People Toe The Line Between Right And Wrong In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
21. AITJ For Deleting My Vlogger Friend's Footage From My Housewarming Party?
“I invited my friends over for a housewarming to celebrate me moving into my dream home. It’s a place I’ve been saving and working super hard for (something that all of my friends are aware of) and everyone was happy to come over and celebrate the milestone.
The issue is that one of my friends (“Suzy”) is a popular vlogger. She asked if she could film part of the party to include in her “day in the life” video. I’m super private, so I said no at first, but Suzy promised she wouldn’t show anything personal and only wanted a couple of scenes of my friends laughing together and footage of the food spread.
She also promised I wouldn’t be in the video.
I was still uncomfortable, but after she assured me she wouldn’t overshare, I said fine.
The day of, within 10 minutes of the party starting, a mutual friend pulled me aside and said that she saw Suzy filming her intro and mentioned giving a “house tour” of her friend’s new home.
She also said that she saw Suzy filming the outside of my home from top to bottom, and it would be easy to tell the neighborhood I lived in.
During the entirety of the party, I noticed that Suzy kept filming more than what she promised, so I confronted her about it.
I asked to see the footage, and Suzy said “no”, and acted super offended that I wouldn’t trust her.
I waited towards the end of the party, and when Suzy was in the bathroom before leaving, I decided to just go through her camera. I was furious when I noticed that she filmed my whole home (even my bedroom and closet), and there were tons of clips where you could clearly see my face.
I’m not kidding when I say that the footage looked like one of those home tour videos that realtors post online.
I can admit that I was acting on impulse and my anger at this point, but I went ahead and just deleted all of the footage of the party.
She found out shortly after when she went to shoot footage of everyone leaving and confronted me. I did admit to doing it, and we had a bit of a row until I just kicked her out. Most of my friends are understanding and “on my side”, but they did say that I shouldn’t have gone and deleted the footage myself.
I personally felt like I did the nice way of asking Suzy directly first, but she was being so obstinate that I had no choice.
The drama’s been spreading around now with mixed reactions, so I wanted another opinion in case I really was the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She would have posted that on her socials and then what? She’ll take it down once you see it? I doubt it. You took the right action because she completely invaded your privacy and your new home. Also, it’s possible that someone will show up at your house if they know where it is.
I’ve heard countless horror stories from influencers being stalked just because someone recognized the neighborhood. Not cool.” Reddit User
Another User Comments:
“From start to finish she disrespected your boundaries set. First and foremost she lied to you off the rip and had no intentions of following suit.
You don’t “accidentally” take footage of someone’s entire house inside and outside. It’s also completely and entirely irrelevant if she’s freaking George Lucas or a Major TV star you just don’t do that. Her “job” isn’t more important than your safety and peace of mind.
Second, there is no guarantee whatsoever of what she would and wouldn’t use, and was offended that you found out and deleted it. Then why show it to another friend but not you the owner of the home?? OP NTJ she needs to apologize in full for lying, taking exposing photos of your home, and her attitude toward it.
This reeks of a lack of accountability. Being a vlogger doesn’t give you a free pass to be a jerk.” KeckleonKing
Another User Comments:
“NTJ like at all. She is selfish and cares more about her online presence than she does about you and your privacy.
She was happy to go back on her word and then lie about it. If you’d asked her to delete the footage, she’d just lie about that too. Any friends who side with her are in for a rude awakening when she decides to violate their privacy too.
I would never invite this person to my house again, no exceptions.” SLJ7
20. AITJ For Not Lending My Friend $35 For Pizza Despite His Claims Of Starvation?
“I was taught from a young age to not loan anyone funds unless you’re okay with never seeing that money again…
Last night I was relaxing after a difficult last few days, then started to get texts from an older male friend of mine that they needed $35 for pizza, & that they hadn’t eaten in 2 days. By nature, I’ve always been bad at setting boundaries, but lately, I’ve been putting my foot down.
I started to question him as to where his funds had gone from working, & why he couldn’t ask another male friend or even his own family. He said that his mom was too broke to send him $35, & his roommate had turned off his phone & had gone to Disneyland with his family, so he couldn’t get ahold of him either.
I then asked why he was coming to me, knowing that I’m currently on disability from work (not making any funds at the moment whatsoever, just barely getting by using my savings) & he said that he’s asked 3 people, including me, and nobody else has gotten back to him…
He started guilt-tripping me saying he hasn’t eaten in 2 days and will send me $100 in return when he gets paid on Monday…
I told him that I’m not in the position to lend any funds, even if it’s only $35 because I’m literally living penny to penny right now with huge medical bills to pay, & only having my savings left.
He kept guilt tripping me so I turned my phone on silent & went about my night peacefully (because I’m already highly stressed as is, being a 25 y/o female who has had to move back in with my folks while I’m recovering in order to return to my job).
I passed out, woke up to 14 texts and 9 missed calls from him. Saying he’s “literally starving”, that his “insides hurt because he’s only eaten a tuna sandwich 2 days ago”, & then saying “let me know when you’ve sent the funds so I can order the pizza before they close at 3 am”.
Meanwhile, all I’ve eaten myself in the last 3 days have been muffins & granola bars because that’s all that I can afford for MYSELF! $35 isn’t a lot, but when I’m not making any funds right now because I can’t work at the moment, it’s a lot to me!
He ALMOST had me convinced last night that he truly was starving, but based on his past, and how he used to ask me for funds all the time for substances (which I accused him of first, but he said he has to do urine tests for his PO officer), it’s incredibly hard for me to believe him.
AITJ for not sending him $35 for pizza? As well as the fact that I do not believe anything he’s saying? Again.. why would his own mother, or even his roommate (who can afford to go to Disneyland) not be able to send him $35?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A small cheese pizza where I live is $10. And if I was hungry, I could go to the grocery store and buy two bananas, two tomatoes, a package of chicken legs, and a box of pasta or two dozen eggs and a package of English muffins for $10 and eat for several days until I could get to a food bank.
Asking for $35 for a pizza is ridiculous.” Peony-Pony
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He is absolutely lying to you and will use the funds for substances. There are social services for people who are ‘literally starving’. I bet if you offered to meet him at a burger joint to buy him a meal, he’d find a way to insist on cash instead.
You don’t owe this person anything, and you are under no obligation to even explain why. People get to ask for funds one time, and him attempting to guilt trip you into sending it is totally unacceptable. Give him a firm ‘no’, and stop responding.” BulgingKegelMuscles
Another User Comments:
“The way he is spam messaging you is a sign of an addict. You need to block him. The reason he is coming to you and being persistent is because he thinks he has a shot at getting funds from you. If he has a roommate that can afford Disney I doubt the cabinets are bare.
If that part was true. Also that he doesn’t want you to order a pizza for him but to send him the funds is another red flag. If I was starving I would be grateful for anything and if the person needed proof that I wasn’t using the funds for substances I would be happy to let them order it for me.
$35 is what he needs for the next fix, not to feed his stomach. Take care of yourself. It’s a shame he’s trying to take advantage of you knowing you are in a bad place also. You seem like a caring person. Block the number and don’t feel guilty at all.” Tired-unicorn-82
19. AITJ For Snapping At My Nephew For Acting Like A Child Over Taking Medicine?
“My nephew David is 19-years-old. I was visiting my brother Matthew recently and was staying with them for a few days.
Sometime after I arrived, David got a cold which developed into a fever yesterday. There was some paracetamol in the house. Now, I was almost shocked to learn that it was my sister-in-law Sasha who helps to feed him the medicine (by placing it on his tongue and pouring water).
Apparently, he’s scared of tablets.
So she was going to do that, and David was looking all apprehensive, etc., and muttering “God, help me out”. He asked her to pour the water down carefully and was genuinely looking really scared. And then when she finally did, he didn’t swallow it in time and spat it out.
At this point I lost my temper and snapped “For God’s sake, David, you are 19 and not a toddler.”
Matthew and Sasha did not like that. They told me that I am taking parenting into my own hands, etc., and that it’s none of my business.
I told them “He’s my nephew and I love him. It pains me to see him acting like a literal child. I don’t think Emily would like that either.” Emily is his partner.
In the end, we got into a huge argument & then it got worse and I had to leave.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“This is the story we need to hear that forced parents to teach their children to swallow pills/tablets young! I started at 2 because a necessary pill for my child did not come in liquid form. With the help of a therapist, my child was swallowing pills like a pro.
Taught other children and my best friend’s children. The method your nephew is using is setting him up for failure, have him google or see a specialist to learn to swallow a pill.” Slightlysanemomof5
Another User Comments:
“There’s no question that you’re the jerk for your outburst. You chose to ridicule this kid while he’s in the middle of dealing with his anxiety.
You chose to make a tense moment even worse for everyone there… why? To make yourself feel better? To point out that this is problematic because you think they don’t already know that? Or because you think shaming your nephew was going to be good for him?
When your reaction to a bad situation (that’s none of your business in the first place) is to go make it worse, YTJ.” pjeans
Another User Comments:
“I wouldn’t have been able to watch this and not at least have a look on my face that would have told them the exact same words.
My partner hates swallowing pills so he just buys the kind that dissolves in water or in your mouth? Never makes me feel like he’s infantilizing himself the way reading this did. Won’t give a judgment, because of course it’s not his fault and of course it was rude, but to not even be able to crush and eat the pills with some jam or whatever on your own at nineteen and instead need your mom’s help pouring water into your mouth?
I can’t blame you, I accept I’m a jerk too. I genuinely would never have said it out loud, but I do agree with you.” Plane-Trifle3608
18. AITJ For Leaving My Parents' House After My Sister Secretly Filmed Me?
“I’m (19f) in college and when the semester finished a couple of weeks ago I had planned to stay with some friends.
But my parents told me they wanted me to come home so bad and I should spend some time with my family (them and my 15-year-old sister). So I went “home” for summer break. I didn’t really want to be there, because I feel like my parents spoil my younger sister and I find it so annoying and her attitude can be really annoying, but they’re family, you know.
It lasted three days when I found out my sister had put a camera in my room. I was SO mad and my sister told me I was being such a drama queen and there’s nothing wrong with getting some footage of me. She tried to claim it was no different from home movies.
My parents were telling me to calm down while I confronted my sister and they acted like she was a baby who didn’t understand what she was doing, when she’s old enough to know so much better and she’s old enough to be taught at the very least. I ended up deleting all the stuff I found of myself on my sister’s laptop and then I went to my friend’s place like I had originally planned. My parents thought I was just gone for the night but I told them I wasn’t coming back again.
They gave me a few more days and when they realized I was serious they told me I needed to come back home sometimes and in the heat of the anger I was still feeling I told them I wouldn’t go back to their house as long as my sister still lives with them.
What I really should have said, and what I do feel, is that there’s no point for me to go back to them anymore when they value her way more than me and don’t seem to care about me. Because seriously, acting like it was no big deal what she did.
It was so wrong.
My parents told me I shouldn’t talk that way about my younger sister and I’m throwing a toddler’s tantrum instead of responding to all of this like an adult should.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have a right to your privacy in your personal space, and your sister completely violated it and did so with your parents’ approval essentially.
There is absolutely NO reason for her to be recording you, nor saving the recordings of you; for as far as any of us knows she is using it as a means to distribute, and her simply being 15 is no excuse for that type of behavior.
I know plenty of 8-year-olds who would know what she did was wrong. Keep holding up those boundaries; just because they’re family doesn’t mean they have a right to walk all over you the way that they have been. If it does end up leading to going full no contact with all of them, then so be it.
You know what’s best for you, and they’d rather FAAFO.” UncleTrucker1123
Another User Comments:
“Your sister literally committed a crime and your parents are enabling her by making you out to be the one in the wrong and acting like she’s a little baby that does not know what she does.
Nonsense, she’s 15, she knows what she did. I have to question the parents on this because there is no way a sane individual would think this is okay. I’d agree with someone else about getting the police involved but you’ve already deleted the evidence so I don’t know how that would go.
NTJ.” AceFireFox
17. AITJ For Wanting To Choose My Own Baby's Name Despite Others' Suggestions?
“I, (22 F) am currently 9 months pregnant with my first child. My mother (42 F) has been extremely supportive throughout my pregnancy in terms of buying the baby stuff and making sure we are ready once the baby arrives. The father of my child (25 M) hasn’t been there as much as I would have appreciated him to be and when I voiced this out he broke up with me after a 3-year relationship, however, he and I are on good terms currently as friends and I have no intention of getting back with him.
His mother (54 F) and I were once close then stopped being close because her two daughters don’t like me, one felt I was “replacing her” and the other chose to side with her sister which is the right decision, the older sister asked to speak to me but I believe had there not been a baby there would not be a conversation so the distance between us works just fine to maintain the peace we both have.
The baby daddy’s mother has also been supportive for the last few months although she has made some comments that I don’t like such as “she doesn’t look a month pregnant” after her son told her in a family meeting he had with his mother and sisters (might I add I am a university student so the relationship is long distance), other comments have been on how I dress.
I am writing all this so you understand everyone’s place in my life. My ex wants to give the baby a name, his mother wants to give the baby a name and my mother wants to give the baby a name. I don’t like all names so I have resulted in standing back and allowing myself to not give my child a name because at first, I felt I would write all names chosen on the birth certificate.
Recently there’s been a problem of what will the baby’s first name be. I am thinking of naming my child something completely different and sticking to it. WIBTJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your body, your baby. If the baby’s father was actively in a relationship with you and supporting you as a full partner, I’d say you should completely compromise on names.
Choosing baby names should be a “one no, two yes” situation, normally, between expecting parents, meaning only one person needs to dislike it, both must want it. If you are not getting emotional and financial support, and baby daddy isn’t going to be a full parent, you don’t owe him even that much.
No one else gets to pick YOUR baby’s name. They may suggest, only.” Resident-Librarian40
Another User Comments:
“Ideally you would include the baby’s father in the decision about the child’s name, and pick something you and he both like. But beyond that, NTJ – neither your mother nor his gets to decide what you call your child.
They are free to suggest names, you are free to ignore those suggestions. I would, however, recommend that you give the baby your last name, given you and dad are not together. You could give them his last name as a middle name if he wants the child to have his name as well as yours.” ProfessorYaffle1
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – why is this even a question? Name YOUR baby whatever you’d like. Including the last name. If you choose to use the baby’s father’s ok. But you don’t have to use that if you don’t want to.
This is one point of power that you have that no one can take anyway. Name that baby what makes YOU happy. Ignore everyone else. I don’t care how supportive they were. If being supportive comes with expectations of you returning it by doing what they want then it’s not really support.” UrMomShldHavSwllwd
16. AITJ For Not Letting My MIL Drive My Kids After She Fell Down The Stairs?
“Around 1 am there was a terrible crash as my (70f) MIL decided to try to navigate our stairs in the dark while wearing a CPAP. She tumbled down the steps, hitting her head badly enough to bruise her face and cause some serious swelling around her ear.
I immediately started calling 911 but my wife who is a NICU RN told me not to call as her mother had no obviously broken bones and didn’t want to go. I’m not a medical professional and it’s seldom wise to argue with a nurse or one’s wife but I pressed for them to at least let me drive her to the ER if they refused an ambulance but all to no avail.
This was just a couple of hours ago and she’s now in bed with an ice pack and a couple of Tylenol (to avoid b***d thinners). In the morning she wants to drive home and take my (9F) daughter and (13m) son to her place for the week.
This has been planned for weeks and I would have no issues with it but for the fact that the woman just fell down a flight of stairs and could have a concussion. I love her and don’t want her to drive at all and asked her to stay a couple of extra days but if she insists on going I can’t stop her.
I told my wife I was uncomfortable with the kids riding with her given the danger and she thinks I’m being silly which I don’t understand at all as she’s a very competent nurse. I finally told her that everyone could be mad at me but it simply wasn’t an option.
I’ll take the day off and drive them if I must but I won’t take any chances. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m a nurse and I’m frankly appalled at your wife’s decision to not take her mother to the ER. A 70-year-old who suffers a fall and sustains head injuries should absolutely be checked out in the ER, whether or not your wife, your mother, or the Easter Bunny believes it isn’t necessary.
If she absolutely refuses to go, tell her that your children will not be staying with her at her house, as you do not think it is safe. She could be suffering from a concussion or an intracranial bleed.” StarryNorth
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A concussion is the least of your MIL’s worries.
A subdural hematoma is more worrisome and likely. I’m an adult trauma surgeon. I’ve rotated through NICU and pediatric surgery. I still have no business treating children. Your wife has no useful experience with the care of the elderly. Bruising by the ear can be from a skull fracture (called Battle’s sign).
She meets the criteria for a CT head and C spine for age and mechanism, plus more depending on what the assessing emergency physician deems necessary. Don’t let your children stay alone with your wife or your MIL at this point. Your wife is a jerk.” legoladydoc
Another User Comments:
“A quick Google will tell you that anyone with a concussion, or suspected of a concussion, should not be left alone or be allowed to operate heavy machinery or drive within 24 hours of injury. Add to that her age 70s => greater risk of fracture and other fall-related complications.
Your MIL should definitely go to urgent care and get examined by a physician. At the very least she should be monitored at home for the first 24hrs. Common sense and erring on the side of caution means not letting a possibly concussed patient drive with your kids in the car.
That’s just tempting fate. This is a hill I’d die on. I’d rather be wrong and called out for overreacting than risk the lives of my kids. NTJ, OP.” Night-Kuwago
15. AITJ For Confronting My Sister-In-Law About Her Cat Killing Protected Bird Species?
“My wife (34F) and I (36M) spent this past weekend visiting her sister Meg and her sister’s partner Kevin. My sister-in-law and her partner are preparing for their wedding this summer and since my wife is the maid of honor, we visited them so that the two of them could go over some things.
Meg and Kevin have 2 cats. One of them they regularly let out into their backyard, which isn’t fenced. They just let her roam wherever she wants. While we were there, this cat brought back no less than 4 birds. Meg and Kevin just laughed this off as if this was a very common occurrence.
They joked about their cat single-handedly keeping the bird population in their area in check, as if that’s a thing that is ever needed.
However, at least 2 of the birds that their cat brought back were migratory birds. For anyone who doesn’t know, a lot of these migratory birds are protected species.
Yes, Meg and Kevin are not going after these birds themselves, but they seem to have no problem at all that their cat routinely takes down protected species.
I brought this up to them after the cat brought the 4th bird home. Meg and Kevin were joking about it as they did every other time and I finally spoke up.
I told them that what their cat is doing is detrimental to protected bird species and that they are basically being willingly supportive of a neighborhood menace. I told them that if it was them doing this and not their cat, they would be subject to legal consequences.
Kevin, for his part, seemed genuinely surprised and said he never knew about such a thing for protected bird species. Meg, on the other hand, got extremely defensive and started coming after me. She told me I must hate cats or know nothing about them because this is just typical cat behavior.
I told her that if her cat is bringing birds home this often and they are doing nothing to stop it and keep letting the cat outside, they are either being willfully ignorant of what their cat is doing or are just being jerks by not seeming to care at all.
I told her that I guarantee all of their neighbors who have bird feeders in their yards hate their cat. It’s not like this is a normal part of the native ecosystem. It’s a pet going after wild animals for sport.
Meg kept trying to defend her cat and it started to spread into personal insults against me.
At that point, my wife stepped in and tried to calm things down. Meg wasn’t having it and told my wife that next time she comes to visit, I should just stay at home.
On our way home, my wife actually got upset with me for calling Meg and Kevin out for what their cat is doing.
She said I should have just kept my mouth shut since we were guests in their house and their cat isn’t doing anything to anyone.
I asked if she is seriously defending them over this and she told me I am making a big deal out of nothing and now I’m no longer welcome in her sister’s house.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. OP, I just wanna preface this with you’re 100% right about outdoor cats and the detrimental effect they have on the environment around them. The reason I’m saying everyone’s a jerk here is because it sounds like you approached the conversation confrontationally, rather than constructively.
People’s kneejerk reaction to being scolded/attacked is to immediately get defensive. You have backed her into a position she only held jokingly, and cemented her into it. Was that the right position for her to take? Absolutely not. BUT the situation could potentially have been avoided if you had brought it up in a way that wasn’t accusatory.
I’d probably try to approach these situations more gently in the future, and then if they refuse to acknowledge the importance of what you’re saying, document evidence and bring it up to whatever authority would care that migratory birds are getting killed in a way that’s otherwise avoidable.
People don’t change behaviors when you attack and belittle them from the get-go, no matter how right you are, you’re prioritizing your indignation over the actual change you are supposedly seeking.” Baileythenerd
Another User Comments:
“Cat lover here – I have cats of my own as well as having fostered dozens.
You are NTJ. Studies show that pet cats have a massive impact on bird populations, and there is no pressing behavioral NEED for domestic, non-feral cats to be outside. If the cat is used to being outdoors, it’s more difficult, but I’ve seen lots of cats make the transition from indoor/outdoor to indoor-only.
If they really think the cat should be outside in their yard, they could go outside with it and keep an eye on it and the birds, or they could stretch mesh over the yard to keep birds out. Indoor/outdoor cats have about half the life expectancy of indoor-only cats, so “it’s best for the cat” is not a valid argument.
(It’s mostly due to them getting hit by cars, but in some areas, there’s also a concern with predators like coyotes or alligators.) A LOT of shelters will only allow you to adopt a cat if you pledge not to let it outside and the lower life expectancy is a large part of the reason why.
I’d advise you to check out some of those studies.” FeuerroteZora
Another User Comments:
“NTJ; You’re right, but you should have approached them with less hostility. People tend to dig in when insulted, you could have just driven them deeper into this behavior by doing it like this.
I probably would have just casually mentioned the species being protected (and any law surrounding it if any are applicable), and let it go at that. If she tried to get defensive about it, just reassure her you weren’t trying to blame her or the cat.
She might have backed down and thought about it a bit. Especially since her husband was genuinely shocked. But now after the fight and insults, probably far less likely. Approach matters.” MaidenEevee
14. AITJ For Refusing To Skip Work To Attend A Car Show With My Dad?
“I (21f) have a rather rocky relationship with my bio father (53m). He and my mother got divorced when I was six and I saw him only on the weekends and occasionally on weekdays.
Onto the matter at hand, I told him I wouldn’t be able to attend the Father’s Day car show with him as I’ll be at work during the time it takes place. Well, he went off saying I missed the last two so I owe him one and I can miss one shift at work to spend time with him.
I told him I wasn’t going to miss work for an event he dragged me to every year he knew I hated going to.
Now my stepmother and step-siblings are blowing up my phone saying I should be there for the car show. I asked if they were willing to cover the money I’d miss from the shift. They haven’t responded since.
My mom and stepdad think I’m in the right. But my grandfather thinks I can******* up for a few hours to make my dad happy.
So, AITJ for telling my dad I don’t owe him going to an event I hate when he asked me to skip work.”
Another User Comments:
“This sounds like a difficult position for you to be in. The most important thing to keep in mind is that you are an adult, with responsibilities of your own, and you don’t owe your bio father anything (regardless of missing previous events).
He should be meeting you part-way on this and looking for something you BOTH enjoy (and ideally something which doesn’t fall on a workday), instead of playing a guilt trip game. NTJ.” Accurate_Fly_9887
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but your dad is. Rather ironic he’s being this way about Father’s Day.
And why would he insist you go somewhere you’ve made it clear you dislike? He should’ve been trying to find someplace you’d both enjoy going to with you that day. Newsflash for your dad and everyone else: Father’s Day is about celebrating your relationship with your dad.
Doesn’t sound like you’ve had much to celebrate, so you’re pretty much off the hook IMO.” Global_Look2821
Another User Comments:
“He had you on weekends and some weekdays, so he had you for whatever the court visitation granted him. I’m not sure why you added that part because that doesn’t make him a bad father.
Now if you have a rocky relationship, fine. But, you’re treating him like he was an absentee dad. This has nothing to do with your story. You don’t like your dad and don’t want to celebrate him on Father’s Day? Reasonable. You have to work and can’t request off?
Again, reasonable. Dad wants to go to a car show on Father’s Day but you don’t like car shows? Since you have to work and you don’t like your dad, reasonable. That would make you a jerk IF you didn’t have completely reasonable reasons for not attending.
Father’s Day isn’t about you and if you love someone, you put up with a few hours being tortured at a car show because it’s his day.” No-Abies-1232
13. AITJ For Refusing To Change My Wedding Catering To Accommodate My Cousin's Dietary Preferences?
“My fiance “Daniel” and I are in the process of planning our wedding. We recently decided on a catering service that we thought was the best option within our price range that would satisfy all of our guests’ dietary needs. Most significantly, Daniel’s brother has a tree nut allergy, so we needed a service that would accommodate that, which limited our options.
About a week ago, my cousin “Meredith” reached out to me letting me know she is now eating vegan and gluten-free for health reasons. Meredith is known to hop on trends only to move onto something else the next month, whether it be clothes, food, etc., so I highly doubt she will still be vegan and gluten-free by the time the wedding rolls around.
Still, we had not finalized our menu yet, so I sent her the catering website and asked her to pick what she wanted.
A few minutes later, Meredith informed me that the only vegan gluten-free entree was a mushroom dish and said “you KNOW I despise mushrooms.” (I had no idea.
I also had no idea she was vegan and gluten-free.) She asked if there was another catering company I could use. I told her no–both Daniel and I looked through the menus for companies that satisfied all dietary needs of our guests and picked the one we liked the most. I didn’t say this, but it’s also a matter of principle and not just which food we like–asking us to change our catering service to accommodate her WANT, not her need, is incredibly self-centered and if I agreed, I would be reinforcing poor behavior.
She complained, “everyone’s needs but mine” and I retorted, “Your needs are met. If you do not like mushrooms perhaps you can eat beforehand.”
I thought that would be the end, but the next morning I woke up to several messages from Meredith with links to catering companies.
A lot of them were all vegan or all gluten-free (I am NOT subjecting my guests to a vegan or gluten-free wedding), and some of them were companies Daniel and I had looked at. I told Meredith my decision was final and that if she pressed more I would uninvite her from my wedding.
She has not bothered me since.
I asked Daniel what he thought since he is my voice of reason, and he said that I shouldn’t have threatened to uninvite Meredith over some text messages. He even said that if she just really hated mushrooms and had no real reason to be vegan or gluten-free, we could pick a different place and it wasn’t a big deal. It’s easier for us to change so early in the process, and there were lots of other options we liked. I told him it’s not just about the food or the hassle of change–it’s about principle.
Daniel said if I was really that petty and just wanted to teach Meredith a lesson, I should let it go. Does not changing the catering company make me a jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. Like you said, she’s asking you to change your caterer to accommodate her wants, not her needs – I think it’s reasonable to get upset if your wedding didn’t have options for her dietary restrictions, but if there is a vegan gluten-free option, it’s not your responsibility to make sure it’s something that she will like.
More importantly, it’s your wedding, you should be making sure you cater food that you and your fiancé would enjoy. It is meant to be your day.” AmbitiousAd2463
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Meredith is suffering from “new vegan syndrome” and hasn’t learned that the world doesn’t (literally) cater to her chosen diet.
After 30-plus years, I just ask politely to see the menu and figure out what I can put together to meet my needs and see if I can put together something to eat. If I can’t, I eat beforehand. The idea of asking someone to change their caterer to meet my needs is beyond audacious and is completely rude.
This is a wedding, not two weeks in the wilderness, and she will survive missing a meal.” TemptingPenguin369
Another User Comments:
“NTJ what I want to know is why your fiancé is trying so hard to defend and cater to this selfish cousin, instead of his own brother and others.
I find it really odd that he’s willing to put everyone else, including his own brother, at risk so that your selfish cousin will be happy. I just find it really weird. Is she like his mistress? Do they have a close bond that makes them friends?
Do they hang out at all? I just don’t understand why he’s willing to change the caterer so that she is happy for a selfish WANT. But not for his BROTHER’S NEEDS. I don’t know but this screams sus from the fiancé. I’d sit down the fiance and have a deep conversation about this.
How her demand isn’t ok, how her wants are simply that, wants. How other guests NEEDS come first and she needs to accept it. Then ask why he’s trying to please her so badly. Shut her down and uninvite her and anyone else who has a problem with it.” New-Link5725
People with genuine food restrictions AND basic manners are capable of making arrangements that don't impact everyone else such as eating beforehand/afterwards and making do with something they don't much like. It's almost always the person whose dietary issues are non-medical/non-cultural and based on some scientiically ludicrous online craze or intense virtue signally who has to make sure that their issue is the main topic of the day, as well.
Tell her to eat what's there or go without. Or not come, if she'd prefer that.
12. AITJ For Not Buying My Dieting Partner A Pastry?
“My partner of 2 years is an absolutely gorgeous, stunning woman. I love every inch of her and don’t think anything needs to change. Over the past few months, she went through a really rough time with some family and work stuff, and as a result, ditched a lot of her exercise and healthy eating habits.
As a result of overeating junk food, she put on about 10 pounds. While I tell her every day that she’s beautiful (and mean it too!), she is uncomfortable and 2 weeks ago started talking about how she wants to cut out junk food, start exercising again, and go back to her baseline weight.
I support her efforts to return to healthier habits.
Last week, on my way home from work as I often do I stopped at my favorite bakery in the city. I usually stop at least once per week and while in the past I would always pick up something for myself and my partner, this time I only got something for myself because she’s been vocal about how she will cut out pastries.
I got myself a big cinnamon roll with cream cheese glaze.
When I got home, she saw the bakery bag and asked mmm what did you get. I had to admit that I didn’t get anything for her since she said she wants to cut out pastries.
She got upset and said I should have texted her when I was in the bakery and asked if she wanted anything. I said I just didn’t think she would since she’s been so vocal about wanting to cut out certain foods. She then said I shouldn’t have gotten anything for myself either since now I’m just “flaunting it” and making her feel heavy.
She cried a lot and she’s still a bit cold towards me.
I’m genuinely confused. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m so confused by all the people saying it’s rude to eat a pastry in front of someone who is dieting. When I diet I have no expectations of the people around me not being able to eat treats just because I’m temporarily going without.
It’s my job to keep myself accountable, not anybody else’s. Having said that, everyone is different, if she prefers you to not eat treats in front of her then that’s something you need to discuss and figure out a plan as a couple.
I say no jerks here. Now you know that her preference whilst she is dieting is for you to a) ask her regardless if she wants something and let her make her own decision and b) know not to eat treats in front of her if that is what you guys agree to for her sake.” Acrobatic-Economics7
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You literally took her at face value and now people are upset at you. I do not get this at all. For a variety of reasons I’ve had to change my diet to cut out sugar, and in no way shape, or form would it be appropriate for me to get upset at my spouse for bringing sugar home.
I’ve noticed there’s been this infantilization of women, including by women themselves, insisting that they must be catered to, minds read, without any ability to manage their own feelings or diets. As a woman I absolutely loathe it.” Witty-Stock-4913
Another User Comments:
“You’re not a jerk, but you fell right into that trap.
No matter what they say, always ask the question “I’m at the pastry store, would you like anything, dear?” Trust me on this one. Save yourself the headache. It isn’t about the pastry, it shows her you’re being mindful and taking her possible needs into consideration; regardless of how bad she felt about herself on, say, Tuesday, she wants the option to say yes or no to pastry.” HoboSapiens9000
11. AITJ For Not Leaving My Partner Leftovers Of The Meals I Cook And Pay For?
“My (27M) partner (30F) has no appreciation of good food. Before me, she was eating microwavable mac and cheese, jarred alfredo and noodles, salad kits, and pretty much nothing else ever. Doesn’t cook at all. Those things are fine or whatever, but I can’t eat that every day.
I’m an amateur chef, and I like to cook. Like most days. I’m not into any crazy expensive meals or anything, but I’ll put $30 into a grocery store run and make food for us all the time. At the very least, if I’m using pesto from a jar, I’ll go buy some cherry tomatoes or a chicken breast and keep parmesan around.
That’s too much for her.
She doesn’t want to contribute to dinner like ever claiming she’s fine with microwavable ramen for dinner and can’t afford to pay for groceries all the time (she makes $55k per year and we split all expenses half and half) so I end up footing the grocery bill every time I cook.
I understand, there’s no way to change her relationship with food. There’s no way to change mine. I’ll just buy the groceries. (To clarify, we go on grocery trips together where we split the costs 50-50, we just happen to only get stuff like drinks, snacks, and common ingredients sometimes.
Rarely full ingredient lists for meals) So like 3-4 times per week, I get the urge to cook something cool and go buy all the ingredients myself, never charging her for those meals.
So I make meals sometimes like giant pots of curry or enchiladas.
Before we moved in officially, I’d take most of the leftovers home or sometimes all. I’d take the leftovers with me to work too. She claims that I’m being possessive over food and that I’m not thinking about her when I take food. I bought frozen breakfast burritos for a pre-work-in-a-hurry meal, and she was eating them for lunch at home when there was other stuff to eat.
I had an issue with that because they’re for me on certain rushed mornings so I don’t have to stop and get fast food. Of course she thinks that’s the most unattractive quality in a partner that I did that.
I think it’s hypocritical that she says “I didn’t ask you to cook that food for me, I shouldn’t have to pay for the groceries.
It’s not fair for me to spend money to fund your passion” while simultaneously believing “that’s so selfish of you to not leave me leftovers when you cook.” She told me “I would never ask you to pay for half of my gym membership, because that’s my hobby, not yours.”
It’s not like I’m leaving her with no food. There’s all kinds of stuff to eat around the place, ramen and all. Also, most of the time she actually had access to the leftovers. I just tend to take them with me to work nowadays before she comes home to eat the next day.
She just would rather eat the good food that I cooked. I don’t make that much money. Probably about 2/3 of what she makes. I’m relatively frugal and don’t like to eat out much, so expensive meals are my version of that at times. I always feed her, but am I actually selfish for this mentality?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s not willing to spend money on real food but expects you to buy it, cook it for her, and also give her the leftovers. She just sounds immature and cheap. She’s obviously not fine with just microwaveable ramen if she’s eating what you make, so it’s not about changing her relationship with food.
She’s only willing to make and pay for cheap, high-sodium quick meals. She needs to be realistic about the fact that she’s eating what you make for the cost you make but just doesn’t want to pay for it. If the agreement is to split 50/50 (which isn’t equitable with you making so much less than her) she needs to pay for half of the food.” Gogowhine
Another User Comments:
“The grocery bill needs to be split more evenly. Start making a weekly meal plan and include those items in the weekly shop. She should be paying for half. NTJ. This would drive me crazy also. She wants all the benefits of home-cooked meals but doesn’t want to help pay for them!!
And wants to complain when you take leftovers for lunch because, ultimately, she really doesn’t want ramen every day. She is too lazy to learn to cook and too cheap to pay for actual groceries. (Ramen is way cheaper than “real” food.)” PurpleStar1965
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her comparison to the gym membership is ridiculous. There are no leftovers from the gym that you are consuming. It’s very simple, you paid 100% for the food, you get to 100% decide who gets to consume it. If you choose to share, that’s fine, but she is not entitled to it.
And you are not rude to take all of it yourself. She sounds like she is saying “what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is ours”. Have a talk with her, if she doesn’t budge, think long and hard. This will not be the only thing she treats like this, especially if you let her get away with it.” Awareofmyissues
10. AITJ For Wanting To Warn My Neighbor About My Friend's Large Wedding Party?
“I live in a tiny rural town. My friend from Regional MegaCity wants to get married here.
They came to visit me and fell in love with my town.
This was all cool until they could not afford a venue for the rehearsal dinner, and would use the Airbnb. I offered to pay for a venue, as I can get a great deal being local and being friends with, like, a lot of this tiny town.
This caused a sort of pride thing, where my friend insisted they did not need the assistance.
I insisted that if I was going to help set up folding tables, that I needed to know the owner was okay with this, as Airbnb has anti-party language in the contract.
The owner was vaguely asked in a way that made it seem like the bridesmaids would be having high tea, not that 30+ people would be having a catered dinner.
The thing is, I live here. If this blows up and the police get called, I don’t go back to MegaCity.
If I let my local neighbor know they are getting a big event and they may want to clear this up to avoid misunderstandings on the day of, am I betraying my friend? I asked my friend to clearly state this is a major event and not an assumed wedding shower with a few girls and pie plates.
They told me the permission was permission and to let it go.
Now I’m nervous because as the MoH I am going to be waist deep in throwing a party that is likely going to get neighbors really upset, and being that this is rural angry America, people in the Cul du Sac where the house is might actually get the event broken up by calling police.
It is NOT a chill party town. Friend says nothing bad will happen and as the bride she has ordered that I never bring this up again.”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone is a jerk here, I am only giving you an ESH because I have been in similar situations where a shiny spine was required and I hadn’t developed one yet.
Unfortunately, you are now going to suffer for the actions of the bride, who – reading between the lines – pressured you to make the decision to host at the Airbnb. The liability alone here should make you nervous along with the possibility that you’ll be kicked out of the Airbnb.
You need to fess up to your landlord right now and have a backup plan in place if/when you need to move venues. If the landlord allows you to have the party, then please make sure you: Get party liability insurance in place (especially if you are in the U.S.), have a licensed and insured bartender (and limit drinks for the night), hire a clean-up crew to ensure that the property is spotless afterward, explain the situation and give gift baskets to each neighbor in advance (goes a long way in a small town), keep a noise decibel monitor on hand to ensure you are within noise ordinance requirements.” BlueMoon-9786
Another User Comments:
“I think NTJ but you have a lot of ego and pride here where maybe you shouldn’t. Let them be in charge and make their own mistakes and have their own consequences. You won’t be held responsible. Also, I don’t know what your rural town looks like but the social temperature here in mine is very much mind your business if it doesn’t harm you.
It’s a party. People have parties. It’ll be okay.” Glad-Conclusion-9385
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You know your town, and even though I do live in a MegaCity, I can totally appreciate that if a bunch of strangers descend on a small town, the party gets broken up, and you are seen there, you might have some uncomfortable moments for a while.
Plus, even without the impact on you, respecting the home and also the neighborhood is a fine value to have. My suggestion would be to see if someone you know in the small town could tell the owner for you, basically a friend you conspire with to tell the owner “oh ya, I heard you rented out your house for a wedding.” Then, you can tell your friend that no, you didn’t say anything and when you were told to never bring it up again, you didn’t, but your friend did ask what you were up to on the wedding weekend and you told them you had a wedding to go to, and well, this is a small town and word gets around.” mfruitfly
9. AITJ For Siding With My Friend Over Her Husband's Inheritance Plan?
“My friend is married to a much older guy. They have two kids, elementary school age. This is her first marriage and his second. He has two kids from his first marriage (early thirties, both living with partners, established jobs, no issues on the monetary side, one has kids themselves).
My friend – let’s call her Irene – works in education (not a huge salary, but she does okay). Her husband – let’s call him Carl – will retire next year (from a well-paying job). They live in the home he bought before they met, only his name is on the deed.
They pool their finances for household expenses and she also contributes to the mortgage.
With their recent marriage came the issue of organizing their affairs, among which was a will.
The problem was that Carl is deadset on wanting his inheritance equally split between his four kids and Irene.
This means they each inherit 20%, regardless of their ages or situation, with no caveats about leaving Irene and the younger kids in the house while the kids are underage.
Essentially, Irene will have to sell the house to give each of the kids their share.
Carl also doesn’t want to make different arrangements while his two youngest kids are underage, as he is adamant that they should be treated equally.
While this is fine on principle, the reality is that Carl will most likely be the first to die.
Given his age (he is often mistaken for his kid’s grandfather) it’s not unlikely to happen while his kids are still underage.
The notary was a bit baffled by his choices, which he brought up at the meeting to discuss the terms. Irene had no idea this was Carl’s plan and she feels vulnerable, understandably so in my opinion.
The notary tried to suggest to Carl that it would be more prudent to set conditions about the ages of the kids, and perhaps also to (as is customary in my country) have the surviving spouse live in the house, which is then sold and distributed among the kids once that spouse dies too.
Equally, of course.
Carl was not open to any provisions the notary suggested for Irene to have some form of buffer while the kids are still at home. He all but called Irene a gold digger and said he was sure she was resourceful enough to take care of the kids, but that he had to think about 4 kids, not 2.
Carl seems to love all four kids equally. Sidenote; his older kids do NOT like Irene and that is mutual. They sided with their mother in the divorce (Irene met Carl after the divorce, which the ex and the older kids don’t believe).
Irene came back from the notary crying her eyes out.
I dropped off something at their house by chance and came while they were having an argument about Carl’s choices. Carl considers me to be a rational, intelligent person (his words) and asked what my opinion was.
When I sided with Irene, he got angry and called me a jerk ‘for not realizing that important life choices should be made with logic, not emotions’.
I pointed out his choices seemed illogical and potentially harmful to his two younger kids. He disagreed.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve seen a similar situation play out with a family friend and it permanently put a crack in the siblings’ relationships. Older stepkids forced a sale of the house, leaving step-mum and the new kids temporarily homeless while she tried to secure them housing.
It’s been eleven years and the last time the eldest stepkid tried to talk to his younger half-sister she spat in his face and called him pathetic. This isn’t going to end well.” pacifiedperoxide
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Why is Irene contributing to a mortgage when she is neither on the deed nor will have the right to stay in the house – even while the children are young?
My first step, if I were her, would be to give Carl the ultimatum that if he doesn’t provide in his will for his underage children properly, then she would stop contributing to the mortgage since her contribution is clearly not needed nor valued, she’s just a gold digger and she’s not going to get anything more than the 20% back anyway.” gd_reinvent
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – you were asked for an opinion, you gave it. But, there are too many factors that come into play here and it appears everyone is jumping to an emotional response. Logically/Rationally it could make 100% sense to have this arrangement and only this arrangement for reasons such as: He might have a well-paying job now and considering an average retirement age of 60+ and his older kids being 30s one would need to consider… what job did he have in his 30s?
Can you be certain he had a well-paying job then? Maybe he had a lousy job and could barely provide for those kids? Maybe the life (although early) he is currently providing for the younger kids is already many times better than his previous kids?
Maybe he only acquired this well-paying job in the latter years of his life? While I’m not saying this would necessarily be my choice if given/forced in this situation, I also can see the logic behind it and can’t say it’s any more wrong or right, it’s his choice.” warclonex
8. AITJ For Speaking Up About My Health Concerns In The ER Despite My Parents' Disapproval?
“I’m 24F, Peruvian, and I live with my parents (Here they become independent at 28).
I have had asthma from birth, just like my father. My attacks have always been short and go away with the periodic use of salbutamol but it gets worse in the cold.
In my area, there is a strong frost. Yesterday I had one of those asthmatic attacks, I tried to take medication as usual, but nothing worked. Although I’ve had asthma for years, the last time I had to go to the hospital for it was when I was 12, and even then it wasn’t as bad as it was yesterday.
My parents took me to the ER because I couldn’t breathe enough to speak, my heart was beating quite fast, and I suddenly felt the sensation of dying (I had never felt that in my life before, not even in previous attacks).
I was so afraid of dying that I screamed “help” and “I can’t breathe” during the transfer, to which my parents scolded me saying that I wasn’t going to die and that I was being overdramatic.
When they started to nebulize me, the doctor said that they would have to nebulize me three times in a period of 20 minutes each. Neither my parents nor I wanted to be there for so long, but we had no other option. My heart was already beating fast during the transfer to the ER, but at the second nebulization, my body began to shake.
I asked my father if it was normal, and he told me yes and that nothing was wrong, that they should give me the third round so they could discharge me. It didn’t seem normal to me since I saw that my heart rate was 130 at rest and I was shaking a little.
When the nurse came to connect me, I told her that I was shaking and that my heart was beating quite fast, to which my parents saw me in quite a bad way and, once the nurse left, they scolded me saying that I was being childish, that nothing was wrong.
and why was I calling the doctor for something stupid.
When the doctor arrived he told me that I had tachycardia and that it was the side effect of Salbutamol, that they would stop it for an hour until my heart rate returned to normal and thus I could complete the treatment.
As soon as he left, my dad started telling me that I shouldn’t be scared in this type of situation because I was too old for this nonsense, and that I should stop acting like a little girl because I was throwing a tantrum over something that was normal. I told him to leave and that I could go alone when I was discharged, to which he sent me away and he stayed in the ER.
And this is what makes me think I might be the jerk: My mother told my father to scold me because “I think I did something good.” I honestly don’t know what I did wrong, but my parents’ attitude confuses me.
In the end, they discharged me, my parents never apologized but I still wonder if I was right to ask for medical help in the ER for something “unnecessary” (It doesn’t seem unnecessary to me, but I don’t know if I was really exaggerating without knowing it.)”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your parents acted strange and unkind. If you feel your condition was dangerous and novel, you should absolutely speak up. Luckily it turned out the way it did, but what if you’d actually had congestive heart failure and you stayed quiet because your parents didn’t like you speaking?
To put it another way, the nurse didn’t think your issues were ridiculous, nor did the doctor, so why do your parents get to have contrary opinions? Are they asthma specialists, or surgeons? I doubt it. Please, when your body is doing something new and scary, speak up about it; don’t let your parents’ weird attitudes make you be silent.
Better to complain about something that turns out benign than die of something because you didn’t want to make a fuss. Hope you feel better.” Cavolatan
Another User Comments:
“Not sure how it is in your country but here in the US as soon as someone reaches the age of 18 they can make their own health care decisions, including who gets to speak to the medical professionals, has access to records, and who stays with you during treatment.
I understand our cultures are different, but I would not allow anyone to stay with me acting like that. It may well have been the medication. Or maybe a bit of panic in addition to the medication. You were right to say something about the effects you were experiencing.
NTJ. Mom and Dad can leave or go to the waiting area.” many_hobbies_gal
Another User Comments:
“I really don’t care what country you are in you are an adult, 24 is not a child and the way your parents speak to you is not only unkind but completely disrespectful!
You need to start advocating for yourself. “Mom, Dad I get that I am your child but I am not a child I am a grown adult and you both need to stop using demeaning and belittling words when you speak to me, I am not 3 years old.
” I don’t know if you rely on them for all financial and safety in your life but I hope you have your own means to support yourself. NTJ but your parents are huge ones.” Reddit User
7. AITJ For Being Upset At My Mom's Reaction To A New Fridge Replacement?
“My mother had a fridge for 10+ years…I fixed it 5 years ago after a power outage surge. Then it broke down again 3 years ago.
I couldn’t fix it and everyone told me this brand isn’t worth fixing because it’s an LG and it’s a pain in the rear and expensive to get fixed. So it’s sat there, meanwhile, my parents used a lousy fridge in the garage that’s annoying to have to get to.
When I visit it’s a pain in the rear to cook for them and have to go back and forth. So recently I found a bargain on a $3500 fridge on clearance for $700 for them.
She was like, OK, I’ll give you the money but I declined. She mentions how it’s a good fridge and could be fixed. I mention I can cancel it and she says no, it’s OK, but “I KNOW it can be fixed.” She seemed fine-ish with it.
Whatever. I told her they’d haul off the old one but I could cancel that, but she said no in case it messes up the order and they cancel the order or something weird.
So yesterday, it’s installed and I go get her, and she has her typical dog face and sad face, kinda like upset at me, but not saying anything.
Then goes to the fridge with that mad and sad face and says, I’m so sad about the other fridge. Has a stern look and walks away to her room.
I’m like, you’re acting like this over a refrigerator? Are you kidding me?
Instead of saying thanks for taking care of it all, and being happy she has a working and brand new top-of-the-line fridge, she has this look of disgust-ish, mad-ish, sad look, and it’s obviously at me…because of a nonworking freaking fridge that hasn’t worked for years.
Am I the jerk for being upset at her and calling her out over this?”
Another User Comments:
“We can form notable attachments to certain objects. You are framing her emotional response to the situation as something that has to be “called out”, instead of seeking an understanding of why she is responding the way she is – and letting her process her emotions.
It should be understood that processing our emotions can be an important aspect of adapting to changes, particularly when the change is deemed so negative by the subject. You could improve in recognizing that there is no objectively correct way to experience the situation and no objectively correct way to place value onto certain objects the way epistemic facts are objective – and not conflate your own normative (≠epistemic) framing of it as something more reasonable.
YTJ.” logielle
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You seem to be pretty angry about this, which is odd because you are not the person most impacted by it in any way. Her choosing to keep a bad fridge is not your problem. If it makes it annoying to cook for them, either******* up or don’t cook for them.
It would’ve been generous of you to offer them a new fridge – if it had been an offer, not forced onto them. Clearly, your mother had some sort of emotional attachment to the fridge – even if it makes no sense to you, you need to be cognizant of other people’s feelings.” soupliker9000
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, our toaster broke a couple of months ago (it was like 17 years old), to our unpleasant surprise, we found out that today it costs $300 to buy that model, so we’ve made do with a more affordable toaster, but it sucks. (Like, you can put it on the same setting and set it to the same intensity every day, and still get wildly different levels of toasting.
It’s a small thing, but it’s so noticeable.) Also, sometimes people get sad over weird things, the day we moved when I was 12, my dad, who was very excited to move to our new house ended up crying about our old house later that night.” AnakinSkywalkerisfav
6. AITJ For Defending Unisex Names Against My Wife's BIL?
“My SIL (wife’s sister) is expecting her first child with her husband. For the last four and a half months of her pregnancy, he has been insufferable. SIL and he are no closer to finding a name for their baby and he uses the pregnancy and the fact they are actively still naming their baby to disrespect unisex and gender-bending names (boy names on girls and girl names on boys).
His name is Skyler and he talks about how cruel his parents were for giving him such a girly name and a name that is meant for girls more than boys. He has ranted about people trying to call him Skye and how that’s such a girl’s name.
He rants and raves and regularly brings up the fact men should not have unisex or girl’s names and yet so many people think naming a boy Riley today is fine, or naming a boy Sage makes sense. He said it’s wrong. He talked about meeting a young boy named Wren and how his parents had cursed him to forever be mistaken for a girl when they hear the name.
He said no man or boy likes those names. No man or boy wants to be called those names.
As a male Indigo who goes by Indie in day-to-day life, including at work (and school and college when I went) I disagree that every guy feels this way.
I don’t. I also know a guy named Kenzie (from school) who never had a problem with his name. I know a guy named Sonny who hated his name because he felt it was too girly. So it balances out. But my wife’s BIL is adamant that every man and boy with any name that gets used on girls too is disgusted by it and hates it.
He will not let it go.
This came up again on Saturday when we went out to lunch. He was being loud and doing his same old rant as always. This time I spoke up and told him he can’t speak for all guys with unisex or gender-bending names because we don’t all hate our names and he can look to me as an example if he wants.
I also pointed to a guy he follows on social media who technically has a unisex name. I told him they might not be his thing, and that’s fine, nobody can force him to like those names. But he’s wrong to speak in absolutes about it like he does.
He acted like I had personally demanded he name his son Ella or something. He called me a jerk and told me I can’t force my opinion down his throat like that. His wife told him to shut up and listen to what I actually said.
But he told me I had humiliated him and told him he’s wrong to have his opinions and that makes me the jerk.
AITJ? Should I have simply left the topic alone?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s obviously in a set headspace, your opinion won’t change it or have an impact.
To some people gender neutral names are on par with names that can be reduced to nicknames. Our youngest is Danny, many people assume his name is Daniel and call him that. No, he’s purely ‘Danny’ on his birth certificate. My husband is from Belgium with the name ‘Jan.’ Being in Australia you can bet your bottom dollar people assume I’m a lesbian as they see it written as Jan, until I explain it’s pronounced ‘Yarn’ and he’s a 6 foot 7 bloke.” Haunting-Juice983
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’d have a hard time not laughing at his little tantrum. Darn, the amount of energy he’s dedicated to this is wild. If this is what he considers a big problem, he’s lucky in life. It’s also telling that someone having a simple difference of opinion on this makes him feel “humiliated.” Yeah just keep shutting him down “You’re free to have your preferences but you don’t get to dictate how others feel about their own experience.
We’ve all endured your rants long enough. We will not center your fragility.”” paul_rudds_drag_race
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Many names start off for boys or girls and because we evolve as humans they become unisex and then they get reversed from their initial gender.
For example, the name Ashley is now mostly a girl’s name. In the UK though, in a specific area Ashley was a boy’s name and I actually met 2 guys whose name was Ashley. Wasn’t expecting that but later I learned the history of it.” CupcakeMurder86
5. AITJ For Refusing To Ask My Ex To Spend Time With My Niece After Our Breakup?
“I broke up with my long-time partner of almost 7 years and the issue started when my 6-year-old niece started to ask about when she would see auntie again. Since my ex and I live in the same location as my sister and her husband we spend a ton of time with her daughter.
So recently it’s been about 2 months since my ex and I split up and my niece was questioning when her aunt would return and I tried to explain that she might not be seeing her “aunt” anymore as we weren’t together anymore. This sort of led her to bursting into hysterical tears and crying so I excused myself from the situation.
After my niece calmed down, my sister had a talk with me trying to get me to talk to my ex and get her to spend some time with my niece. I refused because that would be so terribly embarrassing and this led to my sister getting slightly mad at me over not wanting to do this for my niece.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve been your niece in this situation and 100% it sucks wholeheartedly when you lose an adult in your life that you love and care about. And it’s hard at that age to understand the very adult reasons as to why they are no longer in your life.
I understand where your sister is coming from in the sense that she doesn’t want your niece to lose an important relationship but like everything else, time heals all wounds.” coastalkid92
Another User Comments:
“I’m 62. I still remember my aunt’s partner number 1 when I was 5 or 6.
What a great guy. They broke up. Never saw him again. But partner number 2 came around when I was like 8 or 9. Loved him. They broke up. Never saw him again. Aunt’s husband came along when I was about 11 or 12. Eh. He was ok. Rest of the family didn’t like him so as the oldest grandchild they stuck me with the eulogy.
Whatever. Anyway, I survived the drama of my aunt’s love life. Your niece will survive yours. Your sister is ridiculous and you’re NTJ.” 5footfilly
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. One of my aunts lived with us when I was a kid. Her partner moved in and I remember him.
He was always really nice to us and I have only positive memories of the guy. Unfortunately, he did end up being unfaithful to her and they broke up, I never saw him again. I still think about him occasionally if a story like this comes up but more of an “I hope he’s in a better place he was always kind to me” way.” Saltynut99
4. AITJ For Cutting Off Financial Support My Grandfather Provided To Extended Family?
“My (21f) grandfather recently passed and left me all his assets. My mother was his only child and when my parents passed in a car accident when I was 17 he became my guardian. I was studying in a boarding school, so there was no big change to my living arrangement.
I spent one summer with him before going to university. The last time I saw him was this new year.
The thing is, my grandfather has never been close to my family. He and my grandmother were never married and my mom grew up with grandmother.
He did attend big events in her life, like graduation, wedding, and my birth, but I saw him for like a week every couple of years. My mother knew very little about her paternal family except that my grandfather had 2 half-siblings she had met a few times in her life.
I have never met any of them.
My grandfather left behind some properties and money. When I looked into it, he has been letting some children of his nieces and nephews stay for roughly $100 a month in his places. He had also set up his bank account to deposit a relatively small amount of money every month to a few older family members.
I asked my lawyer to take care of evicting these people and stop the monthly allowance.
The extended family now reached out to me, claiming that grandfather has promised he would help them out until they are back on their feet and that as I received his inheritance, it is only right I carry on his intention.
They asked me for another year and then they will not seek my support anymore.
I know these people are my relatives by b***d, but I don’t know them nor do I want the hassle of waiting a year for their convenience. I am not struggling financially as I have a full scholarship, my parents’ assets, and life insurance money, and am studying in a field that will lead to a relatively well-paying job.
AITJ for cutting the support?”
Another User Comments:
“Info: any idea how long he had been subsidizing those people? “The extended family now reached out to me, claiming that grandfather has promised he would help them out until they are back on their feet… They asked me for another year.” That’s why I want to know how it has been.
One more year can turn into a plea for another, then another, and so on pretty easily. It would be interesting to hear how long they have been trying to get on their feet. “And then they will not seek my support anymore.” I find that hard to believe.
“As I received his inheritance, it is only right I carry on his intention.” He had a chance to include them in the will. Maybe this was his way of cutting off the gravy train without being the bad guy. I lean towards NTJ because he did leave you the money and never asked you to keep subsidizing his relatives.” Dittoheadforever
Another User Comments:
“YTJ for giving zero notice to tenants, relatives or not. They may not have been there for very long or maybe they had been there a while and had a chance to save up a little money (if you cared, you could have checked the bank records for how far back they paid the rent) but moving out is a hassle, it’s expensive, and without time to look around for a new place, it can leave some homeless.
I think it’s mean you didn’t give them any grace period at all. You could have easily extended the courtesy of a six-month lease and let them all know there would not be an extension so they should prepare accordingly. Your grandfather obviously did intend to help them, and he left you a windfall you don’t need desperately or immediately.
It would be gracious to honor his wishes a little. Considering all the above, immediately evicting them seems greedy and very uncharitable, given that it wouldn’t have affected you at all, and it’s likely to create a terrible hardship for them.” RulerOfNyaNyaLand
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Not for not being okay with continuing the financial support but for how you’re going about it and your unbelievable callousness. Yeah. They’re gonna need some time to be able to move out. And what happens to your elderly relatives now? Perhaps you can at least make yourself informed about what’s going on and how this will impact them.
Are we talking sick 90-year-olds who won’t be able to afford rent or food now? I would wish such a thing would be relevant, especially since it will impact you zero to give them a grace period. You can make whatever decision you want regarding that, no matter the answers of course.
Your money. But you could give people some time to find homes and/or other help. Such a jerk attitude.” Thoughtsinturmoil
You state that you are not short of money yourself, so it would not be difficult for you to give them a reasonable period of time to adjust and that is what you should do.
3. AITJ For Not Inviting My Dad's Side Of The Family To My Baby Shower?
“My mom threw me a baby shower this last weekend, and during the planning process, she seemed conscious of the number of people being invited so I tried to avoid providing input.
She never really asked me for a guest list, but my husband sent her a few names of his family members he wanted invited. After invites were sent, my mom told me who she had invited and asked if I wanted anyone else invited. At that point, about 30 invites had been sent out and everyone I wanted to be there was included, so I left it alone.
The party was held at my house, but it was organized, set up, and paid for by my mom. We have a large yard, but wouldn’t have been able to accommodate that many people inside if the weather turned bad, and parking would have been questionable.
To keep the count down, we limited it to ladies only, but invited ladies from my mom’s side (immediate and extended family) and a few ladies from my husband’s side (immediate and extended family we both know and see). I honestly didn’t even notice my husband had included family from both sides of his family.
The party was this weekend, and there ended up being around 25 adults and 10 children at the event, so it was definitely the upper limit of people we could accommodate for parking, and it was the perfect size for being able to provide the kids with space to play, and comfortably seat the adults.
The thing is, I didn’t really think to invite anyone from my dad’s side of the family. My parents have been divorced for 20 years, so my mom probably didn’t think of it either. I’m not estranged from my dad, but we’re not close either.
He saw some tagged photos on social media and was extremely upset that I’d had a baby shower and his mom hadn’t been invited. I tried to be vague about the details to avoid hurting his feelings anymore, but my dad could see my husband’s family in the photos too.
From the photos, it was clear that my extended family had been invited (mom’s cousins, grandparents siblings, etc.), my friends, and even my husband’s family.
I feel awful for forgetting to invite them, but I don’t talk to most of his family or see them often at all—maybe every 5 years or so depending on the relative.
Had I added on aunts/cousins/grandparents from his side, it would have meant an additional 10 people, all of whom I don’t see or talk to outside of family reunions every few years.
AITJ for not including my dad’s side too?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You weren’t the host, so invites were not up to you. The fact that your dad’s side of the family was not top of mind for you is also not your issue. It sounds like you make some effort to see them, but not too much, and they seem to do the same.
Relationships are two-way streets; if they wanted to make more of an effort, they would. I’d explain to your dad you feel bad, but you weren’t the host either.” PsychologicalMoose81
Another User Comments:
“I think the better question would be, why would you invite people to such an intimate event you haven’t spoken to in five years and with whom you practically have a zero relationship?
That, by the way, goes for the father you’re not close with. Daddy needs to learn that this isn’t a popularity contest. Had it been so, given that no one from his side, including him, has made an effort to be in your life, they STILL wouldn’t have been invited. NTJ.
Tell Dad to find a hobby and get off your back.” IBelieveYouSure62
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Milestones have a way of making people reevaluate their relationships. Your dad realized from this event that you aren’t as close to him and his family as he wants.
He’s probably hurt about that. It’s not exactly your fault, it’s just a sad thing. The solution here isn’t to determine who is the jerk, but what you want. Would you like to be closer to your dad and/or his family?
This is him clumsily trying to say that he wants to work on being closer. If you want that too, apologize and make plans to see him and/or his side of the family. If distance is an issue, you can try to call him more instead.
If you don’t care, you don’t have to do anything. But personally, I’d rather give an apology and leave a bridge unburnt in case I want to cross it later. This is really a minor thing. If you genuinely dislike that side of your family, that’s fine too, and feel free to leave the bridge without maintenance.” vzvv
2. AITJ For Refusing To Delete A TikTok Praising My Stepdad?
“My dad has a job where he works and travels a lot. He wasn’t around that much.
One of my dad’s friends from the military would come and be uncle/pseudo-dad when I was a kid. Like he pretty much did all of the dad work and my mom got into a relationship with him when I was like 12.
All of my teachers thought he was my dad because he was the one who came to school events and pt conferences. I was closer to him than my actual dad. Like my dad would make me call him Sir while my stepdad was a lot more chill and he would act interested in all the stupid kid stuff I was into.
My dad and stepdad were friends throughout my childhood. Like if my dad didn’t want to do something for me, he’d literally have my stepdad do it.
Two days ago, my dad found a TikTok I made about my stepdad where I said he was the coolest and I loved him.
It was a TikTok trend and I didn’t even get that many likes.
He was really upset I made it and demanded that I take it down. I refused. I love my dad and stepdad equally and I thought it was a fun trend. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“People can mean well but still screw up. Your dad spent your whole life holding you at arm’s length to prioritize his wants. He shrugged off most of his obligations to your mom and stepdad willingly. He may not be a bad person, but he is a bad parent.
You are not responsible for him or his feelings. This is the culmination of years of him neglecting to be a parent. His regrets are his problem to work through. You can’t help him with this because he needs to accept the situation before a solution can even be suggested. Your relationship is what it is.
Realistically, he needs to be honest with himself and likely needs therapy to come to terms with it. NTJ.” I_wanna_be_anemone
Another User Comments:
“So…you have two dads and you grew up in a non-monogamous house… Pretty cool btw. Natal-dad might have trouble coping with the fact that you can have familiar love towards more than one parent, which doesn’t diminish your love for him.
Or that he feels shamed by the public gesture. Maybe try discussing these different types of love/relationships with him, adding you can definitely do something similar to the TikTok for him. It’s not a competition being a parent.” Distinct-Roof-8512
Another User Comments:
“There is so much context missing in this post and in OP responses.
Like, was the family wholly dependent on the biological dad’s income, or did mom and stepdad contribute equally? And how much of the history between the three parent figures does OP really know? Sounds really one-sided to me. I don’t think OP is a jerk, but he has obviously a big problem with seeing things from his biodad’s perspective, probably because he doesn’t want to.
And that’s OK, it is his right to choose. I don’t think Biodad is wrong in feeling wronged, and maybe Biodad should just cut ties with OP, and find new happiness with the kids he got left.” DisastrousMachine568
1. AITJ For Cancelling A Family Barbecue After My BIL Totaled My Car?
“A family barbecue was supposed to take place, in-laws, extended family, and family coming over and all that jazz.
BIL drives a huge pickup truck by the way, and I have a 911. Decent size difference.
I see them pull in right, and BIL is the driver and he’s on his phone. Because of that, he looks right at my car, and as he’s pulling in, he’s still on his phone, and he hits my car.
I guess he thought he was a lot farther than he actually was.
Well, the car’s totaled. This is when people are just starting to show up too, and I’m basically steaming. I was not in a barbecue mood at the time, so I told everyone to take themselves and go home, and that it is canceled. Still waiting on the insurance payout.
Also, I bought the car just last year so it’s not even paid off.
That day after everyone left, my wife is mad at me because some of her family drove 3-5 hours to come, just to be sent home on arrival. And I lost $225,000.
I don’t care. But my wife seems to though, so I’m asking here to see if I’m the jerk.”
Another User Comments:
“ESH – I was on your side until you said that attendees had come from 3-5 hours away. Can you imagine driving 3-5 hours for a party only to find out it’s been canceled?
Unless there was a death in the family, I’d be upset. It absolutely sucks and I get why you’d not be in the mood to have a party…but to affect people who had come so far seems incredibly selfish. At the very least tell the BIL to go away, but everyone?
Messed up.” Tiberius_Jim
Another User Comments:
“INFO: If your car is insured then you didn’t “lose” $255,000 because you will get them back when the insurance is paid, right? I think it is understandable that you were not in a “bbq mood” but the event wasn’t just for you and I can see how your wife is mad that you are sending away family members that had nothing to do with the car accident because of it.
Did canceling the BBQ change anything in the process of what had to happen to report your car damaged and so on? Pretty sure it didn’t. Did you have to ruin everyone else’s day alongside yours? Probably not. Would you have received a lot of in-law family sympathy when they arrived and saw how your BIL has damaged your property – most likely yes, if they weren’t told on arrival that they have to turn around.
No jerks here, but I do think that you didn’t have to cancel the BBQ because it literally changed nothing with connection to your car and only made your family and extended family/in-laws additionally mad.” atealein
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First of all, you didn’t “lose $225k” like you claim.
You’ve lost whatever insurance renewals will increase due to the accident. I can already tell you’re the type to exaggerate. You were morally justified in asking your BIL to leave. However, you unnecessarily took out your anger towards your BIL on the rest of your entire extended family.
The extended family did nothing wrong, yet you dragged them into your problem by canceling the family BBQ just because you were mad or stressed out. It’s an extremely jerk move to send anyone home after they drove hours to your place, just so you can retaliate against them for something they had no control over.” MrSwitchIt
