People Want Honest Answers To Their Controversial "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
24. AITJ For Taking My Nephew To Work And Having My Assistant Look After Him?
“I (31m) had this very, very important meeting at work that day; something that I’d been working on for months, something that could make or break my career.
That morning, right when I was about to leave for work, my sister (37f) showed up at my house with her son, Jake (6m).
She was frantic and told me that her husband had been in a minor car accident and that she was going to the hospital and she really needed someone to watch over Jake. She said that she’s tried all her sitters and no one is available.
Should I have told her that I had this very important work meeting and I couldn’t watch over Jake? Yes. But I felt bad for them and it’s not like she had any other option, so I agreed to take care of him.
Since I couldn’t cancel or postpone the meeting, I took Jake with me to my office. He was hanging out in my cabin while I finished up some last-minute work, and then when I had to go for the meeting, I asked my PA, Jane (40f) to watch over Jake.
The meeting lasted for like 3 hours and then I was back with Jake.
My sister picked up Jake in the evening and told me that her husband was okay and it was nothing serious.
At night, my sister sent me a long text saying how disappointed she was with me and how careless I was to leave Jake alone with some stranger.
Apparently Jake had told her about the ‘nice lady who gave me cookies’ and she was mad that I wasn’t with him every minute.
I told her that Jane is a very trustworthy person and I’ve known her for years. But she claims that I should’ve canceled my work stuff and stayed home with Jake.
Or I should’ve just told her that I’m ‘incompetent’ and I can’t watch over her son so she could make other arrangements. She has told our parents and they think it’s a jerk move to prioritize work and not cancel my meeting.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Jane may have been a stranger to your sister, but not to you. You knew and trusted her implicitly or you wouldn’t have had her watch your nephew. And, your sister pretty much just dropped him on you. She doesn’t get a say in what you get to cancel and what you can’t.
And, ultimately, you did come through for her and took care of your nephew.
Ultimately, what this means is that, when your sister is in a bind again, you will just tell her that you can’t help.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You did everything right.
What planet is your sister from?
Every office I ever worked in occasionally had young children there; everyone helped out.
It was always a family emergency where other options were not available, so the child went to work with the adult charged with taking care of them.
Everyone helped out when the caretaker had meetings or important phone calls. The youngsters always seemed to have fun and often sent us pictures thanking us.
I’m glad BIL isn’t seriously hurt, but your sister needs to get over herself.
Hugs and Good Luck.” QuinGood
23. AITJ For Buying An $80 Dress For My Daughter?
“My family just got back from a weeklong cruise, and there is still some tension about this. My wife and I took our 20-year-old son, 16-year-old daughter, 13-year-old son, and 7-year-old son.
Our oldest spent most of his time on vacation doing his own thing, having breakfast and dinner with the family but being seldom seen otherwise. My wife and I enjoyed spending time with our kids, but we also did some couple’s activities.
There are clubs on the boat for kids, and our 13-year-old really enjoyed them, but our 7-year-old didn’t and kept wanting to spend the day with his sister, who we’d given carte blanche to do her own thing as long as she ate with us and answered when we messaged her.
She was a good sport and took her little brother on most of her adventures, swimming with him, taking him to trivia, and doing animation classes with him. I felt like this was very sweet of her and showed a great deal of maturity. On the second to last day of the cruise I took her to the gift shop and told her to pick out whatever she wanted as thanks for looking after her brother.
She was very excited and ended up picking out a dress. The dress was $80. She wore it to dinner that night, and when she told her mom I bought it for her my wife gave me a weird look. After dinner, she asked me why I did that.
I explained that it was a reward for looking after her brother. She said we can’t buy an $80 dress for our daughter and nothing for our sons. I said we didn’t get them nothing; we took them on a cruise.
My wife said I’m an idiot.
I don’t think so. We got some trinkets for the younger boys, about $20 worth of stuff. My wife thinks I messed up and said I should apologize to the boys. I refuse. We took our adult son on a vacation that cost thousands of dollars, he has no reason to resent his sister being rewarded for being thoughtful.
If we got our 7-year-old and 13-year-old a really expensive souvenir, it would probably be lost or broken. She still thinks I was a jerk though.”
Another User Comments:
“Green flag, green flag! What a thoughtful way to acknowledge your daughter. You’re right, your 20-year-old son got a free vacation as did your 13-year-old and 7-year-old.
Your daughter graciously did a service for the family.
NTJ. Your wife does not seem to want to recognize that your 16-year-old daughter is not the built-in babysitter. What extra service did her brothers do to warrant extra gifts? At least she didn’t make a scene in front of your daughter and addressed it with you privately.” CaliforniaJade
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s get this straight, your only daughter, took over the role of mom/babysitter for the week, so you and your wife could enjoy the cruise, while your other boys did what they wanted. Your daughter stepped up when she didn’t have to, and you chose to reward her, it was not something she expected or had her hand out for.
People may disagree, but I think you’re a great dad for acknowledging your daughter’s maturity and selflessness. It’s a shame your wife can’t see that.” Own-Brilliant3838
22. AITJ For Not Buying My Fiancé A $350 Watch And Then Leaving Him At The Mall?
“My (F 32) fiance (M 30) Aaron and I have been together for 2 years. I have a high-paying job and work long hours. He had a 3-week shift in a job that paid x5 less than mine. We’re on pretty great terms on everything except money. He’s a big spender and spends so much on fancy stuff although his job does not give him this luxury.
He constantly likes and wants new stuff like watches, gadgets, electronics, and car accessories and I do my best to use every occasion (like Christmas, birthdays, and New Year) to get him what he wants.
Lately, and after he lost his job, I’ve been noticing him tagging along whenever I go shopping and then having me buy him expensive stuff right there and then.
I ended up paying to avoid causing a scene in public because he’d beg me and then start throwing a fit if I refused.
I talked to him about it since it seemed like a pattern but he said he ‘just happened’ to see something he liked and thought I could pay for it.
I told him that I no longer feel comfortable with this and that next time he tries to put me on the spot, then have me pay for something he likes then throw a tantrum if I refuse then I’d walk out and leave him there.
He crossed his heart and said he’d NEVER do such a thing.
On Wednesday, we went to the mall to get a Father’s day gift for my dad and we walked by the accessories store. Aaron told me to stop and follow him as he entered the store.
I knew this wasn’t going well because he repeatedly tried on this watch that was worth over 350$, and expressed his admiration for it. He then asked if I could pay for it but I said no and lied about having only 300 for my dad’s gift which is why we were there in the first place.
He started going on and on about how cool the watch was then asked if my dad was more important than him. I looked around and saw people looking at us as he started raising his voice. I told him to knock it off but he refused and insisted I pay for it.
I just turned around and walked out of the store and out of the mall.
I got in my car and went home. He started calling me non-stop but we didn’t talk til he got home. He blew up saying I reacted ridiculously and selfishly after he begged me and I refused. He said that I then made a joke out of him by walking out and leaving him at the mall.
I told him what I said would happen if he decided to put me in this position again, he argued that all he was asking was for just 350$ and even showed me a small notebook saying he’s been writing down everything I pay for so he could pay me back but I was too selfish to even consider it.
He yelled at me and then went out to meet his friends. His best friend tried to get involved by shaming me for how I behaved at the mall and hinting that what I was doing was borderline financial control.
AITJ? Should I have just paid for the watch?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is not financial control, you are not demanding he stays at home and doesn’t work. Why hasn’t he looked for a new job? If he wants luxury, he needs to be able to pay for himself. You are not his cash machine.
I’d reconsider my whole relationship with him as he is trying to guilt trip you to get what he wants with no consideration for you. Also ‘Is your dad more important than me?’ Obviously, on Father’s Day gift budgeting, YES. (And I’d be inclined to say always yes.)” inkandpaperbookworm
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!
However, you need to end this relationship. You are being treated like an ATM.
Anyone who behaves in the fashion that your partner did has no business being in a relationship. How was he going to pay you back, he has no job!
He also dragged his friends into the situation, which by the way, I would have lit that jerk up like a firework! This is emotional abuse, manipulation, gaslighting, etc.
Deep down you know this is wrong and you know you need to end it.
Good on you that you walked out, you need to keep walking…” Shoo_B_Doo_B_Doo
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Go Or Speak At My Father's Funeral?
“I grew up without a father.
I was raised by my mother. Whenever I would ask about my father, she didn’t know where he was. She also never really gave me much information about him either. When I was about 11, my mother told me my father reached out to her from prison.
He wanted to meet me. I was so happy to finally meet him. My mother took me to visit him. When he got out of prison, my would let me go see him on the weekends. At first, it was great, but later it started changing.
He requested that I only come every other weekend like his other kids. On his weekends, he would leave us with his mom and go clubbing. I was a little hurt but just dealt with it.
During my alternative phase of life. Purple hair, black clothes, rock music, etc. My mother and her family never judged me.
They have always accepted me for me. However, my father’s family was different. They would always question me on my clothes, hair, and music. They would buy me clothes that they liked and would guilt me into wearing them. I never told my mother about it all.
At the time, she and my father were hooking up secretly as they both had significant others. This went on for a few years. My father would call me to talk for about 3 minutes then want to talk to her about paying a bill of his or meeting up for the nasty.
In my freshmen year, my mother received a paper about the state wanting a DNA test for me and my father. We never found out why. Even now as an adult, I am confused by how it happened. After doing the DNA, it turns out that he isn’t my dad.
When he found out, he told me that he still saw me as his daughter. I went over on his weekends a few more times. I noticed a change in how the others looked at me. I had already felt like an outsider. It just became worse.
They never said anything, but they would always look at me strangely.
Around the same time, I got my first job. Once I started working, I didn’t see my father as much. I would try to call and set up times to hang out. He was either busy or didn’t answer.
He would only call most to talk to my mother. After they stopped hooking up. He never talked to me again. His family never spoke to me either. I would see them around town and they would ignore me.
My mother called me and told me he passed away from liver disease.
She told me the family wanted me to come and wanted me to speak about the good times. As an adult now, that whole experience was very traumatic for me. I didn’t really want to relive it. I was sad about his loss but at the same time, I didn’t want to open old wounds.
I just told my mother I wouldn’t be able to make it. I did give $100 on the GoFundMe page. His family was livid. I started receiving messages about how terrible I was. How he treated me like his daughter all these years and I never appreciated him.
They berated me on how I should have given more than just $100 for the many years he took care of me. This has gone on for weeks and I am starting to feel really bad. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Remove or block anyone from his side who criticizes you.
Nobody is owed your presence or time, especially those who weren’t willing to truly offer theirs. It sounds like they wanna hold you up as ‘See, he was a great guy. Look how he cared about a kid that wasn’t his’ while ignoring your actual experience.
I think you should talk to a therapist eventually about how these experiences affected you, but definitely do everything at your own pace rather than just falling into line with the wishes of people who don’t have your best interests at heart.” actuallywaffles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You two had good times together when you had good times. That’s appreciation enough. You don’t ‘back owe appreciation’.
Other than the few good times, it’s been a lot of drama. You and he both naturally phased out of each other’s lives.
Some chapters close and this one needed to. If you don’t feel like going to the funeral or donating more, you aren’t a jerk for just letting it all go.” susiebscarlet
20. AITJ For Going Grocery Shopping?
“I (29m) am living with the mother (Jane, 27f) of my almost 2-year-old child. Things are never going to work out for us romantically. However, she continues to live with me until she is able to afford to live on her own and until I can afford childcare.
She works on the weekends and is a stay-at-home mom. I make sure to pull my parenting weight and appreciate all she does for our son. I work full-time. We get along fine but recently I have gotten very frustrated with her.
I cook most of our dinners and pay for about 75% of the groceries.
One of the responsibilities she has insisted on keeping is grocery shopping because it gets her out of the house. But then she wouldn’t make herself a list, get overwhelmed, and either buy way too much or way too little so I started making her lists about a month ago.
There are a couple of issues.
If I make her a list of 30 items she’ll get maybe 10 items on it and then 20 other random things. I recently started counting how many items she misses and she gets mad at me for this and accuses me of ‘keeping score’ which our old therapist said not to do.
She says she gets confused, can’t find what I put on the list, or just decides to do her own thing, which is the second issue.
I don’t have celiac disease, we’re still trying to figure out what’s wrong, but when I eat wheat/gluten I end up with pretty bad stomach aches, migraines, and hives, all of which are miserable to go to work with.
She doesn’t take the time to get the items I put on the list and will make substitutions. Then when she cooks a meal I find out later that she used something with wheat/gluten and I wind up sick for two days. This has happened multiple times.
My solution was to begin doing the grocery shopping myself after work twice a week which causes me to get home an hour or so later than normal. She’s now calling me a jerk because this is cutting into her self-care time in the evenings which is true, but my argument is that this could all be avoided if she’d just follow the lists or not be clueless and flippant when buying ingredients/making meals.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No one ‘gets confused’ after one or two visits to a grocery store – the items are in the same place every time.
She can’t weaponize her incompetence and cloak doing something poorly in ‘self-care time’ when it’s costing YOU money.
She either sticks to the list verbatim (asks for help finding things when she’s at the store, or just does a pickup order where you/she can buy everything online and then just go get it), or you do the grocery shopping. There is no third option.” TaliesinWI
Another User Comments:
“She has options here. She can choose to complete the shopping list or you can shop for her. You don’t need to keep track of the exact number of items she misses; if she forgets an essential ingredient, that’s on her and it’s unreasonable for her to not want you to shop for what you need. You could even opt to immediately go to the store and pick up what she left out when she gets home.
That might be a more direct lesson for her to connect her loss of time to her lack of effort. If you have the means you could also just Door Dash the items and avoid the confrontation until you go separate ways. NTJ, she’s not being sensible.
(Sounds like you get less ‘self-care’ time anyway since you’re working more.)” GrannysGlewGun
19. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My In-Laws' Christmas Eve Dinner?
“So my husband and I are due with our first baby in early December. The baby could come anytime between the end of November to December 21 or so.
MIL has been emailing my husband and my mother that it’s ‘her year’ for Christmas (we alternate spending Christmas with my parents and his parents) and that she has booked a private room at a very fancy restaurant on Christmas Eve for me and my husband, our new baby, her and her husband, and my parents.
She has not included me in any of these emails or discussions which I find interesting. I wonder if she is trying to respect my space by not making me feel stressed about having to be included in planning yet I feel more stressed being left out of the planning!
My husband is killing it with his boundaries these days and has clearly stated to his parents that we likely won’t attend given we have a baby on the way. She says she booked a private dining room so ‘the infant’ can also attend and that we should have no problem attending.
My husband’s parents are late 70s-80s and MIL says we should be spending time with them on these important holidays as they are aging. We have said they can meet the baby for a couple of hours on Christmas Day instead. She continues to push, though, for this formal Christmas Eve dinner in addition.
For context: MIL has historically antagonized and vilified me and thus, both my husband and my own mom have said to not involve myself/stay out of it since she will just vilify and blame me again if I do email her or say something directly.
Letting my husband deal with her was my initial intention but she continues to bulldoze and push him. There is a part of me that wants to directly tell her she is being unreasonable and inconsiderate and to let it go.
Are we the jerks for not wanting to attend this formal dinner?
Should I be ‘sucking it up’ as she says and just bring the baby to the dinner… when I will be 1-4 weeks postpartum?
Also, AITJ for wanting to email her myself and set the boundary that we likely won’t be attending AND moving forward, to include me in any discussions around planning things that involve me and our future child?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First of all, having alternated between parents so far doesn’t mean that you are obliged to do this forever. You are starting a family, so your core family changes.
Second of all, 1-4 weeks postpartum can mean anything: you could still be wearing these mattress-sized pads between your legs; you may still have to pee in the shower; the baby is still very fragile; you may be struggling with breastfeeding and infections; perhaps no formal clothing fits you yet – nobody knows and it makes sense to not make wild plans for that period of time.
You don’t have to suck up anything.” Jocelyn-1973
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You could be somewhere between 1 month to THREE DAYS post-partum and she wants you to******* up and come out with them just because it’s a private room? No. She’s laying on the guilt because of her age, but this would be a year where she (at best) offered a low-key at-home dinner or even just offered to bring by a Christmas Eve meal and gifts without pressuring you.
She’s leaving you out of the planning because she knows you would probably decline what she has planned and she’s trying to bully you into attending by saying ‘Oh, but I already have it all planned and YOU are ruining our holiday’.” User
18. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex's Unpaid $9000 In Alimony Slide?
“I (33f) was with my ex-husband (39M) for 8 years.
He was in the military and about a year into our marriage, he received orders to be relocated overseas. I was nervous but I have no family so there really was no reason for me to stay. Two days before we were due to leave, I found emails between him and his ex and he had been having an affair.
I no longer had a job or house because I had given them both up to move and all my worldly possessions were on a boat. My husband begged me to not leave him so I agreed and moved in with him.
About two years later, I was 8 weeks pregnant when I found out my husband was having an affair again and got the woman pregnant.
I told him I wanted a divorce and again begged me to at least stay while he finished his work contract. He didn’t want to miss our baby being born. He assured me I would still have a ticket home funded by the military when we left.
I stayed. I got a job and moved into a very small studio apartment. I ended up losing the baby a few weeks after, which I assume was due to the stress. At this point, I was already locked in a lease for a year and decided to stay until his contract was up.
A month before he was due to leave, our divorce was finalized. My ex-husband had racked up a lot of debt on useless stuff, and that debt was equally split between us. He was also supposed to begin paying alimony for a period of 18 months.
It was at this time I found out I would not have a plane ticket home.
My ex-husband has never paid a dime of the alimony. For a little over a year and a half, I have struggled to get my credit back on track after the divorce and to pay down the debt he left me with so it doesn’t go to collections.
I sleep on a bed mat on the floor, barely have any money left over each month after bills to eat with, and I pray every day that my old car doesn’t give out because the smallest rivet in my finances will ruin me.
I am lonely and tired of being overseas in a country where I can’t speak the language. I want to move back to the States but can’t afford a plane ticket, let alone a deposit and rent for a new place. I make the best of it but I often wonder what I did wrong in the past to receive this karma.
Present day – my ex reached out to me a few days ago asking me to go to a notary and have a paper signed. His lawyer sent it over and it is a financial document asking me to forgive the nearly $9,000 in alimony that he owes me.
The reason he is asking me to do this is because he says he now has a warrant for his arrest and has lost his passport due to the balance he owes. He says he is only asking me because his father lives overseas and is sick and he needs to go see him.
If I don’t sign the paper, he won’t get his passport back until he pays the bill. I could really use the money but I also don’t want to be spiteful because of how much he hurt me.
So, am I the jerk if I don’t sign the paper and possibly cause my ex to never see his sick father again before he dies?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
DO NOT SIGN THAT PAPER.
Look, it’s immaterial why you got divorced really, though he is a total jerk who messed up your life over with his own bad choices, he had a court-ordered agreement and he didn’t meet it. That is not your problem and it is not your fault.
If he couldn’t afford it, he could have gone back to court. He just chose to ignore it. So in the end, it is not YOUR fault he can’t see his sick father, it is HIS fault. There is no reason for you to forgive $9k in debt after he has financially screwed you not once but twice.
He messed around, he found out. Maybe he’ll pay you now and you can get out of there and get on with your life.” thequeengeek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he is facing the natural consequences of his decision to defy court orders. He has also treated you extremely badly both during marriage and after.
If he wants all this to go away all he has to do is pay you.
If you sign the document you’ll never see the money but he gets to have the freedom he wants which is just rewarding his bad behavior. If you refuse to sign the document you may still never see the money but you also might.
He also gets to be inconvenienced until he pays up. Despite what he says there are ways and means of getting it if you wish to pursue it. Or if you don’t sooner or later a big enough situation may come up that he’ll have no choice but to pay it.
Stuff him, I wouldn’t sign it.” NecessaryBunch6587
17. AITJ For Kicking Out My Dad's Partner From His Funeral?
“After Mom died, Dad began going out with ‘Pam’. They were together for 5 years. Dad never directly told me about Pam; two years into their relationship I saw their texts as I was resetting his phone. After that, I would offer to troubleshoot it, so I could learn how the relationship progressed (not proud of this, but it’s the truth).
But I was never informed of her from Dad. Our relationship was strained. After Mom’s death, he wouldn’t let me come to his office, assist in his hobbies, or attend events – now I know it’s because he feared someone would tell me about Pam or I would meet her.
Now he’s died. I was ‘officially’ told about Pam when I (only child) collected his office things, and a large photo of her (no one else including me on his desk) was there. They were STUNNED I didn’t know. I threw that photo away right there.
I made all the arrangements. Pam tried contacting Dad’s phone/messenger – I assume she saw all the posts on his social media and the funeral date online. I never responded to her.
Yet before his wake started, Pam and her family showed up – and planned to be a part of the services!
I came in at 5 pm for the 6 pm wake, and she and her 3 sons, daughters-in-law, and grandkids were there talking with some of their mutual friends. She’s known them all for 3-4 years!
I was FLOORED. The funeral people asked me why I didn’t include her since she’s his significant other.
I told them right in front of everyone that I’ve lived with my dad all this time (we had issues since I became an adult) these last 5 years and I never met or knew her. At this point, Pam got out of the provided chair and tried to play it cool by saying ‘Oh come now!’ while pulling me aside to ‘chat’.
During this chat, she told me ‘You’re going to embarrass yourself and your father if you don’t just keep it together. I can’t believe you refused to meet me until now but that was YOUR choice. Now let’s get through this and figure it out later.’
WHAT?! All my life my parents wanted me to keep quiet, be a ‘good proper lady’, don’t complain, etc. and ALL of that just bubbled right to the surface and I LOST IT. I went to the funeral home’s manager and told them to remove Pam and her family, as they were NOT family, or I would call the cops.
Pam followed me, saying she knew this would happen because I never wanted to meet (according to Dad), and I spent 10 minutes explaining to her and her family that HE NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT THEM.
Pam wanted to stay because in her mind she was all but legally his wife.
I said no, because I’m the family, and she should have thought this through. Right before the 6 pm service, she and her whole family left, and it was just me facing, among other things, constant questionings of ‘Where’s Pam? Why couldn’t Pam come?
We saw Pam outside leaving, why did you do that?’
AITJ for just not putting on a brave face and letting her be there with me as ‘family’?
My real issue wasn’t that she came. I could have dealt with that. My issue was that she had placed herself and HER people to be his ‘official’ family, which is what I mean by I’m his family, not her.
Picture her moving things to what she wanted, asking her sons to take down the photos I arranged, etc. While also receiving people’s sympathy AS FAMILY. Then taking my reaction as if I was a 5 year old probably because of what he’d told her. But that’s my issue: come, but I’m the only one dealing with things, not you.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since your dad never told you about her, you will never know how he felt about Pam. If their relationship was serious, you probably would have met her before the funeral. They weren’t married. Don’t listen to people who are telling you that she was his family and had a right to be there.
They didn’t know your dad or Pam. It’s all just speculation. The facts are that he was with a woman for about 5 years, had her picture on his desk, and his friends knew her, but he never introduced her to you, his only child whom he lived with.
She should have called you before the services, introduced herself, and offered to assist with arrangements. If you did not accept her help, she should have just attended as a guest and not tried to bully you into allowing her to take over the arrangements.” Select_Hall_6248
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here – mostly your dad, a little bit Pam for taking over, bc while she didn’t know that you didn’t know about her, she did think you didn’t want to meet her, so why on earth was she thinking that was going to go well?
Why wouldn’t she have stopped by to meet you privately first, or called? She had options. And then a little bit you for not having the most mature reaction at the moment, but with this many emotions in such an intense period, I get it.
Honestly what leapt off the page to me most was all the pain you must be feeling. I’m really sorry your dad set you up for this, this is an incredibly hard and crappy situation you’re in.” disappointmentcaftan
16. AITJ For Not Helping My Wife Buy A Dental Office?
“My wife and I are in our very late 30s. When we were first married we both were making about the same.
Neither of us had anything. I didn’t want a prenup because I don’t think that’s how a marriage should work.
But my wife wanted a prenup because she was going to dental school and thought when she opened her own clinic, she would make way more money than me and didn’t want to share any of that.
Long story short, reluctantly I agreed to the prenup (that also has a provision for future assets) and we basically have had separate finances ever since. Everything is split 50/50 for the most part (50/50 when it comes to shared expenses like groceries or going out. She doesn’t pay anything toward the mortgage.
She pays about 30% of the mortgage as rent each month).
Recently she has started thinking about opening her own clinic and wants to buy a place that costs about $2 million give or take (including any potential renovations and all the equipment). She won’t get approved for a $2 million loan and does not have 20% to put down not to mention she would need some buffer as well to pay employees, etc…
for a couple of months until business picks up.
Part of it is understandable. University and Dental school were expensive and she started working later in life. But she also in general spent money liberally.
I graduated at 22 and over the years bought 3 houses and saved up regularly to buy more rental properties/invest in stocks.
I can help her get a loan and pay her down payment but since she wanted a prenup when we got married, I don’t see why I should just give her or even lend her that much money.
I told her I could help her with the loan, pay the down payment, be a cosigner, and pay the expenses until it is profitable if she splits the clinic 50/50 and no need to pay me back.
Or I can loan her the money at 8% interest. She started losing it and was shocked at how I would even think about trying to take a percentage of her business.
Friends and family say we are married and she is my wife so I should help her succeed in her career and give her the money interest for free and she will pay me back whenever she can.
I don’t share this sentiment. I think she made it clear how she wanted our financial lives to be when she insisted on a prenup.
Also, people might say 8% is a lot, but keep in mind she can’t get a loan on her own. If I’m risking 600k on a down payment and expenses for a few months when no bank would, this is the interest rate I would be comfortable with and she should be able to pay it back.
The way buying dental clinics works is they are valued based on how much cash flow they have currently and based on the clinic she is looking at, she should be able to make good money.
Anyways, people around us are saying I’m being unreasonable and greedy.
I disagree. Wife wanted a prenup and separate finances, she is getting just that. I don’t see why I should help her with no benefit to me.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Congrats on joining the crowd for whom the prenup is going to be a factor in the divorce.
It sucks. Have a drink.
The prenup was ridiculous! Your wife was trying to protect assets she did not have! I hope a lawyer tried to talk sense into her at the time! What you needed was to have an honest conversation about what you each thought about how a marriage should work, and reflect on whether you were compatible.
That conversation is really hard to have. I should have had one too and didn’t.
Separate finances in marriage are often kind of doomed. If you have kids, the separate finances thing needs to die (because you have a very expensive shared project), and if one person becomes disabled either permanently or temporarily, it needs to die, and if your income doesn’t stay roughly equal, it needs intense modifications.
But it is what you agreed to and none of that stuff has happened yet.
It is absurd of your wife to clutch her pearls about how, if you help her get started, you will own a share of the clinic. That is what investors get, and you would be doing what investors do.
No judgment. Many mistakes were made and I don’t know if you two have the will to fix them. I’m so sorry.” eaca02124
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She will do better fixing up a practice in a less fancy part of town. Cheaper overhead means that she will be a more affordable dentist. With inflation on the rise, dental care is the first to go out the window.
She will make money by being as affordable as possible. High overhead means less profits.
She is going to be super slow at first too. Have her calculate how much money she plans to bring in per procedure. Then how long does it take to complete the procedure?
She needs to understand the specific timetable needed to be profitable with a $2 million overhead. I used to train dental residents. They are all slow. Does she expect to have multiple chairs to work out of and how many hygienists? Those hygiene checks will take time.
She should focus on one chair and add a second chair once she gets more efficient. There’s no need to pay for a dental assistant just yet. She is better off understanding how much time it takes to break down a room and set up for the procedure.
Be affordable, be on time, be friendly, and no internet-facing record-keeping systems. She will need a budget for ransomware too. One disability policy isn’t enough either… She will have a lot of hidden pricy costs. Be as cheap as possible.” LadyK8TheGr8
Honestly, I think your wife is dreaming and wanting a big fancy practice at any cost the way a lot of brides want a big fancy wedding spending money they don't have and going into debt. And worse yet, she sounds bullheaded enough to not listen to any ideas other than her own. Best of luck, but don't go back on the prenup and give her any money. She'll only lose it.
15. AITJ For Not Giving My Coworker A Lift Home?
“I work the night shift from midnight to whenever.
I throw freight. It is not located in a nice area. I got this coworker who works the same time as me who asks me for a ride home often. Let’s call him John. He lives on the opposite side from me. Even though it’s out of my way I never charged him gas even though I should because of gas prices lately.
After working 8+ hours when they tell us we are good to go the whole crew doesn’t hesitate, we’re clocking out before the boss will be like wait there’s one more thing. When I clock out I’m ready to leave as soon as possible. John knows that.
So sometimes John would ask me for a ride and when they said we were good to go we would all go clock out and he would be nowhere to be found. I’ll clock out and I’ll be there waiting for him. I’ll wait for him because I was thinking that he had to go grab his belongings.
After an adequate amount of minutes pass I’ll call him over the PA system then he would finally show up. He said he was helping other people who just started their shift like an hour ago. He did that again a couple of days later and I told him I’d leave him if he didn’t come next time.
So yesterday we all clocked out and once again he was nowhere. I waited 5 minutes and I called him over the PA then again at 10 min and at about 20 min I was like screw it, I’m going home. He has legs. He can walk. That day he got mugged walking home and now at work, people think I’m a jerk for leaving him.
I feel like since he needed a ride he should’ve been more considerate instead of making me wait. It’s not like I didn’t give him a warning before too, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You gave him a fair warning, if you ask for a lift home after work you need to respect that you are eating into other people’s time.
You were doing him a huge favour by giving him a lift in the first place considering it’s completely out of your way.
The least he could have done was offer you money. When I used to get a lift home with my colleague who lived roughly 5/10 minutes away from me I always made sure I was on time and always offered money for it, he never accepted but he did let me buy him fast food once or twice after I insisted.
Unfortunately, he got mugged, but he should be angry at the people who mugged him not you.” Rwhitechocmuffin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, he’s a grown man, you’re not his babysitter, you’re going out of your way to help someone for free. I don’t believe he actually got mugged. The people I know who were mugged ended up in the hospital, one had a blown eardrum and the other had to get stitches, not to mention that the bruises were pretty terrible.
Another friend had their eye swollen shut…
If your coworkers want to complain about how you are a jerk, then they can give him a ride home. I’m sure someone lives in his direction.” Ill_Pickle_4811
14. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Porcelain Dishes To My Brother?
“I’m of Japanese descent, I was born in Japan, but I don’t have Japanese citizenship.
I moved very young to the country my parents originally lived in and my mother, as a way of maintaining my ties with Japan, brought all her porcelain ware, and wonderful glasses and kept them very well on a shelf in my house.
It has never been used, it will be a wedding gift from my mother to me, I can take it whenever I want, but I want to receive it at my wedding, because I always idealized that.
My brother (older – not born in Japan) is engaged to Kim, who is also of Japanese descent (in her case it’s her parents; in mine, it’s my grandparents).
They are getting married on 5/15.
I still live with my mother, but I plan to move at the end of the month with my fiance and we don’t plan on getting married anytime soon, because we prefer to spend on other things.
My mother came to talk to me these days, saying that Kim started hinting that she would love to receive those dishes as a wedding gift (I’m not kidding, they are wonderful), because it has a connection with Asian culture and my brother and she are descendants of Japanese, then it would be wonderful.
My brother even asked my mother if it was a gift just for me and if I wouldn’t give it to him until I got married. My mother said she would see me.
My answer was no. This ‘borrowing’ thing and the risk of never getting back what is my gift, I wouldn’t be the idiot of the time.
And I wouldn’t share it either, because it’s a 6/6/6/6 game (plates, cutlery, cup, glasses) and it was always something to me.
My mother understood and gave the answer to Kim and my brother that I didn’t feel comfortable lending or giving this gift to them.
My cell phone has since turned into chaos and I even went to sleep at a friend’s house these days, because they want me to change my mind and are looking for me. Calling me selfish, that I’m not even married, and that my brother is also of Japanese descent and deserved to use it.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
These are gifts that have been set aside for you. They are yours. Why in the world would they want to ‘borrow’ them? What would they do if something broke? What would happen when you got married and asked for them back?
(we all know the answer to that one, they would say that it was unfair they have been using them for x amount of time and it was a gift to them.)
I know you dream of having the set as a gift at your wedding but I really think it would be in your best interest to take them with you as a gift instead of starting your life in your own home with your fiance.
Otherwise, they may try to steal them.” JustASplendaDaddy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom promised them to you, they are yours. You don’t feel comfortable lending, borrowing, giving, whatever term they want to use. You might not get married for years, and the longer those dishes stayed in their possession, the more they would think they belonged to them.
The whole ‘9/10’s of the law’ thing. That, and when things are borrowed, they get misplaced, lent to others, and sometimes broken. Stand your ground, they belong to you. And, maybe rethink leaving them at Mom’s when you move out. Little mice might run away with them, one piece at a time, when you’re not there to watch.” Sillybabbit
13. AITJ For Giving My Friend Relationship Advice?
“I (19F) have a friend named Rachel (22F) who has always had RIDICULOUSLY controlling parents. As in, they still monitor her social media and she was ‘not allowed’, in their words, to have a job when she was the age that I am now level of controlling.
They’re the strictly religious type, but as someone who grew up in a similar environment, I think the issues there go far beyond that.
Rachel is a sweet person, but it’s kind of hard to work around her parents. If our entire friend group is planning a day out, Rachel still has to ask permission to go, and her mother has to drive her and stay in the area (no more than ten minutes away from where we are, max) the entire time.
She still has a set curfew, can’t stay over at anyone’s place, and her mom has to physically see us there before she’ll even let Rachel out of the car. Her dad isn’t any better; he still goes through her phone and has said he will ‘ground’ her before, though it’s never actually happened.
Rachel knows her parents’ ‘rules’ aren’t right, and she skirts around some of them. Like, hiding clothes they wouldn’t want her to have, locking down her social media accounts, etc. She technically isn’t ‘allowed’ to have a significant other until she’s out of the house, but she started seeing Paul (23M) a year ago anyways.
We’ve all met Paul, he’s a great guy and they genuinely seemed happy. And then Rachel told her parents about him. They went crazy. She had to stop talking to him, could barely even talk to us because we ‘enabled’ it, and she was devastated about it when we finally got back in touch.
Now, here’s where I might be the jerk. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. Rachel’s had about two other significant others before that I’ve known of, plus our mutual friends who have known her longer say there were other instances of this.
She sees them in secret for a while, all goes well, she tells her parents… and there goes the relationship. I did try to DELICATELY bring this up to her on a call the other night, while we were talking about the situation, and she got defensive fast. Rachel’s reasoning is that she can’t lie to her parents about something so major, and she thinks they’ll eventually have to come around.
I told her that if they haven’t come around by now, she is only setting herself up and digging her own grave by letting them in on her relationships over and over again. I understand she’s not in the easiest situation, but the way I see it, she either has to stomach lying or keeping quiet to get around their weird ideas, or not bother at all until she’s fully independent from them.
Rachel got VERY upset with me and told me that it wasn’t as simple as I was making it out to be, and then hung up. She hasn’t spoken to me since, but some of our mutual friends are telling me that I really hurt her by making it out to be her fault and that I shouldn’t have been so insensitive.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s been indoctrinated by her parents that she doesn’t realize how truly ridiculous her situation is. What she needs most is a way to move out and away from them so she can live her life and be an adult.
I will agree with her in that you don’t fully understand and it’s not as simple as you’re making it out to be. She’s in a very peculiar situation, almost sounds like a cult or hostage situation.” Luvs2PWGE
Another User Comments:
“So, I have to say neither.
She’s the one who needs to figure out what’s best for her. If she doesn’t want to follow her parents’ rules, then she needs to get out. If she needs her parents’ help while going to school, financially can’t make it on her own, or whatever the case may be, then she needs to follow her parents’ rules while under their roof, ridiculous rules or not.
She could also sit her parents down and be completely honest and open. Tell them it is a bit ridiculous for a 22-year-old not to have a relationship and ask if they are willing to allow her to be in a relationship.” AlizayB
12. AITJ For Thinking About Moving Out Of My Mom And Stepdad's House?
“I’ve been living with my mom and stepdad since I’ve never really been able to earn enough on my own to safely support independent living.
There’s never been a problem, as I completely pull my weight and now help out on the sheep farm they started about three years ago. My mom was engaged to my stepdad when I was 16, and we moved all the way from our home in Oregon to Ohio since he works in a rather niche job.
We used to be pretty close, considering he was the first dad of my life, but things have been going downhill for some time now.
Admittedly, when I turned 18, after graduation I told my parents I was getting a job so I could pay rent.
Back then, it was just 300 a month, which was a little rough. I made it work long enough to get a position at the hospital. And that’s when Dad started upping my rent. In under a year, I went from 300 to 500 for rent, while also paying for new furniture and bills.
Both of them worked full-time positions, so I most definitely was not the breadwinner of the house. Not to mention, every time I bought stuff for them, I was always told ‘We’ll put it towards your rent payment’ and still get charged in full.
Time skip to later. My dad’s treatment of me got so much worse, and he constantly found fault in everything I did. My dad, to this day, still needles me for an incorrect test answer when I was being evaluated for depression and ADHD and continues to do so even after I’ve said I hate it.
He’s very quick to anger and has repeatedly thrown things at me. He’s always verbally abusive to me, and he’s caused several incidents by forcing his way into my room to attack me.
Since the beginning of this year, I’ve been looking into finding my own place.
Currently, I have a place secured, I just need to raise enough funds to buy a mattress and I’m golden. But the entire time, it really feels like Mom and Dad are doing everything to once again undercut me. Mom wants me to move into ‘a nicer place’ with my older brother, but given how flaky he is, I can already see the nightmare of trying to pay the entirety of a rent payment I can’t afford completely on my own.
Meanwhile, Dad is doing everything he can to keep me from packing and saying how hard it’s gonna be if I leave the farm, ‘How could I leave everything behind.’
The entirety of the home is just toxic. I don’t like living here, and I’m walking on eggshells almost every moment I’m awake, to the point where my job with actual children is far more relaxing.
What sucks about all of this is that I can’t even tell if my parents are proud of me.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Run, don’t walk out that door. Get into therapy as soon as you can: The fact that you’re asking whether you’re wrong suggests to me that considerable damage has been done to your ability to set boundaries, trust your own judgment, rely on your sense of reality, and probably your self-worth.
I also think you should consider for at least a while distancing yourself from your mom and stepdad. They seem to be exploiting you and at least emotionally abusing you.
I recommend that you get the apartment and sleep on the floor if you have to do that or ask other family members if they’ll contribute toward that new mattress.
You are certainly not the problem. And, as far as resources go, when a person chooses to become a parent, they are also choosing to commit the emotional, material, and financial resources raising a child requires. They may come to not like those consequences and responsibilities following from their initial choice, but it is never the child’s fault or blame.” felice60
Another User Comments:
“Seriously? NTJ!
If I was in your shoes I’d sleep on a pile of my clothes with a coat pulled over me as a blanket, sooner than stay in that toxic place a moment longer.
It sounds like the whole strategy of your parents is to destroy your confidence to the extent that you barely function and essentially just exist for them to have a human punch bag and an unpaid farm laborer.
I’m guessing you’re working loads on the farm in addition to handing over money for ‘rent’? So you PAY for the privilege of being a farmhand?
Get out of there as soon as possible and distance yourself completely until you reassess what sort of relationship you want with your mother and her husband going forward!” ApartLocksmith1
11. WIBTJ If I Ask My Significant Other To Help More Around The House?
“I (19f) and my significant other (19m) are expecting a baby boy in less than 6 weeks. I don’t feel like I ask a lot of my SO, but every time I do ask, it doesn’t get done or he says ‘Just remind me later’.
For context, he works at a warehouse for 10 hours Sunday-Wednesday, and I just recently started an 8-4 job Monday-Friday.
I wake up with him at 5:30 every morning, make his and my lunch, and then come downstairs and make sure he has everything he needs before he leaves at 6:40 ish. I make sure his dog goes out twice every morning before I leave, I make the bed and do the laundry.
And then come home from work and make sure the dog goes out again, the chores are done, trash is taken out and the living room and everything is clean. And then he gets home from work and sits down. I’ll ask him to swap the laundry to the dryer for me because it’s too hard for me to reach into the bottom of the washer, and I’ll ask him to do some easy things like cleaning the cat boxes and taking the garbage bag to the dumpster for me if it’s too heavy…
After all of that, I go up and cook dinner. I make sure the dog and cat get fed and are happy. I have a whiteboard up with the few small chores I need done but it doesn’t help, and I feel like I always have to ask more than 3 times and then still get upset before anything gets done…
I feel bad asking him to do the things I do because he always says how much his feet and back and everything hurt. But he’s always complaining about not feeling good and wanting to come home and stuff and then feels totally fine other than his feet are sore after he comes home…
So WIBTJ for asking my SO to do more chores or just get better at getting what I need done…?”
Another User Comments:
“His feet hurt? Awwww try growing another human inside you! Don’t your feet hurt? Along with everything else going on you need to have a serious sit-down talk and say you expect all this to change now.
He will not help with the baby chores and that is only going to add more to your list of stuff. Stop justifying his professional workload (which isn’t even more than yours) and tell him that housework IS work and is actually more important because it is YOUR LIFE!
He has to contribute without you asking. He is a child and needs to be taught a lesson.” tootsandcatsandtoots
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. You are pregnant and also working full-time. He needs to be pulling his weight without having to be asked. When you have a baby it’s going to be even more challenging and you’ll both need to be giving your all.
Have a serious conversation with him now, before the baby comes, and be clear about your expectations. Stop making his lunch and handling his dog; he’s an adult and he’s about to be a father, you are doing way too much for him.” User
10. AITJ For Not Going Home For My Husband Who Has A Toothache?
“I rent a cottage yearly, something my kids look forward to each year.
The cottage is not dog-friendly as the owner has allergies. I have rented this cottage before I married my second husband.
Last year we got a dog sitter and this year I asked my husband to look into it since he was very particular about who looks after the dog (it is his dog).
I reminded him that we should discuss it and that the vacation was coming soon but we never got around to discussing it. So vacation came and he needed to stay back with the dog. In fairness, the dog is having some issues and my husband would have not probably been comfortable leaving him.
But my husband is choked he is missing the vacation.
Vacation starts. My husband briefly mentions his tooth hurting the morning we are leaving. This is the Friday before a long weekend. I mention the dentist in town. I arrive at the destination and his tooth is sore but my husband is eating.
Saturday morning we are meeting friends and we are rushed. He calls, in pain, needing a dentist. I explained I was driving and would look at it as soon as I could. I load the kids, a full picnic and beach set up onto a boat, and then proceed to look for a dentist. Everything is closed.
I called him back (he has already called three times) and told him they are closed and you will need to wait until Tuesday. Not acceptable. He is in a lot of pain. He calls around and finds a dentist. He is mad that he is in pain and has to drive to the next town over to see the dentist (he is from the UK, and we live in Canada).
The dentist tells him his gums are exposed and he needs gum cleaning and prescribes him ibuprofen. Again not acceptable. Wants to see another dentist on a long weekend because he is convinced it’s an infection and needs antibiotics. He also wants the tooth pulled. He finished his rant by telling me that if this isn’t better by Tuesday I need to come home.
I don’t want to go home. It sucks he has a toothache and I realize it’s painful but he needs to give his meds a chance to kick in. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t even see how any of this is your problem or responsibility.
It’s his hurt tooth so let him deal with it. You shouldn’t have to end your family vacation because of it. And why is he second-guessing what the dentist told him anyway? Even if he did manage to get a second opinion and that dentist told him the exact same thing as the first dentist, is he then going to seek a third opinion?
Toothaches suck but given that it’s a long weekend he’s just going to have to grin and bear it, pun intended.” fotw8
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not a medical emergency. Not a situation that actually needs any more attention than it’s gotten. Not something he should’ve bothered you over in the first place, he’s a grown man who’s clearly capable of making his own dentist appointments.
Not something I actually believe is happening, when it so conveniently conformed itself to the trip he didn’t get to go on. I’d stop answering his calls while you’re busy (or outline to him when that is and say he shouldn’t call then unless it’s urgent or you’ll have to start ignoring all calls then).
You need to be paying attention to the kids, both so that their vacation isn’t ruined by distance whining and for safety’s sake, being around water.” User
9. AITJ For Reporting A Bartender To Our Manager After She Refused To Serve Wine To A Pregnant Customer?
“I (23F) bartend on the weekends for some side cash. A few weeks ago, a woman came into our bar.
She looked probably about 7/8 months. For context, I’m one of the head bartenders. I was minding my own business training a new hire around 4 or 5 pm. One of the other bartenders, Annie (19F) came up to me to talk about a ridiculous customer she had.
That customer is a pregnant woman. She wanted a glass of red wine, and Annie refused to serve her and suggested we ask her to leave. I looked at her like she had two heads. Even if someone LOOKS pregnant, you still have to serve them or that can be a discrimination lawsuit waiting to happen.
As much as I DIDN’T like it, I got her the glass of wine and minded my two cents. I went back to training our new hire when Annie saw the woman with a glass of wine, she asked if we could talk in the back and of course, I obliged. She went on a rant about how I was a ‘baby killer’, I was a terrible person, etc. At this point, the other staff members saw this going on, and most minded their business, and a few of the girls told her to cut it out.
I told her whether we liked it or not, someone needed to serve the woman. I surely wasn’t putting my butt on the line for a lawsuit over a glass of wine. Plus, I didn’t know the woman’s medical history, and it surely wasn’t any of my business.
I left it at that. Over the next two weeks, Annie went on a tirade about how I was a terrible person, was not going to heaven, was a baby killer, etc. Eventually, I got fed up and reported her to the general manager. This situation along with her frequent call-offs and bad attitude got her fired.
I feel bad, but I had a job to do, and I feel like her rants were unnecessary. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She may not even be pregnant, some women have bloating in the belly that makes them look pregnant. Also, doctors say that ONE glass of wine a week is permitted for pregnant women so if she was pregnant there is really nothing wrong with her ordering that glass of wine, and the other girl completely overreacted. It would not kill the baby at all especially since doctors say that it is okay to have wine.
It wasn’t hard liquor and it wasn’t multiple drinks. Her reaction to you was completely over the top.” cara1888
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she wasn’t a great employee and seemed pretty harshly judgmental. One glass of wine is not going to harm the baby.
Also, you were right that y’all have zero knowledge of her medical history or if she is pregnant. I know of many women who still looked pregnant after delivering their children so just because she looked pregnant doesn’t mean she was pregnant.” Chelular07
8. AITJ For Not Going To My Grandma's Funeral?
“When I (32f) was 1, my mother married a man who I grew up calling dad.
I’ve never considered him my stepdad, as he’s never felt like that since I’ve known him for so long.
However, his mom (my step-grandmother) (I’ll call her Edith) never considered me a grandchild. She was very clear to anyone who asked or mentioned it, that I was not her grandchild.
I can’t count the number of times she specified to people ‘Oh, she’s not my grandchild, she’s from her mother’s first marriage.’
I know these comments bothered my mom, but as far as I know, she never said anything. It was hard for me, as a child/teen, to see how Edith treated me vs my sister.
They would invite her for holidays, but I was never invited. I’m over it now, for the most part.
Edith recently passed away, and I have no interest in going to the funeral. I live in a different state, I have three kids, I’m in college full-time, and I’m not interested in trying to make it work.
While I’m over the way Edith treated me, I don’t consider her to be family, and I don’t feel a need to go to her funeral. To me, it’s no different than going to a stranger’s funeral. It would be sad, but not on a personal level.
My mom and dad, however, are very upset that I’m not going. They insist she’s my grandma and that I’m wrong for not going. Despite me reminding them that she never considered me her grandchild, they insisted she didn’t really mean it, and that I needed to show up and support the family.
My dad is sad, but Edith was in her late 90s, so this isn’t unexpected. I’m also not very close to him, so me being there wouldn’t really do much for him. My mom was never close to Edith, so her insistence that I show up is weird to me.
I’ll send flowers or something, but I’m not going. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your parents are clearly hurting and funerals are for the living. It would be nice for them to have your support (emotional, physical, etc), but at the same time the woman who passed clearly didn’t want you around, so you have your own trauma to deal with.
Couple that with a ton of last-minute expenses getting there and a life of your own, and you’re within your rights to avoid it, and your parents are within their rights to be disappointed you can’t make it.
Edith is the only jerk.
Her toxicity is causing a lot of pain.
Best wishes whatever you decide.” rappoccio
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Edith made it clear that you weren’t family to HER, so you shouldn’t be told that she’s family to you. Not only that, but it sounds like you’re busy and too far to easily attend.
Your parents should be much more understanding and should have stood up for you against her telling you that, rather than telling you that she didn’t mean it.
They sucked at creating a blended family and are now trying to blame you for not considering her family.
Send flowers and sincere condolences, but don’t feel like you should have to go, just to try and pretend to mourn someone who didn’t treat you kindly.
Edith was a special kind of jerk who acted so horribly to do that sort of crap to a child.
I’m sorry your parents didn’t stand up for you better.” EvocativeEnigma
7. AITJ For Causing My Friend To Miss My Party Because I Won't Relocate My Snake?
“I have a pet boa constrictor.
I know a lot of people are afraid of snakes, especially large ones, so I always warn friends before they come over. Most of my friends don’t mind, a couple of them have just asked that I don’t let the snake out while they’re visiting or will stay in another room if someone wants to meet the snake.
My friend Cassie is so afraid that she won’t come over at all, it freaks her out just knowing that there’s a big snake in the apartment. Fair enough, I’d probably react the same way if someone had a pet tarantula.
The issue arose because our friend group is planning what we’re going to do for Independence Day next weekend, and a few people asked if we could have a party at my house (it’s the most convenient for various reasons).
I said that was fine with me. Cassie then asked if I could have someone else watch my snake for the day. I told her that’s not really an option, snakes are super particular and it’s not like a dog that you can just bring to a friend’s house.
Cassie said that if the snake was going to be in my apartment, then she wasn’t going to be able to come to the party. I asked everyone if they were sure the party needed to be at my place, and everyone said yes.
So I told Cassie that I was sorry and I’d miss having her there but I understood if she didn’t want to come. She didn’t say anything to me, but she texted a couple of other members of the group complaining that I was choosing the snake over her company.
These friends have reached out to me asking if I’m sure I can’t do something with the snake, and telling me that Cassie’s feelings are really hurt. I’m starting to wonder if I’m a bad friend for not trying to accommodate her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The snake is your pet… and yes, I would choose my pet over just about everyone else. That said, you were accommodating, you offered to have your pet in the room away from others. If she can’t compromise and accept that, that’s on her.
Not you. And you went out of your way to ask the friend group about having it at another place and they all rejected it. Where is their sympathy for Cassie’s feelings?
I see three options here.
Ask Cassie again if you putting the snake in a locked room will work for her and explain that there is no way the snake can get out.
Ask again of the friend group to have the party somewhere else.
Cancel and say nope, not going to happen since this is upsetting for everyone.
Remember, this is your pet snake’s house, not Cassie’s or your friends’. You do what you do to take care of your family.” The_Fires_Of_Orc
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
So I have a huge fear of snakes as well. And would be in the same boat as not going to the party. However, the group wanted to have it at your house for convenience. That means she cannot attend as her fear is stopping her.
Normally having a fear of snakes wouldn’t be a big deal in everyday life. However, having a friend with one brings your fear up. She either needs to accept she will miss things occasionally or get therapy to work on her fear. You didn’t set out to exclude her.
It was the mutual friends who decided where to have the party. Pretty sure they know her fear and planned it anyway.
So for her to lash out on social media about this isn’t right.
Snakes are particular and she should understand you can’t just have him gone for the day.
She should understand that he means a lot to you. Just like you understand her fear.” Prudent_Border5060
6. AITJ For Not Wanting To Reconnect With My Father?
“When I was a kid, I (18F) knew that both of my parents had kids with their first family and strangely, I’m fine with it. My father was always so strict with my mom. Granted, he provides us with whatever we want. However, he NEVER wants Mom to go outside.
Even just buying groceries? No, he’d get all mad and say that she only wants to go outside to meet with a man. Even when she smiled while chatting with her friends, he’d get mad at her and take her phone. My mom is a people person.
She got pregnant with my half-sister at 18 and never got to enjoy her teenage years. She likes hanging out with her friends but can’t do what she wants because my dad insists she stay at home and play the ‘dutiful wife’ role. She loves him so she complies.
Years later, we found out that the reason he was like that was because it was HE who had another woman. And two kids with said woman, both a year older than me. Which means he’s been seeing that woman while I was still in my mother’s womb.
And for some reason, he would leave us for months, without money or anything, and casually pop back as if nothing happened. Every time this happened, my mother would lock herself in her room and cry. I’d be the one taking care of her at the age of 9, making sure she eats, bathes, and not harming herself.
She’d go crazy with grief and barely move from the bed until he returned. And when he does, she cries to him, thanking him for returning. And he’d disappear again, leaving us with nothing.
Until he left permanently.
My mother got so depressed. My mother was an undergraduate so it’s hard to find a job for her (not that she was looking for one.
She was too unstable at that time.) And I didn’t know what to do. I would take care of my mother, ask the neighbors for food, and try to ration out whatever remains of our money.
Recently, she has had new friends and several suitors.
My sister sends us money and my mom herself has a stable job. But whenever the topic of my dad comes up, she keeps insisting that I DON’T get mad at him because he gave us whatever we wanted back when he was still with us.
That he was a good husband and father to us and that instead of getting angry, we should be grateful to him.
I tried convincing myself to think that way too, but it didn’t sit right with me. My father wants to reconnect with me and my mother told me to agree, even after hearing that he has a new wife.
My mother kept insisting that I was basically spoiled growing up and my dad loved me very much because I’m his only daughter among ALL his kids, but I downright refused and told her I didn’t want to forgive him for all the damage he did not just to ME but mostly to her.
My mother got mad at me, and so did my sister. But my brothers understood.
Until today, my mother would make scornful comments about how ungrateful I am and how I should know how to appreciate him. Am I really the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
He did not give you what you wanted, assuming all you really wanted was a stable home and a healthy relationship with your mom. He wasn’t a good father, he saddled you with responsibility far beyond your age and left all of you in the lurch.
He didn’t just betray your mom, he betrayed all of you.
So while you should be patient with your mom who obviously has some more issues going on, you should not fall into the trap of feeling grateful for the few morsels you got while missing out on what you as his child were entitled to.
If she keeps pressuring say what you have to to placate her, but stay firm and care for yourself by not groveling for him and keeping your distance. Listen to your feelings and maintain your self-worth. Be kind to your mom because it’s not her fault her self-esteem got so messed up but don’t become like her.
It’s unhealthy what she does.” GrayDottedPony
Another User Comments:
“Your father manipulated and controlled your mother. Sounds like he’s still manipulating and controlling her to get to you. You get to decide who gets to be in your life. Just because she is still pining for him, that doesn’t mean you have to forgive him, especially because it doesn’t sound like he’s ever expressed remorse for betraying and abandoning you.
He’s probably trying to guilt her and she thinks that getting you to reconcile will get her back in his good graces. She’s being unfair to you, and so is he. And I’m sorry she was abused but that doesn’t justify her neglect of you when you were a child.
NTJ.” ComprehensiveBand586
5. AITJ For Donating My Kidney To My Mom?
“So, I (25) have never met my mother. I was ‘raised’ in Dublin by her older sister. My mom (44) is a journalist and went to cover some stories in Sarajevo because she was born there. From what my aunt told me, she got hit by a car, got hurt really badly, and is experiencing kidney failure and for some reason can’t get flown back to her estate in Romania.
I don’t know why, my aunt doesn’t know much either what she does know is that she needs a kidney and mine should work.
I know my mom abandoned me, my aunt made that very clear to me. My aunt has told me straight up that my mom felt stigmatized in Romania being a single mom and couldn’t care for me cause of her depression and that she doesn’t want to see me because it’d be too painful.
But she gave me to my aunt so I had a good life instead of ending up with some family with whatever odds of them being good. That means that to some degree she does care for me even if she doesn’t love me. But even beyond that, even though I’ve never met her, she’s still my mom.
So, I told my aunt that I’d go to Sarajevo and do the operation. I know I probably still won’t meet her, but there’s a part of me that feels this may be the closest I’ll ever be to her.
My fiancee Katerine doesn’t really know much about Sarajevo but she’s terrified of war, she won’t even watch me play Battlefield and she’s so paranoid because of what’s going on with Russia.
Her phobias can get really bad sometimes. She learned that Sarajevo is where WWI started and is begging me not to go and keeps looking up statistics about the Serbian campaign of the war to try and scare me off.
But then Katerine pointed out how she’d be terrified for me and told me it wasn’t fair that to help somebody who didn’t love me I’d be hurting her.
And honestly, it makes me wonder if I am being a jerk to my fiancee by being adamant about doing this in person instead of arranging for my kidney to be sent. So, if I am, please let me know.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
You are unbelievably generous to want to do this, especially for a mother who abandoned you.
The very least your mother could do in exchange for your sacrifice, potentially risking your own life to save hers, is to meet you and thank you in person. Whatever pain she might feel at meeting you is probably nothing compared to the pain you must feel in being abandoned. Her attitude is selfish in the extreme.
If you decide not to go because of your mother’s selfish attitude, nobody will blame you.
Can you discuss this with a neutral person to get a hopefully unbiased opinion?” Paevatar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But let me get this straight, she has only got in touch so she can harvest your kidneys?
What if your true love needs a kidney, or your aunt, or your child or grandchild? You couldn’t give your kidney to someone you truly love and who means the world to you because you gave it away to someone who doesn’t give a toss about you.
You could completely ruin your health for someone who doesn’t deserve your notice. I think your reasons for doing this are very screwed up and are about appeasement towards someone you see as having abandoned you. If you think she is going to turn around and embrace you into her life, you are wrong.” User
4. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancé's Sister To Stay With Us Unless She Agrees To Pay Rent?
“I (29F) live with my fiance (28M). We moved into a very spacious two-bedroom apartment.
We share one room and there is an empty room downstairs. We recently adopted a tuxedo cat ‘Max’ who prefers to be the only animal. The complex does have a fee for animals which is about $40 a month. My fiance does not like any kind of conflict.
There has been conflict in the past when his sister (26F) stayed in our apartment, and the experience was terrible. She decided to move back home and last I heard she was living with her partner.
My fiance and I work different shifts during the week.
Everything is split between the two of us and we do not share finances. The lease is under my name, not my fiance’s. I came home one evening and saw his sister watching TV. A German Shepherd was lying on the floor, chewing on a bone.
I went into the kitchen to grab dinner and asked his sister what she was doing there. She turns around and tells me that she and her partner split. My fiance came home and told me that his sister was going to be staying with us until she found a place.
This happened in February, it’s now April and she is still living with us.
She does work and won’t spend a dime unless it’s on herself. My fiance pays for everything for her, vet bills, extra money towards rent, her food, car payments, gas, and credit cards.
She and the dog were not allowed upstairs as respect for privacy. I came home one evening and saw her dog chasing Max around. I yell at her to get her dog under control and start pitching in or get the heck out. I even mentioned small claims court.
She started crying and left the apartment. My fiance got home and started yelling at me that I was out of line and should have been more understanding of the situation.
AITJ for telling my fiance’s sister to pay rent or get out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ
And no, it’s not that your partner doesn’t like conflict. He has no issue yelling at you.
He’s a people pleaser. The issue with people pleasers: they aren’t nice. They aren’t kind. They’re seeking an ego boost. They make quick decisions as to who needs to be pleased and who is going to have to pay for them pleasing others.
They know exactly who is safe to displease in order to get that ego fixed. The ones closest to them, usually their partners, are collateral. People pleasers will ruin your environment, they will take away from your finances, and you will always come second to anyone else because everyone else’s appeasement is an ego fix.
Because he sees you and thinks ‘She’s safe to be angry because she will accept it indefinitely.’ That’s where you are on his list of priorities. He may not say it ‘out loud’ in his brain, but the cause and effect are understood.
He is happy to make you live in misery if it means he gets to be a hero to someone else like Sis.
Don’t ever confuse people pleasers as being too nice to say no, when they have no issue saying it to you.” Ladyughsalot1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Even if she was only supposed to stay for a week or two, there is zero excuse for your fiance to have let her stay at all without first clearing it with you. It is your joint living space. Even if the rent was in his name only it would be wrong of him to have moved her in for so much as a single night without clearing it with you first. The fact that she has been in your place for so long now and has made matters difficult for you, your family pet, and your fiance, only proves that she needs to go.” Betrayed_Orphan
3. AITJ For Telling My Husband's Ex To Give Up Custody?
“I (34M) met my husband (36M) six years ago, due to friends in common we started going out and we married four years ago. My hubby has kids (12M, 10M) from a previous straight marriage with Lizzy (35F). When the second baby turned 1, they divorced and split custody.
I met my husband a couple of years later.
My husband and I have 2 kids (4F, 2M) as a married couple, I love my husband’s kids so much to the point that I don’t like to call them my stepkids but my kids.
Lizzy struggled financially in the past so she gave up custody partially, from 50/50 to 80/20 in our favor.
Two years ago, Lizzy couldn’t afford her rent anymore and had no place to go so we let her move in until she settled down. Her time here was stressful to me and I hated it, she made clear that she hated me and complained about how my husband comes from a family with money and it wasn’t fair for his kids’ mother to struggle.
She was here for 5 months (a dark era for me), my husband and I weren’t comfortable but did it for the kids.
She is struggling again (financially) and wants us to let her stay here but I don’t feel like it, thus she says that not letting her wouldn’t be fair for the kids because they won’t see her since she doesn’t have a safe place to stay and her parents live so far away, it means she won’t see the kids in a while.
So, I told her: ‘If you can’t afford a safe place and the kids are better with us, you should give up custody and let the kids be with us full time’.
She got mad at me and at my husband (‘for doing nothing’ on this) and said that it was out of the question.
My husband and I let her know that there is no way she can move in with us.
Her friends are accusing me of ‘keeping her away from her children’ and said that the suggestion ‘You should give up custody’ is absolutely out of the question.
She made a post on how we use money as ‘a weapon’ to cast her aside, she told the kids and now they are mad at me too.
Did that suggestion go too far? I think it’d be the most reasonable thing to do at least for now.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Regardless of her financial situation, she’s still their mother and there is value in her staying in their lives. If the kids are mad at you, that should tell you that they want her in their lives and if you love them like they’re your own, you shouldn’t want them to lose that connection.
Your story makes it sound as though you want her out of all of your lives and are using the financial disparity between the two biological parents against her.” miyuki_m
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I would not let my stepson’s mother stay with us either – over my dead body – no matter what it meant for her ability to spend time with her son.
It’s your husband’s ex’s responsibility to find housing for herself and to set herself up to parent her children – not yours – however – to suggest to a mother that she give up custody of her kids is unfathomable. I know you love your stepkids, but they are not your children, they are hers, and to suggest something like that is disgusting.” KalenaCory
2. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Room With My Soon-To-Be Stepsisters?
“I (17F) lived with my dad for a few years but have been living with my mom for a few months now because Dad’s house is getting renovated. I will be moving in back with my dad soon and I’m looking forward to that because my mom and I don’t get along well and I don’t have a room that’s mine.
I sleep on a mattress in the living room or in Mom’s room.
My dad is getting married very soon and his wife will be living with us. I used to have the largest bedroom in the house but decided to let Dad and his wife take it because it makes sense that they get the largest room (my dad didn’t ask to have it).
My dad has a 3-bedroom house. My 2 brothers share a room, and I’ve always had my own.
Privacy and quiet time are very important to me. I destress by being alone in my room. Being around people constantly is very draining to me, and it is one of the main reasons I can’t stand living at my mom’s.
It’s also the only place I feel like I can be safe and be myself.
My soon-to-be stepmom has 2 daughters (18F and 15F). They’re nice and seem like genuine people. They’re very talkative and expressive, which I don’t mind but it drains me after an hour or so.
I’m not really interested in them. They won’t be moving in with their mom to our house as they have their own house with their dad. Their mom asked me if it was okay that they sleep in my room over the weekend. I really don’t mind because I’m away at my mom’s during weekends and I don’t mind sharing a room once a week anyway.
However, today I saw them and they were calling my room ‘our’ room and talking about putting bunk beds and a TV in there which I hated. I don’t understand why they feel entitled to call my bedroom ‘ours’? It’s certainly not ours. It’s mine and I can agree or refuse to let them sleep in it.
I didn’t say it out loud but it was obvious from my body language that I felt very overwhelmed and uncomfortable. I talked to my dad about it and he said they’re just excited and that I’m overreacting.
I feel like there’s a lot of pressure on me to be their friend.
It’s not that I’m against being friends with them. I’m just really not interested in talking to them and I find them overwhelming. I’m usually reserved and not confrontational but right now I feel like I am losing the only place where I can be by myself (I’m very introverted) and recharge.
It feels like I’m losing my autonomy which is very important to me.
I feel a strong urge to communicate to my stepmom and her daughters that this is my room and they’re welcome there only as guests. I don’t want them leaving their stuff around or having access to it.
I don’t want any bunk beds in my room. I don’t want a TV. There are 2 spare mattresses at our house and if I’m not there one of them can sleep on the bed. I don’t want them to have a say or feel entitled to an opinion on how my room looks.
AITJ for not wanting to share a room with them?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here
I think there has been some miscommunication here. You were under the impression they would be staying in your room as guests when you were not there. But I feel your stepsisters now see this as their room too which makes sense as it’s where they’re staying when they’re with their mum.
You need to talk it out with your dad and see what the situation is, but ultimately you may not like the outcome. This is a difficult situation and you’re going to have to adapt to it.” FlyGuy1922
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for your feelings, but you also have to consider the stepsisters’ point of view.
You sleep on a mattress on the living room floor at your mom’s house and hate it. Where else could your stepsisters sleep? Yeah, it sucks having them call it their room, but there is no other room for them to ‘own’ on weekends. If you refuse, they will start to resent visiting their mother.
Feel all you want, but no matter what they call it, you are only sharing 2 days a week. And if they don’t get bunk beds, imagine how much of your space will be taken up with single beds. If you don’t like the TV, keep it off.
I think you are having a tough reaction to change. Give it time, and you may be more comfortable.” Illustrious-Horse276
1. AITJ For Being Angry At My Husband's Aunts For Forgetting To Pick Up My Son From School?
“My husband and his brother are the only grandchildren on his father’s side of the family. The two aunts and two uncles have doted on the boys and helped take them to all their activities when they were kids.
When I joined the family, their overbearing presence was a bit overwhelming as my family is quite geographically spread out and therefore was not as involved in the day-to-day.
Since my husband and I have had 2 kids of our own (5m and 2f) the two aunts have become problematic. They are constantly telling me how to parent my children despite having no actual experience with pregnancy, childbirth, or raising kids. We used to attend weekly dinners at their place but I stopped attending about a year ago after a blowout with one of them when she tried to overrule me disciplining my son – he was going to a time out after hitting his baby sister and she thought I was being too harsh, ‘boys will be boys’.
My husband has a hard time standing up to them as he feels indebted to them.
Anyways, to the present: my son is now in Kindergarten. The aunts wanted to pay for piano lessons: with a plan to pick him up after school on Fridays, take him to his lesson, have dinner, then bring him home.
My hubby and I agreed.
Last Wednesday, I confirmed with them that today was early dismissal so he would be done school at 12:30 instead of 2:30 but that if they couldn’t accommodate early pick up I could get him. They said they would love the extra time with him.
I texted them this morning as well to remind them.
At 12:40, the school called and I rushed out to go get him. I called the aunts on the way to see if they were close and maybe had gotten stuck in traffic. They had forgotten.
I was (still am) livid. And I hung up on them. I picked up my boy who was a bit upset that there had been no one there when his class was let out. I apologized and we got slushies and came home. He colors in my office while I finish my work day.
They text to apologize and to confirm they will pick him up from my house for piano. He was still a bit upset and said that he didn’t want to go. He asked if we could do some baking instead. So, I told the aunts he didn’t want to go tonight and given today’s events I wasn’t going to force him.
They tried calling twice and I declined both calls.
I may be the jerk because Grandma (94) has had some health issues lately and just got out of the hospital 2 days ago. They were helping her with errands and cleaning her house. They said that I should have reminded them yesterday instead of today.
My feeling is that if they were unable to pick up my son they should have just said so or texted me back this morning and I could have planned/adjusted my work day accordingly. Luckily my boss is amazing and wasn’t bothered by me leaving abruptly from a meeting.
The aunts feel like I disrespected them, their friend (who teaches piano), their time, and their financial support.”
Another User Comments:
“Nobody sucks.
They are under a lot of stress, the pickup time changed (out of routine), and they apologized, and tried to call after.
This was an accident, not malicious. I sincerely doubt they WANTED to make him upset. If anything they want to dote and spoil HIM. If they wanted to upset specifically YOU there would be other ways to do that.
You dislike them so much it’s covering the fact that this was a simple mistake.
Have you made any mistakes with your kids, cousins, or friends? Have you forgotten anything when you were so stressed when someone was in hospital?
Sure you can be upset about past stuff in the relationship, but this scenario was a mistake, that they regret.” Orangebiscuit234
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Yes, they should’ve stepped up and made sure they didn’t forget, not put the burden on you to give them multiple reminders. But setting aside that you’ve identified a valid reason for them to be particularly distracted, you’re acting like they abandoned him at 3 am in a prison graveyard in the middle of a hurricane, instead of treating this as an opportunity to impart the lesson that adults make mistakes sometimes.
You’re also not giving them a chance to apologize and make it up to him (or, for that matter, to have come and collected him themselves if it was really going to present that much of an inconvenience to your workday).” User
