People Get Uncomfortable With These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
25. AITJ For Refusing To Let My Sister's Untrained Dogs Come To My Family Barbecue?
“I (33F) am hosting a barbecue for my and my husband’s families.
It’s our first summer living in this house, we have a large fenced-in backyard and have been looking forward to being able to host things like this. We invited both our families and spent a lot of time and money on planning, getting food, etc.
My sister (35F) texted me this morning saying how excited her babies were to see our new yard and see the family. By her “babies” she means her 4 dogs. All of them are medium to large, all of them jump on people, all of them will steal food, and she has a habit of never cleaning up their poop.
It would be bad enough that her dogs are poorly trained, but I use mobility aids and her dogs could very easily knock me down. I purposely don’t go to her house for that reason.
I informed her that the dogs weren’t welcomed, citing mostly they’re a fall risk for me (despite there being a multitude of reasons I don’t want them here).
She called me a jerk, said I shouldn’t have called it a “family barbecue” if all of her family wasn’t invited too, and that I should have told her from the get-go that her dogs weren’t welcomed (they were never allowed at our previous apartment either, which she knew so I didn’t think to say they couldn’t come to our new house), that I shouldn’t allow my nieces and nephews over because they also could knock me down as could our son (he’s 7), and went off on me.
Now my parents are calling me trying to get me to compromise. They want me to allow her to bring the dogs because “the yard is big enough the dogs shouldn’t bother you” and they’ll help manage them. Between both our families, there will be over 20 people there.
I don’t want to add the chaos of her dogs. They think I’m being harsh and that I should look at it from my sister’s point of view that almost all the siblings from both my husband and my side have kids and the dogs are like her kids.
AITJ for still refusing to let her dogs come?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. NO. NO. JUST NO! I’m a dog lover, but I would never assume that my dog, let alone four, untrained dogs would be welcome in someone else’s home.
I get loving your pets like family, but just like human children, no one loves/tolerates your pets more than their parents. Also, your parents are major jerks too. Compromising means letting your sister have her way because… she doesn’t have kids?!?!?!
Tell your parents that they can go hang out with your sister and their other grandchildren the day of the BBQ.” Consistent-Leopard71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You will have enough on your plate with 20 people to feed. Even without mobility issues, I would be on high alert the entire time with 4 dogs of that size and all the meat and kids.
So sorry that your parents aren’t backing you on this event. A new house is something to be proud of and you sound like a great hostess. I guarantee those dogs would be disruptive to others also (and I like animals!).
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Text this to your sister: “I was trying to be polite in my excuses about your dogs. They are ill trained which is an owner issue. They jump up on people, steal food, and their owner never cleans up their poop.
I don’t blame the dogs, I blame their owner. They are not allowed to come over to my house ever. If you can’t deal with that, then your offer is rescinded too ” To your parents: “It is my choice not to have badly trained dogs in my house.
I choose no dogs. You can choose to come or not. In the future, I would appreciate you picking my side, instead of always choosing hers to keep the peace when she is clearly in the wrong this time.” Then enjoy your BBQ without those people!” Trick_Delivery4609
24. AITJ For Making Removable Covers For Old Chairs In My Parents' Flat?
“Recently I (28f) have moved into a self-contained flat underneath my parents’ house while I move states and find a house to purchase of my own which I’m expecting will take a few months total. The flat is unused as they have spare bedrooms upstairs for guests but I’m grateful for being able to stay somewhere in this transitional phase.
They have said they don’t want rent but just to pay all the power bills which I’m happy to do.
There is some old furniture in the flat and I have brought some of my own. There are some old mid-century type lounge chairs – the type with a wooden frame and arms and two upholstered seats and back cushions.
They have old bright green covers which are stained and faded but otherwise, the chairs look great. I asked if I could make some white covers to go over them on my sewing machine and my mother said yes so I bought $100 of non-refundable material whilst I was shopping with her.
I get to work and my father comes down and is irate telling me to stop and that they’re his chairs, it cost him money in the 80s for the green covers, he wants them green, and that it’s not my house and to leave if I don’t like it.
I’m confused, annoyed, and angry at this point. My mother comes down and sides with him.
Important info: the covers I was making are just simple zip-up covers that go on over the existing covers – so they can come on and off like a pillow case if that makes sense.
The chairs were completely unused, and they didn’t want them in the other part of the house.
I’m not happy as I was told I could do this, spent the money, cut the material, and started the project and now it’s all wasted. I said this and I’ve been told it’s their house their rules.
Now things are tense.
AITJ for wanting to put a removable cover on a chair in a flat I am staying in free of cost?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re trying to make your home comfortable for you to live in.
If anything, your mother was the jerk because she said you could, then didn’t stand by you when your father was mad about it. At the very least, I think she should try to defuse the situation.” Ferowin
Another User Comments:
“NTJ But I get the feeling maybe Mom said “Sure!” to you messing with your Dad’s belongings without ever asking him at all, and it’s a long and much argued about the bad habit of hers to mess with/loan out/get rid of/hide his things.
Or, he could just be a cantankerous jerk, or in the early stages of dementia. Three of my family members with dementia hated people messing with long-term belongings, even if they were just cleaning or straightening them.” Meghanshadow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Of course not! Keep making them, and if he continues to grouse, use his love of his green chairs as leverage. ‘Dad, I’m guessing the reason Mum EXPRESSLY told me I could make removable slipcovers and even watched me buy the non-returnable fabric for them, was because she understands how much you love these chairs.
I don’t want to accidentally mess up this upholstery, but the chairs are so great that I want to use them. It would be a pity not to. I wouldn’t even want to Scotchguard the original fabric, as it may stain it, so this is a much better solution to keep them preserved.’” SkepticalPyrate
23. AITJ For Not Attending My Nephew's Birthday After My Family Shamed My Toddler's Eating Habits?
“I celebrated the 4th with my in-laws; they had a crab bake.
I have a 2-year-old, and he’s not picky at all and enjoyed eating the crab. My in-laws got my son a bib and a little crab hat. My mom and sister have always been judgmental about my husband’s family lifestyle. I ate mostly grilled cheese and cut-up hotdogs at that age.
I was also always forced to order from the kid’s menu past the time I should have to save money. My mom had the idea of children’s food vs adult food, so I wasn’t allowed to eat anything she would call fancy.
My husband was brought up differently, and he was allowed to eat whatever his parents ate. His mom made one meal for all. So, he could have steak, crab, and lobster if the adults were.
My mother-in-law took many cute videos of my toddler because it was her first grandchild, and she was having a kick feeding him crab.
Both had an amazing time. My mother-in-law posted her videos, and my sister shared them, saying how it is wrong to spoil a toddler that age, and posted it in her mom group for thrifty moms, shaming me. My mom also had a lot of comments about it and blocked my husband and me from seeing it.
She did not block my mother-in-law, and she saw it and was angry at my sister for speaking about her grandbaby like that. My sister and her child have a birthday coming up next week, and my husband refuses to let me take our son.
I decided not to go either after this. My mom and sister think I should get over it. The thing is, my husband and I were paying for the cake because both my mom and sisters were broke. He is now refusing to do that or get my nephew anything.
My sister took to blasting us on social media again, calling me an ungrateful gold digger, and I will get what’s coming when my husband is unfaithful to me and leaves me like men like him always do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Got it. Your broke mom and immature sister who can’t afford a cake for her child’s birthday are jealous of your in-laws. Send something for your nephew and ditch the party. This poor child has nothing to do with his grandmother and mother’s egregious behavior.
He’s just a little boy.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mother-in-law has the right idea. Feed them a wide variety of foods when they’re young and you won’t wind up with a picky adult who won’t eat anything but chicken nuggets and fries.
My mother-in-law did just the opposite. Brother-in-law was gifted a crate of lobsters and brought over 4 of them. (We’d left the girls with the in-laws while we went house-hunting.) Mother-in-law put two of the lobsters aside to eat the next day and made my children eat hot dogs while watching mother-in-law & father-in-law chow down on one of their favorite foods.
She repeated it the next day.” TheFilthyDIL
Another User Comments:
“WOW! Your family seems dysfunctional. It sounds like your family is envious that your son can have crab at his age and has resorted to immature shaming. Your sister isn’t pulling her punches either with those last comments.
You’re not the jerk. She should think about the consequences when she decides to blast you on social media. That being said, I wouldn’t withhold a birthday gift. It’s not his fault his mom is uncivilized.” Loquacious555
22. AITJ For Refusing To Host My Husband's Best Friend After They Skipped Our Wedding?
“My husband has a childhood friend, both of the same age. This friend had his wedding in 2020. Strict measures, you know the drill. At that time, we were living abroad, so crossing borders was nearly impossible. When he got the invite, we had only been together for a few months, so it was a fresh relationship (they invited him alone).
I was working in a hospital and managed to get him across the border as a worker in a private car (about an 8-hour journey), and I also got him a PCR test 2 hours before departure (I mention this because the whole arrangement wasn’t easy).
He attended the wedding with a gift (stayed with his parents, wedding was nearby).
Four years later, we were getting married in chateau (about 4 hours from both my family and his, so halfway) and invited the friend along with his wife and child.
They said they’d come and make a trip out of it, exploring the area. He was the only friend for whom we paid accommodation right at the venue, just like for family (5* hotel). I was already struggling with this, as we had agreed not to cover accommodation for friends.
It’s also worth noting that this friend is a teacher and the wedding was on a Saturday, a week before the end of the school year.
A few days before the wedding, they called to say they wouldn’t come because he didn’t get leave for Monday and it wasn’t worth the trip for just a few days.
We ended up paying for the room since it was too late to cancel. We didn’t receive a gift or even a congratulatory card from them.
Today, they wrote saying they want to visit because they’re going to an event in our city and would appreciate accommodation for them and his sister.
I’m against it because I don’t see a reason to take leave, pick them up from the train station, and host them when I don’t view them as friends anymore (no contact throughout the year, no birthday or name day wishes).
My husband disagrees, saying it’s his best friend and I’m preventing him from seeing him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- tell them unfortunately your house is unavailable to stay at, however, hubby would love to catch up for a meal while they’re here somewhere out… be interesting to see if he’s worth their money to spend a meal with or they’re just using him for the convenience of where you live.” DotObjective2153
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your husband can see him, but that doesn’t mean that you have to host all of them. “They want to visit because they’re going to an event in our city.” They don’t want to see you or your husband: they want free accommodation, preferably with transfers.” diminishingpatience
Another User Comments:
“Tell him that you understand his friendship and need to accommodate for them. But say you don’t have that sort of friendship with them, where they book the invite, where you all are paying, and then cancel it because it’s not worth it and then suddenly then have some other event they want to go to, and want to confirm the stay, (because their event is worth more than your wedding where they aren’t paying a penny).
Tell him you understand that he doesn’t mind spending money for friendship, where they had no greet or wishes for years on any days but that’s not your style of friendship, and you won’t be playing host, taking extra time for them but you will not stop him from spending time with them and playing host to them by himself.” NoraEmiE
21. AITJ For Taking My Savings And Moving Away From My Mom?
“For context, my 35f mom and I 16f haven’t always had the best relationship. My dad passed when I was 10 and she receives $700 every month. I left her house when I turned 15 to live with my ex-stepdad and grandma (she moved in due to a law).
My grandma and I started to work on getting our place and we did. I told my mom that I wanted her to give me the money every month, but I noticed that I was only getting $300 a month.
My grandma moved back to our home state and I moved in with my partner 16m.
We both started working and I bought my own groceries and dog food. After some savings, we bought a car. I started building a relationship back with my mom and we were doing good. After some family visits back to my home state, my partner and I decided to start saving to move back.
I told my mom and we agreed that we would be doing it together.
This all changed when I had to start packing and going through things. I found a bucket that had a change that was savings from me and my mom.
I exchanged it and got $680 out of it and I put that back for the trip. My mom noticed and said that I stole $5,000. I was surprised because it was nothing close to that and we stopped talking. She contacted my grandma and cousin, but I talked to them and cleared it up with them.
She then threatened me with the police. My partner and I waited but no cops came. We packed our things and moved states that same day.
I still don’t have contact with my mom, but my grandma does. She said that I needed to pay her $5,000 and that she was going to keep the benefit money.
My grandma wants custody to get debt and benefits money. However, my mom is against this because she won’t be able to claim me on her tax nor receive the money. So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You probably should file a complaint with the Social Security Administration that she was using your money while you were not living with her.
You’ll have to prove that you weren’t, but that shouldn’t be too difficult. Ask your grandmother what $5k, that there was $600ish in change, not $5k, and where would she have gotten the $5k to begin with? If she claims you as a dependent but is not supporting you, that can get her in trouble with the IRS as well.
Her behavior though is odd. Does she take medication that could adversely affect her? NTJ.” ahopskip_andajump
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry, but your entire family is failing you. Your mom is a lost cause. Your grandma left you to move in with your partner at 16.
Not sure what happened to ex stepdad. Your life is a mess and you can’t fix this alone. Firstly you need to see if you can find some type of free legal aid to help you sort this out. As long as your mom has custody of you, she has power over you.
Emancipation may be necessary, but you need to prioritize getting your benefits. Does your partner live with his parents? Are they stable and can help you? As others have mentioned you need to protect your finances and credit. And any pregnancy right now would be a catastrophe, so stay safe. I’m so sorry you’re being forced to grow up too soon.” DubiousPeoplePleaser
Another User Comments:
“Let me see if I got this right… Your mom is defrauding the government by claiming money that’s not hers, she’s threatening you over $600 in change that’s at least 1/2 yours and demanding $5k because… NTJ Your mom is a user and a con.
Getting away from her is vital. If you intend to maintain contact with her then when she starts up her ridiculous demand for $5k – tell her she can shut up or YOU’LL contact the SS Admin and let them know about her fraudulent collection of money that was NOT going to your support.” opine704
20. AITJ For Refusing To Clean Up After My Mooching Brother On Family Vacation?
“My Dad takes my family (34f) and my brothers (36m) on vacation every year. He takes care of the hotel for 7 days and then we’re on our own. My brother is a known moocher, so I told him we’d be buying our food but he convinced me to go in together on dinners.
He then said it was too expensive after I paid ($30 for his portion for 7 days worth of dinners). He still ate the dinners and my husband and I cooked all of them. We constantly had to tell his son (14m) that he couldn’t eat our food, or that we didn’t know where his dad was because he would just leave.
My brother would then make curry with a LOT of season salt that would stink up the hotel and then leave his dishes for us to wash. My husband and I ended up cleaning the kitchen and doing dishes constantly. My dad didn’t do anything about this.
He’d just shrug his shoulders and hide out in his room because he hates confrontation.
On day 3, we had enough of the constant time together. And we went off on our own with our 2 sons. We had a great time and were gone for several hours.
When we got back my brother was mad. He even grabbed one of my fruit and ate it in front of us. I said nothing but immediately stopped cleaning after him. We cleaned only our dishes. We still swept and wiped down counters because we hate messes.
My dad then took my brother and his son out without us. To a fast-food restaurant, he knew we wanted to go to. When I asked him what was up my dad said I was being cold to my brother and nephew.
So am I the jerk for going out with my family on a 7-day vacation and not playing the maid?”
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like a pretty awful vacation. NTJ my unsolicited advice is to not go to these anymore. When dad pouts and objects, detail all these reasons.
Your family is not there to clean up after your brother and his son or feed them. Your brother finds ways to not put in his fair share towards paying for things. He finds ways to not do his fair share of the work. Life is too short to put up with such immaturity.
Lay this all very specifically at your brother’s feet.” SoImaRedditUserNow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Is your brother the golden child by any chance? He’s pretty entitled, and your dad is enabling it. Seems like maybe this is an old dynamic. I’m sorry.
It sucks that your vacation has ended up w you and your husband as the unpaid drudges. Will you go on vacation with them again? If you still plan to I think you need some plans for next time. Like, your family is out all day doing your thing.
Come back *after* dinner and *don’t touch* their dirty dishes. Repeat every single day. No subsidizing your brother for *anything*- period. Or, maybe you “regretfully“ decline to go next time. Bc it doesn’t sound like much fun for you. So why put yourself through it again?” Global_Look2821
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You’re not the Maid and if you were, you were on vacation. The level of entitlement and mooching is quantum. I’m glad you carved out time for your family and rolled back your contribution. Seems like you show up for the sake of your dad (and perhaps the kids like it too).
Tell dad ‘cold’ was not your intent but you are struggling with his son’s excessive entitlement and inability to be a fully functioning adult.” DesertSong-LaLa
19. AITJ For Threatening To Call The Police On My Sister For Refusing To Leave My Workplace?
“My (31) sister (23) and I have had a very up-and-down relationship. She has never been able to handle any criticism and has become very defensive and verbally abusive. From a young age, I learned to stay silent to keep the peace. I ran a business and hired her around 4 years ago – since then it has always been the same story.
She comes to work late, calls in sick, is constantly on her phone, leaves to get her nails or hair done, leaves early, etc. She used to start at 8:30 am but was tired so I let her start at 9. Now she’s late and comes at 9:30.
I feel taken advantage of because everyone else follows the rules but she doesn’t – any moment I bring this up she gets aggressive and silences me. I’ve tried to get her to leave and she refuses. Now I have to swallow my words to avoid an argument because she says I’m unreasonable and that I’m power hungry.
Today in particular I pulled her up on being 1 hour late and she lost it – she said she expects flexibility because I’m her sister. I said I think she’s just lazy and doesn’t want to get up, and not to bother coming in to work at all.
This sent her into a frenzy – she “quit”, and said that I am abusive, that I am a narcissist, that I expect too much, that I treat her horribly, and that I am exactly like my ex (my ex physically, verbally, and emotionally mistreated me).
Last time she quit and she came back the next day and refused to leave. I cannot handle this anymore it’s declining my mental health, so I told her I don’t want her working for me anymore, and if she comes back to the office I will call the police to have her removed. I always feel like I have to walk on eggshells and let her do what she wants just so that it doesn’t trigger an argument.
AITJ for threatening my sister with the police if she comes back to the workplace?”
Another User Comments:
“She should have been fired years ago. Give it a few weeks. Start issuing written warnings. Document the reasons and keep records of everything.
You will probably get dozens. Then fire here and if she refuses to leave call the police to issue a trespass warning. When she violates it, get proof she is there (e.g. photo) and call the police each time. Enough is enough.
NTJ.” Scenarios
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That being said… calling the cops on a family member who is merely being verbal is extreme, depending on how LE is in your area, that can ruin someone’s life for a while. I’d say firing your sister now or putting her on a PIP and begin writing her up for tardiness, insubordination, and unprofessional behavior to create a paper trail to build a case to cut her loose would be the best response here.
You don’t deserve your hard-earned money going to her paycheck” stfu_elliot
Another User Comments:
“Might be a hot take, ESH. Yes, she’s your sister, but she is also one of your employees for your own business (or was), and should commit to it and the workplace’s rules.
Here, your sister has only shown that she is extremely entitled to the point where she is a narcissistic and manipulative person, who tries to take advantage of people she might talk to here and there, she will play the victim instead of taking accountability for her actions and realizing how it affects others.
She’s the bigger jerk here. *However, enabling her this far was a mistake*, and as her boss you should’ve done better. At work, it shouldn’t matter that she’s your sister, she should abide by the rules at work like everybody else, and since you were being too flexible with her (ironic, since she said you should’ve been more), *it becomes unfair for your other employees*, who might be hardworking people that DO abide by the rules at the workplace, unlike your sister.” everexisting
18. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's New Partner To Move In With Us?
“I, a 16-year-old female, and my mom have been arguing for the past week because she decided to move her partner in with us. To start, I don’t have anything against this man simply because I don’t know him. I’ve never met him before other than now with him living with us.
My mom moved in a guy me and my siblings don’t even know. She says they’ve been seeing each other for a year or so and wanted to take things to the next level. Last time I checked that didn’t mean moving some stranger into your house that your kids have never met.
She claims he will help around the house by paying a few bills yet he has no job.
She says he’ll drive us around town yet he has no car? From the looks of it, he has no value. Mom claims that I am disobedient and selfish by not accepting him but I don’t understand why I should or why he’s even here in the first place.
I argue that a mom cannot make this big decision on a whim; she is not a single woman whose decisions only affect her, she is a mother of multiple children that her decisions also affect. Plus, I think if Mom went about this differently like introducing us to him sooner I’d be much more accepting of him.
He also has kids in a different state that are hundreds of kilometers away from us so why isn’t he near his kids? Why is he so far? My parents have been divorced for less than a year and the divorce was very hard on my younger siblings so how will moving in a new man affect them?
So far their reaction hasn’t been welcoming. So, am I the jerk for not wanting my mom’s partner to live with us or am I overreacting?”
Another User Comments:
“Oh my God. Your mother is a complete jerk. This is wrong.
Full stop. Sadly, you or your siblings have no say in it. Just lock your bedroom door and make sure that your siblings do the same. Jesus, I hope you have a lock on your bedroom door. There’s something wrong with a guy that would move into this home and he’s likely very dangerous.
Think about moving in with your father maybe? Your mother doesn’t have your best interest in mind.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- there are thousands of stories of this exact scenario going very wrong. Not saying he would do anything, but there are enough stories of teen daughters having very bad experiences with stepfathers.
She could have waited till you were old enough to move out. 2 years wouldn’t hurt her. She’s being a bit selfish” Drakes-Snake.
Another User Comments:
“You are not the jerk. You are a young person with no other options being put in a bad position.
I’m assuming you don’t have the finances to suggest family therapy. Is there a family friend or another adult woman in your life you can talk to? At 16 there isn’t much you can do if she won’t listen.
At least for your sake maybe talk to an adult or teacher for guidance. Unfortunately, you may have to wait it out till you can go off to college or trade school to just get away.” Unlucky-Box-2382
17. AITJ For Asking My Overworked Wife To Help More At Home?
“My wife, Beth, (34), and myself (35) have been married for close to ten years. Throughout this period, I have done my best to support my wife in her education and professional career.
Early on, we relocated across the country for a high-earning job opportunity for myself.
This allowed me to provide fully and allowed my wife to pursue her dream PhD. I have carried us financially throughout this period ensuring we are well taken care of in our lifestyle and for retirement. We historically split household tasks and have had a strong relationship.
After her program, we relocated again to support her career aspiration. It set me back a bit in my career, but I was happy to help her pursue this dream. After the relocation, this changed dramatically. I still earn 2/3 of our income, but work from home 80%.
With her in the office 100%, I have organically taken on all the household tasks, management of our finances, scheduling, etc. This has not been a problem because I understand her job is demanding and I want to support her. Despite my best efforts, I am starting to buckle.
I asked her to help out more because I was beginning to feel run down. Unfortunately, she snapped at me hard. She feels that her job is much harder than mine and more demanding. e.g. “You don’t understand how hard this is.
Why are you making things even harder for me.” In her words, my job “is easier” because it’s mostly remote, so I should be able to handle what I am doing. She took it a step further and suggested that “I’m not as accomplished as I like to think”.
This feels really out of character and an overreaction. I wanted to discuss and am open to creative solutions, but she stormed off to the office.
AITJ for asking her to help out more despite her demanding job?”
Another User Comments:
“Tell her you’re hiring a house cleaned 4-5 hours a week, and possibly a gardener or handyman. This is what I had to do with my ex-husband who also thought I “had it easy” staying home with the 2 kids and handling all housework and childcare all the while WFH (yes, making less money, but I was busy around the clock).
It certainly did help me out a lot logistically. However, it was his self-aggrandizing and condescending attitude towards me and the value of what I did that ultimately led to me leaving him. People need to respect their partners’ contributions, and if they don’t that’s a real red flag.” Thinking_bout_that
Another User Comments:
“I can understand why she might think your job is a lot easier than hers, but overall you are still NTJ. You supported her in entering a career she knew would be difficult but you didn’t force her to, she chose to do what she’s doing and it’s not fair to complain about it.
There’s probably a lot more to it, but if you guys split the chores when you were the only worker it’s not unreasonable to get some help now. Just be considerate of the work she puts in, I’m not sure how tiring it is compared to yours but keep that in mind as well, you both should at the very least be able to discuss this reasonably without any yelling or anger a simple discussion.” StupidQuestionDude7
Another User Comments:
“If you’re looking for validation for feeling overstretched, then happy to agree you have a lot on your plate and it’s understandable you feel exploited. If you want solutions (which is probably outside this judgment-focussed subreddit but here goes) the obvious ones are: 1) try to have a constructive dialogue with your partner, possibly using a relationships mediator/counselor to help break through any communication issues; 2) outsource what you can reasonably afford to do; 3) stop doing things you feel are too much, only do those things that your regard as essential for your well-being; 4) take a timeout from the situation to think through your situation and your feelings about the relationship as a whole, and whether it’s a net positive or a net negative for you.” Hairy_rambutan
16. AITJ For Wanting To Switch Doctors After A Weird And Uncomfortable Interaction?
“I (25nb) went to my annual doctor’s visit, and it was a disaster from the start. The nurse misunderstood every med update I gave him and then didn’t tell the doctor I was even ready, so I was there for over an hour before she came in.
Then, when my doctor came in, she immediately asked me if I was seeing a different doctor to get primary services, I am not, but I see several specialists for my chronic illnesses. When I said this, she scoffed at me and then continued to mess with my med list instead of doing my annual visit stuff.
Then 3 days later, the nurse called me and asked me to make a phone appointment for 2 days. From then on, I was confused but agreed and assumed it had to do with my med management referral. So she calls me on Friday and spends 20 minutes interrogating me on who I’m seeing for care and if I want to stay with her or not.
I was so taken aback. I didn’t even know what to say. It was so weird to have to reassure her that it was just that I had specialists and not a new PCP. I then had to remind her of my med changes days later because she decided to reorder all my meds that my specialists already had set up and get her to fix mistakes she made when doing so, which she was extremely upset with me about.
Now I’m so uncomfortable with the thought of seeing her again after that super weird interaction(that my insurance was billed for) that I just don’t want to see her anymore. So would I be the jerk for switching doctors now?
Or is that super weird? I worry I might be overreacting.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Weird. Secure what you need (i.e. meds, referrals, lab orders) then drop the doctor. Now you can secure a copy of your medical records in person, or from your insurance company.
Call and ask your insurance company what code was billed for each visit. You then explain your experience. Ask the procedure to file a complaint. Your PCP should be someone you trust. Their ego seems compromised to make an appointment and then bill you for a session of the sleuthing.
Very unprofessional and it is fraud to bill for this call.” DesertSong-LaLa
Another User Comments:
“This could make sense if you are on controlled substances. There is a registry that keeps track of controlled substances and they might have notified her of other meds you are taking.
Interestingly, they also keep track of the meds you are getting for your pets. Even if that is the issue, you are dissatisfied with your current PCP and should get a new one.” rosezoeybear
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow, this doctor was giving you the nth degree for having to see other people for things she is not specialized in.
I’m wondering if she’s going through a lot of patients leaving for someone else (due to her incompetence or something else), but that doesn’t give her the right to screw around during your appointment.” True-Cap-1592
15. AITJ For Not Wanting To Use My Language Skills At Work After They Raised My Sales Target?
“I work part-time for a retail company, and things were going great last year.
Even with part-time hours (around 55% of what full-timers do), I was one of the top contributors, ending up in the top 4 of the company and outperforming many full-timers. Although our bonus was small (I got less despite higher sales since it was based on hours worked), I felt proud and valued for my contributions.
One reason I achieved so much was my ability to speak multiple languages, including Mandarin. I love helping customers who don’t speak English, whether it’s Mandarin, Korean, or French. This made my part-time job truly rewarding.
This year, the company changed its goal plan.
Now, individual targets determine our bonuses, and if we hit our targets and the store meets its goals, we get a fixed amount, which is a better deal than last year. I was excited about this fairer distribution based on hours worked and task orientation.
In the first month, we met our targets, and everyone got their bonus. We helped each other out, which created a great team spirit. However, when the new month’s targets came out, we were shocked. Some part-timers had higher targets than full-timers.
My target was so high that it felt extremely stressful—I’d have to sell an amount per hour that was nearly impossible.
Even my colleagues were puzzled and talked to our assistant manager. The explanation was that our targets were based on our performance and my ability to speak Mandarin.
I was confused, shocked, and disappointed. It seems that those who work hard are punished with higher goals, while those who don’t do as well get easier targets. Moreover, my language skills, which should be an asset, are being used against me, adding to my stress.
I plan to talk to the manager in the next two days. Am I wrong if I decide to stop using my language skills and just perform average in the future if this is their way of setting goals? Should I ask for a raise if they want to continue benefiting from my skills, or request a lower target?
I hope this helps!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Let’s get this straight Your boss set a target for you that’s way higher than other’s targets because he is trying to not pay you. That is what’s going on. Your boss is not running a consistent, fair show.
Targets are not set individually, they are set equally for all team members. Talk to HR about this, or frankly, look for a different job.” ElmLane62
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. And if you don’t mind my asking … do you work in a place with a large Chinese population?
Because if you don’t … your sales goals, besides being unreasonably high, seem to be built on the assumption that there are just tons of Mandarin speakers coming into your store.” Active-Anteater1884
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Tell them: “Given that I’m one of, if not your most, productive employees, and that I alone can effectively communicate with an important subset of your clientele, why am I not a full-time employee and why am I not compensated at the top of the pay scale for my position?” Are you in an area where changing jobs to a similar employer, who might appreciate your talents, is feasible?” ArtShapiro
14. AITJ For Wanting To Keep Contact With My Dad's Family Despite My Mom's Disapproval?
“My mom got pregnant with me by mistake at 22 years old with my dad, who was a heavy drinker and a heavy smoker. The two of them lived with his parents, who played a big role in raising me until I turned 2 and Mom moved in with her parents across the country to get away from her partner(my dad).
I was 5 when he died but had no memories of him. I still video-called his parents and sister twice or thrice a year, and they’d send packages for me in the mail filled with super fun gifts and treats for every holiday.
Mom has always had a tense relationship with them but has taken things too far this time. I recently had my birthday, and I usually get my package in the mail from Grandma, Grandpa, and Auntie. This year, I was greeted with no mail.
I asked my mom about it, and she explained that she got into a fight with Grandma and blocked her number. I thought I’d never be able to talk to them again.
She then handed me an envelope from them that she was waiting to give me after she told me about the argument.
I read the card silently, and it was filled with loving notes wishing a happy birthday from Grandma, Grandpa, and Auntie. In Grandpa’s note, he put his phone number down so I have contact with my dad’s side of the family, which was a beam of hope for me.
I didn’t let Mom read the note because I didn’t want her to know I could text them, but she found out anyway and was mad at me.
She took away my childhood and was then trying to take away the part of my family that showed more love to me.
Unlike her, I don’t want drama and I just want to be nice to all my family, but maybe I am being unreasonable since she has a difficult past with my dad’s side of the family, and she doesn’t realize the trauma she has given me throughout life.
She has had a hard life as well, and can’t help it if she isn’t a perfect parent for me since she wasn’t in the right situation to get pregnant.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If your mom has a tense relationship because of safeguarding concerns, it’s valid to keep you away, but she needs to explain that.
If other reasons are personal to her, she shouldn’t end contact. Although she has every right not to like it. You may not know the truth of what has gone on, as parents and grandparents shouldn’t be burdening children with that information.
Don’t take sides here, but keep in phone contact if you choose, and don’t meet up with your grandparents alone, unless you are independent enough to travel alone and to alert authorities if there is any issue returning to your mom. If your grandparents start bad-mouthing your mom and trying to alienate you from her, be very suspicious.
It sounds like your mom has tried to keep details of the argument from you and still gave you the note. She is still trying to do what is best for you, despite not liking them. She chose honesty. Be grateful for that. It is easy to put the distant family on a pedestal and think that the mom who raised you made a lot of mistakes.
Be cautious about jumping to conclusions about whether you would have had a better life with parents who raised a heavy drinker and heavy smoker. Your dad may have had reasons for looking for relief from the day-to-day at the bottom of a glass or pack of smokes.
Then again, his addictions might have had nothing to do with his upbringing. You’ll never really know. Your mom doesn’t sound perfect or evil, and maybe neither are your grandparents. So I’d keep in contact with your grandparents, but be cautious about assuming your mom is the cause of all the drama.
In a minority of cases, disputes about children can also result in the children who are the subject of those disputes being harmed by the non-custodial family, so tread carefully. ” Squiggles567
Another User Comments:
“I’m not going to make a judgment.
I don’t know how old you are, but I would suggest sitting your mum down when she is calm and asking her to explain why she is feeling this way. She might not want to get into details, and she doesn’t need to.
But I’d ask the following question: Are my dad’s family safe? If not, in what way? Are you concerned about my mental health? I appreciate that you are hurt, but is this fight something that impacts my relationship with them, or just yours (your mums)?
I would then add, that I know you have a different relationship with them, but you have to consider your feelings as well. Also, why do you think she took away your childhood? You seem to hold her solely responsible for the situation you grew up in, it appears she left an abusive situation (you said your dad was a heavy drinker and she left).
Have you considered therapy if you haven’t had any?” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- it is nice that they still care enough to send you gifts and stay in contact. Yes, it is probably hard for mom but these people are also your family.
Perhaps one day soon you can have an honest dialog with Mom about each of your feelings and try to understand each other’s points. Maybe have a family member you both trust mediate and not judge. Good luck!” angrydad2024
13. AITJ For Asking My Friend To Chip In For WiFi She Uses On My Phone?
“I, (18F) along with a friend (20F), am currently on a 4-day cruise trip that does not provide wifi unless you pay.
My friend decided early on that she didn’t want to pay for wifi because she wanted to do a social media detox. I, on the other hand, paid for the $80 wifi which covers the 4-day trip. My friend was pretty annoyed that I bought wifi as she wanted to do the detox together, but I didn’t see a reason for me to do it because my phone use isn’t that ‘out-of-hand’.
However, ever since I bought wifi, whenever I go on my phone, my friend asks if she can borrow it to text her significant other or parents, which I agreed to at first as I thought she was just responding to some messages, but as time went on, she began having longer conversations through my phone whenever I’m on it (10-15 mins each time).
I got sick of it, as each time, I just had to sit there awkwardly and wait for her to finish. Eventually, I got pretty irritated and jokingly said to her “Haha, you’re getting wifi for free.” And she replied with “Yeah I know, it’s great that I’m leeching off of you”, I then said to her jokingly (once again) “Oh haha I should make you chip in and transfer me.”.
My friend got visibly irritated and annoyed and became very quiet, and when I tried offering my phone, she rejected it.
We had a conversation later that night after everything’s calmed down, and she just said “I think it was really out of pocket that you said that.” and did not reflect on her actions at all.
I didn’t think it was worth starting an argument so I just apologised and left it there. I’m upset at the fact that she has a job and is making money while I don’t have a job yet, and she still decides to leech off of me.
Am I the jerk for feeling upset?”
Another User Comments:
“Now that she realized she can’t do the detox, she should stop hogging your phone. She should either pay to use your wifi on her phone (not yours) or get her wifi.
Taking your phone and having super long conversations is super rude of her. And she’s trying to make you be the bad person so that she continues mooching off you and inconveniencing you. Don’t give in to her manipulation. NTJ. Your friend is the jerk here.” solo_throwaway254247
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You could have addressed it in a better way, but you had every right to call her out, and you shouldn’t have apologized for standing up for yourself. Using your phone once or maybe twice was one thing, but she kept doing it and would have probably continued had you not said anything.
She knew what she was doing.” Lil_Big_Sis5
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I can understand how you got annoyed at your friend. But you could have communicated this in a normal way instead of waiting until you got mad and made a lousy remark about it.
If she’s a good friend and it’s bothering you, why not sit down and talk about it? I would start by saying that you don’t want to argue with her. And apologize for not so much what you said, but for _how_ you said it because that bothered her.
And then express how you feel. How did her using your phone constantly bother you? Because she makes you sit there waiting for her to finish. But also consider asking her if being on your phone while she was trying to be on a detox bothered her.
If I have to correct my little niece -who is _very_ sensitive about criticism- I start by saying: ‘I love you, but..’ Remember you don’t hate your friend, you just hate this behavior!” Winnie-the-Pooh
12. AITJ For Insisting My Husband Lose Weight For His Health?
“My husband is in his late 30s and has always struggled with weight. He won’t tell me his weight but he is easily in the obese to extremely obese category. He refuses to get his blood work done so I am not sure what kind of underlying health issue he has.
We have two young children and I am afraid that the stress from his job (he’s in sales and must continuously meet sales quotas) in addition to his weight, will land him in the hospital or to an early grave.
He is the primary breadwinner of the house and we have accumulated a lot of debt that will sink us financially if he no longer can work. Finances aside though, I do love him and wish he took his health more seriously and for the sake of our children, I do not want them to grow up fatherless.
When we met originally, he was chunky but not overweight.
Over the years I have witnessed him gaining weight and while I think he knows it, he has done very little to address it. I have tried everything from suggesting hiring a nutritionist or a trainer.
I have tried to suggest portion control but he always gets mad at me and tells me to leave him alone. I have suggested cutting back on expenses and travel so we can focus on his health. However, every time I bring it up, we get into a fight and he just calls me a nagging wife.
My friends tell me I should just quit nagging and say nothing, but I feel like if I say nothing, he will stop trying to lose weight and if something happens, I will resent him or feel bad that I didn’t do more.
It has come to a point where I am no longer attracted to him and being intimate is just a chore. It’s gotten so bad I don’t have any physical attraction to him. I am not sure what to do.
He has tried doing his diet and exercising whenever he can, but it’s not working. AITJ for being insistent on him losing weight?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ It is imperative that you get life insurance for him. The policy must be big enough to cover all of your debts and at least two years of living expenses.
IMO, get term insurance. To keep costs in check, the insurance company may require a physical.” lostdad75
Another User Comments:
“As someone with an eating disorder, I feel like YTJ. You cannot push someone into weight loss. Often, bringing up weight, dieting, and “getting healthy” can have the opposite effect, pushing a person to be less likely to want to talk and it can also result in them hiding their bad habits (like binge eating in the car or hiding food for later.) Have a sincere talk about your feelings (fear for his health, that you are no longer attracted) and that you will support him if he is ready to talk to his Dr (or, preferably one specializing in obesity) but then you have to let him make the choice.
Until my SO stopped continuously talking about their weight, meal planning, and “healthier options” I couldn’t take that first step to get my weight down because those conversations played alongside the food noise and created chaos in my brain. I’m doing it for me and I had to be ready to make that choice, it sounds like he isn’t there yet.” morosecoyote
Another User Comments:
“Gentle YTJ. I understand your concerns, but you can’t nag or shame a person into losing weight. It doesn’t work. I wish I had a solution for you, but at this point, you may have created a situation where he will buck any advice from you.
If you’ve expressed the concerns you have shared here with him, you need to leave it alone. At some point, he will come to the realization himself that living large is hard. The only suggestion I have is to get into couples therapy.
If he won’t go, go by yourself. I get all the advice you are getting to keep pushing, but if you do so, he will just build a taller, stronger wall and that doesn’t bode well for the marriage either. Sorry!” SkiPhD
11. AITJ For Refusing To Apologize After Criticizing Munchkin Cats?
“This happened yesterday. Me and my coworkers were having lunch in the break room and the topic was cats and cat breeds. Things like pure breeds, why some are more expensive, and so on. General stuff.
I commented on Munchkins and that I think it’s cruel to intentionally breed them with a defect for the cuteness factor.
Some people agreed, but one coworker looked annoyed. She pulled out her phone with a picture of a munchkin and said that it was her parent’s cat. Awkward…..
She went on about how happy and healthy it was and that I had no idea what I was talking about.
I’m no cat expert, but I stood by what I said and I also said that I don’t think there is an excuse for owning such a cat. The discussion sort of fizzled out after that, but I could tell she was still annoyed.
She and I are in the same team and our boss later pulled me aside to ask for my side of the story. This is now an issue, as my coworker doesn’t want to work with me on an ongoing project.
My boss says she understand, but still asked me to apologize and make up. I can see my boss’s point of view, but I don’t want to. I was also annoyed that a coworker went and complained to our boss about this and now refuses to work with me over such a small thing.
Later, my friend in another department wrote to me and said my coworker was calling me a jerk to other coworkers. This friend said he agrees with me about the cat, but thinks I should just apologize and get on with our lives.
AITJ for not wanting to apologize? I’d hate that this would affect our working relationship, but I don’t feel like I did anything wrong. As I said, I’m no cat expert and I know I can be stubborn sometimes.
Also, while munchkins are legal to sell and own in my country, they are not officially recognized.”
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. Many people are of a like mindset. I hate the fact that some animals are bread to a silly and impractical breed trait. A lot of these animals suffer from medical issues as a result of their breeding.
I own a dachshund that my daughter bought, failed to bond with, and wanted to rehome. We took it in since now the grandkids that fell in love with her can still see her when they come over. But I know I’m going to be dealing with back problems as she ages and that the breeding of the animal to that point is the reason.
I don’t think you’re going to win this one. You (hopefully) didn’t say that people who own munchkins are evil and promoting a breed standard that’s potentially a problem and just commented that you think it’s cruel breeding them to an unhealthy and unnatural standard.
I’d ask HR for them to have and be present for a sit-down meeting with the coworker and in that meeting explain yourself and your views on the subject.” Random-widget
Another User Comments:
“OMG, you had an *opinion about a cat breed*, an opinion many people feel is valid.
An opinion you offhandedly mentioned during lunch in the break room. What, you didn’t know your coworker’s mommy and daddy had a munchkin cat, and even if they did have one, what do you even care? That your coworker would go whining to the boss and now they don’t wanna work with you on an upcoming project because they are so upset!?
How ridiculous is this? NTJ Maybe give a fake apology just to get on with this, but complaining to your boss and badmouthing you to coworkers- this person is a problem. And you should keep an eye on problems, especially *since they are trying to cause problems for you at work and may affect your livelihood*!” YouthNAsia63
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was a legitimate conversation about breeds. A lightweight topic in general. You gave your opinion of the breed and backed it with a reasonable explanation; *your coworker shared her information after the fact.* You did NOT specifically target or insult the parents.
It was the co-worker herself who *manufactured* that. She is the one making a mountain out of a molehill, and carrying on in an unprofessional manner. If she cannot grow up and behave like an adult, then management should be addressing HER about the problem she is causing, not you.” TrainingDearest
10. AITJ For Refusing To Eat My Grandmother's Soup That Makes Me Sick?
“I (22M) have a grandmother (76F) whose health is quite unstable, so instead of hiring a nurse, she asked me to come live with her.
This is an arrangement that works quite well for me: I do all the chores, she has someone 24/7 in case she has a problem, and in exchange, I don’t have to pay for my food.
My rent is also very low, the equivalent of 100$ a month.
I usually cook, but once in a while, she decides to do it herself. And I’ll be honest, it perfectly fits her tastes but I hate it, while I always adjust my cooking so that we both like it.
She loves soup, but her soups are always bitter with fibers that stick in your gums, and there’s a ton of pepper and no other spices, not even salt… Thankfully it doesn’t happen often but I hate it when it does.
She also sometimes puts ingredients that she knows make me sick; for example, for some reason, I can’t digest carrots. Even a small bite can get me stuck on the toilet for hours. The last time she made soup I asked if there were carrots and she denied it, 30 minutes later I knew she had lied to me because I spent the rest of the night in the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
That was a year ago.
Today I came back from work and saw a pot on the stove. I knew exactly what it was so I said something along the lines of “Looks like I’m only cooking for one person tonight”.
She was confused so I told her I was not eating it, especially after the last one. She got angry and called me ungrateful for not appreciating her efforts and her cooking.
We usually get along well, but her cooking is the only issue we truly have together and I don’t want to risk it again.
Am I ungrateful for that? AITJ for cooking my food after she cooked for both of us?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are an adult. You can eat whatever you feel like. And I don’t blame you at all for not eating it.
The fact your grandma straight-up lies to you and puts you in discomfort is disturbing and I am sorry. Can you tell her you will save the soup for her so it’s already made the next time she wants it and she doesn’t have to cook from scratch?
I wish you the best of luck.” blueeyedwolff
Another User Comments:
“NTJ For not wanting to eat hot pot run soup. Or for cooking for yourself. For the sake of friendly cohabitation, I would have finessed the message. Praise her effort, because it is an effort to cook when you’re out of the habit, say you’re happy she’s eating one of her favorite dishes, then demure joining her because the soup doesn’t agree with you.
Validate the effort while not letting the soup pass your lips” Peskypoints
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She knows she lied to you a year ago. How do you forget you added carrots to your soup recipe?! You’re rightfully gun-shy now and don’t want to chance it and it’s usually pretty unpalatable anyway.
I think you should tell her you appreciate it when she cooks, but you’re not a fan of her soup. If she still calls you ungrateful then … apologize. She’s your grandma after all.” Loquacious555
9. AITJ For Not Attending My Stepmother's Funeral After Years Of No Contact?
“I (22 being 21 at the time) have not seen my father (49?M) and stepmother (48? F) for 5-6 years due to conflict between our relationships. My father was unfaithful to my mother with my then stepmother when I was 2 and I have never liked being around the stepmother or stepsisters my whole childhood.
I just did not enjoy being around the environment with my father either. I found out at a later age about home-wrecking and I was devastated to learn more about it.
I learned from my grandmother (father’s mother) in June of last year that she had died from her cancer coming back.
My grandmother practically begged me to talk to my father to check up on him. I felt like I needed to do so to satisfy her and just because it might seem wrong to not text him willingly about his loss after years of no contact.
I texted him and he invited me to her funeral/celebration of life ceremony later on in the month. I was conflicted about whether or not I should make an appearance and finally see him again in the flesh. I told him I would try to be there.
At this time, I’ve started to realize how much I’ve wished for a good connection with him and how my stepmother was a big road hump for that to happen. Despite all the terrible things my father has told me throughout the years by text, he requested me to stop by my grandmother’s house to see him on Father’s Day.
He was having his first holiday alone and I went to see him to get the moment I’d feared for years over with. As awkward as it was, I felt like I made an appearance of some form to kinda be there for him emotionally I guess.
The ceremony came a few days later and I never texted that I would be there or not. I just didn’t show up. Even if I went, it wouldn’t be for my stepmother after how she’s treated me over the years as well.
So, AITJ for not showing up to my stepmother’s funeral?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to decide for yourself whether to attend. While letting your father know you weren’t going to attend would have been the considerate thing to do, you’re also not a jerk for not telling him. ” cascadia1979
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not going, not telling your father that you would not (after saying previously that you would “try”) might have consequences for any future relationship with your father (if you decided you want to rebuild after Fathers’ Day meet up).” TeenySod
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you didn’t have a relationship with her anymore, and you didn’t like her. It would have been disingenuous to go. You can always point out you were respecting her by not going, as funerals should be positive celebrations of life if ever questioned on it.” throwaway-ray ray
8. AITJ For Leaving A Hangout With My Best Friend To See My Partner?
“I (15F) was out with my best friend (14F) and a couple of others at a mall to go see a movie.
I’d like to mention first that my best friend told me it would just be us as we hadn’t hung out outside of school in a while. We decided we would go see a movie and then go and get food afterward.
Anyway, I got there and texted her to let her know that I was already there. She told me she was in a store so I went in to try to find her. When I couldn’t, I called her so she told me that she was actually in Mcdonald’s instead and that she’d already been there for ages.
I thought this was weird but brushed it off.
I went to the McDonald’s to find her and saw her sitting at a table with two of her friends. I walked over, sat down and they had already finished their food.
I asked her why she was here with them when we agreed to do it just the two of us after the movie. She started giving attitude so I just moved on.
As we were walking to the movie theatre, they would all walk away without me even as I was calling for them to wait up.
They walked into the movie without me even though I asked them to wait for me to buy my ticket first. When we were sat in there, they were taking pictures without me and sharing snacks.
I decided that if they were going to act like they didn’t want me there, I would go somewhere that I wanted and that was with my significant other (who had to comfort me because I was crying about being left out).
Also, my best friend tends to leave me out a lot. We’ve had arguments about it and she promises not to do it but she continues to anyway.
Now my best friend is mad at me for leaving to go see him.
When it happened, I didn’t think it would be bad because of the way I was feeling. Am I The Jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your “best friend” disregarded you throughout the entire night. From the moment you joined them, she was leaving you high and dry.
You put up with it, longer than you should have if I’m being honest. I applaud you. I would be reconsidering this friendship. You’re young, and you have a lot to learn about what being a friend means. Because she’s showing toxic signs & you don’t want that in your life.
That negativity will bring you down. You sound like a lovely person & you deserve lovely people in your friendship circle.” Ok-Delivery-3566
Another User Comments:
“Leave that girl behind. Block her from any online connections and even her friends. She’s not worth being friends with if she’s doing that to you.
I’m a very petty person so I’d pretend like she never existed and if she comes up to you, you act like you’ve never seen her before in your life. Good luck.” Haunting-Natural6617
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It was a bad experience that your friend was actively making it worse.
No one is obligated to hang around in a situation like that. Let her be mad. It’s not your job to repair something you didn’t break.” Cultural_Card_2603
7. AITJ For Not Wanting My Mom's Foster Kids To Stay In My Dorm?
“So I’m a non-traditional student. I’m in my late 20’s. I decided to jump back into college, full force. I moved to campus, and my only source of income is work-study. I have no kids and I’m not married. I have no real obligations or responsibilities, so I decided it would be best to be a traditional, non-traditional student.
I’m spending the summer with my mom. She said that she was happy to have me back with her while in school, but now, I’m not too sure.
I’m her only blood daughter, but she’s a foster parent to two of her students at the middle school she counsels.
I’ve been helping her with them this summer. Both of them came randomly, she didn’t warn me, just a “Hey, there’s a kid that’s gonna stay with us.” No time limit, no plan, just ‘Clean your stuff up and make space for her” It happened both times.
I was initially upset about both times, but I’ve kind of gotten over it, mainly because I know I only have to deal with this for the summer. I’m leaving early this summer because I’m gonna be an RA for my school.
Today, my mom asked me if one weekend in September, she could drop them off and they can stay with me in my dorm so she can go to a conference. She said that it’s perfect because I have a single dorm, I get food stipends (my school doesn’t have a food court, but they give you the option to buy food plans that give you credits to local restaurants) and she’ll give me money to take them fun places.
I don’t feel comfortable with that. I want to be able to focus on myself while in school. Also, I’m an RA this year, so not only am I going to be busy, but it would be hypocritical of me to have overnight guests for an entire weekend even though we discourage students from doing that.
I want to tell her no, but I feel bad about it.”
Another User Comments:
“Them staying with you is the easiest solution FOR HER. It doesn’t make it easier for you or the girls. It puts you in violation of a rule you are supposed to follow and enforce on others.
Your mother chose to be a foster mom, you did not sign up for that. She needs to do what is required to provide care for the girls without trying to ruin your position as an RA.” thrownawayy64
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s against the rules so it’s not really up to you. You’re an RA so you want to set a good example. But I will say, why did it bother you she decided to foster? You said you were initially upset and I would understand if you were young still and used to be an only child, but you said yourself you’re in your 20s so really, you could get your place if you wanted to.
While I understand it’s pointless if you live in the dorms, I don’t think you really can be upset over something like that. Just my opinion. Unfortunately, that’s how fostering works. You don’t get a heads-up. You’re doing a great job by helping out over the summer though.
I’m sure those kids appreciate you more than you’ll know.” User
6. AITJ For Letting My Son Choose His Own Baseball Gear Against My Husband's Wishes?
“My 15-year-old son has requested to be able to choose his baseball gear. For the past few years, my husband (his stepdad) has always bought him his gear. It would be decent gear but sometimes it would be gear that is on sale but not all the time.
Last year my husband got into a huge fit because my son wasn’t appreciative of the helmet he bought him. My son said he said thank you but didn’t like the design of the helmet. (This was after I told my husband not to buy the helmet and let him choose what helmet he wanted. Of course, husband didn’t listen and bought it.).
My son explained to me that it isn’t because he isn’t appreciative, he just wants to be able to have a say in what he gets. He sees his teammates being able to and he isn’t. This year, I told my husband I was getting him a new bat because he made Varsity and that I was letting him choose.
Instead of letting him choose, my husband went ahead and ordered him a bat, gloves, and other stuff. There was an issue with the gloves so I told my husband, why don’t you just take him to the store and let him pick?
Then it became a full-blown argument because apparently until my son starts working, he can’t choose and should be grateful he gets anything. Then the husband goes on to say he should have his dad buy his stuff now and live with him all because I “ran my mouth”.
AITJ? I would think since my husband played sports before, he’d understand wanting to choose but instead, he said he had to be grateful for what he got when he was his age (not entirely true). So AITJ or what would you do in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry but your husband is a jerk. Seriously? Did you run your mouth? Who says that to a spouse? He’s a controlling jerk and I’m wondering what the rest of your life is like. How much are you supposed to show appreciation?
How special is he supposed to be that he gets to be thanked and worshipped and other people don’t matter? He’s dreadful. NTJ” corgihuntress
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but are you sticking up for your son? Why don’t you take your son out and let him choose?
You are his parent, not his controlling stepfather. You are letting your son down by letting this jerk control him. You are also letting yourself down by staying with him. What an awful example for your children to see. Please tell you you have a job and are not an SAHM and not dependent on this user.
Is your son’s father in the picture? If so, does he love and respect his son? If he does, please let him know what is going on.” FoundationWinter3488
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You would be the jerk if you didn’t take your son yourself and buy what you and your spouse can darn well afford.
Your husband is a controlling, self-important, manipulative jerk. This is between you and your husband. Don’t you get a say in your shared finances? YOUR son? Get a spine and do what needs to be done. Can’t believe you chose this guy and are choosing to stay.” Antelope_31
5. AITJ For Getting Upset With My Mom Over My Partner's Engagement Ring Choice?
‘To begin with some back story.
I bought an engagement ring for my partner recently and figured out she didn’t like it. I kept it and gave it to her as a gift and she knows it was an engagement ring I bought her. I felt bad she didn’t like it so I decided to get another ring and to make sure she liked it I took out to look at rings.
She picked one she liked and told her I’d get it next week. This is where the AITJ comes into play. I asked my mom to come with me just because I wanted her there to share the experience with.
Once we got there she started to say that the ring was cheap-looking and started pointing out other rings. I told her I knew this was what my partner wanted and what she picked but my mom insisted it wasn’t.
My mom and partner have talked about rings before and my mom was suggesting a different cut of the diamond. I told her I was getting the one I knew my partner liked. I ordered the ring that my partner liked and left with my mom.
She then started saying I was a fool because I messed up on the first ring and I should have listened to her (my mom) because she is a girl. My mom kept saying the only reason why my partner picked that ring was because I had already spent money on the ring before and that my partner felt bad about not liking the first ring.
I told my mom we looked at multiple rings of different prices and shapes and that is what my partner picked. I did cuss at her once she got to me. AITJ for getting upset with my mom for not supporting me on the ring I got my partner’s engagement ring?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but why did you even bring your mother when you didn’t want her feedback? This was a very personal decision that you’d already shared with your partner. I don’t know why you gifted your partner a ring you knew she didn’t like rather than returning it — knowing that she knew that it was an engagement ring but regardless, NTJ, you made the right choice by getting the ring your partner liked.” amoebafr3ak
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I don’t think there’s much of a conflict to judge here. You’re not the jerk for getting a ring your partner said she likes, and your mom is not the jerk for making suggestions.
If you didn’t want to hear her opinions, you should have told her that ahead of time. Otherwise, she probably assumed you invited her for her feedback. I also don’t understand why you didn’t just return the first ring and get something she liked there.” ResponsibleSpite1332
Another User Comments:
“Ntj . Your mom is pushing for a ring she likes and is acting like she knows better than the girl who picked it out. Not understanding why your mom thinks she knows better than your partner about her wants.
Does your mom sometimes want you to pick her over your partner? Like a power move? The other question is if your partner didn’t like the first ring why still give it to her? If she didn’t like she wouldn’t wear it and it would be a waste of money.” Adventurous-travel1
4. AITJ For Insisting On Splitting The Bill On A First Date?
“Recently, I (m20) matched with a girl online (20f) and we agreed to meet.
We went to a cafe, talked, ordered food and were having a decent time….till the bill arrived.
Now I have a rule that I always split the bill. Since I am a college student and not an earning member of society, my finances are covered by my parents.
To me, it only makes sense for me to pay for someone as long as it comes from an emotional place rather than an obligation. On all the other dates I’ve been on, the girls have agreed to split.
I would pay for someone if I’m in a relationship with them because it’s out of love.
Doing that on a first date isn’t something I’m comfortable with. I believe since we’re both equal members of the date, neither of us was forced and we’re willingly on the date, it’s both our responsibility to pay for ourselves.
So anyway, the bill arrived and she was waiting for me to pay till I asked how we planned to split.
She said that she assumed I’d pay. I told her I was much more comfortable splitting the bill and explained my point of view. I don’t think she agreed with me. Till then the waiter arrived and asked us how we’d pay.
She didn’t say anything, I honestly feel she had no intention to pay
We both looked at each other and said nothing so I simply asked the waiter to bring us separate bills for the only two dishes and drinks we ordered. That seemed to have offended her.
I paid for my share and she, unwillingly, paid for her share. We didn’t say a word to each other after that and she seemed upset. I walked her down, waited with her till her cab arrived, asked her to take care and she left. I now see we’re unmatched and she’s blocked me on Instagram.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for having this rule/expectation. YTJ for not making this clear beforehand. We live at a time when this culture is slowly shifting from men paying to splitting. You never know who thinks what unless you ask.
A good rule to follow: if you invite, you pay.” FinnJax
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, no one should just assume that the other person will pay for them. You don’t even know her that well and as you said you do not have the funds to just pay for someone else.
It could just be me, but whenever I have been invited to a first date I have always asked to split. I just do not like feeling indebted to other people, and I feel like I owe them something if I don’t pay.
We both came, we both participated in the date, we both paid. Maybe that’s just me. Maybe it is more of a communication thing, where you both did not explicitly say or talk about this particular scenario, but still, I do not fault you for wanting to split.” WorkingGirlieAR
Another User Comments:
“Did you ask her out on the date? If so you should pay. Also, did you tell her before the plans were set that you’d be expecting her to pay? To each their own. Just as you think she should respect your stance, you gotta respect that this is a newer thing wanting to split the bill and a lot of women won’t be on board with it and want a more traditional way of things.” ambrford11
3. AITJ For Intervening In My Husband's Sleep Training Methods For Our Daughter?
“My family is having some difficulties with getting our youngest (4F) to sleep.
It has been an ongoing battle.
She only wants me, and mostly rejects her father. He tries his best, but rejects my advice and wants to find his methods. Lately, he has been letting her watch cartoons, and he was very happy with that because he could use the number of episodes to pressure her into behaving and sitting still / eating her dinner, but even that is getting problematic now.
Last night was gruesome. She was utterly refusing him and just trying to get to me, who was putting our eldest (9F) to bed by reading to her.
She was crying and screaming for half an hour. He was also raising his voice, and toward the end, he was quite loud.
He tried to block her in her room.
I tried to keep calm and keep reading, but when I heard doors slamming and the crying and screaming just escalating I felt so sad I had to intervene. I picked her up and comforted her as he started yelling at me instead, angry that I stopped his methods.
He thinks that if he leaves her alone in her room, she will self-soothe and learn to go to bed alone.
After I put both kids to bed, I took some deep breaths and tried to talk to him when he had calmed down.
I tried to encourage him to find information on how to put bigger children to sleep, as from what I’ve read, neither cartoons nor locking them in their room seems to be very helpful. There are other methods that I try and use.
He didn’t respond to me. This morning he barely spoke to me. Should I have let him keep doing what he thinks would work?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – your partner’s approach to sleep training your four-year-old is not just ineffective, it’s potentially damaging.
Locking a kid in their room and using cartoons as a behavioral bargaining chip is is a trainwreck waiting to. It’s not going to work, and it’s only going to cause more problems. You stepped in because you saw the situation spiraling into chaos.
Good. You did the right thing. Your partner might be trying, but he’s stubbornly clinging to his methods even when they’re failing. Parenting isn’t a solo sport; you’ve got to be on the same team, using the same playbook.
Right now, you’re not even in the same league.” MyCouchPulzOut_IDont
Another User Comments:
“ESH Y’all need to talk to an expert about how to properly sleep train a kid. You already did it with your older daughter, so if it doesn’t work with the younger you might need professional help.
I wanna say that both of your approaches are wrong, at least a bit. It sounds like he doesn’t have enough emotional intelligence to grasp the mood she is in and therefore can’t react accordingly, but you giving in to her tantrums is only gonna make them worse in the long run.
I can’t tell you what you need to do differently, but the way you’re doing it now obviously doesn’t work.” Pikantlewakas
Another User Comments:
“Gently ESH, but all judgments are going to be harsh for this kind of thing tbh. Kids are learning boundaries and testing them, some of them are fixated and won’t be distracted. He has his way of thinking about it, you have yours.
Yours is the one that’s working (for now) because that’s your daughter’s decision. Realistically your husband is going to realise that arguing with a 4yo is never going to end well. You both need to have THE PLAN and stick to it.
Not he effs up and you sweep in and save the daughter, it’s reinforcing the daughter’s behavior that you don’t want. I’d recommend finding some old episodes of SuperNanny for sleep training. She was great.” me_version_2
2. AITJ For Expecting My Surgeon Sister-In-Law To Show More Emotion When Her Daughter Broke Her Arm?
“I (29F) am the proud aunt of two amazing kids, Chloe (7 y/o) and Harry (8 y/o).
I get along really well with both of them and their parents (my sister Amber (37F) and her wife Kate (38F)) ask me to babysit them sometimes.
We have a special bond.
The other day, the kids, Amber, and I went out to the park. Kate wasn’t there because she is a general surgeon and her work-life balance is nonexistent at this point. The kids were playing together in this playground area and Amber and I were sitting together having a chat.
We heard a scream and rushed to the kids. It turns out Chloe fell and was crying holding her arm. We both freaked out. Together, Amber and I took Chloe to the hospital where Kate works. They took an x-ray of Chloe’s arm and everything.
After Amber tried multiple times and finally reached Kate, she came down to the ER. She took a look at the X-ray, talked to the ER doctor, and without letting even the slightest bit of emotion or compassion toward her crying daughter and wife, said it was just a small fracture, that it didn’t extend to the joint and would be okay in a few weeks with just casting.
The only compassionate thing she did was hold Amber when they got Chloe’s little arm into a cast. I got really mad at Kate and said she was downplaying her daughter’s broken arm and acting as if nothing was wrong! She simply said kids get injuries like this a lot and there was nothing extraordinary going on here.
I may be the jerk here because I called her an ice-cold insensitive mother. Amber got so mad she practically kicked me out of the ER and said she’d go back home with Kate and the kids herself. She said I’d better apologize to Kate before coming over to their house again.
So was I the jerk for expecting a more human reaction? Should I apologize?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ She is a general surgeon, they do not fall apart at life’s trifles. She did not respond the way YOU wanted her to respond.
You don’t know what was going on with her or how she felt. No one would want to have a surgeon that falls apart easily. You made assumptions based on your narrow vision. How dare you question her feelings towards her daughter.
Have your kids and be as judgmental of your partner as you like. You were out of line and your sister was right.” SliceEquivalent825
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, she’s a surgeon. They’re professional about their poker face for a reason.
What good does it do to freak out her kid and her wife over a fairly common injury? I’m not saying it’s no big deal, but causing a scene and getting emotional wouldn’t have done anything…other than make you feel better apparently.
She was probably relieved that it wasn’t worse. As parents, it’s best not to freak out over injury. Cause it just scares the kids and it makes it worse for them. Your niece was already in pain. She didn’t need to see her mom crying and scared. ” specialkk77
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You owe a big apology to Kate and your sister but mostly Kate. I’m going to play devil’s advocate and think you maybe meant you wanted Kate to show more empathy, not panic. For her to hug her child and kiss her, maybe a smile telling her she is tough and is doing a good job.
Maybe telling her she can get her cast signed as a bonus. Idk. A lot of people are talking about panic as the core emotion expected but I’m hoping they are wrong. Cause that would be an inappropriate response. Regardless both women who exceed your life experience by almost a decade and who know each other, their kids, and their family dynamics do not see an issue with her demeanour.
She could and is more likely to show much care to her daughter at home. In addition, keeping calm about this situation allows the kids to not get anxiety and fear surrounding injuries.” Carry_Melodic
1. AITJ For Asking My Grandma About Her Wedding Planning Funds?
“While visiting my father, I (34F) learned that earlier this summer my grandmother gave 10k to a cousin to plan her wedding (scheduled for January), and is planning to give another cousin the same amount once she sets a date. She has told the family that once someone sets a date they will get this money, and anyone who doesn’t get married will get this money after she passes.
Here is a little complication: One year ago, I canceled my wedding four days before the event after finding out my fiancée had been unfaithful throughout our engagement. I of course still had to pay for half of everything. I never expected any money from my grandma and she never gave me any, I also refunded money to many people who gave wedding gifts to both sides.
This past year has been hard financially, though I have a good job and am through the worst of it, in part thanks to some support from my dad.
My grandmother is wealthy but it is mostly tied up in stocks.
She does typically give us each a check for several thousand dollars each year at Christmas. My dad told me about this wedding planning money highly upset and feeling I’d been wronged. My sister was also upset, and she had also asked my grandma about my situation and had been told that if I got engaged again and set a date I’d get the money for that wedding.
I decided to just go talk to my grandmother about it, I told her what I had heard and said I’d been a little hurt and surprised hearing she’d given my cousin money for wedding planning given that hadn’t been offered to me, and that I just wanted to clear the air between us and understand what was going on from her.
She got highly upset, told me I only wanted her for her money and made a big deal about going to the bank the next day and getting me a check. My dad is also upset with me for bringing it up.
AITJ? Should I have not said anything?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Holy entitlement. She gives you thousands of dollars every Christmas FOR FREE, and it’s still not enough. You are aware that most people don’t just get thousands of dollars from their grandma/family every year?
Honestly, how did you expect your grandma to react? Did you even think about her perspective at all about this? An old lady who just writes checks to her family all the time, and it’s still not enough for them. Of course, she is going to get upset, how much is enough?
It’s never going to be enough in your mind. Should she just liquidate all her assets and give it away to you and your other family members? Then just crawl in a hole and pass away? That’s how you are treating her.
Is your grandma not allowed to be in charge of her own money?” Fun_Negotiation7663
Another User Comments:
“YTJ You sound so entitled. And yes you were only after Grandma for the money, quit saying you weren’t because the only reason you wanted to talk to her was about the money!
If I had a rich relative wanting to give me money every Christmas like you do, I’d be appreciative and just say thank you and then instead of demanding or expecting anything else, I’d give love to grandma and use the money she gave me already to do all kinds of things for grandma… like take her out for breakfast or get her special gifts or take her on a vacation.
If I didn’t do that I’d feel incredibly guilty for accepting all that money from her… I could never imagine expecting MORE money from a relative the way you do. Geez talk about being an entitled brat.” Disneylover-4837
Another User Comments:
“YTJ As per your post your grandmother only gave 2 other cousins money. It’s not like it’s some long ongoing family tradition. Maybe she can read you like a book that you are greedy and she never planned to give you the money in the first place.
Only said she would give you money if you got married once she was backed into a corner. It’s none of your business what she does with her money. It’s tacky to ask for free money and yes that was exactly what you were doing or you would not have brought it up in the first place.” Fancy_Bass_1920
