People Remind Us That Life Isn’t Black And White In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Insisting We Can't Afford An Expensive Mother's Day Meal?
“I (27F) and my fiancé (35M) were planning on celebrating Mother’s Day with his family.
His mother wanted to go to an expensive restaurant and my fiancé is expected to pay. This restaurant runs about $700 total for about only 4 people. The problem is, money has been extremely tight because of our child’s unexpected medical expenses (child had an accident and now requires extensive physical therapy and medication).
I told my fiancé that we could not afford this meal, but he kept insisting he pay for it.
I pay for our child’s medical expenses because I make more, but we were short this month and when I asked him to help with the bill, he doesn’t have the money.
But all of a sudden he has $600 spare dollars for a dinner? I told him we need to live within our means and look at our priorities and suggested cheaper but nice places we can go to, or for him to celebrate with just his parents and I will stay behind with the baby.
He turned both options down immediately.
Here’s where I may be the jerk or why I think I am: I keep insisting we don’t celebrate even though I am not the one paying for the meal nor the one being celebrated (Mother’s Day is only about his mother and not me — this is how I personally felt the past 3 years).
Our finances are separate for the most part and he just gives me the amount of money to cover his percentage (we do an income-based ratio for paying rent and bills). But I know he can’t afford the dinner because I already front most of our expenses and $600 is well over more than half his paycheck.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Maybe you’re not the one paying, but he’s taking money away from his injured child. That’s being a bad parent. What’s wrong with Olive Garden or something in that price range? If he wasn’t a father, it would be different, but he is a father.
He’s letting his family down. Kinda have to side-eye the mom, too. Maybe she wouldn’t pick that restaurant if she knew the whole story, but who asks someone to treat them to a meal that’s over 150!?! I’d feel selfish even asking.” FrederickChase
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Hate to say it, but what kind of mother would allow their child to spend that kind of money on one meal?!? My mother would never allow that. In fact, if I ever insisted on treating her to a Mother’s Day meal, she’d insist that I cook the meal. In my opinion, holidays, especially in the US, have gotten way out of hand.
People are so entitled these days. As if deciding to have children somehow entitles you to a $700 meal. I’m thankful that my family actually values “the thought” instead of material things.” SigSauerPower320
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have unexpected medical bills that you’re having to deal with.
Your child’s medical care is more important than a fancy meal for his mother. You aren’t going to convince him that it’s not a good time to do this. I get that he’s the one paying for the meal, but if that’s going to be a decent chunk of his paycheck will it impact his ability to pay his portion of the household expenses?
That meal is more expensive than my car payment! Is he actually going to be able to afford this meal and his monthly expenses? Because if not, you’re covering his portion, so you’d basically be paying for the meal.” CemeteryDweller7719
20. AITJ For Calling Out A Creepy Older Volunteer At The Barn?
“I’m currently 27f and volunteer at a barn.
About 5 years ago, we were supposed to get some new arrivals. I went to the rescue after class to see if they’d arrived so I could say hi, etc etc. There were few volunteers, the transporter was running late, and most of them had to leave.
They asked if I’m staying for a while since I just arrived then asked me to contact them for an update if they arrive.
So it was me and this man for a little while. This was my first time meeting him.
He’s at least 50 years older than I am, and at least twice as large (for context I’m 5′ and ~200 lbs). I was sitting and eating some snacks and he started talking to me. At first, I was being polite and nodding since I was eating.
Then he started acting weird on me. It was almost as if he was trying to “impress” me. He would tell me something like “I’ve known so and so for 20 years” then put his chin down, make his eyes bigger, and look at me like he was expecting a certain reaction.
He continued to do this 6+ times. I got uncomfortable so I got up and went to the barn. He got up a few seconds later and followed a few feet behind me. He was acting like he wasn’t trying to follow me.
To make sure, I went to a few different pastures. He was 100% following me around. Then I got an update that the transporter was running later than expected and wouldn’t arrive that day, so I got off the property asap.
Luckily I rarely saw this man after that but when I did, I made sure there were other people. He would try to single me out occasionally, like specifically asking me to bring him a bottle of water.
I couldn’t exactly report him to anyone since he hasn’t “harmed” me, but I’ve let a few people know that he creeped me out.
Fast forward to now. I found out that he was talking trash about me about how “rude” I was, always avoiding him and ignoring him.
This angered me so I confronted him about it and said he’s creepy. Now he’s mad and trying to threaten me with “pressing charges for spreading lies” about him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ go talk to the volunteer coordinator–you’re not obliged to put up with this nonsense.
“I found out that he was talking trash about me about how “rude” I was, always avoiding him and ignoring him. This angered me so I confronted him about it and said he’s creepy. Now he’s mad and trying to threaten me with “pressing charges for spreading lies” about him.” Gee, I wonder why women avoid him?
Good luck pressing charges, dude, for women not being your doting audience.” Sea-Mud5386
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… You have an opinion about someone and their actions. A mature person would listen to what is being said, apologize for the misunderstanding, and try to get along with you within the group.
He has continued to isolate you and you have continued to avoid him. You did nothing wrong and he needs to back off. There are no “charges” for spreading lies against someone acting so odd, and then saying you are rude for avoiding him and ignoring him just proves he is trying to be near you.
He’s a creep. Keep avoiding him.” righteousredo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s a creep. A non-creepy man doesn’t behave like this at all and would try to make you comfortable instead of setting off every creep alarm you have.
Stalking you when you try to get away from him? NO. Totally unacceptable. His threats are empty, but you should tell whoever is in charge of the facility that he’s behaved inappropriately and is also spreading lies about you in retaliation for not giving him the attention he tried to repeatedly demand.
As for telling other people, that’s how you keep yourself and others safe. If he’s being a creep to you, he’s likely doing it to others, and having people aware so that they can intervene if needed is just self-defense.” ghostforest
19. AITJ For Not Dressing Up For A Casual Hangout With Friends?
“I (21F) am traveling abroad to the US soon to visit some relatives, and some of my friends wanted to hang out with me before I leave in about a week since I’m going to be away for almost a whole month and we’ll all miss each other.
Long story short, it’s been a pretty hectic couple of weeks getting everything ready for my trip, and so I was happy to have a chance to wind down with my friends before leaving, so of course I agreed.
We agreed to meet at 1 pm, and I’m going to be honest – I didn’t put much effort into my appearance, I just didn’t think it was a big deal at all. These are my friends, there’s no one I need to impress.
My hair was in a messy low bun, I wore an oversized hoodie and sweats, and some trainers, no makeup or anything. We were literally just going to get some food to eat at the local park, so just to reiterate – I really didn’t think I needed to make myself look pretty, especially since these are my best friends that I’ve known for years now.
They’ve seen me at my worst, so no makeup, a large hoodie, messy hair, and some sweats is nothing. I of course showered and made sure I didn’t look like I had crawled out of a sewer but other than that, I looked casual, and not much effort had been put in.
One of my friends was visibly upset when I showed up. She looked gorgeous, full face of makeup, pretty white sundress, two Dutch braids. She’s been getting more and more into fashion and beauty recently so she’s very passionate about looking good, but this passion has so far been confined to her own fashion and beauty so I never expected her to care about what I’m wearing.
She evidently did care and kept making comments the whole day, at one point she got catcalled by some creepy weirdo (horrible thing to experience), and a while later she brought it up again and told me that ‘maybe that would happen to you more if you actually put effort into looking good’.
Found this super weird because why on earth would I wanna be catcalled? I argued with her about this and asked her what her problem is with my appearance, it’s not like we’re at some high-end event otherwise I would’ve put effort into looking good.
My other friends backed me up and said that this day was supposed to be about having fun with each other before I leave for a month. I think it’s great that she likes to put effort into how she looks and I told her that, heck I love putting effort into my appearance too but just not every day.
She wouldn’t budge and even went as far as to tell me that I’m disrespectful for not caring about being presentable when she woke up extra early just to make herself look good to meet with us all and that I had ‘probably just rolled out of bed and rocked up’ without altering my appearance whatsoever.
It ended up being such an awkward day and I just feel bad about everything now. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“”My other friends backed me up and said that this day was supposed to be about having fun.” NTJ.
This is the whole thing in a nutshell as you wrote it. It’s a day to meet up and have fun, not a fashion parade. Your friend had a really odd response and acted like a major jerk from what you wrote.
Outside of meeting dress codes for clubs or weddings etc… I’ve never once had to think about what I wear, same should go for you and all of us. You shouldn’t feel bad for this, all your other friends have your back, and you’re not a jerk for turning up casually for a casual meet-up.
Maybe there’s something more going on with your “dress up” friend that goes beyond all of this. Her behavior is way out of line.” Mr_Ham_Man80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First off, the day is about spending time with YOU.
Not going to prom. Not going to a gala event. It is a fun hang to enjoy time together before you leave. Second, your other friends backed you up, which means their heads are in the right place and obviously understood the assignment.
Third, that rude friend of yours has some personal issues to work out. I sense she has some possible insecurities on her end. Were you all meeting up to look good for the gram or to enjoy each other’s company?
If anything, feel bad that your friend feels so uncomfortable in her own skin that she has to put her “friends” down to feel good about how she feels in her altered skin. It is sad, really. This time away from her seems to be heaven-sent because, gross.
It always amazes me how people can focus so much on their beauty on the outside that they sacrifice REAL beauty from the inside and become an ugly personality. I can’t tell you how many “beautiful” people I find gross because they are toxic and/or a bad human.” Leonidus0613
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s a public place with no established dress code and no one said anything about dressing nice. This is a bit of a reach but it seems like she might have some internalized misogyny the way she judges you and seems to think that catcalling is a compliment.
Showing up to the plans shows you care, making conversation shows you care. If they expected you to dress a certain way, they should have said so. The way I’m hearing it is that the rest of your friends don’t really enjoy her judgy company very much either.
I’d recommend explaining to her that unsolicited “advice” and put-downs isn’t something that people want to be around. I’m sorry you had to be around that sort of snooty behavior.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Breaking Into My Own House After Paying Rent And Being Locked Out?
“I (18F) have recently turned 18 and have been splitting the cost of rent and utilities with my parents for about a year. Since becoming an adult I have been somewhat granted more privileges, one of them being that I am allowed to leave the house without permission as long as I am home by 10 pm.
However, this rule is bypassed when I have to work or have some other obligation that requires me to be out late. Despite me helping out with the bills, basic household tasks, and occasional babysitting, both of my parents have agreed that I am not allowed to have my own house key.
I have discussed this with them many times, as I feel it is unfair that I am picking up almost half of the rent, and I am still locked out on a regular basis when my family isn’t home.
Last night, I had picked up a night shift which had ended at 11 pm. I got home at around 11:30 and waited at the door. I knocked, called them, and sent several text messages to no response. I did this for several hours, even hearing shuffling coming from inside the home which made me assume I was being ignored. In a bout of desperation due to exhaustion, a full bladder, and exposure to freezing temperatures, I decided I would google ways to get inside the house.
I managed to open the door and was immediately scolded for about an hour straight. While I told my parents my situation, they had told me I was disrespectful and had invaded their privacy, and that I should’ve just waited the entire night.
I am at a total loss here. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What did I just read? You are 18, pay rent, do household chores, work, and you aren’t allowed to have a key to your own house?
Then got in trouble when you made your way inside after they deliberately refused to let you on despite being awake and, presumably, understood you had a shift ending at 11 pm, which would then put your ETA around 11:30?
What is wrong with them? Move out.” RiddleUsThis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And my heart breaks a little that you think you could be. You shouldn’t have been asked to pay rent prior to turning 18. You should have your own key.
You shouldn’t feel obligated to provide for your younger siblings. You should never be expected to sleep outside. You should not be expected to pay half the rent when you are one and they are two. None of this is okay.
I know you probably don’t think any of this is “that” bad, but it really is. Please start planning on moving out. Get your documents (social security card, birth certificate, license and all that) together. If you have an account you opened at a bank prior to turning 18, get another account (your parents likely have access to it if you opened it before turning 18.
Which means they can just drain your account and you’ll have no recourse). Start thinking about where you can go, do you have any family that can take you in while you get together money for an apartment?
Any close friends whose parents might let you stay for a while? Because none of this is okay.” onekrazykat
Another User Comments:
“Um this is a really weird situation here, you’re 18 barely an adult and you’re supporting your parents…?
Sounds like you need time to get your life together not theirs, and if you’re paying even a cent in that household you’re entitled to a house key, and the fact that you’re paying bills means they should not dictate anything about the time you come home.
If it’s their house, not yours, and their rules, not yours then they need to pay for it fully, they don’t get to have both. Also if it was cold out and they were indeed inside ignoring you, that’s the cherry on top.
Time to move out with friends and get a better living situation if this situation isn’t amenable. I’m concerned for you.” ResponsibleSpeaker18
17. AITJ For Announcing My Engagement While My Sister Is Pregnant?
“My sister (Dot, 19) is single and pregnant. Around 5 months. My partner and I went away on vacation and he proposed to me.
I told my mom and I posted the engagement on my social media.
My sister flipped out on my Instagram post and wrote a long rant on how I could do that to her while she’s pregnant and I didn’t think about her situation at all and how my engagement would make her feel.
My mom told me it was insensitive because my sister is feeling unloved right now and is having a hard time with it recently because the reality of her situation has hit her.
I told my mom that I’m not putting my life on hold because my sister made a stupid mistake.
My mom said don’t expect to run back to my family after I get divorced.
I am hurt that my mom and sister are treating me like this over my engagement.”
Another User Comments:
“So can the pizza man deliver his pizzas because she is pregnant?
Can I take a restroom break because she is pregnant? Can you think because she is pregnant? Life goes on and stuff happens. People live it every day and one person’s day doesn’t mean that the others will stop for that one person.
If that was the case, I would never get my pizza. Now see how dumb that sounds. Definitely NTJ. Hope all goes well for you.” Chewbarkovvv
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Our lives, though intertwined, are separate. You getting engaged, then married, should not be connected at all with whether your sister is pregnant, in a relationship or not, or anything else.
(Unless, of course, your partner is her ex, the baby’s father.) Were they expecting you to raise the kid? The sister being grumpy makes sense–she’s lashing out from Emotions. But anyone else telling you that you’re “insensitive” for having a relationship?
Tell ’em to kick rocks.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, congratulations!! This is an exciting time for you.. don’t let your family rain on your parade. Your sister and mom don’t seem happy for you, which is really terrible of them.
You’re absolutely right that you can’t stop living your life because of things going on with them. Regardless of her situation, you are not responsible for her happiness. Your fiancé isn’t responsible for her happiness. I’m truly surprised that they would treat you this poorly.
You didn’t know your fiancé was going to propose and even if you did, you shouldn’t have to stop your relationship from moving forward. You deserve to be happy. I’m sure your family will come around, but if they don’t, move on.
You deserve better from them.” cuckoobird93
16. AITJ For Retaliating Against My Mom's Body Shaming Comments At A Family Gathering?
“This happened around 3 hours ago, while my family and I were at my grandparents’ house for a Sunday BBQ.
Things were going well, everyone was happy.
Then we moved on from the meat and onto the dessert. I asked for a slice of meringue cake and sat down. I realized I had forgotten cream, and went back. My mum then started making comments about what I was eating and my weight.
“Oh great, more calories.”
“You better calm down on that, don’t wanna ruin prom for you and everyone do you?”
“Two desserts, right? Save some for everyone else.”
“Watch it, or we’ll have to roll you out of here.”
Those were all the things she said. She said it in front of everyone, around 6 people. I got mad, like super upset. At first, I tried ignoring it, saying stuff like “bit rude” or “ok calm down.” But the more she kept saying stuff, the more mad I got.
I snapped and said, “you know this is why I’m going to put you in a nursing home.” Everyone went silent and I got yelled at. We went home early for embarrassing my mum. I don’t feel bad for what I said, but I do feel like a jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’m going to bet this isn’t the only toxic behavior you deal with with your mom. In a toxic family, what you see in public is often just the tip of the iceberg.
I’m guessing you’re still in high school by the prom comment? I’m in my thirties and no longer speak to any of my family. Toxicity has its limits. I wish you the best in dealing with a mom like that.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are brutal in an awesome way! Your mum was being verbally abusive and degrading you intentionally. She was trying to hurt you. Your response was savage, but in a way that will get the point across.
Next time though, maybe emphasize more, and louder, about her being inappropriately rude and abusive in those comments. Tell her flat out to stop talking to you if she’s going to say that crud. You got your wings today though.
Good job!” MontanaRogues
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ. Don’t dish it if you can’t take it. She shouldn’t be body-shaming you anyway, let alone doing it in front of other people. That’s just really stupid. And the “it’s just a joke”, “jeez calm down” nonsense is gaslighting.
They’re minimizing their involvement with your feelings even though their words caused you to feel that way. You eat your cake and you savor every bite of it. Who cares what your body type is? I’m telling you right now that genuine people do not care what your body type is, what your skin color is, what your hair color is, how many piercings or tattoos you have, etc. Genuine people care about the content of your character and the goodness in your heart.
If your mom wants to be a jerk, then she should expect someone to be a jerk back. That’s how narcissistic people operate. They degrade and degrade and degrade and then when you finally stick up for yourself, they make you feel like the bad guy.
Absolutely NTJ. Get lost, mom.” for_whyy
15. AITJ For Wearing Headphones To Sleep Despite My Wife's Disapproval?
“I (39M) and my wife (37F), have been married for 3 years, but have been together for quite some time before that.
We’ve been living together for at least the last 11 years when I first moved to Brooklyn to be with her.
She likes to sleep in silence, but my brain needs a bit of white noise for it to relax and for me to drift off.
I created a playlist with yoga meditation sounds, ocean sounds, and very quiet tunes to help with this, playing them on a speaker next to my side of the bed. At first, she didn’t seem to mind it, but she kept telling me that my playlist was too loud and to turn it down, which I obliged. Gradually, the speaker was literally turned down to “1”, and she still complained to me about it.
I figured the only way to accommodate both of us was for me to put headphones on when I sleep, so I wouldn’t disturb her. However, she said she has a beef with this, since the music – even turned down – completely shuts me off from the world, and therefore I wouldn’t be able to hear anything at night, should an emergency happen.
Plus, she says it makes us feel like roommates. She told me to not sleep in them, but I told her she left me no choice since I tried to turn the music down as much as I could.
She then said I should learn to sleep in silence. I feel like my request was disregarded, even after my attempts at compromise were made.
I tried it for a few nights, and I couldn’t sleep, which left me sleep-deprived and unable to function at my best during the day.
So, I went back to wearing the headphones at night. Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – and the award for the most unreasonable dismissive spouse of the year goes toooooo! Here are your compromises.
You are asleep..how are you to be connected to the world? If there is an emergency, is she just leaving your backside to burn it? If she is away and not in the same bed as you, then no headphones.
What we have here is a stealthy control freak. They do this via insignificant issues…the joke is this is so insignificant it’s pretty big that they are choosing this hill to die on. Hope it works out.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her sleep needs aren’t more important than yours. There should be a compromise or you should consider separate bedrooms. I run as hot as the fire of 1000 suns, so I like air conditioning and I also need some white noise (which the AC or a fan can provide) but my husband hates AC and is a snorer.
We both recently got ill and slept in different rooms. I went to the guest room with our portable AC and one of our bassets who likes the white noise due to fireworks constantly going off at night where we live.
He stayed in our bedroom with the other basset who is radiator hot to sleep with. All four of us have continued this sleep arrangement 2 months later because we are finally getting sleep. My husband isn’t being woken up by me for his snoring throughout the night, and I can sleep in the ice box with white noise the way I like.
It has made us both better rested and therefore we are in better spirits and our relationship is even better. We are similar in that we have been together for 10 years and married for 3. My husband was resistant to sleeping separately until he realized how much better we both sleep.” Lalalabambi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but what type of headphones do you use? I also need noise when I sleep and to block out my partner’s sleep apnea. I use one of those soft headbands with Bluetooth flat speakers in them.
You can place the speakers so they are not direct over your ears allowing you to still hear anything in case of emergencies. Alternatively, make a shorter playlist. It usually takes me between 20 minutes to an hour to fall asleep so I’ll put a YouTube video on that lasts about an hour (currently music from Witcher 3) so it isn’t playing all night.” Binky_kitty
14. AITJ For Expecting My Brother To Help With Family Chores And Caretaking?
“I (20f) am in my last year of college, which basically involves several projects and an internship. Besides this, I’m expected to have several driving classes, take care of house chores, and take care of my grandmother, who needs to be accompanied all the time.
Lately, I’ve been feeling so drained and depressed and I dread the moment I come home and have to be a caretaker while studying full-time. Today I had enough, my mother was complaining that I didn’t put her clothes in the dryer and how could I forget, blah blah blah.
I told her I forgot and that I was extremely tired of having no help while my brother (30) gets home from work and sits on the sofa the whole night while expecting me to have something cooked for him.
When I brought this up, my mother told me I was being difficult, and what else did I expect my brother to do? I told her I expected him at least to help me take care of our grandmother, which she said he shouldn’t have to do because he was a man.
I called her out on this, saying that just because I am a woman I’m not a caretaker. She said I’m selfish for thinking like that and that I am always complaining about the same thing, and that I always tell her she favours my brother even though she does things for me as well.
Before she left for work, she told me to think well about what I told her.
Am I really being so selfish? If so I’ll apologize and endure all the pressure she puts on my shoulders…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I hope you can get out of there ASAP. And if you happen to be straight, maybe get some therapy before finding a partner because if your whole life you’ve been trained that women do all the work and men sit around and do nothing well you might run into problems even if you think you won’t.
It’s easy to fall into these roles if you’ve been immersed in it for so long. Easier to try to unlearn it before you end up saddled with children and a lazy partner who doesn’t contribute at all.” Brittaya
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ and you know it. Don’t doubt yourself. The healthiest thing I did when I was 20-ish was tell my mom she favored my older brother. She was upset and didn’t talk to me for a month, but then our relationship changed. She was much less demanding of me.
It didn’t stop her from favoring my older, heavy drinker, loser, no-job brother, but she no longer thought that she could bully/guilt me into anything. My mom died several years ago and we were very close, even after this.
So it’s not a win/lose situation. You can stand up for yourself and still be a good, loving daughter and have a healthy relationship with your mom.” MAARRS
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t apologize. Your mom is trying to keep you in the dark ages of men doing jack sh*t in the home, leaving women burdened by cleaning, laundry, cooking & caretaking.
I’m sure it’s just how she was raised, but that doesn’t make it right. Divide your weekly chore schedule in half in a way that suits your needs to fulfill your school obligations–give your mom and your brother his schedule.
When they object, stop cooking–just have cereal & sandwiches (that they must prepare themselves). Stop doing his laundry. Do minimal cleaning–never clean his room. When you’ve done your shift watching your grandmother, announce to both of them that it’s his turn (you’ll find him parked on the sofa) and go to your room or, better yet, arrange your schedule so that you actually leave the house to the library or somewhere else–in your brother’s presence, call your mom and tell her that it’s your brother’s shift if your mom is out of the house when you leave They will resist change, but remember that you ARE NOT IN THE WRONG.
A real man doesn’t sit lazily while his mom and sister are overwhelmed!” [deleted]
13. AITJ For Losing My Temper At A Co-Worker Who Ruined My Personal Items?
“I (25f) work for a bakery that is partnered with a small grocery chain, and I currently work in one of the stores. Think Starbucks at Target; together but separate.
I enjoy my job, and because this store is close to my home, I often shop here. This is important.
Some of our goodies aren’t shelf stable; they’re designed to be kept in a fridge or cooler, and not adhering to that can make the product spoil, and unaware customers extremely sick.
One of these is a torte with a real cream cheese frosting, and these often get mistaken for the grocery store’s brand of similar-sized cake with vanilla frosting, which sits on a table. Easy enough mistake despite the labels being different colors, and one we know to look out for.
One of the employees, T, usually does returns and facings. I don’t (didn’t) mind her. She’s always been friendly enough, and I like interacting with folks. A couple of weeks back, I was putting a fresh batch of bread out and I noticed T putting a torte with the cakes, so I went to help her.
It was pretty straightforward and I know I was nice to her, but she flipped. I don’t know if I somehow offended her or just set her off when she was having a bad day, but she screamed at me.
I mean full-blown, you’ve ruined my day screaming. She called me nasty names, insulted my intelligence, and called the other baker on duty a derogatory name that she’s lucky he didn’t report. Whole 9 yards. I reported her to management and just fumed over it, but left it alone.
She’s gone out of her way since to antagonize me, costing the bakery money by intentionally letting products go warm on a table, shelf, or cart and then making a show of handing it to us in front of customers.
Finally last week I snapped. I was grocery shopping on my day off and she marches one of our specialty flavor cakes over and dumps it in my cart, onto my produce and the lid came off. It got on me, my purse, and obviously my food.
I screamed at her, cussed her out, and followed her through the store, calling her names and when her manager finally showed up, I explained what happened. He point blank said he wasn’t firing her, she was going through some tough times at home (later found out her daughter was diagnosed with cancer) and she needed some compassion.
I didn’t let it drop, and threatened to go above him if necessary to get her sorted because that purse is one of very few luxuries I allot myself, and irreplaceable as it was from a boutique that only has limited-run products.
She started crying, and I told her to shut her mouth or I’d help her with that, and she quit then and there. Since then, my manager talked to me about my hostility, but when she was told about what happened (conveniently forgotten), she backed me up.
A few of the store employees though have said I cost her what little money she had and I should have just quit or let it drop. Now I’m wondering… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You both sound off the wall.
And saying ‘you know you were nice to her’ though not saying what your interaction was before she ‘inexplicably’ went off on you sounds really hard to believe when your subsequent reaction to being annoyed at her was to scream, follow her around the store abusing her, make violent threats, and then insist on having her fired. One of these things is not like the other.
She was out of line. You were out of line. Both of you deserve reprimands and to be on a very ‘thin ice’ probation if you were to stay at the job at all. Everyone’s a jerk here.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I was so ready to call you some nasty names but… You didn’t bully her. It sounds like she darn near assaulted you and potentially ruined something you own?? I remember working retail and having beef with people, but she sounds absolutely nuts.
You definitely flipped out and shouldn’t have, but her sick daughter isn’t an excuse for her to lose her cool on someone, especially a customer. I would have been fired for both of your actions tbh, but in your shoes, I think it would’ve been justifiable.
Maybe you should look for a job with less interaction though.” sadclownposse_15
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – Her petty behavior towards you is not only unacceptable but could be dangerous if she does end up giving a customer food poisoning.
You had every right to be mad at her but the way that you responded was over the top. Spoilt food over your items does not warrant screaming, swearing, and following her around the store. All it does is make you look like the crazy and unreasonable one, whereas if you had restrained yourself a bit and gone straight to the manager, the situation could have gone a bit differently.
I know it can be hard to control emotions sometimes, especially if it’s an ongoing issue. However, sometimes you do need to be the bigger person, even if it is only to help yourself.” nobodysdaughter_
12. AITJ For Revoking My Uncle's Wedding Invite Because He Refuses To Dress Up?
“I’m (30f) getting married in September, we’re planning a pretty normal wedding. I did specify a basic dress code in the invite. I’m not expecting black tie and heck I’d be happy with something basic like a decent polo shirt or blouse.
My uncle (60m) refuses to dress up for anything because he feels that blue-collar workers like him don’t dress up like the white collars do. I have nothing against my uncle’s work but his job is a good chunk of his identity and it’s quite annoying.
He’s done this before at other functions. He’ll either wear a dirty Carhartt or “dirty hands clean money” shirt.
He’s refusing to dress up at all and there’s a decent chance his clothes won’t be clean.
AITJ for revoking his invite?”
Another User Comments:
“Uncle sounds like he has a chip on his shoulder. I know quite a few men (and some women!) who work in HVAC, home construction, road construction, factories, plumbing, electrical…and they all know how to dress for things like church, funerals, weddings, graduation.
Some wear suits, some wear slacks and a button-up shirt or polos, ladies wear dresses or slacks and a blouse or sweater. And they always wear clean clothes. Uncle wearing dirty clothes is what makes me think he has a chip on his shoulder…acting out for some reason.
You are NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Have known plenty of “Blue Collar” workers who will nonetheless put on a suit for church, wedding, or funeral. TBH, the people I knew would, when needed, clean up very fastidiously.
They may not arrive in a brand new suit and $500 Italian shoes, but they’d come with hair combed and in clean ironed clothes. I even know some for whom “dressed up” means putting on the “good Carhartts” but maybe even that’s fine, as long as they show respect by wearing something decent and not coming in dirty clothes.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This one cracked me up. For a “blue-collar worker”, he’s awfully full of himself. As if dressing up is somehow below his station. I’ve been a “blue-collar worker” my entire life. There are two types of functions in which you should be dressing up.
Which, by that, I mean at the very least, a button-down shirt, nice shoes, and a pair of nice pants….. Weddings and funerals. Unless the bride and groom say otherwise, you wear a shirt and tie/dress/formal attire.
One side of my family is notorious for showing up under-dressed for formal events. When I had my wedding, every single one of their (that side of the family) invitations clearly stated “This is a black tie event.
Entry will not be permitted otherwise.”” SigSauerPower320
11. AITJ For Ordering A Beer At A Baseball Game Against My Fiancée's Wishes?
“My fiancée and I went to see the Yankees with her sister, brother-in-law, and 4 children.
About halfway through the game, I asked if anyone would like anything and went to the concession. When I ordered our food I decided to add a beer to my order.
My fiancée told the worker to wait.
She looked at me and said not to order the beer because her sister and husband would be upset. I asserted myself and said that “I am an adult and their beliefs should not affect whether or not I should be able to enjoy a beer at a sporting event.” She and her family ignored me for the rest of the game.
AITJ?
This was a religious reason. They’ve never struggled with substance abuse. I did not drink prior and had no intention of getting wasted.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I come from a very religious family background. This may seem like a quick escalation, but you need to re-examine your marriage plans.
If you can’t have a beer in a public setting then think of all the things their thinking will have influence on in your married life. At the very least you need to have a lot of detailed discussions with your fiancé.
NTJ. Nothing wrong with having a beer at a ballgame.” brenticles42
Another User Comments:
“”She and her family ignored me for the rest of the game.” This is a major, major red flag! The family disagrees with drinking, and your fiancee asked you not to but you chose to – all this could be just a case of differing opinions and your fiancee asking you to not make waves.
Kind of weird but not toxic. But using the silent treatment to punish you is emotional abuse – I mean literally the silent treatment is classified as emotional abuse. If your wife and her family feel comfortable doing this to you, it means that you’ll experience this again throughout your marriage.
It’s just not a healthy way to communicate at all. Please talk to your fiancee about this, and get some pre-marital counseling to get all this out in the open.” HomelyHobbit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I grew up Mormon.
I didn’t know a single adult who drank until I was in high school. My parents recently started drinking but didn’t for the first few years after we left the church. My extended family is almost all still active members.
If you know anything about Mormons, you know how judgemental and often outright rude they are about people making “sinful” decisions. Yet somehow nobody in my family has ever had the audacity to demand any other adults live by their religious rules.
I live with a man, have eleven tattoos and a facial piercing, and my cousin had two babies out of wedlock. We’re still super close to our Mormon family. Religious reasons or not, nobody gets to tell you how to consume booze.
I would take a good, long look at your relationship now, before you have to legally remove yourself from it. Why is your partner more concerned with his unreasonable family’s expectations than your comfort? Why do they think they have ANY right to tell you no?” bitritzy
10. AITJ For Refusing To Go On Family Vacation If My Bully Cousin Is Included?
“My (18F) cousin (18M) and I do not get along. I believe he’s rude, inconsiderate, and just a bully.
He and I have never been close because he’s loud and rude whereas I like sitting quietly reading a book or playing a game with a friend.
Anyway, my family had been planning a family vacation for a while to go on a trip out of state and I thought it was just me, my parents, and my brothers. I was told yesterday that my cousin would be coming with us as well and we’d be sharing a hotel room.
I’m against this for many reasons. The first is that he likes to bring girls back to the hotel room late at night and it keeps me awake. The second is that on the last family trip he came on he hid most of my clothes and all my undergarments and laughed as I was panicking trying to find something to wear to a fancy dinner.
The third reason is that he’s just hateful and likes to make comments on my body and says things like “you’re so fat I don’t see how anyone would go out with you” “maybe if you actually put effort into your looks you could find someone to go out with.”
So when I found out he was coming I told my parents that if he’s going then I’m not and they can decide if their nephew is more important than their daughter.
So AITJ for refusing to go on a family trip if my cousin goes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Just your cousin, not his parents? Who all in one hotel room – just you and your cousin? You with your brothers and cousin? You have every right to refuse to share an experience with a bully.
I don’t think you should be forced out of your trip to accommodate the jerkass cousin. If your parents choose him over you, that is a jerk move on their part – are they aware of the bullying and him bringing in girls for nighttime activities?” catnik
Another User Comments:
“Your cousin handled your undergarments? He body-shamed you. What’s wrong with your parents? If a non-related boy in school treated you this way they would most likely lose their mind, but it’s your cousin so it’s okay.
Stand your ground. Watch out for your “family” tricking you and saying your cousin isn’t going when he really is.” FloppyEaredDog
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you have completely valid reasons for not wanting him to tag along this family vacation.
It seems like he’s the only one outside your immediate family that is coming so it shouldn’t be an issue for your parents to tell him it’s just going to be you guys without him.” alyssajeana
9. AITJ For Using The Men's Single Stall Bathroom At A Bar?
“I (23F) like to go to a local bar every once in a while with friends.
This bar has two single-toilet bathrooms (i.e. no one else can enter once you lock the door and there are no stalls, just a toilet and sink). One is marked for men and one is for women.
I’ve seen countless men use the women’s bathroom as it’s right by the upstairs pool table. I can’t blame them because why go downstairs when you can just pee a few steps away? Plus the bartenders and owner (he’s a family friend) don’t care about which bathroom people use since they’re single stalls.
Anyway, last night my friends and I were out and I went to go to the bathroom. The women’s was locked so I waited, but after over 5 minutes I really had to pee so I went to see if the men’s bathroom was open and it was.
I went to the bathroom and when I left there was a guy waiting outside the bathroom and he was upset when he saw I wasn’t a man (I was in there for 2 minutes or less, all I did was pee and wash my hands).
He raised his voice and started lecturing me about how inappropriate it was for me to use the men’s bathroom. I didn’t take it personally because he was obviously very intoxicated, slurring his words and swaying on his feet.
I also double-checked with the bar manager on my way back to my table and he said it was fine but he was concerned that the other customer yelled at me and was so visibly intoxicated.
In the end, the bartender ended up cutting the guy off and wouldn’t serve him booze anymore, but didn’t kick him out and encouraged him to eat some food and drink water.
When I told my friends that I was out with what happened, one of them said that I was in the wrong and was intrusive. I thought this was funny because I’ve literally seen him use the women’s bathroom at this bar and I pointed that out to him.
He said it was different because men deserve their own private spaces which I 100% agree with. Guys deserve safe spaces and guy time just like girls do. I said he was being a bit of a hypocrite and he told me to go away and stormed off.
He didn’t even pay so my friends and I were stuck covering his $75+ tab. Most of my friends agree with me but a couple said I shouldn’t have questioned him about it and that I should just use the women’s bathroom from now on.
I think they were mostly upset since they said it was my fault he stormed out without paying.
For the record, I would never use a men’s bathroom if it wasn’t a single stall nor would I use a men’s single stall restroom outside of this bar unless it was an emergency.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s a single-stall bathroom. Who cares? Anyone who makes a big issue of it needs to calm down and really think about what constitutes an issue to make a fuss over. The bar should just make all single-stall bathrooms unisex, really, but that’s not the question on hand.
I’ve been at concerts or bars where women used the men’s room when it wasn’t a single stall simply because the line for the ladies was too long. Never occurred to me to get upset. People just need to calm the heck down.” Sammi-Cowface
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your “friend” has issues. That’s some thin-as-heck skin he’s got if he’s going to storm off and leave you with his tab over such a small argument. I honestly have absolutely no idea what he’s on about when he talks about “safe spaces”.
Personally, I might be irked if I needed to go and a couple of girls proceeded to spend the next 10 minutes using the bathroom together, but more in the manner of, “ah darn, I’m in the express check out and only have 2 items, but the person in front of me has like 30 things in their cart, keeps sending their SO to pick up more, and is now trying to redeem 20 different coupons”.
Yeah, that’s slightly annoying, and maybe even literally painful, but ultimately no big deal. Use whatever bathroom you want. Him leaving you the bar tab is a pretty thoroughly jerk move though. The friends who blamed you for his jerk behavior are also fairly suspect.” Gaimcap
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s got a safe space. He just has to wait until the person ahead is done peeing to use it. I don’t see how it matters what that person is peeing out of. The answer might be different if it was a big bathroom with stalls and such.
But even then, better to use the wrong bathroom than to wet yourself.” Onequestion0110
8. AITJ For Not Supporting My Partner's Weight Loss By Changing My Diet?
“My (28M) partner (28F) has been steadily gaining weight to the point of obesity. The doctor told her to lose weight because she would occasionally feel light-headed.
Yesterday we were meeting for our date.
She was late for 15 minutes. So I grabbed an ice cream. I was hungry because I went to the gym. I lift like 4 times a week. Anyway, she saw me eating the ice cream and didn’t react until we went to the restaurant.
My workout was rather heavy that day so I ordered rice with chicken and vegetables upsized (25% more) while she ordered a salad. She told the waiter this:
Partner: I don’t think he is having the meal upsized. Change it to normal
The waiter looked at me.
Me: I will be having it upsized.
The waiter left and my partner asked me: Why upsized? You just had an ice cream.
Me: I just went to the gym. I am hungry.
Partner: Then it’s easier to lose weight.
Me: You are the one that is supposed to lose weight not me.
She looked at me angrily and left.
My partner called me today.
Partner: Are you ready to apologize?
Do you know how hard it is to lose weight if you aren’t supportive?
Me: What do you want me to do? I was hungry?
Partner: Lose weight with me.
Me: If you wanted me to lose weight with you then you should join me in the gym too.
I worked my butt off in the gym. You just ordered a salad and thought you would magically lose weight.
(My partner changed her diet but her lifestyle is still pretty sedentary.)
She hung up but I could hear her crying.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I say this as someone who has lost 20 lb. If she needs to lose weight that’s on her. She doesn’t get to dictate your diet and then say that you need to lose weight with her.
You are already taking care of your health by exercising regularly and eating properly. She is projecting her insecurities onto you. And if she is obese enough to get to the point where she’s getting lightheaded then yeah, she needs to lose the weight.
Has she been worked up for any endocrine issues that are causing the weight gain? Or is it all a function of her diet and exercise habits? What you said is correct, that she is the one who was advised by her doctor to lose weight for her own health.
Was the way you said it helpful? No, but you weren’t wrong. Either way, her behavior is not appropriate. She needs to understand that people around her will be eating things she can’t have. It sucks, but it’s a reality.
NTJ.” limegeuse
Another User Comments:
“I really wanted to judge you not the jerk, but… “If you wanted me to lose weight with you then you should join me in the gym too. I worked my butt off in the gym.
You just ordered a salad and thought you would magically lose weight.” This is where we got to ESH territory. You basically told her her efforts were not good and that she wasn’t really trying, which is cruel, unsupportive, and likely not true.
Weight loss happens in the kitchen more than in the gym. Muscles happen in the gym, flexibility happens in the gym, toning up happens in the gym… but shedding pounds? It takes hours of exercise to get rid of the calories from over-eating.
Unless you’re into some truly extreme sports, you can’t exercise away a horrible diet. That said, your partner needs to understand that temptation will be everywhere. A healthy relationship with food does not involve controlling what others eat.
It’s about making healthy choices for oneself. It was wrong of her to try to police your meals.” graywisteria
Another User Comments:
“Something’s not right here. Your partner went to the doctor for feeling “lightheaded” and was told to…lose weight?
Did they do a workup? Cardiac evaluation? Neurological evaluation? Lab work? Anything? Doctor here, and unfortunately too many women’s extremely legitimate medical complaints are dismissed because they are overweight. They often have to go to multiple doctors and sometimes go years to get a diagnosis.
I don’t know anything medical about additional weight that would cause lightheadedness without a basic workup. It wasn’t the focus of your post, so maybe I missed something here. Also, weight loss is mostly diet (80%) rest are other factors, and ironically it’s not only about cutting calories.
But not the point of the post. And NTJ, but this doctor could be.” loopingit
7. AITJ For Wearing My Deceased Best Friend's Hairband On My Wrist?
“I recently got a new partner who is upset I wear my best friend’s hairband on my wrist. I have been doing it for years; it is not her original hairband as they fray over time, but it is the same brand.
I explained to her that it is because I used to work with her four years ago and she would forget to wear one as we worked in a warehouse, and you need to wear one while inside and always forget one and so I would wear one just in case she forgets it.
She passed away in a car accident right before I left the job where we worked together. She has been my best friend since childhood.
I figured that would be enough for her to not bring it up all the time.
I honestly did not want to tell her the reason, but she would bombard me with things like it is because you are in love with her, and you cannot let her go even if you are with me.
So, when I told her the reason she lashed out and called me a jerk because I made her look like the bad guy. I told her it’s just comforting because I miss my friend. I know I shouldn’t feel like the jerk here but after the constant bombarding and gaslighting, I now feel like I am.
I know this story is a bit heavy, but I really need to know if I am the jerk here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Keep the hairband, end the relationship with your partner. “So, when I told her the reason she lashed out and called me a jerk because I made her look like the bad guy.” That’s because she WAS the bad guy.
She lacks any empathy for you seeing as she just doubled down on this for the sake of her own fragile pride, and very well sounds like she is going to continue emotionally abusing you. Do you really want to continue a relationship with someone like that?
Your friend would surely be so happy to know you care so much as to keep a hairband to remember her. You’re an amazing friend.” Derp_Aderpy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What kind of person wants to take the one tool you have that helps you process your grief and cope with the trauma?
My goodness, but this is a red flag. Any time someone demands you leave something out of your life that is important to you and gets threatened by previous relationships that have no infringement on her life, body, or well-being, means they have issues.
My hope is that the hole in your heart is filled by the love and respect you find from others. And a hairband is not so unusual that if someone didn’t know you, they would recognize it as a remembrance.
It’s a very practical thing to have.” kdnona
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I recently lost a very close friend and I can empathize with wanting something in your daily life to remember her by. Mine is also on my wrist (I have a small symbolic tattoo) and I find it really comforting, or as close as it gets, that I have that reminder somewhere subtle enough that it won’t draw attention from outsiders but accessible enough that I get to see it and touch it and think of her often throughout the day.
I imagine that you probably get a similar comfort from the hairband, with the added value of keeping up a habit that grew from your friendship and is the small tangible effect of your love for her.
While I imagine your partner might be hurt that you didn’t share this with her, ultimately your grief belongs to you, and I can understand wanting to keep it for yourself.
(I had close friends as roommates at the time that I got my tattoo, and I made a conscious effort to hide it from them for the first few months, because I did it for me, as a private sort of tribute, and it wasn’t something I wanted to talk about yet.
It sounds like you feel similarly about your ritual, and I want you to know that I understand, at least as much as anyone can really understand someone else’s grief, which I still tend to believe is not very much at all).
I’m going to say NTJ, but with a tentative could be no jerks here; I don’t know the full nature or context of your partner’s original comments about your hairband, so I think that’s up to you to figure out if she’s being a jerk about it, or if she reacted badly because she’s embarrassed for teasing you about something that mattered to you and for not understanding the situation, or hurt that you didn’t trust her with this.
Either way, your partner blaming you for her misunderstanding is an unkind reaction, but it may be worth sitting down with her in a calm moment now that you’ve both had some time to process and have a conversation.
I’m so, so sorry for what you’re going through and the loss of your friend. I hope you have others in your life who you’re able to talk to about her.” Pnplprncs
6. AITJ For Having A Public Blog About My PPD?
“I was a young mother. My son was born when I was 18 and my life has been a living nightmare since the moment I knew I was pregnant.
My parents are very conservative and were very overprotective while I was growing up.
They kicked me out after I said I would keep the baby.
My now-husband had to drop out of college, get back to his parents’ house, and work even harder. His parents didn’t allow me to move in with them.
I had to live with my older sister who also wasn’t happy about my choice. She didn’t charge rent but expected the house to be spotless when she got back from work, didn’t allow my husband in, and tried to convince me to not keep the baby.
All that when I was working to pay for my own house.
The labor was equally hard and I had to have an emergency C-section.
The recovery was tiring and I just couldn’t feel anything afterwards but despair.
Whenever I looked at my baby I had a panic attack; I couldn’t eat, sleep or do anything at all and I was kicked out of my sister’s house after I took her car without permission and drove at night.
I only had a roof over my head at that moment because my husband’s uncles finally took pity on us and gave us an old house of theirs.
My husband couldn’t get back to work because I couldn’t take care of our son, but I couldn’t find any way to get better.
Until I started a blog. I did it entirely to vent, but I put my soul into every word. I talked about everything, every thought I had, every feeling I felt. And it actually worked, I started to feel better.
Step by step, I could get back to my feet. I got back to work and doing chores and I told myself that I would bond with my son. And I did. I could see past those hazy days and I came to love my son as much as any mother does.
I made my home in that house, wed my husband, and stopped writing.
And then comes the issue.
My son was using my computer and saw a message I received in regard to the blog. He went after it and read it all.
Everything I wrote about his birth, him as a baby, everything I thought and felt, every wish I had. Absolutely EVERYTHING.
When he confronted me, he was in tears. He said horrible things and read horrible things I had said.
He apologized for being born since he was such a heavy burden to carry and said that maybe he should leave so we could live the life I wrote so much about.
He didn’t listen to me or his father and left to stay the night at his friend’s house.
The first thing I did was delete that stupid blog and cry all I could.
But what does it matter if in the end I really wrote it all down and if I really felt it all? I wrote a lot on that blog, but I know deep inside that I’ve never lied and it’s sick.
I need, need to hear from someone other than my husband. AITJ for writing that blog and making everything public about the most important person in my life?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There may have been other people who saw your blog and realized they weren’t alone and felt much better.
You don’t say how old your son is but I think you need to give him a night or so to adjust and then sit down and talk to him about PPD and how it’s not talked about much but a lot of people go through it and how pregnancy is incredibly hard on the body and stuff just gets messed up sometimes.
So you will have feelings and so on that are real for you at that moment, but do not represent your reality once your hormones and brain chemistry have sorted itself out again. And, most importantly, it is okay to sometimes have feelings like that.
You probably don’t want to act on them, but it’s okay to feel them. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, or that there was something wrong with him. It’s just the combination of your situation and pregnancy changes put your brain in a not great place for a bit.” Thequiet01
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. PPD is a very real thing that many mothers go through, especially if they’re going through troubling times before the birth of the baby. Writing it all out was a form of therapy for you.
It allowed you to get it all out and not bottle it up and it helped you. There’s nothing wrong with that and no shame in it either. And it’s likely that you helped other mothers struggling with PPD as well.
You didn’t state the age of your son but if he is old enough to open up the email about it and read everything then he is old enough to be sat down and explained things and come to an understanding that you don’t hate that he was born and you love him but depression is very crippling.
Just give him some space to take it in and calm down. And maybe he might talk to his friend’s parents about it and will listen to their perspective on it as I’m sure it would be the same as what you would try to tell him.
He will come around and be ready to talk about it but it’s understandable that he is hurt by the things you wrote. Maybe a few family therapy sessions would be helpful.” Paige_Porcelain
Another User Comments:
“This is tough, but soft YTJ. And I’m one, too. I was also a mommy blogger back in the early aughts when they were big. Lots of us put our thoughts about infertility, pregnancy, and motherhood online for everyone to see.
It was a strange, circular community. Over time and as our children got older, some of us realized that they’d possibly read our words someday, and we didn’t like that idea. Slowly, most of us stopped writing.
I couldn’t even tell you where my blog was hosted, now. I think the platform has disappeared. Other mothers deleted their blogs on purpose or the hosts were disabled and they went away naturally. It was fine because we were done.
I think about some of those women sometimes, sometimes I go looking. I’m glad not to find them. In my imagination, they’re at peace.
You didn’t delete your words, however. This was a mistake. Your second mistake was to leave your contact info alive so that someone could find you and/or your child.
Disaster has happened to you because of it. More importantly, it happened to your child. You’re not the jerk for putting your ideas out there, at least not any more than the rest of us are. And we all are.
Internet privacy was on very few people’s minds at the time. It didn’t come up until, slowly, it did. It should have occurred to all of us sooner that our children weren’t happening TO US, they were full people in their own right who deserved privacy and respect.
But you are the jerk for leaving everything active. You should have taken it down. Or disabled your email. Or something. You can probably reconnect with your child. You don’t say his age, so depending on how young he is, this could be very, very hard for him to understand that you can simultaneously love someone and still go through a lot of pain and struggle with that person.
You are going to need to be open, honest, humble, and contrite. It was never about you, and it is less so now. This is about him. Good luck.” annrkea
5. AITJ For Not Accommodating A Club Member's Large Family At A Beach Meetup?
“The coed social club I’m (19F) in at my university is having a summertime beach meetup. It’s a special meetup in which students can bring their families, a kind of “parents weekend,” because our surveys found that there was high demand among students and parents for this type of event.
This means that siblings can also come. We’ve negotiated a deal with a local bed-and-breakfast hotel that we have connections with, allowing our families to get a discount. Two beds are provided, a large one for the parents and a regular one for any sibling who might come.
The logical assumption we all made is that, because the average size of a family is 2 parents and 2 kids, this works perfectly. The parents get a bed, the sibling if there is one gets a bed, and their student will be staying in the Airbnb house we’ve booked for all the students.
In general, it worked great. There are 14 of us students going on the trip and bringing our families. All of us are either only children or have one sibling, as we expected, except for 1 student.
She (19F) complained that she has her parents and has 5 siblings, so the hotel room won’t accommodate them.
We all agreed we are not going to give them an extra discounted hotel room. It’s not the responsibility of our organization to accommodate unusually large families. If you have an atypical family size, you have to pay more for the extra space you need.
Our system works just fine for the other 13 of us, so she’s a minority. She claims we are penalizing her family and marginalizing her as a member of the club, and her parents shouldn’t have to pay more for more space.
We said her parents are adults, so it’s their job to pay, just as our parents would if they need more rooms.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for explaining that you guys cannot accommodate a larger family (due to information shared in the comments) but YTJ for assuming what a “typical” family is.
Never assume what someone’s family life is like without asking them about it. Situation could’ve been avoided if you all had this conversation beforehand and not just “assuming” a typical family is 2 parents and 2 kids (which isn’t even average in today’s world by any “logical” sense).” ElevatorOk8601
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And the quibbling over your use of “atypical” is ridiculous. It wasn’t a value judgment as it was a statement of reality that the “typical family size” is considered to be no more than two children.
It is a term that is used in all kinds of surveys and studies in a completely neutral manner. If someone requires more than one hotel room for whatever reason they should pay for it and not expect a what is a self-funded group of students to subsidize their lodging needs.
There are all kinds of situations in which theoretically more than one room might be required by an “atypical” family – what if the parents were divorced and wouldn’t share a room?” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“So I work in an organization which deals with similar but not identical things all the time, and so can tell you that you are the jerk for organising things this way.
Reality doesn’t care about what you think the logical average size of a family is. Any idiot knows that family size varies. Making an assumption that every person who might join you will have precisely one sibling and precisely two parents was always going to be a losing bet.
You didn’t mean to, but you absolutely did ‘discriminate’ against people who fall outside what you have declared to be the norm. Now, on the other hand, they are also the jerk for thinking they don’t have to pay extra.
Of course they do! They need another two rooms, and rooms don’t come for free. The rational thing to do is to offer (ask the hotel) to agree to two more rooms at the discounted rate and see what they say.
If the family says they demand to put five kids in a room intended for two, tell them it’s the hotel’s policy not to overload rooms and they can take the extra space or leave it.
Your organization has failed, not deliberately, and the family has behaved inappropriately. Consequently, ESH.” Reddit User
4. AITJ For Not Inviting A Friend To My Wedding Due To Budget Constraints?
“I’m in a fairly big close-knit friend group and we spend a good chunk of time around each other because most of us have a shared passion. “T” is one of the members of this group.
I have nothing against T, she’s one of the friends I see most often and we’ve never fallen out (until now). However, I don’t have the same history or closeness with T that I have with other members, so when I had to decide who couldn’t come due to budget, T was the obvious choice.
Again, I wish it was a decision I didn’t have to make, but we literally did not have the space to make everyone happy.
So Friday I was hanging out with a couple of friends + T and the topic of my wedding came up.
T made a joke about her invite being lost in the mail. When we were alone and my other friends weren’t there, I told T that she couldn’t come due to budget and logistic issues. At the time, T pretended like she completely understood.
Then I found out that T goes on a text rampage to our other friend E and says a bunch of nasty stuff like I never liked her, I shouldn’t have plus 1s to include her, I’m using her, I’m trying to bully her, that she expected to be invited over another friend.
My friend E sends screenshots to my friend A and A sends them to me.
I was really upset when I saw this. I went out of my way to be polite and gave T valid reasons for why she couldn’t come which I did not have to do, and then she goes behind my back and tries to make me out to be a villain.
I sent T a long text and essentially called her out on her entitled attitude and that she was being immature by bashing me instead of talking to me face to face. T didn’t respond, but now my other friends are asking me to apologize and basically want me to bend over backward to fit T in.
I think it’s ridiculous and I don’t think I should have to kiss T’s feet. I don’t think I did anything wrong, but maybe I’m missing something here. AITJ???”
Another User Comments:
“So you have a big group of friends and you choose to single out and exclude one person.
Not only that, it’s the person you spend the most time with. Then you don’t even have the decency to tell her, you make her ask you. It’s funny how you are upset that “she goes behind my back” when you didn’t even tell her she wasn’t invited. You can invite, or not, whoever you want to your wedding but you handled this poorly.
You are showing everyone in this friend group exactly who you are. YTJ.” emccm
Another User Comments:
“YTJ!! I completely understand your wedding and you can do as you want but what makes you the jerk is you’re ok with giving people +1 allowing them to potentially bring a total stranger to your wedding but was not willing to make changes to at least send her an invite.
I get it she’s not a super close friend but she’s in the circle of friends and was clearly left out. That’s just wrong. You should’ve told her this before the invites went out.
I don’t know why you think this wouldn’t have backfired on you.” rh83_80
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So, it’s fair to single out one friend in a close-knit friendship group, but it would be unfair if one of your friends couldn’t invite some random person you don’t even know?
You don’t want to invite T because you’re “on a budget”, but you’re happy to pay for every stranger or acquaintance your other friends happen to be seeing this week? It’s reasonable and polite for you to not invite T and and let her find out she is not invited through a random conversation with friends, but it’s unreasonable for T to feel upset about being singled out and blindsided and vent to someone else?
Some wild double standards here. Plus ones generally wind up bored and staring into space because they don’t know anyone at the wedding besides their date. And if a plus one is a random date and not an SO, they’ll eventually become a stranger whose name you don’t even remember.
In short, you’d rather have an actual stranger in your group wedding photos than a relatively close friend. The only reason to seriously worry about a guest’s plus one is if the guest doesn’t know many other people at the wedding and you want to make sure they have someone to talk to all night.
Your friends all know each other, so that’s not really a concern in this case. If there were no plus ones, I’d have sympathy with your budgeting situation, but you’ve gone out of your way to show T you don’t like or value her.
Between snubbing her and betraying her confidence, it sounds like you and your friends have pretty much engineered her out of the group. Sure, you can invite and not invite whoever you want, it’s your wedding, but I’m afraid you’ll have to handle the fallout.
If I were T, I’d be looking for new friends.” firethornred
3. AITJ For Laughing At My Sister's Flat Tire Situation After She Refused To Learn Basic Car Maintenance?
“I (38M) have a half-sister (27F). She and I have the same mom, but different dads. Neither of our dads has ever been very involved in our lives so I have kind of been the only male role model she’s ever had.
We never had much money growing up so I started taking odd jobs around 14-15 for extra spending money. Yard work, paperboy, shoveling, etc. We lived in a smaller town and I ended up meeting a few middle-aged guys who were kind of do-it-all handymen and they took me under their wing.
They taught me a lot about tools, cars, carpentry, you name it. I was never good in school but these two were a wealth of information and I ate it up.
I worked hard in my 20s and was able to purchase my sis a cheap used car when she turned 16.
I tried to teach her everything I felt she should know about basic car stuff but she had no interest whatsoever. She just wanted to drive around with her friends. She would always say “Why do I need to know how to do ABC when I can just pay someone to do it?” No matter how many times I offered to show her how to change the oil or swap a tire, she never took me up on it.
She has since purchased a newer car of her own and I’ve helped her with a couple of basic repairs to avoid having to bring it into a shop. Each time I offered to show her what, how, and why I was doing something, but she refused to even attempt to learn.
She is very much a “girly girl” and has zero interest in that sort of thing.
Last Saturday, I got a call from her at about 10 pm. She had just gotten off work and got a flat tire on her way home.
She lives in the boonies and works 20 miles away and she was stranded about halfway home. It was also pouring rain. She was upset because she didn’t know what to do and wanted me to come help. Problem was, I had spent that evening drinking with some buddies, and no way I was driving.
I told her she would have to either call a tow truck, roadside assistance, or wait there until morning when I could drive to her. None of these options were acceptable to her and she got upset at me.
She asked if I could talk her through changing a tire over the phone and I laughed. This made her even more upset.
I told her I’ve offered over a dozen times to show her that sort of thing and she refused every single time.
I told her I would gladly show her the next day, but no way am I trying to intoxicatingly talk her through it while she’s upset and on a dark country road in the rain. She hung up but she did text me a few minutes later to tell me that a friend is coming to pick her up, “no thanks to me.”
The next morning my mom called me and told me that little sis called her and told her what happened the previous night. She told me that she’s disappointed in me for not helping my sister and that I shouldn’t have laughed at her when she was upset because it only made things worse.
Shortly after, little sis texted me that I was a jerk for not doing more to help and that laughing at her when she was in trouble was a jerk thing to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried many times to teach her, but she wasn’t interested. Her lack turned around to bite her.
Of course it’s funny! She wasn’t really in trouble. She could always pay someone to help her. In fact, the minimal forethought to have an auto club membership would have been all she needed. Tell your sister she’s the “roof don’t leak when it don’t rain” type.
She’s old enough to be able to plan ahead.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“I’d text them both and say “I understand both of you think it’s appropriate for me to risk the lives of myself, others, and even sister by driving after drinking to her location but I am not going to break the law or endanger others because sister cannot bother to learn a task until she really needs it.
As she said before when I attempted to teach her, why didn’t she just pay someone to do it? Isn’t that why she said she had no need to learn? Here’s a link to AAA, I recommend looking into a membership if you won’t bother to learn how to do things for yourself.” NTJ.” cryssylee90
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – she should learn basic car information, and shouldn’t have denied learning previously. Exactly for reasons such as this, she can’t rely on everyone else at all times. However, I feel like it could have been handled better.
It was pouring rain. It’s dark, rainy, and she’s stranded, and coming from a woman, that’s a scary, unnerving situation. She called you in a vulnerable position for help, and she got laughed at. I get that you say you were after drinking, so you couldn’t help much at all, that’s understandable and you made the right choice to not drive after drinking.
But laughing at her when she was in trouble was a jerk thing to do. She’s right, it wasn’t nice to, as they say, kinda kick her as she’s down. I’m sure it didn’t feel good for her to be in a vulnerable situation like that and then be laughed at.” AnonICantGoOn
2. AITJ For Insisting On Talking To My Mom About Her Comfort Before Ambulance Transport?
“My mom had to go to the hospital in an ambulance and her sister came to take her. Initially, the plan was to get a wheelchair and go in a private car but her sister thought (!!) that she’d be uncomfortable so she sought for an ambulance.
So the ambulance comes but the apartment lifts weren’t working due to some maintenance. Her sister decided that she should be carried up and down the stairs, in between apartment blocks, so that they could get to the ambulance.
(Mind you, we were talking to the management to allow us to use the lift before they go very far into their maintenance).
My mom’s sister didn’t ask my mom how she felt about the arrangement. So, as the empathetic person I am, I entered the room that was filled by paramedics, to ask if she was comfortable with everything.
Her sister grabbed me tightly by the arm, pulling me away and telling me to give them space. But I still had to ask my question! So I said “excuse me, can I talk to my mom please” and she started screaming at me that that’s not how things are done and if I wanted to talk, I should have asked for privacy.
In my opinion, there was no need to ask for privacy because as the patient, my mom’s comfort should come first and it would have been helpful to know how she feels so that other arrangements could be made if she didn’t feel okay.
Anyway, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No! NTJ. My wife is in a wheelchair and I know she has a fear of being carried. It would completely scare her to have to be carried downstairs. It would be the last option I would allow.
Keep advocating for your mother, and do not let anyone shut you down! You have the most information on how your mother feels.” Comfortable-Heat7351
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It would be different if it was an emergency, but your situation sounds like you behaved reasonably.
Side note: sometimes family members who are not around all the time, or who don’t visit as often as they think they should feel very guilty and/or overreact to situations. Maybe your aunt is feeling guilty and/or surprised to see your mother in her current condition?” echokiloalpha
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. If your mother was of sound mind she should be able to make those decisions herself. Many ambulance services have a device specifically used to get a patient downstairs, called a stair chair. Fire departments and ambulance services also may provide assistance in moving patients and safely getting them into a car for transport.
You may think doing it yourself will be comfortable, that is until your mom falls out of the wheelchair while trying to get from it into the car.” firefighter_chick
1. AITJ For Calling Out A Guy For Rejecting My Trans Friend?
“My friend is a trans woman – she faced a lot of problems and bullying because of this, so I have to admit I’m a little bit protective over her.
She had a crush on this one guy, they went out a few times, but he said that he’s not ready for a relationship right now. My friend was really sad, but they both decided to move on and became friends instead.
I suspected that the reason why he “wasn’t ready” was because she told him she’s trans. I told her, that this is a bad idea, because you never know who you’re gonna meet, but she prefers to get it out of the way, so that there wouldn’t be any misunderstanding later.
It’s been two months since then, so not much time has passed – we’re at the party with mutual friends, we know that dude will be there too since he’s hanging out with our circle. He arrives…with a girl.
Turns out that he was ready for a relationship, just not with my friend, and used this as some sorry excuse. She was really sad and wanted to leave quickly after his arrival. Seeing her hurting over this dude just made me angry & I roasted him in front of everyone.
I called out his transphobia for dumping my friend using some lame excuse, that turned out to be not true since he is obviously ready for a relationship with a cishet woman.
I thought I did the right thing since his motives were pretty obvious to me and I just acted out to protect my friend, but I was called a jerk by the people at the party.
My friend also called me a “bad ally”, but she’s often trying way too hard to conform and behave according to the usual cis-gendered standards. Still, it hurt a little hearing this from my friend, so I decided to ask here if I was a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – I don’t think there was really a reason to yell at the guy. Dudes make up excuses for not wanting to be with people all the time, whether it’s with a trans-woman or with a woman.
Calling him transphobic in front of your friend when she really didn’t want anything to happen put her in a tough spot. I also think it’s a bit overdramatic to say someone who doesn’t want to go out with a trans person is transphobic.
That term should be reserved for jerks who don’t see trans people as people worthy of basic human rights. You also can’t tell your friend when she should or should not open up to people on outings about who she is as a person.
That is for her to decide.” Alock74
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. So you disapprove of how quickly she chooses to disclose that she is trans to dates but you outed her to everybody in earshot at the party?
Yes, you’re a bad ally and a bad friend. This was none of your business. Sure it can be upsetting when someone says they are not ready for a relationship with one person and then goes out with another quickly but it happens regularly for a variety of reasons around personal compatibility, it wasn’t necessarily transphobia.
Also, he never said he would never be seen in public with another woman, you don’t know the status of his relationship with his date, which might be completely casual and he was simply saying he wasn’t ready for something serious with your friend so that’s not even inconsistent.
And implying that you can tell his date’s gender identity at a glance is also a stereotype that won’t make your friend feel comfortable. You made many assumptions, the worst of which was that she would be comfortable with this being aired in public and you causing a big scene.
That wasn’t for her. It was all you.” theficklemermaid
Another User Comments:
“YTJ yeah. First of all, you are making a lot of assumptions and treating them as absolute truth. That breeds jerk behavior, so you might want to watch out for that in the future.
Second, you seem to think that this guy was obligated to go out with your friend, but he’s not. No matter how bad a reason he might have, he doesn’t have to go out with her or anyone else.
Third, you outed and humiliated your friend by spilling her business to everyone in that room without her consent because you wanted to be her white knight. You wanted to defend her? Nonsense. You don’t have any influence over whether people want to go out with her.
Your rant couldn’t have had any positive outcomes for her. No one in that room needed to know that he rejected her before, let alone for the assumed reason that she’s trans. She’s right, you were being a bad ally for prioritizing your ego over her.
Massive YTJ and you owe her a big apology for overstepping this much.” nicolasbaege
But you had to humiliate your friend, in public, by scolding this man for not dating her out of charity. If I was her i would never confide in you again. You owe everyone who was there an apology and you need to learn to keep your nose out of other people's dating choices.
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