People Reach Breaking Points In These "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
21. AITJ For Yelling At My Best Friend Who Mocked My First Time Experience?
“I (21F) have a best friend, Ali (21F), and we’ve been best friends since ninth grade.
We’re complete open books with each other, and until now we have never judged each other. I always wanted her to feel safe to talk to me about anything, and I hoped she felt the same about me. We both go to the same uni and room together.
So, around eight, almost nine months ago (we had been friends since I started uni), I got together with my partner Freddie (22F), and she’s been my first love. It has been so incredible being with her. She is such an angel who just gets me on every single level.
Biiiig oversharing time, but sleeping with someone for the first time has always been something that really scared me in the sense of trusting someone with my body like that. No trauma or anything, I was just scared, but I finally got there with Freddie a few nights ago.
She was so loving, and after we were done, I just cried happy tears. I was just ecstatic that I got to do that with someone I love so much, and Freddie just hugged me tight and was so kind about it. I told Ali about this the day after, and since then, she has been making jokes about me being a “big big cry baby” and will just mock cry at me randomly when we see each other.
I just rolled my eyes at her and tried to bear it, because there was no way I was letting her ruin that experience for me.
Last night, we were at a party together, and she absolutely crossed the line. First, she was just making “wah wah” noises at me, but then she made a gross joke about Freddie having a ‘thing’ for crying.
I just yelled at her to be quiet because I’m so freaking sick of it. It’s just not funny. She looked all shocked, and I just called Freddie and asked her to pick me up. I’ve been at her apartment off-campus since, and Ali and some of our friends who witnessed it are getting upset with me and are telling me to stop being so sensitive.
I haven’t answered any texts yet, and Freddie is telling me I did nothing wrong by removing myself from the situation, but I’m still so conflicted.”
Another User Comments:
“Has Ali ever displayed any similar mocking behaviours to yourself or anyone else before? If this behaviour is totally new, it’s likely it’s a case of jealousy.
Maybe her first time wasn’t nearly as magical, or maybe she’s still a virgin, or maybe she’s jealous of how close you and Freddie are becoming and your first time together and how meaningful and beautiful it was for you tipped her over the edge.
If this behaviour is not new, but you’ve never been on the receiving end of it before, well, maybe Ali isn’t a nice person. If it’s the former, then try and talk to her. Explain that her constant mocking of what was a very special moment for you is very hurtful and you can’t understand why someone you love as much as you love Ali would behave that way towards you.
Try and talk it out. If it’s the latter, well, maybe it’s time to reconsider Ali’s status as your best friend, now that you know how awful it is to be on the receiving end of her mockery. You’re NTJ, though. You perhaps could’ve addressed the issue in a more mature way, but it can be hard to be the mature one in a situation where someone is behaving so immaturely towards you.” TropheyHorse
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ali is doing things for one of three reasons: She was never your friend to begin with. She’s uncomfortable about you either crying or sleeping with someone so she’s trying to make light of the situation (in the worst possible way).
She might have feelings for you. Regardless, none of this is an excuse to be doing what she is doing. The part that really gets under my skin about this is how she and her friends are telling you to stop being so sensitive. If the person that the “joke” is directed at is doing the opposite of making them laugh, that isn’t a joke, that’s being a jerk.
You were absolutely in the right for getting out of that toxic environment. I’m also really happy to hear you have a partner that had your back and let you know you did nothing wrong. As for Ali, if you feel comfortable, you should have a talk with her about how her words and actions affected you.
I know that would be difficult, but if she is actually a good friend, she will take in what you said and respect that. And if not…….well then you have your answer about what she thinks of you.” JayTheCoug
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Crying after intimacy is a sapphic rite of passage; welcome to the club.
Your partner sounds like a keeper, and your friend is a jerk. Look, even if you are being too sensitive (which you are ABSOLUTELY not), who cares? I know what my friends are sensitive about and I don’t mock them for it, because I love them, and in turn they don’t mock me about what I’m sensitive about.
That’s what friends do. Enjoy the rest of your time at college. Give your time and energy to people who make you feel seen and loved. The rest of them aren’t worth your time.” ForestGremlin2
20. AITJ For Telling A Girl About A Pregnancy Rumor About Her?
“I (17f) had the first day of school yesterday. It’s my final year of high school, and I’m pretty involved with school clubs, so I know a lot of people even though I’m not popular and not involved in much drama until now.
On the way home, I saw some friends I hadn’t talked to over the holidays, and while chatting, one of them brought up a girl we can call Layla (16f). Two of my friends had heard that Layla was telling people that her sister Cassidy (18f), who graduated last year, is now pregnant.
I knew Cassidy, and even though we weren’t close friends, she was always super nice. None of us really believed it, but they had both heard it separately and thought it was weird.
I thought, since Cassidy wasn’t at school to defend herself or even hear about it, someone should tell her that people in Y11 and Y12 were hearing it.
So I DM’d her on Instagram, telling her what I’d heard, stating that I didn’t believe it and not really expecting a response. She messaged me back, thanking me and asking a few questions, and I thought I’d done the right thing.
Apparently not, because today Layla found me at lunch and yelled at me for messaging her sister. It turns out their mum saw the message, and now they have family drama and are blaming Cassidy for the rumor being spread, not Layla. Layla said she had no idea the rumor was spreading at all, and she had no part in it.
Layla also said I had no right to insert myself in family drama, and if I had heard one of Cassidy’s friends spread the rumor, it would have been fine; but since I thought it was her, I should have gone to Layla first, not Cassidy.
She was yelling so loudly and for so long that teachers got involved and tried to set up meetings for us and, potentially, our parents as well, but I said it wasn’t necessary. I apologized to Layla for causing family drama but said I didn’t feel bad for telling Cassidy what was being said about her because I thought she deserved to find out as soon as possible.
Layla said I wasn’t Cassidy’s friend, and told me not to see her, talk to her, or message her again. Even so, I messaged Cassidy an apology for starting family drama, for which I am genuinely sorry. She hasn’t responded, and I don’t expect her to.
But even so, I don’t think I was the jerk for telling Cassidy there was a pregnancy rumor about her.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – You didn’t do anything malicious by informing Cassidy about the rumor, and you acted with good intentions. You were concerned for her, and I understand why you’d want to make sure she knew what was being said behind her back.
While Layla might have felt protective of her sister, it’s understandable that you wanted to ensure Cassidy was aware of the situation, especially when the rumor wasn’t true. The issue seems to be more about how things were handled after, but your actions were motivated by care.
You apologized where necessary and didn’t mean for things to escalate.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your intentions were pure, and you didn’t know Cassidy’s mother was going to read your message to her. To be honest, your story is a bit convoluted. Maybe you shouldn’t have messaged Cassidy and just left it alone, especially since she wasn’t a close friend.
On the positive side though, your message certainly blew things up, and it sounds like the rumor was squashed to pieces. However, Layla sounds like a bully. I wish you hadn’t apologized to her. Who is she to tell you not to contact Cassidy? Or not see her?
Or not talk to her? Who is she to tell you that you’re not Cassidy’s friend? Why does she act like her word is law? Your last paragraph alone confirms that you’re not the jerk in this story. Or certainly not the biggest one by a longshot.” Terrible_Situation44
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like Layla did start the rumor and thought she was safe because Cassidy didn’t attend the school anymore. I don’t know why she would, but it definitely sounds suspicious by her reaction. No one gets that upset if they weren’t involved. Sis should have been happy that you reached out because that’s her SISTER and you don’t want anyone bad-mouthing your sister.
It sounds like there’s some other family drama going on at their home. You did nothing wrong. I most certainly would want to know if rumors were going on about me.” lightworker8
19. AITJ For Not Including My Group Members' Names In Our Project?
“I have to do a PowerPoint for 8th-grade science about the male reproductive system, and I got paired up with three other boys.
We all procrastinated until the last day (today), and I messaged them about when we were going to do it. I proposed that if they sent me materials, I could build it, but they ignored me (I’m not close with them, by the way).
This morning, I did the project myself, researching the material and just doing the PowerPoint on my own.
In the end, I didn’t include their names because they didn’t help me, but they started to insult me, calling me unfair, arrogant, and selfish. Now the project is due tomorrow, and I don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“There is a good rule here: “Give credit where credit is due.” Those guys did nothing to contribute.
They deserve an F on the project. They also deserve an F in Language Arts because they clearly do not understand the meaning of “unfair, arrogant and selfish”: you are not any of those things. Be ready to show your teacher the messages that you sent, and stick to your guns, OP — you’re NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But I suggest you keep a copy of the PowerPoint as it is. In fact, send it to the teacher now and tell them that this is what you contributed. Then go ahead and add their names, since they were in your group.
It will be up to the teacher to decide grades. PS: You will learn that this is extremely common in school, work, and life. In fact, a good part of what you are learning here is not biology but how to work in teams.” 1962Michael
Another User Comments:
“Okay… So… NTJ here as far as work versus reward. I would and have done the same thing. However, you need to decide whether to inform your teacher or not. As an educator myself, I am usually sympathetic to this, so long as there is proof of the statements you’ve made above.
Since you’re of the text generation, I’m assuming you have receipts. In my class, you would get credit and they would not. However, repercussions go beyond the classroom in the social arena. You have to ask yourself if they are going to compromise your safety and happiness outside of the class.
If you are concerned about this, you absolutely need to bring it up to school officials, inform your parents, and, if necessary, be ready to protect yourself. Good luck.” CMack13216
18. AITJ For Not Buying My Partner Games Anymore Due To Our Gaming Disputes?
“My partner and I are HUGE gamers, to the point it’s honestly all we do in our downtime. I recently got a PC, so after I saved up a few paychecks, I’ve been buying us both games so we could play together.
Every night, we trade on who picks the game we play, so I’ll pick, and then she will. It saves us headaches, and we get two “skips” each. So if we don’t want to play that game, we can skip it.
The games I’ve been enjoying, and knew I’d enjoy, are Minecraft, Raft, and The Forest. She just doesn’t like them, and then will get upset with me later on for not picking up on it.
She’ll play it with me for about a week, and then all of a sudden, she dies or something, and that’s the tipping point. I’ve decided if she is going to keep yelling at me for picking the game I bought and want to play, then I’ll just not buy her games anymore and buy them for myself instead.
Her favorite games are Terraria, Pressure (Roblox), and Overwatch. Personally, I hate Overwatch (1 not 2). We play her games with no problems; I’ll play anything, I just more or less want to spend time with her.
I hate being yelled at, and I hate conflict, so half the time we will switch off my games to play what she wants.
And when I do stand my ground and say, “No, I don’t want to play that game on my night to pick,” then she’ll just get upset and end up not playing anything.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Bro, please talk with your partner about this.
This doesn’t seem healthy. Like, yeah, I get a little sad when my friend plays games that I do. But I mostly get sad when they don’t include me at all, like I’m not allowed to talk to them and stuff. Why don’t you just watch or play together and talk, and if she doesn’t like it then tell her straight up, ‘You hate these games.’ Don’t insult the game; don’t call it dumb; but say, ‘You don’t enjoy playing it.'” Online_DiaryTA
Another User Comments:
“Stop doing it every night, and both play your own games. It sounds weird how they love video games, but she can’t have a good time playing a game with her partner. There are games we like, and there are games we don’t like, but that isn’t an excuse to yell at a significant other.
Kinda crazy, NTJ. Try playing together more rarely (maybe that will make it easier so that the “sacrifice” of playing a game her partner likes is easy to do).” Several-Catch-3392
Another User Comments:
“ESH. You would suck if this was the reason you didn’t buy her games anymore.
Don’t get me wrong, it is fine if you don’t buy her games every time and it’s just for presents or something, but if this pettiness is the reason, then it is a jerk move. She sucks for blowing up at you. You both suck because it is obvious your method of skips isn’t working.
Games that only one of you likes should be relegated to solo time. Period. Don’t even have those on the list of ones that you can pick from. A perma skip, if you will. See, compromise is about you both still having a good time, not just taking turns.
Don’t get it in your head that the number of games that you both can say no to has to be the same either. If you really only have the one, Overwatch, then there is no reason to add others… even if she has 10 on her list. Because the goal isn’t to have an even number, the goal is to make sure you can do things together and still both have a reasonable amount of fun together.
Tit for tat does not make a good relationship.” ACorania
17. AITJ For Refusing To Lend My Friend Money Again?
“I’ve been friends with this guy for around 15 years.
We’ll call him Paul.
A couple of years ago, Paul was struggling with money due to having his hours cut and asked me if I could lend him £50 to get him through to payday as a one-off. I lent him the money and he paid it back with no problem.
However, he then started asking me for £50-£100 every month. After about four months, I said no since I had things I needed to pay for myself, and even though I could afford to, I didn’t want him to think he could rely on me to bail him out whenever he needed me to.
It’s important to mention that while he was struggling, his money management has never been the best. He would regularly order takeaways for himself, buy plenty of drinks on nights out, and he has Netflix and Sky Sports subscriptions.
Fast-forward to yesterday, and I get a message from Paul asking me if I can lend him £60 because money is again tight.
However, Paul now works full-time, earns a similar salary to me, and is now in a relationship with someone that he lives with. I’m all for helping a mate out when they need it, but given he now has a partner, I fail to see why I should have to bail him out.
Anyway, I’ve decided I’m not lending him the money. He may be a mate, and it’s a relatively small amount, but my take on it is it’s most likely that he’s living beyond his means and that shouldn’t become my problem. I’m also annoyed that he dropped me the message knowing that yesterday was my payday since I’d mentioned it when we were out together last weekend.
It’s put me in a difficult position since I don’t like outright refusing to help somebody, but he’s also worded the message in a way that implies nobody else can help him, but I find that hard to believe since he has his partner, parents, and a brother he’s close to.
Anyway, I’ve told him I’m not lending him the money and to find somebody else to ask. I’m waiting to hear back from him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You can never afford to lend money. Any money you earn should be earmarked for something – bills, fun, savings, etc. You may choose to lend money, that should always be a conscious choice, not because you have “enough” or “extra” or “you are single” or “you get paid well” or any other manipulative thing you hear.
I’ve helped friends from time to time. My conscious decision on this was I never expected to be paid back. Most did, some didn’t. Those that didn’t got moved to the “acquaintances” category after a couple of times and I don’t lend money to “acquaintances.” Bottom line.
You work for your money. You control your money. You should not feel guilty about saying no. There is no “extra” money.” WhereWeretheAdults
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: But keep it simple. Just reply, ‘I’m sorry but I don’t have any money I can lend you.’ And then forget about it.
No need to explain or tell him you never will lend money again or that you think he has a spending problem. A quick no every time he asks is all you need. You might actually have money, but you don’t have money to lend him.
If you want to you can always reply, ‘that’s funny because I was going to ask you if you could lend me some money.'” houseonpost
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sucks that you can’t mention you just got paid without this happening. You know what they say, “only lend money if you don’t care about getting it back.” And that can vary from person to person.
I will always help out my sister who is a single mother who lives in a HCOL area, but I’m not going to help a friend who constantly asks for money because they can’t figure out how to live within their own means.
If my sister never pays me back, whatever, I know her well enough to know the risk. She is definitely someone who likes nice things, but I’m still not bothered. Maybe it’s because she always has paid me back, or maybe I just don’t care, as long as my nephew has everything he needs.
But if a friend constantly asked me for money and then I had to watch them spend frivolously while they still hadn’t paid me back, I would start to resent them and it would ruin the friendship. I also don’t really understand how £60 can make or break you.
Does no one use credit cards?” LookAwayPlease510
16. AITJ For Not Wanting To Visit My Estranged Uncle's House To See My Sick Aunt?
“My paternal uncle and his family have made it evident that they want nothing to do with me or my life.
So much so that when I came to the country they stay in for university, my dad had to basically beg them to even say hello. It’s fine, I (20f) want absolutely nothing to do with them either. They are basically strangers to me and I have honestly been very indifferent towards them…until now.
A very close aunt of mine is currently in hospital. Previously, she was staying with me, but the aforementioned uncle is responsible for taking care of her. I love my aunt and just want her to be okay. Here is where I think my selfishness begins, though.
As I am alone, I have found it progressively more difficult to process my emotions surrounding this circumstance, and really need support right now. Another close aunt of mine (all on my dad’s side) is currently in the country to see her sister (my aunt in hospital), and I was told she would be staying with me as I have a room vacant.
However, my uncle picked her up from the airport and I was informed at the last minute that she would no longer be staying with me. I cooked dinner and everything, so I’m feeling a bit dejected currently. It just strikes me as a bit unfair that my uncle has even taken that support away from me in this time.
He has a whole family to be with him right now, and I have exactly one friend and my lovely parents who are 8000 miles away. I feel excluded and alone.
Now my aunt is asking me to come visit at my uncle’s place so we can all be together.
This is a result of the fact that we can’t go to the hospital at the moment. I love my aunt and want to spend time with her, but I have absolutely no desire to see my uncle or his family. Selfish and immature? Maybe, but I am also kind of hurt.
So AITJ for not wanting to see my ”family”?”
Another User Comments:
“You are not a jerk, but you really can call the aunt, and tell her you don’t have a relationship with that part of the family and that the meetup at their place would be awkward.
You can also invite her and tell her you had looked forward to her being with you and were disappointed when it was changed at the last minute. (I would keep it non-accusatory, at least at first. People react badly to that even if it is true.)” unsafeideas
Another User Comments:
“Heck no, you’re in the right. You shouldn’t force yourself into a toxic environment; it isn’t healthy, and freaking your family is mean, so don’t do any crap with them. Teach them a lesson from all the times they never wanted anything to do with you.
Make them cry, if I am being honest. I don’t like spending much time with my mom’s side of the family because on my mom’s side, there are two of my many cousins, and let’s just say that those two cousins and I do not get along.
I don’t blame you at all.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But did your uncle invite you to come visit while your aunt stays with him? If not, then it’s not appropriate for you to show up at their house. Instead, meet your aunt out at a restaurant or some other place away from your uncle’s home.
By the way, why is your uncle so distant with you? Did something happen with your dad and him resulting in him disowning you altogether? Does your aunt know what’s going on between you and your uncle?” jackb6ii
15. AITJ For Avoiding Family Gatherings Due To My Parents' Intolerant Religious Views?
“I (25F) am an atheist. I have been an atheist since I was 16, but I just recently talked to my family about my beliefs. Before that, when asked (from ages 16–25), I would make the praying gesture, but I wouldn’t lead the family in prayers when asked to.
For some more background info, I went to Sunday School in my younger years because of my super overly Christian parents.
My parents are very “pushy” religious people. They believe all gay people and atheists are going to heck. I’m sure they mean the best for me and my family, but ever since I told them about no longer believing in God, they have been pushing their beliefs on me.
I have been told that I was not a good daughter, that they were ashamed to have me as their daughter, and they even asked me what went wrong with how I was raised. I honestly don’t think religion is a big deal, so I just would move on with my day.
They wouldn’t stop with words and would go and send me cards through the mail of their Christian friends’ kids getting baptized with my photo edited on the kid’s face.
This has gotten to a point, and I’m not sure I can handle it anymore.
Every time I call to check up on them, they always keep talking about how they are praying for me to be saved. I have expressed my discomfort with this, and when I explain it, they say, “Well, you used to be such a good Christian.
Why can’t you go back to that?” I honestly didn’t care in the beginning, but they don’t even want to talk about anything else at this point. I have refused to go to outings with them because the only thing they want to talk about with me is how I am going to heck and how their friends are disappointed in them.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Very similar situation for me when I was your age, and it really took me until just getting into my late 30s that I felt bold enough to stand up to my overbearing religious family. So, good for you on setting up those boundaries early on.
Unfortunately for me, it really meant removing some family members from my life because I don’t deserve the constant toxicity they produce because of their religion. As an adult, you get to decide who is your family and who isn’t. I don’t know what sect of Christianity you were raised in, but I have found a lot of comfort in listening to The Leaving Eden Podcast, which focuses primarily on the IFB (I was not raised Baptist but similar enough).” ISpewVitriol
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. For lack of a better word, they “suck” for trying to force religion on you and judging you for your atheism. What is funny is that I bet they would become furious if you tried to push atheism on them (I bet even the mere mention of it would set them off).
I think it is perfectly acceptable (and smart) to limit your contact with them. Their treating you this way says everything about the kind of people they are. As a contrast: My mom is quite religious; however, she knows that my siblings and I are not (we range from atheism to believing in God but not liking organized religion).
You know what she does? Accepts it. She will occasionally bring up religion to us if it relates to something we are going through (e.g., “as God says…”), but she keeps it to a minimum and never preaches or judges. A couple of times, she talked about religion to me for a while, then she stopped herself and apologized (and thanked me for listening).” Hello_JustSayin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I’m sorry you are experiencing this. You have the right to believe what you believe and be your honest self. It’s a shame that your parents can’t love and accept you for who you are. I would recommend practicing setting some boundaries.
Maybe something like, “I love you both, and want to spend time with you, but I’m very uncomfortable when you (X, Y, Z), and this behavior hurts me. When we are together, if (X, Y, Z is done/comes up) I will politely leave or end the conversation.” And if they do (X, Y, Z), follow through on the consequences.
This isn’t punishment; this is protecting yourself. It may not seem like it, but dozens of “small cuts” can do as much damage as large traumas, and the things you describe are definitely cuts.” omacgosh1
14. AITJ For Picking Out Mushrooms From My Partner's Cooking?
“My partner and I have been together for slightly under a year now, but recently we had the stupidest fight I’ve ever had in my entire relationship life.
My partner is a great cook and likes to cook for me. It helps that he is a non-picky eater and eats everything and anything.
For me, yes, I admit I am picky, but I do give things a try before totally deeming the food items as likable or eww.
So recently my partner made vegetable pancakes and included shiitake mushrooms in them. My partner knows that I absolutely hate it in any dish, but he loves it, so I don’t mind if he puts it in because when I eat it, I’ll just pick it out.
I even provided alternative mushroom options for him to include (though by my preference I would rather not have any mushrooms included, but as a compromise and because I love him, I force myself to accept alternatives).
We kept having these repeated fights in which he mentioned that when I pick things out of my food, it makes my appreciation for his cooking conditional. Let me just highlight that I repeatedly thank him for cooking every time, hug him, and even do the dishes sometimes.
It also shows that I have no table manners and that I must have been spoiled by my parents while growing up, which makes me feel very frustrated and puzzled at the same time.
I don’t do this in public settings or during family meals, only when it is just the two of us.
During group meals, I make a conscious effort to take a bite of everything and only take seconds of the items I like.
He said that if he had ever done what I did when I was a child, his parents would have scolded him and thrown him out, which to me sounded like a trauma response and him projecting onto me.
I told him that we are two consenting adults and I am not stopping him from putting in the mushrooms, but I just prefer not to eat them. I don’t make him cook two different versions; I just force myself to eat them, or I pick them out when I can.
He refuses to let me pick them out and somewhat insists that I should follow him and be grateful that someone even bothers to cook for me, which makes me feel borderline suffocated because I have to pretend to like an ingredient in a dish when I really do not like it.
So am I really the jerk? Is there a way around this?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband is the opposite of a picky eater. The man will eat anything… Except mushrooms. Pineapple and ham pizza? Check. Anchovies on crackers? Check! Mushrooms? Not no but heck no. So guess what I don’t do?
I don’t cook things with mushrooms in it. I wouldn’t ask him to eat mushrooms. I wouldn’t make a main course that has mushrooms in it. I love beef stroganoff. Grilled mushrooms on a steak? Sign me up. But I can have those when he’s not with me or order them when we go out.
Why? Because it’s not about whether or not he has manners. It’s about taking into consideration the needs of a partner. Your partner is one step DOWN from weaponized incompetence. He is deliberately sabotaging your food so that he can make a big deal out of it.” Adahla987
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He knows you won’t like certain foods so really you’d think he’d be able to predict what will happen when he cooks with them. I think you’re onto something about his childhood. I don’t know if I’d necessarily go as far as to call it a trauma response, but he’s definitely inherited an unhealthy attitude from his parents.
My stepmum also used to cook meals with ingredients she knew I didn’t like whenever I visited as a kid and it actually became a huge issue, but now that I’m an adult I know how it feels and I wouldn’t put other people through that purposefully.
You’re both adults, and he’s treating you like a child.” confused_overthink3r
Another User Comments:
“As the person who is the primary cook in my home, I don’t cook things that I know others in my home don’t like. If I do (because it’s something that I like), then I provide an alternative for the others in my home if picking something out isn’t an option.
You’re NTJ for not liking mushrooms, and not complaining and simply picking them out. He continues to try to force them onto you, despite knowing you don’t like them. He’s the jerk. You’re allowed to like, or dislike, foods according to your own tastes.” OkHedgewitch
13. AITJ For Telling My Stepdad About Uncomfortable Comments At My Stepsister's Birthday Party?
“I (16M) live with my stepdad, John, who is my legal guardian.
John and I get along great; he’s like a dad to me. I also have an older stepsister, Amy, (20F) who no longer lives with us. She doesn’t like me much, but I try and get along with her.
Anyway, it was her birthday a couple of days ago, and the whole family came to celebrate.
Obviously, I couldn’t skip out as it was my older stepsister’s birthday. But a lot of people there (John and Amy’s family) don’t really approve of my presence and/or general existence, so I tried to keep to myself and focus on the food.
Unfortunately, about 2/3s of the way through, some lady decided to come up to me.
I didn’t really know who she was but guessed she was an aunt of some kind. She started to ask me a bunch of questions about my schooling and stuff, and she seemed generally polite, so I continued the conversation. She made a few odd remarks about Richard choosing to keep me when I don’t even look like my mother/his ex-wife, which I found weird, but I didn’t say anything.
Then, she continued to press on about my and my mother’s appearance, which made me uncomfortable, and I excused myself from the conversation and went to find my stepdad. I told him what had happened, and when I told him who I’d been talking to, he went over to her, and soon they started arguing — for which Amy blames me.
Things spiraled out of control pretty quickly, and John made the woman leave. Amy was upset by this and argued that her aunt should stay, but John refused to budge. The celebration was awkward after that, and Amy has been mad at me since, saying I ruined everything, probably did this on purpose, and that I should have ‘just kept my mouth shut.’
I feel bad, but I don’t really control John’s actions, and I didn’t expect going to him would cause such a scene. AITJ for telling him?”
Another User Comments:
“You didn’t make a scene, the aunt did when she approached you with questions, so don’t feel responsible.
As for your stepsister, nothing will change her view of you. Yes, she may be John’s biological daughter and loved by him, but she will always be jealous that John chose to raise you. It may sound silly, but it really matters. Just live your best life and ignore the haters.” Tin-Foil-Hat-2024
Another User Comments:
“This aunt sounds like a potentially nasty piece of work, and I don’t blame you for speaking to your stepdad about her, and as you said in your post, you have no control over his actions in regard to what he says to her, and deciding to kick her out of the party.
I say good on him for standing up for you. He definitely did not ruin the party. Your aunt ruined the party by carrying on like the jerk she is, and your stepsister is also a jerk for carrying on and blaming you for it all when you were the one who got all the nasty and rude comments.
I hope this all gets sorted out for you soon, and I hope that your stepdad continues to have your back with this because it sounds like you’re quite lucky to have a stepdad who loves you and is willing to stand up for you and who you love as well.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Amy doesn’t like you, so she’ll always be ready to blame you for everything. It’s hard when people are constantly blaming you for things, but it’s key to keep reminding yourself about the facts, even (and especially) if the facts don’t ‘feel’ true.
The aunt spoke to you inappropriately — not your fault. Your dad defended you — not your fault and the mark of a good parent. The aunt decided to argue instead of apologizing and leaving you alone — not your fault. As a result of her inappropriateness and decision to escalate with your stepdad, she was asked to leave — not your fault.
Those are the facts as I, an outsider, see them. I absolutely understand that it might not feel like those are the facts. It might feel like it’s all your fault because if you hadn’t done x, then y wouldn’t have happened. But going to your stepdad (or trusted adult) is exactly what you’re supposed to do when an adult is making you uncomfortable.
You did what you were supposed to do. And your stepdad did what he was supposed to do: protect you. The aunt did not do what she was supposed to do. She was supposed to understand she’d been inappropriate and apologize or at least leave you alone.
She chose to argue and make a scene. Her choice resulted in her being asked to leave. I know I’m just rehashing the sequence of events again, but I want you to be able to see and feel that what happened with the aunt was the result of her decisions, even if it doesn’t feel true right now.” Imnotawerewolf
12. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For Accommodation And Babysit At A Wedding I'm Not Invited To?
“My dad’s cousin (cousin once removed? I don’t know) is getting married in April. I’m not that close with her since we only see each other about twice a year, but I was a bit upset when I found out I wasn’t invited to the wedding.
Not the point of the post, though; I’m over that and there’s not much I can do about it.
So, my brother (21M) and I (17M) were told by our grandma that we would have to babysit our two cousins (4M and 7M, I think?) for the wedding since they won’t be attending either.
This is annoying enough as is, but the wedding is being held over 2 hours away from where we live. Not only are my brother and I having to babysit our two cousins for a wedding we’re not even invited to, but I would also have to drive my brother (without a license) 2.5 hours there and back, which, interestingly enough, isn’t even the worst part.
When we found out about that, my brother and I were just going to accept it and do it, since I was told I was getting paid for petrol (and nothing else). I was alright with driving; however, just today, my aunt (the one whose children we are babysitting) — the one organizing the accommodation for the wedding since everyone else would be staying there for at least 1–2 nights — texted the wedding group chat (which I’m still not sure why I’m a part of since I’m not invited) with a list of the portions everyone would have to pay to cover the cost of the Airbnb they would be renting nearby the wedding venue.
I thought nothing of it until I realized both my brother and I were a part of this list, at $132 AUD each ($82 USD).
Now, to be fair, our portions were considerably less than the rest of the people staying at the Airbnb on the list. However, I did the math and realized it was because my brother and I would only be staying 1 night instead of the normal 3–4 nights everyone else would be staying; so we aren’t expected to pay less because we’re babysitting (for free), but because we are only staying for the wedding, then sleeping over one night and have so graciously been invited to the BBQ breakfast the morning afterward.”
Another User Comments:
“Tell everyone you aren’t doing it before lunch with Grandma—it will give her (and the rest of them) time to wrap their heads around the idea of “no” before they have you sitting there for an extended period of time.
Then just say, “I can’t afford to take a day off work and then have to pay for the room and gas to babysit.”” TheRuncibleSpoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and here’s what you do. Do not pay anything for the wedding that you were not invited to.
Do not let anybody tell you you will be babysitting. Refuse to do so and tell them you are not their childcare and they will need to find a different accommodation. If you two can stay home, you should. If you are required to be somewhere, then someone requiring you to be there needs to cover the expense.
But put your foot down and tell them you will not be providing free childcare under any circumstances.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“I don’t really understand why ‘it’s not worth angering Grandma.’ Grandmas who get angry when you decline unreasonable demands like this one are just going to find some other unreasonable reason to get angry, so giving in to her now just opens the door for her next, even more unreasonable demand.
You have to play around with the wording a bit, but I would suspect with this sort of person the right way to phrase things is something like, ‘Hi there everyone, John and I will not be participating in paying for the Airbnb as we are already missing work and university to babysit for free.’ Actually, I don’t understand why you are missing university days to babysit.
That could affect your grades and, therefore, your future. Aren’t you family too? Why are they putting your future at risk for their party? They’re supposed to help the younger members of the family, not take from you to serve themselves.” Reasonable-Sale8611
11. AITJ For Asking Friends To Respect The Privacy Of A Grieving Person At My Birthday Party?
“I (43F) have had the same best friend (43F) since we were in kindergarten. We’ll call her Rose.
Needless to say, over the years, she and her family have become my family. A few weeks ago, her niece — we will call her Megan (24F) — unexpectedly and very suddenly experienced the passing of her baby, who was only a month old.
My birthday is coming up soon, so I extended an invitation to Megan. I was hoping that having a night out with friends would give her an opportunity to have a distraction. I told her that it was completely up to her, of course, but she was more than welcome to join us.
Given that many people in our friend group have had questions and curiosity surrounding the passing, I included a warning to the guests that discussion about the baby, and of course his passing, was off limits. I approved the message with Rose before posting it.
It reads: “Hey ladies… For my birthday on the 25th, we’re having dinner at (local restaurant), probably around 5 pm, then to (local bar) for a bit afterward. Just so you know, Megan will be there and I’d appreciate everyone respecting her privacy. Discussion about (the baby) is off-limits.
We’re there to have fun, and I truly want her to be able to do that by any means necessary, as much as it is possible. Let me know in the next week or so if you’ll be able to make it so I can give a head count for a reservation.”
This message caused one friend to call me crying because she thought it was directed at her and she was offended that I would think she’d do such a thing, necessitating a warning post. I explained that Megan is understandably very fragile right now and I was just trying to assure her that no one said anything to upset her.
This friend understood after our chat, and everything was fine.
About 24 hours later, another friend (who was honestly more the target of my post due to the fact that she was asking me questions at an event we had recently attended together, while Rose and Megan were not present) left the group chat and deleted me from social media.
So, am I the jerk for feeling the need to post a warning to protect Megan?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d actually appreciate getting this heads-up. I, of course, wouldn’t be asking her questions or anything, but I would have wondered if I should let her know that I’m so sorry for her loss.
If she wanted support and acknowledgment that she’s going through a hard time, I wouldn’t want her to walk away thinking no one cared. On the other hand, I wouldn’t want to upset her. So, knowing that she’d rather no one say anything so she can just try to have a good time would be really helpful.” Okie_dokie_36
Another User Comments:
“ESH, unless you actually know this is what Megan wants. When my sister lost her baby, there were people who never mentioned it. They acted “normal,” as if it had not happened. She was really hurt because the way it came across was like the child had never been there.
They probably thought they were being nice. They weren’t. So I’d be very careful here because the opposite of good isn’t bad; it’s well meant.” GSD_enthusiast
Another User Comments:
“You sound like an awesome Extra Auntie, and the fact that two of your friends had such strong reactions means what you did was completely necessary and soooo NTJ!!!
That poor young mama’s heartbreak is not gossipy entertainment. The last thing she needs is a bunch of nosey Nellies or well-meaning Wandas asking “what happened, tell me honestly sweetheart, how are you doing really, or the worst… I had to put my 10-year-old fur baby down last year; I know exactly how you’re feeling.” A night out where she might be able to compartmentalize her grief for a few moments and breathe again may be just what she needs.
Good job protecting that young mama; I hope she gets all the love and support she needs.” Mundane_Cucumber9136
10. AITJ For Calling Out My Conspiracy-Theorist Coworker?
“I have this coworker I have been working with for around 2 months now. We work in a call center. We often engage in random chats during the short breaks between calls—often about anything really: movies, science, politics, sports, or anything you might casually discuss with a coworker.
But after only a few conversations, I realized that my coworker—let’s call him John—is really deep into many conspiracy theories. For example, I’m talking about a flat earth, a fake moon landing, etc. And even though I basically disagree with him on all of these, I’m always willing to hear him out.
Mind you, I usually just nod my head and say something along the lines of “That’s pretty interesting, John.” The problem is, anytime I give John some slight pushback on the things he’s saying, he always shuts me down in three main ways. First, he’ll say I’m too young to have a good opinion on these issues because I’m 23.
Second, he’ll resort to saying I can’t have a good opinion on matters like the flat earth, for example, because I got my degree in IT; therefore, I am not qualified to speak on matters of physics or biology—an obvious logical fallacy. You don’t need a doctorate in physics to reasonably know that the Earth isn’t flat.
(Mind you, John also doesn’t have a degree in physics but talks as though he does.) And lastly, he’ll always assume his opinion is superior to mine; in his own words, he claims that for everything he talks about, he has done at least three months’ worth of research (which I highly doubt he has on most of the things he speaks about).
He’ll often assume I know nothing about the topics we discuss, saying something along the lines of “I KNOW you haven’t done as much research on this as me.” I still don’t know how he claims he has always done more research than me.
Today, near the end of work, he brought up the idea of LeBron James being unfaithful to his wife and how “we know he has,” to which I simply said, “No, we don’t know that, and you shouldn’t talk as if that’s some sort of fact,” to which he retorted, “Oh yeah, I forget you live in a fantasy world where you believe everything the mainstream media feeds you.” To which I retorted, “Oh yeah, and I forgot you believe anything that you see online that goes against the grain.” He got visibly upset and said that maybe we shouldn’t talk if that’s my perception of him after these past few months, then proceeded to not talk to me for the last 10 minutes of his shift before walking out.
I’m hoping he doesn’t hold onto this and just speaks to me normally at work tomorrow, but if he is going to give me the silent treatment and act like a child over a tame comment, I am certainly not going to apologize for anything.
Am I the jerk for calling him out for some of the foolish conspiracies he believes in, or is he being totally unreasonable?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and stop engaging. Don’t call him out. What you are experiencing is banter this co-worker craves in order to elevate themselves above others.
It will bother him more if you do not engage. There is nothing to gain—only more rhetoric from him and frustration on your part. It simply is not worth it. “I’m not responding on this topic” may be your best comment.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“”The problem with wrestling pigs is you get muddy and they enjoy it.” “He’s done research.” I’m a scientist. When I do research, it’s working with original source papers, working out the math, recreating experiments, running code, testing multiple hypotheses. Most people do not have the faintest clue how to read, let alone how to research.
Anyone who thinks the Earth is flat is too moronic to even slap your head over. The basic fact that the sun would never set on a flat Earth and that the stars rotate opposite in North vs South hemispheres (but most morons have never really traveled anywhere) makes it obvious.
Almost any of the young, flat, creationist nonsensers will tend to explain away one fact but violate every other one. A theory covers all or most of hundreds of separate facts.” blarryg
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds to me like he’ll give you the silent treatment if you’re pining for an apology.
My advice is to take this opportunity and run with it. If you bend the knee, he’ll never show you respect one way or another, so you might as well not. Let him cry in the corner by himself. I have nothing against conspiracy theories, but if you’re going to spout them off at work, be prepared to get challenged by people and to prove your argument using facts.
Watching three months’ worth of Ancient Aliens isn’t research. I can genuinely find some interesting points in conspiracies, and even though I don’t believe in a lot of these massive conspiracies, I can at least see where people come to their conclusions if they’re argued by a legitimate person who did the homework.
But that being said, the one I’ll never get is flat earth. They never have any legitimate reasons for believing it. What the heck sort of benefit does it give the elites, convincing everyone the Earth is round? Also, it quite clearly is round, so there’s that.
Like I said, with countless other dumb conspiracies I can at least understand a couple of points even if I personally am not swayed by it. But if you believe in flat earth, you’ll believe anything. It’s the conspiracy theory for the lowest common denominator.
God forbid if hackers ever breach one of their websites and the identities of these people are made public. For scammers, it’d be like shooting fish in a barrel. Flat earth people are so freaking stupid.” Pierre-LucDubois
9. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Lonely Dad?
“My mom passed away back in 2020 and ever since then, my dad has been increasingly wanting to spend time and hang out with me. He has very few friends his own age and doesn’t remain in contact with any of his former coworkers.
And don’t get me wrong, I love my dad and appreciate everything he and my mom did for me, and I want to support him.
But I also want to hang out and make friends my own age. I also want to start pursuing romance again.
When I told my dad this, he just started saying how he loves me and enjoys my company since he doesn’t have anyone else to hang out with now.
And he said that my trying to negotiate how much time we spend together wasn’t loving or caring and made it feel like it was a chore to hang out with him.
And even after just a week of this, he is still constantly asking if we can hang out.
And each time I remind him, he gets all sad and keeps saying how lonely he is.
AITJ for trying to set boundaries for my own dad?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Setting boundaries with your dad doesn’t mean you love or care about him any less; it’s about balancing your life and his needs in a healthy way.
It’s natural for him to feel lonely after losing your mom, but it’s also important for you to nurture your own friendships, relationships, and personal growth. His sadness is understandable, but it’s not fair for him to guilt you into sacrificing your own life.
Encourage him to explore hobbies, social groups, or counseling to help build his own support system.” Younggod9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Find a day that works for both of you and make that his day. Do dinner or movies or whatever quality time activities you enjoy.
Then the rest of the week is yours. You need to live your life; you can’t be his perpetual emotional support person. Also, it sounds like your dad formed codependent habits from unprocessed grief. He may need to look into therapy or counseling for that.
This will be hard at first, but it will get better. You’re not a bad son for wanting space and doing your own thing. Life is too short to spend it in service of others with no time for yourself.” CuriousTsukihime
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There’s nothing wrong with you wanting to hang out with people your own age. That’s exactly what your dad needs to start doing. In my city, we have senior centers that people can join once they turn 50. The fee to join for the year is low and they offer events like bingo, mahjong, and even chair aerobics that are free.
They also have lunches and outings you can sign up for. My mom is 86 and finally had enough and took her to the center since she wouldn’t go see what it was like (she still drives and knows where it’s located). She loves it, and it gives her the opportunity to get out of the house and socialize a bit.” Beanerho
8. AITJ For Telling My Husband He's Overweight After He Said I Don't Feed Him?
“Last night, I suggested to my husband that we finish off the leftovers in the fridge since we had plenty of food that needed to be eaten. Instead of agreeing, he immediately countered with, “Wouldn’t you rather go get nachos?” I shook my head and firmly said, “No.” He then sighed dramatically, as if I’d crushed his dreams, and declared, “You don’t feed me.”
Without skipping a beat, I replied, “You wouldn’t be overweight if I didn’t feed you.” That’s when the tone of the conversation shifted. He immediately told me I was being mean and that my comment was uncalled for. I stood my ground and explained that I only said it because I felt insulted by his original remark.
To add some context, this isn’t the first time I’ve felt unappreciated. During the holidays, my days were consumed with taking him out to eat or cooking meals for him, ensuring he had food he enjoyed. It feels exhausting to put in so much effort, only to be told I’m not doing enough.
I’m wondering now, did I take things too far with my response, or was I justified given the circumstances? AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I definitely think you went about this the wrong way. If you feel taken for granted, you are better off telling him so and following through by no longer catering to his constant needs.
Telling him he’s overweight is not helpful or needed. I’m pretty sure this guy already knows he’s overweight and didn’t need you to point that out. Then you try to claim that you only called him fat because you were “insulted” by his melodramatic whining!
LOL, I don’t know about you, but the only thing I’d take away from a conversation like this is that this person thinks I’m fat and is trying to pretend otherwise now. There’s no way you got any other point across but that.” bamalamaboo
Another User Comments:
“INFO: You say you feel insulted by the remark “you don’t feed me” but what was the tone? I read it as jokey but could be mistaken. Everybody sucks if it wasn’t jokey. If you felt insulted by the original remark, you can communicate that to him rather than retaliate in an immature and hurtful way.
I don’t like wasting food and would also have wanted to finish the leftovers, but the way you describe this whole interaction is weird. “I shook my head and firmly said” as if he’s a child?” confused_overthink3r
Another User Comments:
“For the fat shaming comment, yes YTJ.
That said, you need to take an honest look at your relationship because the resentment and animosity that’s built up to the point that you’re deliberately taking shots at your partner with the intention of hurting him isn’t healthy or normal. I get it… I had so much anger and resentment built up for my ex that I would do this (it’s maladaptive and immature and I’m working on myself so it’s not something I do in future relationships).
How does he contribute to your household? I don’t just mean a paycheck. I mean the maintenance of your home. How equal is the labor division? Who carries the majority of the mental load? What about caring for your family? If you are carrying the brunt of this then no wonder you’re feeling resentful.
Now look at your communication. Do you guys often have open and honest discussions about your home and the division of labor? Do you discuss your emotional states and what would increase well-being? If you do, does he care? There’s a far deeper issue in your marriage that needs addressing.” manonaca
7. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be My Nephew's Free Babysitter Constantly?
“My sister (23f) lives at home and has a 6-month-old baby. She never moved in with her partner because they live far from each other and neither of them wanted to compromise. Her baby daddy never ever comes around; he’s seen their son probably for less than 30 days in his entire life.
And because of this, my sister has been treating me (21f) and my mom as his other parent. She expects free childcare CONSTANTLY while she works and whatnot, and she gets very upset when I act hesitant about it for whatever reason because she doesn’t want to send him to daycare (she’d be eligible to get free childcare in our state, but she doesn’t trust it).
And I love my nephew to death, but these are MY child-free, college years. I have been parentified and forced to play mommy for my little siblings for years, and just when they’re getting to the age that they don’t need me so much, I don’t think I should be forced to step up and play mommy to another child who isn’t mine.
Especially when I’m on winter break for the next couple of weeks and just want to enjoy sleeping in way too late and being lazy before I’m thrown back into full-time college (this has been happening for 4 months at this point, though). So when she asked if I’d watch him tomorrow, I got a bit of an attitude but ultimately said yes.
But then she got snappy with me and was like, “Why do you always act like you don’t want to do it?!” To which I got upset and responded, “Because he’s not my kid and I shouldn’t be expected to do this all the time.”
She got VERY angry at me and is now not talking to me at all, and she is surely going to weaponize my nephew against me. And to an extent, I understand her anger: I know that you should be able to rely on your village, and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong for not wanting to do this.
But I am so tired of taking care of other people’s children all the time for free, even if I love the kids to death. I can’t tell if I’m being selfish or not, AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 100%. “She expects free childcare CONSTANTLY while she works and whatnot and gets very upset when I act hesitant about it for whatever reason.” You didn’t choose to have a child, she did.
She’s got no right to foist her responsibilities on you. If she doesn’t trust the childcare, it’s on her to find another solution. You absolutely have every right to enjoy your freedom. You’re 21. “I don’t think I should be forced to step up and play mommy to another child who isn’t mine.” Absolutely.
Especially as you have already had to go through parentification, which is never ok. If she weaponizes your nephew against you, that’s a clear statement of who she is. Doing that is always disgraceful. You aren’t being selfish. She is. Stand your ground.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you are still mired deep within a false sense of obligation. You need to step back and have a long and hard think about what you having these college years means to you — what they can be if you live them as you want to and deserve to — and then fight for them.
Because otherwise you won’t get to live them and they will never come back. You will spend them babysitting and being bossed around. Experiences you would have had, friends you would have made, things that would have influenced your whole life, won’t happen. You need to work out just how much babysitting you are willing to do and then not do an hour more.
You need to be utterly strict about it and take no crap. You need to not care a darn how your sister tries to “punish” you with moods and whatnot.
Ultimately, she is the one who wants something out of you and anything you give her is something she should be grateful for.
You don’t owe her any of it. She is the mother. If she feels entitled to it because you have a spine made of tofu, then she won’t even feel grateful because you doing it is the norm and only to be expected. Your giving in will only be rewarded by her feeling entitled to it and then getting angry whenever you aren’t sacrificing as much as you can for her sake all the time.
If I were you, I would only give her a minimum of babysitting (bar emergencies) and then be ruthless about having your time respected, with babysitting cut off for a time for any infractions. This is the only way you will be respected and appreciated. Your sister will cope.
She will find a way and start making her own sacrifices properly as she should — because her baby is her responsibility. Of course, if manipulating and pressuring you into sharing half the load works, she will choose that; but if it doesn’t, she will find her own way.
You just have to weather out the storm after you start saying no and mean it, and she reacts by trying to make it easier for you to give in rather than deal with all she’s throwing at you. It will end if you stick to your guns — but there is only light at the end of that tunnel if you ride things out.” kurokomainu
Another User Comments:
“My stepdaughter acts the same way with our granddaughters. She constantly complains that she needs help and that we don’t know what it’s like raising two children. My wife raised her and her brother pretty much herself because the father was always getting intoxicated. I raised my daughters a lot during the night my wife worked. I am so tired of her attitude.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the grandkids. But we just got married, work full time and long hours, and our weekends are ours to enjoy what we work for. After a whining session, she tells us that she and her husband are pregnant again.
Ugh! When will kids learn?” Narrow_Push7814
6. AITJ For Moving A Stranger's Foot Away From My Face At A Movie Theater?
“The movie theater was mostly empty. Two people sat down behind me; one of them put their feet (no shoes, yes socks) on the headrest to my right, less than a foot away from my face.
After a bit, I realized and, without thinking, moved it because that’s just instinctively disgusting. Then there was a bit of yelling for about a minute.
After a while, they left, and later an employee came to ask me to step outside and then asked me to leave, which I did without arguing and as politely as I could because they were just doing their job.
Genuinely curious, am I the jerk here? I feel like they were in the wrong for putting their disgusting feet near someone’s face while they were eating, but obviously, I’m biased to agree with myself.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Yes, the employee was just doing his job, but I’d be angry if someone blamed me if they didn’t get the full story.
I would have told the employee and let him make his decision based on the full story. If he still decided to blame me, screw that theatre” Sweety-Origin
Another User Comments:
“Something similar happened when I was on a date many years ago. It was disgusting and entitled. This guy with his big size 12-looking feet just plopped his feet up on the chair over my then partner’s head.
I knocked the guy’s shoes off the chair with lightning speed and told him he shouldn’t dare think about doing it again unless he wanted my feet on his head. He got my point and kept his feet to himself. Ugh, that’s not only such a gross thing to do but demoralizing.
NTJ and I would have asked for a refund.” Dry-Use8680
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you fell for random narcissistic abuse. This kind of behavior is typical for narcissists who want to assert their dominance and haven’t had enough narcissistic fodder (attention and outlet for aggression) from their environment.
So they go to bars and bump into people, or pick a seat behind someone in the theatre and put up their feet, looking for a fight and for you to touch them so they can have you kicked out so they can feel like a winner, ruining someone else’s day.
Usually, it works to call these people out on their motives—that they are deliberately trying to pick a fight because they get a kick out of abusing others and trying to establish dominance like a gorilla. The feet are not the issue; the fight-picking is the issue.” GraceOfTheNorth
5. AITJ For Wanting To Call The Police On Kids Playing Loudly On My Property?
“I (38f) and my husband (40m) bought a house a few years ago in a suburban neighborhood. With the purchase came a 12-acre lot of land that is mainly forests and trees. Since then, we have gotten to know the families that live in our neighborhood.
Now, for a few years, our yard has been a cut-through to get to a neighborhood that is across a creek. But, recently, we have had about 5–10 kids playing in our yard and forest. Now, this doesn’t entirely bother me, but they are very loud.
They also play in the woods almost every day. I also work at home, so I need quiet. However, with these kids, that is hard.
Here’s where it gets annoying. I know all of these kids and their parents, and I have tried to talk to them and their parents, asking them to either quiet down or please stop playing in my forest. But the responses from the parents have been “They’re just kids, let them have fun,” or “We honestly don’t care.
As long as they’re not in my house.”
And again, I work from home, so I need the quiet for meetings.
So… WIBTJ if I call the police?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but also cover your butt. Put up No Trespassing signs where the paths are.
Tell the parents that you are shutting this down, and maybe even send a registered letter to them so that you have proof that they were informed should you need it later. Then, if they keep doing it, you call the cops. Try having some trail cameras set up to catch photographic evidence of the kids trespassing so you have something hard to hand the cops.
When you have evidence, ask the cops to visit the households in question and tell them to knock it off, and then if they still don’t get the message, it’s time to press charges.” Edymnion
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not just for the sound but also for liability, especially if you live in the US.
My parents have a similarly attractive property. There have been a lot of incidents where people will wander around on my parents’ property, get hurt, and then try to blame my parents. They have had to be really strict with enforcing no trespassing because of this.
I highly recommend anyone not allow people to roam your property unless they’re extremely close to you. This is especially true for children since parents get incredibly defensive even if they and/or their kids are at fault.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“That’s a tough one, especially if they aren’t causing any damage.
Get No Trespassing signs posted. 12 acres is a lot of land. Maybe setting some boundaries might help. I know you don’t want to encourage them, but is there an area far enough away that you couldn’t hear them? Tell the kids you are working and need some quiet.
Let off an airhorn when they get too loud. Let them know you aren’t mean, but they need to cooperate if they want to continue playing in YOUR forest! Or the police will cause a scene, or you will have to fence it all in and nobody will be happy.
You might find 1 or 2 kids that “get it” and steer the others. Good luck!” QueenK59
4. AITJ For Giving My Female Friend A Christmas Present?
“I (19M) got one of my friends (20F) a pair of earrings for Christmas. They weren’t cheap, but they weren’t insanely expensive either. We were hanging out with a group of friends on the 23rd when I gave them to her. When she opened the present, she said thank you and put them in her pocket.
A few hours later, I got a text from her, saying that she “couldn’t accept the gift as someone with a partner.” I had no intention of this being seen as a romantic gift in any way. I gave all of the friends I hung out with that day presents.
I explained to her that I didn’t like her romantically and that even if I did, I wouldn’t try to be with her given that she has a partner. She just texted me back “OK.”
A bit later, I got a text from her partner (18M) telling me I needed to “screw off and stop trying to be with her.” I brought this up with some other friends, showing them the texts, and they all said that she was being weird about it and that I was in the right.
When I brought it up when I saw her at work earlier today, she said “it didn’t matter what the intentions were” because she and her partner both felt like there was a romantic intention.”
Another User Comments:
“Men are very insecure these days. I don’t personally think you’re the jerk, although in his shoes, me being a semi-insecure 25M, I definitely would get a bit annoyed with you for a few days.
I think because there are so many men with ill intentions, it’s hard to trust. Plus, I would feel like maybe I should have chosen her a nicer gift? I don’t know; my opinion seems very silly, but I can relate to the guy of the girl.
You definitely are not in the wrong, but I guess if they both feel like it was overstepping boundaries, respect that and try to show your friendship in other ways.” Wafflez420x
Another User Comments:
“I think you’re not the jerk; however, I think you need to rethink this friendship and find out aspects that you might have missed, such as warning signals.
It is kinda weird that she accepted at first and then, after a while away from you or others, she suddenly doesn’t want the present. A few moments or hours later, her partner sends you a message. It seems like he might have some deep stuff going on (I’m not saying pry), but definitely, if you get the chance, try to find out what her and her partner’s relationship is like, and if you see any red flags, warn her.
Other than that, there’s really nothing else you can do except maybe drop the relationship. Also, add your friendship with her because if she was a good friend, she should have told her partner that you did not mean it in that way. This might show how much she cares for y’all’s friendship.” Weird-Living-7726
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I don’t really understand why there is so much NTJ here. You’re the idiot because you did get a girl platonic friend a pair of jewelry earrings as a gift when there are infinite other options. It’s a poor choice and can easily be confused as a romantic gesture.
Or YTJ, because you are in the friend zone and have a crush on her and you are being a little Machiavellian here. You said “even if you did have a crush, you wouldn’t advance on her because she has a partner” instead of just “you don’t have a crush on her.” If she broke up and asked you out, would you do it?
If the answer is yes… you can see the problem. Guys can gauge dudes who are waiting on the sideline as “friends” hoping for a shot after a breakup and wanting to come across as a caring, nice guy. The partner did act immaturely. Now, you may not be this guy, and we’re silly enough to buy jewelry, but it sure makes you look like it.” NinjaBokan13
3. AITJ For Not Wanting Overnight Guests After Giving Birth?
“I (28F) and my husband (27M) are expecting a baby soon. My parents live close by, while his mom is a few states away. I have a good relationship with his mom, but we aren’t very close—it’s mostly polite conversations when she visits.
I’m happy for her to visit as soon as the baby is born. Since it’s hard to predict the exact date, we plan to call her and my sister (who also lives out of state) when I go into labor. They know they’re welcome to book a flight right away or wait until after the birth.
Whatever works for them.
I recently told my husband I didn’t want anyone staying overnight at our house for the first few days after birth. He seemed surprised but supported me, and we agreed to let everyone know. I told my mom first, explaining that family is welcome to visit all day and into the evening, but I wanted the first few nights to bond as a family and adjust without overnight guests.
This is our first (and likely only) baby, and I want to treasure those moments.
I also explained that while I appreciate people wanting to help, having guests—even well-meaning ones—can be overwhelming. I have a lot of social anxiety and a low social battery, and I expect to feel exhausted and vulnerable after birth.
Not to mention both our mothers have no problem telling us what we are doing wrong and how we should be doing things. (My mom to me and his mom to him.) I suspect it might be hard having people over all day when I am that tired and emotionally vulnerable right after giving birth, but I understand grandparents wanting to be around the baby right away, and having some time to ourselves at night felt like a good compromise.
My mom understood and offered for my mother-in-law to stay at her house, which has a comfortable guest room. We also offered to pay for a nice waterside hotel, giving her two options.
When my husband explained this to his mom, she became upset and said that if she couldn’t stay with us, she wouldn’t come at all.
This response threw me off. We’ve always hosted her before, even though having guests makes me anxious. I’ve never said no because she’s family and I feel I should get over my anxiety, but I feel the first few days after birth are different.
My husband is supportive and says it’s my decision, but I know he wants her to come. I want that too—for her to meet her grandchild and for my husband’s sake. But her reaction has left me feeling anxious and panicked about labor all of a sudden.
I’m torn. If I give in, I worry I’ll feel overwhelmed and resentful, affecting the experience and the weeks left leading up to it. If I don’t, I’m afraid it will hurt my relationship with her and disappoint my husband (even though it’s her choice not to come).
Does anyone have advice? Are the first few days after birth a good enough reason to stick to what makes me comfortable, even if it upsets her? I’m trying to find a solution that works for everyone, but I’m struggling.”
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ and definitely not in the wrong. You have every right to make the decision that is best for you, especially when you are going through such a major life event like having a baby. Your MIL is being unreasonable—you want them to see the baby and you have arranged for another equally acceptable place to stay.
Hold firm to your decision and I think MIL will change her mind as she’s basically giving you a ridiculous ultimatum.” Large_Industry_28
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your husband that he needs to handle his mother. The stress this is causing you is incredibly dangerous for you and the baby.
Her tantrum is quite literally physically harming you. If she wants to sulk and spoil this experience for herself, she can go ahead and do that, but please don’t let her spoil it for you. Ignore her and focus on getting ready for motherhood. Nothing else matters.
My husband is supportive and says it’s my decision. Wait, did he say this to your MIL? Because if so, he has thrown you under the bus in a way that you shouldn’t be okay with. Have him read the lemon clot essay so he can understand exactly how challenging postpartum can be.
He should be protecting you from his mother, not telling her that you’re the reason she can’t stay in the house. And he needs to ensure that she doesn’t spin a false narrative around the family that you’re stopping her from meeting the baby.
She is very welcome to meet the baby. She just isn’t going to be sleeping under your roof while she does it. She is choosing not to meet the baby until you comply with her demands. Do not give in. This is a power trip.
And you have to win it, or she will boss you around forever.” Cursd818
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My in-laws pulled the same crap. They booked a hotel but only stayed one night because they were “tired.” Well, fine by me. They ruined my SIL’s first weeks after birth by coming over every day and butting in.
Grandma wanted to hold my niece all the time, so my SIL had to ask for her baby back. I was not letting that happen to me. So, let her sulk. You are not unreasonable at all. You are even very accommodating. It’s a power play on her part, one-upping the other grandma and now guilt-tripping.
Do not let her. Tell her: “Okay, we are sad to hear that, but you are welcome to visit during the day whenever you are ready.”” Momadvice1982
2. AITJ For Refusing To Remove Wallpaper In A Freezing, Unrenovated House While Pregnant?
“My husband asked me to go into our renovation house, which has no heating (the temperature has been below zero for the last couple of days, so the house is freezing) and no electricity, and remove wallpaper because I took a week off work and I’m “free” to do it.
I am 23 weeks pregnant and starting to feel really heavy while doing normal daily things and taking care of our 18-month-old toddler. I have gone to help twice previously with my husband, as he has ADHD and struggles to focus on one task at a time and instead jumps from one to the next.
I refused to help this time because I found it unreasonable to ask me to go by myself and sit there removing wallpaper in the freezing cold. When I refused, his reaction was to call me “ungrateful” as he has done all the work himself and I should at least do a little regardless of whether I am pregnant.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You shouldn’t be doing that kind of prolonged standing physical labor in the cold watching another toddler while pregnant regardless of your time off. Also, why did you spawn with this man? He seems pretty freaking clueless as to what pregnancy involves.
If a man ever called me ungrateful while I was carrying his baby for nine months, I’d end that arrangement and remove my “ungrateful” butt from his life entirely.” runrunpuppets
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, ask him who is going to be staying at home looking after the toddler and doing all the housework when you end up in the hospital with pneumonia from working in that temperature.
Your immune system is already working overtime during this pregnancy, and you can’t risk your health right now. Also, ask him when you overdo it and get put on complete bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy, who is going to look after everything then also?
I think your doctor needs to talk to him.” One_Winged_Dove
Another User Comments:
“Based on my own life experience, men often don’t understand just how much your body is working 24/7 to create a baby. I had a similar issue during my first pregnancy, and my doctor asked me to bring my partner in for my next visit so she could “have a chat with him.” It definitely helped change his attitude, and he took on a whole lot more of the household chores after that so I could rest in the evenings (I worked full-time up until a few weeks before the birth).
He wasn’t happy about it, but he did it.” Mauinfinity-0805
1. AITJ For Yelling At My Friend For Being Nosy About My Partner's Personal Issues?
“I, (22F), have been with my incredible partner, Layne (22F), for just over a year now.
I introduced her to all my friends about four months in, and since then, she’s been hanging out with us (seven including me) regularly.
So, I have a friend, Freya (23F), who is kind of nosy. For a couple of weeks, Layne has been out of town (before anyone asks, she didn’t want me to come; I offered, but she said she just needed to do this alone) for family issues I won’t spill here, and Freya has been nagging me like crazy about it.
My friends and I all go to the same university, and we hang out pretty much every day, so I can’t avoid her.
First, I thought it started with honest concern. I told her, as I had before, that Layne was out of town for some family matters.
Plain and simple. I was subtly trying to convey that it was none of her freaking business. She accepted that for only one day. She then amped it up by pressing about exactly what the family matter is. I kept shutting her down, calmly asking her to drop it, and explaining that Layne didn’t want her personal issues being aired out like that (which she had explicitly told me).
But she just wouldn’t take no for an answer. She continued insisting that it was fine if she knew, and that I would just ignore her. Last night was my last straw.
We were hanging out at a local bar when Layne called me. I told my friends that I’d be back in a bit, and went outside to take the call.
Layne was very upset, so I told her I’d get a cab and go home to give her my full attention. I quickly went back into the bar to tell my friends that I had to leave; mind you, I still had Layne on the line because I anticipated it would only take a minute.
I just said something like, “Hey guys, but I gotta go, see you later,” and pointed at the ongoing call. Freya, who was completely sober, decided it was a great idea to try to grab my phone from my hand while yelling questions at Layne.
I backed up and held the phone to my chest, completely surprised because, seriously, what the heck? I yelled at her to back off and told her that my partner’s personal matters were none of her concern. She spluttered for a second, and everyone else just stared at us in bewilderment before I left. I talked to Layne on the way home and told her what happened, but said it was no big deal right now, refocusing the conversation on what she needed to discuss.
By the time I got home, I had turned my phone on Do Not Disturb and was FaceTiming Layne, so I didn’t see the messages from my friends until today.
Freya was angry that I yelled at her, and two of our other friends, Toby (23M) and Clay (22M) shared the same sentiment that I embarrassed Freya by getting so angry at her when she was “just worried about Layne.” The rest of my friends were asking me if I was okay, and they sided with me.
I just want to know, despite my friends and Layne telling me that Freya was totally weird for it, did I overreact? I’m starting to feel a bit guilty; I never ever yell like that.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There will be friends in your life who are okay with you being gay so long as they don’t have to think about you being gay.
They will never treat your relationships in the same way as they treat cis het relationships. This is what Freya is doing – she deserves to know because, you know, Layne doesn’t get treated as your partner because that would mean dealing with her own internalized nonsense.
Not respecting boundaries and not treating your bond as different from friendship are classic examples of this. She won’t admit to seeing you and Layne as any different, but I guarantee she wouldn’t have grabbed the phone and started quizzing Layne if it had been a straight friend talking to her partner.” idril1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but here’s a small piece of advice to help prevent this type of thing from happening again: Three strikes, you’re out. It doesn’t matter who, but if anyone asks anything personal about you or anyone in your life, depending on the situation, first time, tell them, ‘Thanks for your concern, but it’s private,’ or ‘it’s private, thanks for understanding.’ Second time, say, ‘I thought we spoke about this when you first asked me?
Don’t you remember?’ Then, repeat what you said. Third time, if there was a reason for you to know, I would tell you. This is now the third time; you are just being rude, so don’t ask again because you are being very disrespectful, and I don’t appreciate having to talk to you like this.
Fourth time, blast them. The longer we allow anyone—friends, family members, work colleagues, or acquaintances—the more they’ll push your ‘cross over line’ with each request for information that is none of their business. Obviously, each situation and person calls for different wording to suit.
This should stop most people who clearly do not have any ethics or who don’t really know you. I hope Layne is doing well.” No_Raise6934
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Freya needs to screw right off. You have told her repeatedly that your partner’s family crisis is private; if she wanted, Freya or anybody else, to know, she would have shared it with them.
I would let your friends know privately that she has badgered you repeatedly for information your partner wants kept private, and last night was the last straw. Your partner was upset, and Freya was acting like she was entitled to know what was going on.
And if your friends still think you were in the wrong, maybe it’s time for some new friends.” Excellent-Surprise79
