People Try To Clear The Air In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Trying To Take My Partner Home After She Did Substances?
“I (M/25) was at a bar with my partner (F/24). We had been together for two years now and we usually spent the night together on the weekends.
We were both having a few drinks, partying and having fun. She did some illicit substances that night, I have never done it but do not have a problem with it, as she barely does it a few times a year. We were at this bar for hours and it was already closing time (4:00 A.M.) so I told my partner that we should head home and call it a night.
She starts saying that she is going to go to an after-party with some people she just met. This concerns me because I do not know who the people are, I do not know where they are going, and I do not know if anyone driving is intoxicated. I tell her that we have had some really good times tonight and maybe it is time to call it a night.
She starts telling me that I do not control her and that she can do whatever she wants. This caught me off guard and we started arguing, at this point begging her to please just call it off and go home with me.
I started crying because I honestly got triggered and anxious, she was acting like she did not care about me or my feelings.
She gets into the car with these people, and I get in the car with them because I thought that if I went with her at least she was going to be in good company with me. As soon as we are about to leave I change my mind and tell her that I am going home, with or without her.
She says fine, go home. I start crying again. She gets out of the car from where the strange after-party people are and starts telling me that I am controlling and demanding, that I can’t do that. She gets into a taxi with two other people and goes off to another after-party, leaving me alone to cry outside the bar.
Thankfully, a friend of mine was there and he consoled me. Even the owner of the bar, when he was closing, told me to ignore her. I felt I was just trying to be a good partner and take care of us but now she twisted the narrative, saying that I was a controlling, abusive person and that I would have just let her go to her after-party.
Maybe I should care less next time but it is in my nature to try and be good to the people that I love. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was intoxicated and wanted to go with a group of random strangers.
You were practicing good judgment and realized the potential danger that she could be placing herself in. It seems to me she has no respect for your relationship or you and quite possibly has a tendency towards self-destructive behavior as shown with the illicit substance use.
You might be better off without her.” Fancy_Owl_8597
Another User Comments:
“NTJ….I would tell your “ex” partner that by caring and worrying about her safety, means you are controlling, then maybe it is best she went off on her own, and disrespected you as her partner because that is not a person you wish to be with any longer.
You hope her actions were worth her consequences because that is not a person you want to spend any time with.” Worth-Season3645
20. AITJ For Not Cancelling My Trip To Support My Hospitalized Sister?
“I (24 f) have an older sister (28 f) who has a history of mental illness and has been admitted to the hospital for this multiple times in the past. We’ve always been unbelievably close, some would even say TOO close, but have had a lot of updates and downs in our relationship.
She was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder when she was 18 and has also been diagnosed with severe anxiety. I have had difficulty fully understanding how to go about supporting her in the ways she wants while also not compromising myself and what I need. She recently became a new mother to the sweetest 11-month-old baby boy and has been struggling with crippling anxiety.
She has difficulty leaving the house and her baby and is constantly being overwhelmed by worry and panic. It has gotten so bad that multiple doctors have recommended she be hospitalized again. Well, I and my partner who are long-distance at the moment are spending the summer together and had planned to spend the Fourth of July in one state over.
We have had this planned for a while now, and when I found out that she was going to be hospitalized the day after the Fourth of July, I honestly didn’t think much of it. It has now become a huge argument where she is threatening to never speak to me again if I don’t stay and be with her and said that I am not there for her in her time of need (we speak every day and we live a vile block from one another).
She also said that she was never going to forgive me for this and that my actions were “eye-opening” because I wouldn’t spend one more day with her when I had also seen her just the day before. Ever since I’ve been in a relationship, she has become a lot more hostile towards me and asks me to rearrange plans with him to fit her needs if she is going through a hard time.
I am struggling with this and don’t think I am the jerk, but maybe I am. She expects a lot out of me and our relationship and it’s hard for me to express that maybe we don’t always need to be joint at the hip and we have our own lives now.
She expected me to cancel my trip with my partner and when I pushed back and said no she said it was unforgivable. I am trying not to take it too personally as everyone is telling me that it’s not my fault and that she is just going through a hard time right now, but am I the jerk?
She requested I don’t visit her in the hospital so we are going to talk once she is out.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My brother was bipolar (died in a car crash 25 years ago) and every time he was having a rough patch I was having a good one.
I had to swallow down the news of my engagement and later my pregnancy because our parents were absorbed with him. Even when he died I needed to support them in their loss and it took me years to acknowledge my own. You need your own life.
It sounds like you and your sister are somewhat enmeshed and codependent. She’s not healthy and what she expects of you isn’t reasonable. Honestly in this day and age with cell phones, you could be almost as “there” for her as if you were physically.
I’d like to think that if she were in a better mindset she’d encourage your time away and be grateful for the time you give her when you’re able to, but only you know if she has it in her to love and sacrifice what she wants for you as you do for her.” AdFarm9518
Another User Comments:
“NTJ…you are not her therapist. You cannot be there for your sister every time she goes through a hard time, which sounds as if it is often. You have a life as well. “Sister, You know I am always here to support you and I am only a phone call away.
But I cannot put my life on hold for you to live yours. As my sister, someone close to me, you should not only understand this, but encourage me to do so, and not always expect me to be at your beck and call. If you choose to end our relationship because of such, that is your choice.” I hope you do not make this decision, because I care about you deeply and I would hate for our relationship to change”.” Worth-Season3645
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She’s in a downward spike right now. Whilst what she is saying is hurtful, it’s also coming from the black hole of Bipolar. She needs help right now from professionals who are not you. Pregnancy and breastfeeding (if she did) will probably have messed with both her meds and her mental illnesses.
Add postpartum depression, anxiety, and/or psychosis and her shaky foundations are crumbling faster than they can be shored up. She was diagnosed when you were 14, and your life has been drawn into her orbit, her mental health, since then. Please try to get into therapy yourself to unpack the damage this dynamic has done to you.
Keeping your plans with your partner is an awesome start, but you need to develop strategies to set and maintain your boundaries. Therapy can help there, too. I’m sorry you have to deal with this. Loving someone with severe mental illnesses is tough. I know you love her and under the weight of her illness I am sure that she loves you too, she’s just too deep in the dark to remember that at the moment.
I hope she gets back into balance soon and can maintain it. Wishing you all the best.” Heeler_Haven
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Massage My Dad's Back Anymore?
“I’m a 17-year-old girl with parents who are significantly older than most of my friends’ parents. My mom is 50, and my dad is 56. Over the past few years, their health has been declining, primarily due to being overweight. My dad, in particular, struggles a lot.
He can’t even sit down without letting out a big scream because of the pain in his back.
For the last five years, I’ve had to step up and take care of them in ways that no teenager should have to. I’ve memorized their schedules, cooked dinner every night they’d let me put them to bed, did chores, and even given them exhausting massages to help with their discomfort.
Honestly, I’m exhausted. I feel like I have to take care of them when they barely take care of me. They don’t talk to me much, and when they do, it feels like they’re not listening. Everything I say I need is taken into minor consideration, if at all.
I don’t even remember the last time my parents cooked a meal for me.
This problem has caused me to start arguments and I explode on my parents in frustration when I say that I’m tired of taking care of them the conversation usually goes one of three ways:
1) “You’re a kid. You don’t know what tired feels like.”
2) “You’re lucky I’m not your grandma, if I ever spoke that way she would’ve…”
3) “You don’t know how lucky you are. I wish I could do this stuff on my own.”
So…Let me reel this back in. Massaging is my dad’s favorite part of all the things I do for him whether that’s forehead, head, feet, back, shoulders, neck, etc. The point is I’m a masseuse. We’ve improvised multiple ways to make the process easier for both of us like using massage guns but to be honest, I feel almost traumatized by the way he reacts to the massage gun, yelling in pain as I’m targeting the tough spots.
(He says this is an excuse just because I don’t want to do it which is partly true…)
I feel a sense of anxiety knowing that my father’s relaxation and comfort rely on how well I do or how hard I push…Plus the massage gun hurts my hands due to the extreme vibrations causing hand irritation.
It’s just gotten to the point where I’m not comfortable doing it anymore and he’s trying to manipulate me into continuing this tedious process on his body.
“So you don’t want me to feel better?” He tells me. Maybe this just riles me up because I spend so much time dedicated to helping him and he can question if I want him to feel satisfied. That’s what I spend my time doing, bro.
I spend my days trying to make sure you’re comfortable…
Anyway, he’s hurting but I don’t know if I should do this anymore.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If your parents are in this bad shape in their 50’s – then ouch. All the parents I know in their 60’s and even 70s are golfing, hiking, biking and playing tennis.
For both of them to be in this condition is strange. Having you do everything you do is even stranger. GET OUT OF THERE as soon as possible. And tell them no to the massages.” hikergirl26
Another User Comments:
“NTJ They don’t treat you like a daughter but more like a free, live-in underage maid.
I know a lot of people in their 50s who are overweight and are still able to work, go out, sit down, and live their lives. It is not your responsibility to do all of this. Especially not since you are still a minor! Also, you are not a professional, and pushing a massage gun to a spot till he screams means you can do honestly a ton of damage.
Screaming when sitting down is also not normal. He should go see a doctor and a professional masseuse. This is way above your pay grade. You deserve to have a childhood. Make mistakes, go out with friends, be taken care of, and be loved unconditionally.
I am sorry they are abusing and using you this way” badcookie
Another User Comments:
“You should not be the carer. Yes parents do get health problems and it’s okay for kids to help out with things, but this is next level. They need to get properly paid and trained carers.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m a 24/7 bedbound 29-year-old and I would never treat someone caring for me like this, let alone someone who’s my kid. It is really hard losing your mobility and needing help with everything and I sympathize with them for that, but they can’t guilt trip you about it because you shouldn’t be their carer in the first place ” HumorPsychological60.
18. AITJ For Wearing My New Orleans Saints Shirt In The UK?
“First off, I (24M) think a bit of backstory is needed before I explain the situation.
I’m an American living in the U.K. and have been since moving here two years ago. I was born and raised in Louisiana and grew up loving and rooting for the New Orleans Saints. I’m a proud fan and do have some clothes that support it.
By some, I mean like 2 T-shirts, a jersey, and a hoodie. I try my best not to be obnoxious…
However, recently, I was wearing one of my Saints tees while at a gym. I was behind on laundry and it was the first shirt I grabbed that was clean.
(I have since gotten caught up on said laundry to prevent future situations like the one I’m about to mention…)
Anywho, I’m at the gym, working out, minding my own business as I listen to true crime podcasts with my earbuds in. Emphasis on minding my own business, because I’m an introvert and the type who likes to just get in/get out/go home.
I already have a partner, so I do not need to be there longer than need to be trying to get someone’s number/attention. Also, after finishing up a workout, I like to sit down off to side, out of everybody’s way, to rest a bit, before I get cleaned up and go home.
But while doing so this time…I caught some girl’s attention.
I did try my best to be polite in rejecting her advances, saying I already have a partner, but she was persistent…up until she saw my shirt. Mind you, I’ve had this shirt for years, so it’s well worn in with the logo faded some.
So from afar, you wouldn’t tell it’s a New Orleans Saints tee. Just a shirt with some logo on it.
This girl’s face turned like she just drank spoiled milk. Like so spoiled, it had separated in its container…but I digress.
“Oh… never mind.
I didn’t know you were American. Let alone, that type.”
She then proceeded to suggest I get rid of my shirt since I’m not in the U.S., and keeping it would just make me come off as a stereotypical American.
“And no one’s ever gonna find that attractive…”
Okay, random chick who just walked up to me unprovoked and wouldn’t leave me alone when I said I wasn’t interested before you looked at my shirt.
Nothing happened afterward. I got cleaned up and went home without any incidents. I told my partner everything as well, who told me if I like having my shirt, then I should keep it.
However, given the situation, am I wrong for having my shirt, or any of the other Saints stuff, even though I live in the U.K.? Is there a thing against it? I don’t ever leave the house with them on, and never really wear them during football season.
So I’m just confused as to what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – unless you wear say an Arsenal shirt in a Tottenham area on a match day, no one cares! You want to be comfortable at the gym and focus on your workout, it’s ridiculous that she was judging you based on what you wear.
Be proud of your team, keep wearing the shirt (maybe even add some new merch for the next visit to the gym to show off your support..)” treeriffic
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, kudos to you for respecting your relationship and keeping this gym however arm’s length.
Nice work! This interaction doesn’t have much to do with the shirt, it has more to do with her trying to maintain her dignity. She has leaped by approaching you and was turned down. Her pride is hurt. Her instant reaction is to go into self-defense mode and attack back.
She’s embarrassed and trying to justify to herself why you wouldn’t have been a fit anyway. All her way of dealing with the uncomfortable feeling of being turned down. As far as the shirt goes……wear what you want, when you want it.
Will people judge? Always! But don’t let others dictate how you feel or what you want to do. Don’t ditch the team gear at all!” CuriousCat-GA
17. AITJ For Snoozing A Stranger's Phone Alarm At A Dinner Theater?
“I (27f) was at a “dinner and a show” theater with my family and friends this past Christmas. I had invited everyone to come, as I had the opportunity to work on some of the costumes for the show that night.
We were sat at a big table by the stage. The seating for the theater is all tables and chairs, and there are three levels of floor space for the tables that descend as you get closer to the stage. I was sitting at the back of our table, so my head was level with the table on the level above us.
The food is served buffet style, and the play starts after dessert has begun.
As we were starting to eat our food, an alarm started to go off next to my ear. The couple that was sitting at the table above me was away getting their food.
I waited for about two minutes, but it was LOUD, and positioned so that it was blaring at me. I saw that the phone was an iPhone, so I tapped the little snooze button so that the alarm would stop, but I (and everyone around us) wouldn’t have to keep hearing the alarm.
I planned on telling the couple what happened as soon as they returned with their food, as I assumed it was most likely a medication reminder.
When I did this, my mom, who was at the other end of the table, was astonished and scolded me harshly for touching someone else’s possessions.
I tried to say that I only snoozed it and that it had been blaring in my ear, but she told me that it’s never acceptable to handle something that I know belongs to someone else. She said, “What if that alarm was for an important medication?” I replied, “I only snoozed it, and I am going to let them know as soon as they return.” She continued to scold me in front of my friends and future SIL for “my behavior”.
When the people returned, I told them what I had done, politely apologizing for snoozing the alarm, and they thanked me and apologized as well for leaving the phone on the table. They didn’t seem upset at all when I touched the phone.
This incident has come up a few times in conversation since.
My mom will not back down or apologize to me for scolding me and embarrassing me in front of my friends and family. Most people that I have told are on my side, but some agree with my mom that it’s never appropriate to touch someone else’s property without permission.
I feel that because the phone was causing a significant disturbance to me it was ok to snooze the alarm, but maybe I’m wrong. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If my phone went off I would also like someone to turn it off.
I would feel so bad that I left it on at a place like that. Plus if you told them it’s not a big deal. Even if it was a reminder for a medication that’s still something that they should have been mildly aware of and checked to make sure it wouldn’t interrupt other people’s experiences.” ExtraAd8069
Another User Comments:
“I’m a bit unsure with this one, but I think I’ll go with NTJ. If it was my phone ringing and bothering everyone while I went to the bathroom, I’d be super grateful that someone else muted it for me. I do have medication I have to take regularly that I set an alarm for, so if the kind stranger also told me about the alarm so I didn’t forget to take the meds, I’d think that person was very decent.
I do get your mother’s point about not touching other people’s possessions, but in this very specific case, I think it’s okay. Not sure if that’s just me, though….” Overall-Salad8740
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When your alarm goes off in public, it is directly acting on other people and ceases to be an entirely private object.
When the owner fails to take care of the issue being caused by their property, in my opinion, it is reasonable for someone else to step in and remedy the situation. You didn’t damage anything, and you notified the owner when they returned, I think your actions were reasonable.” SublightMonster
16. AITJ For Arguing With My Brother's Partner Over My Large Baby?
“My son is eleven months old and 97th percentile for height. He is a big baby (currently 36in tall – or about the size of your average 2.5yo) and in 3T clothing.
However, despite him being so big, he is still just a baby and most of his nutrition is still from milk.
For the 4th we had a big family cookout and my brother invited his partner. I live out of state and I didn’t want my flights to be too close together so I’m staying for a bit longer. My brother and his partner are doing the same thing.
My family is aware that my son is a baby, obviously, but my brother’s partner was not and was initially very shocked when she saw him “misbehaving”. We explained that he’s still a baby, so he’s still just exploring the world.
She remained uncomfortable but we mostly avoided each other.
Because he’s so big feeding him is a chore so I use an armchair as there isn’t enough support elsewhere and so there isn’t much I can do about covering up (he gets sweaty under blankets and won’t eat).
It’s been a tense couple of weeks.
Last night I think we both kind of lost it. My son needed feeding and she was in the chair; I asked her to move which she whined about but did not get up. Everything was fine for another hour or so until she demanded my brother pay for her to go to a hotel for the remaining nights because she couldn’t cope with me and the baby.
He asked what she meant and she said that he’s big enough to be on real food and I enjoy making her uncomfortable by feeding him in front of her.
I got embarrassingly upset and told her that she should keep her mouth shut because she clearly doesn’t know the first thing about parenting and certainly doesn’t know anything about me or my son.
We argued the same points for a little more until my son woke from his nap and I left to collect him. She then left after telling us all, loudly, that she needs to “protect her peace” (which is honestly not a phrase I thought real people said).
My brother told me I was being immature and left with her. My dad is on “my side” but did tell me I should have removed myself from the situation as I’m a grown woman and she’s still a teenager (I’m three years older than her so I think that’s BS).
My mom is neutral but is still trying to convince my brother to come home and ends up paying for their hotel. She thinks I could have been a lot more understanding.
AITJ? Was I completely out of order?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If she’s uncomfortable because you’re feeding, she leaves the room.
It’s that simple. Her opinions on what your son should eat are stupid and nobody asked for them. Sometimes people are stupid or clumsy, but she was disrespectful. She absolutely must apologize for her unsolicited advice and entitled behavior. Next time she can go straight to the hotel for her “peace” but above all for YOUR peace.” PandaCotton
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re the mom, you get to decide when and where to feed your baby. The fact that she can’t cope with your baby being above average in size is not your problem. My son was 22” tall *at birth*. He was never a tiny newborn, and we had to have someone bring us clothes to take him home in because the baby things we brought were ridiculously too small.
Big babies are a thing, and your family needs to shut down anyone giving you grief over their insecurities. The person whose peace needs protecting is *you*.” savinathewhite
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and you did not get embarrassingly upset’ at all. That’s an appropriate response to someone shaming you for feeding. You told her what you were about to do and she was already up off the chair so she absolutely could have left the room if it made her so uncomfortable.
She did the right thing by arranging to leave in my opinion but should have accepted that it was down to her immaturity instead of projecting onto you. ” [deleted]
15. AITJ For Yelling At A Lifeguard Who Mistreated My Cousin?
“I (17) babysat my little cousins (11F) and (1M) all day Friday and Saturday, parents at a child-free wedding in Seattle.
Since it was hot we decided to go to the local community pool. We have been to this pool numerous times before, and I checked in with the parents first.
For context my little cousins are black, me and the lifeguard are white, the 11yo is on her school’s swim team and we are in the Deep South.
So we went to the pool and I was in the shallow end holding baby boy and just letting him splash his hands in the pool when the lifeguard came up to me (I was standing near the edge of the pool) a lifeguard who looked around my age but I hadn’t seen at the pool before came up to me and told me that “you have to hold all small children or have them in a swim carrier”.
I was confused because I was already holding the baby, and then she pointed to 11yo who was using a kickboard on the other side of the shallow end. I was even more confused because although 11 is a little short, she still looks older than a baby.
I was like “Uhhh she’s 11 and she’s a strong swimmer” Then the lifeguard said, “No she can’t, it’s the same rule for all small children”. I once again repeated that she was 11, not a small child and that there were other children around her age or younger who were swimming like normal, and the lifeguard said “This isn’t about them”.
So I just called 11yo to swim closer with us and for the next ten minutes, she just played with lil bro in the far shallow end. And then 11yo asked me to time her while she held her breath underwater, the moment her head went under the water the lifeguard blew her whistle and dragged her out of the water while I was yelling at her to stop.
The lifeguard yelled at me that she couldn’t swim.
While she was yelling 11yo started crying and showed me that she had a few scratches on her leg from the edge of the pool where her leg rubbed against when the lifeguard was pulling her out, I lost it.
By now everyone was already looking at us because the lifeguard was yelling. I yelled at her back saying “She’s on the swim team you crazy racist jerk! You made her bleed you psycho!” I then gathered everything and we left.
I called my aunt and uncle on the way home and they came back Saturday afternoon.
My aunt and uncle are on my side after the recounting from 11yo and me, but my mom is saying that I embarrassed myself by yelling and overreacted, my priest is also saying that I was in the wrong for swearing.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- That’s not normal. During all the times I’ve been in public pools, there are always younger kids swimming all over the place, even alone with floaties. And, I’ve never seen lifeguards intervene like that. I see that your aunt and uncle will complain to the manager, but strongly consider getting involved too since you’re the actual witness.
Hopefully, this will go well, but if not, be prepared to explore all options for reporting discrimination. Doesn’t hurt to call the local news either.” shuckyducked
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your priest may say you’re wrong for swearing, but you are a) 17 years old, b) stressed, and c) dealing with a crying child and someone yelling at you at the same time.
I can’t think of many people in the situation who would not snap. I think your mom is honestly a bit of a jerk for saying you “embarrassed yourself” while defending a family member who was being manhandled by an adult—a family member you were responsible for, at that.
This lifeguard at the very least was supremely ignorant by ignoring what the person supervising a child was saying. Honestly, I think she was probably just being racist. You were right to push back and say those things, especially at the moment, so they can be documented for later on.” ConstructionNo9678
14. AITJ For Refusing To Meet My Wife's Ex-Addict Friend On My Birthday?
“So my wife (25f) and I (25m) are going to her hometown for a week over my birthday. The reason for this is that my wife (let’s call her Tina) has a friend (friend A) who just gave birth, and Tina wants to visit her and help out.
I’m in good standing with friend A, so this isn’t an issue with me.
Here lies the issue. While we’re in Tina’s hometown, she wants to go to another town with me and her mom to see friend B (fake name Brian). Bit of a back story.
Tina and Brian were both heavy into bad habits in the past, and since Tina and I first started seeing each other, Tina and Brian have gotten clean. The problem is, in the early days, Brian let Tina relapse by offering their habit of choice.
Because of this (and another reason I don’t wanna say due to too much-identifying information), I hate Brian. I don’t mind if Tina wants to stay in contact with him. It’s her choice, and it’s not my place to say who Tina can and can’t have as friends.
That being said, Tina told me that Brian wanted to talk with me to apologize. I’ve told Tina that I don’t want to ever see Brian ever again.
Tina keeps saying that it would be good for Brian’s recovery, but I don’t care. I told Tina ” I don’t mind if you want to keep your friendship with Brian, but don’t expect me to want to have anything to do with him.” She understood and told me that was fine, but she still wanted to go to (city) and see him.
I told her that it was fine. I could either drop her and my MIL off and do my own thing, or I’ll give them the car and they can drop me off somewhere while they go see Brian, but I refuse to meet with him period.
To Tina’s credit, they do have a bad memory. And the other day, while going home from my parent’s place, Tina told me that for my birthday, we were gonna spend the day in (city) and go see Brian while we’re at it. I got upset and told Tina “Not only do I not want to spend my birthday in (city).
I sure as heck don’t wanna spend it with Brian”. She apologized and said, “I’m sorry I forgot. We can go do that another day while we’re there. ”
The trip is still a week out, and I’m getting nervous. It’s not that I don’t trust Tina, but Brian has been known to lie to get their way before.
Call it paranoia, but my gut is telling me that something feels off and to not trust him. So am I the jerk for refusing to meet with my wife’s friend?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You seem chill about T still being friends with B.
You aren’t forcing T to cut contact, you aren’t giving her ultimatums about her friendship, and you’re willing to still give T and her mom a car at their disposal. You’ve been very clear with her about how you feel about friend B, and your wife should respect that.
You are being as reasonable as a human being can be in this situation. I’m not sensing any jerky on your part.” rifle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your husband hating your friend so much that he refuses to see him is not something you casually forget.
She thought she could force you into going by playing dumb. She shouldn’t be friends with Brian anymore, but more importantly, it’s your birthday. Why the heck would she make a plan to see someone you hate on your birthday? At best this is weaponized incompetence, at worst your wife couldn’t give half a care about your feelings.
Also, heck that recovery coach and your wife’s mindset in this. The people you hurt while in active addiction are not game pieces in your recovery journey. If someone doesn’t want to forgive you, they don’t have to.” Pale_Wave_3379
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are being completely reasonable. Tina is the jerk for pushing it and stressing you out as a consequence. You’ve been clear on your stance on Brian/Tina’s request, and they need to accept it. Brian is not owed an opportunity to make amends where it negatively impacts others.
This is outside of the scope of AITJ. You’re asking for advice on what sounds like a very, very complicated situation and history. There isn’t nearly enough detailed information to advise you on this part.” pdubs1900
13. AITJ For Defending My Family Life To A Campmate?
“I (17F) am Chinese-American. My parents immigrated to the US from China and I was born in the US.
I recently attended a sleepaway camp with other 16-18 year olds. The camp was a week long. Towards the last few days of camp, we had gotten to know each other more and were talking one day at breakfast. There were a few of us girls(around 4-5 of us) at a table.
Our conversation shifted to us talking about our families and one girl(I’ll call her Anna) started talking about how she has a lot of extended family near where she lives. She has a lot of aunts, uncles, and cousins, and visits them regularly to hang out and have fun together.
She also talked about how her aunts uncles and grandparents give her a lot of gifts during her birthday and Christmas. She talked for a while before eventually turning the conversation to me to ask me about my family.
I told her that most of my extended family is in China, so I don’t get to see them often.
I recently went back to visit them in June, but the last time I visited them before the June trip was in the summer of 2019. My closest extended family is in California, which is across the country from where I live in the Midwest. Therefore, I don’t get to see my extended family very often.
I’m content with that and my immediate family of my mom, my dad, my brother, and I get along well with each other.
I told the table of girls this and they were mostly silent. Then Anna spoke up and said that it sucks that I don’t get to see my extended family often.
She said that it must be sad and depressing because I don’t get to have fun with my family often or that I don’t get as many birthday or Christmas gifts from them. The tone she used when saying it sounded like she was saying something bad about me.
Looking back, perhaps she was just shocked at the moment. But instead, I got a little angry because I didn’t like that she was making assumptions about me like that.
Then I said back that I didn’t like that she made baseless assumptions about me just because I don’t get to see my extended family as often as she does.
It’s not my fault that most of my family lives across the ocean. I told her that I was fine with my immediate family and that I still had good times with my extended family during the few times I went to see them.
For the rest of camp, the group of us girls still hung out with each other, but the atmosphere felt more tense and uncomfortable after I said that to Anna.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t think either of you are jerks here. It’s just a matter of having different experiences. She based her response on her own experience, the same way a four-year-old who loves Hot Wheels might decide to give one to his mother for her birthday.
They can’t comprehend that mommy doesn’t like diecast metal toy cars. In their experience, they’re the best thing ever. We only grow out of that to an extent. This was your opportunity to share and talk to her about your family and experiences. She wasn’t trying to hurt you.
This is just unusual for her. Try to make amends.” Ducklings
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you assumed her response and called her out for thinking she made an assumption. As a person who hangs out with all of her extended family, she thinks it’s a great thing.
You should have appropriately responded by saying, I enjoy when I do see them, but enjoy being with my immediate family and don’t feel said about it. If you had said that you no longer have any of your grandparents and she responded by saying she was sorry and that must be tough, would you have responded the same way?
She sounded like she was being sympathetic and not putting you down, and it seems like the other girls knew it.” cazzodrago
Another User Comments:
“YTJ This girl commented based on her own experience, she didn’t say anything bad about you. SHE would find it depressing not seeing her family so she figured it was the same for you, which shows a closed mind and a bit of egocentricity, but she’s not a jerk.
She was just sharing a thought and that’s how conversations work. This was an opportunity for you to share YOUR experience which is different but you preferred to be confrontational and on the defensive, I’m not surprised things are awkward now.” PandaCotton
12. AITJ For Getting Married Secretly Without Inviting Our Parents?
“Me and my partner have been together for 7 years, have two kids (2 and 4), and are building a house right now. Marriage was the next step.
None of our families is in any way conservative or religious… So we thought so far…
We planned to do it the old-school way next year. “Official part” as registry office, change of names, putting on the rings in combination with church part on the same day.
We thought about how to have a more relaxed day as we already experienced a lot of weddings (the mid-thirties). It always felt the “best day” was also the “most stressed day” for the married couple.
Therefore, to smoothen it a bit we played with the thought of just the two of us doing the official part and having the party for all friends and family still next year.
Unfortunately, it was no option due to specific papers required for my partner (their parents immigrated and she was born in another country).
For whatever reason the governmental process was much easier and quicker than we thought. So we just for curious reasons checked our wish-to-have-date and..
it was still free. We booked it.
Now all this was done in secret. Got the rings and we were ready. On the wedding day, we brought our two kids to kindergarten, she went to the hair salon, picked up some flowers, got dressed, and after 30 minutes at the registry office, we were married. The person at the office took our pictures.
Afterward, we went to have an awesome lunch at a fine restaurant and took more pictures. The day was perfect. It truly was “our day” and not done for anybody else.
In the evening we picked up our kids from my brother and his wife and showed up in our outfits.
They were surprised but happy for us. Same as all other people we meet later, even older than us.
After getting the kids and first congratulatory wishes we went to my parents and rang at the door. They opened, saw us in our outfits and asked to which wedding we went.
We replied with “our own” and the further reaction was a catastrophe. They simply didn’t understand why we did it alone, they felt mistreated by being excluded. We expected them to feel a bit down but still be happy for us. Opposite was the case.
After 1 week they came back from vacation and the reaction was still the same conservative, disappointed, and did not understand us at all.
The reaction from her parents was great on the contrary. They felt happy for us.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I understand that you would want to get married on your terms and celebrate together.
But a wedding is a big day and more than the two of you are invested in the relationship. Your parents just felt left out. And though I know you didn’t mean to disrespect them, they can perceive this as an outright decision to exclude them from one of the happiest days of your life.
If I were you I would apologize, not out of being wrong, but for not being more understanding and validating of their feelings. Everyone has a right to feel disappointed by someone else’s decision.” No-Needleworker6065
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You can elope and have a surprise wedding.
But surprised people will logically conclude the relationship was not as close as they thought. And will be hurt, because the process of accepting asymmetry in a relationship is hurtful. People have the right to their feelings. They don’t have the right to mistreat you, guilt you, or whatever.
They have the right to be disappointed. The traditional meaning of a wedding is a celebration of joining the families, meeting the two families, and also officially letting everyone know about coupling. You can skip all those, but then other people are allowed to perceive the new distance because of it.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for pretending to be surprised your parents are deeply disappointed and hurt that you didn’t bother to invite them to watch their child getting married. Their reaction is entirely understandable and predictable. A wedding doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive.
You could have invited them to watch you get married at the courthouse. Your parents did not even get the courtesy of an explanation of what you planned to do and why. The thing is, you can choose to get married in secret. But you don’t get to be unhappy that people will have understandably big feelings about this and there may be consequences once they realize how little importance you place on your relationship with them.” Cherry_clafoutis
11. AITJ For Losing My Temper With My Mother Over Her Tech Issues?
“My mother has always struggled with the concept of “storage”, so she has gone through about 10 phones since she got her first one. (In the past, USB drives were not always used, and they were often used to store important documents, not random photos.) Having had so many phones, she ended up creating multiple social media accounts because she always forgot and lost all her passwords; so now, I have to manage them for her when she could easily write them down somewhere.
Another issue is her obsession with taking photos obviously. Since my childhood, she would often ask me to take pictures of her. When I was young, it was enjoyable and brought us closer. However, as I grew older, I found less pleasure in doing so, and she started yelling at me for anything she did not like, which made me start to resent this routine.
Sometimes, she needs to make “important” posts on social media, but either her phones start malfunctioning due to the high storage or the computer is performing well, so she asks for my help because she says I am more used to and quicker at achieving what she needs.
Throughout the years, I have always helped her with these social media posts when she asked, and when I had the time. But over time, I quickly became frustrated because her posts took too long. She would say: “Just a few more minutes/photos…” and it was never true.
When I told her: “Tell me everything you need at once.”, she would add more layers.
This led to rare occasions where I lost my temper with her, unintentionally either by aggressively typing on my computer or by responding loudly: “I understand (what you are asking).” To which she would reply with something like: “You are selfish.
I do not ask you all the time to take pictures or make these posts. I have always raised you (…)” – you know the kind of mother’s speech after an argument.
I love my mother because she is my mother, and of course, I love helping her because she is my mother.
She even asks for my help when I am free and not at the moment, which proves that she respects me. However, all the unpleasant memories from the beginning, combined with some disdainful behaviors of hers, make me want to lose my temper more and more.
When you have had a tiring day or week at school, see your mother on her phone from morning till night, try every day not to burst into tears, when you finally get a chance to rest but have to deal with taking photos and/or social media posts, knowing you might get yelled at sooner or later…
AITJ for having outbursts against my mother sometimes?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but there’s a communication breakdown. It’s understandable to get frustrated when your help feels unappreciated or turns into a chore. It’s important to set boundaries with your mom, explaining you’re happy to help but need clear instructions and a reasonable timeframe.
Let her know how her reactions affect you and try to find a compromise that works for both of you.” Lovely_Bunny84
10. AITJ For Wanting To Invite My Mother To My Wedding?
“Me and my fiancé, let’s call her Alex for anonymity’s sake, just got engaged. It was pretty funny since I asked her and she was planning to ask me only a week later. We both had beautiful rings picked out for one another and everything was great.
And then we started wedding planning last week. She began talking about who she wanted to invite, both friends and family, and I said I’d have to think about that as well. She asked, “What do you mean?” I told her I wanted to invite my parents and other family to the wedding as well.
I could easily tell she was unhappy.
For context, most of my family is perfectly fine; it’s my mother that’s the problem. Way back when, in 2016, I came out to my parents. My dad was very accepting and happy for me. At first, my mom didn’t say anything, which I thought was just her quietly going along with it.
It was only a few days later that I started to see who she was. She started making snide comments to me about my s*******y and saying various slurs more often. At this point in my life, I still had various insecurities and would rarely stand up for myself.
After I met Alex in 2018, her remarks took a turn for the worse.
She would constantly introduce me to “nice, upstanding boys” for me to meet. I’d firmly tell her that I was already in a relationship, but to her, it didn’t mean anything because it wasn’t a “real relationship.” Thankfully, through therapy and Alex’s support, I had better self-confidence and pushed back against her.
That didn’t stop any of my mom’s remarks of “I can’t wait for you to find the right man!” and “You’ll eventually grow out of this!”
Now, at this point, it might seem obvious to cut my homophobic mom out of my life. I’d 100% do it if it weren’t for one thing: my sister.
My younger sister, who is 19, has severe Autism. I love her to death and would not be able to stand not seeing her again. My mother and I had a falling out once over a family issue, and she threatened that if I didn’t cooperate, I’d never see my sister again.
I know if she doesn’t get invited to our wedding, she’ll pull the same stunt. I hate how she uses my sister as a bargaining chip, but she and my dad have full custody of her. Alex knows all this but doesn’t want my mother at our wedding.
We have just started the wedding planning and it feels like we can’t get past this. So, am I just a jerk or am I justified?”
Another User Comments:
“Qualifying my judgment, I had no jerks here. You don’t WANT your mom there, you are concerned about her backlash.
Your fiance is well within her rights (justifiably so) to not want your mom there. So, you can agree you both don’t want her there. I mean, how can she prevent you from seeing your sister? You’re still cool with your dad, right? Time for him to stand up, and make it so that your sister isn’t punished for the horrible behavior of your mom.
I think you can have your (wedding) cake and eat it too” Canadian_01
Another User Comments:
“Yeah….I can’t seem to grasp that you want your openly hateful mother at your wedding to another woman. The one day to celebrate your love and commitment…what is mom going to be making snide comments as you walk down the aisle?
If your dad has custody of your sister too doesn’t he get a say in whether you get to see her or not? ” Dear Mom, given your repeated and open desire for me to find a good man, I wouldn’t dream of imposing on you the need to attend an LGBT wedding.
Given your feelings, I imagine you would find the occasion boring so I’ve kindly decided not to put you through such an arduous day.” chazza79
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. This wedding belongs to both of you. You have to agree. You can’t just make unilateral plans against her wishes.
And her wishes are not unreasonable. Neither are yours of course. This will be a tough one to sort out. But you have to talk and agree. Can you go have a heart-to-heart with your mom, telling her how much you want her at your wedding (even if not true) You would be so sad if she missed it.
But she has to promise to keep every bigoted thing to herself for one entire day. If she is willing to promise, would Alex invite her?” MissAnth
9. AITJ For Not Giving My Partner Attention During A Family Funeral And Not Attending His Cousin's Wedding?
“I 25/F have been together with my partner 27/M for 3 years.
I have a relative that passed away a couple of months ago in their mid-thirties and left behind 4 small children, we were very sad and this was a hard time for my family.
My partner lives in another country, the same as my deceased relative’s family so we flew abroad and continued the funeral there. He has been fighting and arguing with me for the past month that my family did not give him any attention? They called and invited him for dinner a few times after the funeral but he did not show up because he was angry that they did not give him attention when he attended the funeral. Now he blames me for not standing up for him and fighting with my family.
Also in the same week, his cousin got married, I refused to go with his family since I was heartbroken and we had guests coming over all the time, he did not go to the wedding himself since he was at work. Now he still argues with me for not attending the wedding with his family.
How can he blame me in such a situation and did I do something wrong?
AITJ for not focusing on him while on the trip instead of the ongoing funeral that was in our home?”
Another User Comments:
“He’s at a funeral and whining about how people aren’t paying attention to him?
What is he, a five-year-old? Oh my gosh what a self-centered little jerk. Why are you even with him? NTJ, obviously. And of course, you didn’t want to go to a wedding when you were in the middle of grieving a sudden loss. I’m not sure how anyone could manage to go to a celebratory event at a time like that. I’m so sorry for the loss of your family member.
It’s heartbreaking for their four young kids, who must be devastated and in shock. I’ll keep them in my thoughts.” eefr
8. AITJ For Refusing To Help Care For A Troublesome Dog I'm Not Being Paid To Watch?
“So I live with three other roommates. Two of them, Alex and Lucy, are in a relationship and have been at the beach for the past week, and still have another week left. They have a small dog and are paying another friend to live in the house and watch their dog for those two weeks.
He’s an easy dog and I love the friend who is helping so I’ve been okay with that.
Alex and Lucy are spending one week with one family, and one week with another family. Two days ago, the second family texted my roommate, Sue, who is home with me, if she could help watch their family dog because their usual sitter had something come up.
She ran it by us and I said sure because she’s a really old dog and probably can’t handle and kennel or boarding place.
Their family came on the way to vacation dropped off the dog, and paid Sue 200 dollars to watch her for the week.
Everything was fine until it was time to go to bed. So the friend and Alex and Lucy’s dog were staying in one room, I have a cat so I stay in my room, and Sue has a dog herself, so we were going to put this old dog in the guest room.
She’ll eat things she’s not supposed to so she can’t roam the house at night. She ended up barking. All. Night.
Sue caved and let this old dog sleep with her and her dog in her room, but when she left for a morning shift at 3 AM and put this old dog in the guest room, she started barking immediately and wouldn’t stop.
I’m a light sleeper and had a hard time sleeping all night. I got up around 6 AM let the dog out and watched her downstairs because of all the barking, I was up for the day. Well the other friend decided to sleep until noon, and I was stuck watching this old dog until he got up.
Yesterday, because of their work schedules, I had to watch this old dog again. Usually, I don’t mind dogs, but she’s bad as heck.
Today I decided I wasn’t going to help at all. I’m not getting paid like the other two friends and I have my cat to worry about.
So this morning, I let her keep barking. I stayed in my room until around 11, and let the other friend take care of her. When I walked downstairs to leave to go visit my family, he seemed annoyed that I had stayed in my room and didn’t help out at all.
Am I the jerk for not caring for the dog? I never agreed to help out and I’m not getting paid a dime while she’s here.”
Another User Comments:
“The roommate responsible for the dog is the jerk here. And a huge one; poor dog.
Everyone sucks here because the dog is the one suffering. You need to tell them to take care of the dog. This isn’t working, because the dog is not being taken care of. That’s not your responsibility, but you do need to speak up. If you know the dog’s owners, tell them what’s happening.
This is just sad.” Tangerine_Bouquet
Another User Comments:
“Definitely NTJ. First & foremost, not your dog, not your problem. Secondly, you’re not the one who was asked to watch it, your roommate was. If they wanted your help, they should have come to you & offered you part of the money they paid them.
Third, your cat comes before a random dog in your house; good for you for not allowing the dog in your cat’s personal space. I would have done the same thing.” InevitableEffect9478
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. You could’ve easily had a conversation with your roommates about this.
You could’ve told them to organize themselves so the old lady isn’t left locked alone in a room from 3 AM-11 AM. It’s as easy as Sue dropping the dog in 3rd person’s room to ensure she isn’t stressed and barking all morning.
I get that the dog can’t come join you in your room because of the cat and that you aren’t getting paid to watch it. Those things are fine but your not communicating at all out of pettiness and at the expense of the dog makes you the jerk.
They’re also jerks – they could plan themselves accordingly too.” Fickle_Pickle_3452
7. AITJ For Denying My Homeless Friend A Shower While I Needed Emotional Space?
“There was a friend of mine that I had been helping out. He was going through a rough time and was homeless (we were friends before he became homeless), so I allowed him to crash at my place, shower, do laundry, etc. Over about 6 months or so, we became very close and spent time together regularly.
We were basically in a relationship without the label, and I was perfectly fine with that.
During a recent conversation, it became readily apparent that my feelings for him were much stronger than his for me. I knew at that moment that I would have to take a step back and distance myself because we were never going to be a long-term ‘forever’ sort of relationship (he had goals and dreams that didn’t align with my wants and needs).
I was aware of the ‘expiration date’ from the get-go, but the feelings caught me off guard. I asked him for some space.
The following day, I still felt the same way as I did the previous one and I knew I still had some things to sort out within myself.
I told him he could stop by to grab some things (clothes, personal belongings, shower stuff, etc.). When he got here, I was quite emotional because I knew that not only would I have to terminate the ‘relationship’ with him, but also take a step back from the friendship portion as well.
I was crying, but calm and quiet. He asked if he could shower, but I said no, not right now. He then asked me if he could turn on the PC to do something, and I also said no and said that I needed some space.
He appeared to understand, grabbed his belongings, and left.
The next day, however, things took a massive turn for the worse. We ended up in a fight and he immediately threw the fact that I wouldn’t allow him to shower in my face. He said that it was abusive of me to revoke resources like that from somebody in need. At that point I was entirely frustrated because I knew that he had another means to shower, so my home wasn’t his last and only option.
I had said to him that he was not entitled to my home in that way and that I needed space and I was going to take the time that I needed. I provided him with clean clothes and everything he needed to shower. I knew he had a gym membership.
He could have easily gone to the gym to clean up, so it’s not like I left him up the creek without a paddle. I was trying to respect his needs while staying true to my own. AITJ for telling him no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have been kind and generous; he also knows that there is an end time to this arrangement. At any point, if you need space, you have the right to take that space and should not feel guilty. As you say, he has other resources.
And he needs to use his time to get back on his feet and be independent again. You have considered his needs plenty. If you are feeling you are too attached, and need to wean yourself from him and the relationship, you should do so.
He has goals that don’t involve you, and so you are helping him for just a phase of his life. You can both appreciate what you have had, but you are at a turning point now. Always know you have done a lot for him.
You have been good, kind and a friend. Take that to heart. And do what is best for yourself now.” Euphoric_Travel2541
6. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Roommate's Expensive Meal?
“I, (20F) have a college roommate “Michelle” (34F) who I share summer housing in our university’s dorms. Michelle is super sweet to me and despite our age gap, we get along nicely.
It’s a great dorm situation and I think Michelle sees me as a little sister. I mostly like to cook my meals in our dorm kitchen but sometimes I treat myself to eating out. This is where the problem started.
A lot of the time, Michelle would join me to eat out, either because she was free and I wanted company when my friends were busy or because she invited me somewhere and I was free to come along.
Lately, Michelle had been showering me with extra attention and even paying for most of my meals when we ate out. She’s super generous with her money but has no job and is completely reliant on her parents. I always told her that it was fine and that I could pay for myself but she always refused.
One day we went out to eat at a slightly nicer sushi restaurant to celebrate being done with midterms. To put it as politely as possible, Michelle is a bigger girl so she ordered dumpling appetizers, 5 sushi rolls, and a drink. She usually orders 2-3 meals per restaurant we go to.
I got one sushi roll and water because it was $10-$17 a roll and I’m not a big eater.
When we were halfway through the meal, Michelle suggested that it was my turn to pay for both our meals. I say, what do you mean?
We never set up any kind of agreement. She got really upset, claiming that she “paid for all my other meals” and it was my turn to pay her back now. I told her I’m grateful that she was generous enough to pay for my other meals but I didn’t know there was an expectation to return the favor, especially because she ordered disproportionately more food than me and I couldn’t afford that much for one meal. Michelle got upset and said something about how “your parents are so rich you can afford anything” and how one meal won’t break the bank.
My parents are indeed paying for my college expenses and I’m eternally grateful that I won’t end up with any debt, but they give me a strict monthly budget that covers my groceries and gas. All the money I use to treat myself comes from my summer job.
I told her that and she went silent for the rest of the meal. When we were finished, I made sure to ask for separate checks and she hasn’t said a word to me since.
I’m really worried that this caused a rift in our friendship, maybe I was being unreasonable and I should have just paid for her meal. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She was playing the long game on this by paying for meals along the way seeing you didn’t eat much. Then you go to a more expensive place and bam she puts you on the hook for her extensive order. Don’t go out with her anymore because everything she gives has huge strings attached.” SnooBunnies7461
Another User Comments:
“She set you up. She paid for your meals out a few times and I bet you those meals were very equal and much cheaper. She saw her time to spread on you when she paid. Probably over $100 for her meal and yours was $20.
So she was trying to save money and stick it to you a little bit. He did nothing wrong. Work this out eventually, it will work out. And from now on either say no. When you go out or split the bill every time. Don’t let her pay for you.
You don’t have to pay for her and everybody’s the same. If you find out that it’s an equal meal and you want to be a generous thing, you can pay NTJ” Even_Enthusiasm7223
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk here. No, you are not obligated to pay for anyone’s meals and she was tacky to ask.
But it’s common for friends to pay for each other now and then as a gesture of kindness. She probably was waiting for you to do it on your own and decided to speak frankly about it when you didn’t. I don’t agree with her tactic, but you were also missing common social cues.
You probably saw the dinners as a nice thing to do with a roommate who isn’t a friend, but it seems like she saw them as a way to forge a “real” friendship. There’s usually a point in a friendship where things deepen when one party asks for more (a ride to the airport, help when they’re sick) or gives more (a birthday gift, paying for your dinner).
Sounds like that’s what your roommate was doing and that she was hoping for some reciprocity from you.” JohnGradyBirdie
5. AITJ For Turning Off The Wifi To Force My Daughter To Study Elsewhere?
“This post is about my oldest 2 kids, Nicole (21), and Ava (20).
Nicole is a night owl. She can easily stay up all night and sleep through the day.
Ava is the exact opposite. She’s in bed by 10 and tries to sleep by 11. Nicole also has ADHD and Ava is AuDHD (autistic and ADHD).
The thing is Ava is very sensitive to light and sound when she’s trying to sleep. Her room has to be pitch black with no sounds between 10:30 and 11, which is usually pretty easy to accommodate considering everyone but Nicole is also asleep/going to sleep at that time.
Nicole is taking a condensed science class this summer. She goes to school from 11-2, is out with her friends or partner until 10-10:30, then comes home to study, which can be 3-4 hours a night. She claims that she can only study in our dining room and the dining room light shines into Ava’s room so Ava can’t sleep with the dining room lights on.
The other night Ava and Nicole got into an argument because it was almost midnight, Ava had to be up by 7 for work, and Nicole was refusing to work anywhere else. I used blankets to help block the light and she took sleeping pills to help her get to sleep.
The next day when Ava got up at 7, she made sure to be loud enough to wake Nicole up. When Nicole got mad at her Ava brought up that Nicole doesn’t let her sleep so why should she let her?
I talked to the girls that day and Ava had some good points.
There are other places in the house that Nicole can study and if it has to be the dining room, she should be courteous and not stay out so late that she has to be in there until 2 in the morning. I agreed with her and told Nicole that from now on I’ll be turning the wifi off at 10:30 unless she is working anywhere but the dining room or the living room directly outside of Ava’s room.
Today Nicole got home at 10:45 and went to the dining room to do an assignment and quiz that was due by 12. The wifi was off so she came to me to turn it on. I told her I would once she moved and she decided to argue and refused to move.
She refused and didn’t get to do her quiz or assignment, which severely impacted her grade.
She’s accusing me of playing favorites and sabotaging her because Ava wants to feel good about herself (Ava was originally in a similar program but switched to one that she enjoyed).
My husband thinks I went too far but all she had to do was do her work anywhere but the dining room. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You are favoring Ava and expecting Nicole to do all the changing. Your reply also shows you know nothing about ADHD if you think Nicole should study in her room or work in the morning.
This is suspicious to me that it’s probably been a pattern that you disregard Nicole to cater to her sister.” Mindless-Pangolin841
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I’m also ADHD and I can’t just “switch rooms” to be able to study. I’m a bit jealous of Nicole, I can’t do any studying when I’m in my own house because there are too many distractions for me.
I have to be at a library, coffee shop, etc. if I want to be able to focus and get anything done. Ava’s problem can easily be fixed by closing her bedroom door and blocking the light that comes through the bottom with a towel or even just by getting a sleep mask.
And I know to neurotypical people it seems like it should be easy for Nicole to just go to another room to study, but when it comes to ADHD, it’s not that simple.” 99dalmatianpups
Another User Comments:
“YTJ I’m a night owl myself (it’s 2:22 am as I write this) and I find it much easier to retain information when I don’t have daytime problems distracting me.
The easy solution is to get something for Ava that blocks out noise/sound so that she can sleep. That way Nicole can study without disturbing Ava.” Vo1dwastakenwastaken
4. AITJ For Ignoring My Parents Because They Favor My Anxious Brother Over Me?
“I F(18) and my brother (23) grew up with very bad anxiety. Since I was little though, it’s been very apparent my brother’s anxiety cripples him for a lot. He is amazing socially, likable, and funny.. but his anxiety makes him so extreme and stunts him in all parts of his life and he doesn’t excel.
The worst part is his laziness is absurd. My parents have to hold his hand through everything, through every class in high school, he quit after 1 year of college, and now he is doing online college but has to pass this hard exam to get licensed he never studies and they’ve done everything for him.
Hiring tutors, spending hours sitting with him, asking him to study every day, and even his partner made him flash cards. He won’t do it on his own and barely participates. They don’t make him pay rent.
Just a current example, but my entire life he isn’t doing what he’s supposed to out of anxiousness or laziness.
It’s just he CAN help himself he just won’t. And don’t think my parents are blindly obliging to his lazy will, this talk has happened a million times with him, but if we overload him with too many complaints (like this very paragraph would trigger him) he thinks “everybody’s out to get me” and he lives in delusion.
You can only throw one conflict at a time with him or he just blows up. He doesn’t know how to cook, and when we all try to teach him he refuses, he has little common sense but thinks he’s got us all figured out.
I’m just so sick and tired of it. I’ve learned how to cook on my own, I’ve had to deal with some of the most terrible things on my own, figure out my grades with little help from them, and fix my car, all of it mostly without my parents because he’s always 10 steps behind.
They’ve even mentioned it before. Finally, the last straw for me was when my mom came into my room and complained about my room not being done. My room is something I struggle with but it’s just a long organization process everything has a place.
My mom says something along the lines of “You know, it sucks having to deal with the other one the least you could do is what you’re supposed to and make my life easier” I told my dad and he didn’t want to get in the middle of it.
I am officially done. I am barely speaking with them, I’m going to do what I do best and just be alone and figure it out since that’s my expectation as an 18-year-old starting class for the first time. They tried to text the group chat about “talking” but if they’re receptive it’ll be temporary, and if it’s confrontational, I don’t even wanna bother.
What should I do?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom said, “You know, it sucks having to deal with the other one the least you could do is what you’re supposed to and make my life easier”? That doesn’t sound like your brother is the favored child.
I have some family members who are like your brother. It’s not so much that they’re favored as much as they’re the ones who need the most help. I think it’s hard for any parent to watch their child struggle. It’s a lose-lose situation. The important thing is to acknowledge the unfairness of it all and to try to make it a little less unfair.
My aunt did that, and her daughter (my cousin) understood. My grandma did not, and her other children, including my dad, resented her. I think you’ve known for a long time that you can’t count on your parents. But you’re only 18. You have no money and few prospects.
Don’t burn that bridge until you’ve gotten all that you can from them, financially. It may feel good to write them off, but I wouldn’t until you’re able to stand on your own. Play nice for the time being and work it to your advantage.
Maybe it sounds cold and calculating, but hey, you seem already pretty emotionally checked out anyway.” Terrible_Situation44
3. AITJ For Refusing To Paint A Decorative Piece For My Sister's Nursery After Her Continued Disrespect Of My Art?
“I (27m) am about to become a dad. My wife Ellie (26f) is pregnant and our son is due in August. Ellie has always been supportive of my art, something my family never was, including my sister Rebecca (32f).
Rebecca is expecting a baby girl in October. Ellie and I had talked about me designing something decorative for our son’s nursery and when we chose the name and talked about wanting his name in the room, I thought up something I could design and paint that would fit nicely.
It took me a few weeks to finish because it’s big and detailed. But we love it. Ellie thinks it’s extra sweet because I made it for our son instead of us buying something.
During our baby shower (we did a co-ed baby shower) we showed off the nursery and the art piece to some friends and family.
Rebecca was among them. She was extremely jealous and asked me why I never offered to make one for her daughter as well. I brought up the fact Rebecca has always been so unsupportive of my art, the fact she always said it was a girly hobby, and always backed our parents and other siblings in disrespecting my interest in drawing and painting.
She told me then she wanted me to make one and asked what she’d need to get for me to do it. I told her I wasn’t going to make it for her. She decided to buy art supplies and ask for it again anyway and I still said no. I refused to take the art supplies.
She left them in my house and I promptly left them back in hers. I told her she was being too pushy about it and should consider how she treats me before asking for something so time-consuming to be done.
She told me I could do it for my niece and accused me of caring more for boys than I do girls, of thinking girls aren’t worth the effort.
She did the biggest reach known to men and threw a lot of claims of sexism my way. But also said some pretty sexist stuff herself, like how if I’m going to do a feminine hobby then at least I can let it benefit my family.
I told her I didn’t want that attitude around my son and I wanted her to stay away from me and my family.
Then her husband contacted me, and we’ve always been cool and he’s less of a jerk than my sister, but he tried to sway me into doing it and asked me not to be petty or unkind like my family has been to me (which made me realize I want none of them around my son).
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Even if you didn’t have the family history, you’re allowed to do something special for your child! And given the time commitment for the project – and that you’ll be a parent soon – it’s incredibly nervy to ask once.
Being so pushy about it is just ridiculous. The family history is very odd, though. Look at any period in history where there were male artists – go back far enough and all known artists were men. Very very odd to mock artistry that way.
My only real advice is just in general, don’t give your sister any reasons for your decisions in the future. She doesn’t respect you and will pick everything apart. The back and forth just makes it worse. It will be tough at first but hold strong!” PhoenixRisingToday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her kid is not your kid. Even if she had been supportive of your art, you would be within your rights to decline to do this favor for her, for whatever reason. The fact that she insulted you over your art is an extremely legitimate reason not to want to do this for her now.
The fact that she acted entitled to your art (not even just asking if you would be willing to do something for her kid, but immediately getting jealous over the fact that you didn’t volunteer to do so!!) is just another nail in a coffin that’s been nailed shut three times over.
It’s also extremely telling that she insulted you for doing something she considered to be “girly,” as if being “girly” is a bad thing… and is now accusing *you* of being sexist. She’s projecting, and it’s not subtle. Add that to her extremely weird, pushy behavior and her husband trying to weasel his way past your stated boundaries, and it’s no wonder you don’t want your kid around these people.
Good on you for not letting the husband sway you and being firm with your boundaries. You did the right thing. It sounds like your son is in good hands.” Key-Rub3238
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m a poet, and I HATE when people say that stuff.
I don’t HAVE to compose any type of art just because you want it, especially if you’ve never been supportive. Ugh. I miss the eras of ring-back tones. I’d make hers “I’m Not Gonna Write You a Love Song”. Every time she called, she’d be constantly reminded that I ain’t doing that stuff, and you can’t make me.” kitjack85
2. AITJ For Refusing To Go On A Family Trip Without My Partner?
“My (21M) partner (22F) and I have been together for three years. My family is well off and we are fortunate enough to go on a scuba diving trip every spring break.
For the last two years, my partner (let’s call her Alexis) has been invited on these trips and she’s been my scuba buddy. However, over the last 6 months, my parent’s relationship with Alexis has slowly deteriorated. This all started in December when my sister (30F) lost her dog and was an emotional mess.
My sister (let’s call her Olivia) would call Alexis selfish and “never wanted to see her again” when she did not receive condolences from her. To be fair Alexis and Olivia did not have a great relationship beforehand and barely knew each other. Additionally, Olivia did not express her condolences either when Alexis’s dog passed just a few months prior.
This situation led to a huge fight between my sister and me but were eventually reconciled. However, there is still immense strain between Alexis and my family even though they sided with Alexis and me.
This summer Alexis and I are both working full-time jobs.
In addition, I’m taking two summer classes that take up to 12 hours a week. So, our schedules just don’t line up very well and we only get to see each other once a week. To add more fuel to the fire my brother (26M) was arrested and charged with some very serious crimes.
This has taken a serious mental toll on my family and I just don’t want to be around the house (he lives there) as much as possible. In consequence, Alexis does not see my parents very often. Now my parents think Alexis doesn’t like them and in turn, have been very passive-aggressive about the situation.
For example, whenever I go out to eat with her I always pay (because she has 60k In student debt and I have none) and my parents always make some snarky comment (“Why didn’t she pay”).
Fast forward to yesterday and my parents told me “We only want to bring you and not Alexis on spring break this year” their reasoning was “Because it’s your last spring break and since we’ve had a hard year we want to spend time with only you”.
Now to me, that’s just nonsense and I think they blame Alexis for all the mental strain my brother’s arrest (and a few other things) has put on my family. I know this isn’t a financial concern. I haven’t told Alexis about this situation yet, but she would feel like my parents hate her as well and that would ruin our relationship.
WIBTJ if I told them I don’t want to go on the spring break trip because you have excluded my partner? I’m not trying to strong-arm them or anything into inviting Alexis I just don’t think it’s fair they put me in this situation.”
Another User Comments:
“Your sister became irate towards your partner, who she did not know well, because she “did not express her condolences” over her sister’s dog dying a few months prior? That seems quite ridiculous unless I’m missing something. “my parents always make some snarky comment (“why didn’t she pay”).” How do they even know who paid?
If they ask, tell them it’s none of their business or just say that she paid to shut them up. NTJ- You’re an adult and are not obliged to go on a family trip, they are not obliged to have her along. You don’t even have to give them a detailed reason why you’re not going.” StonewallBrigade21
Another User Comments:
“First off how do your parents know that you’re paying on dates and not Alexis? Why would your parents blame Alexis for your brother committing a crime? Your mom makes a point about it being your last spring break trip–and maybe the last family trip for a long time depending on how long your brother is in prison.
That said, there’s nothing wrong with your choosing to stay home from the trip– but don’t phrase it like an ultimatum. Instead, say, I was looking forward to spending some time with you guys but also spending time with Alexis as well so I think I’ll need to sit this one out, have a great time.
NTJ but honestly, given the circumstances I’d at least consider just going on the trip.” celticmusebooks
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Very entitled. Your family does not like her. They don’t want her. You’ll regret missing a nice holiday with your family if you pass on this.
Life happens. You never know the future …. how long you’ll have parents. You’ll have many partners, only one family. So go or don’t. But they don’t want her, they don’t want to pay for her and it’s their money. They think she’s using you. ” 11SkiHill
1. AITJ For Skipping My Cousin's Wedding In Support Of My Brother's Cancelled Guests?
“My (35M) brother (32M) has been through a lot this past year. My family doesn’t suffer from medical conditions, but we found out that he had an extremely rare disorder that relates to tumors of the heart. He was super healthy as well so this came as a shock to everyone.
However, after several surgeries and many months of treatment, my brother is completely healthy again and the doctors have given him an excellent prognosis to the point where his lifespan won’t be affected at all.
To put it lightly, our family has been through a lot.
However, my brother is now marrying the love of his life and he is so happy. Our extended family has been supportive of us all during our lives and we always try to travel to celebrate significant milestone events in our lives. In addition, my brother rescheduled his wedding so that our extended family would be able to make it (which also cost him a decent amount of money).
The majority of our family promised that they would make it and that the new date worked better for them.
Now it’s a few months out to my brother’s wedding, and the majority of our family has suddenly canceled saying that it is now inconvenient.
They knew of this wedding almost a year in advance yet now they are canceling even after my brother moved the date. Understandably, my brother is upset because almost none of his guests from our family are coming.
Because I am so disgusted over what they have done, I have canceled my flight to my cousin’s (37F) wedding and have made my intentions clear that I am not RSVPing.
For clarification too, I didn’t accept and then decline; I just declined. My brother was on his death bed and we had no idea if he would even survive. I feel this wedding isn’t just a celebration of him and his new wife – it is a celebration that he is here with us living his life just as he was before he spent weeks in the ICU.
I feel like what I am doing is petty and there is a part of me that feels like I am the jerk. But my brother has gone through so much, and I feel like if my extended family cared, they would make the necessary reservations to go to his wedding – just like they do with the rest of the members of our family.
Some friends think I am petty for canceling, but I feel I am doing this in support of my brother who deserves love and respect for what he has gone through and the life he will now live tumor-free. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – First, my heartfelt congratulations to your brother for winning the war he fought for his life.
I’m also a cancer survivor, and my stepdad is currently battling stage 4 cancer as well, so I’m looking at this situation through that lens. Hands down, I’d have done the same thing. If the wedding that he scheduled for THEIR convenience (which makes this situation even more disgusting BTW) isn’t important, then neither is theirs.
In the words of the amazing Charlotte Dobre, I say to you: Stay Petty.” CelticSkye
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If they are making an effort to go to everyone else’s wedding except your brother’s even after he survived potential heart cancer, that’s pretty odd to me.
As another poster said, buy her a nice gift or something like that, but I would be pretty angry if none of my own family who said they would be there was there to support my brother. I would be wanting to go to be blessed that he survived something so life-threatening.” protogenic_
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here: you are linking together events — your brother’s wedding and your cousin’s wedding — that are (or that should be) unrelated to each other. I fail to see how your failure to go to one is supportive of your brother; if anything, it is another negative event that you and members of your family are foisting on each other.
Your family is being petty in “suddenly” canceling plans to support your brother on his wedding day. There has to be more to their reason(s) for not going than that, suddenly, it became inconvenient for them to go. My congratulations to this dysfunctional family that has, somehow, managed to take what is supposed to be one of life’s most joyous events (only the birth of children would be more joyous than the weddings of loved family members) and turned it into a feud worthy of the Hatfields and the McCoys.” Individual_Ad_9213
