People Offer Their Side Of The Story In These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
22. AITJ For Being Upset Because My Wealthy Best Friend Wouldn't Lend Me $5?
“My best friend and I have been friends for nearly 7 years.
When we first met, she was struggling financially and lived paycheck to paycheck. At one point, her car broke down and she had no transportation to work, so I would let her borrow my car and never asked her for gas money or anything in return.
At the time, I was financially secure and was happy to help her out.
As the years went by, my financial situation changed & just like her, I began living paycheck to paycheck. By this time, she had started seeing a guy she met online who revealed to her a few months into their relationship that he was a millionaire.
They married shortly after and suffice to say she has not had to struggle since. There have been a few times I have asked to borrow money, which I have always paid back. It’s usually not much, less than $25 or so each time, and she would always oblige with no problems until recently.
The last couple of times I asked to borrow money, she said she didn’t have it which I found odd. But then I asked to borrow $5 and she said the same thing and I thought it was odd that she told me she didn’t have $5 to spare.
I know that ever since she got married, her brothers and a couple of other friends have tried taking advantage of her new-found wealth by asking to borrow money they never paid back and having her bail them out of situations they put themselves in that have cost her a lot of money.
I started to think that maybe I had forgotten to pay her back the money I owed her at some point, so I reached out to her to ask if that was the case. When she told me that wasn’t the case (as in, I had always paid her back), I told her I felt hurt.
It felt as if I needed her help with something (I used the example if I ended up in jail) I couldn’t reach out to her for help because she couldn’t even let me borrow $5. She replied and said that just like her brothers, I needed to learn how to budget my money better and that she couldn’t be the one to bail everyone out.
She said when she was struggling, she had to work multiple jobs and did what she had to do.
I replied and said that it was not fair for her to lump me in with her brothers as I have never done anything to take advantage of her & I never would have said something like that to her when I let her borrow my car & anytime she would ask me to borrow money when she was struggling.
I told her I loved her but that I was ending the conversation and she replied that this is why money and friends should never mixed. Since then, she has reached out and said, “I didn’t deserve that conversation last night, I hope you know that” to which I have not replied and have no plans to.
I am deeply hurt that she feels I was in the wrong, but I do not think I was the jerk here. I understand that I am not entitled to anyone’s money, borrowed or not, but when she was in my shoes, I did everything I could to help her out.
I could understand if I had asked to borrow a large amount of money, but I asked for $5.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Did I read the same post as everyone else, or did your friend make a bunch of accounts ragging you over $5?
So, she had to struggle and work 3 jobs but was STILL borrowing money from you, but the 5 bucks was the last straw and spawned a finance course. I’d leave her be. She’s posh now and is not of your world anymore.
People need you when they don’t have it, but when YOU don’t have it ….all the sudden YOU’RE unreasonable and is questioned, etc…..perfect example look at the other comments.” Scitizenkane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I’m honestly shocked at the comments.
It’s not like you’re asking her for a huge amount of money. And it’s not like you didn’t pay her back before. And if she’s that loaded this is nothing to her.
I would 100% understand her boundary if you had taken advantage of her in some way before. But you didn’t. I honestly hope I never get rich enough to be this stingy with the people I love.
At least if this is truly causing a problem in her relationship she could tell you why. But I don’t see how a millionaire husband would care about 5 or 20 bucks” No_Inspection_2977
Another User Comments:
“My friend and I are in similar situations money-wise atm.
We are both skint. I’ve just found out that the money I was expecting this weekend is no longer coming (I have just lost my job and was relying on it), and she is skint until her next payday.
We were venting to each other about our situations and then went about our day. The next thing I knew, I had a notification that £50 had been put into my account, and I got a message from her saying that she had called in an owed favor and had sent me some money and she hoped it would help.
I immediately messaged her back and said thank you, but what about you? Don’t screw yourself over for me (she’s the type to do it). Her response was, “Don’t worry about me. The favor was enough to tide me and be able to send you some money.
Plus, money doesn’t matter. Friendship does” Lady_Trig
21. AITJ For Not Wanting To Share My Gluten-Free Pizza?
“I (F35) am gluten-free (celiac) and have been for over half my life.
My husband (M35) is not. We had two friends stopping by for dinner who are also not gluten-free.
My husband suggested we get pizza and mentioned to me that one of the friends only eats chicken as far as meat goes, so I should factor that into my order.
I said, “Well that doesn’t affect me since I wasn’t planning on sharing, but noted, I’ll see what options they have for her.” Husband freaks out at me because I’m being ungrateful? He asked why I didn’t want to share and I said, “The gluten-free pizzas are basically personal pizzas, and I regularly eat the whole thing when we order it.
I’m supposed to offer half of mine to other people when I can’t eat what they are eating?” He wouldn’t hear me at all and said if I didn’t want to share I could pay for my pizza myself.
I don’t care about paying for it myself but the idea that I’m supposed to give away some of my dinner when I can’t eat what other people are eating is stupid to me.
It’s not like we are ordering every pizza gluten-free. It just doesn’t make sense! They eat my food, I can’t eat their food. I can understand the principle of offering but… one gf pizza from this place is only enough for one person.
If we were getting multiple gf ones I’d share, but they got two larges for the three of them. He continued to go on about how ungrateful I was being and said some other stupid stuff before I told him to buzz off and went upstairs.
I ended up just going upstairs and not eating or seeing them at all. I came downstairs later and he had ordered me a gluten-free pizza and said from across the room, “Are you ready for your Grateful Free pizza?
You need to have a better attitude about things that aren’t yours in the future.” I didn’t reply or eat the pizza (I was already heating something else and hadn’t noticed the pizza, but I will eat it later because I’m pregnant and starving all the time.)
Just for the record, this happened several years ago when we ordered pizza and only one gf for me, and it arrived and everyone thought mine looked super good (I don’t order regular pepperoni/tomato sauce) so the four other people (husband included) took over half my pizza before I even got a bite.
It annoyed me because I then didn’t have enough food and they still had plenty PLUS pieces of mine. So perhaps this is a sore subject for me. Again, I’m also pregnant, though this would still bother me if I weren’t.
AITJ and being ungrateful?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have several friends who have dietary restrictions plus my sister is gluten-free. Them getting their personal-sized pizza (or whatever meal) is so normal and there’s no expectation of sharing unless it’s offered. I don’t understand your husband’s extreme reaction, it’s so over the top.
Is all the food that you have in the house normally gluten-free so he’s just used to it all being fair game for everyone so he’s being thoughtless or is he just being a jerk to be a jerk?
Your being pregnant makes his actions worse since he’s taking the only food you can eat away from you. Like wow. I hope he isn’t normally like this and that this is a one-off because that’s not how you treat someone you love, especially who is carrying your child.” zipmcnutty
Another User Comments:
“As someone else with dietary restrictions, few things annoy me more than people who can eat everything else on offer instead of choosing to take half of what I can eat in communal food situations.
They get all the leftovers they want, I don’t even get enough for a single meal. This is even more egregious in your situation since you’re pregnant and hungry all the time. When there’s someone with any sort of dietary restriction in a group setting where others don’t share that restriction, the special food should be off-limits unless and until the person with dietary restrictions says to have at it.
And guilting them into sharing doesn’t count. NTJ and your husband lack empathy. Next time, ask your husband if he would be okay with ordering JUST your one single-serving pizza and splitting that between everyone. Because that’s what he was expecting you to subsist on.
If it’s not enough food for him, it’s sure as heck not enough food for a pregnant woman.” crumpledspoon
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. I have several food allergies and restrictions. My family and friends do not expect me to share if it’s only one of the few things I can eat on the menu unless I offer it.
Why can’t they just order a larger pizza that they can share? Like, are you guys tight on money or something?” Castiel_Rose
20. AITJ For Wanting To Move States For Better Support Despite My Mother's Criticism?
“My fiancé (21m) and I (21f) are currently planning on moving two states away, which is only 6.5 hours from where we currently live.
I’m almost 7 months pregnant, and we thought this would be best for us since M’s (fiancé) whole family lives up there, and they’d be giving us moral and financial support until we can build up our savings and make a decent living and give our daughter the best life we can give her.
I went to my parent’s house last night for Mother’s Day and my mom kept tearing me apart, doubting my choices and criticizing me for each decision I made about the move. She thinks we won’t be getting the support she’d “give” us.
She spent the whole night telling me that I was going to regret it and doubting me as a person and as a mother, also told me that I shouldn’t involve myself in illegal substances (which was completely unrelated to our discussion) and that I could risk getting my daughter taken away if we were involved in stuff like that.
I don’t know why she thinks I’d even do anything to risk ruining my family. I was even adopted when I was 2 from substance-related problems and she hurt my feelings by thinking I would jeopardize my own family the way my biological parents did to me.
I told her this would be what’s best for us, that M’s whole family has been super supportive (probably more so than my own family who live right in town), and that M also has a say in what we do with our lives and for our new family.
My sister texted me this morning and told me that I should think about this more that I won’t be around them for support and that I should wait until after the baby is born to avoid the stress, but this whole situation has added on stress that I didn’t even have before I told my family.
I don’t know how to tell her that my family’s idea of support shouldn’t be to tear me down for thinking of my own family and about M’s family and what we both think is right for us, our future, and our daughter’s future.
Also, it’s not fair to M to make him think his opinion doesn’t matter in this situation and that I’m also doing this for him since he has no family here.
Aitj? I’m tired of getting my feelings hurt for no reason, and I don’t think I have thought this through enough.
I don’t think what I’m doing is wrong, but how do I convince my own family otherwise?”
Another User Comments:
“Your mother is so toxic, I’d be afraid to have my child even 6.5 hrs away for fear of groundwater contamination.
There is no reason for second-guessing here. No one needs to tell you the problem, because you’ve identified and explained it quite well in your post. I can’t say I care why your mother is behaving this way.
Let the bleeding hearts on here make excuses for her. The priority here is you, the child, the father, the relationship. Belittling you for amusement and making you question your competency is not only completely unhelpful, it is downright abusive.
If Mom has a problem accepting your decisions and authority in this matter, she’s welcome to stay home and not bother your family … indefinitely.” Impossible-Aioli-983
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. It seems like everyone here is expressing anxiety.
If indeed you are clear-eyed in your assessment of what’s best for you and your child, I would tell that to your family. I agree that your fiancé’s opinion should be heard. But I worry just a bit about your statement that you are doing this also for him.
Just be sure that is not coloring your assessment of what’s going to work for you, too” User
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You and your husband decided together that this would be the best course of action.
See how living in the new state works out, and enjoy your baby and the family support. You are not committed to staying there forever. Your family has certainly not been supportive, bashing and doubting what you are doing.
They are probably lashing out of fear of losing you and your family but this is not helpful. Try to limit your exposure to this negativity until you move. Good luck!” marmalade
19. AITJ For Not Making Mother's Day Special After My Mom's Hurtful Comment?
“I (18f) and my mom never really got along.
I figured it was just a not see eye to eye thing and we were just different but on Saturday she told me she didn’t care I was trying to do something to get my education complete when I told her I needed her to sign some paper (which she ended up doing anyway) because the director didn’t contact her (I didn’t know he didn’t contact them even after I told him I needed him to)
We argued, I cried, and we ended up going to do what we needed to do.
At some point, we stopped and my stepdad went into a gas station while I was in the backseat my mom looked at another woman who has only daughters (could’ve also been their little sisters idk why it’s my mom’s business) and she said and I quote: “She has all the girls?
Ick.”
I’m my mom’s only daughter.
I have two older brothers and while she had expressed she didn’t plan on having a daughter I kinda just see it’s probably a reason me and her don’t get along but I couldn’t help but start crying in the backseat.
This morning my friend called me and asked about my Mother’s Day and what I did and I told them the truth. I didn’t even talk to my mom that much and didn’t even wish her a happy Mother’s Day then explained why.
They told me I was a petty, sensitive, jerk for that because it was just my mom’s preference to not have all girls. Even after explaining I think it’s horrible to say that alone in your car with your only daughter but they said I should’ve just let it go.
I never got a chance to be feminine growing up was always a tomboy and now I feel singled out as I did as a kid because I simply wanted to kinda fit in with my brothers it was hard when you wanted to be Uber girly but it seems to be causing my distress not being myself.
I think what she said is wrong but is not making her Mother’s Day special any worse? She seems to prefer my brothers anyway so why would I? She can spend it with them but my friend is kinda getting to me cuz he insists I’m in the wrong but I don’t even think my mom noticed.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your mom’s comment was pretty hurtful, especially considering you’re her only daughter. Understandably, you didn’t feel like doing anything special for Mother’s Day after that. Your friend might not get the full picture of how much her words affected you, so it’s not fair for them to call you names like “petty” and “sensitive.” You have every right to prioritize your emotional well-being and set boundaries, even on Mother’s Day.
Your feelings are valid, and you’re not in the wrong for needing some space after what happened.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ I’m sorry you didn’t get a mom that appreciates the wonderful person you are.
I’m a firm believer in matching a person’s energy. The next time you see a mom and daughter, you could say “A daughter spending time with her mother? Ick!” I’m pretty sure what she said to you was intentional so go live your best life and achieve what you want to achieve.” newtonianlaws
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. But your friend is. You should talk to your mom, tell her she’s being awful. Do we live in the medieval era where sons are more “valuable “ or have we all just lost our minds?
I keep hearing these kinds of stories and it breaks my heart now that I have a baby girl. I could never.” Ok-Construction5675
18. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Because My Roommate And His Partner Are Monitoring My Internet Activity?
“I (22M), have lived with my roommate who we will call Dan (24M) for a while now, the two of us have had no major issues at all and we’ve been good friends for a while now.
Dan generally handles the more social things like talking to the landlord and whatever, and this includes dealing with the internet provider and I give him my half of the money every month to pay for it.
Now I feel it’s pretty important to bring up that ever since we moved in together, Dan and I got along great. He seemed to always like the same things as me, work seamlessly around my plans and even tell when I was upset about things without even talking to me.
I genuinely felt like we had an instant connection, I’ve never had a guy get me as easily as he did.
Things worked fine until Dan got a partner. She’s over all the time which I really don’t care about, I just stay in my room and give them privacy whenever they want.
It doesn’t bother me. The issue is that apparently Dan has an app that allows him to control the internet with like parental controls or something and I guess she asked for access to it too.
I didn’t really realise or care until she started bringing up things that I was searching online.
She was being very obvious about it too, asking how restaurants are that I looked up, spoiling one episode ahead of shows I was watching, she even bought a dice set I was looking at and gifted it to Dan right in front of me.
When I realised what was happening I brought it up with Dan, trying to communicate like a reasonable adult about how uncomfortable I was, he asked why I had a problem with her doing it and not him.
Turns out Dan has been watching what I’m searching for months, his partner is just less subtle about it, and we are such good friends because he is lying about having the same interests as me.
I told him that I was in no way okay with it and told him I was getting my own wi-fi, but he insisted it would cause issues with the IP address or something and I needed to stay on his no matter what.
So I told him I was going to move out if I couldn’t, because I am not okay with this at all.
For those of you already typing that he can 100% see this. I hope he does.
I want him to know this isn’t okay, but apparently he would rather stalk my internet history than talk to me and get to know me.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ-You can either A. proceed to run, B.
ignore Dan’s concerns and get separate wi-fi with VPN (cuz he’s lying), or C. keep sharing the same internet service but use your own router with VPN. Dan, if you eventually read this, you and your partner need to stop spending your time looking through someone else’s internet activity.
That’s creepy, dude.” shuckyducked
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s completely understandable that you feel uncomfortable and violated by Dan’s behavior. Monitoring your internet activity without your consent is a serious breach of privacy and trust, especially from someone you considered a close friend.” sarastormy
17. AITJ For Being Upset With Friend Who Neglected My Daughter Near A Pool?
“Yesterday my husband (m43, we will call him Jack), invited over his friend (m40, we will call him M) and his friend’s wife (f 39, we will call her J) and their two kids (ages 4 and 6) for a BBQ.
We have an in-ground pool and we have a 2-year-old, who we will call E. M and J arrive and the kids immediately want to go in the pool. I put my E in her puddle jumper and spent the next 2 hours or so over by the pool watching all three of the kids.
Food is ready, kids get out of the pool to eat. When the kids are finished eating, we have a small trampoline sandbox, and other various toys next to the table where all the kids are playing.
I’m sitting at the table with J and we were both having a hard seltzer drink. It was my 2nd one and I believe her 3rd. I was not intoxicated or tipsy (my 1st drink was an hour and a half prior).
Jack and M went into the garage where the beer is and J asked me to go check on M to make sure he wasn’t chugging beers ( his drinking is a point of contention in their marriage).
She says she didn’t want to check herself because he would tell her she was nagging him. She also says that she will watch E while I do this. I say OK.
I think it’s relevant to add that my friend also arrived at this point (C f39) she was sitting at a table with us but was on the phone while this conversation took place with J and me.
I was gone for maybe three minutes and walked back out to the yard.
C sitting at the table. I ask C where E is and she looks at me confused and says she’s not with you.
Then we hear E screaming. We both run around the corner of my house to the pool and I am horrified to see my 2-year-old on a mat-type float in the deep end of the pool, alone, with no floaties on.
Her leg was hanging off the edge of the mat. I immediately got her off (she was able to get on it I guess because it was floating close to the side of the pool). My friend C was apologizing profusely and was very upset, I was in a state of shock.
I come back around the corner and J is walking out the back door of our home with her 2 kids. I immediately tell her what happened and ask her what in the world she was thinking?! She kind of laughs and says “Omg, that’s My bad”.
I am furious, and I say “Are you serious right now I don’t know why she would have left my daughter. She looks at me and says nothing. My guess is maybe she assumed C would be watching her.
I take E in the house and I just wanted everyone gone. Jack comes in and I tell him what happened and while he agrees with me he then says I should go out and say goodbye to everyone.
I refused saying that I didn’t want to see J’s face. He then gets upset and says that I shouldn’t have left our daughter with her, that I am ultimately responsible for her, and that I could at least say goodbye because while it was upsetting nothing happened”.
It’s the next day, and we are barely speaking, I’m more upset about what could have happened and I feel guilty and I’m not sure if it was my fault because I knew J was drinking and maybe I shouldn’t have left E.
So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“If you give someone the responsibility of looking after the children and they agree, you’ve done everything right. But if J simply goes away and doesn’t ask C, who is also present, to look after the children, then that’s a really big mess!
After all, C is not clairvoyant and you assume that everything is sorted. You can let your husband know that he shouldn’t just go to the garage to drink but should do a bit of work because then you wouldn’t have to hand over the care to someone else.
J and her heavy drinker would never set foot on my property again. NTJ.” Mini_Godzilla
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but J and your husband are. To those saying your child, is your responsibility: are your children still your responsibility when they are in kindergarten, school, or an activity where you leave them with a teacher, when you leave them with the grandparents or with a babysitter?
She left her child with a responsible adult who was supposed to watch her, to do a favor for that adult. She did nothing wrong. And the husband, who didn’t look after his kid for a minimum of 2 hours, saying the OP is responsible for their daughter and absolving himself of any responsibility is a hypocrite.
Why was he in the garage instead of near his kid?” INeedANewPseudo
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, but now you know J is not a friend. In your shoes I would never have J over again – complete NC.
She should be dead to you. I’m one chance given on stuff like this. Not even close to the same magnitude: Kroger screwed me over on something related to my daughter that was important to me. Asked them to fix it and they said “Too bad”.
Told them I would never buy from any Kroger again…haven’t done so in 15 years. Something like what happened to you and that person is dead to me. If your hubby disagrees and he can sleep on the couch tell the cows to come home.” Random-OldGuy
16. AITJ For Choosing My Career Over Babysitting My Brother's Twins?
“I (28 F) have a brother (25 M) and he and his wife (25 F) had twin boys about a year ago. The twins were unexpected but even so, I would say they transitioned relatively smoothly into parenthood. My brother and his wife were both able to take time away from work to raise the twins.
While my sister-in-law was able to stay home, my brother had to return to work since they weren’t expecting two babies. This and the fact that my sister-in-law wasn’t working led to her eventually going back to work early as well, which left them with the issue of child care.
My brother and SIL both work hard and money was tight for them, so they asked if I could take care of the babies a few days per week so they could cut down on costs. I am fortunate enough to be able to work from home most days and live alone, so I agreed because it felt like it was something I could do for them and bond with the babies.
We have had this arrangement going on since my brother and SIL returned to work and it was fine at first. Work was relatively slow and I was happy to spend time with my nephews. However, taking care of them has created a strain not only on myself but my bank account as well, since they are growing.
My brother and SIL often work late, meaning I am feeding them dinner and taking care of them well into the evening. I haven’t put up much of a fuss and I haven’t been charging them because of their financial situation.
However, work has progressively been getting more busy and has started to take more attention from me. I was also recently offered a higher position in the company, but it would require me to work fully in person.
Today, while I was with my brother, I told him about my promotion and that I would not be able to take care of the twins anymore. He freaked out and called me a terrible sister, saying that I was abandoning my family.
I wasn’t really able to explain myself further because he left in a hurry all angry. A couple of hours ago, I received some really nasty messages from my SIL and my parents, saying that I am extremely selfish, disgusting, and ashamed for choosing work over family.
(My parents aren’t able to help, as they live on the other side of the country and are not mobile.) I know if I stop helping with child care, my brother’s family will suffer, so now I’m rethinking my decision.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’ve been more than generous. I would point out the cost of food, the amount of time you’ve babysat and how much that’s saved as well as when they’ve stayed late. Remind them this was supposed to be temporary and you’re disappointed your generosity has been met with anger, insults, gaslighting, and entitlement.
You expect better from them and deserve an apology. Also, point out that even if you stayed in the same position you couldn’t keep caring for them as your work is getting busier and you can’t care for the children anymore anyway.
(Most work-from-home companies require you to have childcare so you’re not distracted during work. Not doing this can result in termination). They are responsible for the childcare arrangements for their children, not you. You deserve to have a good career.
You’re choosing to financially support yourself, just like they are. Tell them next time if they want you to provide regular childcare you need to be consulted before they have more children. If your parents feel so strongly they’re free to pay for childcare for your brother.
Watch how fast they come up with an excuse. , I’d ignore all the nonsense and focus on what’s important to me.” ApprehensiveBook4214
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You absolutely should not and cannot sacrifice your career to take care of someone else’s children.
You’ve done far too much already in actually having them for so much time and absorbing the extra costs! You tell them that as of X date, you will no longer be available to provide childcare and make sure you leave earlier than expected to go to work for the first week or two in case they try to dump them on you.
The fact that they are complaining when they should be a blessing and thank you for the major help is a red flag. They sound ungrateful and awful.” FloofyDireWolf
Another User Comments:
“Silly question, not your kids, no obligation, if you want to help then you do help, if you don’t want or can’t then you don’t, you did much more than your brother and his wife deserve and they don’t even appreciate it, cut them off for good and have a good happy life where only people who cherish you are allowed in and everyone who insults, guilt trips and tries to ride on your back are gone.
NTJ, you will be a jerk if you reject the promotion and keep being a free babysitter, though.” forgeris
15. AITJ For Not Celebrating My Dad's Birthday After He Complained About My Previous Efforts?
“I’m a big birthday person. I always organize and do something for my loved ones’ birthdays. As for now, I’m not earning any money (still a broke student lmao) but I do use my monthly allowance for my mom’s and partner’s birthday.
But, I never do anything for my father.
When a major event happened, my dad got stuck in the country he was working and living in. We didn’t meet for almost 2 years. When he was coming back, I bought a New Year cheesecake and a few T-shirts (it’s cheap but still good quality, I’ve been using the same T-shirts as home wear for 2 years) to surprise him for his arrival for our home visit.
Of course, he was surprised. But, something he said hurt me. He said it’s not his favorite cake. He said he owns and buys much more expensive T-shirts than these and he wouldn’t wear them.
Even though he said he didn’t like cheesecake, he was the one who ate the most of it. I don’t know, he said it in a funny tone but I feel like disregarded my efforts completely.
For his 49th birthday, he still complained about the cake and gifts too. While taking photos and singing Happy Birthday, he looks so unhappy and dissatisfied with whatever I do. The following year, he kept saying no need to celebrate his 50th birthday as everyone would know that he was 50.
I always had plans for my parent’s 50th birthday. He was quite harsh and rude about not wanting to celebrate his 50th birthday and so I obeyed.
For this 50th birthday, I wished him but I didn’t make any effort for his birthday.
No cake, no gifts. And then, he still complained. For my birthday, he bought a cake and before I cut the cake, he was like “Even though you didn’t do anything for my 50th birthday, I still do something for you”.
He felt like his 50th birthday was a huge deal and I didn’t care about it. I did tell him that HE SAID HE didn’t WANT TO CELEBRATE. He was gaslighting me saying he said no such thing.
He’s been saying this to his side of the family. Like, I don’t care about his birthday and he had a such sad birthday because his kids didn’t care about him. Like he’s such a lonely person because we didn’t do anything.
Everyone from his side of the family is looking at me like I don’t care about my father. He didn’t say to them that he didn’t want a birthday party. I feel embarrassed and humiliated because he’s damaging my image.
Am I the jerk for not celebrating my father’s birthday?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ A grown man who cares about his birthday, he is behaving just like a child. And I don’t care who you are or what the occasion is if someone makes you a cake or gives you a present… even if you don’t like it… you keep your darn mouth shut, except to say a sincere “thank you.” You did nothing wrong.” LawyerDad1981
14. AITJ For Asking My Close Friend To Pay Back The Money She Owes Me?
“Last week I (f20) asked my close friend f(18) for £20 back because I was beyond broke and when I gave it to her, I was holding money for my sister and didn’t realize I took it out of the wrong pot on my bank account.
I and I talk nearly every day and are always at each other’s houses so I thought nothing of it. She always asks me for money and pays and sends it back every time she says she will.
I’ve let a few times slide because to me it’s not relevant and I find it so uncomfortable asking for money back. I sent the message on Monday evening and double-texted around the end of Monday and she still did not reply.
My friend is always on her phone even when she’s working so I did think this was weird but she has aired her other friend’s messages in front of me so I didn’t question it. She messaged me on Wednesday to say that her mum had taken her phone which I know was a lie as I have her location it said she was at work.
I messaged about something unrelated as I didn’t want to seem like I was begging for the £20 back but I was meant to send my sister’s money to her and kept delaying it. On Wednesday I messaged her again asking if she was good and she said to wait. She said she was so sorry and that she would send it right then but then proceeded to air me again.
Today I sent a question mark which I regret because I feel like an absolute beg.
I asked my brother for £20 and he sent it so I was able to send the money to my sister but now it’s not about the money it’s about the principal. I would consider us close, we talked at least once a day on the phone and I slept over at her house on Sunday.
I feel like I should have seen this coming because she has done this to her other friends so I don’t know why I was special. I’m not even mad anymore, I feel hurt. I don’t know why but asking for money or even for anything makes me feel quite vulnerable and she knows that but is still doing this.
I would love to just leave it at that but our families are very interconnected, practically cousins and all of our siblings and parents are friends and I don’t want to have to deal with that awkward tension.
So am I the AITJ for asking for the money back in the first place and should I just brush this situation off?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She owes you money. You shouldn’t have to ask for it back.
And if she has paid you back in the past with no problem (if I understood that correctly), I, too, would be curious as to why this time is different. Since you are close, it seems like she should be ok to tell you she didn’t have it at the time.
Unless she didn’t plan on paying you back, which would be weird if she usually does. Either way, just don’t lend her any more money.” Live-Pomegranate4840
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here – Your friend is a jerk for not returning your money when it’s obvious, to me at least, that she is a budding flim-flam artist. You’re a jerk for loaning the money to your so-called friend in the first place, considering what you knew about her past practices.
As it stands right now you owe your brother 20 – focus on paying your brother back. It’s hard to learn to say ”No” to a wheedling manipulator who is also a family friend but it may be worth losing 20 if it stiffens your resolve not to get snookered in the future.” NanaLeonie
13. AITJ For Asking My Roommate To Keep Her Inappropriate Partner Away From Our Apartment?
“I (22yo female) and my 23 yo female roommate/best friend have lived together since Freshman year of college (going on 6 years now). We have had an amazing pure friendship full of laughter and good times up until about a year ago.
She started seeing this new guy (23 yo male) who has decided to wedge himself in between our friendship and cause a lot of problems.
Long story short, he started to text me and tell me that he would rather be single, called her psycho, etc. He then goes on to say how he has had dreams about me but won’t tell me unless we are alone and in person (I decline).
After about 6 months of them being together, he moves in but does not contribute to any rent or bills. This is something that had upset me but I kept my mouth shut. One day, he texts me and begins to say how he misses hanging out with me and he can’t even say my name in front of her.
He goes on to say that he texts me more than her and that I need to mend my friendship with her so that I can be around him more and we can all hang out together.
He then proceeds to say that he loves getting attention from me and he has a lot to say but he doesn’t want to put anything in writing.
I screenshot everything and send it to my friend.
I showed her both sides of text messages because I had nothing to hide. I had requested that since he has caused so many problems, been inappropriate, and disrespectful to me, he no longer be around the apartment, and if that was an issue to her then she should consider finding a new place to live.
She agreed that he would not be around anymore and that I didn’t have anything to worry about. A couple of days later, he shows up on my doorbell camera at the apartment alone and without her.
I sent her a text reiterating that I did not appreciate him being there and that I did not want him around me or around at all when she was not present.
She freaks out on me and says all of this is my fault and every relationship has problems so I need to stay out of it and I can’t tell her what to do in her apartment that she contributes to.
Needless to say, she chooses to be with this scumbag after all he’s done in the past year, showing that he is not loyal to her and has made me feel uncomfortable in my apartment. This is a really basic piece of the entire story, but with key points made, AITJ for requesting her significant other not be at the apartment anymore?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. A few questions. Are you both on the lease? When is the lease up? Unfortunately, I’ve seen women get brainwashed into relationships like this – believing whatever nonsense the guy is telling them.
For your protection, you need to address this quickly. I would also get a lock for your room and keep it locked until this is resolved!” C_Visit_927
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Time to move out. She made her choice.
It’s a bad one and it hurts your friendship and you, and that sucks. But she won’t change her mind, nor will this guy change his ways. I wouldn’t want to be within 10 miles of this guy if I were you.
So yeah, time to move out.” BetweenWeebandOtaku
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Even putting the personal stuff aside, he does not pay rent or contribute to bills. He is a guest and has no right to be there when his host (your friend) is not around.
Also, it’s kinda bad of your friend to expect you to be alone with him after he’s been creepy.” OkraBig8679
12. AITJ For Submitting A Group Project Alone After My Teammates Didn't Contribute?
“I (21F) am currently doing my bachelor’s in English Studies.
I’m in my second semester. As an international student, I am surrounded by local students in my course. I am an introverted person, but when it comes to academics, I try to approach people or discuss with other students about homework, projects, presentations, etc. A few weeks ago, we had a group presentation.
I was in a group with three local females who seemed to be friends. They asked me to join them because I didn’t have a group at that time, so I said yes. I didn’t want to get a 0 mark for the presentation.
It was going well at first until I was the one who had to do the PowerPoint presentation because they were not responding to our group chat that much. They kept giving reasons, so I ended up making it, but at least they were able to send me information or details.
So, I let it pass.
On the day of the presentation, they didn’t talk that much. I did most of the talking because they would just read what was on the PowerPoint without any explanation. They would just read it and then be silent until I ended up explaining.
So last month, the Professor asked us to make a review or an evaluation of some group’s presentation. It’s super easy. Our group chat was still up so I messaged them asking when they wanted to do it.
The due date was in three weeks so we had a lot of time. Making this project wouldn’t even take a day. I told them we should finish this as soon as possible so it would be off of our to-do lists because our finals are coming up and I have other projects to do.
They said we’ll do it on the weekends. The weekends came, and I didn’t hear anything from them. 3 days before the due date, I hadn’t heard anything from them but I saw their Instagram stories of them going out.
I ended up sending a private message to my Professor asking if I could submit my own, and I explained to him my issue. I also told him that I couldn’t wait for other people as I had other projects that were also due in a few days.
He thanked me for informing him and told me that it was fine to submit my own which I did.
Now, the girls are messaging me about the project because they were not graded but saw in the sheets that I have a grade.
I haven’t been responding to them and they’re calling me a prof’s pet and other names, saying I am selfish for not messaging them. This project has a strong pull in grades so there’s a possible chance they could fail the course.
So, AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ why are they so surprised that they got a 0 grade on a project they put in 0% effort into? They gambled on the fact that you would do all the work on the project and also include their names.
You even reached out to confirm details about completing work on the project. Don’t worry about their insults. I doubt these girls will get very far without any work ethic and if they fail the class it just means they deserve to have to retake it.” feelingjustpeachy
Another User Comments:
“Not the jerk. This is the reason I hate group projects because this is always what ends up happening. The 3 slackers were counting on riding your coattails once again. You did the exact right thing.
Their lack of a grade reflects their involvement in the project. They’re only mad because you outfoxed them this time. Forget them. You’re fine.” Global_Look2821
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. College is way beyond the time for this sort of behavior in group projects to be acceptable.
If they can’t find the time to do any of the work due to socializing or partying, they don’t get credit on the work you did, simple as that.” Owenashi
11. AITJ For Flushing The Toilet At My Aunt's House And Potentially Waking Up My Cousin?
“I (21F) live an hour or so away from my job, so commuting every day is quite tiring.
I have a bit of a flexible working pattern so I usually go into the office around 2 days per week, which is fine and doable, especially money-wise as I have to pay for the train journey. However, due to the nature of the job, some weeks I have to go in more often.
My uncle (50M) and aunt (36 F) live around 5-10 minutes away from my office, so I stay with them occasionally. They have a daughter (5F) and are obsessed with her sleep. I won’t get into all of it but they are very paranoid that she won’t get enough sleep or will get woken up (not sure what they think will happen) for all of their eccentricities, she is a lovely child and loves it when I come to stay.
I want to stress that I do not stay often, maybe once every 2-3 months just to save on money/time and also to see them as I don’t get to see them very much. They have some interesting house rules when I come to stay- my cousin goes to bed quite early, but we aren’t allowed to eat dinner until after she goes to bed (she eats by herself earlier).
When we eat dinner, we are only allowed to whisper in case it wakes her up. They also obsessively watch her sleep on a video camera baby monitor thing, and if we watch TV together it has to be on mute or very low volume.
There is only one bathroom in their house (upstairs where bedrooms are) and one of their rules is that I can’t flush the toilet while she is in bed, which I think is strange but whatever.
Last week when I stayed the night, we followed the usual routine and I went up to get ready for bed and ended up going number 2 in the toilet. I couldn’t really control that, but I felt embarrassed as they were going to have to go up and use the same toilet, so I flushed it away.
Cue my aunt going crazy, saying that I could wake her daughter up and ruin her sleep for school the next day. I said that I didn’t want them to sit in the toilet all night as it wasn’t nice for them or me.
She has told my whole family how “rude” I am for not caring about my cousin’s sleep, even though she didn’t wake up throughout all of this.
They have said that I cannot stay again unless I apologize, which I feel bad but I don’t think I have much to apologize for.
My cousin didn’t wake up but I don’t have kids so maybe I just don’t understand.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ the child should have been raised to sleep through the noise as a baby.
When you have a baby one of the worst things you can do is tiptoe around and make everything deathly quiet when they sleep, children need to learn to sleep through noise. And you proved she can do this.” ohmyback1
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here. Their house, their rules. Whether you understand or agree with their rules. You knew the no-flushing rule before staying and continued to stay there. I can understand how leaving a stool in the toilet could be embarrassing and gross (for you and others).
Your aunt should have been a little more understanding, especially since your niece didn’t wake up. Telling you, you can no longer stay unless you apologize, is very much overkill.” Snoozeberry91
10. AITJ For Calling Out My Sister's Rude Behavior And My Parents' Favoritism?
“I’m 17F and my sister is 14F. Growing up I had always felt my parents favoured her however pushed it to the side, over the past few years her personality has changed a lot. She is incredibly rude and rarely comes out of her room, she lacks manners and when our parents try to start a conversation with her she either ignores them or grunts at the floor.
At first, my parents put it down to age however this has been going on for two years now and she is becoming ruder. My father makes excuses for all her behavior when it’s brought into the conversation as he believes she is struggling with depression, however, even other family members have asked me why she is so rude.
My father has bipolar and struggles with depression, he is a narcissist and my mother feels as though he is pushing his struggles onto my sister to try and “fix” her. Both of them go above and beyond to try and get her to like them ie buying her whatever she asks for and ignoring her behaviour.
However, when I recently asked for a textbook was told that I was spoiled.
I can’t help but compare their treatment of her with how they treated me when I acted similarly. They came down so hard on me for misbehaving to the point where I was grounded for weeks and our fights were so bad that I stayed around friends and have on more than one occasion felt threatened by my parents.
Both had their priorities while I was growing up, which often left me to look after both myself and my sister for long periods, which I have never been thanked for by any of the parties involved. Due to this recently I have been calling out my sister and parents on their treatment and have been told that I am just jealous and often they come down harder on me than my sister for her rudeness.
I understand she may be struggling (although it is very unlikely) and again can’t help but compare it to when I had problems with mental health and was ignored. My parents have said on repeated opinions that I bully my sister, but in reality, all I do is acknowledge that she hasn’t said thank you or objected to doing her chores, etc an example of this is, after receiving my GCSE results last year, my parents were disappointed that my results were not straight ‘9s’ as had been predicted ( I got a 7 in maths) and when I pointed out my sister gets straight Ds and they praise her, was told I was mean and horrible.
AITJ for calling out her behavior?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ at all. They are enabling the sister who will be dysfunctional in the future as a result. Whether she has a mental health issue or not. The preferential treatment is self-inflicted parental alienation and I gather you will seek to separate yourself from this behavior as soon as you achieve independence.
If you rely on your parents to pay for college or financial support when reaching adulthood, you will be in for a long ride with all of this. You will have big decisions to make.” Scenarios
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. It’s not your job to parent your sister. Leave that to your parents. It’s your job to get ready for college and escape your parents’ house. Calling out your sister won’t help with that at all.
It is much more likely to simply raise everybody’s stress level, even including yours when you are ignored.” SushiGuacDNA
9. AITJ For Cutting Ties With My Needy Elderly Neighbors?
“I (39 m) had an elderly couple as neighbors and befriended the wife at some point, sharing some pleasant conversations. Even at the start, she was very afraid about her husband’s health and having to move to a nursing home since they struggled with financial problems, despite the husband having been a doctor.
Medical bills were piling up and their flat wasn’t that cheap either.
Anyway, as time passes, I move out at some point to another street not far away. Still getting the occasional phone call from the wife to keep me updated. They indeed had moved to a nursing home but later returned to their flat, as the wife wasn’t happy with the quality of services provided. So their financial problems remain, upped up by the fact that they need a part-time caretaker for washing the husband.
At this point, I start offering to help out on occasion to save them some money. When push comes to shove, I’ve got a lot of free time on my hands after work, so I thought might as well give something back.
It was mostly heaving the husband in bed at night, changing diapers, nothing I haven’t done during community service.
However, helping the couple out turned out increasingly frustrating to me, as the wife would start calling me at work, prompting me to block her on my cell phone and her requests generally started to become more demanding.
Like asking me if I could find her some assistance for her paperwork, me asking around aid organizations to call her, only for her to turn them all down and claim that I misunderstood what she wanted. This was pretty much also the way all of my suggestions were handled which might have improved their situation.
The worst about it though was the slow financial, physical, and mental decay you could witness with both of them over the years and her often shifting between being pitiful and being spiteful. Other than a friend of theirs (already pushing 80 at the time), who bought groceries for them and their ever-changing caretaker, I was one of their very few acquaintances left when I finally decided to cut ties.
So one night after helping bring her husband to bed I told her pretty much flat out that I wouldn’t provide artificial life support for a lifestyle that wasn’t working in my eyes. And that was pretty much that.
She hasn’t called me since, other than on accident. Her husband passed away last year and I see her occasionally shuffling around with their friend but we usually only exchange some brief pleasantries.
Still, the question remains for me:
Am I the jerk for chickening out?”
Another User Comments:
“Absolutely NTJ! You helped random strangers who happened to live near you for years, and the wife wasn’t listening to your advice or getting free help, you did the best you could.
How kind of you to do so much for so long, I don’t think I’d want to change a man’s diapers all the time. Good for you for being so helpful but it wasn’t your problem to fix.” HorseygirlWH
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You have no obligation to these people and went far beyond being helpful and neighborly. They were taking advantage of you and pushing away the people who should be helping them because you were doing it for free.” KittikatB
8. AITJ For Refusing To Pay Past Due Utilities For Previous Home Owner's Son?
“So I’ve (m24) never posted on here before but I’m looking for an opinion on a situation I’ve found myself in.
I bought a duplex from an elderly couple about 6 months ago to live in one half and rent out the other. The duplex was completely trashed on one side, needed a full remodel and the other side was probably a 5/10 and needed a lot of cosmetic work.
I negotiated a fair deal and agreed to clean everything out myself because I knew the elderly couple couldn’t.
Part of the deal was that their adult son in his 50s, let’s call him Mike, would stay in one side of the duplex for 3 months after I purchased it so that they could get the rest of their belongings out and the adult son could finish out his job and then move with his parents to another state.
This wasn’t an issue because I intended to renovate the side that needed the full remodel during that three months.
The issues started popping up as soon as his parents left. Mike took the other unit from a 5/10 to a 2/10 in a matter of weeks.
Letting his dog use one of the bedrooms as a bathroom. Leaving open food everywhere attracting bugs and generally just being disgusting and sitting around all day while he was supposed to be packing. I decided to keep quiet because I knew I was going to have to do a lot of work on that side anyway and I didn’t want to make it harder for his parents who had been in and out of the hospital. The three months had come and gone and Mike was far from finished packing his and his parents’ stuff and was demanding more to which I said he could pay market rent for more time or he could leave because I needed to fix that side to move my family into it.
He got mad and said they couldn’t pay to which I said he couldn’t stay. He left a lot of their stuff here and I had to throw most of it away due to it being infested with bugs but I kept things I thought would be sentimental and sent them to the elderly couple.
They started sending extended family over at odd times to try and take things from the house while my wife and daughter were there and I had to make them leave on several occasions.
Everything was quiet for a month or so and then I started getting messages demanding that I pay the past-due utilities on the side that Mike stayed in for those three months.
At this point, I’m fed up with it and I tell them that I won’t be doing that as kindly as I can. And they proceed to threaten me and call me a jerk. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“Your agreement should spell out who owes the utilities. If it doesn’t, you should be upset at your realtor/closing agent. If you represented yourself and it doesn’t, then you and your parents should have done a better job.
Anyway… No jerks here. Look at the contract and pay/don’t pay depending on who owes the utilities.” lessons
Another User Comments:
“The lease agreement you and he should have signed when you chose to allow him to stay as a tenant after you closed should have indicated who was responsible for the utilities.
Did it? If it did, and it was them, you’ll likely have to take them to small claims court to recoup the amount they owe if they refuse to pay (this is of course dependent on the SCC max in your jurisdiction).” Kasparian
Another User Comments:
“You mentioned you switched utilities to your name right after closing. If they were in your name, unfortunately, you are responsible for them. They can shut off the entire duplex, all of your accounts, for nonpayment.
This will go on your credit report. The utility company will go by who was on the account when they were being used. You will end up having to pay and sue Mike in small claims court.
As you mentioned it was in the lease for him to pay and he did not. You should not have switched that side of the duplex until Mike moved out. Then the utility company would legally go after them for nonpayment.
Since you immediately switched the utilities to your name while he was living there, they can and will legally try to collect from you.” Huge-Excitement-8798
7. AITJ For Changing My Tablet's Password To Stop My Irresponsible Sister From Using It?
“So last year, I (18f) got a Samsung tablet as a birthday present with a small compromise of sharing it with my siblings now and then, mainly my sister (30f) and one of my brothers (29m) and I was okay with that as long as they took care of it as I did and I still had the last say.
Unfortunately, my sister has a history of breaking things like her high-end PC, our brother’s motorcycle, our brother’s netbook my laptop, and even a few phone stands and chargers. She even takes and uses stuff without asking which drives me up the wall because I always ask permission to use or borrow stuff to make sure no one else needs it and if it’s food, that we’re not saving it for later.
Now about 3 weeks ago, I allowed her to borrow my tablet which was a bad decision in my opinion. I give it to her at around 60-90% charged and every time she returns it, it’s usually at 20% a few times, she returned it with 2% and it’s always overheating because of the streaming app she’s using (Livestream app where you gain points per hour and can convert it to money) and it’s constantly running in the background unless you force stop the app in the settings.
She also takes it without asking when I’m asleep.
I’ve told her off (clearly annoyed) about returning it nearly dead and overheating, as well as about taking it while I’m sleeping because I use it all day at school for notes, viewing presentations, and writing papers while I’m on campus and unfortunately, my campus does not have easy access to outlets.
She only has 1 charger so she can’t charge it immediately so I told her to just bring it to the room and plug it into my other charger (I have 2, 1 for my phone and 1 for my tablet and Bluetooth earbuds).
Her room is like 10 steps away from mine. It’s not that hard, she’s not ill or anything but she keeps doing it so as a last resort, I’ve changed the pattern to stop her from using it without my permission and she was visibly upset when she realized I did change it.
I am firm with my decision because I’m tired of having her overheat my devices but I have this nagging feeling that I might be overreacting and I remember my brother’s body language when I mentioned I was thinking of doing it was kind of like “a little harsh but ok”.
After all, it’s a tablet. I can still charge it. It hasn’t broken yet but still, her inability to take care of it irks me. So AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ- You said your sister is 30 years old.
She’s a little old to be THAT irresponsible. Both of your siblings are a little old to have to share your tablet with. Your sister is a grown adult. She should buy her tablet with the money she earns watching live streams. You are not a jerk for putting a lock on a tool you use for school.” lostalldoubt86
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your concerns are valid. You have every right to ensure that your tablet is treated properly, especially given your sister’s history of breaking things and using items without permission. You use the tablet for important school work, and her actions have been irresponsible and disrespectful.
Changing the unlock pattern to protect your tablet from further damage and to ensure it’s charged and ready when you need it is a reasonable response. It’s not harsh to set boundaries, especially when your previous requests were ignored. Your sister needs to respect your property and understand the consequences of her actions.” Milfiewoman
Another User Comments:
“NTJ why can’t she get one of her own? You can even buy second-hand tablets directly from some companies (like Apple) which are fully refurbished and are way cheaper than buying brand new.
If she can’t respect others’ belongings, then she doesn’t deserve access to them. ” I_wanna_be_anemone
6. AITJ For Yelling At My Non-Swimming Wife After She Almost Drowned Trying To Save A Friend?
“I (26m) have known my wife (25f) for 7 years. I love and respect her very much, but sometimes I get frustrated at her not thinking in times of emergency.
I know she hates it when I raise my voice (tough childhood) so I am careful about never screaming that’s why this is a big deal.
Recently we went on a hiking trip for one of her friend’s (23f) birthdays and there was a waterfall at the destination.
We had been sitting with our legs in the water, and some of her friends (the birthday friend included) had been swimming, etc. When we were done and everyone was packing their things, the birthday friend realized that she lost her very nice earring in the water.
She is a good swimmer so she was going underwater to look for it. This was a waterfall with currents, and I told them it was just an earring so no point in looking for it.
This is where things get scary.
I thought the friend was already being dumb but I didn’t want to say anything and my wife forgot her towel so I dried off to go get her things away from the waterfall and the group.
The next second I heard the friend scream. I turned around and by that time, my wife had already jumped into the waterfall and was moving to where the friend was. But my wife doesn’t know how to swim so she was just walking into deeper and deeper water while the friend was screaming.
When she reached her friend, she could barely keep her head above the water (and she is tall for a woman) and couldn’t properly breathe.
Two of their friends who were close by pulled both of them out soon enough, but, I thought my wife was going to drown.
She could barely breathe and I was very angry. Turns out the friend was only yelling because she cut her leg against a sharp rock, and that made me even more angry.
When they got out of the water, I couldn’t stop myself from just screaming at my wife who was already traumatized from the drowning and she just started crying because of me.
Now she has gone to stay with her friend for a sleepover as it was planned but she hasn’t texted me once and didn’t speak to me at all on the hike down. Her friends have all told me I was a jerk for making her cry after she did something brave but I think it was stupid.
What would she have done, she can’t swim so they both would have drowned anyway. I respect my wife for her kindness but I think it was really stupid and careless of her to do something like this.
AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ humans yell for a reason, for warning, for expressing shock, for fear. Just because she has childhood trauma doesn’t overwrite our human nature to yell when a loved one nearly dies. Would you not yell at anything in front of you if your wife or husband nearly died?
I don’t understand why so many people think we should have zero emotions when it’s convenient so that other’s feelings can be accommodated. What about the husband’s emotion of fear when he almost lost his wife? Nobody gave a darn about him when he did nothing to deserve it?
Let’s take it back 100 steps. Imagine someone telling the wife she’s a jerk and insensitive for screaming when she almost died, cause the husband got scared from the scream. Sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? Then why is the husband’s fear of losing a wife suddenly meaningless?” Plus_Eye_9886
Another User Comments:
“YTJ because your first instinct was to yell at her and not ask if she was okay or comfort her. And listen, I understand what you mean about the stupidity, but you could gently talk to her about that later on and in private.
No one likes to be called stupid in public, I’m sure you can understand that. In the future, try to use couples counseling 101 lesson 1: whenever you’re upset focus on making I-statements. So instead of “you are stupid” say “I was so worried about you” or “I was scared you were going to die”” NaturalFickle3008
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. she was dumb. extremely dumb. it wasn’t brave. it was dumb. the number of people who drown because they thought they could save a drowning person is numerous. and these are people who could swim.
your wife couldn’t swim. Whar was she thinking? you were right to be upset. yelling at her? I mean I would too, but there were probably better ways to handle this. you kicked her when she was down.
your marriage will be fine. she deserves the dress down, I wouldn’t apologize for that. but you should apologize for yelling.” Strange_Job_447
5. AITJ For Choosing My Annual Trip Over My Partner's Memorial Day Picnic?
“My partner and I have been together since 2020. Before we got together, we had our own “traditions” for Memorial Day Weekend. My partner enjoys going to a special picnic every year for the past 20 or so years and I have gone on a weekend trip every year for the past 15 years or so.
My partner’s picnics started back up in 2022 and my partner asked me to go. I told my partner that I always go away for the weekend, but I said I would go to the picnic. I did explain for only a few hours because being around a lot of people I don’t know gives me a lot of anxiety and drains my battery.
My partner goes to this picnic for 10+ hours.
On the way to the picnic, we started fighting because I thought it’d be fair that once in a while my partner would give up the picnic and go away with me.
It got so heated, I just dropped off my partner and picked my partner back up later.
Last year, I asked my partner if we could compromise. One year go to the picnic the entire time and the following year, go away for the weekend.
My partner did not want that compromise stating that this picnic had been a huge deal for years. I also started going away to start the summer has been a big deal to me for years. I told my partner that I wanted to go away and they got angry because I didn’t want to be next to them at the picnic so in turn, I was angry that we couldn’t come up with a compromise and my partner didn’t want me to go away so I didn’t go away and didn’t go to the picnic.
Now, Memorial Day Weekend is approaching and I ask my partner again if we can come to a compromise between going away and the picnic. My offer again was to switch every other year, first-year picnic(for the entire picnic)-following year go away(no picnic).
My partner said no. So I asked if they had any compromise ideas that they felt were fair. They said that they felt they should be able to continue to go to the picnic and have me next to them there.
I said that doesn’t sound fair to me because I can’t do what I’ve always enjoyed doing so this year I’m going away to visit a friend.
My partner is upset with me because instead of going to the picnic, I’m going away for 3 days.
I said the past 2 years I haven’t gone anywhere and we can’t come to a compromise so we are both happy. Since my partner won’t give up the picnic, I feel I shouldn’t have to give up my trips.
AITJ for going away and not staying for the picnic?”
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think it’s healthy to be able to travel without your partner but these picnics are tied to this holiday where nothing indicates your trips are.
Initially, I thought you were gonna say you go to a specific place on Memorial Day weekend or travel with specific people but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Is going away for the weekend tied to Memorial Day weekend at all or just in your mind your official start to summer?
Why can’t you go away together the weekend before or after, take off one day from work, and make it a long weekend?” otterknowbeter
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Doing separate things sometimes as a couple is healthy, and is by far the most reasonable compromise to this particular conflict.
It concerns me that your partner is not only unwilling to change their plans (that part is totally fine) but insists that you *must* always change yours to be with them at their thing. You shouldn’t have to give up your trips.
Go have fun.” TreeHuggerHannah
Another User Comments:
“You’re NTJ. Maybe it’s because where I live, Memorial Day weekend is generally when we get out of preheat and into broil, so a **10-hour picnic** sounds horrible, unless it’s at a pool.
But that is beside the point. You have offered compromises, but he rejected them. So the result is you doing your thing while he does his.” Dittoheadforever
4. AITJ For Cancelling A Visit From My Estranged Cousins Who Assumed They Could Stay With Me?
“My (31F) family has always had somewhat strained extended relationships. My father, a German immigrant, had a falling out with his siblings before I was born; therefore, I don’t know many of my cousins well. I grew up in IA, went to a state university, and then to law school in IN.
Throughout childhood, I only met my two older cousins, (46F and 50ish F) twice when we traveled to Germany to see my grandparents. As a teen without a lot of familial connections, I tried to be “pen pals” with them through social media, but they weren’t responsive, and eventually, I gave up.
5 years ago, my parents were killed by an intoxicated driver the summer before I was to start law school. My grandfather, who was in his early 80s (and has since passed too), came to stay with me for a month.
My cousins never offered condolences… not even a social media post.
I graduated last year and ended up with a firm in LA. When I posted beach pics, one cousin reached out to ask me where I lived. She said she had always wanted to go to CA, and added that my other cousin had never been to the US.
She asked how much room I had. I explained the cost of living here and told her I only have a studio loft. The very next message was that they had purchased tickets for a 3-week stay.
I was taken aback because I had not officially invited her, and I also didn’t indicate whether the timing worked for me. She never asked.
Now here is what I KNOW I did wrong. I SHOULD have kindly told her no then.
I am terrible at setting boundaries, and I have such a longing for family, I also felt that by refusing, I would somehow be dishonoring the memory of my grandfather. I also wasn’t sure my cousins intended to visit.
I didn’t hear from them again until 2 weeks ago when they told me they were bringing a friend. They stated they didn’t have the money for a hotel and needed to stay with me. They gave me a list of attractions they’d like to see.
They said they didn’t have a lot of financial resources and spent all their money on airfare.
WIBTJ If I sent a message today, 1 week out, explaining the timing doesn’t work, but that if they will still be in the US, I would love to take them to dinner and show them around on the weekend.
I genuinely feel terrible about the way I’ve handled the whole thing as I know I’ll likely cost them money. Boundary setting and transparency is something I’m working on in therapy.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to be firm.
Message them today and tell them that while you’ll try to meet them for dinner, you are not able to host them and their friend. Don’t apologize. You didn’t invite them so you have nothing to apologize for.
They were rude to assume they’d be welcome in your home. They will be upset, but you will be more upset with having 3 unwelcome visitors invading your space for 3 weeks.” ARC2060
Another User Comments:
“NTJ based on your wording if that’s what they said.
If someone told me they had tickets for a 3-week stay after I told them I live in a studio I would quite reasonably assume they found a hotel. If they then didn’t contact you for weeks or months until it was time to announce they want to take advantage of someone they don’t know then they deserve to be left hanging.
It’s just rude at this point. I’d just reply by saying that your lease doesn’t allow multiple guests overnight and you’ll be working during the day. Then offer the weekend option. If they booked without getting confirmation of a place to stay it’s on them.
There’s a good chance they won’t speak to you again though. Entitled people rarely do when they don’t get their way.” Fabulous_A_53
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s a jerk here I’m sorry for everything you’ve gone through with your family.
I understand it is difficult to have boundaries, but communication is a life skill that can always be practiced. Unfortunately, what’s done is done. A few options for the cousins who pathetically didn’t reach out until they found out where you live can be: 1.
They can stay in a hostel. Cheaper than a hotel. You can say you don’t have the space nor the time to entertain them when they throw their plans on you without properly confirming anything. 2. They can stay with you, but YOU WILL NEED TO BE BUSY and tell them because of how there was not much communication about the trip and how you can’t rearrange your schedule so close to the time, they can rent a car, or show them how to use public transportation, and they can go where they want.
You can have small snacks in the house for them, hide your valuables and lock your bedroom door, make small chat here and there, take them out 1 day or 2, and have a last supper before they leave, but you have a life of your own that you need to stand up for. If they don’t respect this, inform them that you tried to keep in touch when you were younger, but it was one-sided. When your parents died, you didn’t even get a simple condolence from them (side note: my deepest condolences), and all the years you’ve lived in the USA, they now want to visit and probably wouldn’t have if they didn’t see you live in CA and have a place to stay at there.
Furthermore, if they didn’t have the funds for their vacation, they shouldn’t have booked plane tickets to begin with. You’re their cousin, Not their tour guide. I wish you the best with this! Be kind, but don’t let them mistake your kindness for weakness.
3. AITJ For Refusing To Visit My Fiance's Family Due To Their Negative Comments?
“So my fiance and I are 5 months out from the wedding we’d always hoped for.
We are very excited and have a very tight, for the most part, healthy relationship. We communicate very well. I think our personalities complement each other, being that I’m the introvert, organized, non-risk taker and he’s more the extrovert, a little messy, adventurous one.
I keep him grounded and he has taught me how to loosen up. He has a 7-year-old son, whom I’ve developed a very special relationship with. We are close and he tends to gravitate toward me. I love him very much.
For the time being, we are living in a house with his mother to save money for the wedding and a down payment on our place. The arrangement helps my soon-to-be mother-in-law, being that she couldn’t afford the place on her own.
I thought I’d develop a close relationship with his family. I don’t have a lot of family and I’m grieving the loss of my oldest son, so I really could have used the support of a family.
The problem is, that his family members one by one have made horrible comments about our relationship, especially his mother. Things like “Well he’s just in love with being in love and I worry that he doesn’t love you.” And, “he’s just obsessed with you until the next thing catches his eye.” They all comment about him spending more time with me and his son and less time with them as well.
He used to visit his grandmother every week/every other week and fix things in her house. I think that’s sweet but what his family would use him for wasn’t limited to him doing little things for Grandma around the house.
It seems they are more upset that he’s not doing things for them anymore. He’s a grown man of 33! Did they not think he’d find someone? It’s like they’re all surprised he’s not entirely about them anymore and that’s just bizarre to me.
After hearing this narrative about how it MUST be ME because the changes coincided with us getting together, I decided I would no longer subject myself to their craziness. They don’t care about our engagement and only his grandma has even asked to see my ring.
No one talks about or asks about our wedding planning, yet they see things being delivered and hear us talking about plans, vendors, decor, etc. I told him I just didn’t want to go to his extended family’s homes anymore.
I still have to endure living with his mother for now, who feels some type of way about her grown man son being grown. I’m exhausted. He just told me I’m breaking HIS heart by not going to visit his family.
They broke MINE! Please tell me, am I the jerk here?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Your fiance should realize the way his family has been treating you is not right. You’re just trying to protect yourself from their crap.
It sounds like you need to have a big conversation with your fiance about how things have been going. If he can’t stick up for you, then things should be re-evaluated.” Clumsy_Statistician
Another User Comments:
“I understand what you are implying but I also think the reverse is messed up too.
Like their son can’t follow through with a monogamous relationship???? And also where did he learn to be unfaithful? Your in-laws should have faith in their son and grandson! Hyperbole aside. NTJ.” Throwaaway198686
Another User Comments:
“You shouldn’t have to endure their nonsense talking.
It’s called boundaries. If he can’t establish them with his family and have them treated with dignity then he shouldn’t expect you to be a doormat to their ill behavior. I used to go to my mother-in-law’s every night (they live next door).
We would have coffee and such but she was always nasty to me. So eventually I stopped going. Eventually, she stopped being mean. Loving your fiance doesn’t mean enduring verbal haste from his family.” mulderonmonday
2. AITJ For Spending More Time With My In-Laws Than My Own Family?
“My partner and I (both 25) have been together for over 3 years and we’re now engaged and would like to get married in the next 18 months.
There have been a lot of issues between my in-laws and my family but especially between my partner and my family, especially with my mother. They described my partner as manipulative and a gold digger, and so on… My family and my in-laws don’t talk to each other anymore because of that and I’m the one on both sides of the “family relationship.”
My in-laws earn more together than my parents and thus have a better lifestyle than my family. They have 2 children with my partner being the younger and she has her bedroom at my in-law’s place.
I am the eldest of 3 kids and my 2 brothers (24 and 20) still live with my parents.
My bedroom was given to my younger brother when I left my parents for work. Also, my partner and I come from the same city so our parents live like 15 minutes apart.
Coming to the point: I’ve been off for the last 3 weeks and decided to visit my parents.
My partner and I stayed there for like a week (spaced days but 3 times 2 days spent there). My parents always complain that I don’t spend time with them and my brothers but when I visit them, one of my brothers is at work and the other one is away with his partner.
Also, when I visit them, we spend all the time at home, watching Netflix or whatever and it bores me. My mom is talking 24/7 about money, how she got a deal on this, how much is worth, and the way she dresses to make you think that she’s rich when she’s not.
She’s also very judgmental about me and my decisions: I decided to get my ear pierced and she didn’t like it at all (literally told me what is that), I gained a lot of weight over the past 4 years and she kept reminiscing the time when I was thin, always judging about my body and appearance and it starts to annoy me.
She has some inferiority complex with money, especially with my in-laws. Also, I just turned 25 and I didn’t expect a present from my parents because they didn’t give me anything for the last 5 birthdays and they bought this 1 iPhone charging station (I already have one) which they wanted to give me.
To be honest it looked like they just didn’t think about a gift at all and they tried to hide it. I didn’t feel disappointed at all but I just felt ashamed for them if you didn’t think about it just say it to me.
So, AITJ for spending more time with my in-laws?”
Another User Comments:
“So you want to know if choosing less toxic and annoying people to spend more time with rather than listen a whole load of nonsense and regret visiting can make you a jerk?
You realize that your mother can only blame herself for that, you would love to visit them more if they treated your partner with respect and would talk less about useless stuff but try to communicate with you and learn about your life more.
NTJ.” forgeries
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Spend time with the people who make you happy, not the ones who make you bored, depressed, etc. If you want to maintain some relationship with your parents, which is your choice, then yeah, have a discussion with your parents about it.
Talk about the effort you’re making to spend time with them and how they make you feel when they do. If they’re willing to see your side, you can discuss how things need to change going forward so that both sides are more satisfied. If not, you wouldn’t be the first person to go low contact or even no contact with a toxic family.
After all, as the old saying goes, “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” That is to say, you get to choose whom to spend your time with and whom to shower with your affections.” jedirieb
1. AITJ For Leaving My Partner In The Middle Of Her Birthday Dinner To Attend To My Mom's Medical Emergency?
“So I (22M) have been seeing my partner Susan (21F, not her real name) for a year now.
Things have been great between us as we keep good communication.
I’m posting this two days after her birthday, which is also when the incident happened. I’d like to say that I’m very romantic, and my partner can vouch for me, as for her birthday, I had planned a whole long-day schedule of her favorite activities, along with some extras I poked here and there, like taking her to the movies, going out to Red Lobster (despite me not enjoying seafood at all) and some more.
This is the part where my mother Claudia (42F, again, not a real name) comes into play. Due to medical issues, she’s prone to having sudden epileptic attacks with no prior warning, so my step-dad Robert (52M, not a real name) has always been on the lookout and wary of this, hence we are in contact at least once a day.
Now, my partner is very well aware of this, and I’ve warned her since day one. This never bothered her, and she’s been always supportive of me and my father (I’ve grown close to him and call him dad sometimes), although my mom’s attacks have gotten in the way of our hangouts once or twice before.
We were out at Red Lobster, and we were midway through our meal when I got a call. I picked up the phone since it was my stepdad. I might be the jerk here because I just dropped everything and took off running, as you all can expect, my mother had an attack and my dad told me to come over.
However, by the time I arrived, my stepdad told me that things were under control and that it was just a scare because she suddenly felt dizzy, and lightheaded and her head started to hurt.
I thought that’d be the end of it but it turned out to be a true attack, as she started to have a seizure in the living room and we had to rush her to the doctor.
It took a good 30 minutes for her to stabilize, and I called my partner to let her know that mom was okay and that if she wanted, we could resume our hangout.
She told me that she didn’t want to anymore and that I was a jerk for leaving her like that and ruining her special day, which she told her friends, who’ve sent me messages telling me how much of a jerk I am.
So am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. First: “My mother is having a medical emergency that only I can handle. Do you mind if we leave right now?” At least give her a chance before “running away.” Second: *this isn’t the first time it’s interrupted a hangout.”* Your first step is to make sure your mom and stepdad are capable of calling medical professionals when your mom is having a medical emergency.
Your second step is to stop telling your mom when you’re going out. You don’t just get up and run away from your partner of a YEAR. This is the kind of stunt you pull on a first hangout that’s not going well, and you don’t have the guts to be honest.” DodgerGreen89
Another User Comments:
“YTJ and your SD are as well. You didn’t have to leg it out of there like that. And your SD shouldn’t have called you. He should have called 911 if he was that concerned (I’m saying 911 because you said Red Lobster, so I’m assuming the US?).
I’m not saying you should be unconcerned with your mom. But your mom having epilepsy is something your mom and SD need to manage…get her to a safe space, lie her on her side, and wait until it’s over.
Typically a seizure lasts 5 minutes. If more than 5 minutes, SD needs to call an ambulance. My kid had a febrile seizure and it freaked me out because I had no clue what was happening. And the hospital did say that he had a higher risk of having another when he had a fever, up until age 5.
They told me what to do if it happened. I feel like somewhere along the path of your mother’s illness, no one has educated all of you in the management of seizures. If she’s epileptic, this is going to happen again.
And leaving a restaurant to run to your mother’s house doesn’t even make sense because it either would have been over before you got there, OR the ambulance would have already either gotten there or started transport to the nearest hospital. Do your parents like your partner?” Spare-Article-396
Another User Comments:
“YTJ, do you ever plan on going on holiday with your partner? What help can you give when she’s having a seizure? SD is epileptic and all I can do is make sure there’s nothing there that she can hurt herself on and wait it out.
You could do with visiting the doctors together to figure out what she needs during and after a seizure, peace and a darkened room work best for SD.” simply_clare
