People Are Strong-Willed In These “Am I The Jerk?” Stories
22. AITJ For Prioritizing Date Night With My Husband Over My Divorcing Sister?
“My (28F) sister (34F) is going through a divorce. I have a husband (28M) who I have been with for over 10 years. My sister has been coming over to our apartment frequently since her divorce for company and advice from me. Usually, on Thursdays, we have a date night and go somewhere special. The past few Thursdays my sister came over and we couldn’t go out.
This Saturday my sister was feeling really lonely and showed up to our apartment without us knowing. We were out and when she called me to ask where I was I told her that we were on a date and probably wouldn’t be back until around 11:30.
She said that she was not feeling very well and that she really needed to talk to me. I told her that I would cut the things that we were doing after dinner and try to come home ASAP as the food was already served. She got mad at me and said that I was prioritizing my relationship with my husband over my relationship with her.
I tried to tell her that I just wanted some time with my husband + we couldn’t just leave because the food had already been served. She hung up and hasn’t talked to me since. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, not really prioritizing your relationship over your sister either.
I know your sister is in a bad place right now, but feeling lonely doesn’t qualify as an emergency, and you already agreed to cut your date night short; the inherent expectation that you should drop everything at any time because she’s sad just isn’t reasonable.
You’ve been very good and understanding to her, but you can’t be her everything. I really hope she has some friends.” ocooper08
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I would not allow her to frame this as a competition between her and your husband. Nip that in the bud immediately.
Your husband is your love life, and your love life is a priority to you. Your life doesn’t have to suffer because hers is, your life doesn’t take a backseat to her life no matter what she’s going through. Make it very clear that she’s not attacking your husband and asking you to choose between them, she’s attacking you and your needs with her demands and that is a line she can’t cross.
If she keeps trying to drag your husband into it, tell her to leave him out of it and take very careful note of what she says and how she tries to manipulate you or push back, because it’s not out of the realm of possibility that since her marriage is tanking she’s now jealous and would like to see yours implode too.
Misery loves company like that.” lionne6
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and please make sure that your husband doesn’t feel neglected and/or hurt because your plans keep being canceled. I know they are canceled because you want to be there for your sister, but please make sure that you still reschedule the dates you missed with your husband and still give him enough attention.
I can imagine that at some point he would get a bit annoyed by your plans being canceled all the time. Still, NTJ but just a bit of advice.” Supportiswelcome
21. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband To Be Friends With Our Female Neighbor?
“My husband (30) and I (30) have been together for 7 years. We have 5 kids together. He has a history of early on, talking to other women online and being flirty with other women while we were out, etc. It’s all things I’ve gotten over and I thought we were in the clear until recently.
He has become very good friends with a female neighbor (36). She is recently single, and a mother of 4. She’s my friend, too, I guess. But nowhere near as friendly with me as she is with my husband. I feel often as though I’m third wheeling when I’m with them, as they’ll walk ahead together, he hugs her, she laughs at all his jokes, etc. Lately, my husband has been coming inside very late as he’s talking with her every night until 10:30/11 pm.
Meaning I’m putting all 5 kids to bed on my own and often I’m asleep before he’s even in the door.
The other night I tried to speak to him about it, it was around 8 pm. He said he “was too tired” to talk. When I was done bathing and putting the kids to bed, I noticed all the lights were off and our bedroom door was shut.
I assumed he was in bed so I went to tidy up. At around 10:30, I went to bed and noticed he wasn’t there. Now, I would’ve noticed him leave, as our kitchen and living room are viewable from both doors. He intentionally made it look like he was in bed, but in reality, he was outside with the neighbor!
I got mad, as I could see him sitting with her on her porch in the dark.
So I put his work clothes and work bag outside and locked the door. He knocked around midnight wanting to be let in and we had a fight.
He’s claiming that I “don’t want him having any friends”. It’s not that, I just think this particular friendship is unhealthy and disrespectful to our relationship. Now he’s saying to our friend group that I’m controlling and accusing them of being together and it’s all blown out of proportion, I don’t even feel comfortable in my own neighborhood now.
AITJ for saying that I don’t want him having her as a friend anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“Tell him at best he’s about to be paying a ton of child support and at worst he’ll be a single father with 5 kids if he doesn’t act right.
Even if he’s not trying to or actually being with her, he’s neglecting his duties as a parent and spouse. He doesn’t get to do that 5 kids in. Honestly, if he’s lying to everyone you know about the situation that would be enough for me to move out and let him see what it’s like to be the only one putting the kids to bed. If everyone already thinks you’re the bad guy then you have nothing to lose!” Schnauzerbutt
Another User Comments:
“Let us know when you’re divorcing this man because like it or not, he IS HAVING AN EMOTIONAL AFFAIR and she’s also leaning on him. I mean single mother, found someone to depend on emotionally and YOUR husband is allowing it. So let me make it clear to you HE’S DISRESPECTING YOU AND YOUR RELATIONSHIP LIKE HE DID IN THE PAST and it’s also your own fault because YOU LET HIM GO IN THE PAST without any serious consequences so he knows that there are no consequences whatsoever in this case.
Find a divorce lawyer as soon as you can because there’s a high chance that you will find him and her together soon. NTJ, but your husband is a major jerk.” Ruby_1720031
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He’s sneaking around to spend time with her. An emotional affair is still an affair.
He’s overly affectionate with her. He was outside sitting with her in the dark at night but didn’t mention it to you. Made it look like he was in bed. You’re not imagining this. He won’t talk to you, because he’s too tired, but he has time for conversations with her…yeah I bet.
He has a history of flirting with other women. He’s checking out of your relationship and filling the void with her… sneaking around and trying to gaslight you into thinking you’re the one being controlling. Nope. A father of five has no business going over to the neighbor’s porch late at night in the dark without letting his wife know first. How’s your relationship?
Has he been treating you well? Wanting to spend time on the regular? Going out of his way to be nice to you? Showing you romantic gestures of any kind? Fully participating in family time and husband/wife time? Doubtful. You’ve probably fallen into a rut, and you’re probably the one asking for the bare minimum and tired, and he’s checking out emotionally and or possibly physically.
You put his bags out because you are taking a stand. You. Will. Not. Be. Blatantly ignored and disrespected! Good for you. Consequences are counseling or divorce and he can live next door. Seriously. Do not let him play the victim.” [deleted]
20. AITJ For Telling Mothers To Control Their Kids In A Restaurant?
“My wife and I were at a restaurant earlier having a pretty good time until these two women and their children came into the restaurant.
One was a baby, the other was maybe about 3-4 years old (too young to be in kindergarten). Not two minutes after the duo sat down, the toddler started running around the restaurant and knocked my wife’s phone off the table (not broken) and a few moments later the baby was crying.
Here’s where I may be the jerk, I told the two to not only watch their kid running around and knocking things off people’s tables, but they also need to comfort that crying baby. People did not pay to be harassed by your child running around, but you also need to comfort your crying baby.
Nobody wants to hear a crying baby, nor do they want to be harassed by your kid, rein them in!
A restaurant employee came to the pair and in much politer terms to either control your kids or leave.
My wife says that I was kind of jerkish, but I feel justified. Your verdict please!”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We were eating out on a patio at a restaurant and another rather large group came in that included two toddlers. The toddlers were running around and screaming. My husband walked over and explained to the father that the kids were so loud, that we were having a hard time hearing each other.
The father looked astonished. He thought that other guests were enjoying his kids “laughter.” Thank goodness, the father corralled them back to the table and got them to quiet down.” wind-river7
Another User Comments:
“Wow, YTJ! Contrary to (what seems to be) popular opinion, annoyance and irritation are a general part of life that is to be expected in public places, and babies, children, disabled people, people who are loud, jerks, and every other type of person that may aggravate others are members of the public too and have just as much right to be in a public place as you do.
If you don’t want to be irritated by members of the general public, stay at home where you do actually have the right to set rules. Otherwise, suck it up, the same way everyone does when there’s a judgemental jerk like you in public.” SeePerspectives
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I remember once going to a restaurant (there were 6 of us) and trying to have a decent conversation while a child was squealing, crying, and fussing at the table behind me. I turned to look and saw a man poking her in the side (a small girl in a high chair) making her cry more.
Still trying to follow the conversation the crying got louder and I turned to see the man once more like her in the side. I didn’t ask, I just told them to stop their child from crying. A lady sitting across from the child asked me how they were supposed to do that.
I told her “I don’t know ..feed it? Love it? But for God’s sake stop poking and provoking her.” The man did stop poking her and she seemed to calm down a bit and 15 minutes later they left and the lady told me she would pray for me.
I told her thanks, I’m gonna pray for baby girl, she gonna need it having family by the likes of them.” GardenSafe8519
19. AITJ For Snapping At My Partner For Calling Me A "Good Boy"?
“Both my partner and I are college-aged and have been seeing each other for a few months.
About two weeks ago she started calling me a “good boy” in a flirty way.
Like, whenever I do something she’ll go “Oh, aren’t you such a good boy?” and I think she thinks it’s supposed to be enticing or romantic. I’ve laughed it off or just gone “Oh god, please don’t do that,” but she won’t stop. In all honesty, it always kills the mood because I feel like she’s talking down to me.
Eventually, it came to a head when we were hanging out with friends and she called me a good boy over lunch. Our friends laughed and I kind of awkwardly went “Sorry, I think you’re mixing me up with Achilles.” (Achilles is her dog, yes it’s a joke about her going “Achilles, heel!” Not the mythological figure lol)
Afterward, I asked her if she could please stop teasing me like that and that it felt really condescending. She said I was being an unappreciative jerk and she was just trying to fluster me. I said that I don’t like being talked down to and it makes me feel like I’m being infantilized. She said that her friend Lily’s partner likes it and that she knows trans girls who love being called a good girl.
I said “I’m not a trans girl, and I’m not a dog. Stop talking to me like I am one!”
She said I was an insecure jerk and now she’s giving me the cold shoulder. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. If her goal was to fluster you, it worked. When she says it, does she sound like she talking to a dog?
No matter what that’s extremely condescending. If she’s not backing down from this, I would think long and hard about staying in a relationship with this girl. Also, do it back to her. Tell her she’s being a “bad girl” in your best baby talk voice” Serious-Currency108
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Could’ve been no jerks here as in her “trying a thing” and it not being a thing you want. But you said you didn’t like it yet she gave you pushback when you said you weren’t happy. It’s a jerk move from her.
It gets worse, she suddenly made this a “trans” thing, which… it isn’t. I’m sure for some people, trans or cis, it’s a fine thing… but going “ah but because…” just doesn’t cut it. No doubt some men love being called “good boys” and some women love being called “good girls” regardless of cis or trans… but that’s just some people.
You said you didn’t like it, that should be the end of it. The weird thing is, she doesn’t need to justify it. Just an “ok, fair enough I won’t do it again” is all that’s needed. No justifications because this isn’t something that needs a justification.” Mr_Ham_Man80
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Although it sounds like her intent is to be flirty, she’s missing the mark because you don’t find being called a “good boy” enticing. She probably wouldn’t like it if you called her something infantilizing as a pet name and then got upset when you wouldn’t stop.
You deserve the same treatment, which is a partner who listens to you and respects your point of view.” AccessibleBeige
18. AITJ For Not Letting My Sister-In-Law Drive My New Car?
“I recently got a brand new car, it was quite expensive but it was my dream car and I’d been saving up for it for a really long time.
My family and I were meeting together for dinner, and I drove my new car to the restaurant. As we were leaving, they asked to see my new car and my brother’s wife asked me if she could take it for a spin. She said it was also her dream car and that it would make her extremely happy if I let her drive it.
The thing is she’s a pretty terrible driver, her car has so many dents and scratches that she doesn’t even bother to get it fixed unless it’s really major because she damages it so often. So naturally I refused. This got her super upset. She’s relatively new to the family, having only been married for about 6 months, so we were still kinda getting to know each other.
I explained to her that based on what I’ve seen it wouldn’t make me comfortable for her to drive my car since it’s brand new, and she got even more upset and offended. My brother yelled at me for making her upset and said I was being too stingy.
I still refused and we all just left in a bad mood.
Now my brother is urging me to apologize to her, and I’m like, apologize for what? I’m not obligated to let her drive my car. He said I was being too harsh and I embarrassed her in front of everyone.
Like come on.
Am I seriously the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s your car and you get to decide who gets to drive it or not for whatever reason you want. Also, it seems strange to ask to drive someone’s new car – in my experience, it seems more typical to have the new owner take you for a ride.
It seems presumptuous of her to ask to drive it. I suspect that your brother came down hard on you because he knows he will have to hear about it at home and he wants you to make his life easier around his wife. On the other hand, you’ve established your boundaries with her early, so she (hopefully) isn’t likely to ask to borrow a lot from you in the future.
Just hope you don’t have to ask for a favor from her in the future.” bamf1701
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she treats her cars poorly and expects you to drive it? No way. She’s just married to your brother, she gotta learn her place.
My uncle got an Aston Martin, he let me drive it knowing I’m a car guy who takes care of his cars. He does not let his son and two daughters drive it because they’ve all damaged the cars they were given at 16. They treat cars like disposable appliances, which is what it is, but you’re not going to let a person like that drive a NICE car.
He could have bought a Honda Civic and if he didn’t want to let anyone drive it that’s within his rights. My dad bought a K1600 BMW motorcycle. He doesn’t let me ride it, because it’s a huge powerful technological monster of a bike, and my experience is mostly on dirt bikes and ratty 650cc twins.
He did let me ride his fat pig metric cruiser because I can’t go 0-60 in under 3 sec like the BMW, meaning I would have a harder time getting in over my head.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I don’t know in what world I would let any relative drive my brand-new car.
You said no, and when she kept pushing, you gave her the reasons why. Not your fault if she’s a terrible driver and you recognize that. Tell your brother that he needs to tell his wife that when someone says No, it’s a whole sentence that doesn’t require commentary or justification.
But make sure you keep your keys with you at all times and NEVER let your brother have access to your vehicle.” moew4974
17. AITJ For Enforcing Gym Age Policy And Asking A Nearly 15-Year-Old To Leave?
“I’m a 17-year-old who works the desk at a local gym (not a chain). I live in New Jersey where the law says we can’t legally sell anyone under 13 a membership. My specific gym’s rule is anyone 13 or under the age of 15 has to work out with a parent, aka the parent has to have a membership too.
Anyone 15 and older can work out by themselves.
Last night during my shift, 2 kids came in; one was 14 going to be 15 in November and his friend was already 15. I got sidetracked with another member at the time and didn’t notice the kid wasn’t 15 yet. 45 minutes go by and I’m checking the check-in history for my boss and notice the one kid who came in with his friend wasn’t 15 yet.
So I went out to the fitness floor and explained to him that he needed a parent to work out until he was 15. This kid finishes his last set (I’m not trying to be gym police lol) and he leaves but his friend stays.
Long story short, this kid is mad at me and storms out of the gym absolutely fuming at me and I think I’m the jerk because none of my other co-workers stopped this kid and he was turning 15 in November on top of that he’s been working out alone for weeks by himself with no issues.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re doing your job and there are policies for all to follow. The last thing you want is the gym to be held responsible if something were to happen to underage gym-goers who were not being supervised by their legal guardians.” saltysegall
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think it’s stupid since he’s pretty close to 15 and has been doing this for a while now. I would personally tell him that I will let it slide as long as a. he continues to behave and b.
my boss doesn’t notice or say anything. You are doing your job and you have to do it right when your boss is around.” Purple-Raven1991
Another User Comments:
“Eh, if they’re that close and have proven themselves not to be a little jerk in the gym (definitely not confined to teenagers, there are 40+-year-olds that have no business being in a public gym), I’d say let them stay.
But ultimately if it’s your job on the line…” BanjosNotBombs
16. AITJ For Ending Property Viewings After The Agreed Time Slot?
“I’m a renter and the landlord is seeking to sell.
I’m still paying rent while these viewings are taking place. Unfortunately, it hasn’t sold as fast as the landlord hoped and now this is the 6th viewing session. So my patience is running thin.
Today was a very hot day and we had a scheduled 3-hour viewing block.
I arrived back at the agreed time with my dog who needed to go inside. There were new prospects who had arrived late and 1 without a booking as a drop-in.
I asked the agent if they were wrapping up and his answer was so dismissive and laissez faire that I lost patience and asked them to end the viewings and arrange for another day.
A few hours later my landlord texted me asking why I was so unreasonable and unwilling to facilitate viewings.
I still have not replied but now I’m reflecting. If I’m honest a piece of me would like nothing more than to tell the landlord to wait until I have vacated and sell on their own time.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You agree to a 3-hour window and that’s very generous already. Asking for more time or telling you to wait even longer is unreasonable. You are not hindering the process as you have provided access. Not sure if it’s required where you live but where I live, tenants can be present during showings.
This will make it more awkward. I would tell the listing agent that if they can’t keep to the notice given to you for showings as required by law, you actually aren’t legally required to provide access and you can also stay for the duration of the showing.
As a person with realtor friends and as a landlord, I know that the priority is a cooperative, happy tenant. So it was a bad move on this agent’s part to try to push for more time. The goal is to have a very cordial relationship with the tenant.
I know some agents even ask what time of day a tenant prefers showings or only do showings when the tenant is out at work to make it convenient.” archetyping101
Another User Comments:
“I’m curious as to where you are. Where I live you can set the rules for viewing.
I have been in that position but I also knew my rights. They weren’t allowed to take pictures of the inside of the house only the exterior. This was due to the fact it was my personal belongings in the house. I was also able to give them a time frame like only between 2 pm-6 pm.
I had to have 24 hours’ notice and no dropping in. I also didn’t have to move out. With our laws, you can only evict for certain reasons so I was able to stay even after the house sold because it was an income property. The people who bought it were not moving in.
NTJ by the way. Your life shouldn’t be turned upside down. Boundaries still need to be respected both ways.” hollywierzbicki
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Info needed. Is the agent you mentioned the landlord’s selling agent or was it a buyer’s agent? 1) I would make it very clear to your landlord how that agent is treating you.
He only heard one side. Remind him you have a set time frame and you are holding your end. 2) If the agent needs more time they need to ask for a bigger window… This includes any setup and breakdown time — like if the showing is from 1-4 pm… Then they should be asking you for 12:45 to 4:15 pm window time…..That way you guys aren’t stepping on each other’s toes and they can do their signage and whatnot.
3) You know who the agent is right?? If the attitude is still there you can escalate. You can always call their office and ask for the senior manager and if there is one, discuss your issues. They do listen and want to know if there are problems with their agents.
Trust me… They do not condone agents behaving poorly. It’s a direct reflection of their business.” Help24-7
15. AITJ For Not Wanting Visitors Right After My Baby Is Born?
“I’m 15 weeks pregnant so still have a long way to go but my fiancé and I have already started thinking about how we’re going to adjust and settle in with our new baby and help our 3yo daughter adjust as well.
We have planned to have no one else in the birthing room, it will just be fiancé and me and we don’t want any visitors for at least the first week after the birth.
We decided on this for two reasons; to help us and our daughter adjust to life at home with a new baby in a relaxed environment and for my own sanity. (Obviously, this all depends on the fact that baby and I are happy and healthy with no complications and able to come home).
I told my sister and mother about our plans today, they were fine with us having no one in the birthing room (they were both there for our daughter’s birth) and seemed fine with our plans to not have visitors, and while they were both ok about it, it’s the rest of my family I’m worried about.
I have a very close family and I know that both my aunts are going to be extremely annoyed about our choice not to have visitors. They will be devastated when I tell them they won’t be able to see the baby for a while.
But if I allow them to then I feel like we would have to allow the rest of my family and also my fiancé’s family to visit too. We don’t want anyone visiting.
My fiancé’s family can be overbearing as well, especially his parents.
His mother drops in unannounced every time she comes over. She recently came here sick while I’m pregnant. My fiancé’s father bombards us with messages and calls and demands we let our daughter see him or meet “family” that are in no way related to her and have never even met us or her, he never once had any consideration for me during either of my pregnancies or after I gave birth to our daughter.
I don’t particularly like him that much, and his partner (fiancés’s stepmother) is not much better.
With my first daughter, we had both of our families come to the hospital and meet the baby. I was overwhelmed and tired from a horrible labour and it didn’t stop there.
When we were finally home, I had people calling, messaging, and coming unannounced for about 2 weeks. I couldn’t handle it, no one but my mum and sister really bothered to ask me if I was doing ok or if I even wanted visitors. I was diagnosed with postnatal depression and it was a stressful time.
I do not want a repeat of that.
I guess I just need to know if I’d be the jerk for setting these boundaries before the baby arrives?”
Another User Comments:
“I don’t even have to read the post, NTJ! I understand people want to see the baby but those precious first few weeks are your chance for you to bond with the baby and get into a rhythm.
The new baby smell won’t wear off if people have to wait (I’d say 2-3 weeks honestly). Let people (MIL) know you will not be answering the door during this time either. Unless one of them is watching your 3yo, you don’t actually even have to tell them you’ve had the baby right away hahaha.” elsie78
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, at all. It’s completely reasonable to want a week to rest, recover, and marvel at the amazing perfection of those teeny tiny fingernails in peace. Where you went wrong was in announcing this decision so far in advance of your due date.
From here on out, don’t offer any unnecessary information – not about names, not about nursing v bottles, not about your birthing plan, cloth v disposable diapers, nothing. For some reason, family members tend to view the fetus in your womb as community property and feel entitled to weigh in on every decision.
Practice saying “Oh, we’re not worrying about that yet, I haven’t even gotten to the ‘weird cravings’ stage yet” and “That’s something I plan on bringing up at my next prenatal appointment.” To all unsolicited advice, assure the advisor that you will take their experience into consideration and then change the subject.
I wish you a healthy, happy pregnancy, straightforward, uncomplicated labor just long enough to use for guilt-tripping the kid when they’re 12, and one of those miraculous ‘happy babies” that rarely fusses, doesn’t get colicky, takes to a sane sleep pattern easily and sleeps through most normal noise levels.” rapt2right
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is your hill to die on. Draft an email clearly stating your reasons, then leave it for a couple of days for changes, be sure to put in links to how newborn babies have nearly died because of infections from visitors.
Change the locks, this will stop in-laws from barging in. If your property is fenced lock the gates – MIL clambering over the fence and then wallowing on the ground after she has fallen will make a great photo for the family Xmas card. Oh and tell those awesome nurses in the delivery room no visitors and make sure that the ward nurses also know this.
Lastly, tell your FIL that your daughter is a human being NOT a freaking prize pony for him to show off.” SnargCollector
14. AITJ For Asking My Ex For Financial Help Instead Of My Estranged Father?
“3 years ago, my engagement ended and my family disowned me. My dad kicked me out the same night and wouldn’t speak to me at all. He also hasn’t let my little sister speak to me in case I made her like me.
My roommates and I ended up in a bad situation that we needed a significant amount of money quickly to get out of.
The only two people I could think to ask were my dad or my ex. I felt like it would hurt more if my dad said no or ignored me, so I asked my ex.
He agreed to help me on the condition I went to dinner with him.
While we were having dinner people who know the both of us and our families saw us and decided it was something worth gossiping about.
My dad reached out to ask me if I was seeing my ex again. I told him I wasn’t so he wanted to know why I was having dinner dates with him.
I explained the situation and he was upset at me for asking my ex for help instead of him. He said my ex is nothing to me now and I shouldn’t rely on him as he wasn’t my husband and was someone who was willing to humiliate our family.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“”My family disowned me. My dad kicked me out the same night and wouldn’t speak to me at all. He also hasn’t let my little sister speak to me in case I made her like me.” NTJ. Your dad has issues if he can’t comprehend why you didn’t go to him first. I mean he has issues regardless for having treated you like that in the first place.
But you are not at all the jerk for not feeling safe/comfortable going to him for money.” ginger3392
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your father is a toxic, controlling jerk who has no business talking to you about your personal life. Especially after kicking you out and having your family disown you when your engagement ended. What a low, rotten blow to a daughter who was already hurting emotionally by the breakup.
His behavior toward you makes me furious. You don’t owe your father any explanations. Block him and go NC.” Paevatar
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Generally, if you need help, you decide who to ask (within reason – e.g. if you WERE married your SO would have a say, too).
Though there is SO MUCH being glossed over here (Why did the engagement end, why did this lead to your family disowning you? How did this “humiliate” your family) that this could easily be the whole range of abbreviations depending on the answers (e.g. the dinner favor could be fine or a total jerk move depending).” ForzaA84
13. AITJ For Wearing Mismatched Socks To A Family Event?
“Leaving the house to go to a family event and my mother noticed I’m wearing one white sock and one black sock.
It’s not a mistake, I wore it on purpose because they’re both Nike and I like the clash. She immediately comments that she doesn’t like it and I said ok, but I’m still wearing it.
She goes off for 20-30 mins fully screaming and having to calm herself down about how I will be the laughingstock of the family event and that there must be something wrong with me to want to wear non-matching socks.
Or I purposefully put the socks on to make her mad (I didn’t).
I finally give in and change my socks to a matching pair after patiently explaining that I don’t want to change them for a while. Then she goes on a long diatribe about how she can’t handle someone like me and can’t have me in her life anymore.
Her thought is that if I loved her I would just immediately change the socks for her.
Just for context, nothing else negative happened within the last few days or anything and it truly is entirely about the socks. AITJ?
She also mentioned that if we polled 1000 people, none of them would side with me.
So here we are…”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. People express their individuality in myriad ways. Non-matching socks are not a big deal. You weren’t on your way to a fancy event; this was your mom being controlling because she thought this would reflect badly on her.
Parents can be odd; her reaction wasn’t rational. She was embarrassed by the way you chose to express yourself and let her emotions get the best of her rather than just accepting that you are your own person and will make choices that she doesn’t care for during your life.
If socks are this big of a deal to her, she’s going to be having an unnecessarily stressful life. There’s a reason for the saying “don’t sweat the small stuff.”” aknotamous
Another User Comments:
“Okay, let’s discuss proportionality. 1. Female family heads sometimes get particular hang-ups in how their younglings dress in public.
I had those debates with my grandma a lot. It is tied to them growing up with the idea that people will judge your apparel as an extension of you… so if the kid or grandkid does not look perfect, they view it as a reflection of themselves.
2. That still does not mean, that they can just dress you up like a doll. 3. Now… my grandma could go on quite a tangent and… I mean QUITE a tangent, but between implications of her getting a heart attack getting any second and her threatening to just let me go alone… there were no talks of abandonment or questions regarding my love for her.
And we thought about much larger clothing items than socks. 4. The diatribe your mother went on… suggests outside issues…that depending on your age, you might not be equipped to touch. Could she suffer from burnout or is she showing signs of growing general negativity?
Keep an eye on it, maybe even some notes in a safe space. If you feel worried for her, talk to a trusted adult. But only if you see more signs.” GrassTerrible5262
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and that’s a very extreme reaction to coordinating (not matching) socks, even if she sees your dress style as a reflection of her.
I’d guess something else is going on. If she’s always been like this, then does she have social anxiety? Does she have any signs of OCD? Might she be undiagnosed autistic? If this is new behavior, then is she under a lot of stress at the moment?
Was there anything else about the event that was making her super stressed? Might she be peri-menopausal or menopausal? (My mum never had PMT so she was NOT equipped to handle hormonal mood swings when she hit menopause. Bit like a teenager having PMT for the first time.
I’ve always had ghastly PMT so suddenly I was the one explaining, “Okay, this is how we deal with our Big Feelings when the hormones hit…” It’s tricky because one of the major symptoms of those hormonal moods is immense RIGHTNESS. I’ve learned over the years to swallow my sense of being INCREDIBLY RIGHT when my progesterone spikes.)” angels-and-insects
12. AITJ For Not Letting My Partner Try To Repair My Shower?
“My shower is really acting up currently. There is basically no pressure and only a drizzle of water is coming out. It has been like this for two days.
I’ve been going to my partner’s to shower while looking for a good plumber. My partner suggested today that he come around and try to fix it but I refused, he’s not a plumber and if it’s an easy fix for the plumber I find I don’t want him to potentially botch it and there need to be more work done on it (I didn’t say this to him though, just that I’d rather get a plumber).
This has upset him and he said it’s insulting that I wouldn’t trust him to try and fix this and how he doesn’t get why I’d pay someone to do what he could for free. He then tried to imply that as a man he should be helping me fix this which I won’t lie had me staring at him dumbfounded. I finally told him I wasn’t comfortable with him doing this as he wasn’t trained and if I was going to let anyone who didn’t know what they were doing attempt it, I’d just try it myself.
He is now sulking, I’m just totally exacerbated by this whole thing. Is it so unreasonable I don’t want him touching it?”
Another User Comments:
“You don’t seem to understand. All men are born with the genetic memory of how to do plumbing ingrained in their heads.
It resides in the reptilian parts of the back brain that evolved when Komodo commodes and lizard latrines were vital for survival. Its biology. The man bone is connected to the plumbing bone. Simple as that. If you don’t let him botch your shower, he may get an internal blockage of some sort himself.
If he does, the first thing to do is check his brain flue for obstructions.” Stoat__King
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s already covered why it’s common sense to get a plumber in, not an amateur. (And just to add, there are DIYers I’d trust to have a look, but the very last person I would let near it is the guy who declares, with zero experience or track record, ‘I can fix it because I’m a man!
That’s exactly the kind of fool who’s going to break everything because he can’t admit he doesn’t know.) But what really grates me here is that he won’t accept your decision about your own house. He’s getting annoyed with you for making a (sensible) decision that is entirely your own to make and trying to act like he’s in charge of the situation when it’s not his call.
That would sit really badly with me.” Left-Car6520
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but let me share a funny story that supports your choice. My uncle was a locksmith, and one day he got a call from some guy who had broken off the key in his car door lock.
But the guy made the mistake of trying to fix it himself by literally putting *rubber cement* on the free broken end of the key and pushing it in the car lock to glue the halves together, thinking he could just pull the key out.
Instead, he just glued all his tumblers together (the delicate inside pieces that move) and had to pay for a whole new lock and a much bigger service fee. Definitely call the plumber!” humanweightedblanket
11. AITJ For Involving My CEO Husband In A Work Issue?
“I started working for a subsidiary owned by my husband’s company about 7 months ago. Only one person knew about my connection to my husband in my team, which is how I wanted it.
Things had been going great for the most part but there’s one manager who treats me like I’m an idiot. He doesn’t listen to my suggestions and often talks over me during meetings. I didn’t want to be that person who went crying to her husband to fix things for her and I’ve had to deal with people like him before in my old companies so I was trying to handle it myself.
He had me and another woman he treats the same removed from a huge project that we’d both made significant contributions to suddenly without an explanation. I was so angry and upset that when my husband asked me what was wrong I just started crying and told him everything.
He ended up having both of us put back onto the project and is now involved in it too even though it’s so far away from his normal job. Meetings have been super awkward for everyone and now everybody is stressed out because my husband is a perfectionist and is quick to point out flaws.
They all know we’re married now and a few co-workers who were my friends have been treating me differently since.
When I asked one of them why, he told me I had made things awkward and now people weren’t just working to finish the project but they were working to save their jobs since apparently my husband has fired people before in similar situations.
He suggested I ask my husband to stop overseeing this project but I told him I didn’t think he would even if I asked which upset him.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. You responded to your boss’s sexist, unprofessional behavior with immature, unprofessional behavior of your own.
Instead of going to HR, or your boss’s boss, you did exactly what you said you wouldn’t do – and now you have made all your coworkers’ jobs significantly worse by getting your overbearing, perfectionist husband involved in overseeing this project because you have no personal or professional boundaries.
Now all your colleagues know that you cannot be trusted and will cry to your husband to get your way. Not to mention you could be putting their careers in jeopardy by involving the CEO in this manner. Your co-workers can never be your friend now, since it is clear you will run and complain to the CEO if anything goes wrong, and they will never respect you like a peer or an equal since you have made it clear that you are not.” definitelyjanine5
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for talking to your husband about an issue that was affecting you so deeply. The problem arose with the way your husband handled it. Which may be a him problem, depending on whether you asked him to do that. If the facts are accurate, OP’s manager is a misogynist who was treating the women badly because they are women.
And it wasn’t just OP being harmed. When something like that comes to the attention of management, they have to do something. But Husband could have suggested Wife go to HR or referred it to the immediate supervisor of OP’s boss. Meanwhile, Wife might want to talk to Husband about how his actions are impacting her workplace.
Finally, OP needs a new job. Nothing good can come of this situation where, by virtue of who OP’s husband is, OP will never be seen or treated like any other employee. This places undue stress on everyone she works with.
Now that CEO Husband knows that there is evidence of sex/gender discrimination, he has to do something.
He just doesn’t have to supervise it personally. So for those who are saying he should do nothing further, he really can’t if he doesn’t want to get sued by one of the female employees. He has a responsibility to the company as well as to his wife.” Aylauria
Another User Comments:
“Unpopular opinion? NTJ. You’re not the one who is behaving inappropriately. Your husband is. People here are being so quick to say it’s your fault but do none of y’all complain about work to your SOs? Do none of y’all talk about what’s going on in your workplaces?
Do none of y’all cry when you had a bad day or major setback and seek emotional comfort from your SO? If you do ANY of the above you’re a hypocrite for hating on OP here. She held it in and tried to deal with it for as long as possible alone despite someone actively pushing her to fail and being unable to talk to the most important person in her world about it.
It took something huge for her to break down in their personal time about how work is going. Her husband is the one behaving in an unprofessional way here. He’s the one making this an issue. He should have listened and then asked her to go to HR about it.
From then it would have been brought to him and he’d have been able to reassign her without being unprofessional.” aterriblefriend0
10. AITJ For Not Wanting A Relationship With My Estranged Father?
“I was adopted when I was a baby. I later found out I was adopted in hopes of helping save my parents’ marriage. It did not, they split Christmas 2019.
My dad just up and left, said he couldn’t do it anymore. Little did we know he’d been having an affair for the last 5 years.
Fast forward to summer 2020, Dad was working (travels for job) and his partner was going to come back to the house so she had better service (works from home, needed internet)
In those 2 weeks, she kicks me out and Dad does nothing about it, saying it’s between me and his partner. Uncle owns the house and I asked him, he said it’s between me and my dad. Mind you I had been paying half the bills with my mom while dad was gone, and took over the bills once mom found a new place.
End up kicked out, hotel and Airbnb hopping (housing is scarce here in Montana, especially with the huge influx of people the last few years. Barely make ends meet as a nurse’s aide. Coworker got me into a dinky, drafty trailer for cheap but it was a house so I took it.
Fast forward and I’m 23, it’s 2022. Haven’t talked to Dad in years. Plan to keep it that way, but he’s trying to get ahold of me and my family keeps pressuring me. Mom and I have a great relationship. Dad and I have never really and definitely don’t now.
WIBTJ to continue not speaking to him, especially if I know it’ll get nowhere?”
Another User Comments:
“Doesn’t matter if you know it will get nowhere or not … if you’re not ready, you’re not ready so NTJ, these are the consequences of his actions.
From someone who is NC with their mother for a fairly long time now, you owe no one an explanation but I do think it’s worth a simple note to your dad that says “I’m not ready, I’ll be in touch when I am”. You may never be ready but if you consciously re-ask yourself the question – even just once a year – that self-check-in will prevent regret in time.” PersonalityLost5228
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My daughter (33f) was NC with her father most of her life. His choice because he just couldn’t be bothered with all the other kids, baby momma drama (he’s on his 4th or 5th wife), and pretty much just not adulting in general. About 5 years ago he reached out and she felt like it was important for her to give him a chance.
He has done nothing but make her life miserable for the most part. She wishes she hadn’t given him a chance because he’s so toxic 95% of the time they talk and smashes her boundaries constantly. (Calling after midnight, calling over and over and over until she picks up the phone.) If she doesn’t answer his phone calls he’ll show up on her doorstep, her job, or call her children’s phones until she talks to him.
He even showed up at her job several times and would just sit there until she talked to him. He’s a long-haul truck driver so he can get jobs that bring him to our area. (We’re over 2,000 miles away) Needless to say, it’s been a rough 5 years!” angelmakr9
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Parents have a hard time accepting the fact that even though they’re the parent, you still hurt ME. You’re an adult, you have a choice in who you have a relationship with, whether it’s family or friends. It’s tricky when it’s a parent because they’re your parent.
Perhaps consider a conversation with Dad, and maybe some family, tell them Dad hurt me and this is how I feel, and here’s what I need moving forward. Otherwise, it sounds like you may have to deal with discord from more people than just your dad.
A part of being an adult is having difficult conversations and setting boundaries, you can do it.” stephtheshow
9. AITJ For Being Upset My Dad Invited His Ex-Wife To My Graduation Without Asking Me?
“I’m graduating in a week or so and wanted my friends & family to attend the graduation ceremony (I don’t want to walk but I don’t want my family to miss out on seeing me cross the stage).
Anyway, grads at my school get six free tickets and I wanted to invite a good friend of mine who said she wanted to see me walk the stage. We talked about it beforehand.
I was going to give the last ticket to her but I forgot I had a family member coming to town (I really didn’t care if they came or not but they are my mother’s sibling and mother insisted they not be left out) so I told my friend that I was going to give the ticket to my family member.
She was okay with this and said that she just wanted to be invited to the after-party (love her!!!).
Well, my school emailed us and said grads could claim up to three extra tickets. I gave two to another friend of mine who needed them and kept one that I was intending to send my friend so she could still come.
Then my older sister (half-sister with the same dad & different moms) calls me one day and says that our dad invited her mother (his ex-wife) to my graduation ceremony. I was a little irritated because my dad does things like that without communicating with me and it was irritating because the decision to invite people is up to me as I had access to a number of limited tickets.
My older sister said she didn’t know that our dad had not communicated with me and that he invited someone without my permission (as I said, he rarely does). She was a little flustered, because I sounded irritated, and said that she didn’t want to make a big deal about it but I told her it was fine.
Felt a little awkward to say no at that point.
I’m still peeved though. I do not dislike my dad’s ex-wife but my graduation ceremony is a culmination of my hard work and I want the people who have been present and encouraging me down the line at every step of the way to watch me walk the stage.
I’m not close to my dad’s ex-wife and I don’t understand why she needs to be there. I would rather have my dear friend. I understand I’m being unrealistic and immature over a minor issue, but I’d like your opinion.
Am I the jerk in this situation?”
Another User Comments:
“The issue here is that your dad has invited your half-sister’s mum to your graduation without asking you first. This is very disrespectful of him. If you agree to suck it “just this once,” then he will carry on behaving like this in the future.
It never is just this once. I have been there. Done it. Bought the T-shirt. More times than I care to remember. You need to pick a battle with your dad. Tell him that this woman is not coming. That you won’t be telling her this, as you didn’t invite her.
That he took it upon himself to invite her, so he will have to uninvite her. Your dad won’t be happy. But most likely won’t try to pull a similar stunt on you again. Ever. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Go ahead and let your dad’s wife have the ticket.
Your friend is already cool with joining the after-party, so there’s no concern there. On the other hand, it’ll just cause drama on the dad front. You will get a few hundred replies that will say it’s your graduation and you should invite whoever you want.
Some even will call your dad the jerk. And you know what, THEY ARE 100% RIGHT. But a lesson here is to pick your battles in life. You don’t care about the ceremony. You say you are really doing it for their benefit. Well, then let your dad do the “proud dad” thing with his wife.
If you have a good relationship, talk to him about it, he will appreciate the sacrifice and it may give him the motivation to stop being selfish in planning (doubtful though). Again, the people telling you to invite your friend aren’t wrong, but I thought to mention a less black-and-white thought process that is sometimes missing from these responses.
Good luck and congratulations.” Tical79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are neither unrealistic nor immature about wanting people who mean something to you to see you accept your diploma. Why would a woman who you have nothing to do with be invited anyway? She’s not a relative nor is she a friend why would your dad even think this was an acceptable idea?
Would have told them there were no more tickets and invited the friend you originally wanted.” Quirky_Chaos
8. AITJ For Insulting A Hotel Guest Who Kept Mistaking My Accent?
“I (24f) work in housekeeping as a part-time job while I study nursing.
While servicing a room for a man from America, I sighed at this already because some Americans think they’re always right. Anyway, he brought up my accent and said “Are you Scottish?” And I replied “No, I’m born and raised here in NZ” and he replied “No you’re definitely Scottish I took language back in college.
How long have you been in NZ.” I just let him off that time and said “I’m not Scottish, I’ve lived in NZ my whole life. But that class sounds interesting”
A couple of days later he was due for another service and he said to me “Hey look it’s the Scot that refuses to admit it.
How was your haggis today.” Then he chuckled and I replied, “Hey look it’s the American with an IQ of 5.”
He was immediately insulted and spoke to my manager who said she’d handle it.
After talking to her she told me that while what I said was not okay she was proud that someone stood up to him.
Apparently, he had been asking why everyone working at the hotel was Scottish. And refused to believe it when we told him otherwise.
So AITJ for insulting him?”
Another User Comments:
“Everyone sucks here, he was obviously being annoying but that’s not an excuse to use an ableist insult against a customer while on the job.
Dealing with things like this is literally a part of your job when you’re in hospitality. I am also in housekeeping (in a hospital though) and when patients start screaming slurs at us it’s our job to leave tactfully instead of firing back.” SpeaksDwarren
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Some people are always doing stuff like this. Your manager has a responsibility to look after their staff, this is Aotearoa for goodness sake and the customer can be wrong and if the customer is being that much of a jerk you have every right to insult him.
There are heaps of jobs out there at the moment, go find one with a decent manager and give your notice, take any leave you’re owed asap, and be safe.” Nz_Sparkles
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Actually, I think this was probably his foolish way of trying to flirt with you.
I’m reminded of a YouTube channel I just subscribed to. An English couple bought a small RV to travel the US for several months. They hooked up with an American couple, who have an RV of their own. The two pairs intend to tour together for a while, until the English get their bearings, here in the US.
I thought it kind of disheartening that the English partners had traveled all over Europe in their van, seemingly without issues, but were worried about navigating the US.” ChinSpin_1986
7. AITJ For Backing Out Of Buying My Coworker's Overpriced TV After My Grandma's Death?
“I was moving recently and in need of a new TV. I was looking for used ones within my price range and kinda resigned to not having a TV for a while.
Then my coworker “Anne” posted into our work group that she was selling a TV (I think they were clearing out the house of her in-laws) and I texted her if I could buy it and how much it would be.
She described the TV a little, that it was like a brand new one because it rarely got used (10-year-old smart TV, was 2k when they bought it) and she’d like 400€ for it.
So I asked my dad for a small loan and told her I’d buy it.
In retrospect, it was kinda overpriced, but that’s not the point here.
I talked to her about a date for picking the TV up and she was like not to worry, she can box it up and store it until I’m able to come get it.
I told her I’d be moving in the first week of June and she said it wouldn’t be a problem to store the TV until then.
Fast forward two weeks, it’s the end of March. My grandma unexpectedly died from cancer and now we had an apartment to clean out.
My mum was like “take grandma’s TV and cancel on Anne.” I told her I couldn’t do that because I already promised Anne I would buy hers. My mum kept on insisting, so I texted Anne something along “I’m terribly sorry, but would you be mad if I couldn’t take the TV after all?
My grandma died and now I’m supposed to take hers. I understand if you expect me to buy yours anyway, I mean you went out of your way to put it aside” so I still offered to take the TV.
She replied kinda shortly with “nothing you can do” and I apologized again.
Fast forward a couple of weeks, which were really stressful for me. Exams, a funeral, and moving really took a toll on me. Honestly, I completely forgot about Anne and thought that was it.
Then I’m back to work the first week, thinking everything is fine.
I didn’t notice anything off. The second week, Anne approached me, asking if we could talk. She tells me she was like really mad I bailed on her and then didn’t come to talk to her personally about it. I honestly didn’t realize that she would’ve wanted that, I thought the matter was done.
She said she just wanted to get that out of her mind so she could be done with it, I apologized again and we went back to work. But now I can’t get the whole thing out of my mind, also realizing she didn’t offer condolences or anything, she was just mad I didn’t buy the TV after all.
We didn’t make a contract or anything, she had a TV to sell, I said I would buy it and then wasn’t able to. I understand that maybe I should’ve talked to her again personally, but I really didn’t think about that.
She also said it was fine when apparently it wasn’t.
So I gotta ask, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ 400 for a 10-year-old tv? She was using you for the cash knowing it’s not worth nearly as much, that’s why she’s mad!
Even if it was 2k brand new, due to all the changes in technology it wouldn’t be worth anywhere near that! People drop out of sales all the time you had the decency to let her know. She came up to you to make you feel guilty.
Sorry for your loss.” Acrobatic_Increase69
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I personally hate when people ask me if I would be upset or mad if they do XYZ. It puts pressure on me to accept whatever they are about to tell me. I think a more adult way to handle it is to say, “I’m sorry, but I have inherited a TV, and I no longer need to buy yours.
I apologize for the inconvenience.” That way, you kind of own up to the fact that you are going back on the deal. “Would you be mad if I do XYZ” is kind of a manipulative way to back out of a deal.” Unfair_Finger5531
Another User Comments:
“So the TV was way overpriced and you’re lucky you did not go through with the sale. That said I’m going with YTJ for how you handled backing out of the sale. Text or email would be fine for somebody that you don’t know or have only dealt with that way.
But I agree with Anne, you really should have talked to her about it in person. If not right when you were backing out of the sale, but at a minimum as soon as you returned to work you should have sought her out to thank her/apologize to her for the sale falling through.” Past_Ad5967
6. AITJ For Wanting My SIL In My Bridal Party?
“I (22F) am marrying my fiancé (23M) in three months.
My SIL is my bridesmaid (stepbro’s wife, 27F). All my other bridesmaids are either single or married, but without children.
This SIL is the ONLY one in the bridal party with children (3 of them – all younger than 8). One of them is my brother’s child, and the other 2 are her ex-husband’s, for context. Her oldest 2 spend weekends with their dad, and she obviously has the youngest with my brother 24/7.
Her family lives 3.5 hours away.
We’ve mentioned doing several different things for the bachelorette such as a trip (multiple others said they couldn’t do also) or an overnight stay (she was the only one who said no to that but she texted me and said please don’t let me hold you back, do what you want to, and I’ll do what I can) and so we decided on a brunch and a winery which was fine for everyone.
All these things besides the final decision were to take place during the week when my SIL would have her kids (during school weeks) and also my brother works nights, therefore creating a problem with who’s going to keep the kids.
All the other bridesmaids then decided they wanted to do something more extravagant and I said I’d ask SIL.
They said it didn’t matter what she said, she was using her kids as a crutch to get out of doing anything fun or spending money. I told them no because she’s one of my best friends and I also don’t think she’s using them as a crutch, she just HAS them and has to take care of them, and due to my brother’s AND her ex-husband’s work schedules, she can’t do it.
Even if her ex can take their two kids, that still leaves one. My mom is coming to everything and my stepdad also works nights so the only people who can keep the third child are unavailable. Everyone keeps telling me to kick her out.
They keep saying she is “ruining the experience for everyone.”
They keep saying how do I know her kids won’t prevent her from coming to the wedding but she told me she made arrangements months ago for that whole weekend for all the kids (the oldest kids’ dad + her mom for the little one).
So I really doubt she won’t show up. She also already has her bridesmaid dress, she sent me pictures of it and she’s THE ONLY ONE who has bothered to order it in advance to ensure it arrives in time.
I said this and everyone threw a fit saying it shouldn’t matter she has kids, they have expenses and responsibilities too, and her kids don’t matter that much.
Which while they have responsibilities, those are my nephews and niece they’re complaining about so it’s rubbing me wrong. Most of them still live with their parents or have multiple roommates so rent bare minimum is split several ways and/or their parents help pay their rent/car payments/insurance/phone bill.
Even the ones that are married.
Am I the jerk for not kicking her out?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and from what you have said all those complainers most definitely ARE the jerk. Everyone has responsibilities, but you cannot just dump kids at home. Alone.
With no one to look after them. You can’t book time off if there is no one there to look after them. It is unfortunate for her that she is not in a position where she can do anything else, but it sounds like she is doing her best to be available and accommodate you – and has also said not to be bound by her limitations.
Because she wants you to enjoy yourself with your mates. Your friends need to get off her case and shut up. They are being very selfish and unsympathetic to someone who literally cannot do certain things at certain times. Lastly… even if she was using her kids as an excuse not to do something.
She told you not to worry about her if she couldn’t come. She is not trying to limit anyone else’s experience and prevent anyone else from having fun. In reality, they are criticizing you for wanting to include your SIL, and for her importance in your life purely because they are not the same as her.” AmInATizzy
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good lord, your other bridesmaids suck. You seem like a really considerate person, how are you friends with these jerks? Also, you’re the one getting married. You get to choose what you do to celebrate. Brides who throw ridiculously lavish hen holidays that are unaffordable or unworkable for half their bridesmaids and then throw a fit when they can’t make it are incredibly annoying, so your plans are miles better than so many bridezillas out there.
Honestly, it sounds like your other bridesmaids just want an excuse for a girls’ trip despite it not being what you want. (The fact that apparently your SIL’s more on it when it comes to sorting out her dress than the rest of them feels pretty significant too!) I’d be tempted to kick out all the troublemakers and have a smaller bridesmaid party – but one with people who are actually worth celebrating with, and who you know will have your back on the big day.
Quality totally trumps quantity here. Hope your wedding goes smoothly!” hacash1192
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. First, only you get to decide who is doing what needs to be done to be in the bridal party. Lots of people have that friend (or family member) that they love dearly but is either going through something, is perpetually busy, or whatever, and you adapt to them and decide if YOU, as the friend, can accept them as they are.
Your SIL has 3 kids, there’s nothing wrong with that, and having children absolutely prevents you from doing certain things.
Second, if SIL can’t do certain things, YOU as the person being celebrated, get to decide whether you would rather include her in something like a weekend away, or talk to her about how you want to go away and it is okay if she can’t come.
Once you decide which matters more – a bigger trip or SIL coming – that’s the end of it, no complaints from other people. I can’t imagine telling my group of friends “I want to celebrate locally to include X” and them being like “but what about what WE want!”
Finally, this experience is YOUR experience. I don’t believe that the bride – and groom – get to be absolutely dictators over everything (like forcing people into dresses that don’t fit or spending thousands of dollars) but you absolutely get to say who is in your wedding, and how you want to plan the activities around your wedding.
Unfortunately, now you have a problem- that your wedding party has drama, and I don’t see your other friends letting up about this, which means you are going to get catty comments and SIL is going to feel left out or could even be bullied at various events.
So you do have to figure out how to handle it (do you do the weekend away even if SIL can’t come because you want to go, etc), and you have to have a calm sit down with these “friends” and tell them to get over it and there will be no drama.” mfruitfly
5. AITJ For Not Wanting To Pitch In For A Gift For My Friend?
“I 17M was asked to pay 20 out of 100 dollars for a school friend’s gift, for more context he’s turning 18 next week.
My birthday was a few weeks ago and my parents gave me money to spend freely and I decided to save it for clothes and other stuff I really like but, my old friends from middle school, who I’m not really close to, added me to a group chat in which they talked about this gift.
I refuse to buy him a gift because even if we still go to the same school now in high school, we’re still not that close as friends and we’ve all known each other for years now. This friend group and the birthday guy have NEVER told me happy birthday or got me a gift of any sort despite me telling them my birthday multiple times.
And as I was typing this the birthday boy invited me to the party so I don’t even know what to do at this point.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – for not wanting to spend your money on this. But question – did this friend group do anything to celebrate your bday at all this year?
If not, then it seems like they only re-included you to make buying the gift more affordable which is a jerk move for sure. But if you have been hanging out with them and they have gone out of their way for you on your bday (or in other ways) you would be saying you are not the kind of friend who reciprocates.
Which is fine, but they may choose not to include you anymore.” louisianacat1
Another User Comments:
“If you are not interested in pitching in or going to this party, simply delete yourself from the group chat. No harm, no foul. But, realize, if you do go to the party, everyone, including the birthday boy, will expect you to chip in.
Why? Because they will ALL talk about how they planned to get the gift, sent out requests, slept costs, and showed up to see him open it. So, if you decide to go to the party, you may as well toss in the money for the gift, because everyone is going to know you got the invite after the request for the gift donation.” Educational-Split372
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’ve seen kids in your age bracket try to guilt/rope someone into contributing money towards something that other people want. There’s no need to feel you must do what they want. They will probably act offended, but you don’t have to take that judgment to heart, either.
So you got an invite just now. Take the time to consider – (1) Is there any chance this person/group has been trying to maintain a friendship with you but you didn’t respond? Or (2) Do you feel that this inclusion of you in the group chat/invite was to get your financial contribution to a gift?
Could there be any other reason? If you aren’t interested in these folks as friends or feel that they are including you for selfish reasons, then there’s no need to participate. Just decline the invite and remove yourself from the group text. If you do have an interest (want to attend the birthday gathering) but don’t want to be part of this group gift, then respond to the group with, “No, thanks.
I’m doing my own thing.” No worries. No guilt. An invite is not a command, and you get to choose what you want to give as a gift if you do participate.” swillshop
4. AITJ For Not Wanting To Wear My MIL's Outdated Wedding Dress At My Reception?
“My husband and I are having our reception soon. We got engaged in 2019 and wanted to have our wedding in 2020 but circumstances changed! We got married privately but we’re having our reception in the fall later this year.
I’ve always dreamed of having my wedding dress and my husband understands it’s nonnegotiable for me. I have been browsing dresses online and finally decided to take the plunge. As I have no siblings, and my parents have passed away, I extended an invitation to my MIL and SIL.
MIL told me it was a tradition to wear their mom’s wedding dress (to pass it on I guess?) and there was no need to buy a dress as I could wear hers. I decided to give it a shot and it is a HIDEOUS dress.
It’s such an outdated wedding dress. I wanted a chic mermaid-style dress, strapless, something to show myself off in. In this, I feel like a frilly, pudgy marshmallow and that’s putting it nicely. I hate it. Entirely. But I walked out in it and my MIL got teary-eyed and told me how beautiful I looked, my SIL agreed and my MIL (who has no daughters) told me how happy she was that I was going to wear it, and how beautiful SIL looked in it.
I absolutely HATE the dress but I love my MIL and I feel I might break her heart if I don’t wear it. My husband says I should tell her, it’ll probably hurt her feelings but it’s my wedding. But my MIL is such a lovely lady and I don’t want to hurt her feelings but my god the dress is god awful.
WIBTJ if I told my MIL I didn’t want to wear her wedding dress? I feel so bad.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ for not wearing the dress. But don’t even think of saying one bad word about it to anyone on the planet besides us because too late, or you’ll never hear the end of it.
Do the photo shoot so they can have their collection of brides in the dress. Tell them you’ve always dreamed of a mermaid style, and while you respect their dream of you wearing that dress, you hope they understand you want to wear your dream dress on your wedding day.
Then don’t discuss or debate it further because it will be too easy to lapse into how ugly their dress is, drama will ensue, and you’ll end up in the wedding shaming group. Or, someone will dump red wine on your mermaid gown.” Responsible_Point_91
Another User Comments:
“YWBTJ if you tell her the dress is ugly. Tell her how honored you are that she’s so fond of you that she wants to include you in this tradition, but that you prefer a different aesthetic and have been dreaming of this dress your whole life.
It sounds like the two of you have a lovely relationship and that you can probably have an honest and kind conversation about new traditions for your new family dynamics But whatever you do, don’t throw that away by telling her outright you hate the dress.” katsmeow44
Another User Comments:
“Don’t feel bad. MIL remarked you are wearing the dress without even asking if you liked it or felt comfortable in it. (I don’t understand why moms and grandmas do this unless specifically asked by your daughter/grandchild we don’t want to wear a 30-40-year-old wedding dress style!
Love you but NO please stop forcing people to feel they have to wear your dress.) This is your wedding and you will have pictures and videos that last a lifetime. You need to create memories of your own. Maybe take her to lunch soon and express to her that you love her and appreciate her so much but you’d like to choose your own dress for your own wedding.
You could be honest and just say “I’d like to pick out my own style that coordinates with the theme of the wedding plan, thank you for offering it to me that’s so sweet of you.” Give her a hug. That’s it! Do not feel guilty you aren’t doing anything wrong.” TisThee_Reason
3. AITJ For Refusing To Go To My Estranged Grandfather's Funeral?
“I (16f) lost my partner of 3 years to a reckless driver six months ago and my parents refused to take me to the funeral because he lived 3 hours away (we met at overnight camp when I was 13 and he was 14). I only had my learner’s permit at the time so I couldn’t go without a licensed driver, my one friend who has her license was unwell so she couldn’t go, and no relatives were able to help.
My parents just didn’t feel like making the drive, and I still haven’t forgiven them for it.
My paternal grandfather just died, and even though my dad is estranged from him and I haven’t seen him since I was a baby so I don’t remember him, they want to go to support family and are demanding I go too.
Because they wouldn’t help me when I lost the love of my life I don’t see why I should have to support them. I ran away from home as a result (staying with a friend). I’m technically grounded but don’t care and still left.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ — Parents need to figure out that if they don’t take their kids seriously when life lets them down, their kids are going to remember the standard that has been set. From your parents’ perspective, you’re young and resilient and will find love again, but that minimizes the enormity of the experience for you and ignores the matching large pain that goes with it.
Your parents haven’t acted like parents here. This is akin to a labor strike, just in a different context. They are not entitled to demand emotional support from you that they haven’t offered, and now that they want you there, maybe it’s time for them to realize that you’re growing up and need them to exhibit more flexibility if you aren’t going to outright ghost them when you’re 18.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You are essentially having the grieving widow’s experience. If my husband died tomorrow, nobody would be upset or begrudge me going to a funeral if he was long distance even though we’ve only been together 2 years and married 1. As someone who lost a father as a teenager, grief can be extremely traumatic and easy to change your entire brain function for the rest of your life and the fact your parents aren’t aware of or supportive of that is insane to me.
You need to have a civil discussion that you are dealing with intense grief, and just because you may find love again in the future, doesn’t mean he wasn’t the largest part of the life you’ve experienced SO FAR. Then explain that they chose to deny you closure due to convenience, and you will not be wasting your time at a stranger’s wedding consoling your father’s unresolved trauma and closure for him.
I would be unsurprised if you went NC with them when you graduated. If this is a pattern of behavior as well, treating your emotional needs as secondary to theirs, you may want to suggest family counseling if you don’t have a stable place to live outside of them.
If you DO and this is a pattern of theirs, it’s called emotional neglect, and you can emancipate yourself. Don’t make decisions out of revenge or spite, but DO consider and make decisions on what is best for your emotional and mental well-being. Having also grown up with a narcissistic mother, it took me a full decade to understand all my trauma responses come from abandonment and feeling as if my emotions and needs do not matter.
Protect yourself from closing yourself off from others in the future by setting the boundary NOW and discussing with them that this pattern of behavior is not ok and will resolve by going NC when you’re an adult.” Turbulent-Delay5783
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. So they want you to go to the funeral of a stranger but not your partner?
Long drive or not, your parents should have helped you out because your bf meant something to you. This funeral may be for your paternal grandfather but like you said, you haven’t seen him since you were a baby so you technically never even met him.
I understand parents believe that when someone in the family dies you go to the funeral, like there’s no question, but if you didn’t know him I don’t really see the point.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Being Upset My Partner Planned A Trip During My Birthday?
“My (f21, turning 22) birthday is coming up in a month and I just set up plans to go play paintball with a group of my friends.
In order to organize everything I created a group chat on WhatsApp and invited there a couple of my close friends, sharing all the information including the homepage of the arena I had in mind. It’s a four-story indoor action arena. I told everyone to leave the chat if they were preoccupied and only about four backed out.
Then my partner of 10 months dropped on me, that she would be in Madrid that week. I was shocked to say the least, because I expected her to be there. I was so stunned, I didn’t even know how to react. My best friend even texted me immediately, asking if my partner was serious.
I confronted my partner over text, since we live about two hours apart from each other, and asked her why she didn’t think it was necessary to tell me that she planned a trip during my birthday. I added that it hurt me because I just told her a few weeks ago how much it means to me to spend my birthday with her.
She got mad at me, reminding me that she told me she’s forgetful sometimes and she planned that for herself because, to her, she always comes first.
I found out my best friend had also confronted her and thus my partner started every sentence with “as I already told Nala” (not her real name).
This really bothered me and I just stated again that I was hurt and disappointed, mentioning it was my mistake for assuming it was given that the woman I love spends my birthday with me and as an answer she flipped me off, texting me she hates talking about stuff like that over text and accused me of guilt tripping her, which I didn’t do.
I just can’t handle phone calls and only wanted to tell her that she hurt me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I would tell your friends to stay out of your relationship. It’s messy and really not their business to butt into (if you want to talk to your friend about your situation for advice, that’s different – but at this point they are interfering and that’s really immature).” PopeBunnyface
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She should remember your birthday, she knows it is a big deal for you to spend your birthday with your partner and that’s not something you forget. Your friends should also stay out of it since it’s not their problem nor concern it also makes the argument between you two more difficult.” Ok-Hyena-7849
Another User Comments:
“I’m just gonna give my thoughts here. Will probably get downvoted to purgatory. It’s a birthday nothing special about it. You don’t develop magical powers or start glowing. It’s a day like any other. Your mother literally shot you out or removed (depending if you were a C section baby).
Your birth is not unique you aren’t the first person to be born no one should be expected to bend over backwards just because it’s the anniversary of your birth. Comes by every year you’ve had 22 already and hopefully loads more to look forward to.
It’s okay to feel disappointed but to try and guilt trip her? For a birthday? Baffling. As long as she acknowledges and wishes you a Happy Birthday I don’t see why she can’t go do something for herself. Grow up. I’d understand if OP was a young child but to be upset at your partner making other plans???!!
Paintball or week in Madrid? Hmm…tough decision. Y’all have only been going out for 10 months too. YTJ.” Night_Shade_Lotus
1. AITJ For Having A Bigger Wedding Than My Sister?
“I, 28M, recently got engaged to my fiancée “Ashley”. My sister Bianca, 30, was also proposed to a month ago. She is planning her wedding for next June, mine will likely be in July.
Bianca always envisioned a big wedding but our parents can’t afford to contribute much. She and her fiancé are both teachers who make decent money but not a ton especially given their student loans. Meanwhile, Ashley’s family has been very fortunate, her parents founded a company years ago that makes them a lot of money.
I don’t know how much they have but they are definitely multimillionaires while semi-retired. They are very excited for us and are being incredibly generous. They pretty much are giving us a blank check for whatever wedding we want.
Bianca will likely need to keep hers to around 40-50 people, our extended families + her fiancé’s, and some very close friends (mostly just wedding party), no kids, plus 1s will be scarce.
Ours will be much bigger, we’re thinking around 150 people all in with children welcome and plus-ones for every adult who wants one.
Bianca says I’m being a jerk by getting married so soon after her and having a much more extravagant wedding and is saying I’m rubbing it in and trying to one-up her.
She thinks some relatives from out of town will just skip hers and go to mine since it will be bigger. She also implied I should contribute some money to hers since I make a lot more than her and don’t have to pay for my wedding at all.
I feel bad they aren’t in as good of a spot as us but I’m not going to deny generosity just because she’s not so lucky. I also thought her suggestion that I contribute to her wedding fund to be ridiculous but I wanted some neutral opinions to see if I’m in the wrong.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, your sister is being ridiculous. If your parents gave more money to one of you, yeah she would be rightfully mad. But this is your fiancé’s parents’ money. She has no right to tell you how to do your wedding and then have the nerve to ask you for money.
Some people would already consider 50 guests to be a lot, and she should be happy she can afford that. Sometimes other people can afford more expensive things than you. That’s life.” Admirable-Disaster03
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Her parents are providing her with what they can afford.
How is your sister going to handle the disparate income levels for the rest of your lives? The reality is that your family will be able to afford a much higher standard of living which means that your children will get stuff that your nieces/nephews won’t get.
This might include private school; lots of lessons; vacations to fun places and parties. You aren’t flaunting it. Not to be biased but traditionally the bride’s family did pay for the wedding. Her parents have probably been looking forward to this for years and are giving their daughter a gift without strings.
Realistically they probably also have extended family or family friends that will be invited so the wedding will probably have more than 50 guests – 25 guests from each side is a pretty small list. Not that there is anything wrong with a small wedding and no one should spend money they don’t have on a large wedding.
But if you have the money like these people do why not use it to provide a wonderful experience for your children.” Jujulabee
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – I had a smallish wedding with 80 people and two months later my sis had a big wedding with 250 and two months after that my bro had a wedding with about 150 people.
The only thing we felt for each other was happiness. I get that family dynamics are different but I don’t see how having weddings so close to each other “steals” from the other. The most important thing is to marry the person you want to.
If she wants the ideal wedding, she can do what many do and save money for it. She might be right that some family won’t make the trip twice so close together if they’re coming in from out of town but ultimately that isn’t your fault.
I don’t think her expecting a contribution from you is unreasonable because I come from a culture where it’s very common for immediate and extended family to contribute something, but within reason and only when offered. But her demanding it isn’t okay.” lobosaguila
