People Find Out Who's On Their Side After Telling Their "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
22. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Walk Home From The Ice Cream Shop Alone?
“I (42m) have 3 children with my partner (47f) but the story is about my oldest daughter (12f). My daughter’s best friend came to sleep over at our house for a few days, and today they went for ice cream, when they were done with their ice cream they called my partner so she could come to pick them up.
I hate that my partner and I always need to drive our children around, our youngest is 6 so obviously he can’t walk alone but my oldest and her sister (10) can walk alone so why do we need to drive them around?
I told my partner that they can walk and don’t pick them up.
It took them nearly 40 minutes to get home and when they got back my daughter was super angry at me, telling me that “it’s known that being exposed to the sun in these hours is dangerous, especially without sunscreen”.
A few hours later my partner’s mom came back from a long trip so she came over to our house and we called my daughter to say hello to her grandma, and she told her about what happened. Her grandma said that I was right and then my daughter started yelling at all of us.
Honestly, I don’t understand why she’s so mad, when I was only nine I already walked around by myself, and I think my kids are just spoiled.”
Another User Comments:
“‘I hate that my partner and I always need to drive our children around.’ That’s what you signed up for when you became a parent.
’It took them nearly 40 minutes to get home.’ 40 minutes of walking without an adult at 12 years old??? If it were 5 minutes down the road then fine, but 40 minutes you really think that’s safe? ’My daughter was super angry at me, telling me that it’s known that being exposed to the sun in these hours is dangerous, especially without sunscreen.’ Your daughter is absolutely right and at 12 years old apparently smarter than you.
’Honestly I don’t understand why she’s so mad, when I was only nine I already walked around by myself’. You’re a guy, it is somewhat safer for guys to walk alone than it is for little girls. Also, the world was safer back then than it is now.
YTJ.” starlight-healer
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Did you tell her that you’re not picking her up beforehand? Because if she expected you to drive her and you told her last minute, then YTJ. You should have told her that she could go to the ice cream shop, but she needs to walk there and back, then she has all the information to decide if she wants to go and prepare accordingly (put on sunscreen, get a bottle of water, or decide to go later when it’s not as hot).
Also, did they walk 40 minutes or did they wait some time and then start walking? Where do you live? Is the area walkable? This is important info for us to judge if your decision to not drive her in the future is reasonable. Growing up I lived in a very walkable city with great public transportation.
So I walked everywhere or took the bus since I was 11 or 12. I understand your decision if you live in a similar area, but you really need to take this into account. Also, teach her to wear sunscreen even if she’s outside for a short period.
It’s summer, the sun is at its strongest and she’s exposed even if she’s in the car. She apparently knows about the importance of sun protection, now make sure she uses it consistently.” praleva
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You also can’t compare your experiences to today’s generation.
It’s a different world. The things that were normalized for our childhood are viewed as neglect and mistreatment now (they were back then too.) There’s a reason they write into local law how old a child must be to stay home alone. Times are different and, unfortunately, more dangerous.
I’m assuming the 40 minutes was an expected time, which is way too long to make children walk when you could’ve picked them up. If it was a 10-minute walk you should’ve been freaking out that something happened along the way. Your daughter was logical about the sun exposure.
My mind went to abduction and being harassed by grown men. Your daughter needs to know she can rely on you and you need to be a parent with all the inconveniences that come along with it. 12 and 10 are still very young ages. Please keep that in mind when you’re rushing them to mature.” D_Nicole91
21. AITJ For Uninviting My Ex-Wife From My Friends' Party?
“My (37m) ex-wife (35f) and I have been divorced for six years and have two kids together under 10. The divorce was not unusual but a pattern emerged during that time where it seemed like my ex would try to intrude into my business whenever possible.
Her boundaries are not good, or rather, her willingness to respect my boundaries. Some limited examples include: I kept the home, but even after moving across the city she felt entitled to enter my home whenever she wanted, she created fake social media accounts to try and keep tabs on me, and freaked out on me several times when I started seeing people, despite being in a relationship with her affair partner.
As a result, I decided to do everything I could to avoid any crossover in our lives other than the children. I stopped talking to mutual friends and built my own network of friends that she didn’t know. It’s been great for my mental health.
Many of my friends live in my neighborhood but my ex didn’t know them when she lived here. She has interacted with them briefly at school events because my kids are friends with their kids as well. When my friends asked about her, I kept the information limited and did not share the extent to which she made my life difficult during our marriage.
So, recently my ex took my oldest to a birthday party for one of my friends’ kids. Apparently, during that party, the moms were talking about our Halloween party coming up around my ex. I don’t have my kids this year but I go every year.
According to my ex, she was invited to bring the kids, and according to my friends, she invited herself via text after the birthday party. The truth is probably somewhere in between. Nonetheless, two of the wives told me about it the next time I saw them, literally hours after seeing my ex at an event for our kids.
They were apologetic and said they weren’t sure how it happened and were asking if I was okay with that. I told them that I needed her to not be there and that I’d offer to have the kids and bring them to the party if she wanted. My friends were understanding and said they’d support me however I needed. I told them I’d make it about me, not them.
Unsurprisingly, my ex didn’t go for it and was insistent that she was going. This led to a contentious back and forth where she accused me of trying to control her, demanding that if I wanted her to not come I needed to call her (where she usually tries to steamroll me), and claiming that I was violating her boundaries by talking about her with my friends.
She’s also insistent that she’s allowed to be friends with anyone she wants, and I can’t stop her from being friends with these people.
I finally ended it by telling her that she had been uninvited and I was the one communicating it on behalf of my friends.
She then told my kids that I uninvited her from the party and they were mad at me for a few days. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If those are your friends, she shouldn’t try to bulldoze her way in. But you also need to tell your friends that you don’t feel comfortable with her in your space and share a bit about her inappropriate behavior (eg she had an affair and has made your life difficult by trying to control you post-divorce).
If you don’t tell people and open up a bit, they will continue to invite her as the mother of your kids. Also, tell your kids the truth. Your mom was never invited to this party. She invited herself and I had to tell her the truth.” carlosmurphynachos
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Classic case of projection for one thing by blaming you for the exact thing she’s doing and then trying to have her cake and eat it too by continuing to try and be a part of your life and new friend circle so she can have some sort of control over it or opinion on what you’re doing despite having ruined your marriage.
Seems very selfish to me and then telling the children so they would get mad at you, SHADY! You sound like your head’s in the right place and you’re doing what’s necessary to get away from that toxic behavior, good for you. In the end, co-parenting means it’s what’s best for the children that matters and you sound like you’re doing that, but that doesn’t mean she has to have any control over you or your life or who you see and add all this unnecessary drama.
Again it’s all about control, control, control and you’ve taken that away from her by moving on and making smart choices so she can no longer cause problems in your life after what she’s done. Stay strong and good luck!” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Stop keeping your relationship with your ex a secret from your friends. They can’t support you or have your back if they don’t know the trouble and abuse your ex throws your way. If you can’t trust your friends with this info, then they aren’t your friends.
It also puts your friends in an awkward situation of “had I only known…..” Next change all locks in your home. Also, install a camera for the outside (don’t tell kids cause they’ll tell their mom). In case you need evidence of harassment. Talk to the kids on their level.
They are invited if you bring them, but their mom wasn’t invited. They are your friends, not your mom’s friends. NTJ.” Outrageous-forest
20. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mother's Husband At My Wedding?
“I grew up in a divorced household. With both parents remarried and I lived 50/50 for a long time until in high school I moved in fully with my dad. My mother’s husband and I, to put it short and sweet, do not get along. There’s a lot of history that ultimately led me to move in full-time with my dad.
This was all years ago and I am now an adult marrying my fiance soon and we are in the process of settling the invite list and making invitations and the topic of plus ones got brought up. We both agreed family and friends with long-standing relationships and partners we knew well could bring their partner as we’re keeping it small and personal. As we were making the list of whose partners we knew well enough that we’d be comfortable with them coming to the wedding we got to my mother.
My fiance knows all the history between myself and her husband and immediately told me I should specify on the invitation that it is only for her and to reinforce that by straight up telling her she can’t bring him. I’m not against the idea but I worry she might think I’m a jerk for telling her she can’t bring him when my father and stepmom are both invited as well as my siblings’ partners.
I’m hesitant because I don’t want to cause drama by telling her she can’t bring him but my fiance is worried she’ll ignore the single invite and try to bring him anyway but she’s basically going to be the only one in the family who won’t be allowed to bring their partner so WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If you invite your mom without her husband, you have to expect she won’t come so it’s an empty invitation. This isn’t girls’ night, it’s a wedding where everyone else’s partners are being invited. Excluding him would be a huge slight to both of them.
Only you can decide if your dislike of your stepfather warrants creating that kind of rift with your mother. Setting that aside, I’m a little troubled that your fiancé seemingly is dictating who you will invite from your own family and how you will do it, rather than letting you make your own decisions in that regard.” morgaine125
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. From what I can see in the comments, this man was horrible towards you to the point where you moved out and lived with your dad, in-laws hate him and she’s still married to him. Seems like she’s already picked him over you so be prepared for her to do it again.
If that’s something you can live with, then go for it. Either way, it’s your day and your wedding. Everyone else is just there to celebrate with you.” Teni96
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but are you willing to cut your mom out of every family function if she can’t bring him?
Does she talk to other family members or will this be alienating for her? At the end of the day, it will all depend on what kind of relationship you want moving forward with your mom. If you have kids, will he not be invited to birthday parties?
It is your wedding but just realize she has every right to say OK I won’t come. That will not be her fault, but her choice. As an adult now you have to suck it up and not cry about it later that your mom didn’t come.
Good luck.” 24601moamo
19. AITJ For Taking Time Off To Recharge Alone After Exams?
“With my job, I’ve got a load of exams to get through over a few years, and I’m finally down to the last three in December. These are the toughest ones, and since I don’t get much study leave, I’m still working full-time while studying for them.
I’ve booked a week off just before the exams to focus purely on studying. Then, knowing how drained and burnt out I’ll be afterward, I’ve booked an extra two days to properly unwind.
There are a few video games I haven’t touched yet and some books I’ve been meaning to read, so I’d planned a couple of days just chilling in the flat, recharging without any other plans.
When I mentioned my plan to my partner, she pointed out that I was using quite a bit of leave and suggested that I save those two days for us to do something together later.
I told her I’ll really need those days to switch off and recover and that I’ve got plenty of leave left over.
She suggested that if I was going to take them, we could go out for a day or even have a nice meal and drinks together and she could take the time off too.
I told her I’d be up for that another time, but for these days, I genuinely need to just relax—gaming, reading, and not leaving the flat.
I explained that I don’t want to plan anything else because I’ll need the downtime to recharge.
She said I should be willing to compromise and make a few plans with her, but I just repeated that I’ll need this time alone to decompress after the exams. She still thinks I’m being unreasonable and inflexible, saying I shouldn’t be taking leave just to play video games and avoid making plans with her.
AITJ for taking a few days off work to play video games and refusing to make any other plans during that time?”
Another User Comments:
“Lots of folks are saying this is an introvert/extrovert situation, but even as an introvert, I don’t think that’s entirely the case here.
Partner isn’t saying “let’s have a party” or “let’s invite some folks over,” she’s wanting to invite herself into OP’s private recharge days. OP mentions that they live in a flat together. But how often have you two been able to spend time with each other during your intense days studying and at work?
When’s the last time you two had a vacation together? Or even just a dinner date? Before anybody judges me, I think OP is NTJ for wanting to use their days off for some peace and quiet at home. Take care of yourself OP, absolutely, and I think you offering to take some time off later is a great compromise for you two.
I’m just wondering if this is either a case of the partner wanting to shove herself into your alone time or if she genuinely hasn’t spent proper time with you as a partner in a while and is hoping that this could be an opportunity for that.” ParaGoofTrooper
Another User Comments:
“My partner. I love her, she’s really great and her biggest downside is how much she wants to spend time with me all the time. It’s not really a downside at all because I love her but I do need time to recharge.
It’s great most of the time and I feel guilty when I say no to plans because of how great she is. It’s a tough one but it all gets sorted out by talking it out with her. Having said all that there are times when I feel very burnt out and take some time off to have it taken over and then a holiday ends up not recharging me at all but I do enjoy and have a nice time.
Talk it out, be kind and open, and make plans for another time. Set a date is important so it’s not “some other time” All my best.” generalgriffin90
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because of how hard she’s pushing, and not taking no for an answer about making plans with her, but I feel like if this is a long-term relationship, I would hope you would also want to prioritize some time with her when you felt up to it.
So I would have thought you could take the days to unwind/play games etc, but with a loose plan of hanging out with her at least one evening, just grabbing dinner (takeaway even) and chilling together for a few hours. If you’re wiped and can’t cope with interacting with anyone for a bit, that’s fine, but as and when you do feel up to it, I would have thought you would want to spend some time with her.
(like, isn’t she the most important person in your life, the person you can’t wait to see?) I assume you won’t be able to spend much time together leading up to the exams, which is entirely reasonable, but I would have thought that would lead to you missing her and want to see her?
So if you end up so drained you really can’t manage it, that’s fine and she should absolutely respect that, but, like won’t you also be sad about it? You’ve not mentioned how long you’ve been together or how serious the relationship is (I assume you don’t live together) so if this is a new relationship and you aren’t there yet then that would kind of explain it, but I don’t know, having no desire or enthusiasm to see your partner at all, after not seeing her for quite a while, kinda doesn’t sound like the level of interest I’d expect for a new relationship either.” procrastinatorgirl
18. AITJ For Asking My Landlady To Pay For Damaged Property And Eaten Ice Cream?
“I am a student in my last year and I live off my savings so I don’t have much money. I rent a room near the university, the lady rents it to me and 2 other university students.
What happened: this lady’s grandchildren are visiting (they are 3 children between 7 and 2 years old).
We normally leave the rooms with the door open because there are few of us and there is trust in the others in the house. Now with the children everywhere, I left the door closed (no key). I came back tired in the afternoon and felt that there was something out of place in my room like that feeling that someone moved something and that person tried to make it look like it didn’t.
I got a little nervous and asked my best friend (who rents another of the rooms) if he had come in, which he denied and I believed him. Then I saw a bookmark on the floor, I decided to see in the kitchen if there was anything of mine and I found under a table a notebook of mine (very special for me since it was a birthday gift years ago from my best friend) with a cute cat design.
Now it was all dirty, torn, and unusable.
The lady who rents from me saw me almost crying because of it (I did feel stupid for crying but stationery is special to me and gifts even more so) and she offered to pay for a new one but that one is discontinued…
I decided to rest and after a while ate ice cream (which I bought as a luxury because my mother had sent me some money) and I noticed that they had eaten all of it (1 liter of ice cream). Now, the lady doesn’t know that I noticed the ice cream, but today I want to charge her for it and go buy the notebook.
I feel like it’s rude of me to charge for that but I don’t have enough money and the fact that they eat my things and break my things makes me feel very frustrated… (and yes, today I left the door locked.)
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you go to someone’s house, go through their room, ruin a notebook, and eat all their ice cream, they will expect you to pay. What makes them any different? Because they’re kids? No. I get kids will be kids, but they were under the supervision of an adult who lacked some kind of respect for you.
If the landlord was willing to pay for the book have them pay for the ice cream too.” Background-Fix-417
Another User Comments:
“If this was any of my kids I’d be mortified! But they would never do anything like that. It’s nice of her to offer a new notebook and I’m sure she won’t mind about the ice cream!
I would, however, mention the invasion of privacy and the kids just letting themselves in – not only is it dangerous for the kids (a lot of weirdos out there!), but them letting themselves in is the real issue here I think! What if the kids hurt themselves in your home?
They get burned, eat medication, trip and fall, cut themselves damage something expensive… I’d be thinking of locking the door from now on, it sucks that you have to do that after having so much trust but after this maybe that’s for the best. Also, your notebook!
Have your friend who gifted it to you go shopping with you for a new one, explain that it meant a lot because it came from them so you want them to choose the replacement Also. If you have a photo of the notebook before it was damaged or you can still see the front, have a look at r/helpmefind for a replacement!
They work magic on there ✨️ and if you can still find an image online but discontinued you can save the picture and have a notebook printed with that design online (like you would a t-shirt or a mug etc). Hope I helped!
Sorry that happened it sucks.” SabrinaSpellman1
Another User Comments:
“It’s completely reasonable to ask for compensation for the notebook and ice cream, especially since these items were important to you, and your landlady’s grandchildren accessed your room without permission. You’re a student on a budget, and it’s frustrating when your personal belongings are used or damaged, particularly when you’re already cautious about spending.
You weren’t rude in your approach—this is a matter of respect and setting boundaries to ensure your belongings aren’t taken or tampered with. It’s great that the conversation went well and your landlady was understanding and even offered a meal, showing she valued your needs.
It’s also reassuring that she addressed the privacy concerns with the children and recognized the importance of keeping your things safe. Hopefully, this will create a better understanding moving forward, allowing you to feel more secure in your space and with your belongings.” Dazzlegalxo
17. AITJ For Not Inviting My Best Friend's Homophobic Partner To My Cancer Remission Celebration?
“I, a 19-year-old male, suffered from cancer when I was only 12. I had a lot of people there for me, but the one who was there for me the most was my best friend, a 19-year-old female. She was by my side the whole time.
Whenever I had to go to the hospital for chemotherapy treatment, she was always there messaging me, making sure I was okay.
When I arrived back at school, I had joined a drama club which was after school and lasted about an hour and a half.
There was one guy in this club that I didn’t get along with at all.
I’m gay and have known for a while. After a month of being back at school, I told my closest friends, and they were all supportive. But like everything in high school, word got around to other students, and to be honest, I didn’t mind all too much.
But this guy in the club found out and was extremely homophobic towards me, telling me I should leave the school because no one would want to talk to me anymore and started bringing up hurtful stuff about my cancer I had not long beat such as “it should have taken your life” and “it’s a shame you beat it”.
Fast forwarding to now, we are celebrating six years of me being clear of it. We have a meal every year to celebrate. It usually consists of me, my family, my partner (22-year-old male) who I’ve been with for almost two years, and my closest friends.
My best friend started seeing this guy five months ago, and I found out a few weeks into their relationship it was the same guy who said all that hurtful stuff to me six years ago. I spoke to her about it and agreed to give him another chance as she seemed genuinely happy with him and insisted he had changed. He and I still don’t get along, but I don’t interfere with their relationship as she is the happiest she has been in a while.
She then asked a few days ago if he could come to the meal that I was holding for my six years clear. I was pretty hesitant and told her that as much as I’m happy for her being with someone she likes, he was awful to me in high school, and I can’t forgive him for what he was like.
I also told her that he still doesn’t like me as he made that obvious about a month ago when he said something to another close friend of mine about me and my partner.
She is now calling me childish and started saying I should just forget about it.
She also said if he doesn’t come, she isn’t going to either.
I don’t know what to do and I don’t know whether to forget everything and let him join in the meal or deny her request of him joining and deal with the consequences of her not joining either.
So, AITJ for not forgetting what he had done and denying my friend’s request of him joining.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Something you will learn in life, especially being gay, is that you have to hold a boundary with people who are abusive. Let’s examine what has happened here.
This guy was cruel, bullying, and abusive to you through his homophobia. He may not be as outwardly cruel to you but still holds those views and talks about you behind your back. Knowing all of this, your best friend is still seeing this person.
Your friend is probably simply too young to recognize the nuance, while you were forced to grow up quickly due to circumstances. She cannot see that not holding her partner accountable is tacit approval for how he treats you. So reinforce that while you love her and want her to make decisions that are right for her, you have to do the same for yourself.
This guy was and continues to be horrible to you, and holds hateful views about you so is not welcome at your celebration. Tell her that it hurts that this behavior is not a dealbreaker for her, but you are choosing to prioritize her happiness.
If you really want to drive the point home ask her this: “If you and this guy get married and have kids, and one of those kids comes out as gay, do you really think your child would be safe or even allowed to be in your house?” victrin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your dinner party is for surviving cancer and the bully wished you’d died from it. That alone would be enough reason not to invite him in my opinion. However, it sounds like the partner might be isolating your friend, because of the way she phrased it: “if he can’t come, I won’t either”, is that coming from her, or won’t he allow her to come if he’s not present?
Might be something to consider! Anyway, congratulations on your remission, and go celebrate with the people who love and support you! No time for people who don’t appreciate you for the amazing person you are.” JuggernautWilling851
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One thing I’ve learned is that while people can change, the ones who are especially cruel rarely do.
The fact that this guy was so hateful and cruel to you at a time he knew was especially difficult for you and decided it’s okay to talk trash about you and your partner instead of being anything but apologetic tells me he’s probably the same person he was.
I’d say I feel bad for your friend too as she may not recognize him as being a cruel person, but given that she called you childish for not wanting to be around him tells me that she’s just turning a blind eye to how he treats others, which is poor, but even worse when that cruelty is directed at her friend.” Ok_Signature3413
16. AITJ For Not Letting My Unemployed Partner Buy A $200 Lego Set?
“My partner and I have been together for almost two years. He moved in with me to stop being long-distance, and then after a year of living with me, we decided to travel back to his home state and live there.
While we were gone he had a Lego collection, that his mom gave away without his consent and he was very sad about it but got over it, I thought.
Today in the mall we went into the Lego store and he saw an over $200 Lego set and he wanted to buy it.
Right now we don’t have our own place we live with his father in a tight cramped room and a small apartment that isn’t really spacious like the old apartment we had. (his father also has the bigger room). He really wanted to buy it, and keep in mind, he has no job, he just got one recently but hasn’t even begun it and we have been living in his state for almost 5 months now.
He depends on me for money, I’m not going to say what my job is, but I make a lot to support us and he basically just helps me with it and I give him a small cut since he didn’t have a job for the longest. I told him no because 1.
Legos take up a lot of space, this is a huge Lego set and we really have no space 2. I felt he shouldn’t really be spending big sums of money with money that is technically ‘ours’ shared until he starts making his own money.
He used the argument against me that I collect Sanrio stuff, and I do, but since moving into this small space with his father I haven’t bought anything in months. In fact, I’m trying to reduce having collectibles, while at times he adds to it.
Another thing to note is he never really got into collecting until he started seeing me. It makes me feel like he wants to make all these huge purchases only because he knows I have money and he can get away with it.
He is now mad at me and not speaking to me because I said I don’t see the point in spending $200 on legos & because I told him no multiple times.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you don’t have the space or the money, that’s that. If you feel like being the bigger person here, maybe you could find some small sets you two can build together? I really like the botanical sets, the Cactus and Succulent set was really fun and takes up like a single hardcover book’s worth of space, so maybe you could get one for the two of you as a gesture that you love him and want him to have fun, even if you can’t have the Harry Potter train or whatever it is.” kharmatika
Another User Comments:
“Technically I’m going to go with NTJ because of space being an issue and he should be prioritizing the relationship/finding an apartment. The only thing that almost makes me want to change my mind is you said “I give him a cut of the money” which states that it’s his money.
Then later say, “with money that is technically ours.” Was he wanting to use his money that you paid him for helping or was he wanting to use money outside of that? If it’s the first one I get that it’s frustrating to have someone spend money differently than how you think it should be spent but it would be HIS to spend.
If he wanted to spend irresponsibly and you’re not ok with it maybe take a look at if this is something that you want to deal with for the long term. It’s either his money or not his money. If it wasn’t money he’s saved up and he wanted you to buy it for him from your income then it’s more understandable the “our money” thing.
I’m still voting NTJ because buying big objects when you have no space is a completely valid reason to tell a partner no.” crunchycremesoda
Another User Comments:
“Look. I have a very serious Lego addiction. I literally have 2 sets currently building, I just spent $90 on a C-3PO set today and would have bought R2-D2 as well if they’d had it in stock.
But here’s the difference. I have a job, a house, and a reasonable amount of disposable income. In my younger years, I’ve been broke, I’ve been forced to move back in with my parents, I’ve been in situations where I have gone digging through couch cushions to scrape together enough change to buy a 5-pound bag of potatoes to have something to eat for a few days.
I sure as heck wasn’t buying any Legos then.” Phaedrus317
15. AITJ For Not Hugging My Sister After She Facetimed Our Estranged Mother?
“I am 17 (F) and I have a bad relationship with my mom and she legally cannot come near me, our house, or my school. She also isn’t allowed to contact me. She can still call my younger sister, she is 6 and about to turn 7.
My sister knows how I feel about our mom, and knows that I don’t want to see her or speak to her until I’m ready. So when she was on FaceTime with her and brought her out so I could say hi to our mom I got upset.
After the call she asked me for a hug because she knew I was upset, I told her “no thank you.” She then started crying and her dad, my stepdad, got mad at me for not giving her a hug because “she is my little sister” and “she is only 6.”
Am I the jerk for wanting my personal space after she clearly upset me? She knows better because she and I have talked about it many times.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your mom asked your little sister to bring the phone to you, then that is a violation as she initiated the contact.
Even if it’s simple things like “Oh I wish I could say hi to OP.” That would be manipulating your sister into helping her break the order. She would fall back on “The 6-year-old did it, not me.” But it is still a violation and should be reported. Your sister should know better as well.
The person who makes the other upset doesn’t get to be upset because you denied her a hug. I realize she is 6 and they don’t understand a lot of things, but it will blow over with them. Maybe have yet another conversation with her.” Sledge313
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, because you are 17 and have been through some horrible things that no one should ever have to go through. And your 6-year-old sister is NTJ even more. At 6, she doesn’t have the maturity or intelligence that you do. She is much more easily persuaded because she wants everyone to love her and be happy.
I know you must remember feeling that way too at that age. In that moment she was just as much your mother’s victim as you were. She knew she made a mistake and regretted it. She probably felt scared and sad that she hurt you.
Forgive her and give her a hug. She deserves it. The one who doesn’t deserve your compassion is your mother, who created all of your pain and this particular situation. And remember, she is your sister’s mother too, and that has caused your sister pain in the past and will cause her more pain in the future.
Good luck.” Pretty_In_Pink_81
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk – soft jerk for you. Your response to a 7yo wasn’t ok. She’s 7, mom’s manipulating her, as hard as you find it to cope with, for her, it’s a lot worse. She’s supposed to obey and trust grown-ups (parents especially) in a way you as an older teen aren’t.
You can’t hold her to adult standards. She was manipulated and used to hurt you. She saw you hurt and tried to comfort you by giving you a hug (she was trying to be good). You took out your issues with your mom on her by rejecting her.
You don’t have to talk to your mom and if an adult had put you in that position then you’d be in the clear.
The answer is that your dad needs to step up, if mom is manipulating the little one, then she needs protecting and an adult needs to be next to her on those phone calls so that if mom says something inappropriate or tries to get her to do something she shouldn’t an adult can intervene.
Putting a 7yo in a position where they have to disobey isn’t fair to them. Mom is the biggest jerk obviously. Dad is a jerk for not protecting you and your sister and putting her in that position. 7yo is not a jerk, she’s doing her best, made a mistake after being put in a bad situation, and tried to make up for it with the hug.
This isn’t her fault or your fault. You just need to remember she’s 7. You can’t ask her to choose between you and mom, it’s not fair to her or something I’d expect a young child to be able to do.” Competitive-Proof410
14. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Walk Me Down The Aisle Instead Of My Stepmother?
“I’m a dude and getting married in a few months.
My fiancee asked her parents to both walk her down the aisle and as we discussed our wedding, I realized I wanted my sister to walk me, in place of our mom, who died when I was 7. She eagerly agreed and that was that.
But it upset my dad and stepmother, who figured I should have asked my stepmother instead of my sister if I wanted to be walked and wanted to honor a mother figure.
I said I didn’t want to honor a mother figure, I wanted my sister who was the closest person I had to my mom, since she loves and misses mom too and understands the pain of not having her here, plus our relationship has always been tight.
My stepmother wasn’t happy and her feelings are hurt. My dad said it’s dumb to add that to the wedding if I’m not going to pick a parent. I have been called a jerk by both of them for not changing my mind when I know her feelings are hurt.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Don’t you realize that you must include everyone else’s feelings on what you should do in your wedding? On that note, I’m hurt you didn’t ask me to sing. And this nonsense that you don’t know me is no excuse. Nor is the fact I can’t sing.
If your stepmother wasn’t such a …. Insert desired word here… I’d suggest considering another way to honor her role in your life at the wedding. But since the most fitting tribute would be to mock her publicly I’ll just say NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your stepmother is just a woman who married your father. She isn’t and will never be your mother. You have a mother, she died but she is your mother. And having another woman pretending to be your mother walk you down the aisle would not honor her.
But having your sister with you would be beautiful. Tell your dad he chose her as his wife, you didn’t. And if they continue upsetting you and making your wedding about them then they won’t even get to watch you and your sister walk down the aisle.” Big__Bang
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m also going to imagine that the death of your mom brought you and your sister even closer. One last time explain to your dad this is not a slight against either of them this is a tip of the hat to your sister.
If they continue to be upset about it they can skip the wedding you’re not going to have negativity at your wedding and no drama because they are getting their nose bent out of joint. Congrats may you have a long and wonderful marriage.” ManofLegacy
13. AITJ For Expecting My Friend To Cover My Travel Costs For Dog Sitting?
“1 month ago a friend mentioned he was going out of town to attend a wedding this coming fall for Thanksgiving. He asked if I would dog sit for him and I obliged under the condition of him covering my flight and Uber from the airport (Salt Lake City to Austin, TX).
I booked flights and let him know it would be $300 for me to watch his dog for 5 days. Today, he told me he is not willing to cover 100% of the flights and that I should cover 70% of it ($210) and he would cover 30%.
He was in the ER last weekend and incurred a $600 bill and that is why he is no longer willing to pay for the total amount of the flight.
I told him I am not willing to pay $200 and give up a vacation to watch his dog and that he needs to pay the total cost of the flight or find someone else.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You set out your conditions before saying yes, he agreed to them.
He’s now trying to renege on the deal you made which makes him the jerk. Were he paying a professional dog-sitter he wouldn’t dare try to get them to lower their price at the last minute because he would know that a professional dog-sitter would just walk away from the job.
The only reason he’s trying to mess you around after the fact is you’re his friend. Think about that for a moment — he thinks he can take advantage of you precisely because of your personal connection. This isn’t how a friend should treat you.” ducked-fup
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… I live in Austin and one of my friends runs a dog boarding business. It wouldn’t be any more expensive for your friend to board their dog. In fact, tell them that PetSuites on Great Oaks Drive (it’s in Round Rock) is a good boarding place as I’ve boarded my dogs there before and they loved it.
Or they can book through Rover which is where my friend runs her business. But seriously, there are some good pet-sitting options here in Austin that are better than flying someone 4 hours.” allgood177
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why would you spend your money to do him a favor?
It is not like you live in his neighborhood, city, or state. You HAVE to take a flight to get there. He wants you to do him the favor. Not the other way around. Tell him you are no longer available. And if he tells you it’s too late to find someone else tell him that’s not YOUR problem.
Enjoy your vacation.” stinstin555
12. AITJ For Asking My Roommates To Pay More Rent After They Had A Baby?
“I’ve lived with my roommates for 4 years now splitting the bills by the number of people in the household. In April of 2023, they welcomed their daughter into this world whom I was in the room to watch be delivered. Since then, our electric has steadily increased and the baby has gotten her own room.
Therefore in my mind, they’re occupying more of the house #1, and #2 using more electricity for the baby whether it be heating tons of water, or putting on Ms Rachel for hours as examples.
Recently (within the last 3 days) I felt comfortable enough to talk to them about it and told them it would be fair if they paid 3/4 of the rent and utilities as they are 3 people now and I’m only 1.
They reacted by saying I’m being selfish, I’m in denial, and that I’m dead to them and the most two-faced person they’ve ever met. To top it all off they told me I must not love their daughter and that the way I view it just isn’t the way they see it.
My partner also spends the night frequently but is only at the house when I’m there meaning when I get home I tell him to come over and when I leave he leaves to not disrupt the household as he doesn’t live there.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And their reaction to this topic is strange and over the top. Maybe they had a bad day? Do you know about their financial situation? Are they struggling? Maybe try to talk to them again about this topic – it sounds fair.
Unless it was a situation before, where the roommates shared a room and you had your own room (before baby was born), while everyone paid the same. Generally, it should be something like rent be split by the size of the private room (so people living in a bigger bedroom pay more) and all common areas divided by the number of persons in the rental. Utilities should be split per person.
If they still are this harsh if you try to talk to them again, okay, so be it. Then tell them, if you are dead to them, you are looking into terminating the lease and are looking for another space to live.” Trevena_Ice
Another User Comments:
“Everyone Sucks Here. If they occupy more space and use more utilities…then yes they should pay more. However, you’ve been dishonest on here about why they are so upset. Your new partner is there EVERY SINGLE DAY…. So he’s also taking up space and using utilities as well.
I don’t care how many times he showers or flushes vs the baby. He’s physically always present…either split the bill 5 ways or only have him over 1 or 2 times a week to visit. Saying he only sleeps there 2 nights but the other 5 days he’s there all day and leaves to go home before midnight so it “doesn’t count”….that’s ridiculous.” Help24-7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ from what you’ve written, although their reaction sounds so unbelievably over the top I honestly suspect there’s more to this. The one thing that does send you slightly into jerk territory would be if you gave them no notice of your plans to reduce your contribution.
It sounds like you decided to stop paying 1/3 with only a couple of days’ notice. The 3/4 of the rent is probably a little overdone. I assume you share a kitchen, laundry, and bathroom area. 60-40 might have been a fairer split of rent based on total space usage (especially if they share a bedroom), but you have 33% already, so you’re getting a good deal. I can see why a 25-75 split of bills could be fair as there is a lot of laundry involved with kids that age.
BUT… this sounds really weird to me. Surely you discussed this in the 6 (at least) months before the child arrived? You should have foreseen that their family space required in the house would increase and the household bills would go up. The time to discuss changed contributions to rent and utilities was before the child arrived, not a year afterward.” pyrrhaHA
11. AITJ For Calling Out My Stepsister For Asking If I'd Care If She Died Tomorrow?
“Three weeks ago my stepsister (15f) first asked me (16m) if I’d care if she passed away tomorrow. The question was asked out of nowhere.
She just came into my room at 10 pm to ask me on a Friday night. I told her that wasn’t a question I would answer. Three days later she asked me the question again and said I had a weird reaction to the question. I ignored her but she asked again, this time in front of my mom.
My mom backed up my stepsister and told me she was allowed to ask since I’m so distant with her and refuse to stop calling her my stepsister when she calls me her brother.
I got really frustrated with them and I called them out.
I told my stepsister she was asking a question that would lead to a really bad reaction if I answered one way and she’d likely call nonsense with the good answer. I told her she might not like that I call her my stepsister when she calls me her brother but it doesn’t mean she can force questions that could have negative consequences on me.
I told Mom she was just looking for me to say something that could get me into trouble for this because she doesn’t like that I still use step. My mom told me I should be willing to accept consequences, like punishment consequences, if I’m going to remain distant from more than half of my family (stepdad and stepsister).
I told her she wasn’t being fair because I was civil and polite and I didn’t cause any issues for anyone. She yelled at me that I should have been willing to open my heart to growing our family after Dad passed away and instead, I made life sad for all three of them because I’m not along for the ride.
She said being polite isn’t good enough when people’s emotions and hearts are in the mix.
My stepsister started crying which made Mom send me to my room. She took my phone for 5 days as a punishment and my stepsister told me after the punishment was handed down that it served me right for not being the brother she wanted.
Additional info you might need: My dad passed away when I was 7, mom remarried when I was 10. I had grief therapy and we all did family therapy together. I’m close to both sets of grandparents and one paternal uncle. My stepsister’s mom abandoned her when she was a baby and she has no contact with her mom’s side of the family and only a little contact with her dad’s side.
Her dad isn’t close to his family and he has tried to change it but doesn’t work. She wanted me to be her brother from the start and called me her brother before my mom even married her dad. I never say sister or dad for her and her dad.
I don’t hate her. I was always more indifferent but lately starting to dislike her for being so pushy and whiny about it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Can’t force a relationship through punishment. Can I ask a deep question? Could your mom’s force and punishment be the reason why you can’t feel close to your stepdad and step-sister?
It’s been 6 years of them in your life. What is stopping that relationship from progressing? You do not have to answer this. I’m just getting philosophical.” Majestic_feline00
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your stepsister is a big jerk…she totally manipulated this situation resulting in you losing phone privileges.
Your mother on the other hand has issues, and is wrong to push this family narrative. Sorry OP, I’m certain your mama loves you, however, she’s blinded by her desire for a family. Going forward, your best action would be to not engage with your stepsister.
Keep emotions in check. Soon you’ll be 18, and you can build your life-creating distance. Good luck OP.” lifevisions
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have you asked your mom how she would feel if it was the other way around and she would be replaced by a stepmother?
Would she say that she would be happy you are loving a woman who did not give birth to you as much as your mother and call her Mom? Feelings cannot be forced and the only thing she and your stepsister accomplish is your growing resentment towards their pushing.
Could you live with your grandparents? If I was in your shoes I would start planning my exit. In 2 years you will be an adult and choose with whom you want to live. Meanwhile, work towards independence from your mom.” Difficult-Egg-9954
10. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Estranged Grandmother's Funeral?
“I (f26) am refusing to go to my grandmother’s (my father’s mother) funeral. My grandmother has never been close to me, my father, or any of my siblings.
She was very difficult to have a conversation with as she’d always start arguments out of thin air.
About 6 months ago, my mother invited my grandmother and her husband (my step-grandfather) over to her house. I was not present during this time, but according to my mother, all she did was complain, which seems accurate.
At one point, like it always does, politics were brought up. My grandmother can’t have a conversation without inserting her political views. My dad and her got into a heated discussion and she said “Aren’t you worried that your daughter is going to a bad place?” (She disapproves that I have friends in the LGBTQ community.) My dad got up in her face and my step-grandfather’s face, as he was agreeing and spewing the same stuff she was to him, and told them both to get out.
My mother told me all about this and I swore them off.
Now, when it comes to the funeral, I do not want to go. She never apologized for what she said, she’s never done anything “grandmotherly” towards me (never showed up to events and if she did it was some type of political argument), she’s never been there when I needed someone, even refused to babysit me and my siblings when my mom literally was dying of cancer.
However, my mother still wants me to go to see everyone and not hold a grudge. The funerals are for the living and she thinks I’ll be just as bad if I let hate cloud my decision to say goodbye. She thinks I’m selfish if I don’t go to support my cousins, as I am close to them, and they were very close to my grandmother and are grieving.
So, WIBTJ if I stand my ground and don’t go?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So I was in a similar boat. My grandfather (maternal side) passed and we just weren’t close. He had a complicated relationship with my mother (his wife my mother’s stepmother caused a good amount of it although he could have stood up to her to have a relationship with his children) and so while my mother was devastated when he passed (he was still her father and a single father for many years to her to boot since she lost her mom young) I didn’t really feel anything except maybe pity for him being too much of a coward to ever have a solid relationship with his children.
One of the last interactions I had with him before he was on his death bed his wife went off on my mom and he just sat there and never said a word. Now I did go to the funeral for my mother, not for me.
In my case, my feelings for my grandfather were neutral at best so I can’t say if you going is something that would hit you harder. In the end, your choice is the right one either way. Funerals are for the living but if she was cruel to you in life you should not have to honor her in death.” Specialist-Owl2660
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are an adult and you can choose for yourself. However, you are right – funerals are for the living. So before deciding for yourself, just keep in mind, that you can lose some relationships as well because other people might see the situation very differently.
My recent experience – I went no contact with my grandma because she tried to harm me, my grandad, and herself. I called an ambulance. She said I brought “shame” on her for doing that (“everyone saw that you are trying to make me look insane”).
I went no contact afterwards. I still meet with my grandad at the park, shopping centre when his health was better. Unfortunately, his health declined pretty fast. He died recently. My parents informed me that he died. I asked them if they think it would be a good idea for me to come, since my grandma clearly stated she does not want to see me and I bring shame to the family.
After all, it’s her husband’s funeral. I just did not want to cause any more drama. My parents really took it the bad way – they told me to do as I please and now they are not telling me when or where the funeral is held.
They live near the 2nd largest city in the country, so I could try and search for the location but it’s doubtful I would find it in time. Also, I could try and call some relatives, but that just would be “going behind their backs” and would cause even more problems…
So, yeah… Whatever you do – just be ready to be called a jerk even though you are clearly not.” kryskawithoutH
9. AITJ For Kicking Out My Late Friend From Game Night?
“I (23F) am ALWAYS early or on time to everyone’s events. I’m autistic and have OCD so being somewhere on time is always necessary so my routine is still intact.
All my friends know this. (My friend group is all neurodivergent.)
Last Saturday, I hosted a game night for me and my friends. All of them showed up on time apart from Sally. Sally (23F) has ADHD and, conveniently, ‘time blindness.’. Sally showed up half an hour late and was upset that we’d started DnD without her.
Now, here is where I might be the jerk. She got upset when she saw us all playing without her, and complained that we were all racist ableists (she’s Asian. We have 2 other Asian people in our group and we’re all disabled). So, I told her to get out of my house and start setting alarms for her ‘time blindness’.
All the friends who were at my house agreed with me, but our other friends called me a jerk who should, and I quote, ‘be more accepting’ despite the fact that I have clear boundaries. She has done this multiple times.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Thing is: if she has time blindness, and she shows up a bit late when you’re just hanging out, no harm no foul. But if you’re planning an activity together – watching a movie, playing DnD, doing an escape room, whatever kind of activity where you can’t just jump in halfway through – the onus is on her to be on time.
If she can’t do that by herself, she’ll have to either find ways to deal with this (like your other friend setting an alarm), or accept that she might not be able to join in when she’s late.” DutchDaddy85
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Point out to everyone that if we’re talking about people needing to be more understanding of disability, then Sally should understand that your autism/OCD means that start times at your house are set in stone. She’s welcome to join the group late, but she cannot expect you all to twiddle your thumbs and do nothing until she gets there.
Also, no, Sally doesn’t get to throw around the accusation of racism when the situation has nothing to do with race and several of the people she’s accusing are the exact same race as her. It’s incredibly offensive that she did that, and she owes all of you an apology for that.
(The false racism accusation further indicates that her accusation of ableism was likely also not made in good faith but was merely an expression of entitlement. It sounds like Sally has just got very used to having things her own way if she accuses people of racism/ableism.)” Normal-Height-8577
Another User Comments:
“So there’s a few issues here, but overall NTJ. First, you didn’t kick her out for being late, you kicked her out for calling you racist and being rude/causing a fight over her own lateness. Second, I do think if you want specific accommodations based on your health, then you should be sympathetic to the challenges others have, and if this person otherwise is a good friend/fun to hang out with (before this incident), then you should consider when you can be flexible- having people over to hang, they can come over late- versus when you can’t/don’t want to be- like dinner reservations or starting a game on time.
And if you and your friend are incompatible because of your challenges, well that’s okay. You need to be on time and have things start precisely, and she cannot perceive time in that way. By the way, I would likely be classified as neurotypical and am very timely, hate lateness, and I am a little suspicious of “time blindness”, recognizing I haven’t looked into it at all so I’m just being honest with you, and so I don’t blame you for limiting time or even not being friends with someone who is so late and how it impacts you.” mfruitfly
8. AITJ For Disagreeing With My Roommate's Shower Schedule And Asking Her To Do Makeup Elsewhere?
“I (F) share a bathroom with my college roommate (F). This is our second year living together, and we have become friends.
Today I was planning to shower before going out when my roommate went into the bathroom to get ready. She typically spends about an hour in there doing hair and makeup.
I asked if she could do her makeup in her room instead since I needed to shower. She refused, saying she had “already claimed the space” and her stuff was set up. After a brief argument where I pointed out she could do makeup anywhere while I can only shower in the bathroom, I gave up and said I wouldn’t shower, but said we should discuss it for the future.
She said if we were going to talk about that, we needed to talk about the times of day that I shower.
She said that I’m “home all day” and should shower earlier before she’s likely to get home (I do take one less class, study at home, and work mornings, while she works evenings or studies at the library).
She says she often comes home when I happen to be showering when I could’ve done it hours before, and then she has to wait 30 minutes on me. Then she said she thinks I intentionally time my bathroom use to inconvenience her.
The reality is:
- she doesn’t have a consistent schedule, so I don’t actually know when she’s coming home.
- I shower late because I like to finish my work, walk my dog one last time before bed, and shower after.
- something I want to point out when she showers before me, I regularly wait over an hour without complaint (45 minutes in shower + 20+ minutes for skincare/teeth)
She claims I time my bathroom use deliberately, citing ONE time when I texted asking when she’d be home (it was late and I was genuinely curious since we’re friends), she replied that she was on the way, which I had read as I was getting in the shower.
In no way did I intend for that to happen, it just did, and I wasn’t going to jump out because she was almost home. She’s also upset that maybe 6 times in two years, I’ve knocked to quickly use the toilet during her hour-long bathroom sessions.
This morning proved my point when I had sudden and VERY urgent diarrhea during her post-shower skincare routine. Instead of letting me in, she took an extra 5 minutes and accused me of “holding it” until she’s in the bathroom.
She’s completely unwilling to budge and insists I need to change the time of day when I shower so that she’s not having to wait.
When I mentioned that my less than 30-minute showers are much shorter to wait on than her hour-long routines she snapped and said “we’re not putting time limits on the shower.”
How should I handle this? AITJ for asking her to do her makeup elsewhere since I can only shower in the bathroom, and then disagreeing with her shower schedule?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your roommate has things set up the way she likes it and is refusing to acknowledge that you can only shower in the shower. She could put on her make-up in any other room in the house because mirrors are movable.
Stand by your guns, she’s being ridiculous, especially about timing things to annoy her. You pay your rent and you pay your bills: you have every right to use the facilities when you need to and that includes when she’s doing her pretty pretty princess routine in the mirror.
I would never make a friend hold off on diarrhea because I was putting on makeup. I will even go so far as to say I don’t think she’s very friendly to you. She seems kind of petty actually really petty considering she’s denying use of the toilet.
But you are definitely NTJ.” Remote-Physics6980
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was roommates with one of my sorority sisters during my sophomore year of college, and she tried to impose a time frame where I couldn’t use our shared bathroom (7 am until 12 pm and 6 pm until 1 am).
Yep. During those time frames, I was “not allowed ” to go into the bathroom for anything. Shower, fixing makeup, using the toilet, nope. Go somewhere else because she has a set routine and needs to shower right after the gym, but the time she uses the gym was never consistent.
Your roommate is selfish and inconsiderate.” SassyCatLady442
Another User Comments:
“For this type of situation, it’s best to just have a general shower time period for each person. Say like, Your shower times are between this and this time. Hers are between this and this.
But make it known between two parties that extensions can be made if like- someone has a special outing, gets dirty, etc. It just has to be well communicated. Also: Maybe you guys could look for a cute makeup vanity? Don’t start the conversation with, “you should get a vanity because you spend too long in the shower”.
Instead, You should start the conversation with “A makeup vanity would allow you to display your makeup and give you dedicated space to apply it.” Secondary note – Communication matters. The way it is done also matters. I recommend making sure both parties are using tones that are less matter fact and more inspo/etc.” PoppetsMystery
7. AITJ For Expecting My Roommate To Clean In Exchange For Financial Support?
“I (F30) have a problematic relationship with my friend and roommate Lex (F40) and I’m seriously unsure if I’m in the right here or not.
I’m not great at housekeeping and it is not my priority to have a neat and tidy home, never was.
I make decent money in a field that I love (and fought hard to get there) and I’d rather spend that money on someone doing the cleaning for me so I can focus on other stuff. I was considering hiring a cleaner on a regular basis.
But my friend who was actually a cleaner was looking to relocate so she moved in with me and we made an arrangement that I’ll cover all household bills including food etc. and she’ll take care of common areas (also she’s not good at arranging stuff like utilities, services, contractors, etc. so that’s also my job).
It was a very small apartment, no kids, so not overly much work to do, so she would still pay half of the rent if she could. She more often than not couldn’t (for complex reasons that are not important here she has trouble keeping a steady job so her income is low and very unsteady), so about half of the time I paid the rent myself and paid her expenses too (the expenses were not part of the agreement).
Fast forward a year. While hesitant at first, she got used to me backing her up financially – a bit too much I’d say, but my bad for not setting boundaries. I got a little fed up with how irresponsibly she was spending my money and decided to stick to the agreement more strictly – so no more giving her “spending money”.
She seemed to understand but at times she had a job, she started to complain the chores were too much for her alone. I didn’t want to feel like a slave driver so we renegotiated that if it’s ever too much and she needs me to do something, all she has to do is say it or leave a message and I’ll do it.
This was working on and off, as sometimes Lex became very unhappy about having to tell me to do stuff.
Fast forward another year. Bigger apartment. Two more roommates (guys) who are not a part of the agreement. The rent per capita went down, Lex has much less trouble paying it and also mostly buys her own food now so we renegotiated again and I compensate her financially for whatever chores she does (the form and the amount of compensation is fully at her own discretion and I never dispute it).
She still has financial problems and seems mostly unhappy with her life but I feel like I’m doing what I can here. Mostly, she agrees our arrangement is fine, but every now and then she lashes out about how I’m lazy and horrible for not stepping up more with the chores (she does not berate the guys so much because “they are guys, you can’t expect more from them”).
A mutual friend told me the agreement stinks and Lex probably felt forced by circumstances to take it and that’s why she’s unhappy. That really hit me. And now I seriously don’t know anymore. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Stop making arrangements to live with someone who cannot afford to pay the slightest amount of her own bills without complaining about it.
You did the right thing – you tried to make it easier for her with an arrangement of mutual benefit. It hasn’t worked out. The telling point is that she’s making excuses for the two roommates not doing their chores while complaining about yours?!? You are the one who has an agreement with her, and yet you are the one that she’s complaining about???
When this lease ends, make arrangements to live elsewhere by yourself and hire someone to come in and clean at a frequency that works for you.” KrofftSurvivor
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She has had a free ride for a long time. She sounds like a wife and not a friend/roommate.
You pay your bills and help her out. If she doesn’t like it or her life she can move and change it. You are not responsible for her happiness. You should not be held to a higher standard than your roommates. If the apartment is overwhelming, time to sit everyone down and make a new plan.
You have been overly generous with your friend and actually enabling her not to do better because she doesn’t have to because she knows you will bail her out. Time to get tough, you are not helping her by giving her money.” SliceEquivalent825
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Never mix friendship with money and business matters. Of course the other party will after time test the boundaries with how much they can get away with. When you switched apartments it was your chance to end the agreement that clearly wasn’t working as planned but instead, you prolonged it.
You could have discussed with the guys or all roommates Lex included hiring a professional cleaner for the common areas. If the guys are not included in the agreement does it mean if they slack with their chores your friend has to clean up their mess too because she is in an agreement with you?
Doesn’t sound fair if the guys are left out of the equation.” Rhaenys77
6. AITJ For Charging My Roommate More For The Master Bedroom?
“I’m the only leaseholder on my 2-bed apartment. For about 4 months my friend and his brother were renting out the master bedroom from me and sharing it. I was dividing the rent 40-30-30 and everyone was happy.
Last month his brother left and it was just the two of us. I discussed with my friend that since he had the master bedroom, his rent would be $200 more than mine. Or we could switch rooms and I’d pay the higher rent. This was my arrangement with previous roommates too.
He complained that it was unfair and that it should be a simple 50-50. He also complained a lot about switching saying he had a lot more stuff, that it was going to be so much hassle to move, that he has to go in to work while I WFH so he spends less time in the apartment than I do.
He also said we were friends and that I was being a bit cold and greedy. It got pretty heated and I dropped the issue.
Once his brother had left and rent was due, he asked me how much he had to pay. I said $1100 (the amount including the master room premium).
He paid it without fuss. Yesterday he asked me to remind him again about the rent, I said 1100, and he paid me without issue. AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You were upfront about the rent split with your friend, even though you offered him the option to switch rooms if he preferred. When he objected to the rent arrangement, you both dropped the discussion, but it sounds like he accepted the higher rent by paying it without issue.
Since he’s paying without fuss and you gave him options, it doesn’t seem like you’re being sneaky or unfair.” norablisss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and this is just conjecture, but I think he reacted emotionally to your offer but came around to it but doesn’t want you to have the satisfaction.
He didn’t question it, you laid it out beforehand, so I would just let it go. I would also maybe do a quick square-foot cost of the whole apartment and figure out what it should be based on how much space he has for his exclusive use.
That’s truly the fair way to deal with this. Maybe it will work out to more than $200/month and you can show that he’s getting a break.” Zentraed1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are the leaseholder. In this situation that makes you the landlord (sort of) and him your tenant.
You can charge him any amount you want. You can charge him 100% if you want. You can charge him 10x if you want. If he is willing to pay it he’s willing to pay it. The amount of actual rent on the whole place really doesn’t have anything to do with it.
The amount that the property owner is charging YOU really has no bearing on what YOU charge YOUR tenant. If he were actually to get on the lease as one of the lessees, of course that would all change. But that’s not the case now.” LawyerDad1981
5. AITJ For Sending A Sick Friend A Care Package And Upsetting Her Partner?
“One of my (36M) really good friends posted on social media that she (40F) caught a really bad cold and has been holed up in her apartment for days. I felt bad, so I went to the store and bought some items to ship to her as a care package: Orange juice, cough drops, lemon ginger tea bags, and a DVD set of one of her favorite shows.
She DMed me to say thank you and that my care package really cheered her up.
That good feeling soured when her partner called me up to accuse me of trying to upstage him. I told him that I was trying to be nice, but he started throwing all these wild accusations around and accused me of trying to get into her pants.
I apologized for making him feel that way and told him that my intentions were purely out of friendship.
I’ve known my female friend for YEARS and have never tried anything on her. Also, I’m married. Getting into my friend’s pants was the ABSOLUTE last thing on my mind!
AITJ for stepping on her partner’s toes?”
Another User Comments:
“Low-effort partners are often very aggressive towards other people who show their partners decency and kindness, they hate when others raise the bar for human behavior because they don’t want to do the work. He is feeling ashamed because you cared more than he did.
Instead of doing the healthy thing and considering why he felt that way and deciding to be a better partner, it’s far easier to accuse you and shame you. NTJ keep being awesome.” Rohini_rambles
Another User Comments:
“If he got upstaged by a get-well package… what was he doing?
A person in front of me could easily upstage the get-well package you sent by doing things. Fixing the tea, getting an ice-cold glass of water for me, picking up my cough drop trash, etc. A partner who is present and helpful cannot be upstaged by someone who isn’t there.
You sent orange juice – you didn’t clean her dishes, fix her dinner, or change out the sweat-soaked sheets on her bed so she could sleep in clean sheets. If that man was upstaged, he had plenty of chances to do better. NTJ. When I am sick, my partner FIXING tea (and confirming the sugar needs for the different kinds of tea) is always ten times more appreciated than someone just buying the tea.
I don’t want to stand there and fix things while I am sick.” CaeruleumBleu
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve had plenty of friends’ relationships end because I was a better partner than their partners. I, a woman, showed up at work with a single rose and a like $3 Teddy Bear, and a normal Reese’s for my coworker on Valentine’s Day because we were scheduled together.
Her partner, whom I’d never met, accused me of showing him up and trying to break them up (he did absolutely nothing for her for Valentine’s Day it turns out). They did in fact break up after work. Sorry he couldn’t do the bare minimum and I’m a nicer person than he was?
You were being a kind friend. That’s it. Her partner’s insecurities over offering the bare minimum to his partner aren’t on you.” Leviosahhh
4. AITJ For Wanting To Tell My Friend Her Runic Tattoo Is Gibberish?
“I have a master’s degree in Viking and medieval Norse studies. In those 2 years, we also studied runes and runic lettering extensively.
Ok, so my friend just got a tattoo of some runic letters and I just saw her picture on Instagram. However, the runes she chose are just random letters and one of them isn’t even a rune, rather some magic symbol.
Not to mention the runes that do translate to letters are from separate alphabets, making it very confusing trying to decode what it’s supposed to say. By the caption on the post, it seemed like it was supposed to be someone’s name. I’m assuming it’s initials though as the words don’t make sense.
I am meeting up with her tomorrow anyway so WIBTJ if I asked what it’s supposed to say and gently pointed out that it is gibberish?”
Another User Comments:
“Yes, tattoos are pretty personal and if you point it out this is what would happen: 1.
You’re putting her on the spot for something she just got done and still pretty excited about. 2. Your response will put a forever worm in her brain about the “Gibberish”. 3. That thought will be on the back of her mind about getting it altered or even getting rid of it altogether, both of which will cost her more money.
4. When the next person asks her about it she will no longer be excited about her tattoo but will have to laugh it off as “Oh this is something gibberish.” Unless she asks about the meaning to you, based on your knowledge, your best response would be “Hey, nice new tattoo” – And on to next topic.” HailLuciferDaddy
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ. Your area of study is super niche and I’m willing to bet that 99% of the people who will ever see her tattoo will never know. Also, it’s not like she can do much about it. This is different than people getting Asian (Chinese or Japanese) characters that don’t mean what the person intended or are possibly gibberish.
That is a living language with millions of people who could help do it correctly and who would notice if it made no sense. Unless your friend time travels or goes to a different multiverse where runes are a common language, she’s good, don’t say a word.” Temporary_Physics638
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is like letting your friend know there’s food on their mouth or a stain on their shirt x10. Only real friends let you know kindly when you’re accidentally being a doofus instead of letting you walk around oblivious.
Also, most tattoos can be covered and redrawn by a good artist and furthermore who she should be mad at is the tattoo parlor she went to. I have six large tattoos (no lettering or characters) and my artist researched the heck out of what I wanted to make sure there weren’t concerns like this.
I would only say something privately to her and tactfully.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Telling My Partner She Has No Room To Criticize My Weight?
“My partner (25F) and I (26F) have been together for 4 years now and, in those 4 years, I’ve put on a ton of weight and, within the past year, her weight has taken off as well. She thought mine was maybe a thyroid or PCOS issue, but it wasn’t, we checked with my doctor.
She thought hers was a thyroid or PCOS, it wasn’t.
Her weight is frustrating to her and, she takes those frustrations out on me. A few days ago, I was snacking on some chips & dip and she saw, and told me to stop snacking and told me it’s all the empty calories that made me “so fat”.
I told her to relax. She said that “anyone with eyes can see you’ve eaten yourself obese”. I told her that, she needs to remember that she’s gotten pretty heavy over the past year as well, so, she has no room to criticize my weight.
She told me to step on the scale and “face reality.”
I did step on the scale and, I am obese for my height (5’4), but, that’s beside the point. She later told me that it was “absurd” for me to say I was above criticism.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: Does your obesity bother you and have you been expressing openly about wanting to change that? Ultimately it is your body and you are an adult so I assume you understand the health issues that come along with being obese, especially as you age.
But unless this is something you’ve been complaining to your partner about then NTJ. However, if you’ve also been frustrated by your weight but do nothing to address it in terms of your diet or lifestyle, ESH. Either way, you both need to have an open discussion about what is right for you as individuals and whether that jives with a functioning relationship as partners.
The communication style you have currently is not working nor is it conducive to a healthy relationship.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and what the heck? Does she usually talk to you and treat you this way? I understand she may be projecting her weight difficulties onto you, but that is no excuse for her to treat you that way.
And so what if you’re overweight? Overweight people are allowed to exist without constantly being ridiculed and told to lose weight and all these other things. Overweight people are also allowed to exist without having to always be trying to lose weight. So if you’re comfortable and fine with your body, you’re under no obligation to lose weight, including to your partner.” shezza314
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She is projecting her insecurities into you. Not everyone is upset about getting fatter, and if that’s not a problem for you she has no right to tell you anything about it. It would be different if you were talking about how you dislike your body now and how you’d like to lose weight because then she would have the excuse of “trying to help you”.
And even then, it doesn’t mean you can never treat yourself. Each of you should take your own eating and lifestyle choices and they are all okay, but criticizing someone for it is just wrong.” Darth_Hufflepuff
2. AITJ For Refusing To Name Our Son After My Husband's Family Tradition?
“It’s been a moot point for a while but my son recently asked about his name/how it was picked and after telling him the kid-friendly version of the story I’ve wondered if all those years ago I was the jerk to my then-husband.
When we met (let’s call him Tim) we had more conversations than I could shake a stick at that I did not want children for a variety of reasons and if we stayed together I was open to adoption but would actively prevent having a kid.
I had plans to get my tubes tied once I could find a doctor who would.
We eventually married and I became pregnant (despite being on the pill and using protection) with our oldest, and it was around the time we figured out the gender I saw a side I never had before.
Suddenly Tim was going on and on how he was the last of his name and blood. How everything was going to then fall on our son and he’d be carrying the weight of the whole family etc. He first wanted him to be a Jr which I declined because while I liked his name didn’t feel it was for our son, Tim then wanted his middle name to be used either as a first/middle name because he, his dad, his grandpa and a handful of other men in the family passed that name down either as a first/middle.
Tim kept pushing and ignoring any suggestions I had, even when I brought up they were important people from my family line (I never wanted the names but I wanted to know where he stood about names on my family side. He made it clear none of them were important even saying as much because it wasn’t how blood/names were passed down according to his family).
It caused a ton of fights. It eventually came around he wouldn’t be there for the birth of our son (long story and not something I’ve ever held against him/blamed him for because I know the why and it wasn’t anything we could control).
I flat out told him to help me decide a name we could both live with or I would pick and you won’t have input because you won’t be there.
He begrudgingly agreed to a random name but over the years had no issues throwing it in my face and starting random fights over it because how can our son carry the weight of the family if he doesn’t have the family name (mind you our son had Tim’s last name).
I don’t think I would have minded using the name as a middle name if the conversation had been simple “hey it’d be cool if he had the same name as me/dad/Grandpa and XYZ”. Instead, I got a rabid “He is required to have this name and bear the full weight of our ancestors and family.
I’ll ensure he understands if he doesn’t produce kids he’ll be killing the family.””
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tim didn’t treat this like a joint decision; he treated you badly in the process of discussing it, in order to force the conversation in his favor.
His concept of ‘carrying the weight of the family’ is also pretty flimsy as far as I’m concerned. Like what type of self-important nonsense is that? Side note – how did you get pregnant with those two methods in place? You feeling pretty solid there was no interference?” owls_and_cardinals
Another User Comments:
“Is Tim a king of something somewhere? Seriously, he needs to shut down this nonsense. It is ridiculous. Next time he pulls this, start referring to him as Tim (Middle Name, Last Name) 3rd of his name, Lord of (the street you live on), mower of lawns, practitioner of (whatever he does for a living) and master of (pet name).
Then refer to your son as simply “The Dauphine”. I have to tell you that his whole attitude would make me incredibly suspicious that he tampered with your birth control. The kind of person who would go on and on about being the last of his line and years later is still mad the kid isn’t named after him, as if it was his right ordained by God to have a JR, is exactly the kind of guy who would be selfish enough to tamper with your birth control methods.” Corpuscular_Ocelot
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. This whole thing sounds fake. You told a guy, who now seems obsessed with his “bloodline”, that you never want children and would actively prevent them and he still got involved with you? You get pregnant even though you are on the pill and using protection, but don’t look into Plan B pills?
Do you actually believe he didn’t care about kids before? You ever wonder if he messed with your birth control? And you mention this kid is your oldest, as in you have more kids? Why didn’t you get your tubes tied after the first accident?
None of this adds up. If this is real, everyone sounds like an idiot.” Ashes_falldown
1. AITJ For Naming Our Son After My Mom Despite My Wife's Disapproval?
“My wife and I (both in our 30s) just had our baby boy via surrogacy last week. The surrogate was allowed two people in the delivery room – she chose her friend and one of us, she didn’t care which one.
My wife and I talked and decided that one of us would get to be there for the birth, and the other one would get to pick the middle name. We chose the first name together – Phillip.
I chose to give our son the middle name Alex, after my mom Alexandra.
When I told my wife, she got angry and said she doesn’t want her baby named after my mom. They tolerate each other but aren’t friends or anything like that.
I told her if she wants to choose the middle name, I should get to be there for the birth, but she can’t have both and leave me nothing.
She again chose to be there for the birth. After our son was born, the nurse brought me the paperwork and I wrote his name – Phillip Alex.
My wife is now mad at me because I didn’t pick a different name. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. There are literally millions of names you could have chosen. While yes the agreement is whoever isn’t in the delivery room gets to decide the middle name, both parents should like the name! Is it possible you chose that name because you were upset your wife was going to be in the delivery room and not you?
Or is there a meaningful reason behind wanting to name him after your mom even though there is bad blood between her and your mom? It’s a jerk move to use a name your wife dislikes, no matter the reason. Both parents need to agree and like the name.” Wickedlove7
Another User Comments:
“Yes, YTJ. That was wrong and you know it. Anything to get what you want? Personal note: I am of the age where they didn’t apply for your social security number when you were born. I did not see my birth certificate until I was about 14 or 15.
I thought I had a middle name until then. It turns out I didn’t. My paternal grandfather was with my dad when the birth certificate was being filled out. He advised/harassed my father that I would not need a middle name. My last name would be my middle name when I got married. Said grandfather had already passed when I found out.
I wonder what your kiddo will think when he hears this story.” hushdrinkcoffee
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Why would you do this, knowing how your wife feels about it? Do you hate your wife or something? Are you so entrenched with your mother that you couldn’t find any other name in the whole world to pick?
How would you feel in this situation? What if your wife named him after her ex-partner that you never liked, or your HS bully, or some other man that you just didn’t like? And to add insult to injury, your mom is going to lord this over your wife forever.
Way to ensure that the animosity between the two will never mend but will only get worse. Way to prove, once again, that your mother is number one over your wife. Way to show that your mother’s approval is more important to you than your wife’s.” CADreamn
