People Walk Us Through Their “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Not Giving A Birthday Gift To A Leeching Acquaintance?
“I (41F) work at a gas station, this guy J (25M) lives around the corner. He has a sob story background of being poor, living in bad foster situations blah blah.
Neurodivergent with ADHD and depression, can’t hold ANY job, doesn’t want a job that’s “not fun”.
I take full responsibility for lending money to him because I just can’t say no because confrontational situations are a pure nightmare for me. He paid back some of what he owed just to ask for that money back a few days down the road.
I stopped giving him money so he’s always curious about what’s in my lunchbox because sob sob he hasn’t eaten in days.
So today is his birthday. He came over. I’ve told him numerous times I can’t have non-customers hanging around as per my boss but he doesn’t listen.
So he asked me “by the way, where’s my gift?” I asked back “by the way, where is mine” because it was my birthday yesterday coincidentally. He said “well yeah hehe, but I really hoped you get me a little something something.” I shook my head.
He asked 3 more times.
I asked him “from what? I gave you a lot of money this month I don’t have anything left for myself!” He got upset and said he thought we were friends (we’re not!) and that he’d expected his “favorite cashier” to get him something so he could talk about it on his livestream later and then left. A frequent customer heard this and said it wasn’t nice to not get someone anything for their birthday.
I didn’t feel like telling that customer the whole story, but AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But you would be the jerk to yourself if you let this continue. Confrontation is hard, I struggle with it too, but you need to be kind to yourself and set some boundaries.
This person is taking advantage of your good nature. Maybe a bit silly, but I did an assertiveness class online that really helped me in similar situations. Don’t let the customer make you feel bad, it is very easy to judge when you don’t know the circumstances.” WhisperingDark
Another User Comments:
“Miss Manners would say you owe this guy nothing, not even the time of day. “I’m not speaking with you anymore.” Even if you don’t like confrontation, keep repeating this. He will eventually tire of it IF you don’t make any variation.
If you make a variation even one time out of 100, he’ll see it’s worth pursuing. Def NTJ. But stick to your guns. The simpler the response, the easier it will be for you to keep it up.” b1lllevansatmariposa
Another User Comments:
“You’re being harassed at your place of work, that’s not okay.
Tell your boss he needs to be there with you on shift, or he needs to hire someone else to be there so you’re never left alone because this guy is unstable. Make it clear that you feel unsafe working alone because of this guy.
Your boss should back you up and be the one to call the cops with all the video footage of him coming in to harass you without buying anything. If he isn’t willing to do that, call the cops yourself. And if you aren’t willing to do that then you need to find a new job because this dude isn’t going to stop until you make him stop.” MindlessDoubt5380
21. AITJ For Sitting In A Store's Seating Area As An 18-Year-Old?
“My (19F) friend (18F) and I went to a locally owned convenience store with a built-in seating area to eat and drink anything purchased in the store.
This store sells booze which is stationed near the seating area. A sign in the area states that any minors need to be accompanied by an adult over 21. We figured since we are both 18+ this should be no issue, and my friend and I both have sat there in the past with no issues even before we were 18.
We each purchased a soda and sat down to chat a bit and drink our sodas. We were there for around 25-30 minutes being respectful, quiet, etc, just chatting. There was also no one else in the seating area and no open booze. As we were sitting, an employee walks up right behind where we were sitting and tapped my friend on the shoulder.
He proceeded to ask if we were 21 and we both replied no. He raised his voice at us and told us we need to leave immediately. I clarified that we’re both 18+ and thus not minors and do not need to be supervised. He got angrier and yelled at us that we need to leave and we’re not allowed to be sitting in that area.
This exchange was pretty embarrassing as people were looking in our direction so we just left without a fight, but I don’t think we did anything wrong and we have never been confronted about sitting there before, especially not aggressively. His extreme reaction has me thinking though that we possibly did something wrong, so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. His reason sounds very unjustified? Maybe it could’ve been nicer but the sign sounds like you should have been ok to sit there. edit; The sign is the issue. After reading the comments it seems as if the term “minors” is vague and leaves a lot up to debate.
More specification is needed. OP believed “minors” to mean 18 and under but apparently the store intended it to mean anyone under the age of 21.” peepeecriss
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not a bar. It’s just a convenience store with some chairs. A (crowded and thriving 12 years ago when the policy started, now empty and dying) mall in a city near me instituted a policy that anyone under 18 had to be accompanied by someone over 21.
They even had in-store security harass families where kids were more than 6 feet from parents – like Barnes and Noble wouldn’t let me be at one end of the aisle while my 14-year-old was at the other. Pain in the backside. In the end, they drove a whole generation to look to Target for general shopping and not to hang around the mall food courts.
Report the incident to store ownership and shop elsewhere if you don’t get a sincere apology.” kittymom2020
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I assume that you are in the US. This means that the policy is most likely dictated by the local Beverage Control.
Violating a Beverage Control can lead to suspension/revocation of the business’ license to sell booze and to the closure of the business. This is probably why the employee was upset so he’s NTJ. You didn’t know any of this so you’re NTJ.
The sign should read, “Anyone under 21 years old must be accompanied by a parent or legal guardian who is over the age of 21.”” maccrogenoff
20. AITJ For Refusing To Babysit My Niece Due To My Sleep Issues And Mental Health?
“I (27f) have an older sister (40f). We don’t have the same father but grew up close and never really used the words “half-sisters”. Her father’s birthday is coming up and she wants to throw him a party at her house on Saturday night.
They plan on partying most of the night outside and her daughter is only 7 years old. My sister asked our mom if she could take my niece overnight but my mom has plans on Sunday morning and can’t.
I have recently moved back in with my parents because of unfortunate things and because of this, I have fallen into a depression.
My sister asked if I could just get up with my niece on Sunday morning. The problem is my sleep has taken a hit lately, because of the unfortunate things that led to my moving back with my parents. It’s getting so bad that I can only fall asleep at around 6 am so I am sleeping until 2 pm and yes, I have tried every trick in the book.
Our mom told her I couldn’t wake up at 7 am with a hyperactive and exhausting 7-year-old.
My sister flipped out and said I shouldn’t be having sleep issues because I am an adult now and should be more responsible at 28 years old (note I am 27).
She also said that she never asks for anything and never gets her daughter babysat. That is a lie because during the school year, my niece is never at home on weekends because my sister sends her to her godmother’s house. During the summer she sends my niece to her godmother’s house for weeks at a time.
My niece is very hard to take care of because she talks constantly and it gets very exhausting. The only time she isn’t talking is while she drinks something. Really.
She’s really angry at me and thinks I’m a jerk because I won’t do her this favor.
The way I see it is she wants me to get up early in the morning to take care of her child because she wants to sleep in after drinking all night. I know it’s only a one-time thing right now but I cannot imagine getting up early when I can’t sleep.
Also, she doesn’t want to pay anyone so that’s why she’s asking family members. Also, my niece can’t go to said godmother’s house this time because she’s going to the party.
So AITJ for prioritizing my mental health and my sleep over doing a favor for my sister to babysit my niece?
AITJ for saying no to my sister?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are never in the wrong for prioritizing your mental health. You should certainly prioritize your own well-being over your sister’s desire for a babysitter. If your sister can afford to throw a party for her dad she can also afford to hire a babysitter to watch her daughter overnight or Sunday morning.
You don’t sound like you are in a healthy space right now. So you should probably distance yourself from anyone who causes you unnecessary stress. Your sister’s behavior is a prime example of unnecessary stress. She made a choice to have a child. So it’s her responsibility, not yours to figure out childcare.” Such-Awareness-2960
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. How dare she, seriously. She has to suck it up and pay someone. Or better yet stay sober. The fact she just completely and utterly ignores your mental health (and physical health for that matter, since lack of sleep absolutely affects you physically) all so she can get intoxicated says quite a lot about her both as a person and as a parent.
And it doesn’t say anything good.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. When you say you’ve tried all the tricks in the book for helping with sleep, do you mean you’re doing the full sleep hygiene routine? That means no naps, no screens (including phones) at least 1 hour before bed (2 hours is better), room is dark and quiet and cool when you try to sleep, go to sleep, and wake up the same time each day, stay out of your bed except for sleep (keeping your bedroom for just sleep and intimacy is ideal, but I know it can be hard as an adult living with your parents), and slowly adjust your schedule (try to move it by 1 hour or less every 3 days).
Also, have a bedtime wind-down routine where you only do relaxing stuff for at least an hour before bed – meditating, reading calm or familiar things, listening to relaxing music, bathing, etc. You need to do all of those things when you have disturbed sleep, and skipping any of them can keep you from getting it under control.
The no screens before bed is the most common thing people mess up these days. Using a “night” mode isn’t enough, you really do have to go without.” KaliTheBlaze
19. AITJ For Calling A Lady An Idiot For Walking On The Street Instead Of The Sidewalk?
“Yesterday I had to run some stuff down to a separate office across town. The route I took had little traffic & narrow roads. While driving I noticed this lady ahead who was walking down the road on the same side I was driving on, a good couple of feet away from the sidewalk.
The other lady she was with was the only person on the sidewalk.
I did what I felt appropriate: I slowed down to a little under 15mph (You know, school zone speed) and I moved over as close to the center line as I could without running the risk of colliding with an oncoming car.
The building I was going to was down the street in visual range of her. I went in, took a few minutes, and when I came out both were waiting for me at my car. She directly in front of the driver’s side door.
I approached and she went off on how I almost ran her over, and how I shouldn’t be driving if I can’t drive safely, as well as how she should have called the cops on me, and I should be ashamed of myself for putting people in danger because of my reckless driving.
I just stood there stunned cause I’d never been yelled at by a stranger on the street, and I thought I had been slow enough and gave her enough space when I drove by. I did try to apologize, told her that I’m sorry, didn’t mean to make her feel unsafe.
Her response? Asked whether I was blind or dumb, as well as some more insults about my competence and driving. Now I’ll admit, I let my temper get the best of me after that. I snapped back that my eyes weren’t the problem, but her brain seemed to be, that if she was so concerned about getting run over, she should stop being a dummy and use the sidewalk instead of the street.
That caused her to go on about how I don’t know anything about her, that she didn’t need to justify to me why she was walking on the street and not the sidewalk, I agreed, I don’t need to know why, but that she was still being an idiot for choosing to walk on the street and getting upset that drivers pass by her.
Roads are for cars, sidewalks are for people. She called me a jerk, among other things. At that point, I decided it was too hot and I didn’t want to keep waiting for her to move so I could get in my car. So I moved over to the passenger side and managed to climb my way over to the driver’s seat from that side (It was not easy, my car is small).
Told a few friends at work and they’re a little divided on if I was a jerk or not. So I decided, this is stupid, why not see what the internet thinks?
It was hot (100F) & heat makes people temperamental, maybe that’s why she confronted and yelled at me in the first place.
It was also a no-parking street, so she was unlikely to be walking to a car on the curb.
So, AITJ for snapping back at her and calling her an idiot?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Pedestrians should be on the sidewalk/pavement unless there’s an obstruction.
If the issue is that the person she’s walking with has an illness, then both should be wearing masks and the infected person should be AT HOME, not out and about.” Pedantkitty
Another User Comments:
“The street doesn’t exist exclusively for cars, and pedestrians have a right to walk in the street if there is no sidewalk, in most places they’re required to use the sidewalk if one exists.
They’re also usually required to walk against traffic, not with it. She chose to walk in the road, so as long as you didn’t touch her with your car, she doesn’t have anything to complain about. Also going less than 15 mph is a world away from going, say 30 mph or more.
You’re NTJ. But more than just being the jerk, she’s making very poor decisions, both to walk in the road and to pick a fight with a stranger.” Trini1113
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I regularly walk places – you stick to the pavement (sidewalk) unless there is some kind of obstruction!
Bin day here is a pain and I often had to take my double buggy onto the road to get past. But that was in a quiet village with normal-sized roads, and I was back on the pavement ASAP! If you have no option but to walk on the road, then you walk on the side that lets you face oncoming traffic.
This woman was choosing to walk on the road for her own, unknown reasons. She was on a narrow road. You took precautions, slowed down, and moved over to pass her. What more did she expect? To then stalk you, and block your car door to shout abuse at you, well that is really abnormal and very alarming behavior.
She was in the wrong for being where she was, she was in the wrong for claiming a car gave her a fright – she seemed to be able to hear you fine so it’s reasonable to assume she heard your car coming. She is absolutely in the wrong to verbally abuse you and prevent you from getting in your car like that.
You even apologised, and when she still wouldn’t back down you correctly pointed out there was a pavement for her own safety. The heat was not responsible for all that! I’m sorry for how she treated you, and I’m glad you could get in your car and away from her!” hi_hola_salut
18. AITJ For Wanting To Name My Son After My Trans Sister's Deadname?
“I (30F) lost a bet to my sister (MtF 36) when I was about 20. As the loser of the bet, I have to name my child after her. At the time we didn’t know she was a woman and I was more than fine naming my baby “John” (fake name) because it was a family name.
Last year she legally became a woman and changed her name to a hippy name, something along the lines of Rainbow.
Here’s the problem. I am currently pregnant with twins, a boy and a girl. My plan was to name the boy John and the girl Beatrice.
I have loved that name since I was a little girl myself and have always wanted a daughter named that. We will not be having children after this so this is my only chance. I don’t talk to my sister often because she lives across the country but when we first announced my pregnancy she reminded me of the bet which I agreed to.
As things progressed further and she realized I was naming the boy after her dead name, she threw a fit and called me a transphobe and said I couldn’t accept her for who she is. She said that I’m using the baby to replace the male version of her because I secretly hate her.
Her friends are also chiming in on social media and even my mother is saying I should just name my daughter Rainbow to appease my sister. The only people who agree with me are my husband and father who is also named John and did not take her transition well.
I’m starting to think I am the jerk.
WIBTJ if I named my male son after my sister’s dead name and not name my daughter after her current name?”
Another User Comments:
“You would be the jerk. Don’t name the kid John OR Rainbow. You were young and dumb when you agreed to the bet, and Rainbow was the first one to change the conditions of the deal. You were fine agreeing to John because it’s a normal name.
Rainbow (or its real-life equivalent) is not. Giving your kid her deadname would be needlessly cruel. There’s no point in doing it to satisfy the bet because Rainbow wouldn’t be satisfied by it at all – very much the opposite. But Rainbow, as a name, isn’t an option either.
So apologize to your sister for considering naming the baby John, talk to your husband, pick some names between the TWO of you, and refuse to discuss your choices until after the babies have been born and the birth certificates filled out. Everyone can learn to deal with the outcome at that point.” PotatoMonster20
Another User Comments:
“The bet was dumb. You shouldn’t be beholden to it. More to the point, the terms of the bet have changed. You can tell your sister that you made the bet because at the time her name was John, and you were okay naming your kid John since it was a family name.
You have no issue with your sister being named Rainbow, but you prefer more traditional names. If your sister had been named Rainbow when you made the bet you just wouldn’t have made it. It’s completely fine if she dosen’t want you to name your baby John.
You see now why that was hurtful and you’re sorry. But that was what you agreed to do in the bet so if she doesn’t want that then the bet is canceled. You never agreed to name your baby Rainbow, and she can’t change the terms after the fact for something as major as your child’s name.
She can of course change her name and name herself what she wants. She can’t change your agreement and name your baby whatever she wants. Since what you agreed to (naming the baby John) is something you now see is hurtful to your sister, it’s best you both let this bet go.
What you agreed to is hurtful so you just won’t do it.” TheHatOnTheCat
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister should not be holding you to that bet. It was silly, and I’m guessing not to be taken seriously. You said John is the name of your grandfather, father, and sister (deadname).
I’m gonna take a stab in the dark and guess that the bet played on continuing the tradition of naming a child John. You want to name your son John because of your grandfather, and your daughter Beatrice cause you love it. Your sister should not be a factor in you naming your child unless that name is Rainbow.
I do think you should explain why you are naming your son John, and your sister needs therapy cause someone using their deadname that is a FAMILY name is not being transphobic. She needs to work on her feelings and get to the root of her problem.
It sounds like you are supportive of your sister, you call her Rainbow, use proper pronouns, and don’t deadname her. Could Rainbow be struggling with watching her sister be pregnant? Could she be experiencing body dysmorphia? I’ve heard that can be a difficulty with transgender people.
I’ve heard about some MtF struggling to even see tampons because it triggers them since they can’t get their period. I’m honestly just guessing, but from what you wrote it could be that. I really can’t see you being a jerk based on the info you provided.” Justlooking4noww
17. AITJ For Not Letting My Husband Take Our Kids To A Party Hosted By My Disrespectful Sister-In-Law?
“My husband (40 M), and I (35 F), plus our kids (11, 10, 5, and 3) recently moved across the US.
This moved us away from my family and closer to his. We moved in temporarily with B, SIL #1. Things fell apart quickly. B knew we had pets before we moved, and then called the local AC behind our back to take them. I moved into the car with our pets to save them from the shelter.
Then my mom, who I’m very close with, had a heart attack. B took the opportunity to scream at me about how my living in the car “looked bad” and told me to “kiss my dog goodbye” as I told her, through sobs, I couldn’t talk because I was on the phone with my dad and my mom was in the middle of surgery.
Because I refused to take my family’s two small dogs and cat to the shelter and instead started looking for different housing, she lost it. Locked my two oldest kids in her basement because they were “sick”, didn’t let me use the bathroom or get my kids ready for school, etc.
For my part, I filed in court requesting that I not be prevented from accessing my kids. I didn’t know what else to do, but I have been vilified ever since. I also called her a nasty word. Through it all, my kids and husband were living in her home.
My husband would tell me to “suck it up” because that’s “just how B is”, and raged when I asked him to intercede, saying it was “not his problem”. I eventually moved, with my kids, to another state where we have family and housing. We’ve been living there since, with my husband flying to see us.
Obviously, not ideal, but I felt I exhausted all other options.
B crossed the line when she then decided to get in touch with my ex, who is the baby daddy of our oldest two (and went to jail for DV). I’ve always had custody, and my husband has raised them with me since they were toddlers.
Baby daddy filed for custody, claiming I was an “unfit parent”. Attesting to his claims were B and her husband. This led to an incredibly stressful and costly legal battle. I retained custody, and all claims made against me were found to be untrue.
Fast forward to today.
We’ve been staying with my husband for the last two weeks. My son just had a birthday. Today SIL #2 planned an “impromptu” birthday party. My husband says he didn’t know. They invited my MIL/FIL and B. My husband says I am not invited but asks if he can take our kids.
I say no. B has been openly disrespectful towards and about me around my kids. I don’t trust that my husband would stop it. Two, I feel B actively sought/is seeking to break up my family.
My husband’s position is “it’s for the kids”, and is furious.
I feel if it were “for the kids”, they wouldn’t have created the situation, as I’ve told my husband I’m not comfortable with our kids being around B. I feel this was to make me the bad guy to my husband, despite what I feel are legit concerns.
I don’t know why I’m expected to accept this treatment. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“What the holy heck? Pack up your kids and drive all night back to your own family, enroll your kids in school, file for divorce, and get everyone into therapy. None of this behavior is remotely ok or normal. NTJ.
And look into suing B and her husband for making up lies that cost you all that money in court.” Aylauria
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your kid’s birthday, you should be invited. Your husband is a joke. He should have told them that it was inappropriate to plan something without you, especially when it involved your child.
They’re trying to create discourse and your husband needs to be with you or you need to reevaluate what’s going on and how he’s not willing to stick up for you, it seems. I’d be livid at him.” slythercon
Another User Comments:
“If this were for the kids then you would have been invited since you are their mother. And if this were for the kids then SIL shouldn’t have made it a surprise because once again, you are their mother, not her. SiL is unhinged & if there’s any way to keep her out of your kids’ lives, either via a court order or your husband seeing sense, (which he doesn’t seem to want to) then I wouldn’t let the kids go anywhere without you.
She kidnapped your kids by locking them in her basement & not allowing you to go get them. In the future, if she tries this again then call the police & explain that SiL is not stable & has done this before & that you need help getting your kids back.
Honestly, your husband needs to grow a pair & stand up to his bully of a sister. He also needs to go to therapy so he can see how horrible he’s being towards you & your kids, (I say that he’s being horrible to the kids because he isn’t supporting their mother by standing up to SiL & telling SiL to not bad mouth his children’s mother & allowing SiL to make up lies about you being an unfit mum to your ex).” Celticlady47
16. AITJ For Accidentally Announcing My Pregnancy At My Sister's Birthday Party?
“My 29 (f) husband (35 m) and I have been trying for a baby for 2 years but have always had miscarriages.
Well, I am now 28 weeks pregnant and I live far away from family and don’t have much contact. Well, when I and my husband arrived, my mother looked at my belly and said “are you pregnant?” I told her yes but not to tell anyone as it’s my sister’s birthday and I don’t want to mess this up for her.
Well, when my aunt congratulates me, I’m basically having to deal with everyone rubbing my belly. I’m really uncomfortable with people touching me, I don’t know why, it’s always been this way. Well, my sister walks up to me and berates me, saying “YOU JERK!
YOU USELESS JERK! HOW DARE YOU ANNOUNCE YOUR PREGNANCY on my birthday!” I’m really shocked by this because I have never seen her act this way.
Well, my sister then went as far as to say she hopes I have a miscarriage. This caught me off guard and I started crying.
My husband and I go back to our room, he consoles me and now my sister is giving me the silent treatment.
My mother-in-law says that I’m a jerk and my cousins and my mother say it’s messed up how I did this on someone’s birthday.
AITJ here?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here. Obviously, your sister is the biggest jerk for the horrible things she said. Your mom’s a jerk for not respecting your wishes and keeping the news to herself. But you are also a jerk. You were going to a family event to celebrate your sister and you were visibly pregnant.
It was very predictable that if you showed up, people would notice you were pregnant and spend a lot of time and attention on you and the baby. You should’ve made a point in announcing your pregnancy in advance.” GlassSandwich9315
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here for not communicating.
This could’ve easily been avoided with one phone call. “Hey sister, thanks for the invite to your birthday. We’re looking forward to coming. Just a heads up, I’m pregnant and it’s already pretty noticeable. I don’t want to take over your party so I was thinking about letting the family know beforehand so it doesn’t happen during your birthday.
What do you think?” As for your mother, why on earth would you tell a gossip like her this news, knowing she’d spread it among the family if you didn’t want it known? Sounds deliberate. And what’s with your sister? What she said is horrible!
Wishing you a miscarriage? That’s on another level of evil. Why are you even going to her birthday if she basically hates you?” xxSKSxx_
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and oh my, your family seems to consist of nothing but walking jerks! They sound like hardcore narcissists!
What do people expect a birthday to be? A bunch of people surrounding the birthday person staring at them all day and only talking about them and nothing else? Every birthday party I’ve ever been to was a bunch of people coming together, congratulating the birthday person, then mingling, eating lots of food, and talking about a variety of topics.
Also, it’s never okay to wish for a miscarriage! What an ugly thing to say. No one, absolutely no one who says something so cruel deserves any consideration of their feelings. They deserve to be ignored and going NC with!” GrayDottedPony
15. AITJ For Wanting To Name Our Son After My Deceased Army Friend?
“I’m 38M and am expecting my first baby with my husband (37M) in September via surrogacy.
It’s a boy.
We are still discussing baby names from the list we made (on the list are the names we both approve of).
Most men in my family serve(d) in the army, and I was an army doctor for 3 years. So it’s a big part of who I am.
My old army buddy Michael just passed away a few weeks ago. He was a veteran. It absolutely shattered me. So now I suggested to my husband that we could use his name as the middle name for our son.
My husband doesn’t like the name.
I told him if we use Michael as a middle name, he can choose the first name from the three we both liked most: Aaron, Simon, and Jeremy.
He got so angry with me and said I am putting the memory of my friend before our future, and accused me of having had a relationship with this friend when we were in the army.
He also said that Michael doesn’t go with the names we shortlisted and that I am trying to control this whole thing and make it about “my ex” which makes me a real jerk.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but, yikes regarding the insecurities of your partner.
This is coming from somewhere–I really hope you seek couples and individual counseling, to (a) find out where this comes from, and (b) so that they can learn how to “fight fair”, and work things out as reasonable people do. As for the name–a general rule of thumb is “two ‘yesses’ win, or one ‘no'”.
If there isn’t a mutual agreement, the name isn’t going to get selected. Your partner is giving silly, knee-jerk reasons–if you mentioned your Army buddy liked the color orange, they’d be banning that as well. Also, I hope you’re doing okay, and my condolences, and thanks for your service.” Duke_Newcombe
Another User Comments:
“If your partner is against it, then it’s not a name you should use. If both of you were close to the person and jointly wanted to go that route, it’s fine. Otherwise not really ok to push the issue. Soft YTJ but your partner is out of line too for the accusations.
Find names that you both love that aren’t tied to the death of someone else IMO. Let them grow up being a unique individual without that sad story as part of their identity. Your child needs happy positive vibes.” Short-Classroom2559
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and wow but your problem here is not what name to choose.
It’s a middle name for goodness sake. You can have like 20 of them on the birth certificate and people hardly ever use them. Someone who served his country, ended up with PTSD probably. I’m so, so sorry for your loss. Does he just not like the name or does he have a traumatic history with someone called Micheal?
Even then, the fact that he jumped from the fact that you and Micheal meant a lot to each other and you want to honor your friend to, “Were you sleeping with him?” is a red flag. I am so sorry that you have this tragedy when you are already in a vulnerable time.
My heart goes out to you and honors your service and Micheal’s. You have my respect and gratitude. I don’t care if you are not in my country, every soldier deserves thanks.” kdnona
14. AITJ For Demanding My Mom Stop Treating My Ex As My Future Wife?
“I had a high school partner Jenny who my mom loved. We ended our friendship my senior year.
My mom allowed Jenny to move in with her when I was in college. (After we broke up.)
I relocated for a job and my mom surprised me with a visit. She brought Jenny. They thought they would stay at my place for a few weeks.
However my “roommate’ Sara and I are in a relationship. I never told my mom because she’s convinced that Jenny is my soulmate. She keeps telling Jenny she’s my wife in training.
My roommate who has been my partner since college told my mom and Jenny they can’t stay in the house.
It came to an argument and I told my mom until she breaks contact with Jenny she can’t see me. That includes asking Jenny to leave my mom’s house. She needs to stop treating Jenny like my wife in waiting and get therapy.
They both need therapy.
My mom and Jenny turned around and drove back home and spent the night in a hotel. I gave them the money for it.
My family thinks I’m awful because Jenny helps out my mom who is already practically disabled. I’m refusing to fuel this madness anymore and I want to have a normal relationship with Sara or any person who isn’t Jenny.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Your mom has definite issues, but you could have nipped this in the bud by telling your mom and Jenny you have been seeing someone else when you started seeing someone else – or any time thereafter – instead of letting them go on like this for YEARS with their little delusion while poor Sara the ‘roommate’ was your secret partner.
You let them live out this fantasy for this long, enough that your mom has become dependent on this other girl as a caretaker and never thought once that maybe you should correct things? That’s pretty sucky behavior, too. You’re putting your foot down years too late here.” bionanocon
Another User Comments:
“Hmmm. I was with you all the way until you told your mom she had to ask Jenny to leave. Her house, her rules. She can allow anyone she wants to live there. It’s fair for you, however, to let her know that her intentions for you and Jenny are inappropriate.
So maybe everyone’s a jerk here. You absolutely can and should limit contact with your mom until she understands that Jenny is her friend now, not yours. But you might want to just tell her you were out of line for requiring she ask Jenny to leave since it’s her home to share as she likes.
However as long as Jenny is living there, you won’t be by to visit, and she is certainly not welcome to bring her to visit you.” Proud_Spell_1711
Another User Comments:
“You’re the jerk. First off, you don’t get to dictate who can live with your mother.
She’s a grown adult. And one that obviously needs a caretaker. Secondly, how disrespectful of you to basically hide your partner away like a dirty little secret. You do realize that by doing that, you helped create this problem right? Lastly, telling them to both get therapy?
Seriously? They have bonded and love each other at this point. Of course your mom wants you to marry someone who is important to her when you had a prior relationship and she had no idea you were seeing someone because you were lying by omission.
I feel sorry for all three ladies in your life. They all deserve better.” Short-Classroom2559
13. AITJ For Selling Back An Ex-Stepfamily's Heirloom That My Mom Gave Me?
“My mom was married from when I was 7 to when I was 11. It ended really badly, there was a lot of drama.
For the last few years, my mom has occasionally given me her jewelry, sometimes saying it was my grandma’s, sometimes saying she bought it herself years ago or couldn’t remember. I’ve even peeked into her jewelry box and sort of pointedly admired this or that in the hope that she’ll give it to me at some point.
I’m 21 now by the way.
I was wearing this one necklace and I happened to see my ex-stepdad’s sister’s daughter (in other words, my ex-step-cousin). She’s about my age and we went to the same high school so we were on friendly terms but never best friends due to all the post-divorce family drama.
We were talking and catching up she said, not aggressively just as a statement, “My mom would be so upset if she knew you were wearing that necklace.” And I said what do you mean and she said “it was my grandma’s, my mom was so annoyed that she didn’t get any of that stuff back after the divorce.” And I did have this subconscious latent memory of my mom saying something like “this was stepdad’s mom’s, but it’s mine now, payback for all he took from us in the divorce” but hadn’t thought about it in years to be honest.
I said well to me it’s really just a pretty gold necklace so if your mom wants it back that bad she can buy it off me, and my step-cousin was like wait really and she called her mom who was excited and offered to take me to get it appraised and give me 2x market value for it, I think trying to get it before I changed my mind.
I said fine but I’ll pick the appraiser and I’ll bring in some other old jewelry I have in case any of it is also your mom’s and we can do that at the same time. She enthusiastically agreed.
In the end, it was the necklace and two pairs of earrings, in total they were worth about $500 and she gave me $1000.
I was definitely not going to tell my mom but I think it got back to her via someone seeing us at the jeweler or something. She poked around my jewelry collection because she was suspicious and then she confronted me. She was like that wasn’t yours to sell, it was a family heirloom, and I said, yeah it was but not our family.
She said that this was her small way of getting a win in the divorce and I’d rewarded this family that had screwed her over and I basically said that it was their stuff to begin with anyway and asked if my stepdad had even given it to her or just left it in her possession accidentally when he bailed. She was really upset and insisted that he gave it to her directly though I don’t know if I believe her.
I know there’s other stuff he left behind that my mom just threw out or sold and then he later tried to come back for.
But I do feel bad because my mom did give the gifts to me in love and I do understand her point of feeling like she was justified in keeping them given how badly she was treated in the divorce settlement and stuff.
His family really didn’t like her from the start.”
Another User Comments:
“It’s interesting because both the NTJ comments and the YTJ comments all agree you’re ok to get rid of the necklace, just differing on whether you should have sold it or just given it back.
I’d say since the argument is between you and your mom, then NTJ. I do kinda think you should have just given it back (but, they did offer to pay you, so I’m torn).” duke113
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The family to whom the heirloom belongs offered to pay.
If they had asked for it back and THEN you said “no unless you pay me 2x market value,” I would say you are the jerk. But they offered. I get that your mom is upset, and you should make that right between the two of you… but if we really want to get down to it the gift wasn’t necessarily hers to give…” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I really want to say NTJ because they offered 2x market value, but YOU said, “well to me it’s really just a pretty gold necklace so if your mom wants it back that bad she can buy it off me.” You said that it could be bought off you.
For that reason, I have to say YTJ. It was their family heirlooms, and they shouldn’t have been made to pay anything for something that your mother held either out of spite or because of step-dad’s forgetfulness.” WhizGidget
12. AITJ For Accepting $1500 From My Mom That Was Owed To Me For A Car?
“I (27f) have a brother, R (31M), and about 5 years ago my parents ( 56F and 59M now) asked to buy my car from me so that they can sell it to my brother.
They told me that they would get the money from my brother in installments and give it to me and if he didn’t give me anything, they were going to pay for it. I agreed and lo and behold, R never gave my parents any money after years of asking him, and my parents never gave me anything either.
I wasn’t too worried about the money since I had another car and I knew my brother had a hard time getting on his feet so I kinda forgot about it for a couple of years until his wife totaled it then I accepted the fact that I was never going to get my money.
Anyways, fast forward to last year and my mom got into an accident which resulted in her getting a $17k settlement. Some unforeseen circumstances put a damper on things and last month she told me that she is finally getting her check and that she will give me $1500 for my car.
It was unexpected but I’m happy because I can pay off some debts.
Now today I get a call from my dad yelling at me and asking why I’m asking for $1500. I let him know that I didn’t ask for it, mom told me she was going to give me that money that I never got from the car I “sold” them 5 years ago and this money would help me out a bit.
He went on and on about how everyone has debts and how he and my mom are trying to fix their house up to sell. After continuing this rant for a couple of more minutes, he ended up calling me an inconsiderate jerk for accepting money from my mom.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why isn’t your father calling your brother and yelling at him for not paying for the car? If you want that money he needs to go collect it from his son, not his daughter.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Your dad needs to worry about the debts they have yet to settle before they work on fixing the house. You didn’t beg for the money, your mom just gave it to you.” bobbleheadache
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Do your brother a favor and your parents fail to pay off the car.
If a credit card company was coming after your parents for failure to pay, your dad yelling at them wouldn’t stop them from collecting the payment due.” wind-river7
11. AITJ For Not Forcing My Partner To Apologize After She Insulted My Family?
“This past weekend, my partner and I were invited by my parents to join them and my siblings at our lake house.
Even though the relationship between my partner and my family has been contentious in the year they’ve known her, we decided to go. It really comes down to my family values certain things and is a certain way, and my partner is another. Whereas my family is all about just being introverted, doing your work/doing well in school, my partner’s very outgoing, very much has a certain appearance she likes to uphold, and didn’t much care for school and isn’t working at the moment.
I’ve been with her for a year, been paying for her “fun stuff” for about 6 months now.
We get to the lake, late Friday and immediately my mom, my 2 sisters, and my brother all start in on my partner and if she’s looking for work, why isn’t she looking for work, does she want to try college, etc, etc?
Saturday night comes and we’re just sitting around and my mom looks at Morgan (partner) and tells her she really needs to have a life goal and that it worries her that the result of this relationship will be us married, me working, and Morgan just lounging around the house.
My siblings unfortunately joined in, and agreed with my mom.
Morgan snapped, called my mom bitter and angry, pointed out to my sisters that they’re in their 30s and single, and said she sees them ultimately dying alone, and told my brother he wouldn’t be anything without my dad hiring him.
She demanded I take her home. We packed our things and left.
All this week I’ve been getting calls and texts demanding she apologize. She knows they want an apology and she feels she said nothing wrong. I’ve told everyone I can’t force her and won’t force her to apologize.
We’re both 25 by the way.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH. Your family for ganging up on her. They may not like the way she lives her life, but it’s still her decision and they are in no place to judge her or demand anything. It was a vacation, something that was meant to be fun.
They actively went against this. Your partner is the jerk for becoming unnecessarily rude. She had the urge to defend herself, which I understand, but telling people they will die alone was a bit too much. You shouldn’t have even taken her there, knowing that something like this was probable to happen.
Your family should really learn to accept some boundaries. It’s none of their business how people choose to live, and it’s none of their business who you spend your life with.” frubi86
Another User Comments:
“ESH, your family was intrusive, but I can see their point.
You’ve got this partner who expects you to pay for all her “fun stuff”. It’s your business if you are happy to do this, but I can understand why your parents are concerned. Your partner was exceptionally rude in response and clearly has contempt for all your family members.
Keep in mind, if she looks down on your parents and siblings for the work they do, then she looks down on you too. She spoke to them like that, she can speak to you like that. Personally, I think you should be negotiating a compromise, where you get your family to agree not to question her lifestyle, seeing you accept it, and she speaks to them with more respect in the future.
You have set yourself up in a strange situation, making yourself financially responsible for another adult at such a young age, when she clearly has no intention of contributing financially in any way. Maybe you should question your own judgment here.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“Hah I was in the family’s situation years back. My brother was seeing this girl who he basically paid everything for. He makes $142k a year and was the computer guy now dev ops. First SO and he was suckered in. I always kept it level-headed with him.
I would never say anything if she was around but in the privacy of a brother-to-brother talk I would ask him why he’s paying for all this crap think dinners, gifts, and jewelry. She even freeloaded off my parents’ house when she got kicked out of her place for like 7+ months free room and food.
My parents did not want to do this but didn’t want to cause an argument. She even had the gall to tell my mom that this was going to be her house in the future when she passed away. Like huh who says that?
Think a million-dollar suburb house. Eventually, he broke up with her and he ultimately came to me and said I was right and that he wouldn’t be so blind anymore in the future. Can say he definitely keeps the budget low now. Movies and park stuff only.
Occasional coffee. You wanna know who has your back? Probably your family if you’re from a normal family.” Rionat
10. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Bullying Cousin A Gaming PC I Built For My Friend?
“My (21F) cousin John (21M) and I don’t get along. To make the context simple; when we were kids we used to live near each other and were really close. When I was around 7 my family moved to my mom’s home country. Fast forward and I came back to America at around 17 years old and attended my last year of high school, it just so happened to be the same school as John.
Now both of our parents expected us to just pick up where we had left off as kids so we were forced to spend time together. During this time John would bully me whenever he could. For example; he would tell people that I ate his dog (his dog died years before I came), his nickname for me was Asian Velma, and he spread rumors about me at school, and he would constantly tell me that I was a thorn in his life.
Now personally I don’t think there was a popular group in our school, but there were the more well-known people and John was one of them. So when he said stuff about me people believed him, and it made transitioning to America 10x harder than it had already been.
It’s been a couple of years since I’ve seen John and I’m doing much better without him in my life. I’ve been able to get a well-paying part-time job as well as attend college full-time. I recently got a really nice bonus from work. So I made myself a nice gaming PC, and the rest of the money I saved. My best friend’s birthday is coming up so I decided to dip into my savings and make them a really nice gaming PC as well.
Well, apparently John’s mom heard from my mom about what I was making and has now been bombarding me with texts and calls asking me to just give the PC to John. Apparently, he dropped out of college and has been kind of lost in what he wants to do with his life.
I already told my aunt that as nice of a gesture it would be there was no way I was just gonna give John one of my PC’s, especially since he has yet to even try to apologize for half of the racist stuff he said.
This has only opened the floodgates of family members calling and harassing me to ‘give John a break’ and ‘you need to forgive him.’ Which has only made me more stubborn. But I wanted to know if I am wrong. Should I give this PC to John instead of my friend?
Note: John is half black and I’m half Asian. My best friend has been amazingly supportive since I met them, they helped me come out of the closet, and since they cannot work themselves due to disabilities I wanted to do something really nice for them.
The PC is designed specifically for them. I don’t have any personal vendetta against John but I haven’t forgotten how he treated me. If he or his family were willing to pay for the PC I would have considered it.”
Another User Comments:
“I mean, of course you’re NTJ.
You made a nice thing for your friend, cause they are your friend. You have a family member you don’t like, who wants something for free, and you don’t have to give it to them. Even if they were the nicest person in the world who you loved, you don’t have to give them a computer.
If you want to try and make some sort of a bridge, you could cost a computer for them, and say you’re happy to build it for them. But, you are under no obligation, and that might just be more difficulty. But solidly NTJ.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – No, you stick to your original plan to give that pc to your friend. John hasn’t made any effort to apologize to you and he hasn’t done anything to redeem himself for his bullying ways. You owe him nothing.
Absolutely nothing. To the family constantly calling you with this nonsense, you tell them if they feel so inclined, they can buy John a pc but let them know you don’t appreciate them calling you and giving their two cents when they were crickets to John’s bullying of you.” Sea-Tea-4130
Another User Comments:
“Obviously, you can’t give him this PC, since it’s a gift for someone else. That’s a non-starter and anyone who doesn’t get that isn’t being reasonable. You could offer to build John his own PC… if the family pays for the cost. Then wait and see how many people actually care enough to chip in.
If you collect a full ten dollars, I’ll be shocked. Either way, NTJ. Sometimes “stubbornness” is just what people call “self-respect” when they don’t want you to have any.” Content-Army2384
9. AITJ For Answering My Daughter's Question While On The Phone With My Partner?
“I (40F) was on the phone with my partner (54M), when my daughter (7F) asked me a question. I answered her. He said, does she not know you are on the phone? I said, I don’t know? He said I should tell her, the CHILD, that she can wait till I get off the phone with him, the ADULT.
I told him that he is 54 and can wait while I answer her question, she is 7 and as the CHILD does not have the same level of understanding that he should have as the ADULT.
He said I tell him and her to wait all the time when on the phone with my friends, I work from home, and I am often on the phone with a coworker.
I told him that is only when I am working, as my friends and I don’t talk on the phone, we text. He said I am trying to talk to you, I am out here working dealing with all this stuff, I have a headache…at that moment I yelled at him, I have a headache too, please just stop, leave me alone…he hung up on me.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your partner sounds like he needs to be the center of attention, and at 54, that’s concerning. Don’t let this go any further than partners. Your daughter comes first, and if this is a sign of things to come, your daughter/relationship with her could become a casualty.
You don’t want her to write an AITJ post in 10 years talking about how her “stepfather” treats her.” RainierCherree
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. CHILD always trumps partner. ALWAYS. If partner wants uninterrupted time, he would do so by asking for uninterrupted time, in person, after childcare has been arranged. WORK trumps partner.
ALWAYS. Working from home is a bit of a difficult balance with children. They are acceptable interruptions to most employers, as long as production doesn’t decrease. Few coworkers or employers are going to be all that annoyed by a quick interruption in a call or meeting by a child.
Not everyone has a babysitter or a private office in their home. Partner needs to learn his place.” Jesterslore
Another User Comments:
“INFO – Is this a habit of your daughters or was this a one-time thing? Also, was your partner trying to talk to you about something vulnerable and you cut him off to answer her, or was the conversation more neutral?
I only ask because I have a friend whose 10-year-old never allows her to have a conversation without constantly interrupting her and she indulges him every time. It’s pretty maddening that she won’t teach him some basic boundaries and it’s impossible to talk with her while he is there.
Sometimes his questions are completely inane and it feels so disrespectful of her and anyone she is trying to talk to. But this kid never lets up and is in an extreme. This brings me to my second question. If he was trying to talk to you about something serious and you interrupted him to answer your daughter, I can see him feeling hurt, especially if your daughter knows not to bother you on the phone when you are at work.
If you didn’t ask her to extend the same respect to him that you do your colleagues then I can understand his upset. He may not have been trying to micromanage your parenting as other commenters are suggesting, but asking if you could prioritize something important over something trivial.” hammiesink
8. AITJ For Responding Loudly To An Inappropriate Joke At An Event?
“I, a 31-year-old female, was invited to an event by my friend. I won’t get into details about it but I found out last minute that my friend couldn’t come so I went alone since I was really looking forward to seeing the atmosphere and enjoying a bit after working all week.
So I arrived at the event a bit late, not gonna lie, the guests were already seated and there was already someone talking into the mic. I stood there in the corner looking for an empty chair. Suddenly a guy in his 30s (I think) waves for me.
I look closer thinking he must’ve had an available chair next to him or something but then as I was approaching him he proceeded to pat his lap and tell me I could sit there. I was shocked and completely caught off guard, I freaked out from the inside but remained calm and loudly responded “no thanks but my butt is too big for your small lap.” Suddenly people pause, some in the back laughed which made the guy look red in the face.
He mumbled something about just trying to mess with me/crack a joke and that there was no need for my uncivil, inappropriate comment. I ended up getting a chair from a gentleman in the second row and remained seated till the event was over.
As I was walking out a couple of ladies approached me asking about what happened and told me that my response was too inappropriate for this event and for saying it out loud? That’s a bit too far. I tried to cut the conversation but they told me my behavior was inappropriate and made the whole event look bad and embarrassed for a simple joke/attempt at teasing.
I don’t know, I went home feeling bad about it and guilty.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That man made you uncomfortable with an unsolicited inappropriate comment, which you had every right to make a big deal. Those women should be ashamed for supporting him.
In your place, I would have asked those women what consequences the man will have since he was making inappropriate comments at the event and caused the situation, and that you would expect the consequences to be his removal, not blaming the victim of the interaction for the interaction.” gvacceber
Another User Comments:
“Sometimes when I get to the comment section I just have too many feelings. “He mumbled something about just trying to mess with me/crack a joke and that there was no need for my uncivil, inappropriate comment.” There was a need for your comment, and it was appropriate.
Jokes like that normalize harassment. By pushing back, you normalized making it unacceptable. You were made uncomfortable and then shamed. The women who shamed you are as guilty, if not more so, of uncivil behavior than your harasser. I’m sorry those women didn’t have your back, but I do.
You didn’t go too far, and regardless of the event – it was appropriate. NTJ!!” Major_Barnacle_2212
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have been in this position and if they thought that was inappropriate I would be put to death for mine. Wtf there’s an inappropriate way to say no to sitting on a man’s lap?
As an adult woman?!?! Well. Personally, I asked the speech to stop and asked the crowd if there was anyone willing to sit on his lap so I could have the seat. A very large gentleman offered to let me have his chair and he would sit on the man’s lap.
He tried in front of the crowd (with his wife watching and dying of laughter) I hopped off laughing while they fought and I sat next to his lovely wife. I did step in and tell the rude jerk his place. By the way, I had a lovely time with the couple.
Great people. Shout out to Greg and his wife, I hope your garden is doing well, and thank you for offering (in front of a crowd) to protect me. You will never know what that meant to me. My office still giggles about this.” Bens_den_of_thoughts
7. AITJ For Ending A Date Because I'm Allergic To His Cat?
“My friend set me up with a guy she is friends with who I met at a restaurant for a first date. The guy sat down and immediately I got a stuffy nose. We talked for about an hour before he mentioned he has a cat.
I told him I’m allergic to cats so a relationship wasn’t going to work.
He was offended saying I can’t just exclude him because he has a pet and I told him unless he is getting rid of his pet we can’t live together.
He said we would just be seeing each other so who talked about moving in together? I said unless his cat is ancient I want to move in with the guy I’m seeing eventually and I have symptoms already and I’m already getting a stuffy nose just sitting near him.
He argued I could just use allergy meds and I got annoyed because he thinks allergies are so easy to deal with and told him I’m not seeing someone I need to take medication for and feel sleepy every day just to be around when I can go out with someone that doesn’t have a cat.
He tried to storm off but I realized I was going to get stuck with the whole bill and quickly waved a waitress down to get a split bill and paid my half before leaving. My friend texted me how the date went and I told her about it not working out because he has a cat and it not working out because I’m allergic and that making him offended. She defended him saying with modern medicine cat allergies can be treated and I should have given it a shot because “I never know what might happen, the cat could run away or pass eventually.””
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did the right thing. The relationship could never work because of the cat, it’s better to end it now early on than in the future. He’s waving a massive “I’m super controlling!” flag right in your face. Run. Meds don’t fix everything, and it’s creepy that he wants to control what you do and do not put in their body.
He barely knows you and is trying to dictate your body. Creepy and controlling to boot. You were having a reaction just being near him. Again, if he stays over at your house, how would that go? He’d track dandruff all over your furniture, your car, your bed. You’d be constantly suffering, and constant exposure like that can often worsen allergies as well.
This isn’t just about the cat or allergies, it’s about him not respecting a rejection and wanting to exert control. You dodged a bullet.” Proper_Garlic3171
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A date is a try-out for a long-term relationship, and if just being near him makes your allergies kick up, that’s a non-starter.
You might have been more tactful and less defensive, but there is literally no obligation on your part to take allergy meds to be with a guy who doesn’t sound all that great anyway if he was going to storm off and leave you with the bill.
FYI, I’ve been on the other side of this. I had a couple of dates with a very nice man who then told me that if we wanted to keep seeing each other, I’d have to get rid of my cat because he was allergic.
I told him I loved my cat so thanks but no thanks. He was a little offended, but honestly, if he doesn’t see pets as loved ones, we were probably not meant to be together, because I’ve always had pets and always will.
Nothing wrong with him for wanting an allergen-free environment. Nothing wrong with me for loving animals and considering them an important part of my life. C’est la vie.” ElisMaddy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Cat person (and with allergies) here. You were having symptoms already just from the hair in his clothes, you couldn’t even hang out together!
You were clearly incompatible and it was nice to not make him lose more time. It would be different if you liked cats, even with your allergies, but it seems that you are not interested in them, and that’s perfectly fine (my SO is slightly allergic to cats, but he was the one who insisted we got cats).
Also, it’s ok for you to want a serious relationship, it seems he just wanted something casual. He is a jerk because he took offense instead of acknowledging that you were simply incompatible, and your friend is also kinda the jerk because she was saying that you should give it a try based on the possibility of him losing or getting rid of his cat.” Eli_Drottningu
6. AITJ For Criticizing My Sister's Choice Of A Unique Baby Name?
“I am (f17). My sister is (f28). My sister has never been close to my family because she moved to LA to become an influencer, and is trying to live the LA influencer lifestyle.
I don’t care about how she moved away, it’s just that we don’t see her as much, and have grown apart, especially since she is so much older than me.
She had her baby last week and did not have any idea what to name the baby girl.
My sister told us she was thinking of names like Elizabeth, Ashley, Ella, Anna, and names like that. My mom was very happy with those names, as she always talks badly about parents who give their babies weird unique names. I was suspicious though, because there was no way that’s actually what my sister was considering for names.
Well, I saw my sister post on Instagram her baby’s name announcement, and I was mortified. The poor baby’s name is Kynzlynleigha Everella. (Kin-zlin-lee-uh, Ever-ella). I nearly stopped breathing it was the biggest mouthful of a name I have ever seen. My parents were astonished and disappointed. We called her and told her how the baby would always get picked on, and she just hung up.
I know it is her and her husband’s baby, but the name is atrocious. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would be laughing my socks off at that one! Poor kid is going to struggle to both spell and say that. Your sister might want to think about whether she ever wants her baby to be taken seriously as an adult because everyone is going to think her mum was insane to call her that.
She’s definitely going to be judged on that name.” TopBluejay8238
Another User Comments:
“Their name is the first gift you give your baby. They will have to wear it every day unless they manage to change it. For the love of your child make it a good one.
There is nothing wrong with coloring a little outside the lines but it should be something accessible to most literate people. NTJ. We thought hard about what name to give our daughter and in the end went with the name from a book I read when I was 12.
I’d saved it for many years and even now she’s 18, it’s still perfect.” TheBella1999
Another User Comments:
“Oh god NTJ it took me until 3rd grade to learn how to spell my last name cause of the weird spelling and it only has 10 letters in it.
No child is going to even be able to say it let alone spell it! Hope your sister picks a new name for the poor thing otherwise, she is going to be real mad when her kid changes her name in the future!” Turtle_Icecream
5. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom Eat My Friend's Cookies?
“My (17F) best friend (17M) is in love with my other best friend (17F). She once said that she wanted to try out his mother’s homemade cookies so he decided to bring them for her. He’s really shy so he asked me to give them to her at school and I said okay and kept the cookies in my bag.
My mother (40F) saw the cookies in my bag after I got home and asked me why they were there. I explained everything to her and she said I shouldn’t have done that and let my friend deal with his problems himself. She told me to give my other friend only one cookie and eat the rest with her and I said no.
She then proceeded to eat a cookie even after I begged her not to. Then I cried because I knew my friends would blame me for eating the cookies. Then my mom got angry and yelled at me for not letting her eat the cookies and ate 4 more.
We argued and then she cried and told me I treated her like a jerk.
My friends blamed me for eating the cookies. I told my dad about it and he told me I was the jerk for not letting my mom eat in her own house.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Honestly, what did I even read? Even I was better behaved as a 5-year-old child. The cookies were a gift to someone and she basically stole it. She probably cried because she realized she’s unhinged. I don’t know why your friends are upset with you.
It sucks but it could be worse. Hopefully, they are able to find confidence in themselves rather than needing a middleman next time.” Aneidestiny
Another User Comments:
“I really enjoy baking and did it a lot in high school. When I made something that made a big batch, I would set aside a certain amount for my family, but small batches went entirely to my friends at school.
And that’s how it worked, even if I used in part household ingredients (flour/sugar type, specialty ingredients I bought myself) I made it for my friends and was able to bring them to my friends because it wasn’t for my family. And my mother was a self-centered *insert lots of rude words here*.
NTJ OP, your mom is definitely though.” mavvie_p
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t usually say this because I feel like it may offend the person who made the post because it’s their mother but your mum is a manipulative, selfish, ignorant, immature 3-year-old.
Like, the lady is a grown woman, she should know much better and so is your dad. Yes, everyone should have the right to eat their own food in their own house but it was not her food so she basically stole them because it wasn’t hers.
If this happened to me I would just stop talking to my parents entirely.” JournalistMobile3605
4. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Make Friends And Alleviate Her Dependency On Me?
“My significant other doesn’t have friends and has not communicated with her family in seven years. I feel this has led to her becoming extraordinarily dependent on me. Meaning, I can’t do anything independent of her. The kicker is that she hates all of my friends, so she seems to go out of her way to prevent me from hanging with them.
I usually try to invite her, but she always comes up with ways to not participate. Oftentimes, because she doesn’t want to participate, she’ll make me feel as though I shouldn’t. This is leading to a multitude of issues. She also doesn’t have any true hobbies.
Am I rude for wanting to tell her that she should try to make friends so that she can alleviate some of the pressure off of my shoulders?
I feel as though we both should have things that we can do to help with this… And having friends usually helps a lot.”
Another User Comments:
“Been there, done that. It will eventually suffocate you and you will resent her presence. I suspect she’s trying to push you away from your friends because she isn’t comfortable being by herself. She’s like a drowning woman who is clinging on to you so hard she is pushing you both under the water.
You need to talk to her. Let her know that it is not mentally healthy to be her sole support system and if she can’t be comfortable without you sometimes then that is something she needs to get help for. If she won’t get help for it you can’t be in the relationship.
NTJ.” mdthomas
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, so you need to take a hard look at what she’s doing. She is isolating you and trying to destroy your support system so that all you have left is each other. This is not easy to fix, even if both parties want to.
She sees your friends as a threat and will do whatever it takes to break you away from them. If you decide to stay with her, she needs therapy and you need to literally have time away from her daily, make plans three or four days a week with friends.
If she can’t handle it, you need to let her go. She would lock you away if she could, don’t let her.” whatsmypassword73
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Set boundaries. She doesn’t get to alienate you from other people because she doesn’t have a social life.
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you have to be glued to her hip all day. If she throws tantrums, ignore her. How she lives isn’t healthy or sustainable for most people. Humans are social animals and need support groups outside of their romantic partners.
She should get therapy.” [deleted]
3. AITJ For Not Looking At My Husband While Handing Him Something In Bed?
“I (31F) was handing something to my husband (31M) while lying in bed. It was in my drawer and I was looking for something when he asked. I reached out and passed it on to him. We were both lying in bed. But he never grabbed it.
I looked back and he just sat there with his hand out, close to mine. But didn’t take the object. I eventually looked back because he wasn’t taking it. I looked back and he was just looking at me with his hand open. I moved my hand maybe, 6 inches over to fully place the object in his hand.
After he took it I said, “you couldn’t just grab it?”
He says, “I like people to look at me when they hand me things.”
I was kinda shocked. Like, we were literally in bed next to each other. I think I responded with a “wait, what?”
He said something along the lines of “well it’s always been a pet peeve of mine.” And ” jeez, I’m human”.
I didn’t really know what to say. But it was just caught me off guard. So like, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Um, the way you were doing it is a completely normal interaction that married couples have, just, all the time. At least my husband and I do.
Yeah, sometimes the one retrieving the item will smile at the other and make sure it gets a solid pass-off, depending on the item (obviously anything potentially dangerous or mishandled gets more care) but sometimes it really is the automatic, not-looking offer while the second person grabs it.
We especially do this in the bed, where some items are kept on my side table and some on his. We don’t need to make deep, lingering eye contact because he wants to blow his darned nose. What you were doing is the most normal thing in the world.
Just waiting like that, waiting for you to notice and wonder if something was wrong and then making it a big deal of it as though you’d done anything wrong or rude or unusual is so weird. Especially since it apparently wasn’t just some stupid joke – and I mean a legitimate, clearly communicated, and signaled joke where the moment someone actually gets uncomfortable the entire joke gets dropped and the issue immediately addressed. He was serious or “serious”, and making you uncomfortable seems to have been the point.
What you did is not weird. And it was not rude. What he did is. People are saying it’s kinda creepy because it’s kinda creepy! I don’t know if this kind of thing is a habit with him, but, oof. NTJ.” PinkNGreenFluoride
Another User Comments:
“I was with my soon-to-be ex-husband for 28 years. Every disagreement was met with silence because “I need to collect my thoughts.”. He never had a conversation without taking FIVE to TEN minutes to respond. A month before he left, I started recording our conversations because he was gaslighting me.
I just put my cell where he could see and I told him why. During that conversation, it was clear the phone frustrated him and I wasn’t talking or trying to get him to respond. Eventually, he got mad that it was taking me so long to respond.
I explained that I gave him time and I’m taking equal time. He said “well, back when I started x company, Bob told me to always collect my thoughts before I spoke at meetings. Folks will wait for you. Take your time. I like having folks wait for me to speak.” What the heck?
I knew it. I knew it had been a power play. I knew I was the only person on earth to be treated like this. I was livid and I knew counseling needed to start ASAP because he really had toxic behavior. This is the same behavior STBXH did in the beginning.
It starts small and weird. Sadly, it can grow into a horrible situation. NTJ.” anotherouchtoday
Another User Comments:
“My husband and I will sometimes pop through a drive thru. When I drive, it’s his responsibility to take the change from my hand and put the drink in the cup holder.
I have my attention on driving and the cashier. Many a time have I thrown change because he won’t take it from my hand. It’s one thing to be speaking to a colleague at work and ask “Can you hand me the Smith File?” And expect eye contact.
But if we’re on opposite sides of the bed and you want me to daintily repose the nail clippers in Prince Charming’s mitt, you’ve got another think coming, Son. Short of it being I don’t know… a hardback book opened to the page and he needs he to hand off so he doesn’t lose his place, I’m gonna chuck it at you if you don’t take it.
NTJ” According-Ad-6968
2. AITJ For Refusing To Pay For My Friend's Meat Meal At A BBQ Restaurant?
“I (M,30) have been vegan for 6 years for personal reasons. I never tried to force it upon anyone, not even my partner (F,28).
She eats meat 2 to 3 times a week, I never told her anything about it. Same for every member of my family.
Last week I invited an old friend (M,30) to go out. Since the dinner was on me, I proposed a list of restaurants convenient to me, vegetarian and vegan restaurants with fresh and great food.
My friend was not happy with it and he kept telling me he didn’t want to go to a meat-free place. He had a BBQ restaurant in mind and kept pushing for us to go there.
I told him that he has 364 days, times 2 meals a day to eat meat and that one dinner without it will not kill him.
It didn’t convince him and he insisted we go to the BBQ place, so I told him we’ll go, but that I will not pay for his meal, he laughed and said ok.
We went to the restaurant, I ordered some sides, like mashed potatoes and so on, for 15 euros.
He had a ribeye (50 euros, it was a premium quality meat). We had a great dinner even if I was a little frustrated to only eat side dishes.
At the end of the dinner when it was time to pay I told the waiter I was only paying for my part, my friend then became very angry, telling me he thought I was joking, that I am a terrible friend, this kind of stuff… I refused to pay for him, and we haven’t talked since then…
So AITJ here for refusing to pay for him?”
Another User Comments:
“Accidentally taking a vegetarian to a barbecue restaurant as a date stands as my most embarrassing relationship memory. Taking advantage of a vegan in this way is audacious. He’s welcome to not eat meat but when someone is taking you out to dinner at least be tangentially aware of their diet.
I think the time to stand up for yourself was when he insisted on going there, you should have said “fine, but I’m not coming or paying” but you’re a better sport than me. You told him you wouldn’t pay for it, and that’s your right.
NTJ.” Honey-and-Venom
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friend knew that you are vegan, right? If yes, it’s not good to expect you to pay for meat. As a fellow vegan, I’ve always tried to pay for friends, dates, and my partner when going out for food.
However, I always made it clear in advance that I do not pay for meat. They have to pay for that themselves, then I will take care of the rest. Oh, I’m so lucky to have a vegan partner. You suggested several vegetarian and vegan restaurants.
Your friend, who knew you were a vegan, wanted to go to that BBQ restaurant and expected you to pay for something that goes against your moral objections. And you warned him that you wouldn’t pay for his meal if you went there, so he shouldn’t expect you to So yeah, he’s the jerk.
You can’t expect a vegan to pay for meat. Your friend is pushing his meat-eating beliefs on you. Your friend expects you to pay for meat, something you have moral objections against. You did the right thing by not paying for that stuff.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told him you wouldn’t pay before you even went so I’m not at all sure why he expected you to. Not only that, his food cost more than 3x what yours did so it’s pretty rude of him to expect that of you.
Maybe when he laughed when you said you wouldn’t pay you could have said “seriously, I won’t pay for you to eat meat,” but he also could have clarified and asked if you were serious so I won’t hold that against you. I do however think it’s a bit messed up that you would try to force your meat-eating friend to eat at a vegan restaurant.
Surely there are restaurants that could cater to the preferences you both have. I absolutely hate it when vegans try to push their choices onto others who aren’t interested in eating like a vegan. You only get to make that choice for yourself. It’s a jerk move to try and get others to ride your train on that one.
I love to eat meat and would be absolutely frustrated if I had a vegan friend trying to get me to eat at a vegan restaurant. That’d be a hard no from me.” jammy913
1. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancé's Favorite Foods At Our Wedding?
“My fiancé (27m) and I (28f) are getting married next year. I’ve been in the thick of wedding planning, and it’s been stressful. There are so many tiny decisions to make and I want to make sure this is a day that we and our families can enjoy.
I’ve asked my fiance for his opinion on things several times but he always says he doesn’t care. Whatever I want will make him happy. Which is nice and all, but what I want is some input, this is a lot to take on by myself.
Most of the planning is already done. The last big piece is hiring a caterer and choosing the menu. Fiancé has decided he wants wings and lasagna because they’re his favorite foods and it would make his wedding day more enjoyable. I want him to enjoy the day too…but I am going to be wearing a very expensive, very white dress and while I’m not a messy eater, I’d rather not risk it.
Dropping a wing on my lap and having to take pictures in a stained dress would be a surefire way to spoil the day.
I told him he could have that as his lunch with his groomsmen before the ceremony. He would have plenty of time to eat in regular clothes and then change after lunch.
But he says this isn’t acceptable. I’ve made every other decision about the wedding, so he should get to choose the meal. I guess I did want his input, but it seems unfair that he “saved” all of that up just to dig in his heels on this one thing.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“INFO. Only two options? My restaurant reception venue gave us THREE entree options as part of our basic package. We only had 20 people. They were able to customize the groom’s meal ahead of time, they provided a children’s menu for the 4 children under 10, and they even customized the best man’s meal on site (we had forgotten that he dislikes cheese- and all 3 main options had cheese in them).
They even gave us two dessert options, as well as several non-booze drinks, and two different appetizer options. And this was at the banquet room of an elegant casual restaurant adjacent to a mall. So I am surprised they only allow two food options- one of those which sounds more like an appetizer than an entree.
And no, pizza was not served at my wedding. Nor macaroni and cheese. There were three options – one of them being vegetarian since I am.” ChilindriPizza
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This sounds like a classic example of emotional labor. Your fiancé had ceded all the decisions to you, which on the surface sounds like you have the power for your wedding.
But in truth, that is a lot of work. And when you make these decisions, I suspect you’re also trying to take into account other people’s wants and needs (your fiancé, families on both sides, etc.). So up til now your fiancé has not had to take on the emotional labor of planning a large social event – one that is heavily fraught with expectations and interpersonal dynamics.
What I hear your fiancé is telling you is that somehow because you “got to” choose the color scheme and the stemware, he gets to make this choice unilaterally and that this is a fair trade. But ALL of the choices need to be mutual. Just because he’s abstained from the other choices doesn’t mean this one belongs to him.
You can find compromises, but it’s not “you chose those things so I get to choose this thing.”” CaliforniaLimited
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m a wedding planner on the side. While I do sympathize with the groom wanting his favorite foods at the wedding, it’s unfair for him to leave all the planning to you and then get upset when you disagree about what food should be served. Most caterers I’ve worked with have specific menu items to choose from to create a buffet or plated food menu.
My advice is always to choose three or four caterers who are within your budget and curate a menu for each of them, then schedule your tastings and choose accordingly. It’s possible that they can accommodate both of your selections, but he really shouldn’t throw a fit if he hasn’t been involved. For my own wedding, I chose the menu because my husband was working 80 hours a week, but I made sure to choose things that I knew he would like.
If the caterer can’t accommodate those menu items, plan a groomsmen luncheon and have it catered by someone else with those foods. But also, your fiancé needs to grow up.” johnjonahjameson13
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