time to fix this and I think you know what the right thing to do is, because you made this post.” [deleted]
