People Try Not To Laugh At Themselves In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Not Convincing My Family To Attend My Estranged Cousin's Wedding?
“Me (F32) and my cousin (F30) spent most of our childhood together at our grandpa’s house. Our moms are sisters and our families are close, we kind of grew up like sisters. In high school, she left to study abroad for one year and, shortly after she came back, I left for college.
We grew apart but maintained a good relationship.
On my 25th birthday, she was tipsy and started being rude and petty with my female friends, while awkwardly hitting on my male friends (including the ones who were in relationships). I spoke to her on the day after, I wasn’t angry but back then I felt I had to protect her (from herself, in this case), I wished she could see her value and that she didn’t need to act like a bimbo.
We kind of cleared the air, but kept on growing apart. Still, we were on good terms and met each other on holidays and birthdays at my grandpa’s.
That was until five years ago. I had to go out of state with my dad for an afternoon medical appointment.
My cousin called on the day before, my mom told hers about the trip and she wanted to ask me a favor. Basically, she and Grandpa had a morning medical appointment in the same city and they planned to go with my aunt, but she wanted Grandpa to come with us instead of them.
It made no sense for many reasons (the main two being my dad had a morning meeting, and my grandpa didn’t want to spend all day there anyway). She kept on insisting that was the best option, eventually lost it, and told me I wouldn’t even care if Grandpa died. I hung up and we haven’t spoken since.
She still was on good terms with my family and I still have a good relationship with hers, I never wanted our issues to break the whole family for my grandpa’s sake. Last week came her wedding. She had a morning ceremony followed by brunch, the day after she had the reception (fancy location, seated meal with various courses), and a couple of days later she had another reception (small buffet in my grandpa’s yard).
I wasn’t invited to any of it, no surprise and no harsh feelings, at this point we’re strangers.
The thing is, she kept dangling the wedding on my mom’s face for a month, without officially inviting her or my family. In the end,d my mom, dad, broth, er, and SIL were only invited to the yard reception.
Grandpa was invited to the ceremony+brunch and the yard reception. Since the ceremony was out of town, she told my mom she could go too, if she drove grandpa. Eventually, my grandpa decided to only “go” at the yard reception, while my family completely bailed out and I can’t say I opposed their decision.
She’s now complaining to relatives that I was a jerk for convincing my family that she’s the bad guy.
So, AITJ for not trying to convince my family to go to her wedding to keep peace in the family?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Frankly, your story is a bit hard to follow, but it sounds like she’s upset that you didn’t try to convince family members to go to her wedding and/or multiple receptions.
That’s not your job. The rest of the small details don’t matter.” LoudCrickets72
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, it sounds like you’ve done a lot to keep the peace over the years, even when your cousin has been difficult. Her behavior — from being rude at your birthday to making unreasonable demands about the trip, to how she handled her wedding invites — seems consistently disrespectful and self-centered. You didn’t discourage your family from going; they made their own decisions based on how she treated them.
It’s not your job to manage everyone’s relationships or clean up the mess she creates. Your cousin is responsible for her actions and how they affect others. If she’s complaining that you “made” your family see her as the bad guy, that says more about her guilt or insecurity than about anything you did.
It’s okay to prioritize your own peace over trying to mend a relationship that she hasn’t shown much interest in maintaining respectfully.” User
20. AITJ For Texting About Skipping Meals In A Group Chat?
“I was at my brother’s college graduation with my parents. I had just graduated a week earlier, making it a proud moment for both of us. However, in our frantic effort to be on time, we skipped breakfast and lunch, leaving us desperate for dinner after the ceremony.
While waiting, I texted my college group chat about how nice the graduation was, mentioning I hadn’t eaten and was “looking forward to my first meal of the day. Hurray!” It felt normal to share, as we often discussed food and busy schedules when we were on campus together.
However, one friend responded that my text could be triggering and asked me not to send similar messages in the future.
I instantly freaked out. If I weren’t at such an important event and so hungry, I might have handled it better. I started having a panic attack.
For months, I had felt tension with this friend, perceiving their behavior as bullying. Despite my attempts to check in on our friendship, I never received clarity on what had changed between us, which made their comment feel even more personal and hurtful.
I stupidly responded immediately.
I felt they were trying to embarrass me publicly, which fueled my anxiety. It seemed unfair to single me out for discussing missing a meal when others in the group had done the same. Their reaction felt disingenuous, especially during an important event.
In my response, I apologized for triggering them and assured them I wouldn’t send those kinds of texts again.
I asked that if they had issues with me in the future, they reach out privately. They refused, insisting they needed to protect others from being affected by my comment. They claimed there were no hard feelings, but I didn’t believe them.
Still panicking, I texted them privately, expressing my preference for private communication in the future.
They insisted they were right, claiming they needed to address it in the group chat to ensure others didn’t feel alone. The conversation escalated when I suggested they reach out to individuals if they were concerned. They accused me of immaturity for wanting private communication, asserting they were hurt and could handle the situation how they saw fit.
They reiterated how damaging my message could have been and expressed hope that I would develop humility and accountability. I felt condescended to, misunderstood, and as if my feelings were invalidated. We ended our friendship there.
Afterward, I shared the texts with my therapist and confided in family and friends.
My therapist felt my friend’s reaction was unwarranted, noting my comments weren’t inherently triggering. They emphasized that individuals should manage their triggers without expecting others to change. A mutual friend suggested both sides could improve but agreed my text was not offensive.
AITJ?
What could I have done differently, and how should I have handled this complex situation?”
Another User Comments:
“Triggering what? It seems that practically anything nowadays triggers someone. I find your comment innocuous. If such comments were problematic, then they would have been addressed before.
Now that you have graduated, maybe you will have a different friend group.” Accomplished_Two1611
Another User Comments:
“Sometimes… sometimes I honestly feel like these stories are planted to make us liberals look insane. Like Republicans who think this is the same thing as asking someone to observe your pronouns or let you get married. In case that’s not true, NTJ, you’re allowed to talk about missing a meal, that person is a bully and the only response you should have given them is letting them know their suggestion is utterly ridiculous.” raisedbypoubelle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like you were caught off guard in an already stressful moment, and your friend’s reaction added unnecessary pressure to an innocuous comment. You weren’t trying to be malicious or thoughtless—just sharing a normal life update in a group chat where similar conversations had occurred before.
Your friend’s decision to call you out publicly, rather than handling it privately, seems more about making a point than genuinely resolving the issue. If they were truly concerned about triggers, a kind private message would have been more effective than escalating the situation in front of others.
Their condescension and refusal to see your perspective suggest they were more interested in being “right” than fostering understanding. Your therapist is spot-on: everyone has triggers, but it’s unreasonable to expect the world—or a casual group chat—to tiptoe around them constantly. Boundaries are valid, but so is personal accountability.
You did your best by apologizing, but if they weren’t willing to meet you halfway, that’s on them. It seems like ending the friendship was the right call. Sometimes, people outgrow each other, especially when communication breaks down. Don’t be too hard on yourself; you handled it better than most would under the circumstances.” User
19. AITJ For Wanting A Cheaper Wedding Venue Than My Fiancé?
“My fiancé and I are having major issues choosing a venue. We found one in July that we both liked (Place A), but my fiancé didn’t fall in love like she wanted to. We agreed to keep looking until 9/15, and then if we hadn’t found a place by then, we would go with Place A.
This was her idea.
We got into a big argument after we visited all the venues on our list (on 10/5 – past the deadline, but I didn’t make a fuss). We visited that last place and it didn’t take the lead, so we decided to go ahead and book Place A.
We asked for their updated availabilities and they have a Friday in July or some Sundays in October. We agreed on the Friday in July together. Then she talks with her mom, and her mom tells her that she doesn’t think July is a good idea because it will be too hot, so my fiancé changes her tune and says that she now wants to do the Sunday in October.
I was confused, because we had already made this agreement, and fought to keep the July date. My ultimate position was that, at the end of the day, if you want October, then that has to be what we do, but I’m going to make my case for July.
I didn’t say those words explicitly until that became the argument, but that’s where I was coming from. She didn’t see it that way. She saw it as me not letting her have the wedding she wanted. In the course of this argument, she says that she feels like she’s being pushed into Place A altogether, and that she shouldn’t have to settle for anything less than a place that she loves.
Eventually, we settled on the Sunday in October, with the question now shifting to whether she agrees to Place A at all.
Then she found another place (Place B) she wanted to look at, which we had already reached out to once before. I was not high on Place B because they were one of the most expensive options we had looked at.
I voiced my concern with the prices of what we’d already seen. She said if they’re over $50K then that’ll be the end of it, Place B will be out. $50K was not a figure we had ever discussed before. We got them back and Sundays in October came out to a total cost of $49,026.
Now she wants to go visit. I said didn’t’t want to because this is way higher than anything I was comfortable with. She says I don’t care about her happiness, she only gets married once, and she should be able to have it perfect. Of note, she’s a resident and becomes an attending doctor next year and will be making a lot more money.
She says that she’ll pay for it all and that I’m just being cheap. I say it doesn’t matter who’s paying for it, using that money for the wedding has a major effect on our shared life together. I’m of the mind that if we can get 90% of the way to her dream for a fraction of the cost (Place A would be $19K), then we have a lot of good places we could be putting those savings.
But I get shouted down and told that I’m not supporting her. I’m just so drained at this point trying to fight for what would still be a beautiful wedding and being made to feel the villain for it.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here.
The detail you mentioned about her willingness to put up the money to cover this expense herself, while you are adamantly against “wasting” the extra money on this, tells me that you two are not compatible in your perspective on finances. I’d recommend addressing this with a marriage counselor, especially considering it sounds as if you two have the money to spend on one.
This will be your best investment for your wedding by far. Do this before selecting and paying a down payment on a venue. There are bigger fish to fry in this situation.” heresmyopinion_xo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Why do you even want to marry someone like that?
First, she’s made it clear it is HER wedding, you’re just the supporting cast. She is incredibly unreasonable and is playing the victim when you try to reason with her. Is that how you want to spend the rest of your life? A wedding is about two people who love each other committing in front of friends and family to always be there for each other.
She is making it her showcase. Please think about that before you go through with it.” Working-Dependent33
18. AITJ For Keeping A Secret Between Two Employees Causing Workplace Conflict?
“I am not sure if this is the right place for this, but here goes.
I own a small shop and I have two employees. A has been here for a bit over 5 years.
About 2 years ago I hired B. Things seemed to be going well for 14 months. About 8 months ago B told me that they found some of the things that A would say to be toxic, and was occasionally having a hard time working with them.
B did not elaborate much. I know that B can be a bit easy to gross out, so I’ve tried to keep conversations like that to a minimum. I probably was told that some of the negative gossip that A engages in was a problem.
B explicitly asked me not to discuss the situation with A. I agreed, thinking this would be short-lived.
This is my big mistake. Keeping this secret has been a weight.
At some point, B told me that they do not trust A, as they have seen how they treat ex-friends online, and how they talk about those ex-friends.
They started coming in early and leaving early, but many times A and B would work together for hours, while other days B would skip to avoid A.
B started wearing headphones around A when conversations became “inappropriate”. Two months ago A noticed that something was wrong.
They are incredibly mad that their close friend B was not their friend. They are incredibly mad about the lack of communication on the issue. Neither A or B were willing to work with each other. B was assigned to the morning, while A was assigned to the evening.
This cut into both of their hours. I no longer have a day off. At some point, B asked to go back to overlapping shifts, but A was against that.
Last week we had a staff meeting, after a few failed attempts earlier in the week.
It did not go well. I started by apologizing for keeping the secret that I was asked to keep, and for the harm the lack of communication caused. B had typed up a list/speech to keep their thoughts straight. A hated that.
B seemed to take some of the blame for the situation.
A responded blaming everyone but themselves. Said the meeting was organized to attack them. (side note A asked for the meeting). Did not believe that B ever informed them of any harm that they had done. One of the issues could be taken as harassment, but it seems that both contributed. A stated that the restricted hours hurt them more because they have children and that they should have more hours, but not with B there.
Eventually, I attempted to broker peace, and apologize again but was interrupted continuously by A. At some point, B asked to be excused, and A was not happy about that. B would still like to work (with occasional headphones) in overlapping shifts with A. A will not agree.
Neither is willing to see the other’s side of view. I believe that both sides have reasons to be upset. I know that I messed up with the secret. I had no idea what was coming and was only trying to do what one employee asked of me.
What do I do next?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re their employer, not their therapist. Keeping the secret was your best bet for staying out of the drama as long as you could. Write the schedule to accommodate YOUR needs as their employer, and whoever doesn’t like it can leave.
Based on what you describe here though, it sounds like A would be worth firing.” Strange_Shallot8833
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for keeping the secret, I think it’s fair that you respected B’s wish, especially knowing that A tends to act out easily when confronted with criticism.
You might be the jerk for something else, though. If there is a suspected case of harassment, I think it is your responsibility as their boss to figure out what’s going on or get external support for dealing with the situation. Saying that both contributed sounds a bit like a lazy excuse.
Again, I don’t know what exactly was going on but the phrasing rubbed me the wrong way. Otherwise, I agree that A should be fired or at least get some kind of “last warning”. This is not a behavior you need to tolerate or that your colleagues should have to endure.
I don’t think it would be good if they were working together again.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s clear you’re trying to handle things carefully, but sometimes keeping secrets can make a situation worse. The lack of communication between A and B has clearly built up a lot of tension, and at this point, it seems like both employees have valid grievances.
You acknowledged that you made a mistake by agreeing to keep the situation a secret, and that was an important step. Now, it seems like the best path forward is to facilitate a more direct conversation between A and B, but in a way that ensures both sides feel heard.
I’d suggest a third-party mediator (maybe an HR professional if possible) to guide the conversation. For the immediate future, it might also be helpful to set clear boundaries around working hours and respect for one another’s space (headphones included). If one person’s discomfort is causing harm to the other’s ability to work, it needs to be addressed directly.
You can’t avoid managing the dynamics in your workplace just because it’s uncomfortable. As for the future, clear communication needs to be a priority. Both of them need to understand that their issues with each other cannot go unresolved, but they also need to be open to compromise.
If this continues, you might need to make the tough decision about whether they can both remain in a working relationship, especially if they’re unwilling to meet halfway. Ultimately, you’ve learned that while trying to protect one person, the silence caused harm to both.
Moving forward, open and honest dialogue will be essential.” User
17. AITJ For Not Leaving Work Early To Care For My Partner With A Cold?
“My partner and I are a heterosexual couple both in our 30s. I’m a corporate lawyer, currently gunning for a partner in my firm, so I’ve been working insanely long hours. I’m sure some of you can imagine what this entails… my partner works too but with my job I’m definitely the breadwinner.
Overall he’s been very supportive of my career.
A few days ago, he caught a cold. He has a sore throat and a runny nose and feels lethargic. But like most men, he’s been very dramatic about how sick he is. Even though he doesn’t even have a fever, he’s been dramatically talking about how he’s “dying” for exaggeration.
At first, it was cute and amusing and I don’t mind taking care of him. On Saturday I worked all afternoon and then made him soup to soothe his throat. I’ve also gone to the pharmacy to get medication for him and have been bringing him his tea, water, meds, etc for the last few days.
But today it suddenly got too much. He woke me up at 44 am complaining about how his throat was sore. I got up and went to get him meds and water, but then he proceeded to stay on his phone with a bright light, giggling at memes he was looking at online, and keeping me awake too.
I snapped and asked him to put his phone away so that I could sleep, because I had a long work day ahead of me, and he mumbled something about how unfair I was being since he couldn’t sleep because of his sore throat but ultimately put the phone away.
Then he was texting me all day while I was at work about how he was miserable, his throat hurt, no fever, sniffles, updating me on everything. I kept replying telling him I was sorry and just to drink water, take his meds, stay in bed, and the regular stuff.
At around 4 pm he asked if I could leave work early and get him some snacks and cough medicine on the way home. I said I’m so sorry, I can’t, I have been staying in the office until at least 8-9 pm each day. This is a crucial moment in my career that I’ve been working for since I started law school, and I just couldn’t justify leaving early for this.
Or sabotaging this moment in any way.
He got upset and was mad at me when I got home. He said he had to put on his coat and go to the pharmacy on his own while ill (we live in a city, and the pharmacy is a 3-minute walk away) and it might’ve made him sicker.
He said this incident makes him think I put my career wouldn’t be there for him if there had been a medical emergency. I said I would leave work if it was a genuine medical emergency, but he has… a cold. He’s still mad at me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“My goodness. Are you sure you’re not in a relationship with a 5-year-old? I’ve never heard of an adult with a common cold (or any sickness, really) being this needy. NTJ. I would’ve put my phone on Do Not Disturb and told him to only call if there’s an emergency.
A common cold is so far from a medical emergency. How long have you guys been together? This behavior would nearly be a dealbreaker for me. I’m wondering if he’s as supportive of your career as you claim. Please do not even consider apologizing to him.” twelvedayslate.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s an adult and can get his own medicine. If he’s well enough to be looking at and giggling at memes in the wee early hours of the morning, he can get out of bed and get his water.
I would have stopped doing anything for him. He was more than capable of getting his water while you slept. He sounds like he’s taking advantage of you. Would he do the same for you if you were sick?” Malibu_Cola
16. AITJ For Kicking Out My Partner's Substance-Addicted Friend?
“I (24NB) have been with my partner, Nate (24NB), for a little over a year. We’re generally very happy together, but our finances are tight. I’m the primary breadwinner since Nate lost his job at the start of our relationship and is struggling to keep one, though he contributes by cooking and helping with my nieces.
We’re paycheck to paycheck, sometimes even hitting negative.
Nate has a best friend, Peri (23M), who has been a big part of his life for eight years. Peri used to be a great guy but got into hard substances. His fiancée died and Peri spent some time in prison.
After getting out, Peri seemed to be doing okay until he started seeing Javanna (20F), who has mental health issues. Their relationship is abusive and toxic.
Peri moved out of his dad’s house and Nate asked if Peri could stay with us for a few days until he found a place.
I agreed, but days turned into weeks. Peri didn’t contribute financially, didn’t clean up after himself, and just played video games with Nate all day. Then Javanna started coming around, despite having stolen from us, including Nate’s medication. We banned her from our house and warned Peri that if she came back, we’d call the cops.
One day, Peri asked Nate to drive him to his hometown, and instead of staying with a friend, Peri directed him to a trap house, bought substances, and used them. Nate drove Peri back to our home while he was high, likely bringing substances into our house.
This is a huge issue for me because I could lose my job and get kicked out of nursing school if substances were found in our home.
Despite my pleas for Peri to leave, Nate kept insisting he could handle it. The final straw came when Peri and Javanna got into another fight after Peri invited her to an abandoned house.
They came banging on our door, and Peri was clearly on something again. I tried talking to Nate, but he kept saying he could manage it. Frustrated, I left to stay at my mom’s for the night.
When I came back, Nate had dropped Peri off at a Greyhound bus stop to live with his sister.
While I’m relieved, Nate has been cold and angry with me since. He says he feels like he turned his back on a friend he’s known for eight years, and that it’s not in his nature to refuse someone in need. We got into a nasty fight, and I raised my voice and got ugly back.
But I feel like it wasn’t his help he was offering—it was mine. It was my money, my time cleaning up after Peri and my home. Plus, I’m deeply uncomfortable with substances in our house due to my upbringing around them.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ and I would truly reconsider your relationship with him. This is going beyond “helping out” a friend in need. He is enabling an addict who does not give two jerks about him, his relationship, or how he’s being affected by his actions.
Sounds like he wants to play the hero and feels good about trying to help but doesn’t help out, the responsibility has been placed entirely on you. His lack of work combined with this would be an absolute dealbreaker for most people.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. However, I’d reframe your thinking a little. If you and your partner are contemplating a lifelong commitment to each other, you operate as a team. Still, while Nate is lashing out at you because of his guilty feelings, you might want to remind him that you both have limits.
Peri might need help he can’t get if you and Nate are enabling his poor choices. You and Nate didn’t turn your back on him, you allowed him to get the help he needs from people who are better equipped to provide it.” srgonzo75
15. AITJ For Treating My Sister Like A Criminal After She Hid Our Nephew's Biological Father's Identity?
“My sister got married for the first time 20 years ago. She was 20 and she and her husband had seen each other on and off since they were 17.
She proposed to him and at the time she acted like she did it because she loved him so much and knew she was ready to settle down. She got pregnant 3 years later and he passed away before their son (aka nephew) was born. By that point, their marriage hadn’t been great and she admitted to me that she proposed because he’d wanted them to break up for good and she hadn’t wanted that to happen.
Despite them being bad together he was SO looking forward to being a father and had a little keepsake box he’d started when he found out he was going to be a dad. I took that after he passed away and kept it safe because my sister wanted to throw it out.
I knew one day my nephew might like to see his dad love him even if they never got to meet. My sister has no idea.
Less than a year later she met her current husband and they got married after seeing each other for 8 months.
He adopted my nephew before his second birthday. They also changed my nephew’s last name to reflect their marriage name/his adoptive father’s name.
My sister did not allow her late husband’s family to see my nephew and because she remarried, and he was adopted, our state did not allow for grandparents’ rights.
They did try to seek some sort of legal access but my sister did not want her nephew to know her husband was not his biological father. She told our whole family we had to act like her husband was her son’s “real father” because to her that’s who was his real father.
My sister and her husband had other kids as well and they were a mostly happy family. There were times my nephew would ask questions about his birth and why there were no photos of when he was a baby with his parents. But they made up lies to make it believable.
My sister’s husband served in the military before they met and they pretended he was overseas serving when my nephew was born.
A few months ago, right after my nephew turned 16, one of his cousins on his paternal side reached out on social media. This cousin is also 16 and she let him know the truth.
He came to me first and I comforted him and apologized for being part of the lie. I told him I had wanted to be there when he did find out instead of losing touch for refusing. He understood. I was the only person to apologize to him and as of now he has cussed out his parents and made it clear he won’t work on forgiving them.
He called them bad parents and refused to go back to how things were. My sister has been left upset by him turning on them and she has tried to lean on me but I have very little sympathy or pity for her. She’s picked up on it too because I tell her I understand my nephew feeling like he does instead of saying I understand her.
Just the other day she told me I treat her like a criminal since my nephew found out. I told her I didn’t see her as the victim in any of this. She told me I should be a more compassionate sister.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your sister and her husband tried erasing her son’s father from his life instead of allowing him to build a relationship with her husband knowing the facts. She removed the family that included all of his dad’s family. She forced her own family to contribute to her lies or risk not being able to see her child.
She lied from the point of birth, as to why there weren’t any baby pictures and every day since. She may not be a criminal but to her son, neither she nor her husband can be trusted. She didn’t even do it because it was what was best for her son, she did it because it was what she wanted and she seemed to get what she wanted. So no, there is no reason to treat what she did as right.” wlfwrtr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ What happened being honest? There were better ways to make her son feel like a part of the family without erasing where he comes from. He would’ve understood, that kids aren’t as shallow and stupid as some parents think they are.
Now imagine after 16 whole years finding out your whole life was a web of lies and your mother sits at the center of it all, all because she’s been ‘insecure’. Also, your sister’s extra jerk for not letting the boy’s grandparents see him. I’m sure they’ve been as heartbroken as your nephew is rn.” needsompiracyhere
14. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner To Do Substances In The Lounge And Disturbing My Peace?
“My partner suffers from poor mental health – This has been off and on for the last 10 years however in the last 6 months it got particularly bad and long story short she has picked up the habit of doing substances in recent months.
This is something I have struggled with as I feel that it puts her in a worse state after she has done it and while we used to do substances recreationally with friends at parties it has become a thing that she does several times a week – even coming home from work early to sit on the couch and do it for the rest of the day (which was very alarming to see the first time).
I want her to stop, however, it is an extremely volatile situation as she is quite sensitive and feels she needs it to cope.
For me personally, the second I hear the balloon inflate (it’s extremely loud) my gut drops and I am stuck in this situation where I feel like I am either enabling her by letting her do it or taking away the thing she feels helps a lose-lose situation.
Currently, I try to gently deter her and tell her she does not need it as anything more direct could (and has in the past) add more stress and pressure to her and can make things worse.
The house we rent has only 1 room that is super comfortable with our couch, TV computers, etc – this includes my computer in which on the weekends I often play video games with some of my buddies on Discord – this is my me time and helps me deal with everything in my own way.
Some days my partner will play music quite loud and do substances which is very loud. The music I do not mind – it’s loud but I can deal. However the sound of the balloon being explosively filled every 30-45 seconds for hours on end – not only drives me crazy because of the sheer sound but also is picked up by my mic, meaning I can’t hang out with my friends without getting questions about “wtf is that sound?” which I am very anxious and unsure how to answer.
I could use push to talk however I will inevitably speak right as one is being blown up and have the same problem. Besides this – it is just generally hard to hear people when they are going off.
That is my perspective – Her perspective is basically – This is my house and I should be comfortable doing what I want in my own house.
On the flip side of this, the other problem we have had recently is falling asleep on the couch – and when I go to watch something or play a game/talk to friends she gets quite upset and annoyed with me for waking her up.
I do often put the headset on when she is sleeping however if I am on Discord I admit I tend to talk louder as I cannot hear myself – I should work on that but it’s hard to notice until it’s too late.
Bit of a two for one but generally..
AITJ for not wanting her to do substances in the lounge and using my pc if she is napping in it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner has an active and growing addiction. If she does not get help in stopping, and regain control over her sobriety and mental health issues, it will not likely end well for either of you.
I was married to an addict for 10 years. They eventually get so wrapped up in their vice, and put all of their energy and emotion into it, that there is no room in their world for anyone or anything else. After failing to get him to get sobriety and commit to it, I gave him an ultimatum.
Choose us or choose your poison. He chose his poison. I divorced him, took my two kids, and moved onward, knowing I’d done all I could. Tell your partner that you love her and will be there to support her in getting help for her addiction and her mental health issues.
But let her know that you will not stand by and watch as she destroys her own life and yours in the process. She is playing a dangerous game, and it’s not a healthy environment for anyone. Be ready to stand strong, as they often refuse to admit there is a problem.
Also, understand that the only one who can begin to make a change toward healing is the addict. You can’t fix what is broken in her. Only she has that power.” Aggressive_Cattle320
13. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Name To Please My Stepmom?
“My parents were never married so I (16m) have my mom’s last name. She passed away when I was 5. My dad was already married to my stepmom at the time. But I admit I didn’t warm up to her because I picked up on the tension between her and Mom.
After mom passed away it was worse because my stepmom would say things like “You’re finally where you belong” and “I’m so happy you’re my little boy now”. It made me feel uncomfortable and unhappy. My dad was never the hands-on parent he liked to pretend to be so he’d just tell me to accept being loved. Two months after mom passed away the oldest of my three half sisters was born.
It was a lot of change for me and I was very sad back then. I felt pretty alone. My stepmom was always trying to grow closer to me. She’d even sometimes hire babysitters for an entire day to spend her time trying to make me love her.
It hurt her bad when I’d shut her out. But I hated hearing her call me hers and she would tell me I was hers now and I needed a “mommy” because she did baby talk and titles with me until I was almost 12. I think she thought it would make me warm up faster.
She’d always call me by my middle name (James) because that was her dad’s first name instead of my first name. There were times she’d ask me if I wanted to change my name to James and “be Grandpa’s junior!” I always said no. Then when I was around 8 or 9 they tried to change both my first and last name.
When they didn’t take me to court the first time the judge asked to see me. He said kids would typically be present at court for something like that (I’m not sure if it’s true or not but that’s what I was told) and so I was brought the next time and asked how I felt about my new name.
I said I didn’t want to change my name. So my name remained the same. Mom’s last name is included.
It bothers my stepmom that I don’t share their last name. She has three girls and wants “her only son” to share the same name as her.
She talked to me a few days ago and tried to convince me to make the change she and Dad tried making a few years ago (first and last name). She told me to do it for her because it would make her happy and I could present it as a Christmas or a birthday gift. I told her she wasn’t an incentive for me to change my name because I don’t want to be her boy and I don’t accept her as my mom.
She started to cry and she called me spoiled and bratty in retaliation.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your stepmom seems deluded. And your father just seems to want to go along with whatever she wants so that she can be happy, with no regard for your thoughts or feelings.
They are giant jerks for wanting to erase every part of your mother, and especially for trying to force a connection you don’t want. I’m very curious, how did your father and stepmother meet? From what I’m getting, it seems like infidelity might have been involved. You are not her son, you don’t want a connection with her, and them trying to change your name behind your back is scummy.
Perhaps telling her the truth will finally get her to give up on this fantasy she has of you being her child. It’s also interesting how quickly she was to turn on you when you rebuffed her affection. NTJ, she needs therapy and needs to learn boundaries.” SuspiciousStress3079
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, the only one acting spoilt here is your stepmom. It is seriously messed up that she is trying to erase your mum. She probably would have had an easier relationship with you if she had just allowed you to love your mum instead of forcing herself on you.
Don’t feel bad for any of this, you deserve to be able to be yourself, not shoved into this role that she wants you to be.” imamage_fightme
12. AITJ For Saying My Partner Sounded Like A Fat Albert Character?
“I (M28, White) and my partner (F27, Mixed race Trinidadian and White) were ordering door dash. She’s looking at the options at a grocery store and found a new ice cream flavor that sounded good to her.
I can’t even remember exactly what she said, but something along the lines of “I’m so excited for this ice cream”. But when she said it she made a voice that sounded incredibly similar to a Bill Cosby impression. It immediately made me think of the Fat Albert show that I watched a bunch of as a kid Bill Cosby does multiple voices on.
So I said through a laugh, “When you find a dessert you like you almost sound like a Fat Albert character”.
Cue silence and tension.
Next comes an argument about how what I said made her extremely uncomfortable, and that I as a white person should be more racially sensitive toward caricatures of POC.
I tried to explain to her that to me, personally, race was not a factor in what I had just said. She made a voice that invoked a memory of a cartoon I watched as a kid, and I thought it was funny. But she wasn’t having it.
She lectured me about how it isn’t my place to make such a reference, and that any POC would have been offended by what I said. And the fact that I didn’t see it was just my white privilege at play.
Usually, I’m pretty on the ball with this stuff, I consider myself a decent person most of the time and would never intentionally disrespect anyone on the grounds of race, gender, sexuality, or creed. But it was such a quick and innocent thought that popped into my head I couldn’t let it go when my character was called into question.
I tried to defend myself in that it was misinterpreted on her end, but she would not let up that I needed to work on myself and reflect on why I *wouldn’t* think that’s an offensive thing to say.
I don’t know here, some of the things she said were completely valid and had me questioning myself.
But at the same time, is the basis of this argument that I as a white person can not reference something from another race culture? And who is to say what is categorized as belonging to a specific race? Maybe that sounds ignorant, but I grew up in NYC.
When I watched the Fat Albert show as a kid I didn’t think “this is a black show”. I just related to these characters who lived in neighborhoods that looked just like mine. To me, they were just people. Had she done a voice that sounded more like Tom Kenny when she got excited, I probably would have said You sounded just like SpongeBob”.
Again, outside of the context of the show, it doesn’t matter who the characters are or where they lived, the voice just reminded me of something specific so I referenced it.
I’m completely willing to hear both sides of the argument because I do try to educate myself on the injustices of the world and make sure that I am not contributing to them.
But this just didn’t feel like an “injustice” to me. Maybe I’m wrong, you tell me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Oof, this is a hard situation but what you have to understand is a lot of those old shows we grew up with are full of racist stereotypes.
Comparing it to saying “oh it’d be like saying they sound like SpongeBob” isn’t helping your case. SpongeBob is a sponge, not a white person. It’s not remotely the same as fat Albert. As a fellow whitey, you have to understand we live in a world where successful media about us doesn’t rely on stereotypes, or if they do we have plenty of options that don’t.
But for non-white individuals in white-dominated areas, it’s a struggle to see characters who aren’t stereotypes, who aren’t just entertainment for a majority white audience. This is why she brought up the issue. As white people it can be the water of the duck’s back, we have all the representation.
But non-whites are still fighting for roles that aren’t harmful stereotypes.” HereComeTheSquirrels
11. AITJ For Accusing My Stepmom Of Being Selfish Over My Deceased Mom's Videos?
“I’m (17f) in family therapy with my dad and stepmom.
My dad wanted us to talk through our problems because my stepmom has been so upset lately that I have shut her out of my life in a pretty big way and she just wants to be closer. My mom died when I was 5 and I have two older brothers who are 20 and 23.
My stepmom moved in when I was 8 and she and my dad got married when I was almost 11. We always got along okay. But I never thought of her as a second mom or as the strongest mom figure in my life.
My mom left videos for each of us.
My dad got some birthday ones and a Christmas and wedding anniversary video. My brothers and I got every birthday until 18 that she’d miss, milestone birthdays, Christmas, and big events like our own weddings and babies. After dad remarried I started to watch mine more at Christmas and I’d maybe watch my birthday videos twice.
My dad remarrying made me think of Mom more and made me miss her more. It felt more real that life had moved on without her and Dad fell in love with someone else. My dad watched his whenever his birthday or Christmas would happen too.
But a year after he remarried he turned 40 and she started making faces whenever one of us would watch a mom video. And whenever Dad would smile while watching the video she would look annoyed/upset. After that, she suggested she could keep mine safe for me because I was so young but I didn’t trust her to do that.
After three years of noticing this stuff, she said the videos made her unhappy and uncomfortable and she felt like an outsider at Christmas when he looked so in love with my mom. She also said she felt like the videos were a roadblock between her and us (me and my brothers).
Dad compromised that he would watch his less and she wouldn’t say anything to us. I saw my dad struggle with that for years. I saw him go to watch one of mMom’svideos and stop himself. Then my stepmom and I started fighting because I didn’t want her to touch the disks the messages were recorded on.
She was also upset when my brothers did backups of all the disks so we’d always have the messages even if the originals were broken. She told us we valued those more than we valued most people. Dad told her to leave us alone. But I stopped being as friendly with her as I was and shut her out.
I left her out of prom stuff last year that she wanted to do with me and I always say no to hanging out with her.
This brought us to therapy and last week I spoke my mind and said I think she’s incredibly selfish for making Dad feel bad about watching the videos Mom left for him.
I said mom was his first wife, the mother of his children and if she loved him she’d want him to have them. But she doesn’t like knowing she came second and yet she joined the family anyway. I also mentioned why I never trusted her with mine.
She was so upset because she had no idea I had picked up on and heard so much. She cried and said I didn’t need to destroy her feelings like that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The purpose of therapy is to work through issues – so of course you should be honest!
Therapy is useless if there is no honesty. And you honestly feel she is being selfish – which she is, IMO. It sounds like your parents loved each other very much, and your mother loved you and your brothers. That is a beautiful thing that should always be celebrated!
Those videos are an incredible gift your mother left all of you. Your stepmother is very fortunate to have entered a family that has so much love already. She could be another adult who adds to that love. Instead, she is trying to tear down the love that was already there because… it makes her insecure.
She needs some of her therapy to figure out why she is so threatened by the healthy love you all have for your mother who is no longer with you. Hopefully, she can learn how to integrate in a way that adds love, rather than jealousy, to the mix.
Meanwhile, keep being honest.” hikemtnsnh
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I can understand why it bothers her, but she needs to understand that he was married to your mother first and that even though your dad remarried, it’s not fair to act like your mother never existed, which is what it seems like.
Those videos sound sweet. Your brothers were right to make backups of all of them, and you were right not to trust her with the videos, because based on her telling you she would keep them safe, it sounds sus. That last part, OOF GIRL.
She sounded toxic and was projecting. Once you graduate high school, leave. puddin_cupz
10. AITJ For Not Wanting To Drive A Homeless Woman On My Birthday?
“I (20F) and my mom (42F) just got into a huge fight about giving rides to a 70-year-old woman (let’s call her Sandra) who is essentially a stranger.
So some backstory: about a month ago my dad (44M) was doing Uber for some extra cash and ended up picking up Sandra who just become homeless and the drop-off location no longer existed. My dad ended up calling my mom about the situation and my mom decided to take her in until she figured out a plan.
Sandra lived with us for maybe 2 weeks until my mom found a shelter for her.
For the 2 weeks, she lived with us, I didn’t have many encounters with her since I am a full-time College student, who also works part-time (usually right after classes), and I go to church every Sunday.
So I only go home to eat and sleep. Anyways, my mom found a shelter for her but the problem is you can’t be at the shelter between 8:30a-5p, so Sandra needed something to do during the day. My mom decided that she could go to the senior center, which opens up at 8:30a, during that period and then go back to the shelter.
She also needs transportation to and from the senior center.
My mom works Tuesdays-Thursdays 45 minutes away. So she needed someone else to pick Sandra up. I have school in the morning but on Tuesdays and Thursdays I have class at 10 am so technically I could pick her up, it’s just stressful every time because if I’m not on campus by 8:30a parking gets filled up very quickly and there is a possibility I won’t find any parking anywhere, not even on the surrounding streets.
Anyway, I have been doing this almost every Tuesday and Thursday for the past few weeks except on the occasion that I have an early morning exam. I am exhausted every time because I have to wake up at 7 am every day, go to school, sometimes pick her up, and also go to work, and then stay up super late doing my homework.
My birthday is coming up and it falls on a Tuesday. Today I decided that I’m going to make it my relaxing day. I only had one class that day and I took off work so I could have the whole day to myself.
I wanted to be able to sleep in for once, so I told my mom that I wasn’t going to pick up Sandra on my Birthday because it was my birthday. This led to an argument with my mom continuously how much of a terrible, selfish, disgusting person I am and how I always complain about everything and only do things when it benefits me.
AITJ for not wanting to give an elderly woman a ride? Am I a bad person for not wanting to bear responsibility over a stranger?”
Another User Comments:
“No, you’re NTJ. You’re a pretty good person. Your mum just decides for you that you’re gonna take on responsibilities for some new person who you don’t know, that’s kind of crazy.
If she wants to take someone in, care for them, and start taxiing them around, that’s her choice, but she doesn’t get to rope other people into it without their say. You have your stuff to deal with, birthday or not, and if you wanna chill on your birthday go ahead and do it.” EmperorKittyMeowMeow
Another User Comments:
“Oof I’m personally so conflicted. It’s an incredible thing you and your family are doing… that woman is so lucky and you’re changing her life. But you have to want to do it. Being forced to do good deeds kind of taints it.
Are you happy to keep doing it every other Tuesday and Thursday? And you just want one day off? If so, you’re entitled to not be available for a day… no matter the reason (so if that’s the case, NTJ).” Lower_Ground_Score.
9. AITJ For Letting My Flatmate's Obstructive Car Get Towed?
“I’m currently staying with my family as we’ve had a bereavement and haven’t been home for about 6 days. As far as I was aware, my flatmate wasn’t going on any trips while I was away. A couple of days ago I got a text from my neighbor asking me to tell my flatmate to move her car as he couldn’t get out of our building’s car park for work.
I told him I wasn’t home and asked what he meant and he FaceTimed me and showed me that my flatmate’s car was in the space next to the entrance/exit and was sticking out so much that it blocked the entrance/exit more than halfway.
Cars could not get in or out of the lot because of this and her car isn’t a small car by any means, it’s an SUV. I texted her asking her to move her car and she left me on read for hours. I texted her again during this time and was continuously left on read.
My neighbor had to get a ride to work in the end.
Eventually, I got a reply from her; “oh yeah I’m gonna be out for a few days.” That was it, she didn’t mention anything about her car and acknowledged my messages about her car.
I told her she was obstructing the only way in or out of the car park and asked if she could call her sister, who has a spare set of keys to her car, and ask if she could come over and move the car.
I was left on read for a few more hours until she responded “She’s sick”. She didn’t respond to any of my following texts and sent me to voicemail when I called.
Yesterday, the same neighbor called me and told me he had called a tow truck because the car had not moved for days and was still obstructing the entrance/exit.
I was pretty upset with my flatmate and her lack of care for other people and told him to go ahead and let him tow the car. This morning, I got a bunch of angry texts from my flatmate cursing me out and calling me every name under the sun.
When she was dropped off this morning, my neighbor happened to be out front and when she saw her car was gone, he explained the situation and that I’d told him to go ahead with towing her car. I now feel bad because her car was her only way to get to work but she was fine to let other people not be able to drive to their work for days.
Our friends are saying I could have come home early, picked up the spare keys from her sister, and moved it myself but I can’t leave my family during a really tough time. AITJ for letting her car get towed?”
Another User Comments:
“Umm, she sounds like the worst. Her vehicle is not your responsibility.
Driving home to get the keys and bring them to her sister? Also not your responsibility. You gave her multiple opportunities to ask for help if she needed it. Multiple opportunities to even acknowledge the situation. The fact that she was able to text you when she was angry about the aftermath is wild.
She has no problem with correspondence when it suits her. NTJ.” Clear_Salamander_196
Another User Comments:
“What? No? Her car is not your responsibility, it’s one thing if she asked you but she didn’t. It’s not like your neighbor would have not towed her stuff with or without you saying “sure” he was calling to see if she was moving it or not, anything other than “Oh she’s home let me get her to move it” and it’s getting towed. If she tries to pin this on you find a new roommate this chick sucks.” HotBlacksmith48
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your flatmate is either deeply stupid or just lazy and rude, or both. It’s not your car. You didn’t put it there. You aren’t home to deal with it. She was notified days prior. I don’t know why the neighbor involved you at all, they should have contacted her, or simply called the tow truck right away.
A car blocking an entire garage from exiting, and they waited days to tow it? Come on.” Jerseygirl2468
8. AITJ For Wanting To Warn My Grandmother About My Mother's Behavior Jeopardizing Their Housing?
“When I was growing up, my mom lived on my grandmother’s trust fund that her father passed down to her.
Growing up, I knew the funds were going to run out, and that my mom had pretty severe mental health issues (she believed that when the funds ran out they’d magically replenish with millions and the whole world would worship her and reveal her as royalty), substance issues, etc.
So, by the time I was 17, all funds were exhausted. We became homeless. I slept in the car with my mom. My mom started stripping and would spend the money on substances. I had been in and out of foster care and entered again for the last and final time.
In the meantime, my grandma was kicked out of the car by my mom and was living in a public beach bathroom. She started going to work at a grocery store. She ended up staying with a coworker and then renting a room to another coworker.
My mom was still living in the car.
My mom convinces my grandma to let her stay with her. My grandma and her landlord were on the rocks already and my mom refused to follow house rules, yelled, and was smoking on the property.
They got kicked out and they were homeless again.
My mom decides to sell the car, and they begin living in a hotel for about a week. Afterward, my grandma and mom slept at a beach park. My mom abandons my grandmother, my grandmother reaches out to me.
My grandma stays with us for a bit over a week but due to my living situation, I can’t keep her for longer.
It tried to get her into a shelter or cheap room (she has SS) nothing worked out in time, and she refused to be admitted to a shelter.
So, my grandma goes back to the street. My mom and her are homeless. Grandma ends up going into heart failure and is admitted to a hospital. She is assigned a social worker and SW connects her with housing resources.
My mom does not have a social worker.
So, fast forward, she is now living in an apartment that she pays for via a Section 8 voucher.
I decided to visit my grandma the other day. I have a bad relationship with my mom and she’s always with her so I haven’t seen her as much in person as I’d wish to.
I come in. My mom drilled 5 cat posts into the wall. She acts disgruntled with the neighbors, and they have 7 cats. The landlord only knows about one. My mom is also lighting up in the apartment, neighbors could smell it or even see her. My grandma told me how this project of taking care of the cats is healing to my mom.
I feel like my mom is jeopardizing this chance to be living in an actual home, but I don’t know if it’s my place to tell my grandma this. I don’t want my grandma to be kicked out of a place again because of her daughter.
But then again, my mom cleans and cooks and she appreciates that.
WIBTJ if I tried to find a way to tell my grandmother that she needs to set boundaries with my mom because she’s putting her housing at risk?”
Another User Comments:
“Does your grandma have dementia?
Alzheimer’s, mental illness? Unless she does, she should know your mother will jeopardize her housing; it’s happened to her before, has it not? Still, I understand that you’re concerned about your grandmother, and it couldn’t hurt to try to convey your concern to her. NTJ; you can tell her that she’ll end up homeless unless she kicks your mom out, but you don’t have any way to force her to do it.
Your best bet is to tell her your concerns, maybe call some resources for the aged as some of the other comments suggest, and then look to securing your housing situation. It wouldn’t help if you lost your housing worrying about your grandma’s. And, I hope it goes without saying, but don’t ever try and house your mother yourself, or else you’ll be stuck into the cycle of homelessness forever.” JosieJOK
7. AITJ For Leaving The Pub While My Best Friend Was Crying?
“Me (27F) and my best friend (27F) have been best friends for over 10 years.
We see each other weekly and mostly just hang out together. We’ve had two big fights throughout our friendship. The first argument was about my best friend’s ex, which I didn’t like and our friendship took a hit because of it. Another argument was when my best friend bluntly told me how I was too loud for anyone to want to see me and compared me to his “girl next door” partner.
Despite everything, we are best friends and have talked things through and forgiven each other.
About a week ago we were out with a small group of friends. The beginning of the evening went without any problems and everyone had a lot of fun. At the end of the night, we ended up in a quiet pub, where my best friend pulled me aside and started crying.
She told me how she felt bad that she didn’t contact me during the time of her break up with her ex (this happened about 5 years ago) and how it’s the most selfish thing she’s ever done. How she only thinks good of others and lives her life for everyone else (this is not true, for example, she was unfaithful to her ex because she didn’t dare to leave him).
I told her that it’s pointless to cry about it now that so much time has passed and everything between us is fine. She just kept whining about it, so I tried to reason and asked if she would have answered me if something terrible had happened during the time she wasn’t in contact with me.
For example, someone close to me had died. She said yes, in this case, she would have contacted me. So I assured her that she was a good friend and we worked it out. And I reminded her that she had the right not to be in contact with me and mourn the end of a relationship that was important to her.
She did not calm down and continued to cry and brought up other age-old issues that were unrelated to each other and didn’t involve me. In my opinion, this turned into inebriated attention-seeking that I wanted no part of. So I decided to go home and told my best friend I’ll see you tomorrow and told her to go home with her partner.
Now both of them (my best friend and her partner) have sent me a message asking me to apologize for my behavior. According to them, I acted wrongly when I left the place while my best friend was still crying. And how disturbing it is that I didn’t seem to care that she was sad.
I did care that she was sad, but I didn’t think we would get anywhere when we were both inebriated. I don’t think I have anything to apologize for. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the best possible thing. When anyone is inebriated they are like a stuck record, repeating over and over and over again whatever point they’re trying to make without any attempt to listen to the person they’re ranting at.
Extricating yourself is the most logical move. The main point is that you didn’t leave her there alone. I would say that your friend has been harboring these feelings for a while and it may benefit you to put some distance between you for a while.” East_Parking8340
6. AITJ For Speaking Out About My Partner's Father's Lack Of Effort With His Children?
“My partner’s dad makes no effort with his kids.
They are lucky if they see him 2-3 times a year. Only birthdays and Christmas.
My partner used to message or call him and was always the one making the effort.
I was initially unaware that she was always the one initiating and keeping any sort of relationship they had going. I did eventually notice this myself.
The last few years she has been making less of an effort with him, and it’s becoming more noticeable that he just doesn’t make any effort.
Anyway, at the end of last year, she decided to stop making any effort with him at all to see how long it would take for him to contact her.
So, since December 23rd last year, she has never heard or seen him, other than a few calls in January when his partner was in hospital and a phone call about a family bereavement in February.
So, she has basically not seen or heard from him for over 9 months and he stays maybe 5 minutes away in the car. He also visits his partner’s daughter on a regular basis who just stays a few streets down from us.
Cut to last week when we bumped into a family member of his partner’s son-in-law.
They noticed my partner was pregnant and was asking about the baby and if her dad was excited about having a grandchild.
I and my partner said we had no idea how he felt because we never saw him and he didn’t bother.
Because I’m a bit upset about the whole situation I made a few comments to the family member about him being useless and that he makes no effort with his kids.
I didn’t get into it, but I made them aware of the situation.
Side note. We didn’t tell him about the baby in person because we never saw him. Anyway, we eventually decided to post about the baby on social media and he commented saying congratulations but has made no effort to contact us or see how his only daughter is during the pregnancy or if she needs anything.
And this was back in June.
Anyway, back to the family member. I also said that he made no effort to contact us after the big news my partner posted on social media and that we were a bit upset about it. No call or visit.
A few days after bumping into the family member, I get a big message from his partner. Something along the lines of:
(We are both happy about the new baby on the way, and that her dad did congratulate her on her social media post, but it would have been nice to have been told face to face instead of reading it on social media.
She has no idea about what has happened between my partner and her dad and why she has cut him out of her life all of a sudden. She then went on to ask me not to bad mouth her partner to her family members and that I put the family members in an awkward situation by saying these things to them)
Am I the jerk for making these comments?
Is it weird that she has messaged me and not him, and that he doesn’t make any effort with his kids? Especially when one is almost 8 months pregnant and the other has just gotten engaged.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I am just noticing how it wasn’t even him who took offence at this whole situation.. it was his partner… WOW Can’t say it’s nice to talk about people behind their backs / discuss these things with other family members, however, you also just… told the truth so no, at least in my book you’re not a jerk.
If anything, the dad just doesn’t wanna act like a father in which case he ended up not being treated as one after repetitive bids for connection; what you give is what you get regardless of who you give to.” VegetableClass5789
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I’d be inclined to respond to the partner and say “She hasn’t cut him off.
She just stopped running around after him when he made no effort at all to maintain the relationship. There’s never been anything stopping him, or you, from contacting her at any point but he has chosen not to make any effort to keep in touch.
If he decides that he wants to maintain contact then he is welcome to get in touch with her.” But talk to your partner first and check how she feels – don’t respond unless she’s happy for you to do so.” ProfessorYaffle1
5. AITJ For Unintentionally Scaring My Roommate With A Prank?
“Me (20), my roommate Vee (20), and my other roommate Cea (19) have been sharing a dorm together for about a month now and things have been going well with Vee and me, but things have been pretty rocky between us (Vee and I) and Cea.
So far it has been small disagreements that are frustrating, but nothing big, not until last week.
All of our friends had a class together, so we all had the same paper due at the same time, Vee and I were in our room working on the paper and Cea went to a different friend’s room (Tea).
After a while of working on our papers we took a break and took the trash out, while we were walking back we remarked on how close Tea’s window was. We completely forgot that Cea was in Tea’s room, so we went and knocked on Tea’s window to scare him a little.
It was supposed to be a funny little joke that we would tell him in the morning and would all laugh about it.
Once we got done with the papers, we went and knocked on the window again, but this time we were going to feign ignorance and ask him about it and pretend it was happening to us too.
When we went to talk to Tea about it we realized that Cea was in there and she was freaking out about it. She was talking about going to our campus safety about the situation because (we didn’t know about this) last year there was someone who was peeping into windows that had to be dealt with by the campus safety.
Obviously, we didn’t want to be reported, so we confessed. Cea did not take this well. She got upset at us immediately, saying how we were terrible people and how messed up what we did was. We didn’t even realize she was still in the room.
We apologized that she wasn’t meant to get caught up in it and we never meant anything mean-spirited by it. By the way, Tea didn’t care, once he found out it was us he thought it was super funny.
After we were done apologizing we mentioned how if she were there with us to scare him, she would have found it as funny as we did.
She hated that we would even think that of her (she would have eaten that up). After she left the room in anger we talked to Tea and some other friends who all agreed that she would have been fine with doing that to him with us, despite her protestations.
Anyways, she has been hating us since and we think she might report us, even though we didn’t mean to have her mixed up in this prank. So AITJ for unintentionally scaring the crap out of our roommate?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for using hypotheticals to minimize her experience and generally judging her reaction.
Obviously, she was really shaken (for good reason), and you don’t seem to feel bad about that at all. The prank itself wasn’t bad, and you were right to apologize, but from what you’ve written it sounds like you didn’t really mean it. Also, quit ganging up on her behind her back, this is verging on bully behavior.” Strange_Shallot8833
Another User Comments:
“Oh wow, the moment knocking on a window for a prank ends up being the end of the world and being called a jerk. Holly mother, what world are we living in? A peeper would never knock, why give themselves away? I will go against everyone here and say NTJ.
Yes, downvote me into oblivion.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What are we even talking about? She didn’t know about the creep until AFTER this nothing of a prank. She was freaking out that someone knocked on a window? I don’t think this even warrants an apology.
Report you for what? She can get over herself.” Dull_Double1531
4. AITJ For Not Talking To My Cousin Due To Our Past Disagreements?
“I was born and lived in Taiwan until I was 8. My mother’s sister’s family ran and still runs a tape manufacturer in the Philippines. For some reason, they wanted to branch out into the US. In 2001, that family offered my parents jobs in the US.
To be specific, both my parents would be paid US$4,000/month each. Without any further research regarding the immigration process, my parents moved to Los Angeles. When they got there, they worked to obtain L1 visas and registered the company. However, they realized that the market was not so great for operating a branch in the US.
Throughout all of this time, my parents were only given living and legal expenses. In other words, my cousin’s family was not paying my family any salary at all.
Things would get very complicated. At the time, the Philippines (an already chaotic country) was suffering from a string of kidnappings.
My cousin’s family decided to move to the US in 2002. To save costs, my aunt decided to have all of us live together in the same house. My cousins and I did not get along for a host of reasons. To make things worse, my cousins would often bring up the fact that I was living for free in their house.
Regular fighting (verbal) took place.
My parents decided to do real estate investment on my aunt’s behalf. Now, this was during the real estate boom of the early 2000s in the US. Therefore, they did bring in quite a bit of money for my aunt’s family.
While I am not sure of the exact dollar amount, I would say that it was around US$1 million, based on the purchase and selling prices. I remember my parents (dad and mom) receiving around US$110,000 as the only payment during that time.
As the real estate boom was starting to die down, my aunt said that she no longer wanted to hire my parents.
As a result, my family decided to move from Los Angeles to Dallas in 2005. My family continued to live in the US until I graduated from high school in 2010. We left the US as we were unable to secure green cards, and we also believe that the Dream Act for Dreamers would never become law.
Fast forward to 2022. My cousin’s family went to Taiwan for a brief vacation and met up with my family. When I met my cousin, we both just greeted each other but did not have any conversations during their time in Taiwan.
When my parents and I got home, my mom scolded me for not talking to my cousin.
She said it made her look bad as it gave the impression that I was snubbing my cousin.
I just feel uncomfortable talking to them due to a long history of bad blood. AITJ for doing that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Doesn’t sound like your cousin was striking up conversations with you either.
You were polite and that is all most people can ask for when you have become strangers over the years.” HistoricalHat3054
3. AITJ For Not Wanting My Partner's Sister To Stay Over Twice A Week?
“My partner and I have been together for over two and a half years. I’m 28, she’s 23. We’ve moved around a lot—first in a shared flat with her friends for a year, then in a small apartment for six months, and after that, in another shared flat abroad for six months.
Now we’re back in her home country. I’ve been staying in a shared flat, and she’s been with her family while we searched for a place of our own.
We finally found our dream apartment—it’s the perfect size, in a great location, and reasonably priced. We’ve spent the last month furnishing and cleaning it, and now it’s almost ready.
We’re excited to have our own space.
For context, I live abroad, but we’re currently in her country, where her small family—just her mom and 20-year-old sister—live. Her sister studies in the capital and commutes about two hours each way. A few months ago, we said she could stay with us occasionally after staying out late, which seemed reasonable at the time.
Two weeks ago, my partner told me her mom and sister asked if her sister could stay with us once a week, on Wednesdays, because her classes end at 8 p.m., and she has an early start at 9 a.m. the next day. I wasn’t thrilled since we don’t have a spare room, and she’d have to sleep in the living room where our TV and my PC are.
I’d been looking forward to having some privacy. Also, I commuted for years, so I didn’t see it as a big issue for her sister to continue.
But my partner was upset, and her family pressured her, so I eventually agreed, even though I wasn’t happy.
I figured one night a week was a reasonable compromise.
A week passed, her sister stayed over, and everything seemed fine. My partner went home for the weekend, as she often does, but when she came back, she told me her mom now wanted her sister to stay twice a week—on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.
Her Tuesday classes also finish at 8 p.m., and her Wednesday classes start at 11 a.m. When my partner pushed back, saying that it wasn’t just her decision and that I should have a say, her mom became critical. She accused my partner of not caring about her sister, said she should have given her sister money instead, threatened to cancel a holiday they had planned and even told her she should have found a partner who liked her family more.
It felt like emotional blackmail.
Now, my partner is feeling pressured and wants me to agree to have her sister stay twice a week to avoid more conflict with her family. I, however, feel like I’ve already compromised by allowing her to stay once a week.
While I understand the importance of maintaining good relations with her family, I think it’s unfair that her mom is manipulating the situation to get what she wants, and I’m expected to just go along with it. I feel I should have a say in my own home and the right to privacy, especially since my partner is only here five days a week, and her sister would be here two of those days.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…it’s important to set boundaries when starting your household. You have a right to privacy. If your partner cannot stand up to her mother, this will be the pattern of your life for your entire relationship.” RoyallyOakie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This feels like a slippery slope. It went from one night, to now 2 nights. At what point is it going to turn into 3 nights? 4 nights? To her just fully moving in with you? With families like this, you have to make boundaries early on, or else they’ll just keep expecting things.
But that also means your partner’s family will most certainly cut her off from any financial help they are providing. I mention this because you mention something about money and a family holiday.” shortwhitney
2. AITJ For Isolating Myself On A Family Holiday With My Mum's New Partner?
“Some background context: 3 years ago my (18f) family found out that my dad had been unfaithful to my mum but they were prepared to give it another go until a few months later my dad attacked my mum and nearly me as well. He got arrested and since then I have barely texted my dad, and if I have it’s usually to fight with him.
2 years ago my mum met this guy Alfie who also had two kids of his own (9f and 12m). Before the holiday I had only properly met and talked to him twice and his kids once and seen him a couple of times in passing by whilst he was staying over, but I still agreed to go on the holiday because I didn’t want to say no to my mum and make her upset.
Well, to put it frankly the holiday was a mess and I stayed in my room during the daytime and got dinner with my two younger siblings I was sharing a room with. I felt quite out of place when I was with the whole group because it felt like one big family which I am not really comfortable with as I miss my dad quite a lot more than anyone in my family (I was the child he was closest with).
I also really struggle with body confidence so I hate being in a swimsuit. I decided to stay in my room because I felt I would just bring the mood down. My mum obviously got angry with me for hiding away but I just really did not feel comfortable acting like a whole big family when I was still grieving the lost relationship between me and my dad.
I tried explaining this to her but I don’t think she understands why it still affects me as my dad has been gone for a couple of years now, it also doesn’t help that my older sister (22f) gets on quite well with Alfie and talks to him when he comes to our house.
I could start to feel myself tearing up so I just locked myself in the bathroom until she left. It got worse when my two younger siblings (13f and 10m) started staying in the room with me as they said the pool was getting boring and one of them got sunburnt really easily.
They are also not close to Alfie or his kids and avoid him as much as possible when he stays over. My mum accused me of convincing them to stay in the room but I was actually trying to encourage them to go outside with everyone else.
When we got back home we just talked like it never happened and we were speaking normally but I have still been thinking about if I was being a bit of a jerk to my mum. Did I overreact or were my actions justified?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s complicated and relationships can’t (and shouldn’t) be forced. Also, being on holiday with your mom’s bf whom you’ve only had 2 proper meetings with is… a lot. Sometimes people have unreasonable expectations when trying to blend families. I’m sorry for what your father did to you and your family.
This isn’t your fault, and it’s immature of your mom to get so upset and then act as though nothing happened. The feelings you have are complicated and can be overwhelming. Is it possible to speak with a 3rd party for counseling? Family and individual counseling may help?” chaenukyun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It’s just the way how you process things and forcing relationships isn’t a good way to go about it. It’s your decision what the state of your relationship with your mother bf looks like not hers. But it’s also up to your mother to accept it or not.
It’s clearly complicated and it doesn’t look like your mother wants to clear things up by communicating the issues she has with you…maybe you can present it as an open discussion? If she doesn’t take you up on it, it’s clearly not your fault.” NothingToSEEHere_32
1. AITJ For Calling My Parents Selfish After They Neglect My Needs While I Care For Them?
“So I am Indian and it’s pretty common for us to live with parents.
I was living alone but moved back with my parents when my parents got sick. My dad has cancer and my mom was diagnosed with liver disease. I have been taking care of my parents continuously every single day since early 2021 when my father’s cancer came back.
Since then I have hardly had any time for myself. All weekends are spent on hospital visits or some other housework. I feel like I haven’t had a break. I know they haven’t got any break either and I honestly love them a lot.
But I feel like they are taking me for granted. My sisters call them daily also but because they don’t live with us my parents talk to them in a light-hearted tone always. While from the moment I wake up I listen to all their complaints or I am asked to do some fire-fighting or some chores.
I take care of all nursing bills/utilities/groceries etc.. Also, I feel like a full-time therapist for them. I even found a work-from-home job so I can help out more. All I have asked in return is just give me 15 minutes when I wake up.
Let me collect myself.
So here is the current scenario that is bothering me a lot: My mother wakes up and starts complaining about one thing or the other. I am generally a positive person but this is all I hear all day. Whenever I go to my father’s room, he lists down 10 more things for me to do or general negative talk.
Mind you, all these negative things or complaints are only told to me, not to my sisters. Honestly, at home, I am that kid who everyone shares sorrows but not any happy news. I thought this was because I am the one living with them and they don’t want to bother others.
But I am getting tired and it has started affecting me mentally. It is taking a toll on me. I am being made to feel guilty about even a single second I spend outside the house and I am an adult. Even when I go for exercise, they have become too dependent and they feel like I owe them every second of my life.
A week back I fell and got a jaw injury. I have been asked to rest and not talk or stress. But my parents keep pushing my buttons. They don’t even ask how I am doing. They only call me to their room and start complaining.
AITJ for calling my parents selfish. I have talked to them many times and tried to make them understand but they still act the same. They don’t even care that I also need some rest. So I just couldn’t hold it in and called them selfish.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are at risk of burning out and your parents are blind to this because they are so consumed with their concerns. You say it’s pretty common to live with the parents but I think you are in a situation that is common in many countries, not just India – you are the child they had to look after them in their old age.
You had to move home when they got sick. The other children get to have lives families, and careers. They will have beloved grandchildren. Your siblings and parents will depend on you, saving your sibling’s work and saving your parents from having to care for themselves.
You don’t get to marry, your function is to be a caregiver as you get older. This is happening and unless you break it, it will be how your future goes. If you are close to your siblings, talk to them and express that you cannot continue to do it all yourself.
You need to live nearby, not with them, and the family needs to hire someone to help part-time so that you have your own life.” joosdeproon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I know how difficult it is to set boundaries with Indian parents. They were never taught.
They never taught us. And if we try to learn on our own, we hear things like you’ve changed, you don’t respect us, this is not our culture, etc. You’re not wrong at all for feeling this way or snapping at them. If you have already hired help, please look for an on-site job if local jobs are available.
Stepping out every day will do you and your mental health a ton of good. If you get a pushback on it from your parents, talk to your sisters. If they’re as understanding as you say, you should be able to come up with some plan- say sisters have some major expense coming up, will spend less money, so you need to earn more which won’t happen with the job, etc (while they still help the same).
If you want to take a drastic measure, you can just go MIA for a weekend – after making sure your parents will be taken care of, and that your sisters know why/where. And come back and explain it was either a break or you were gonna need a trip to asylum.
Maybe that will open their eyes?” duchess5788
