People Want Closure In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
20. AITJ For Asking My SIL To Pay For Her Own Bridesmaid Dress?
“I (24F) am getting married in two weeks. When my fiance proposed we set money aside for things for the wedding. Including the bridesmaids’ dresses. I asked my SIL (32F) if she would want to be a bridesmaid and she told me no.
Last week my family saw the dresses the bridesmaids were wearing and they were in absolute awe.
I admit they were beautiful but they cost a lot of money too. Later that day my SIL asked me if the offer to be a bridesmaid was still on the table. I told her of course but she was going to have to pay for her own dress.
She told me that it was unfair that I paid for the other girls’ dresses but not hers. I told her that the money for the dresses was saved up and buying one more would cut into the expenses for other things.
I thought the conversation was done from there but I got a text from my brother telling me that I am acting like a middle schooler by leaving SIL out of the wedding and that all she is doing is trying to bond with me but I am not giving her the chance.
I told my brother the situation and he was aware of everything that happened, yet he keeps pushing this false narrative of me trying to exclude her from the wedding. SIL and I have gotten along up until this point. I do feel bad that she feels that way, though.”
Another User Comments:
“She wasn’t interested in being a bridesmaid until she saw the dresses. She doesn’t want to be in your wedding to bond with you, she wants the free dress. You’re not trying to exclude her – she excluded herself by saying no to being a bridesmaid.
Your brother is acting as though you intentionally meant to exclude her, which is not the case. Anyway, who decides they want to be a bridesmaid two weeks before the wedding? I mean, seriously?!” ClothesQueasy2828
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People seem to forget that the bride and groom purchasing attire for the bridal party is EXTREMELY generous, and not common practice.
You offered, she said no, then she saw the attire, and changed her mind. You were very reasonable in letting her be a bridesmaid and saying she will have to pay for her dress now, which IS common practice. I don’t know how well you do with confrontation, but I would sit down with her, your fiancé, and your brother and lay it out flat: that you offered, she said no, you budgeted then for x amount of dresses, now she wants a cut but that’s not fair to the bride and groom who were GENEROUS to begin with.
She is more than welcome to be a part of the bridal party but because of her delayed commitment to the event, she now has to pay for her own dress as a consequence. You do not want this to affect your relationship but you also will not be bending on this as you already paid $XXXX and have more invoices on the way.” noturfriend_uaskd
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Had a similar thing happen to me. – was working with my friend J on a project and we were constantly reassuring our friends that they could join too. They all declined. When this project was finished N (another friend) approached me and asked if I could include her as one of the heads of the project, I refused because I didn’t want her to get all the credit for none of the work – especially since we asked her a thousand times if she wanted to join.
She went behind my back and told J that I wanted her on the project, so J submitted our project with Ns name included. Don’t let that happen to you!! Point out every time you see SIL and everyone who thinks you’re a jerk why SIL has to pay herself and don’t feel guilty about it.
SIL only wants to be your bridesmaid because she’s seen how beautiful the dresses are, she doesn’t care about the honor it is to be someone’s bridesmaid.” OwnAd475
19. AITJ For Leaving My 14-Year-Old Stepdaughter Home Alone While Attending A Birthday Party?
“I (39f) have two children, 11f bio daughter, and 14f stepdaughter.
11 had a birthday party to attend today about 20 minutes from the house. I asked 14 if she wanted to go and paint pottery with us. She said no. I told her to take a shower, do her chores, etc while we were gone.
About 30 minutes after we left, her mother called my husband and asked to have 14 call her.
My husband (who is at work) told her that she was at the house and probably in the shower. His ex proceeded to yell and scold him and tell him she WAS NOT allowed to be at home alone. And she was on her way to get her.
My husband leaves his job to meet her there. She proceeds to scold him again and tell him to give her HER DAUGHTER. She then kicked over a large pot of soil that I was growing tomatoes in and tried to take off my ring doorbell.
AITJ for leaving a 14 y/o at home to go to a birthday party and not forcing her to go with us? If I had forced her to go, we wouldn’t have had to deal with all this drama.”
Another User Comments:
“Well, I guess sign me up for the worst mother of the century award because my 12-year-old frequently spends several hours at home by herself between when she gets home from school and when I get home from work.
Funny thing though, she’s too old for daycare. She’s technically old enough to babysit the neighbor’s grandbaby (which she has done a time or two) and the Red Cross even offers babysitter classes for 12-year-olds. What flavor of crazy is biomom exactly? You are NTJ.
Biomom needs some kind of intervention though. Also, if stepkid wasn’t specifically INVITED to the birthday party, it’s quite rude to bring her anyway.” Ok_Character7958
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A 14 y/o is capable of surviving two hours without parental supervision, especially as it was in her own home.
At that almost-teenager age, I bet she was secretly glad to get a little break from everyone and probably proud to be treated like an almost adult instead of a little kid. I mean, good grief, at 14 my parents trusted me to take the bus and get home from school all by myself, where I would then spend the next hour doing my homework all alone before my mum returned from work.
I was perfectly fine, and that wasn’t during the ‘good old days’. That was fifteen years ago. OP, you did nothing wrong and the girl’s mum knows it too. She just used the opportunity to stir up trouble and paint you, a.k.a her ‘replacement’, as a bad stepmom.
I am going to make a wild guess and assume there is some bad blood between you two?” RemarkableTurn2021
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – SM sounds problematic. I wouldn’t have wanted a 14-year-old leaving with her. A 14-year-old can handle being home alone. If time is divided between two parents, the parent whose home she’s in sets the rules.
You need to make sure that your husband is okay with the 14-year-old being home alone. SM destroyed your property. Your husband needs to take the lead on any interactions with her, but you need to have conversations on how you’re to interact with the 14-year-old.” GrWr44
18. AITJ For Not Wanting To Be Called Grandma By My Son-In-Law's New Partner's Kids?
“I (58F) lost my only daughter Nina (fake names will be used) three years ago in an accident.
She was married to Alan 38M. They have two daughters together (12 and 9). For some context, Alan and Nina had been together since they were 16. Alan lost his parents at a young age so I’ve always been a second mom to him. We are very close.
He visits nearly every day and even calls me Mom.
Alan has recently been seeing Jasmin (28F) for the past 10 months. She just found out she is pregnant. She has two children from previous relationships (5F and 3M). Alan decided we should meet. We had a wonderful picnic at the park.
While I was cutting fruit Jasmin’s daughter asked me, “Suzy can I have some fruit?” Alan corrected her immediately and said, “No honey she’s grandma, not Suzy.” The children began to call me grandma after that. I honestly felt very uncomfortable because I barely knew these children.
Toward the end of our picnic, my elder granddaughter confided to me about how her dad keeps pushing Jasmin as her mom. Her children as their siblings. I decided to talk to Alan in private and told him to please not address me as grandma to Jasmin’s children.
I also brought up what my granddaughter told me. He immediately got angry and told me it wasn’t my business what goes on with his family. He also told me I should be happy to have additional grandchildren. They left and won’t respond to my calls.
Jasmin even called me to tell me to back off. It’s been a week with no type of contact. My husband and sons said I should have just kept quiet to keep the peace. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Blended families are hard. The fact that it’s centered around the passing of your daughter makes it even harder.
You did EXACTLY what you should have done. You talked to him privately about something that was bothering you. You are NEVER the jerk for having feelings expressed in a healthy way. You even went to bat for your granddaughter, so good job there too.
Keep in mind, your son-in-law is in a tough, emotional spot. He is likely feeling pressure to merge the two families and is thinking of the very real, but equally weird position of having 3 of the 5 kids call you grandma. The vision of that goes against his likely strong desire to have a “whole” family again.
That does NOT make his reaction right, just giving you another perspective. A suggestion. I would write a note to include a few things: – how much you love him and are excited about this new phase for him – how much you love the grandkids and want to continue to be a part of their lives – how you want to continue your mother-son relationship in a way you are BOTH comfortable – and you miss him and will be right there when he’s ready to talk Then step back.
It’ll hurt. But he has to work through this himself. You will just want to “keep the peace” but peace that comes at the expense of one isn’t peace it’s submission. Good luck.” Tical79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you can choose how the children address you, and you can deal with it directly with the children in the future.
Sadly, I think your granddaughters need to make the call about what to call Jasmin. If they remain NC, stay patient and send gifts when appropriate – preferably to all the kids, but sign the cards Grandma to your grandchildren and Suzy to the other grandchildren.
Alan has lost his parents and his first wife, clearly he’s trying to reshape his family with the remaining people, so I do feel some sympathy for him. But he can’t whitewash the past.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This isn’t just about your feelings in the matter, but all the kids too.
Everyone should feel comfortable. No child should be forced to address a practical stranger as grandma or mother. Even if they have known each other for years it absolutely shouldn’t be forced. This is something that should be up to the kids. My mum passed away when I was 13, I was kinda estranged from my dad and a reasonably new stepdad.
My stepdad brought me up, I’ve always called him by his first name, his daughter from a previous marriage I refer to as my sister, because that’s my choice. My stepdad’s parents I again always called by their names. I also have a stepmother, again I call her by her first name, I’ve known her since I was about 6.
Him trying to force this “family” narrative when people aren’t comfortable with it is simply going to make the kids and you push back. That’s on him. You can be a family without the sibling/grandmother label. And as someone who lost my Mum, I would never ever refer to someone else as Mum, and if I was forced to I would have grown up pretty bitter about it.” [deleted]
17. AITJ For Confronting My Partner About Not Spending Time With Our Daughter?
“My partner (26m) and I (27f) have been together for a bit over a year now and have known each other for 13 (he was my first partner back in school). We have a 3-month-old daughter (E). I love them both but it’s hard sometimes. My partner had a disc prolapse back in January and a second one about 3 weeks ago.
So he was home his fair share this year. I’m currently a stay-at-home mom because he earns double my salary.
Like I said he was home about 4 months till now and didn’t do much with us (E and/or me). He was advised to take walks and go swimming.
I asked if he wanted to go to the pool with us but he didn’t, so I went alone with E. Same for walks. My sister and her kids adore E so we spend a lot of time together.
The first time we were at the pool (he didn’t want to come) he texted me it sucks he is missing her first time in the water etc. so I said ‘Just come we are here quite some time’ but he didn’t and kept on texting.
I was a bit annoyed but let it slip.
After that, every time I want to do something as a family he comes up with another excuse for not going with us. I was annoyed at first but now I’m just like whatever YOU are the one missing out on all her first ones and I always tell him that he will regret it and should stop complaining when it’s his fault it is this way.
Yesterday we had a little party for E to welcome her into our family including our closest friends. We were sitting round the table and everything is fine till he starts complaining about not getting to spend time with E and how he wished things would be different.
I then said “Stop crying about it. You don’t want to participate in any activities, can’t even play with her when I cook dinner and you never take her to bed because you are too busy watching stupid streams and videos.” It was dead silent and he left. My family knows the struggle so it was no surprise for them.
But our friends didn’t. They haven’t said anything but I saw how uncomfortable they were and I said sorry like 1000000 times.
After everyone left my partner was fuming and screaming at me for saying something like that and how I embarrassed him in front of everyone.
Yeah, I probably shouldn’t have done it in front of everyone but he keeps crying about not knowing E as soon as someone listens and I’ve had enough of it.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sounds to me like he likes having the attention centered around him.
He has to monopolize your attention when you’re away. He has to paint himself as a victim. He needs to step up as a father and partner because right now he only sounds like a petulant child. Plus you mention he paints you in front of his friends as someone who doesn’t give him access to his child???
There is something seriously wrong with that. You were right to paint the picture right for everyone. He should be embarrassed about himself.” Particular-Ad-8772
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your daughter will grow up to not respect him. I have the same problem. My daughter will be 5 soon, she absolutely does not like to be around her father unless I’m not in a good/playful mood and/or she gets bored of me.
Doesn’t happen very often though. He constantly complains that she doesn’t love him, listen to him, or respect him. She always says she doesn’t like him, that dad is mean and yells at her. He has no idea how to be a father to her because he didn’t want to put in the effort when she was an infant and now there is no relationship between them.
It’s a matter of fact that your child will want you over him, and will want you to soothe her hurts or fears. Will want you to play and talk, to tell stories.” Display-Apart
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I used to have a friend just like this, who would constantly ignore or refuse invites to activities, and then guilt-trip the group (and everyone else within earshot) about how she is always left out and missing out on big moments.
The final straw for me was a vacation I planned and invited her on, she never responded to the texts and when I asked her in person she was just like “mmm maybe, but I’m trying to get an open relationship going and so-and-so will be at a party that weekend, so let’s play it by ear” and never updated me, so I went on the vacation, and when I got back she blew up my phone for 3 days, literally screaming at me and saying that I was a horrible, selfish person who doesn’t deserve love because I don’t know how to love people right.
Anyway, just like she did, your spouse is just looking for attention and sympathy, forever a victim and in no way responsible for his actions.” Repulsive-Exercise-4
16. AITJ For Donating My Deceased Wife's Inheritance To Charities Instead Of Giving It To Her Siblings?
“My (55m) wife (57f) passed away last year after battling cancer for a number of years. Prior to her passing her parents passed away in 2017/2020 (in their late 80s), and all of their possessions and funds were left in a trust that was to be divided between my wife and her 2 siblings.
They were all pretty much in agreement as to who got what and what was sold which was great as we really needed the funds to pay for my wife’s care and couldn’t afford a fight.
Recently my brother-in-law reached out to me and basically said that now that the “appropriately respectful” amount of time had passed since my wife’s death I needed to return what was left of her share of the inheritance to my brother and sister-in-law since my wife and I had no children together.
I responded politely that my wife had left everything to me and that I intended to give most of what was left to charities my wife supported prior to her passing as well as donate to the hospital that cared for her before her death.
He got very upset and said that it was family money and that I wasn’t entitled to it and shouldn’t be throwing it away and ended up hanging up on me. Now my sister-in-law has also reached out saying that as she has 3 children and a big mortgage she needs the funds more than “some charity”.
So now I feel like I might be being a jerk by giving away what is left of my wife’s inheritance instead of giving it to her siblings.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m assuming legally your wife gave you everything in her will, or trust, or whatever.
If she wanted to give it to charities, honor her memory by doing that. If she would have given something to her sister, that’s up to you. It’s your funds, do something your wife would be happy knowing what you did with it. Just to be clear, you don’t owe her siblings anything.
Legally, emotionally, financially.” Guilty666
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are not in the wrong at all. You are legally entitled to those funds and can do with it as you please. Just because your in-laws “need” the funds gives them no right to it. As much as it might hurt, cut these toxic people out of your life.
They clearly don’t consider you family, if they are calling it “family money” in that way. I can never wrap my head around people who lose a loved one and their primary concern is what assets were left to them. You should really stick it to them and donate to the charity of your choice “in their honor”.
I would love to see the look on their face when they receive that letter thanking them for their generous contribution.” Just-Bee-6106
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I think if your SIL is asking for your help, and you choose to give it (those are your nieces/nephews too) – that is fine.
That is not the same as returning what YOU INHERITED FROM YOUR WIFE. She left that to you, they have no right to it. They’re simply guilting you and your posting here shows the guilt trip is working/at least nagging at you. Please don’t let guilt win, you’ve done nothing wrong.
You did the right thing respecting your wife’s wishes (she willed it to you consciously, they must respect that and are the jerk for trying to guilt you out of it). If BIL is in need and wants to appeal to you for help, again that’s a different discussion.
Sorry for your loss, I doubt a year is enough time either (or if ever such a timeline exists), wishing you the best.” mayfeelthis
15. AITJ For Making My Daughters Share A Room And Possibly Changing Their Schools?
“I (38F) have 4 kids ages 16f, 14f, 7m, and 5m. My oldest is in high school and my second youngest is going into high school in August. We are moving out of our house in July due to some issues going on with the house.
(it’s a bug infestation) While we live here my daughters have their own bedrooms. My 14-year-old has lots of items in her room from posters, paintings she made, books, art supplies, etc basically her room is a mess. My oldest doesn’t have much in her room since most of it’s at her dad’s.
We are moving out of our house in July and I took the girls to see the house, it was a small 3 bed 2 bath house with a huge back yard. The thing they are mad about is they will have to share a room. (So are my 2 boys.) They don’t get along that well since my oldest is always taking her perfumes and using them all.
When they saw how small the rooms were they looked shocked and upset. On the way home from seeing the house both my daughters looked upset. We stopped to meet their dad so he could drop off some pants for her for work and she seems mad.
She asked her dad if she could go back with him. He ended up saying no since he couldn’t pick them up at the moment due to work.
My 14-year-old is mad at me because she might have to get rid of some of her things since there wouldn’t be any space.
I’ve been pestering her for the past few days about cleaning her room and throwing away old clothes she can’t fit.
I’ve also told them they might be transferring schools since I still need them to look after their brothers while I work. They didn’t take this well and texted me while I was working that they didn’t wanna move back to their old school system.
I told them it would be better since they wouldn’t be distracted. My daughters are really mad at me, especially my 14-year old because she doesn’t want to leave her friends behind.
Both my girls were talking earlier about how they wanted to move back with their dad since they didn’t wanna watch their brothers and my 14-year-old is upset because the room she and her sister are gonna share won’t be big enough to fit all of her posters, books and art supplies.
I told them both to get over it since they have to share a room when they are with their dad so I don’t see anything wrong with it.
My sister and mom are getting really angry at me because “teens need their space” but I think they can do just fine.
Am I the jerk for making them share a room and possibly making them move schools?
Note: it’s not that we’re poor, I’m working in a hospital and making good money. The only reason we’re moving is due to bug infections and since we’ve been living here for 5+ years.”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ you parentify your girls and change their lives and schools so they can watch YOUR younger kids. Whaaaat? You made your choice to give birth not them. And you call books and art supplies junk? Wooow, I feel sorry for the girls who have to change their whole life to accommodate their mom who decided to have more kids but now can’t properly mother them all.
Girls sharing rooms because of need is not a problem as boys do share as well, but the rest is disgusting.” Ok_Yesterday_6214
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Haven’t you ever heard of fumigators? I think you want to move for your own selfish reasons (sorry if you’re bored of living in the same place for “5+ years”) and don’t care enough about your children’s happiness to find a new house where they’ll be comfortable or in a place where they’ll have stability (their current school district).
From what you say, you don’t respect their belongings, their hobbies, or their personal lives, since you want to eliminate “distractions” like friends and activities so the older children can take care of the younger ones. Babysitting siblings can be a necessity, as can sharing a bedroom.
But if money really isn’t an issue, it sounds like you’re forcing a bunch of unnecessary changes onto your children so their lives better fit into whatever you want your own to be.” VioletVenable
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for moving, YTJ for how you went about it.
First, you probably should’ve included the older kids, at least, in ‘what’s happening’. Sometimes, knowing something is coming and what it’s going to be like allows people to adjust to the feelings in advance. Instead, you took them to the new place with it being a done deal, and expected…I dunno?
Singing and dancing? I’m also going to YTJ you for a variety of other things you said.
Your 14-year-old, you describe her room as a mess. Is this because you don’t think her artistic endeavors are worth it? Most art kids WANT to display their art, and have lots of supplies to go with it.
But maybe you expect something a little less realistic and a little more Martha Stewart? You indicate your eldest daughter takes and uses the other daughter’s perfume. Why haven’t you put an end to that? Theft is theft, regardless of whether it’s siblings. Then there’s the whole “my older kids will babysit.” In fact, you say “They didn’t take this well and texted me while I was working that they didn’t wanna move back to their old school system.
I told them it would be better since they wouldn’t be distracted.” Better since they wouldn’t be distracted. Right there, you rocket to the top of a YTJ list. How dare they have friends and interests that wouldn’t have them attending to a 7 and 5-year-old with all their attention.
Two children that they, the girls, did not have.” Available-Love7940
14. AITJ For Shutting Off My Influencer Daughter's Phone After She Cropped Out Her Sister From Photos?
“I have two daughters Mandy 24 and Debby 27. Debby is autistic and while not the greatest fashionista she is fun to be around and has a stable career. She also lives by herself and is self-sufficient.
Mandy still lives at home and says she’s an influencer.
Last week I took some pictures of my daughters at lunch and posted them on social media.
I was shocked when Mandy posted on her Instagram that “she had a wonderful brunch with her mom.” My other daughter was cropped out of the picture.
Mandy said that Debby isn’t photogenic and every time she posts a picture of them together it doesn’t get much traction.
Then I talked to Debby and she says Mandy has been doing this for years. I go through my daughter’s Instagram and it’s true she has cropped her sister out of every picture on there. I was angry and I told Mandy I’m not paying her phone bill anymore and shut off her service.
She was angry but I told her to pay for her own phone from now on. Mandy cried for hours saying there’s no reliable wifi in our house or other places. I told her it’s time she fends for herself and she needs to save up to move out by this time next year.
I was told I’m out of touch in this economy but I’m sick of her mean-girl attitude towards her sister and cropping her out was awful.
My husband thinks I overreacted but he does think it’s time for our little influencer to move out of the home.”
Another User Comments:
“Being an influence isn’t a spiritual calling. If you aren’t making enough, or anything, from it you are more a creative moocher than anything else. NTJ. Cry all you want kid. If anything being in touch with society by getting a job, tough though that may be, would help her ‘influence’ it.
I can only assume that this has been coming for a while and this is merely the straw that broke the camel’s back. If so, it may be helpful to focus on the other things and keep Debbie out of it.” AforAuPair
Another User Comments:
“INFO: is Mandy working? As in, is she making real money as either an influencer or in another job she also does in addition? Being an influencer as a career, for the record, by definition means not presenting your real life as it is. It must suck to be people being used for photos that tell a different story than reality, but social media (for influencers) isn’t about presenting life as it is and I think it’s silly to “punish” your daughter for not presenting life as it is as an influencer.
That said, you should not be supporting an able, NT 24-year-old who doesn’t have a real job — real defined as making an income — and isn’t in any education programs. That is regardless of what she does on social media!” Kittenn1412
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk (well, except for Debby, who is innocent in all this). Mandy is a self-centered jerk. She’s a 24-year-old who should be working and paying for her own stuff, but instead spends all day chasing that insta-dollar, and let’s be honest, she’s probably one of the 95% who will never be more than just some rando self-described “influencer.” You and your husband have enabled her to continue living like a teenager.
You didn’t make her face reality, and she is either unwilling or unprepared to be a functioning adult right now. The best thing you did here was cut off her phone. But you should be making her get a stable job that pays so she can afford her lifestyle.” TheDreadPirateJeff
13. AITJ For Offering To Buy My Friend's Rented Apartment?
“My friend, Zoey, and her partner rent an apartment near us. They love living there, but their landlord announced that he will sell it soon.
Zoey and her partner are devastated, they even talked to someone from the bank and sadly, they can’t afford to buy the place.
My husband and I talked and realized that we have enough money to buy the apartment. I told Zoey and her partner that we could buy it and they could keep living there.
The only difference for them would be that they are sending the rent money to a different account from now on.
Zoey’s partner lost it, he basically started yelling at us. He said he doesn’t need us taking away his apartment and then getting rich off of his rent money.
He said something about us making him buy an apartment for us because the mortgage would be paid with his rent and we would be using him. He called us arrogant among other things and meanwhile, I’m baffled by his overreaction, I’m wondering… Was our offer really that offensive?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Being a landlord can be a nasty business, it’s driving up prices and keeping first-time buyers off the property ladder. A lot of people pay more in rent than they would for a mortgage but can’t get a mortgage because the cost of living makes it impossible to save for a deposit, and regularly paying rent for x amount of years doesn’t count as proof of reliability.
It’s a joke and I understand his feelings completely. Shouting never solves anything but yes, I’d say your offer was quite insulting. You’re not obligated to do anything but if you’re going to spend the money, make it a loan! You trust them enough to pay you rent, so trust them to pay you back!
There’ll be paperwork involved and legal recourse if they try to take advantage of you but ultimately, yes, yes your offer was insulting YTJ.” BellesNoir
Another User Comments:
“I mean, what was your end goal? Have them pay off the mortgage to an apartment they won’t ever own, making them buy you a second property and becoming a landlord to your friends???
Everyone’s a jerk here. Maybe think about what you’re doing. Were you seriously going to make your friends pay off a second property for you? Were you thinking about maybe giving them equity as they pay you so they could end up renting to own in the long run?
If the latter was your plan then NTJ. But if you really went into this thinking you can’t wait to be your friends’ landlord and purchase a property they will pay off for you, then YTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Your friend during a hang out: omg the worst thing happened to us, our landlord is selling our flat, we don’t have enough to buy it, this sucks so much, we love that place.
You: oh I know, my husband and I could buy the flat & be your new landlords.
Like Zoey’s SO reaction was over the top because you came from a good place. But he has a point. Offering to be your mate’s new landlord isn’t you doing your friend a solid.
Everyone knows renters are mostly paying the landlord’s mortgage off for them or funding their lifestyle or paying to increase their savings etc. You buying the flat to rent it out increases your property portfolio & adds a source of marital income. It’s a smart financial move for you, whether you rent to your friends or someone else.
It’s one thing when your landlord is a faceless nameless stranger. It’s another when it’s your mate who listened to your venting & decided to insert herself into your housing situation & become your landlord. It permanently changes the dynamic of your friendship when your friend becomes your landlord.
When your mate is the person who owns your home & is the person you go to to have your boiler fixed or when your cupboards break. That’s no longer two friends on an equal playing field but two people with a landlord-tenant power dynamic between them.
Your offer emphasized that you have more disposable income than them & are in a better financial situation than them. You don’t have to try & fix every problem the people in your life have. Listening & empathizing while letting your friend & her partner figure it out for themselves like the adults they are is probably a much more appropriate reaction to give your friends.
gently YTJ.” excel_pager_420
12. AITJ For Telling My Fiancé About Our Rent Increase On His Stress-Free Day?
“This summer has been stressful for my fiancé and me. He’s been dealing with a lot of work stress, and I’ve been dealing with studying frantically to take a test to continue my job, among other things.
We had a bit of a break when his family came into town over the past weekend, and were finally able to relax. Unfortunately, last night he had a horrible day at work and his family expounded on it for a while (nothing came of it; his fears ended up not happening).
Fast forward to today, where our landlord informs me that due to their own insurance increase ($600 in a month), she will have to raise our rent to where we’re paying an extra $300 each over what we’re paying now (to be fair, our landlord has always been very fair with us and this is our first rent increase in quite a few years).
Of course this is shocking, but unfortunately, that’s our economy right now. It also sucks because we’re definitely on the lower end of middle class and haven’t been able to find better jobs despite multiple applications.
I had been dealing with this all day, and I felt that the right thing to do was to tell him so that we could game plan together (I tend to be type A and want to get at least base plans going).
When I told him, he kept a straight face and then let me know I ruined his stress-free day. I had no intention of ruining anything for him, nor did I know that this was his ultimate plan for today (in hindsight, maybe I should have assumed?).
While I definitely understand the sentiment, I feel a little hurt that he’s completely okay with me feeling this stress for however long, but he shouldn’t have to feel it until he’s ready, I guess.
Now he’s sitting on the couch with our daughter and basically refusing to talk or interact with me.
AITJ for how I handled this? I’m not the best with sugarcoating or having tact; I do tend to be blunt and straightforward, which could have impacted our interaction.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – So this summer has been stressful for him yet by telling him “today”, you’re the ogre who ruined his day?
Wouldn’t that have been the case regardless of what day you told him? And, he’s putting you in a no-win situation. If you tell him (about a thing out of your control that affects both of you and is both your responsibility) today, you ruined his perfect day.
But, if he has a bad day at work tomorrow and you tell him tomorrow, what do you want to bet he’d be pouting on the couch with the other children about you dumping more stress on him during an already stressful day? Every possible scenario has him pouting and making you the bad guy for informing him about something he needs to know about that is absolutely outside your control.” P1xt
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get being overwhelmed, I get really wanting a stress-free day, but when you’re keeping a roof over a child’s head, you sometimes don’t get that luxury. An annual $7200 rental increase isn’t just stressful, it demands immediate attention or it gets even more stressful, and real quick.
Sometimes when it rains, it pours; the less rich you are, the harder the storm. And let’s face it, there’s no such thing as a good time to get news like that. Were you supposed to wait for a time when he’s taking it hot and heavy all day and completely crush him with it?
It’s not your fault.” TurtleTheMoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let me reframe this, you deal with things head-on and straight to the point. I get that. There is nothing wrong with that. You got a notification that your rent is going up substantially. This is simply a fact of life and from my perspective, the way to take the fear out of it is like you said, sit down and figure out a plan on how to deal with it.
Once it is figured out you have eliminated the stress. Life doesn’t always give us what we want and yes life has its ups and downs and days of stress or having our plates so full we don’t think we can manage. We clear that full plate by taking a bite at a time.
You did nothing wrong and he just seems to be in a mood, that is on him, not you.” many_hobbies_gal
11. AITJ For Prioritizing My Son's Safety Over Camp Selection?
“I was going to sign my 8-year-old son up for summer camp at a park down the street. Real basic camp. I had a few questions about the bathroom situation because it’s a public park.
Also, he has autism but is rather typical. He’s had a male BT/sitter for a couple of years and this is the first summer where my son is flying solo.
The camp director said they use the indoor basketball gym bathrooms. I said that’s great but do they check the bathrooms to make sure no one is in there.
Again it’s a public park and the basketball gyms are not used exclusively by the camp.
She said that it’s safe and they can’t go in there because they don’t have male camp counselors. I guess there is a shortage of male camp counselors.
I opted not to sign my son up at that camp.
I always take my son to the men’s restroom (yes I am his dad).
I found another camp that was more “secure” and the park had a swimming pool. Now I’m thinking about my son being in a public locker room and field trips.
When I spoke to the camp director, I asked her if they had male camp counselors.
She thought it was an odd question. I explained that as a dad of an 8-year-old boy, I’m just concerned about his being alone in a bathroom or locker room that the public can access.
I’m not asking them to supervise him taking a leak.
Just make sure there are no weirdos.
She took it the wrong way and said they also had no male camp counselors but I was free to apply if it were that important.
I ended up signing him up at a camp at a closed school with plenty of male staff.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My daughter was at an afterschool program where they had two women counselors, a man and a woman, and two men. The way bathroom trips are handled is: 1. All kids go into the restroom two at a time or more. If my daughter needs to go, another girl has to go too as her buddy.
If there are no more girls, they use the other two safety measures. 2. The counselors announce they’re at the bathrooms and verify that no one is inside before sending the afterschool program kids in. 3. Counselors leave the restroom and wait outside (firstly to supervise the kids who leave the bathroom, secondly because they don’t remain in private spaces with the kids.) It is absolutely reasonable to expect a bathroom safety policy.” wildferalfun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and heck, I’m told as a substitute teacher in an after-school program on a CLOSED campus, that we have to accompany the kids to the restroom and wait for them. The restrooms are pretty open and we don’t have to go inside but a quick visual check can tell me if anyone is inside, tbh.
Better safe than sorry.” Avocadosarecool2000
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is 8, it’s his first solo camp and you are worried. Of course you want to exclude the – for you scariest – threats. Yeah, for some people strangers lurking in the bathroom sounds weird but as this is a thing, the question is valid.
Pick up a distracting hobby, because you will still worry about him when he is there. You are his daddy, that’s normal.” MasterpieceOk4688
10. AITJ For Wanting To Sue My Doctor For Breaching Patient Confidentiality?
“I saw my doctor because of a sensitive topic. During my first appointment, everything went okay and he confirmed I was healthy, but during my second appointment, he said that there was something wrong and he already saw that during the first appointment.
This made me furious because he didn’t tell me during my first appointment.
After that, I wrote a negative review on a certain platform (I didn’t insult him or anything). A couple of days later I saw that he complained to that platform and asked to take it down, which is his right.
But what really made me angry is that he told my entire health situation to that platform including pictures.
Now in my opinion that’s a clear breach of doctor-patient confidentiality. But if I do sue him and report him to the medical association this might theoretically cost him his license or cause other sanctions (I don’t know, I’ve never sued a doctor before, so I don’t know the consequences).
BTW: I live in Europe, so the rules here might be different compared to the US.
WIBTJ if I sue him? I feel like I would be the jerk because this might ruin his career.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ!!!! Yes sue him. And yes he can and SHOULD lose his license.
You are supposed to be informed if there is anything abnormal. That is his DUTY!! He has absolutely no business not informing you. What next? A doctor chooses not to tell you that they found a lump? They choose not to tell you your lab results?
No that’s crap. You had every right to complain. And doctor-patient confidentiality remains the same no matter where you are. The only time he can release any details relating to your health is with your consent. If your complaint is under your name, and he replied to that and put your health history then you can be identified. Clear breach.
Who knows what else this guy does? And by the way, if you do report and sue, you aren’t ruining his career. HE ruined his career with this unprofessional unethical behavior.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Fellow European here! I just looked it up for Germany (where I live) and often laws are similar in EU countries: Doctors who pull that nonsense here can be charged with criminal charges and can get up to 1-year prison or an according monetary penalty.
ON TOP OF THAT you can sue them in a civil court case for compensation. AND YET ON TOP OF THAT, our medical association can also sue him for up to 50,000€ AND then throw him out (which basically means losing his license). That nonsense is taken very seriously.
FOR. A. REASON! And if I, basically nobody, with a Google search can find that out, then. he. knows!!!! Sue his behind! He treated you wrong AND violated patient confidentiality?! Someone like that SHOULD lose his license!” JiPaiLove
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Aside from issues over competency, this guy sounds a little vindictive.
If he has done this to you, he may have done this to others. Going this far because of a negative review makes me think that he is trying to cover a lack of professionalism or ability. With regards to providing your information about your health situation to a third party, consult a lawyer.
Any forms you may have signed may allow this in the fine print, as long as he did not identify you by name. Even if you have a case, you may still have to prove actual damages. Sometimes it is simply not worth the time and cost (to you) to pursue matters like this.
A good lawyer will be upfront with you about things like this, so don’t jump at the first one who says you have an ironclad case and can easily sue the pants off him. As with any legal matter, the devil really is in the details.” 4D_Spider_Web
9. AITJ For Keeping My Engagement A Secret To Not Overshadow My Sister's Wedding?
“My sister was there when I got engaged. She helped my fiance propose actually, even down to the when he proposed. And she was even okay with me saying something at her wedding.
But I wanted to save her the pain of having stuff be about me because that’s how it has been our whole life with our parents. She’s 2 years older and you would think she was 20 years older. My parents never treated us the same. I was the clear favorite and I hate them for it.
Even when I would include her, they showed way more interest in me than they ever did in her. For a while, it put a strain on our relationship. But she is amazing and doesn’t blame me for any of it.
Despite me staying quiet and not even announcing I had gotten engaged until 2.5 months later, our parents talked more about me than her and had some of our family talking more about me than her.
They sensed something was up but didn’t know what. And my BIL revealed to me that they were asking him and my sister throughout the day. She never told me. I feel horrible.
And when my parents and some extended family figured out they were mad that I kept it from them for so long, but especially for lying on the day and saying nothing was going on.
I still can’t believe they took such a huge day of my sister’s and focused more on me. They make it sound like I’m bad for NOT taking that spotlight for myself. Ugh.
My sister isn’t mad at me. Neither is BIL surprisingly. But I know my sister got her feelings hurt.
I hate that this happened to her.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Then you need to use your status as golden child to have a come to Jesus moment with your family.
“I didn’t tell you about my engagement because the way you treat my sister is appalling.
You all have blatant favoritism towards me and hate my sister. I kept my engagement secret because I wanted you all for once to not be talking about me during my sister’s big moment. I was hoping for once that I could have a normal family.
Where everyone loves each kid equally and lets each person have their moment to shine. But no, I’m your favorite child so of course you made up some nonsense about ‘sensing something was up with me’ to focus on me during someone else’s wedding. So yes, I’m engaged and I hid it from you.
And unless you cut it out with the favoritism, I’m going to be hiding my wedding from you all too.”
Like stop whining about how you hate being the favorite one & start using your golden child leverage to change the dynamics. ESH except your sister.” excel_pager_420
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents are like a train wreck; I don’t know how else you could have stopped this from happening. Maybe they need a time-out from you and your fiance. Tell them why too. You are uncomfortable with their favoritism and their pushiness and tackiness towards your sister.
Go No Contact for a while. If they want to fix it down the road, give them a chance, but don’t be a doormat. If you don’t start putting on the brakes with your parents, you and your sister are going to miss out on sharing time with future cousins (kiddos), not to mention whole family events.
If you really dislike the way they are behaving make it abundantly clear and do something about it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it’s hard to know how to handle these situations. It’s funny how there’s a post on here about family being hurt because someone shared right before a wedding and said you should wait and this one because someone waited to tell and people felt hurt.
It sounds like you were trying hard not to steal her thunder.” Reddit User
8. AITJ For Throwing Out My Roommate's Fermenting Sauerkraut That Stinks Up The House?
“My roommate is a close friend from high school who came to stay with me last year because he wanted to move to the area. He stayed here for free for close to a year under the agreement that he either help out around the house or pay rent – he just recently started paying a small amount of rent because he did not want to help out around the house anymore.
We get along most of the time.
Shortly after he moved in, the house started to smell terrible. I ignored it for a couple of weeks then confronted him about the smell. We determined it is his fermenting sauerkraut, which he did not realize smelled because he cannot smell it at all.
He still thinks I am just oversensitive and it does not smell.
I spoke with him 10-20 times over the past year about his sauerkraut. This is a 3600 sqft house and it literally smells up the entire thing, from the moment you walk in the door you can smell it.
I have had house guests over – everyone smells it. He stores it in jars that do not seal and keeps multiple jars fermenting constantly.
Last year the smell became so frustrating to me that I told him he can store it outside and eat it outside but not in my house.
I offered him our detached garage to ferment it in, our shed, or even to just keep it inside with jars that actually seal – I even offered to buy the jars for him.
Every time I confront him about the sauerkraut, he hides it for a couple of days and then reintroduces it to our shared living space.
Is he expecting to acclimate me to the smell? I don’t care, I’m so sick of dealing with this.
Today, I was frustrated after several weeks of smelling a rotting odor in our kitchen, when I realized it is his sauerkraut that he is storing in the next room over.
I took the jars of sauerkraut out, dumped them in the compost pile, and threw his jars out.
I know he is going to be angry at me, I don’t care. I’ve talked to him so many times about this and but he does not listen to me.
I’m sick of arguing with him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. New jars wouldn’t fix this, though – to lacto ferment vegetables, you have to keep the jars open while the initial fermentation is happening. That stuff tastes great, is extremely good for you, but oh it stinks.
When I used to do it, I left the jars in the outside shed until I could seal them and bring them back indoors. He is very much the jerk here – I assume he either doesn’t have a sense of smell or has just gone nose blind to it due to long exposure.
But stinking the house out with it, and expecting other people to put up with this is extremely unreasonable.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and I don’t get anyone saying any different. Yes, it’s not normally ok to throw away someone’s stuff.
I think this is a rare moment when it’s entirely justified. He’s paying a small amount of rent because he doesn’t want to do basic, grown-up chores AND he refuses to hear you about his smelly habit? Good lord, just kick this guy out.
(And before anyone gets on me, I’m a canner. Fermenting stuff should not cause a smell. He’s not even doing his fermentation right.)” gayforaliens1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I make sauerkraut too….but I keep it in the basement. Fermenting cabbage has a distinctly unpleasant stage and well…ya, that’s a problem.
He can’t really seal it, the off-gassing might make a bottle bomb, and the only thing worse than the smell of fermenting cabbage is the smell of fermenting cabbage spread everywhere with bonus glass shards. He also needs temperature control to some extent…so a hot garage or shed won’t really work either.
But he CAN use airlocks and that will cut down on the smell or find another place. (Also, the air locks might not be enough, but can’t hurt to try.) He can buy airlocks at any brew supply store or on Amazon. Honestly, the smart thing for him to do is just knock it off.
He’s doing something incompatible with his living situation, something he can control and something he doesn’t HAVE to do. NTJ, OP.” gedvondur
7. AITJ For Not Letting My Son Stay Overnight With My In-Laws Without My Permission?
“Baby, FIL, partner and I live in the same house. My partner and I were at the grocery store and FIL was watching our son at home. When we got back, FIL told us that SIL (not his daughter) had come and got our son and packed up some of his clothes and stuff and when he asked her about it, she assured him that we were aware and okay with baby going AND staying the whole weekend at MIL’s with SIL’s two sons there as well.
He thought he was the only one who didn’t know and when we got back home he was confused when we were asking where our son went.
Both my partner and I immediately started calling/texting MIL and she didn’t answer us, but sent 1 text to my partner saying “it’s okay he will be with me I’m good grandma” and then he texted her saying that we were upset with how they went about this whole thing unbeknownst to anyone beforehand.
That we are okay with him there for a few hours & we’re picking our child up around 7 pm, that we don’t want him overnight with anyone as that’s something I’m not comfortable with yet.
And then she calls screaming saying that we’re unreasonable and how we’re ruining everything she has planned and then she says that since he’s not gonna sleep over she’s just having SIL bring him back and before we could say anything to her, she hung up.
30mins later, SIL comes in the front door, puts my son right on the carpet and then starts going on about how we’re the ones in the wrong and says that we “need” this break and her mom wanted to watch the grandkids all together and now it’s not happening because we had an issue with how they took our son without permission.
Haven’t spoken to either since, it has been 3 weeks.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. 1. They took the child without permission and actively lied in order to do so – super sketchy! This is called kidnapping. 2. If it is an ok thing to do (and it’s you with the problem) why did they lie about it to FIL?
3. If this was something she had ‘planned’, she should have first consulted you (since you are the parents)? 4. I don’t know any parents who would let their infant stay for a weekend with someone – even family – by choice. 5. They wanted to give you a ‘break’ so they took your child without you knowing and then yelled at you when you were not happy?!?
They knew they were doing wrong – otherwise, why wouldn’t they ask first and why would they lie about it? Make sure your partner uses language to confirm that both of you had a problem with this – not just you – a united front is completely necessary.
But just be grateful that they are not speaking to you- this seems like a family who don’t understand boundaries or appropriate behaviour.” StunnedinTheSuburbs
Another User Comments:
“They are super lucky your first call was to them and not the police, that you gave them till 7 pm, and didn’t demand the child back immediately, and that you even would consider having a relationship with them after they kidnapped your child.
And I know you probably want to make nice, but they kidnapped your child without so much as a “hey, we took your child from FIL” text. You are under-reacting not over NTJ.” AnnoyedUser
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you did the right thing in not letting her have the weekend BUT you did the wrong thing in letting them think those tactics would score them a few hours, and that the only reason kiddo couldn’t go for the weekend was his current age.
Kiddo doesn’t go until it’s your choice. They need to know that what they did was kidnap, and any repeat of their behaviour will be treated as such. Stamp on this behaviour now, right now, before the confusion about who’s in charge spreads to the kid.” badnewsfaery
6. AITJ For Backing Out Of A Business Venture With My Uncle After He Crossed Boundaries?
“My (27F) uncle (53) and I have been talking for a while about setting up a business together (it’s selling stationery). We had the business plans set up and were ready to start up this August, I’d be in my last year of university and he would have left his current job.
He has this idea that we can sell custom stationery to professionals, e.g. for professors at the university they would be able to order pens that say Dr. Smith, or a folder that says Dr. Jones on the front. I don’t mind this idea, but that wasn’t our original plan so I’ve been hesitant to say yes to starting this idea.
We have a business plan, and for the past year, he’s been constantly changing parts of it.
Last week, he asked if I would ask my university professors to look over the business plan and to maybe start asking them for money upfront for the pens, pencils, and folders… I said no to this, because I don’t go to university to hassle my professors and ask them for money, I go to learn and it’s really inappropriate to start asking them for money in a class.
One of my professors is my favorite, I’ve mentioned him by name around the house e.g. “John mentioned this in class, so it might be good to try this” and things like that. My uncle decided that he would go to my university website, find my tutor on the staff list, and email him about the business, including asking him if he’d be interested in purchasing pens and other things from us.
I went to class yesterday and my professor asked to speak to me after class and just reminded me that he can’t get involved with students running a business and won’t be giving me money. I was really embarrassed by this and apologized, and thankfully he told me it’s not a big deal. But I am still mad at my uncle for doing this and told him that it was so wrong of him to do this and go behind my back after I said no, but he doesn’t see a problem with it.
I’ve since told him I don’t want to do the business anymore because I can’t trust him, and now family is getting involved because they are saying you have to take chances with a business, but I don’t think it should come at the risk of my education.
Opinions are welcome, I’ll accept the judgment!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your uncle is a leech. Also, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m unsure how successful a stationery business is going to be in 2022. This isn’t 1950. I work in the legal field and not many of the professionals at my job care to have a pen with their name on it or custom stationery.
Microsoft Word allows us to make our own that can be changed at any time and we print it on bond paper. As far as pens, most people in my office either use cheap throwaway pens or really expensive ones like Montblanc. Just reading about your uncle’s desperation makes this seem like a disaster in the making.
Your family needs to stay out of it. This is your future, not theirs.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please run away from this “business venture” as fast as you can. Doing business with relatives can be dangerous and create havoc in family relationships. Your uncle has already proven himself to cross the line.
He will try to run the show and the partnership won’t be equal. I don’t want to be a downer but you really need to review your business model and conduct a market analysis. There are other companies who customize stationery and to say the least, it’s not an expanding industry.
You would have to offer something really unique.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Please don’t start a stationery business. Unless there’s something really special about your products (each sheet of paper kissed by Lady Gaga), you’re vastly overestimating the market. Also, professors & people at big businesses don’t individually choose a little stationery company to work with–the university or business collects its employees’ hundreds of thousands of orders for letterhead, business cards, etc., and takes bids from huge printers to get the products they need made.
You’re in school for a business degree? Good–stay in school, keep learning about business. Your uncle is practically at ‘door to door salesman’-level thinking. DO NOT sink money or time into personalized pens & folders!! It’s already being done and on a huge scale! Don’t talk about your professors by name anymore around your family; you want to impress your professors with your smarts, and keep them as contacts, not provide your uncle with targets for his schemes.” [deleted]
5. AITJ For Insisting On My Hybrid Work Schedule After Our Company Merged?
“I’ve been an executive assistant to three managers for the last five years at an entertainment agency. I always had a hybrid schedule to compensate for not being able to take time off and for having to work when I do take time off.
My bosses rarely come into the office anyway and I get my work done just as quickly at home as I do in the office. The difference is not having to spend two hours a day in traffic.
A few months ago, we merged with a new company.
Everything is the same except that now my “direct” supervisor is someone named “Linda” who isn’t a manager but an administrative person at the new company that we merged with. However, the managers outrank her and I still work with the same managers.
Linda was not okay with my WFH a few days a week.
I told her there was no way I would stay if I had to come into the office five days a week. I also told her that I already got approvals from the three managers to keep my hybrid schedule and there’s nothing she can do about it.
The managers are going to be out next week for the holiday so I planned on WFH all next week. I won’t have much to do with them gone but I can’t take time off if they’re out.
Linda asked me if I was working next week and I said yes although the managers are not.
She said that was great because she had several projects for me and other EA desks to cover since other EAs would be taking time off.
I said I am not coming into the office next week. I am WFH. Next week will be the closest thing to a vacation that I will have all year and I’m not wasting it by coming into the office.
That’s not fair that I can’t take time off but I also have to provide coverage so other people can take time off.
She said that she was still my direct supervisor. I said yes, but the managers have final say and until they say I can’t WFH, then I’m WFH.
I also reminded her that the managers outrank her so I’m going to do what they want me to do as I have done for the last five years. Not her.
She said she was going to be overwhelmed with so many admin out next week and needed the help.
I said that’s not my problem.
She can’t do anything against me. She has to run everything through the managers. She’s basically the middle woman between the admin and managers but me and the managers already had a direct relationship long before the merge.”
Another User Comments:
“You need to start looking for a new job. I’ve worked in the admin space for over a decade and your insubordination under the new management is being noted and will likely end with your termination once they’re through the transition process and the new org chart is established. The company that is now in charge utilized their admin capability in a way that is different than your old company clearly did and they will fire you if you can’t get on board with the way they do things.
The new parent company doesn’t care how your managers used to do things – they expect you to do things the way THEY expect you to do them. She’s not the “middleman between you and management” she is your supervisor – she’s your manager.
Start shining up your resume because you are replaceable and they will replace you.” O4243G
Another User Comments:
“You are NTJ but you are playing with fire. First, if the other EAs actually do “answer” to her such that she grants their time off a such, then it’s her own fault.
Second, as others have pointed out, you need to get this problem fixed. The three managers need to make it clear to her (with you copied) that she cannot task you with anything just to stop her from bothering you. But be careful about this whole situation.
It’s possible that in the long run, they start to have you “answer” to her in all manners possible. As someone said, your boss’s boss might eventually make them hand you over to her for direction unless otherwise tasked. It’s also possible that the company is figuring out where to “trim the fat”, so to speak, within the organization.
That means letting some people go. Antagonizing other people who work there might put you in a bad position. Anyway, just some thoughts.” UCgirl
Another User Comments:
“INFO: If your new direct supervisor is someone from the other company, I’m guessing that your organization is a smaller one that was acquired by a larger org – is that accurate?
It sounds like you work FOR the three managers (handling their schedules, etc), but your new supervisor is tasked with coordinating overall administrative work for the organization. Would you say that is accurate? Based on my experience, I’d expect a new org chart within a year, and title changes to match.
Sometimes when orgs merge, a director on one side ends up reporting to a manager on the other – and typically that means the director title goes away pretty quickly to reflect their position in the new organization.” iglidante
4. AITJ For Charging My Friend's Family For Unexpectedly Long Dog Sitting?
“I (18) have a friend (18f) Sadie. We met in an online driver’s ed class about 2 years ago. We spoke for a while but stopped talking till this past Halloween. We hung out twice then I invited her to my prom/graduation. We both go to online school and mine was easier to go to than hers.
We hung out one more time in person before our prom trip. She stayed with us in an Airbnb and came to graduation and prom. She came to hang out and sleep over often for the following two weeks as she was moving to another state very soon.
When the time came, her parents asked me if I could watch their dog for the weekend while they drove her to her new place. Their usual pet sitter couldn’t do it. I asked my mom and she agreed. I don’t have my own place so it’s up to her.
I’m being asked for details and don’t want to be a middle man so I have her mom contact mine directly. They arrange a time for them to drop off the dog and they drop her off on Saturday at 10:00. We are under the impression that we will be keeping the dog for a short while.
Now it’s Monday and we expected them to be back soon for the dog. I asked my friend when her parents planned to come back. She says on Friday… My mother was not thrilled about this as we expected the weekend. She contacted the mother and all she could say was “I am so very sorry.” Before this, I had done calculations on how much a hobby pet sitter would charge (out of curiosity).
It’s around $420 for a week. On the low end $360. My mom believes we have been taken advantage of and she says because we were not informed of any of this we should be financially compensated.
Here’s where I might be the jerk: She tells the mother that we expect $350 for keeping the dog at our house for the entire week.
I don’t say anything about the price. The mother asks for $200 but my mother doesn’t budge. Now I feel kinda guilty and I don’t know if this was charging too much in this situation. Are we jerks for charging this much?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dog sitting costs a lot of money, and these people are taking advantage of you by trying to get less money than they would normally have to spend on dog sitting. These people could have even chosen to make you dog sit on purpose so they could save money because they didn’t expect to have to pay for your service.
If you think the price is too high though you should ask what they normally have to pay for a week’s dog sitting and stay below that price. But I still think that your mom’s price is reasonable IF that price is below what they normally would pay for dog sitting.” AdamW0m
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They knew full well how long they’d be gone. This is a girl who isn’t really someone you’ve known all that long, considering it was mostly online and you guys went months without talking. She most certainly isn’t a good friend and after this, I’d be cutting her off.
They’re trying to take advantage of you and I’m very glad your mom isn’t letting them. Watch and learn from how your mother is handling this, she’s standing her ground because she knows you’re being taken advantage of. She knows they were being deceptive on purpose.
Really learn from this, and thank your mom for helping you navigate it. You are only 18 so a tad out of your element, but really, watch and learn how to handle situations like this as you’ll no doubt face it again in life.” Caspian4136
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Dog sitting is work. As a pet sitter, people can get very petty about the cost. I am watching YOUR pet. You need to pay me period. The thing about your situation is they didn’t communicate with you. I have had people be a day or two later than planned. But they contact me immediately and tell me, and we figure out how to go from there.
(Mainly how much more they owe me, if it was an emergency like somebody was injured and they needed to go to the hospital I actually won’t charge them if I know them well as clients and they have a good record with me.) They didn’t say anything to you that something changed and suddenly added 4 more days.
The price your mom asked for is a reasonable amount for a week of pet sitting. Personally, it sounds to me like they didn’t tell you or outright lied to you when they would be back to get extra free dog sitting.” Witty_Direction6175
3. AITJ For Telling My Niece That Shaving Legs Is A Personal Choice?
“I (30f) am currently staying with my sister (32F), her husband (35M), and their two daughters “Amber” (11) and “Rosie” (7) as my company put me on a temporary secondment near where they live.
I consider myself to be a “feminine” woman. I love dresses, makeup, high heels, etc. However, I do not shave my legs.
Not for any particular reason. I don’t do it to make a statement or to “fight the patriarchy” or anything like that. My sister and I have thick, dark leg hair (dad’s side of the family is Arabic) so our mother (who is white English) insisted we start shaving as soon as the hair started growing.
But it always felt like something I “had” to do rather than wanted to do, so I stopped when I was about 16-17.
Amber and I have bonded over fashion. She loves my dresses, tries on my heels and I’m teaching her my more creative makeup styles.
I’m seeing someone at the moment and went for dinner with him last night. It’s warm here so I wore a dress with my legs bare. Amber always comes to look at my outfits before I go out. She knows I don’t shave but has never brought it up before.
However, she’s recently started shaving herself. When she came she asked me why I do my hair and makeup and dress up but don’t shave. She said she thought shaving was part of the whole dress-up/get-ready routine for girls. I just shrugged and said there’s more than one way to be a girly girl.
My date went well, but when I got home my sister was waiting for me. She said I’ve been “putting ideas in her daughter’s head” and that now Amber is asking if it’s OK if she stops shaving. She warned me that if I try to “influence” her daughter I would be kicked out.
I don’t think I did anything wrong. I didn’t even say that Amber shouldn’t shave. All I said was that it’s a person’s individual choice whether they do or not, and that it wouldn’t make her any more or less feminine.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The way it’s written the niece noticed your legs and then asked. I don’t see how responding honestly and simply to a question is intentionally influencing anything, and I think intent is important in this situation. You weren’t shoving a hairy shin at her and telling her that life is so much better when you don’t shave.
However, since your niece seems to admire you any decision you make will likely influence her. Your mere presence will influence her. I’m guessing your sister might be worried her daughter will be teased if she stops shaving even though younger generations seem much more accepting of different choices than older ones.
I’d explain to your sister that you didn’t intend to influence or interfere by responding to Amber’s question and that you’ll direct any future questions her way. I’m not sure I’d apologize although you might want to depending on how much you want to stay.
And I’d consider looking into alternative housing depending if things escalate, although if this is a minor blip in an otherwise good relationship hopefully you all can work past it.” LaurelCrash
Another User Comments:
“Why is an 11-year-old expected to shave anyway? I do shave my legs.
It was expected as a teen, doing PE at school, girls got bullied for not shaving. I only shave in the summer months. What’s the point when I live in jeans? My partner isn’t bothered. NTJ. Your sister needs to chill a bit.
Her daughter is growing up and finding herself. Your niece asked a question and you answered honestly. Encourage them to talk. She’s starting puberty. She’ll be going through other changes soon enough. She should feel comfortable talking to Mum about things without judgment.” Unlikely-Shop5114
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I hate that it’s so instilled in culture for women to be hairless, at the very least have hairless legs being a must. I remember my mom kept pressuring me to shave my legs when I started to hit puberty at 10 or 11 too because the hair on my legs started to get a little thicker and longer.
Finally, she forced me to while we were on vacation and I had to or she was going to make a scene. I get it’s a norm by society’s pressure and passed down from generations, but does that mean we have to continue it and punish or pressure those who don’t?
My mom treating me as though I needed to conform myself and cover up and dress a certain because I was a girl and needed to be ‘ladylike’ made me feel like crap. You didn’t do anything wrong, but it sounds like your sister is continuing the pressure down the generation and your niece doesn’t want it.
Regardless of your influence on her because she likes you, I don’t think you did anything wrong. Her mom’s reaction was overboard imo, and shows she’s maybe been pressuring her to shave as well (that she doesn’t want that pressure derailed). I think we need to have different figures in our lives that do things differently (especially when it comes to kids because they’re so susceptible to influence).
It’s toxic to instill one ‘brand’ of femininity as the only ‘right’ way and villainize any other ways people choose to express it.” Plus-Bad2750
2. AITJ For Not Supervising A Child At My Partner's Daughter's Party?
“My (30f) partner’s daughter had a birthday party last weekend. My partner’s still close with her ex’s family, though they’re all pretty deadbeat types. I lost my son a few months ago, and I’m also pretty introverted anyway. These days, my emotional energy gets me through work and not much else.
I asked my partner in advance if it was OK if I was sorta recluse at the party, and she said it was fine. But everywhere I went, people’s kids would follow. My therapy dog is cute, and I also get along well with kids, so that’s common.
But the problem is that one kid in particular (Sarah, 3yo) had zero other supervision. I literally didn’t see her parents near her once– she just kinda bounced around doing whatever.
Though I know I’m safe with kids, I am also acutely aware that lots of people aren’t, and I avoid poor optics for that reason.
So when Sarah was playing in the woods and kept tripping over her dress and falling on the hill, I didn’t tuck it into her leggings, take her by the hand to help her, or anything else besides suggesting to her that she go talk to her grown-ups.
Rather, I texted my partner to ask about Sarah’s parents in hopes they’d come supervise her.
I brought this up to my partner after most people had left, and this whole week, she’s been upset at me. She says that most people would take responsibility for a stranger’s kid and thought it was fine that Sarah’s parents didn’t ask me first or monitor Sarah at all.
If they had, I would have said no, because I don’t really wanna be around any kids right now, but I also don’t like being responsible for other people’s kids. My partner said that the parents are mess-ups anyway, so I should just deal with it.
I grew up super sheltered, so maybe I’m wrong, but I really have a hard time comprehending my partner’s logic, let alone the logic of the absentee parents.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is never your job to monitor and take over looking after someone else’s kid.
I assume that if there had been an actual emergency (like if she broke something and was screaming on the ground), you would have responded appropriately, but general monitoring is not your job. You also specifically asked to not really be involved with the party at all.
That alone should’ve taken you off the “adult watching the kiddos” roster. Beyond that, you never know what someone’s kid is gonna say or how the parents will take your involvement/interpret what their child says. You do not wanna catch unexpected flak or backlash because some parents only half listened to their kid before going nuclear for no reason.
Not to mention that people constantly covering for them would only encourage their “mess up” behavior because they never have to take responsibility for themselves.” kissxsleep
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. May your son’s memory bring you comfort. The parents should have been keeping track of their own kids.
And if they are going after someone’s dog, they should be checking in with the owner. Are you in the US? If so, a therapy dog is a dog that is individually (or through a club-type thing) invited to visit places like libraries, nursing homes, and hospitals to comfort and entertain others.
They informally help many people. They have no legal protections or rights. They don’t have any public access rights. An ESA is an animal, a pet, that can live in non-pet-friendly housing to help mitigate a person’s disability (permanent, not temporary) with its presence (like when taking care of an animal helps the person function).
They do not have public access, they really don’t have anything other than can live in rentals. A service dog is a dog for a disabled handler that is specifically trained to perform *trained tasks* that directly mitigate its handler’s disability. They are the ones that can go out in public.” Neenknits
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. The child’s parents should be taking care of her. However, this was a family party, and you are part of the family. Making sure she gets back to her parents, even if you just take her by the hand and walk her back to her parents, is the minimum decent thing to do in a family setting.
You don’t have to help. You should return her, immediately, to the people with the responsibility to help, when you know she needs help. Not leave an innocent child helpless. Texting someone at an event that both of you are actually attending? That’s a bit much.
I guess I’m old, but texting seems, to me, to be for people who are elsewhere, not people at the same event you are at.” Jazzlike_Humor3340
1. AITJ For Losing The Father's Day Gift From My Estranged Son?
“I (46m) have three kids with my ex wife (14f, 14m, 18ftm trans). I’m writing this at my son’s request so I can get some impartial opinions.
I have never had a very good relationship with most of my children, the exception being my youngest son as we have the most similar interests. My relationship with my oldest son is especially strained. I did not handle his mother’s heavy drinking the way he would have liked, I did not handle his transition the way he would have liked and in his opinion, I’m mentally and emotionally abusive and occasionally physically neglectful.
Basically, in the eyes of my oldest, I am the embodiment of evil. He and my current wife also have a horrible relationship, which I will admit is partially my wife’s fault but my oldest is also responsible. As soon as he no longer had to attend school he moved in with my mother (both of our choice) and my wife has been turning his room into a guest room for when her children visit in the summer.
Now for the actual story. I went to visit my mom and my oldest on Father’s Day and he gave me a Father’s Day gift for the first time in around 5 years (I don’t see why this matters but my son said to mention it).
It wasn’t particularly big or anything, just a little clay mushroom charm for me to hang on my rearview mirror. It was good and he clearly spent a lot of time on it but like I said it was pretty small. I thanked him and (I think) left the mushroom by my sandals outside.
I realized I had lost it when I was about a half hour away from my mom’s house so I texted them and asked them to look for it.
According to my mom, he’s been off ever since. Apparently when he got the text he spent 20 minutes crying while trying to find it for me, but no one found it.
I don’t see why it’s such a big deal so my son told me to make a post here because “I (my oldest) can’t spend the rest of my life explaining to you why you hurt my feelings”. I don’t see how I did anything wrong, it’s not like I threw it away or said I hated it.
I made a mistake and lost the thing. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Your son gave up his time to make you a gift. He chose to do this despite you having a strained relationship. After 5 years of not giving you a gift, he decided now the time was right to reach out and show you he still cares for you.
It was a sign that he saw hope for your relationship. You dismissed his gift at every opportunity. The way you describe it: “It wasn’t particularly big or anything, it was good and he clearly spent a lot of time on it but like I said it was pretty small.” What does the size have to do with it?
Just because it’s small, doesn’t mean it doesn’t have value. Do gifts have to be big for you to be grateful or truly thankful? Then you put it down on the ground next to your shoes. A small, clay charm that could easily be broken if knocked or stood on.
You showed your disregard for the gift yet again. Finally, you act completely nonplussed when you lost it. “I don’t see why it’s such a big deal.” Seriously? You did not see the charm’s true value, that your son was willing to put hours of effort into making something specifically for you to show you he still cares about you.
You couldn’t even put it in your pocket and keep it safe and you now think he’s blowing things out of proportion by being upset.. Dude, have you always treated your kids this badly? I think your son is going to go no contact with you.
Why should he keep putting in all of this effort and keep giving you opportunities to be a loving father, but instead he just gets his heart broken each and every time?” OK_LK
Another User Comments:
“There’s such a thing as an unintentional jerk.
You didn’t mean to lose it. But how you describe the charm and handled it after receiving it shows you didn’t really care for it too much. It’s not really about the charm itself, but the meaning behind it and the time your son spent on it.
It even sounds like a token to symbolize his attempt to normalize the relationship between you two (kinda like an olive branch). All of the above is captured in your own words: “I don’t see why it’s such a big deal.” It is to your son.
You were a jerk for not realizing that. Not because the charm was big or expensive, which it wasn’t. But because of what it meant to your son. YTJ.” HIOP-Sartre
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Even when responding to people here you seem like a complete jerk who is totally unable to take responsibility for your actions and the consequences that they have had.
You list them plainly but there is no remorse or responsibility for them. You immediately lost a gift that should have been precious to you because your son had put time and thought into making it for you. Are you so materialistic that you didn’t recognize this?
Your first wife sounds terrible and your second wife the same. She was the adult stepping into a damaged family situation and you have the gall to blame your son for their poor relationship? One day he’ll stop trying to reach out and speak with you, but honestly, I don’t think you’ll really care.
I hope he can come to terms with the fact that the adults in his life continue to let him down, but can move and be happy without you all.” Classic-Tomatillo-64
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