People Can't Move On From These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Asking My Partner If Her Mom Seasoned The Burgers?
“My partner (F20) and I (M19) went over to her mom’s apartment to eat burgers for her little brother’s birthday.
Her mom had a bowl with ground beef and would grab a chunk, roll it into a ball, and smash it with a spatula on a frying pan. I noticed that there wasn’t really any seasoning in the meat but didn’t say anything and sat down to eat my burger.
Which didn’t really taste like anything, but again, didn’t say anything. I even ate the rest of my partner’s burger because she said she was full.
It wasn’t until she and I went to the living room and were alone that I whispered, “Hey, do you think your mom put salt on the meat?” She shrugged, didn’t really say much, and stayed on TikTok while I massaged the back of her head.
For the rest of our time there, she didn’t acknowledge me or say anything to me, which confused and upset me a bit. Before we left she even asked me what was wrong so I told her I would tell her as we walked to the car.
So as we were walking to our car I told her that I was a bit sad because she practically ignored me the whole night and she said, “Oh I’m sorry” and that was it.
As we were driving to the movie theater I tried to make conversation with her but she was being kind of dry so I tried to ignore it and just drove.
Once we were there she asked me, “Do you know why I was ignoring you?” And I said, no? She told me to guess so I started guessing, “Because you’re stressed?” “No” “Because you’re sad?” “That’s not why” “Is it because I asked if your mom seasoned the meat?” And she nodded. So I began to tell her that I didn’t mean anything by it and was just wondering if my tongue was tripping or if she agreed with me.
She proceeded to tell me that my saying made her feel like I was looking down on her family because it was dysfunctional and that they weren’t the most fortunate growing up. She also said that when she goes over to my house she doesn’t complain about the food or critiques it and that she just sits and eats, and that this isn’t the first time I have said something.
(The first time her mom made mango juice, but I only said something because her sister pointed out that the water literally didn’t taste like anything and I just said that I had thought so too).
I proceeded to tell her that I wasn’t criticizing the food, saying that it was bad, or calling her mom a bad cook.
I even ate the rest of hers which was at least half the burger. I also said that had I asked her mom directly then I know that that would have been messed up but I asked her (my partner) because I felt like she would understand me more, or at least know that I wasn’t trying to be mean.
I apologized a couple more times and essentially went through the movie and the rest of our night in a good mood given that we had resolved the issue.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just because the beef was in a bowl doesn’t mean it hadn’t been seasoned prior.
OP was just asking a question. If he wanted to season, all he had to do was ask. But based on the partner’s reaction, I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone got upset he didn’t think the food was manna from heaven. Then the silent treatment and the Q&A?
I don’t see a good future here.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your partner is though. Who blows up a question like this into a diatribe about you looking down on their family? Should you have asked? Probably not. Now you have further confirmation that her mother is a crappy cook.
Decline to eat there going forward or offer to make the burgers for her. Your partner is really immature for someone who is 20.” facinationstreet
Another User Comments:
“If you saw her making the burgers and knew she did not add seasoning, why would you ask?
You already had the answer, didn’t you? If you wanted salt you could have just reached for the salt shaker. And her childish response was even sillier than the unnecessary question. ESH. But this little communication snafu will fix itself if you guys say what you need to say and stop implying veiled criticism in your words and behaviors.” AndSoItGoes24
19. AITJ For Refusing To Name My Son After A Long-Standing Family Tradition?
“I (28f) have been married to my husband for 18 months and we are expecting our first child in November. Back when I first met my husband we had discussed children and even naming children.
We both wanted kids and both felt that kids deserve their own names and not honor names or long-standing family names. My husband has one. It’s somewhat of a tradition and he told me it was complicated at the best of times but also meant what felt like a very old man’s name was often continued on and on in the family with no time to let it rest. We discussed it all more in-depth when we got engaged. We had agreed that we would stand together and not give a son if we had one, the family name that would be expected.
We are now in the very position we had discussed and my husband has changed his mind. The name in question is Arthur. The name has become far more popular in the last couple of years and I worry that its rise in popularity and the familial pressure have made my husband give in and decide that we should stick to the tradition.
I’m very upset about this fact and my husband and I have been disagreeing for close to three months now on the topic of the name. I still stand by my belief that children should have their own name and I still don’t even like the name.
He has gone back on our promise and that stings.
We were at his sister’s house on Saturday for her daughter’s third birthday party. While we were there certain family members, mostly his mom, brother, and grandfather were telling us we should announce baby Arthur’s name and I told them Arthur was not going to be my son’s name.
My husband said we still needed to talk more about that and he would find a way to talk me around. His mom chimed in with a remark about trusting them to name babies over my own parents who sought to give me a trendy and boyish name, Riley.
I told her she was being rude and she had no right to insult my parents. My husband told his mom that was stepping over the line. She said she was calling it like she saw it. She also claimed my parents had an even bigger issue with middle names which according to her shows that my parents only ever considered themselves and not me or my siblings.
My husband told her to stop.
But he brought it up again and I told him I would not be pressured into a name we had both agreed multiple times we would not name our son. Then his family got involved again and told me I shouldn’t want to deny my son the chance to hold the family name.
They also told me it wasn’t fair for me to unilaterally decide his name. I told them to mind their own effing business (and I did say effing because kids were around) and this was between my husband and me. They were shocked at how I spoke to them and told me I should have apologized and left. They still want their darn apology.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Also, your husband doesn’t get to automatically give your kid just his surname. Keep that in mind too. It’s sexist to only assume it’s the man’s surname for kids. Your husband is being a jerk frankly for going back on the agreement you both made to stand firm to now insist it must be this name.
You have a husband problem and in law problem I do think counseling for both of you because this is symbolic of future parenting decisions as well as divvying jo the household chores as well as the mental and emotional workload women mostly do, especially once kids come along.
Has your husband said why he insists on passing on his own hated name to your kid? Arthur as a middle name would work as a compromise. But agree, give your kid their own name. And yes your in-laws need to back off.” sikonat
Another User Comments:
“I LOVE the name Riley and we almost chose it for our oldest (a girl)—I loved the gender-neutralness of it. We had a very hard rule of—no family members names living or dead—because we didn’t want our kids to have to “live up” to someone’s idea of who they should be.
If the name means so much to your in-laws offer it up as a middle name but hold the line otherwise.” ghostlikecharm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – girl, that’s how it starts. First is the name, then it’s the feeding and sleeping schedule, and so on.
Before you know it, you’ll be a bystander in your own family. MIL needs to stop and mind her business. The only thing she should be doing is offering her support if and when you need it. That is all.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Not Paying My Mother Back For A Move She Insisted On?
“5 years ago I left an abusive relationship quickly. Without getting into the details, I lost my home, my life savings, and my company overnight. It left me broke, in debt, and completely starting over at 27 years old.
I have still not financially recovered and am still paying off debt and getting my credit score back up, but with the rising cost of living and the fact I live in a very HCOL area in Canada, I’m stressed about money.
When I left, my mother helped me.
She ordered a moving company to come in and get my stuff out as soon as possible, which ended up costing about 800 dollars. I originally wanted to just do it myself with a Uhaul truck, but she insisted on the moving company. She told me AFTER the move that I needed to pay her back for that, plus a few other items totaling about 1100 bucks.
I haven’t heard much since that about the debt.
Over the past 5 years I’ve paid off the majority of my other debts, gotten my career back on track, purchased a modest home, and am generally doing better. We are getting married next year, the wedding will cost about 2000 dollars all in, and I would consider myself a very frugal person who does not overspend or buy much for myself.
My mother on the other hand was very wealthy, sold her business, and retired as a single mother at 40 years old. She has always owned her own homes outright, has had nice cars, taken nice vacations and she definitely gave me a great upbringing which I am very thankful for.
Due to all this, some unfortunate stock market mishaps, and the fact she hasn’t had an income in 30 years, she is running out of money and is stressed. And by running out of money I mean still owns her home/car outright, but is “only” making about 5 grand a month off of her investments now.
She has recently started talking about going to Mexico as she says she needs a vacation, but she can’t afford it apparently. She is now saying I need to pay her back 1100 for the move 5 years ago. I don’t have that money. Any money I’ve got goes to expenses and paying down my debt as I can’t wait to be debt free again.
Yes, I do spend some money on fun things, but they aren’t extravagant, and want to at least enjoy my life a little bit! For some context, because I feel like this is where I could get the jerk tag, I don’t travel much, when I do it’s in the back of our old worn-out truck camper.
I never buy new clothes. I have an older vehicle. I have been saving for a very meaningful tattoo that I have always wanted to get before my wedding. I took an extra job and have been saving for about a year now for this, but it will cost about the same amount that I owe her.
I had to ask her for some old photos that I needed for the tattoo, and now she is guilt-tripping me because she’s saying if I get the tattoo instead of paying her back she won’t be able to go on her vacation. WIBTJ if I didn’t give her my tattoo money?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not about the money; it’s about respect and keeping your obligations. You know she’s going to turn around and give you a large wedding gift…but not if she feels you’re just going to waste it on permanent skin stickers instead of paying your bills.” DetentionSpan
Another User Comments:
“Although I accept the YTJ votes, my main issue is that she never told me that this was going to be a repayable expense at the time. I would not have agreed to that as I had other means of moving my stuff.
She was the one who strong-armed me into the moving company without telling me she was going to do that or expecting me to repay her. I would have said no if that was explained to me. And there won’t be a wedding gift she already told me that.
This is totally fine, but someone did bring that up” Stressed-Canadian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- She volunteered to pay for the movers then obligated you to pay her back after the fact. That is manipulation. She retired at 40. And is crying about $1100 buck now? She should’ve kept working or invested more wisely.
Does she need the money to go on vacation? She’s been retired….for 30 years! Gtfo. You are NOT the jerk.” Spirited-Control-390
17. AITJ For Not Wanting My Financially Irresponsible Mother To Live With Us Anymore?
“I’m 32F – two sibs, 33 & 35. 10 years ago, Mom (single mother 64F) chose to stop working. She hated her profession, so she quit. She had never saved for retirement. For the next 6 years, she made ends meet. In 2019, she chose to sell her house.
She asked if she could live with me for a while. I thought her choice was because of her health and needing help, but I recently learned that the real reason was that she didn’t want to live alone and was out of money. She had had a heart attack and surgery a few months before, so I didn’t want her living on her own; I agreed. I didn’t do my due diligence of having a conversation with her about why and if this was wise.
At first, she was active and going out, but then circumstances made it impossible, as she was high-risk. We were living in a small apt and didn’t get out much. I’m introverted, and being around someone so much was draining; I was always in a bad mood.
After 2 years, I decided to move to Michigan with my SO. Mom didn’t want to live in the cold, so she called my sister, Kelly, and told her she’d be moving in. She moved in June 2021. Immediately she and Kelly were butting heads, and Kelly has been pretty miserable in this situation.
Mom still never leaves the house, despite recovering from the heart attack.
Mom was anticipating moving in with my other sister (Kendall) in June, but in March, Kendall called Kelly and me to say she would not allow it. She needed to focus on her mental health and thought Mom moving in would be detrimental. Kelly and I chose to join Kendall, and not let Mom keep living with us.
Mom is living with Kelly until we figure out a long-term plan.
This entire situation has caused many issues between us all – we started family therapy in May to work through it, hoping that: if Mom can take responsibility for herself and address her issues, maybe we could accept living with her or she’ll realize she needs to be independent and not burden her daughters.
At our last family session, my sibs & I expressed how her choices are negatively impacting our lives and relationships and how frustrated we are, and we need to come up with a realistic solution. She said she understood and even paraphrased it back to us.
Later that week, Mom told Kelly that she didn’t understand why we were doing this to her because she would never say these kinds of things to us and would have let us live with her forever if we wanted. We all feel guilty.
*She* decided to have children and cared for us the best she could, but I don’t think that means we have to care for her when she is perfectly capable of working and living independently.
Are we the jerks for saying we don’t want her living with any of us anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sorry your mother is entitled and lacks any kind of forethought. She shouldn’t have quit her job without any savings. That’s just plain dumb.
And she can’t rely on her kids to take care of her, particularly when she’s capable of taking care of herself – she’s just choosing not to.” Rredhead926
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Are you sure she is perfectly capable though? You may want to suggest she gets evaluated for dementia setting in if she’s forgetting something that easily.
It’s a tough situation, because realistically she’s going to have an incredibly tough time finding any kind of work after a 10-year gap that will pay a living wage. Ageism is a real thing and it can be difficult to prove. And housing that can provide the kind of care she may end up needing is also going to be prohibitively expensive.
She’s only 1 year from medicare age, has she already started getting benefits?” vance_mason
16. AITJ For Refusing To Forgive My Abusive Father-In-Law Despite His Attempts To Make Amends?
“My husband and I (48F) have been married for 20 years and have 2 children (15NB and 8F). I’ve always had an unusually close relationship with my in-laws. My father-in-law, in my mind, is the definition of a difficult person. I’ve lived through many of his abusive outbursts seemingly reserved for me and no one else.
For example, I once brought chicken wings into his car when I was pregnant (FIL keeps kosher) and this caused him to explode at me in front of my at the time 6-year-old child, yelling “I hope you don’t treat my son like rubbish like you do to me.” Another example is the time my family waited in a long line for a ride at Disneyland.
He bought my daughter an ice cream cone and food wasn’t allowed on the ride. I turned to my FIL and said “Can you throw it away so we can just get on!” His response was to glare at me angrily and yell “Get the heck away from me!” in front of my kids and a line of people.
Fast forward to 2020 during a difficult time, my immediate family and I rashly decided to move into my inlaw’s suburban house for many months. I tried to be a good house guest by paying for groceries, bought them a much better juicer after breaking their old one, and worked in a way I don’t in my own home, getting on my hands and knees to get crumbs off the kitchen floor and vacuuming frequently.
This wasn’t good enough for him and he was constantly chastising me for being messy, saying things like “Now I know what my son has to live with every day.”
Once on a drive with him, he clenched his teeth and turned to me oddly enraged, growling that I treated his wife “like a slave.” He accused me of waking her at 11:30 a.m. to watch my children when in reality it was my husband who had knocked on her door by accident.
I said to him sternly (but not yelling), “If you want to start a fight, that’s a great way to do it.” His response was to slam the car brakes in the middle of the road and glare at me angrily and I ran back to the house.
Years later, my grudge is firmly intact. My kids can see him where he lives but he’s not welcome in my house. It has alienated me from all of my husband’s family and there’s this narrative around them that I’m a difficult hot-headed woman who won’t forgive.
My MIL constantly urges me to forgive/visit him, talking about how guilty he feels that he’s been separated from our side of the family, feels abandoned and like no one cares about him, etc.
He does have a gentle generous side, which makes the aggressive conduct hurtful.
(Some examples: once he drove a U-haul of his skillful handmade furniture for my kids from the South to the east coast, and he supported my oldest child when they came out as nonbinary years ago and rushed them to cut their hair short when I protested like a backward idiot).
He does want to make amends now which I appreciate but I’m not going to just forget and move on. I feel bad as I can see I’m being obstinate but just can’t bring myself to forget.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. These things take time and effort.
From both sides. You’re not obligated to have a relationship with him but just in case you want to you can Take your time with it, maybe talk to your husband and even a mental health professional who could help you with it.” RumSoakedChap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wouldn’t forgive him either. Not to mention that he sends his apologies via his wife. So genuine. Do stupid things and win stupid prizes so this is what his inability to regulate his behaviour and misogyny got him. Also, where’s your husband in all of this?
I can’t imagine that one of my parents is abusive to my partner and I wouldn’t flame them alive” Absurd_statement
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have drawn a very nuanced and complete picture of your FIL, and I can assure you from my own experience with people like him that he will never change.
He is a very angry man who is capable of thoughtful acts but also has no filter when he gets irritated and just hurls his rage at you. You are right to keep him at a distance, and any relative who tells you he will make amends now is lying to get you to be the human sacrifice to stop his grumbling at them, inconvenience at picnics and parties, etc. They don’t care what happened or how you feel about it.
They just want him happy.” RealbadtheBandit
15. AITJ For Refusing To Help With My Estranged Father's Funeral Costs?
“I, (29 M), have 2 sisters, one older, and a younger step-sister. The oldest, we’ll call her Jane, (31 F), has been my best friend in life. Since she was a year behind in school, and I was a year ahead, we were in the same class.
She is the person closest to me. When I was 10, my mother had unfortunately passed away due to a heavy drinker driver. When she passed, my dad never supported me and Jane through that tough time, getting intoxicated whenever he could, and only rumbling on about bills and financial issues.
A few years later, my dad remarried, we moved, and that was that.
Fast forward a couple of years, to when Jane was 19 and I was 17 and we were in our senior year, our home life was a little better than what it had been before.
Jane and I still shared a room (which we had for a while and hated since we lived in a tiny apartment before), even though Linda’s (dad’s new wife) daughter, Maya (12 at the time) had a bedroom to herself. Linda persisted that since we had been sharing for so long, it would’ve been fine for a few more years, especially since we’d go to college anyway.
Jane got into a great college, and got a full-ride, while I decided to play it safe and attend cc since I didn’t expect Linda and my dad to offer any help with my tuition. After graduation, (which neither of them attended) we moved out and lost contact with them.
Now maybe about a week ago, after 12 years, our step-sister via text let us know our father had just passed, due to some heart issues. She called us over to Linda’s house to go over funeral details. Jane and I were hesitant to go since we had cut out that part of our life a long time ago.
Eventually, we decided that his passing was our closure to all the trauma. So we went. Eventually, I found Maya, now 24 yrs, breaking down and sobbing on a sofa while her friends (or cousins) hugged her. I heard her say, “He was a perfect dad.” I saw Jane visibly upset at that, and she excused herself back to the car.
It makes me so angry, the way people spoke of my dad, a man they never knew the way I did. Soon, Linda found me and then asked for help in covering funeral fees.
And the rest I’ve blacked out. I told her I and Jane would provide nothing.
Linda started to shout and Maya started to cry, and people were starting to gather around us. Maya was calling me selfish and ungrateful. So I yelled at her. What I said was a blur, but it was harsh. And it definitely included “I’m glad he’s gone, so shut the flip up and stop crying like a baby”.
I stormed out, comforted my sister, and we left. Somehow all these relatives got my number and they’ve been leaving nasty stuff in my voicemail, and even in my Instagram posts. I don’t know what to do, and I feel pretty bad. But my dad wasn’t a good person.
Maybe I should’ve gone easier on Maya since she probably never knew the bad side of my dad, and I should’ve just offered money for his funeral so it would be over with.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maya may not have known all the details of your relationship with your dad, but she must have known you weren’t in touch in adulthood.
She was 12 when she got her own room and you and your sister had to share. She was old enough to know something was up with that. She’s allowed to grieve since she had a very different relationship with your dad, but you’re allowed to process this in your own way too.
What you said to her may not have been ideal, but it was an emotional situation – you deserve some grace there.” Allaboutbird
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, how dare they invite you and your sister just to ask for money for the funeral. They deserve to get called out.
And if you wanna go to the funeral to trash talk your trash dad and not pay for anything, that is 100% your right. You are his blood, you suffered at his hands, they did not. If they wanted a funeral with only people that liked him, they shouldn’t have invited you.” randomcharacheters
Another User Comments:
“Saw someone use JAM on a different post (justified jerk move), so I’m using it here Whether or not she only saw his good side, Maya would have to be pretty dense to not know that your and Jane’s relationship with your dad was strained (if not nonexistent).
She’d have to be even denser to think it wasn’t for a good reason. Shame on them for asking for money from you. Maya needs a reality check, and you gave her one. I’d guess the rest of the family has no idea what life was like with a heavy drinker father.” gingersnap4444
14. AITJ For Only Giving My Son School Supplies For His 5th Birthday?
“Today is my (30F) son Logan’s 5th birthday. Seeing how his first day of kindergarten is in less than a week, I thought it was appropriate that we (me, my husband, and our respective parents) get him the stuff he would be needing for the upcoming school year.
My husband and I got him the basic supplies (pencils, crayons, markers, erasers, paper, glue sticks, a ruler, safety scissors, a notebook, and other items that his school recommends). My parents got him several new outfits including a hand-knitted sweater from my mom. My in-laws got him additional outfits, as well as a backpack, lunchbox, and water bottle.
They also gave him $25 in cash, which he could use to buy anything he wanted (provided that we approve of course). He also received lots of cards from other relatives, family friends, etc.
We had a nice party with a barbecue and of course a cake.
Logan seemed like he was having a good time. However, after everyone left, I noticed that he looked upset. He asked why he didn’t get any toys for his birthday. We sat him down and explained that turning 5 was an important age, as it’s the age when kids start kindergarten, and the presents we got for him were more important than toys as he would need them for school.
We told him that he could use the $25 from Grandma and Grandpa to buy himself a toy.
He asked if he could use the $25 to buy a Nintendo Switch. He has a friend around his age who has a Switch, and they sometimes play with it when Logan goes over to his friend’s house, however, the Switch belongs to the friend’s older brother, who doesn’t always want to share it.
Logan has been wanting a Switch for a while now, but we think he’s a bit young for video games and it would be too much of a distraction from school. We explained to him that a Switch would cost a LOT more than $25 but if he was good, Santa might get him one for Christmas.
Logan didn’t take this well and started crying. We told him that it was okay that he was disappointed, but crying wasn’t going to help. He was upset for the rest of the day. He didn’t throw a fit but he wouldn’t talk to us either, other than saying he didn’t enjoy his birthday.
After we put him to bed, my husband and I talked about whether or not we should have gotten him a Switch for his birthday. Neither I nor my husband grew up playing video games. I honestly think it would be too distracting. My husband thinks that as long as we put certain rules in place (i.e. he can play for 1 hour each day as long as he behaves himself at school and finishes his homework), we should get him one.
However, he agrees we should wait until Christmas.
I’ve asked various friends about it on social media and they think that Logan should have gotten a Switch in addition to the school supplies. Since turning 5 is a milestone birthday, they think a Switch or similar toy would have been appropriate, as he could invite friends from school over to play.
So now I’m torn. AITJ for only getting my son school supplies for his birthday?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ So just because he has a birthday right before the beginning of school, he gets only school supplies? If his birthday was in January, would you just not have bought him the supplies?
Of course not, you would have bought them because they are a basic need. It’s up to you whether or not to purchase a Switch, but you should have bought him something he wants for his birthday.” linguaphile7
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You didn’t need to get him a switch, but providing school supplies is your responsibility as a parent.
Unless they were super fancy supplies, which causes problems themselves, they’re not a gift–they’re an obligation. Way to teach your kid that the older he gets, the worse the world is. He’s a kid. If you’re going to celebrate his birthday at all, he should be getting some kind of luxury (even if it’s a cheap one, just something that he would enjoy but doesn’t strictly need).” km89
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Toys and playing are important for 5-year-olds. School supplies are a necessity. It’s like getting him toilet paper. You have succeeded in making the idea of school the bad guy. You can save this by going back and admitting you got it wrong.
That is an important step many don’t take. Your son will learn mistakes don’t have to be written in stone, and that adults are not infallible. Take your son shopping for toys. Use the money from grandparents and add your own, doesn’t matter if it’s only $5 or $10.
Let him know his purchase limit and teach him how to read the price tags. Let him buy whatever is within his budget. He has his whole life to be an adult. You need to allow him to be a child while he can.” browneyedgirlpie
13. AITJ For Refusing To Give Up My Dream Job After My Wife Insulted It?
“My wife (f29) and I (m31) have 2 beautiful boys, 4 and 1. We recently moved to the Midwest to be closer to her family. There are health issues with her parents and we both felt it was important to be closer to them and her siblings so that they can get to know our kids.
It was a big move, but I was more than happy with the decision.
But that’s when things in our relationship started to change. I work as a freelance illustrator and designer. I’ve been lucky enough to have been doing it full-time for a little over 5 years now.
It’s a dream come true. All I’ve ever wanted since I was a little boy was to make art for a living. But it’s not all that lucrative, which shouldn’t come as a surprise. It pays the bills, and some fun extras like the occasional dinner out, but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t tight.
My wife has always been very encouraging – until we moved. Now that we’ve been spending more time with her friends and family, she comments a lot about my work. Comments that I’m not used to and that are made in public. If her brother talks about something that happened to him at work, she’ll say something like, “So that’s what happens at a real job?” Or if a friend brings up her husband and what he does, she’ll say, “Must be nice that your husband’s an “x”, mine draws cartoons all day.”
I took the comments as teasing at first. Teasing that stung a bit but I get it, my job’s a bit nonconventional. And her friends and family are very conventional. But it’s never been an issue in the entirety of our relationship. I was the wacky artist in the family.
But a couple of weeks ago my wife finally snapped (her words). She sat me down after I put the kids to bed that “enough was enough” and I needed to get a real job. She said it was “embarrassing” that she had to tell people that the father of her children drew pictures for a living.
She thought that I’d see how silly it was when we were around “actual adults” but when I didn’t decide to up and change she took it upon herself to say something. And that something is that I need to get a “real job.” She said that I can doodle in my free time but I need to man up.
It felt like everything in me just went silent and I didn’t know what to say. Sure, it’s not the most lucrative job and some months are tighter than others, but I work hard to make sure that she and the kids are taken care of.
And I get to do it doing what I love. It’s a complete 180 from the woman I married. She’s not my biggest fan, but I thought she was proud of me. At the very least, supportive.
She’s signed me up for classes to get my real estate license.
She said if I didn’t, she’d start working full-time and I’d be a stay-at-home dad. But that would be my job, no more illustrating. This was a few nights ago. I finally snapped and said if I can’t draw I need a divorce.
She’s at her parent’s house with the kids and I’m alone at our house. The kids are confused and scared. My wife is beyond furious.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’d be walking out the door in that situation. Your “embarrassing” job is putting a roof over your heads and food on the table even if you’re not flush.
And why can’t you keep doing it while being a stay-at-home dad? Sounds like her family’s been in her ear and she’s picked a side.” Significant_Pea_2852
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You tell her to get off her behind and get a “real job”. A real job pays the bills and that’s what you’re doing.
This would be a big deal for me, I don’t know if I’d be able to move past this. Any job that pays money is a real job and her condescending opinion would hurt not just me but the marriage and how I feel about her.” Karate-Chop-Bill
Another User Comments:
“NTJ There are ways to discuss with your partner that realistically there isn’t enough money coming in and something has to change. This isn’t one of them. She doesn’t get to unilaterally tell you to quit your job and become a (shudder) real estate agent.
She doesn’t get to belittle your career. She’s supposed to be your partner and that involves being proud of you and your pursuits. I don’t at all blame you for seeing her attitude as a deal breaker. I wouldn’t want to stay in a marriage with someone who looked down on my passions.
Nowhere here do I see a reference to your wife making a financial contribution, by the way. I am a mother too, and went back to work part-time when my child was 12 weeks old. What’s her excuse?” Sweeper1985
12. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Aunts And Grandma To My Wedding?
“Name changes for the purpose of this story.
I’ll try to keep it short but it may be long. I (29 F) and my fiancé (34 M) have been on cloud nine since our proposal in April. Life is busy but we are still planning a small wedding. For a background of my family dynamics, I have an aunt Mindy that I can not stand.
We’ve always had a weird relationship which I’ve just been civil with. But I knew she disliked me since I was younger. My mom’s mother, Rachel is a narcissist. Plays the victim and has favorites among my aunts (her children) and the grandchildren (myself included there are 11 of us).
Our grandchildren knew about her favoritism; me known since I was 7. The grandchildren are ages 31, 29, 28, 26, 20, 20, 19, 18, 16, 9, 8. My other aunt Lisa took my Apple Watch and hasn’t given it back. Aunt Lisa and her family believe they are better than the family. That I don’t care about.
But my watch! I also have an aunt Wilma and aunt Marge. Each of my aunts is married with two children of their own except for my aunt Wilma who has three kids.
About a year ago me and my mom got into a fight that ended us not speaking for 7 months.
Within that time, Mindy expressed her loyalty to my mom and stated that she would support my mom in never speaking to me again. Grandma Rachel ghosted me and hasn’t spoken to me since; hasn’t even wished me a happy birthday. Aunt Lisa, ehh my watch was replaced. But she kept it from me saying that she mailed it but because it’s an Apple product I could see that it was still at her home.
Me and my mom made up. We are still working on our relationship. Here’s where the family is divided. My cousin (26 F) called and asked about the wedding planning. She then asked if I was going to invite the whole family. Me knowing where she was going I made the joke saying that she was invited to the wedding.
She then said that I should invite everyone to not cause more tension in the family. Here’s the thing. I have not spoken to aunts Mindy or Lisa or Grandma Rachel in a year. I haven’t blocked them except on social media (they would show my mom what I post and twist the narrative).
I’ve told my cousin that I honestly do not want them nor their family to come to the wedding because they showed their colors and just reaffirmed what I already thought of them. My cousin says that she understands and will support them but believes that their not being invited can cause tension.
I still have no idea what she means and didn’t explain it further. I asked my sister (20) what she thought of this and told me to not invite them because of the way they treated me. My fiancé says that he supports me but also agrees with my sister.
My dad and his side feel that I should be the bigger person and invite them. My uncle (dad’s brother) says to send a “save the date” but not invite them.
I haven’t told my mom that I wasn’t planning to invite my aunts or grandma.
But it isn’t entirely a secret that I want nothing to do with them. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but tread carefully so as not to be part of the problem. Say you’re having a smaller wedding, and you’re inviting the people you’re closest to.
Don’t send a save-the-date to anyone you don’t plan to invite, that’s just rude. If anyone tries to guilt you on including the whole family, tell them that you’re planning an intimate wedding, not a family reunion, but they can certainly plan a family reunion on another date if they’d like.
Don’t go into the details on why you’re not close to everyone so that people can argue about the details – just tell people that you’re doing a smaller wedding with a shorter guest list, and implacably resist any attempts to argue or get you to explain yourself.
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.” S1159P
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you can invite whoever you want to your wedding. Note that since I avoid drama, I would not attend a wedding if significant relatives were not invited. So you might have some people chose not to come because of it, that is probably the tension your cousin is talking about.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ way too much information because of this: You’re an adult. You invite whoever you want. You tell anyone who argues that they can invite anyone THEY want to THEIR event, this one is yours. If they don’t like it, they are not obligated to attend yours.
Sending Invitations to “keep the peace” never do that. You just wind up with obnoxious people at your event doing obnoxious things. Don’t send a Save The Date card to anyone you know you won’t invite. In fact, don’t send those at all. Things will get dicey if changes occur.
Invitations go out early enough.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Calling Animal Control On My Neighbor's Unleashed Dog To Stop Her Kids From Disturbing My Studies?
“I am a student taking online nursing classes. My school has strict rules when testing and you will fail if you don’t follow them. I asked my neighbor months ago if she could keep her boys away from my windows and doors because they were screaming and more.
She rudely told me no and when I explained why she still did not care. This has been an ongoing issue for months and yesterday I had enough.
I shooed the older boy away after the 5th time screaming outside of my window. They went inside for a while.
They weren’t near my windows, and I didn’t care. He pointed at me and said something to his mother that I didn’t hear. I called the property managers and they sent out a text about respecting everyone’s space. They were back at the windows so I called animal control on their dog that was running around our communal yard off-leash.
Our state has strict leash laws and they got a warning. After the mom left, I got this note from the older boy,” No one loves you Karen, and computer nerd. Forget you mean person”.
I left this note “Hi neighbour! I have asked you to keep your children away from my windows, respectfully.
I do not care if they play outside or run around. I just do not want them coming up to my windows and screaming… You have repeatedly failed to teach your children how to respect other people’s space. I am tired of them doing this.
I saw them looking through my window yesterday… Yes, I called animal control because your dog has been off-leash every time I’ve seen him outside. He runs with the boys, and when they are outside my window screaming, he starts to get excited and barks, which causes my cats to go crazy.
I have tried to speak to you directly about your kids to no avail and decided to save my breath because you can see no wrong with your actions or your kid’s actions. However, keep your offspring away from my windows and doors, please. Also, you should teach them not to leave disgusting notes on my porch because if this continues, I will call the police for harassment…”
They showed up at the door with this letter, “I’m sorry to say bad words like the bad F word. I just want to have fun outside. This won’t happen again. I’m sorry” I told him that I forgave him and that I had no issue with him playing outside, just don’t scream outside my windows.
The mom said that if I have any further issues I should contact the property managers. (Like we are grown adults and we can’t hash this issue out like grown adults.) She said that she’s lived here a while and never had issues before.
I told her the only issue I have is you not teaching your kids to respect other people’s space.
She told me not to threaten her kids again. She asked if I felt good about calling the cops on an 11-year-old and I said, well if you won’t parent him then someone needs to.
Mind you she wasn’t home when he left the note, she went to work and left both kids home alone.
My husband says I went too far by calling animal control.”
Another User Comments:
“So she’s leaving an 11 yo home alone with a sibling who’s even younger?
Yeah. Animal control is the least of her worries. When one of them hurts themselves and people (police, CPS…) find out they’re being left alone, she’ll wish she taught them better behavior. NTJ.” Beck2010
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You pay rent too and deserve peace in your place.
Maybe this will finally get these actions under control.” Mosquitobait56
10. AITJ For Lashing Out At My Sister-In-Law For Criticizing My Single-Mother Lifestyle?
“I (21f) am a single mother to a year-old baby boy. His father is not in the picture and is not looking to be, and I’m not looking for a new partner. I’m a full-time student and work part-time bartending at night to support us so my parents take care of him usually from the early evening until the morning.
They offered this from the moment I decided to keep my son so that I could continue my education and get a high-paying job once I had my degree, and I agreed for that same reason. (Also just because they miss having a baby in the house.
Lol)
While my family is very supportive, my brother’s wife is a stay-at-home mom with some older kids and her family is very traditional. When I told her I’d be raising my son alone, she looked like she was holding herself back from calling me a jezebel or some other biblical synonym for a woman of loose morals.
She’s also always been very judgmental of my arrangement with my parents, but not because she thinks I’m taking advantage of their generosity or anything like that, but because she thinks that being woken up by a screaming baby at 3 am is part of some miserable “motherly experience” that I’m missing out on and that he’s growing up in a dysfunctional and broken home.
In her mind, the solution to all my problems is to settle down with a nice man who won’t mind raising another man’s son, drop out, and become a housewife like her, but I don’t want that, and it frustrates her beyond comprehension for reasons that are beyond me.
She usually doesn’t visit with my brother so I don’t have to see her very often, but the last time he came, she came with me and had the horrible idea of a “girls’ day” for the two of us. We’ve never gotten along, but my brother’s always wished we could, so I agreed.
The day started out pretty well. I left my son with my brother, we got our nails done, did some shopping, and got back home without so much as a disagreement the whole time. But as soon as we did get back home and I had to get ready for class, she started asking me why I couldn’t just “stop going” and stay home with my son.
I asked her how I would do that sarcastically, and she just smiled and told me to find a man and settle down, like her. I saw red and told her, in less polite words, that if she loves being a housewife so much she should go back to the kitchen and make her husband some food and leave me alone.
I got so loud that I was shocked that my son didn’t start crying once I was done and she got so upset that she left my room and slammed the door behind her. She and my brother left by the time I got back from work that night and neither have spoken to me since (not for a lack of trying).
I’m a feminist and I believe in supporting other women no matter their beliefs, so I’ve felt really bad about basically reducing my SIL to a useless housewife, but I don’t regret telling her to leave me alone. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She has no right to say those things to you.
She really should just mind her business, she wanted to be a housewife and that’s what she got. If you want to go to school and get a degree etc. then go do it. There is nothing wrong with being a housewife but she should not put her beliefs on you.” somewherefarawayxx
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she acts the way she does because she’s insecure in her choice to do nothing other than be a mother while she sees you striving to better yourself and your life. So many SAHMs end up regretting their choices once their children are in school and they realize they have no other identity other than “mom”.
I would never choose that life for myself because even if the husband is 100% faithful SAHM are financially dependent on their husbands. (Unless they come from money and can just afford it)” seanthebean24
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. She should keep her opinions to herself and stop trying to get you to align with her worldview.
However, to have a lovely day out with her, and then start literally screaming at her when she says one thing you don’t like is not reasonable. I understand that it was probably a “straw that broke the camel back” situation if she brings this up every time you see her, but the answer would be to say “You know how I feel about this” and change the subject, not start screaming at her.” burner08765
9. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Parents To Stay At Our Apartment Uninvited?
“I (25M) have been seeing X (22F) for just short of 2 years. We decided recently that we should move in together. Her family has paid her rent through college. Her parents, and, specifically her mother, are a bit overbearing. There have been numerous instances of her being very pushy with trying to guide X’s career path.
X has had breakdowns because of their lofty expectations before (get a PhD, win competitive sports), and I’ve had to encourage her to sometimes say no, because it’s not a good idea to let her mom live her life for her. Until recently, this was a little more difficult for her because she was financially dependent on her parents and felt like any deviation from their wants would result in them not helping her anymore.
Now that she has graduated and will be splitting rent with me, they will no longer be financially supporting her. This isn’t a punishment, they just don’t pay for things once their children have graduated. Sure, no problem. I found out today that they’ll be ‘dropping in’ and staying at our new apt for a week to ‘see the place’, and attend an event here.
They did this at her apt sometimes, and while I think it was a little pushy then, it was more understandable because they were completely paying for her apt. Now, they are not financially supporting her in any capacity, and it is also *my* apt.
I wasn’t asked, informed, or anything of the sort. They were not invited. They want to come pick up some of her stuff that they don’t want her to throw away. It **is** a long drive, 20+ hours, but they are very financially well off and I don’t understand why they wouldn’t just get a hotel.
They are also bringing their dog. This is a modest 2bdr apt. It feels extremely inconsiderate to me to just stay for a week with no invitation. I have only met them a couple of times and I am going to be uncomfortable. I feel like her parents do not respect that she is an adult and that there should be boundaries and privacy when it comes to where a person lives… especially now that I live with her too.
I explained to X that I think it is rude of them to invite themselves, and that I am going to feel uncomfortable in my own apt. I don’t want this to become a regular thing. I do not want X’s mom/parents to feel like our apt is theirs.
Am I wrong for feeling like they should not have invited themselves over for no reason? I don’t blame my partner for this at all, I’m just hoping she will draw a line here. I want to add that my partner is great and I don’t blame her for this.
It’s not her fault. I’m trying to be reasonable. I just think she’s used to getting walked on and I’m worried she won’t see why I have a problem with this.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your concerns about your partner’s parents inviting themselves over without prior discussion or invitation are valid.
You and your partner needs establish clear boundaries and communicate with her parents about respecting your privacy and space as adults. And for last, my opinion is that your partner should support these boundaries to prevent any recurring issues in the future.” DestinyCruz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Forget that nonsense. You need to put your foot down. Establish that YOU are to be consulted any time they plan on visiting. It is 100% disrespectful for them to assume they’re welcome in your home. Especially for that long a period of time. Let me be clear, this isn’t only on X to address.
You are an adult and you live there. This is 50/50 on each of you to express that this is unacceptable.” SigSauerPower320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you need to stop “hoping” she’ll do the right thing and sit her down and explain your issues and concerns.
She needs to take care of this ASAP with her parents. A week in a small apartment with them AND their dog is a No. This is your space too and she, and her parents, need to respect it. If she’s not mature enough to tackle her parents then she may not be mature enough yet for a live-in relationship.” SatelliteBeach123
8. AITJ For Asking My Wife To Help With Bills While She's Slowly Studying For Real Estate?
“I (35M) work in an HCOL place and have been married for almost a year to my wife (31F) who comes from an LCOL place. My wife graduated from college with a degree but when she couldn’t make ends meet living with roommates a few years after college, she moved back home.
Her amazing parents lovingly welcomed her back home and she didn’t have to pay rent. This allowed her to be very laissez-faire towards work and financial independence. She’s a sweet and lovely person but has admitted to me she’s a poor self-driver.
I let her know she doesn’t have to worry about living expenses when we get married so she can figure out a career and settle in.
5 months later she decides real estate. Awesome! She decides to take an online course so she can go at her own pace while she works part-time at a job. I’m not keen on it since it takes weekends away from us spending time and maybe her study time.
She tells me she wants to be aggressive with the real estate thing and aims to finish in 3 months. Most people take a class and finish in 3 months.
A month in, she’s done a little less than half of part 1/3 (12/28 chapters). Okay so her pace is no longer 3 months but looking closer to 6-7 months.
I asked her if her not working would help her move a bit faster and she said no. 2 months in, she’s done 21/28 chapters. Okay so her pace is about 9 months now. I’m pretty annoyed since during this time she starts to play Stardew Valley and sinks hours into it along with Netflix & IG.
She tells me to just trust her.
Nearly 3 months in, she tells me she’s almost done with part 1. I think it’s like 24 out of 28. It’s slow and we’ve both agreed that she would quit her part-time job after month 4. It’s 3 weeks into the 4th month and she still hasn’t finished part 1.
Her pace is now about 12 months. She finally admits that work was getting in the way of her working faster. I’m livid because she says she’s going as fast as she can and to just trust her. When I work from home, she starts eating breakfast I made for her at 10:30 and maybe starts studying at 11, and by 4 she’s playing games.
She tells me to treat her like an adult and trust her to set her own schedule. I just ask how her pace is every month and get annoyed with the slower and slower pace. I get told I’m betraying her trust for doing that.
Last night I was at my wit’s end. Adults are financially independent and responsible for themselves, right? It’s not like we have kids and she’s the SAH mom so I have to be the breadwinner. Married couples in this area all split the bills. I told her maybe she should just pay for half of everything.
I’ll leave her alone with real estate and she can go at whatever pace she wants to. I don’t want to foot the bill of living in an HCOL place alone forever. We can move to an LCOL place like Dallas but she said no. I know I can be a bit pushy and harsh with myself and others but on the other hand, I feel like she doesn’t appreciate the freedom I gave her.
AITJ here for telling her to help with the bills now?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I can tell you right now, though, your wife isn’t cut out for real estate if she’s already dragging her feet about finishing the coursework. Successful real estate agents are always hustling.
She doesn’t seem to have that kind of hustle and drive.” SpeakerDelicious6315
Another User Comments:
“You don’t have a wife; you simply took over parenting an adult child. Tell her she has 4 choices: 1) Get a full-time job and pay her share of expenses where you are now and work toward real estate in her free time.
2) Move to an LCOL place and get a part-time job and pay a smaller portion of expenses, again working toward real estate in her free time. 3) She can move back to her parents’ house until she’s ready to actually act like an adult; if she chooses this option and hasn’t learned how to adult within one year, you’ll divorce her.
4) Divorce now. Regardless of which option she chooses (and she does have to pick one, or you need to choose #4), stop enabling her. I get that you love her, but you are enabling her to never have to actually grow up and that is HARMING her.
ESH” ProfPlumDidIt
Another User Comments:
” NTJ. Hedge your words in how you address it, however. Tell her that you’re treating her like your equal, rather than your child, and have full confidence in her that she’s able to complete the course and be a wonderful real estate agent.
You’re simply concerned that she may not be feeling confident in her ability, and using games and Netflix to avoid those feelings. Ask if there’s anything that you can do like finding a coffee shop or other studying location that would make it easier for her to focus.
Stress that if she still wants to be a real estate agent, she needs to complete the classes so the two of you can grow and get on with your life together. It’s absolutely reasonable to expect her to help with bills. It’s been four months, and she’s complaining that you don’t trust her to act like an adult … when she’s **not acting like an adult.**” y6x
7. AITJ For Cutting Off My Sister After She Overstepped Boundaries With My Kids And Car?
“I (25 female) have been uncomfortable in my own home the past few weeks. Why, you might ask? I let my little sister who is home from college stay here. I have two kids who adore her and I’m married. All summer she has been overstepping with my kids.
Examples: Butting in when I am disciplining them or coddling them when they’re in trouble..offering parenting advice to me keep in mind she has no kids!!!! She believes in the gentle parenting route. I’ve tried it, my kids are not gentle so yea. She also mentioned to me about getting my son tested because she thinks he’s on the spectrum.
She also has no car so what did I do? You can borrow my car for the summer to save up to get you another.
She leaves on the weekends since she is off, and it’s understood you can only use my car for work.
My son’s birthday is during the summer. I ordered his gifts and ended up putting the wrong address so I had to pick them up from the post office. It’s the weekend (Saturday) and the day of his birthday when it arrives. My sister is gone and took the key to my car with her.
I understand people forget, but I was still upset she made no effort to bring my key whatsoever. Fast forward to the next weekend. Before she left she gave me my key while letting me know the situation was partially my fault because I put the wrong address on my package.
It’s been other things that have happened, but I don’t want to embarrass her by putting everything out there. But some of the stuff is disgusting it’s like my house is a storage and wax salon for her that she doesn’t clean up. Yesterday which I knew would happen because she can’t let anything go.
She played the victim role trying to manipulate me into feeling bad for being mad about everything, especially the car situation. She was being a smart aleck while talking to me, it’s always the tone. I no longer wanted to talk because it became apparent she thought I was stupid.
Handling me in a messed-up manner and expecting me to be nice is crazy. I calmly told her “We can have this conversation another time” My kids were in the room and I knew I was about to hand her her backside was a no-go in front of them.
She left after letting everyone know she wasn’t staying because I made her uncomfortable. 30 minutes later she called me trying to force the conversation I blew up. She started yelling I started yelling because you got me messed up.
In the end, she told me I was a messed up person, I don’t take accountability, and I never done anything for her so I don’t wanna make her a liar.
Me and my husband will not be helping her get her stuff and herself to school. We will not be letting her use the car anymore might I add it will be sitting pretty in the driveway. She can’t ask me for anything else.
I should have been stopped because it’s always been a one-way street the most I got was encouraging words not even a babysitter for the so-loved kids. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your sister is grown enough to be in college, she should not be mooching off you without contributing somehow and being grateful that you allow her to stay with you.
Maybe it is past time that you “do nothing for her” as she accuses.” Realistic_Head4279
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Lil Sis wants to be the ‘cool’ aunt while letting big sis take care of her. Lil sis crossed the line on taking the car and then doubling down on it when you brought it up.
The only thing I would do differently is be more than happy to load her stuff and make sure she gets to college. The day they open their dorms.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but YTJ for not taking her comment about getting your kid tested seriously.
It usually takes a lot of observations for someone to say that. Is your sister in school for education? I have a feeling she might be picking up on things you aren’t and you’re getting defensive” [deleted]
6. AITJ For Not Saying "I Love You" Back To My Disowning Father?
“I, 15 F, was “Disowned” (as my mother likes to say) by my father and bonus mom two weeks ago.
A week prior to the decision that my parents made, I went to my cousin’s hometown for a break, in which I was supposed to stay for a week. I would like to note here that I have been doing my best with attitude adjustments, in which I’ve had since I was a child.
However, weeks after my depression hit, I fell into a slump of anger, annoyance, frustration, and arrogance. I will admit, this is my fault. I have been told various times that my attitude is too much to handle at times, and I need to “fix” myself.
However, with the depression I have been dealing with on my own, I have found it very hard to keep my feelings and thoughts in check. This causes outbursts of rudeness and annoyance. Throughout the week I was with my aunt and cousin, my cousin had been doing Hw and dogsitting four sick dogs.
She became aggravated, and I feel as if that energy traveled to me, since, unfortunately, my depression hit that week. I forgot things that I think are caused by undiagnosed ADHD that I have been too afraid of asking to be diagnosed for. (I have had signs of this since I was 4, and many family members by blood have autism and ADHD).
And then, sometime in the afternoon, my depressed eating habits got the best of me. I wanted to eat everything in sight to just feel something.
During the three days I was there, my cousin was focused on homework and working out without me, so in order not to bother her while working, I stayed in the room I was given to stay out of the way.
I had sprained my ankle a week prior. My cousin made a comment about how much I was eating, and I angrily put the food I was about to warm up into the fridge again and went back into my room. I was picked up on the third night.
They took me home and told me that they were done dealing with my attitude because I always make progress, and revert back. I will admit, I’m not the greatest at keeping myself accountable, but I’ve always tried to do better. But trying isn’t good enough.
My father told me that instead of being a pleasure, I became a “burden and a regret” and that they aren’t really my family by blood, so they don’t need to deal with me. And he didn’t want to either. The day he told me I was going to leave, he called and let me know the plan.
He said sorry, but that they needed it, and that they were just done with me.
But then he said, “I love you, you know that. But, I’m sorry, we just don’t have time for you right now.” I messed up. I regret not saying it back because I’ve always made it a point to say “I love you” just in case something happens.
But I was bitter, angry. Because they could see I was struggling, but my bonus mom said I don’t need therapy because I didn’t endure what everyone else did in their life. But I want to know, AITJ for not saying I love you back?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ A parent doesn’t just do this to their own kind unless they’re also messed up in the head. I’m sorry your father and bonus mom are terrible people, but you need to have your mother enroll you in therapy and anger management.
If mom is on the fence get the school counselor involved, so you can make and plead your case with an adult who will know how to bring up and discuss the situation in a way that hopefully your mother will understand.” MotherBike
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father and stepmother are doing the equivalent of refusing to see a doctor for a child who has a broken bone, and then angrily blaming and rejecting the child because they keep reinjuring the bone and not healing right. Depression is an illness.
It doesn’t need you to have been traumatized to hit you, and you cannot be expected to just cure yourself without treatment. Their behavior is hurtful and cruel and not demonstrative of real parental love.” Katja1236
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I wish I could help you more, kid because I see a lot of my young self in this story.
You need therapy. You’re dealing with depression and potentially ADHD, both of which can cause the irritability and anger issues that you describe yourself as having. They’re probably compounding each other. And rather than get you therapy, your father and bonus mom are sending you off to your sick mom because you aren’t improving to their standards.
You’re 15. You CAN’T improve to their standards without therapy. You’ve been doing it alone, but you NEED an adult to step up to the plate. You love your dad and wish you’d said it back, that’s why you feel bad. But I promise that he and bonus mom are the real jerks for denying you help and instead deciding they’re done with you.
You deserve better. You’re only a kid still. I’m rooting for you!” lilhuotsy
5. AITJ For Selling A Reserved Photocard After Being Ignored By The Buyer?
“I am a KPop photocard (PC) collector. My collection is oftentimes a rotating one. I always buy or sell photo cards on Twitter. Sometimes, I trade my PCs from time to time but in person.
So, back to the main story, I met Ana, my friend, back in 2015 when we were in college. Roughly two months ago, she suddenly messaged me on Messenger from New Zealand about her coming back here for vacation. I was so excited because I hadn’t seen her in years.
Right now, I am actively collecting Enhypen photo cards. When I mentioned this to Ana, she immediately got excited because she’s also a fan of the group. She then asked me if I was selling some Enhypen pcs, which I was. I immediately sent her pictures of the PCs I was selling at that time and she saw this specific photocard she liked. She asked if she could reserve it until she arrived here a week from then.
I was selling that photocard for ~$6 USD. Of course, I said yes. She’s an old friend after all so I didn’t ask her to pay for it beforehand.
Fast forward a week after that, she arrived here. She’s active on social media and would post almost every day, including her vacation here.
A day or two after that, I sent her a message, asking if she would be available so we could hang out, I didn’t mention the photocard because it would be rude. No answer. I figured she was too busy traveling. A few days after that, I messaged her again to ask when she was available so I could send her some goodies my mother bought for her, but still no answer.
I felt bad for my mom, I lied to her and said Ana received them and liked them.
The very same day, our other friend, Grace, messaged me about this specific photocard she was looking for, the very same one I reserved for Ana. So before I replied to Grace, I decided to message Ana one more time, but this time, I asked her about the photocard and told her someone else was interested in buying it outright.
My message was left on read, so I knew she read it. Not gonna lie, I was a little upset that time because I genuinely thought we were good friends. I didn’t even mention that darn photocard until Grace messaged me about it. So I immediately got to Grace and told her the item was available and on hand.
We met the next day and Grace was happy. A few days after that, Ana finally responded. But instead of apologizing for not getting back to me for weeks, she was mad, very mad.
Apparently she saw Grace’s tweet about finally getting that photocard.
She knew that was the only one left in my inventory. I explained to her that she didn’t even bother to reply after all of those messages I sent to her. Why I think I’m being the jerk here is because I could have said to Grace that I don’t have that pc anymore.
But Ana didn’t respond to me for weeks while she was here. She left my messages on read so I am 100% positive she was avoiding me. BTW, it was Enhypen Jay’s Dimension Dilemma Odysseus Selca PC. So… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s like coming in an hour after your dinner reservation to find out the table’s been taken by someone else when you ignored all the restaurant’s calls.” LegendOfDylan
Another User Comments:
“I’m going to say NTJ because you tried multiple times to contact her and she left you on read, meaning she saw your messages and didn’t reply, for weeks? Even after mentioning the pc she wanted and had reserved. I understand she was on holiday but I would have made plans to 100% hang out specifically because of the pc and the hanging out is a bonus.” chlorinegalaxy
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I feel like if she’s on a vacation, she is probably trying to fit a lot of things in and see a lot of different people. You didn’t have to lie to your mom about the gifts, could’ve just told her that you’ve not had the chance to meet up with Ana yet.
You shouldn’t have promised something to someone if you didn’t intend on holding it for them. There’s a lot of blame game and acting like the world revolves around you here, imo.” humanbeancasey
4. AITJ For Putting My Friends' Valuables In A Bag That Got Stolen?
“My group of friends (from 17-19 M & F) and I hung out after school on Friday for dinner, a movie, and an hour at the arcade. I’m not a fan of arcades because the sensory overload gives me anxiety but I went along with it anyway because I didn’t want to be a party pooper.
We went to the arcade and because I’m not a fan, I decided to just watch them play but not be an awkward bystander, I was loudly cheering, dancing along, and hyping up my friends while they were playing their games.
My friends wanted to play Dance Dance Revolution & needed someone to hold their phones while they were dancing so things wouldn’t fly around.
Note that when we got to the mall, we left our bags in the car boot & took out our phones so we didn’t walk around the mall with our bags. Since I wasn’t playing, my friends asked me to hold their things and I agreed. Our group took turns dancing, everyone handed their things to me one by one, and I got overwhelmed. We were a group of 9 people.
One thing led to another and I ended up carrying everyone’s things while they dispersed within the arcade and played at random machines in pairs.
One of our friends from the group had his backpack with him because he came on his own & I saw that he was playing a racing game.
While he was playing I went over to him, informed him while he was playing what I was doing, and put everyone’s things into his bag and I went back and joined my friends. After we finished, we all met at the entrance and they asked for their stuff and I told them I put it in our friend’s bag.
They were all like “Oh.. okay where is he?” and our friend came out to the front and said his bag was missing. My heart dropped to my stomach. Everyone started freaking out because their phones and wallets were in his bag without their knowledge but I felt that because everyone gave me their things to hold and it was overwhelming, this was the best option.
How am I supposed to carry 9 phones and wallets (10 including mine) while everyone is dancing and going from machine to machine?
My friend who lost his bag was mad at me for putting all their things in their bag in the first place and I told him if he didn’t agree he should have said something.
He then retaliated by saying he was distracted and in the middle of a race. We saw the CCTV footage that his bag was stolen. Someone saw me carrying all these phones and wallets and put them in my friend’s bag while my friend was playing his game and stole it right under him while he was distracted. Honestly, what’s worse is that my phone was in my back pocket with my wallet, and all of theirs were stolen except for mine, so it looked bad for me.
I apologized to them profusely and said I’m so sorry but none of them seem to be talking to me at the moment. I can’t replace 9 phones and wallets so apologies is all I can do for now.
Am I The Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ If you weren’t able to hold all their things you should have said no. Putting all of the items in your friend’s bag in view of everyone made it a target for theft. This is street smarts 101 and you shouldn’t have done it. A more secure alternative would have been for you to hold the bag so no one could have grabbed it.
Of course, your friend wasn’t paying attention if he was in the middle of playing a game. You made his bag a target. Hopefully, your friends have insurance on their phones. They have learned a valuable lesson that they should be responsible for their own valuables.” kavk27
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You agreed to be responsible for their stuff. You did not have to do that. You’re not wrong about holding 9 peoples’ phones and wallets is too much, but it’s now your responsibility to solve that problem. While it’s not your fault the bag got stolen, your inability to accept any responsibility here makes you a jerk.
Why not make everyone take their stuff after they’re done dancing in the first place?” Beneficial_Cloud6490
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because you took responsibility to hold people’s stuff. If it was too much you should have returned the items to their owners instead of trying to put it on someone else.
You also did not ask if it was okay to put stuff in your friend’s bag and just did it. You did not let people know you had put their important items in someone else’s bag. Your friends and you should have expected it would be inconvenient to carry items like that.
They were jerks to expect one person to hold all their important stuff but you were more wrong.” Bluemonogi
3. AITJ For Not Wanting To Fund My Wife's Impromptu Trip While Saving For Grad School?
“I M(30) am away from home working at an internship that pays very well.
I am months away from grad school applications and relocating for my career is on the horizon. When I came out here, I told my wife (F 30) that my goal was to save as much of it as possible in order to have a nest egg for when grad school expenses begin.
She’s usually impulsive and tends to book trips in the moment and worry about paying it off later. Her last adventure like that ended up in a 15k consolidation loan rather than bankruptcy because we need credit for grad school apartments!
Anyways, fast forward to this internship, it is across the country in DC and I’m a West Coast guy.
A while back she got this idea that instead of flying we should drive and do a cross-country trip, car rental, roadside hotels, tourist destinations, the whole 9. I agreed thinking we would each save up and pool together to do this thing. I have just recently learned that she was not able to save anything and expects me to pay for everything including car rental, gas, food, attractions, and hotels because she refuses to crash in rest areas or campgrounds.
At the same time that she was planning this, a colleague invited me to drive up and see their working facility. I explained that we’re trying to save and she offered to pay half the car rental cost (<$80 each) and offered an extra room in the communal rental she has with other scientists for the summer.
It’s a big house with spare space. I ran this by my wife weeks ago, checked, double-checked, and triple-checked that she was okay with seeing my friend. She said yes of course and that she was a big fan of my friend and always encouraged me to keep in touch.
Even when that was said, I further asked and made sure to ask if there was anything uncomfortable or boundary-breaking with that and she said no.
Fast forward to last night and her telling me that she was expecting me to pay for the entire trip.
Found out she’s not been able to save and that DC to West Coast is too expensive. I told her I’d stayed up late crunching numbers, trying to convince myself to do it and it just doesn’t make sense. It’ll set us way back.
She got very angry, and emotional and just guilt-tripped me about the whole thing. NOW, she chose to bring up my trip this weekend. Telling me that suddenly she felt uncomfortable with me visiting and that it was not fair for me to reject her trip, but still go on this one.
That is why I feel so comfortable canceling her adventure, but am still very adamant about going on mine. Again, I will be saving half a car rental, lodging, and food because I’d eat at home for those days. I’m expecting no more than $200 spent.
So, AITJ for feeling like the insecurities are a manipulation tactic? Should I continue my plan or give into it to avoid a fight, but live with the regret of not seeing a marine biology state-of-the-art facility tour?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your wife’s spending habits are concerning, she makes more than you but is unable to save anything at all.
And expects you, the student, to pay for everything? Weird. Definitely not the jerk but if you go then you’ll probably come back to a very angry wife – you’re gonna have to figure out if it’s worth it to you. Imo you have deeper problems anyway because at her age she should be able to save up money and be responsible if she wants something.” Sea_Garden_6867
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If you can’t afford it, you can’t afford it. Your trip also sounds like a potential networking opportunity and even if it wasn’t you’re saving a lot of money on a rare experience. From your other comment, if the only way to keep money safe is to keep it away from your wife, you have big problems and you need to sort those out before you start earning more.” 97yardlongbean
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife is very financially irresponsible. Although I wouldn’t go on the trip without her. That won’t help anything. She needs some education on personal finances and responsibility, because the way you’re going currently, it’s going to create huge problems in the future.
You two HAVE to get on the same page SOON. Either go on the trip with her or cancel and talk out how you feel about missing this trip because she was too irresponsible to save her money for it like you did.” Penguin_Doctor
2. AITJ For Refusing To Host A Baby Shower For My Pregnant Wife?
“My (34M) wife (29F) is currently pregnant with our second child. She and her family are big celebrators, and they love to have parties and gatherings for every little thing. I’ve always thought this was nice, but a little excessive at times. A birthday or graduation, sure, but I don’t see what the need is to have a party and spend a bunch of money for promotions or minor holidays like Mother’s Day.
I guess compared to her I’m more of a careful guy when it comes to money, and hosting parties has never been my strong suit or something I’ve enjoyed. This hasn’t ever been a problem in our relationship.
However, recently, her sister threw a baby shower for a mutual friend of hers and my wife’s.
My wife, of course, attended, and I guess she liked the idea of the gifts and attention that the friend got. Since then, she has not stopped hinting about baby showers. It was kind of annoying and I noticed, but haven’t said anything. With our firstborn, the idea got floated, but we ultimately didn’t go ahead with it due to work and scheduling.
This time around, my mother-in-law caught wind and has gotten involved. While I was dropping off my son the other day she said she knew how much my wife wanted a baby shower and that we should throw her one as a surprise. I tried to brush this off, but she didn’t get the message and later that day texted me about when I could potentially host the shower at mine.
I ignored this because I was busy with work, but when she called me and told me that she had put together an Amazon wishlist (even though we still have the stuff from our firstborn), I finally decided to shut this down.
I told her that I would not be throwing a baby shower.
She was taken aback by this and asked why. I said I disliked the idea of a bunch of people in my house and spending my money on decorations and stuff. She said it was worth it to celebrate my wife’s pregnancy. I shot back that it was definitely not worth it, it would be so much effort and money for something that is not that special. We already had one kid, and we didn’t make a song and dance out of it.
I told her she was welcome to do whatever she wanted, but I wouldn’t be involved because it’s too much work and there are other things that demand my attention, like my career (I work in a demanding field) and my first kid. She got kinda quiet and said okay.
I hung up and thought the matter was resolved.
I saw her sister in passing and she asked if it was true I didn’t care enough to throw my wife a baby shower. I thought this was a totally unfair misrepresentation of what I had said.
I love my wife, I just think the money could go to better things and she would understand that a party like that is simply not necessary and really inconvenient.
I feel like my fellow husbands and dads get where I’m coming from. Lay it on me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your wife IS worth celebrating. Your unborn child IS worth celebrating. The hard work your wife is putting in to build a human from scratch IS worth celebrating. Your wife doesn’t feel the love and would like a little attention and celebration.
That alone IS worth celebrating.” Wandering_aimlessly9
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for calling Mother’s Day a “minor” holiday. When you have babies and small kids it’s no longer a “minor” holiday. Hope you at least let your wife do what she wants on that day.
I also think if she didn’t get a shower the first time around, it’s not tacky if she has one for this baby. Let her have her shower.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, so, so much! Get over yourself. Look, if your wife is hinting to you, specifically, that she wants a party, she is telling you that she feels unappreciated. If you love her, what’s the problem?
You would be surprised at how much goodwill you can generate by celebrating “minor holidays,” or by inconveniencing yourself by throwing a get-together once in a while. And by the way, my husband celebrates me on Mother’s Day more seriously than my Birthday, because he’s proud that I am the mother of his children.” Push_the_button_Max
1. AITJ For Spending More On My Biological Son Than My Stepsons?
“My husband (40M) and I (34F) share a son who is 5 y/o. With his ex-wife (42F) he also shares three sons, ages 16, 12, and 9.
My husband makes good money, about $120/k per year. I make decent money as well but less, about $60k/yearly, his ex-wife makes about $30k/yearly. His child support obligation comes out to 50% of his paycheck so our take home ends up being about the same, so we split all household costs equally including everything for his boys, which I am fine with.
They’re great kids and I love them. Extracurriculars for the boys are paid outside of the child support arrangement, 50% by their mother and 50% by our household (so our 50% is split evenly between my husband and me.) I have never voiced or even had an issue contributing financially to their lives.
Beyond our split household budget, I use my own money to buy things for my son frequently. Toys, nicer/cuter clothing, trinkets, fun weekend trips (which we also take with the whole family as well). It’s nothing crazy extravagant or anything but I do really enjoy giving him gifts.
I do this for my stepsons as well but not to the same extent, and I try to only give him the extra things during the times they’re not with us. Recently my son had his birthday. When the boys went back to their mother’s after a few days with us somehow the cake I got him was brought up.
It was from a world-renowned but local bakery and rather expensive but I bought it from my own budget. Now my husband’s ex has been harassing him daily to “put a stop” to ME spending more on my child than I do on hers. She knows it comes from my budget and not our combined one.
In my mind, her kids already have 3 adults supporting them, my husband, myself, and their mother. It isn’t like he spends less on them than he does on our son, in fac,t he probably spends more on them because 50% of his check goes to their child support and then we still pay for them during the time we have them (60/40 split, we have them 40% of the time).
My parents divorced when I was a child but neither ever seriously saw anyone again and I don’t have friends who had stepparents so maybe my view of it is just really skewed. AITJ for spending extra money on my son? I don’t want his siblings to resent him or to think that I don’t love them, I really do and I think of them as a part of my family.
The opinion of his ex-wife means little to me but now my husband is starting to say she makes a good point and I’m worried I can’t see it objectively, but she has a history of overstepping her bounds and I don’t want to just give in to her without an outside opinion.
I have a lot of anxiety about this. I was terrified when I first met them, I had NO experience around children at all and just no idea how to interact with them really, and no frame of reference for step-parenting. I just wanna be able to love on my son and buy him fun things but also be a good stepmother”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think you’re doing a good job of balancing things. Honestly, the ex seems to be intent on causing issues. There are times the step kids get with just their mom and I’m guessing they get gifts from her family as well which your son isn’t a part of.
It’s not playing favorites to be engaged with your kid and to get things that are just for him if you’re not doing it in front of the other kids.” Willing-Helicopter26
Another User Comments:
“Hang on a second, you don’t split everything 50/50 but you do for all his kids stuff?
NTJ, you are more than generous. I would say “Firstly your ex will not now or ever tell me what I can spend my own money on, ever, so tell her to mind her own business or I will. Secondly, I pay a quarter of all of your son’s things, the same as you.
But it seems I am damned if I do and damned if I don’t so starting from now I just won’t. Much wants more and I am not putting it up with it. All present, extra curricular, etc are on you and we will go 50/50 on our sons”.
Shut them both up, the cheek of them” Rainbowbright31
Another User Comments:
“Your husband is responsible for his kids. You aren’t responsible for the extracurriculars for the children you don’t share and shouldn’t be paying for that. Only the children’s parents are responsible. You are the parent of one child and responsible only for your child.
His ex can shut her mouth about what you buy for your son.” Emotional_Bonus_934
