People Are Scared They Might Be In The Wrong In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
25. AITJ For Wanting To Hire A Babysitter For My Nephew So I Can Go Out?
“My sister has a beautiful 8-month-old son and shortly after he was born she left her baby’s father and moved across the country to come live with me. I’m happy that she’s here and she’s welcome for as long as she needs to be, no strings attached. I work from home and she doesn’t so my mother and I take care of the baby during the day, which again I do not mind as I love that child more than anything on Earth.
My partner’s birthday is the weekend after next and we were intending to go out to eat on Saturday but the restaurant that we wanted only had reservations that worked for us on Friday, the problem with that is that she works Fridays and my mother is having surgery that Wednesday and won’t be in any position to watch a baby, so there won’t be anyone to watch my nephew.
I said that we should get a babysitter for that night, that way my sister can come meet us after work. My sister is extremely offended by the idea that I would want a stranger to watch my nephew instead of changing our plans, but I told her that we will pay for a real nanny with a background check and make sure that everything is fine.
She is yelling at me and telling me that I’m only interested in being an uncle when it’s convenient, that eating French food and hanging out in Chicago like I’m still 22 is more important to me than her child and this really breaks my heart.
I don’t want to be a bad uncle or a bad brother and on several occasions I’ve stayed in on weekends so that she could go on dates or out with her friends from high school because I believe that a woman’s life shouldn’t end when she becomes a mother and that she’s entitled to have fun.
All I want is one night with my partner at a restaurant that both of us have wanted to go to for like 2 years. Am I being a jerk and selfish? Should I make other plans?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And w*f? Why are you paying for a nanny and why is she saying YOU are leaving the baby with a stranger.
He’s your nephew not your son. She chose to have a child and to move away from the child’s father (whatever the reason). It’s her responsibility to pay for the nanny and SHE is the one leaving him with a stranger. She has come to live with you and is making these demands???
Seriously, what a leach.” PutTheKettleOn20
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your sister is a major jerk. Being a single parent doesn’t entitle you to free babysitting from family whenever you want. Offering to pay for her sitter is above & beyond & more than she deserves. Honestly, at this point you can’t afford to cancel your plans to babysit bc it’ll teach your sister that all she needs to do is throw a fit & call you names & you’ll give her whatever she wants.” Significant_Rub_4589
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re doing her a huge favor by taking her in. She cannot expect you to prioritize her child over your personal life, especially when you have special plans to celebrate with your partner. That’s not fair to you or to your partner.
Your sister is being very rude and entitled. Do not her guilt and manipulate you into changing your plans. You are helping her out so much already, but ultimately her child is HER responsibility. This is the perfect opportunity for her to meet qualified babysitters for her baby for those times when you and your mom are busy with your lives.
Sounds like you need to set some boundaries with your sister moving forward.” glimmerseeker
24. AITJ For Wanting To Travel Alone Or With My Best Friend Instead Of My Partner?
“Me (36M) and my partner (30F) have been together for 2.5 years. We both love to travel. When we first met I had been to quite a few places around the world, owing to the fact that I have been in my job for around 17 years, and travel has been my primary reward for working FT over most of this time.
My partner had only been overseas twice, as she only had her first FT job about a year into our relationship. Knowing that we both wanted to travel more became a motivation and last year we both went to NZ for around two weeks, which was fantastic.
When we started the relationship I had initially planned a 3 month trip with my best friend of 16 years (38M), who is also my housemate. This was planned in early 2020, long before I was in a relationship. My partner didn’t like that idea at all, so it was eventually scrapped.
Lately (past six months or so) the urge for travel has become stronger and stronger, mixed with some homesickness – I live on the other side of the world and haven’t been “home” in almost seven years now. Unfortunately my partner was made redundant around 2 months ago which meant she has no holidays at all.
By comparison, I have around 11 weeks as certain circumstances stopped my usual routine of saving up holidays and then going for longer trips as I figure to maximize my time off.
Recently I’ve made the comment that I would be okay going either with the friend – he’s in a similar situation with his holiday balance and he also needs a break as he works FT – or solo.
I put forward a compromise where I would limit it to 3-4 weeks as I don’t want to have the time paid out and staycations seem like a waste (to both of us, my partner agrees), and also planning bigger longer trips with her once her holiday balance is up again.
She doesn’t want me going without her at all. She says she would be jealous of me and there would be some resentment over me going somewhere when she can’t.
WIBTJ for travelling alone or with best friend instead of my partner?”
Another User Comments:
“I think you should go, you are compromising, but nothing you suggest will please her. So make the trip you want to make, and if she already knows she’s gonna resent you for that, you might as well break up before you go and travel single.
NTJ” AppeltjeEitje1079
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve been married for a while. I would have no problem if my spouse had a chance to take this trip. I would be jealous but I wouldn’t let that stop anyone else. She can’t go, you can and need the break.
You canceled a previously planned trip. I don’t think you needed to even do that.” justcelia13
23. AITJ For Not Telling My Mother About My Father's Affair?
“I’m a 36-year-old woman, married to an amazing and beautiful man. I’m successful and happy.
However, my life wasn’t always so great. While growing up, I never had a close relationship with my parents and siblings (2 older brothers, 1 younger sister).
They did things together that I wasn’t interested in. And my parents never had any time for me. By the time I was a teen, I just realized that I wasn’t important to them and made peace with it.
After I moved out, it was almost as if family didn’t even exist. I went years without talking to my siblings and only spoke to my parents once or twice a year.
Fast forward to about 8 months ago, I found out that my father was being unfaithful to my mother with my former friend. My husband and I were on vacation and coincidentally, my father and his companion were staying at the same hotel as we were.
We saw them come out of a room together, arms around each other.
My father turned pale, but I didn’t say a word to him. My husband and I just went to stay at a different hotel because I didn’t want our vacation ruined.
About a week after we came home, my father showed up at our house.
He had been calling me all week, but I ignored his calls. He begged me not to tell his wife. I told him I wouldn’t because I simply don’t care.
Cut to two weeks ago, the companion contacted my eldest brother and told him everything.
Apparently, my father had dumped her and she wanted to get back at him. She also told him that I knew.
Of course, my mother found out and called me. She screamed at me about “betraying” her. I just told her that since I was never a part of her perfect family, the state of her marriage was none of my business.
Then I blocked her.
My husband supports my decision to not get involved, but feels that I may have been a little too harsh.
I’d like to know what the community thinks. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Even if you had cared about your mother and the state of her marriage, to tell or not to tell about your dad being unfaithful would have been a *very* hard decision to make.
It’s completely understandable that you wouldn’t have said anything. You don’t owe your mom an update on what you know. You tried to stay out of the mess. That she contacted you and jumped down your throat-well, she got what she got.
NTJ” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your decision to tell her or not is entirely yours to make. No one else gets a say in it or guilt you into doing it one way or the other. Whatever you wish to do with your comfort in mind, is the right thing to do.
As for your mother, you don’t owe her an explanation really. Even if you had the best of relationships with your family, this situation would be a very difficult one to handle and you could easily decide to not say anything still. Tell your mother her frustrations and anger are misplaced. You should not be held accountable for the actions of your father.” VioletLily2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Were they even there when you got married? If they had involvement in your life why should you be involved with theirs? Sounds like dad is a jerk, mom is clueless and a jerk and the ex-friend is definitely a jerk.
You? You’re good, NTJ.” Cute_Kitten9434
22. AITJ For Not Taking The Day Off To Watch My Stepson?
“My spouse “Stu” shares custody of his 10 yo “Bob” with his ex and we have him every weekend and split up school breaks. Usually during school breaks I watch him because I work from home most of the time.
I do have to work in person sometimes though. Stu’s ex often just announces that we’re going to have the kid during the week if she has something going on and while this annoys my partner he always accepts it and I think this is reasonable because it’s his kid too- would be nice if ex communicated more in advance.
Ex moved 45 mins away and Bob’s school is by her, so anytime he is here during a non break school week, he just doesn’t go to school because Stu and his ex think it’s too much time in the car. Okay, that’s their decision.
(It’s not very frequent- maybe once a month or every other).
That brings us to my question. Last week ex told Stu Bob would be staying with us Monday, Stu told me, I said “I’ll be working “ and that was the end of it until yesterday when I mentioned in the course of conversation that I had to do an in person meeting Monday.
Stu immediately said “you didn’t mention that before! When did you find that out? Why does it have to be in person? Why can’t you do it Friday ?” I was taken aback and said “you remember I’m not off Monday right ?” He said yes but thought I’d be working from home.
Apparently he was planning on doing a bit of work himself and just assumed I’d be here. I do usually tell him when I’m going to the office but generally the day of and just so he knows, not because I’m coordinating with him.
I never said I could watch Bob, I never said I was working from home all day, and I don’t know why Bob can’t just go to school if all of the adults have to work or be somewhere. So am I the jerk?
Stu feels I would respond differently if it were my bio kid (I would, I would take him to school!), thereby making me a jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your husband is weaponizing his ex’s poor communication *against you* – and adding more on top of it.
Additionally, it’s concerning that Bob is missing school during the week simply because it’s inconvenient for the adults to transport him. What’s up with that?” MyCouchPulzOut_IDont
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he made an assumption that you would be available. Even if you hadn’t told him you had to be at work in person, the assumption is still crummy.
End of the day this is his kid, and he needs to be responsible for sorting out care.” Unique_Cauliflower62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. At the end of the day, while it’s nice to help, the kid has two parents who are responsible for him and also have the very reasonable solution of just taking the kid to school for goodness sake.
It’s also not like you purposefully are going to the office to skip out on helping, it sounds like you already help a fair bit. Probably not something you want to be in the middle of, but it sounds like Stu needs to address Bob’s mother dropping him off willy nilly or get an official court-ordered parenting plan, or if there is one, re-clarify it…” Ehrlichs-Reagent
21. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Mom Use My Credit To Escape Her Abusive Husband?
“My mom married a horrible abusive narcissist that is going through a mental health crisis. I’ve told her for years that she should get herself together because his behavior is only getting worse and all she’s done is blown me off. It’s gotten to the point now that I feel as though she’s trying to manipulate me down a life path I do not want, putting the entire responsibility of getting her away from her husband onto me.
Years ago, prior to my autism diagnosis, she sent me to Job Corps where I had the worst time being taken advantage of by staff and students. I had to lie about my mental health to escape to which she blamed me for not seeing it through.
Now she wants to force me into a program similar to Job Corps, where I’d be learning a trade and being paid for it. She says if my credit stays above 620 and I have some form of income we can get a loan and she’ll be able to leave her husband.
My thing is, I don’t trust her. The last time she used my credit, she put me in debt of $1k. I don’t want to be forced to learn a trade, forced into a career for the rest of my life that I hate just to save her and make her happy and keep myself protected from possible debt.
I want to live my life for me and start a career that I enjoy. Yes, I do want to get away from her husband too, but I don’t want to be used. She has never truly been a mother to me anyways and I fail to see how it’s my job to be her savior for something she chose to do even after numerous people- even her own parents warned her about him.
Not to mention I spent at least 6 months researching different types of loans and housing options, even making a 15 page powerpoint begging her to listen to me and choose one of the other options that doesn’t leave me being her slave.
WIBTJ to refuse to do this for her?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People go no-contact for a good reason — this would be one of them. You CANNOT let your mental health deteriorate because then you’ll be in a crisis of your own. Your life has barely started and you need your credit for when you take out a loan FOR YOURSELF!
Most employers check credit scores of prospective employees and a bad score can not only hurt your chances of getting a job but also finding a partner who would not want to get stuck with you and take on your financial burdens” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom is trying to run a con job to enrich herself to your detriment. Don’t fall for it! She’s shown who she is. Believe her. As far as finances go, treat her as an untrustworthy stranger. Protect yourself. Assuming U.S.A.: Think of placing a credit freeze with the three credit reporting agencies.
This would prevent her from going behind your back and trying to use your credit because she knows your SSN.” extinct_diplodocus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d say past experience is wisely telling you not to trust her. And even if she were trustworthy, she’s not your responsibility to “save” when she’s a grown-up adult.
You don’t say how old you are, but you need to get away as soon as you financially can. Live your life for yourself. Don’t let her control your money. Check your credit report (it’s free to do it once a year, more often if you suspect someone is stealing your identity – which she may already have done).
Keep it locked/frozen, change passwords, everything. Get yourself out.” ParsimoniousSalad
20. AITJ For Not Wanting My Dairy-Allergic Daughter To Stay With My In-Laws After They Fed Her Dairy?
“My daughter (5F) has been allergic to dairy products since birth. We had a couple of big scares and used an Epipen.
She was staying for a few days with my in-laws (61F and 61M).
I have a difficult history with my father-in-law. There has always been tension between us because he thinks the child should adapt to the adult’s needs and not the other way around. For example, if the lunch will begin at 1pm, young children should not be fed even if they are hungry at 11am.
They must eat with everybody.
Yesterday my husband received a picture of her eating a croissant (we are French and this is cliché I know). Then she had Nutella. And then a quiche! They never asked us if they could try to give her milk.
They live on a farm and they lost the epipen. It is very unlikely that something bad would happen but you never know and emergency services would take at least 15 minutes to arrive.
She was coughing a lot when I talked to her on the phone and I suspect she has a big reflux.
My husband is picking her up today because I urged him to. Like the time they did not put diaper cream and the area was red raw!
I can’t stand the fact that they have constantly disrespected me regarding the way I’m raising my children.
At Christmas 6 years ago when I (34F) announced that I was pregnant for my daughter he said in front of everyone that his son (34M) will be a great parent, then added “I said my son, not my daughter-in-law”. Since I was taking care of preschool for my oldest (now 9M) organizing birthdays, taking and picking my other son (now 7M) to day care, doing most of the activities with them, taking care of them when they were sick etc. I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (fatigue, pain etc) and it’s hard for me to vacuum, to spend hours cleaning the house.
My husband helps me for that.
Now I don’t want our daughter to stay with them since I’m sure she is going to be ok. The trust is broken.
AITJ for going against my husband’s will for that?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You are your child’s first line of defense.
She is too little to advocate for herself. You KNOW that your in-laws do not take her allergy seriously, and are likely to actively give her allergens just to prove you wrong. Their care and concern for your daughter come second to their belief in their own infallibility.
There is no way I would be allowing people like that unsupervised access to my daughter, no matter what my husband said. The stakes are too high.” FourSeasons_allday
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They are so, so, so not okay. No unsupervised visits with any of your kids for the foreseeable future is the bare minimum here.
They literally *endangered her life* by losing her Epipen and then giving her something she’s allergic to! They are her grandparents, so they should be trusted to take basic care of her. They failed that one pretty badly. If your husband doesn’t see that, you now also have a husband problem.” MoonlitStones
Another User Comments:
“Of course NTJ “Now I don’t want our daughter to stay with them since I’m sure she is going to be ok.” No way should you. Allergies aren’t to be messed with. Especially if they can’t even keep the pen safe. “He thinks the baby/child should adapt to the adult needs and not the other way around.” That’s just militant ignorance.
Don’t trust him around your kid unsupervised until he demonstrates he can do better. Which I understand may be never but play stupid games = winning stupid prizes. Edit: spelling” Apart-Ad-6518
19. AITJ For Calling Out My Best Friend's Toxic Behavior In Front Of Our Friends?
“I (16F) have a friend I’ll call her Madeline (16F). Madeline and I have been best friends for 3 years and just recently she has been belittling me in front of our friends saying stuff like “pull your shorts up you have no bum” and “ew your acne makes you look gross” and just overall speaking horribly about me which has really made me self-conscious.
After that, I distanced myself away from her until we saw each other at a party and she tried to pressure me into taking a substance with her which I refused multiple times. She then got mad and started screaming at me in front of everyone basically saying “why did you come here if you’re going to be a loser and not participate?
Might as well go home” I obviously was embarrassed so I went home and completely avoided her as much as I could.
It was like 2 months I had been avoiding her for and she kept making comments towards me in front of everyone on the days she actually was at school (which was like 2-3 times a week) which I don’t understand why she would say stuff towards me considering I have been by her side through everything she has been through.
One day at school it was lunch time I was already having a horrible day because of her and she was criticizing what I wear outside of school very loudly and so I stood up and said to her “you are the worst friend I have ever known, a real friend wouldn’t be treating me like you are, you barely ever come to school you have these big dreams but you won’t achieve them if you are out all night every night with men 7 years older than you, participating and drinking your life away.
You got angry at me because I wouldn’t participate with you yet you should have understood why I didn’t want to not only because of my past trauma but also yours, forget you and forget this whole table I would have thought someone here would have stood up for me.” and then I left.
So, AITJ? Because now the whole group hates me for what I said but I believe I had a valid reason to voice my opinion.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ that group is just using you as the “token loser” they can pick on to make themselves feel better.
Make new friends outside of your school, that girl is not your best friend. I know it may be tough, but you are obviously more mature than they are and it must be exhaustive to dumb down to be part of that group anyway. Start volunteering in areas you are interested in and make new friends with more like-minded people.
Your personal style is your style, if others criticize it is usually because they are too scared to express themselves.” vegan24
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your friend is throwing her life away gradually, step by step. It’s not easy to make new friends in high school but if you have another group of friends, you should hang out with them more, the people you’re hanging out with sound like they don’t have anything in common with you.
They want to drink, look pretty and focus on boys, stick to your path, many people would have just participated to be cool. You’ll be in Uni soon and trust me there will be so many new people around, that you won’t even remember her.” GetDownDamien
Another User Comments:
“NTJ this was very enlightening to me though. I’m 19nb and I’m kinda like you, most of my friends have problems and do some sort of activity (most drink) but I’m the only one who doesn’t participate. I say this enlightened me because I didn’t even know peer pressure like this was even real. For me I’d say “oh I’ve never done that” my friend, who’d be let’s say smoking or something, would go “do you want to try?” I’d say “no” and then we move on from the topic.
These are friends because they’re not there to push my boundaries and make me do things I don’t want to do. Your friends aren’t friends and if they cared about you in any capacity they wouldn’t push you towards the bad life decisions they’re making” Idiotic_oliver
18. AITJ For Kicking Out My Dad After He Criticized My Equal Housework Arrangement?
“My father is a typical guy for his age group. Never lifted a finger to do housework. I can’t remember him doing housework once in my childhood memory. My mom and him both worked and she would do all the housework and childcare. My brother and I were raised by my mom and my dad would hang out with us for 1-2h on weekends before disappearing to his man cave to watch TV.
She complained to him a lot about it when I was younger and he didn’t take it seriously until she filed for divorce the second we were off to college. To this day he claims she gave him no warning and divorced him out of nowhere.
As an adult I made sure who I was seeing knows how to do housework and splits it with me. We have a to-do board where we list chores and who will do them and time it will take. That way we don’t do the same things and no one does too much.
My father came over to visit from another state as part of work and was supposed to stay off. He was looking at the board and asked what it was and when I told him said “you realize it’s not long to last right?” I was like what?
And he said it’s just natural that women want to do all the housework and take care of people and if I keep pushing it my partner will leave me. I was like what the heck and told him the reason mom left was because he thought that way.
He got defensive and said “well I make the money so she does the housework”. I pointed out she worked as well and he said “well she chose to work, it’s her own fault”. I was really upset at that point and told him to leave.
He was supposed to stay over but I said he needs to find a place to stay but he wasn’t coming back. He left and I’m upset he was so disrespectful. He texted later “apologizing” I got offended by his comments but they were harmless and for my best interest.”
Another User Comments:
“His comments weren’t harmless. They are a terrible example of the misogyny that held our country back socially (and economically) for far too long. The idea that your mother is at fault for stepping out of her “assigned role” is nothing short of whack, and that the future he envisions for his daughter is becoming her partner’s maidservant is absolutely appalling.
Your dad is alone because he tried to shoehorn your mother into a role so “natural” that she dissolved her marriage just to escape it. It should have given him a clue, but I’m not surprised it didn’t. Maybe it’ll take everyone in his family severing ties before he figures out that bigotry isn’t in anyone’s “best interest”.
NTJ.” aemondstareye
Another User Comments:
“My cousin by marriage (and his dad and grandpa) came to visit for a week about six years ago. My partner does the cooking because he enjoys it and is really good at it. They asked my partner why he was with a lazy jerk of a partner who can’t even cook him dinner after a long day at work.
Partner worked around 60 hrs/week, I worked 80-90 hrs/week. He kicked them all out and I haven’t spoken to any of them since. NTJ. No one gets to decide what’s good or bad for your relationship, except you and your partner.” SocksAndPi
17. AITJ For Not Taking Time Off For My Partner's Birthday Celebrations?
“Been seeing my partner for about 7 years.
Every year when she has her birthday it is a weekly event, meaning that she plans something like going to Disneyworld, going to a music festival, etc. The past few years she will buy a ticket to an EDM festival or something similar and tell me to ask for 3-4 days off to celebrate her birthday.
Usually this wouldn’t be an issue except I am a bartender and work weekends and there are few if any people to cover my shift because 9 times out of 10 she will pick a weekend to celebrate her birthday. Example for this year her birthday is May 8, but she wants me to take of May 2,3,4,5 for SOLFEST in Vortex Springs, FL.
The last few years she does this where she will buy a ticket to the festival and then tell me “You need to take off days x,y,z for my birthday”. Then I usually tell her either A “I can’t go to said event because I won’t have anybody to cover my shift” B” I’m not interested in this festival and It will make me uncomfortable to be there” or C “I don’t have anyone to cover my shift, and I’m not interested”.
Then she proceeds to get mad at me because she already bought the ticket in advance and now has to scramble to sell the ticket. AITJ for not being able to take the days off or not wanting to go?
Every time around her birthday I feel like I’m obligated to do these things and they just don’t work.
I dread her birthday time because this is what always happens. I tell her ahead of time that I’m not interested or can’t get anyone to cover my shifts but she buys the tickets anyway and then uses it as a point of contention saying “You never want to do anything for my birthday” or “You’re a selfish piece of junk”.
She bartends too so when I said “May 8 is your birthday not 2,3,4,5 (the days of SOLFEST)” she says “Yeah but those are the days I took off for my birthday and I work all the other days”.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, her for consistently buying these tickets without asking you, and you for not caring about or planning ahead for the birthday of your partner of 7 years.
When you say “not interested” you realise it’s just telling her you don’t care enough to do something she likes for her birthday right? I’m not saying it has to be a 4-day trip, but why not schedule some time off months ahead, and plan a weekend away for her birthday?
You’re taking no initiative, showing no indication you care about her bday, and then rejecting her requests to celebrate her bday in the way she wants. Why exactly have you been with her for 7 years?” Superherowho
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she shouldn’t unilaterally decide that every year you *must* take her birthdays off and buy tickets for things for the two of you without asking.
Especially for things you don’t even like. She should just call EDM festival only *her* thing and plan to go with other people. That being said, you should cave for the other events here and there. It’s a relationship and that involves some compromise.
You need to sit down with her and draw up boundaries.” bentscissors
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. She expects a multi-day celebration for her birthday? Geez, I can only imagine what she will expect for her wedding. A month? Two months? A year? And that’s not even addressing her failure/refusal to *ask* if you can join her in these plans, rather than make the plans then demand you arrange your work schedule around them.” Dittoheadforever
16. AITJ For Consulting A Professional After Getting Renovation Advice From My Friend?
“I am a 31f who just bought a new home and is renovating it. I know absolutely nothing about houses, and how to create a kitchen project. I’m also on a strict budget so I asked a friend (31F) to help me.
She went through the same thing years ago and has also helped her friend with his own kitchen/home renovation.
We did a simulation on the IKEA planner and I was pretty happy with the result. She helped me a lot by taking measurements and everything so I’m very grateful for her help.
The next day I called the contractor who will renovate the kitchen and he gave me a few pointers and we changed a few things. I then went to the IKEA store to modify my project and to ask a few questions since I had a big doubt about the position of some of the furniture.
I told my friend all this and she took offense saying I only went to these people because they are so-called experts and I don’t trust her. She said that after 5 minutes with the contractor, I changed my mind and that he convinced me only because I consider him an expert.
In reality it wasn’t 5 minutes but I spent an hour with him taking measurements again and discussing the new kitchen. He made me realize something I hadn’t noticed.
In the end, I stuck with my original idea because I liked it but I perfected it thanks to the contractor’s advice.
I only modified a small detail of our original project, I’d say maybe 5%. But she is mad at me for going to other people for advice. It’s my first home and I wanted to make sure I had everything right. I know nothing about these things and I’m afraid of choosing wrong so I asked some professionals for their opinion, while also letting my friend help me.
I told her this and also told her I’m grateful for her help, but that maybe she is overreacting a bit. She is still angry and not talking to me. Was I a jerk? Should I have handled the situation differently?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is perfectly reasonable to ask multiple people for advice. As you said, it is a great way to refine your plans. What would be silly is to imagine that the first person you talked to magically thinks of everything. In reality, nobody thinks of everything.
Here’s an analogy. When you are considering surgery, the advice is that you should always get a second opinion. Even though doctors are trained professionals with a degree, you should still get a second opinion. So why shouldn’t you get a second opinion after talking to a friend whose main qualification is that she has gone through the same thing once or twice.
Your friend, on the other hand, seems really insecure to imagine that she’s so perfect that you should never get input from anyone else.” SushiGuacDNA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is YOUR home. Were you supposed to ONLY do what she suggested so she wouldn’t feel slighted, instead of doing what was right for you and your space?
Your friend is being petty and ridiculous. Her not talking to you is childish. As long as you‘re happy with the outcome, that’s all that matters. Again – your space, your home. You’re the one living in it.” glimmerseeker
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A friend who experienced one thing years ago does not equal a professional who’s been doing his job for years. A professional can give you plenty of advice such as the one you consulted and now your kitchen is the better for it.” DestronCommander
15. AITJ For Prioritizing My Sleep Over Sharing A Bed With My Wife And Kids?
“My wife and I have two kids (4M, 1F) and sleep can be pretty hard to come by in general with two young kids.
But it’s a bit harder for me because I have bipolar disorder and insomnia that’s connected to my mood – if I don’t sleep, I tend to have a major mood shift. Also, I have arthritis so have pretty achy joints and feel pretty run down a lot.
I’ve basically been sleeping in the guest room for the last 9 months. At first it was because my wife wanted to co-sleep with our baby and I didn’t feel comfortable sharing a bed with them because I take meds to help my insomnia that makes me a deep sleeper and I was afraid it wouldn’t be safe for all of us.
Our daughter’s been out of our bed for a few months now but as soon as she left, our 4-year-old started sleeping in there. And even though it’s not about safety with him in there, with my insomnia and difficulties falling asleep, unless I am relaxed in the environment it is so hard to sleep and it’s hard to relax with a starfished out 4-year-old.
So I just have essentially moved to the guest room to sleep otherwise I feel that I won’t be able to sleep and that can trigger a mood episode or make my joints feel crummy. My wife says I’m being a big baby and am using this an excuse not to be near her and I need to******* up.
She also said that she has no problem with our son sleeping in our bed even though I’ve explained that means I can’t sleep in there. In her defense, she now only lets him sleep in there a couple of nights a week but it’s super hard to bounce back and forth for me.
I feel bad making it an ultimatum of “me or our kid” but ultimately, I feel like my sleep is too important to miss out on and it sucks for our relationship and intimacy for me to be in another room, but I feel like an achy and irritable dad is even worse.
AITJ for not sleeping in there?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband has always been firm that the kids don’t sleep in our bed period. Guess his sister slept with her parents for many many years. Anyway, your wife needs to stop over-prioritizing the kids.
Health issues aside, a well-rested partner makes for a better spouse and parent.” H2OBond007
14. AITJ For Putting A Lien On My Brother's House After He Didn't Pay For Renovations?
“I do house renovations as a business. Even when I do work for family and friends at a discount I have a contract.
My nephews are getting bigger and they want separate rooms. My brother asked me to help him finish his basement, make a couple of rooms down there, add a washroom, add a kitchenette, and wire up a family room.
I priced it out and said I would charge him $32,000 including materials. This was a sizable discount. The bathroom alone I would charge anyone else 15,000. His wasn’t even roughed in.
He never paid me. He always had excuses. I paid for the material and I paid my guys for the work.
We did it when I had downtime so I didn’t lose out on other money but it still sucked to get shafted.
So I put a construction lien on the house. He didn’t care and I wasn’t going to make him homeless.
That was two years ago.
Now he got a new job and has to move. And to get a new house he has to sell his current house. Which he can’t do because there is a lien against the property.
He called me to get me to remove it. He promised he would pay me as soon as it sold.
I told him “screw you, pay me”.
My parents called me to tell me that they would pay what he owes. I said I would agree so long as he paid them back and if he didn’t then any money he didn’t pay back had to come out of any inheritance we were getting, god forbid.
And that interest started accruing from the day of the “loan”. They agreed that that was fair.
My brother called me to scream at me for involving my parents and out inheritance. I reminded him that he involved them not me.
He finally took money out from a line of credit and paid me.
With interest. I’m a reasonable man.
The house sold over asking and the finished basement suite made a huge difference on what he got.
He is still upset at me for doing it but I did everything legal and by the books.”
Another User Comments:
“I think your parents just don’t like seeing anyone upset but I could be wrong. I get the sense your brother is used to getting things his way. I bet he told his wife you were doing this for free and when it came out that he’d lied he seemed like a fool.
NTJ” Big_Research_8639
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did a huge job for him and he didn’t pay you. His promises to pay meant nothing. He didn’t care that you laid out your own money and labor for his benefit. You learned a lot about your brother after this event.
Now you know he’s dishonest and won’t pay back debts. You were correct morally and legally to put that lien on his house. Too bad he’s angry, he actually has nothing to be angry about. You had to force him to pay you, otherwise you’d still be out $32k!” noccie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – man, you handled this brilliantly… awesome job, no notes. Mechanics lien was the perfect avenue to basically mark the debt as owed. Seriously, this was a flawless victory. I know you mentioned your parents are angry (I’m indifferent to his wife/in-laws)… but they’ll get over it.
It would have been easier for them had you been a pushover… you got blamed for creating an issue, which is exactly where bullies thrive… Now it’s on you to reconcile because you “created” the issue… your parents will figure it out eventually (maybe) but they will at least get over it.
Sadly, the lesson is don’t do business with family… which sucks. What your brother did was a jerk move and basically hoses any future family member who would have happily paid you for your work.” TacosAreJustice
13. AITJ For Threatening To Skip Family Christmas To Get My Parents' Attention?
“We have Christmas May 12th (family tradition, it’s a whole thing.) I’m planning to not attend unless my parents say they’ll pay attention to just me for something – a gift, a dinner, anything.
My parents really like things happening exactly how they imagined them. If I’m not there, they’ll be upset. That’s what I’m going for, I guess, because there’s nothing else I can reasonably use except whining to get them to listen to me – I’m not going to threaten to not fix the shed or anything just because of this.
Every single year, my siblings get very personal, loving gifts that took time and effort and affection. I’ve pleaded for years for them to get me anything similar. Not even anything on the scale they give my siblings, just like a $10 bracelet off Etsy with our last initial or something.
Every time I do something, our parents are very careful to praise my siblings along with me. They’re very devoted to the idea of making sure Autumn (15) and Myrrh (12) never feel insecure in our family, which is sweet, but they’re not worried at all that I might be.
Every reward I get, they get too. It doesn’t work in reverse. My birthday is a celebration of all of us. Their birthdays are just about them to the point I was (politely) told not to tell anyone I got a hundred on my Greek exam because the full focus should be on Autumn.
Neither of these are really bad options, it’s just a pretty sharp double standard and it sucks.
The other thing is, only one of my siblings is actually legally adopted. Myrrh is still in foster care. It’s incredibly unlikely her parents will ever get her returned (only known parent is in jail until 2027, and she has explicitly said she doesn’t want to go back) but there’s always a chance, and there’s definitely a chance she could get moved to another home.
She shouldn’t suffer just because our parents are heavy-handed and I’m immature.
I think I could be the jerk because I want to intentionally upset my parents and risk ruining Christmas, and specifically one of a possibly limited number of childhood family Christmases for Myrrh.
In a bid for attention.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your parents need a wake-up call. Are there any adults besides your parents you can discuss this with? I understand your adopted siblings have difficult circumstances, but that is never an excuse to deprioritize another child.” TransitionLow7164
Another User Comments:
“NTJ When my second kid was born we got lots of advice to do things like have one parent take one kid out while the other parent stayed with the other one. We quickly figured out that what toddlers actually want is to have some time with BOTH parents all by themselves.
We have continued this over the years. Once or twice a year we will find an opportunity for both of us to do something special with each kid on their one. They get all of our attention. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. Sometimes it’s a quick supper out while the other kid is at an activity or a friend’s house.
But it seems to make a big difference. I wouldn’t tie your request to Christmas. That’s kind of going nuclear. But I would try to sit down with them and say that you just want a bit of their attention all to yourself and maybe have a plan.” Kessed
Another User Comments:
“NTJ though maybe sit them down or talk to another person in your family besides them about this. As someone who is part of a family of 3 kids who are all adopted I can understand how hard it is when parents focus solely on one kid or in your case two others.
Making certain things all about them but not allowing you to have those same things. Maybe it’s time to tell your parents or another family member about things and explain in detail how you are feeling.” Moomoomoopie
12. AITJ For Having A Bigger Reaction To A Stranger's Thoughtful Gift Than My Husband's?
“I 30F just had a birthday, my husband got me 30 gifts to mark the event. Nothing big, just different little items. None of the items were anything I’d buy myself in particular.
My husband has the habit of buying things he likes or finds cool but not really thinking of the other person. For example: one of the items was a nice set of colored pencils, I have a specific art style and only draw with black pens.
Or a nice vase that is very specifically his style.
However, I was still extremely grateful and made sure he knew this.
My sisters own a bar, so I go there and am around quite often. They have a regular who comes to the bar maybe 2 times a week for the last 2 years so I see him pretty frequently.
I’d never seen him outside of the bar. We have a joke about how aliens are probably watching all of us and every once in a while throw crazy things at us just to see how it plays out.
Anyways the other day we went in to have drinks for my birthday, the regular came and told me happy birthday and handed my a small pouch.
In the pouch was 100 dollars and a small silver alien holding a diamond. Also a note that said, “I’m hoping the aliens give you everything you deserve.”
I started crying, it was just so thoughtful especially since I wasn’t expecting anything. I thanked him and gave a hug, he went about his way.
My husband was acting strangely the rest of the night. When we got home I asked what was wrong and he told me that he was upset about the way I reacted to the gift. He said I didn’t act that way about his gift that he worked really hard on.
He said that it was inappropriate for the regular to give me a gift. He said I was a jerk for reacting that way, especially in front of him. But it was just a natural reaction. He doesn’t want me to keep the gift.
I feel really badly but I want to keep the gift. So AITJ?
Not a real diamond and he gives $100 to all the staff on their birthday.
I just want to thank everyone for the responses, it gave me a lot to think on. I will say this a man twice my age, I’m 99% sure he likes men and in no way it remotely flirtatious in my opinion.
Also this was not a ring or piece of jewelry it’s just something you put on a desk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ: your husband sucking at gift giving is the real issue. I’m not the greatest at gifts, but even when I fail, it’s in a way like Claire from Modern Family.
What your husband does seems passively jerk. He doesn’t take the time or effort to get you anything personal that YOU like. So if he’s jealous, a little self reflection would do him lots of good. Turning this around on your birthday and trying to make you feel bad for being genuinely happy over a thoughtful gift is manipulative AF.
Does your husband even like you? Just saying…” AMMHavey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your husband sounds petulant and exhausting. It’s nice that he “worked really hard” on an idea, but his execution is and has been lacking. Now you can communicate that or not but if you have and he STILL does this year after year that’s not your problem that’s a him thing.
His jealousy and feelings about not measuring up are also his issue not yours. If he wants that kind of reaction he needs to learn what will illicit it and execute the delivery. His attempts to load shift that onto you mean he needs to have a reality check.
If my husband did that and then complained that someone else’s gift hit the mark and his didn’t I’d respectfully tell him to “get good” or get right with it. Anyone who tries to make you feel bad about a genuine reaction of appreciation needs to deal with their own feelings of insecurity/jealousy/inadequacy and let you be.
Their control issues and manipulation is showing and it’s not a good look. Happy belated birthday OP.” CallistoFiore
Another User Comments:
“The sad thing is, if all his gifts were like the pencils. It’s just 30 things that show he doesn’t know you deeply like he should.
I get faking appreciation, but if you color in b/w, what does it say that he gives colored pencils? Like does he think you’re unaware of colors and can use them? He’s just been outdone by a $10 alien. Which should be concerning for him because a regular at the bar nailed it.
NTJ” Spare-Article-396
11. AITJ For Not Splitting Graduation Tickets Evenly Between Ex And My Family?
“I had a child with someone 17 years ago that I am no longer with. I married my current husband when our child was 3 years old. From birth to 3 years old, my child’s father was uninvolved, however his family was VERY involved. He has never paid child support ($100 per month), often avoided employment to not pay, and was arrested due to nonpayment.
Although my family (husband & kids) lived in different states due to my husband’s job, our child would visit their father for summers and Christmas holiday. We moved back to the same city as him 5 years ago and while he is still unemployed (just working gig work here and there), he sees our child every other weekend and 1 month in the summer.
He is able to do that with the help of family and friends (staying with them when the child visits).
Current Situation – Our child is graduating next month and we only get 10 tickets to split. I have allocated three tickets for him (1 for my child’s father, and two more for family on his side that have really supported the child— his parents cannot attend).
The other 7 are for the 5 people who live in the house with the child (my husband, myself, and my other kids), the other 2 are for my mother and father (they are divorced) — They supported me fully with our child. My child’s father is upset that I do not split the tickets evenly … 5&5.
At the very least, he said my mother could go but he wants a 4th ticket for a close family member that would travel from out of town. I told him, “Unfortunately, everyone that deserves to go will not be able to attend.” I love this family member and if I had more tickets, they would go.
The school is small and will likely not be able to allow for more tickets, but I have already requested. I also suggested that my child’s father take the child and the people of their choice out for lunch after graduation as I planned to do a BBQ for my family that couldn’t attend.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – however, after reading your other comment OP, I would say let your child distribute the tickets themselves, then let their father know that the decision has been made and is final. This is their graduation. They have worked 13+ years to make this moment happen, and they deserve to have every say in the way this day goes, not their parents, and certainly not a half-absent father.” natalierhianne
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think this is a pretty fair split and it is great that you worked so hard to keep the dad in your child’s life. One thing you could try is to contact other parents and see if they have tickets they are not using.
My ”parent friends” had two extra tickets that we needed and were great about letting us have them. The school administration office also sent out an email offer to be a go-between if others had extra tickets.” Cheapie07250
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – obviously the 50/50 split would be fair if there was a 50/50 contribution to getting here but I don’t really blame your ex for trying to get tickets for his family.
Personally I think you should sit down with your son to figure out what he wants most, and I would start by asking if he cares about his younger siblings sitting through the ceremony! (I do not remember my older brother’s grad, I missed my younger brother’s grad, and I have no idea if either was present at mine)” catsndogspls
10. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex-Roommate Move Back In After He Smashed My Xbox?
“When I (35 autistic male) was out, my former roommate (32 m) smashed my Xbox Series S to find “government cameras”.
Neighbors heard noise, called cops.
He wasn’t on any substances, and only made references of Govt conspiracies, not being in them.
I have been telling the prosecutor, judge, public defender & even former roommate, I don’t want him jailed. Just mental health services and I’m good.
They reached an agreement where he will go to at least 2 weeks inpatient in the serious ward, mental health check involuntary types, then can be demoted to regular inpatient for 2 more weeks with evaluation.
Medicine if necessary.
He didn’t thank me for helping him avoid jail when he called from Lourdes, he did offhand mention he can’t afford to replace my Xbox because of fines from being arrested/possible meds, but he definitely will at some point.
He then, in the same breath, asked if he could move in “just for 2 or 3 months ” while he works and saves money, otherwise he will be homeless.
We were already sharing a 1 bedroom apartment. Apartment management has been a lifesaver, letting me keep my apartment at the 1/2 I paid, I’m an autistic agoraphobe, 800 ssi/month.
, it covers rent, toiletries, cat food, and $55/month of entertainment. Beyond grateful and happy, to management and socsec, life savers as I’ve been homeless simply because even $325/month places wanted 3 or 4x rent income.
Anyways, I told my roommate, “no, I wouldn’t feel safe leaving my cats alone with you again.
I don’t want your life ruined, but I don’t want you in mine. I understand it’s a trivial video game console, but I have agoraphobia. A part of that is basically “fear of the outside world, fear of leaving the house and something awful will happen or you’ll basically be frozen, uncertain of how to react in social response”.
So I left home, came back and my video game console was smashed by my roommate and friend. Sort of feeds into that.
The whole thing was still about him.
Anyways, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This guy sounds like a nightmare to live with, and he would probably do something similar and possibly refuse to leave after the 3 months.” FHTFBA
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Change the locks and keep him out of there. His housing situation is in NO WAY your responsibility. Change the locks, cut the ties, and let him go. As a cat owner and lover, I am IMMEDIATELY fearful for the lives of your precious bebes.
Please PLEASE never let him in again. A crisis on his part does not constitute one in yours. Take care of yourself first, always. And the fuzzy little bebes. I feel for you and it’s great to have empathy but it can sometimes blind us to reality.
This is beyond you. This is not your job to resolve. The whole universe is hereby giving you permission to let this destructive force of nature go and to wish him well. Much love to you and your sweet kitties. Thinking of you, please take care of YOURSELF.
I’ve found that when I prioritize my own health/safety/sanity, the world does okay on its own. Every time.” Astral_Theory
9. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize To My Sister After She Demanded My Help With Her Family?
“Okay so I (M21) attended a family reunion celebrating my grandfather’s birthday, my sister S (F26) came 3 hours late with her husband and her 4 kids and announced loudly enough she was going to give her present to our grandfather, our aunts, uncles, and cousins thought it was something big, but she just gave our grandfather a positive pregnancy test and said she was having a 5th baby, everyone congratulated her, even our grandfather that was a bit angry with the gift (in his words, it was a bit wet and he didn’t even want to touch it).
My sister then came to my parents and me and told me “Now that I’m blessed again, I think I’m ready to talk with you again, I said “Keep trying” and went to talk with my cousins, she angrily grabbed me and tell me to apologize to her, I just told her no and tried to walk again, she tells me that I must stop ignoring her and fulfill my obligations as her brother and help her family, her husband came and said the same, I told them they are delusional, and entitled to expect me to help when she treated me bad all my life, that she could fend for herself, if she wasn’t a traditional wife, but she chose her life, stick to her consequences and tried to leave, then she followed me outside and before she could talk I told her to shut up and stop ruining another birthday like she did to mine since I was 16.
After I left I got a call from my mom telling me to apologize to my sister, that I owe to her, and jack it up for the kids and told me not to tell our dad about her call (my sister is mom’s favorite, but mom tries to deny it because dad hates playing favorites).
Well, after the 3 missed calls from my sister and my family telling me I was harsh, AITJ for what I said?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you have the right to not interact with people you don’t want to interact with. She didn’t respect your initial no so it’s understandable that you yelled at her after she followed you around the house yelling and insulting you.
What does she believe you need to apologize for?” here4theGoz
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If she doesn’t want to take care of her kids, and demands that you take up the slack, why does she keep having kids? You don’t owe anything to her, especially considering how horrible she has treated you over the years.
By the way, you were right about her gift to you, and giving someone else a home pregnancy test as a birthday gift screams “ME! ME! ME!”” LowGiraffe4095
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have nothing to apologize for. It sounds like she has main character syndrome and your mom feeds into it.
I can tell you it rarely gets better without therapy. My sister is nearly 70 and still turns every event into a stage for her to get attention. I opted out years ago, but still periodically find an email in my spam folder from her telling me I have to have a relationship with her.” minimalist_coach
8. AITJ For Wanting To Dip In My Partner's Sauce After She Dipped In Mine?
“So my partner Sammy (22F) and I (21M) got Cane’s. If you’ve been there, you know you get 4 chicken tenders, a bunch of fries, and one little thing of sauce. When we open our boxes, Sammy dips her chicken in my sauce. Right after, I say dude you used my sauce what the heck?
She says oh sorry, it was an accident! I say no problem, can I have a dip in your sauce to even it out. Since it was an accident, I figured this was the best way to repay it. We each take one dip out of each other’s sauce and it would end up totally even.
It got weird, though, when she refused. I asked why not, since it was a simple mistake this is a simple solution. She said no, I really like my sauce. I said, so do I. So let’s make it even. Then she says, no, I really like the sauce.
After my third time trying to argue that the best way to fix the problem is for me to take a little dip of her sauce, she offers me some fries instead. Since I already had a lot of fries and one small thing of sauce for my whole meal, I declined. We were eating with a group and at this point someone noticed and said “I’m sensing some tension here” and it became awkward.
Finally after they said that, Sammy said I could have some sauce, but at that point I was annoyed and declined. Later in the night, she brought up that I was petty for arguing about the sauce and embarrassing her in front of our friends.
Obviously one small dip of sauce isn’t that big of a deal, but I genuinely wasn’t trying to start an argument; I thought I would take a quick dip of her sauce back and rectify the situation and we could move on. It only turned into an argument after she declined to give me a bit of her sauce.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t really think it’s about the sauce. The whole interaction seems disrespectful to your feelings and personal space. Saying it was an accident seems like gaslighting. I don’t see how reaching into your box is an accident. This thought is reinforced by her not making it even.
If she wanted an extra sauce she should have asked for it when she ordered. Not taken yours without your consent and then made it into an argument. Makes me wonder if she put herself first in other situations. Instead of being a partner. With that being said, I can’t stand for anyone to touch my food.
They should have ordered what they wanted and not touched my stuff. Personally I don’t know if this person is marriage material. Not just because of the sauce but because of how they handled the situation after. NTJ” JuJu-Petti
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here, she wanted extra sauce and dipped in yours.
You pushed for “repayment”. Both of you dug your heels in and made things uncomfortable. Get extra sauce if one dip is going to cause this much drama.” BluePopple
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here y’all are both adults not 8-year-olds. If y’all need more sauce you can get up and ask for more.
It doesn’t matter whose sauce is whose as long as they get used. Maybe she wanted to save her sauce for later, maybe she shows affection by invading personal space via food but doesn’t like it the other way around, maybe she was just feeling weird and territorial, who knows.
It doesn’t matter and honestly the time it took for you to type this post is already 3 times longer than you should have spent ruminating on the interaction.” MathiasKejseren
7. AITJ For Blocking My Sister After She Accused Me Of Mistreating Her Problematic Dog?
“My sister’s dogs got into a fight. The vet told my sister they would need to get rid of one dog.
After a month or so of me stating I didn’t want the dog in the house, my mom agreed to take her anyway. My sister would call me and ask about any issues with the dog. I’d explain how she would go after my puppy (SDIT), and the cats, bite our stepdad, run away, not listen, etc. Skip to a couple of weeks ago, I found out I’m not allowed at my niece’s birthday party nor am I allowed to contact them.
I called my sister to figure out why. Turns out, me stating that I don’t like the dog makes her think I mistreat the dog. She stated she only heard the bad stuff. She was mad because I gave my puppy a piece of bacon and not the collie.
I explained the collie was sick, and I didn’t want to upset her tummy. I explained the dogs get homemade treats, bark boxes, extra toys, and specialized food due to both dogs having digestive restrictions, etc. She stated she wanted more. I said “Well I’m not going to lie.
I don’t like the dog.” She then told my mom I blatantly stated that I hated the dog and would do anything I could to get it out of the house. She also started screenshotting my posts and sending them to our mom (who I live with) because she didn’t like them.
I blocked her on everything. My mom doesn’t agree with what my sister is doing when it comes to my niece, but she thinks me blocking her made it worse. To add, my sister treated that dog like a crud. When we first got her, she told me that dogs aren’t meant to be companions.
She would ignore the dog’s presence and would constantly tell everyone how she hated it. The dog didn’t even know how to play when we got her. She then cried to my mom asking if things would go back to normal. I blatantly said, “No, I’m disposable and I’m not playing the game.” AITJ for blocking her and being done with it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But she is your sister, you might not want to cut her out of your life forever. Although I guess this would depend on how your relationship was before this. It sounds like she ruined that dog before you even got it dogs need training first but lots of love and affection.
And it’s a collie for Godsake like Lassie.! It should’ve been a great dog. Is it possible to get this dog into some training?? Then maybe you can bond with it and everybody, including the dog, will be happier. As far as your sister goes, it sounds like she could use some training as well.
I worry about her kids given how she raised her dog. I think I would unblock her though. Give her a chance to maybe apologize. You can always ignore her nasty messages on the off chance that maybe she’ll see the light and feel bad about how she’s treated you.
Edited to add: you know, Cesar Millan, the dog whisperer, always says it’s the human’s fault, not the dog’s fault. So maybe with the right training, it will be a great dog and then you can give Cesar a crack at your sister.” Pure-Relationship125
6. AITJ For Expecting My Wealthy Stepdad To Help With My University Expenses?
“A little bit of context for people that aren’t from the UK, but here the amount of student loan you receive is based on your household income. My parents are divorced and my mum has been in a relationship with my stepfather since I was 7, I’m now 19 and finishing my first year of university.
My mum can only work part-time as she is a full-time carer for my disabled sister. My stepdad is quite wealthy and earns a lot at his job.
Because of this, I was only entitled to the minimum student loan of 4k as the government expects wealthier families to chip in.
My rent alone is 6k so it doesn’t even cover rent, let alone living expenses, so this year has been very hard for me financially. When my stepdad found out that I was only getting 4k, my mum asked him to chip in so that I could afford rent, and then my real dad would help me with living expenses (he earns very little and is already helping my stepsister through uni too.) My stepdad’s response was “She’s not my daughter.”
So far, he has not given me a penny, and my mum has resorted to sending me all of her wages despite her earning very little. I feel awful that she’s been working hard solely to help me and doesn’t get to keep anything for herself.
Going into the second year of university, I needed to find private accommodation as I could no longer stay in student accom. Unfortunately, with a 4k loan I’ve been unable to find anywhere that I can afford and at the moment my only option is to drop out as I have nowhere to live next year.
I’m so upset because I know that he has the money to help me find somewhere to live but simply doesn’t want to, and now I will probably have to give up my dream university.
I’ve told him that this is his fault for refusing to help simply because I’m not his biological daughter and he said that I’m acting entitled, and so we aren’t speaking and things are very tense.
AITJ for expecting him to support me?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, the fact that all assistance in the UK immediately assumes all people who co-habit as partners share income is balls. What annoys me about the student loan as well, is it takes into account (or did in 2004!) only incoming income and not outgoing.
So, if a couple earn a certain amount, you get a certain loan amount, regardless of whether they have one kid, or eight. Considerably less free income to assist with costs when there are multiple kids! They also wanted (again, in 2004) to take into account any sibling income, if they were 16 or over.
Like my little brother was going to chip into costs from his paper round! I digress. No jerks here. Your step dad shouldn’t be expected to cover your costs, but nor should his income affect your loan.” JustASW
Another User Comments:
“Is there a way to get your loan qualification based on your parents and NOT your step-dad?
Legally, he doesn’t have to give you anything, so I find it odd your loan qualification is based off of his income. While he is technically right, you aren’t his biological kid, he’s still being a jerk. I would hope he would want to help you and would honestly question my mother’s choice of husband moving forward.
The government is at fault here for making your qualifications based off the wrong individuals. For this reason, everyone is a jerk here. However, I understand why you are upset with him when he has the money and has been in your life for over half of it.” Miserable_Cow403
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. While it’s true he doesn’t “owe” you money, it’s still his fault you don’t qualify for financial aid. I doubt your mom would do it but it would help if she would just leave him. He doesn’t sound like a good partner at all if he’s watching your mom give her entire wages to you.
Though I doubt that’s happening with your mom being part-time and taking care of your sister.” FluffyPal
5. AITJ For Accusing My Sister's Wife Of Making Her Gain Weight?
“Me (30f) and my identical twin sister Gabby (30f) have always been close. I married my high school sweetheart Lily (30f) when I was 22.
Gabby had married a woman named Janice (28f) when Gabby was 26. Gabby had only known Janice for 2 months before the wedding.
I liked Janice at first. But after their wedding I slowly grew suspicious of her. It was little things at first. My sister cut her hair real short and stopped wearing makeup.
Then she mostly wears sweats now. Then she quit her job because Janice comes from a wealthy family and Janice makes a lot of money. My sister stopped working out, and eats tons of sweets now.
I feel really bad even mentioning this next part.
Being a woman, I know that weight is a touchy subject. But my sister gained so much weight since her wedding. Before, she was fit and active like me. My sister gained over two hundred pounds in four years. And Janice is as fit and active as ever.
They have a home gym and a pool.
I tried to give Janice the benefit of the doubt. But last week the 4 of us were out, and we had to go up some stairs. My heart broke watching my sister got so out of breath and drenched in sweat.
Literally tears flowed from my eyes. And Janice was looking at my sister with this bright smile. I asked straight up “Are you enjoying watching my sister suffer? Have you been fattening up my sister?” Janice yelled about how she loves my sister, and how dare I make such an accusation.
I wanted yell back but Lily calmed me down.
Now our family and friends are divided. And most of them are on Janice’s side. Now I am questioning if I made a mistake. Maybe I didn’t have enough evidence to make that accusation. My wife has been quiet on this issue, and I don’t want put her in an awkward position.
I am so worried about my sister but maybe I was out of line. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to jumping to that conclusion and making the accusation. You didn’t mention anything that Janice is actively doing to “fatten your sister up”.
Why didn’t you talk to your sister first. Maybe she’s depressed or maybe she’s so happy in her marriage she doesn’t want to go work out like she used to. You’re being an alarmist and you’re going to push your sister away.” keesouth
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for jumping to conclusions I guess, because based on what you wrote I don’t see why it would have to be Janice fattening her up. Maybe your sister has other reasons for changing, and maybe they’re related to being married, but even is so it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s Janice’s fault.
Did you ask your sister if something is wrong?” HeatherFox6545
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Couldn’t possibly be that Janice smiled because she was excited to see your sister attempting physical activity. What kind of sister are you to see your sister gain that much that quickly without even asking if she was having health or mental health problems. You certainly seem jealous of Janice.
Are you actually worried about your sister or just embarrassed that she doesn’t look like your twin anymore. In fact, she’s gone about as far as she possibly can to NOT look like you anymore. Maybe quit being mean and ask her. Or don’t.
But your sister just lost so much respect for you.” Open-Incident-3601
4. AITJ For Being Upset That My Mom Cut Me Off Her Netflix Account While Still Using My Other Streaming Services?
“So I (28m) use my mom’s Netflix account. With the whole new crackdown on password sharing, she’s paying the $8 more a month as I live in a different state. She happens to use my HBO (now Max), Prime Video, Hulu, and Disney Plus.
It wasn’t an arrangement or anything we had, I was paying for the subscriptions for myself anyways and I didn’t see any harm in letting her use my accounts too. I still don’t. About a week ago, she texted me saying that she was cutting me off the Netflix because she thought it was too expensive.
Now, for those who may not know, Netflix is absolutely the most expensive streaming service, but she’s not canceling the subscription for herself, just the extra $8 to have me on. I didn’t tell her at the time, but it bothered me.
My issue is, obviously, she’s still going to be using all of my subscriptions, which combined saves her far more than the amount she saves while cutting me off.
She’s also not doing it because money is tight, my mom’s about to go on her third out-of-country vacation this year alone, and spends hundreds to thousands on her hobbies. I’m by no means throwing shade at her for all that, it’s her money and she can spend it how she likes.
I’m only bringing it up here to assert that her choice to cut me off the Netflix subscription was not a financial one, it’s just on the principle that it’s expensive.
I’m a little worried that if I bring this up, I could be a jerk because I’m essentially asking someone to spend money on me, but at the same time I’m also saving them money.
And frankly I’m not going to withhold or threaten to withhold the subscriptions I pay for from her, but I’m worried pointing out that I provide these subscriptions could be scummy. She can also very easily feel “attacked,” even if that’s not the intention.
So before I try to approach this with her, WIBTJ? A part of me feels like I’m right and a part of me feels like I’m being petty.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – if you don’t get her Netflix, she does not get your streaming service.
If she kicks you out, do the same and change all your passwords. She is being petty so I don’t see a problem stooping to her level. Maybe it will be the wake-up call she needs.” buttpickles99
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But It depends… You have multiple choices: * Tell her you will pay the extra $8 for her to keep you on the account * Tell her you will pay the extra $8 for her to keep you on the account, but you would have to cancel your other services (even if not true) and then remove your mom * Get your own Netflix (and rotate services if needed) * Remove your mom from your services Note: does your mom even use the services you shared with her?
She might not even care if you remove her from them, even more so if it was an after-thought that you shared yours because your mom shared hers. Just be an adult and talk with her.” goddessofthewinds
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here while I totally agree that your mother’s actions seem cheap in the circumstances, I don’t think it’s quite the same as you refusing to let her use your Disney etc. If you’re going to continue to subscribe to your other streaming apps it isn’t going to actually cost you any more to allow your mother to keep watching and I think it would be just as cheap and petty to remove her.
I’d still be mighty miffed though.” Prudent_Poetry8601
3. AITJ For Giving My Wife An Ultimatum Over Her Dental Health?
“My wife and I have been married for 8 years and she is my best friend, but her dental health is causing me intense anxiety. A few years ago, after begging for her to finally see a dentist for the first time since we got married, she saw a dentist who recommended some serious dental work, including extractions and a root canal.
She hasn’t gone back since. It’s been 2 years.
I’ve tried all the gentle nudges—offering to book appointments, suggesting we go together, looking for less intimidating dentists or those who specialize in dental anxiety, but nothing has worked and now she either gets defensive if I bring it up during the weekdays she’s too busy with work (alternatively, that “it’s finally the weekend I just want to relax”).
She’s not in any pain and never complains, but obviously, if she continues to ignore the teeth that need to be pulled it could lead to some serious dental complications such as infection and sepsis and early death. She knows the risks of not following up—she’s even talked about how it can be dangerous to ignore issues.
We make a combined 280k so money is obviously not the issue here.
I’m extremely concerned about her ignoring dental health. So I’m thinking of setting a kind of deadline/ultimatum. If she doesn’t have a dental visit scheduled by the next time we see her family, we will need to go to couples counseling or it’s over between us.
I want to spend my life with her, but I feel like a terrible life partner if I can’t help her address this elephant in the room.
It kills me because she’s my best friend and she was there for me when my dad passed, but it feels like I’m failing for not being able to be here for her and support her in protecting her health.
I just actually have no idea what to do. I just want us to grow old and healthy together, but it’s inevitable that she will have serious health complications from neglecting her teeth.
WIBTJ for bringing this up as an ultimatum? I just want to make sure she takes care of herself, and I’m running out of ideas.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Divorce seems really extreme. Couples counseling or therapy seems appropriate. I understand she isn’t going to the dentist. Is she at least brushing reasonably and keeping her mouth clean? Yes this is an issue, I just don’t know that you have control or responsibility over it.” LadyCass79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s fine and normal to want to be in a relationship with someone who takes care of themselves. Just tell her you want to live a long and happy life together and that you don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t take their health seriously.
You don’t understand why she’s avoiding appointments when she knows it’s important to you and it’s weighing on you. I wouldn’t put a timeline on it, but if she doesn’t do anything in a week you can ask for counseling.” karivara
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
My mother didn’t take care of her teeth and they eventually rotted in her head. Small problems that could have been prevented and easily fixed, were left to fester. She’s now 70 and experiencing severe issues including strokes caused by abscesses and infections that originate in her mouth.” SeeHearSpeak0
2. AITJ For Wanting To Sue My Friends For Not Paying Back Trip Expenses?
“I, 22F, took two of my college friends back to my hometown over the holidays about 2 years ago now. Growing up close to a major metro area, I thought it would be a fun little trip to close out the year, offering to drive and pay for a place to stay.
(I have a large family and not enough bedrooms for them to be comfortable). I asked what they’d like to do, and we booked 2 events and planned a day in the city, totaling over $1000, including food and travel. For everyone asking, everyone was asked for input on activities, and the cost was agreed upon before booking these events.
Friend #1 was going to back out in November, but after she was offered financial help from Friend #2, she agreed to go. The cost was as follows:
Football tickets: $300 total
Hockey Tickets: $300 total
Food & Drinks: $150-$200?
Train fare, round trip twice: $120
Keep in mind I paid this for myself as well (not included in that breakdown), plus $200 for my gas and a $900 Airbnb fare.
Both said they would pay me back since I was the one fronting the cost of this trip. I understand we were in college and it is not cheap, but when I tried to ask for repayment, I was met with arguments and straight-up refusal to accept this was the amount we spent.
After weeks of fighting, I had only received a $20 Venmo and now they’ve ghosted me. It has been almost 2 years of no contact from them, leaving me to pay the balance plus the interest building on my credit card. Did I mention that that is my only credit card and I opened it just to make this trip happen?
With an interest rate of around 16% and a period of 2 years, that has to add 500-700. Don’t quote my math but totals out to like $2000 with interest. Icing on the cake, this being my only form of credit means my score has plummeted 100 points over 2 years.
So not only have they run up a balance that I have been stuck with, but they’re wrecking my credit score from the jump.
Luckily I saved everything (receipts, cc statements, screenshots, etc.) and I’m ready to take legal action. I don’t see any other way that I can pay this off alone.
As I said earlier, they haven’t contacted me since this trip. I have my county’s small claims court paperwork filled out with all their information. At this point, I’m over-stressing about my only credit card. Do I send it and let the legal system handle it or would I be a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Do you have any text messages or anything at all to back up your assertion that they said they would pay? Or that they said they know they owe but refuse to pay? You don’t necessarily need something as formal as a signed & notarized promissory note (or even a signed document at all), but you do need something like texts, emails, or a witness.
Courts are all about proof.” NYDancer4444
Another User Comments:
“I’m gonna lean YTJ here mostly due to lack of information. It SOUNDS like you offered to take them and that payment wasn’t a requirement. You’ll need proof that you explained to them the exact cost of the events, food, and travel and that they agreed to pay those amounts.
If you do, then you’re only partially a jerk. Your credit card debt is your fault, period. You didn’t have to open a card for this. If they did explicitly agree to pay you for their shares of the food and travel, then that’s the amount they owe you.
Your credit card interest is your problem.” Jazzlike_Property692
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Sounds like you had good intentions, but perhaps you should have been clearer about splitting costs. If someone invited me to their hometown, I’d expect that they’d be hosting me.
You also said you offered to pay. Again seems like you weren’t clear that it was a loan. Sounds like you got so excited about showing off your hometown that you forgot that it’d be costly. You had a free place to stay (family home).
It’d have been crowded, but you’re in college, and student housing is crowded, I don’t think they’d have cared. Sounds like they ghosted you because they were upset that you offered to pay for a trip that you couldn’t afford, a trip that seemed more important to you than them, only to send a bill afterward.
I’d have ghosted you too. Take the L, get a part-time job, set up a payment plan for the credit card, and learn how to communicate better.” tintedrosestinted
1. AITJ For Not Letting My Younger Daughter Shave Her Head Like Her Sick Sister?
“My oldest daughter, Willa (12), is receiving treatment for Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, and started to lose her hair a couple of weeks after started chemotherapy, and opted to shave her head instead of letting it fall out on its own. My youngest daughter, Katie (3), saw her shave her head and started asking to do the same.
Katie is very stubborn, strong-willed, and loves taking after her big siblings, especially Willa. She doesn’t back down from her ideas if someone tells her no, even if she knows she doesn’t want it. Katie is extremely girly and LOVES her long hair. I know for a fact she’d be completely devastated if we were to cut her hair (even a less extreme shorter haircut would probably upset her, she’s obsessed with having ‘Rapunzel hair’).
So, I told her no. I explained to her why this wasn’t a good idea, and told her how long it would take to grow back.
Developmentally, she’s not able to fully comprehend the permanence of a choice like this. She didn’t like this answer and has been whining and begging about it for weeks ever since.
I keep telling her no. My husband, however, is a ‘they’ll only do it once’ kind of parent. I agree with this approach for some things (ex: when my oldest son was 6, he was insisting on sitting on the counter. After getting him down several times, we eventually left him to get down by himself.
He fell, but wasn’t hurt, and didn’t climb on things anymore). This, however, I don’t think is one of those things. He thinks that once the scissors come out, she’ll realize it’s a bad idea and back out, and if she doesn’t, ‘it’s just hair.
I think it would be cruel to do something we know would upset her just because it’s a quicker lesson than riding it out and letting her learn that not all ideas are good ideas and that she doesn’t have to do everything her siblings do.
He remarked on me pushing ‘toxic feminine’ ideas on her, and that I’m teaching her that she has to have long hair because she’s a girl. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Hmmm, NTJ, but it’s also not a permanent decision. It will grow back, relatively quickly, and given she’s been asking for this for weeks, seems like she wants it and it’s not just a passing fancy.
That being said, I’d also ask your older daughter how she feels about it. Not everyone who’s facing cancer wants to look at other people’s voluntarily shaved heads. Frankly, it can be an awful reminder that for them it’s a choice, and also when you want days of normalcy it acts like a constant reminder of your cancer.” Witty-Stock-4913
Another User Comments:
“It’s not “toxic feminine” to pay attention to your child’s preferences. Katie likes long hair, and it takes much longer to grow out than she thinks it will. NTJ Though I disagree with your ‘permanace’ comment. Short hair isn’t permanent, it does grow back.
It’s more like she doesn’t understand that time commitment that is growing hair out. Which is reasonable, she’s 3. 1 year will be a quarter of her life, and it takes longer than that to grow your hair out. You said Willa hates the idea, and it’s incredibly callous for anyone to make her an inspiration for this when she has *cancer*.
Tell your husband to go ask Willa if she regrets it.” goddessofgummybears
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – She’s been asking for long enough for you to at least let her try shorter and maybe regret it. She might even cry upfront and grow to like it after a few days.
But the part that makes me say YTJ is you let your son face actual injury to teach him a lesson but won’t cut your daughter’s hair because she might not like it after.” _Im_Baaaaaaaaaaaack_
