People Unveil Their Dramatic "Am I The Jerk?" Stories
31. AITJ For Not Wanting To Invite My Mom's Husband's Family To My Vacation Home?
“My mom married her now-husband when I was 25, I had only met her then-husband once before the wedding because I lived on the other side of the country and it was an especially busy year for that year. My impressions after having met him that one time were anything but positive.
However, I felt it was nothing to worry about and not really my business as my mom’s choices are her own and how much of an impression can you really get meeting someone once?
A few days before her wedding I met the rest of his family and it re-affirmed my initial feelings about the guy.
His best men and he were dressed as a Biker gang as a “theme”, his oldest daughter actively tried to get with me in front of my partner who I brought as a date and his other 2 daughters had to stay home as the wedding was childfree.
The entire wedding was a debacle as pretty much everyone on my mom’s husband’s side of the invitees was inebriated, his daughter was caught in a compromising situation with a good friend of my new “stepfather” who was at least two and a half times her age in the bathroom which almost caused a fight.
Mom went home almost in tears which is when they had another surprise, my 2 new stepsisters decided to have a party of their own which resulted in half the house being trashed, a bunch of stuff missing, and a lot of the beds being occupied by …shall we say other people.
Suffice it to say we had to kick a bunch of people out of the house, me and my partner ended up staying in a motel and went home the next day. The only decent person in that family was the son, he seemed to be embarrassed the entire day, poor kid.
It didn’t improve much from that point onwards, the oldest daughter never gave up her weird infatuation with me which made every visit extremely weird, not a single visit went by without at least someone being inebriated and making it even worse was my mom really pushing for me to accept these people as family.
That led to me distancing myself and visiting at most once a year. Meanwhile, I am very close with my Dad, his wife, and her kids.
Skip to these days, I bought a vacation home and ended up inviting my Dad, his wife, and her kids along with my partner and her family, we had a great time and it was a welcome change from not having been able to take a vacation in a while.
My mom ended up seeing a bunch of pictures of the vacation on my partner’s social media (I don’t use Social Media) and inquired when we were gonna ask her to come and well, there is the issue.
I would love to invite my mom and a bunch of extended family from her side of the family (Aunts, Uncles, Nephews, Cousins etc) but I am pretty sure my mom will take her husband which I could deal with but I have no doubt she’ll also want to invite and take along her Husband’s kids which aside from the Son I don’t want anywhere even near anything I own.
So here I am.”
30. AITJ For Defending My Son After His Stepdad Destroyed His Xbox?
“I’m (46) a father of a 16-year-old son ‘Adam’. His mother and I have been separated since he was 6.
Adam is always happy to spend time at my place as part of the custody agreement. He dislikes his stepdad (30s) and calls him controlling. He puts strict rules upon Adam and punishes him for long periods of time over small mistakes. He doesn’t give him allowance like I do or let his mom give him any so Adam started working to be able to buy the stuff he wants.
Adam always wanted to buy an Xbox but couldn’t afford the full price so I told him whatever he saved I was willing to pay double and he was able to buy a new Xbox for the first time weeks ago. I got an angry phone call from his stepdad asking why I bought Adam an Xbox knowing it’s not allowed at his house.
First of all I told him Adam paid for the Xbox with his hard-earned money and second of all that’s his mom’s house so he can’t dictate what is and what is not allowed. He went on about how the Xbox is a distraction tool for Adam from his school and chores but I assured him Adam is responsible with time and can manage and balance just fine.
He suggested I keep the Xbox in my house and Adam can come over to play but I said that’s not up to me. Clearly I got him upset so he ‘warned’ me about the consequences of seeing Adam playing with that Xbox and ignoring his duties. I hung up immediately.
2 days later Adam called and was freaking out saying his stepdad had a rage fit and threw his Xbox in the pool as a punishment for Adam for playing with it instead of mowing the lawn. I was in dismay I went over to his mom’s house to see what was going on but I didn’t find her.
I found Adam crying I confronted his stepdad and he said he had to do this because Adam was being neglectful with his chores and said this was the result of built-up resentment because of Adam’s continuous lack of responsibility. I argued that even if he thought Adam was being irresponsible with his playing time, throwing the Xbox in the pool was unhinged of him because he could’ve hidden it for all I know.
He yelled that he gets to decide what punishment fits and went on about how he was just trying to help Adam become a responsible young man. I was tired of this I told Adam to pack his stuff to go to my place. His stepdad firmly said he won’t allow it and that I was preventing him from performing his duties as a father and an authority figure but I told him he needed to pay for a new Xbox.
He argued that I was delusional to expect him to pay for something he doesn’t want in his house in the first place but I said that was enough then left.
Adam’s mother came and argued with me saying her husband made a mistake but I shouldn’t have taken Adam out of the house.
I asked if she’s happy with how his stepdad treated him, she said that’s tough love because he wouldn’t do this if he didn’t care. I blatantly said her husband was just being an overbearing power-tripping, control freak and told her Adam is staying with me and we’re expecting a new Xbox.
She told the family I was stopping her from seeing Adam.
Edit: I’ve always wanted Adam to stay with me seeing he doesn’t agree with his stepdad on a lot of things. But the reason for being hesitant about having him most of the time if not all is because of 2 things which are the fact that I travel for work and also because of the health problems I struggled with in the past couple of years although Adam is responsible enough to do so many things on his own.
His stepdad already apologized on the phone but I insisted on getting this resolved instead of ignoring what happened.”
29. AITJ For Calling Out My Mom For Not Visiting My Sister And Me After Our Car Accidents?
“The weekend of the 11th was a horrible weekend for my family. My older sister (23f) was in a head-on collision on the night of the 10th. She was airlifted to a hospital 30 miles away. My mom (40f) moved to AZ in March, my sister and I (20f) still live in WA.
My mom called me Saturday morning while I was running errands to tell me about my sister’s accident. I dropped my groceries at home and went to see my sister. On the way to the hospital, I was also in a car accident. It totaled my car and I was taken to another hospital. Aside from bruising and a concussion, I’m fine.
On Sunday morning, my mom flew up here to see us because her friend paid for her ticket and her hotel room. Her hotel is a block away from the hospital my sister was at. She called me when she landed, said a friend had picked her up and they were coming to see me.
My entire body was in pain but I went to get dressed in something that wouldn’t hurt my bruises and try to brush my hair, I couldn’t lift my arms very high so that didn’t go well.
After I was finally ready, I get a text from her saying that she couldn’t come see me because she had to see my sister before her friend had to do other things.
Which was disappointing but I understood since my sister was much more injured than I was.
I talked to my sister the next day and she said mom never went to see her. Come to find out that she never checked into her hotel room and she spent the entire three days she was here with her friends instead of her injured kids.
So I texted her asking why she never went to the hospital.
She goes off on me telling me that I’m a jerk because I don’t have a car to take her to the hospital and back, even though my car was totaled. So I called her out for lying to both of us about coming here for us when she really came here for herself.
And she talked to my sister and ended up yelling at her and making her cry because my sister asked when mom was going to come see her. My sister has 8 broken ribs and it was incredibly painful for her to be crying and so upset.
I don’t think I’m the jerk but my mom is off telling anyone who will listen how horrible and selfish and ungrateful I am and how awful I was treating her when she came up here for us.
So, AITJ?”
28. AITJ For Seeking Contact With My Abandoned Niece Against My Sister's Wishes?
“I (25F) have a niece (6) from my older sister (32).
I heard through the family vine my sister was pregnant, so I reached out to her to congratulate her but she didn’t seem all interested in her pregnancy. After she gave birth she signed over my niece to the father’s side of the family and moved on with her life.
Later getting engaged and having 3 kids with another guy. Almost a year later I found out from another relative that she gave her up because she “didn’t like the way she looked”. For reference she has a very dark complexion, brown eyes, and type 4 hair (we are white).
And told the father, you either take her before I leave the hospital or she goes into the system. When I confronted my sister about it she said that she wasn’t what she was looking for in a “mixed baby” and I should mind my business because she’s not mine.
I tried to ask her for information about the father’s side as I wanted to reach out to see if it was ok to be a part of her life. No one would tell me anything. I have in the past reached out to her about my other nieces and nephews to be a part of their lives but she didn’t seem too interested.
During 2020, I felt it was the perfect time to look for my niece. I found her aunt on social media. I messaged her explaining who I was and asked if it was ok if I could be a part of my niece’s life. She contacted her father & grandmother to set up a time to talk.
After some talking they agreed I could but after some time of getting to know me as they didn’t want my niece getting attached and me bouncing later on, leaving her wondering where I went.
After two weeks of getting to know the family they introduced me to my niece & we instantly bonded. We talk almost every day & she calls me TiTi.
I am on good terms with her whole side of the family. Her grandmother says she appreciates all the effort I put into being a part of her life & can see how much my niece adores me.
This year my niece has started school, so I bought her a whole bunch of clothes and school supplies.
The sister posted pictures & videos of the gift box on IG, so this is where we currently are.
My sister has a fake profile & saw the posts. She is saying I am selfish for contacting them when she told me not to. How could I be favoring my niece over my other nieces/nephews.
I reminded her I’ve tried countless times to reach out to her and build a relationship with them but she’s always shut me down. She said if she knew I had money to spend like that on the kids then she would have been ok with it.
She wanted my niece’s info so she could reach out to her and I told her it wasn’t my place to give it to her and I’d have to ask. She said but I’m her mommy. I admit I got mad and cussed her out, for abandoning my niece because of how she looked. She told my whole family I’m trying to replace her & steal her life.
My family started calling me, texting me, telling me I’m selfish for choosing her over the other kids.”
27. AITJ For Not Reacting To My Sister's Wedding News?
“What is it about weddings that bring out the crazy in people??? I have as little communication as possible with my family and it’s been about two months or so since I have talked to any of them.
Recently I ran into a “family friend” who asked me what I thought about my sister getting married. I told her that it was news to me that I had no idea. I said that they had been together for a long time so it was most likely going to happen at some point or another.
I left it at that and went on. Really I didn’t think about it and not long after that I actually forgot about the whole thing.
Earlier today I ran into my mom and sister. We went through the obligatory whatevers and my mom made it a point to tell my sister to tell me the news.
My sister then said that she was getting married. I am happy for her, but at the same time I don’t care. We don’t have any kind of actual relationship for me to be jumping for joy. I told her congratulations and that I hope that she and her partner are happy.
I swear I almost watched her demeanor change at that moment. She went on to say that our brother was going to be in the wedding and that her partner’s sister was going to be in the wedding and on and on and on. I told her that it sounded like she had everything planned out and that it sounded like it was going to be a great time.
I told them both that I needed to get going and left it at that.
Here’s the thing. I knew I was never going to be included. And I’m perfectly fine with that. In all honesty, I don’t even think I’ll be invited to the wedding. And I’m fine with that as well.
It doesn’t bother me. We have a pretty significant age difference between us and it’s one reason we have never been that close. We share different fathers and she likes to hold that against me as well. So this is just how it is.
Not long after all this she showed up at my apartment.
How she figured out where I live is beyond me. I met her down at the security door saying I was getting ready to leave soon. She went on and on about the wedding and that she hopes I’m not mad about not being included. I told her it’s her wedding and she can choose who not to invite and that it didn’t bother me one little bit.
She said that she had obligations to other people. I told her again that I don’t care. Do what you have to do. I never raised my voice, never changed my mood or temper or anything. She tried one more time and I finally asked her what she was fishing for and if she was so bored that she felt the need to stir the pot and try to start stuff with me.
She called me a horrible brother and a jerk and stormed away.
I honestly don’t know what I did but she has done this to me several times before and usually if she doesn’t get any kind of negative reaction she gets annoyed.
So AITJ for not giving her any reaction?”
26. AITJ For Confronting My Family About Constantly Ignoring My Food Dislikes?
“While my parents and older brother are generally ok people, they can be very thickheaded about some things. Ever since I was a little kid I didn’t like sour cream or yellow mustard. The sour cream I can tolerate if it’s already in something. But the yellow mustard I hate.
Whenever it’s put on or in something other than potato salad, it’s all I can taste. My parents and brother love yellow mustard. And whenever my dad made hot dogs or burgers, he’d want to sauce them for me. And I’d have to insist on doing it myself or I’d get them covered in mustard.
Then he’d act disappointed when I couldn’t eat them. And I tried. He and my mom would just say that my sense of taste would change as I got older. But it never did at least in regards to yellow mustard. My brother even thought it funny to prank me with it a few times by taking a bottle of mustard and squirting me with it.
His first job was in fast food as well, and he’d like to mustard my burgers every time I ate there while he was on shift. I kept complaining and that got him in trouble with his manager.
With the sour cream every time my parents made Mexican food, they’d ask me if I wanted sour cream on it.
And I mean EVERY TIME! I’d just point out to them that I’d never liked sour cream. And to stop asking. Recently I was invited over to my parents’ place for dinner along with my brother. And while eating the food I tasted yellow mustard. My dad asked me how I liked the food and I went completely deadpan asking him why he’d snuck mustard into it.
He acted like I was imagining things. But I pointed out the bottle that was still on the counter, and could find layers of it in the food. He just sighed because he’d been caught.
But I’d had enough. I stood up and asked why they’d both been trying to force yellow mustard and sour cream on me all my life when I couldn’t stand it.
They said that they just thought I’d eventually like it. Then my brother piped up and said I was being rude. I told them all I was tired of this. And after nearly 25 years of life you’d think that they’d understand that I never liked yellow mustard or sour cream, and to stop pushing it on me.
My brother said I was being stupid. I said he wouldn’t be happy if someone was always pushing the foods he hates on him. He can’t stand sushi, and I love it. But I never push sushi on him. He said that was different, and mom and dad were just being nice by making me dinner.
I said enough was enough, and I wasn’t eating any more yellow mustard. Then I thanked my parents for the dinner and said my goodbyes as I walked out. My brother texted me that our mom was crying and dad was very upset. I said back that it was time I put my foot down because I’d had enough.
He called me an idiot and we haven’t spoken since Friday. Now that I’ve had some time to cool off I wonder if I went too far. So AITJ?”
25. AITJ For Choosing My Daughter's Wedding Over My Stepson's?
“Anyway, so, I (57M) and my wife “Mary” (55F) got married when she was 40 and I was 42, we were happy enough, we’d been together for about 3 years and lived together for nearly 2 years when I popped the question, she said yes and everything has been good until recently, of course we’ve had our fair share of issues as any couple does but it’s been good.
We both had a kid from a previous relationship, she had “Tim” (31M) from her previous marriage whilst I had “Leslie” from a previous relationship. Tim was 16 when I started seeing Mary whilst Leslie was 14, I never saw much of Tim when I moved in a year later so we never became close but we were friendly within our limited daily contact.
8 months after I moved in, he moved out, we helped him at the start with money but he denied extra monthly help, I haven’t seen much beyond a rare visit or the family event.
Leslie and Mary had a strained relationship from the start, Leslie had pretty much always only had me as a parent type so she was uncomfortable with a new stepmother but she had no issue moving in.
Mary did try her best but she overstepped more often than not, I know she was only trying to help but even I could see she was trying to be a mother to her when that’s not what Leslie wanted. Despite arguments (leading to one event not too long after Leslie’s 16th when she told Mary she wasn’t her real mother and would never be) and me trying to sort it out, by the time Leslie moved out at 18, it wasn’t the best between them.
I asked about financial assistance for Leslie, with Mary agreed to, but she didn’t agree to monthly help as Tim didn’t get this, I told her that Tim denied it and I would even pay only out of my pocket to help Leslie which eventually convinced her.
Mary and Leslie ended up being low-contact bordering on non-contact for many years and it was only recently that they began talking properly again.
Recently, both Tim and Leslie got engaged to their respective partners of long-time relationships but due to limited communication ended up coming very close date-wise to each other, close enough for me and Mary to be unable to attend both, this is where the conflict arises.
Mary wants me to attend Tim’s wedding but I had always promised to walk Leslie down the aisle, this has created a rift and ended up becoming a hill that Mary is willing to die on. She’s adamant either I go with her to Tim’s wedding and meet Leslie after or go to Leslie’s and not see Tim after, even going as far as saying I’m abandoning her at her son’s wedding.
I asked Tim and he said he didn’t mind and was happy to pay for a flight across the country for me to see him and his Fiance after their wedding.
Is it wrong of me to not go with my wife?
So, would I be the jerk for not going to my stepson’s wedding with my wife?”
24. AITJ For Not Letting My Younger Stepson Use Our Spare Car For Free?
“My husband and I have two boys, 18 and 16. His biological and my stepkids, if that makes a difference.
Our oldest, “Hunter,” has been driving for 2 1/2 years now. He completed Driver’s Ed, practiced his driving, got his required hours in, and saved money to put toward a vehicle.
He scheduled and took his driving test as soon as he was able. That’s pretty much his personality – if he wants something he gets it done.
Hunter’s grandfather was ready to sell his car a little before the time H got his license, so Grandpa cut the kid a pretty amazing deal on it.
Basically, H scored a sedan worth about 3k for a third of the price. He paid Grandpa in cash, then we surprised him by buying new tires and six months of insurance, gas, and expenses.
Now, here comes the 16 yo…
“Aiden” completed Driver’s Ed, but is super lax about practicing and getting the required driving hours to be able to take his final test for his license.
He’s saved no money for a car or the expenses that go along with one. This isn’t a big deal if he’s just not interested in a car and driving (his father and I are still happy to drive him places if we’re available), buuuuuuuut a few weeks ago he announced his actual “plan” is to just use our older Suburban as his own.
He was somehow operating under the impression that because we don’t use it on a regular basis (my husband and I each have newer cars) it would be his whenever.
I reiterated to Aiden that Hunter had to pay for his car, so if he wants the same freedoms and access he would have to do the same for a vehicle of his own.
If he really wants the Suburban, I offered Aiden a really good deal on it, but told him we weren’t going to “finance” the whole thing for him, he’d have to pay for at least half upfront. For a hot minute Aiden decided he’d just pay Hunter for gas in H’s car and use that whenever, but of course Big Brother shot that right down.
Hunter also educated Aiden that he was expecting him to chip in for gas after the holiday break if he still wants rides to school/games/friends’ houses etc. now that he’s old enough to drive and get a car of his own.
Aiden is now beside himself that a perfectly useable vehicle is going to be sitting in our driveway and he won’t have the access to it that Hunter has to his own car.
I’m wondering if I’m the jerk because on the surface I don’t care if either kid drives the Suburban – it’s paid for and safe and no big deal if they accidentally dent or ding it. However, it seems unfair to me that one kid put so much effort into thinking through what he wanted to do for a car and accomplishing his driving and freedom goals, and the other wouldn’t have to do anything close.
So, AITJ for sticking to my guns on this one?
ETA: since H got a big “family discount” on his purchase, we’d extend the same help to Aiden if he chooses to buy something of his own. If he finds a car worth 3k, we’d have him pay 1k and recreate the savings H benefitted from, for example.”
23. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Stop Teaching My Son To Call Her 'Mama'?
“I (23F) recently just had my first child, who is currently 10 months old. Since having him unexpectedly, I’ve tried my best to rekindle my relationship with my parents, who were pretty much emotionally unavailable during my whole childhood leading me to cut them off completely when I turned 18.
That is until I had my first child and my partner convinced me to let our son have a relationship with his grandparents.
I feel as though I may be biased and on edge with my parents when they are around my son, and maybe a little overprotective.
I just don’t want him to suffer like I did, so a lot of the time I am not sure if I am over-exaggerating situations or not.
Well recently my son has started “talking”, mainly saying things such as “mama” or “dada” and other babbles. He pretty much babbles to everyone he can lol.
When we’re visiting my parents I’ll let my mother watch him independently (with me in another room) so they can bond. Recently on multiple occasions while I have been in another room I’ve heard my mother telling my son to say “mama” multiple times. I got super irritated over this as I am his mother I wasn’t even in sight so why is she telling my child to say mama?
Why not “say grandma”?
After these times, me and my son were at the house with my father, waiting for my mother to arrive from work, when my son grabs an old yogurt pouch. Everything was all good until my father says “no baby not this one, mama is bringing more from the store”.
I realized he probably slipped up in saying this so I let it go but still planned to say something because I do not want my son to confuse my mother as “mama”, as she is his “grandma” and I am his mother.
Well, a couple of days later sure enough I left to go to the bathroom and as I’m using it, I heard my mother telling my son to “say mama”.
I tried to keep my composure but was pretty mad at this point. I left the bathroom and politely asked her not to ask my son to say mama to her, especially if I am not around for him to associate the word with me. My mom got extremely offended saying he always says dada and she’s in fact helping me out by helping him say mama.
I told her I was uncomfortable and to please stop. She told me I was being dramatic and it wasn’t a big deal. That’s when I told her if she cannot respect my wishes my son’s time will be limited with her. She responded nothing but later told my dad that I was very rude and unreasonable to her and that I am trying to ruin her relationship with her grandson.
Now I feel sort of bad but idk I think I did the right thing. AITJ here?”
22. AITJ For Insisting On Keeping Tampons Visible In My Own Home, Despite FMIL's Disapproval?
“My (30F) fiancé (36M) and I bought a new house earlier this year and, due to circumstances, we haven’t invited anyone to the house other than my FMIL.
We finally had my fiancé’s cousin’s family and aunt come over last night. My fiancé is a chef, so he cooked them all a delicious meal and we were having a good time. Later in the evening, before we were going to give them the ‘house tour’, my FMIL pulled me aside and told me that she took the liberty of hiding the box of tampons I had out in our upstairs bathroom.
I asked her why she did that and she told me it was indecent because my cousin-in-law’s husband might see it. I laughed and told her that he might be very familiar with menstrual products already due to being married to a woman and all (as well as growing up with only his mom and 2 sisters).
She made a face and said that it just wasn’t decent to subject men to our troubles. I was floored. I went upstairs, took the box from under the sink where she stashed it, and put it where I always had it (just above the toilet on some shelves with other toiletries).
She followed me and asked what I was doing. I told her that I will not be told having a period is a shameful thing and that if men wanted to be with a woman, they need to grow up and deal with it because almost all women menstruate and use these types of products and that it was silly for women to continue and pretend that it doesn’t exist. She kept going on telling me I was dirty and indecent, and I yelled that it wasn’t like I was hanging my used products all over and rubbing them across the walls.
I just reiterated that I won’t be controlled and shamed in my own home.
At that point, my fiancé heard us and came to see what was happening. After FMIL told him the ‘issue’, he rolled his eyes and told his mom almost exactly what I did and that if she felt uncomfortable about this, she could leave and how this isn’t worth having a fight about.
His mother was seething when she grabbed her things and left our house, making a scene as she left and putting a huge awkward damper on our gathering. Right after she left I felt really bad, knowing my fiancé worked so hard to try and make it a pleasant evening and I basically ruined it.
I could’ve just taken into consideration how FMIL comes from old ways of thinking and how maybe I should’ve just ignored her comments because she thought she was helping. Now wonder if I should just apologize to FMIL about this.
My fiancé is a very zen person and told me I have no reason to apologize other than trying to keep the peace between us and his mom, but he would support me either way.
He told me he would talk to his mother in a day regardless to unpack what just happened (he’s very into open communication because he never got that growing up).
I wanted completely unbiased opinions before I do anything, so please friends, AITJ for making a big deal out of this?
Should I just apologize?”
21. AITJ For Calling My Parents Thieves After They Used My Saved Money To Buy My Sister Sneakers?
“I (soon 16f) don’t get to celebrate my birthday every year because my parents can’t afford it. I got myself a summer job months ago and saved money for my “sweet 16” birthday since my parents won’t be doing anything for me this year either.
My birthday is next week.
Yesterday I discovered that mom searched my room and took the 120$ I saved and hid under my bed like she always does. I called her and she said she was keeping it safe and we’ll talk after she gets home since she and dad and my autistic 14yo sister were out.
I waited til they got back and my sister started yelling cheerfully telling me to look at the new sneakers my parents got her. I asked mom for my money but she said she spent it on new sneakers for my sister. I was like what??? My dad said my sister saw, liked, and wanted the sneakers but they didn’t have money to buy them and stop her from having a meltdown in the middle of the store and refusing to leave the store without them.
I angrily told them that money was saved for my upcoming birthday party. He promised he’ll pay me back next month then I can have my birthday party and invite friends over. I told him my birthday isn’t next month my friends will laugh if I tell them I postponed it.
He replied that I should reconsider who I’m friends with then.
He has a short temper and I obviously pushed him to his limit when I said no and kept asking them to return the sneakers. He loudly said “NO!!!” And I lost it and said that they are both thieves and I hate them both for stealing from me and ruining yet another birthday for me.
He yelled at me and said “NO YOU..ARE..GETTING..ON..MY LAST..NERVE..AND I AIN’T GOING TO TAKE YOUR CRAP NO MORE!!! NO BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR YOU (pointing at me with his finger) NOT NEXT WEEK NOT NEXT MONTH CAUSE OF WHAT YOU JUST SAID AND YOU’RE GROUNDED NOW GET OUT MY FACE AND STAY GONE TIL I TELL YOU OTHERWISE”.
Mom just looked at me sternly approving of his “message”. I ran upstairs and Dad shouted after me that I was way out of line and need to be taught some manners for calling them thieves to their faces.
I’m grounded now for calling them that. I didn’t get my money back but did get called an overprivileged spoiled brat for having little to no consideration for my sister’s struggle and acting so selfishly and throwing a 3yo tantrum over a party that they are no longer allowing me to have because I called them thieves.
AITJ?”
20. AITJ For Refusing To Attend Family Holidays Due To A Creepy Uncle?
“I (F22) have not attended a single family celebration on my mom’s side.
At least, not since I was 18 and legally an adult. I often volunteer to work on the holidays or, since I live alone, spend time with my dogs and relax.
The primary reason I stopped attending family holidays is due to an overly creepy and “friendly” uncle that makes remarks about my body, weight, etc. I have had the discussion several times with my aunt about this behavior and she always responds, “he’s just joking.
You’re too sensitive.” When I told him no or to stop in the past, it provoked him to invade my space more. My very last holiday with the family was when I finally came out. I had been seeing a woman for some time and I wanted to share that milestone in my life.
I had just had a wonderful promotion doing maintenance work, too. I began going to college. Life was great. Said uncle messaged me DURING that dinner to let me know I was “confused” and he could “make it good for me if I just gave him a chance,” and that a “woman as pretty as me shouldn’t be doing maintenance or worrying my pretty little head about money.”
I digress, I dislike the holidays for this specific reason.
However, my grandmother is getting older and slowing down. My grandmother and I do everything together. She is my best friend, even when she drives me crazy. We get breakfast every Sunday, I take her shopping/doctor appointments/movies/etc, throughout the week.
For the holidays, she and I usually get together the weekend before or the weekend after the holiday to have a meal together and watch something/do something together.
Unfortunately, I think the social strain and holiday rush is getting the best of her. It’s a lot for her to handle, which I don’t blame her.
However, she’s recently made the request that I swallow my discomfort and come to this year’s Thanksgiving/Christmas dinners. I said that was not going to happen. She became visibly upset by this, especially since some family is driving in this year. (Which, to add, the creepy uncle’s house is where it is hosted EVERY year.
The family isn’t overly huge.) My grandmother keeps telling me this could be her last year around and alive for the holidays.
AITJ for not wanting to go to holiday dinners?”
If he was doing this to you who knows who else in your family he has done this to.
19. AITJ For Refusing To Style My Sisters' Hair After Years Of Grandmother's Discrimination?
“I (20f) am of mixed race by lineage but look purely white..the typical blonde hair etc. My dad is black and my mom is white.
They both are in the army and so me and my siblings grew up at our grandmother’s house. Amongst all of us siblings, I’m the only one who looks white and am a carbon copy of my mom it seems, the rest of my sisters look more like my dad in skin color as well as physical features.
I needed to specify the physical appearances because they play a pivotal role in the entire argument…
So the backstory in simplest words: my grandmother absolutely dislikes me. She says I have too much white privilege in me to ever actually belong to her family. She has made it abundantly clear in many ways; here are a few instances
- When I was 5 years old she tried to do my hair exactly as all of my sisters except my hair was thin and brittle and straight and theirs were stronger and coarse. She tried to do the box braids and even Afro. All of which resulted in me almost having a bald patch.
- She nicknamed me ‘fatty’ because according to her I was always fat/overweight. Only now that I look back at my childhood pictures do I realize I was perfectly normal … My school records show I was 140cm and weighed 29 kg at 10yrs. I’m currently 163 cm and weigh 58kg. And she still calls me overweight or fatty.
Whereas all of my sisters are perfect for her. They may weigh more or less than me but it’s always because they have inherited the ‘beauty’ genes and live a healthy lifestyle.
- When I was 13 she constantly pointed out how I was so late to start developing and often called me a flatboard.
She often discussed this with her neighbor/best friend in front of me.
- She paid half of their college tuition but to me, she said I shouldn’t get stuff handed to me.
Growing up I was always jealous of my sisters. I grew up insecure and hating my body.
I’ve only developed a positive relationship with myself in the last few months and I absolutely dislike my grandmother for making me live a miserable childhood and teenage making me worry if I’m looking too chubby or not eating fullest ever.
My sisters were amazing they never made me feel excluded or different but I could never let go of the separate treatments and love and I grew kinda aloof and distant.
So the current argument was: yesterday my grandmother saw me braiding my friend’s hair into a Dutch braid and my sister said ‘wish I could have that style’.
My grandmother came to me last night and said I should try and learn some unique styles for my sisters too because family should come before friends.
I said: if their style is so important they can do it to each other or YOU can do it for them.
My grandmother is still taunting me calling me a ‘privileged piggy refusing to put in any kind of hard work in life.’
I know the argument was stupid and insignificant but I’m not going to budge for her favorite granddaughters who never even asked me to do their hair.”
18. AITJ For Not Letting An RA Into The Dorm Without ID?
“I have worked as the ‘security guard’ at the front of my college dorm for several months.
The job is quite simple; I sit at a table from 10 PM to 3 AM on Fridays and Saturdays with my computer and do homework while checking the student IDs or photo IDs of everyone who comes into the dorm building.
If you come in during those times, then you have to have your ID with you, and you have to sign in the people who do not live in the dorm building. When people don’t have an ID, then I usually just let them sit in the lobby while the friend they came in with gets their ID, or they will phone their roommate to go get it.
It’s just a safety measure, because if anyone gets into the building and destroys something, then we need to have a count of all the residents and non-residents there.
The other day, I was doing my job as normal, when I heard someone struggling with the front dorm door.
To open the door, you have to scan your ID and then quickly open the door before it relocks itself. The girl trying to get in had her hands full, so I assumed she just wasn’t going to open the door fast enough and went to help her by opening the door a little.
I could see that she did not have her ID in her hands like most people that try to get in do, so I asked her if she has her school ID on her.
She told me no, and I told her that she needs a school ID to be let in at this time.
She goes, “I’m an RA, you really shouldn’t need to check my ID.” I told her that I don’t know every RA in our building, as there are many different floors and the only RA that I regularly talk to is my RA. She repeated what she said before.
I told her that I’m just doing what I was instructed to do by the dorm manager, which was to check everyone’s ID and not let in people who don’t have an ID for this building.
She started to get angry, and I told her she could sit in the lobby and have a friend get her ID from her room or just have a friend sign her in as a guest under their name.
I also suggested she call the RA on duty, as they would know her since I’m assuming the RAs know each other. (The RA on duty is just the RA that holds the dorm phone from 10 PM to 8 AM, they answer any calls for the front door and help me if someone gives me trouble or I have any questions.) She refuses to call the RA and sits in the lobby texting a friend.
Finally, after about half an hour, someone comes down the hall looking very tired and gives her her student ID. She shows it to me, while saying, just as she had said before, “I’m an RA, I shouldn’t have to go through all this stuff.”
Should I have let her in without her ID?
If the dorm manager found out, then I would have been fired, and I need this job for my work study to pay my tuition. I personally would never let anyone come in without their ID just because I don’t want to risk it, but I want to know what everyone else thinks.”
17. AITJ For Being Mad At My Partner For Not Helping With My Dog While I'm At Work?
“So my partner and I had a good schedule going for my dog at home, and she has no problem helping take care of him.
When she works her morning shift, 6 am-4 pm, she feeds him when she goes in the morning, I let him out and play with him when I leave for work, and feed him if he ate his breakfast. If not, I’ll usually feed him when I get home from work.
I usually work 4 pm-midnight.
Or her evening shift, 1 pm to 11 pm. One of us will feed him, since we’re up around the same time, and then one of us will feed him at night, since we’re home around the same time. He’s never home longer than 8 or so hours without someone letting him out.
But tonight since it’s Thanksgiving, I decided to get some good holiday pay by working some extra hours. Tonight my shift is 4 pm-6 am the next morning. My partner knew this, and I made sure that everything was okay with it. And my partner was supposed to be home at 11 because she worked her evening shift.
But instead of coming home, she texted me that she was going to a friend’s house for the night, no problem at all, she needs to get out of the house more anyways. I asked her if my dog was okay after she let him out and fed him because I figured she had gone home first since she knew I wasn’t gonna be home.
Turns out she didn’t go home, right from work to her friend’s. I asked her about my shift, “babe I’m not gonna home for like 7 hours”. Obviously implying my dog will get hungry, or p******e in the house, since he wasn’t let out since like 3:30 that afternoon, so like 15 hours.
So I asked her if instead she could go home, so my dog doesn’t have those problems. She tells me that she’s already in bed watching a movie at the friend’s house. I asked if she could go home to do that stuff, since her friend’s house is only 15 minutes from mine.
She insists he will be fine and it’s only pee and I can feed him when I get home, insisting he won’t starve. I said “that’s not the point, seriously? You’re just gonna let him pee and poop in the house, because I’m stuck at work, I can’t leave.” She once again insisted that he will be fine.
I immediately stopped texting her for the night.
So AITJ for being mad at my partner for not helping with my dog, even though he’s not hers?
EDIT: I forgot to clarify that we’ve been together for a little over 2 years, and she’s lived with me at my dad’s house since March of last year.
So this isn’t something new I ask of her, this has been a schedule for us for a long while now.
Also, this is all happening while she’s using my car to get around. Hers broke down like 4 months ago, I’m using my dad’s car to get to work.
Wow. What a situation.”
16. AITJ For Criticizing My Mom's Parenting After My Brother Mocked Me?
“My sister (16F) has a physics exam tomorrow. She was asking me (17Nb) to explain a few questions that she didn’t understand.
It was all fine until brother (21M) came. He started making fun of me like how I didn’t know anything about the topic and how I was making things up. He would also mimic me whenever I tried to explain anything. I left the room and didn’t continue helping my sister understand the questions.
I went to the kitchen to eat. Now my face was very much an “I am annoyed” face. Mother (50F) asked what’s wrong. I said nothing, just your son. She asked me what did he do now. I said he is still alive. (I know it sounds rude but he has been a jerk my entire life and let’s just say I won’t ever admit he is my sibling unless they announce him dead) She said poor him.
(Not exact meaning since we speak a different language but basically have mercy on him and be nicer). I remained silent and continued eating. She asked again what did he do. I told her that he is mocking me and making fun of me. She said I can’t do anything, I can’t hit him or punish him because he is grown up.
I replied with, maybe you can teach him not to make fun of others and that this always happens. She took this offensively since I was basically telling her that she didn’t raise him right and this is her fault which in a way, I am saying that.
(She would always dismiss him hitting me or calling me names) She told me that I am bringing up the past. I told her that I am not bringing up the past and just mentioning what happened. That when he makes fun of us (my sister and me) you say that this is just his character now and you can’t do anything but when we say something rude or even do the same thing he does, you tell us that we should be nicer and that we should ignore him.
She got mad at me.
Eventually, she went to yell at him for his behavior but she also was yelling about me. She told my brother that she told him a billion times to stop bothering us and to simply not talk to us. Then she yelled about how I am always criticizing her and saying something stupid to her and that she is tired from both of us and that we don’t appreciate her and how we always blame but it isn’t her fault.
(Umm like you raised us. Sure we develop our own thoughts and behavior but this happens every single time and when I mention how this is not something new, she tells me that I am bringing up the past and living in the past)
I am really annoyed. Sorry about the rant, I just don’t want to bother my friends with my problems. Plus outside pov always is nice.”
15. AITJ For Refusing To Let My MIL In After She Disrespected Our Family Dynamics?
“My MIL dropped by our house unannounced 2.5 weeks ago. She was asked to leave our house several months ago during a strong disagreement and I have refused to be around her since, and so have my stepchildren. My husband does still talk to her but he has said she’s not welcome in our home.
The conflict is over my stepkids. I married my husband when my stepkids were 7 and 8 respectively and I was in their lives a little while before that. At the time both kids said they didn’t want a new mom (their mom sadly passed and they don’t really remember her but my husband had kept her memory alive).
Those early days they were kinda acting out when I was around so my husband and I asked them after they said they didn’t want a new mom, what would they be okay with from me, and how could we make things comfortable for them but also safe, because as an adult I needed to be able to stay with them sometimes to keep them safe.
So they call me by my name and tell others my name and no title. They listen to me when it’s just us but I am more like a friend, and my husband is the parent of them. It has meant we have a good relationship. I correct anyone who calls me mom or says they’re my kids because that is what they (my stepkids) want and they correct them also.
But also in a polite way and not defensive.
Only it was defensive with MIL. Because she said I was denying the kids a mom and as the woman who they remember in their family, I am mom, even if they’re not ready to accept it. Both my husband and I talked to her about why that wasn’t how our family worked but she was not having it.
The kids got involved and she told them it was okay to have two moms, to love a mom who could be with them, she told them they were too young to understand or know the importance. She then told them it had to be hurting me to raise and love them but never get any of the credit.
I stepped in and told her she was not going to use me for her agenda and she had no right to speak for me, and she could leave my home and not come back until she learns to accept how our family functions.
So when she showed up unannounced and tried to get in I didn’t let her in.
I didn’t even answer the door. She knew we were home though. And she was mad. She told my husband I set a bad example for the kids and ticking off the in-laws is never a good idea.
AITJ?”
14. AITJ For Calling Out My Best Friend's Attention-Seeking Behavior?
“My best friend Rose and I have been besties since we were 12 and now nearly a decade after we are still going strong at 21. During high school in our sophomore year we started hanging out with a group of seniors, we were 16/17 and they were 17/18.
It was a group of 4 guys. When we started hanging out with them 2 of them were taken and two were single. By the end of my senior year I started seeing one of the two single guys. So it was now one single guy in the friend group and Rose who was also single.
Let’s name that guy Bran.
Bran and Rose grew really close together and we all joked that they’d make a cute couple. They both brushed it off saying they’re not each other’s type. Rose would always find comfort in Bran but sometimes she took some things too far and would make Bran uncomfortable.
When I talked to her about it she said there’s nothing to worry about and they’re just friends and if he felt uncomfortable he’d tell her.
Flash forward to now, Bran and Rose never did anything, not even a kiss, Bran also kind of distanced himself from Rose for the reason previously mentioned and even as friends Rose was not the kind of friend Bran would like to have since she’s being very self-centered at times and always dismisses people’s issues and acts like the attention should be on her.
I’ve always told her it’s not ok that she does that, she fixes it for a couple of weeks, and then same thing.
Bran got a partner a couple of months ago and it’s actually a really close friend of his and they grew closer until they ended up together.
They seem to be getting along really well and we’re all happy for him. Rose does not seem too happy. Whenever the partner is around she always makes comments about how “that one time Bran and I did this“, or something along the “oh Bran remember when we used to sleep in the same bed in sleepovers haha”.
She’d always joke that Bran and her will end up marrying each other and jokingly told the partner to back off her man. At some point it was getting out of hand and she pretended the room was too hot and was provocatively unbuttoning her shirt. Bran told her to stop doing all this and she just responded “haha don’t worry Bran it’s not something you haven’t seen before”.
Then I stepped in and told her to stop acting like a pick-me girl, it’s getting embarrassing.
Rose and the rest of the guys there all called me the jerk basically for calling Rose out like that, Bran on the other hand thanked me for speaking up because he’s exhausted of her.
The rest of the friends tho are still mad at me that I’d embarrass Rose in front of everyone like that and how I’m the one acting like an insecure jerk.
So AITJ?”
13. AITJ For Not Mediating Between My Sister And Our Absentee Father?
“I (32m) have a younger sister “Daphne” (27f) who I love very much and know that she’s acting from a hurt, frustration and being fed up but I’m not sure if it’s my place despite my dad and stepmom’s pleas. When we were kids our parents divorced and while it was hard I feel like I was able to adjust over time, I don’t think my sister ever got over it.
When our parents broke the news Daphne was upset and she was teased about our dad moving away and getting a new daughter to replace her. Looking back on it I feel like my parents should’ve gotten my sister therapy, but instead dad promised her that while we wouldn’t all be living in the same house together, he still loved us and would always be there.
That all changed the day he married our stepmom “Judy.” Not too long after they got married Judy’s dad suffered a stroke and she wanted to move back to her home state to help her mom take care of him. Daphne was not happy and resented the fact that instead of seeing dad on a nearly daily basis it would now be on breaks and holidays.
Didn’t help that Judy had a fatherless daughter of her own, “Katie” (29f).
After that first summer at our dad’s place Daphne swore that she’d never go back and that if our dad loved her enough he would come to see her instead of Daphne having to give up her summers hanging with friends for the parent who chose to leave.
Fast forward to high school and our dad missed his flight and missed Daphne’s graduation, Katie’s graduation was the day before. This sealed the deal for Daphne and she was done with our dad and almost never talked to him.
It wasn’t until recently that they slowly started to get on better terms. When she asked him to walk her down the aisle he was ecstatic.
During the planning, Daphne calmly told our dad that if he wasn’t there then to not bother trying to have a relationship with her again. That the only acceptable excuse for him not to attend was if he was hospitalized.
Well the day came and went, and despite multiple phone calls no one could reach dad.
My sister took this all in stride, our stepdad walked her down, and she never showed a hint of being upset. When our dad called me I berated him for not coming until he said that he and Judy were in a car accident. It was minor and our dad was fine but Judy hit her head on the dashboard so the doctors still wanted to run some tests.
Our dad’s phone was damaged and he was so caught up that he lost track of time and that’s why he didn’t show up.
Daphne said she understood the situation but stated that she was very clear and that since our dad was okay and Katie was with Judy, he had no excuse and asked him to never contact her again.
My mom and stepdad are staying out of this but stepmom and other family members are asking me to talk some sense into Daphne. Daphne said she’s done with our dad disappointing her and breaking promises and doesn’t care how sad he is now. I told them that I wanted to stay out of it but I’m getting flack for it.
AITJ?
ETA: Dad and Judy were in town two days prior to the wedding and were on their way to the venue when they got into the car accident. My dad showed me his damaged phone and pictures of the accident so he’s not lying.”
No, sweetie, just because you seem to swallow every excuse your non father tries to feed you both, doesn't mean Daphne should. I don't think Daphne's the one with the problem. Butt out.
12. AITJ For Asking My Mom To Leave Thanksgiving Because She Brought Her Misbehaved Dogs?
“My mother has two chihuahua mix dogs Mimi (5) and ChaCha (2). These dogs are horribly behaved and I fully blame my mother for this.
They bark incessantly and they are not properly housebroken so it is a common occurrence to find p******e on the floor from the dogs. She insists on bringing the dogs with her everywhere she goes. She even has a special stroller that she uses to take them out to stores/outdoor areas.
Two weeks ago, she brought her dogs to my son’s football game. I told her to please not bring them. I’m sitting in the bleachers and immediately I hear them barking and see her with the stroller. The barking was so bad that the security guard asked us to leave the game because the dogs were being a nuisance.
It was extremely embarrassing and I was very upset. I have never in my life been asked to leave a football game, or any other public event in my life. When we got to the cars, I told my mother that she is never allowed to bring the dogs to my house or any other event that I will be attending.
It was my year to host Thanksgiving. I told my mom not to bring the dogs with her to my house for dinner. She got upset and told me that they were her companions and she didn’t want to leave them alone. I told her that the football game was my last straw.
That I was tired of her poorly behaved dogs pooping in my house and barking at everyone, I told her if she could not leave the dogs at home, we could have dinner at her house or I can have dinner here and bring her leftovers.
She ended up coming with the dogs on Thanksgiving and I asked her to leave.
She got very upset and told me that I was being “mean” and “cold.” I told her she is more than welcome to bring the dogs back home (she lives five minutes up the road) and come back to have dinner with us, but she refused and left crying.
My husband, brother and SIL are happy that someone finally said something to her about the dogs, but my sister thinks that I should have just let them stay.
My mother did come back without the dogs, but she didn’t speak to me and hasn’t really spoken to me since.
I kind of feel bad, but on the other hand it was nice to not have to hear the dogs barking and shampoo the carpets when she left.
AITJ for making her leave when she brought the dogs?”
11. AITJ For Refusing To Install A Wheelchair Ramp At My New House?
“I’m (31f) in the process of closing on my first ever house (sharing with my mom since neither of us can afford to live alone unless we move into a dangerous neighborhood.)
So the problem. The house has ample room for both of us to have our own spaces so we can both feel independent even though we’re sharing a home. To enter the home there are two steps up to a small deck and then one step up into the home.
My aunt (55f mom’s sister) is flipping out because her miracle baby is wheelchair-bound and would be unable to get into the house. My cousin is one of a set of triplets that was conceived through IVF with many many complications so even though the triplets are now 17 they are forever the miracle babies and have been coddled and spoiled their entire lives.
She is saying we need to switch the deck and steps to a wheelchair ramp to suit her baby’s needs (she only ever visits us once maybe twice a year.) This is on top of her saying my two other aunts need to make ramps for their homes as does my grandfather.
You know, rather than her buying a portable wheelchair ramp herself for her daughter. I looked them up and they’re about $150.00. But for a full install is over a thousand dollars and I can’t swing that on top of all the other new house stuff. Also I don’t want to alter my new home.
Here’s where I may be the jerk. I told her absolutely no way am I changing the layout of my new home and property to suit her needs. (I think my exact response was laughing and saying “no freaking way.” Only I actually swore.) I’m not going to pay to modify a house I bought that I like the way it looks and possibly risk a fine for a new structure if not done 100% properly.
I told her she’s selfish and it’s unfair of her to expect all of us to pay a lot of money to install permanent fixtures into/onto our homes just for her to see us when she’s not that great of a guest anyways. I also said she could pay a fraction of the price for a portable ramp and it would suit all of us.
Not to mention she could probably file for a grant and get the ramp for free since her daughter is disabled.
My family, including my mom, privately agrees with my sentiment but says I’m too harsh and rude. And my aunt’s husband threw back in my face that why don’t I just buy the portable ramp for my home to go up and down.
My aunt is also saying if we don’t get any type of ramp they won’t help us move which is a jerk move because we would really need them because they have a big truck.
So AITJ?
Edit to add: I’m not opposed to getting the temp ramp myself or splitting the cost with the family but I don’t have any extra funds until a few months after the move and aunt wants it now.
Them offering to help was more them offering their truck for us to use and it was discussed before the ramp, when she said she wouldn’t help it felt like she was punishing me and taking away something we already agreed upon for not jumping through her hoops.
I do admit I react strongly with emotion without thinking things through. I won’t argue that I was harsh but this is more about the overall situation.”
10. AITJ For Preventing My Sister From Coming Out To Preserve Our Grandfather's Inheritance?
“I’ve (28M) always known my sister Lexi (25F) was a lesbian.
I’ve accidentally caught her making out with girls and I’m completely fine with it. Our parents are fine with it too.
So we’re pretty rich. Not us, but our grandfather. Very wealthy. He does not have a lot of time left to live, 2 months is what the doctors said.
Only me and my parents know, we’ve not told Lexi as per his wishes.
The thing is he and Lexi do not have a good relationship anymore, he’s always been homophobic, just the way he was raised, keeps saying homophobic stuff whenever he gets a chance, and at about 16 when Lexi realized she was gay, she’s been pretty cold to him.
He does not know she’s gay. She does not know he’s about to die. He still loves her and has left her about 2.1 million dollars to her and 2.1 to me when he dies and some other stuff to our parents.
He likes hosting formal parties and stuff often, and Lexi decided that she was going to come out yesterday to the whole family at the party (including the families of my grandad’s siblings).
Now I told her she couldn’t do it, she was against it, we fought a bit yesterday morning, she wouldn’t budge, and I wouldn’t either. I finally caved and told her that he was gonna die and I just didn’t want her to lose the money. She was a bit sad but said that she didn’t care much about him anymore.
We fought and well, I just didn’t let her talk a lot that evening, I always kept changing topics when she started to talk and wouldn’t let her talk much.
She’s really mad at me, my parents said I did the right thing. I know it’s really hard for people to come out and it takes courage, but it’s 2 mil.
All we wanted was 2 months of silence. We just don’t want her to miss out on the money.
I know what I did might be terrible but she’s my sister and I don’t want her to miss out on such a huge thing, and now I’ve even broken my grandfather’s promise.
I feel like such a jerk and all I’ve been doing is spending time thinking if I should post it here or not.
AITJ?”
9. AITJ For Not Wanting To Uproot Our Daughters' Lives For My Wife's Job Opportunity?
“My wife and I are in our late 30s and have 2 girls (14 & 16). My wife works in a pretty high-stress position that often requires a lot of travel, sometimes up to 2 full weeks a month.
But the job is in her desired field and she’s worked hard to get to where she is, and it pays well which is a plus. I work a lower-stress job with more flexible hours, but it doesn’t pay as well.
Because of my wife’s job, I have been the parent that attends to most of our kids’ needs.
I take them to their activities, attend all the games and recitals, take them shopping, taught our oldest how to drive, etc.
A few weeks ago my wife got a job offer from a client of hers that she’s worked with for years. It would be a more stable position that would pretty much eliminate her travel, and would also come with a nice bump in pay.
The only problem is that the job is literally across the country. Like 2,000 miles away.
When she told me about it she was beyond excited because this job would finally give her a chance to be at home with our girls again. She was talking about it like it was already decided that she would take the job and we would move.
I tried to share in her initial excitement, but all I could think of was leaving behind the life that the girls and I had built here.
My wife sensed that I wasn’t as enthusiastic about the job as she was and asked me what was up. I told her that the girls are at an age now where uprooting their lives and leaving all their friends behind would be a pretty drastic change and we needed to get their input before making any decisions.
She agreed and we spoke with them.
Both of the girls wanted to stay where we are. Neither liked the idea of moving and starting in new schools. They like their friends, they like their school, they like their sports and activities here. My wife got upset and tried to convince them how much better it would be for her to have a job that actually allowed her to be present in their lives again.
But my oldest pretty much told her that she was being selfish for asking them to uproot their lives just so that she could feel better about herself.
My wife broke down in tears after the talk and confessed to me that she thought this new job would be an easy decision for us and that I should help her convince our daughters that it was the right choice.
I told her that I wasn’t going to do that.
I told her we should wait until the girls are done with high school before moving across the country like that. She said this kind of job opportunity doesn’t come around that often and if she doesn’t take it then she doesn’t know if she’ll ever get a chance like this again.
She said she felt like I was forcing her to choose between her family and her career and I told her that’s pretty much exactly the decision she needs to make. She asked what would happen if she took the job and I told her I would probably stay here with our girls.
She called me a jerk and now isn’t talking to me.”
8. AITJ For Not Changing A Social Media Caption That Upset My Father?
“Hi. I’m in a little bit of a pickle here. I met my husband when I was in my mid-20s and he was in his early 30s. I told him right away that I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mother and he wasn’t super excited about the idea but after we got married and were ready to have kids, he agreed. This meant that he had to change his career path to a much more stressful and demanding job than he had before in order to make more money and I’ve always been super thankful for this.
My husband and I have two children now. A 1-year-old and a 3-year-old. As you can imagine sometimes this gets hectic. I’ve been a little stressed and tired lately, being a stay-at-home mom is quite a bit of work and I was telling my husband I felt like I needed a little break.
He gave me some cash and told me to plan a fun girls’ day for me and my best friend. So today my friend and I went to get mani-pedis and to brunch.
When I got home my husband was sitting playing barbies with our kids and he was really into it.
It was really cute watching this 6’4 man sitting on the floor playing Elsa with the kids and being really invested in the part, so I took a few pictures.
I know he’s been working hard and is also really tired and I appreciated the fact that he really wanted to give me a nice day, so I posted a picture of him on the floor with the kids with the caption “World’s best husband and father, words cannot express my love and appreciation for this man.”
Well my own father saw the post and “angry” reacted to it. My mom called me later and told me my dad was really hurt and stated that he really tried to be a good dad etc. and the post made him feel like I was saying he wasn’t a good father.
I told my mom I didn’t want to change the post caption. My mother got really upset and told me I was going to give my dad a heart attack. I think I might be the jerk here because it is a little petty to refuse to change a caption for the sake of family harmony.
So, am I the jerk?”
7. AITJ For Bringing Vegan Food To Family Thanksgiving And Explaining My Dietary Choices?
“Early in 2020, I (22F) decided to go vegan. It was an idea I was toying with for a while, and being home by myself and having the time to figure it out, I decided to try it. I have been vegan for 15 months now, and I love it.
For Thanksgiving this year, my parents invited some extended family, and I offered to bring dessert. I made pumpkin pie, and yes it was vegan. I honestly wasn’t expecting to be able to eat much besides the veggies, but my mom surprised me by making the entire dinner, minus the turkey, vegan-friendly.
(I.e. margarine instead of butter in the mashed potatoes, veggie broth for the stuffing, etc). I was delighted that she went to the effort.
Dinner comes around, and I’m happily eating a full plate, minus the turkey. One of my uncles noticed and asked why, and I told him I was vegan now.
He rolled his eyes and told me it’s not a real Thanksgiving dinner without turkey. My aunt (his wife) asked me why, and I explained my reasons: mainly that I think the industrial meat, dairy, and egg industry are needlessly cruel, and I don’t want to participate anymore.
My uncle got offended at that, and started accusing me of being “holier than thou” and started to spout out anti-vegan arguments, which I mostly ignored. My cousin said “wait, how are you eating the mashed potatoes?” and my mom jumped in explaining the recipe. My aunt started talking about how unfair it was that my mom “had” to spend extra time and effort in the kitchen for me, even though my mom insisted it was her choice.
I brought my pie out for dessert, and my uncle said “let me guess, this is vegan too?” And I replied, yes, it is. He didn’t try it, and neither did most of my family, and they complained about not getting a “real” dessert. Then most of my family left early, right after dessert.
My uncle texted me this morning saying that my behavior was unfair, and that I shouldn’t be “pushing” my lifestyle on anyone. He accused me of ruining Thanksgiving dinner by preaching and serving “fake” food, accusing me of guilting my mom into going along with this “phase”. He said I made the whole dinner about me.
His text has been weighing on me all day. This was our first time seeing extended family since everything changed, and maybe I should have kept my mouth shut? Or bought a “normal” pie that everyone could enjoy?
AITJ?”
6. AITJ For Being Upset About Losing My Extra Airplane Seat?
“So earlier this week I had a very unsettling human exchange with someone on my flight from Los Angeles to New York and it’s been plaguing me that I still feel so annoyed by it. Looking to calm myself down by someone either confirming these women were rude or telling me I’m a jerk.
Got a flight from LAX to JFK this past Wednesday. I have a deeply sprained ankle and am wearing a giant aircast. Everyone sees me and my cast hobbling along to aisle to my seat (hard to be subtle with a giant plastic boot) because I was the literal last person to board.
I take my seat next to a nice gentleman. I’m ready to pass out for the flight by reading my book. Right before we take off, a female runs back to the man sitting next to me and says “no one is sitting next to me! They never showed up – come sit with me!” So the man leaves and sits next to who I can only assume is his friend or sibling.
I’m thinking I must’ve done something great in my past life to have deserved such luck!! Now I have no one sitting next to me and can elevate my foot during the flight, since I’m prone to b***d clots and was worried.
However, almost immediately once the gentleman leaves, the woman across the aisle leans over and asks “did that man just leave?!?” so I nod curtly and begin spreading my leg out, aircast and all, and nodding off to sleep.
I was hoping she would get the hint that just because there was an open seat next to me, didn’t mean I wanted to share it.
I’m awoken by this woman’s friend standing above me, with the women across the aisle, staring straight at me, saying “my friend is going to sit here.”
I was super disorientated upon waking so I just started adjusting myself and the woman took her new seat without a word. Once she is settled, she points at my boot and asks “did you just have surgery?”
I’m so irked by her audacity to recognize my cast and my discomfort and also bluntly disregard her contribution to my discomfort.
Edited to include here: once I fully woke up, I leaned to the woman across the aisle and told her she was rude for not asking me if her friend could sit there and for disregarding my leg and cast. She simply said “okay” and I didn’t push it any further.
I’ve spent days so taken aback by this exchange. I know I was always going to have to sit next to another person, but I feel as if I had a stroke of good luck that someone stole from me.
Am I being the jerk or am I right for thinking those ladies should have minded their business and let me have my seat to myself?”
5. AITJ For Yelling At My Mom For Not Telling Me She Remarried And Had A Kid?
“So I (27M) and my mom (45F) have never had a good relationship. My dad (52M) worked a lot of hours so it was always just me and my mom. All she did was nag me constantly. It was always about that stuff. She never listened to what I wanted. For example, she’d pack these really elaborate lunchboxes and when she found out I was giving it to my friend, she got really upset even though I told her before that I wanted normal foods.
To make it worse, she guilt-tripped me by packing my friend his own lunch and dropping it off every morning when she drove me to school. It was a passive-aggressive stunt.
Long story short, my dad and his coworker clicked, things happened and my mom freaked out and they divorced. I was 16 and wanted to live with my dad and my stepmom who was way more chill.
She let me live and didn’t nag me about homework and stuff. My mom tried to get custody but the judge let me decide. My dad and stepmom didn’t make me contact her.
A few years later, I changed my number for insurance stuff, moved out of state, and we lost contact.
She was literally already married and had a kid but she didn’t tell me. It wasn’t 11 years of no contact like people said, just a couple of years out of touch. So she basically lied to me.
Recently my grandparents had their anniversary and they somehow invited my mom even though she’s the ex.
I didn’t think she would show up.
She came in with her husband, and a 5-year-old kid, my “half-brother”. My mom had married someone without telling me and had a kid. I was so upset that she hadn’t even told me. I yelled at her. I was really hurt that she replaced me with the “perfect, well-behaved kid”.
She was going to pretend I didn’t exist so her perfect life could continue. She threw a tantrum and left with her new family.
My grandparents asked me to leave but my dad and my stepmom had my back. They said it was ridiculous that she hadn’t told any of us that she got remarried and had a kid.
My grandparents said that they knew and were invited to her wedding. Now my dad is mad at his parents, I’m mad at my mom, and my life has turned to rubbish. So AITJ?
Edit: I DON’T CARE THAT SHE REMARRIED AND HAD A KID. I CARE THAT SHE HID IT FROM EVERYONE.
Jesus, she was a helicopter parent and didn’t let me breathe my entire life and guilt-tripped on how she loved me so much when she didn’t even care to look at me ONCE during the anniversary party. It’s not like she used to tell me I was the light of her life or stuff.
It’s not like I’m her son. Now I’m nothing to her because she has a new FAMILY and a new SON that she can mother hen the rubbish out of and then abandon when he’s a real person instead of her perfect dress-up doll.”
4. AITJ For Leaving On Vacation Without My Husband?
“My husband N (35m) and I (36f) are in a dispute about whether what I did was a jerk move, so he told me to post here.
A few weeks ago I took our 2 kids (2 & 7) to a cottage for a week’s vacation. My parents also came and they paid for the cottage rental. N and my parents have had a somewhat tense at times relationship over the 10 years we have been together. N was invited to come with us and he initially declined. Then he decided he was going to come up, at least for a few days.
Honestly, I believed he would change his mind again as this didn’t seem like his idea of a good time.
He was going to come up with us but as the time got closer I realized there was not going to be any extra room in our car.
The trunk was full, the kids’ car seats take up most of the back seat and the roof carrier bag I got didn’t hold all that much. I needed the front passenger seat space. So I suggested to N that the kids and I go up and then he come up later in the week.
Truthfully I was also thinking that my parents would be pretty wound up with getting the cottage set up and that perhaps N also being there at that time might lead to some sort of argument. N doesn’t know this part, I did attempt to tell him once after the fact but he didn’t want to listen to what I was saying.
Anyways to make a long story short, he was angry when I left without him. I doubted he was going to come up later in the week as he seemed to be still very angry at me for things other than the trip. We went up on a Saturday and N didn’t mention coming up at all for the first several days.
Finally on Thursday he said he was going to come up the next day (Friday). I was very surprised and hinted it wasn’t a good idea as it was going to be a very long trip (4+ hours) for him to come up for one night when we were leaving Saturday morning.
It just didn’t seem worth it to me but I didn’t ever say not to come. I even looked for the best way for him to get there. Next thing I know several hours later he said he wasn’t coming up because I told him not to and he’s been upset with me about it ever since.
So AITJ??
Edit: For clarity’s sake, I didn’t tell him the car was full the day of, I told him that a few days before and at the time he seemed amenable to coming up later in the week as far as I remember. Also, he was only ever coming up for a few days, not the entire week we were gone.
The four hours is for taking transit part of the way as we do not have two cars. And, if it makes any difference at all, he doesn’t work outside the home, he’s a stay-at-home dad and I work full-time in an essential service. By which I am not trying to say he doesn’t work as hard or harder than I do but simply that his schedule is rather more flexible.”
3. AITJ For Suggesting My Sister Leave Her Husband And Then Not Offering Her A Place To Stay?
“My older sister, Jade, has been married to her husband, Ben, for about 12 years. They have 3 kids between the ages of 3-8. Ben lost his job and hasn’t worked since. Jade has been working more and more to make ends meet and to keep food on the table while Ben stays home with the two youngest kids and takes care of the day-to-day stuff.
But as soon as Jade gets off work, Ben pretty much checks out and it’s left to Jade to handle the rest. She’s burnt out.
Jade has vented to me about this numerous times and I’ve tried to be understanding about it. But after so many times of listening to her complain about the same stuff without making any changes, I finally kind of snapped at her.
I told her if she’s that unhappy and nothing is changing, then maybe she needs to just leave him.
I told her that if she’s that unhappy with Ben and feels that he’s not upholding his end of the marital bargain, then maybe it’s for the best if she leaves him, because it’s not doing her any good to just stay with the status quo.
She told me that maybe I’m right and that she has a lot to think about.
Well, last night she calls me and says that she did it. I ask what she means and she said she took the kids and left Ben. She was talking really fast and I could barely understand her.
I told her to slow down and she explained that she told Ben she was leaving him and filing for divorce and tried to kick him out of the house. He refused to leave so she took the kids and left him.
She then asked if she could come stay with me until she figures out what to do.
I told her that I don’t have room for her and the kids. She said it would be short-term and she just needs a day or two to figure stuff out, but I stood firm and told her no.
Technically, I do have the space but I don’t want to open that door and have it turn into a long-term thing.
I feel like she acted impulsively without thinking about the details of what she was doing.
She told me that this whole thing was my idea and I owe it to her to at least help her out for a little bit because they have nowhere to go.
I told her that all I did was give her my opinion and she was the one who made her own decisions. I suggested getting a hotel or something. She told me I was being a jerk for not helping her when my advice led to this. I tried to say something but she told me to “get lost” and hung up.
My partner heard the entire phone call and asked me what was up. I explained the situation to him and he told me that it was pretty messed up of me to meddle in Jade’s relationship like that and then leave her without any support. I told him Jade made her own decisions but he asked me if Jade would have left Ben if I didn’t tell her to and I didn’t have an answer.
Ben has been texting me asking me where his kids are and I’ve been ignoring him. Jade isn’t responding to me either. My partner thinks I messed up by putting myself in the middle of this instead of just being a shoulder to cry on for Jade.”
2. AITJ For Calling Out My Cousin's Pretentious Social Media Posts About Her Academic Life?
“My (32M) cousin (27F) is a Ph.D. student–has been for about four years now I think. And honestly in the time since she’s been at college in general her personality has changed, but even more so with this new school. One of the ways I’ve seen it is on social media.
She literally only talks about grad school and academics and “theory” (this is what she calls it and tbh it’s all very confusing to me and I don’t know how to describe it) and stuff like that. There are barely any updates on her life and when there are it’s still academic stuff.
Think pictures of her and coworkers at conferences, meetings with a “theory reading group,” department happy hours, etc. So when she’s not discussing hardcore academic texts on her social media with other professors and grad students, she’s sharing pictures of her at all these academic events. She just recently posted a big thing about how she’s excited to present at “MLA” this year (couldn’t even tell you what that is).
Honestly, all of us cousins used to be very close but now all of us really can’t relate to her as we’re not exactly a family that did college and stuff like that. She’s not like that in person at all and just wants to hang out, but her social media tends to be on our minds when we talk to her and it affects things, I think.
Anyway, she was at home for a couple of weeks this summer and a bunch of us cousins were hanging out having some drinks, every now and then if one of us got a bunch of notifications we’d check our phones (no big deal to any of us, no one was being rude and only on their phone).
She got a text and looked at her phone and smiled/laughed a bit. So I said “get anything good?” and she said “yeah, a friend sent me a really funny meme, here, I’ll pull it up” and I said “is it going to be the stuff you’re always posting/sharing that none of us will get?
Because I don’t want to see it if it’s that pretentious crap.” She said no, but then said “never mind” and got all quiet.
I asked her what was wrong and she says “I didn’t realize you think I’m pretentious” and I said, “well really it’s your social media, you only ever post about stuff barely anyone understands and you’re always talking about your academic life and all these things you go to, it absolutely comes across as pretentious and weird like you’re obsessed with academics and you think that having a couple of degrees makes you better.” Most of the cousins laughed at that, while two said to cool it and to keep that for when it’s just the rest of us.
She just quietly finished her drink and left for the evening without saying goodbye to anyone. She won’t answer my texts now. I feel bad but I was just teasing her and letting her know that her social media makes her come off as a pretentious jerk.”
1. AITJ For Choosing To Spend My Birthday With My Partner Over My Kids?
“I (37) am a mom of 4 kids. 2 girls (19 and 14), and 2 boys (16 and 12).
My 19-year-old daughter and I got into an argument about a week and a half ago over my birthday and now none of my kids will speak to me.
My birthday was on a Friday, and I had planned to spend the entire weekend with my partner because he wanted to treat me since it would be my first birthday that we were together.
I didn’t hear at all from any of my kids besides the causal text the whole week and I assumed they probably weren’t planning on seeing me or had forgotten. My 19-year-old was usually the one to plan my birthdays after I divorced their dad 2 years ago, but I didn’t hear from her so I made my plans and stuck with them.
On Friday I still didn’t get a single happy birthday text from my kids (this made me a little sad) but again I just assumed that teenagers will be teenagers and they were busy (they told me they were staying at their dad’s this weekend). My partner picked me up from work and drove me home so I could change into something nicer because we had plans to go out to dinner.
When we got to my apartment and walked in the door the lights suddenly turned on and my kids jumped out and yelled: SURPRISE! Turns out they hadn’t forgotten and all 4 of my kids were there and they had decorated my apartment with all types of balloons and decorations.
I was so happy that they hadn’t forgotten and my 19-year-old hugged me and said she was sorry they made me think they had forgotten.
I gave them all big hugs and kisses for being so sweet to me, but when I told them about my partner and I’s dinner plans my kids were upset that I wasn’t staying.
I apologized and told them that I had made plans because I didn’t think we were doing anything together. My 19-year-old requested to move the party to the next night, but I told them I couldn’t because I had plans for the entire weekend with my partner.
They then asked if they could at least go to dinner with us and I told them no on account that my partner does not like children and he and my 19-year-old do not get along so this would be very awkward.
At this point my 19-year-old got very upset and started to argue with my partner for “stealing me away” on my birthday and also at me “for not even wanting to spend time with them.”
I tried to tell them that it was my birthday and I was allowed to spend it how I wanted, and I got to spend it with them every year and that this year was special. My 19-year-old again started to yell and by then my partner stepped in and told her to stop acting like a brat and then all of my kids started yelling at us.
We ended up leaving and going to dinner, and I did spend the weekend with him, but my kids are very mad at this and are now staying exclusively with their dad for the time being.
Was it so wrong to want to spend my birthday how I wanted to?”
