People Toss Etiquette Out The Window In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Letting My Daughter Wear A White Dress To My Brother's Shotgun Wedding?
“My brother got married last week. It was a bit of a shotgun wedding, so we didn’t buy new clothes or anything. My daughter recently turned seven, and we had bought a pretty white dress for her birthday. She loves the dress, and she looks really cute in it, plus she doesn’t have any other formal dress she fits in anymore, so she wore it for the wedding.
Yesterday, we had a family dinner. My daughter was acting picky about what she wanted to eat, so my husband bought some Mac and Cheese from a nearby store and we made some for her. At this, my now-SIL very maliciously told me that I was setting my daughter up for narcissistic behavior.
I was honestly confused and told her so. She said that dressing her up in white for someone else’s wedding was a very attention-seeking move on my part. I just laughed it off thinking that she was joking, but she was dead serious. My brother stepped in and backed her up, saying that it’s common etiquette not to wear white at someone’s wedding.
I told him that my daughter is just seven and that he and SIL would still have a problem if her dress wasn’t formal enough.
Instead of replying, they proceeded to ignore me throughout. I genuinely don’t think I’m in the wrong here. Can anyone provide some fresh perspective?”
Another User Comments:
“Imagine being threatened by a 7-year-old. Imagine pretending you’re a psychologist and claiming a child will turn into a narcissist because her parents dressed her in a dress she already had for a shotgun wedding. Imagine holding a shotgun wedding and then being angry that a child wore the only fitting dress they have due to lack of preparation time.
Your SIL is embarrassingly insecure. She should feel embarrassed but people like that rarely do. Your child isn’t even a preteen. She’s literally a little girl. NO ONE rational would think that anyone is trying to steal your day and thunder for dressing a little girl in a white dress.
Like… white on a 7-year-old wouldn’t take away from the bride at all. Not at all. Even if the dress was any other color people would still tell her she’s cute and all that because she’s 7.” Aggravating_Art_4809
Another User Comments:
“She is 7!
She’s only just going to be beginning to understand empathy properly. So the narcissistic comment is just ridiculous – just wait until they have kids of their own – no doubt they’ll be giving them the food they request for a quiet life too. In regards to the dress, it’s definitely something I would think twice about, but that doesn’t necessarily mean everybody else would because I’m quite anxious generally in life and overthink everything!
I wouldn’t say that you’re a jerk, people are different in their opinions regarding this. Ironically, I feel like your brother/SIL come across as quite narcissistic for worrying about being upstaged at their own wedding by a little girl.” greenora
Another User Comments:
“She’s 7 – as an adult, she won’t even remember their wedding.
Also, if a couple is going to get married without much notice they need to calm down about everyone else not being able to scramble for an appropriate dress. They assumed your daughter either had something else she could have worn or that you had the time, money, and energy to get her something she would wear.
You didn’t. They should have sucked it up and dealt with it. In my experience, adults should just be grateful when any child under the age of 9 shows up in vaguely appropriate clothing with a smile and stays decently well-behaved through a grown-up event.” ChakraMama318
21. AITJ For Hiding My Husband's Disappointing Birthday Gift?
“My (f27) husband (m28) is clearly NOT the favorite child of my mother-in-law (f54). She has three sons and my husband is the oldest and only one not from her current husband. She separated from his father while she was pregnant and shortly after this met her current husband.
After a while, they became parents to both my husband’s younger brothers (they are 6 and 4 years younger than my husband).
The relationship between my husband and MIL is not really bad. She’s not evil or trying to hurt him but she just isn’t very affectionate towards him.
All three of them moved away for university and my MIL sends packages of sweets, clothing, or something like this to his younger brothers. My husband never received a package with the exception of his birthday. His brother got a brand new iPhone, two expensive pullovers, and one perfume for his last birthday.
Similar to the other brother and I would guess most of the time for their birthday it’s something in this price range. She writes a nice card or a personal letter for them and sometimes bakes something like cookies as well.
My husband is sad EVERY year.
It’s not about the money but two years ago he got a 40 Euro gift card for an online shop – sent via the online shop. I tried to talk to him about it but he’s so hurt that he doesn’t want to talk about it.
I waited a few weeks and tried to talk to him again but he refused. Last birthday I gifted him a little vacation and texted my MIL that she could gift him a tour of one of the museums he wanted to see there (he dreamt of going to this city for years).
It would have not been expensive but thoughtful and would probably made my husband happy. She said she already had something. It was a candle (he’s not very into candles) and a shower gel.
This year a package arrived two days before his birthday.
It was small and I could see that it came straight from an online shop. We weren’t at home and our neighbor took it. When I came home my neighbor told me that I’m lucky to see him because he’s away for the weekend and we would have missed the package.
I just knew it would hurt my husband. I asked him if he could keep the package a little longer so my husband would get it AFTER his birthday because it’s probably something disappointing from my MIL. He laughed and agreed.
One day before his birthday I told him the package from his mom arrived but our neighbor was out of town.
He had a great birthday – full of friends, lovely cake, and gifts and didn’t think about it one time. Our neighbor gave it to him yesterday and made a joke that his dad is also bad at picking gifts. My husband got curious and asked him about his words and my neighbor told him everything.
He talked to me (while his brother who was there for the party and stayed with us for the week was present) and said he understood it. His brother told my MIL, who is now furious with me. She texted me and the group chat of his family lit up.
She said that I’m mean and spoiled and had no right to hide the gift. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“You are so not the jerk. You are selfless and caring. Your motives are so pure and not at all self-serving. If anyone has a problem with this, it is 100% because they wanted to ruin your husband’s birthday and you foiled that attempt.
Honestly, how could it be anything else? They wanted to drive home the fact that he is not the favorite child in a totally cruel manner. I so applaud the way you want to protect your spouse. I would do the exact same thing in your shoes.” BeMandalorTomad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Since your MIL lit the fire in the group chat I’d respond in a similar thread (I’m a petty jerk though). Something like; “I’m sorry you are offended. But for years I’ve witnessed the absolute sorrow your “gifts” have caused my husband.
And as his wife; one of my main objectives is to PROTECT HIM. Furthermore; I stand by my actions and if that makes you think less of me; I cannot control you or your thoughts or actions. Only my reactions. I will gladly take a step back from interacting with you and leave all interactions to Hubby.
But before I step back; I have to say that whether intentional or not you have continually slighted my husband in terms of gifts and showed favoritism towards his brothers (and I do not fault them). But I do find it unfair that you have continually spoiled them and tried to pretend that you are fair to my husband.
Perhaps some introspection is required and I pray you find some. And if I have to continue to be the villain in your story to be the hero in my husband’s; then let me grab my pitchfork and cape and minions! I didn’t marry you.
I married him.” But that’s me. Just let your husband know you didn’t want to start the war but you’ll launch grenades if you have to to protect him.” Terra88draco
Another User Comments:
“Look. If this was me, I’d be sitting my husband down and pointing out that his mum’s treatment of him ruins his birthday every year.
The only reason he had a good birthday this year is because you organized with the neighbor for him not to see his present until after his birthday. His mum’s behavior counts as emotional abuse. His mum enjoys making him miserable. She’s furious and spamming chats because you prevented her from ruining this birthday by hiding her crap present.
His brothers are aware their mum punishes him for having a different dad/takes out her feelings over his father on him. And they have chosen a side. Why else would they text their mum what happened? Neither of you needs to include these emotionally abusive people in your celebrations.
NTJ.” excel_pager_420
20. AITJ For Not Including My Father-In-Law's Fiancée In Our Wedding Photos?
“My (21F) husband (25M) and I had our wedding last week. It was a semi-intimate ceremony with less than 50 people in attendance. Among those people was my father-in-law (who isn’t even divorced from my husband’s mom yet but that’s another story for another time) and his new fiancée, who I’ll call Sarah.
We have both known Sarah for about a year now and honestly thought that she was nice up until recently. She had been nice to me and we had talked about personal things to one another in an effort to build a relationship. She told me that she wouldn’t mind if my husband and I didn’t want her in the wedding photos and I told her I’d leave it up to him because this was his side of the family.
My husband decided that it would be better just to have his own parents in the photos and leave Sarah out of them for this since it was such an important day in our lives. So, we did that, and I thought everything was fine.
However, the day after our wedding, I opened social media and saw that she had posted something public on there about the wedding. It was her saying that she was excluded from everything on our wedding day. She said that we had excluded her from our private vows (which we did, but they’re called private vows for a reason, and only our parents were in the room with us) and that we had left her out of the photos with us and our parents and grandparents.
I was obviously confused and hurt, and after spending the day crying about it, I decided to message her and explain how what she did was uncalled for, inappropriate and hurt both me and my husband.
She never responded to me, and instead, posted another thing on social media saying something about her and my father-in-law’s wedding “happening next year” and how she planned for it to be an inclusive event for everyone, implying that we did not include everyone at our own wedding.
I’ve also found out that my father-in-law unfriended me on social media after this fact too which I can’t be sure is her doing but I also don’t see him doing that on his own.
AITJ? Did we do something wrong by not including her in the photos and vows even though she said she didn’t care?
Should we have just included her anyway? She’s not yet a part of the family, and we barely even know her, not to mention it’s a painful situation already because my husband has to face the fact that his parents don’t love each other anymore after almost 30 years of marriage.
I genuinely just don’t know anymore. This whole situation is just… Painful.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t think the fact that the FIL is still legally married to the MIL but engaged to another woman is a detail that isn’t to be considered here.
Your husband apparently had feelings about including his someday-maybe stepmother in the wedding photos. It sucks that you are catching flack for something that was his decision and a reasonable decision at that.” NanaLeonie
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – she preemptively set this up to make you out to be a bad guy and use you to be an enemy to reflect on.
Post something public about it. Say how much you dislike airing private grievances but you are truly confused. She told you her preferences. She said that she didn’t mind. So now you’re truly confused as to why she’s saying that she wasn’t included when she said she understood.
Ask perhaps if she’s having mental problems? I’m not joking. Sometimes people are fighting a health concern that leads to cognitive issues that people don’t know because they kept it private.” PicklesMcpickle
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I get that she felt left out and that feeling sucks.
But like, how included did she really expect to be at her married SO’s son’s wedding…? It’s natural the groom would want pics of his dad…and his mom…and that including her could be awkward. I’ll give her a pass on her personal feelings, but it was a jerk move on her part to passive-aggressively post on social media and to turn this into a big thing.” TravelingBride2024
19. AITJ For Wanting To Charge My SIL For Babysitting After She Refused To Help Me?
“I’ve babysat my niece, K, for almost 12 years without charging her mom because she’s family. I babysit her 12 hours a day 7 out of 14 while my SIL works and at other times when she just needs a sitter.
I also have 3 kids of my own, a 14-year-old who I homeschool due to her learning disorders, a 7-year-old who is wheelchair-bound and tube-fed, and a 2-year-old with suspected autism.
We don’t need a sitter often because I stay home at the moment. We also have to have someone trained in taking care of our 7-year-old because he is medically complex. Other than my husband and myself, the only other people trained in his care are my sister and SIL.
My SIL is very adverse to babysitting for us, despite me keeping her daughter on a regular basis. She never outright refuses, just finds a reason not to.
My 7-year-old has a sleep study coming up this Friday which is very important and I asked her 2 weeks ago if she could keep my other two overnight that night.
She actually agreed, but is now starting to bring up things that might interfere.
I told my husband that if she cancels on me, I am going to start charging her for my services, but he thinks I’m being dramatic and petty.
I won’t stop keeping my niece, because I’m a big part of her life, but I am tired of giving and never receiving in the relationship with my SIL.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a lot on your plate, to say the least, and yet you’ve done so much for your SIL (and literally saved her tens of thousands of dollars–possibly more–over the years in childcare expenses). She can’t give you ONE weekend in return.
Don’t start charging her–that’s just passive-aggressive. Call her out on her behavior. When she cancels for Friday, say “Wow. I’ve watched your daughter for 12 years and you can’t give me one night in return. I need to think about this.” And then get off the call and let HER worry about the potential consequences.” JeepersCreepers74
Another User Comments:
“Charge her. Babysitting is work and you already have your hands full with your THREE other children. It’s not like you’re doing it once in a blue moon, as an exception, then I would understand to do it for free just to spend time with your niece.
But 1 day out of 2 for 12 hours a day? That’s definitely and absolutely work. If your husband can’t see it, he needs a reality check. NTJ.” whatcenturyisit
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Tell your husband to support you or he can babysit her kid and look after yours while you go back to work.
Or tell him you have carers burn out and are going away for a weekend to rest and recover, leave the kids with him. If my SIL pulled this shot you best be sure that I would be telling her that “it’s such a shame you are busy and canceling on us again.
Which reminds me, I no longer have time to babysit. My kids require more one-on-one attention to assist with their medical needs and schooling that I have been neglecting while babysitting for you.”” Status-Pattern7539
18. AITJ For Refusing To Fund My Parents' New Puppy?
“I (19F) still live with my parents and I’m saving up to be able to afford the skyrocketing rent in my area.
I help around by paying bills on top of rent. Both of my parents are not good with money and recently they’ve been asking me for more money in order to buy themselves things they really don’t need. It’s gotten so bad that they’ve used 3/4 of my paycheck and I had to dig into my savings to pay bills, leaving me with less than a dollar of my check.
Tonight they told me that they’re getting another dog. My sister’s mother-in-law was giving away puppies and offered them one, which they accepted. They’ve been given a dog and a cat, both of who I love dearly, but taking care of their pets is expensive.
I usually get dumped with taking care of them once they get bored of the animals, but I seriously don’t have time for a puppy.
I expressed my frustration and let it be known that I will not give them money for this puppy and the only money they’ll be given is my share of rent and nothing more.
We got into a huge fight over it and my sister had sided with them, telling them I am greedy and spoiled and don’t contribute enough to have a say so in how much I give.
Like, I don’t feel obligated to give them money other than rent just because they ask for it, but I also don’t understand how it makes me spoiled?
I’m probably being biased so you guys should please tell me what’s up. So what, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – you are 19, time to move out. Regardless of whether you are in college, working, or in an apprenticeship, you would be happier living in a van and keeping your money than giving it all to them.
Time to get all your important documents into YOUR possession: social security card, birth certificate, passport, whatever they are where you live. If you are in the US freeze your credit so your parents can’t take cards out in your name. The app credit karma is a good one to help you with that.
Make a plan and get out. Get roommates, find a micro-studio, and move to a cheaper area. Do what you have to do. Ideally, your rent should never be more than 1/3 of your income. So you will need to figure out how to increase income or decrease your expenses.
Good luck.” ChakraMama318
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. That paycheck is going into your account. You haven’t mentioned if your parents are working or not. If they’re working, you have 0 obligation to give them money apart from your bills. Their pets and other luxuries are not your job to pay and at 19 if you’re doing this, you’ll be doing it too when you’re married with kids and you’ll have no money left for you.
You have to put an end to this. And no you are not spoilt. How you handle your money is up to you only. If your parents want to buy excessive stuff, tell them to get a better job. And if they’re unemployed and solely relying on you for money, then yeah maybe you can give them a set amount of pocket money each month.
Or whatever works for you.” anxiousgirl1001
Another User Comments:
“OP, this is financial abuse. You’re 19, get a new card, change your banking info, and freeze your credit if you have to, only give them what you owe, regardless of their gaslighting, and GTFO. You’re not benefiting from living at home, so you might as well live with roommates who aren’t going to guilt you into giving them all of your money.
You’ve already dipped into your savings and they’ve taken your whole paycheck. They won’t stop even after you’ve gone through all of your savings and then you’ll be 100% stuck. Get out now while you still can. It’ll be tight, but you’ll at least have a fighting chance.
NTJ.” pourthebubbly
17. AITJ For Privately Telling My Brother's Partner About Her Body Odour?
“My brother’s partner has a body odor problem. Everyone in the house makes backhanded comments and remarks when she isn’t in the house but no one will say anything to her.
When she stays over you will smell the odor throughout the house, I don’t know if it’s a medical thing then okay I’ll admit I’m a jerk, but this is all the time, even after she showers.
Today, I got home and all I smelt was B.O. So I thought I would be a decent person and tell her, and that’s when I pulled her aside in private and spoke to her. I told her I am not doing it out of spite or malice and I was telling her as a friend.
She has now gone and asked everyone if she smells before storming out of the house, I have received numerous text messages and missed phone calls but everyone would complain about it.
AITJ for telling her upfront and in private?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I always try to be the person who has the empathy and kindness to respectfully and privately tell someone they have spinach in their teeth.
I’d rather know and be able to do something about it. Body odor can limit her career prospects, relationships, and other important factors in her life. Her reaction might be that she is upset and embarrassed no one told her sooner. With awareness, she can do something about it.
Everyone else took the easy way out and was doing her no favors.” 47-is-a-prime-number
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You told her in private, not in public. I think that’s a nice thing to do! We had a teacher once, he had super bad breath all the time.
One time a student told him (he was next to him explaining something) that he’s sorry but he has super bad breath etc. The teacher was super happy that someone finally told him so he could do something against it. He already wondered about the backhanded comments about him and stuff.
So better tell someone in private, so the person can do something against it and you’re not one of the people talking behind her back about her!” Potential_Speech_703
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. The general rule is that if someone can’t change something about themselves in 5 minutes it’s rude to comment on it.
You’ve mentioned that it hangs around even after she’s showered so I was leaning towards YTJ… However… Everyone is aware of it and most of us would prefer to know about it so that we can address it properly. I once worked with someone who had fish odor syndrome and she only knew to seek help when she was told that it was very apparent.
She changed her lifestyle – I think dietary changes. It’s a challenging situation to be sure. Your family wasn’t wrong for being polite and you aren’t wrong for bringing her attention to it as long as you told her sensitively. You talked to her privately which was a good shout.
If you back off the situation for a while to let it cool down you should be able to make it clear that you weren’t being malicious – you were just showing her the same courtesy you would want to be treated yourself.” Hefty_Peanut
16. AITJ For Yelling At My Husband After He Scared Me With A Lighter Due To My Fear Of Fire?
“I am terrified of fire. I’ve had traumatic experiences when I was a child and cannot go near it.
I am going to therapy but it’s a long healing process.
This does mean that there are certain things that annoy my husband like when we decided to buy a house, I asked if we could get an electric stove or replace the gas one.
It annoyed him but he accepted, other things like having to stand far away when he’s having a BBQ also annoy him, which is completely understandably irritating, but I can’t change it.
One night, I had just finished making dinner and went to give him a back hug (arms wrapped around his shoulders kind of hug) and he instantly pulled out a lighter from his pocket and held it close to me.
I freak out and try to get away from the lighter. When he finally puts it away I yell at him and I’m crying asking him why he thought that was a good idea. He told me that he heard of exposure therapy and he was sick of my antics.
When he comes near me again, I yell at him to stay back and run out of the room, locking myself in the bedroom.
It’s only when I’m alone that I break down crying.
In the morning he won’t talk to me, saying that he was only trying to help, and yelling at him made him feel like crap.
I wonder if I overreacted.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I am not afraid of fire. I would be afraid if someone lit a lighter and held it close to me for no discernible reason. Your husband is being a jerk in more ways than one.
He did something wildly inappropriate, you had a completely reasonable reaction, and he felt guilty. Now he’s blaming you for the discomfort that guilt is causing. Do not allow yourself to be blamed for the guilt he is feeling. He should feel guilty. He brandished a lighter at you, for goodness sake.” diagnosedwolf
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have trauma around fire. You have the definition of a phobia & you can’t turn it off. What he did could’ve triggered a severe panic attack. Although exposure therapy is a technique to help people, they are done gradually and properly by licensed therapists!
They usually start small like looking at pics of fire or videos. The environment is also highly controlled so the patient feels safe & the patient also agrees to it and can mentally prepare. He just shoved fire in your face without warning. He’s the jerk.” Holmes221bBSt
Another User Comments:
“I had exposure therapy for a different phobia. They start by talking you through the whole process first, making sure you’re comfortable, and allowing YOU to control the rate of exposure and they stay with you to offer support and care. What they do NOT do: retraumatize you, surprise you with your phobia, push your boundaries against your will, frighten you, mock you, suggest your phobia is an “antic”, make you feel bad about having a legitimate mental health condition/trauma response, terrify you, dismiss your trauma response, or treat you like less than a human being deserving of kindness, respect, and care.
Your husband is abusive, dismissive, and a complete jerk. Also, look how he pulls a traumatizing stunt on YOU pretending he “was trying to help” (he was not!), and then turns it around to blame you for having a reaction “because it made HIM feel bad”.
This is abuse 101. He’s literally using your trauma to sadistically torment you, then trying to blame you for his behavior. This red flag is big enough alone for a divorce, and for you to never be near him again. You are most definitely NTJ, and your empathy-free sadistic torturer needs to be dumped on an island alone, far away from human beings who deserve compassion and respect.” KittenMadeOfStardust
15. AITJ For Telling A Woman To Get A Life After She Yelled At Me For Parking In A Private Lane?
“I am 22M in the UK just finishing a master’s degree. I took a part-time delivery job for a local company to make ends meet while I study. So I was delivering a very large order to this address (think it was for a party or something) so I ended up going to this posh area with a very long private lane.
I deliver the stuff all fine to the customer and as I am going back to my car to leave a woman from a couple of doors down walks up to me and shouts out “THIS is a PRIVATE lane” and then demands I explain why I think I have the right to park there.
I apologized for any intrusion and explained I was just delivering to the other house and I am now leaving.
She yells again that this is a private lane and that I need to respect that. I told her I had no other option as it would have taken me 4 trips like 5 minutes each to park on the main road and walk with the food and then back to my car.
That I would get in trouble for taking too long. Very clearly not satisfied at all with this she tells me that’s my problem, not hers. Then repeated again that I need to respect that this is a private lane. I replied, “you obviously have nothing better to do than yell at someone for doing their job, you seriously need to get a life lady.” She was clearly shocked by the response as I quickly got in my car and left as she was yelling some incoherent nonsense.
I have told some friends and such and while most of them agreed that I was in the right some of them told me that what I said at the end was out of line and I should have killed her with kindness instead. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were there under the commission of the customer, as an agent of a company hired by the customer to deliver a product the customer purchased. You were absolutely allowed to be on that lane under those circumstances. I’ve delivered groceries and food off and on since before and I’ll drive on whatever private/no trespassing/gated street the customer lives on to complete the delivery because they hired me to do so for the duration of that order.
If the busybody has a problem with people making deliveries to the neighbors then she needs to take that up with the neighbors or those who manage the common property, not you.” Omnitographer
Another User Comments:
“I understand everyone voting not the jerk… it seems like a trivial issue.
However here in the UK we have issues with delivery drivers thinking that because they are doing their job they can park wherever they like…even illegally… i.e. on double yellow lines, or in parking permit-only areas. Just this week one got a ticket for parking in a permit-only zone and then abused the ticketing officer because “they were just doing their job” and it wasn’t their fault the delivery took more than 5 minutes (standard grace time to move your vehicle).
I do agree that woman needs something more productive to do with her time.” Beautiful-Way-2259
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You don’t kill people with kindness. It’s not effective. Seriously though it’s not like you’re gonna see her again, and you were polite at first. Sometimes with people like that, they treat others and act like that because most people are either too good-natured or too conflict-avoidant to call them out on their bad behavior.
You weren’t cruel or nasty, you simply pointed out that only a bored person with nothing else to do would bother leaving the house just to throw a temper tantrum at a stranger who was leaving anyway. If she’s embarrassed by that then she’s the one that needs to adjust herself.” VCWoodhull
14. AITJ For Asking My Groomsman Brother To Cover His Chest Tattoo At My Wedding?
“My brother’s look is pretty wild. He always has a new hairstyle (mullet, buzzed, Mohawk), bright hair colours, f****l piercings and he’s covered in tattoos. It’s his body so none of this bothers me normally. However, my wedding is coming up, we’re having a beach wedding and he’s a groomsman.
I literally do not care what hairstyle he has or that his piercings and tattoos will be visible. My only request is that he covers one specific tattoo. When he was in college, my brother foolishly got an inappropriate tattoo on his chest.
As it’s a beach wedding, the groomsmen will be wearing slightly open button-down shirts and the tattoo will be visible.
I asked if he’d be willing to cover for my wedding and he got immediately offended saying it’s his body, his choice. He’s now refusing to attend the wedding if he has to cover it. I get it’s his body but I really don’t want my guests to have to stare at something inappropriate during my wedding and I don’t want to look back at my wedding photos and see that.
While my family is used to it, my fiancé’s family would probably be taken aback if not offended by it. He called me a bridezilla and unreasonable. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. “Hey bro, seeing as it’s my big day and I’ve waited for this moment forever and spent thousands of dollars and it’s a celebration of my love for my partner, can you put away the huge tattoo on your chest for a few hours?” “OH.
MY. GOSH, that’s so controlling, literally Bridezilla how dare you ask me politely not to flash the graphic tattoo at an event celebrating you and your partner that you spent thousands on and have been waiting forever for which children will possibly be present at.” Sounds to me like him uninviting himself is a blessing if he behaves like that.” brai117
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He can try not to be the center of attention for a few hours. It’s just for pictures and stuff. No one will be paying attention to the rest of the wedding’s aesthetic/ceremony if there’s a big graphic tattoo front and center.
It almost makes the whole thing into a joke. He should have compromised on it and stated that he’d be getting shirtless later once everyone was inebriated. Otherwise, he’s just being annoying. It’s not like he was born with this tattoo on his chest. Also, calling you bridezilla for this particular reason seems extraordinarily immature.” stac0cats
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My wife and I attended a wedding about 15 years ago and one of the bridesmaids had this giant bleeding heart tattoo on her chest. I mean it was GAUDY. All these years later, we can just say “bleeding heart tattoo” or “remember that girl at the wedding?” and we immediately know what the other is talking about.
This is how we remember her friend’s wedding. Not the food, not the event, but the giant chest heart tattoo. It’s your day, you do whatever you want and it’s up to you how you want it to be memorable.” Ozzie_the_tiger_cat
13. AITJ For Threatening To Move Out If My Brother Continues To Treat Me Poorly?
“I (30f) live with my brother (34) (not b***d, we’ve been best friends since I was 15 and has been there for me during the hardest of times) and SIL (32) and I am a personal care assistant for my brother.
My brother and SIL are both in wheelchairs (my brother is wheelchair-bound, my SIL only needs it when necessary).
I moved in with them last year after my SIL started to physically decline. Lately, I have noticed that he has been very short with me and using any excuse to argue.
He and my SIL have been going through some things so I understood in the beginning, but I feel like it has gone too far.
I let him know that I feel like his emotional punching bag and feel taken advantage of, as he constantly asks me to do something for him when I am in the middle of something.
He agreed and said “I know and I am sorry and don’t want to treat you that way. But on the bright side, I am fixing myself.” I told him I shouldn’t be used for therapy and that I am going through some things as well, including a 4th miscarriage in my 30 years of living and I do not treat him, his wife, or anyone else that way and if he doesn’t stop I am moving out and will resume our previous working arrangement.
He accused me of not understanding his situation and that I’m a jerk for threatening to leave when he needs me. I have spoken with my partner and family about this and the consensus seems to be split. My SIL is on his side and thinks I need to apologize, but I can’t help feeling that if I do I am telling him that I am okay with him treating/using me like that.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Let’s see, are you the jerk for not allowing yourself to be an emotional punching bag? What would you tell a friend who asked you this question? Also, I get that you’re close to this man but he is not your brother.
this is an important distinction because there is no real ‘but he’s my brother so it’s family’ here. He’s important to you, but you’re letting guilt guide your actions. Put yourself first, because these jerks certainly do that for themselves.” stropette
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you actually intend to move out.
If you’re just threatening it though, that’s messed up. Nobody gets to treat you badly and the more you take, the more people will give. Do what’s right for you! My condolences on your miscarriage. That’s a very difficult thing to go through. I’m surprised he’s not more sympathetic about it.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. As a 24/7 caretaker to someone who treats me very poorly and who (up until their partners passing last year) used me as a punching bag when things got rough with their relationship with no real means to get away and out on my own, I can’t stress how much you do not need to bend over and take the way your brother is treating you.
Regardless of his issues with the situation, regardless of how tough things are, you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, and if he can’t respect that, perhaps he’ll learn to respect it when you’ve gone through with establishing your boundaries. You aren’t there to be abused, you aren’t there for him to take his frustration out on, and (from what I’m reading) you certainly are under no obligation to sit around with your thumbs up your butt waiting for him to potentially decide to shape up.
I’m four years younger than you, so I apologize if it sounds like I’m coming in too strong from my limited perspective; it’s just incredibly sad to see other people in positions similar to mine. Caretaking is difficult enough as it is. But when it comes to family, and that sense of duty… Obligation, even, when you’re being exposed to treatment that a paid caretaker would not tolerate without a way to pull away without looking like the bad guy, it’s a nightmare.
Best of luck, OP, I hope things start looking up for you soon.” regildedredacted
12. AITJ For Being Angry At My Husband And FIL Over My Dad's Motorcycle?
“My dad was recently diagnosed with dementia. He can no longer drive so he decided to go ahead and sell his Harley Davidson Motorcycle. My sister and her husband wanted to buy it but my father said no because he would never forgive himself if something happened to them on the motorcycle.
Last Sunday, my husband and I went and picked the bike up so that I could get it cleaned up and ready to list online. When we got home, my husband mentioned that his dad wanted to look at the bike as he might be interested in buying to resell.
Then the next day his dad came to look at it. While he was looking at the bike, we were making small talk, I told him about how my sister and her husband wanted to buy it but that my dad did not want the bike to go to any of his family because he would not be able to forgive himself if something were to happen to any of us on the bike.
After chatting for a few minutes, my father-in-law asked what the price was. I told him $7,500. He said, “I’ll take it.” He handed me $7,500 cash. I then signed and dated the title and handed it to him. My father-in-law then took the title from my hand and gave it to my husband and said, “Here, I bought that bike for you!”
I was and still am furious. I think this was not only disrespectful to me but incredibly disrespectful to my father and his wishes. My husband says he had to accept the bike because his dad bought it for him and that it would have been disrespectful to refuse it.
My husband says that I am overreacting.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It sounds like your husband knew the real reason why his dad was asking to purchase the bike, and misled you about it. Even if I’m wrong about that and it was a total surprise to him, he chose to disrespect you, his WIFE — while you are dealing with the news of your father’s dementia diagnosis — to avoid “disrespecting” his father by…..setting a boundary that his father not be allowed to disrespect you?
That’s messed up. He messed up big time and the fact that he invalidated your feelings by defending himself after the fact is insulting.” MeanderingMissive
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You explained your father’s wishes and your husband knew them as well. Your FIL has done this as a show of power and to undermine you and your family on this subject.
I don’t think you are overreacting at all. It was disrespectful of him to do that to you and it was disrespectful of your husband not to stand by you. It honestly feels like this was planned by hubby and FIL. So that he could have to bike without the guilt of going against your father’s wishes.
Basically, your hubby found a loophole and used it to get what he wanted without looking like the bad guy.” AyenDrkwing
Another User Comments:
“Sounds like grounds for divorce since your husband has zero respect and love for you. Anyone that loves you wouldn’t do something like this.
I would never do something so petty to my wife. A bike is a bike if he wanted one he could have had his dad use that 7500 to buy another bike. A brand new Kawasaki Vulcan is about 8 grand, or he could have got a nice used Harley that wasn’t going to go against your father’s wishes.
He did this on purpose to spit in your face. Divorce this jerk.” [deleted]
11. AITJ For Publicly Criticizing A Baker Who Ruined Our Gender Reveal Cake?
“We ordered a $200 gender reveal cake (7″ diameter, 7” tall) for our friend’s event. The invoice clearly states the inside must be blue.
On the day of pickup for the event, the baker brought the cake out and said they forgot to add the blue color.
“Luckily”, he caught this mistake and added it to 2 small (2″) cake toppers. They instructed us that the couple should break it open and it will reveal the color. We were running short on time. We accepted the cake but informed the baker we would discuss this after the event.
We ate the cake. After the event, we informed the baker the toppers were underwhelming. We were not happy with the situation. The baker did not contact us when he discovered the mistake the day before. He did not communicate that our reveal event would be changed to small cake toppers.
He did not offer an apology or a refund. We asked for a partial refund.
Initially, the baker refused. The baker’s policy does not allow refunds for decorations. If there is a flavor issue, the cake must be returned. Their initial offer was a $15 credit for the next order.
We refused this offer stating this was his mistake. The first priority in a gender reveal cake is the color. He rebuttals with 20% off the next order. Again, our trust was broken. We would never order from this baker again. We refused and decided to post our story to our friends, family, and local bakers.
I even created a posting on BBB. The money wasn’t the biggest issue. It was his poor customer service response and lack of responsibility for his mistake.
Did we go too far?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It would have been super easy for him to call you, and say there has been a mistake and offer to scoop out part of the cake and fill it with blue cream or ganache in the flavor of your choice.
Bakers do it all the time to make gorgeous, delicious cakes. By posting on social media, you are saving others from an equally crappy fate. Sorry this happened to you. What a jerk he is.” AngryWriterGrr
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I hate gender reveal parties.
I think they’re stupid, pointless excuses for adults who just want to throw a party, who think that announcing the gender of their kid is as good a reason as any. But, given that you didn’t start a wildfire, I’ll put my dislike aside for a moment.
You took the cake because the other option was no cake for your friend’s party. I understand people saying you can’t demand a refund if you ate it, but I disagree. You needed a cake. The baker made a mistake. Understandable. What isn’t understandable is how, when making a gender reveal cake, they managed to forget the entire gimmick of the cake.
That’s like baking a pineapple upside-down cake and then forgetting the pineapple. It’s in the name! Do I think you maybe went over the top with the BBB threats? Yeah, but the BBB is meaningless. Companies can pay for good ratings. The baker purposefully waited until you had the cake before breaking the news.
So he knew your backs would be to the wall and you’d have to take it, and then he could say “Whoops, no refunds.” Technically I think everyone sucks here. But the baker seems like he was trying to pull a fast one after a pretty big *******.” NotTwitchy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You did everything you could to resolve the issue to your satisfaction, he wouldn’t even offer a PARTIAL refund. As long as you weren’t malicious with the post wording, you’re good. Maybe he’ll change his refund policy and pay better attention to his orders.
I do this for a living and if I had noticed I forgot the coloring, I would have redone the cake. Bakery owners know the importance of special occasion cakes and if they don’t care enough to make sure they’re giving you the experience you’re paying for, they deserve that publicity.” 69schrutebucks
10. AITJ For Wanting To Step Down As MOH Due To Lack Of Communication?
“My (f32) bestie Tina (f33) is getting married in October. Tina and I have been friends since we were about 15. We were super close, then drifted apart when I left for college, reconnected and were close again, and now seem to have drifted apart again.
I am a mother of 2 and living a Texas away, she has a high-demand job.
My issue is that I make an effort. I text her funny things, random observations, important things, questions I actually need an answer to, and pictures of my kids she calls her niece and nephew, etc and she never responds.
Not even some lame half-hearted response, nothing at all. Tina basically ghosts me for months.
Tina herself has apologized for being bad at communication and promised to do better, but no improvement. I know zero that’s going on in her life. Now I am supposed to be MOH in her wedding.
Obviously, I can’t be as involved as I want to be because I don’t live there. But I did make a special trip into town so I could help with stuff only to find that not only does she need my help with nothing, but planning is much further along than I thought it was.
There were a ton of things already decided and I was in the dark.
Again, fine, I’m not there. But I don’t feel like I’m doing anything as MOH, and she doesn’t seem to want me to. I feel like this is a one-sided relationship, she is not there for me and I feel like she doesn’t care if I’m there for her.
She has a sister involved in the planning who lives in town, and at this point, I feel like me not being MOH will affect Tina’s wedding plans 0. Honestly, I’m hurt by her perceived indifference and have been for years. She’s expecting a speech, how am I supposed to do that?
The final straw was a month ago. I did something stupid and tried to call her, a little panicked. She didn’t answer, but it was the middle of the work day so that’s not unexpected. So I sent her a text saying I did something stupid and I’m freaking out, thinking she could get back to me about it later.
But she didn’t. It has been a month, I haven’t messaged her anything else and she’s never checked in on me.
I feel bad because I know her job stresses her out, and she’s taking classes on the side, and I don’t want to penalize her for being too stressed to communicate, but at this point, I feel like it’s more than just her stress level.
So, wise people, WIBTJ if I pulled out of her wedding party? I’m still happy to go and support her and be happy for her, but I don’t think MOH is the right place for me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ if you’re pulling out nearly 5 months ahead of time!
Sounds like choosing you is a formality based on a lack of options and her sister could be (should be) MOH in your place. Just do it asap, I would personally communicate why (be honest) and move on without guilt. It’ll be on her to decide if she wants you to attend.
But it sounds like maybe your friendship is just a comfortable chapter for her to revisit since with her work schedule she doesn’t have time to make new friends in her current life.” UnicornsAreChubby
Another User Comments:
“NTJ (possibly no jerks here) and you might come across as a hero for saying something like, “Listen Tina, I love you, but I’m really feeling like we need to talk about my role in your wedding.
It sounds like your sister is a much better choice for MOH. She is there and can plan all the things and she’s much better at this stuff. I bet she’d really appreciate having the title since she’s already doing the work.” You may need to cut her some slack on the communication front.
A lot of people are overwhelmed with communicating right now and she’s probably stressed about her wedding. If she can’t respond immediately she may honestly just forget to respond. Best of luck.” Efficient_Vix
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. In the end, it is your time and you are giving lots of notice.
Also, people tend to drift apart as time passes. Old social structures become irrelevant. She has her own life, a new family starting, new friends, and a new circle. She probably has no ill will towards you but is preoccupied with this new, future time.
Not the structures of over a decade ago that don’t matter anymore except nostalgia and history. The maid of honor position would be better suited to go to someone part of this new life. A life hundreds of miles away you are not part of.
But that’s okay because time moved on for you as well. Let someone more appropriate have this honor. Of course, you can still wish her well. If she even cares. I had people I went to high school with whom I was close to but never talked to.
They changed, so did I, life goes on.” grenz1
9. AITJ For Snapping At My Doctor Over Weight Comments?
“I (16F) recently went to the doctor for a general checkup since I hadn’t had one for a while. When I got in the doctor I was assigned to was a white female doctor, probably between 25-30, but what stood out the most was how skinny she was.
I’m talking skin and bone, pale and all in all looked quite unhealthy though that’s not my place to judge how she looks. She took me in and did all the regular checks b***d pressure, the works.
Near the end, she asked about my diet and said she wanted to take my BMI (I must note that I am not an hourglass figure.
I’m quite boxy and have a heavier frame. It is also important to say I kayak 3 to 4 times a week and because of this carry a fair amount of muscle in my shoulders and arms) as she was concerned that I may be overweight. She did the tests and they came back saying I was overweight by a couple of kilos.
I started to explain to her that it was most likely muscle mass but she cut me off and began scolding me saying I should lose some weight and go on a diet.
She then pulled out a plastic pocket, handed it to me, and started talking about her weight loss plans and how much better I would be if I looked like her.
I kept trying to say it was probably healthy weight but she said muscle should not be on girls anyway. I snapped at her and told her I’d rather stay overweight than look like an unhealthy little twig like her. She stopped talking and left. A head nurse came and escorted me out.
About a day later my mum came in and yelled at me that I had made my doctor cry and she had said she did not feel safe. As a result, the hospital refuses to have me as a general patient anymore. I don’t think what I said was that bad But am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Yeah, there is no way this is the entire story. We get yelled at in the hospital ALL THE TIME. Everyone is extremely stressed. Hospitals do not ban someone without a VERY strong reason. I have been in multiple hospitals in three cities in two provinces and have never seen an outright permanent ban except for the guy who clocked the ICU doctor when his daughter died. There is missing information here.” DanelleDee
Another User Comments:
“YTJ sorry but your explanation is complete bull. The way you go off about how the Dr looked and then yourself and how you’re boxy and have muscles trying to justify what you did (we know it was not what you claim you said but the unknown what really happened).
The Dr checked your BMI you’re overweight. You may have some muscle covered in a fatty layer that you need to lose. Go on a diet don’t go on a diet doesn’t matter to me but yes a Dr does have to address your weight issues and tell you if there is a problem.
As you are not a Dr nor examining this Dr you cannot speak to her weight or look as medically you know nothing. So YTJ and did something inappropriate and got banned.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ – you’re CLEARLY leaving stuff out on purpose because doctors hear worse than what you said and the people don’t get banned so you clearly did something to cause you to get banned and you’re not telling us.
How the doctor looks is irrelevant because guess what? She was just doing her job and you didn’t like hearing you’re overweight, deal with it or don’t, but jeeeez makes you wonder what you’re hiding to try to make yourself look right in this story.” SL33PYSL0THIE
8. AITJ For Not Allowing My Dad To Bring His Partner To My New Home?
“My wife and I live in southern Arizona and we recently bought a home back in December of 2021. My family is happy for my wife and me and I have invited my dad and brother to come visit in late August, which they have agreed.
I won’t go too much into specifics, but last year my mother passed away due to an embolism. My wife and I were supposed to see her, my dad, and my brother 5 days after her passing. We got the next available flight free of charge due to a bereavement policy, and we were on the East Coast for two weeks to finalize my mother’s arrangements.
Not even two months after my mom passed, my father started seeing another woman even against the advice of my wife, my brother, and myself since we felt it was a priority for him to adequately grieve and move forward. For context, he said he knew this woman for years.
He was even speaking to her during his 32-year marriage with my mom. But ultimately contact was cut because my mom gave him an ultimatum.
My father has done this sort of behavior before. Combined with the fact I am still handling my mom’s loss, I was taken aback when my dad asked if he could bring his now-partner to AZ.
I told him no simply because I don’t know this person and that I still think that it felt like he treated my mom’s passing as nothing. So AITJ for telling my dad no?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It is 100% up to you who you receive as a guest in your own home.
You invited your father and brother only. While you can’t tell him how to live his life, you do not have to meet this woman unless and until you are ready. Also, from the way you wrote your post it seems that your father’s partner was possibly his affair partner.” Consistent-Leopard71
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He also cooked his goose because he was in connection with this woman in such a way that it disturbed your mother because it was inappropriate and disrespectful and she had to ask him to stop. So he had it simmering on the back burner and when she was dead two months he picked it right back up.
That is just unbelievable. That’s pretty unconscionable. I don’t think it’s going to be anytime soon that you are going to welcome this new partner of his anywhere near your life. And it will all be because of his doing.” mcclgwe
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, right now you are still grieving the loss of your mother, everybody does this on their own timeline and their own way. Something both of you should respect is each other’s process here, your approval for his choices is not necessarily needed or wanted. The same way his approval for yours is neither needed nor wanted. Your judgmental attitude where your dad’s process is and how he navigates it is the only area where you come close to being a jerk, and could cause estrangement if you let resentment and hurt feelings about how you think he should feel or act continue to build.” Grannywine
7. AITJ For Wanting To Stay Overnight With My ICU-Bound Partner Against His Mother's Wishes?
“I (30F) have been with my partner (31M) for 5 years but we were friends for 10 years prior to beginning the relationship. We aren’t married (yet) and I don’t have an engagement ring but we have established that we will be getting married, hopefully next year.
On Monday my partner came home from work around noon with intense stomach pains and vomiting. It was bad enough he wanted to go to the ER, something he’d usually avoid at all costs. We live with his parents at the moment so we asked his mom to drive us there.
I won’t go into detail about what exactly his health issue is, but it’s bad enough that he needs an extended stay in the ICU and is sedated and intubated. The first night they didn’t think it was quite this serious, so I volunteered to let his mother stay with him that night with the idea I’d be staying the next night.
It made sense because I had not slept in over 24 hours by that point, so she’d be more aware of what was going on that night while I went home for some sleep. The following day he still didn’t seem too bad but she informed me she would not be leaving and the hospital only allowed one family member to stay overnight.
I told her no, I was staying that night and she refused to leave so I had no choice but to leave since we aren’t married yet, and legally she has say over everything.
Every day she has said I can stay the following night and every day she tells me she isn’t leaving when visiting hours end and I end up needing to leave.
Today is Thursday and I’ve informed her that I WILL be staying tonight and that what she’s doing isn’t fair. We promised to spend our lives together and I should be by his side when he’s taken off the vent and wakes up.
She still refuses to go and says she will have me removed if she has to.
Now here’s where I think I’m definitely a jerk. My partner’s older brother sadly passed away just a month and a half ago, so of course his mother is scared to death that she’s losing her other child.
I completely understand and respect that and I feel for her. But she has absolutely no regard for my feelings in this situation, going as far as to tell me I was not allowed to cry when she saw me break down because I have to be strong for her.
As if I’m not allowed to feel my emotions at all with the love of my life in the ICU. She and I have never really gotten along and I know this is when we should be coming together with our love for my partner, not arguing with each other.
I just want to stay by his side. It would be one thing if we hadn’t been together so long but this is my partner. I’ve been the one keeping everyone updated, taking care of his responsibilities, and asking the doctors the questions that matter.
I think I should be allowed at least one night with my partner instead of being at home looking after her husband.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“Just my 2 cents as a nurse, I’m surprised the ICU lets visitors stay overnight at all.
Obviously, there are exceptional circumstances, however visitors a lot of time interfere with nursing care – it’s good sometimes to give your loved ones a break and let them rest (I know he’s vented and sedated just in general terms). A lot of times visitors mean well, but unfortunately can be in the way of our jobs.
NTJ for crying obviously. I’m sorry your partner is in the ICU, it sucks having a loved one in such critical condition. Keep in mind it’s emotional for both of you, both your feelings are valid. She absolutely has the power to have you removed though, so I would not jeopardize that, just take the time you have at the bedside during visiting hours.
In the end, what matters most is your partner getting better. Technically you’re not a family member, not saying your relationship isn’t important but that’s just how things work.” SnooChipmunks5347
Another User Comments:
“I would add to all the other no jerks here comments and advise one thing: instead of seeing her as an adversary, try to be supportive.
Bring her a change of clothes, toothbrush, homemade lunch, etc. Ask her what she needs from you. If you two are allies in this instead of adversaries, it will be a lot easier down the line, trust me. She might even be willing to let you take over one night.
I’ve been in a very similar situation a few years ago. The mother refused to leave her son’s side and hadn’t slept in her own bed in weeks. I started bringing her stuff from home to help her feel more comfortable since I knew she wouldn’t leave.
It brought us closer together and I was able to spend all day in the hospital with them both. Best wishes for a swift recovery for your partner. Maybe suggest a justice of the peace when he wakes up. You can always do a wedding ceremony later.” small-black-cat-290
Another User Comments:
“I’m sorry to have to give this verdict, but YTJ. Firstly, this poor woman has recently lost her other child. She has barely had time to process that death, yet here she is, faced with the possibility of burying another child. No parent should outlive their child, yet she is being tested twice in a short period of time.
She birthed and raised her children, and deserves to spend every moment she can with her other child. Whilst yes, you love your partner and have done so for a number of years, ultimately it is poor planning and delaying with marriage on both yours and his part.
Some people who are anti-marriage say “we don’t need a piece of paper to prove our love”… actually, you do. For reasons just like this. Nobody is saying all couples should have this huge, expensive wedding. But if you love each other enough to want to have each other make medical choices for one another, you need to be married to do so, for legal reasons.
Whilst we cannot always predict health issues, we can safeguard this by being legally recognized. Unfortunately, you both delaying an engagement and wedding means that his mom is legally his next of kin. Given that his condition can change at any moment, someone who can legally make decisions for him must be with him as a priority.
I am hoping your partner recovers and that his mom doesn’t have to experience the loss of a child once more. But, this is a wakeup call for both yourself and your partner, to stop delaying things further and to make things legal to prevent these conflicts from arising again.
You haven’t specified which medical condition your partner has, but given the description, it sounds like a condition I’ve been going through, and if I am correct there is a distinct possibility this could happen again and again. If so, don’t delay marriage until next year.” majesticjewnicorn
6. AITJ For Asking My Sister To Stop Complaining About Her Stepgrandkids' Names?
“My sister Mary is married to Derek and she is the stepmother to his four children from his late wife. They are all in their mid-20s to early 30s now. All of them are married with children. Derek’s first wife passed away while the children were still very young (7 and under) and Mary and Derek met 18 months later and married 10 months after that.
Mary always adored her stepkids and she strived for them to have a close relationship and it does appear to be pretty alright. They treat her respectfully and they don’t try to exclude her from any big moments in their lives. But I also acknowledge that they do keep an emotional distance from her and seem almost afraid to get too close.
Like they’ll dishonor their mom if they get close to Mary.
Something this has really shown in is their children. There are 11 grandchildren between the four kids and each and every one has some part of their name honoring their mom or their dad. Mostly it’s the middle names where these honors happen but two of them have first names honoring their late mother.
The other sides of the children’s families are not represented in the names from what Mary and Derek were told.
So it hurt Mary that of all the grandkids, they made the effort with each one to honor one of their bio parents in some way but not her.
I think it especially hurt her for the younger two kids to do this because she raised them from very young ages. She has confessed it mostly bothers her because her husband also gets honored and they go out of their way to do it in different ways with each grandchild.
She has been talking to me about it a lot lately. I didn’t mind her coming to me for a shoulder to cry on at first. But for six months now I have listened to her bring this up dozens of times. She doesn’t want to complain to her husband or her stepkids so I’m the safe space to do so.
I just don’t want to keep hearing about this indefinitely.
So I gently asked Mary to please stop talking about this as often. I suggested a therapist if she really needs someone to speak to openly about this on a frequent basis but I told her it’s starting to weigh on our relationship because we talk about her stepgrandkids names more than anything else.
Mary was upset and told me she’d stop. But she wasn’t happy about it and she has been different with me ever since. She even snapped at me the other day and I suspect this is coming from what I said.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s annoying having to hear the same complaint again and again. It’s also a pretty petty thing she is complaining about, so for a number of reasons, I can see why you got tired of this. My guess is that you were the only safe outlet for this grievance.
Her husband would disagree (rightly so) and now she’s lost that outlet. That’s a ‘her problem’ and she’s gonna have to make her peace with it. Not your monkeys, not your circus. A therapist was a good idea.” BeMandalorTomad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We all have a right to vent to our friends and family about our problems. But you are not a therapist. She is taking advantage of her relationship with you by endlessly unloading on you about the same problem, rather than addressing it with people who can actually give her the closure and comfort she needs to move on.
There’s a limit to what’s reasonable. You’ve been listening to her make the same exact complaint for 6 months, every time you talk with her. If something continues to bother someone for this long that they’re unable to work through the problem, then they need to see a therapist and/or address it with the people (Derek and his children) she feels aggrieved by.
As long as you were polite and compassionate in telling her that this endless discussion was weighing on your relationship with her and in your suggestion that she seek a therapist to discuss this problem, you did nothing wrong here.” gordonf23
Another User Comments:
“NTJ.
Mary needs a therapist. This is emotionally exhausting to listen to. My husband has a poor relationship with his brother, who is extremely jealous of my husband. And yet every single day my husband has something to say about how sad he is about their lost connection.
I told him he needs therapy and not to dwell on this because you cannot change other people. He took my advice and is in therapy to help him deal with this. While BIL still comes up from time to time, it is less frequent and we can focus on our own family’s happiness.” B******************e
5. AITJ For Not Letting The Neighbour's Kids Use My Pool?
“I’m a 32-year-old woman and my wife who is a 33-year-old woman and I finally bought our own home instead of renting. It took a lot of work but we got to do it and it’s a home we both love and plan to spend the rest of our lives in.
It even has a pool which is just amazing and something I’d always wanted but never thought I’d have.
The issue is our next-door neighbors, I keep finding their kids using our pool having hopped our fence and I keep getting them to leave. I’ve spoken to their parents about this issue and they have told me that the elderly couple we bought the house from would let the kids use the pool in exchange for cleaning it so they’re just used to being able to use it.
I told them that was fine when it was the last neighbor but it’s something my wife and I are not comfortable with as we don’t know them well enough plus if the kids were hurt we’d feel awful about it. They insisted their kids wouldn’t get hurt and asked if it’d be ok if the kids used it whenever we weren’t as they’re “just kids” and spoke about how it’s getting hotter now.
I was getting annoyed at this point and told them they should get their own pool then and I’d already told them we weren’t comfortable with this.
Ever since then I’ve had to chase the kids away a couple more times and their parents are constantly sending me dirty looks whenever they see me, I’ve since posted a sign stating it’s a private pool and can only be used with permission.
Am I really being unfair here? Yes, it sucks the kids had an arrangement with the last owners but it’s our pool now.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ tell them if you find their kids in your pool again you are going to file a trespassing against them with the police.
They are not entitled to use your pool whenever they want plain and simple and yes I would also be worried that if something bad did happen they would blame you so it’s just not worth it for you. The agreement they had with the prior neighbor does not automatically transfer to you.” Etenial
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – The arrangement was with the previous owner, not you. You could be liable if the kids get hurt or worse. They are trespassing. The parents can now learn to tell their kids no and how to respect others’ property. Also, put up a camera on the pool and get video evidence of them trespassing as you may need to go to court if they decide to continue their course of jerk-dome.” HistoricalInaccurate
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Putting aside the astronomical implications of liability, simply put, it’s your house. Not theirs, and not the old owner’s. What you say goes on your own property. They are total jerks for treating you horribly and not corralling their own children.
I would be LIVID if my new neighbors asked me to keep my kids away from their pool and my kids didn’t listen. That is some seriously poor parenting. If they are hopping a fence and swimming, they are certainly old enough to understand no means no.” pryzzlicious
4. AITJ For Wanting To Discipline My Partner's Kitten When It Hurts Me?
“I just moved in with my wonderful partner and her cat, everything has been fine and dandy and I love her cat and play with him and spend time with him like he is one of my own. My partner is angry with me because I want to spray him with a bottle of water whenever he scratches my feet when I’m sleeping and draws b***d.
Now I am allergic to cats and their saliva so any scratch I get takes a long time to heal and stays swollen for a while.
Last night he was scratching me just like every other night and he drew b***d again so I got angry and put him in a different room for 10 minutes so I could sleep in peace.
My partner was very angry with me and I told her that her cat can be alone for a few minutes, I said what do you think your cat does when we go to work? He can be alone. I’ve tried being patient and I don’t like disciplining but I think part of being a pet owner is not allowing them to do bad stuff willy-nilly.
I said maybe we should spray him with a mist of water whenever he hurts us and she got extremely upset and said that he is just a kitten of course he will do such things. So AITJ for not wanting to reinforce bad behaviors?
Is it abusive to put her cat in a different room for a few minutes or spray him with water if he does something to hurt us?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but spraying a kitten with water isn’t going to work. All that does is punish the kitten who just wants to play with your feet (he’s not doing this to hurt you).
You need to redirect his behavior so he scratches something else. Like a scratching post. Catnip toys will help keep him interested in something besides your feet. You can also trim his nails back a bit. I have a cat who used to bite a lot when he was a baby, I would yell “OUCH STOP” and startle him so he would stop.
These things take time but a little effort on the part of the humans and he will stop it.” SeaWitch1031
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s reasonable to want to sleep. Your partner should be a bit more sympathetic and try to find a solution. Unfortunately a) cats have a different sleep pattern so waking up at 4 am is natural for them; b) attacking your feet is the cat’s way of playing – he’s clearly bonding with you and wants some fun and c) cats don’t respond to punishment – he can’t piece together that you sprayed him with water because he attacked your feet.
He just knows you sprayed him with water. Putting him in another room is fine or try redirecting his play (another toy or scratching post).” FoxInternational123
Another User Comments:
“I would recommend cat nail covers, you can buy them on Amazon for $10!! All you have to do is trim their nails back and apply the covers with the nail adhesive that comes with it, they stay on for weeks and are completely painless to the cat.
It’ll save your feet from cuts and your carpets and furniture if your cat loves to scratch and play. It’s best to start applying them when they are a kitten so they get used to the process, you probably will need to have your partner hold the cat while you put them on!!
Totally worth it though now both my cat and I are happy!! Make sure you give the cat a treat after you put them on!” Famous_Employer1113
3. AITJ For Confronting My Dad About His Excessive Use Of Cameras In Our House?
“I (15F) just got in an argument with my dad (54M) over his excessive use of cameras in our house.
Recently my dad has been buying cameras for our house. It started off with just a doorbell and garage camera which was just fine, but recently there has been a new shipment of cameras coming to our house almost every day, and he says there is more to come.
The only places that the cameras can’t see are inside the bedrooms and bathrooms but even then it can hear me from inside my room, which I find unsettling. As soon as I leave my room I am instantly being recorded by the camera in my living room.
It follows me around watching my every movement, sometimes when I’m home alone and in the kitchen I hear my dad’s voice through the camera trying to speak to me which is honestly weird.
I’m not the only person that has a problem with it my sister and my mom also find it uncomfortable.
He claims that it’s only for security and I believe that’s partially the truth but I also think he just likes to keep tabs on everyone, since before I was born he has liked to watch people he used to put spyware on my sister’s computer when she was 18 (now29) and made anonymous accounts to keep tabs on my mom’s social media, and even now he makes me have a tracker on my phone.
A few minutes ago he came into my room to excitedly show me his new camera. I wasn’t as enthusiastic though telling him that we already had a lot of cameras and that it’s really creepy to be watched no matter where I am in my own house.
To which he got instantly defensive, yelling at me that it’s only for safety.
I feel bad for hurting his feelings and maybe he’s right and I’m being overly conscious of the cameras I don’t know anymore AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom needs to step up and stop this situation. If he’s got more cameras coming, more than rooms in the house, I think it would be a safe bet to say that there are some now installed inside the bathroom (not just outside the door like you commented) and in your bedrooms. Everyone’s privacy is sure to be invaded. I would be questioning every “new” little improvement, light switches, electrical outlets, cleaning of vents.
Your father sounds like he knows no boundaries.” HCIBSW
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and your father is crossing a lot of lines. Have your mom, sister, and you sit down with him and explain your concerns and why his cameras and spyware are out of bounds.
If he persists, you have options. Play loud white noise near your door to prevent audio spying, unplug cameras, remove batteries, or point them in a different direction. To look innocuous, randomly place things around the room and put them in front of cameras or move the cameras while doing it.
Get an RF jammer and jam any wifi camera signals. Most operate somewhere between 2.5 and 6 GHz. For your phone, go to Walmart and pay $20 for a cheap Android smartphone. Remove the sim from your (tracked) phone and install it in the new phone.” Interesting-Month-56
Another User Comments:
“Oh jeez. No, honey. NTJ. Your dad has serious control issues. I’m hesitant to call him a jerk, mostly because I don’t know the man and therefore have no clue why. It could be fear. Where do you live? What’s the women’s rights/safety situation?
See, some guys take the whole ‘defender of their tribe’ concept way too seriously. You mentioned a mother and a sister, right? If he’s the only man in your family, this excessive camera dependence might be a manifestation of deep-rooted insecurity: doubts about his ability to keep you safe.
In that case, spyware and social media monitoring and such is a kind of talisman. He’s using them to assuage the chronic worry something bad will happen if you all aren’t constantly surveyed. Which yes, is not sensible, and no, doesn’t make it right, but… a little bit more understandable?
Maybe? On the other hand, he might just be a psychotic jerk who hates women – or one of those creepazoids who feels like less of a man if the women around him aren’t under his thumb. Either way, the guy needs massive therapy.” T1s1phon3Aaronz
2. AITJ For Wanting To Bring My Almost 18 Year Old Daughter To My Brother's 18+ Wedding?
“My brother is having a wedding soon. The invite he sent to my family specifies that the wedding is child-free and 18+. I have 2 daughters (twins). However, they have different birthdays due to them being born a few minutes apart (“Jenna” was born a few minutes before midnight, and ”Brenda“ was born shortly after midnight).
The wedding is on the day of Jenna’s birthday, so my older daughter (Jenna) will be of age while my younger (Brenda) will not. I know it would be disrespectful to bring Brenda to the wedding since she’ll only be 17. But on the other hand, it seems unfair that Brenda will be unable to go while her twin sister will.
I talked to my brother and he said that the rules are the rules and it would be unfair if Brenda were to come since he has another 17-year-old niece who won’t be allowed so it wouldn’t be fair to allow one 17-year-old niece but not the other.
Brenda is upset that she isn’t included in the wedding. So WIBTJ if I brought her along for the wedding against my brother’s wishes?”
Another User Comments:
“Never bring uninvited guests. But what kind of uncle decides his niece’s birthday is a good day for a wedding?
And to exclude one because she is minutes away from being 18? Technically, both kids are 17 because your oldest twin isn’t 18 until nearly midnight, so what’s up with that? Frankly, your response should be, “I’m sorry none of us can make it. Older twin is celebrating her milestone birthday, and I and younger twin will be celebrating with her.
We all wish you a happy wedding and good life with your new wife.”” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Truth be told I have trouble believing this is real, the situation seems too contrived to be fact… I mean a set of twins born at midnight AND your brother schedules his wedding for the birthday?
Seems sus. However since you asked him, and he rendered his judgment, you would be the jerk to go against it. Is it silly? Massively. Does it make sense? Not really. But here we are. If it were me I would just RSVP no as a family and move on.” Patrick_Kanes_Mullet
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You have a responsibility to look out for your kids and their interests. It’s extremely petty to GAF if the child is one day under 18. But, to avoid arguments (because the rules are there), I would take neither child.
Don’t punish one sister for an unfortunate birthday placement. But, if I were you, I’d be upset at my brother for not being sympathetic and allowing my daughter, who is ONE DAY under 18 and has special circumstances (her 18-year-old twin being able to go but not her), to go.
For those who respond to this by saying “there are no special circumstances, she’s 17,” have some empathy. The 17 yo girl is no different from her twin. She should be treated the same, there’s no reason for any “rule” to be so rigid even amongst the ones you love.” BattalionX
1. AITJ For Keeping My Window Shade Open On A Flight?
“So when I fly I go out of my way to ensure I have a window seat as I enjoy both looking out the window and having the warm sunshine on me. On this flight I’m on, I have the window seat and there’s one lady in the aisle seat (nobody in the middle seat).
As soon as I get to my seat and politely tell her that I’m sitting here and signaling her to get up so I can sit down, she’s already sighing, not sure why.
Not even 10 minutes into the flight I’m resting my head on the table you pull down from the seat.
Headphones in listening to music, with my face towards the window enjoying the sun on my face. Mind you this is a 7 am flight and we are on the side where the sun rises. She taps my shoulder and says “can you shut the window shade?” I say “sorry but the whole reason I purchased a window seat is to look out the window.” She just goes “okay, great,” and lets out a huge exaggerated sigh.
I put my headphones in and went back to what I was doing for the rest of the 2hr flight.
I kind of can see where she’s coming from but if she insists on having the shade shut then she should have purchased a window seat.
I paid an extra $30 or whatever it was so I feel as if I should be able to do whatever I want with the window shade… AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Back when I could still fly, I did whatever I could to get a window seat.
I love being up above the clouds and seeing the world go by. It’s peaceful. She politely asked, and you respectfully declined. End of story. Her dramatic display of indignation is a reflection of her, not you. Were she to have continued to complain, or ask a flight attendant to make you close the shade, she’d have been in the wrong.
If you had acted antagonistically toward her, you’d have been at fault. As is, just another day. No jerks here.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“I was on a flight where someone’s window shined directly into my eyes and I had to wear sunglasses the whole flight and I secretly hoped a house would fall on the person who was keeping it open.
So you probably ruined someone else’s flight besides the person next to you. I prefer the aisle I don’t want to ask you to move so I can pee. That’s just me. I don’t consider the window an upgrade for me it’s a downgrade with the exception of being able to shut that dang window lol.
To second someone else it’s public transport I don’t generally recline my seat either even though I could. It’s about mutual respect. ESH.” Particular-Tone4981
Another User Comments:
“Well, I guess I am the only person who thinks YTJ. This is public transit, not your private plane, there are certain common courtesy expectations.
One has to do with the hour of the day and having a bright light shining through the window. Do you have to keep it closed the whole time? No, but you should compromise and let them sleep for at least part of the flight.
At a 7 am flight people almost always keep the windows closed. She also paid for a ticket and at least right now it is not always that they could not afford it, sometimes they didn’t book in time to get it or maybe they feel trapped in the window seat, and that makes the aisle seat more comfortable, maybe they have Ibs and need to be able to get to the bathroom easier who knows.
I always get the window seat because I get sick if I can’t look out the window during takeoff and landing, but the window being open or closed outside of that has to do with the general vibe of the plane and what is best for the majority of the people on the flight.
If I somehow did not get it and asked the person in the window seat to please open at those times so I could try to look out and they didn’t? They would be a huge jerk. This isn’t different. If you want to completely control that, it sounds like you need to work harder and buy your own plane… or pay for all the tickets in an entire row.
Otherwise don’t be a jerk and compromise.
Say “I really like to have the window open but if that is making it hard for you to sleep I can only keep it open for half the flight would the first or last half work better for you?” This is like bringing tuna fish on a plane and stinking up the whole place and being like I’m not a jerk because I bought a ticket now I can do whatever I want and don’t care if it makes anyone else uncomfortable!
HAHAHA.” Abaverage
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