People Grasp At Straws In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
23. AITJ For Not Wanting My Fiancé's Ex-Lover To Be In Our Wedding Party?
“Me (25F) and my fiance (26M) Shane, are in the middle of wedding planning. We were together for 3 years before the engagement, and have been friends since freshman year of college.
Everything has been amazing, but the only issue I have is who he has chosen to be at his wedding party. He has a long-time best friend named Brittney (26F). They have known each other since elementary school. She didn’t go to our college, so I never got to meet her.
He talked very highly of her to me, so I was excited to meet her. Although they went to different states for college, they still kept close contact. Because they are such good friends, he wants to make her a groom’s maid (if that’s the right term).
I had no issue with this since she is one of his best friends.
Sometime after the engagement, I learned from another of Shane’s friends that in high school, they had lost their virginity to each other. This caught me by surprise because I had been told they were purely platonic.
I also did not love that this was hidden from me for so long. The next time I saw him, I brought up that I had known about their past and decided that it wouldn’t be the best decision to have someone in your bridal party that you used to have intimate relations with.
When I told Shane this, he was upset. He argued that he had promised Brittany a position as a groomsmaid already, and it would be rude to take the offer back. I tried to explain my discomfort with the situation, but feel insensitive since she was a huge part of his past. I’m not asking for her to be kicked out of the wedding, but I think it is a bit of a slap in the face for him to give her such an important role.
Would I be the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I think NTJ. She might be a big part of his past, but he misled you on the exact nature of their relationship. You’ve known him for what, seven years, and been together with him for at least three?
If they are such good friends, why have you not met her until now? Why didn’t he tell you the truth about their history together? I’d be uncomfortable with this too, and I’d bet he wouldn’t like it if the situation was reversed and you wanted a previous intimate partner on your side of the wedding party, especially if you withheld that specific piece of information from him.” Pure-Philosopher-175
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Wow! I’m all for opposite genders being in bridal parties, but: 1) he lied to you 2) they lost their virginity to each other – that person always holds a special place 3) you only just met her after being together so long You need to have a serious heart to heart.
Lying to someone you’re about to marry is not cool, and being worried about offending her over you is just off. It’s also weird that you’ve only just met her after being together so long if they’re such close friends. And if losing their virginity to each other wasn’t that big of a deal, he should’ve told you.
He’s a major jerk for letting you find out through his friends.” snapplebum
Another User Comments:
“NTJ He’s got no place to be upset. You’re the one who needs to be mad that he didn’t tell you the truth about their relationship and seems to have actively lied. WHY? Don’t let him get away with bs explanations – “it’s not important,” “it happened so long ago,” “I was young and didn’t even know you” etc These are all things to distract you.
Focus on the real issue – why did he actively lie about the relationship with you? He’s disrespecting you right now. Trust-breaking starts with small things like this. Unfaithfulness doesn’t just happen, it starts with small lies and hiding things. (I’m not saying he’ll be unfaithful to you, maybe it’ll be financial issues or something else, but it’s a start on the path of being dishonest.)” Majestic_Register346
22. AITJ For Leaving My Headlights On To Annoy A Man Blocking The Exit?
“Okay, so my town, like most, has a huge 4th of July celebration. People come from all over the place to watch it.
Well, I didn’t want to fight the crowd at the park so me, my fiance, and our two kiddos parked at the middle school which is right across from the park on a hill. Perfect view. Lots of people park there. Well, my 5-year-old has SPD and freaked out when the fireworks started so we sat in the car for a few to watch before ultimately leaving.
As we are pulling out, we get to the end of the road and a man had his car parked blocking the exit.
There was plenty of space for him to pull up or to the side to let us out, and still would’ve allowed him to get out before everyone else.
He refused to let us by. So in turn, I left my headlights shining in his face. My fiance said I was being petty, and yeah, I was. But I don’t feel like I was the jerk. After sitting there for several minutes, we had a line of cars behind us trying to leave.
None of them turned their lights off either. But the man kept looking back at me with his hands on his hips, and my fiance said I was going to end up causing him to get into it with this man if the man approached us being mean or aggressive.
The show finally ended and the man was of course the first one out, but the whole way home it felt tense in the car. My intention wasn’t to make my fiance uncomfortable, but I did want to make the man uncomfortable. He could’ve pulled his car up and let the rest of us out.
He didn’t care if anyone else was comfortable so why should I care if he was? Petty- yes. But a jerk- I don’t think so. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But, I’m sure it was scary for your fiance to be in that situation. I have been chewed out by my wife for doing similar, so I try to avoid those situations when I’m with her.
Admittedly, that guy was a selfish jerk and deserved every bit of mistreatment he got, but you have to think of your fiance and her feelings and fears. She wasn’t comfortable with the situation and was fearful that it might turn into a physical confrontation.
You could have backed off a bit for her sake, even though the guy deserved worse than he got. Next time, don’t put her in that situation and let the guy off the hook in that circumstance. When you are alone, sky the limit in teaching the guy a lesson that he deserves!
PS. Don’t forget, there’s lots of jerks out there with guns, knives, and bats so be safe” Clammypollack
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What a weird little power trip by that guy. Purposely blocking the only exit while cars formed a line behind him? It’s up to *him* when everyone gets to leave?
What a bully and he’s lucky nobody called the cops on him. What if there was an emergency?” prairiemountainzen
21. AITJ For Calling Out My Stepdad's Bullying And Moving My Sister In With Me?
“So my sister Dre (22) got pregnant around 2 years ago. Her partner became awful after the baby was born and Dre moved in with my mom and Stepdad Steve.
Steve constantly complained about the baby and toys. So much so that my sister ended up being hospitalized due to “stress”
After that, I moved her and the almost 2000 miles away to live with me. I have a tiny apartment in a major city but I knew my sister had to get away from Steve.
One day my sister left the baby tub up in the bathroom.
Not a big deal I moved and got ready for work.
I came home and she started crying to me about how sorry she was for not moving the tub the night before because she had forgotten. Like actually crying. I told her it’s no big deal. It’s a baby tub it took me like 30 seconds to move.
I told my mom this and she said Steve always hated that my sister was so irresponsible and everything! I go off on my mom saying Steve is an epic jerk for bullying my sister over dumb stuff knowing what her situation was. I told them that Steve was responsible for my sister’s “accident” by being such a jerk over silly things and that I was glad my sister and the baby were here.
My mom yells at me about disrespecting her husband and not to expect anything from him. I told her that’s fine because I make more than Steve and my sister no longer need their help and I’ll be annoyed if Steve is around my sister again.
My mom is upset and tried calling my sister but I told Dre to block her until she realizes how toxic and controlling Steve is. It’s been an issue for days causing lots of anxiety on both mom’s and Dre’s side but they are now on the opposite end of the country and have no power here.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you were right to bring your sister and her baby away from that guy and if I were you, I wouldn’t even let him in your sister’s baby’s life either too. Otherwise, as you said plainly, the stepdad is a bully and needs a 1k pole to push against him far from you, sister, and baby.” Raspberryandlaugh
Another User Comments:
“Are you the jerk for calling a spade a spade when it comes to an abusive jerk? No. Are you the jerk for putting your mother in her place and cutting off her means of verbal assault until she’s cooled down and figured out nobody owes her jerk husband respect?
Also no. I don’t see how you possibly could feel you were unless you’re worried about people who think someone being your parent entitles them to physically, verbally, mentally, etc mistreat you on a whim… NTJ” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom better hope that Steve stays with her for life because she’s made her choice to allow him to mistreat her kid…while she watched. Which in my opinion is equally abusive, and a whole lot more pathetic.
Neither of them needs to be around Dre or her baby. You’re a great sibling and it sounds like your mother doesn’t contribute positively to anyone’s life…except Steve’s. Create your family unit and leave her with him. Maybe see if you can find a therapist for Dre to rebuild her confidence and work through her obvious trauma.” Western_Fuzzy
20. AITJ For Going To The Hospital After My Ex's Son Called Me For Help?
“7 years ago I started seeing a woman, let’s call her Maya. She has a son, Mark. He was 4 when I started seeing Maya. Mark’s father, Maya’s husband, unfortunately, passed away when he was still a baby so he has no memory of him.
Me and Maya got along quite well and our relationship proceeded steadily and without too many problems. In time, I built a good relationship with Mark too and by the time he was 7, we were a good trio. Unfortunately, my relationship with Maya ended 2 years ago.
It was nobody’s fault. There was no betrayal involved. We simply had some problems and we came to the conclusion it was better to break up.
Last week I got a call in the middle of the night: it was Mark calling. When I was still seeing Maya, I gave him my phone number and told him to call if he was ever in trouble and needed help.
He had never called since me and Maya broke up but that night he was panicking; he called and he told me that he and Maya had a car accident. He was ok but Maya was injured and they had been taken to the hospital. I pondered on what to do but decided to go to the hospital. Maya has no living relatives and Mark told me he was alone so I went there mostly to take care of Mark.
When I arrived, Maya was still unconscious so I stayed with Mark for several hours, until she regained consciousness. When she saw me, she asked why I was there and I told her about Mark calling me.
She said I should not have come and forced me to leave.
At the time, I apologized and left because I thought I had overstepped her boundaries but now, thinking back, I don’t think I did anything wrong. Mark was panicking and he called the person he wanted by his side at that moment. Was it wrong for me to come?
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here – A young boy is afraid for his mother and all alone while she is injured. This wasn’t an attempt to revisit a relationship, it’s about taking care of a kid who is scared when their primary adult is in an emergency.
It might have been a knee-jerk reaction at being surprised by your presence, but she might realize after some thought that it was right for you to show up when Mark called you in a panic. How cold would it have been to say No anyway?” giga_booty
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Here’s the thing. what if she *hadn’t* woken up relatively quickly? The hospital would have had a social worker put him in an emergency foster situation, so he would have been (relatively) safe, but he likely would also have been unable to visit his mother or attend his regular school.
Yes, his mom was upset, and maybe reasonably so considering her situation and the confusion. But somebody needs to let that kid know he didn’t do anything wrong. God forbid something should happen in the future and he has no one he can call.” flickanelde
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here as it stands. You were right to go, and she just woke up after a serious car accident. I assume substances In a completely non-put-down way, her brain was not working super well right then. She might even have thought you were saying Mark called you to come and see her, rather than to come be with him.
The quick story as an example: when I was in labor, my parents arrived at the hospital to come to support me. I invited them, I knew they were coming, and when the nurse told me they were there, I said don’t let them in…because my brain’s panic response was ‘I can’t make small talk right now!’ No one was expecting polite chitchat, and yet.” nothanks86
19. AITJ For Suggesting My Son's In-Laws Take An Uber Instead Of Picking Them Up?
“My sisters filled me in on this situation and I thought I’d get the internet’s input to see if my parents were actually in the wrong. This involves my mom(52), dad(53), my brother Derek(27), his wife Kiara(24), and Kiara’s parents.
Kiara’s parents had a connecting flight in the major city close to my parents that they weren’t sure they could make.
Kiara and Derek asked my mom and dad if they could pick up her parents so they could stay the night at my parent’s house if they didn’t make the connection.
The airport is about an hour from our house and the connection was late at night.
Not wanting to drive two hours in the middle of the night and then drive two hours in the morning to take them back, my mom and dad suggested that they get an Uber to our house so that everyone would be able to get some sleep.
Derek then called my mom and dad and asked them “Would you have said that if it were me?”
Our parents tried to explain their reasoning, but he didn’t listen.
A couple of weeks later, Kiara wanted to come to visit my parents and sister.
She asked my sister if she would pick her up at the airport. All of her travel communication was through my sister. Then, when she picked her up Kiara said, “Thank you for coming to get me. I was worried that if I asked your parents they would tell me to get an Uber” My sister didn’t say anything to my parents until Kiara left. My mom called Derek and explained to him the comment that Kiara made.
She told him that she would always do anything to help him and his wife. Derek then told my mom that Kiara’s parents don’t think my parents are very “warm and friendly.”
Overall this has led to more tension in an already fraught relationship and I’m asking: were my parents jerks for suggesting Kiara’s parents take an Uber?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – It was incredibly rude for Kiara’s parents to even ask to stay at their house let alone expect them to drive to get them and take them back… all for a layover? Not even an actual visit! They aren’t family or even friends.
Not to mention if they knew there would be a long layover why aren’t they booking a hotel close to the airport and taking a shuttle like anyone else would do?” RaincoastVegan
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – Derek’s ‘Would you have done it if it was me’ was arrogant and condescending.
The two situations are completely different him being their son and the in-laws being well, the in-laws. A ridiculous comparison by him and Kiara. I mean they all already are putting them up for the night in their home and they want concierge service as well?
Entitled much?” Mustng1966
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Good God if we are old enough to be married, our parents aren’t exactly young anymore, and expecting them to drive in the middle of the night to pick somebody up at the airport is audacious. Offering to get them an Uber, especially if they offered to pay for it is generous, especially if they’re allowing them to stay at their house.
Frankly, I would never expect someone to host me if I arrived in their City in the middle of the night. I’d never ask that I’d get a hotel. It was rude of them to ask to be hosted and show up in the middle of the night.
In my opinion, their daughter is rude and passive-aggressive. Passive aggression is mistreatment. I’d watch her relationship with your brother carefully. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I can see why you wouldn’t have wanted to call her out on her comment to you and make things worse but that sure wasn’t nice of her.” [deleted]
18. AITJ For Refusing To Dance At My Friend's Wedding Due To Anxiety?
“My friend is getting married in a week and they are doing gender-mixed bridal parties so I’m a woman but I’m in the groom’s bridal party.
Last week I got a message from the groom saying the bride doesn’t want them to do their first dance alone because she’s nervous so they are asking all the people in the bridal party to dance too. He said he would pair us up and we had to learn the waltz if we didn’t already know it.
I responded and said I wasn’t comfortable dancing in front of that many people (I have bad anxiety and he knows this) and that I don’t know how to waltz and probably won’t have time to learn in just 2 weeks because of prior commitments.
I had a friend who is also in the groom’s party reach out to me and tell me he also isn’t comfortable doing it for similar reasons including the fact he works 11-hour days 6 days a week.
Considering there are 10 people all together in both parties I suggested that me and the other friend sit out and they can have the other 8 people dance with them.
The bride then loses it at me and asks how can I be so selfish and why am I ruining their wedding.
She said when I accepted to be in the bridal party I knew I would have to make sacrifices and if I wasn’t willing to then I shouldn’t have accepted. She went on a huge rant about it and about how I’m a horrible person and I need to just shut up and do it because it’s her wedding and that’s what she wants.
I explained that I thought it wasn’t fair to drop this on us 2 weeks out from the wedding and that if this had been brought up earlier I might not have accepted but at least I would have had time to prepare and make that decision.
She buckled down and said it was a reasonable request and that I needed to grow up and do it and stop being selfish.
Up until this point, I have done everything and anything asked of me in regard to the wedding without complaint. As far as I’m aware the other person in the bridal party who didn’t want to do it didn’t cop nearly as much mistreatment as I did.
I’m starting to feel like she doesn’t like me because at one of the 3 pre-wedding brunches we had to go to everyone got a box with their name on it and mine was spelled wrong and crossed out with the correct spelling next to it.
(my name is a bit oddly spelt so I didn’t think much of it at the time).
Am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. My husband has bad social anxiety and was petrified of doing a first dance, or, for that matter, any dancing.
So we structured our wedding in such a way that we didn’t do this and it didn’t matter. I cannot imagine attempting to push a member of the bridal party to compensate for my husband’s social anxiety by making them do something that leaves them feeling anxious or uncomfortable or having to learn something burdensome and stressful.
You are not her slave for the wedding. If other bridal party members are happy to do it, that’s fine for them. But anyone is welcome to refuse and that should be the end of it. She can sort out her feelings or find another solution.” msfinch87
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The people who so often shout that you’re being selfish and horrible for not caving into them are usually the ones being selfish and horrible. How are you ruining her day by not dancing (on very short notice, no less)? You even have someone from the groom’s side not wanting to dance either.
Problem solved, no one left out who doesn’t want to be. ” Flimsy-Car-7926
Another User Comments:
“NTJ instead of the bridal party, why don’t they have the parents, grandparents, and siblings join them in the first dance? Then, they can switch partners so the father/bride dance is not very long or the focus of everyone’s attention either.
Failing that, explain to the groom how much you appreciate him asking you to join him at his wedding. But that the pressure to dance and the bride’s extreme reaction to saying know feel like perhaps it’s not a good idea. You don’t want to back out but at this point, the thought of the reception is threatening to give you a panic attack.
Which the bride would feel would ruin her wedding if you had one on the day. Ask him what he feels would be the best solution. You backing out completely or just attending the ceremony?” okmustardman
17. AITJ For Refusing To Sell A Shared Sentimental Gift My Sister Wants To Cash In On?
“My sister (17F) and I (19F) had been given a gift for both of us, when we were around 9 and 6, to use as we saw fit.
My sister showed initial interest in the gift but became bored of it after a while, while I continued to use the gift for many years.
Throughout the years I have maintained the gift and kept it at good quality as it fell into my sole possession for caring purposes.
Recently my sister had found out that the gift was a collectible item that she could sell for a quick cash grab. I decided against selling it and she let it go for a while.
A little while back, the high price of the gift was brought up again and I vehemently denied that we should sell it as I have a strong emotional and sentimental attachment to the gift, as I maintained it and gained inspiration from it for art purposes.
My sister claims that it isn’t fair that I hold onto it for these reasons and feels that she should be allowed to sell it because she loves money and that she deserves the money, despite us both having equal ownership.
I still denied the sale and told her that I stood by what I said and told her that she only showed interest in it when it had a cash value and she couldn’t care less for it.
She doesn’t want to sell it due to any financial emergency, but rather due to her wanting money.
My sister thinks I’m being selfish for wanting to keep it, but didn’t make any promises to share the cash value from the gift if she sold it.
While I could sell this item it would continue to go up in price as the years progress and I would end up buying the gift back at a loss to myself, and while I don’t care for the cash value, buying it again wouldn’t hold the same emotional value as when it was gifted all those years ago.
So am I the jerk for not agreeing to sell the shared gift?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but be aware that if she takes you to court you could be forced to sell it. The judge likely won’t care about your sentimental value. The best bet would be to get it appraised officially, get an agreed-upon value with your sister, and write up a bill of sale to buy her half from her.
You can likely get a loan if you have it professionally appraised and with the bill of sale and her signature it’ll be all yours to do with whatever you want.” JJQuantum
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Buy out your sister’s share. Then have a frank discussion with your parents if they are still alive, about their estate planning.
Tell them to stipulate in their Will that everything be liquidated and the proceeds split among the children. Do not EVER leave real estate to co-owner heirs, as one will want to live on the property, one will want to sell, and one’s financial issues will have that heir’s creditors attaching liens to it.
If any heirs want specific property from the estate then they can buy it or have it offset against their portion.” Fantastic_Lady225
Another User Comments:
“In the adult world, if this ended up as a legal matter you would be forced to sell and split the money.
The world isn’t fair. If you do offer her half of the value in cash start LOW. If she’s that money-hungry I bet you could offer her $200 and she’d take it and run. She seems naïve like that. BUT MAKE SURE YOU HAVE THE DEAL AND TRANSACTION IN WRITING!
I can’t stress this enough!!!! Keep it all in writing. Blood may be thicker than water but that also means they will turn on you faster!” Royal-Neighborhood40
16. AITJ For Letting My Friend Wait Inside My Home Despite My Partner's Disapproval?
“I have been friends with this guy for 16 years. (6 longer than I have known my partner) He stayed on my couch for a few months because I wasn’t going to let him live in his car.
I was the best man at his wedding. My partner despises him and a condition of our friendship is that he is not to be around our place. Not inside barring an emergency (like he got shot and is dying, then fine, he can come in.)
He was on his way over while I was finishing up a workout and arrived just as I was done. I messaged my partner if he could wait inside while I took a quick shower. It’s been insanely hot to the point where people are dying of heat exhaust/stroke.
She did not respond to the text and we both walked to the door. He waited outside and I asked if she was on a work call, giving her an easy out to not allow him in but she instead invited him in. I think we’re cool.
I take the quickest shower I can and we leave when I am done, less than 10 minutes total.
She later tells me that she is upset and that I know the rules that we shouldn’t be hanging out here etc. I asked why she invited him in and chatted him up.
I even turned on the TV and sat the remote in front of him. She didn’t have to even stay in the room. She said she was being polite. I said no, you were being not rude. You were not being polite. She is technically right, being polite is doing what society expects of you and has nothing to do with kindness or being genuine.
Which she made clear was not the motivation of her politeness.
I put her in a position because I solely decided to have him come in. So, am I the jerk for letting my friend wait inside while I took a shower?”
Another User Comments:
“If you made an explicit agreement with your partner as to how your house would be, then you’re the jerk, for breaking that agreement. The question is: if you KNOW there’s a rule that he’s not allowed in the house (why would you agree to this rule in the first place) why did you bring him over AT ALL?
Like… why was he “on his way over” to a place he’s not supposed to be? Why would you have put yourself or him in this situation to begin with?” LawNerds
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Putting aside why this “he’s not allowed in our place” agreement exists (which many others here have asked about and you keep refusing to answer, which is very suspicious), you did agree to it and you’re the one that broke the agreement.
If you didn’t want to keep the guy waiting outside, *you* should have managed your time better instead of dumping him on your partner, who you *know* hates him, and leaving her alone with him. And cut the nonsense about how *she* is the one who supposedly let him in.
You *pressured* her into it” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“YTJ Your silence on explaining what the argument that caused your partner to refuse to be in the same room as him is deafening. It seems clear by now that you know that giving us that info would push you into jerk territory, so I have to assume YTJ for now.
I will change this if you follow up with some info of course!” misanthropy
15. AITJ For Not Catering To My Husband's Needs When He's Sick But Still Going Out With Friends?
“My husband (37M) sent me (36F) a message during work hours today letting me know he was feeling really under the weather. We have a one-and-a-half-year-old toddler and I’m currently 5 months pregnant with our second child.
I immediately offered to fully take care of our toddler for the day (and night because we’re still getting up at least 3 times a night) and I made him some homemade bone broth and soup for recovery.
He then told me he was going out to play pickleball with his friends and “he was attempting to sweat it out”.
I told him I didn’t think this was a good idea, and that he should be taking it easy if he’s feeling so sick.
He came back home around 10 pm. This is not the first time he’s left me alone. In the past two weeks, he’s met friends to play pickleball 3 times a week, and also flew to LA for 3 days for a friend’s birthday, leaving me alone with our toddler.
I’m currently trying to study in my time off, which means I usually don’t have any free time for hobbies, friends, or activities outside of my responsibilities. I want to be supportive but I feel like I’m being taken advantage of right now.
I’ve expressed that while I will be taking care of our toddler for the night, I won’t be getting him meds or catering to his needs if he’s sick. To me, he chose to go out and spend time with his friends and put his health at more risk, increasing the recovery time and making it my responsibility.
I expect him to still help me with our toddler so I can at least have some time to myself and not reach a point where I break down.
Normally I’m the type that takes care of his needs and puts him above anything if he’s sick.
He says I’m not being understanding and that I’m the jerk. He needs time with his friends to feel healthy as much as he needs rest and hydration.
Maybe I’m not seeing the full picture here and I’m being too sensitive on account of my pregnancy hormones.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. The reason you’re feeling taken advantage of is because you are. You should have a chat with your husband and let him know how you’re feeling and why. Being pregnant while wrangling a toddler isn’t for the faint of heart.
Heck, wrangling a toddler while not pregnant is wild. Babying a grown man who is well enough to play pickleball on top of everything is just absurd. If he is well enough to play pickleball he can take care of himself. I have three under three and having time to myself as well as some quality time just my husband and I is crucial. He needs to step up.
When is your time to rest? What about your needs? You’re not being too sensitive.” ChunkyPillow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If he was sick enough to need care like you making him soup he was sick enough to come home. If he wasn’t sick enough to skip the things he likes he isn’t sick enough to need care when you’re so busy.
It sounds like maybe there needs to be another conversation though as it seems he is avoiding his responsibilities right now. If he doesn’t have a reason for that I’d maybe consider calling in help. Is there a family member you can call to babysit so you can study?
Maybe getting home to realize you had to call in someone else ’cause he isn’t pulling his weight will be enough.” Fabulous_A_53
Another User Comments:
“NTJ If he feels well enough to play with his friends until 10 pm, he feels well enough to stay home and help you.
You’re pregnant and tired, and I’d be surprised if he did the same for you when you’re sick. You should divide up your time more evenly: if he goes out on Saturday, you go out on Sunday. There’s no reason why you should be the default parent.
Someone has to take care of the toddler, you shouldn’t be the one who manages the day and night while he plays and sleeps. He’s had plenty of time to recharge his batteries with his mates, so tonight he’ll be doing daddy duties and you’ll rest.” PandaCotton
14. AITJ For Leaving The Cake My Mom Dropped On The Floor?
“So today after work, I (f16) was preparing a cake for my (f12) sister. I spent hours preparing everything, the color was perfect (red velvet), and the texture was soft and nicely risen. My mom walked in, she got very upset at how messy things were and started cleaning frantically.
When she was sorting the fridge out she accidentally dropped my cake on the floor. I froze waiting for her reaction, as at that moment it determined mine in a way. I hoped maybe she’d say sorry or something, but instead, she started shouting about how I’m stupid and careless and called my other 3 siblings stupid.
I kind of lost it and ran to the bathroom to cry. While I was there my mum continued shouting from the kitchen, when my two older siblings went to try and explain to her a different perspective, she said it was my fault for causing her to make the mistake.
When pressed harder she YELLED “So is this my fault?” and I felt guilty here because her voice cracked slightly with some emotion.
And then she was shouting that I’m lucky it was her who made the mistake because anyone else would’ve left the mess.
I know she’ll never apologize and sadly that’s all I wanted so badly. But she’s never said sorry to me my whole 16 years of life.
I feel like the jerk for just abandoning the situation and leaving my cake. She was gonna go to her room to sleep but had to tidy up by herself instead (maybe that’s why she was angry).
AITJ for leaving my dropped cake on the floor?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She shouldn’t be yelling at you and calling you names for several reasons: 1. it wasn’t your fault 2. Even if it WERE your fault…yelling and calling your child stupid over fallen food is ridiculous She’s also wrong, she spilled it and should be the one to clean it..if anyone else were in her position and left it would be a jerk.
I’m sorry you put time and effort into the cake only for this to be the result. Also sorry that she can’t take accountability and has never apologized. NTJ” chaenukyun
Another User Comments:
“NTJ When you said you waited to react until you saw how your mom reacted I knew right away what you’re dealing with.
Your mom’s response and the fact that explosions are common and taking accountability never happens isn’t normal or healthy. I am so sorry you and your siblings are stuck in a situation like that. Growing up in an environment like this is a risk factor for lots of health and relationship stuff as an adult.
I’d encourage you to seek support as soon as you safely can in working through how you’ve had to learn to respond in this family and what will and will not serve you as an adult. Best wishes to you.” LolaBeidek
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Reminds me a lot of my dad, anything broken or misplaced must have been one of us kids. Tap leaking, nope we must have got water everywhere. Can’t find his stuff, we must have moved it as he could not have possibly forgotten where he put it.
The super old charger that has been barely working for months gives in, nope we must have broken it. Everything had to be someone’s fault and the someone was never him. It’s not you, it’s her. It is not your fault. She should take more care in what she is doing and consider your feelings.
Sometimes things just happen. Accidents are common and when it happened she should have apologized and explained she did not mean for the cake to be destroyed rather than turning on you and lashing out.” Longjumping_2390
13. AITJ For Wanting My Sister To Pay For The Damage She Caused To My Car?
“I (18, female) and my sister (19, female) were heading into the store to grab a gift for a friend of mine.
While I was pulling up to the parking lot, an older man knocked on my window asking me to jump his car. My car wasn’t in the best shape, and I was clearly in a rush, so I gave the man an excuse, saying I didn’t know how to do it.
Before I left, my sister interrupted me, saying she knew how to and that she could do it for me. I was a bit peeved, but I still handed over my keys and went inside the store.
When I came out, my sister came over to me and said that my car was smoking.
At this point, I was freaking out; I had no clue what was happening. When I finally got to the car, I saw smoke coming from inside and out. I got in and tried to start the car—nothing. I tried again—nothing. After a few minutes, I got it going.
I was fully relieved but still upset because we could have avoided this issue if she hadn’t said anything. I asked her, “Hey, why did you tell that guy yes?” She replied, “I didn’t notice you didn’t want to help.” I honestly just looked at her in disbelief.
Right before we pulled into the road, my car suddenly stopped. We were freaking out because cars were coming, so we just sat there. Luckily, our house was just across the street. My sister ran home to get her car, hoping we could jump mine.
She came back, and we tried jumping it—nothing. After around 30 minutes, some guy came to see what the issue was. He said it wasn’t a battery issue but more of an engine issue; something had melted. At this point, I was flipping out in my head, but I still had no clue what to do.
The man was kind enough to put my car into neutral and pushed it backward into a parking lot.
After some time, I had to go, so I gave my sister the keys and left. When I got back, I got my keys from her and called up a family friend mechanic.
He finally got the car to work again, but he said he needed to take it to the shop because there were a bunch of things messed up and melted.
Now, we come to this: I know I didn’t do anything wrong. When I asked my sister when she was going to pay for the car bills, she told me she wasn’t and that it was my car and she didn’t do anything wrong.
When I brought this up to my mother, she agreed with me at first but recently told me that my sister would not be paying for my car bills, saying that it wasn’t her fault anymore. As much as I try to talk to my parents, they both agree that I will be paying and that my sister has nothing to do with this.
So, AITJ for wanting my sister to pay for MY car bills?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ sorry but your family is a bunch of irresponsible jerks. The mechanic can give you a written statement on what caused the problem. Show it to your mom and sister. If she still does not pay take her to small claims court.
She hooked the positive and negative cables to your car and the man’s car wrong. That will always cause a problem. Stand up or be a doormat. You are young. This is an event that will help determine who you are and how your family treats you for years to come.
Doormat or not. Up to you. ” Suspicious-Work-6790
Another User Comments:
“You would need a mechanic I would think backing you up that she ruined it. I will read it all again to ensure that it was never diagnosed as to what caused it. Small claims court if there is proof.
But be sure you are okay if it causes a family fall out that might not ever be right again.” pensaha
Another User Comments:
“ESH You AGREED to her doing it, so it is as much YOUR responsibility as it is hers – even more because it is YOUR car.
And she did not do it on purpose, so maybe 50/50 would be fair. BUT: How would you enforce it? all in all – take this as a learning experience, and STOP letting others use your stuff.” Excellent-Count4009
12. AITJ For Asking My Parents To Stop Praising My Sister's Art As Tattoo Material In Front Of Me?
“I (20F) am an artist by trade and profession. I’m fully disabled, including an unspecified neurological disorder. When we found this out, it shattered my dream of being a tattoo artist. This is what I’ve wanted to do my whole life.
I’m still very broken up about it and it’s been years. I’ve been practicing my craft and I’m a decent artist, there’s a market for my work and I make steady enough cash on commissions but not enough to survive.
I have a little sister (18F) who has no interest in art.
I won’t lie, she’s quite talented at realism!
Every time someone sees my little sister’s art, they comment on how amazing it is. My mom and dad always tell her she should be a tattoo artist – and this often happens directly in front of me.
They are supportive of me, but they’ve never shown the same level of respect towards me and my interests. It should be noted that my sister doesn’t want to be a tattoo artist, nor is it a career path my parents want for either of us.
They just always tell everyone how perfect she’d be for that job.
I’m not a jealous person by nature, honestly. I have two siblings and they’re so talented, and I am so proud of them. But it crushes me to know that my parents will talk about how good my sister would be at my dream job that I can’t have in front of me.
I just wish they were half as proud of me as they are of them, but I know it’s not something I’ll ever reach.
I don’t want them to not praise her art – they absolutely should! She’s so talented! And comments like that are ok, but… would I be the jerk if I asked them politely to not do it in front of me if they’re going to make those comments?
It hurts my feelings.
To clarify, I have no clue if this is ok or not or if I’m overreacting. I was the only homeschooled kid in the family and I’m debilitatingly autistic, I just don’t want to get berated or yelled at if I say something wrong or mess up.
I could also be biased because I have an extremely poor relationship with said younger sister, but I can’t decide if that’s a factor in how I feel yet.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here but honestly I don’t think it will end well if you confront them.
The truth is as much as we wish it wasn’t true a lot of parents do have favorites. In particular, my mother was a homemaker and one of my sisters is a homemaker but I’m a career woman and I am certainly not her favorite.
She is. But confronting them over complimenting her will kind of just come off as if you’re just jealous. I think this is particularly true if you have a bad relationship with her. Not only will it probably not stop the compliments but it’ll just probably blow up into a bigger confrontation.
Your best bet is just to ignore it or leave the room when it happens. I did state No jerks here, particularly because complimenting your sister isn’t quite the same as putting you down. They aren’t jerks for complimenting her even in regards to a job she doesn’t want and while maybe it was one that you wanted a lot of people are kind of thoughtless about compliments and unless they treat you very poorly I doubt that it was meant as a jab to you.
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your parents should know better. They should know that would be hurtful. Just explain to them it’s hurtful to you and why- because you’ve always wanted to be a tattoo artist but probably can’t so it’s a painful topic. If they continue to do it after you’ve communicated to them, or if they react defensively then you will know they are jerks and can proceed accordingly.” the_greengrace
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your parents are doing it on purpose, sadly. If your sis is talented at art, there are a million “types” of art, if neither she nor your parents have an interest in Tats, then why do they choose that particular one????
Every single time. I’m sorry, but this is intended to hurt, I don’t know the family history, but this has to be intentional, or they wouldn’t keep doing the same thing.” Proud_Cat_Lady_too
11. AITJ For Asking My Partner To Change Clothes After Riding The Bus?
“I (23) and my significant other (25) are disagreeing about my expectation that after riding the bus, they change clothes before sitting on the couch.
Between the two of us, I am admittedly a little more high-strung, although I don’t believe that I have unrealistic standards. Our house is never spotless, I don’t spend every day cleaning (usually just a couple hours on my weekend), and I feel that I don’t ask much of them when it comes to chores.
Their only chores (aside from tidying up and putting away their belongings) consist of dishes (while I am cooking dinner), scooping litter every other night, and taking out the garbage. Otherwise, I am the one to clean the bathroom, fold laundry, vacuum the floors and furniture, dust, etc. I don’t mind cleaning as much as they do, so our division of labor isn’t too much of an issue.
The problem today arose after we rode the bus home after a very nice morning together. I asked if they wouldn’t mind taking off the clothes they wore on the bus before sitting on the sofa as it grossed me out a bit. The bus often smells like urine, and while I’m a huge proponent of public transportation, they generally aren’t the cleanest of places.
They are frustrated at the idea of having to change clothes when they get home (although I’m having trouble understanding why that’s an issue as I do it every day). I’m not asking that they wash clothes after every use, and I’m not asking that they change clothes any time they wear them outside, it’s mainly the bus that’s the problem.
From my perspective, it’s in the same vein as not wearing shoes in the house, or outside clothes on the bed. I’m the one who cleans the furniture and would just appreciate the peace of mind. I have some anxiety about cleanliness, but I truly don’t think that I’m being unreasonable here.
Am I the jerk? I would love to know if this is a completely unrealistic expectation.”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here I think I am quite biased since I have to get four buses per day so I’m more used to it, but I feel that going on the bus doesn’t mean changing clothes.
I like the fact that you asked her first and that you do a lot of the cleaning, but at the same time getting changed after every time you get off a bus feels stressful for me and I would feel the same as them.
It feels like you both have different views of cleanliness and just finding it out. I’m wondering if you guys are new to living together cause I find a lot of couples find out this stuff about each other after newly moving in?” miffypancake123
Another User Comments:
“NTJ As a kid, I changed out of my school clothes as soon as I got home and put on my “play clothes”. It wasn’t so much about dirt as it was about keeping the clothes in good condition; rips and tears, etc. As an adult, I change out of my work clothes as soon as I get home and put on my “soft clothes” (sweats, loungewear).
I do the same if I go out to dinner, etc., I change as soon as I get home. So does my husband.” Wise-Pirate-4468
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here My partner cringes at work/public transit/etc. clothes on the couch, especially pants. While it’s never been a thing that bothered me, it doesn’t seem like a huge deal to change at least my pants.
My thing is I don’t feel like changing as soon as I get home, I’d rather just sit down. What ended up working out is they put a soft blanket over the couch since the texture was iffy when they’re feeling anxious and sensory issues come up, so if I need to just relax and not change I either move the blanket over or sit on the uncovered part.
They’ve also gotten less stressed about it over the past year. Maybe figure out what the deeper conflict is for each of you. Anxiety around gross things possibly transferring to your cozy space and then also you vs. low tolerance for being told what to do or taking the request too personally and feeling like they’re being called gross and oblivious?” InspectionThis9944
10. AITJ For Not Telling My GF About My Wrestling Achievements?
“I have been seeing my partner for a few years now. When we met, sports got brought up early as she is a former college Volleyball player, so wanted to know if I was also athletic. I told her I played football, wrestling, and ran track in high school.
Informed her I then wrestled in college and was decent. I told her I hated wrestling in college and it was just a job to keep my scholarship. I asked her not to ask questions about it. ( I placed at nationals a few times) I did not tell her this.
She has never brought it up again. I thought it was because she respected that I did not want to talk about it. I figured she would just google me if she wanted to know more.
We recently went to visit my mom for the first time.
She lives across the country now. Without me knowing, my mom turned her spare room into a trophy room for me and my siblings. There are four of us, so we each get a wall. I was the only wrestler so my wall is full of medals.
It’s a little deceiving since I only kept gold growing up. I would chuck the other ones away.
She spent a lot of time looking my wall over and asking my mom what some of them were. I got embarrassed and went to play with the dog.
She seemed normal the rest of the night until we got to the hotel where she was visibly furious.
She laid out that she felt stupid because she always talked about her volleyball days and that she was nowhere near as good as I was in my sport.
She also told her brother that I peaked as an athlete in high school. Her family is extremely into sports. I told her I loved how passionate she was about playing volleyball and she loved it so of course she talks about it a lot.
Also, the brother thing is funny because I feel like I did peak in high school sports, at least my enjoyment of them. I try to block out college.
She is now saying I’m the jerk because I lied to her and now she does not know what else I lied about by omission.
I think I told her the truth. I was decent.
So, am I the jerk for not telling my partner how good I was?”
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. You told her the basics and left it at that. It isn’t something you wanted to dwell on and you didn’t lie near as I can tell.
Some people aren’t comfortable puffing their chest about stuff, especially when you seem to not have good memories of it. Not quite sure how she gets from “you didn’t prattle on endlessly about your wrestling accomplishments” to “you’re a lying jerk and I can’t trust anything you’ve ever said”.
She sounds a little immature.” me_not_at_work
Another User Comments:
“You’re not the jerk. If her family is really into sports, her reaction may be because she’s jealous of all your medals and success and she’s embarrassed. Just let her lash for a bit.
If she doesn’t cool it with the “you lied” stuff, then you need to sit her down and have a conversation about how you feel about college wrestling. If she is still going to act “betrayed”, then you’ll have to consider your options.” goldenfingernails
Another User Comments:
“This whole thing is weird. Being mad at you over this should raise your eyebrows. Being that the whole family is athletic, you may be trapped in some kind of competition and not even know it. She may have missed an opportunity to dunk on her brother.
Or maybe her brother/family was talking bad about you and she sugarcoated it. The family could be looking for somebody to raise a meal ticket. Like I said this is weird. If they take sports that seriously they’re probably a nightmare at sporting events also.” asgxii
9. AITJ For Not Changing Gyms After My Sister Claimed I Stole Hers?
“I (21f) just started going to the gym a little over a week ago. My sister (26f) has been going to this gym for almost 3 years. In January of 2023, our mom had a stroke and required full-time, around-the-clock care. My sister was the primary person caring for her while I went to work and school and our dad went to work.
She wasn’t working but she was in grad school. She says she had to drop out because she was who was home the most and by “default” she would stay and take care of our mom. We had help coming in a couple of times a week but she was the one who stayed home with her most of the time.
In the little free time she had away from home, she would go to the gym and get out some, not nearly all, her frustrations there. Fast forward to now, our mom passed away in November and she hasn’t reenrolled in school or worked in any capacity, so she spends her days doing nothing.
The first whole week at the gym I hid it from her because she reacted exactly how I thought she might, upset that I was going with my friend when she asked me many times before. For context, I have gone to the gym with her.
But with her, it’s a nightmare. She made me feel bad for not knowing what I was doing, I was new, and criticized me for not doing either as much weight or not being “as strong”. When I told her I was thinking about starting she was excited but upset that I didn’t want to go with her.
Ok, fair. But when I came home last night she started berating and yelling at me because I stole “her” gym. When I said that it’s a public gym and anyone can go, she said she didn’t want to hear that and that I knew this was special and that this was her “escape” from caring for mom.
I mentioned how she doesn’t have to escape from anything anymore and she started screaming more and said that I ruined her life. She’s also demanding I change gyms. But I’m not sorry that I don’t want to work with someone who belittles me when I try to improve myself.
I will not change gyms. I have just as much a right to be there as anyone else. But she’s not receptive to my side when I’m supposed to be receptive to everything that she says/feels. So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. Your sister is grieving and handling it terribly. No, you shouldn’t have to change gyms but give your sister a little grace. I lost my mom a little over a year ago and I am still heavily grieving. It takes a lot of time and love from those still here.
Give her time and be patient with her.” Ifeelold79
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but I think the real thing here is that your sister needs some help snapping out of this. I don’t honestly know if you can help with that, but realize that she needs to go back to school and fight to get back into the master’s program.” Petefriend86
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. Instead of being judgemental be grateful your sister sacrificed herself for the family. Help her get back on track. Go elsewhere seeing you at her safe place is triggering for her. Gyms are everywhere. You knew before enrolling how your sister feels about you and her being the one that had to make all the sacrifices.” Owlvivid420
8. AITJ For Not Letting My Mom See My Wedding Dress?
“I live abroad from my family as I met my fiancé overseas.
I see my mom and dad once a year due to the hectic flight; so I thought I’d try on wedding dresses with them so my mom could experience it etc etc.
For context, my mom is a very traditional but overbearing woman. Love her, but she’s a lot. She’s struggled with body issues and always projected those issues onto me although she will never admit it.
Anyways. So I’m trying on different styles as you do but every time I come out my mother not only has a negative opinion but makes a face.
When I tried one of the dresses she couldn’t even look at me. She made comments about my weight etc and to be frank, I’m not skinny. My weight has yo-yo’ed forever but I’m skinnier than my mom.
It got to a point where we left and the helper felt awkward.
I was holding back tears as my bridesmaids mostly live back home and I just wanted a positive experience with champagne and happy tears.
When I got my wedding dress, my mom asked for a picture, etc and I said no and she complained.
Now, my parents are visiting soon and my partner suggested fitting my dress when my mom is here.
Bless him, he has good intentions but I’m nervous I get hurt again. My mom wants to see it.
AITJ for not letting her see it?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You need to sit down with your partner and remind him that you should be his priority.
Mom is only visiting, it’s YOU he will have to live with after they leave. He needs to understand how badly your mother’s complaints affect you, and your feelings should be important to him. Never mind your mom’s tears, she knows what she says hurts you, so she doesn’t get to tear up when you call her on it.” proud_didi
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mum isn’t a good parent. If she wants to push her insecurities onto you then she is a bad parent. That’s it. She’s a bad parent and you are 100% justified. SET FIRM BOUNDARIES. She comments on your weight week without talking or something like that.
Make it clear that you have an issue with this bad behavior. You don’t have to even talk to her. Just send her a text.” National-Site9828
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – If it’s going to cause you unnecessary stress then don’t do it. Planning a wedding is already stressful, planning one that presumably involves people from two different countries and potentially very different cultures is even more stressful.
Don’t add more just to please your mother. If you want to soften the blow maybe you could sell it to her as wanting to preserve the magic until your big day. You want to see everyone’s genuine reaction seeing you in the dress for the first time when you walk into the wedding.” Capital-Effort2597
7. AITJ For Snapping At A Server During My Grandmother's Wake?
“Ok so, overall this isn’t my proudest moment but my grandmother died a few weeks ago.
I was in my native country for four days, attending the funeral and seeing distant family. Loved and friendly, but feeling like a total stranger. I can speak my native tongue relatively well and got plenty of compliments, however overall the weekend was understandably traumatic, stressful, and exhausting.
We were on the final day at the final meal, now I have lived on my own for about 4 years and I’m finally gaining independence. While I have lived on my own I have lost a considerable amount of weight, meaning I don’t eat that much.
I prefer it and enjoy it, and throughout this weekend I had barely eaten anything.
During this wake we were served specialty foods and stuff I could barely stomach, not due to it being bad, just the fact I could barely stomach anything, I just wanted to go home.
While I took the first two items I refused the cappuccino and the server looked at me up and down for a second and said, “Why not?” I was stunned for a second and gave him a once over up and down and spoke in Dutch “Because I didn’t feel like it” and refused to acknowledge his presence for the rest of the night.
I don’t know if it was because I was speaking in English with a few maybe two very special family members who I haven’t seen in over six years. But, I just felt disgusted that a server would comment on whether a person was eating at a wake or not.
Especially a grandchild of a beloved grandmother who has made every attendee cry in the room in memory of her wonderful spirit.
Did I go too hard? Or not hard enough? I’m still feeling fuzzy from the visit and dislike the thought of returning.”
Another User Comments:
“I think for the server it was a situation of everyone is getting that automatically and it’s such a routine that if someone doesn’t want it it’s a bit of a shock. I kind of feel that the question was genuine on why you did not want it since it was already premade, etc. A simple “I’m too full” or “I can’t handle caffeine/ I can’t handle anything more in my stomach” would have been fine.
I think you went a bit far by your response and then ignoring the server for just doing his job.” Rodwink
Another User Comments:
“Not an excuse, and I have no direct experience with this, but, as a culture, the Dutch are reputed to be among the most honest, and also the most direct, bordering on rude/tactless, in their conversational interactions.
Before you spin yourself into a tizzy over this, what you experienced may simply be due, in part, to differing social conversational expectations when shifting from one cultural context to another.” Nanny_Ogg1000
Another User Comments:
“You were neck-deep in some brutal stuff. 4 dizzying days of social pressures galore, grief, travel and time change, cortisol galore, and fatigue.
If this was the most awkward, nagging thing among it all, where you wish you’d had the bandwidth to clear it up, I only ask you to give yourself some grace. You and that server were not seeing the moment eye to eye, and forgive both of you for the awkwardness that followed. Give the memory of the server, and yourself in that scene, the patience and compassion you have at hand now, and be gentle with the person you were that day who was under all that strain, be generously gracious to both of you that a misunderstanding was had, and left untended, because at the time you were trying your best.” AggressivePayment0
6. AITJ For Not Wanting My Husband At My Prenatal Appointment After A Fight?
“Before my fourth prenatal appointment, my husband and I got into a fight. The fight occurred while I was describing a situation at work and got frustrated and emotional while explaining myself. My husband was questioning and challenging my interpretation of it and I felt he was being argumentative so I said “You wouldn’t understand, you don’t have to work with gossip and judgemental people” (he works from home and has limited in-person interaction with other people for his job).
I started crying out of frustration and he got angry and said I was blowing up over nothing. He then went silent and didn’t speak to me the rest of the day.
His conflict management style is the silent treatment, often for days, sometimes for 1-2 weeks at a time.
Anticipating this, I told him that if we were not on speaking terms at the time of my prenatal appointment, I would not feel comfortable with him coming and that I would get ultrasound images and provide a summary of the appointment for him. I told this to him in words and by text.
Well, he showed up to my prenatal appointment and forced himself in. I was too humiliated to make a scene but quietly said “What are you doing here”. Afterwards, he said “It’s our baby so it’s our appointment” and I said, “actually I am the patient and it’s my appointment and you are there as a visitor”.
I told him I felt violated and betrayed. Truly I feel bullied by his behavior and would like an apology. I wanted him to be there, and he has come to most of my other appointments, but I didn’t feel comfortable with him being there if he was engaging in silent treatment and aggression.
He maintains that he has every right to be at my doctor’s appointments whether I am okay with it or not.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. To be clear, his ABUSE tactic is the silent treatment which he regularly deploys until you Crack, and makes sure he never has to apologize or be held accountable.
Second, he shows up and forces his way in…WITHOUT CONSENT. and without meeting your terms of respect in which to be permitted to do so and then continues to dismiss and bully you. Girl…you better get out of the home and into a safe place fast!
Divorce, divorce, divorce.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ nothing worse than trying to vent and someone just contradicts you and accuses you of overreacting. He does not have the right to attend your appointments and I would make a point of letting the doctor know this could be an issue in the future.
As for the silent treatment, what is he, 12? Is this how he plans to resolve arguments with your child?” Pretzelmamma
Another User Comments:
“In the future, just tell the doctor that you’re not comfortable with having the baby’s father at this appointment at this time.
My youngest daughter is a delivery room nurse. Baby daddies, exes, and unwanted family, they get escorted out. No judgment. NTJ But why are you with somebody that freezes you out for 1 to 2 weeks at a time, darn girl! That’s abusive! I was married for 43 years to the same man, I don’t think we ever went a full day without talking to each other.
I’m so sorry he forced himself into an appointment that you told him he wasn’t welcome at. I am worried for you and scared.” Silver-Raspberry-723
Another User Comments:
“Momma, if I may. First and foremost, I’d like to send you a large virtual hug—you could really use one right now.
Secondly, I took a look at your page, and I want to congratulate you on your rainbow baby. As for your in-laws, my heart deeply hurts for you after what they did following your loss. Your grief and feelings are valid, and experiencing such a loss is never your fault.
It’s incredibly hurtful that your mother-in-law would try to place the blame on you. Based on your post, it seems that your husband’s behavior—like not hiding the ultrasound pictures before his brother came over, only for him to say some of the most upsetting things I’ve ever read—is learned from his family.
This type of behavior is deeply ingrained and not easily unlearned, especially if the person isn’t willing to change. I’ve seen you mention that you don’t feel physically endangered, but I want to assure you that emotional and mental abuse can eventually lead to physical danger, even if it stems from your own mental well-being deteriorating.
Please think deeply about how your husband treats you and how that might affect your child one day. Abusive behavior doesn’t stop just because someone is a parent; it can easily extend to your child, and the effects on young, developing minds can be profound and long-lasting.
Whether you choose to seek individual therapy (and possibly couples therapy down the road) or decide to leave while you still have a stronger chance in legal battles and custody, I hope you recognize that unless your husband chooses to change, staying means putting yourself and your rainbow baby in a harmful situation.
I truly hope you choose yourself and your baby because you both deserve love and happiness. You are not in the wrong here, not in any way, shape, or form.” User
5. AITJ For Wanting A Small Thanksgiving With Just My Parents?
“I (28F) made my mom cry by telling her I wanted it to just be the three of us for Thanksgiving. My sister and BIL will be at her in-laws for the holiday and I recently just transitioned to jobs in healthcare where I do not have to work holidays anymore.
In October of 2022, my mom’s sister passed away. I have never been close with my cousins (34M and 30F) and I often disliked large family gatherings during the holidays growing up. We finally stopped having large extended family gatherings on Thanksgiving years ago. People would show up 2+ hours late, would not bring their assigned food, leave immediately after the meal, and would not help clean up.
Nobody appreciated the amount of work my mom put into hosting Thanksgiving for 20+ people, it took days for her to prep.
Last year was the first Thanksgiving my cousins didn’t have their mom 34M went with his partner’s family and 30F went with friends.
This year, my cousins asked if they could come over for Thanksgiving since 34M and his partner recently broke up. My mom is the most giving, selfless woman and has picked up the pieces for her dysfunctional family forever. It always falls on her to fix things.
She wants to host them but I told her I want it to be us three. I just want to relax and enjoy the holiday with my parents. I’m so happy I finally don’t have to work the holiday and we’ve never celebrated just the three of us.
My parents are getting older (62F and 72M) and they aren’t on death’s door but it’s a concept I’ve come to realize will happen eventually. I don’t want to share them and I don’t want to share my holiday.
I know I’m being selfish but my sister says I’m allowed to be selfish in this case. Am I allowed to be selfish with my time with them or AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have every right to state your opinion. But who is hosting Thanksgiving?
If it is at your house and you are cooking then you can tell your mother you aren’t comfortable hosting your cousins. If your mother is hosting at her house then she decides on the final guest list. Encourage away, but if this is something she feels strongly about then let her have her guests.
Possibly suggest a set time from 5 – 7 pm. Plan a reduced dinner menu. By next Thanksgiving, they will most likely have new partners and go elsewhere for the day.” HistoricalHat3054
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. You can let your parents know your wishes, but they don’t have to oblige.
Your stance seems very cold to me, but then I like my extended family and am always excited to see them. I understand that you don’t have that relationship with your cousins, but does your mom have a good relationship with your cousins? Did she love her sibling who passed away?
Keep in mind that your mom turning away your cousins not so long after their mom’s death would probably result in severely damaging that relationship. Would that hurt your mom? You might not only be being selfish concerning your cousins, but you might also be treating your mom poorly if you insist on this.
Can’t you relax alone with your parents some other time that isn’t specifically Thanksgiving dinner?” avocado_mr284
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, explain to your mom the same way you did here. You never know how much time you have but tell her they can be invited for Christmas or next Thanksgiving.
But be sure to let them know that being an hour or more late they shouldn’t bother to come and not forget to bring something. Each offense will have them off the next invite and family helping with clean up is only right, especially if you don’t bring anything.” Fair_Reflection2304
4. AITJ For Asking My Husband To Cut Off His Best Friend Who Confessed Her Love For Him?
“My husband and I have been together for 10 years.
He’s always had the same large friend group since middle school. From which his best friend, a girl he’s known since they were 10. They’re such good friends, she’s even one of my kid’s godmothers.
She and I have always been on good enough terms. We’re both Alpha females so have butt heads a bit over the years but nothing dramatic.
However, over the last 2 years… things have gotten a little weird. Started by her asking my husband for some ‘just the group’ time, meaning no spouses. Then some nights out just the two of them- they used to have an occasional lunch date, etc before we had kids.
I tried to be sympathetic since she’s chronically single and has no kids.
But then I felt I was getting the cold shoulder more and more when we all would hang out. And she never really took an interest in our kids (even her godchild) although I would see her on social media, hanging out with all their other friends and their kids.
My husband said I was overthinking it and his friend liked me a lot, but he agreed to mention it to her.
Well, the night he brings it up (I wasn’t there), she confesses that she’s in love with him. And that it’s hard for her to see him with a family because she wishes it was with her.
He tells her that he loves her as his best friend but he’s never felt anything romantic.
He’s an honest guy and tells me immediately. Apologies to me for not seeing the signs earlier. And agrees to take a break from the friendship to let things settle.
After a few weeks, I see they’re texting and chatting again. He asked if I’d be okay if he went out with her with a few friends.
I’m going back and forth on how to feel.
I have respect for a 20+ year friendship. But I think it’s disrespectful to the concept of marriage to continue having a best friend like this…
WIBTJ if I told him to cut off this friendship?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your husband is still missing the big picture. This isn’t someone who respectfully confessed their feelings and backed off. This is someone who made moves on your marriage. First, she started with “no spouses”.
Then she moved to nights out with just your husband. She *made moves* on him and tried to break up your marriage, and she only confessed her feelings when she thought she had a shot of stealing him. Your husband vowed to forsake all others when he married you.
This is someone who needs to be forsaken. She is a threat to your marriage as she has proven, and she will continue to be that until your husband starts to set and enforce clear boundaries with her. And he needs to start doing that now.
They shouldn’t be texting and chatting. They shouldn’t be going out again. And yes, continuing to invite in someone who is a threat to your marriage is disrespectful. If you had a guy friend who started taking you out for nights alone and then confessed that he loved you and wished your family was with him, I’m sure your husband would not be cool with this man remaining in your lives.” tan_sandoval
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This woman is a threat to your marriage, and your husband is either willfully naive or committing emotional infidelity of some type by still wanting to see her. That said, if you forbid your husband from seeing her, it ultimately won’t end well — it makes you look like the “evil / controlling wife” and only feeds the narrative that drives BOTH of them toward some type of emotional and/or physical intimacy.
You need to tell him the choice is his, make your feelings and concerns known, and you have to watch what he does. You should also be crystal clear to him that now her intentions are explicitly romantic, you consider further private meetings with them to be infidelity (if that’s how you feel).
Remember: you can’t control him but you can set boundaries. You need to be willing to back them up with actions.” Independent-Length54
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. She’s been harboring these feelings for years. They won’t go away after just a few weeks. Even got close to you and your kids (enough to be named godmother).
In hopes that there would be an opening for her one day. Now she just wants time alone with him to pretend and live her fantasies (b4 I get attacked I mean seeing ops husband). I wouldn’t be okay with them talking for a long time if I were you.
Edit: also it’s great you trust your husband but based on your previous post he had no problem being the “other man” in the past. This friend probably knew about it and thought it could be the same but with her if you ever get into rough patches.
Your mil is a jerk BTW.” Alternative-Gur-6208
3. AITJ For Refusing To Attend My Wife's Best Friend's Wedding Due To Her Role In My Wife's Affair?
“My wife had an affair several years ago. I found out that her phone data use suddenly skyrocketed. I investigated, saw the number on the bill, and figured out it was her ex.
She denied it, of course, which eventually led to me snooping on her phone. She had tried to cover her tracks, but she didn’t delete text messages to her best friend describing everything, bragging about it, etc. Her friend was supportive, at times even encouraging her to continue the affair.
We’ve reconciled since then, and things are pretty okay between us, but I still hold a lot of anger towards her friend, partly for encouraging her to do what she did, instead of telling her to do the right thing, and I think partly because her messages with her friend were the vehicle that delivered so much pain and torment to me.
Even now, seeing her friend or hearing her name makes me think of the affair.
Her friend is getting married in a few months and she is the MOH. I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety surrounding the thought of having to attend.
Finally, I decided that I needed to protect myself. I would be miserable the entire time, and the idea of celebrating the marriage of a person who, at the very least, severely disrespected mine, feels disgusting.
When I told my wife that I had decided I wouldn’t go, she became pretty upset.
She said she was hurt, but it felt more like anger to me. She shutdown after that, and hasn’t talked to me. I explained my reasoning, my feelings, etc, but she kind of blew me off.
I don’t feel like the villain, for one, I didn’t ask to feel this way, her actions put me here.
Two, she is the one who implicated her friend in the affair, if she hadn’t done that, it wouldn’t even be an issue. Also, I didn’t imply that she couldn’t or shouldn’t go, I even encouraged her to attend and be a part of it, and offered to drive her to and from.
Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“My petty brain says go to the wedding, and when congratulating the couple, just say to the groom, “Good luck with this one, she thinks that being unfaithful to spouses is NBD,” then turn to your wife and say, “right honey?
You’d cover for her like she did for you, no?” Then file for divorce. Edit: forgot to write the word turn.” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but of course this is a CLASSIC case of “blaming the other women” since you so badly want to be with your wife but you need to be mad at someone you choose her friend.
Dude I’m going to hold your hand when I say this, your wife is the problem, not the friend. Your wife was going to be unfaithful to you with her best friend’s encouragement or not because she’s unfaithful and a liar.” Careless_Welder_4048
Another User Comments:
“Dude, it’s not her friend that you are angry with, it’s your wife. You **haven’t** fully reconciled what she did to you and deep down things are not “pretty okay” with your relationship. It’s not her friend that “disrespected” your marriage. It was your wife that did that to you.
It’s easier to direct that anger to the friend because her friend isn’t the one at risk of leaving you and ending the marriage. Was your wife’s friend a jerk for encouraging her to have an affair? For sure. But at the end of the day, it’s your wife who made that decision to sleep with another person.
I’m not going to call you a jerk because you are still dealing with a lot of stuff about the whole affair. But get help. At the very least address who you are angry with and stop denying it to yourself. The reason your wife is dismissing your feelings and reasonings is because she knows her friend is not the one responsible for her unfaithfulness, so being angry at her is illogical. Get help.” No-Mango8923
2. AITJ For Breaking My Partner's Family Tradition Of Shared Middle Names?
“My partner’s family has a tradition in which any/all sons receive their father’s first name as a middle name (my husband’s name is Nathan therefore by tradition any of our sons would have the middle name Nathan).
Before I became pregnant I was aware of this tradition but didn’t think much of it and often gave my partner a hard time for it because I felt it was a little silly.
We never discussed it openly in detail and whether I agreed or not (not sure if I had a choice to disagree). We did give our first son his dad’s name as his middle name.
Now we are pregnant and due with our second boy in a couple months.
Before we got pregnant a second time and again when I found out we were having another boy I asked my partner to consider opting out of the tradition so our boys could have their own middle names. After some back and forth and discussion about why this tradition was truly important to my partner, he has agreed to give our second born son a different middle name but his parents are not happy about it and making my partner feel guilty for not carrying on the tradition and I can’t help but feel like it’s my fault
He cares a lot about his parents opinion and wants them to be happy. I want our sons to have their own middle names, I want them to be considered individuals and not just extensions of their dad and I and I think them sharing the same middle name doesn’t give them much uniqueness.
My partner’s parents think it’s selfish and rude of me to ask my partner to deviate from this tradition that has been carried on, and I think our first born carrying on his dad’s middle name should be enough. Am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your BF’s family needs to get over themselves. It seems that their tradition is that mom gets no say at all, which is not only selfish but sexist on top of it. You have already been accommodating and named your first child according to their tradition.
Now it’s your turn. Could you suggest a middle name to honor *your* family’s side? Like your dad’s name, a brother’s name, a masculine version of your name, etc.? When I was pregnant with my first child, my then-husband and I discussed this.
We planned on two children and wanted them to have their own first names, but to honor family with their middle names. He got one and I got the other, which was fair.” StrangelyRational
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, naming children is a one no, two yes situation.
You and your husband will have to agree over the name for your child since you have made your feelings clear and already honored the tradition with your first child. These naming traditions may start out well meaning but often wind up making both the parents and the child feel tied to something they do not like or, in truth, honestly care for.
As for either set of your guys’ parents, not their child, not their business, what name you and your partner chose to give your child.” Grannywine
Another User Comments:
“YTJ It is the middle name, not the first name. If it was the first name I’d be absolutely with you.
But it is only the middle name. I absolutely like the tradition your partner’s family has. I insisted on my children to have a middle name from the family of my husband because in my family it is tradition to give a middle name in honor of a grandparent.
And since my grandparents are already thought of by my siblings, we chose the grandparents of my husband.” HypersomnicHysteric
1. AITJ For Leaving An Inexperienced Friend Behind On A Hiking Trip?
“I just got back from a hiking trip with a group of friends. We’ve been planning this trip for months, and it was supposed to be a challenging but rewarding trek through some truly beautiful terrain in the Italian Dolomites. One of the newer additions to our friend group, Jake (fake name of course), insisted on joining us even though he’s not particularly fit or nearly as experienced as the rest of us.
We did tell him this and emphasized how much we wanted to see all of the famous viewpoints along the route of the hike.
From the start, Jake was struggling. He was slow, constantly needed breaks, and was having a hard time with the pace and the terrain.
We tried to encourage him and adjusted our pace a bit, but it became clear that at his pace, we wouldn’t be able to do our intended route and make it to our planned campsite before dark. There was, however, another pretty easy but boring route we could’ve taken to make it to camp well before nightfall.
After a group discussion, we decided it was best to send Jake down the easy road alone, and then all meet up back at camp once the rest of us had finished our planned adventure. We left Jake with plenty of supplies and a map with clear instructions on how to reach the campsite at his own pace.
Jake seemed a little unhappy when we told him the plan but agreed anyway.
When we finally regrouped that night, Jake was furious. He accused us of abandoning him and putting him in danger. He said he felt humiliated and that we should have all stuck together, no matter what.
The friend group is now pretty divided about what happened. Some of us (myself included) think we made the right call for the enjoyment of the group, while others have agreed with Jake in hindsight, and think we should have stayed together.
So, AITJ for leaving my friend behind on the hiking trip because he was going to cost us our intended route?”
Another User Comments:
“ESH if you’re all experienced hikers then you should have either told Jake no or adjusted the trek to be suitable for someone with a lower level of fitness/ability. Also, you should never leave the least experienced person to fend for themselves, someone more experienced should have accompanied him.” amusingdisbelief75
Another User Comments:
“Well… I come from a family of avid hikers. For decades we have hiked all over the world. Yes, Jake was inexperienced and out of shape. Regardless though you as a group agreed to bring him along. Now, do I think solo hiking is safe?
Yes, although it is not safe for an inexperienced hiker in a foreign country. This had the potential to go very poorly. Who was going to help him if he became lost or injured? There were other choices you could have made. 1- you send him down the easier trail with a buddy.
2- you put him in the front of the group (Herbie) and allow him to set the pace (with no one going ahead of him). So you are not the only jerk, you hiked with an entire group of jerks. This would not have been an issue if you had just told him “No”.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“Oh boy, YTJ. You left an already struggling inexperienced hiker alone in unfamiliar territory. You did put him in danger. It sucks that your plans would have been derailed but they should have been reevaluated the following day. With that said, why did one of the friends who agrees with him not accompany him on the easier route?
They didn’t care about it at the moment.” angina
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