People Desire To Be Right In Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Cancelling My Dubai Trip Because My Friend Wants To Bring His Thief Step-Brother?
“For the past 5 months, my friend – let’s call him Tom – and I had a trip to Dubai planned. We were going to fly there in Business class with our credit card points, we got a beautiful spot in the Marina.
However, last minute he said he wants to bring his stepbrother. Now his stepbrother has a history of stealing, and I’ve seen him do it when we went to Miami together. But I don’t want to be there if he tries it in the Middle East. I told Tom I’m not going with him, and that if he comes I’ll cancel.
Now Tom and his brother are calling me a racist (Tom’s stepbrother is Black). Tom’s brother said he is not going to do that stuff there, but I don’t want to take that risk especially when the consequences are so high. This is getting to the point where I think Tom said he’ll cut me off if I cancel on him.
Tom’s brother is already telling people I am a racist.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. By now everyone should know that Dubai is not a place where you want to mess around and find out. Your friend’s brother has a history of pushing legal/social boundaries (presumably just for fun) and there’s a non-zero chance that he’ll try that stuff again on a vacation where he’s relaxed and having fun.
Honestly, I don’t know why anyone goes to Dubai anyway – between the human rights abuses and the environmental destruction and the repressive laws, it sounds like a terrible place.” shinkouhyou
Another User Comments:
“I say you should tell the pair of them to go and have a fine time.
Tell them you wouldn’t want someone who they see as a racist getting in the way of a bit of shoplifting. Tell them that when stepbrother steals something and gets caught in Dubai, before they either lock him up in jail for several years (or cut his hand off), he can just tell the judges and the police that they’re being racist and it will all be fine and they’ll apologize to him.” Ok_Imagination_1107
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Black person here—what I really don’t get when people cry “racism” in cases like these is, wouldn’t it be actual racism to overlook his crimes because of his race? That would literally be judging someone due to the color of their skin.
Nope, you’re just a human with valid concerns. Dubai is a beautiful place and well worth visiting, but it is absolutely not a place where you want to be caught shoplifting or running out of a restaurant bill. And yes, you could still get into trouble even if you didn’t commit the crime yourself but are traveling with the person who did.
You could all be both jailed and fined heavily.” Carma56
21. AITJ For Taking The Business Class Upgrade Instead Of My Ex On Our Flight Home?
“I (30f) have been seeing “Matt” (33m) for about a year.
Matt has a kid “Alex” from his first relationship, the kid is under 2yo. Every now and then I used to look after Alex when Matt was at work (we don’t live together but they stay at mine every now and then).
We decided to go on holiday for 10 days at the start of May and due to some family drama, Alex had to go with us.
The flights were over 8 hours long and I have booked the tickets for all of us. During the flight and the holiday, I spent nearly all my time looking after Alex while Matt had the time of his life. Some things came to my attention (he was still seeing his ex) which resulted in us breaking up at the end of our stay.
On the flight back we were all sitting together and a flight attendant approached us and asked my ex if he wanted an upgrade to the business class. Before he could say anything I mentioned it was me who bought the tickets and used my own account to pay for them, so an upgrade should go to me, the flight attendant was trying to argue at first as she assumed Alex was my child, but I told her that’s not the case and ended up having an upgrade so I can relax after spending all this time looking after Alex.
After the flight, Matt, a few other passengers who assumed I was the mum as well as some family members and friends called me a jerk for not giving the upgrade to Matt, even after I mentioned the flight attendant didn’t say anything about Alex being allowed to join Matt.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Darn OP that sucks, paying for a flight, in a breakup, taking care of a child on YOUR vacation. You by no means are the jerk, the audacity of the ex is unbelievable. It just frustrates me so much that I can’t even begin to imagine your frustration.
Honestly, I would say move on but you seem to already be doing that so I got nothing else to say. Oh and by the way the real jerk is the ex.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“Ignore the strangers. For your family members and friends, ask them directly face-to-face, “Explain to me precisely why you think I owed a man free babysitting after I learned he was seeing his ex?” There is no reasonable explanation on their end.
The only true answer is that they think you don’t deserve respect or decency. For me, it doesn’t matter if it’s personal or because you are a woman. NTJ.” concretism
Another User Comments:
“Oh! You’re a woman. Childcare is absolutely your problem, not the man’s.
No, the child is not yours in any way, shape, or form but… you’re a woman so it is completely your responsibility to care for him. Fathers are unable to properly care for a child. Obviously NTJ. Even if you were the mum, no one should be automatically assuming that the child is your responsibility.
And if your friends and family seem unable to notice this fact then what can I say! Once again (in case this isn’t clear and people think I actually meant the first paragraph… ) absolutely NTJ.” ShineAtom
20. AITJ For Leaving My Partner's Work Party After His Boss Made Sexist Comments?
“For context, I (25f) and my partner (33m) have been together for almost a year and a half. I am completing my master’s at university and he’s been with his company for about 7 years.
The company my partner works for recently had their Christmas party. It was my first time meeting most of his coworkers. I thought everyone was so nice until I met his boss.
At first, his boss was very nice. I was trying to make a good first impression because I know how important this job is to my partner.
My partner has steadily been moving up in the company and from what I understand he wants to be with this company until he retires.
The interaction started with him complimenting my dress and he told me my partner was very lucky to have me which I thought was very nice.
He asked me about my job and I explained that I’m still in university. It took a turn for the worse when he made a sexist comment along the lines of “it’s a waste for women to get a higher education when they usually become stay-at-home moms anyways.” I let it slide because it didn’t seem like an appropriate time or place to share my opinion.
He then went on to make a comment about how my beauty would be wasted working in a lab where no one could see me. I told him that I didn’t appreciate that comment and I am very proud of myself for being a woman in a male-dominated industry.
He told me there’s a reason it’s a male-dominated industry and that was my last straw. I told him that history has been on a man’s side and that is one of the leading reasons for it being male-dominated. His response was “I think you’ve had too much to drink.” So I politely excused myself because I could not stand to be a part of that conversation any longer.
I didn’t want to cause a scene but I very desperately wanted to leave. I told my partner that I felt disrespected and I was no longer enjoying myself. I told him I really wanted to leave and it would’ve been a $100+ Uber ride (that’s a lot of money to me right now) so I begged my partner to take me home.
My partner said there’s no way he’s leaving, he wants to be here and show that he’s a company man and it’d look bad if he left right now. He then told me that he would be very upset if I left because he supports me at my university events and he expects me to do the same.
I left anyway and I planned on telling him the details of what had happened at a later date because I didn’t want to ruin his night. When I went to explain what had happened he didn’t want to hear it. His boss told him I made a fool of myself and that my acting inappropriately was a bad look for my partner.
My partner said it was a jerk thing of me to do and he needs time to think.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but bad news, your partner buys into this stuff more than you think he does. “When I went to explain what had happened he didn’t want to hear it.
His boss told him I made a fool of myself and that my acting inappropriately was a bad look for my partner. My partner said it was a jerk thing for me to do and he needs time to think.” Dump him. And no offense, but there’s a reason he’s 33 and seeing a 25-year-old (and really, why he was already in his 30s and seeing someone that was ~23), and the job is quite literally part of why.
Also, pro-tip: “he’s lucky to have you” is an appearance-based statement and is not a compliment unless you like being objectified.” Born-Horror-5049
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you were harassed, I am incredibly concerned that your partner doesn’t seem to be acknowledging that. You did the right thing removing yourself from the situation, for someone you had never met before that night to make such inappropriate comments about your body is a huge red flag, I would not have been surprised if his boss had tried to make a pass on you if you had stayed. I genuinely think you should reflect on your relationship, what you went through is very disturbing.” gottalottasocks
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a gross interaction. You leaving early should have no reflection on your partner’s job. That’s just a manipulation tactic, either from your partner to make you feel bad, or the company to control him. If your partner is supporting this type of corporate behavior, you may want to look for a way out.
I’ve read enough stories to know that it only gets worse with time.” TheDestroyer229
19. AITJ For Giving My Little Sister The Period Talk?
“My (26f) little sister (10f) came to me after school to tell me she found b***d in her pants. She knows about periods but just the bare minimum of she’s going to bleed and she had some questions.
So I answered them, showed her a video of what a period was and what she could expect. I also gave her a box of pads and explained how to use them.
My mom came into the room while I was talking to my little sister and got irritated when she heard the video.
I asked her what was wrong and she told me I was ‘overstepping’. When I asked how I was overstepping she told me “You’re not her mom.” Before getting passive-aggressive, storming off while telling me ‘thanks I appreciate it’ in a sarcastic tone. I really don’t understand how it’s a big deal, she had questions and I answered them.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister might even feel more comfortable with you telling her those things rather than your mom. As for your mom’s reaction, no idea why she reacted like that, maybe she thinks it’s part of the “mom experience” or duties, or maybe she has some specific or conservative way of thinking about the topic and thought the information you would tell your sister could be misleading or just not approved by her?
I am just making up stuff here, you know your mom better to make a guess why she might have been upset, but anyway NTJ for providing info and answering your sister’s questions.” Dizzy-Potato3557
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but I’ll say this: Mom might’ve been mad because some women see the period talk as a big deal moment between a mother and daughter.
My mom did (it was uncomfy) and from what I’ve gleaned most of her generation feels that way.” No_Hippo_1472
Another User Comments:
“My mom was awesome. She always answered my “where do babies come from?” questions factually and in an age-appropriate way. She did not, however, explain periods then (I was around 5), planning to bring this up when I was 10.
When I was 9, my 2 years older cousin delighted in informing me that when I was 11 or 12 I’d “start bleeding, and it wouldn’t stop until about 50.” I was terrified of b***d. Imagine my reaction! I immediately went to my mom. She gently explained the facts, especially that the bleeding was only once a month for about a week–not continuously for 40 years.
She was VERY annoyed at my cousin (her older sister’s daughter) for scaring me. Oh, yes, my cousin meant to! You, dear OP, are NTJ. I would have adored to have had a big sister like you. Your mom, bless her heart, was childish. I’m guessing that she wanted to be the one to have that talk, but she reacted petulantly.
Pay her no mind.” Purple_Kiwi5476
18. AITJ For Rescinding My Brother's Wedding Invitation Because He Wanted His Kids To Attend My Child-Free Wedding?
“I (F, 28) am getting married to my fiance, let’s call her Cris (F, 30) this summer. We initially decided to have a small wedding with no more than 20 people but after creating a thorough budget we decided to expand our wedding and have max 100 people.
No kids whatsoever. Minus our son and my oldest nephew.
A little background: I’m bisexual and while my family is supportive of my relationship, they don’t support us getting married. So my family, except my gay cousins and sisters, won’t be attending. Now my brother has been so gracious as to offer walking me down the aisle in place of my father, as he and I are not on speaking terms. Which is another story for another post. So when I sent him the invitation, I explained to him that the invitation was for him and my oldest nephew (15) who is to also be in the wedding as a ring bearer.
He was okay with that.
My brother has 7 kids and a partner with whom I do not get along with. She creates drama everywhere they go. And she never lets my brother enjoy himself at any family events because she constantly seeks attention.
Flash forward to about 2 weeks ago, when I was on the phone with my brother, and she inserted in our conversation to ask me who my flower girl was.
I ignored her as I could see where the conversation was going. Two days later I got a missed call from my brother, when I called back he said my niece was calling to ask to be my flower girl. I reiterated to him that my wedding was a kid-free event and the invitation was only for him and my nephew, who again is in the wedding.
He went on a rampage about how he has 7 kids and how does my son get to see me get married but his kids don’t get to see him give me away. Also who is going to watch the kids while he is at the wedding, to which I replied his partner.
He responded that he and his partner don’t go anywhere without each other or the kids. I know that to be incorrect because my brother has taken trips and has paid my mom to watch the kids. The reason she needs to be paid is because my brother’s kids are bad!
Bad as can be. Like little menaces to society.
I spoke with my mom about the situation and she reminded me that it’s my wedding day and that I should be happy and not try to make everyone else happy as she did on her wedding day and was miserable.
She did say however she doesn’t believe in separating couples, but to stand firm on no kids, but again it’s my wedding day my choice. And knowing how his partner is, she will make it a point for my brother to not be there if she can’t be there.
She is known for doing this repeatedly So I spoke to my brother and told him his partner was invited but again no kids. He said they will think about it.
Today he told me that his kids need to be there. Well, I kindly rescinded his invitation.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, I call nonsense on your brother and his partner never being without each other or his kids, otherwise he wouldn’t have agreed to only him and your eldest nephew attending in the first place. As your mom said, it is indeed your and your fiancee’s wedding, so you both get the final say.
You’ll just have to be okay with your brother and nephew not attending. Can you maybe just have the nephew attend? I would definitely not have his other kids attend… sounds like a big headache waiting to happen (not to mention other guests may end up feeling resentment if they see children at the wedding after expressly being told it was going to be child-free).” haibberr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds like you avoided a mess. You gave them a fair option: show up without their kids. If they don’t like that option, they don’t have to attend. I would maybe keep the invitation open, just so the choice is on them, but stay absolutely firm on the ‘no kids’ rule.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. There is no such tradition as “seeing him give me away”. This is ludicrous. It is your wedding, not his and his partner’s. There is zero reason to include people you don’t want there. I would have uninvited him the first time he didn’t respect that boundary.
And a niece calling to ask to be a flower girl was 100% instructed to do so by her mother. Tacky, rude, and emotionally abusive thing for her to do to her child. Congratulations on the wedding. Celebrate the two of you with a loving, supportive circle of YOUR choosing.
And best wishes for a long and happy life together.” Wild-Painting9353
17. AITJ For Lying To My Aunt To Counter Her Bragging?
“2 years ago I got accepted into the second-best university in my country with a full scholarship. I’m just saying this so that you know I’m not dumb either. This will make sense later.
Last year my cousin got accepted into the best university in my country also with a full scholarship.
What she did is obviously impressive and I congratulated her as soon as I found out via text since they live in another city and we barely visit them.
Anyway, a few weeks ago we visited my cousin’s parents. My aunt has always been the type of person to brag a lot and for some reason, it makes her very happy to brag to me.
OK I guess whatever, I don’t mind.
She sat next to me with a smile and started to talk about my cousin’s university. “You know it’s so amazing. They even give them single rooms because well they are the best in the country and get special privileges of course.
Tell me how many roommates do you have?” She asked while she was smirking at me. Now how many roommates do I have? I have 3 roommates but I wasn’t gonna give her the satisfaction so I smiled back and said “I have a single room too.
Isn’t it like normal? I thought everyone gets single rooms.” Her face suddenly dropped but she changed the subject. “Oh OK. So in my daughter’s college, they have THE BEST professors. They are so famous, you might know some of them. Are your professors any good?” She said with another smirk.
Are my professors famous? No but I just smiled and said “Yeah OMG me too. Our professors are so famous like we usually see them on TV. Maybe next time I see one on TV I can tell you if you like?” She stopped smiling and left, clearly annoyed.
My mom, who was sitting next to me and knew very well that I was lying said “you are such a jerk couldn’t you just let her be happy for a moment?”
Now both my mom and aunt clearly think I was a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your aunt needs to validate herself on her child’s accomplishments? Your mom is wrong because these are the actions of an empty shell of a person who needs to find out how to define herself. Letting her continue to stroke her ego with accomplishments that don’t belong to her just perpetuates her utter vapidity.
And trying to make herself feel superior? Maybe she can buy some self-esteem.” lovescarats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If the only way she can be happy is by putting other people down, then that’s not good. She tried to make you feel bad but backfired. She could have just said it’s great they get single rooms and great professors but no, it had to be better than you.
Best uni is a loaded question too – best overall but in all subjects? Kudos to you and cousin for getting full scholarships.” Timely_Egg_6827
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk. Okay, YTJ for lying, but you’ve got to still be smiling about puncturing her prideful bragging and attempts to put you down.
She should not have asked you those condescending questions in the first place. It’s okay for her to be happy. It’s not okay for her to be condescending and intentionally trying to make you feel envious and bad.” extinct_diplodocus
16. AITJ For Not Inviting My Toxic Cousin To My Wedding?
“My cousin, Amy, has been toxic to me from the time my parents separated when I was 5 and she was 12 (when my mom stopped coming to family events on my dad’s side).
Amy would tell me that I am worthless, unlovable, that I am undeserving of my family or love, that no one wants me around, and worse. Adults in my family observed some of this behavior but failed to step in (my family is notoriously non-confrontational and lacks backbone).
This resulted in consequences to my psychological development and ability to form healthy relationships.
Her behavior continued until I was in my early 30s. My last straw was witnessing her break my sister’s (16 at the time) heart when Amy uninvited my sister, Claire, and brother, Tim, from her wedding because my father only invited friends and his first cousins to his sixtieth birthday party.
The only people from my generation there were my sister, brother, and me. Amy told my father “you didn’t invite me to your sixtieth birthday so I uninvited your kids from my wedding.” For whatever reason my dad, stepmom, and I still went to the wedding – stepmom and I ended up bawling in the bathroom.
Amy has a sister, Ella, who is 10 years younger than I am. Ella and I became closer around four years ago, and I learned that Amy has been toxic to Ella as well, which caused me guilt because I felt that if I had stood up for myself, maybe Amy would have been held accountable and not have continued her toxic behavior with Ella.
Ella told me that Amy has always made me out to be public enemy number one and that’s why she never tried to get to know me before four years ago.
My dad told his brother that Amy would not be invited to my wedding when save the dates went out last month.
Since, Amy has reached out to me, my dad, my stepmother, and my sister to try to get an invite. In each case she made herself out to be the aggrieved party – telling me that she always thought that I hated her. Her explanations hold no credibility with me, as what 12/13-year-old thinks a 5-year-old hates them.
I agreed to have coffee with Amy, but plan to tell her that I have no desire to try to fix our relationship, as I had tried that 7-8 years ago and her behavior did not change, despite her telling me she wanted a better relationship.
AITJ if I tell her she won’t be getting an invite to my wedding because being in her presence causes me anxiety and stress and I neither want nor need stress or anxiety on my wedding day?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She doesn’t deserve an invite, it’s your day and your decision.
Ignore her manipulation, tell others you’d appreciate it if they would respect your decision to not invite her as you want to be surrounded by positivity and support, ask them not to relay Amy’s comments, requests or behavior regarding this. She’s taken enough from you, don’t let her steal any more of your light or bully you into letting her be there.
Cut that tumor off and bask in the relief of taking back your power. I wish you all the very best.” Darth_Awkward
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but why waste your time having coffee with her? Tbh, it sounds like (when she was 12) that she was repeating things she heard her own parents or other family members say.
But she apparently decided it was great fun to be cruel to you so kept going. Forget her, block her, don’t let her take up a second of your time or an ounce of your energy. She deserves no forgiveness. Move on.” hadMcDofordinner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Don’t even bother with the coffee with Amy. You’ll just get annoyed with her pity party. Cancel it. No one NEEDS an invite to your wedding. She can play the victim all she wants. All you should do is get security at both the wedding and the reception for when she shows up, put passcodes on your vendors in case she gets vindictive.
And for any relative who tries the “keep the peace”, “she’s family”, “be the bigger person” crap, be prepared with a response. My favorite: “If you want her invited, throw your own wedding. She’s not invited to mine.”” FuzzyMom2005
15. AITJ For Wanting My High School Teacher To Walk Me Down The Aisle Instead Of My Biological Father?
“I have a fiancé. He’s in the military, so most of the planning has fallen onto me, as he’s busy most of the time.
Here’s the necessary backstory: my parents are divorced. My father accused my mother of being unfaithful because I look so different from both of them, and after the divorce, he demanded a DNA test before he gave my mom child support.
Turns out I am his. He never apologized to my mom and made the barest effort to be involved in my life. The most contact I’ve had with him was when I lived with him and his new wife and kids for 2 years while my mother was in a relationship with a substance addict and cheese pizza seller (if you get what I’m saying.
If you don’t, it’s not actually cheese pizza, and you better keep that innocence as long as you can.) I’ve gotten a total of 3 birthday texts from him and nothing for any holidays. Instead, I found a father figure in an ROTC teacher I had in High School, who was a retired Marine.
He invited me to hang out with his wife and kids, and his wife adored me. His sons are in the wedding party already, one being my Male Maid of Honor (I don’t have many female friends I like) and the other one being the officiant.
This story happened about 5 minutes ago. I was lurking, commenting, and generally just browsing when my fiance texted asking for the most current wedding plan, as his mother wanted to know. I sent him my ideas, one being that my old teacher hand me off, as I feel he deserves it, as his sons already have a role and he was more of a father to me than my bio dad was.
My fiancé said okay to the plan, didn’t question my decision. The only thing he asked was if my dad was aware of me not wanting him to walk me down the aisle. My dad doesn’t know, as it had slipped my mind to tell him, and I told my fiancé that.
He just said okay and presumably became busy as he hasn’t said anything else.
His mother texted me a little later questioning the decision to not have my dad walk me down the aisle. She asked me to please reconsider and said that she knows my relationship with him is mainly nonexistent but that he probably just doesn’t know how to bond with me.
She also said that I’d be taking away my dad’s only chance to walk one of his daughters down the aisle.
I tried to point out that he had his other daughter, my half-sister, but I don’t think my fiance’s mom paid any attention to it as she never addressed it.
I’m now reconsidering my decision to not have my bio dad walk me down the aisle.
It’s not like he’s not invited whatsoever, so long as he doesn’t bring the new wife and kids, so I feel like he still gets to see this big part in my life, but I don’t know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, people like your mother-in-law (to be) have a very messed up sense of family. The idea that you should maintain a connection with your family no matter how much they hurt you is nonsense. Your father is little more than a sperm donor, he has ZERO right to be a focal part of your special day.
In fact, I can’t believe you invited him at all. Don’t listen to her, you deserve to be walked down that aisle by someone you know and trust and love. Anything less would ruin what ought to be a beautiful, joyous day for you and your partner.” GrandOpening2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, feel free to give your soon-to-be MIL a play-by-play of exactly why he won’t be walking you down the aisle. At the end tell her to please respect your decision and not to bring it up again. I would tell your dad sooner than later, watch his reaction, if he’s become any sort of a decent human he will acknowledge his failures and understand why he doesn’t get the privilege of the walk.
If he reacts poorly, he’s ego-driven and is proving why he shouldn’t even be at your wedding.” whatsmypassword73
Another User Comments:
“Sooo, my dad has been in my life. But allowed my stepdad to legally adopt me, pretty much because of estate planning, so that if something happened to my mom, I would stay with my siblings.
When it came time to the discussion about walking down the aisle… My biological father was like, “is Larry wearing a tux? I plan on wearing a suit.” It was his way of saying he had no expectation of being part of the wedding party, even though no one was wearing tuxedos….
I agree the conversation needs to happen sooner rather than later. Dad needs to know. That being said, the reason for walking down the aisle is pretty outdated, just like asking Dad permission to get married. Dads are no longer approving the person who will manage their daughter’s inheritance best. They are no longer passing off responsibility from one man to another.
Women are able to make their own decisions and handle their own affairs. No man is entitled to walk anyone down the aisle. Ask the old coach his feelings on the subject, I bet he has good advice on how to handle it, and if he is comfortable with the honor.” AmethystSapper
14. AITJ For Teaching My Son How To Shave Without Asking My Wife First?
“My wife is saying I’m a jerk for showing our (14) son how to shave.
This morning I was shaving and thought it was a good time to show my son how to shave since he is going through all the stages of puberty. My wife heard what we were doing and got extremely upset and started crying because I didn’t ask her if it was okay to do this.
I don’t think this is anywhere near a huge deal to cry over honestly but I need perspective. She said this was a crucial moment for him and I don’t fully disagree but I also think these are the moments between father and son.
So am I a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your wife was probably just bugged out at the idea her ‘little guy’ is getting to the age where he had to shave. That’s on her and you all should talk about it — especially about not freaking crying in front of your kid about something as mundane as shaving.
Like … have you all had the talk yet? Because she’ll really need to keep it together for that. But good on you teaching your son guy stuff, Internet Dad!” DragonScrivner
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – that is actually a crucial moment for father and son.
Truthfully that moment might mean more to him than you’ll ever know. Your wife might just be a little emotional since she doesn’t want her son to grow up so fast. Just give it some time— if this is the worst of your problems, you’re in for a smooth ride.” itsaa_me_jdio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s being really petty. If y’all had a daughter, I’m sure from a very young age, around the time girls get their first period, I’m very certain she’d be teaching the daughter about menstruating. This goes from general menstruating, to how to apply/remove the feminine products, how to care for her areas during menstruating, changes in your body before, during, and after, etc. The list goes on for this subject.
Your wife would be extremely upset if you got offended she was teaching your daughter that. How is teaching your son to shave any different? It goes both ways!” Feeling-Tomatillo-94
13. AITJ For Asking My Partner Not To Call My Dad "Doctor"?
“My partner recently got her doctorate. I’m obviously very happy for her and proud of her.
Since then, she has been greeting my father as “Doctor (lastname)”. Although he does have a doctorate degree, no one has ever called him that, and he told me it makes him uncomfortable.
I asked her to not call him that. She says that she wants to be polite and call him by his title. She now wants to be called Doctor when my parents greet her as well.
I understand it’s a massive accomplishment but I don’t think she should expect my parents to call her Doctor?
And she should not call my dad Doctor if he asks her not to.
She thinks I’m trying to downplay what she did but I’m not.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I get that your partner is proud of her accomplishments but she needs to tone it down outside of a formal, professional, or academic setting.
Your dad is probably uncomfortable because he knows making family and acquaintances use his academic title is obnoxious. If she wants to be polite, she would follow social conventions and use titles when appropriate. If she’s not at your parents in her capacity as an academic doctor then she doesn’t get to be called doctor.
Of course she can insist but she’s going to risk alienating a lot of people in her personal sphere.” BadTanJob
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In my department (teaching in a school) 4 of my colleagues have PHDs in physics, two of them prefer to be called by their students as “Dr” and one prefers “Miss”, the other “Mr”.
And that’s what the kids call them. I can’t imagine ANY of them expecting to be called Dr at home. It comes down to personal preference. Even medical doctors don’t necessarily want to be called Dr outside of work. I get called Councillor and it makes me uncomfortable.
If she is trying to be respectful she would actually respect his wishes.” Own-Kangaroo6931
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… Your partner is being blinded by her excitement over her educational accomplishment, and projecting her desires onto your father. If your dad said being called Doctor makes him uncomfortable, then it’s the opposite of polite for her to continue calling him Doctor.
I suspect she’s doing it not out of some sense of respect, but as some sort of self-congratulatory reverence. You need to tell her in clear terms to stop, and explain that continuing to call him that is disrespectful and won’t be tolerated.” Open_Mortgage_4645
12. AITJ For Choosing To Spend Christmas With My Family After Being Mistreated By My Partner's Family?
“I (f20) and partner (m22) decided we would go to his parents for Christmas as we did my parents the previous year. (this was decided months before the ‘incident’)
We have been together for 3 years during which time he has bought a house and I have moved in with him, this was in the first year so nothing was really serious.
His dad and I have never seen eye to eye but as my partner is the only child, he is like the Crown Jewels and golden boy.
Summer of 2023 I stupidly agreed to go on an all-expenses-paid vacation with his family for 2 weeks, I can now say it was the worst experience of my life!
We all went out to the bar for a few drinks but as I’m under 21 I couldn’t get anything which I’ve never been bothered about as I don’t like booze anyway. 20 minutes into being at the bar I was approached by a complete stranger, they initiated a conversation with me thinking I was someone else.
He introduced me as ‘Justin’s partner’ and I corrected him and explained I wasn’t who he thought I was, he apologized and moved on. We were at the bar till it closed and as we were all leaving the dad pulled me aside and screamed at me, calling me awful names, no one stopped him not even my partner.
I ran out with my head in my hands crying as no one had spoken to me like this before. All the way through the vacation I was questioned by all the family and my partner asking if I had been unfaithful because of that one encounter in the bar!?
Since then I have refused to go see any of my partner’s family due to the way I was treated, I feel like an outcast when I’m with them, no one deserves to feel that way.
I agreed I would stay civil for my partner’s sake but I have nothing to say to them, since the vacation our relationship hasn’t been the same.
He checks my phone and always calls me when I’m out with friends. Red flag?
Well since Christmas was coming up my partner asked me if I was ready to go to the family’s lake house for Christmas. I point-blank refused and said I was going to my family as what happened on the vacation trip was completely uncalled for and that I was victimized as they have never liked me and I wasn’t prepared to put myself in that position again as it was all the same family.
We got into a massive argument and well I went to my mom’s for Christmas he went to his…. We haven’t really been the same since and he is always arguing with me
So.. am I the jerk for spending Christmas with my family instead of my partner’s?”
Another User Comments:
“I am surprised you are still together after that family vacation where your SO’s family called you names and your SO didn’t say anything. Indeed, he seems to have bought into the idea that you are unfaithful, checking your phone and calling you when you are out.
Christmas at his family’s home? For days, staying with these people that think you are unfaithful and aren’t ashamed to call you on it? Oh, no. NTJ.
After thinking about it for a few minutes, I am going to ask you a question one of my mentors asked me when I was complaining about my job where I was being taken advantage of.
He asked me “Do you not have a sense of pride and self-worth?” I was going to keep the job and******* up, even though I was unhappy. Because I thought staying was for the best, and I couldn’t do any better. Maybe if I was better, they would appreciate me.
But his question was like a glass of cold water to my face. I quit, and now I, (figuratively), spit in their direction when I think of them.” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “We were at the bar till it closed and as we were all leaving the dad pulled me aside and screamed at me, calling me awful names, no one stopped him not even my partner.” That is not ok.
Your partner needed to step right up there. “He checks my phone and always calls me when I’m out with friends. Red flag?” Big red flag. I’m sorry, but I don’t understand why you’re still with this person. He doesn’t stand up for you & then he distrusts you because of what his dad said.” Apart-Ad-6518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but honestly it feels like you’re both wearing this relationship thinner and thinner. He broke your trust by not defending you to his family. The way his father spoke to you, I don’t care if he suspected something as well or not.
That’s a private convo, do not let someone publicly call you those things with zero ramifications. He goes through your phone? Why? He better be the most amazing person outside of these issues because I’d never.” November-8485
11. AITJ For Not Wanting My Autistic Granddaughter And Negative DIL At My 80th Birthday Dinner?
“So for context, I love my grandchild but she has autism. Because of this, she doesn’t like going out and so going to restaurants is very hard as she will throw tantrums and have very loud meltdowns.
I’m turning 80 and this is a big moment for me and I really want to enjoy my birthday without having to cater to my granddaughter’s specific needs.
The restaurant I want to go to doesn’t have her safe foods and she is 7 so I know she will want to eat.
The main reason I don’t want to invite my DIL (mother of my grandchild) is that recently she just keeps on telling me of all the family members who have died at my age and how she would be mortified and depressed if she ever lived up to my age.
Last year we had a small family party for my birthday and she kept on saying how this will be my last birthday and how sad everyone would be next year because I most likely wouldn’t be there. I have asked my son to tell her to knock it off and that it’s very rude and mean but she doesn’t stop.
I’m not stupid I’m sure I’m going to die in the next couple of years but I’m not gonna die right now. I just want a nice dinner at around six on the 1st of June with my son and my daughter.
We can do like a lunch with my grandchild and DIL in the afternoon so that way I’m not excluding anyone.
My SIL is fine and told me that he’s not joining so that my DIL doesn’t feel excluded which I think is fair but my DIL is saying I’m being rude and entitled and that she’s only saying facts and that I’m an awful person for not wanting my granddaughter to be around.
My son is on my side but this is getting too much.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You brought up great points and actually, I think your DIL is the one acting entitled. You deserve to have a quiet meal with whoever you want it’s your birthday.
Also, 80 is a wonderful age. You have many more birthdays to go and you should cherish and enjoy each and every one of them. My grandma turned 80 in April and she got the party she wanted. Happy early birthday OP.” Over-Equivalent-9649
Another User Comments:
“It’s time for your son to enforce some boundaries.
Your DIL is free to say what she wants but after being told to stop several times and not doing so requires some type of consequence. Tell your son that you’ve been nice until now but if she keeps calling you an awful person maybe it’s time to show her how “awful” you can really be.
It’d also probably be good to tell him that either she keeps her mouth shut about your morality until you’re six feet underground and can’t hear her anymore or he’s out of the will. I know a lot of people say it’s stupid to weaponize wills like this, as if people will bend just cause you say so but you’re 80, God knows that if I were your age I’d just want to live out the rest of my time in peace without annoying and unwanted commentary on my age and it sounds like you’ve had years of hearing about it from her.
Or maybe the next time she says something about it tell her that because of her you can’t wait to kick the bucket, then at least that way you’ll stop hearing her talk about it.” Due-Eye9270
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re turning 80! Have as many celebrations as you want.
Then maybe keep on celebrating…why not. You never said you didn’t want to celebrate with Dil and your granddaughter, just that you wanted to party with them in an appropriate way. There are so many grandparents and family members out there who want to force unreasonable expectations on kids.
You are meeting your granddaughter where she is; you sound loving and amazing. Have a very happy birthday and may you have many many more! (Dil can be quiet with her doom and gloom.)” sweetT333
10. AITJ For Tearing Down My Neighbor's Fence That's On My Property?
“I have lived at my house for 5 years with no problems with my next-door neighbor until now.
He put in a fence along our side yards this winter with no survey and since there was snow on the ground, you could not see the sprinkler heads. A few weeks ago, I went to turn on my sprinklers and it turns out the new fence is on my property as my sprinkler heads are on the other side of the fence now.
I normally wouldn’t care about this part of my yard, but I plan on selling my house this year and in order to sell, things have to be up to code.
I asked my neighbor if he could move the fence over (it’s a chain link which makes it easy to move), and I told him that I plan to sell.
He stated it was all good because he already hired someone to come and move my sprinkler heads over so then it wouldn’t matter.
I told him no to moving the sprinkler heads as when a survey is done for the sale of the house, the fence is still on my property and will need to be moved, and then the sprinkler heads won’t be in the right spot and will need to be moved back.
He refused to cancel who he hired so I was able to reach the guy and cancel myself.
So I asked my neighbor again to move the fence, to which he offered to buy my house for cash for what I owe on my mortgage, not for what the house is worth, which I would lose a ton of money on the deal so I told him no, and he would still need to move the fence for the sale of the house anyway.
So he said in that case he would pay to have a new survey done, and buy the property off me that his fence sits on. He also tried twice again to send the guy back to move my sprinkler heads, but I stopped it again both times.
Yesterday, the survey was done and it was determined that the fence is 40 inches on my property. The fence is touching the back of my shed. My neighbor again asked to buy my property and make the fence the new property line. To which I again said no because the city zoning laws state my shed has to be at least 36 inches from the property line.
So my shed is compliant with the current property line but would need to be moved if the fence became the new property line. (It also turns out his shed is on my property too).
His response was that he would pay to have my shed torn down and rebuilt with a smaller shed as mine is too big anyway.
I again said no as my shed not only needs to be that size to store my tractor in the winter, but it also houses my pool pump/filter, so moving the location of the shed would require redoing all the piping and electrical. This would cost thousands of dollars and it would be very complicated.
I again told my neighbor he just needs to move his fence as this is the simplest and cheapest option. He is willing to spend thousands of dollars on these other options instead which makes no sense. His latest response is now that he has gifted me the fence and if I want to move it I can.
He is refusing to do anything else now and that I am being unreasonable. AITJ if I just tear it down this weekend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would have your lawyer write him a letter giving him x days to move the fence. After x days the fence will be removed and the fence scraps will be dumped on his property for his disposal. In the letter, I would include that this is not a negotiation but simply a notice.
You are also not interested in selling any portion of your land to keep the fencing in place nor are you interested in selling your home to him for below market value.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“Don’t touch the fence without a court order, or a signed agreement with the neighbor.
This is in the area of lawyers now. Contact someone, and stop taking directly to your neighbor for now. This is straightforward – any court will order him to move the fence. If you touch the fence without a court order, if you get in a fight with him, if you touch his property at all, it gives him the right to counter-sue you.
So don’t give him the opportunity. You have the survey, take him to court, make him move the fence, and make him pay for your expenses.” Sad_Construction_668
Another User Comments:
“After a tornado, my house and most of the neighborhood were smashed. We had a new house built and had only JUST moved in for about a week.
When we had our fence built it was purposefully made about 3 feet from the property line so it’d be easier to maintain/fix without going onto the adjoining properties. A contractor was building a house on the lot next door. My wife called me at work to tell me that they were connecting their fence to ours and wouldn’t stop even when she confronted them.
I couldn’t leave work right away (Army) so I called the contractor that built our fence yard and he went over. See, this other contractor was trying to pull a fast one, claiming part of our property and saving money by using one side of our fence as “his”.
By the time I got there, they were dismantling the part they tried to connect to my fence. Do not let your neighbor keep the fence on your property. They’ll claim as theirs, you’ll lose square footage.” d4everman
9. AITJ For Clapping Back At My Roommate Who Constantly Shames Me For Partying?
“My (21F) college roommate (22F) is very introverted and has a slew of self-diagnosed mental illnesses (anxiety, depression, OCD).
I’m very social and outgoing, and I enjoy partying and having friends.
Every time I’m on my way out to a party, she acts like I’m “trying too hard” or being childish. She thinks it’s impossible that anyone could actually enjoy socializing, and that people only go to parties to “appear cool.” She is convinced everyone secretly longs to stay in every night like her.
She also age-shames me all the time, implying that I’m too old for clubbing or partying, even though I just recently became legal. I came back from a college party, and she was in her pajamas eating on the floor like always.
We started talking, and she said “I grew out of my party phase freshman year.
When do you think you’ll grow out of it? You’re not a freshman anymore. Aren’t you a little old to go clubbing?” And implied that I’m old and washed up.
I said “I’m sorry that I didn’t switch from introvert to extrovert when I became a college junior.
We can’t all be mentally ill introverts.” She then said I’m why she hates extroverts, and that I’m disgustingly ableist. Even though all her mental illnesses are self-diagnosed. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So anyone who has a legit ID instead of a fake one is too old to go clubbing?
And everyone has to have the same social preferences as she has? I mean the mentally ill quip was uncalled for, but then she called you “disgustingly ableist,” which was also over the top in context. She sounds exhausting. Hope you get a new roommate soon.” fungibleprofessional
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – When people do and say these things it’s pure jealousy. And rather than appear jealous, she will instead just try and stop you from doing things, so you’re both miserable and she’s not alone. The tactics to achieve this are things like belittling you, and using any personal differences from you to personally attack you.
People often use these tactics in order to massage and keep their ego in check. After it happens to you once it becomes as transparent as glass. If she does have mental health issues it’s her job to keep it in check and get seen to, not bring other people down with her.
That’s a one-way ticket to a lonely life.” samski123
Another User Comments:
“I guess I was old and washed up at 26 when I partied my way across two continents. Your roomie clearly demeans you for your chosen activities. That makes her the judgmental jerk, not you.
Are you waking her up when you get home? Are you keeping her up? Are your actions preventing her from sleeping or studying? If yes – then you need to shift your actions because her grades are just as important as yours. If you’re not impacting these things then she needs to get over herself.
Is she invited to these parties? Does she feel lonely? Ignored? Left out? People who feel bad act bad. If she’s invited and says no, that’s on her. NTJ.” opine704
8. AITJ For Stopping Gifts For Ungrateful Nephews And Niece?
“I have several nephews and a niece. The youngest 5 live very close and I see them for all birthdays/holidays.
These “kids” now range in age from 16 to 25.
I have always spent time and thought on what to give each of them individually for any occasion aside from the contents of Christmas stockings in which they all received the same. Ignoring the years when they were little enough to be directly prompted, I have never gotten even a “thank you.”
Last year I was a little fed up and asked their dad, (My brother) what he was getting each of them and bought an accessory or complimentary item. This year the birthday cycle is about to start again and their mom (bro’s ex-wife) texted me that it was a “cruel change” to be less attentive last year.
So I said I’d just stop buying anything. She answered, “Money would be best anyway.” They’ve never even drawn me cards and they’re getting old enough to understand that relationships are reciprocal. So I made myself clear, I meant I would only bake cakes this year, no presents at all.
She called me a jerk. My brother agrees.
Am I the jerk for expecting well, just something? A “thanks” maybe?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Their parents did not bring them up to be appreciative and grateful. If a 25yr old doesn’t know what the words “Thank You” mean, and if their parents feel that you are a jerk for “being less attentive” to what you get their children, then you might as well keep your money and spend it on more beneficial stuff.” Irinaszobaslai
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but with the adult kids you should talk to them not just to their parents. They obviously weren’t raised to show gratitude for gifts from older relatives, so they may be totally unaware of how you feel about this. Since their parents think you’re in the wrong, they probably haven’t discussed your feelings with their children.
For each of them that’s over 18, make time for a personal one-on-one conversation along the lines of “I don’t know if you realize this, because I’ve only expressed it to your parents rather than to you directly, but when I give you a gift and don’t receive a thank you, it hurts my feelings.
You’re an adult, so I want to talk to you about this like an adult and hear how you feel, too. Can you tell me why you don’t thank me for gifts?” Maybe you’ll find something out from the kids directly that their parents haven’t been telling you.
Once they turn 18, your relationship with them doesn’t have to be filtered solely through their parents.” Boysenberry
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But those “kids” learned their manners from your brother and his wife, who apparently feel entitled to your attention and money with no ounce of appreciation shown.
I’d skip the parents and talk to the nephews and niece directly. Tell them how you feel, that relationships are reciprocal and you don’t feel like they’ve put anything into it. Find out how they feel, what they say. From their reactions, you can decide what to do individually going forward.” ParsimoniousSalad
7. AITJ For Wanting To Use My Brother's Inheritance For Rehab?
“My (42F) brother (40M) is an incredible person who is quickly approaching his rock bottom. He has bipolar (diagnosed in middle school and on meds) and is prone to deep swings of depression with sprinkles of manic upswings that are only brought on by “good things” happening— usually when he comes into money or when he meets a new girl.
He is recently homeless because he just decided to stop paying rent and bills and instead spend money on “what makes him happy” which is being social, drinking, substances, and trying to meet girls. He’s a sweet guy, but he has zero direction and a dead-end job that is weather-dependent so he doesn’t make a sustainable income.
He is currently living in his car with his dog or crashing on couches. He has no savings and any encouragement or offer to help him get on a path to being a functioning adult falls on deaf ears or is met with “it won’t work”, “I can’t do that”, etc. This is how it has been with him for 20 years, with short-lived phases of success, followed by a sharp decline because he doesn’t ever plan ahead and he sets himself up for failure.
He needs more help than I or my family can offer. He often talks about not wanting to live, he looks like a mess, and has recently mentioned that he’s been using illegal substances. I feel like the only thing that can turn his life around is to spend 3+ months in a program where he can get daily help and guidance, not only for substance abuse, but for his mental health issues, and to help him learn how to rebuild his life and learn how to be a functioning adult.
Here’s the $$ part: My family doesn’t have loads of money and rehabs are very costly. Sadly, a great uncle just passed and he was very wealthy and very generous. He used to gift all the “kids” in the family (my brother and I included) $10,000 every few years.
I would save, invest, or spend mine on things like CC bills, etc. My brother has always spent his in literal days on a giant TV, a motorcycle, buying rounds of drinks for the whole bar, expensive shoes, substances, gifts for girls, etc…All things that are instant gratification—he rides that high for a week or so, and then crashes hard back to reality.
He’s always had to sell off the TVs, the motorcycle, etc to scrape by.
Since our uncle passed, I’ve been told that we will be getting a significant amount of money. My brother has not been told anything about it. My parents and I think that this windfall would best be used to pay to send my brother somewhere to get better, to reset his life, etc.
If this works, even if he goes and gets better and comes out with a better grasp and mental vision of life…I know that he will be incredibly angry that we spent his inheritance on sending him to a program.
My heart is so broken and I’m afraid he won’t last through the year.
I’d love to hear any thoughts, opinions, etc. Thanks for reading, please be kind, this is not an easy thing to go through.”
Another User Comments:
“I understand exactly where you’re coming from. Exactly. But unless you have a conservatorship or guardianship or whatever your local version is… hiding an adult’s inheritance and spending it, even on trying to save his life, is illegal. Don’t do this.
Don’t conspire with your parents to do it. Consult an attorney and believe what they say. Your uncle may just have enabled him to die sooner. It’s horrific. Don’t sacrifice your future for him, though. And I’m going to say one more thing, and it’s awful, but consider: three months in a program (from which he is entitled to check himself out) versus twenty-plus years of addiction?
The odds are not even remotely on his side. I’m so sorry. Absolutely NTJ, but do not do this.” lordylordy1115
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, of course you mean well and want the best for your brother, but from your description, I don’t know if this plan would work.
As an addict in recovery (6 years clean) who spent 2 months in a rehab center, I can tell you that in most cases, rehab will only pay off when a person goes bc they want to recover for themselves. Out of the 65 people who attended the program with me, there is only one other who is still clean and sober.
Most others went back to their old ways within a few months. So honestly my advice is, if it is possible, hold onto the money until he says he is ready. However, if he legally gets the funds himself there isn’t much you can do but suggest he try something.
Perhaps seek out people who are successful in recovery and introduce them. I wish you all the best, and hope your brother finds a new way to live.” Sea-Relationship6918
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for your intentions, but if you and your family do not follow the instructions your uncle has laid out in his trust, will, etc. then you will be committing a crime.
If he’s supposed to receive a specific amount of money, and you withhold it, it will legally be considered theft. I think it’s a valid concern that a windfall might actually kill him, given his substance use. He doesn’t sound like he has it together enough to actually pursue legal means to obtain his inheritance.
But you will be leaving yourself open to lawsuits and prosecution. If your uncle had the foresight it’s possible he established a trust with an addiction clause that mandates tests, treatment, and smaller payments over time rather than a lump sum. Speak with the Executor of the Estate or whoever will be administering the trust now that your uncle has passed. You need to first understand how this money is being distributed and what, if any, options you have.
It sounds like your uncle was quite well off so a trust is likely. Speak with the successor trustee.” Hudwig_Von_Muscles
6. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Increased Rent Based On Stepfather's Complaints About Animal Care?
“I (22F) am still living at home, but I’m employed part-time and trying to build funds to move out with.
My family situation is extremely toxic; my stepfather is nasty and self-absorbed, my half-sister treats everyone in the house like the dirt she walks upon, and my mother gets more and more miserable every day because of it.
We live on a plot of land in the middle of nowhere with a LOT of animals now (47 total.) Over the past 6 years, I’ve been expected to do almost everything to take care of them; gathering eggs, feeding, dumping out and/or refilling waters, cleaning pens, locking them up at night, making sure they don’t eat certain things, etc. I also do a decent number of things inside the house, and on top of all of that, I have to maintain my performance at my job.
While most of the animal chores aren’t too hard on their own, the sheer number of them is hard to keep track of, and sometimes either things get forgotten or I don’t have time to do them before work. If my stepfather finds something amiss, I usually get lectured about being irresponsible, and he might call me lazy or stupid during these lectures.
Now, I can understand if it’s something major like the chicken feeders being empty, but he does this over incredibly minor things too (for example, right now, as I was writing this, he complained about paper towels on my floor that were sopping up water that the cats spilled.) And when he’s not looking for things outside to complain about, he’s just being generally nasty to us.
He rants about things he knows make us depressed and pretty much just insults everything we like or do. Nobody even wants to be around him most of the time.
My half-sister (15) receives very little discipline. Other than her dance class and new weekend job, she’s almost always locked in her room and on her phone.
She asks me to do favors for her, and then an hour later will insult me. My stepfather does nothing but throw empty threats at her, and my mother receives the brunt of her behavior even though she does almost EVERYTHING for her.
Now, the situation at hand; recently my parents have asked me to start paying them some money each month, which I was perfectly okay with since the amount they asked is only about 1/8 of my monthly income.
But they got into a huge argument this morning, which was mainly brought on by my mother calling my stepfather out on his behavior, but he later tried to steer the argument towards me. I overheard them agree that for everything he finds wrong with the animals outside, he’ll add more to that month’s rent.
I don’t know by how much he plans to increase it per thing he finds wrong, but I guess I’ll find out. Now I don’t think he deserves my money, but if I don’t deliver he’ll eventually notice and may evict me before I have the funds to move out.
But is this selfish/ungrateful of me? WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but as you are an adult tenant (essentially) you could be evicted. I would approach it with a willingness to pay some form of rent to help out. Renters do not do chores though, so which chores will you be handing off to who?
If they insist on chores or a larger rent, then you could approach it as a base rent and then take money off per chore accomplished. If you don’t complete the chores, then it would make sense for the rent to increase. That said, if you are performing pretty much all of the chores, then there should be no rent.
In the end, I’d treat it as a negotiation…if paying rent, the number of chores should be dropping drastically. After all, you’ve been doing the chores until now as a way of offsetting rent. Add a little rent, and significantly decrease chores as a result…add more rent?
Even fewer chores. Agree with others though, this sounds horribly toxic and you should look at when you can move out instead.” DHCruiser
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s talk about how this situation would work if you were not family. In one scenario, you might sign on to help out at a farm as a farmhand.
Room and board at the farm would be part of your pay. While your pay (particularly a discretionary bonus) might change depending on your performance in your duties, the room and board would not change. If you perform your job unsatisfactorily, they might let you go.
In another scenario, you might rent a room somewhere. Your rent would include a set amount, plus you might take on household chores as part of living in the house. If the house is a working farm, you might take on some farm chores in lieu of rent.
You would have a written agreement that spells out exactly what your duties are and exactly how much you owe in rent or month. The rent owed would not vary based on chores. Again, if you or your landlord find the arrangement does not work for you, one is you will end it or renegotiate.
The upshot is that your family is treating you worse than strangers should treat you. Time to move on.” EnderBurger
Another User Comments:
“So I imagine you do all the animal stuff because you are a family member and these are the chores you are expected to do to “help family.” But now they want you to pay rent like an independent adult.
Take a step back – what do you want to do? If you didn’t do all the animal stuff, could you work more hours? Do you want to move out more quickly? Could you move out tomorrow and get some help with friends and find a job that pays more/work more hours?
What you want out of life now and in the future can help guide your next steps, because if you have options – friends/family to stay with, could work more hours if you didn’t have all these chores – then I think you can be firmer now.
And by firmer, I think you tell them you will either not be doing chores anymore, or you will not be paying rent. You certainly will not be paying a “fine” for stuff that doesn’t get done. The family animals are only your problem because you are part of the family, but family also doesn’t charge rent and fines when they have a young adult trying to start their life.
I think you tell them you are done doing all the chores if they want ANY rent from you, and strongly consider how quickly you can get out of there. If you really can’t leave any time soon, then I think you can say you will pay the small rent and that you are going to do fewer chores- sister can step up and you definitely won’t be paying any fines for stuff that doesn’t get done.” mfruitfly
5. AITJ For Banning My Daughter From Seeing Her Cousin After She Saw Him Play A Batman Video Game?
“I (24f) left my daughter (7) with my aunt and uncle for a day. When I was getting ready to go, my cousin (16m) was opening a Batman videogame he had recently gotten and was going to spend the day playing (Arkham Knight, I believe), my daughter asked to watch him play, and he said sure.
I was going to ask about the content of the game, but it just slipped my mind and I left.
When I got back, my daughter had a bunch of drawings of this clown in a black sweater who makes people scared with a magic gas.
She said she really liked the villain of the Batman game, because she got really angry at times, and he was “angry in the same way.”
I’ve stopped letting her see the cousin, and she got really upset about it and began to cry a bit because “he’s really cool.” AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not the cousin’s fault, he was just playing his game. And I think you also are misinterpreting the drawings. Your daughter is excited that she (finally) sees herself – or rather her emotions of anger – in a character. This is a learning opportunity if you recognize it.
It’s a good way to talk about how others have anger and explore some healthy expressions and coping strategies. Pretending it doesn’t exist is like you’re telling your daughter that those emotions she feels are “bad” and should be hidden.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“YTJ.
It’s a video game character. A lot of people like them and yes they can be relatable to a certain point especially if they suffer from similar negative traits. Instead of being a jerk about it, you should try to be a mom and talk to her about why she gets so angry.
There has to be some cause. Maybe it’s frustration, maybe it’s something deeper but you need to figure out what’s happening. Cousin did nothing wrong. Your daughter did nothing wrong. You did something wrong because you are breaking her relationship with your cousin over a video game character from a game you didn’t even bother to check.” DivineJerziboss
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You didn’t check the content of the game. That’s on you. THEN, after she saw a character she identifies with parts of and feels seen by, instead of exploring that with her, you’ve forbidden her from seeing the cousin she likes who introduced her to the character.
(With your knowledge!) Talk to her about the anger she says she feels. Openly. Without judgment.” embopbopbopdoowop
4. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Stop Drinking Every Night?
“My (29) husband (28) and I have been married for 6 months and we are already having major issues … the main one being his drinking.
He had an issue with drinking and substance use in the past. When we first met we would drink every weekend and often take substances together.
Many of these evenings ended horrendously and our relationship has almost been destroyed on many occasions because of this.
We both saw how drinking and substances were affecting us and we cut down a lot. We still drank together occasionally but even then we would still argue.
I will fully admit I can get very emotional when drinking, I have recognized that it’s really not good for me. So now I’ve decided to stop drinking.
However, my husband does not feel the same. He drinks beer pretty much every night.
On average 5 large cans. I think this is excessive and I’m honestly sick of dealing with a husband who drinks excessively. He doesn’t really cause any trouble other than talking constantly about himself and disturbing me when he comes up to bed and I need to be up at 5 am.
He also grinds his teeth at night and when he drinks it gets worse; this is really affecting my sleep.
He recently quit his job and is only working a delivery job (most of the time we work together, he drives and I pick up orders) however it’s not bringing in much money and honestly I think he left work so he can stay up until 1 am drinking and then get up whenever he likes.
I’m super stressed because we are depending on his income right now. Every day is a struggle to pay our bills. I am looking for a job to fit in around my studies as a student nurse. I have a couple of interviews lined up.
Alongside this, the drinking is sending me over the edge. I know he is feeling depressed and I am trying to support him but I feel like I’m losing my mind trying to hold everything together. He can be an extremely hardworking man, he would do anything for his family and when things are going well we are best friends and always have each other’s backs.
He is trying to turn his life around after a very difficult few years and I don’t want to be too hard on him. He has big dreams but I can’t see how they will materialize. He can be very messy and impulsive, we think he has ADHD.
I just don’t know if I should continue with him hoping that things will change. I feel like my life is going nowhere with him, which is an awful way to feel. Tonight I asked him to have a night off from drinking, he refused so I snapped and said I don’t want any booze in the house (it’s my house that we live in) and I said if you want to drink then you’ll have to do it somewhere else.
So he left and I don’t know where he has gone.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – And I hate to be the bearer of bad news but it is not going to get better and it will get worse. It doesn’t seem like he even recognizes he has a problem.
Do not let him drag you down! If you stay married and he gets a DUI you will lose your insurance too because the insurance companies believe as long as you are married he will have access to your car and if he has an accident and you are married there goes your savings.
Protect yourself and your future. Get a divorce you may even just be able to have it annulled since it is such a short time. If he turns his life around you can always get re-married but for now there is more downside to staying married. Take care.” Helpful-Science-3937
Another User Comments:
“This isn’t a case where YTJ vs. he’s a jerk. You married a guy that you already knew was no good for you because he is a drinker, substance abuser, and someone who is probably doing those things, in part, to treat his ADHD (or whatever it is).
Yet you married him only six months ago. You’re worried about paying your bills but you choose to do a one-person job together. And the person doing the driving is the one who drinks excessively. Let me put it bluntly: you’re both imbeciles. If your husband agrees to get a real diagnosis, get proper treatment, and go to AA or a similar program, maybe your marriage has a chance.
Otherwise, it’s time to move on.” Competitive_Key_2981
Another User Comments:
“Ok so; NTJ. But as the husband who drinks too much and too often; I already know this. He may too. My partner talks to me about my drinking. It’s not that I don’t pay attention to her.
It’s not that I ignore her. It’s that I have difficulty moderating. I know this. She knows this. I know she knows this (insert Friends meme here) Being gently recommended that I could stop drinking tonight, or that I drank too much last night…. Well, it doesn’t make any difference, because I hear what is being said and am already aware myself (well, sometimes I’ve already had too much so I’m not aware).
My solution is pretty much just abstinence. But I needed to arrive at that by myself. Most people with moderation or addiction issues need to arrive there themselves. Truthfully I think I’m super lucky my wife hasn’t just walked away sometimes. You’re not the jerk for asking him to stop.
But his not stopping is because of an addiction issue. He needs help with that and needs to find his reason to find help.” lemachet
3. AITJ For Not Buying My Wife A Physical Birthday Gift After Paying For A Weekend Getaway?
“It was my wife’s mid-thirties birthday this weekend and she’d said she wanted to go away somewhere (just a weekend, somewhere domestic). I arranged a weekend away (£650), drove us there, paid for a fancy meal (and all other meals), etc, in total it cost £1000.
On the drive home from the fancy meal, she inquired whether I’d got her anything for her birthday. I said that I hadn’t because I viewed the trip away as a pricey present and… she kicked off. She recalled my last birthday when she took me away for a weekend and bought me an expensive bottle as well – in total, apparently, she’d spent about £1400 on that birthday of mine… Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. I don’t know, I don’t like people comparing how much they spend on each other. That leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I also think a small gift to unwrap is always nice. If you had said, “For your birthday, I’d like to take you away for the weekend,” then that could be construed as the one and only gift. But she asked for the weekend away.
It isn’t something you thought of and picked out. You just paid for it (not ignoring that that’s important and generous.) It’s just more romantic if you give her something you thought of yourself. Wouldn’t need to be expensive. But I think if my husband took me away for the weekend I wouldn’t be asking for some gift that never appeared, nor would I be bringing up whatever I got him for his birthday.
If she didn’t want the weekend away as her birthday gift, or if she wanted a surprise, she shouldn’t have asked for the weekend. It’s crazy all the tallying you two are doing.” weird_friend_101
Another User Comments:
“Oh dear. Please hear me out, I may be able to shed some light on this, even if it sounds crazy.
Lol. I’m not speaking for all women here at all, but I will say that I, as a woman, for whatever reason, do love little trinkets and “traditional” tokens of affection on special days, i.e. birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, and Valentine’s. Things like small, wrapped “romantic” gifts: nice–or cheap–jewelry, inexpensive lockets engraved–or featuring a picture or a lock of hair; a special perfume, a framed “shared moment” or personal portrait, even a dorky, cute stuffed animal, or a unique lotion and flowers.
When my partner forgets a small gift on a special day, even if he subsequently asks me directly what I wanted and later goes out and buys it for me to compensate, I sometimes do feel a tad pouty and a bit overlooked, which I know is quite, quite silly, but… oh well.
It’s just how I sometimes feel. You did a gloriously generous, extremely thoughtful thing, but she probably simply wanted the “excitement” and the ritual of unwrapping a “mysterious” gift. Of being “surprised” and “remembered and thought about.” In her mind, that’s probably what the wrapped gift “represented.” People can be odd like that.
Leaning towards no jerks here.” PleasantChoice2024
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. On a birthday you get her a present. Something that she unwraps and her eyes light up because of the thought and care you’ve put into choosing the gift. So you spent a lot of money on a weekend as well, great, lovely, well done.
Half of the money that was spent went on you. Get something that is just for her. Do better. Now go and kiss her feet and beg for forgiveness.” another_online_idiot
I wanted and took me for a great weekend away and I would not have expected another gift.
2. AITJ For Buying A Birthday Cake That Caused An Allergic Reaction?
“I (F22) was invited to the 18th birthday of my partner’s (M22) cousin Chelsea whom I had met a few times before.
We usually get along quite well but her mother (F47), let’s call her Judy, doesn’t seem to like me very well. About 2 weeks before the birthday party everyone was invited to a group chat and Judy asked for help with the buffet. They provided the location (a beautiful barn that is quite popular for birthdays where they live) and wanted everyone to help out.
I/We happily agreed to bake the cake for the birthday. Later I was told they expected about 30 guests and Judy gave me a list of allergies and stuff I had to watch out for.
So here comes the day of the birthday. My partner and I were baking all night long and as there were no big specifications about what the cake should be or what it looks like I wanted to make something special for Chelsea’s birthday.
So my partner and I decided to make her favorite cake, Blueberry Cheesecake.
A while ago I had seen people make sweet tamales and I wanted to try out the recipe for a sweet tamales cheesecake. My partner even asked beforehand if it would be ok to bring the cake in portions so that it wouldn’t get all messy.
Judy agreed.
When we arrived at the location (about 1 hour drive a bit outside of the city) and brought the cake in Judy was furious. She came up to us and insulted me. I was shocked. Between all the shouting we tried to explain what the cake was but she didn’t want to listen and demanded we bring another cake that is more “appropriate”.
So we got back in the car. Drove all the way back until we found a Walmart and bought 3 packs of this pre-baked chocolate cake. As we came back to the location they had started the party without us. We just set up the Walmart cakes on the table still in their box and went on to give Chelsea her birthday present.
Everything seemed to be fine until a bit later when it was time to eat the cake and one of Chelsea’s friends had an allergic reaction because apparently the Walmart cake had nuts that we didn’t check because of the rush we were in.
Now I feel really really bad for what happened. Judy was furious and kicked me and my partner out of the party and my phone was flooding with messages from his parents/brother afterward.
Chelsea didn’t want to speak with me either.
AITJ? Should we have checked the birthday cake we got from Walmart twice? Or should we have settled for a more “normal” cake instead of the one we made initially? I feel so bad right now. My partner says it is not our fault but it somehow feels like that.”
Another User Comments:
“INFO: So let me get this straight. You were given no instructions/specifications, and decided to make blueberry cheesecake which is her favorite. Then you found a recipe for sweet tamales and decided to make that instead. Did you get an okay from the mom to bring that instead of cake/explain to her what a sweet tamale was if she was unfamiliar?
Is it what Chelsea would have wanted?” amoamareamaviamatus
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Yes, it is your fault. You said you were bringing a cake. You did not bring a cake. It was a cheesecake-flavored dessert. Why do you keep calling the tamales cake? You also bought something that caused the reaction.
You knew of the allergy and purchased it anyway. This party was not about you or what recipes you wanted to try or how you feel or how people feel about you. It was another person’s birthday and if it was left to you, it would have been a birthday party without a cake.
Because of you, someone was injured. You are still making it about you. You are on here with, poor me, this wasn’t my fault. I don’t know how I could have prevented this! People were so mean! Someone Could Have Died! And you are worried if you are a jerk?
I hope the person who had the allergic reaction you caused is okay. Do you even know if they are?” eirly
Another User Comments:
“INFO. What did you tell Judy exactly when you ran your idea by her? It sounds like you may not have been clear enough.
“I wanted to try out the recipe for a sweet tamales cheesecake. My partner even asked beforehand if it would be ok to bring the cake in portions.” If you told me this, I’d think you’re bringing a cheesecake that’s flavored like a sweet tamale, that’s been baked or cut into individual portions.
Definitely not tamales filled with cheesecake. I feel like if you offer to make cake for a birthday party, you should bring something that’s at least similar to cake. Especially if it is the only cake. You could argue for cupcakes, ice cream cake, cheesecake, and many others, but tamales definitely aren’t cake.
Yelling is not ok, but if it really was a miscommunication related to you not being clear and not the aunt misunderstanding, then it should’ve been on you to find a replacement cake and give people a heads-up about checking the ingredients. It’s possible that people were told the cake would be safe for them to eat beforehand, and Judy didn’t think to check if you remembered that there were guests with allergies.” Specific-Scarcity777
1. AITJ For Assuming My Toddler Was Invited To A Super Bowl Party?
“My wife and I (late 20s) got invited to a Super Bowl party yesterday. We have a 15-month-old. I assumed with the invite our kid was invited too. It was a text invite saying this is happening at this time and this place.
No other details.
In my history of going to Super Bowl parties, they’ve always been family friendly. So I didn’t think twice about bringing my kids to my buddy’s house. We are on the West Coast and it’s over by 8. So it’s a day thing and not really a late night.
Apparently, my kid was not invited and my buddy who hosted wasn’t happy he was brought over. We had a discussion that turned into an argument and we left. He never mentioned no kids. But am I the jerk for assuming he could come?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You should have verified that your toddler was welcome. Barring that, you should have accepted with grace that your toddler was not welcome when informed by the host. Should the host have stated “no children” in their invitation? Emphatically, yes. However, it is your responsibility, as the steward of your child, to ensure that they are welcome and properly behaved in the given circumstance.” Arianoor
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. He should have been clear about kids or no kids, and you should have asked for clarification. Especially in your 20s, when likely a smaller percentage of the group has kids. Most Super Bowl parties I’ve been to in my 30s are family-friendly, and to be honest, if they were not, I’d expect that to be stated upfront.
We are all in our 40s now. I do not have kids but just assume others will bring their kids to any gathering we have unless otherwise specified. Two couples are child-free and all the others have kids, so it’s not practical to not invite them, the way it might have been fifteen years ago.” ADawg28
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I think as a parent it’s your responsibility to ask if your child is welcome, especially when the child is a baby. A Super Bowl party is likely an event with open booze and loud noise (cheering and stuff). These don’t seem like baby-friendly events.
I think this is on you for assuming everyone wants to be around a baby while at a party.” BulbasaurRanch
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If I were in her shoes I would have thrown my partner under the bus by saying "This is not my child and his father and I have just broken up because he's cheating on me. And yes... I'd like a drink after I'm seated"
That would preemptively shut up anyone who may have an opinion