People Try To Move On From These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
21. AITJ For Letting My Brother Show Off His Disneyland Souvenirs After My Aunt Complained?
“My mom and aunt dislike each other. Long story short, Mom took her partner when they were teenagers.
Anyways.
Growing up, my aunt was way nicer to my cousins and even used to take them on fun trips.
She often took them to Disneyland and places like that.
We don’t have a lot of funds and my aunt’s really the only one who has the time + funds to go on fancy trips so I won’t lie, I was super jealous. Especially because that’s all anyone would ever talk about during family gatherings.
It hasn’t stopped because mom has a lot of siblings and all the cousins range from 27 to like 4 years old at the moment.
It might be silly idk, I haven’t been able to afford too much but I finally saved enough to take my parents, little brother, and partner to Disneyland this past summer.
It’s always been a dream of mine.
My little brother (he’s 6) was the only child so we spoiled him a lot and I got him everything he pointed at but my brother has been wearing hand-me-downs from our cousins for ages and owns a handful of cheap toys so I don’t really care.
He was so so happy.
Now, my aunt sent me a text message the other day.
It said:
“Hey, I hope you don’t mind me texting you. I would talk to your mother but I don’t think I’d be able to get through to her.
I noticed that your brother keeps showing off his Disney things. It’s hurting the feelings of the other kids and honestly, it’s putting a lot of pressure on me. The other kids don’t get a lot of merchandise because it all comes out of my pocket so now they’re all asking me for stuff I cannot afford.
Don’t take this the wrong way because I know you and your brother are sweet kids and he’s just excited, but it’s been 3 months, I think we can all teach him to be kinder if you know what I mean.”
I left out personal details but that’s pretty much the text.
I was a little annoyed. My brother had never even left our little town before the trip, can you blame him for still being excited about it? Besides, the other kids all talk about their vacations and my brother has literally cried because he felt left out.
I know what it must’ve been like for him, I went through it myself. Yeah, I got over it but it still hurt me when I was little. I genuinely don’t care if my brother isn’t being kind.
I just told her that I’m sorry she felt that way.
She sent me a bunch of question marks then eventually got the hint and told me that I was being bitter and I was going to turn my brother into an unlikeable jerk. I ignored her. Now my cousins (the ones that are my age) are asking me if “all this” is true and if I’m really being petty over not being able to go to Disneyland as a kid.
Maybe I am, AITJ for what I told my aunt? They’re all saying I’m a jerk because she’s the nicest person ever and was even respectful towards me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but here’s the thing I will never understand. If someone outside a disagreement tries to enter the conflict, why is that even entertained?
Tell all those people that this doesn’t concern them. Regardless, you have done nothing wrong and it’s awesome that your little brother is still over the moon about his summer trip. I love that.” LowBalance4404
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I would tell the cousins everything was fine until Auntie B decided to stir the pot.
Why don’t you tell your cousins that your aunt is still bitter about a high school partner and that is why is punished your Mom’s children by never inviting them? That is something awful to do to children who have no understanding they were just left out.
Ask them why was it perfectly ok to discuss the trips Auntie took them on at family gatherings. You were being punished a second time! Now once your Auntie sees that you all had a lot of fun it makes her mad that she couldn’t destroy it.
Now she wants to act like you’re selfish and turn family members against you. Ask them why is this still an issue. Sorry Auntie you got dumped but life goes on.” RemoteViewingLife
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To your cousins: “I am obeying the lessons she taught me on my Disney trip, just like you are.
She isn’t nice to me. She doesn’t get points for being respectful by using me against my mother by usurping her parenting. Now can we change the topic? You have nothing to do with my relationship with my aunt and I don’t like gossip. To your aunt.
“I really don’t appreciate you maligning me to my cousins. Your pettiness is remarkable. I’m not discussing this further, and any other conversations about myself or my brother should be routed through our parents. I have already informed Mom of our previous conversations so she can protect my brother.” *block*” tealcandtrip
20. AITJ For Refusing To Give My Ex's New Partner The Family Heirlooms Given To Me?
“So I (24F) was with Kin (28M) for 5 years on and off. We go back to when I was in 2nd grade and he was in 6th grade. Had the biggest crush for a long time. We did get together when I was 19 and he was 23.
He is my older brother’s best friend. Still are best friends. We do have a 2-year-old son together. So you can get the back story.
We broke up due to him moving to a different state a few months ago. Now he moved back because his grandmother is not doing well.
We didn’t get back together. He however reconnected with his first partner from high school. Let’s call her Molly (32F) who also used to date his older cousin. Lol
For some reason Molly never liked me and I didn’t initiate any bad feelings towards her.
I don’t know her, but she is good with our son. However not good with me. I treat her with kindness when she’s around and I usually leave her alone. She just gives me these glares and says a lot of really passive-aggressive stuff a lot to me.
Which I don’t let it get to me.
Kin’s family adores me and I love them so much back. When I was with Kin he proposed to me with his grandmother’s ring, which I still do have. His grandmother also gave me her silver jewelry with turquoise on it and some vintage Western jewelry.
Which were in their family for years. She also gave me a very special ring and bracelet that I wear every day.
The ring is a matching ring which Kin has as well. It belonged to his step-grandfather and his grandmother.
However Molly learned of this, and she demanded I give her all the silver jewelry and the engagement ring.
Especially the matching rings. She thinks I should give them to her. Because she’s gonna be in their family now and I’m gonna be second fiddled. She had said that the only reason I’m around is because we have a child. Of course, I told her no, and had said “This jewelry means so much to me and was given to me.” And “Kin’s family is a second family to me.”
That seemed to make her more angry and it got to the point I had to block her. Yet she continues to harass me about it. I did tell Kin about it and he said he would take care of it. But it still is happening.
His grandmother is literally like a second grandmother to me.
I did lose my grandmother from my father’s side when I was 14 and it was really hard on me. Until I met Kin’s grandmother and we talk a lot and see each other from time to time.
Where I see her as my grandmother. I hold them so much and cherish especially now that she’s not doing so well.
So AITJ for not giving it to her? I’m not sure anymor.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ because presumably you will leave the jewelry to your son someday, and therefore the family heirlooms will stay in the family.
If you cave to Molly’s demands then you would rob your son of his birthright. It was Kin’s grandmother’s wish for the jewelry to pass down through your branch of the family tree.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“She has no claim at all to the ones his grandmother gave to you.
Those are yours whether you are with him or not. It’s a bit complicated with the one he gave you. Since people do return engagement rings once the engagement is over. You guys never did that. You didn’t return. He didn’t ask. An argument can be made that even though you’re not part of the family anymore, your son is.
And the ring can be passed on to him once he’s older. NTJ” solo_throwaway254247
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That is your jewelry and I can tell that Kin and Molly aren’t going to last if she’s already this jealous of you and your relationship to the family.
You and the family will always be connected through your son and your relationships with the other family members.” LowBalance4404
I might be inclined to give your ex, the matching ring, maybe as a wedding gift.
19. AITJ For Not Waking My Partner Up For His Class?
“I (24F) didn’t wake my partner (27M) up for his class today.
He told me the evening before that he had to get up early in the morning because he had a class at 8 am, so I knew he had to get up at 7 am.
In the morning, I woke up naturally at around 8:30 am. I assumed therefore that he would have got up and left already, but I turned over and he was still fast asleep.
Here’s where the dilemma comes in: I did think about waking him up, but I chose not to. My reasoning for this was the following:
1) He has already missed the first 30 minutes of the class, and even waking up now and leaving as fast as possible, he would likely miss another hour
2) Historically, he has reacted rather grumpily toward me when waking him up in the morning, so I didn’t want to face that
3) It is ultimately his responsibility to wake himself up on time, if he chooses to snooze his alarm, that’s his choice
At 9 am, he had an alarm go off, which woke him. When he checked the time he was super annoyed that he had slept in and missed the start of his class. He got up and came to me, expressing his annoyance about having slept in (this is fine).
I asked him what happened, like if he forgot to set an alarm, or his alarm didn’t go off, or he just slept through it – all of these things happen sometimes and it’s just life. He then tells me that he didn’t set one, because his body clock usually wakes him up at the right time.
An important thing to say here is that my partner is not a morning person, he is more of a night owl, and naturally gets tired later in the day, and therefore also naturally wakes up later. This is fine, it just didn’t make sense to me that someone like that would rely on their body clock to wake them up early when they usually naturally wake up at around 10 am.
Maybe I shouldn’t have asked this, but I asked him why he didn’t set an alarm just in case. He had no response to this and instead asked me why I didn’t wake him up. I told him points 1) and 3) but left out 2) as I knew this wasn’t a good time to bring that up.
He again had no response to this, but just stomped and huffed and puffed around the house while getting himself ready, making sure to swear under his breath while I was in earshot. After about 30 minutes, he left without even saying goodbye.
His behavior before leaving the house suggests to me that he is mad at me for not waking him up, or at least directing his anger at the situation towards me even, though it’s not my fault.
Am I the jerk for choosing not to wake him up?”
Another User Comments:
“I’ll go with everyone’s a jerk. He because he should have set an alarm, you because you saw him overslept and even at 8.30 he did miss 1 hour but while you were counting reasons 1) 2) & 3) he could at least get on the second hour.
I don’t understand why people are in relationships if they are not ready to do even these small gestures(waking your partner). When we as people become so self-centered even with partners we supposedly care about!??” Chocolat_2024
Another User Comments:
“NTJ This man will be 30 years old in less than 3 short years.
27-year-olds are parents, teachers, lawyers, engineers, etc. 27 is old enough to know you need to set an alarm if you need to get up early and it’s old enough to know you can’t blame your partner because you missed class. I naturally wake up between 5:30 and 6 and I still set an alarm every morning just in case and I set several alarms when I know I have to be up early for something.
Is he blaming you for stuffing a pattern in your relationship? You don’t need to be this man’s scapegoat.” huged1k
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I was waking myself up, getting myself dressed, fixing my breakfast, and walking myself out to the bus stop before I hit puberty.
And you’re telling me a grown-up man can’t even get himself up? He sounds childish and irresponsible, tell him to grow a pair of balls and act like a man.” Massive-Flow3549
18. AITJ For Taking Notes To Validate Conversations With My Husband?
“I am 41F and have been married to my 47M husband for 15 years. Frequently, I will refer to a conversation that I’d had with him previously, and he will say that I made it up and the conversation never happened. I misremember events a lot.
For example, I thought I told him our children had dentist appointments on a certain date, but he said I didn’t. I could have sworn we had the conversation. I even remembered writing the appointment on the calendar on our fridge while we were talking.
The writing on the calendar is there but he said we never spoke. Things like this happen all the time.
Last week I texted him to ask if he could pick up our child after school and he responded yes. He did not show up for our child and when I asked what happened, he said he didn’t know he was supposed to pick them up and that this was yet another conversation I had in my mind or with someone else.
I showed him the text and he got upset and kept saying I was confused and the conversation didn’t happen, even though I had the text and his response in black and white. I was excited that for once I hadn’t messed up and that my memory was correct.
I suggested I begin writing down notes or doing text confirmations about future conversations since I feel he could be misremembering things too now that I have proof that it is possible. He got upset and said he felt like I was trying to catch him making a mistake so I could rub it in and that I think I tell him things but I’m either talking to myself or having a conversation with a friend and thinking it was with him.
I decided I was going to do it anyway because the relief I felt when I had text confirmation was such a big deal. This could be a jerk move.
This morning I reminded him of an appointment I had after work tomorrow and that he would need to pick up our child at school.
He denied us ever speaking about it. I told him that I was 100% sure we talked about it at dinner on Friday night. He apparently could tell I was confident and asked if I had recorded it or written it down, and I said I had taken notes but only to keep my thoughts straight.
He is not happy with me because he had said he was not okay with me trying to trick or catch him when we talked about it before. We got into an argument and I ended up crying and threw away the notepaper I had written on.
Part of me wants to continue for my peace of mind but I also want to be respectful and not do something if it makes him mad. It just felt so nice to not feel crazy.
AITJ for taking notes even when he got upset with me when I talked about it the first time?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You know how this sub throws around accusations of “gaslighting” with little concern for what the term truly refers to? “I showed him the text and he got upset and kept saying I was confused and the conversation didn’t happen, even though I had the text and his response in black and white.” This actually is gaslighting.” StAlvis
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A lot of people throw around the word “gaslight” improperly, but here? It would be proper to use it. Your husband is gaslighting you- he is upset at you for taking notes because it means he can’t make you doubt yourself.
The fact that you felt relief like that when you had evidence? Tells me that this is NOT a good situation for you to be in. He is trying to make you feel crazy ON PURPOSE. My advice, if a friend came to me and told me this was happening?
RUN. Run as far as you can. This guy is manipulative and awful.” Hazel2468
Another User Comments:
“His tell is that he is angry when you point it out. A person with genuine memory problems would be embarrassed maybe, but not mad. they most certainly would not take it out on you by throwing away your notes.
This is textbook gaslighting and it makes me wonder what else he’s doing that he’s trained you to think is normal but isn’t. There’s a fantastic book by Lundy Bancroft called Why Does He Do That, it helped me a lot while I was recovering from a relationship with a narcissist. I don’t know if he is one or not, but I feel like you would find it helpful.
Of course NTJ.” Additional_Country33
17. AITJ For Asking Friends To Share Costs For Their Forgotten Shoes?
“Several months ago my partner and I participated in a wedding, back in our home country, Italy.
We hired a vehicle for the whole duration of the stay, which was around a week, to have a sort of holiday while being there already for the wedding.
A week before, a couple of friends asked if we could offer them a lift, being the church and the venue quite far away from the main town, Trapani. We were willing to help, on the condition that they would share the costs of the petrol.
Our hotel was located in a town 90 minutes from them and 60 minutes from the location, so we would have to take another road, spend more time to reach their place, go all together to the church and venue, and then drive back to their hotel and finally heading to our place.
Instead of getting home at 2 am, we ended up being there at 3:30 am.
They tried to play with the amount of money we were asking for (25 pounds) insisting on giving us 25 euros, which is less than 25 pounds due to the conversion. They were not happy about our standing by our position and asking for pounds and not euros.
Just as a reminder, we didn’t ask them anything about the daily cost of renting the car. Merely half of the petrol for the day.
The next day, surprise! We found a big pair of shoes in the back of our car. One of the friends left them there.
These shoes were big, like proper big elegant and expensive black leather shoes, size 15 UK.
They asked us to please take them with us if our luggage was not too filled.
After a week in Sicily, our backpacks were filled. We had to decline and explain that they were full of our stuff.
We then proposed an idea, to buy a new luggage and share the cost to put it in cargo, so they could have had their shoes back and we could have bought some more silly things to take home with us. The price we asked (without considering the luggage, we would have paid it with our money) was 13 pounds per couple.
They were probably expecting us to drive back to their place to bring the sh**s to them and spend another 40 quid for their sh**s. Obviously without giving us any money back.
They refused to pay these 13 pounds, saying we could just find some nice person to gift them with it because it was NOT worth it.
We still managed to give the sh**s to some friend we have in common who live in the UK as well, because they randomly popped by the hotel we were based in, So at the end of the day, in one way or the other, we got their sh**s back to them!
After months of no contact (usually, they were always asking us out) I found out from other friends that they had been saying that we were terrible people who even asked them to pay for luggage and cargo to bring their lovely sh**s back.
A VERY EXPENSIVE SH**S.
I don’t think I was supposed to throw my things away to be able to fit them in my backpack. We didn’t have any luggage to put in cargo, just two backpacks and a hand luggage that could fit in the cabin.
Are we the jerks?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your friends were being cheap. Quibbling about pounds or euros when you drove a significant distance (and time) out of your way to give them a ride is ridiculous. In all honesty, it wouldn’t have been unreasonable to ask for £50 since the drive burned a lot of your time and they would have spent more if they’d had to rent a car themselves.
Asking to split the cost of a cheap piece of luggage to bring back the sh**s they left in your rental car wasn’t unreasonable. They were the ones that told you to give the sh**s away. Their desire to save a few pounds cost them a pair of expensive sh**s then they bad-mouthed you for doing what they told you to do.
I’d look for better friends.” DangerousDave303
16. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Half-Sibling's Son's Birthday Party?
“I (25m) have 10 half-siblings. 2 brothers and 2 sisters by my mother and 1 brother and 5 sisters with my father. I am the youngest. I have no full-blooded siblings but was raised with my maternal siblings.
I have never seen or spoken to some of my paternal half-siblings.
I consider my relationship with both of my parents pretty good, and I’ve never had any kind of blow-up with either of them….until this nonsense.
A couple of months ago I heard from my dad that one of my sisters(Shana) is having a birthday for her son soon and she wants the whole family there.
Dad: I just heard from Shana, that she wants everyone together for Rico’s 10(?) birthday.
Me:…….Okay?
Dad: When we were talking about it she said that you can call her if you want.
Me: Yeah that’s not gonna happen. We didn’t speak to each other for over 20 years until she messed that up.
Then afterward we went right back to ignoring each other. Why mess up a good thing?
Dad: I just think it’d be good to have everyone together.
Me: That stuff’s never going to happen. You have like 6 kids with 5 women. We’re all adults. Let it go.
My mother said I should go because it means a lot to my dad. I think she might be right, but I’d like some more opinions.
My first inclination is to scoff. My father’s kids are a lot older than me, the twins are the closest to me in age and there’s still a 10+ year difference.
My oldest sibling is almost 20 years older than me. They had plenty of time to get to know me and they chose not to.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your conversations with your Dad seem pretty intentionally antagonistic, btw. Probably somewhat earned, but just wanted to point it out since maybe you’re making choices out of spite.
Not a bad reason to make choices, but not a good one either. Very motivating reason though.” User
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for the way you’re going about it. If your story is accurate you very easily could have just said no instead of going on a rampage.
Your dad was just passing information along and you were a massive jerk to him for what (based on your story) seems like no reason. You said you have a good relationship and he wasn’t hounding you. He mentioned it one time and you went off on a tirade.
Your dad mentioned something and you went nuclear. He hasn’t done anything wrong, but you have. You don’t have to go but you don’t have to be rude about it.” Straight-Magician802
15. AITJ For Not Going Outside To See My Father-In-Law's New Car?
“I’ve been with my husband for 10+ years. I’ve been around his father a good chunk of that time.
We have spent more than just holidays together as a family. We see him more often than I would say most people see their parents. We have had good conversations and in my head, I’ve always made sure to make him feel comfortable in my presence.
Well, the other day, my husband and I got into an argument. Not to go into much detail, but I was asking my husband some questions regarding something that was happening with his father and was told to stay out of his father’s business. I was told this on 2 occasions in the same week.
Also, that same week while my husband was with his dad, I called my husband to see what was going on regarding this specific situation that they had been dealing with. He shared what was going on and I made a comment “This sounds like a red flag to me”.
My husband yelled at me while on the phone and told me to stay out of his dad’s business and hung up on me.
Now as a reasonable person, I guess I didn’t need to ask questions or even give my opinion where it wasn’t asked, but I was just voicing a concern and wanting to know more information.
Well to get to the story, my father-in-law showed up at the house with my husband while I was just finishing up work and had just put a face mask on and I wasn’t dressed. My husband came into the room and told me to go outside because his dad bought a new car and wanted to show it to me.
I told my husband I would not be going outside as (1) wasn’t dressed, (2) had a mask on, and (3) was told to stay out of his dad’s business. That was the end of it. My husband and I were still arguing but he went outside and told his dad I wouldn’t be coming out.
Sunday night, my husband comes home and is like “Hey I have something to tell you, but don’t start an argument about it”. Well, his dad called him on the way home from work to tell him that he thinks I’m not a very friendly person.
Based on this one time I wouldn’t come outside, I am not a friendly person. I of course got defensive and asked my husband what he said to his dad and all
He said that he agreed with his dad on why he thinks that way about me.
So now, I’m upset that my husband didn’t stick up for me regarding that rare situation, but I also told my husband that I don’t want his dad to come around when I am present anymore if he feels that way towards me based on me not going outside.
Maybe I’m overreacting but now I feel super uncomfortable to even be in his presence.
So am AITJ? Please give me advice. Understand that I could be overreacting but I feel like I’m in an awkward situation.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your husband and his dad are weird.
But I don’t think the car had anything to do with the “business” they told you to stay out of so your comment about it in regards to not going outside was petty. Still don’t think you were in the wrong since they made you feel unwelcome before.” ladylavender007
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – but your husband is the jerk. He threw you under the bus. He could have said to his dad, hey dad, wifey wasn’t expecting visitors and can’t come out now. I should have called her to let her know we were coming by to show her something.
No Dad, wifey isn’t unfriendly, she wasn’t dressed. She did not want to embarrass you or herself. Your husband treats you badly. He is more involved with his father than you. He prioritizes his father over you. Then he throws you under the bus with his dad.
You need to make him apologize to his dad… though he isn’t going to because I would bet that he is always right and you are always wrong… is this the way you want to spend the next 20 years???” shout-out-1234
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here You suck for continuing to bring up and voice your opinion on an issue your husband was helping his father with.
You also overreacted and were just trying to get back at both of them by not coming out to look at his car. (which had nothing to do with the other situation). You handled that badly. Your husband sucks for not having your back when his father made an insulting judgment about you.
Your father-in-law sucks for over-reacting himself by calling you “unfriendly” after years of a decent relationship just because you did not want to come and look at his new car. You all are too sensitive.” kimariesingsMD
14. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Sister's Second Wedding Without Financial Support From My Parents?
“My (28M) family and I are currently going at it over my sister’s (30F) wedding.
This situation has festered so badly that I am not planning on going to the wedding or home for the holidays this year and will go to my partner’s family instead.
This thing started 4 years ago. My sister got married, and I was a groomsman and very involved in the process.
I was never that close with my ex BIL but he was a decent enough guy. So in July of 2022, my sister and her ex-husband divorced. This was due to her having an affair with her current fiancé. My parents do what they always do with my sister and excuse whatever nonsense she pulls.
I live far from home so I typically only take one trip home a year. Well, last Christmas I was home and she brought this guy over to my parents. They called themselves fiancé which again was like 4 months after my sister got divorced. I wasn’t having it and didn’t talk to the guy and went on a walk for most of the night.
Before he left the guy wanted to speak to me and asked if I’d consider being a groomsman. I pretty much told him no. I didn’t know him, wasn’t gonna spend the money and more than likely wouldn’t be going to the wedding.
My sister found out and blew up at me and I unloaded in front of our parents. I pretty much asked my parents if they planned on paying for a second wedding in 3 years. They told me it wasn’t my business. We went at it about the whole situation and I left back for NY earlier than I intended. I’ve declined my sister’s invitation to the wedding.
Her fiancé texted me saying how the family is gonna be upset if I’m not there. I didn’t respond until he called and I told him basically to get lost. I didn’t plan to drop a grand on some tacky wedding.
My parents told me they were gonna do this Christmas with the new in-laws to get to know them better.
I laughed my backside off at this after they told me I was invited if I wanted to come. But if I can’t go it’s okay because I will be coming home for the wedding in February. I guess nobody had told them yet but they blew a gasket.
My mom especially. Saying that she had plans for family pics and our family would ask questions. I told her that if they wanted to pay for my plane ticket, hotel, beverages, and extra expenses then I’d go. If not then I’m not going.
My dad said they would not pay for me to come. I said, “so you’ll pay for a second wedding but not a plane ticket?” He got mad and hung up. My mom has been texting me the last week trying to convince me.
I said she could answer all the questions and take her pictures with her family. We have not spoken in months besides my mom’s text and I just wanna know if I was the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Your sister is marrying the man she was unfaithful to her husband with; I think we all can see where this one’s going.
I agree with you that it’s not worth your time and money to go to this wedding. If your parents demand that you do it as a favor to them, it should be at their expense.” okIhaveANopinionHERE
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here aside from the obvious jerky of being unfaithful.
But that isn’t something either of them did to you, so in the context of this discussion I don’t think it counts. They’re not wrong or bad for wanting you there; you aren’t wrong and bad for not wanting to go. Gotta ask though–why are you so bitter about this you’re burning all your bridges over it.
This reads like either you were stepped out on but she “won” the relationship so now you’re getting revenge by proxy through your sister, or you were deeply close to your ex-IL, or your sister is the devil and you’ve always hated her, or something… Nothing you described has earned anything near the level of response you’re giving, to cut your mother off for not punishing your sister, etc…
Giving off big “everyone needs therapy” vibes tbh Edit: reread the post and you explicitly say you weren’t close to BIL. “” Optimal-Apple-2070
Another User Comments:
“I can see why you’re the problem: you’re brutally honest, have a moral compass, can see through the very special Princess act of your sister, and have called out your parents on their BS and favoritism.
Don’t you know families want to wallow in their hypocrisy to get their way? **NTJ.** My husband and I are going through something similar (not the unfaithfulness part) but families assign roles to certain family members and all too often don’t see through to the reality.” Temporary-King3339
13. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pick Up Wedding Welcome Bags On My Day Off?
“I’m (26F) getting married in a week (yay!) to my partner of 8 years (26M). We wanted a relatively small wedding, but it’s kind of blown up a bit. My parents are paying for almost everything which I’m grateful for, but I also feel occasionally tricked into thinking I want things that I don’t want.
Cue the start of the chaos. One of those things was “welcome bags” for out-of-town guests. It’s a nice touch, but I’ve been overwhelmed since our sign/invitation designer dropped out last minute meaning I’ve had to create, design, and print a million signs.
She insisted that we should do it, so we agreed. As part of it, she said we should give them water bottles. My partner and I didn’t feel comfortable passing out a bunch of plastic water bottles, so he suggested we create personalized reusable water bottles that our guests could fill up.
Well, all my mom heard was “personalized”, and she ordered plastic disposable water bottles with a personalized label, which is probably worse honestly. They’re cute, but we don’t need to be creating unnecessary trash like that. To be fair though, I didn’t push back much.
I didn’t have the energy and decided it wasn’t worth it and just let her do her thing.
This was a mistake. She ordered the water bottles but for some reason, it couldn’t be delivered to us, so she delivered them to my aunt who lives 45 minutes away in a condo.
It was delivered a couple of days ago, and she’s going to be out of town for a couple more days. She asked me to come pick them up today because she’s worried about the amount of boxes taking up the lobby space.
Here’s a bit more context: I’m a private at-home music teacher. I drive house to house teaching voice and piano. Sometimes, I drive up to an hour away from my apartment. It’s technically part-time, but it doesn’t feel like it. I wake up, prep for lessons in the morning, eat lunch, and then leave for my first lesson at around 12/1.
On a good day, I’m home by 7:30 pm but on bad days, I’m not home until 9 pm. Then I eat dinner, have maybe a couple of hours of my time or recent time to go through the wedding to-do list, and then I go to bed and do it all over again.
I drive a lot and when I’m working, I’m WORKING. I can’t get the occasional thing done for the wedding during the day like many people with office jobs. Both my mom and my aunt haven’t had a job in probably 20 years.
I’m going to be in the area on Monday (today is Friday), so I asked her if I could come by then and grab them. Her response was essential “why can’t you come get them today?” I don’t want to be ungrateful, but I’m a bit frustrated because I didn’t ask for this and I’m so burnt out from driving and overwhelmed by all the wedding things I need to catch up on now on my day off.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable because I am offering a solution, but maybe I’m a jerk because I could probably find the time today if it needed to happen. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re burnt out and overwhelmed because you’re allowing yourself to be a victim.
If you don’t want some lousy water bottles at your wedding, then you should’ve said no. But you didn’t, and now you caused yourself all this unnecessary stress. “I didn’t ask for this” Well you didn’t say no to it, did you? This is your wedding, have some respect for yourself and your partner, and put your foot down.
And your comment about people with office jobs is gross… Everyone’s a jerk here” DaleCoopersWife
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m sending you the strength to deal with these people. They are planning the wedding They want and expect you to run around making it happen.
I would dump this firmly in your mother’s lap. Tell her you don’t have time, and she will have to sort it out. Be strong! Start saying no!” Repulsive_State_7399
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but you, really, REALLY need to grow a backbone. You honestly don’t sound adult enough to get married. You sound like a teenager still being pulled around by parental whims and too afraid to push back because you’ll be “in trouble.” You’re 26.
Your parents can’t ground you for not being a doormat. Do you want to look back at your wedding day as the day you let everyone else decide what’s what, and you just went along like some personality-less marionette?” superwicked
12. AITJ For Not Telling My Estranged Sister I Eloped?
“I (26F) have always had bad relationships with my two older biological sisters.
I was taken away from my family at 10 and missed out on fully bonding with them. We’ll call them Ren(31F) and Buz(27F), for the longest time they would create drama because I was taken away at such a young age and got to kind of live a life of safety they weren’t offered. I never viewed myself as different than them though.
Anytime I would try to help them with/ situations they brought to me they would claim I was “pitying them”. So I stopped. Stopped telling them info about me. Stopped all contact because it was better for my health.
Recently my sister Buz has reached out wanting to reconnect.
She has two beautiful kids who I’ve grown to love and we set strict boundaries about being forthcoming with everything because we both don’t want to lose that connection. Buz has grown since having her children and her husband. My other sister Ren has not grown out of her ways and is still going down the path of our bio-parents.
Wanting to keep that past away, I explained to Ren it’s hard to watch her throw her life away. I am not close to Ren at all anymore but I still wish Ren a happy bday this last Oct. 12, she said thanks and moved on.
My now husband (30M) and I have always loved Friday the 13th they are lucky for us and always said we would marry on the 13th of Oct. Since we recently were engaged and we already had a little vacation planned, we decided why not to elope since our trip fell on Friday the 13th.
We told my husband’s family, my foster family, and my sister Buz guessed from certain things we talked about. I admitted we were but we’re going to keep this a secret because we wanted that date badly (we know it won’t be a Friday the 13th every year) and we were planning to have a wedding in 2025 to save up money but didn’t want to be engaged for 2 years.
Buz was happy for us. Even immediately called my husband her “favorite brother-in-law”.
Well, my husband wanted to announce we eloped, and I agreed. It wouldn’t be fair to ask him to keep the secret for 2 years. I said yes but wanted us to sit and write out a whole post so people knew we eloped but we were still going to have a wedding and everyone close to us was still invited. Only that it’ll be in 2025.
Everyone was excited for us and happy.
Except now my sister Ren is angry I didn’t tell her before we eloped. I explained we weren’t that close and she doesn’t ever message me about her life so I thought she didn’t care. She is making a whole issue because we eloped the day after her birthday and didn’t bother to tell her.
AITJ for not telling her even though we never communicate. She never mentioned she is currently pregnant and didn’t say she was in a bad car accident until she threw them both in my face just now because I didn’t reach out to her. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are estranged – that means you don’t talk. Like you said, she doesn’t ever tell you about her life, so why should you tell her about yours? Relationships go both ways. Like you said – she didn’t tell you she was pregnant or was in an accident (and you didn’t seem particularly angry about that).” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – BUT it sounds like maybe Ren would like to reconnect in a sisterly way. It would take work from both of you. You don’t reach out to her, she doesn’t reach out to you. It takes two people to keep a relationship going.
If she wants effort from you, she needs to put in effort for you.” noneya_bz
11. AITJ For Not Letting My Ex Into My House To Collect His Leftover Things?
“My fiancee and I broke up a few months ago when I found out he had been lying and manipulating me. I won’t go too far into the details to avoid confusion, but that was the gist of it.
I also kicked him out of the house. He was living with me but not on the lease. I gave him 30 days to find a new place and he chose to leave immediately and move back in with his mom.
He took most of his things when he left but he left a few small things behind (exactly 2 shirts, a pair of sweatpants, a book, and a razor).
I feel like he could have taken these when he left but he claimed he had no room in his bag for them. I also feel like he purposefully left things here to have an excuse to come back and try and interact with me.
I realize this might be a bias on my part, but in my defense, he has been texting me pretty frequently trying to be friendly and act like we’re still close despite the fact I’ve made it clear I don’t want any kind of relationship with him.
That aside, I told him I’d gather his things and a friend of mine would deliver them to where he’s staying (the friend agreed) and he said that was fine. Fast forward a couple of days (to today) and he shows up at my door saying he was close by and decided to stop in to get his things.
I flat-out refused to let him in and told him he had no right to come over when he wasn’t even courteous enough to text or give me a heads-up. Furthermore, I stated that I wasn’t comfortable with him in my house, especially not while I was alone and he needed to leave or I’d call the cops.
The reasons I don’t want him in my house are primarily because when he was originally packing his things to leave he tried stealing my switch, my TV, some of my books, and some of my squishmellows. The TV and switch I understand but I think that he tried to take the books and squish mellows because he knows how attached I am to them.
. When I broke up with him I had a group of friends on standby who knew what I was doing and I had an escape route planned out of my house if I needed it.
Anyways, he kicked up a bit of a fuss but he did leave.
Since then, he and some of his friends have been blowing up my phone calling me selfish and other kinds of names. He says that I can’t stop him from getting his things and that I’m stealing from him by not allowing him to reclaim his property.
I never intended to keep any of his things, but I don’t want him in my house. AITJ?”
10. AITJ For Telling My Brother Not To Force His Kids To Hug And Kiss Us Goodbye?
“My (37F) brother (33M) and his partner (33 F) have two daughters (5 & 2). We often get together for family barbecues every couple of months.
Every time my SO (37M) and I leave these family events, my brother and his partner will make their kids give us a hug and kiss (on the cheek) goodbye.
Sometimes the kids don’t want to, which is totally fine with me. I’m happy to wave and say goodbye.
For context, the 5yo has very mild autism but she and I get on really well, I seem to be able to get on a different level with her and she is able to come out of her shell around me.
The 2yo is quite shy around us still – we don’t see them very often, so she needs a bit of time to get used to us.
Last time we caught up, they made a huge deal about the kids having to hug and kiss us goodbye.
I told them I really don’t care and to just let them do their own thing. The brother tells them again to hug and kiss us goodbye. I can tell my SO is uncomfortable – he’s not a hugging or kissing kind of guy. So I double down and tell my brother “No, really – you don’t need to force them to do anything”.
The kids, my SO, and I were starting to get uncomfortable.
His reply totally blew me away. He said, “We’re teaching our kids not to be rude”.
Well, that kind of set me off. I told him and his partner that it’s not rude for the kids to refuse to hug and kiss us or anyone goodbye.
It’s perfectly fine for them to set their boundaries when it comes to what they do with their bodies. Forcing them to engage in unwanted physical contact is not okay and they are potentially setting their kids up to be victims in the future. I didn’t yell or raise my voice to them, but I was very firm in what I said.
Which may have taken them back a little bit, because I’m usually the family clown and prefer to joke around.
They obviously took offense and came back at me with, we’ll raise our kids how we want, and what would you know, you don’t even have kids.
So being how my brother is, he’s cut me off for having an opinion on how he is raising his kids. That’s his go-to coping mechanism, cutting people off. So I may or may not see my nieces again.
Everyone walks on eggshells around my brother for fear they’ll be cut off.
My mother (60) told me I shouldn’t have said anything to him about how he’s raising his kids. My younger sister (30F) agreed with what I said but she didn’t have my back at the barbecue.
So, AITJ for standing up for my nieces? I know I’m not an expert in parenting, I just thought it would have been common sense to raise your kids to speak up for themselves, rather than be submissive.
Maybe I could have handled it better. I don’t know. I just feel bad for the kids.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and please keep advocating for them. My kids are like that. I have taught them they can hug, kiss, or high 5. They have a choice.
Even grandparents” RedGoosey
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not about how you said it, it’s about what you’re actually saying: kids should have bodily autonomy. Forcing them into hugs and kisses they don’t want is teaching them the wrong message about consent and personal boundaries.
Your brother cutting you off for this is his issue, not yours. He’s the one who needs a reality check, not you.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So I had a sister that pulled that nonsense with my kids. Insisted that they give her a hug and all that kind of nonsense when they didn’t want to.
I finally lost it. So one weekend I went up to her and hugged her constantly, my husband did too. In fact, when she said to stop, we told her no, she was being rude she needed to let us hug her anytime we wanted. She knocked that nonsense off real fast.” momofklcg
9. AITJ For Being Short With My Nosy Neighbor?
“My wife and I moved into our townhouse 5 years ago. As soon as we did, our next-door neighbor introduced herself and gave us information on everyone in the neighborhood that we neither asked for nor wanted. She is one of those nosy neighbors who looks through the back fence, we’ve caught her, and talked about everyone!
I tend to be friendly but keep to myself. While I like to be aware, I don’t need to be in everyone’s business so I would cut her off when she began gossiping. My wife isn’t a gossip either, but has a more difficult time shutting people down.
And to avoid any assumptions, we’re both women.
Over the years this neighbor has started small confrontations with me because I’m “short” or “snippy” with her. She’ll want to talk to me through our shared fence, but I work from home and can’t just sit and chit-chat all day.
Plus, that’s just so creepy to me! She even accused our dog of being scary one day, then tried to love on her the next. She’s also made some pretty racist comments about workers in the neighborhood who “don’t speak English” or Black neighbors who “have all those cars”.
She even tried to accuse a Black family of throwing paint at an elderly woman’s car. It was bird poop!
Cut to this week. Her landlord had been in contact with us regarding our shared fence because he was replacing his fence and needed our permission to remove and replace the portion we share.
We settled everything with him and the workers came today while my wife was out and I was working from home. I get a knock on my door and it’s her telling me she stopped the crew from touching our fence because the crew that doesn’t speak English was going to tear it down.
I was confused because that was the reason we were involved in the process at all. She proceeded to tell me FOUR more times the crew did not speak English. I asked what her landlord told her and she said no one tells her anything, but she knew we had been notified about the work.
I then asked if she had Google Translate on her phone or could call her landlord. I had not been in direct contact with her landlord, but my wife and I discussed it and it was my understanding the shared fence was being replaced. I was short with her because she was being so rude and I had no idea what she was doing at my door in the first place.
15 minutes later the men were taking down the shared fence and she was standing at my back gate overseeing the men!!!
When my wife came home, the neighbor came outside to complain about me being mean as if my wife would side with her. This caused my wife to yell at her to leave me alone and I burst into tears in the house.
I feel trapped, but wonder if I should have just coddled this adult woman! AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all and tell that awful woman that you are tired of listening to her gossip and spewing racism at hardworking men and innocent families, and to please leave you both alone.
Anything having to do with shared property will come through your landlord. Consider planting bushes on your side of the fence and putting up a sunsail that will block her entire view through your fence and of your backyard without touching her property at all.
If she stops you for any reason, say “No thank you.” You do know she probably talks badly about you two as well, right?” External-Hamster-991
8. AITJ For Insisting My Daughter's Inheritance Shouldn't Go To My Broke Brother-In-Law?
“AITJ for refusing to give daughter’s inheritance to BIL
So my husband is one of four kids.
– Sib 1 Jack lives far away and has 2 kids
– Sib 2 Kevin also lives far away, no kids
– Sib 3 Dan lives at home, Dan lives at home with his wife of four years. One of her two sons lives with them.
FIL has said that when he passes he would like for his house to be divided equally among his four children including my hub.
Father-in-law would not be able to remain in his house if Dan and his spouse were not in the house with him. Dan is self-employed and has never had health insurance except for when he married his wife. He makes money, managing a window cleaning business.
He could’ve expanded the business many times but has chosen not to as he likes to do what he likes to do, go on long fishing trips, go out to bars etc. He never paid rent to his dad (mom has been deceased for 20 plus years) – he is 55 years old… and never paid rent or real estate taxes.
Fil is 95 years old – he is mentally there but has limited mobility and very bad hearing. He also can not control his bowels and needs to be changed and washed. We now have full-time help but it was a struggle as Dan and his wife and son did not want anyone coming into the house.
It is also a struggle because FIL does not want anyone helping him but now understands that he needs assistance.
Sib 1 and Sib 2 have never been involved with their father since graduating college. The two grandchildren have only seen their grandfather probably a total of seven times a day.
Sib 1 has done very well, Sib 2 exceptionally well.
Dan and his wife have not been financially responsible and used their dad‘s credit card to pay for their wedding and honeymoon. After some discussion, my husband together with his brothers agreed to pay off Dan and his wife’s debt because the phones were constantly ringing with credit card companies asking for their money back.
This was probably another $10,000.
Per his Dad’s will, his home and whatever money is left are expected to be divided equally. Sibling one and sibling two have said that they think it would be good to leave the house to Dan and his wife because they don’t have much money at all.
Dan and his wife have not saved any money.
I told my husband I would be very upset if he did not have 1/4 of the estate given to our daughter. Just because Dan and his wife have not saved money, I do not think our daughters should give her a portion of the estate.
Am I the jerk for telling my husband that he should say he does not agree with giving up our daughter’s portion of the estate? It is fine if his two siblings want to do so but they should not be telling us what we should be doing.
Yes, it’s a lot of work for BIL.”
Another User Comments:
“Your father-in-law already decided what should happen. If he felt your one brother-in-law should get everything he would’ve said so. The fact that the other two brothers-in-law are willing to give up their portion is not your concern.
If it isn’t going to be divided four ways, then it should be divided two ways. That’s really sad that the poor guy isn’t even dead yet and all this is happening. They put into writing what they wanted to have done.
That’s what you should do.” Not2daydear
Another User Comments:
“So yes YTJ because I do not understand how you think your daughter deserves to be thought of as your FIL’s child? There are 4 siblings, your kid is a grandchild only. If you want to leave something for her good for you, but how your husband and his siblings handle this is not your business in my opinion.
The majority between the 4 should rule unless you and your husband are as poor as dirt. In that case, it should be a two-way split.” Educational-Glass-63
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It is the FIL’s house to dispose of as he sees fit—**not yours**.
And while you may think you are so wonderful for taking FIL on vacations and holidays, let me tell you, it’s a whole other story to take care of him 24/7/365: cooking, cleaning, laundry, incontinence issues, etc. I don’t care **how** much-hired care you have “graciously” arranged for, a lot is still going to fall on Dan and his wife and daughter while you are off enjoying your life.
How do I know this? Personal experience of 9 years taking care of my mom. My only saving grace was that neither sibling or IL behaved the way you are. They NEVER interfered and we maintained a great relationship, but then, they’re not greedy jerks…..” JustUgh2323
7. AITJ For Planning A Disney Cruise For Christmas After In-Laws Excluded Us From Their Trip?
“My husband and I (mid-30s) have been married for over a decade and have two kids (3 & 1.5).
We had a great relationship with his parents all throughout the time we were seeing each other and married until we had our children. It’s not bad now but strained at times.
My mother-in-law is vocal that she doesn’t agree with our parenting decisions and has been harsh about it. There’s also a cultural aspect that I think has led to some hard feelings. My husband’s culture is one where grandparents are extremely involved in the day-to-day care of kids in the family, and my mother-in-law has seemed offended that we are more independent.
We make an effort for them to spend time with our kids, but it’s never enough. We live 20 minutes away and see them a few times per month, sometimes more.
My in-laws have four other grandkids, all from my sister-in-law and all between 5-15 years old.
My sister-in-law’s family has annual passes to Disney so they go often. This year they’ve been 4 or so times, and it’s great that they are making memories with their kids.
The family knows that our kids are getting really into Disney lately. My husband and I have been talking about when is a good time for the kids’ first Disney experience and thought maybe a Disney cruise would be good since they are too little for a lot of the rides at DW but can still meet the characters/ experience the magic.
Today my husband’s other sister let us know my in-laws are taking her (single/no kids), other sister-in-law/husband, and their four kids on a Disney cruise for Thanksgiving this year. She wanted us to know because the whole family will be gone for the holiday and she said she feels bad that we will feel left out.
I am disappointed that my in-laws could take four of their six grandkids on a big family vacation and not even invite the two youngest who are coming into prime Disney age. It’s not about the finances – my in-laws are financially sound, as are we.
We would not want or expect them to pay for our family to go (though they are paying for my sister-in-law’s family of six), but to not be invited on a family vacation is hurtful. My 3-year-old would be ecstatic about a Disney trip.
I hurt for my kids, that they are left out.
I hurt for my husband, who is wondering what he did wrong. And I am angry that they didn’t feel bothered to tell us themselves that they’ll all be off together for Thanksgiving without us.
Now the holidays feel awkward, and to be honest I don’t feel like making the effort for Christmas.
I know we’re not entitled to be included in someone else’s vacation, but I can’t help but feel upset at the extreme favoritism. I’m thankful my kids are too young to see the pictures on social media, but it doesn’t mean they won’t hear about the trip from their cousins (to be fair, I’m really only referring to my 3yo, but he would be sad).
We’ve been talking about taking our kids on a Disney cruise anyways, so WIBTJ if we said screw it, we’re taking them for Christmas?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ First and foremost because nobody is entitled to your time on the holidays. With a young family, it’s worth trying out new traditions and seeing what works for you guys.
That sounds like an awesome way to spend the holidays, and it doesn’t have to be an insult to your in-laws, you all can still celebrate together on a different day. And second, because that’s incredibly bad of them to treat you and your kids like that.
Just to skip inviting you all together is saying something and I don’t know how much time I would want to spend with people like that anyway. Go get your Disney cruise for Christmas and have a great time!” ktjay224
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
When I was a kid, we always did forced Christmas at the grandparents when we wanted to stay home. Then when I was 8, we did a tropical vacation Christmas and it was the best Christmas of my life. The next year, my parents rebelled and started throwing giant parties on Christmas Eve for the whole neighborhood, sleeping late, doing presents, and then rolling up to my grandparents just in time for dinner, lol.
Once I had my kid, I put my foot down and refused to leave the house at Christmas. We wear matching pj’s, watch Die Hard, eat an entire pack of bacon, and have a bunch of other silly traditions that are just for us. You and your kids deserve that too.” unlovelyladybartleby
Another User Comments:
“This is a power play from mother-in-law. Even if you explain it to your husband, he won’t get it because men communicate in a much more direct way without the nuance of female meanness. I would go to on that cruise over Christmas.
But don’t tell her and ask hubby to keep it to himself too. We have other plans is all she needs to know. Let her see the destination on social media afterward. NTJ” coralcoast21
6. AITJ For Setting Boundaries With My Brother After His Unexpected And Inconsiderate Visit?
“My (28f) brother (37m) has been LC since he showed up on my doorstep with barely a 2-day notice, stating that he was staying at my place for the weekend with his kids and his wife. The last time we spoke before that incident, he was talking about divorce.
I’ve been struggling with a second tumor on my arm, anemia, and depression, so my house was not up to par. I brought up that it was really short notice, and he just kept telling me that he didn’t even know they were going to be staying at my place, I was all they had, and wouldn’t even tell me their arrival time.
When I complained I had no idea when they were going to show, they just told me to either leave the doors unlocked or leave the keys outside so they could just come in while I was sleeping. The entire time, I struggled to clean as much as I could after 4 pets and with one arm.
When they finally showed up at 2 AM, my brother just complained that the house wasn’t clean enough, and was angry that I didn’t have everything made up for them. I went to bed with their boys screaming how they hated my house and didn’t want to be there.
The next morning, they packed up and left for breakfast, and I woke up to an empty house. My brother came back afterward to chew me out that my home was a health hazard, that I was letting myself go, and asking what was wrong with me for letting them stay in such conditions.
They went to my mom’s house, and she chewed him out for not being considerate of my medical issues.
After my surgery, my brother called me to check-in. I updated him on my treatment plan (my tumor was cancerous) and also told him that I did not appreciate that he was entitled to stay at my house.
I let him know that I did not want him at my house when he and his family visit anymore unless he followed 2 rules: give me a week’s notice, and ask if it’s okay to stay at my house. He did not appreciate that.
He was angry that I didn’t tell him it wasn’t okay right away, and that he and his wife only found out if they were visiting the week off because of her schedule.
I asked how his wife gets her schedule, and he told me that she gets her schedule for the whole year in advance. He also kept saying “I’m sorry it seemed that way to you” when it came to addressing the entitled attitude, and that since our dad, sister, and I don’t want him there, he’d do the adult thing and rent a hotel room.
My mom has since asked if I wanted to visit his house for the holidays, but I think it’d be uncomfortable after our last conversation. She’s also saying I’d be the jerk for creating bad b***d. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry but if my brother did that to me they’d be sleeping in the car or getting a hotel.
You’re not creating bad b***d. You’re making boundaries with the person who did.” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“That depends – if you want to suffer through a holiday that would be nearly as painful and distressing as dealing with a cancerous growth On your arm, then you should go.
I don’t mean to be flippant. And I hope your prognosis is good. But NTJ if you refuse to go. Just a very wise person.” introspectiveliar
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Attend My Partner's Sister's Birthday That Falls On My Own Birthday?
“I feel like I am probably being a bit dramatic, but I need someone to tell me to fully accept it.
For context, I have a birthday during an unfortunate time. I’ve never once had a birthday party and struggle every year being able to feel genuinely happy on my birthday because I feel as though I’m always disappointed and birthdays mean a lot to me (I know I will eventually grow out of this.) My birthday is right before Christmas, so there is always final exams in uni, people traveling for the holidays, and terrible weather.
On top of that, I now live in a different country than I grew up in.
I (24F) have been in a relationship with my partner (24M) for over 2 years. He has always lived where I currently live, but I moved here to be with him, which is very far away and expensive to travel to from where I am from.
His sister (20F) has a birthday a week before I do. I really like his sister, but always feel like I have some troubles fitting in with his family and that she is the favorite Golden Star child. Originally I wanted to travel home to be with my family and friends for both my birthday and Christmas, since my partner and I spent last Christmas here with his family.
However, some of his extended family whom I like are traveling here for the week of Christmas so I decided to not go home since I didn’t want him to miss spending time with his family. All my friends I go to uni with where I currently live will be gone for the holidays, so I was thinking my partner and I could do something the two of us to make it a little less depressing.
Today I got a text from his mom that his sister will be having a full weekend of birthday celebrations and my partner and I were invited to them. These lined up with my birthday. I replied that that was also my birthday, so I’m not sure if I will be able to go.
She replied that the Sunday of the birthday weekend could just be a joint celebration, but that makes me feel like I’m an afterthought. I tend to get really depressed this time of year because I never feel like I’m being happy enough, celebrating my birthday or Christmas enough, just really an overall sense of FOMO I almost am never able to shake off that usually lasts until January.
I just always feel as though it should be a special time of year and hold it to high standards it can’t meet.
So really, what I’m asking here is, would I be the jerk if I didn’t go? If I don’t go I will be spending the day alone, but if I do go I’ll probably be upset and jealous of the attention she’s getting and the friends she has that I don’t.
I don’t want to cause waves in the family, I just also don’t want to ruin the vibe of the party with my own personal problems.
So, would I be the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I don’t understand why she needs a week of celebration.
Your wanting to be with your family completely understandable. Enjoy your birthday however you wish. And happy early birthday.” Interesting_Edge_805
What you are feeling is perfectly normal for us holiday babies.
Mine is before Valentines day. I don't celebrate Valentines day. To me it is just a holiday invented to help jewelry sales through the slump.
I've always told anyone I dated that if they want to celebrate that holiday, I will if it's important to them. I've also expressed that my birthday is far more important to me and I do not expect gifts. It never failed, nothing on my birthday, but they want to take me out for Valentines day. Until my current, who actually listened!
What you are feeling is normal. I would say that you should at least go to the sister's party, just maybe not the full weekend of it.
Express these feelings to your partner about how your birthdays always get overlooked.
There's not much that can be done for this year as you are in his home with his family, but hopefully he will hear you and keep that in mind for next year.
I also stopped planning parties and just picked something fun I wanted to do. If my friends want to join me, great. If not, I still have fun.
4. AITJ For Giving My Nephew Money For Fun While His Sister Is Struggling?
“This started roughly 8 months ago. My niece Sammy, in her mid-20s, was told to move out by my brother and his wife.
At first, she was doing well it seemed. She was working at a restaurant and got her brother Joseph, 18, a job there. She started missing work for what I understand to be various reasons, arguments with her partner, not feeling well, etc. From what I’ve heard, she would beg her brother to cover her shifts to keep her from getting suspended or fired. I was appalled to hear that on at least one weekend, Joseph worked his 2 shifts and 2 of Sammy’s shifts between Friday and Sunday.
Unfortunately, Sammy was fired. Instead of finding another job she has roughed it by buying/re-selling merchandise online and about once a month making social media requests asking for money. Sammy lost her vehicle and was trying to save for another so she could begin working again.
At the same time, Joseph was saving up to buy himself season tickets for the next NFL season. From what Joseph told me, his parents convinced him to give the $1500 he had saved up to Sammy as a way to pay her back for getting him his job.
He did, and they also gave her 1500 dollars.
Well, instead of getting herself a used vehicle, she “loaned” the money to her partner to pay his lease. Of course, both of them were in the red a month later. They have since moved back into my brother’s basement because they are now expecting a child.
For now, my brother plans to keep them there as long as both of them find and keep jobs. Joseph lived in the basement and now moved into a much smaller room upstairs. I did not know most of this until this weekend when Joseph came to stay with me.
He tried to pass things off as normal but, after noticing he was acting strange, I pressed him and he finally opened up and told me all of this and then some. Yesterday I sent him home with a check for $1500. I told him to buy his season ticket, or something else fun for himself, and to deposit it immediately (I guess you can do that on phones now) and to under no circumstances give any of it to his sister or anyone else.
I’m not yet sure how, but his parents learned of it. I am, as they say, a jerk for giving Joseph fun money while Sammy has needs. They accused me of playing favorites.
After a day of contemplating, I am torn. I stand by my decision, but I do understand that it might look bad and like I am ignoring Sammy’s situation.
I just do not know how to help her in a way that will be useful, but I do know that this was useful to Joseph. He is still in high school (graduating in December) and should be having fun. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all.
What on earth are these parents doing? They guilted the boy into giving up hard-earned and saved money – some of which was earned covering his sister’s missteps at her job. I’ve got news for these parents, and for anyone who thinks a favor needs to be repaid until the end of time – this boy already repaid the favor of getting his job and then some.
Moreover, they have NO right to tell you who you can give YOUR money to. They are playing horrible favorites and I feel sorry for their son. I hope he can move away from them ASAP.” TempyIsMyName
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s not your nephew’s job at ALL to help bail her out so he should have never been made to give her the 1500.
Sounds like he already “paid her back” for getting that job by simply… constantly covering her shifts. Not to say he should have to “owe her” at all. I understand their parents are probably panicked and figuring their son will survive the changes, but they’re ignoring his well-being to dump energy on a proven unreliable daughter.
Hopefully, the parents don’t completely abandon paying attention to Sammy when they inevitably are primary caretakers for the new baby on the way. Glad you’re there to keep an eye out for him, many kids out there don’t have that extra support.
Incredibly kind of you to not only be keeping a close eye on his well-being but also gifting him so generously.” mintycucumber
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all, sounds like you are the only one really advocating for Joseph’s best interests. My guess is the parents found out because they are still on his bank account (which also means they may have access to/may have already taken the money from him).
It would be a good idea to help him set up an account at a separate bank and help him plan financially to get out of the house ASAP after graduation. This situation sounds like he is at high risk for financial mistreatment where he is expected to pay high rent and babysit for free.
If you live nearby and can take him in, even better. You can spin it to his parents that “You all need more room with the baby on the way! So Joseph is going to come stay with me, you’re welcome!” LostUpstairs2255
3. AITJ For Threatening To Break Up With My Partner Over His Rap Hobby?
“My partner “Clarence” has been writing raps recently and wants to post them on SoundCloud. He has picked up really weird hobbies in the past and I’ve been supportive of all of them, but I feel like I just can’t support this one.
There are a few problems. For one, he goes by the stage name “Thicc Shady.” The only thing Clarence has in common with Slim Shady is his complexion. He grew up in a million-dollar home in the suburbs of Ann Arbor, went to a liberal arts college (for which his parents paid full tuition), and generally has never known struggle in his life.
Also, he is not “thick”–he is quite scrawny. Another issue is that his songs are trash. Some of his songs are straight-up lies, such as his song “Pain Killer” which he thinks will be his breakout single:
I listened to Eminem with my speaker blaring
My momma told me to turn it down and not to swear
She threw a chair pulled my hair threw me down the stairs
My dad left and didn’t come back ‘cause he was scared
He has a great relationship with both of his (married, alive, affluent, healthy) parents.
His mother never beat him and his dad never left. And all of his songs are like that–lying, name-checking Eminem, and even comparing himself to him. One of his songs “Thicc Shady” steals straight from Eminem. (“Hi, my name is, what, my name is, who, my name is THICCA THICCA Thicc Shady.”)
He spends hours a day recording and writing songs. He plays hooky at work and forgoes sleep, socializing, and intimacy for this hobby. A few days ago, I expressed my concerns with Clarence. I told him that for one he would get reprimanded at his job for taking unnecessary time off.
I told him that it’s disrespectful towards Eminem to make stuff that references him in that way. I told him he was being dishonest and that’s not okay. I told him he would completely embarrass himself (and me) if he put his stuff out.
He completely snapped at me and told me I did not see his vision. I then told him I would not be the partner of “Thicc Shady” and that if he released music on SoundCloud I would break up with him.
We are “on a break” now, and I consulted with my mother who I talk to about everything.
She told me I was way too harsh and I should be supportive of Clarence, and help him improve as a rapper. She said completely tearing him down would ruin his confidence, especially since it seems like he works hard on his raps. I understand where she is coming from, but at the same time, I’m pretty sure he had no interest in improving.
He wants to put out the music he has NOW. I also think it was inappropriate for him to sacrifice every other aspect of his life for this hobby. Honestly, right now I’m frustrated and some clarity would help. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Criticizing people’s dreams is never okay, even if it doesn’t make sense to you. If he’s sacrificing a lot of everything on this, it means something to him. That said as someone who’s been in and around the hip-hop and rap community my whole life, he is going to get clowned on so hard.
Like why wouldn’t he just rap about being rich like everyone else does? At least he would be telling the truth. Making up some sob story to sell records is corny. He may as well be Kid Rock. I think everyone sucks here to an extent.
He’s a liar and it’s going to backfire on him, and you gave him an ultimatum between you and his current dreams. He needs to be honest with himself and rap about stuff he knows or not rap at all unless he WANTS to be a laughing stock.
You need to be honest with him WITHOUT destroying the thing he’s trying to create. Just gently guide him in a direction you think will help HIM. Crushing someone’s dream simply because you don’t identify with it is bad.” Old-Paramedic-4312
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here.
You: These are songs (or at least, rap), not autobiographies. If he mentioned a unicorn, would you complain that he never rode one? You’re also his worst critic. There’s no need for that. If he puts his stuff out there, the public will give its judgment soon enough.
Threatening to leave him for this is an off-the-charts jerk. Him: Neglecting everything else, especially his paying job, to do this makes him a jerk.” extinct_diplodocus
2. AITJ For Helping A Regular Customer Buy A Gift His Parents Disapproved Of?
“I (30F) work at a local bookstore. I’ve been working here since I was 14 years old, so I have 16 years of experience.
I know the couple who own it extremely well, a man and a woman in their mid-50s.
We have some regulars, one of our regulars is a family, the mom and dad and their two sons, Cayson (13M) and Ronald (11M). The boys go to a local Catholic school, and the parents have their quirks, but I hadn’t thought much of it until recently.
Cayson is always asking for books about sports from biographies to statistics on sports. Cayson plays baseball for his school and will talk about it, including his teammates. Ronald gets a lot of STEM-related books, big into sciences. The parents have bought a lot of life advice books and parenting books, including some related to their faith, but again didn’t ever think much of it.
We have toys and games, and one of those are plushies that are to help kids who are neurodivergent, especially autistic. The couple who own the store have a 12 y/o son who is autistic. He’s an amazing kid, extremely bright, very nice, etc.
A few weeks ago, Cayson had noticed these and asked his parents if they would buy one for a birthday gift for a friend he had, a boy on his baseball team who’s autistic. Cayson has mentioned this boy before, he seems to admire him, and he says all of his other friends/teammates love this kid.
His parents said they’d think about it, and that they’d look after they were done book shopping. After that, I saw Ronald telling them not to get it because it’s “for weaklings” and “encourages boys to be” (f slurs). I was shocked that he said this in public, and then shortly after that, the parents said that they wouldn’t get it because “Ronald is our little scientist, he’d know if these things work for autism”.
Cayson has complained about how Ronald has been ableist towards that boy and other autistics in the past, calling them r slurs. The parents always act like Ronald can do nothing wrong, all I’ve seen them do is praise him, even if he’s being rude.
Later that day, before they left, Cayson came to us and told us he told his parents he was “going to the bathroom” (they were on the second floor, and I was on first), he asked if he could come later and buy them and have them shipped to his friend’s house.
I was texting the owners during this, and asked them if I could send them to the boy’s house free of charge to Cayson., he gave us the boy’s parent’s phone number, so we could inform them. The owners happily agreed. Yesterday, the parents came in and started complaining to me and the owners about why we would “undermine their authority” and how they knew Cayson had the plushes sent to his friend’s house.
They wanted the owners and me to apologize, but we refused. Some of my coworkers are saying we should have apologized and that it was not right to undermine his parents like that. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Strict parents raise sneaky kids, and it’s not your fault they wouldn’t let their son do something nice for a friend because their other son said something discriminatory.
If the kid has his own money, and he’s old enough to make these decisions himself, there’s no problem.” cyaveronica
Another User Comments:
“Cayson’s actions weren’t illegal, immoral, or unethical. It’s not against the law to spend your money on stuff at a store and have it sent to a friend’s house.
The only person undermining the parents’ authority is Cayson. It’s easier for them to be mad at you, but they really should be looking at themselves and asking what they’re doing wrong that would cause their son to go behind their back to do something nice for a friend.
NTJ” baka-tari
Another User Comments:
“The part that bothers me is the shipping element. That’s where it crosses from just making a sale to knowingly trying to help him do something behind his parents’ backs, and without knowing how much trouble he might get in for it.
It pains me to say it because your heart was in the right place, but a very soft YTJ.” Petite_Bait
1. AITJ For Confronting My Sister About Her Overprotectiveness Towards Her Son?
“I’m in my early 20s.
My older sister Zoe is in her late 30s and has a son, Jack, who is 16.
Zoe (and her husband) are super protective of Jack. He’s their only kid and sadly, he has been through quite a bit of stuff that no one should ever go through.
Despite everything, he’s a happy teenager. He’s a little behind compared to some of his peers but he tries hard and is even getting a bit of attention due to his athletic skills. And because I know people are going to ask, he sees therapists and takes medication regularly.
He even has a part-time job.
Anyway, I moved in with my sister a couple of weeks ago. There wasn’t a big reason but I needed to save some money and she offered. It’s been nice.
But over the past few days, my sister has been casually mentioning how Jack won’t be able to survive the real world and how harsh the real world is going to be for him.
She also talks about how scared she is about him wanting to be more independent, going to college, etc.
Jack was talking about going to a certain college that’s a bit far and while Zoe stayed cool in front of him, she started panicking the second he left. She immediately ranted about how he won’t be able to handle it, and how he’s probably going to become dependent on harmful substances, or worse.
I calmed her down and her husband reassured her as well.
She stopped talking about it for a bit so I thought she was just a little scared but we were in the car listening to the radio and some radio host mentioned something about Britney Spears and her whole situation with her conservatorship and my sister jokingly went “Hey, what if I did that for Jack?
I’d be way less stressed, that’s for sure!”
The joke left such a bad taste in my mouth especially since the radio was talking about how terrible it was for Britney and I immediately told her it wasn’t funny, and not to even joke about that.
She rolled her eyes and told me she would never, and she was just kidding. I told her that she’d better be. I figured that was it but she later said “Okay no offense, but if I wasn’t joking it seriously would be none of your business what I do for my son, besides, it was only bad for her because she’s famous”
I told her to be serious and asked her if she even knew what a conservatorship really was or if she just liked the idea of controlling Jack. She told me to get lost and kicked me out of the car. Thankfully, her house was only 10 minutes away but now she wants me to leave by next month.
Whatever, fine by me, but the tension was eating up at me so I apologized for overstepping but she just yelled at me for assuming the worst of her and again said “Whatever I do, I do with my son’s best interests in mind.” No one else knows what happened and I don’t want to tell people what she said so AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she’s infantilizing Jack, and engaging in fear-based parenting which a lot of times works against the betterment of children. I was in a relationship with an only son who was the victim of attempted kidnapping and his parents never got over it and set him up for failure with their controlling behavior.
He was 25 and would almost cry every time he had to make a decision or do something alone.” AllieSophia
Another User Comments:
“NTJ she is going to end up doing the very thing she’s claiming not to want to do. It might come from a place of love and compassion but it’s going to ruin her relationship with him as well as his life more generally.
If he’s got a job, doing athletics, and keeping up in school; it sounds like he’s on a good start.” brsox2445
Another User Comments:
“I’m going with YTJ. Jack is not your child and you are essentially a guest in their home.
You didn’t do anything to ease Zoe’s concerns about Jack’s independence, but assumed the worst of intentions on her part and made her feel terrible for it. Zoe is right. It’s none of your business.” Emergency_Ad_5935
