People Can't Seem To Steer Clear Of Telling These 'Am I The Jerk?' Stories
20. AITJ For Wanting My Partner To Leave His Dog Behind When We Travel?
“My partner of 1 year has a 2-year-old Tekel Dachshund that he is extremely attached to and is causing problems for us, especially when it comes to leaving it behind.
For example, if he sleeps over, he gets up early and won’t have breakfast with me because he needs to rush home to be with the dog (not because the dog needs to be let out to pee, etc. but because he doesn’t want her to spend time alone).
There are also problematic behaviors with the dog. He works from home and the dog is always with him. If he went into the room and closed the door (leaving the dog in the hallway) she would freak out and start scratching the door. His reaction was to open the door and let her in, reinforcing the behavior.
She also chews things up and he doesn’t discipline her in a strict enough way to stop the behavior, so solving this problem is taking a lot longer to fix. She has destroyed every gift I have ever given him (including some of my own things like my very expensive bra, eye mask for sleeping, slippers, and expensive sneakers).
He used to say it was because she was young and would grow out of it (I have a psych degree with an emphasis on behavior and have owned dogs… this is definitely not how that works) or that I just needed to be patient and she would learn (Patience isn’t a virtue of mine and it runs thinner when I know the method isn’t effective).
I’ve been vocal about these behaviors and that I won’t accept them if she isn’t well trained. Only after she destroyed something important, he slowly became more strict in this area. Still, generally, he isn’t strict and finds my methods to be militant (despite seeing repeatedly that they are effective).
Now the problem is the topic of leaving her behind for travel. I travel often. He knows this and is excited to travel with me but he wants to bring the dog everywhere. I don’t agree. Not every place is going to allow the dog and even if it did, I don’t want to spend all my time with the dog.
I think it’s inconsiderate to demand this. Despite that, I’ve accepted that she join us on a couple of local weekend trips in hopes that he will be more reasonable when I don’t want her involved. We have talked about several travel plans but when it comes down to it the dog is always a problem.
He refuses to use a dogsitter and will only leave her with his family, which he doesn’t want to do often so as to not bother them. I asked if one of his friends could watch her for the weekend and he refused. He will only leave her with family (who is 4 hrs away by train/bus OR 5-6 hrs driving).
In 3 months, my close friend will be in Rome, which is relatively close (2-hour flight). He has never been/hasn’t met these friends. We talked about going to meet them 1 month ago but now he is saying no because of the dog, which is frustrating because he has 3 months to get organized. I don’t understand why he can’t invest the time with a specific sitter so the dog can become comfortable (money isn’t a problem).
I feel like there is just no winning with him. AITJ for pushing him to look for a solution so we can travel without the dog?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. An untrained dog and a clueless/disorganized partner…not a great combination. For this upcoming trip to Rome, insist that he figure out how to leave the dog behind.
If he can’t figure out how to do that, you need to re-evaluate the relationship.” afcgus
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You need to realize that his dog is closer to a comfort animal than a pet to your partner. I have serious doubts that he will ever change.
Given that there seem to be no boundaries between the dog and your partner (as evidenced by the dog’s being allowed into the bedroom after the door has been closed), a good first step would be for your partner — yes, your partner — to get some training in doggie obedience school.
If he won’t leave his dog at home — who the dog stays with should be of no concern to you — and he takes his dog to Rome, it’ll feel like an eternity in the Eternal City. You should consider staying in separate hotels.
In any case, go and have a good time.” Individual_Ad_9213
Another User Comments:
“YTJ to yourself if you continue this relationship. You are not compatible. There is a fundamental difference in your views. Just break up and find someone more in line with your preferred lifestyle.
This is 100% not going to get better, and when this dog passes on it will be another dog.” _plant_obsessed_9
19. AITJ For Only Inviting My Uncle And Not His Partner And Her Extended Family To Our Small Family Party?
“Are we (me – 25F, my dad – 50, and my grandma – 75) the jerks for only inviting my uncle (53) to our birthday party and not his “companion” and her 3 daughters + their partners and one baby??
For context. The party was meant to be smaller, 25-30 people, only family, people we actually know. We don’t meet often so it was important for my dad to make it mostly about catching up and so on.
Now, my uncle was living with my grandma until he was like 40, and then he moved across the country because of a job.
Before that, he suddenly announced he had a companion, that was living near and wasn’t planning on moving with him. This was like ten years ago. The woman had two daughters. It quickly became obvious the woman was sketchy when my grandma found out he sends like 3/4 of his wage to her.
She quit her job and he basically started sending her an allowance in addition, he paid for anything the daughters needed. Then my uncle asked my grandma for money because he wasn’t able to pay for his mortgage anymore (which is how we found out).
The companion visits him like twice-thrice a year, he only sees the girls for a week a year. I highly doubt they would see him as a dad, the oldest already living with her partner and a baby. That’s why my dad didn’t even think of inviting them.
He doesn’t see those people as my uncle’s family, and my grandma straight-up hates the woman for using her son, obviously.
But my uncle keeps saying he’s the only one whose family wasn’t invited and that it’s not fair. My dad took us to visit him and talk about it, which only made the nature of his “relationship” even more obvious because when my dad wanted to see my uncle’s new car, he made excuses and then admitted he gave the car to his companion because “she needs it more”.
My dad was trying to be patient, he extended the invitation to the companion if my uncle was so serious about her, but didn’t want to invite the daughters, as they’re already adults, no one knows them and they would bring their partners (and a baby) and he just can’t add 5 strangers to a small party, there isn’t going to be enough space (even if he wanted them there).
And also suddenly it’s 6 strangers because the woman who can’t take care of herself decided to adopt an almost adult girl, which he told us this week.
So my uncle’s command is now for us to find a bigger place for the party, so he could bring his “daughters” otherwise he’s going to make a scene there (he said they would all come to wish happy birthday and then tell everyone they have to leave because his family wasn’t invited).
My dad is kinda furious. I get that my uncle knows he was seen as a mama’s boy when he lived with her for so long and now he feels like he finally has a family and wants to show them off. But I don’t think it’s the right time and place.
If he’s serious about it, he should make his own party and introduce us. Not make our party all about himself (And bring 7 people to a family celebration with 25-30 people max…)
Thoughts?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ – he isn’t married to the woman and tbf it’s hardly a relationship when you don’t commit to seeing him often.
Clearly she didn’t want to commit when she refused to move and also like you stated the girls won’t see him as a dad. He’s a fool and a tool and his aims are going beyond a family catch-up. It’s selfish of him” sweetdeath45
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. No matter what your uncle’s relationship with them is, you as the host of the party don’t know them at all. Your dad already offered your uncle to bring a plus one, it’s excessive to make that a plus 7- and if you’ve rarely met them if ever.” wannabewallee
Another User Comments:
“The obvious thing to do here is uninvite him. If he is going to threaten to ruin your party, why would you want him there? He’s acting entitled. You don’t know this woman & he only sees her twice a year? That’s not a companion.
He’s her sugar daddy. If it were a real relationship, I could understand him feeling hurt. But this is barely a relationship. It’s practically nonexistent. And who’s to say the companion would want to come? Your uncle is the jerk here. He’s playing it off as if he has a family & he doesn’t.
And for him to demand that you get a bigger space? C’mon. Is he for real? This guy is just a complete jerk.” Embarrassed-Math-699
18. AITJ For Wanting To Move Out Because My Dad And Brother Refuse To Work Or Help Around The House?
“My dad moved in with me when he lost his job. I had just started college full-time and was only working part-time, and we got into a routine where he would work & pay bills during the Summer while I went to school and I would work the rest of the year.
He refuses to find work outside of the summer months.
I have been with the same company for 4 years now, and they’ve been great when working with me on taking 3 months off a year. They pay well enough but it’s a paycheck to paycheck situation.
I graduate from college in April and I have a job based on my degree lined up to start in May. When I told my dad, he said something along the lines of “So I don’t have to work next Summer.”
I do 99% of the cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping all year round.
My dad is passive-aggressive & will complain and moan about things not being cleaned or done the way he likes, but won’t do any of it. He won’t even do his own laundry. When he does do something, he does it with such a big attitude that it’s not even worth asking him to do anything.
A month ago his son got kicked out of his place, so he has been sleeping in our dining room. He has a car & had a job but quit. He would get paid on Thursdays and be broke by Saturday. It was a 3rd shift job so navigating during the day while he was sleeping was definitely on the annoying side.
He says he quit due to a disagreement with a coworker, but he stays so high from smoking that he can barely stand up straight. He won’t find another job and has been staying out all night up until 4 or 5 am, and then sleeping until 2 or 3 pm.
I’ve been nice about it but it’s getting frustrating not being able to do anything. By the time he actually gets out of bed, I have to start working on dinner and have missed the whole day. A side note here – my work & school desk is in the living room, & he has taken it over with his Xbox & computer & refuses to move any of it, so I had to buy a folding table for my room to be able to do anything.
My dad & his son have made it very clear they have no intention of working this winter. Neither of them will clean, and when they do it’s “How can I help YOU clean?”
I know this is a bit all over the place. Would it be wrong of me to move out when my new job starts?
I started back at my job last week and can already see the signs of having to support them both. My mental health has not been the best and I don’t know how I’m going to manage a full-time job, plus cooking & cleaning for 3 people sometimes 4 when his son’s friend comes over.
She’s a whole different challenge and is completely rude & disrespectful. We told her our cat doesn’t like strangers & is anti-social. She tried to pet her, and my cat hissed, to which this girl started calling her every name under the sun.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, and honestly I’m surprised you’re waiting to get out of there. Your dad and brother are completely out of line here, treating you as a slave in your own home, even pushing you out of the space you were using to do your work.
Get out of there, and if either of them ask what they’re supposed to do without you, make it very clear that they’re both grown-ass adults and it’s high time they took some responsibility for themselves.” Venetrix2
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Ideally, they would move out out of your place, but with these types of personalities that might be far more trouble than finding a new place for yourself.
It was nice of you to offer shelter when they needed it, but now you know not to do so without very clear conditions next time. Edit: make sure to communicate to your landlord exactly when you’re moving out. Get some friends and help to move out *all* of your furniture too, including the desk.” PresumedSapient
Another User Comments:
“NTJ! Arrange to get yourself an apartment (if you can afford it on your own) or get one with a new, more compatible roommate. Let your present landlord know you are planning to move so your name will not be on a lease with your father any longer and you cannot be held responsible for rent payments.
If/when you tell your father of **your** plans, make it very clear you are getting a place without him or his son. And you will no longer take responsibility to house 2 grown, able-bodied men. If you can, begin moving some of your belongings and store them with a friend so when your move happens you won’t be as long removing things from your present apartment.
Good luck! Please post an update when the time comes~” Which_Stress_6431
17. AITJ For Not Quieting Down My Kids For My Neighbor's Sake?
“We have a neighbor who regularly complains about our two boys (11-month-old and 3-year-old) making normal, daily living sounds inside and outside our home.
We live in a three-story townhouse and share a wall, so the floor joists are shared, which is relevant because the sound she most detests is the kids walking or running in our living room as the vibrations on the floor are somewhat unavoidable and she can hear that.
We both have hardwood floors but on our end, we invested in thick pads to go under our rugs in response to her complaints. We have also invested in hanging thick cloth in the baby’s room to try to help absorb the crying sound.
However, she is also bothered by all other common sounds you might hear in a house with 1 and 3-year-old boys – baby crying, kids playing, walking around, doors closing. We never play loud music or anything even remotely loud, and all of our normal daily activities only occur between the hours of 8 am -8 pm since they are young kids and sleep.
This neighbor also complains regularly when our kids play outside on our co-owned land. She keeps her windows open in the summer and yells at us to go play elsewhere when we are in our co-owned backyard. We often do play elsewhere, however, some days we want to play in our own backyard.
None of the sounds our boys are making are excessive or abnormal for boys this age. Also since we have a toddler and a baby, there is only so much we can do to mitigate the sound they make since you can’t logic with a toddler or baby.
We try to keep them quiet when we can, but it’s near impossible given that this is our living space indoors and outdoors.
We are not breaking any rules by the HOA bylaws and sound levels are normal so she could not even ever report us to the police because they would probably laugh.
No other neighbors complain about our daily activities. She seems to place blame on us for being bad parents as she thinks we should be able to “control” our young boys. (She’s about 50 years old and has never had kids).
We don’t know what more to do as we have been very polite and tolerant for the last two years putting up with her angry texts, which come on a regular basis.
We tip-toe around and don’t even feel relaxed in our own homes and property. Are we in the right to push back and start ignoring her and to give up trying to quiet our boys (which has been futile for the most part anyway)?
We really thought we were moving into a community but it seems we will never be able to please this neighbor and with boys this age, it will only get louder over time and we are afraid of her constant complaints when there is very little we can do.
She has been so hostile to us as new parents. It’s so exhausting to not have a supportive community and to not feel comfy in our own home. (BTW, moving anytime soon is not a realistic financial option for us.) What would you do?”
Another User Comments:
“The good-neighbor rules for a shared space like this are as follows: The person making the noise does everything they can to muffle the sound and keep noise to appropriate hours. The person hearing the noise does everything they can to block it out (headphones, white noise machine, etc.) and be patient if it’s happening at a reasonable hour.
You’ve been holding up your end of that expectation but your neighbor has not. If she is so consumed with having absolute quiet then she shouldn’t be living in a communal setting. The next time she texts you to keep your kids quiet respond: “Gladys, we are doing everything we can to accommodate you and keep the noise down during waking hours including X, Y, and Z.
Children make noise. We don’t encourage screaming or stomping but our shared wall means we will occasionally hear each other. When they are in the yard, they are using outdoor voices but aren’t anywhere close to breaking noise ordinances. With this in mind, I suggest you take more steps on your end to help block out the sound as we have exhausted all our options.
I ask that you please stop contacting us like this unless there is a real emergency.” cbm984
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have already gone above and beyond to try and accommodate your neighbor, who is being completely unreasonable. If she needs complete silence to live a happy life, she needs to move into a home that isn’t literally attached to other people.
If she continues to harass you, contact the HOA and the police. People make noise, especially kids who are learning how to function in the world. They don’t need to be taught to make themselves smaller to accommodate a bully.” FreeToBrieYouAndMe
Another User Comments:
“I would be living my life in as normal a manner as possible.
If you are within the noise requirement you’re doing nothing wrong. If your neighbor keeps up with the complaints, consider looking into a “cease & desist” order or a complaint for harassment. You have the same right to enjoy life where you live as they do and shouldn’t have to modify behaviors to abnormal levels to satisfy them.
Oh and NTJ.” MapleLeaf5410
16. AITJ For Accusing My Sister Of Attention Seeking After Her Leg Amputation?
“I (19M) have a sister (16F) and we both live with our parents (late 40’s M and F).
My dad and I have always cared very well about our health. My dad encouraged us to exercise regularly, and I do so with him and we always have a good time, and feel pumped afterward.
He also encouraged us to have healthy diets, take vitamins, etc. Not in a bad way, but he always tried to lead my sister and me in the right direction, and it worked on me since I follow very healthy habits.
My sister, however, has never listened to our dad regarding any of this.
She would always brush him and me off, saying she was fine, and at times she’d even blow up screaming at us, calling me the “favorite child” and our parents “emotionally abusive”. Our dad indeed tried to push my sister a little more to get into a healthy lifestyle, but that was because my sister had dangerously high cholesterol due to genetics (inherited from our mom) so of course he would be much more concerned about her health than mine.
So I would actually argue that she would’ve gotten more attention than me since our dad was so worried about her.
Anyway, onto the main event. Recently, my sister fell off a small cliff (around 30-40 ft in height) and fractured both of her legs, but her right leg was the most damaged. Her right leg had an open fracture, meaning her broken bone actually broke the skin, and because it took a bit for the ambulance to get there, my sister’s leg got infected very badly, and they had to cut off the 1/4 of the bottom of the leg so that the infection couldn’t spread anywhere else.
Although she has been upset (understandably) the things she was saying to us and her friends were rubbing me the wrong way. She was saying how she could never walk hikes, would never be able to go on runs, etc. Normally I’d say is normal but she literally never has done any of that stuff.
She hates hiking, she hates going on walks, and she literally sits all day in her room on her computer and hardly comes out (even before part of her leg is amputated). I tried to ignore this, but she kept saying these things, and now including sports, something she has always hated.
I got angry one day and told her to stop using her leg for attention seeking and sympathy, because she never wanted to exercise and be healthy so there was no way that she wanted that now, and that she could process what was happening to her without lying to us and herself.
She. Lost. It. She grabbed stuff and threw it around her room and yelled at me until I left. When I told them what happened to our dad (who normally agrees with me) he looked absolutely horrified as did my mom and they screamed at me.
They said that what I said was way out of line, and it wasn’t the “right time”. And now they aren’t speaking to me at all.
I think I was being honest when she needed to hear it, though now I am doubting myself. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. I mean holy cow, YTJ. Your sister has been through a major medical trauma and is now coming to terms with having a significant and permanent disability. But apparently it would actually kill you to show some empathy and compassion.” morgaine125
Another User Comments:
“YTJ. The whole first part has nothing to do with the amputation but it makes it clear that you do not like your sister. For goodness sake give her a break now. You can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a body part.
I had to reread the ages to make sure you were actually the “more mature” of the two.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“How long after the amputation did you make those comments? If it was anything less than 2-3 years then you’re absolutely in the wrong.
YTJ Think about how a friend may ask you what you want to eat, and they specify “anything but Chinese food” and suddenly because that’s the one thing you can’t have that’s the one thing your body is craving.. Imagine that but permanent. Respectfully, get over yourself.
It really seems like you’re upset that your sister is getting more attention than you for once, and it seems you do not think she’s deserving of that attention. Go to therapy.” Professional_Chair28
15. AITJ For Cutting Off Support For My Uncooperative Son?
“I (36F) have decided to stop supporting my son(19M), and I feel awful about it. Part of me wants to say this all started when he was little, but the main issues came about when he turned 18.
I was far from a perfect mother, I got pregnant at 16 and had him at 17.
I was lucky that I finished high school early. Shortly after I had my son, his father and I got married, then soon after my now ex-husband vanished. Clearing out our bank accounts and making them negative. I spent the next 6 months sleeping in my car and getting back on my feet.
I wasn’t always as present as I wanted to be. I often needed him to be in daycare so I could work and get by, and he was always a handful.
Every school year, it was the same thing, he was smart and a kind kid… but would always refuse to do the school work.
Every year 2-4 calls from the teacher(s) wanting to figure out what was going on. As I started doing better financially I would get him tutoring and therapy. We were constantly doing this dance of him doing better at school and emotionally… and then taking 5 steps back and throwing tantrums because he had accountability in keeping up with the grades he could obviously maintain.
When he turned 18, we came up with an agreement, I would happily continue paying for his trans care (my son transitioned when he was 16) out of pocket (I’m self-employed, I pay for everything medical related out of pocket) depending on the copays that month anywhere between $400 to over $1,000/mo so long as he would keep going to therapy, go to therapy with me, and went to school at least part-time (2 classes a semester at the jr college).
He agreed it was reasonable, but almost in the same way he always had… he tried really hard to wiggle out of all the above. The situation devolved from me needing to ask him to move out, to him moving in with his partner of 2 months, to then 6 months after that moving out of his partner’s parents’ place to a friend’s house.
All the way we bickering about him going to school and therapy and me nagging him about when we will have sessions together.
Fast forward and he blocked me on everything on social media, claiming I was controlling him and manipulative. One of his main points was a phone conversation we were having where I mentioned that I was starting the process of moving out of the country and wanted to know if he wanted to come… then followed it up by giving him options to look at other countries.
I genuinely feel and believe that America is going to become increasingly unsafe for Trans people and I just wanted him to be safe and consider his options.
After therapy and reflection, it almost feels like this was just him pushing more because he was asked to be responsible for himself and had to do the work and didn’t want to.
Fast forward even more and now he’s in contact with his Biological father, the man who abandoned us and says they are his family now.
I’m not even angry, I’m sad and broken.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You’re probably the best mom he could’ve asked for, going as far as to risk your financial situation to take him to therapy, etc. He refused to come to an agreement about anything so in my eyes there’s nothing you could’ve done differently.” Teetimus_Prime
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. We all as parents make mistakes raising our kids. I am no exception. You sound like a loving and caring parent you have to step back and let him choose his life. He will make a lot of mistakes but one thing in the back of his brain down the road he will always know that you were in his corner.
Hopefully sooner than later. NTJ” Ok_Path1734
14. AITJ For Not Informing My Ex-Husband's Mother About Our Breakup?
“I split with my husband of 3 years because of his out-of-control drinking and polyamorous orientation that I didn’t share and couldn’t reconcile with.
He told me about his poly leanings upfront, but we agreed to be monogamous, at least while I tried to wrap my head around it. However, when he was under the influence it would often come out in hurtful and upsetting ways; which eroded the trust that I needed to be able to make an open relationship possible with him.
His mom didn’t know about any of this and we always put on a happy united front for her. I think she felt like we were the perfect couple, and because she lived alone and was quite lonely, she wanted to share in our happiness as much as possible.
This was challenging for me because we were basically putting on a front for her when actually things were secretly pretty strained.
During our relationship, I had taken on a lot of the emotional labor with his mom. Organizing dinners, and filling in the communication gaps because he was in the grips of what I later realized was high-functioning heavy drinking.
When we split I kind of snapped and was like, “I’m done with being the caretaker for everyone, I’m not going to be the one to tell her or manage her feelings about it”. I was also angry and upset at the time because he almost immediately rekindled a relationship with his ex, and I had a bit of a fun attitude about everything.
I was in a bad place myself and needed time and space to heal without feeling like I had to take care of his mom’s feelings and her inevitable shock.
I also felt like if she asked me anything, I might just unleash my whole 3 years of woes, which really would not be good.
I stayed at home on the holidays and didn’t call her to explain or reach out in any way. This is where I may be the jerk. I expected my husband to tell her, but he didn’t until about a year later when I moved out to live with my new partner in another state.
I didn’t deceive my husband, but I moved on very quickly as well, because honestly I just wanted to be happy, and was probably on the rebound a bit. I messaged his mom when I left but she didn’t reply, and so at this point, I haven’t spoken to her in about 2 years.
I feel terrible about it because I know from her point of view it looks like I dumped him and moved on without saying anything to her. But she doesn’t know the absolute mess we were in, or that he’d temporarily gotten back with his ex, or about all the long-term problems we were having involving other women.
I want to smooth things over with her but I don’t know how without throwing my ex under the bus. The only kind thing I can think to do is to apologize to her for not telling her we were separating, and accept the fact that I’m gonna look like a bigger jerk than I actually am because I can’t tell her the truth of what was really going on.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You messaged her and she didn’t respond. The ball remains in her court. You might feel bad because you took on some emotional caretaking for a person, and you might feel some responsibility for abandoning her or making her feel as if you didn’t care.
This might be tied to why you did it in the first place rather than letting your ex take the lead on managing the relationship with his own parent. But you did message her. And she did not respond. So why is it that you want to “smooth things over with her”?
Even if you don’t want to throw your ex under the bus, is there a part of you that wants her to know the facts and vindicate your actions? Or something else? If she called tomorrow and said she would love to reconnect but insisted on never talking about your ex or that relationship or the breakup (etc.), would you be relieved, or feel unsatisfied, like that would be missing the point?
Or something else? Is there another reason why you want to reconnect?” Ladiesbane
Another User Comments:
“NTJ and honestly just block her and move on with YOUR life. He has already spun the narrative in his favor and nothing you will say will really matter long run.
Unless you really cared about this woman and were a great friend then my view is to just not say anything. Guilt sucks but you shouldn’t feel guilty for getting out of the relationship and not talking to her. It’s been two years, so again it really isn’t going to make matters any better” liquidsky72
13. AITJ For Being Frustrated With My Sister Relying On Me For Her Schoolwork?
“I (F18) have always been a “good” student until high school when my grades plummeted and unfortunately, these habits followed me to my fall semester at my community college. After I was placed on academic probation I decided to work harder and was able to get all A’s for my spring semester.
I failed a statistics class in the fall and recently retook that class in the summer (I passed with an A!), it was an accelerated course and I was very proud of myself.
My sister (F27) has also struggled with school and has been taking classes on and off at another community college for several years.
She is taking a statistics class this summer as well and we were both super excited to motivate and tutor each other.
Before taking this class, I was very nervous and hesitant because I’ve always considered math my worst subject. However, I did my work (and more) and saw the fruits of my labor.
The first red flag came up when my sister had me assist her with 2 weeks’ worth of online homework that was past due. (She is unemployed but has a son and her partner and my parents help her out with bills. My mom acts as free childcare whenever my sister needs a break or is busy.) I was annoyed because it felt like she wasn’t putting effort, but I had to realize that my sudden switch in academic motivation doesn’t have to boost others’ motivation and that is fine I was still excited to help her because teaching others helps me study, It’s rewarding seeing her become excited when she understands a problem, and because I love my big sister.
While we did her homework I found out that she hadn’t watched any lecture videos or made notes so I was basically teaching her. It scared me that I might teach her something wrong, but I showed her all of my class notes and made summarized notes for her each time she had a new section.
After we finished I told her to start watching her lecture videos/slides because I realized that her class differed slightly from mine in terms of calculators and how to show her work.
When her first test came, she showed up at my parent’s house at night and casually brought up that she had to take a test (I was in the middle of homework).
The test asked for calculations and work that I wasn’t taught and I was so panicky that she would get everything wrong, and was kinda condescending saying things like “Well if you watched your lecture you would know this” and “Dude I need to do homework”, and I felt pretty bad after she dismissed me in return.
(I know I was a jerk)
It’s been a month, I finished my class and she’s asked for less help but her class is still ongoing. She came to my parent’s house today asking for help with a test and I was annoyed because I had forgotten some concepts and was acting moody, so she left saying that “she could feel my bad mood/vibes and would just take the L for her test”.
I feel like the jerk if she fails this class and I don’t know what to do.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ You have helped with her homework more than enough. In fact, she has been using you and being dishonest. In the long run, she will not be capable, and you don’t want to be responsible for her low performance or knowledge.
It’s best for her to take some initiative and not be dishonest or take credit for others’ work .” Pressnspeak
Another User Comments:
“Everyone’s the jerk here. Why aren’t you asking her what’s going on? My first question would be, “Is everything okay?” In my family, you ask the person what’s wrong, and try and help them figure out how to do better.
You seem to be making a lot of assumptions about your sister and then deciding she isn’t worth your trouble because she hasn’t done what YOU think she should be doing. There’s likely a reason for her struggling and you seem to not care. Now, it sounds like she might just be a little overwhelmed, but she can’t expect you to be able to just help her at the drop of a hat.
She needs to plan time with you better to get your help. It sounds like she might be expecting you to just do it all for you, but again, it begs the question of why. Don’t assume things. Ask her point blank about her habit of letting work pile up and try to help her curb that issue.
Ask her why she waits until the last minute to ask for help with her tests. Ask her if things are okay with her and if there is something under the surface that is bothering her.” inFinEgan
12. AITJ For Being Upset About My Ex's Plastic Surgery?
“I worked as a child actor during my childhood years but left when I started college, mostly because I didn’t want to actually be an actor and was just doing it to help pay bills.
I met a fellow actor back then, and we became really close. I’ll call her Em. She was my first partner, and I was hers. It felt really special, and I loved her a lot.
Em ended up staying in the acting world, while I didn’t.
We broke up but said we would get back together when we lived in the same area. I had left the country for my schooling, but we said we’d continue a relationship at a later date.
A later point came, and I ended up moving back to her area, but there were some issues.
While I was away, she kept bringing up that she wanted to get plastic surgery, that she thought it would be better for her job. She wanted to get a blepharoplasty, fix her jaw/cheeks, get a nose job, etc. I told her I didn’t think it was a good idea, but she did it anyway.
When I moved back I noticed how different she looked. She used to be the most beautiful person alive, at least to me, but she looks really different now. Her features are really different from how they used to look, and it’s hard to look at her because the face and features that I loved are gone.
I knew her face like I knew my own, but it’s all different now. I get sad when I look at her because she looks malnourished and older than she is. It’s also like looking into the face of a stranger.
So I moved back, and we started hitting it off again.
She wanted to be in a relationship with me like we said we would in the future, but I ended up telling her that I couldn’t do it because things felt too different now. She has repeatedly asked me a hundred times why this is, but I can’t give her an answer.
Things just feel different from how they used to, and I don’t know if we can get it back.
She asked me if I still thought she was pretty, if it was her looks that bothered me, and I immediately said no, that wasn’t it.
Then she found out. She went through my messages on Discord while I was hanging out at her place one night. I was intoxicated because we’d come back from clubbing, otherwise I’d have kept a closer eye on my laptop. I had talked to my closest friend about the whole thing and mentioned how plastic surgery made it hard for me to look at her because she looked so different.
This friend had never met her, and I just wanted to talk about it and see how he felt.
I feel horrible that she saw these messages. She is really upset with me. She cried a lot and said I had no idea how horrible that made her feel that I thought like that.
She called me a jerk, a horrible person, etc. Am I wrong for having these thoughts and saying what I did?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, you have no obligation to have a relationship with anyone, whatever the reason may be. She did not have any right to read through your messages and now she has to deal with the consequences.
She does not have any right to repeatedly ask why you don’t want a relationship either, you cannot be held to something that was discussed quite a while ago. In short, you are not awful and she should not read other people’s messages.” Kukka63
Another User Comments:
“First, you’re not a jerk for having thoughts or feelings. Period. Actions make the jerk. Your action here was having a secret conversation with a friend about how you have complicated feelings about another friend’s choices. You had a reasonable expectation of privacy, and your friend’s intrusion is hard to justify.
It’s sad that your inner feelings aren’t what she wants them to be. But that doesn’t make you a jerk. Snooping on your private accounts, on the other hand, does make her a jerk. NTJ” BigBayesian
Another User Comments:
“NTJ… I think?
You don’t have to date anyone you don’t want to. So yeah NTJ. But… it sounds like your relationship might not have been strictly platonic since you got back. If you’ve engaged in any type of romantic or intimate relationship with her, with no intentions of ever getting serious, while knowing she has feelings for you, you’re a jerk.
Especially since you refused to give her any proper explanation why. If my assumption is correct YTJ for leading her on and not caring about one of your closest friends’ feelings. But if I’m wrong you’re in the green and she really only has herself to blame for pushing the issue over and over again.” Disastrous_Sea4150
11. AITJ For Threatening To Ban My Brother's Partner After She Stole From Me?
“I (18F) have a younger brother (15M), D, and a younger sister (13F), S. S is a serious kleptomaniac and for the past few years has stolen a lot from me: around £400 in cash, a lot of jewelry and even personal items that mean a lot to me.
Because my parents never did anything about it, I got a friend to fit a lock on my door (I gave D the spare key) and I installed a cheap motion sense camera that I only turn on when I’m not home and didn’t tell anyone about it.
However, D has a significant other, ‘R’ (15F) who I really don’t like. Considering her age, it’s childish I know but she’s very rude and entitled and is the kind of person who straight-up insults you by claiming it’s a joke and gloats about how much trouble she gets in as if it’s something to be proud of.
She’s made comments about my chest size, insists I have autism because I struggle to understand sarcasm and have special interests (her words/reasons), and ‘joked’ that she was surprised I could get someone as handsome as my significant other. I never made my feelings known to D because it’s not his problem but I stopped trying to get to know her and just generally kept my distance.
The issue is I recently went away for 3 nights with friends and when I got back I noticed that a necklace of mine that I keep on my bedside drawer when I’m not wearing it was missing. My significant other gave it to me for our first Valentine’s Day and it really means a lot to me so I was very upset when I couldn’t find it.
I asked D (when R was there) if he knew if S had gone into my room while I was away and he said no. So I said I’d check the camera. R immediately panicked and said me having a camera was a massive invasion of her privacy.
I was obviously confused and asked what she meant. Apparently, while I was gone, D wanted R to stay over. They usually have sleepovers at R’s house because she has a spare room because our parents and hers don’t want them sleeping in the same bed. We don’t have a spare room and since I was gone, D lied to my parents that I said R could sleep in my room.
I asked her if she knew anything about my necklace and she said she didn’t so I went off to look at the recordings on my laptop. S never went into my room but it shows R going in, snooping in my drawers, helping herself to my mini-fridge picking up the necklace from my bedside table, and putting it in her bag.
I waited for R to go then confronted D. I told him if he didn’t get the necklace back from R, I would tell our mum (who already doesn’t like R) and she would probably never be allowed back here. He said I was a jerk and should just let her have it as it would be awkward to ask for it back.
Maybe threatening to get her banned from the house is extreme but I want my necklace back and I’m so sick of people stealing from me. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Does your little brother think it would be too awkward to “ask his significant other” to give back what she STOLE from you?
WOW. D needs to rethink his priorities and you need to withdraw your trust in him. Frankly, I think you should tell your mum for both your and your brother’s sakes.” ParsimoniousSalad
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tell your brother that if he does not have that necklace back on your desk by tomorrow, you are taking the video evidence to the police and will press theft charges against his reprobate significant other.
Then you show your parents the videotape because that sleazy little jerk shouldn’t be in your house.” [deleted]
10. AITJ For Giving My MIL A Baby Jesus Koala Nativity Scene?
“I (F) am Australian and my husband (fiancé at the time) (M) is Italian but we live in the US.
When we got engaged, my mum, fiancé, and I all flew over to Italy to spend Christmas with his family. On my previous visit to meet his family, his mother showed me her extensive collection of nativity scenes from around the world. They show different retellings of the nativity story as though Jesus was born in different parts of the world, so for example, instead of a manger there would be an igloo with Jesus, Mary and Joseph dressed as Inuits surrounded by seals, or they would be dressed in loincloths as Native Americans, etc. Some of the scenes seemed culturally insensitive to me (because obviously the native cultures depicted aren’t Christian, they have their own religions) but I don’t think it was intended to be disrespectful.
When I met MIL, she told me how much she loved koalas, so when my mother and I were deciding on a Christmas gift to get my MIL, we thought it would be a good idea to get her an Australian-themed nativity scene. We found one with Jesus, Mary, and Joseph as koalas surrounded by other cute Australian animals.
We thought she would love it, but instead, when she opened it she got very quiet put them back in the box, and hid them away. Afterwards, my mother and I left and my fiancé stayed behind with his family. Once we were gone my fiancé’s mother knocked over the Christmas tree and lay on the floor crying and screaming because she was so upset about the Baby Jesus Koala gift. She blamed my fiancé and said that he was a bad son who didn’t care about her and the fact that he didn’t stop us from giving it to her was proof that he had turned his back on the culture and religion he was raised in (he left Italy and has lived overseas for over a decade now and doesn’t plan to move back).
MIL is Catholic, but my fiancé and his brother both left the Catholic Church some time ago – my BIL because he is gay, my fiancé because he is a scientist. I think my MIL has some resentment towards them both for not being Catholic any longer.
My mum was raised Catholic (she is lapsed now) and she didn’t see anything wrong with Baby Jesus Koala. I am not sure why it would be blasphemous when it’s okay to depict Jesus as an Inuit or a Native American (who aren’t Christian either).
I couldn’t find anything online about it being wrong to depict Jesus as a baby koala. There are lots of Italian paintings that show Jesus as white and blond even though he was actually Middle Eastern, so why is that okay but it’s not okay for Jesus to be a koala?
My fiancé said he didn’t realize she would react like that but he took the blame on himself saying he should have known that it would be offensive because he was raised in the Catholic religion.
So, AITJ for causing a huge fight and not realizing that my Christmas gift would be considered blasphemous and insensitive to my MIL’s religion and culture?”
Another User Comments:
“A baby Jesus koala though bahahahahaha. Love it. Your MIL doesn’t have any problem disrespecting people’s culture with her “religion” but she draws the line at anthropomorphic nativity scenes? With her behavior (knocking down the Christmas tree and screaming), I feel that there’s probably more to this than your gift. I’m guessing that it’s more about her sons moving on and not embracing her religion anymore.
But honestly, she sounds bat-crazy and I wouldn’t really worry too much about what someone like her thinks. NTJ.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, it was a thoughtful gift based on the information you had. Could’ve easily been a no jerks here situation if she had reacted like an adult, even if she didn’t like it.
Any reasonable person would’ve understood you meant well. That being said, I’m not surprised she didn’t like the gift because I also know someone who’s obsessed with their religion and sees sin/blasphemy in everything. On the other hand, I know a pastor who‘d *love* that gift!” RiverSong_777
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. You tried to find a Christmas gift that would be special and meaningful for your MIL, and she overreacted horribly. Neither your fiancé nor your mum – both lapsed Catholics – saw anything inappropriate about the gift, so it’s clearly not a huge, obvious taboo.
The fact that this woman knocked over the Christmas tree and lay on the floor screaming tells me that you were definitely not the jerk in this situation. Even if the gift offended her, she could have thrown it out and calmly told your fiancé that it was blasphemous (or whatever the problem was – personally, I think a koala nativity scene sounds epic).
Instead, she reacted like a toddler throwing a fit. Be sure to provide lots of support to your fiancé – he’s probably going to need it, after that scene.” IntrovertedBookMan
9. AITJ For Buying My Autistic Son A Video Game DLC Without Consulting My Wife?
“I (37M) have been married to my wife (35F) since shortly after we realized she was pregnant with our older son (12).
Our younger son (9) was diagnosed with autism at an early age and is non-verbal. He is otherwise high-functioning, largely because we maintain a very structured routine between his academic accommodations and his home life. I work full time (and get healthcare) and also side hustle with Uber driving, my wife works part-time as an admin but spends most of the time at home (which is a full-time job).
I do help at home, but she has the majority of it on her shoulders, and I try to be conscious of the mental load, though sometimes I am oblivious.
Money is tight, it’s expensive to have kids, it’s even more expensive to have an autistic child and try to create opportunities for them.
We worry about how he will survive long-term and how we can prepare him. However, he is also EXHAUSTING, and sometimes it’s easier to just let him do what he wants. He has thousands of hours in a game called Rimworld, he plays it religiously.
Steam says he has 3400 hours on the game. The game has three DLCs, we got him the first two for Christmas last year (a mistake in my opinion, we should have gotten one and parceled out the other later), but decided not to get the third DLC because it was even more expensive than the others.
I thought I would wait for a Steam sale or something, but I am starting to realize this game NEVER gets discounted. Our autistic son has become aware of this third DLC and has literally spelled it out to us that he wants it. And so when I was with him (and my wife was out, though I want to be clear this wasn’t planned and the fact my wife was away was not something that was recognized or factored into my decision-making on this), I bought him the DLC.
It’s $25, and it keeps him occupied for thousands of hours, how could we NOT afford to buy him this thing?
When she saw the charge, my wife was upset. We budget for her to go to the salon three times a year for a mental health day and she is claiming we can’t afford that now.
Now, money is tight, but our credit is fine and we are not actually carrying balances, I can open a new card at 0%, and put her spa day on that. Her salon day is also $190-$250, which is not going to be materially impacted by a $25 purchase, but I want to reassure her.
But then the problem became that we aren’t fostering other activities for him by indulging him in this game, which I get, but we weren’t doing that anyway because there is simply no time and money at the moment, and I don’t see how losing even more free time by breaking routine and precipitating a tantrum of unknown duration would help us get there.
I get a component of this emotional for both of us, again we are exhausted, but I am also not the one home most of the time and could have tunnel vision.
So, am I the jerk?”
Another User Comments:
“I’m trying not to be a judgemental jerk here because I can’t even imagine how hard it is raising an autistic child, working all those jobs, etc. But here’s the thing, you freely admit that your wife basically runs the house and parents the children (and you help out).
You’re aware of the mental load but if you’re being 100% honest with yourself, how much of it are you really carrying? Probably a very small percentage. Then you arbitrarily decide to spend money that was earmarked for your wife’s mental health day which she needs because she’s basically running the household and managing the kids by herself.
Also, your idea of parenting your autistic child is to plonk him in front of video games. How exactly is that preparing him for the future and the challenges it might bring? I’m not giving a judgment because I don’t want to kick someone when they’re down but none of this looks great, to be honest.” [deleted]
Another User Comments:
“NTJ but the $25 charge and the new part of the existing game that he plays all the time are obviously not the real issues. Maybe your wife is just extra stressed and exhausted and it was one more thing she didn’t want to deal with.
The game sounds reasonable to me and if your son went out of his normal behavior to communicate that he wanted it, that’s worth rewarding, isn’t it? I don’t see why you need a new credit card when you aren’t carrying balances. It sounds like there are stressful financial issues and that could be the real issue.
But really, ask your wife if you can sit down and talk about what is really bothering her and how you can help.” Brennan_Boru1031
8. AITJ For Giving A Larger Cash Gift To My Frugal Son?
“Over a decade ago my younger son (YS) married his college sweetheart. They got engaged their senior semester and had the ceremony a bit over a year later. They couldn’t pay for it themselves having just graduated. The bride’s family could not contribute- they are low income and had spent their savings on two older daughter’s weddings already.
This left us. We agreed to help and were given a budget proposal. It was high but after some research seemed standard for the time. It was not enough. There were almost 300 guests. The final numbers were over twice the original budget but we paid anyway.
We gifted the couple a cash gift to start their married life and everyone seemed happy.
My older son (OS) got engaged to his long-time (8 years+) partner in 2021. They initially were going to elope, courthouse wedding with a nice dinner for immediate family afterward. A fancy ceremony was not important to them and they’d rather save the money.
We decided to offer the same deal to them, the same amount as the final total YS spent. We did not tell them the number but when approached by the bride’s family discussed it with them. They had been saving for their only child’s wedding for a while and had almost the same amount (slightly more actually) put aside to contribute.
They offered to cover the whole thing since we already funded a wedding. We decided to split it.
This 2nd wedding was the exact opposite to the 1st. Under 50 guests, almost entirely family. Modest venue and minimal spending for decorations. My DIL did most of the planning herself and negotiated for lower prices.
It came out to be a fraction of the cost of the 1st even though the budget was technically twice as much.
My spouse and I discussed the remaining funds with DILs parents and we all decided to gift the remainder to them. They spent frugally and the money was already earmarked for them.
A mutual gift from both sets of parents seemed fitting! They initially declined the gift but eventually gave in and were extremely appreciative. They ended up using it to do much-needed repairs to their house and put the rest in savings.
The drama is that YS found out about the gift. He had asked how they could afford one of the bigger repairs and his brother didn’t lie.
The cost of the one fix was about what we had gifted YS and they had done multiple repairs. We got an angry call about favoritism and how he needs the money more, especially since they have kids now and OS does not. We explained that we actually gave YS more money- the entire cost of the wedding and a cash gift. OS may have received more cash but that was due to a smaller wedding and funds from DILs parents.
Apparently now YS is icing out OS and is blaming us for ruining their relationship. It’s stressing everyone out but we don’t know what do do or if we were even in the wrong. Am I (we) the jerk for giving a larger cash gift to one son even though we actually gave less overall to him?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. YS is acting very entitled. He’s an adult, he is not owed your money. You gave around the same to each of your sons by the sounds of it, YS just had his financial gift go into his giant wedding. He shouldn’t be comparing because circumstances are just different between him/his wife and OS/his wife.” Stranger0nReddit
Another User Comments:
“Oh the entitlement of YS. He is being a little jerk – you have been MORE THAN FAIR to both. YS decided to have a massive blow-out of a wedding, spending all his allocated money on one day. He is now living to regret it… he needs to grow up.
Any discord between your sons is their issue. They’re adults so need to resolve it and leave you out of it. As parents, we do our best, and that’s what you’ve done OP. NTJ” Pancake_Elbow
Another User Comments:
“NTJ So your YS and DIL couldn’t put forth any money.
Her family couldn’t help and they drew up a guest list of 300 people and went over budget therefore taking advantage of you when you guys said you’ll pay for all of it on the previous budget. I’m sorry but your YS is a selfish jerk or his wife is.
You do not take advantage of someone’s generosity and draw up such a huge guest list when you know you’re not paying for it. Just from reading that one paragraph and not even needing to finish reading your post I concluded he was a jerk and lo and behold after I finished reading it I was proven right.
Also if he needs the money more because he has kids then maybe he shouldn’t have had kids he couldn’t afford. Why should you be guilted for his bad financial decisions?” Lucallia
7. AITJ For Evicting My Unhoused, Uncooperative Mother From My Home?
“Long story short, it took me 20+ years of anxiety to finally go no contact with my mother, and 100 days later she showed up on my doorstep intoxicated and unhoused. (By the way, this happens to be the exact plot of my lifelong reoccurring nightmare.
100% serious.)
I took her in on Friday and told her we would talk on Sunday about how to move forward. On Sunday I went into basic troubleshooting mode. I said, “Ok first things first let’s look at your budget”. She said, “Stay out of my private business”.
(Cue the dolly zoom effect and the Eric Wareheim gif and whatever else)
I told her to find somewhere else to go and I left the room. That “private business” bit probably bought her a month, so kudos. I was in complete shock. My nightmare never anticipated she would show up and then challenge me.
I spent the next several weeks contacting every social services agency I could find and they all told me she can’t be helped if she doesn’t want it. So I started calling unhoused services, they all told me they couldn’t help her until she was actually inside a house.
After speaking to many mental care/ elderly care/ unhoused/ social service professionals, as well as several unpleasant interactions with my new squatter, the fact of the matter became clear. She had to go and I was going to have to sue her to get it done legally.
(Fast forward a week of learning how to evict someone in CA). I handed her the 30-day notice and promptly got accused of plotting against her along with “everyone else”. I walked back to my room, closed the door, and started to panic. Then whiskey.
Then ambien. Repeat for 30 days.
The 30-day notice expired about a week ago, so I headed back to the court to file the official paperwork. Coincidentally around the same time, I began to get signs of “remorse” and “clarity” from my mother. I arranged for a sheriff to serve the papers at my home.
That was this morning before I left for work. All day at the office today I had an image in my head of a newspaper photo of a convicted criminal. It’s a candid photo where the criminal happens to be smiling or something, and the caption reads “how dare this person smile after what they did”.
I’ve not talked about this to any of my friends. None of them are from divorced families, a couple are grieving recent losses, and I just don’t see a scenario where there’s a benefit to bring it up. Basically, I’ve just been avoiding them the last couple of months because it’s on my mind 24/7.
My mother has 5 (business) days to appeal. If she does, I don’t know what I’ll do. If she doesn’t, they’ll come take her away to who knows where, and I don’t know what I’ll do.
Before you ask:
-She has had social security, supplemental security, food stamps, and Medicare for years
-Her remaining family wants nothing to do with her
-Her “friends” are nowhere to be found
-I believe she needs medical/mental help but she will not see a doctor
-I do not want power of attorney. I have no interest in being responsible for her life”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ you are showing her boundaries and sticking to them. She needs to know that she can’t say, do, act however she wants and still expect you to help and house her. Now if she decides to fix her attitude and you decide to let her stay then she will know that she has to respect you, not be difficult, all help, etc etc. If you choose to follow through and have her removed that is also fine.
It sounds like once she’s removed with nowhere to go agencies will then be able to place her somewhere. You do not have to give your life up to someone you felt the need to go no contact with. And you don’t have to feel bad about your decision.
You are not harsh, evil, rude, or heartless.. you are creating boundaries and sticking with them. It’s called self-love and self-respect. Kudos for you.” Shareesav
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. What else can you do? She has nobody else to turn to for a reason. Also, if she has Social Security, SSI, healthcare, etc., she has options.
It’s just easier to stay at your house.” lmholot1981
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. This is a really hard situation and you are doing the best you can. The reality is you can’t light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. You can’t help her if she doesn’t want you to help her.
You also can not sacrifice yourself and keep living like this.” Maleficent_Ad407
6. AITJ For Refusing To Be Responsible For My Family's New Troubled Dog?
“I (23F) am a pre-nursing student working a full-time job. I’m currently staying with family (my cousin: 40; her husband: 44M and their son: 20M ) and sleeping on their couch.
I pay $600/month in rent and occasionally purchase and cook dinner. Until recently they had two dogs. When I was home, I didn’t mind feeding them, letting them outside, and cleaning up accidents (one of them “Max” is 15 years old). They were quiet, calm, and easy to manage.
A few days ago they acquired a 1-year-old female “Lucy” from a social media site. She has been abandoned multiple times and has a lot of issues. For one thing, their younger male dog “Alex” does NOT like her (he is slow to trust new animals and people).
When they tried to acclimate them on leashes he attempted to attack her. So their method so far has been to keep them separate. When Alex is in the living room, Lucy goes into their bedroom, and vice versa. To transition them, one of them has to be put in the bathroom so they don’t have any contact with each other.
The first night Lucy was here my cousins had her sleep with me and Alex went with them. For starters, she jumped on me nonstop while I was trying to wind down, scratched the crap out of my head, and ran around the room like a maniac.
She is obsessed with their bunny rabbits and started whining at the top of her lungs when she couldn’t get to them. She woke me up at 4 AM so I let her outside. She didn’t use the bathroom. She just stood at the door and shrieked loudly.
That’s exactly what she does ANY TIME you leave her alone for a fraction of a second. Shrieks, whines, and cries. Nonstop. For hours.
My cousin and her husband both work out of town during the day and their son is rarely here. I usually work nights, so I leave once they get home.
Today my 59M uncle stayed with me to “help”. He’s not the most competent person alive. He didn’t fully shut their bedroom door and Lucy came running out. Alex charged at her. Thankfully we were able to get them separated. Lucy is also a chewer.
She chewed up my cousin’s son’s collectible Funko Pop (he doesn’t know yet). Even if I go and sit in the room with Lucy she demands constant attention and it feels like it’s never enough. We had the idea to put Max in the room with her.
Didn’t work. As of now, she’s still standing at the door, wailing.
I called my cousin at work and told her that I would not be responsible for Lucy anymore and that I’d be going to a library during the day to get some peace and quiet.
She didn’t seem happy and told me that they would get Lucy’s behavior under control soon and that things would be better when she and Alex started getting along. I feel bad for Lucy because of her trauma and I understand that she deserves a loving, patient home but my patience is waning.
I felt awful because earlier I called her a “dumb dog”. I simply have too much on my plate to care for her while juggling school and work.
So, AITJ for refusing to be a pet sitter ?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Not your dog, not your problem.
They shouldn’t have gotten a dog they can’t take care of. As a dog mom to rescue with trauma myself, I feel so bad for Lucy and hope that they can step up for her or appropriately find someone who can. You are clearly not the person for this.
I am also baffled that you are paying that much to sleep on a couch. Rescues need their person, they need consistency constant training, and reassurance. You didn’t sign up for that.” emma-ps
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. They shouldn’t have gotten a needy dog if they didn’t plan on being there to care for her properly.
Putting it on you was very unkind of them. It’s not your responsibility to take care of a dog that they want. Don’t feel bad for needing to get away from the dog. I don’t know how comfortable you are with them, but maybe suggest that she needs to be in a home where she can get constant attention, instead of being where there is a dog that may not like her.” Wild-Home-4337
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. It’s never a good idea to get a traumatized pet with lots of needs when you have to work *out of town*. They essentially left you to deal with it and you didn’t sign up for that.” Ok-Context1168
5. AITJ For Quitting My Job At 15 Due To Overwork And Family Pressure?
“I (15F then) got a job at the start of May 2018 through my brother(30M then). The job wasn’t very hard. We were making candles for graves, a lot of them and all different kinds. For me, it was an illegal job, but money is money and you do what you can.
Through summer, I worked with my brother and his wife, it went pretty okay I believe? They talked a lot of nonsense about my mother at the time(it’s a whole other story), who in fact was babysitting my nephews. They were unhappy about the fact that my mother told them that when I was done with work she won’t babysit kids anymore.
She’d done it for free for them since the kiddos were 1Y olds, at the time of this story they were 3F, 9M, and 11M.
In the last week of August, I told them I wouldn’t work anymore, because the next week was supposed to be a school week and I didn’t want to miss it.
They weren’t happy. My SIL, my brother’s wife, pressured me to work one more month, and my mom and I caved. I missed school in September 2018, my mom helped to justify the missed days. Middle of October 2018, I had a mental breakdown. I tried to do school work and work at the same time and on weekends I would babysit my nephews for free.
It was too hard for me. I cried to my mom about how it was too hard, and she tried to console me. She told me to talk with my bosses(two of them, sharing a company I believe?).
In the last week of October 2018, I talked with one of my bosses M(40M), I told him the whole situation and he understood.
He asked me to work the last two days and I did. On the last day, they gave me my last money and a little bonus for my mental health. We said our goodbyes and my brother and SIL drove me home. They were silent the whole drive, and when we reached my house, they told my mother lies that I cried to my bosses and talked nonsense about them.
I didn’t. I just told the truth about feeling heavy while trying to do school work, work, and babysitting. My mom tried to make the situation better by telling them that I was just a teen who needed some free time too.
My SIL told my mom I was a mistake and couldn’t even keep a job.
I cried the whole time this nonsense was happening. She was screaming that I was lazy, I was incompetent, and a lot more. Before leaving, my brother alone came to me and told me that I wasn’t his sister anymore and he didn’t want to see me again, disowning me.
This recently came up at a family gathering, to which my brother and his family weren’t invited. My uncle told me that I was a jerk and I just wanted some other opinions. I’m 20 now, have a husband and baby and I have had no contact with my brother since November 2nd, 2018.
I have a lot more stories about my brother and his wife. Hitting their kids, not paying my mom and me for babysitting and even disowning my mom and sister.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ Your brother and his wife are. They wanted child labor and free babysitters.
At the age of 15, which makes you still a child, they wanted you to balance a full-time job and full-time education. They are selfish and you are better without them.” Hot_Win_6062
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. Sorry for how you have been treated by people who should love and protect you.
Clearly you have some very poisonous people in your family. Do not listen to them and keep your distance from them. Your brother and SIL sound like abusive people who are unkind to you, your mom, and their own children. They want everyone to serve them, no matter what.
They are not good people, but you already know that. Your uncle likely doesn’t even know or understand what has happened in the past and he needs to mind his own business. Ignore him. Live your life well and do your best to avoid those in your family who are cruel and unsupportive of you.
Also, do not let anyone around your child who might also mistreat him/her.” Realistic_Head4279
4. AITJ For Being Upset That My Unhelpful Brother Eats My Food?
“I’m a 26 y/o female and I live at home with my 23 y/o brother and our mom. Before you tell me to just move out, keep in mind that I was laid off from my job earlier this year. I have been living off of my severance package and savings since then and have struggled to find a job.
I pay my own bills (car, car insurance, health insurance, etc.) aside from paying the mortgage and utilities/lawn(which our mom pays by herself) and I am lucky to be able to do so. I try to help her out by buying groceries and I usually cook/order dinner on most nights and breakfast on the weekends.
I also help make sure we have basic things like toilet paper, dishwashing liquid, laundry detergent, etc. Since I’ve been laid off, I use some of my free time to clean the house and do outside work. It works out because my mom is working full-time and working on her master’s degree, so she needs help with these types of things.
My younger brother lost his ability to live on his college campus one semester because he signed up for housing too late, so he’s been doing college from home ever since (at least a year now). He doesn’t work and is only taking two classes right now.
He also claims he’s always in his room doing homework, but every time he opens his door he’s on a video game. He barely does anything to help around the house and when you ask him to do something he complains and takes forever to do it and finish.
He doesn’t pay any bills or contribute anything to the house besides his phone bill. He leaves dishes out for days, doesn’t clean around the house, and overall has no real responsibilities. He drives my mom’s car and takes it whenever he wants, yet she pays the full car note and insurance.
He even takes her to work so he can run useless “errands” during the day like buying herbal substances, getting takeout, going to buy substances, going to see his partner, etc.
Recently, I’ve been noticing food that I bought and made going missing and it’s really starting to bother me.
If he would contribute something to the house I don’t think I’d feel too bad about it, but it’s really bothering me. I’ll make a meal with enough for leftovers, but when I come back for them they’re gone. He didn’t even ask if I wanted the food that I bought and cooked. He’s opened brand new bags of chips, finished my juice, eaten whole meals worth of leftovers multiple times, eaten my cookies, etc.
He’s literally gotten mad at me for eating leftover pasta that I bought and cooked. He got mad at me for ordering myself food and sharing it with my mom. I usually at least offer him dinner when I cook, but I’m honestly tired of him feeling like I’m supposed to feed him.
I’m only three years older than him and I’m still trying to figure out my own life! I want to start meal prepping all my meals. I bought a mini fridge to hide in my room and I’ll let my mom take what she wants.
Am I the jerk for being mad that my brother is eating my food?”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ your brother is a grown-up acting like an 8-year-old. You and your mother need to stop enabling him to be a leech. I can’t stand people like this.
I would give him nothing- zero. He needs to get a job and help or be shown the door. Watch Jordan Peterson’s talks about enabling people- you hurt yourself and them by not forcing them to be self-sufficient.” AthenaHayes
Another User Comments:
“You mentioned living off your savings and severance package.
Have you applied for unemployment benefits too? I got laid off in May and applied and got unemployment, it’s not much but it helps with food and essentials for now until I get a job again(also not having any luck with a job either)” Striderstg
Another User Comments:
“I just feel bad for your Mum. She is paying the mortgage and all the utilities and has her two twenty-something kids living with her. Your brother should figure out his own meals of course but you have a pretty sweet deal.” IndependentEarth123
3. AITJ For Wanting To Set Boundaries With My Partner's Mooching Sister?
“I (27f) have known my partner (29m) sister (also 27f) since I was 15 years old.
She was good friends with some of my good friends and the only thing that I had heard about her was that she was nice until she was not. I always understood that she had the capacity to be mean. Honestly, I would say that I was closer with her than any of my friends are with their significant other siblings which I thought was really nice but it’s not like we’re best friends.
Over the last year, she has become more rude and mooching off of a lot of things. I think that it makes me mad at her out of protective love for my partner. For example, during the holidays, they had a family brunch and they all reside in the same home yet she chose to go to her cousin’s house an hour away and forget about everyone at home so she was three hours late to brunch.
No one held her accountable and she showed up with no gifts for anyone after asking for really nice things for herself. And then, after Christmas brunch, she used her brother’s Amazon account which she does not pay for to buy a small trinket for everyone.
Also, she uses all of his streaming, gym, utilities, memberships, and Amazon accounts without paying for any of them. Also, she works an extremely well-paying corporate job and has a side gig, making a sizable amount of cash.
At my graduation party, she told me that she was going to wear a floor-length dress and heels after I told her it was relatively casual (Asked ew Why causal aren’t your friends rich?) and then asked how much I would be making after my degree.
And how many loans I had. Then showed up with bags of candy for me and no bra in a tight white shirt insulted the party and said that it was too simple for my taste. And then for my partner’s birthday, she bought him more stuff with his Amazon account that was on clearance and then a clearance bottle of wine from the store and brought it all inside of the Amazon box and then she asked us to go to a 250$ prefixe dinner for her birthday (This is where I set my boundary and said no).
She asked me to dogsit for free and asked me to please make myself available for her…so she can vacation after complaining all year that she didn’t have any cash and still complaining that the vacation was expensive.
Clearly a lot of this is extremely enabled behavior, which is probably deeply rooted. However, I think it’s time that I stop playing the nice card and probably stop showing up to her things and not gifting her things.
I already talked to my partner about setting boundaries because it’s not fair and I will be setting mine.”
Another User Comments:
“Mirroring bad behavior only works in certain situations. None of her behaviors will improve from mirroring. I find it usually works with passive-aggressive behavior.
Her bad behavior is attention-seeking behavior. What I would recommend is ignoring her bad behavior. She comes late to an event and says nothing aside from greeting her. Criticism gives her a chance to be a victim, and being grateful she showed up inflates her sense of self-importance.
With gift-giving, gushes over others’ gifts, and ignores the fact that she didn’t give anything. Don’t buy her what she asks for, give her basic gifts. This could be a soap basket or $20-$50 to Target/Walmart. As for her using other people’s accounts/memberships, get your partner to change passwords to prevent her from accessing them.
What you are looking to do is to treat her civilly in the blandest way possible. Make her behavior seem like an everyday occurrence.” [deleted]
2. AITJ For Yelling At My Sister After She Insulted My Adopted Daughter?
“I (26 M) am a single father of two girls. They’re 4 and 2. Now, my 4 yo is adopted from a pretty special circumstance (the reason I was so young when we had her.) I’m very protective over the things said to her for this reason.
My sister (33 F) is also a single parent to two kids. A boy and a girl, 6 and 3. My sister always seems to have something to say about my parenting. She gives out parenting advice constantly which honestly just sounds like intimidation tactics rather than actual parenting.
She also makes little remarks about my adopted daughter’s heritage, which I don’t like. I want her to be proud of where she comes from. I’d also like to add, that it’s generally understood in our family that her children are monsters. The only time they’re well-behaved is when she’s around because they’re scared of her.
Our little sister (24 F) just bought her first apartment on her own and it was obviously very exciting. She invited us over for dinner and set up a little area for the kids. This included some toys and a little activity. Well, after about an hour, it was starting to approach my kid’s dinner time.
They were understandably getting a little grumpy since they were hungry.
I could tell a tantrum from one of my kids was approaching and I asked my sister if she had something small to hold them off till dinner. My sister interrupted and said that I should just tell them they’ll have to wait and that not everything in life is gonna happen the moment they want it to.
I ignored her and my sister gave them all some yogurt to hold them off.
The little ones ended up spilling a little on their shirts. Not surprising since they’re 2 and 3. My sister walked over and began yelling at them, and my daughters ran to me.
Neither of them had ever been yelled at and it was a new experience. My sister then turned away from her own kids and started yelling at my kids for running away. She then said something along the lines of “Of course, you ran away, it’s in your blood” to my 4-year-old.
That’s where I drew the line and told her to shut her mouth.
She got into an argument with me about yelling at her in front of the kids. I told her that I didn’t care and that she needed to stay in her lane.
I told her that if she wanted to yell at her kids, she could, but that I was perfectly capable of raising my own children. She said that she was just trying to help and that she didn’t want my kids to turn out spoiled. That’s when our other sister interrupted and told my sister that my kids were always well-behaved when she watched them and that hers were the ones with the problem.
She got offended but ended the argument.
Later she sent me a long paragraph about how I humiliated her in front of her children and that I called her a terrible mother. I agree that I shouldn’t have argued with her in front of the kids, but I think I was just being protective of my kids.
I honestly don’t know if I should apologize and for now, I haven’t responded.”
Another User Comments:
“NTJ, she was off base big time. Nobody wants to yell in front of their kids but it happens sometimes, so don’t be too hard on yourself in that respect.
And I’m going to make a bit of an assumption but it sounds like she has very racially charged comments towards your daughter. I probably would have yelled too.” nackle09
Another User Comments:
“NTJ She can yell AT the kids, but you yelling in front of them is too much?
Also, you should’ve told her to shut up long before that comment she made….. which I’m assuming is about her being abandoned by bio parents. You need to make yourself clear that she keeps her mouth and thoughts to herself around your children, she’s messing hers up enough.” JackedLilJill
Another User Comments:
“No, no, no, do not apologize! You’re in the right. She has no business scaring your kids and she has no business giving parental advice when she herself is so rotten at child-rearing. But if, as you say, her kids are known to be very difficult, wouldn’t it be better if everyone stopped inviting her and her kids to come to dinner?
Just because she’s related to you doesn’t mean she has to be included in everything, does it?” RealbadtheBandit
1. AITJ For Being Upset That My Husband Didn't Clean As Promised?
“My husband 40 M (we’ve been married 18 years) was exhausted from driving 12 hours round trip to return my niece on Saturday / Sunday.
I offered to reschedule the housekeeper who was coming at 7 am Monday. I did tell him that I was anxious about making sure we get the downstairs cleaned as we have dogs and it was smelling for some reason plus he brought home the last of our stuff from his parents – so it was a mess down there.
For context, I 39 F have severe ADHD and I have debilitating sensory issues around smells, clutter, and things being dirty. I am the primary income earner, while he is responsible for more of the household tasks. He said he would make sure it was all done and clean later that day (Mon) We had something come up and he was unable to do it.
Monday, I understood. He said he would do it the next day, but he didn’t. I was up (Tue) and worked on my business from 5 am until 10:30 am and then as he was waking up told him I was going to take a nap to be ready to go back to work for 3-4 hours later that night.
When I got up, it still wasn’t done. Plenty of excuses, I reminded him that I couldn’t even leave the bedroom because the dog smell and clutter were so bad. I asked again that he please get it done.
The dogs were scheduled to be dropped off today (Wed) to be fully bathed and he was going to clean while they were gone.
Made sense. I worked from 5 am to 10 am when he woke up I didn’t feel great so went back to bed. He said he was going to the grocery store for dog food, then he would go to breakfast, come back take the dogs, and start the day.
I woke up late at 3 pm and was surprised to see him lying next to me on his phone. When I asked if he got it all done, he told me no that
he came back and took a nap. When I was upset and called him out on not cleaning the downstairs again – he got super defensive and just kept telling me, “I forgot, I’m not allowed to take naps.” I said no, I don’t care if you take a nap after you have done what you promised, or if you really couldn’t do it I wish you would have woken me up and let me know – as I would have just stayed awake and figured it out.
We got into a huge fight, in which he refused to accept any accountability for the fact that he didn’t do it. When I reminded him how big of an issue it is for me when someone promises me they will do something and then don’t – he comes back with he never promised because he didn’t say the word.
Really?
He says I’m being unreasonable, and won’t apologize saying that he forgets he can’t take naps, and that he’s going to do it today so what does it matter when … and keeps completely missing the point. To me it’s not about a nap it’s about failing to follow through with what he told me he would do.
He’s now mad at me like I’m the bad guy here so help. AITJ?”
Another User Comments:
“He has lots of lazy days. I still handle all of the mental labor – I’m responsible for making all appointments for kids and him, plus I pay the bills, schedule everything, and do all of the planning.
I also hired a weekly housekeeper to do most of the cleaning every week on top of the cleaning that I do constantly. While he was driving our niece home I spent 13 hours going through every item our daughter owns to declutter and redo her room for her.
I am actually diagnosed with extreme burnout from all of the extra responsibilities I carry in addition to working 40-50 hours a week.” Either-Ad-9769
Another User Comments:
“No jerks here. I think you both need to have a little bit of understanding towards each other.
You have sensory issues. But he doesn’t really have the same issues you do, so he doesn’t really care if it gets done today or tomorrow because what’s the difference? To people who don’t have that issue there really is no difference.
And he needs to be a little more understanding of your issues. You both just need to see where the other is coming from and meet in the middle. It seems you own a business and make your own schedule. Wake up when you want etc. So it’s not as if you couldn’t clean if it was really bothering you that much.
I know you’re focused on the whole I’m the breadwinner of the house. But just like you can take a break from work, break up your schedule. He should be allowed to have some lazy days where he doesn’t want to clean.
He wants to nap too and sleep in.” throwaway1234880
Another User Comments:
“NTJ. He got up at 10… then had to come back and take a nap less than 5 hours later? Sounds like an excuse while he wanted to play on his phone. If he doesn’t work or do childcare, then it makes sense to expect he can clean one room sometime within 3 days.
From your other comments, you’ve been carrying more of the burden of everything for a while now. It may be time to sit down and discuss an adjustment to your way of life, where he goes back to work and you both find a new balance for the housework and you trim down your work hours so you aren’t overwhelming yourself.
Not only may this bring you some relief but it sounds like he might be chafing, too, so win win?” Classic_Sugar7991